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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

First Mother’s Day / Portrait Of A Mother Of A 9 Month Old (14th March 2021)

First Mother’s Day / Portrait Of A Mother Of A 9 Month Old (14th March 2021)
 
#TiagoGotHisFirstFathersDayWhenBWasOnlyAroundAWeekOld
#IHaveHadToWaitPatientlyFor9MonthsToGetMyFirstParentsDay
#TiagoGetsReallyStressedOutAboutWhatToDoForOccasionsButHeMadeANiceCardWithALotOfTextInsideThatHeSaidBToldHimToWrite
#HeWasOnAboutGettingMeRollerBladesButMaybeItIsNotTheBestTimeToStartBreakingSomeBones
#BsSkinLookedAlmostBackToNormalAndThenItStartedToGetBadAgain
#IThinkWeWillBeDealingWithItForAWhileButIGuessAtLeastWeKnowWhatWorksNow
#IHaveBeenFeelingALotBetterThisWeekThoughIAmNotReallySureWhy
#IThinkIHaveBeenSoBusyAndIKnowThingsAreChangingSoIAmFeelingMorePositive
#IWhineSoMuchInThisProjectWhichIsAwkwardButIDoLoveBeingAMother
#SeeingBGrowingAndChangingWeekToWeekIsSoRewarding
#ButNothingCanPrepareYouForThisMassiveLifeShift
#IAmFeelingMoreRelaxedWithBsMealTimesNowThatISetA30MinuteLimit
#IfSheIsHungryThenSheWillEatItSuperFast
#IfSheIsNotEatingThenAfter10MinutesIWillTrySomethingElseLikeMixingInHerDessertWhichIsUsuallyYoghurtAndFruit
#SheHasMilkBeforeHerSecondNapNowSoEvenIfSheDoesNotEatSheUsuallyDrinksWell
#TheOtherDayIStartedToSingThatTikTokSeaShantyToHerAndSheStartedToLaughSoThatWasTheSongOfTheDay
#IHadToLookUpTheLyricsAsIRealisedThatIHadBeenMakingThemUp
#MyClowningAndImprovTrainingIsDefinitelyComingInHandyForEntertainingB
#IDoLoveToMakeHerLaugh
#WhateverMakesHerLaughIJustKeepDoingItAndAmplifyingItUntilSheIsLaughedOut
#SheCanSuddenlyPlayWithToysThatSheCouldNotHoldBeforeAndIsInterestedInALotMoreThings
#SheHasStartedToOpenDrawersSoWeNeedToDoSomeMoreBabyProofing
#WeAreTryingToTeachHerToWaveWhichSheDoesSometimesButOtherTimesSheJustClaps
#IFeelLikeIShouldReallyBeLearningMoreAboutBabySignLanguageNow
#WhenWeDoOnlineBabyClassesIReallyLikeLearningTheSignsForSongs
#IAmAlsoFindingItEasierToTalkToHerNow
#IUsuallyJustKeepSayingCanYouSayThisOrThisAndSheDoesNotButSheWillOneDay
#OrIAmLikeLookAtThisToyCarrotItIsOrangeAndGreenAndItIsAVegetable
#TheMurderOfSarahEverardHasGotMeThinkingALotAboutAwkwardAndHorribleExperiencesInMyPast
#IHopeThatThingsWillBeDifferentForBAsSheGrowsUpButWeWillHaveToWaitAndSee

I was planning for this ‘entry’ to be Portrait Of A Mother Of A 9 Month Old, but then I realised Mother’s Day was coming up so I thought I would leave it until today. I haven’t done a shoot yet, but I fancy doing one with B so hopefully we’ll do one when she wakes up from her nap.

(6th April: Well I did the shoot and it involves one of my favourite themes of making myself not look very nice. I say that I’m not going to show B’s face, but this one shows her mouth and a bit of her nose. I was going to edit it, but it seemed a bit unnecessary.

I guess I do not want to show her whole face (well I posted a photo of B wearing her jaundice machine mask when I announced her birth anyways), and I particularly don’t want to show her eyes (which were covered in that photo). I feel like I should write more about this but I’m too tired. A topic for the future?)

#TiagoGotHisFirstFathersDayWhenBWasOnlyAroundAWeekOld

And here is the entry about that. Portugal has their Father’s Day on the 19th March every year, so that’s in 5 days time.

#IHaveHadToWaitPatientlyFor9MonthsToGetMyFirstParentsDay

It looks like Mother’s Day in Portugal is the first Sunday in May. Weird that Mother’s Day moves around but Father’s Day is the same date every year? I guess Portuguese Father’s Day might mean more to Tiago?

#TiagoGetsReallyStressedOutAboutWhatToDoForOccasionsButHeMadeANiceCardWithALotOfTextInsideThatHeSaidBToldHimToWrite

Bless him. He gets super stressed then keeps talking about it as the day approaches. It’s a commercial holiday that I am not really that bothered about, but I guess it just feels somewhat momentous as it is my first. I much prefer a hand-drawn card with a nice personal message to anything else, plus as it’s the weekend he has given me plenty of time to do my work which means more to me.

#HeWasOnAboutGettingMeRollerBladesButMaybeItIsNotTheBestTimeToStartBreakingSomeBones

When we lived in Liverpool people on skateboards and roller blades/skates would constantly go past us. I used to love roller blading – I remember going round my neighbour’s garage to Gina G a lot – and going to roller discos. I was never good on hills though. Just nice flat terrain for me please. I’d be too embarrassed to go out on them by myself…

#BsSkinLookedAlmostBackToNormalAndThenItStartedToGetBadAgain #IThinkWeWillBeDealingWithItForAWhileButIGuessAtLeastWeKnowWhatWorksNow

It’s a rollercoaster. Basically we can’t be lazy. We have some hydrocortisone cream that we apply twice a day when it’s bad, but her skin go to the point where we couldn’t even see where it needed to be applied. Now it is creeping back, so we need to keep an eye on it. We also use Dermol 500 which is super easy to apply and her skin seemed to get much better when we started to apply that every hour or two the other day. Then we have Zerobase which is a heavier ointment that we use before she goes to bed, and once or twice during the day.

(I hope this may be of use for someone, but I know different things work for different people. These are all things that B has been prescribed.)

#IHaveBeenFeelingALotBetterThisWeekThoughIAmNotReallySureWhy

I generally feel better at the weekend.

#IThinkIHaveBeenSoBusyAndIKnowThingsAreChangingSoIAmFeelingMorePositive

I have a temporary part time job coming up and I’m excited to get out of the house more. Yesterday we bumped into a woman and her baby who we met the other week, so I am hoping soon we will know more people.

#IWhineSoMuchInThisProjectWhichIsAwkwardButIDoLoveBeingAMother

I worry that B will see this work when she is older and think I hated raising her. I don’t.

#SeeingBGrowingAndChangingWeekToWeekIsSoRewarding

She changes so fast. I guess I did not really know how she would be at 9 months, but she seems to be doing more than I thought she would?

#ButNothingCanPrepareYouForThisMassiveLifeShift

I never really stayed in bed until late, but I definitely wasn’t waking up between 6 and 7 every day. You just get used to it and adjust your bedtime I guess, but that is the biggest shock I think really. We could let her lie in, but then she’ll probably go to bed later and I like having free time in the evening. Plus now she is often awake before 7 (when we’d like to get up) so that wouldn’t work.

#IAmFeelingMoreRelaxedWithBsMealTimesNowThatISetA30MinuteLimit

I thought I had mentioned this in previous hashtags, but maybe I didn’t? Well at meals now I give her 30 minutes to eat as otherwise we can sit there for an hour with me getting stressed.

#IfSheIsHungryThenSheWillEatItSuperFast

Breakfast is usually 15 minutes.

#IfSheIsNotEatingThenAfter10MinutesIWillTrySomethingElseLikeMixingInHerDessertWhichIsUsuallyYoghurtAndFruit

Yesterday she wasn’t eating dinner, but then I started to give her a bit of yoghurt with mango and she got eating so then I mixed it all together and she ate 90% of it. Great.

#SheHasMilkBeforeHerSecondNapNowSoEvenIfSheDoesNotEatSheUsuallyDrinksWell

Maybe I talked about this before, I’m not sure. Before she was just having milk when she woke up and before she went to bed, but on my sister’s suggestion we now give her milk then. It makes me feel not so stressed about her maybe not eating so much lunch.

#TheOtherDayIStartedToSingThatTikTokSeaShantyToHerAndSheStartedToLaughSoThatWasTheSongOfTheDay

This song. I’ve sung it so many times that I’m getting better at hitting a lower note at the end of the chorus. I’m not sure why she likes it, but she claps. I kept making videos of her doing stuff, then I’d start to sing it and she’d look at me.

#IHadToLookUpTheLyricsAsIRealisedThatIHadBeenMakingThemUp

Apparently it’s not about a weatherman, but a wellerman (which is the name of the song.)

#MyClowningAndImprovTrainingIsDefinitelyComingInHandyForEntertainingB

When we (Tiago and me, as B was not born yet) lived in London I used to do a lot of improv classes and courses, and I did a couple of clowning courses too. I started a stand-up comedy course but we moved to Liverpool before I finished it. It is something that I would like to revisit at some point.

#IDoLoveToMakeHerLaugh

I love to make anyone laugh, but the sound of babies laughing is one of the best in the world.

#WhateverMakesHerLaughIJustKeepDoingItAndAmplifyingItUntilSheIsLaughedOut

It’s great training. I’ve thought that maybe I should be a children’s entertainer? It seems less scary than making adults laugh.

#SheCanSuddenlyPlayWithToysThatSheCouldNotHoldBeforeAndIsInterestedInALotMoreThings

I love digging out a toy that she did not look at twice when she last saw it, but now she can really interact with it. I think I feel happier too as she can entertain herself a bit better now and is happy as long as you’re sat next to her. Tiago likes to lie on the floor while B crawls over him and chills next to him playing with her toys.

#SheHasStartedToOpenDrawersSoWeNeedToDoSomeMoreBabyProofing

Anything that she shouldn’t play with she obviously loves. My Nan has a trolley that looks a bit like a tea cart. She loves to stick her fingers in the wheels…

#WeAreTryingToTeachHerToWaveWhichSheDoesSometimesButOtherTimesSheJustClaps

She’s young. She’s got time. One moment she will really get it and switch between clapping and waving, and then she’ll just clap. The YouTube baby classes that we do talk about clapping more than they do waving, so it’s fair enough.

#IFeelLikeIShouldReallyBeLearningMoreAboutBabySignLanguageNow

I did look for a local class but one was too far away really and there was a waiting list, so I’ll just look for more online videos.

Here are a few.

#WhenWeDoOnlineBabyClassesIReallyLikeLearningTheSignsForSongs

I feel like I am learning something and using my brain, which feels quite nice. It’s a good memory test.

#IAmAlsoFindingItEasierToTalkToHerNow #IUsuallyJustKeepSayingCanYouSayThisOrThisAndSheDoesNotButSheWillOneDay #OrIAmLikeLookAtThisToyCarrotItIsOrangeAndGreenAndItIsAVegetable

I’ve said a lot in the past that I do not know what to say to B all day. I guess I have been overthinking it a lot. I can just keep it simple. ‘Say hi’ say hello etc.’ and then just talking about the colours of things and pointing things out to her etc.

#TheMurderOfSarahEverardHasGotMeThinkingALotAboutAwkwardAndHorribleExperiencesInMyPast

This feels quite randomly slot into the bottom. I originally wanted to say more about it, but yesterday I ended up writing a blog post about it all instead. I feel a bit awkward about it, but I ended up spending a lot of my free time in the morning on it so I thought I should share it.

#IHopeThatThingsWillBeDifferentForBAsSheGrowsUpButWeWillHaveToWaitAndSee

Fingers crossed. I want her to grow up feeling more confident than I ever did, and her to feel able to call out/tell someone/report when something is not right, or something bad has happened.


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Imitating How B Clapped Her Hands Until Two Days Ago (10th March 2021)

Imitating How B Clapped Until Two Days Ago (10th March 2021)
 
#UntilTwoDaysAgoBWasClappingLikeSheWasLookingForAFight
#SheLikesToClapAboutEverythingAtTheMoment
#EvenThoughHerSkinGotWorseAgainAndSheHasAColdAndSheIsTeething
#ICalledTheDoctorsTheOtherDayAsWeOpenedANewTubeOfHydrocortisoneCreamAndItSaidToOnlyUseItForAWeek
#WeHaveBeenUsingItForTwoWeeksAndAsADoctorSaidToUseItTwoTimesADayUntilItWasMuchBetterWeWereOnlyApplyingItOnceADay
#ThisDoctorSaidItIsFineToKeepUsingItTwiceADayAndBsSkinHasGotMuchBetterAlready
#WeJustNeedToKeepApplyingHerOtherCreamEveryHourOrSoAndItDefinitelyMakesADifferenceToo
#SheHasARunnyNoseWhichSheDoesNotLikeHavingWipedSoThatMakesForALotOfFun
#AtTheWeekendSheWasCrawlingALittleBitButThenSheWasSuddenlyOffAroundTheRoom
#YesterdaySheCrawledIntoTheKitchenAndPushedHerselfUpToStandingOnTheStepladderThatISitOnToFeedHer
#ItIsAmazingHowMuchSheChangesWeekToWeek
#AtTheMomentWeAreTryingToHaveTheTelevisionOnLessAndSpendMoreTimeInHerRoom
#ItIsMyNansHouseSoIfSheWantsTheTelevisionOnThenSheShouldHaveItOnButIFeelGuiltyForWatchingIt
#BHasMuchBetterPlaytimeWhenItIsNotOnAndWeReadMoreBooksAndSheCrawlsMore
#MoreCrawlingEqualsBetterSleepWhichIsGoodForUsAll
#IAmStillStressedOutWithMealsButNowIJustSeeWhatSheEatsInHalfAnHourAndLeaveItAtThat
#SheDoesNotSeemToLikeMeFeedingHerAtLunchAndDinnerButIfSheHasSomeKindOfFingerFoodThenSheDoesNotMind
#ItIs5WeeksUntilWeCanAttendAnInPersonBabyClassAgain
#FriendsElsewhereInTheCountryAreAlreadyAttendingBabyGroupsAndOutdoorClassesAndIAmJealous
#EvenThoughISaidBeforeThatTheBabyWalksNearUsAreNotFairOnBAsSheIsABitBoredIHaveTriedToBookSinceButTheyAreAlwaysSoldOut
#ItIsAnnoyingAsIKnowThatPeopleDoNotShowUpAndSoThereAreAlwaysFreeSpotsButOhWell
#ItIsAwkwardWalkingAroundInAGroupLikeThatAndBGetsNothingFromIt
#WhenWeDoOnlineClassesNowBKeepsCrawlingOverToMyLaptopAndSmashesAllTheKeys
#SometimesSheEndsUpTurningMyCameraOffOrUnmutingUsSoItIsAwkwardButFunny
#ThereIsAnOnlineCoffeeMorningTodayWithAMumAppThatIUse
#IWasGoingToAttendButNowIDoNotSeeThePointAsItIsHighlyUnlikelyThatAnyOfTheMumsWillLiveNearUs
#WeJustNeedToWaitThingsOutAndHopeThatThingsDoNotRevert
#IGuessItIsForTheBestThatWeCanNotGoToAnythingAsHopefullyByTheTimeWeCanMyNanWillHaveHadHerSecondVaccine
#IKnowItWillNotCompletelyProtectHerButItWillMakeThingsALittleLessStressful
#SheIsAlsoGettingFedUpOfBeingAtHomeAllTheTimeSoWeWillAllBeHappierWhenWeCanGoOutMore

#UntilTwoDaysAgoBWasClappingLikeSheWasLookingForAFight #SheLikesToClapAboutEverythingAtTheMoment

Last week she clapped when I put her down for a nap. That made me laugh.

