Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Portrait Of A Mother Of A Fifteen Month Old (20 Weeks / 16th September 2021)

Self-portrait in B's tent. I'm leaning on my elbows in the doorway with my fingers pushing in my cheeks.
Portrait Of A Mother Of A Fifteen Month Old (20 Weeks / 16th September 2021)
 
#AfterALotOfLaptopStressInTheLastWeekWithItChargingThenNotItIsNoMore
#SoIAmWritingThisFromTiagosWhereTheSKeyDoesNotWorkAndIHavePasteItInEveryTimeIWantIt
#ICanNotBelieveThatIAm20WeeksAlready
#LastNightIHadATerribleLegCrampForTheFirstTimeInAgesAndIThinkItWasDueToBeingDehydrated
#IWasSoTiredTheOtherDayThatILayDownForANapDuringHerSecondNapWhichIUsuallyDoButThenOversleptBy40Minutes
#LuckilyIPutBToBedJust10MinutesLaterThanUsualAndSheWokeUpAt7InTheMorning
#IAmTryingToMakeMyLifeEasierByLettingBCrawlInAndOutOfHerCotViaTheZippedEntrance
#SheHasDefinitelyChangedALotInTheLastWeekOrTwo
#SheHasStartedToSlideOutOfHerPushchairWhenIPutHerInItSoINowHaveToReclineItToBabyModeWhenItIsTimeToGo
#SheDoesNotComplainOnceSheIsBuckledInAtLeast
#BLovesHerNewShoesAndWandersAroundThePlaygroundInThemNow
#SheSeemsToWalkInThemWellAndHerNewFavouriteThingToDoIsJustShakeTheChainAtTheBottomOfAClimbingWall
#TheOtherDaySheKeptOpeningALittleDrawerInTheLivingRoomThatCouldFallOutAndHurtHer
#TAndIKeptSayingNoAndWhenISayNoSheLooksAtMeLikeIAmTheMeanestPersonOnThePlanet
#InTheEndWeTurnedItRoundAndWhenSheNoticedSheWasPuzzledFor5SecondsAndThenMovedOntoSomethingElse
#SheHasAPatchOfDrySkinOnTheBackOfHerNeckWhichWasWorryingMeButThenIRealisedItIsBecauseSheLikesToPutEverythingAroundHerNeck
#ItIsNotTheBestHabitForHerToHaveSoWeHaveToBeReallyCareful
#SheLikesToHoldThingsSoTheyTouchTheBackOfHerNeckRatherThanGoAllTheWayRoundAtLeast
#SheHasStartedToHelpHerselfToFruitFromTheFruitBowlAndYesterdayManagedToEatMostOfAnAppleThroughoutTheDay
#YouCanSeeThatSheHasAMouthfulOfTeethNowButTheAppleWasQuiteSoftWhichExplainsWhySheWasNotStruggling
#ThisLackOfSKeyIsReallyAnnoying
#BHasAlwaysLovedMusicButItShowsMoreLatelyWhenASongEndsAndSheMakesANoiseAsIfToSayWhyHasTheMusicStopped
#IAmWorriedAboutCovidAndThingsGettingBadAgain
#IFeelABitDividedAboutBoosterShotsAsItSeemsABitUnfairOnALotOfCountriesButIWillAlsoFeelMoreRelievedWhenNanGetsHers
#WeWentToBsToddlerClassAgainAndAtTheFirstOneIDidNotWearAMaskButIDidAtThisOne
#IKnowOnlyMeWearingAMaskDoesNotDoMuchGoodButIFeelSlightlyMoreProtected
#IDoNotWantBsClassesToGetCancelledAgainIfCasesIncreaseButPerhapsItWillBeEasierToAttendOnlineIfItIsAfterBabyXIsBorn
#SheKeptHerDistanceFromTheOtherKidsAndWasQuiteHappyStandingByHerselfWithAMaraca
#ItMustBeOverwhelmingForHerSuddenlyBeingAroundOlderKidsSoAsLongAsSheEnjoysHerselfIDoNotMind
#SheLovesToWatchTheOlderKidsInThePlaygroundSoMaybeSheJustNeedsABitMoreTimeBeforeSheJoinsIn

#AfteraLotOfLaptopStressInTheLastWeekWithItChargingThenNotItIsNoMore

It was struggling to charge, so I got a new charger and then that confirmed that it was my laptop that had the problem… A replacement will hopefully arrive in the next few days.

#SoIAmWritingThisFromTiagosWhereTheSKeyDoesNotWorkAndIHavePasteItInEveryTimeIWantIt

It makes for slow and frustrating work. Maybe it will be a shorter entry than normal.

#ICanNotBelieveThatIAm20WeeksAlready

I have my 20 week scan coming up. I am excited but nervous.

#LastNightIHadATerribleLegCrampForTheFirstTimeInAgesAndIThinkItWasDueToBeingDehydrated

I did feel really thirsty. It is so painful.

