Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Imitating B In A Box (22 Weeks / 29th September 2021)

Self-portrait where I am sat in a grey fabric box. I am wearing a grey dress with black polka dots, and black leggings. My hands are tucking my hair behind my ears.
Imitating B In A Box (22 Weeks / 29th September 2021)
 
#BHasBeenClimbingInBoxesForAWhileButSheEspeciallyLikesThisOneWhichIsInOurBedroom
#WeUsuallyKeepHerPlayTilesInItAndAFewOtherThingsButIGuessIWillHaveToEmptyItToTryToGetInItAtAll
#IHaveRealisedLatelyThatALotOfTheImitationPhotosAreSimilarToPhotosIHaveTakenOfMyselfInThePast
#ButIWasJustDoingThemThenToTryToThinkOfNewWaysToPhotographMyselfOrToJustBeRandom
#TheOtherDayIWasEatingMyLunchAndBSuddenlyStartedToSoundUpsetAndKeptLookingTowardsTheWindow
#IWasABitScaredOfWhatIWouldFindButItWasAWaspActingABitWeirdAndLookingLikeItWasTrailingSomeLiquidBehindIt
#IThoughtBMustHaveBeenStungAsWeHaveSeenALotOfWaspsLatelyAndITryToRemainCalmWhenTheyAreAroundMe
#IWentToGetTiagoAndHeNoticedSomethingOnHerFingerWhichHeRemovedAndTurnedOutToBeAStinger
#LuckilyIWasWaitingForADoctorToCallBackAboutTheDrySkinOnHerNeckAndWhenSheFinallyRangSheSaidToJustKeepAnEyeOnIt
#HerFingerWasABitRedAndSwollenButSheDidNotSeemBotheredByItAndItHasHealedWell
#IAmJustGladThatSheWasNotAllergicToItAndIGuessSheMustHaveTriedToTouchTheWaspOrSomethingWhichIsWhyItStungHer
#TheOtherNightTiagoWasLyingDownInTheLivingRoomPlayingWithBsBallAndItHitAGlassAndHeJumpedUpVeryFast
#HisReactionPlusMeGettingABitAnnoyedProbablyScaredBABitAndHerLipStartedToQuiver
#ISaidDoYouWantACuddleAndWeHadAVeryLovelyCuddleButItIsAShameThatIOnlyGetThemWhenSheIsWorried
#AtLeastTheseDaysItIsLessOfAChoreToBrushHerTeethAndSheWasEvenBrushingHerTeethHerselfAfterwardsLastNight
#IHaveFinallyStartedToFeelABitBroodyAfterSeeingSomeParentsWithSmallBabiesAtTheWeekendWhenWeWentToAnExhibitionOpening
#IAlsoFoundSomePicturesOfBWhenSheWasLessThanAWeekOldAndICanNotBelieveHowMuchSheHasChangedInFifteenMonths
#IGuessItIsGoodThatIAmFeelingABitBroodyAsTimeIsPassingQuicklyButIDoWorryHowItWillBeLookingAfterANewbornAgain
#IAmNotReallyLookingForwardToItAsIFeelABitNervousAboutBreastfeedingAgainButHopefullyItGoesBetterThisTime
#IAmAlsoNotLookingForwardToHavingToGetUpLotsInTheNightButIKnowTheTimeWillFlyByAndBeforeWeKnowItWeWillHaveTwoToddlers
#SheIsStartingToReallyMoveAboutNowAndLastNightItFeltLikeSheWasTicklingMyInsides
#TheWeatherHasBeenReallyRubbishSoIHaveFeltABitTrappedIndoorsAgain
#ThisMorningTheWeatherWasNiceButItTookMeTwentyMinutesToFindBsSecondShoeWhichTurnedOutToBeInTheWashingMachine
#ByTheTimeIFoundItItWasNearlyTimeForHerNapSoWeHadAVeryShortWalkWhichTurnedIntoMeJustCarryingBAboutAsSheWasMoreInterestedInTwigsThanWalking
#NanGotHerBoosterShotWhichIsGoodNewsThoughSheHadToWaitAnHourForIt
#VaccinesUsedToBeSoOrganisedSoIAmNotSureWhatHasHappenedThoughMaybeFuelPanicBuyingHasNotHelped
#TiagoMadeEveryoneSalmonForDinnerLastNightAndEverytimeTheyHaveFishForDinnerMyNanAsksIfIEatItTooAndIJustSayYesNowAsItIsEasierThanArguing
#SheSaidWeMustStartHavingItTwiceAWeekAsItIsSoGoodForMeAndTheBaby
#IHaveNotEatenFishOrMeatIntentionallySinceIWasAbout15AndBTurnedOutFine
#WhenTiagoCanTellIWantMyNanToStopTalkingAboutSomethingHeAsksHerIfSheWantsACupOfTeaOrDessertToMoveHerOffTheSubjectOrToDistractHer