#EvenThoughHerSkinGotWorseAgainAndSheHasAColdAndSheIsTeething

Her skin is so stressful. She still has no teeth. It’s great dealing with a baby with a runny nose.

#ICalledTheDoctorsTheOtherDayAsWeOpenedANewTubeOfHydrocortisoneCreamAndItSaidToOnlyUseItForAWeek #WeHaveBeenUsingItForTwoWeeksAndAsADoctorSaidToUseItTwoTimesADayUntilItWasMuchBetterWeWereOnlyApplyingItOnceADay

Well it was much better and then it suddenly got worse. I wanted some reassurance that it was okay to still use it and to maybe use it twice a day again.

#ThisDoctorSaidItIsFineToKeepUsingItTwiceADayAndBsSkinHasGotMuchBetterAlready

Hurrah. He said some people are on it long term… It’s only a mild one but we still need to be careful.

#WeJustNeedToKeepApplyingHerOtherCreamEveryHourOrSoAndItDefinitelyMakesADifferenceToo

We have ‘Dermol 500’ which the other doctors prescribed. We were using that and that hydromol, but yesterday we just kept applying Dermol and it seemed to make things better.

Her skin is the worst under her vest, and she has a sleepsuit on top of it most of the time. Last night we thought we would try her without the vest but she was crying her eyes out at 11.30 and we put it back on. Her skin seems better. We had also put her in a new brand of nappies, so we’ve gone back to her old ones. The problem with changing a few things is that you’re not sure what is really helping, but I think it is a mix of things really.

#SheHasARunnyNoseWhichSheDoesNotLikeHavingWipedSoThatMakesForALotOfFun

Like I said before – ‘It’s great dealing with a baby with a runny nose.’

#AtTheWeekendSheWasCrawlingALittleBitButThenSheWasSuddenlyOffAroundTheRoom

My Mum came on Saturday morning and B was moving around a bit, then by the afternoon she was crawling fast towards a toy that she wanted.

My Nan has a trolley that she likes to crawl to and play with the wheels, so we’re keeping that away from her now.

#YesterdaySheCrawledIntoTheKitchenAndPushedHerselfUpToStandingOnTheStepladderThatISitOnToFeedHer

It’s now time for constant vigilance. Yay.

#ItIsAmazingHowMuchSheChangesWeekToWeek

We talk to a woman who walks a dog when we see her, which is usually about once a week. She commented yesterday about how much B has changed since she last saw her – which was probably 5 days ago.

#AtTheMomentWeAreTryingToHaveTheTelevisionOnLessAndSpendMoreTimeInHerRoom #ItIsMyNansHouseSoIfSheWantsTheTelevisionOnThenSheShouldHaveItOnButIFeelGuiltyForWatchingIt #BHasMuchBetterPlaytimeWhenItIsNotOnAndWeReadMoreBooksAndSheCrawlsMore

My Nan will say ‘put B’s shows on’. I say ‘B has watched enough TV today’ and my Nan will disagree. I know my Nan means well, but surely me playing with B is much better for her than TV? We didn’t have a TV in Liverpool and we do not plan to have one when we eventually move out. We watch stuff on our computers from time to time, but I don’t like how we can just get stuck in front of the TV. Hopefully the weather will be good soon and we can go out more, and go to classes and do anything else that isn’t sitting in front of the box.

#MoreCrawlingEqualsBetterSleepWhichIsGoodForUsAll

Exactly.

#IAmStillStressedOutWithMealsButNowIJustSeeWhatSheEatsInHalfAnHourAndLeaveItAtThat

Well, sometimes it creeps to 35 to 40 minutes but it is early days.

#SheDoesNotSeemToLikeMeFeedingHerAtLunchAndDinnerButIfSheHasSomeKindOfFingerFoodThenSheDoesNotMind

She loves breakfast and it seems okay for me to feed her, but lunch and dinner are a bit more tricky. I’ve made her broccoli scones and raspberry oat bites that she seems more into, but I need to work on giving her more finger foods as we didn’t do the baby led weaning approach.

I planned to but I found it too stressful.

#ItIs5WeeksUntilWeCanAttendAnInPersonBabyClassAgain

Fingers crossed.

#FriendsElsewhereInTheCountryAreAlreadyAttendingBabyGroupsAndOutdoorClassesAndIAmJealous

If we were still in Liverpool then we would also be quite cut off from things, as we lived on the wrong side of the city for baby classes.

#EvenThoughISaidBeforeThatTheBabyWalksNearUsAreNotFairOnBAsSheIsABitBoredIHaveTriedToBookSinceButTheyAreAlwaysSoldOut

Sometimes I just feel like we need to get out of the house and see people. I feel like B can deal with an hour of it.

#ItIsAnnoyingAsIKnowThatPeopleDoNotShowUpAndSoThereAreAlwaysFreeSpotsButOhWell

We’re on a WhatsApp group and there are usually a lot of ‘sorry I can’t make it messages’. I get it as babies are unpredictable, but we need to book onto it etc.

#ItIsAwkwardWalkingAroundInAGroupLikeThatAndBGetsNothingFromIt

It did make me feel quite anxious last time and I could not really enjoy myself, plus B’s boredom just stressed me out.

#WhenWeDoOnlineClassesNowBKeepsCrawlingOverToMyLaptopAndSmashesAllTheKeys #SometimesSheEndsUpTurningMyCameraOffOrUnmutingUsSoItIsAwkwardButFunny

She was doing it a bit before, but now she is super fast.

#ThereIsAnOnlineCoffeeMorningTodayWithAMumAppThatIUse #IWasGoingToAttendButNowIDoNotSeeThePointAsItIsHighlyUnlikelyThatAnyOfTheMumsWillLiveNearUs

It starts in 15 minutes. B is due to get up in 30 minutes.

I need to do the shoot for this so I’d rather get it done now and then relax during B’s nap later. Or I can just try to quickly do the shoot and attend, and leave early if I do not like it. Hmm. I think I’ll just do the shoot now as we have an online baby class in an hour or so.

#WeJustNeedToWaitThingsOutAndHopeThatThingsDoNotRevert

Let’s hope not.

#IGuessItIsForTheBestThatWeCanNotGoToAnythingAsHopefullyByTheTimeWeCanMyNanWillHaveHadHerSecondVaccine #IKnowItWillNotCompletelyProtectHerButItWillMakeThingsALittleLessStressful

I know that some people are still dying from Covid after having the vaccine, but at least we know she will have some protection and then we need to encourage her to still keep her distance from people etc.

#SheIsAlsoGettingFedUpOfBeingAtHomeAllTheTimeSoWeWillAllBeHappierWhenWeCanGoOutMore

I feel bad for her. I complain about things, but this whole situation is also rubbish for everyone else in different ways. She misses going out to the shops, which was her main source of joy before. Hopefully things will be better for us all soon.


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

A Sunday Visit To The Doctors (21st February 2021)

A Sunday Visit To The Doctors (21st February 2021)
 
#BsSkinHasBeenGettingWorse
#IDebatedCallingTheDoctorsYesterdayButItSeemedToBeGettingBetter
#IWasAlsoABitPutOffAsALocalMumSaidTheirDoctorWouldNotSeeTheirBabyAndHadToldThemToGetSomeOverTheCounterCream
#IHadSwitchedFromUsingTheCreamThatTheDoctorPrescribedToADifferentOneWhichSeemedToBeBetter
#ButIThoughtIShouldTryTheDoctorsOneAgainYesterdayAndIThinkThatMadeItWorse
#LastNightAsIPutHerToBedIRealisedHowHorribleItLookedAndThatIShouldHaveCalledEarlierInTheDay
#SheHadAlsoStartedToItchHerSkinWhichSheHadNotDoneBefore
#TodayIsSundayButThereWasSomewhereOpenSoICalledAsSoonAsTheyOpened
#ADoctorCalledUsBackQuiteQuicklyAndSaidToBringHerInInAFewHours
#IWasRelievedThatHeSaidATimeWhereItWouldUsuallyBeHerPlaytime
#IHadGotHerUpAt6TodayAsSheWasMakingNoisesAndIThoughtItMightBeThatHerSkinHadDriedOut
#DuringTheDayWePutACreamOnAtLeastEvery2HoursButObviouslyAtNightWeCanNotDoThat
#SoBHadAnEarlyBreakfastAndSoSheHadLunchALittleEarlierThanUsualButSheAteMoreOfIt
#ThenWeWentOffToTheDoctors
#IWasReallyWorriedAsHerSkinIsReallyBadOnHerShouldersAndThenFairlyBadInPatchesOnHerChest
#IFeltEmbarrassedThatTheyWouldSeriouslyJudgeMeForItWhichToBeFairIDoDeserveAsIShouldNotHaveLetItGetThisBad
#AnywaysIHadToCallReceptionToSayWeWereInTheCarParkThenTheDoctorCalledToSayHeWasComingOutToFindUs
#WeWentThroughAMazeOfABuildingAndBJustStartedToCryAtHimOnceWeGotInTheRoom
#IFeltReallyBadAndHerTearsSoakedTheProtectivePaperThatTheyPutOverTheBed
#AfterAWhileSheCalmedDownThoughAndTheDoctorTookOneLookAtHerSkinAndSaidEczema
#HeSaidHeWouldGiveUsSomeHydrocortisoneAndSomeOtherLotionToUseInsteadOfTheOneTheOtherDoctorPrescribedAndToKeepUsingTheOneThatWeWereNotPrescribed
#TheAppointmentWasQuickButThenHeSpentAgesTryingToFindAPharmacyThatWasOpenForUs
#SheHasAlsoHadLittleBumpsLatelyWhichIThinkAreHeatRashSoTonightHerRoomIsCoolerAndWeHaveChangedHerSleepingBag
#WeGaveHerABathAndIHadToHoldHerHandsAndSingSongsToHerWhileWeGotHerDressedSoThatSheWouldNotScratchHerSkinOff
#HopefullyTodayIsTheWorstDayAndItCanOnlyGetBetterFromHere
#IWasWorriedAboutHerHavingASteroidCreamButTheDoctorSaidItIsALowPercentageAndSoItWillNotThinHerSkin
#NowIReallyWishIHadJustGotHerSomeOfItSooner
#LastNightWeHadADateNightAfterMyMentalHealthPhonePersonSaidWeShould
#IHadBeenThinkingThatWeShouldTryToDoSomethingEveryNightButOnceAWeekIsWayMoreFeasible
#DateNightBasicallyConsistedOfUsWorryingAboutBsSkinWhileWatching3EpisodesOfTheRanganation

This photo just reminds me of my Amalgamated Anomalies project, when I was desparately trying to take images that I had not done before and was just doing anything and everything. AA is probably my favourite project though.

Look at that leg hair. Swimming pools have been closed for a long time and I can’t be arsed. The other day I noticed that it was moving in the bath like plants at the bottom of a river or something.

#BsSkinHasBeenGettingWorse

I was going to mention it in my last post, but I ran out of space and knew I would probably be talking about it more soon anyways.

Here we are…

#IDebatedCallingTheDoctorsYesterdayButItSeemedToBeGettingBetter

Every time I think I should call it looks a bit better.

#IWasAlsoABitPutOffAsALocalMumSaidTheirDoctorWouldNotSeeTheirBabyAndHadToldThemToGetSomeOverTheCounterCream

So I thought maybe I was just wasting their time and be dismissed.

#IHadSwitchedFromUsingTheCreamThatTheDoctorPrescribedToADifferentOneWhichSeemedToBeBetter

This other one just seemed a lot better at hydrating the skin and a friend had said it was the only cream that worked for her baby. (Not blaming her – just stating, and it did seem to make it better for a time.)

#ButIThoughtIShouldTryTheDoctorsOneAgainYesterdayAndIThinkThatMadeItWorse

Arghh. Why did I do that?

I also had started to give her a bit of clementine yesterday and the day before, which I worried might be affecting it. And also she had a cannellini bean dip yesterday where I thought perhaps the lemon was too old?

It could be that anything and everything contributing to it basically.