#IWasSoTiredTheOtherDayThatILayDownForANapDuringHerSecondNapWhichIUsuallyDoButThenOversleptBy40Minutes

I think my alarm had gone off but I was so disorientated that I went back to sleep and then woke up 40 minutes later and went ‘whoops’. The alarm clock in our room has weirdly disappeared while we were on holiday, but every one says they have not touched it. Weird.

#LuckilyIPutBToBedJust10MinutesLaterThanUsualAndSheWokeUpAt7InTheMorning

Phew. I did not want to put her to bed much later, and I was worried that she would wake up at 6 or something.

She has been making noises at 5 or 6 some days but she tends to go back to sleep until 6:45 or 7. Phew.

#IAmTryingToMakeMyLifeEasierByLettingBCrawlInAndOutOfHerCotViaTheZippedEntrance

I do not want to have to lift her up more times than necessary.

#SheHasDefinitelyChangedALotInTheLastWeekOrTwo

She seems more grown up or acts older at times.

#SheHasStartedToSlideOutOfHerPushchairWhenIPutHerInItSoINowHaveToReclineItToBabyModeWhenItIsTimeToGo

A bit of a tantrum. This seems to be the easiest way to deal with it, where we both do not get too stressed or annoyed.

#SheDoesNotComplainOnceSheIsBuckledInAtLeast

I think kids get distracted quite quickly.

#BLovesHerNewShoesAndWandersAroundThePlaygroundInThemNow #SheSeemsToWalkInThemWellAndHerNewFavouriteThingToDoIsJustShakeTheChainAtTheBottomOfAClimbingWall

Considering she had not worn shoes for three or more weeks she walk really well in them. she likes to play with the velcro too…

She likes to rattle the chain as it makes a loud noise. it is fine as long as long as no older kids are waiting to climb.

#TheOtherDaySheKeptOpeningALittleDrawerInTheLivingRoomThatCouldFallOutAndHurtHer #TAndIKeptSayingNoAndWhenISayNoSheLooksAtMeLikeIAmTheMeanestPersonOnThePlanet

The way her lip curls (I think that’s the right term?) and she looks at me. I only say no if she is doing something dangerous, so I do not feel too bad about it. She does not give T the same look though…

#InTheEndWeTurnedItRoundAndWhenSheNoticedSheWasPuzzledFor5SecondsAndThenMovedOntoSomethingElse

There is always something else for her to be meddling with…

#SheHasAPatchOfDrySkinOnTheBackOfHerNeckWhichWasWorryingMeButThenIRealisedItIsBecauseSheLikesToPutEverythingAroundHerNeck

Which likely explains it, so I have been putting cream on it whenever I remember.

#ItIsNotTheBestHabitForHerToHaveSoWeHaveToBeReallyCareful

We can not seem to stop her doing it.

#SheLikesToHoldThingsSoTheyTouchTheBackOfHerNeckRatherThanGoAllTheWayRoundAtLeast

I am worried that she might suffocate herself. I can see how it is easily done…

#SheHasStartedToHelpHerselfToFruitFromTheFruitBowlAndYesterdayManagedToEatMostOfAnAppleThroughoutTheDay

She took a bit out of it though and then was keen to bite all the other ones.

#YouCanSeeThatSheHasAMouthfulOfTeethNowButTheAppleWasQuiteSoftWhichExplainsWhySheWasNotStruggling

I was impressed but also worried that she was going to break all her teeth.

#ThisLackOfSKeyIsReallyAnnoying

–make s hashtag capital —

I am going to have to make all the capital s’ bigger when I post this. It is too much effort. (Going through this in mid-October I have had to capitalise so many s’.)

#BHasAlwaysLovedMusicButItShowsMoreLatelyWhenASongEndsAndSheMakesANoiseAsIfToSayWhyHasTheMusicStopped

We listen to a good mix of classic, and then Vicky Arlidge – her favourite nursery rhyme singer.

#IAmWorriedAboutCovidAndThingsGettingBadAgain

Oh, the C word appears again.

#IFeelABitDividedAboutBoosterShotsAsItSeemsaBitUnfairOnALotOfCountriesButIWillAlsoFeelMoreRelievedWhenNanGetsHers

It does seem unfair to be getting them already, but people like my Nan are starting to get more vulnerable again.

#WeWentToBsToddlerClassAgainAndAtTheFirstOneIDidNotWearaMaskButIDidAtThisOne

I decided to not wear one when I saw no one else was, but then I spent the whole class feeling uncomfortable. With this one, someone else walked in wearing one, but then took it off. I felt awkard being the only person wearing one – in case people thought I was ill or something. Oh well.

#IKnowOnlyMeWearingAMaskDoesNotDoMuchGoodButIFeelSlightlyMoreProtected

I am basically protecting everyone from me, but I’m not that protected from them. Fun time.

#IDoNotWantBsClassesToGetCancelledAgainIfCasesIncreaseButPerhapsItWillBeEasierToAttendOnlineIfItIsAfterBabyXIsBorn

It is what it is, and we will just have to deal with it. I am not looking forward to the winter.

#SheKeptHerDistanceFromTheOtherKidsAndWasQuiteHappyStandingByHerselfWithAMaraca

The other kids are mostly older and have lots of energy and can talk, and respond more.