#BHasBeenClimbingInBoxesForAWhileButSheEspeciallyLikesThisOneWhichIsInOurBedroom #WeUsuallyKeepHerPlayTilesInItAndAFewOtherThingsButIGuessIWillHaveToEmptyItToTryToGetInItAtAll

I am not sure when it started, but I guess during some of her online zoom classes we were supposed to put our kids in a clothes basket or something, so I put B in a box instead.

She was all cute sticking her head out of the top of it, but sadly I won’t be able to do that as I’m too big.

#IHaveRealisedLatelyThatALotOfTheImitationPhotosAreSimilarToPhotosIHaveTakenOfMyselfInThePast

I guess this one will resemble me sitting in a bag in 2012.

Maybe that’s a show idea – me pre-kids in projects, with more recent photos of imitating B but the concepts being similar.

#ButIWasJustDoingThemThenToTryToThinkOfNewWaysToPhotographMyselfOrToJustBeRandom

Oh the days where I just had time to be random.

#TheOtherDayIWasEatingMyLunchAndBSuddenlyStartedToSoundUpsetAndKeptLookingTowardsTheWindow
#IWasABitScaredOfWhatIWouldFindButItWasAWaspActingABitWeirdAndLookingLikeItWasTrailingSomeLiquidBehindIt

Weird as in it was at first just kind of lying on the floor on its back, and then it started to go up the window trailing liquid.

#IThoughtBMustHaveBeenStungAsWeHaveSeenALotOfWaspsLatelyAndITryToRemainCalmWhenTheyAreAroundMe

I had a wasp stuck in my hair the other day at the playground and I could hear it buzzing, I still remained calm though. Tiago likes to swat them away, which I don’t think is a good idea – I have told him that.

#IWentToGetTiagoAndHeNoticedSomethingOnHerFingerWhichHeRemovedAndTurnedOutToBeAStinger

I had looked at B and she seemed okay, and didn’t seem obviously stung. It wasn’t like she was waving her finger around or showed it to me.

#LuckilyIWasWaitingForADoctorToCallBackAboutTheDrySkinOnHerNeckAndWhenSheFinallyRangSheSaidToJustKeepAnEyeOnIt

An eye on the sting. We got a prescription for hydrocortisone again for the neck – she had started to scratch it a lot again, so I thought I had better call.

#HerFingerWasABitRedAndSwollenButSheDidNotSeemBotheredByItAndItHasHealedWell

She really did not seem that bothered apart from when she was looking at the wasp. I think she was just annoyed at the wasp/upset that it had hurt her.

#IAmJustGladThatSheWasNotAllergicToItAndIGuessSheMustHaveTriedToTouchTheWaspOrSomethingWhichIsWhyItStungHer

I did closely monitor her after. I am not sure if I have ever been stung by one, but it is good to know that she reacted well to it all.

#TheOtherNightTiagoWasLyingDownInTheLivingRoomPlayingWithBsBallAndItHitAGlassAndHeJumpedUpVeryFast
#HisReactionPlusMeGettingABitAnnoyedProbablyScaredBABitAndHerLipStartedToQuiver
#ISaidDoYouWantACuddleAndWeHadAVeryLovelyCuddleButItIsAShameThatIOnlyGetThemWhenSheIsWorried

I always ask her if I can have a cuddle and she ignores me, which is fair enough as I did ask her question and the answer is obviously no. On this occasion though she came to me and it was very lovely, but yeah I don’t want her to get upset/scared frequently just so I can have nice cuddles.

#AtLeastTheseDaysItIsLessOfAChoreToBrushHerTeethAndSheWasEvenBrushingHerTeethHerselfAfterwardsLastNight

It may or may not be down to me singing the Something Special theme, though now we also play it on our ‘listening device’ and I think she enjoys it a lot more. I also try to make sure she sees me brushing my teeth, so she knows she isn’t the only one who has to do it.