#LastNightAsIPutHerToBedIRealisedHowHorribleItLookedAndThatIShouldHaveCalledEarlierInTheDay

I cried. Tiago said he knew that I’d cry when I saw it. B wasn’t crying though and she hasn’t seemed any different really.

#SheHadAlsoStartedToItchHerSkinWhichSheHadNotDoneBefore

Apart from the itching. She’s the same but with some itching.

She only seems to do it once I go to put cream on her as well. Classic.

#TodayIsSundayButThereWasSomewhereOpenSoICalledAsSoonAsTheyOpened

I thought other people might still be asleep, but I was 5th in the queue. I guess sick people don’t sleep well…

#ADoctorCalledUsBackQuiteQuicklyAndSaidToBringHerInInAFewHours

I did want her to be seen in person as I thought it looks worse than they can probably imagine on the phone, so that was good.

#IWasRelievedThatHeSaidATimeWhereItWouldUsuallyBeHerPlaytime

I was a bit stressed as she was about to have breakfast then have a 2 hour nap after. And she did nap for the 2 hours as well.

#IHadGotHerUpAt6TodayAsSheWasMakingNoisesAndIThoughtItMightBeThatHerSkinHadDriedOut

I kept waking up in the night worrying that she’d wake up as her skin was so dry and itchy.

#DuringTheDayWePutACreamOnAtLeastEvery2HoursButObviouslyAtNightWeCanNotDoThat

She kept waking up the other night before we started to put cream on more regularly and I wonder if it was due to her skin… Who knows?

#SoBHadAnEarlyBreakfastAndSoSheHadLunchALittleEarlierThanUsualButSheAteMoreOfIt

Boring but hurrah. Tiago made her an omelette for the first time and she seemed to like it.

(NHS recipe. He fried it as our oven is currently broken and didn’t put potato in as we didn’t have one.)

#ThenWeWentOffToTheDoctors

Hurrah.

#IWasReallyWorriedAsHerSkinIsReallyBadOnHerShouldersAndThenFairlyBadInPatchesOnHerChest

I’m so sorry B. I hope by the time I post this that things have improved.

(18th March: It gets better then it gets worse. I think it is just something that we need to monitor for the long term. We’ve since got a new ointment and some bath stuff after I felt like I should call the doctors again.)

#IFeltEmbarrassedThatTheyWouldSeriouslyJudgeMeForItWhichToBeFairIDoDeserveAsIShouldNotHaveLetItGetThisBad

I totally deserve it.

#AnywaysIHadToCallReceptionToSayWeWereInTheCarParkThenTheDoctorCalledToSayHeWasComingOutToFindUs

Love Covid times.

#WeWentThroughAMazeOfABuildingAndBJustStartedToCryAtHimOnceWeGotInTheRoom

We being B and I. Tiago stayed in the car (I guessed it was probably one parent only and I knew we wouldn’t be too long.)

#IFeltReallyBadAndHerTearsSoakedTheProtectivePaperThatTheyPutOverTheBed

The guy had a long beard and he made a joke about it. I said that my Dad has a big beard and B cried when she last saw him too. He was super friendly.

#AfterAWhileSheCalmedDownThoughAndTheDoctorTookOneLookAtHerSkinAndSaidEczema

He looked a bit more than that but he said it pretty quickly. He did not look too shocked by her skin so I am guessing he has seen worse. He’s a doctor – I’m sure he has.

#HeSaidHeWouldGiveUsSomeHydrocortisoneAndSomeOtherLotionToUseInsteadOfTheOneTheOtherDoctorPrescribedAndToKeepUsingTheOneThatWeWereNotPrescribed

All the creams/lotions/ointments. Well one of each really.

#TheAppointmentWasQuickButThenHeSpentAgesTryingToFindAPharmacyThatWasOpenForUs

I casually asked thinking he would know. He looked round the whole map, but luckily in the end there was one not too far from us that we could go to.

I loved the big bag, which is why I will do a shoot with it after. I am hoping one day that it may hold some nostalgia. It’s a very classic design.

(Thanks to the NHS for their help as always.)

I’d photograph her skin for the project, but it seems too much and I do not want the judgement for how bad it looks.

#SheHasAlsoHadLittleBumpsLatelyWhichIThinkAreHeatRashSoTonightHerRoomIsCoolerAndWeHaveChangedHerSleepingBag

My Mum said she thought they looked like heat rash. I am starting to think it more and more. The Doctor’s office was hot and they looked stronger in there. I think I need to order a lighter sleeping bag though.

(18th March: It’s been getting warmer and they seem to be back. Ergh.)

#WeGaveHerABathAndIHadToHoldHerHandsAndSingSongsToHerWhileWeGotHerDressedSoThatSheWouldNotScratchHerSkinOff

Hello distractions and containment(?). We only bath her twice a week, which I thought might stop her skin getting so dry. Nope. We limit her bath to 10-20 minutes now.

Everyone is waiting for tomorrow’s announcement from the Government. I hope swimming pools reopen soon, but at this rate I will not be taking B anytime soon. Her skin needs to heal first.

I am really hoping that baby classes and playgroups will reopen, but we will have to see.

#HopefullyTodayIsTheWorstDayAndItCanOnlyGetBetterFromHere

Hopefully her skin will never be worse than this.

#IWasWorriedAboutHerHavingASteroidCreamButTheDoctorSaidItIsALowPercentageAndSoItWillNotThinHerSkin #NowIReallyWishIHadJustGotHerSomeOfItSooner

Stupid me. I hope this post might help someone who has been put off not wanting to use a stronger cream.

In other news…

#LastNightWeHadADateNightAfterMyMentalHealthPhonePersonSaidWeShould

She just knows I’m stressed out all the time and need to chill more.

#IHadBeenThinkingThatWeShouldTryToDoSomethingEveryNightButOnceAWeekIsWayMoreFeasible

Yes, I had been saying we should get into bed for 9pm. Nah, that never works.

It’s nearly 8.10pm. I said I was going to do my next post tomorrow but I was in the mood to do it tonight, so here I am. I need to do the shoot after this.

#DateNightBasicallyConsistedOfUsWorryingAboutBsSkinWhileWatching3EpisodesOfTheRanganation

We were going to watch a film, but after we spent ages talking about B’s skin a 90 minute film seemed like too much of a commitment. So we watched 90 minutes of TV instead.


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Imitating How B Used To Drink From Her Cup (19th February 2021)

Me holding a purple baby's cup up to my mouth, but it's completely upside down as that's how my daughter drinks from it.
Imitating How B Used To Drink From Her Cup (19th February 2021)
 
#BUsedToDrinkFromTheTopOfHerCupUntilIGuessHerArmsWereStrongEnoughToHoldItUpHigherAndDrinkFromTheBottom
#ItIsOneOfThoseCupsWhereYouCanDrinkFromAllSidesAndIfTheCupWasFullEnoughThenItWorkedForHer
#IAmWritingThisAfterBHasGoneToBedInTheEveningWhichIsUnusualAsIUsuallyWriteInTheMorning
#ThisWeekHasBeenAQuietWorkWeekSoIHaveBeenTryingToRestButThingsWillPickUpAgainNextWeek
#SoIfIWriteThisNowItMeansIHopefullyWillHaveEnoughToWriteAboutInAFewDaysTimeAndThenICanBalanceThingsWell
#IWasGoingToTryAnotherGroupWalkTodayButTheWeatherWasRubbishAndIEndedUpHavingToSortSomeThingsOut
#BUsuallyGoesDownForNapsQuiteWellButAfter30MinutesSheWasStillAwake
#IThinkSheWasOvertiredSoTheWalkWouldHaveBeenGoodForGettingHerToSleepButOhWell
#ThisMorningIWasMakingABatchOfPorridgeForBAndIAccidentallyPutCayennePepperInInsteadOfCinnamon
#IManagedToGetSomeOutAndThenNearlyPutMoreInAgain
#IUsedToMeasureItOutInASpoonButNowIJustChuckItInAndThenINoticedTheColour
#SoINeedToBeMoreCarefulAndPutItInAfterTheButternutSquashHasCookedSoThatICanJustRinseItOffInFuture
#ITriedItAndICouldNotTasteItAsItIsAMassiveBatchSoHopefullyItWillBeOkayTomorrow
#BIsDefinitelyShowingMorePersonalityLately
#ILikeToPlayPeekabooWithHerAroundDoorFramesAndTodaySheWentOohAndThenArghWhenIAppeared
#ItMadeHerSeemSoMuchOlderThanSheIsAndSheWouldLaughAfterwardsWhichThenMadeMeLaugh
#TiagoWentOutAndISaidToNotScareHerLikeHeDidLastTimeWhenHeOpenedTheDoor
#ThisTimeHeMadeBothOfUsJumpThoughHeSaidHeThoughtHeHadOpenedTheDoorGentlyButAtLeastBDidNotCryForAsLongThisTime
#ThePlaygroundThatITakeBToHasACapacityLimit
#TodayThereWereWayTooManyPeopleInThereSoWeStoodOutsideWaiting
#AGroupOfAdultsWereJustStoodInTheMiddleChattingAndIThoughtTheyWouldGetTheHintAfterAWhile
#PeopleWouldJustGoStraightPastUsAsPerUsualAndGoToWalkIntoThePlayground
#SoIThoughtIWouldActuallyTellPeopleItHadReachedCapacityForOnceAsIfTheyGoInThenItIsEvenMoreSoOverCapacitySoWhyAmIWaiting
#TheCoupleOfPeopleThatIToldWereProbablyJustPissedOffWithMeButTheyJustLeftAfterAMinuteToGoElsewhere
#ThenAnotherWomanEitherDidNotHearMeOrJustIgnoredMeAndThenThreeOtherKidsRanIn
#SoWeDidALapAndThenThereWereEvenMorePeopleInThereSoNoPlaygroundForBToday
#MaybeNoOneCaresAndMaybeIJustRuinedKidsPlaytimesTodayButTheSignIsThereForAReasonRight
#IWouldHaveSaidSomethingToThePeopleStoodInTheMiddleJustChattingButISeeOneOfTheGuysAroundALotSoIDoNotWantToCauseDrama
#SoIWasFeelingGrumpyOnTheWayHomeButThenISpokeToAWomanWithADogWhoWeSeeAroundALotSoIFeltABitBetter
#AndThenAWomanMadeDuckSoundsWhileIShowedBSomeDucksSoThatMadeMeSmileToo

#BUsedToDrinkFromTheTopOfHerCupUntilIGuessHerArmsWereStrongEnoughToHoldItUpHigherAndDrinkFromTheBottom

I meant to do a shoot of this while she was actually doing it but I did not get round to it and she stopped doing it sooner than I thought she would.

#ItIsOneOfThoseCupsWhereYouCanDrinkFromAllSidesAndIfTheCupWasFullEnoughThenItWorkedForHer

She was using a different cup, but she seemed to not be able to control how much she got from that one that much.

She creates a pond when she drinks from this still, but long story short it seems better.

#IAmWritingThisAfterBHasGoneToBedInTheEveningWhichIsUnusualAsIUsuallyWriteInTheMorning

I need to do the shoot after this too.

#ThisWeekHasBeenAQuietWorkWeekSoIHaveBeenTryingToRestButThingsWillPickUpAgainNextWeek

I did not know it was going to be a quiet week so I was on edge a bit, but then I realised I just needed to make the most of it as I was tired.

Typically it would have been a good week to do my funding application, but oh well. The deadline has passed now and I only started to come up with ideas of things to work on next yesterday and today anyways.

#SoIfIWriteThisNowItMeansIHopefullyWillHaveEnoughToWriteAboutInAFewDaysTimeAndThenICanBalanceThingsWell

Good planning (I hope).

I keep a list of things to talk about and I did not even talk about them all – I spent too long whining later on as you’ll see.

#IWasGoingToTryAnotherGroupWalkTodayButTheWeatherWasRubbishAndIEndedUpHavingToSortSomeThingsOut

I nearly signed up yesterday but thought I better leave it in case I had things to do. I felt really tired this morning, and then the weather was rubbish and then I got a couple of emails to deal with anyways.

#BUsuallyGoesDownForNapsQuiteWellButAfter30MinutesSheWasStillAwake #IThinkSheWasOvertiredSoTheWalkWouldHaveBeenGoodForGettingHerToSleepButOhWell

Typical. She was awake when I went to get her up this morning, but being really chill. I do not know how long she had been awake for, so I should have put her to bed 15 minutes earlier really. You live and learn.

#ThisMorningIWasMakingABatchOfPorridgeForBAndIAccidentallyPutCayennePepperInInsteadOfCinnamon

We have a big box of spices and then a smaller one on top. The cinnamon is usually there, but the cayenne pepper is normally not.

#IManagedToGetSomeOutAndThenNearlyPutMoreInAgain

I’d put lots of milk in so it was floating on top.

I should have just emptied it out, but I hate wasting things.

#IUsedToMeasureItOutInASpoonButNowIJustChuckItInAndThenINoticedTheColour

If I had measured it out I would have noticed the colour and then checked the label. To be fair it is in a glass container, but I obviously was not paying attention to the colour then. Classic.

#SoINeedToBeMoreCarefulAndPutItInAfterTheButternutSquashHasCookedSoThatICanJustRinseItOffInFuture

You live and learn.

It’s Joe Wicks’ butternut porridge but I can’t find the recipe online.

#ITriedItAndICouldNotTasteItAsItIsAMassiveBatchSoHopefullyItWillBeOkayTomorrow

I’ll try it before giving it to B tomorrow. Looking at websites they say it’s best to wait until 12 months to introduce cayenne pepper to babies.

I should just really eat that batch of porridge and make B a new batch. She might just have to have plain porridge tomorrow, or she can have the carrot porridge that she used to have (also a Joe Wicks recipe).

(14th March: I tasted it the next day and I did not notice it at all. If anything it actually tasted fresher than usual?)