#ItMustBeOverwhelmingForHerSuddenlyBeingAroundOlderKidsSoAsLongAsSheEnjoysHerselfIDoNotMind

It is her class, so she can do what she wants. she is not hurting anyone, so it is fine.

#SheLovesToWatchTheOlderKidsInThePlaygroundSoMaybeSheJustNeedsABitMoreTimeBeforeSheJoinsIn

She is just doing a lot of observing, so one day she might just start to do more things, and get more involved. We just need to wait and see.

20 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Close-up of my belly button.
My Belly Button Has Never Been So Close (20 and a half weeks)
 
#IGuessItMustBeWeirderForPeopleWhoHaveInnies
#ItHasBeenMoreOutForAFewWeeks
#ButIAmStartingToThinkThatMaybeItHasAlwaysBeenLikeThis
#ButBecauseMyBellyIsGrowingThenItIsCloserToMe
#IFeelLikeItWasHarderToCleanBeforeThough
#InOtherNewsIHadMy20WeekScanToday
#WasRelievedToSeeAHeartbeatVeryQuickly
#ThoughTheScannerWasQuietALotWhichWorriedMe
#IGuessSheWasJustConcentratingOnCheckingThings
#AtOnePointWeCouldSeeItMovingItsMouthWhichWasFunny
#SheDidAllTheChecksApartFromThree
#SheAskedMeToGoToTheLooAndThenJumpUpAndDown
#TheBabyWasInABallAndWouldNotBudge
#SheHadMeRockingMyHipsFromSideToSide
#ItWouldNotMove
#SheMadeMeDrinkASugaryDrinkAndGoForAWalk
#ItWouldNotMove
#SheHadMeDoingStarjumps
#IWasImpressedWithHowManyIDidBut
#ItWouldNotMove
#SoIHaveToGoBackIn2To3Weeks
#IHopeEverythingIsOkay
#IStillHaveNotHadMyScreeningResultsFrom7PlusWeeksAgo
#IJustKeptLaughingAtTheMonitor
#WeHaveAPictureOfItLookingLikeAGrumpyOldMan
#WhenSheShowedUsItsFaceBeforeItLookedMoreLikeAPuppyThanABaby
#ThenSheShowedUsItsSpineSoMuchThatIComparedItToADinosaur
#SheGaveUsThePicturesForFreeAsSheSaidTheBabyWasInSuchABadPosition
#ICanDefinitelyFeelTheBabyMovingAroundNow
#ItTypicallyWasMovingBeforeAndAfterTheAppointment

It seemed quite pushed out from an early stage this time, but I didn’t document it as it was not so interesting to me this time.

My next post will talk about my 20 week scan for baby X. It was definitely a lot easier this time round, though I was sent out to go to the toilet (weirdly I wrote holiday) to see if it would help do the last few checks.


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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Imitating Hiding Like B Behind A Muslin Cloth (12 Weeks? / 21st July 2021)

Self-portrait sat in front of a cupboard with a muslin cloth over my head. My arms and hands are up and I am touching the material.
Imitating B Hiding Behind A Muslin Cloth (12 Weeks? / 21st July 2021)

#BLearnedToHideAWhileAgo
#ICanNotReallyRememberWhenAsOurTimeInBirminghamIsJustOneBigBlobInMyMemory
#AndItIsEvenHardToRememberLifeBeforeBWasWalkingAroundAndThatWasNotThatLongAgo
#SheStillFallsOverABitButTheChorusOfTubthumpingComesToMindOftenWhenAsGetsBackUpQuickly
#ObviouslyTheVersesWithAllTheReferencesToDrinkingAreNotFittingButSometimesSheDoesWalkLikeSheHasHadAFewDrinks
#InOtherNewsDrinkingMoreElectrolytesSeemsToBeHelpingAndIHadNotBeenSickInAFewDaysUntilISniffedABagOfSaladToCheckIfItWasOkayToEat
#EvidentlyItWasNotOkayAndTheSlightlyRottenSmellMadeMeBarf
#IStillSeemToDryHeaveAtLeastOnceADayButItIsOkay
#ItIsGenerallyInTheMorningWhenIFirstGetUpAndBeforeIGoToBed
#IHaveToBeCarefulWhenIBrushMyTeethAndIAlsoHaveToTryHardToNotThinkAboutSickWhileBrushingThem
#IFeelLikeIAmGettingSomeEnergyBackWhichIsGood
#TheOtherDayIHadAMassiveCryForTheFirstTimeInAges
#IWasJustSoPissedOffAndStressedOutByFreedomDay
#IFeelLikeEveryDayIsAlreadyTheSameAsWeDoNotGoAnywhereSoNowIWillNeedToBeMoreCareful
#AndItHasBeenTooHotToGoOutForRegularWalksSoWeGenerallyJustGoOutInTheMorning
#BsNewFavouriteThingToDoIsDrinkFromMyCupOfWaterAndThenStickHerHandInItAndSplashAbout
#IHaveFinallyGotRoundToSortingOutLifeInsuranceAsYouNeverKnowWithTheseWeirdTimes
#BAndTheUnbornWouldGetALumpSumIfIWereToDieAndTiagoOrWhoeverLooksAfterThemWouldGetAMonthlyPaymentToGoTowardsTheirCosts
#WeOnlyHaveOneBabyClassOnAtTheMomentDueToTheSummer
#IWasSoRelievedThatEveryoneWasWearingAMask
#TheTeacherGreetedUsAtTheDoorWearingAMaskAndSheCommentedOnTheHeatAndHowPaleIAm
#IBasicallyJustWalkFromOneAreaOfShadeToAnotherAsQuickAsPossibleTheseDays
#SoIThoughtIWouldMentionThatIWasPregnantInCaseItAffectedAnyOfHerDecisions
#AtTheEndSheThankedUsAllForWearingAMaskAndProtectingEachOther
#IWasReadingTheOtherDayThatThereIsNoPointMeWearingAMaskIfNoOneElseIs
#SoIJustLookedLikeTheWeirdOneAtAnotherClassForNoReasonButAtLeastItMadeMeFeelABitBetter
#BHasAFourthToothComingThroughAndItLooksLikeOtherMightSoonBeFollowing
#ItIsAtTheTopButItLooksLikeAnotherTopOneIsHavingAGoAsWellAsSomeMolars
#ITookBOutForAWalkYesterdayAndADogCameUpToBInHerPushchair
#TheGuySaidThatSheIsElevenButWhenSheWasAPuppySheWentUpToAPushchairAndAteAKidsCrispsAndSinceThenSheSeemsToCheckAllPushchairsForCrisps  