#IHaveFinallyStartedToFeelABitBroodyAfterSeeingSomeParentsWithSmallBabiesAtTheWeekendWhenWeWentToAnExhibitionOpening

A baby asleep in the arms of a man while he waited outside the toilet. Aww.

#IAlsoFoundSomePicturesOfBWhenSheWasLessThanAWeekOldAndICanNotBelieveHowMuchSheHasChangedInFifteenMonths

Awwwww. It is strange how much they do change in a short space of time.

#IGuessItIsGoodThatIAmFeelingABitBroodyAsTimeIsPassingQuicklyButIDoWorryHowItWillBeLookingAfterANewbornAgain

I am excited to meet the little one, but…

#IAmNotReallyLookingForwardToItAsIFeelABitNervousAboutBreastfeedingAgainButHopefullyItGoesBetterThisTime

I am not really looking forward to the sensations of it all (heavy boobs, clogged boobs etc.) and feeling like my body is being taken over, but I am sure it will be fine.

#IAmAlsoNotLookingForwardToHavingToGetUpLotsInTheNightButIKnowTheTimeWillFlyByAndBeforeWeKnowItWeWillHaveTwoToddlers

We are lucky that B sleeps well at night (due to sleep training), but the time will fly by and then we might be sad that we will never have a little baby again.

#SheIsStartingToReallyMoveAboutNowAndLastNightItFeltLikeSheWasTicklingMyInsides

I originally wrote ‘they are’ as for a minute I forgot that I know it is a girl and that I will have revealed it by now. Yesterday for some reason I thought I was having a boy. My brain… (I actually only corrected one ‘they are’.)

#TheWeatherHasBeenReallyRubbishSoIHaveFeltABitTrappedIndoorsAgain

I need to just get B in her puddle suit and get on with things.

#ThisMorningTheWeatherWasNiceButItTookMeTwentyMinutesToFindBsSecondShoeWhichTurnedOutToBeInTheWashingMachine

I was relieved when I saw it through the door, and it was not wet. I was worried she had put it in the bin…

#ByTheTimeIFoundItItWasNearlyTimeForHerNapSoWeHadAVeryShortWalkWhichTurnedIntoMeJustCarryingBAboutAsSheWasMoreInterestedInTwigsThanWalking

I thought I would let her walk as I knew we did not have time to go far, but it’s not great when you don’t have much time. I should have just let her wander…

#NanGotHerBoosterShotWhichIsGoodNewsThoughSheHadToWaitAnHourForIt
#VaccinesUsedToBeSoOrganisedSoIAmNotSureWhatHasHappenedThoughMaybeFuelPanicBuyingHasNotHelped

I had mine last week before the panic buying had kicked in though. *shrug* I think maybe they’re booking in too many booster shots? Who knows.

#TiagoMadeEveryoneSalmonForDinnerLastNightAndEverytimeTheyHaveFishForDinnerMyNanAsksIfIEatItTooAndIJustSayYesNowAsItIsEasierThanArguing

I used to tell the truth, and get annoyed, so T says just say ‘okay’ and ‘yes’ and it does make things easier.

#SheSaidWeMustStartHavingItTwiceAWeekAsItIsSoGoodForMeAndTheBaby

Roll my eyes.

#IHaveNotEatenFishOrMeatIntentionallySinceIWasAbout15AndBTurnedOutFine

B does eat fish, and my Nan feeds her meat when she eats – I’m not happy about it, but Tiago wants her to eat meat. This is a bigger topic for another day, that I will probably never revisit as I do not have the energy to.

I’m not saying this stuff to be mean about my Nan. I’m just a bit fed up with being a woman in my 30s and getting told by people what I should and should not eat while pregnant.

(I say intentionally as there have been a few mishaps in restaurants, and in foreign countries – Japan with supermarket rice balls especially – where I have accidentally had a bit of meat or fish.)

#WhenTiagoCanTellIWantMyNanToStopTalkingAboutSomethingHeAsksHerIfSheWantsACupOfTeaOrDessertToMoveHerOffTheSubjectOrToDistractHer

The other day he knew I just wanted to eat my dinner in peace (I don’t like to talk much while eating), so he gave Nan some dessert. I like his new strategy. You can’t say it’s mean, as Nan is quite happy with her food/tea.