#BIsDefinitelyShowingMorePersonalityLately

I should have said in the hashtags that even with all the whining I love her so much. It’s exciting to see her personality develop.

#ILikeToPlayPeekabooWithHerAroundDoorFramesAndTodaySheWentOohAndThenArghWhenIAppeared #ItMadeHerSeemSoMuchOlderThanSheIsAndSheWouldLaughAfterwardsWhichThenMadeMeLaugh

She did it in such a funny way. I hope this does not sound mean. I can just walk into the room and she’ll jump…

#TiagoWentOutAndISaidToNotScareHerLikeHeDidLastTimeWhenHeOpenedTheDoor

He went to pick up some food so I knew she would still be eating in her high chair when he came back.

#ThisTimeHeMadeBothOfUsJumpThoughHeSaidHeThoughtHeHadOpenedTheDoorGentlyButAtLeastBDidNotCryForAsLongThisTime

I jumped so high. I think last time Tiago had a hat on so it took her longer to recognise him…

#ThePlaygroundThatITakeBToHasACapacityLimit

I’m sure most do right?

Did I really write this many hashtags about this…

#TodayThereWereWayTooManyPeopleInThereSoWeStoodOutsideWaiting

I could see from a distance it was busy and so I started counting. I did debate going in, but the sign is there for a reason.

Also, I’ve gotten this far without getting Covid, so I want to reduce the risk (though I go on group walks and want to go to baby classes, but some kids get so close to us in there).

#AGroupOfAdultsWereJustStoodInTheMiddleChattingAndIThoughtTheyWouldGetTheHintAfterAWhile

How many awkward glances can I make towards them?

#PeopleWouldJustGoStraightPastUsAsPerUsualAndGoToWalkIntoThePlayground

In the past I have waited but B was a lot younger so I thought fair enough their kids are older. Now that B enjoys going on a swing more, I really wanted to let her go on one. Plus we usually only stay for 5 minutes and the baby swings were free.

#SoIThoughtIWouldActuallyTellPeopleItHadReachedCapacityForOnceAsIfTheyGoInThenItIsEvenMoreSoOverCapacitySoWhyAmIWaiting

I thought the wait would be over soon. I felt awkward telling them, but when I’m pissed off I care less and so am more likely to say something.

I did not want to stand right next to the gate as it is an awkward place to stand, but maybe I should next time. They probably just think I’m waiting for someone or something.

#TheCoupleOfPeopleThatIToldWereProbablyJustPissedOffWithMeButTheyJustLeftAfterAMinuteToGoElsewhere

A woman explained to her two kids that it was over capacity. I felt bad and said you can go in if you want, but she said they try to follow the rules though it is difficult with kids. I felt bad.

Then a guy came along with 3 kids. I felt awkward saying something but the woman and kids had literally just left. It seemed like he was just going to go in anyways but he stood right by the gate (maybe he thought I wasn’t waiting?). Eventually they went off to play in a field – I walked past later and they were having fun so I felt less bad.

#ThenAnotherWomanEitherDidNotHearMeOrJustIgnoredMeAndThenThreeOtherKidsRanIn

She walked to the gate via an awkward route due to where I was stood, so she might have just not heard me. So 5 people just went in, so we were definitely going to be waiting a while.

#SoWeDidALapAndThenThereWereEvenMorePeopleInThereSoNoPlaygroundForBToday

By this point I felt invested in making it into the playground. It’s the last day of half term, so it should not be a problem for a little while now.

#MaybeNoOneCaresAndMaybeIJustRuinedKidsPlaytimesTodayButTheSignIsThereForAReasonRight

I’m sure people are reading this and thinking ‘lol you actually follow those rules?!’ I just feel awkward and guilty very easily. Some people might have judged me for going in like I judged them, and like I said I do not want to catch Covid. Long Covid does not sound nice.

My Nan has had a vaccine but she still might react badly to getting Covid. he playground isn’t that big, and if you want to stand in the same spot for 10 minutes then stand on the other side of the playground fence?

#IWouldHaveSaidSomethingToThePeopleStoodInTheMiddleJustChattingButISeeOneOfTheGuysAroundALotSoIDoNotWantToCauseDrama

I want to get to know people in the area, but I don’t think the way to do it is by getting pissed off and then saying something that just gets me known in a negative way. Frustrating. I feel like I did recognise quite a few people today.

I guess the rules are being relaxed soon, but I do feel a little nervous about it all.

#SoIWasFeelingGrumpyOnTheWayHomeButThenISpokeToAWomanWithADogWhoWeSeeAroundALotSoIFeltABitBetter

I said hi to her the other day as we’ve seen her quite a lot. She said ‘you alright?’ but I just smiled. So today I asked her how she is and she was talking to B, and then we talked about her dog. It was nice. I would have chatted longer, but I was blocking the path. I should have just moved, but I did not want to block her and maybe she only wanted a short chat? Welcome to my boring mind.

#AndThenAWomanMadeDuckSoundsWhileIShowedBSomeDucksSoThatMadeMeSmileToo

B took no notice, but I thought it was sweet that she willing to potentially feel a bit silly for B. Or maybe it was for her own amusement? Anyways, it was fun.

Time to do a shoot… I miss my plain wall.

I used the cupboard in the end, and I also realised that I can’t remember how B had her hands while drinking from the top. I also was trying to work out if it is actually easier to drink from the top than the bottom. I don’t know… I guess if you drink from the top then you don’t have to lower it so much to drink from it. After doing this shoot I think she actually might have just been teething on it more than drinking from it, but again I’m not sure.

Babies 🤷‍♀️


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Portrait Of A Mother Of An 8 Month Old (13th February 2021)

Self-portrait staring into the distance with a reflection of myself behind.
Portrait Of A Mother Of An 8 Month Old (13th February 2021)
 
#ICanNotBelieveThatBIsTwoThirdsOfAYearOld
#AndAlsoThatThisIsMy80thEntryForThisProject
#ICanNotSayThatEveryPhotoIHaveTakenForItIsGoodButIAmHappyToHaveARecordOfThingsAnywaysEspeciallyWithAllTheWriting
#JustYesterdayTiagoWalkedIntoOurBedroomHoldingBAndIThoughtWhoaIAmTheMotherOfThisSmilingYoungHuman
#IRealisedIHadActuallySwitchedOffABitAsIKnewThatTiagoWouldLookAfterHerUntilHerBedtime
#UsuallyISpendMostOfTheTimeAwayFromBOnEdgeThatSheMayWakeUpOrThatIAmRunningOutOfTimeToGetStuffDone
#IAmJustFeelingQuiteTired
#TwoNightsAgoAsSoonAsBWentToBedIJustGotIntoBedAndWatchedTheQueensGambit
#IWasExhaustedButIDidAlsoJustWantToWatchIt
#LastNightIMadeMyselfDoTheWorkThatINeededToDoFirstBeforeWatchingTheFinalEpisode
#IHaveNotReallyWatchedMuchTVLatelyApartFromItsASinAndDragRace
#CatchingTheEndOfBargainHuntWhenSortingOutBsLunchIsAlsoADailyHighlight
#ThoughIDidMissItYesterdayAndDoQuiteALotOfDaysActually
#NoOffenceToBButIAmABitBoredOfFeedingHer
#IThinkItIsMoreTheStressOfItThanAnythingElse
#OurUsualTrickForIfSheDoesNotSeemToWantToEatAtLunchIsToPutSomeGreekStyleYoghurtWithHerFood
#YesterdaySheDidNotWantToEatHerLunchButThenSuddenlySheHadFinishedHerBowlOfScrambledEggTomatoAndToastWithSomeYoghurt
#OrAtDinnerWeJustStartToFeedHerHerDessertWhichIsUsuallyYoghurtAndFruit
#ButThenWeMixSomeOfHerDinnerInWithItTooAndSoSheHasWeirdCombinationsOfFood
#WeUsuallyWaitAWhileFirstThoughBeforeDoingThis
#HerSkinIsLoadsBetterWhichIsARelief
#IThoughtThatRestaurantsWouldBeAllowedToReopenSoonButIJustLookedForTheArticleAgainAndSawItWasOnlyInJersey
#IWasNotBotheredAboutItButIThoughtItWouldSoonMeanGoodNewsForBabyGroups
#IWasThinkingYesterdayThatIThinkIHaveOnlyChangedBsNappyInPublicTwice
#OnceInARestaurantToiletAndOnceAtTheParkJustOnTheGrass
#ItIsJustWeirdThinkingThatIHaveAn8MonthOldButHaveOnlyBeenOutFarAndLongEnoughToChangeHerInPublicTwice
#IThinkTiagoHasProbablyChangedHerMoreThanMeThoughAsInTheEarlyDaysIFeltTooScaredNervousAndAwkwardTo
#WeWereSayingYesterdayThatItSeemsWeirdThatAtOnePointWeWereGoingOutToRestaurantsOnceAWeekish
#TiagoSaysThatHeIsReallyEnjoyingHisPlaytimeWithB
#EspeciallyNowThatSheShowsALotMoreOfHerPersonalityAndStartsToPlayWithHerToysAndRespondMore

#ICanNotBelieveThatBIsTwoThirdsOfAYearOld

Time really flies.

Every time I do one of these ‘Portrait Of A Mother…’ posts I think ‘how has another month gone by already?’

#AndAlsoThatThisIsMy80thEntryForThisProject

My pregnancy project was 84 entries. I thought I should note that for some reason.

#ICanNotSayThatEveryPhotoIHaveTakenForItIsGoodButIAmHappyToHaveARecordOfThingsAnywaysEspeciallyWithAllTheWriting

In the whole project how many photos am I really happy with? Probably about 10 right now, but perhaps more – I am not going to go through and count.

It’s a record and as time goes on some entries will make me cringe more and some less. Some photos I will grow to love, some I will love more and some I will tell myself for in some ways or another – ‘I should have done … instead’.

#JustYesterdayTiagoWalkedIntoOurBedroomHoldingBAndIThoughtWhoaIAmTheMotherOfThisSmilingYoungHuman

I love when they walk in and B is just super happy to see me.

She doesn’t have much time away from me to miss me…

#IRealisedIHadActuallySwitchedOffABitAsIKnewThatTiagoWouldLookAfterHerUntilHerBedtime

I think I left the living room at 6.30pm and her bedtime is around 7pm.

#UsuallyISpendMostOfTheTimeAwayFromBOnEdgeThatSheMayWakeUpOrThatIAmRunningOutOfTimeToGetStuffDone

Usually I am working during B’s naps, or after she goes to bed and I am normally the closest person to be able to respond to her (though I know it is temporary and she will sleep again). Or like now it is 8am and Tiago has been looking after her since 7am while I did my yoga and a bit of work. I know I should go downstairs soon and give him some time to do something. Or when my Mum is here and she is looking after B and I know she can not stay too long, or we have a baby class to attend anyways.

#IAmJustFeelingQuiteTired

My diary entry each night usually starts with ‘I am tired’ or some variation of the statement.

#TwoNightsAgoAsSoonAsBWentToBedIJustGotIntoBedAndWatchedTheQueensGambit

I was slow to get into it. My younger sister said it was good, but I was watching 10-15 minutes at a time stretching in the evenings and then I suddenly got into it.

#IWasExhaustedButIDidAlsoJustWantToWatchIt

I had worked all through B’s naps so I was shattered.

#LastNightIMadeMyselfDoTheWorkThatINeededToDoFirstBeforeWatchingTheFinalEpisode

I knew I would find it harder to watch the episode then do work after. I made the mistake of not getting into bed to watch the rest of the episode after stretching though.

#IHaveNotReallyWatchedMuchTVLatelyApartFromItsASinAndDragRace

UK and US Drag Race. I feel like there is so much TV to watch, but I should probably have a break now before I find something else to watch. I have stopped reading so much and I would like to get back into it.

#CatchingTheEndOfBargainHuntWhenSortingOutBsLunchIsAlsoADailyHighlight

I can not be bothered for most of the episode where they are finding stuff. Just show me how much they made or lost!

#ThoughIDidMissItYesterdayAndDoQuiteALotOfDaysActually

Fail. Sometimes I am feeding B and I have to carefully try to see what is going on – take B’s bowl away so she doesn’t knock it on the floor/make sure she doesn’t choke.

#NoOffenceToBButIAmABitBoredOfFeedingHer

I love you, but I do not look forward to mealtimes. Breakfast is alright.

#IThinkItIsMoreTheStressOfItThanAnythingElse

Has she eaten enough? Will she sleep through the night? Not sure why I worry really as she has some milk before bed which usually fills her up.

#OurUsualTrickForIfSheDoesNotSeemToWantToEatAtLunchIsToPutSomeGreekStyleYoghurtWithHerFood

I need to see how much is too much for a baby really. We don’t give her LOADS though.

#YesterdaySheDidNotWantToEatHerLunchButThenSuddenlySheHadFinishedHerBowlOfScrambledEggTomatoAndToastWithSomeYoghurt

Well, a lot of toast ends up on the floor and in her ‘pouch’ (where her bib collects food in her lap) along with the egg. The yoghurt did make her more keen though.

#OrAtDinnerWeJustStartToFeedHerHerDessertWhichIsUsuallyYoghurtAndFruit #ButThenWeMixSomeOfHerDinnerInWithItTooAndSoSheHasWeirdCombinationsOfFood

If she isn’t hungry then she will not eat it at all. I hope we are not creating a fussy eater, but there are worse things we could be adding to meals than plain yoghurt I think.

#WeUsuallyWaitAWhileFirstThoughBeforeDoingThis

10-30 minutes of us getting stressed, then ‘oh yeah, yoghurt!’

#HerSkinIsLoadsBetterWhichIsARelief

Thank you Hydromol (and to our friend who recommended it.)

#IThoughtThatRestaurantsWouldBeAllowedToReopenSoonButIJustLookedForTheArticleAgainAndSawItWasOnlyInJersey

I wondered why the article was no longer trending. I need to tell Tiago that I was telling lies last night…

#IWasNotBotheredAboutItButIThoughtItWouldSoonMeanGoodNewsForBabyGroups

I will miss the convenience of online baby classes when we can go to them in person again, though I think they are still planning some online ones for now for people who are unsure about returning to real life classes.