(29th September: Just realised I named this image hiding behind, but maybe it should be more under? Oh well.)

#BLearnedToHideAWhileAgo

I am sure that I have talked about it for months.

#ICanNotReallyRememberWhenAsOurTimeInBirminghamIsJustOneBigBlobInMyMemory

Time passes very weirdly. A day feels like a week.

#AndItIsEvenHardToRememberLifeBeforeBWasWalkingAroundAndThatWasNotThatLongAgo

It seems like she has always been on her feet.

#SheStillFallsOverABitButTheChorusOfTubthumpingComesToMindOftenAsSheGetsBackUpQuickly

You know the one…

#ObviouslyTheVersesWithAllTheReferencesToDrinkingAreNotFittingButSometimesSheDoesWalkLikeSheHasHadAFewDrinks

I can’t remember the last time I had a drink…

#InOtherNewsDrinkingMoreElectrolytesSeemsToBeHelpingAndIHadNotBeenSickInAFewDaysUntilISniffedABagOfSaladToCheckIfItWasOkayToEat

Either it’s easing by itself or it’s the electrolytes. I think the electrolytes are having a big impact.

#EvidentlyItWasNotOkayAndTheSlightlyRottenSmellMadeMeBarf

It was the day that it was due to be opened by and it had not been opened yet. I opened it as the bag we were supposed to eat with dinner did not look appetising either (it came in one of those recipe boxes but they sent the wrong salad, and it looked a bit rotten too). In the end we picked some salad from the garden…

#IStillSeemToDryHeaveAtLeastOnceADayButItIsOkay

It is a bit annoying, but I’d rather dry heave than be sick.

#ItIsGenerallyInTheMorningWhenIFirstGetUpAndBeforeIGoToBed

In the morning I haven’t drank/ate much yet. In the evening I don’t like to eat too late, and I feel like I’ve had my sugar consumption for the day by then.

#IHaveToBeCarefulWhenIBrushMyTeethAndIAlsoHaveToTryHardToNotThinkAboutSickWhileBrushingThem

I’ll often brush my teeth and worry about being sick, which really doesn’t help…

#IFeelLikeIAmGettingSomeEnergyBackWhichIsGood

I wrote this at 6am. It’s now 9am and B has gone down for a nap and I will follow after I write this. Zzz. I also didn’t take B for a walk this morning as I felt so tired, but in ways I feel like I have a bit more energy at times.

#TheOtherDayIHadAMassiveCryForTheFirstTimeInAges

It did me a lot of good. I’ve felt better since then.

#IWasJustSoPissedOffAndStressedOutByFreedomDay

I’m fuming. I can’t even be bothered to rant anymore about it.

#IFeelLikeEveryDayIsAlreadyTheSameAsWeDoNotGoAnywhereSoNowIWillNeedToBeMoreCareful

The frustration is real. I’m going stir crazy enough as it is.

#AndItHasBeenTooHotToGoOutForRegularWalksSoWeGenerallyJustGoOutInTheMorning

Which I didn’t do today… So we’ll have to see if I can stomach a bit of heat later. I try to go for a walk at least once a day.

#BsNewFavouriteThingToDoIsDrinkFromMyCupOfWaterAndThenStickHerHandInItAndSplashAbout

Great. I’m like ‘aww look at her wanting to drink from a glass’ and then it’s just ‘splashhhh’. We do get a tub out for her and let her splash about a bit, and she’s been having baths more regularly due to the heat. She seems to enjoy it.