22 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait in a maternity bra and leggings. I am clasping my hands together and stretching them behind my back. I have a small bump.
It Is A Struggle To Roll Over In Bed (22 weeks)
 
#AFewDaysAgoIDidAShootWhereISaidIThinkIWillMissHavingABump
#IThinkIRomanticisedItABitTooMuch
#IKeepStandingUpTooQuickAndGettingPains
#ItIsAStruggleToRollOverInBed
#IHaveToSitUpFirstThenTurnOver
#RepositioningMyselfToTryToPickSomethingUpOffTheFloor
#OnAFlightAnOlderWomanDroppedSomethingOnTheFloorAcrossTheAisle
#ICouldFeelHerLookingAtMeLikeAreYouGoingToPickItUpForMe
#InMyHeadIWasLikeIAmNotTheBestPersonToPickItUp
#IWouldHaveHadToUndoMySeatbeltAndGetOutOfMySeatAndReachAwkwardlyToGetIt
#WhichMaybeIShouldHaveDone
#ButIGetAnxiousAboutGettingUpOnFlightsAndAvoidItIfICan
#IHaveHadToStretchInTheMorningAndEveningAndABitDuringTheDayToHelpWithPains
#ButIGuessILikeHavingTheBumpButIWillNotMissTheOtherStuff
#IThinkILikeItMainlyAsIDoNotFeelSelfConsciousAboutIt
#ThoughAWomanWasStaringAtMyBumpTheOtherDayAndIFoundItOdd
#SoMaybeIWillGetSelfConsciousAboutItInADifferentWay
#IGuessIAmStillAtThePointWhereRandomPeopleLookAtMeLikeIsShePregnantOrNot
#IUsedToNoticeWomenWithBumpsWhenIWasTryingToGetPregnant
#AndIDidNotMeanToStareButIGuessYouLookThenThinkAboutThings
#MainlyIWouldBeThinkingIsThatEverGoingToHappenToMe
#MyStomachHasNeverBeenAndNeverWillBeMyFavouriteBodyPart
#ItIsWeirdDoingAProjectWhereItIsTheMainFocus
#TheBabysMovementsAreGettingMoreTicklish
#ItIsFunnyExplainingHowItFeelsToPeople
#ThisLittleThingPawingAtYouAndTicklingYouFromTheInside
#ItIsSuperWeird
#AFriendSawTheLastScanPicAndSaidThatTheBabyLooksLikeJeremyCorbyn
#IAmLikeWellAtLeastTheyDidNotSayBorisJohnson
#WeHaveADateForTheFollowUpScanNowSoHopefullyThingsGoOkay

I think this time I just know how to get up easier.

Trying to pick stuff off the floor is annoying though.

At a restaurant last night the waitress dropped a fork on the floor. I looked to see what it was and she said ‘don’t worry about it’. I just pointed to my bump (I’m 26 weeks at the time of writing this) and said ‘it would be hard for me anyways’.

I guess I do look at people to see if they look pregnant these days too.

I was thinking about bellies being the main focus again today actually. It is odd. There was an episode of Yakka Dee on and it was all about tummies, which made me think about it.

I feel like though I have felt some tickles this time, it just felt more like kicks earlier on. Maybe it’s to do with where the placenta is?

Self-portrait with Tiago. My head is cut off and Tiago is next to my bump. I am wearing a black maternity bra and leggings, and Tiago is wearing a black top. He is clean shaven.
I Have Told Him Before That If He Wants To Touch The Bump Then He Has To Make Sure His Hands Are Warm (22 and a half weeks)
 