#IWasThinkingYesterdayThatIThinkIHaveOnlyChangedBsNappyInPublicTwice #OnceInARestaurantToiletAndOnceAtTheParkJustOnTheGrass

A weird, but true thought – unless I am forgetting other occasions.

#ItIsJustWeirdThinkingThatIHaveAn8MonthOldButHaveOnlyBeenOutFarAndLongEnoughToChangeHerInPublicTwice

Well, one time was without Tiago.

#IThinkTiagoHasProbablyChangedHerMoreThanMeThoughAsInTheEarlyDaysIFeltTooScaredNervousAndAwkwardToo

He definitely has. In the car park at the petrol station is another time on his list.

#WeWereSayingYesterdayThatItSeemsWeirdThatAtOnePointWeWereGoingOutToRestaurantsOnceAWeekish

Odd. Remember Eat Out To Help Out?

#TiagoSaysThatHeIsReallyEnjoyingHisPlaytimeWithB #EspeciallyNowThatSheShowsALotMoreOfHerPersonalityAndStartsToPlayWithHerToysAndRespondMore

Cute. She definitely does engage more.

It feels like there should be more to this post, but nope! It’s nearly 8.30am and I need to go to see what T and B are up to!


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Sixth Family Portrait (6th February 2021)

Sixth Family Portrait (6th February 2021)
 
#BHasStartedToSquealAndScreechALotInTheLastWeek
#ICallHerMyScreecherCreature
#NanMadeMeLaughTheOtherDayWhenSheAskedBIfSheWasAnOperaSinger
#SheAlsoKeptSayingHowCleverIWasAfterIOpenedAJarOfMarmalade
#BNowAlsoLikesToJustEatTheLabelsOnAnything
#SheWillBeSatInHerHighchairWithFoodInFrontOfHerAndSheJustWantsToEatTheLabelOnHerBib
#IAmWorriedThatBsFirstWordWillBeSkipDueToMeAlwaysSkippingSongsWhileSheEats
#SometimesINearlyCallHerAlexa
#IWasWorriedThatSheWouldThinkThatWasHerNameButIfISayAlexaSheLooksInTheDirectionOfTheMachine
#NowWhenSheDropsHerCupFromHerHighchairSheClosesHerEyesAndAnticipatesTheSoundOfItHittingTheFloor
#SheHasHadSomeReallyDryPatchesOnHerBodyForAWhileAndItIsStartingToUpsetMeABit
#WeApplyCreamALotButWeJustNeedToApplyItMore
#IHaveOrderedSomeOtherStuffThatAFriendRecommendedSoHopefullyItComesSoon
#SheHasADryPatchDevelopingOnHerFaceNowWhichMakesMeFeelWorse
#IUsedToGetReallyDrySkinWhenIWasYoungerThough
#IRememberHavingAReallyDryPatchRightByMyEyeForAbout6MonthsOrSoWhichMadeMeFeelWonderfulInHighSchool
#AnywaysAfterMyLastEntryISpokeToTheWomanWhoChecksOnMeEveryCoupleOfWeeks
#SheSaysIAmDoingEverythingPossibleButIJustNeedToBeMorePositiveAndKickNegativeThoughtsAway
#SheAskedHowTiagoIsAndIFeltBadAsIHadNotReallyThoughtAboutHowRecentEventsMightMakeHimFeel
#WeHadTalkedAboutItABitButIWasTooObsessedWithWhatOrWasNotHappeningToMyBodyAndHowIWasFeelingSoIMadeSureWeSpokeAboutItLater
#BIsGettingVeryQuickAtRemovingTiagosGlassesFromHisFace
#IJustRealisedThatHeUsuallyTakesThemOffForTheFamilyPortraitsSoSomePeopleMightNotBeAwareThatHeWearsThem
#WeProbablyStayedUpTooLateLastNight
#BWokeUpAtFiveThirtyButLuckilySheWentBackToSleepAfterAWhileAndThenTiagoGotHerUpAt7
#TheNightBeforeIWantedToGoToBedEarlyAsIWantedAGoodNapBeforeWakingUpForATalkAtMidnight
#ObviouslyIBarelyNappedAndThenICouldNotSleepForTwoHoursAfterTheTalkAsIFeltSoInspired
#IFeelSoGuiltyForMakingWorkAboutMyselfButThenIRealiseThatALotOfOtherPeopleAreDoingIt
#INeedToStopFeelingSoGuiltyAboutSoManyThingsAndJustCareLess
#IWantToGetMoreIntoPoetryAndOrCreativeWritingButIDoNotReallyKnowWhereToStart
#LastNightISuddenlyFeltInspiredToTryToWriteAPoemButItJustSeemedToTurnIntoMyHashtagWriting

#BHasStartedToSquealAndScreechALotInTheLastWeek

Typically it’s always after someone else mentions that their baby is squealing a lot.

#ICallHerMyScreecherCreature

She seems to like any names that rhyme – Pissy Missy has made her laugh on a few occasions…

#NanMadeMeLaughTheOtherDayWhenSheAskedBIfSheWasAnOperaSinger

I would love it if B did something to do with music. We attend enough music classes. This week we did one everyday again.

#SheAlsoKeptSayingHowCleverIWasAfterIOpenedAJarOfMarmalade

I could hear her telling Tiago how smart I was. Then later on she was telling me that I can do anything. This did start after I opened a jar of marmalade for her.

Nan’s a great cheerleader, though I wish she understood what I do with most of my free time and cheer me on with my art things. I feel like I need it…

#BNowAlsoLikesToJustEatTheLabelsOnAnything #SheWillBeSatInHerHighchairWithFoodInFrontOfHerAndSheJustWantsToEatTheLabelOnHerBib

Tiago got her up and looked after her this morning. I came into the room and B was eating a label on a cuddly toy…

#IAmWorriedThatBsFirstWordWillBeSkipDueToMeAlwaysSkippingSongsWhileSheEats #SometimesINearlyCallHerAlexa #IWasWorriedThatSheWouldThinkThatWasHerNameButIfISayAlexaSheLooksInTheDirectionOfTheMachine

My sister got us a device for Xmas. We didn’t think we’d need it, but it has become really useful – my hands are usually covered in porridge when I want to change songs. I just wish they’d sort out the volume control on them as turning the volume up by one usually makes it way too loud, or turning it down by one makes it too quiet. Hard life.

#NowWhenSheDropsHerCupFromHerHighchairSheClosesHerEyesAndAnticipatesTheSoundOfItHittingTheFloor

It is quite cute when she closes her eyes, but now I know she knows what she is doing.

She’s started to pick the cup up herself, but she drinks from it in weird ways. I’ll have to imitate it for a photo one day…

#SheHasHadSomeReallyDryPatchesOnHerBodyForAWhileAndItIsStartingToUpsetMeABit #WeApplyCreamALotButWeJustNeedToApplyItMore #IHaveOrderedSomeOtherStuffThatAFriendRecommendedSoHopefullyItComesSoon #SheHasADryPatchDevelopingOnHerFaceNowWhichMakesMeFeelWorse

I think I have mentioned it, but I’ve also not because I feel so bad about it.

Some days it does seem to be getting better, but then it goes bad again. I showed my Mum and she said to keep applying cream, though I’m hoping this other stuff will work.

#IUsedToGetReallyDrySkinWhenIWasYoungerThough #IRememberHavingAReallyDryPatchRightByMyEyeForAbout6MonthsOrSoWhichMadeMeFeelWonderfulInHighSchool

Mmm crusty eye. I’ve got a bit of a dry patch by my left eye right now – I think my eye has been getting dry from being on a computer more lately, so I was itching it and now the skin is upset. Great.

#AnywaysAfterMyLastEntryISpokeToTheWomanWhoChecksOnMeEveryCoupleOfWeeks #SheSaysIAmDoingEverythingPossibleButIJustNeedToBeMorePositiveAndKickNegativeThoughtsAway

I mentioned that the other night I was watching the monitor and then got really worried about B. I knew I was being silly, but sometimes you just get stuck in these thoughts.

I’ve mentioned before about me finding it easier to be negative about things. I finished reading Untamed last week and there was a bit where she talks about becoming more positive and then someone commenting that they now find it hard to relate to her. Food for thought.

#SheAskedHowTiagoIsAndIFeltBadAsIHadNotReallyThoughtAboutHowRecentEventsMightMakeHimFeel #WeHadTalkedAboutItABitButIWasTooObsessedWithWhatOrWasNotHappeningToMyBodyAndHowIWasFeelingSoIMadeSureWeSpokeAboutItLater

Sorry Tiago – I was a bit too wrapped up in my own thoughts and feelings. These hashtags today are making me feel awkward. Maybe this whole project is a bit too self obsessed. Maybe I am self obsessed? I was wondering about that the other night.

Merriam-Webster says ‘excessively preoccupied with oneself or with one’s own concerns’.

Hmm, yes and no. I feel like I could write an essay about this, but I want to finish writing this so I can make some scones for B while she is still asleep (and catch-up on RuPaul’s Drag Race UK).

#BIsGettingVeryQuickAtRemovingTiagosGlassesFromHisFace

Super speedy.

#IJustRealisedThatHeUsuallyTakesThemOffForTheFamilyPortraitsSoSomePeopleMightNotBeAwareThatHeWearsThem

I am hoping a family portrait will accompany this. I want to try to include Nan, but let’s see.

(7th February: Well, we did a shoot. We tried to do some more ‘typical’ family portraits, but it ended up being a bit more documentary which is quite nice actually. Typically I talk about Tiago not wearing glasses in them, but he ended up having them on this time. Maybe we’ll get Nan in a future shoot.)

#WeProbablyStayedUpTooLateLastNight

11 o’clock. Just faffing on our phones…

#BWokeUpAtFiveThirtyButLuckilySheWentBackToSleepAfterAWhileAndThenTiagoGotHerUpAt7

I could not get out of bed to go to her at 5.30am. I talked to her through the baby monitor, and then turned the heating on in her room via my phone. Eventually she went back to sleep.

Tiago tends to get up with her. He tells me to rest, but my brain is usually just thinking about what I want to do today. I did some yoga and posted a blog post. Then I came back to write the hashtags after Tiago said I could have another half an hour. I planned to write the blog post then too, but nope!

#TheNightBeforeIWantedToGoToBedEarlyAsIWantedAGoodNapBeforeWakingUpForATalkAtMidnight #ObviouslyIBarelyNappedAndThenICouldNotSleepForTwoHoursAfterTheTalkAsIFeltSoInspired

The talk was so good – it’s online here.

I knew they would probably put it online afterwards, but I did not want to miss it just in case. I also like to try to attend events when they happen as it is somewhat easier to see it live than watch a recording – did that make any sense? I was just lying in bed watching it, which I probably would not do with a recording – I’d feel like I had to sit at my desk and work on other things which is not necessarily bad.

#IFeelSoGuiltyForMakingWorkAboutMyselfButThenIRealiseThatALotOfOtherPeopleAreDoingIt

All the artists were making work about themselves, their families and/or about something very personal.

I think now with pandemic a lot more people are turning inwards too so I don’t know why I find it so awkward.

#INeedToStopFeelingSoGuiltyAboutSoManyThingsAndJustCareLess

An article did once call me the Queen of Awkward, and I think that is still the case.

I’ve been thinking about trying to get funding for my work. Trying to balance ‘normal’ work, personal work and looking after a baby is a bit tough. Other people get funding to make their personal work, so why can’t I?

#IWantToGetMoreIntoPoetryAndOrCreativeWritingButIDoNotReallyKnowWhereToStart #LastNightISuddenlyFeltInspiredToTryToWriteAPoemButItJustSeemedToTurnIntoMyHashtagWriting

I am writing this more just as a reminder to myself. Maybe there is more I can do with the hashtags? I want to experiment with and learn about other art forms. I think with photography I just know how it all works and though my confidence is low I will show it, whereas with other art forms I just feel a bit lost and unsure. A few years ago I was painting a bit and sharing them, but then I felt awkward and I started a project that required me to travel so it got put on the back burner. I need to go back to things and I need to make time to try things.

I can’t believe how much free time I used to have that I completely wasted. I should have relaxed more, tried new things and just lived a bit more.

Oh well.