#IHaveFinallyGotRoundToSortingOutLifeInsuranceAsYouNeverKnowWithTheseWeirdTimes #BAndTheUnbornWouldGetALumpSumIfIWereToDieAndTiagoOrWhoeverLooksAfterThemWouldGetAMonthlyPaymentToGoTowardsTheirCosts

I kept getting adverts, and I don’t want to be morbid but you never know what is round the corner. There’s Covid, birthing complications, freak accidents, life… Thought I’d mention it in case this motivates anyone else to sort theirs out.

#WeOnlyHaveOneBabyClassOnAtTheMomentDueToTheSummer

And the last class (where B will graduate) is next week. It’s the end of an era!

#IWasSoRelievedThatEveryoneWasWearingAMask

Phew. I was worried…

#TheTeacherGreetedUsAtTheDoorWearingAMaskAndSheCommentedOnTheHeatAndHowPaleIAm

The teacher at our other class always worse a visor when we said we didn’t need to wear masks, but I feel like her standing there with her mask was a signal to say wear a mask please.

Yeah, have I mentioned it’s hot?

#IBasicallyJustWalkFromOneAreaOfShadeToAnotherAsQuickAsPossibleTheseDays

And that’s an effort.

#SoIThoughtIWouldMentionThatIWasPregnantInCaseItAffectedAnyOfHerDecisions

In case she was about to say ‘don’t worry about wearing masks’ or something, as I was the second person to arrive. It might sound selfish to some, but fair to others. Some women in the class are still breastfeeding and may not have wanted to get vaccinated yet as well, and someone else may be pregnant but they’re not as gobby as me. Who knows.

#AtTheEndSheThankedUsAllForWearingAMaskAndProtectingEachOther

I felt emotional. She was off the other week as she had to self-isolate. I was surprised it had not happened before. By us wearing masks it also protects her as this is her business and she can not afford to get Covid.

#IWasReadingTheOtherDayThatThereIsNoPointMeWearingAMaskIfNoOneElseIs

I’m protecting others from me-ish, but they’re not protecting me.

#SoIJustLookedLikeTheWeirdOneAtAnotherClassForNoReasonButAtLeastItMadeMeFeelABitBetter

I felt safer for sure, though I may not have actually been. Oh well.

#BHasAFourthToothComingThroughAndItLooksLikeOtherMightSoonBeFollowing

She was waking up a lot the other night and we thought it was due to the heat (she now has a better fan in her room), but it may have been the tooth. Who knows? Bit of both probably.

#ItIsAtTheTopButItLooksLikeAnotherTopOneIsHavingAGoAsWellAsSomeMolars

Seriously, the joy never ends.

#ITookBOutForAWalkYesterdayAndADogCameUpToBInHerPushchair #TheGuySaidThatSheIsElevenButWhenSheWasAPuppySheWentUpToAPushchairAndAteAKidsCrispsAndSinceThenSheSeemsToCheckAllPushchairsForCrisps

Just a (what I thought was) funny story to end things on. I was like ‘oh cute, the dog wants to say hello’, but I had a good laugh after realising she was only looking for food. Unlucky for her as I rarely give B food to eat in her pushchair.

Time for a nap. It sounds like a lot of work is going on outside – chainsaws and diggers? I hope B sleeps. I hope I sleep. I’ll read a bit of The Volunteer by Jack Fairweather first and then try to kip. I thought it’d be a small book, but it’s 780 pages. Just checked and the notes start about 200 pages from the end, so that’s a little less overwhelming now.

12 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait from my head to around my knees. I am looking up and off into the distance. I have a remote in my right hand. I am wearing a top say Nobody's Perfect which is pulled up so my belly is visible.
It Still Feels Like Pregnancy Is Something That Happens To Other People And Not Me (12 weeks)

#IAmNotReallyAlludingToAnythingInThisPictureByWearingATopSayingNobodysPerfect
#TheseAreTiagosPJsThatHisMumGotHimForChristmasAFewYearsAgo
#AndIKeepMeaningToTakeAPictureInThem
#IWasLookingForWhatToWearInThePicturesTodayWhenISawThem
#AndIThoughtIShouldTakeAPictureInThemWhilstICanStillFit
#AsMeAndTiagoAreAboutTheSameSizeUsually
#IAmWearingHisSandalsAlso
#MyBottomHalfIsJustABitBiggerThanHisSoHisJeansAreABitTightOnMe
#HeWearsMyClothesTooButIWearHisMore
#NobodysPerfectIsTrueThough
#WeAreWaitingForAPizzaDelivery
#ThisWillBeMyThirdTimeEatingPizzaIn6Days
#ToBeFairIReallyWantToEatASaladWithThePizza
#ButTheWeatherIsCrapSoIMightJustSliceSomeFruitAndEatItWithItAsWell
#TiagoEatsBananaAndCheeseTogetherAllTheTime
#ISawSomeoneOnTheTVEatingMustardAndBananaTogetherAtTheWeekend
#NextWeekIWillFindOutMyNewDueDate
#ButGoingOffWhatTheHospitalSaidLastTimeIAmNow12Weeks
#AllMyFacebookAdsAreBabvRelatedNow
#IWasReadingSomethingEarlierAboutGettingBabiesToSleepAndISuddenlyWorriedThatIWillBeARubbishMother
#IWillTryMyBestOfCourse
#IThinkTiagoWillBeAGoodDadWhichMakesMeFeelBetter
#ButYeahNobodyIsPerfect
#IThinkNoMatterHowYouRaiseYourKidTheyWillHaveProblemsOfSomeSort
#YouJustHaveToDoYourBestAndDoWhatYouCan
#Reaching12WeeksItFeelsABitMoreRealNow
#NotSureIfItIsMoreFoodThanBabyButThereIsDefinitelyABumpForming
#ItStillFeelsLikePregnancyIsSomethingThatHappensToOtherPeopleAndNotMe
#IAmTryingToBeMoreOptimisticButIAmStillExpectingSomethingBadToHappen
#IGuessThatIAmOnlyUsedToMenstrualCrampsSoTheseNewCrampsScareMe 