#IKeepGettingAdsForPregnancyPhotoShoots
#SoIThoughtIBetterTakeMoreOfOurOwn
#IWantedTiagoToRestHisHeadOnTheBump
#ButHeThoughtISaidForHimToPutHisHandsOnIt
#AndTheyWereFREEZING
#IHaveToldHimBeforeThatIfHeWantsToTouchTheBumpThenHeHasToMakeSureHisHandsAreWarm
#ThereIsAnOuttakeOfHimLaughingBecauseISaidNotHisHandsButHisHead
#AnywaysTheBumpContinuesToGrow
#IAmAtThePointNowWhereFoodCrumbsGetStuckOnTheTopOfIt
#TryingToMonitorTheMovementsStillStressesMeOut
#WhenICanFeelItMoveIFeelRelaxed
#WhenICanNotIFeelStressed
#ThisMorningTiagoWentForAShowerAndCameBackToFindMeJustLyingInBedWatchingMyBump
#IAmTryingToFaffLessOnMyPhoneSoItItOneWayOfDoingItIGuess
#WhoNeedsTechnologyWhenYouHaveAnOldFashionedBump
#ThatIsMonitoredInAllTheNewTechnologyWays
#IWasReadingAboutBraxtonHicksTheOtherDay
#IHaveNeverHeardAboutItInAllOfMyLife
#BasicallyItIsWhenYourBodyPracticesContractions
#SoNowIAmLikeWasThatAHiccupFromTheBabyOrABraxtonHicksContraction
#ItIsAFunGame
#INeedToStartThinkingAboutLookingMoreIntoHypnobirthingAndStuffNow
#AsTimeIsFlyingBy
#AndAFriendSaidThatHerFriendGaveBirthAt30Weeks
#SoIFeelLikeINeedToGetMorePrepared
#INeedToStartThinkingMoreAboutPushchairsAndAllThatStuffToo
#ThereIsSoMuchToChooseFromWhichIsAnnoying
#WeAreGoingToABabyShowSoonWhichSoundsLikeMyIdeaOfHellButIAmHopingItWillBeUseful
#TwoPeopleInTheLastWeekHaveToldMeThatILookPale
#WhichHasConcernedMeButIThinkItIsJustBecauseTheWinterIsJustDraggingOnAndMyBodyHasYetToUtiliseItsTemporarySkillOfRetainingATanForLonger

I haven’t had an ad for a pregnancy shoot yet. Disappointing but maybe it’s because I keep rejecting cookies.

I’m yet to take any bump photos with Tiago this time, but he is busy with work and then sometimes he is watching B while I do a shoot. Actually we have been doing family portraits so I guess that is something? But not a shoot like this anyways.

I still can’t tell the difference between a kick and a Braxton Hicks…


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Imitating How B Puts Her Arms Up When I Pick Her Up (2nd March 2021)

Me with my arms in the air.
Imitating How B Puts Her Arms Up When I Pick Her Up (2nd March 2021)
 
#IHaveCalledTheShootFolderPutYourArmsInTheAirLikeYouAreBAndYouDoNotCare
#BeforeWhenIPickedHerUpSheWouldJustNotMoveHerArmsAndSoItWasEasyToLiftAndCarryHer
#NowAfterYouPickHerUpSheWillJustThrowHerArmsUpStraightIntoTheAirAndAsSheIsGettingHeavierItCanBeQuiteAStruggle
#HerSkinIsABitBetterButIThinkItWillTakeSomeTimeToGoAwayCompletely
#IAmABitBoredOfApplyingCreamsAndThingsButObviouslyItIsForTheBest
#AfterMyLastShootIWentToAnOnlineZoomMeetingForLocalMumsWhileBWasAsleep
#ItWasJustSoSuperAwkwardAsIDidNotRealiseIWasOnMuteAtFirstAndThenIDidNotGetToTalkOrSoItFelt
#ItMadeMeRememberWhyIHadNotBeenToOneForTwoMonthsOrSoAndIHadACryAfterwards
#AfterBWasUpIBlewMyNoseAndThenSheWasCryingAsItHadScaredHer
#IHaveBeenFeelingDownAgainAndPostingABlogEntryTheOtherDayMadeMeRealiseThatMyLastBadPatchWasNotThatLongAgo
#INeedToStartLookingAfterMyselfBetterSoThatICanBeABetterMumForB
#IWantToGetMentallyStrongAsWellAsPhysicallyStrong
#InTheLastWeekIHaveStartedToTryToDoPushups
#IThoughtMyArmsShouldBeGettingStrongerWithAllThisBabyCarryingButIRealisedHowWeakTheyAreStill
#DoYouEverGetThatFeelingOfThereIsSoMuchThatYouWantToDoButYouDoNotKnowWhereToStartSoInsteadOfDoingSomethingYouDoNothing
#IFeltABitLikeThatTheOtherDayAndISpentALotOfMyFreeTimeAtTheWeekendJustWatchingTaskmaster
#IThinkIAmJustABitScaredOfFailureSlashWastingMyTimeSoIWouldRatherRelax
#WeHadOurSecondDateNightTheOtherNightWhichWasUsJustWatchingTheFilmStanAndOllie
#SoOurDateNightIsBasicallyUsJustWatchingTVTogether
#OnceBGoesToSleepIAmUsuallyOffDoingWorkOrProcrastinatingOrTryingToRead
#IAmABitFrustratedByAllThePeopleActingLikeLockdownIsOver
#SuddenlyThereAreLargeGroupsSatInTheParkHavingPicnicsAndDrinking
#IGetItIKnowThatPeopleAreFedUpAndWhatever
#IAmJustBitterAsIWouldNotEnjoyMyselfIfIDidTheSame
#AndIAmWorriedThatByTheTimeBabyClassesAreDueToReopenTheyWillNotBeAllowedToAsInfectionRatesMightGetWorseAgain
#BSeemsToBeTeethingALotAgain
#SheHasBeenTeasingUsWithThisOnOffTeethingBusinessForAWhileButMaybeAToothWillSoonAppear
#EveryDayILoveHerABitMore
#INeedToStopFeelingSoGuiltyAndJustBeMorePresentWhenIAmWithHer
#IAlsoNeedToTalkToHerMoreButIFindItDifficultAsTheDaysAreSoLongAndRepetitiveAndIGetTired