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B Likes To Hold Onto My Finger When She Eats (26th January 2021)

B holding onto the index finger of my left hand. Both of our hands have food on them.
B Likes To Hold On To My Finger When She Eats (26th January 2021)
 
#BIsStillSleepingWellThoughSomeMorningsSheDoesWakeUpAround5
#YesterdaySheWokeUpAtFourThirtyButWentBackToSleepUntil7
#TodaySheWokeUpAt5AndWasQuietForABitButThenStartedToMakeNoise
#WeDoNotGetHerUpUntilSheHasBeenInHerCotForAtLeast11HoursThough
#HerHeaterBrokeThreeNightsAgoSoWeOrderedANewOne
#ThoughDueToSnowTiagoOnlyManagedToPickItUpYesterdaySoSheHadToMakeDoWithANotSoGreatOne
#WeAlsoFinallyGotABabyMonitorWhichSeemsABitLateAsSheIsEdgingTowards8MonthsOld
#InLiverpoolWeLivedInAFlatWhereSheWasNeverThatFarAwayAndWeCouldAlwaysHearHer
#AtMyNansIfIAmDownstairsIAlwaysHaveToGoToTheBottomOfTheStairsToSeeIfICanHearHerSoThisWillMakeThingsMuchEasier
#IAmLessStressedAboutHerEatingNowThatWeDoNotFeedHerInTheNightAndSheEatsBetterDuringTheDay
#SheTendsToNotEatMuchAtLunchSometimesButIThinkThatIsNormalAsSheAlwaysEatsHerPorridgeAtBreakfastWhichMustBeQuiteFilling
#INeedToRememberToTalkToBMoreAtMealsAsIFeelLikeIAmJustDaydreamingOrDoNotKnowWhatToSayToHer
#ITendToPutMusicOnSoAtLeastISingButHerMealtimesAreAlsoGettingShorterWhichIsGreat
#IAmFeelingLessGuiltyAboutPassingHerToMyNanForABit
#TheyWatchTelevisionTogetherAndMyNanIsReallyGoodAtTalkingToHerAboutWhatIsOnScreen
#IDoWorryThatSheHasTooMuchScreenTimeAlreadyButSomeDaysSheBarelyHasAny
#ThisLockdownIAmGettingMoreIntoOnlineBabyClasses
#LastWeekWeDidOneEveryWeekdayAsItIsNiceForHerToSeeOtherBabies
#IDoWorryThatSheIsMissingOutABitByNotGoingToClassesInRealLifeButWhatAreWeToDo
#IAmReallyNotGoodWithTheLocalWhatsappGroupsThatIAmIn
#OneIsAGroupOfLocalMumsWhoHaveTwoOnlineCallsAWeekButTheyNowBothFallDuringBsNaptimes
#IFeelWeirdAttendingThemWithoutABabyAndWhenBIsAsleepItIsMyTimeToGetThingsDone
#TheOtherNightIHadADreamThatWeWereGoingToPortugalOnHolidayTheNextDayAndIWasSadWhenIWokeUpAndRealisedItWasJustADream
#IAlsoDreamtThatBSuddenlyGrewAllHerTeethAndItWasStrange
#ICanNotReallyImagineHerWithTeeth
#TiagoGetsHisVaccineTodayBecauseOfHisWork
#HeWasOfferedOneAFewWeeksAgoButHisCarWasPlayingUpAndItWasFarAway
#IGuessIWillNotBeGettingOneForAVeryLongTimeAndIGuessBWillBeWaitingLongerIfSheIsEvenAllowedToHaveIt
#WhenTheGovernmentAnnouncedTheNewLockdownIKnewThereWasNoPointThinkingAboutWhenIsItGoingToBeOver
#IAmJustTryingToTakeThingsOneDayAtATimeButTheOtherDayIDidGetABitAnnoyedByItAllAsThereAreSoManyPeopleThatBHasNotMetYetButWhatCanWeDo

#BIsStillSleepingWellThoughSomeMorningsSheDoesWakeUpAround5

Last night was night 10 of sleep training.

#YesterdaySheWokeUpAtFourThirtyButWentBackToSleepUntil7

I thought she would not go back to sleep. We went in to see if she was okay and then she fell asleep. When we got her up her nappy was super heavy, so I felt like we should have checked and changed it earlier.

#TodaySheWokeUpAt5AndWasQuietForABitButThenStartedToMakeNoise

T went in to check on her and changed her nappy. It wasn’t even heavy. She didn’t go back to sleep… Tomorrow we will just leave it until we get up unless it smells bad.

#WeDoNotGetHerUpUntilSheHasBeenInHerCotForAtLeast11HoursThough

And then we start her wake window from the time that we get her up. This means that sometimes she is awake for 4+ hours before naptime, but today she wasn’t that annoyed about it. The first wake window should be 2 hours 45 – 3 hours, so I put her down after 2 hours 45.

I do not mind her getting up at 6 now though as we have usually had a good sleep and it means her naps will be longer so I can get things done, or have a rest.

It’s just annoying when she wakes up at 4.30 or 5 and doesn’t go back to sleep as I can not sleep if she is crying. Hopefully soon she’ll realise that ‘okay if they’re not going me up then I need to go back to sleep’. Let’s see!

#HerHeaterBrokeThreeNightsAgoSoWeOrderedANewOne

If you missed it – the first night of sleep training didn’t go great, but we think it was because she was too cold. The heater on a timer has been great.

#ThoughDueToSnowTiagoOnlyManagedToPickItUpYesterdaySoSheHadToMakeDoWithANotSoGreatOne

We were going to get it delivered, but the delivery slot was after she would have gone to bed so T was going to see if he could pick it up. It just kept snowing… Yesterday Tiago dug his car out and went out.

I was a bit anxious about using the other heater, but it was fine.

#WeAlsoFinallyGotABabyMonitorWhichSeemsABitLateAsSheIsEdgingTowards8MonthsOld

As we were ordering the heater I thought we should just order a monitor and be done with it. We were dragging out making a decision for far too long.

In the end it was between two, but we couldn’t click and collect on one of them so that made it an easier choice.

#InLiverpoolWeLivedInAFlatWhereSheWasNeverThatFarAwayAndWeCouldAlwaysHearHer

Our little office was the room next to the bedroom so you could hear her easily.

#AtMyNansIfIAmDownstairsIAlwaysHaveToGoToTheBottomOfTheStairsToSeeIfICanHearHerSoThisWillMakeThingsMuchEasier

Tiago’s office is now below her room so he can hear her well, but he is often on a work call and if I am in the kitchen then it is annoying having to go and check on her. Now I can be more relaxed when I’m downstairs.

We don’t have it turned on if we’re asleep as we can hear her well from our room if she is properly crying. I had the monitor with me while I was brushing my teeth downstairs last night and I can see how people can get quite obsessed with watching the monitor…

#IAmLessStressedAboutHerEatingNowThatWeDoNotFeedHerInTheNightAndSheEatsBetterDuringTheDay

Before I was just worried about whether she was getting enough to eat, so we would feed her in the night. Now I know that she can go for 12+ hours without being fed I am a bit more relaxed.

#SheTendsToNotEatMuchAtLunchSometimesButIThinkThatIsNormalAsSheAlwaysEatsHerPorridgeAtBreakfastWhichMustBeQuiteFilling

I looked at different feeding schedules, but I decided that she should have about 3.5 to 4 hours between each solid meal. The porridge is definitely filling so it’s best to push lunch a little later, then she has dinner about 3 and a half hours after, and then milk before bed. She also has some milk when she wakes up, then porridge a couple of hours after.

#INeedToRememberToTalkToBMoreAtMealsAsIFeelLikeIAmJustDaydreamingOrDoNotKnowWhatToSayToHer

I wrote the hashtags this morning when Tiago had her for a little bit.

I gave her breakfast an hour-ish ago and I made an effort to talk to her more.

#ITendToPutMusicOnSoAtLeastISingButHerMealtimesAreAlsoGettingShorterWhichIsGreat

We had Madonna on this morning. Sometimes I am always skipping artists and tracks and I accidentally call B Alexa… She probably does think that is her name.

#IAmFeelingLessGuiltyAboutPassingHerToMyNanForABit #TheyWatchTelevisionTogetherAndMyNanIsReallyGoodAtTalkingToHerAboutWhatIsOnScreen

Though I can not work while Nan has her. Yesterday I tried to do a bit of work while I was sat in the same room and it was difficult. This morning I tried to write my blog post. Nope. So in future I’ll just stick to tidying up or cooking while Nan has her.

#IDoWorryThatSheHasTooMuchScreenTimeAlreadyButSomeDaysSheBarelyHasAny

I was trying to take this photo of B holding my hand/finger and B just wanted to grab my phone. In the end I had to call Tiago in to distract her. He showed her some Portuguese kids songs and she went off into her own world.

Once the weather gets warmer and we can go out for as many walks as we want I just want to be outside with B as much as possible. For now it’s winter and we’re locked down so our options are limited.

#ThisLockdownIAmGettingMoreIntoOnlineBabyClasses

I think B was too young when I was doing them in Liverpool and the classes were quite long.

#LastWeekWeDidOneEveryWeekdayAsItIsNiceForHerToSeeOtherBabies

The classes are around 30 minutes and B has a longer attention span now. She rarely needs to have a nappy changed in class and she doesn’t need feeding, so it’s a lot easier.

#IDoWorryThatSheIsMissingOutABitByNotGoingToClassesInRealLifeButWhatAreWeToDo

At in real life classes she’d just look around at everyone. She doesn’t know that her life should be different than this which is good. Kudos to those home-schooling and looking after kids who know how life used to be.

#IAmReallyNotGoodWithTheLocalWhatsappGroupsThatIAmIn

I rarely say anything. I find them stressful to read at times and they’re just a distraction.

#OneIsAGroupOfLocalMumsWhoHaveTwoOnlineCallsAWeekButTheyNowBothFallDuringBsNaptimes #IFeelWeirdAttendingThemWithoutABabyAndWhenBIsAsleepItIsMyTimeToGetThingsDone

I’d like to get to know them, but the group was originally for walks and they’re not running at the moment. Hopefully when they run we can try to meet them, but B might be asleep then too. I guess at some point I’ll just have to propose having a meeting at some other time and/or I should tell them that B sleeps during those times.

For now I’d rather keep my me time for me. B is awake so much during the day that we can chat to people then.

#TheOtherNightIHadADreamThatWeWereGoingToPortugalOnHolidayTheNextDayAndIWasSadWhenIWokeUpAndRealisedItWasJustADream

I was quite gutted.

#IAlsoDreamtThatBSuddenlyGrewAllHerTeethAndItWasStrange #ICanNotReallyImagineHerWithTeeth

I really can’t imagine B with teeth, I can’t imagine her crawling (it will be soon I’m sure), I can’t imagine B walking (she loves standing on her feet though), and I can’t imagine B talking.

#TiagoGetsHisVaccineTodayBecauseOfHisWork #HeWasOfferedOneAFewWeeksAgoButHisCarWasPlayingUpAndItWasFarAway

He would have had to go to the outskirts of London for it. He only has to go about 20 minutes away now which is better.

#IGuessIWillNotBeGettingOneForAVeryLongTimeAndIGuessBWillBeWaitingLongerIfSheIsEvenAllowedToHaveIt

I wonder when they’ll both get their next vaccines. I hope Nan gets hers soon.

#WhenTheGovernmentAnnouncedTheNewLockdownIKnewThereWasNoPointThinkingAboutWhenIsItGoingToBeOver

As in I was thinking it would be a long way away.

#IAmJustTryingToTakeThingsOneDayAtATimeButTheOtherDayIDidGetABitAnnoyedByItAllAsThereAreSoManyPeopleThatBHasNotMetYetButWhatCanWeDo

Basically we just have to sit and wait. Yeah it’s annoying, but we’re lucky that we’re okay. It is weird when I suddenly realise how long this has been going on for, but odd to think that people were going away on holiday in the summer too. This is the longest that I haven’t been out of the country in a very long time. I guess last year was the first year that Tiago hadn’t been in Portugal for the first time in his life (I’ll have to check with him about that). I’d just like to go swimming…


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My Temporary Desk Situation And B Who Was Supposed To Be Having A Long First Nap (22nd January 2021)

My Temporary Desk Situation And B Who Was Supposed To Be Having A Long First Nap (22nd January 2021)
 
#SoLastNightWasNight6OfSleepTraining
#TheFirstNightWasDefinitelyTheWorstAndIThinkThatWasJustBecauseSheWasCold
#TheSecondNightIPutTheHeaterOnATimerButNowWeHaveASmartPlugSoICanControlItFromMyPhone
#WeHaveGenerallyBeenSleepingForAround7HoursANightAtOneTime
#IWishWeHadDoneThisSooner
#SheWillDefinitelyNotBeComingBackToSleepInOurRoomAfterTheTwoWeeksIsOver
#AsAConsequenceIHaveLostMyOfficeSlashStudioRoom
#WePlannedToMoveTheDeskBackToOurRoomButWeHaveNotHadTimeYet
#ItNeedsToBeTakenApartAndPutBackTogetherAgainAsTheDoorwaysAreTooNarrow
#IfBIsAwakeThenICanStillUseTheRoomForSomePhotosAndForMyDanceVideos
#ButOtherwiseINeedToBeMoreCreativeAsThereAreNoOtherFreeBlankWallsInTheHouse
#PerhapsMyWorkIsTooMuchAboutPlainBlankWallsAnyways
#AnywaysWeAlsoDroppedBDownToATwoNapSchedule
#AfterSleepTrainingStartedWeHadTroubleGettingHerDownForAThirdNapSoWeKnewItWasTimeToDropIt
#TheThirdNapWasGettingABitAnnoyingAndIHadBeenShorteningItTo20MinutesSoItWillNotBeMissed
#IWasJustABitStressedAboutFiguringOutARoughScheduleForHerDay
#ButTheFirstDayWentWellSoIWillStickToThatButJustReadjustingForHerWakeupTimes
#SheIsSupposedToStayInHerCotForBetween11And12HoursAtNightSoWeUsuallyGetHerUpBetween6And7Now
#YesterdayWeCouldNotBeBotheredToGetHerUpAt6SoWeGotHerUpALotLaterThanWeShouldHave
#SoWeHadAnOvertiredBabyToDealWithAtNaptimeButItWasNotTooBad
#TodayWeGotHerUpAt10Past6ButIStillHadAVeryOvertiredBabyToDealWithWhoTookAWhileToGoToSleep
#SheUsedToHave2HoursBeforeHerFirstNapButItIsMoreLike3Now
#HopefullySheWillGetUsedToItSoon
#YouAreNotSupposedToStartSleepTrainingForNapsUntilTheyAre10MonthsOldAsForNapsTheyUseADifferentPartOfTheBrain
#HerMealTimesHaveShiftedAndIAmSurprisedThatSheEatsHerPorridgeSoMuchEarlierInTheMorning
#ItIsNiceThoughAsNowWeAllHaveLunchAroundTheSameTimeInsteadOfUsEatingLunchDuringHerNap
#TheAnnoyingThingIsBUsuallyNapsForMostOfTheTimeThatMyMumVisitsButOhWell
#IUsuallyHaveAGoodBitOfTimeToDoWorkDuringHerFirstNapAtLeast
#AndThenHerBedtimeIs7SoIDoSomeWorkAndThenTryToReadABitBeforeGoingToBedAround10
#MyMoodHasBeenBetterAndLookingBackAtMyMoodDiaryMyWorstDaysWereWhenIWasTired
 

#SoLastNightWasNight6OfSleepTraining #TheFirstNightWasDefinitelyTheWorstAndIThinkThatWasJustBecauseSheWasCold

See my previous post.

