Oh Me, Oh Mãe

We’re Thinking About Leaving Liverpool And Moving To Birmingham (10th October 2020)

B sat on a small table with T's arms supporting her
We’re Thinking About Leaving Liverpool And Moving To Birmingham (10th October 2020)


Today is World Mental Health Day, but it won’t be by the time I post this (I’m writing this on 10th October). There are too many world days that I don’t usually bother talking about, but this one feels somewhat important.

My posts have been super negative lately and I have been struggling mentally, but you’ll read that I did tell a health professional about it.

#TheOtherDayIWentForMyCervicalSmearAfterGettingALetterInThePostToBookOne #IManagedToGoWhilstBHadANapAtHomeAndTWasAroundToKeepAnEyeOnHer #ItWasTheFurthestAwayIHadEverBeenFromHer #ICouldHaveTakenHerWithMeButItSeemedUnnecessaryAndSheWokeUpJustBeforeIGotToTheFrontDoor

I got the letter a couple of weeks ago and I should have just called and tried to go when Tiago was on holiday, but that would have been too simple.

It might have been the longest that I’ve been out of the same building as her too – I went for a walk with my sister once, while Tiago was looking after her, but the timing was probably similar.

#IWasABitAwkwardAboutGoingForTheSmearAsItHasBeenAFewMonthsSinceSoManyDifferentPeopleWereAtBsBirthAndThenCheckedMyStitchesOver #InTheEndIBarelyFeltIt #IMentionMySmearBecauseIKnowThatSomePeopleDoNotGetItDoneBecauseOfAwkwardnessAndOrWorryingAboutPain

I did mention about having stitches and having a bit of scar tissue, so she said she’d be careful.

Perhaps it’s too much information for some people, but I talk about most things on here and I hope that it might encourage someone to go has been putting it off.

I remember reading a couple of years ago that the Jady Goody effect is wearing off, and in 2018 the number of smear tests were at a 20-year low – so please just go and get tested.

#AnywaysWhileIWasThereIThoughtIWouldMentionMyGeneralMoodAndHowItGoesUpAndDownALot #ISaidAboutHowIWasFrustratedByTheChildrensCentresBeingClosedAndNotBeingAbleToSeeMyFamily

I think the day before I had been quite bad, so I thought it was easiest to mention it whilst I was there.


I didn’t know.

#ButSheAskedIfIWantedHerToCallHerForMeAndISaidYes #UsuallyWhenIThinkAboutReachingOutForHelpIFeelBetterButISoonFeelBadAgainSoItSeemedLikeAGoodIdeaForHerToJustCall #IAmYetToHearAnythingButWeWillSee

I know that they look after a lot of people, so it’s no surprise that she hasn’t been in touch yet.

She probably will call when I am having a good day…

<29th October – Funnily enough when I first started to look at this post earlier she hadn’t called. Then when I was walking B I got my phone out of my pocket to check something and she called (I note getting my phone out as I would have probably missed her call otherwise).

She said that my GP hadn’t notified her that I had been feeling low (I guess they’re busy). I’m not sure how she found out – maybe she was checking my notes?

As I’m now no longer living in Liverpool – yes, we decided to move the day after I took this and moved 5 days ago – I need to be transferred to a health visitor here.

She asked if I’m still feeling low and I said at times. Earlier if you had asked me just after I called I would have said yes, but I just gave B a bottle of formula (more on that in future posts) and I feel more relaxed as I know she is eating enough now.>

#IDoNotFeelAshamedOfFeelingDownAtTimes #HavingABabyIsAMassiveLifeChange #AndThenExperiencingSuchALifeChangeDuringAPandemicIsDefinitelyARollercoaster

I said that I thought that due to the pandemic that more people were probably experiencing mental health problems – she agreed.

I said that that I know it is normal to feel down after having a baby – she agreed – and that when you add a pandemic to it that it is no surprise that I feel down a lot – she agreed.


I keep saying that it’s annoying that children’s centres are closed, whilst pubs aren’t, but by the time I post this I think the pubs might be under tighter restrictions.

