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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

With My Child In My Childhood Home (6th July 2020)

With My Child In My Childhood Home (6th July 2020)
 
#ItIsNowJulyAndIHadNotSeenMyParentsSinceFebruary
#AndTheyHaveNowObviouslyMetBForTheFirstTime
#MyYoungerSisterCameToStayWithMeAndTTheWeekendBeforeLockdownStarted
#AndIHadNotSeenMyNanSinceMarch
#IWasWorriedThatSheMightDieBeforeWeSawHerAgainAndNeverGetToMeetB
#SheLooksReallyWellAndMaybeThatIsPartlyDownToHerEnthusiasmAtMeetingNewFamilyMembers
#MeTAndBHaveBeenAtMyParentsHouseForAFewDaysNow
#ThisIsTheLongestIHaveStayedHereInALongTime
#WeUsuallyStayWithMyNanAndWithTBeingAbleToWorkFromHomeItIsOkayToStayABitLonger
#YesterdayACoupleOfFriendsCameRoundAndLifeFeltSomewhatNormal
#ThoughTheyHaveNotSatAtMyParentsHouseBefore
#UsuallyWeMeetAtAPubOrSomething
#APubOrAnywhereWithLotsOfStrangersIsTheLastPlaceIWantToBeRightNow
#BJustStayedInMyLapSleepingTheWholeTime
#ItIsEasyToForgetThatIAmAMotherSometimes
#ThoughSheLetsMeKnowAtNightWhenIAmUpAndDownUntilSheFinallyStopsFeedingAndSleeps
#SomeNightsSheJustWakesOnce
#OtherNightsItIsOften
#SheHasChangedALotInTheLastFewDays
#SheIsMoreAlertAndWatchesThingsLikeTheTreesBlowing
#ItIsNiceToBeAtMyParentsHouseAndAroundNatureMore
#IHaveNotBeenToAParkSinceMarchButTheirGardenIsKindOfLikeGoingToAPark
#IHadNotWatchedATVSinceMarchAsWeJustHaveNetflixOnOurComputersAndIDidNotWatchTVInHospital
#ITookAPictureOfMeAndBLyingOnTheLivingRoomCarpetAsToMeItIsNoticeablyMyParentsHouse
#ITookSomeOfUsLyingOnABedButItCouldHaveBeenAnywhere
#ThisCarpetSurvivedTheMoveFromBirminghamToTheHouseTheyLiveInNow20PlusYearsAgo
#ThoughThinkingAboutItIThinkTheyReplacedItAYearAgoWithASimilarCarpet
#INeedToAskAndCheck
#ItTookMeOverAMonthToCheckAndGoodJobIDidAsThisIsHowFakeNewsStarts
#ItWasInTheHouseWhenTheyMovedIn
 

If I had known that I was going to cover B’s face with carpet, then I wouldn’t have deleted a test shot of the carpet without us lying there… I still think it’s nice even though the colours of the pasted bit don’t match up (I took that from an outtake of just a picture of B).

#ItIsNowJulyAndIHadNotSeenMyParentsSinceFebruary
#AndTheyHaveNowObviouslyMetBForTheFirstTime

I thought it would be weird to see people again, but it was like we had never been apart. We weren’t going to do the trip so soon, but visiting rules changed and we had accidentally left B in her car seat for longer than we thought we were meant to at a garden party. It was accidental because we were so stressed about being out of the house with her for the first time that we forgot how to parent. She seemed fine and so we thought we were up for the drive. She ended up sleeping the whole way there and back, and we didn’t need to stop as there was less traffic so the journeys were shorter.

#AndIHadNotSeenMyNanSinceMarch
#IWasWorriedThatSheMightDieBeforeWeSawHerAgainAndNeverGetToMeetB
#SheLooksReallyWellAndMaybeThatIsPartlyDownToHerEnthusiasmAtMeetingNewFamilyMembers

I thought about deleting the bit about my fear, but this is my kind of diary and that is how I felt. We used to go to visit her every few weeks, so it was weird not being able to see her; we had to make do with talking on the phone everyday instead.

#YesterdayACoupleOfFriendsCameRoundAndLifeFeltSomewhatNormal

We sat at a reasonable distance with hand sanitiser on the table. It’s weird thinking about carefree we used to be… Only one friend (neither of the friends mentioned here) saw me heavily pregnant in real life, which is so weird.