#TheSecondNightIPutTheHeaterOnATimerButNowWeHaveASmartPlugSoICanControlItFromMyPhone

I hadn’t actually used the timer on the heater before. It was good, but now if I remember I can turn the heater on from anywhere in the house to preheat the room before bed. I have a schedule set up for it during the night, but it’s handy to just be able to change it whenever without having to go into her room all the time.

#WeHaveGenerallyBeenSleepingForAround7HoursANightAtOneTime

We try to go to bed at 10, but one night she woke up just as we were going to sleep and did not settle until 11. Last night she woke up closer to 11 – I was just in that weird half awake half asleep state – but it took only one visit to her room for her to calm down. I think perhaps she wakes up thinking it’s the end of naptime, but we’re like nope it’s not a nap – go to bed!

#IWishWeHadDoneThisSooner

You can start sleep training from between 4 and 6 months apparently.

#SheWillDefinitelyNotBeComingBackToSleepInOurRoomAfterTheTwoWeeksIsOver

It’s so nice not having to tiptoe around the room. Before B would wake up and I’d feel like I had to rush over to her so that Tiago was not disturbed too much as he generally has work in the morning.

Now with her in her own room she probably does wake up in the night (apparently no one sleeps through the night – most of us have just trained ourselves to go back to sleep quickly), but not to the level where we notice.

#AsAConsequenceIHaveLostMyOfficeSlashStudioRoom

This is why I had been putting it off.

#WePlannedToMoveTheDeskBackToOurRoomButWeHaveNotHadTimeYet

So I am just using a little table and sitting on a cushion on a floor. I probably do sit up straighter to be fair. I might have to go back to using my exercise ball as a chair.

#ItNeedsToBeTakenApartAndPutBackTogetherAgainAsTheDoorwaysAreTooNarrow

Hopefully we’ll do it tomorrow as it is the weekend.

#IfBIsAwakeThenICanStillUseTheRoomForSomePhotosAndForMyDanceVideos

Especially once the desk is moved as there will be more space to move her cot out of the way.

#ButOtherwiseINeedToBeMoreCreativeAsThereAreNoOtherFreeBlankWallsInTheHouse

I should have moved my studio light out of the room for now, but B is currently napping in there, so I’ll try this shoot with natural light. If it doesn’t work then I’ll have to get the light later.

#PerhapsMyWorkIsTooMuchAboutPlainBlankWallsAnyways

I like it, but my Nan does have a nice house with lots of interesting walls.

#AnywaysWeAlsoDroppedBDownToATwoNapSchedule

It was easier than I thought. I think I said the same thing about dropping her fourth nap…

#AfterSleepTrainingStartedWeHadTroubleGettingHerDownForAThirdNapSoWeKnewItWasTimeToDropIt #TheThirdNapWasGettingABitAnnoyingAndIHadBeenShorteningItTo20MinutesSoItWillNotBeMissed

Though so far B’s second nap has been about 35 minutes, so that she can go to bed for 7.

#IWasJustABitStressedAboutFiguringOutARoughScheduleForHerDay

Hello writing and crossing things out with a pen on paper.

#ButTheFirstDayWentWellSoIWillStickToThatButJustReadjustingForHerWakeupTimes

Hello writing down times with a pen on paper.

#SheIsSupposedToStayInHerCotForBetween11And12HoursAtNightSoWeUsuallyGetHerUpBetween6And7Now

The first few nights I was waking up at about 5.30 and I felt quite awake, and could not fall back asleep easily.

The next day I said I would just get up then, but B slept until 7 – I had to wake her up! I think 6 will probably be her usual wake up time though.

T likes having a slow start to the day and still managing to start work early. I get to do a bit of yoga too which I like.

#YesterdayWeCouldNotBeBotheredToGetHerUpAt6SoWeGotHerUpALotLaterThanWeShouldHave #SoWeHadAnOvertiredBabyToDealWithAtNaptimeButItWasNotTooBad

I thought it would be a lot worse.

#TodayWeGotHerUpAt10Past6ButIStillHadAVeryOvertiredBabyToDealWithWhoTookAWhileToGoToSleep

I maybe went in too many times, but she did have trouble settling. She kept rolling into her front and could not seem to get comfortable. Yesterday she did sleep well on her front during her first nap though.

#SheUsedToHave2HoursBeforeHerFirstNapButItIsMoreLike3Now #HopefullySheWillGetUsedToItSoon

Lots of singing and dancing today to try to keep her awake. I thought I was putting her down in good time though – obviously not.

#YouAreNotSupposedToStartSleepTrainingForNapsUntilTheyAre10MonthsOldAsForNapsTheyUseADifferentPartOfTheBrain

Maybe this is why she likes on her front for naps but on her back at night? Probably not.

(10th February: I’m not sure how accurate this statement of mine is, so feel free to ignore this hashtag. I feel like I should take it out, but it’s what I thought at the time. I must have read it somewhere though…)

#HerMealTimesHaveShiftedAndIAmSurprisedThatSheEatsHerPorridgeSoMuchEarlierInTheMorning

She has some milk when she gets up, then porridge 2 hours later. Though Tiago thought he wasn’t feeding her until 7 today, so we’ll see how she does lasting until lunch time.

#ItIsNiceThoughAsNowWeAllHaveLunchAroundTheSameTimeInsteadOfUsEatingLunchDuringHerNap

She will probably not be able to join her usual baby classes as she will be asleep during them – and I can’t be bothered to work out a schedule for her to attend them. There are some other classes just before lunch though, which works well. We have done a music class everyday this week so far, plus I usually do a Sophie Pickles class everyday when I am not sure what to do/I want to make sure B is getting proper stimulation.

I’m linking from week 8 as this is when she started to re-record/pre-record the videos so they’re a lot shorter and you don’t have to skip through old shoutouts etc.

#TheAnnoyingThingIsBUsuallyNapsForMostOfTheTimeThatMyMumVisitsButOhWell

Luckily for my Mum she now doesn’t have to feed B porridge and can just have a little playtime with her if she stays long enough.

#IUsuallyHaveAGoodBitOfTimeToDoWorkDuringHerFirstNapAtLeast

On good days I can probably do the hashtags, blog and shoot during the first nap.

The other day I spent an hour and a half cooking during it. I need to get quicker at making things. I blame the red pepper for not grilling…

#AndThenHerBedtimeIs7SoIDoSomeWorkAndThenTryToReadABitBeforeGoingToBedAround10

I think I mentioned that I have started to do some research work, so I tend to do that in the evening but sometimes in the mornings too.

Someone just slammed a door and B woke up… She’s only been asleep for half an hour. Hopefully she settles again soon. Usually once she’s awake from a nap that’s it, but maybe she will as she should sleep for at least another half an hour if not an hour…

#MyMoodHasBeenBetterAndLookingBackAtMyMoodDiaryMyWorstDaysWereWhenIWasTired

The world needs more sleep. B needs more sleep, but I think she is up now. She’ll have to watch me do a photoshoot I think (not sure) and I hope she has a long second nap instead. 🤞

Second nap update: Well let’s see how she sleeps. I had B on the floor and wasn’t sure whether to have her in the shoot or not, but she kept rolling into view. I had gone to get my light as B was awake anyways and it was a fun shoot where B made it better, even though I had to keep stopping her from trying to destroy my paper. So, I’m glad she woke up, but I hope she sleeps well now.

(I don’t like that B’s leg is out of the frame a bit, but I liked this photo from the shoot the most.)


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I Have Started To Balance Things On My Head For B’s Amusement (30th December 2020)

I Have Started To Balance Things On My Head For B’s Amusement (30th December 2020)
 
#ItIs9InTheMorningAndBIsHavingANap
#WeMadeAnEffortToStartTheDayAt7TodayThoughYesterdayItWasMoreLike5
#IFeelLikeBJustHadAReallyFunHourAndIWishICouldBeThatHighEnergyAllDayWithHer
#LotsOfSingingSongsAndLiftingHerIntoTheAirAndReadingBooksEtc
#TheOtherDayIHadARagingHeadacheAndStillManagedToPretendToBeAHorseWhileSingingTheWilliamTellOverture
#WeBounceHerUpAndDownWhileWeSingItButWeGetExtraGigglesIfOneOfUsIsAHorseToo
#IAlsoLoveHowILookForwardToHavingMeTimeButThenISpendSomeOfItLookingAtPicturesAndVideosOfHer
#SheHasBeenABitGrumpyTheLastFewDaysBecauseOfTeething
#WeWentToMyParentsHouseTheOtherDayForTheFirstTimeInMonths
#WeAreAllowedToBeInASupportBubbleWithThemAsBIsUnder1
#BWasCryingAsSheDidNotRecogniseMyDadAndWasEvenBeingFunnyWithMyMumEvenThoughSheSeesHerAFewTimesAWeek
#IHopeTheTeethingStopsForABitSoonAsIFeelBadForB
#INeedToStopMakingHerNewFoodAndUseWhatWeHaveInTheFreezer
#ISuddenlyRealisedYesterdayThatSoonSheWillBe7MonthsAndCanStartEatingOtherThings
#AndWeHaveAFreezerFullOfHomemadeBabyFoodAndNoSpareTubsForNewStuff
#IThinkIAmGivingHerTooMuchPorridgeInTheMorningAsSheDoesNotLikeToEatMuchForLunch
#ButSheGenerallyAlwaysEatsHerPorridgeSoIUsuallyMakeABatchWhichIsEnoughFor3Days
#YesterdayIMadeSomeCourgetteSpringOnionRiceWithCheese
#SheDidNotSeemImpressedByItButIEnjoyedEatingSome
#TodaySheMightEatItAllSoYouNeverKnowThoughIWillTryGivingItToHerForDinnerRatherThanLunch
#InOtherNewsIHaveCompletedMyKegelsApp
#WellItIsNotCompletedAsKegelsAreForLifeNotJustUntilYouReachTheHardestLevel
#TheyAreSoTimeConsumingNowAndIProbablyDoNotDoThemThatWellButIGuessSomeIsBetterThanNone
#INeedToGoOnATrampolineAndSeeHowEffectiveTheyReallyAre
#IAlsoNeedToStopTalkingSoMuchRubbishToPeople
#IJustGetVerbalDiarrhoeaAndAfterwardsICringeAtAllOfTheThingsThatIHaveSaid
#IHaveSaidItBeforeButIThinkThisPandemicHasImpactedMySocialSkills
#ObviouslyWorseThingsHaveHappenedToALotOfPeopleButItIsAWeirdSideEffect
#ThoughReallyIThinkMySocialSkillsHaveAlwaysBeenBadAndIAmJustMoreAwareOfThingsAtTheMoment
#ItHasSnowedTheLastCoupleOfDaysAndBSeemsALittleIntriguedByItButObviouslyICanNotFindOutWhatSheReallyThinksAboutItAll

(The photo is of me stacking B’s cups on my head – thanks to my sister for sending these! B was actually having a nap when I did this, so she wasn’t harmed by my failed attempts. She didn’t even wake up at the sound of them all falling! I usually put just one on my head to amuse her…)

This post is fuelled by Nights On Broadway by the Bee Gees. I’m writing this on 30th December 2020 – and I can not believe that this year is nearly over. Do I think 2021 will be much different? Hmm…

#ItIs9InTheMorningAndBIsHavingANap #WeMadeAnEffortToStartTheDayAt7TodayThoughYesterdayItWasMoreLike5

I need to wake her up in about 20 minutes, so I need to write quick.

#IFeelLikeBJustHadAReallyFunHourAndIWishICouldBeThatHighEnergyAllDayWithHer #LotsOfSingingSongsAndLiftingHerIntoTheAirAndReadingBooksEtc

In the morning I can not be bothered to leave our bedroom, so I usually get B’s milk (which I do have to leave the room for) and Tiago feeds her while I do yoga. Then he goes off to shower and start work, while I entertain B until naptime.

I think there are less distractions in our room (well there is no TV), so it’s generally better quality time. We didn’t have a TV in Liverpool and my Nan is usually watching it – I should really move B’s stuff away from the TV.

#TheOtherDayIHadARagingHeadacheAndStillManagedToPretendToBeAHorseWhileSingingTheWilliamTellOverture #WeBounceHerUpAndDownWhileWeSingItButWeGetExtraGigglesIfOneOfUsIsAHorseToo

I just randomly started to do it one day and she laughed. Anything that makes her laugh is a winner obviously. She was so grumpy from teething that I wanted to cheer her up, so I didn’t care that my head was pounding.

#IAlsoLoveHowILookForwardToHavingMeTimeButThenISpendSomeOfItLookingAtPicturesAndVideosOfHer

We made some videos the other day of B giggling from T just putting his finger in his mouth and then suddenly pointing the same finger (yeah, really non-exciting stuff but B loves it). I can hear Tiago watching them all the time…

#SheHasBeenABitGrumpyTheLastFewDaysBecauseOfTeething

🙁

#WeWentToMyParentsHouseTheOtherDayForTheFirstTimeInMonths #WeAreAllowedToBeInASupportBubbleWithThemAsBIsUnder1 #BWasCryingAsSheDidNotRecogniseMyDadAndWasEvenBeingFunnyWithMyMumEvenThoughSheSeesHerAFewTimesAWeek

My Mum usually comes to us as she does some chores for my Nan. I think B was just a bit weirded out by being in a new place and maybe she didn’t recognise my Mum in a different place? She’s seen my Dad once before since we moved, but that was at my Nan’s house (where we live) and so she was okay with it. Babies are weird…

#IHopeTheTeethingStopsForABitSoonAsIFeelBadForB

Things would be so much easier if she could communicate.