Well, the images are quite different – one is all about hiding and one is about revealing (I do like hiding and revealing as a theme).

I think I was eating fairly healthy at this point with this pregnancy, but today I said to T that I really want pizza and I think I have not been eating so well lately.

I currently do not think I am the best mother, but I am not the worst and I know that I am doing about 80% of my best. I am human, so at times I do just let her play by herself which is good for her anyways.

I am finding pregnancy weird again, and the cramps still freak me out.


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Tenth Family Portrait (11 Weeks? / 18th July 2021)

A family portrait of us lying and sitting in bed on a hot day. We are not wearing much, and B has my left eye edited over her eyes and nose.
Tenth Family Portrait (11 Weeks? / 18th July 2021)
 
#WeDidNotDoAFamilyPortraitLastMonth
#ItWasAlwaysToBeDoneAtTheEndOfTheMonthAndTheMonthWouldGoBySoFast
#EveryTwoMonthsOrSoIsMoreFeasibleButLetUsSee
#TheWeatherHasBeenSoHotAndIDoNotKnowHowPeopleAreHeavilyPregnantInTheSummer
#EspeciallyInHotterCountriesAsWhatIsHotHereAtTheMomentIsNotThatHotToALotOfPeopleAroundTheWorld
#IHaveBeenStressedAboutHowToDressBAtNight
#LastNightSheJustWentToBedInHerNappyAndNoSleepingBagAndSheSleptFairlyWell
#OfCourseSheWokeUpAfterFiveAndNowWeSeemToJustGetHerOutOfBedAtFiveFortyFive
#SheMissedHerSecondNapYesterdayAsIThinkSheMightHaveBeenTooHotInJustAVestAndMaybeCouldNotSleep
#WeGotAFootMeasurerTheOtherDayInThePostAsIDidNotWantToTakeHerOutToGetHerFeetMeasured
#MyMumHelpedMeDoItAndYesterdaySheGotBSomeTrainers
#BHasBeenShoelessForAllThirteenMonthsOfHerLifeSoSheIsFindingItWeirdToWalkInThem
#SheWillGetItSoonThoughAndIOrderedHerSomeToddlerReinsLastNightSoSoonWeWillHopefullyBeAbleToGoOutForShortWalksWithoutHerPushchair
#IGotMyHaircutYesterday
#IGotALotOffAsIJustWearItUpAllTheTimeAndDoNothingWithIt
#MyHairdresserSaidThreePeopleCancelledDueToHavingCovidOrComingIntoContactWithSomeoneWhoHasIt
#IAmPlanningToGetAVaccineAround15WeeksAsIWillBe16WeeksAfterWeGoOnHoliday
#IHaveBeenDoingALotOfResearchAndPfizerIsRecommendedForAfter14WeeksAndMyMidwivesSay16WeeksSoItIsAnAverage
#IKnowAndReadAboutPregnantPeopleWhoWantToWaitUntilAfterTheirBabyIsBornButTheyAreGenerallyAlready30PlusWeeksPregnant
#IDoNotWantToWait29OrSoWeeksAsIAlreadyFeelShutAtHomeWithLimitedOptions
#IfALockdownWasToHappenAgainMyLifeWouldReallyNotChangeThatMuchAsIDoNotGoToManyPlaces
#IDoFeelLikeILiveInAnAlternateUniverseSometimesAsISeeWhatPeopleGetUpToOnTheNewsAndSocialMediaAndIMainlySitAtHome
#WeHaveOrderedBAClimbingFrameSoThatWillBeSomeGoodAmusementForHome
#TalkingAboutTheHeatAgainIAmTryingMyBestToStayHydratedAndFullOfElectrolytes
#MaybeMySicknessHasBeenWorseAtTimesAsIWasNeverPregnantWithBDuringReallyHotWeather
#IAmWorriedThatIAmConsumingTooMuchSugarButMyIntakeIsProbablyStillLessThanMostPeoples
#WhenIWasPregnantWithBICouldMainlyOnlyStomachPastaForDinnerForAWhile
#IMadeSomeTheOtherNightAndAteLoadsAsIWasEnjoyingItSoMuch
#IWokeUpWithSomeAcidRefluxDuringTheNightSoThatWasNotFun
#TheNextDayIHadPastaForDinnerAgainAndWasSickForTheFirstTimeInTwoDays

(24th September: Just had to check with Tiago that he was okay with me posting this picture and he said ‘I don’t care’. I asked if he liked B’s face and he said ‘no, it’s scary’.)