#APubOrAnywhereWithLotsOfStrangersIsTheLastPlaceIWantToBeRightNow

We’ve started to go to restaurants in the last couple of weeks, but that’s only because I don’t like missing a bargain (there is a scheme in the UK called Eat Out To Help Out). We try to be careful about where we go and the places are a lot less crowded than they used to be which is good. It’s nice to build up our confidence with going out, but I still feel a bit nervous (because of Covid and because of having a baby).

#ItIsEasyToForgetThatIAmAMotherSometimes

When she is sleeping I often forget that I am a mother. I’m going to try to not say in every post that I still can’t believe I’m one…

#SheHasChangedALotInTheLastFewDays
#SheIsMoreAlertAndWatchesThingsLikeTheTreesBlowing

She is growing up so fast and we see small changes everyday. When she smiles a lot it makes me cry tears of joy (just writing this is making me emotional). She is using her hands more (touching, grabbing etc) and she seems to have discovered that she has a tongue. Earlier she had a bath and she was kicking her legs in it, which she hasn’t done before.

#ItIsNiceToBeAtMyParentsHouseAndAroundNatureMore #IHaveNotBeenToAParkSinceMarchButTheirGardenIsKindOfLikeGoingToAPark

Though we were just there for a couple of days and I did not go into the garden once. I think I get worried about what to dress her in, though really a few minutes in the garden if I made the wrong decision wouldn’t be too bad right? I’m still building up my confidence with certain things.

#IHadNotWatchedATVSinceMarchAsWeJustHaveNetflixOnOurComputersAndIDidNotWatchTVInHospital

I’ve been enjoying watching Canada’s Drag Race at my Nan’s house, though she doesn’t seem so impressed with it.

#ITookAPictureOfMeAndBLyingOnTheLivingRoomCarpetAsToMeItIsNoticeablyMyParentsHouse
#ITookSomeOfUsLyingOnABedButItCouldHaveBeenAnywhere

I had originally thought that I’d take a picture called Lying With My Child on My Childhood Bed, though my parents thought we should go in my older sister’s room as there is more space. The duvet cover was new to me and yeah it didn’t seem right. Then when I was in the living room I looked at the carpet and I thought it made more sense as it really says ‘my parents’ house’ to me.

I feel like I should add that we moved to that house when I was 7, but it’s the place that I’ve lived in for the longest amount of time in my life. I guess I spent more childhood years (0-7) at the previous house, but who cares, right?

#ThisCarpetSurvivedTheMoveFromBirminghamToTheHouseTheyLiveInNow20PlusYearsAgo
#ThoughThinkingAboutItIThinkTheyReplacedItAYearAgoWithASimilarCarpet
#INeedToAskAndCheck
#ItTookMeOverAMonthToCheckAndGoodJobIDidAsThisIsHowFakeNewsStarts
#ItWasInTheHouseWhenTheyMovedIn

I always check over the hashtags before posting to make sure I’ve made no mistakes and I was confused why I only had 29 when you can post a maximum of 30 to Instagram. Then I read them and realised that I was planning to check at the time. I messaged my Mum today saying ‘random question…’ and realised that I was about to spread fake news about my parents’ living room carpet when she replied. My bad.

As you can’t see B’s face – she is looking quite cheeky and biting on her clothes a little bit. I think not sharing her face is the right thing to do for us, though sometimes I do just want the world to see how cute she is. (If I tell her she is cute I also tell her how smart, strong etc she is as well.)

When she is older if people are still interested in these pictures then she can decide if she wants her face to be revealed or not, but for now a lot of people will just have to imagine what she looks like. I think she looks a lot like how Tiago did when he was a kid at the moment and friends say that she looks like him too, but he can’t see it.

Hopefully she’ll get to meet more of our friends and family soon. Who knows when she’ll get to meet Tiago’s family, but I hope it is sooner rather than later. We’re going to apply for her passport soon then see how things are and how we feel.

This was the first summer (and year so far) that we haven’t been to Portugal since we met and I just want to swim in the sea so badly. I can’t wait to take B swimming for the first time. She seems to like the bath and like I said before, she was kicking her legs in it today.

I’m a bit of a snob about swimming in chlorine as it dries my skin out, so she’ll have to wait for now. I’ve already bought her a swimwear sunsuit for 1 year olds (hello sale), but hopefully we won’t be waiting that long.


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