#IHaveCalledTheShootFolderPutYourArmsInTheAirLikeYouAreBAndYouDoNotCare

I am so funny.

#BeforeWhenIPickedHerUpSheWouldJustNotMoveHerArmsAndSoItWasEasyToLiftAndCarryHer

Hands under the arms. Great.

#NowAfterYouPickHerUpSheWillJustThrowHerArmsUpStraightIntoTheAirAndAsSheIsGettingHeavierItCanBeQuiteAStruggle

Sometimes I worry that she will just slip out of my hands.

#HerSkinIsABitBetterButIThinkItWillTakeSomeTimeToGoAwayCompletely #IAmABitBoredOfApplyingCreamsAndThingsButObviouslyItIsForTheBest

Her chest seems a little worse in places. I am thinking it is heat rash as she does sleep on her tummy a lot. I’ve been experimenting with making her room cooler at bedtime this last week. It seems to have been going okay.

#AfterMyLastShootIWentToAnOnlineZoomMeetingForLocalMumsWhileBWasAsleep

I usually do work/have me time when B is asleep and these zoom chats are always when B is napping. However I felt in the mood to talk to people

#ItWasJustSoSuperAwkwardAsIDidNotRealiseIWasOnMuteAtFirstAndThenIDidNotGetToTalkOrSoItFelt

I am cringeing now. I thought they were ignoring me, but then I realised that I had muted my computer via the button on my keyboard. Later on I tried to talk but someone else also spoke at the same time, so I just let them carry on. Then I asked a question to one of the women, but at that moment she went on mute and it was just super awkward.

#ItMadeMeRememberWhyIHadNotBeenToOneForTwoMonthsOrSoAndIHadACryAfterwards

I was crying quite a lot. I think it was partly because of the call, but also just crying to get other things off of my chest.

#AfterBWasUpIBlewMyNoseAndThenSheWasCryingAsItHadScaredHer

I was still crying, so I had to blow my nose. Then she started to cry, which made me cry more as I felt terrible. I do not like crying in front of her. It was a bad day.

#IHaveBeenFeelingDownAgainAndPostingABlogEntryTheOtherDayMadeMeRealiseThatMyLastBadPatchWasNotThatLongAgo

This entry.

I said:

#OnceInAWhileIHaveDownPatchesAboutMyWorkAndIAmHavingOneRightNow

I think they’re more frequent occurrences than ‘once in a while’ to be fair.’

Reading that while feeling in a similar patch made me realise that it is more common. I had thought about quitting my fortnightly mental health call, but I think I need it for now.

#INeedToStartLookingAfterMyselfBetterSoThatICanBeABetterMumForB

I wrote about this a lot the other night in my diary.

#IWantToGetMentallyStrongAsWellAsPhysicallyStrong

I’m bored of sounding like such a negative whiney person. I think I write this at least once a month.

A big part of it is also feeling like I’m only as good as my last shoot and I haven’t liked my last couple of shoots. I hope today’s shoot goes better.

#InTheLastWeekIHaveStartedToTryToDoPushups #IThoughtMyArmsShouldBeGettingStrongerWithAllThisBabyCarryingButIRealisedHowWeakTheyAreStill

I’ve done 30 days of yoga a few times now and I still can not do chaturanga to upward facing dog without touching the floor between them. So with more pushups I hope to be able to achieve this (I can do it sometimes, but I want to be able to do it all the time).