#WeDidNotDoAFamilyPortraitLastMonth

I was aware of it, but just left it.

#ItWasAlwaysToBeDoneAtTheEndOfTheMonthAndTheMonthWouldGoBySoFast

And there were often other photos that I wanted to take, or I did not want to bother Tiago again.

#EveryTwoMonthsOrSoIsMoreFeasibleButLetUsSee

It is getting harder to get B to stay around for photos.

#TheWeatherHasBeenSoHotAndIDoNotKnowHowPeopleAreHeavilyPregnantInTheSummer

B was born on a rainy day in June and giving birth then was bad enough. Love and respect to all the heavily pregnant people suffering in the heat right now. Or less so pregnant people who are still finding it hard – trying to stay hydrated is a task.

#EspeciallyInHotterCountriesAsWhatIsHotHereAtTheMomentIsNotThatHotToALotOfPeopleAroundTheWorld

It’s too much. We walk to the park and it is fine once we are there in the shade, but the walk is too much. It was too much sitting in the garden the other day. It’s a hard life.

#IHaveBeenStressedAboutHowToDressBAtNight

There’s always something to be stressed about.

#LastNightSheJustWentToBedInHerNappyAndNoSleepingBagAndSheSleptFairlyWell

The night before it was a nappy and a light sleeping bag, but her room was a lot hotter last night. She did wake up a few times. I think about putting her beaker of water in her cot, but I worry she will just spit it everywhere. Might have to try it as her bed would dry out quick anyways…

#OfCourseSheWokeUpAfterFiveAndNowWeSeemToJustGetHerOutOfBedAtFiveFortyFive

I need to go to bed earlier. I have days where I am good, and days where I am not so much. Tiago has been asleep by 9pm two nights in the last 3 or 4…

#SheMissedHerSecondNapYesterdayAsIThinkSheMightHaveBeenTooHotInJustAVestAndMaybeCouldNotSleep

Today we will try a different tactic. She’s missed her second nap on the last two Saturdays only? Okay.

#WeGotAFootMeasurerTheOtherDayInThePostAsIDidNotWantToTakeHerOutToGetHerFeetMeasured

A friend mentioned it at a party and I had looked at one via Instagram the week before. I can’t remember the last time I went in a shop. I guess I did go in a newsagents a few weeks ago, but out for a full on shopping expedition? What is one of those?

#MyMumHelpedMeDoItAndYesterdaySheGotBSomeTrainers

I had not really even started our shoe search yet. Thanks Mum.

#BHasBeenShoelessForAllThirteenMonthsOfHerLifeSoSheIsFindingItWeirdToWalkInThem

She was treading on her own feet for a bit. We just need to put her in them for a little bit every day. She went to the park in them, but spent the whole time sat down.

#SheWillGetItSoonThoughAndIOrderedHerSomeToddlerReinsLastNightSoSoonWeWillHopefullyBeAbleToGoOutForShortWalksWithoutHerPushchair

I ordered the same ones that I remember walking my little sister around in in the early 2000s as why not?

#IGotMyHaircutYesterday

I was going to do a before and after, but I forgot to do the before and who cares?

#IGotALotOffAsIJustWearItUpAllTheTimeAndDoNothingWithIt

I have been washing it every 10 days or so. It’s a lot of hair to wash to just throw it up in a messy bun everyday.

#MyHairdresserSaidThreePeopleCancelledDueToHavingCovidOrComingIntoContactWithSomeoneWhoHasIt

Great. She’d done a flow test that day as she does them two times a week, but also a pregnant friend was coming into the salon that day. I told her I was pregnant as we talk about everything. It was nice to have a chat with someone else. Another hairdresser’s sister in law had tested positive for Covid, so it’s definitely going up in the area…

#IAmPlanningToGetAVaccineAround15WeeksAsIWillBe16WeeksAfterWeGoOnHoliday #IHaveBeenDoingALotOfResearchAndPfizerIsRecommendedForAfter14WeeksAndMyMidwivesSay16WeeksSoItIsAnAverage

Meanwhile my Doctor said it was fine to get when he called about this pregnancy. There really does need to be some consistency.

Viki Male on Twitter is great for up to date facts – Viki Male (@VikiLovesFACS) / Twitter

#IKnowAndReadAboutPregnantPeopleWhoWantToWaitUntilAfterTheirBabyIsBornButTheyAreGenerallyAlready30PlusWeeksPregnant

That’s fair enough.

#IDoNotWantToWait29OrSoWeeksAsIAlreadyFeelShutAtHomeWithLimitedOptions

And reading about it all I think the benefits to having the jab outweigh risks.