I mentioned to the nurse that there are baby groups, but none are near me. She said what about zoom ones and I said I really don’t like them – I do just find being on webcam with a bunch of strangers really odd. It makes me feel anxious and awkward, which then makes me feel worse.

I haven’t even done any baby class recordings in the last week… I feel bad for that. Next week I will do better. I have just been singing Old MacDonald to B a lot though, which she seems to love.

I love this Ella Fitzgerald version – I was playing it to get the link and T laughed and said ‘that song’.

<Ooh, I’ve since danced to it so I can now link it –



I have been using it less in the last week and I think it has helped.

<Now that we have moved and we live with my Nan it doesn’t bother me so much, but I also haven’t had much time to go on social media either. I have reactivated my Facebook and logged back into my Twitter, but I don’t feel the need to go on them as much. I wanted to tell people that we had moved etc and get back in touch with people who live here.>


This too. Some good phone calls and some good video calls.

The nurse said it is important to talk to people, so I have been making an effort after shutting myself off a bit.

#ButAlsoBecauseWeAreThinkingAboutMovingCloserToMyFamily #SoJustThinkingAboutItAndTheLogisticsIsTakingUpALotOfMyBrainSpaceWhichIsGood

We have thought about it before, but now with the second lockdown it just feels like we are paying a lot of money to be ‘held like prisoners in the north’ away from my family. There is a lockdown by them too, but just knowing they are nearby when things start to shift would be nice.

Packing up the car to go and visit them was quite stressful, so that wouldn’t be a problem.

Pre-Covid we would visit them every 3 weeks or so, and once the first lockdown lifted we were going every 2 to 3 weeks.

<Well, the next day we decided to move after talking to my Nan and the rest of my/our family. It seemed liked the best thing to move in with my Nan as otherwise we wouldn’t have been able to see her and that way we knew she was alright. I was calling her everyday on the phone, so it’s much nicer to have a conversation in person and for her to see B growing up.>

#TSpokeToHisBossAndHeSaidToDoWhatIsBestForUs #AsHeMainlyWorksFromHomeItWouldNotBeTooBadHavingToCommuteHereAndThere

It’s about an hour commute now, it would be about two. That’s not too bad for once a week or so – and Tiago likes driving.

#WeNeedToGiveAMonthsNoticeTheDayBeforeRentIsDueWhichIsNextWeekSoWeWillHaveAThink #OtherwiseWeCanJustSeeHowTheNextMonthGoesButWeFeelPrettySoldOnTheIdeaOfGoing

It would be good for us – and for B.

Our flat is so cold that I am already dreading it, and it is colder up here. We’ll be stuck in a cold flat all day, and then going out for cold walk with not much else to do – I guess it might be the same in Birmingham, but we will make an effort to find somewhere better.

<It already feels a lot warmer at my Nan’s place. I’m going for a walk everyday – it’s a totally different landscape. In Liverpool we lived in the city centre, but here we’re in a suburb and I’m enjoying seeing a lot more of nature. The weather is rubbish but I don’t care – I’m quite happy walking in light rain.>

#InOtherNewsIBookedASwimmingSlotForNextWeekend #ICalledExactly40TimesBeforeIManagedToGetThroughJustBefore8InTheMorning

I thought the phoneline opened at 8, but I was checking something on the site and saw that spaces had already gone. By 8.15am there was only one slot left. Madness.

<Well, it got cancelled by tier 3 restrictions coming into place. Then they allowed the session again and asked if we wanted to rebook it for the weekend after, but we were moving that weekend.>


I did try a few different ideas, and I don’t know which one I’ll pick yet, but all of them involve B and T in some way.

<I do like this photo. Bless B and her bald patches – they’re totally normal for a baby.>


I’ll miss the few friends that we have here, but we’re not supposed to see them at the moment (meeting outside is ‘not recommended’) and most of them don’t live close to us.

At this rate we’ll see them just as much as we would if we moved away anyways…

<We’re keen to return when things get better – whenever that is.>

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