#DoYouEverGetThatFeelingOfThereIsSoMuchThatYouWantToDoButYouDoNotKnowWhereToStartSoInsteadOfDoingSomethingYouDoNothing #IFeltABitLikeThatTheOtherDayAndISpentALotOfMyFreeTimeAtTheWeekendJustWatchingTaskmaster #IThinkIAmJustABitScaredOfFailureSlashWastingMyTimeSoIWouldRatherRelax

I was tired. I need to not be so hard on myself and let myself relax a bit. Previously I would have just jumped into doing something. Now I am trying to think about it more first before I do it, though I think I am at the point where I just need to try something.

It’s difficult not having a good space to work in, like when I was using what is now B’s room. Our bedroom is okay, but it’s not the most ideal. I miss a blank wall. I’m going to order a backdrop or paper or something.

#WeHadOurSecondDateNightTheOtherNightWhichWasUsJustWatchingTheFilmStanAndOllie

We had planned to watch this last week, but instead we watched 3 episodes of tv.

Amy Poehler told a joke at the Golden Globes the other night that summed it up nicely:  ‘Now, TV is the one that I watch five hours straight, but a movie is the one that I don’t turn on because it’s two hours. I don’t want to be in front of my TV for two hours, I want to be in front of the TV for one hour five times.’

#SoOurDateNightIsBasicallyUsJustWatchingTVTogether

So most couple’s normal nights? We don’t watch TV together in the evenings after B is asleep usually.

#OnceBGoesToSleepIAmUsuallyOffDoingWorkOrProcrastinatingOrTryingToRead

I rarely sit in the living room while B is asleep. I’m usually sat in our room. I’ve started 3 books lately, but I need to actually finish one.

Library e-books are a better way for me to read as I usually have 14 days to read them before it’s time to return it for someone else in the queue. If I own it then I do not do such a good job of finishing it.

A book that I am aiming to finish is The Five by Hallie Rubenhold.

Last night I should have just got into bed early and read it, but when I’m tired I procrastinate more than usual and I wasted a lot of time doing nothing.

#IAmABitFrustratedByAllThePeopleActingLikeLockdownIsOver #SuddenlyThereAreLargeGroupsSatInTheParkHavingPicnicsAndDrinking

Hi, it’s me Jocelyn the pandemic police lady again.

#IGetItIKnowThatPeopleAreFedUpAndWhatever

I am also a member of the not very exclusive ‘I’m fed up’ club.

#IAmJustBitterAsIWouldNotEnjoyMyselfIfIDidTheSame

I would feel guilty for openly flouting the rules and I also can not be carefree in the park anymore as I have a baby.

#AndIAmWorriedThatByTheTimeBabyClassesAreDueToReopenTheyWillNotBeAllowedToAsInfectionRatesMightGetWorseAgain

If you all want to get Covid then fine, but just let me leave the house for a baby class or playgroup. Pleaseeee.

#BSeemsToBeTeethingALotAgain #SheHasBeenTeasingUsWithThisOnOffTeethingBusinessForAWhileButMaybeAToothWillSoonAppear

She has been teasing us since before we moved to Birmingham and we have lived here for 4 months now.

#EveryDayILoveHerABitMore

Cheesy but true. I look at her many times during the day and think ‘whoa I grew this little human inside me’.

#INeedToStopFeelingSoGuiltyAndJustBeMorePresentWhenIAmWithHer #IAlsoNeedToTalkToHerMoreButIFindItDifficultAsTheDaysAreSoLongAndRepetitiveAndIGetTired

Maybe these hashtags should be swapped around? Oh well.

I do need to talk to her more. I think I spend a lot of the day in silence/watching more kids TV than she does. I just can not talk all day, especially when the person I am talking to can not really talk back. She has more talkative phases though and I just need to do that thing where you copy then say some words afterwards.

I need to get over things. I wanted a baby. I am so happy that we have B. We are lucky as we have my Nan, and we see my Mum a few times a week. It is just so tiring, but I do still want another one at some point. I’d rather just get on with things as there will never be a good time to have another child now.

(26th March: B throwing her arms up in the air after I picked her up seemed to be a 2 day phase. She hasn’t done it since then.)


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