#INeedToStopMakingHerNewFoodAndUseWhatWeHaveInTheFreezer #ISuddenlyRealisedYesterdayThatSoonSheWillBe7MonthsAndCanStartEatingOtherThings #AndWeHaveAFreezerFullOfHomemadeBabyFoodAndNoSpareTubsForNewStuff

We also have quite a few 4-6 months pouches. I guess I can just add other things to them if we don’t get through it all.

#IThinkIAmGivingHerTooMuchPorridgeInTheMorningAsSheDoesNotLikeToEatMuchForLunch #ButSheGenerallyAlwaysEatsHerPorridgeSoIUsuallyMakeABatchWhichIsEnoughFor3Days

I find it filling and I don’t know how she eats as much as she does. No wonder she doesn’t eat much lunch.

#YesterdayIMadeSomeCourgetteSpringOnionRiceWithCheese #SheDidNotSeemImpressedByItButIEnjoyedEatingSome

Soon we should start just giving her a bit of our dinners, but I worry that she might not get as much variety. I do really need to sit down and do a meal plan. At the moment we’ve been getting those recipe boxes a bit – they’re good, but sometimes it can feel quite overwhelming to finish everything.

#TodaySheMightEatItAllSoYouNeverKnowThoughIWillTryGivingItToHerForDinnerRatherThanLunch

There’s a butternut squash dish that I make for her. The first time she loved it, the second time she didn’t, and the third time she loved it. I also need to stop giving her new dishes when I am in a rush to go out – we were going out for a walk to meet a Mum and her baby.

#InOtherNewsIHaveCompletedMyKegelsApp

I did not even know it was possible.

#WellItIsNotCompletedAsKegelsAreForLifeNotJustUntilYouReachTheHardestLevel

Yes.

#TheyAreSoTimeConsumingNowAndIProbablyDoNotDoThemThatWellButIGuessSomeIsBetterThanNone #INeedToGoOnATrampolineAndSeeHowEffectiveTheyReallyAre

The app is really good – Kegel Exercises – with daily reminders and I feel guilty if I do not do them. I still remember a midwife on the ward telling us all to do them, otherwise we’ll regret it when we’re older.

#IAlsoNeedToStopTalkingSoMuchRubbishToPeople

And perhaps in these hashtags.

#IJustGetVerbalDiarrhoeaAndAfterwardsICringeAtAllOfTheThingsThatIHaveSaid

There are many conversations that I have had with people from baby classes which I wish I could start over.

#IHaveSaidItBeforeButIThinkThisPandemicHasImpactedMySocialSkills #ObviouslyWorseThingsHaveHappenedToALotOfPeopleButItIsAWeirdSideEffect

I just have flashbacks to things I have said and cringe, all the time.

#ThoughReallyIThinkMySocialSkillsHaveAlwaysBeenBadAndIAmJustMoreAwareOfThingsAtTheMoment

Yeah, my people skills have always been rubbish, but they seem to be getting worse.

I am also guilty of being quite hard on myself. Maybe people think the same about what they have said to me, but I rarely think ‘oh, why did they say that?’ or something along those lines.

#ItHasSnowedTheLastCoupleOfDaysAndBSeemsALittleIntriguedByItButObviouslyICanNotFindOutWhatSheReallyThinksAboutItAll

I have said it 100 times, but what is B thinking? I would love to know.

(Cue that Think About Things song by Daði Freyr.)


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Tiago’s Second Home Haircut (26th December 2020)

Tiago’s Second Home Haircut (26th December 2020)
 
#IAmWritingThisAt6ThirtyInTheMorningAsBHasAlreadyBeenUpForAboutAnHour
#SheHasBeenWakingUpACoupleOfTimesInTheNightButSleepingQuiteWellInGeneral
#SoLastNightWeStayedUpLateWatchingPearlHarbourWhichIHadRecordedACoupleOfWeeksAgo
#TheNightBeforeWeHadStayedUpNotAsLateWatchingADocumentaryAboutTheBeeGees
#IThinkTonightItWillBeAnEarlyNightForUsThoughWeWillProbablyNapWhenSheHasHerFirstNap
#TiagoHasFourDaysOffForXmasSoIHaveBeenHavingALittleMoreOfABreak
#IFeelGuiltyAboutItThough
#YesterdayIFeltLikeICouldHaveStayedInBedForAWeekAsISuddenlyFeltSoDown
#TheCodingCourseSeemsALotHarderAndIAmHavingALotLessFeelingSmartMoments
#YesIDidDoABitOfCodingAndGeneralWorkOnChristmasDay
#ItIsStillAboutAnotherWeekUntilMyPhoneCallAssessmentWithTheServiceThatMyHealthVisitorSuggested
#IAmFindingItHardToSeeSocialMediaPostsAboutPeopleAndTheirBabies
#IThinkItIsBecauseItAllLooksSoEasyForEveryoneElseThoughIKnowThatEveryoneOnlyUsuallyTriesToShowTheirBestSelvesOnSocialMedia
#AfterGoingToTheHairdressersIRealisedThatTheCystOnMyHeadIsQuiteVisibleNow
#WellItIsMoreTheBaldPatchThatSurroundsIt
#IHaveProbablyHadItForAtLeastAYearAndAHalfButItHasGotBiggerAsIMessWithItWhenIGetStressed
#AndPregnancyAndCovidAndThingsHaveBeenStressful
#IAmTalkingAboutItNowToShameMyselfIntoStopMessingWithItButIKnowThatIWillProbablyNot
#ICouldGetItRemovedButApparentlyTheyUsuallyGrowBack
#IJustSearchEnginedCystOnHeadAndIFeelABitBetterAboutItAllAsThereAreSomeHugeOnesOutThere
#AnywaysWeReallyNeedToMoveBOutOfTheBassinetOnHerCotAndIntoTheBottomBit
#ItIsRidiculousHowMuchSheHasGrownIn6Months
#IGuessWeAreStallingBecauseItWillBeALotMoreAnnoyingToGetHerOutOfItAndWeWillNotBeAbleToRockHerAsEasily
#YesterdayWeMadeHerSomeNiceMealsButSheDidNotSeemThatIntoThem
#WhichIsProbablyWhySheWokeUpSoEarlyTodayAsWhenSheEatsWellSheSeemsToSleepBetter
#IThinkIHaveFinallyGivenUpWithBreastfeedingNowAsSheHasHadAFewDaysOfNotWantingToBreastfeedSoIGaveUpAFewDaysAgo
#IThinkIFindItDifficultSeeingSoManyPostsAndReferencesAboutBreastfeedingAsIFeelABitGuiltyAboutItThoughItWasUltimatelyBsChoice
#ButAlsoIFeelBadThatThingsIHavePostedInThePastMightHaveMadeOthersFeelBadAboutThemselvesForWhateverReason
#TheShootWasMeantToBeAFamilyPortaitSessionButTiagoAskedMeToCutHisHairAgainSoIThoughtIShouldDocumentIt
#IThoughtIHadDoneABetterJobThanLastTimeButNowIAmNotSoSureAndIMightNeedToNeatenItUpMoreLater

#IAmWritingThisAt6ThirtyInTheMorningAsBHasAlreadyBeenUpForAboutAnHour

I can hear B giggling at T from here. I’m also listening to Sparrow Sleeps – which are lullaby versions of songs that I liked when I was a teen. I’ve been listening to Relient K, but now I see they have albums of Say Anything and Alkaline Trio… It’s quite nice to write to as I don’t get so distracted by the lyrics though I am kind of singing along anyways.

(I wrote this on 26th December and I’d already forgot about Sparrow Sleeps, so thanks to me for the reminder!)

#SheHasBeenWakingUpACoupleOfTimesInTheNightButSleepingQuiteWellInGeneral #SoLastNightWeStayedUpLateWatchingPearlHarbourWhichIHadRecordedACoupleOfWeeksAgo #TheNightBeforeWeHadStayedUpNotAsLateWatchingADocumentaryAboutTheBeeGees

We thought that we were cursing things by staying up late two nights ago, but as she slept fairly well we just ended up watching the whole of Pearl Harbour. I thought I would turn it off at 11pm, but there seemed like no point as we were so close to the end.

#IThinkTonightItWillBeAnEarlyNightForUsThoughWeWillProbablyNapWhenSheHasHerFirstNap

Well, Tiago says when I am finished that he will probably have a nap.

#TiagoHasFourDaysOffForXmasSoIHaveBeenHavingALittleMoreOfABreak #IFeelGuiltyAboutItThough

Tiago says I can’t win as I feel bad for wanting more time for myself, but when I do I feel guilty about it and don’t really enjoy it.

T fed B all her meals yesterday (though dinner didn’t go well so I gave it a go). I tried to just read my book (The Sanest Guy In The Room by Don Black), but I kept getting distracted by my Nan and life. I usually read e-books now, but this is a physical book that my Mum got me for my birthday.

#YesterdayIFeltLikeICouldHaveStayedInBedForAWeekAsISuddenlyFeltSoDown

Though the feeling passed a bit after 20ish minutes in bed, when I felt guilty for being there.

#TheCodingCourseSeemsALotHarderAndIAmHavingALotLessFeelingSmartMoments

It sucks feeling dumb, but I am halfway through it now so I just need to get on and finish it.

#YesIDidDoABitOfCodingAndGeneralWorkOnChristmasDay

To be fair I think I always do work a bit on Xmas, and now it makes more sense than ever as Tiago is off and I work when I have the chance.

A couple of photos from my Neblina series were taken on Xmas day.

#ItIsStillAboutAnotherWeekUntilMyPhoneCallAssessmentWithTheServiceThatMyHealthVisitorSuggested

I felt like I didn’t need to speak to them anymore, but my mood does go up and down a lot. I know they won’t be able to help with some things (they won’t be able to give me time off – though like I’ve said before I don’t want time away from B), but maybe it might help me to try to change myself for the better.

#IAmFindingItHardToSeeSocialMediaPostsAboutPeopleAndTheirBabies #IThinkItIsBecauseItAllLooksSoEasyForEveryoneElseThoughIKnowThatEveryoneOnlyUsuallyTriesToShowTheirBestSelvesOnSocialMedia

It’s so stupid that it gets to me. I know that most of social media is fake and most people don’t show their true feelings etc. I am happy for other people, but it says a lot more about me than it does about them.

#AfterGoingToTheHairdressersIRealisedThatTheCystOnMyHeadIsQuiteVisibleNow

Talking about my cyst is just making me think of RuPaul’s Drag Race…

#WellItIsMoreTheBaldPatchThatSurroundsIt #IHaveProbablyHadItForAtLeastAYearAndAHalfButItHasGotBiggerAsIMessWithItWhenIGetStressed #AndPregnancyAndCovidAndThingsHaveBeenStressful #IAmTalkingAboutItNowToShameMyselfIntoStopMessingWithItButIKnowThatIWillProbablyNot #ICouldGetItRemovedButApparentlyTheyUsuallyGrowBack

I’m also currently reading a book about periods (Period by Emma Barnett) and it says something about talking about them being quite off limits for a lot of people. Well, I’ve now talked about periods and cysts in my project so…

#IJustSearchEnginedCystOnHeadAndIFeelABitBetterAboutItAllAsThereAreSomeHugeOnesOutThere

Another fun thing about getting older.

#AnywaysWeReallyNeedToMoveBOutOfTheBassinetOnHerCotAndIntoTheBottomBit #ItIsRidiculousHowMuchSheHasGrownIn6Months #IGuessWeAreStallingBecauseItWillBeALotMoreAnnoyingToGetHerOutOfItAndWeWillNotBeAbleToRockHerAsEasily

It is unbelievable how much babies grow in the first six months though. I remember my friend sending us a 6 month onesie for B and thinking nah she is never going to be that big in 6 months time. Well, she is…

#YesterdayWeMadeHerSomeNiceMealsButSheDidNotSeemThatIntoThem

Carrot porridge (she eats that up every day, butternut squash with almond butter and cinnamon (she ate that all up the day before), and aubergine with red pepper and cous cous (she barely ate any).

#WhichIsProbablyWhySheWokeUpSoEarlyTodayAsWhenSheEatsWellSheSeemsToSleepBetter

We give her a lot of water with meals and between if she doesn’t have milk. We give her a milk feed in the morning and in the evening, but after her terrible dinner we gave her milk to make sure she had enough. I think she was just teething really badly and food was irritating her. Possibly?

#IThinkIHaveFinallyGivenUpWithBreastfeedingNowAsSheHasHadAFewDaysOfNotWantingToBreastfeedSoIGaveUpAFewDaysAgo #IThinkIFindItDifficultSeeingSoManyPostsAndReferencesAboutBreastfeedingAsIFeelABitGuiltyAboutItThoughItWasUltimatelyBsChoice

B didn’t want to anymore, so I shouldn’t feel bad about it though I feel like I might have jumped to formula a bit too quick before.. You never know. She wasn’t feeding well and we were moving, so it seemed like the best thing to do to make sure she was getting enough.

I feel like the whole breastfeeding journey has been very up and down. There are a lot of what ifs… but I do just need to let it go. Easier said than done.

#ButAlsoIFeelBadThatThingsIHavePostedInThePastMightHaveMadeOthersFeelBadAboutThemselvesForWhateverReason

And possible future posts. I need to talk about my need to gravitate to talk about negative things all the time; this is something I have felt about addressing for a while.

I guess I’ll save it for a future reflective post.

#TheShootWasMeantToBeAFamilyPortaitSessionButTiagoAskedMeToCutHisHairAgainSoIThoughtIShouldDocumentIt #IThoughtIHadDoneABetterJobThanLastTimeButNowIAmNotSoSureAndIMightNeedToNeatenItUpMoreLater

Well, I guess the next shoot can be a family portrait.

Tiago asked if I could cut his hair tonight, but my Mum was round so she looked after B while I did it. I did feel very nervous, but like last time I quickly got into it. It is quite therapeutic, but hopefully next time I’ll do a better job of it.

I never like how hair looks when it’s just been cut, so maybe it will look better in a few days. I do need to work out there not being such an abrupt change in length in hair between sections though.


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!