#IfALockdownWasToHappenAgainMyLifeWouldReallyNotChangeThatMuchAsIDoNotGoToManyPlaces

And I will be going to less until I have my first vaccine now as I can not rely on strangers to keep me safe.

#IDoFeelLikeILiveInAnAlternateUniverseSometimesAsISeeWhatPeopleGetUpToOnTheNewsAndSocialMediaAndIMainlySitAtHome

I am not going to talk about the Euros.

It’s weird seeing people in other countries hanging out in big groups without masks.

#WeHaveOrderedBAClimbingFrameSoThatWillBeSomeGoodAmusementForHome

Especially with a potential upcoming lockdown, but at least for the quarantine period after we get back from Portugal.

#TalkingAboutTheHeatAgainIAmTryingMyBestToStayHydratedAndFullOfElectrolytes

My Mum said my electrolytes were probably out of balance which doesn’t help.

She was saying you can make your own with a spoon of sugar, spoon of salt, and water, but I have been drinking a sports drink in small amounts at a time with ice. Living the dream. I might try a homemade lemon and lime solution later.

#MaybeMySicknessHasBeenWorseAtTimesAsIWasNeverPregnantWithBDuringReallyHotWeather

Plus with the tiredness of running around after a 1+ year old.

#IAmWorriedThatIAmConsumingTooMuchSugarButMyIntakeIsProbablyStillLessThanMostPeoples

I am finding it hard to drink just water, but I need to persevere.

#WhenIWasPregnantWithBICouldMainlyOnlyStomachPastaForDinnerForAWhile

That was a fun time.

#IMadeSomeTheOtherNightAndAteLoadsAsIWasEnjoyingItSoMuch

I made a cherry tomato pasta sauce, as for some reason our fridge was full of about to go off tomatoes.

It was this recipe – Easy Homemade Cherry Tomato Pasta Sauce – Flour On My Face

I didn’t have italian seasoning, red pepper flakes, parmesan or fresh basil. I put some cheddar in instead…

#IWokeUpWithSomeAcidRefluxDuringTheNightSoThatWasNotFun

That was a lesson.

#TheNextDayIHadPastaForDinnerAgainAndWasSickForTheFirstTimeInTwoDays

I did not feel like eating dinner and didn’t eat that much (there wasn’t much left anyways). I haven’t been sick since (two days), but I have dry heaved a few times. Fun times.

In my last post (I think) I said I had not been sick in two days, and then I was sick 3 times the next day.

It’s 6.50am. I have dry heaved today. Off to stretch then join my family. We’ll do a shoot later.

11 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait from my belly button up, where I am sat in my bra and looking off slightly up and right.
I Definitely Have A Belly Developing, But I’m Not Sure If It Is Baby Or Food Or Both (11 and a half ish weeks)
 
#IAmStillBeingSickInTheMorning
#IAmStillFeelingSickInTheAfternoon
#ISeemToNotFeelSickInTheEveningAnymore
#BeingSickIsAnnoyinglyReassuringButIHaveTalkedAboutThatALotAlready
#AnotherChangeIsMyBoobs
#INoticedThatTheyHadGrownEarlyOn
#NowTheyJustSeemNormalToMe
#TheyAreWayMoreVeinyThanUsualThough
#INeedToGoBraShoppingButIHateBraShoppingNormally
#IJustToGetFittedButIDoNotWantTo
#IHaveNeverLikedBraShoppingButIWillMakeTheEffortToGoSoon
#MyNipplesAreGettingSoreAndHaveDefinitelyChangedColour
#IHaveToPutBalmOnThemToTryToHelpOtherwiseTheyHurt
#SomeSpotThatIHadAgesAgoAndShouldHaveSqueezedButDidNotSoItAddedABitToMyNippleHasAlsoGotBigger
#ItIsSoWeird
#ThatIsHowIKnowMyNipplesAreDifferent
#ItLooksLikeIHaveAnotherNippleGrowingOnMyNipple
#MaybeIShouldGetItCheckedOut
#IHaveTwoMolesOnOneNippleAndItLooksLikeIUsedToHaveAPiercing
#NeverNoticedThatBefore
#IGuessIHaveNotPhotographedMyNipplesSoIntimatelyBefore
#IDoNotKnowIfIWillShowThesePixButIGuessIWillAsIThinkSomeOfThemAreQuiteNice
#IDefinitelyHaveABellyDeveloping
#NotSureIfItIsBabyOrFoodOrABitOfBoth
#YouAreNotSupposedToEatMoreButItIsWinterSoIUsuallyEatMoreAndIfIFeelHungryThenIFeelSickSoIAmEatingMore
#IBoughtSomeVeganSourSweetsToSeeIfTheyHelpWithMorningSicknessAndIDoNotKnowButTheyAreSuperTasty
#OtherThanThatIAmTryingToEatMoreHealthyFoodOrHealthierVersionsOfThingsLikeBakedCrisps
#ILoveThatDifferentSitesSayDifferentThingsAboutTheSizeOfTheFetusNow
#11WeeksIsALargeStrawberryAnApricotOrABrusselSprout

Sickness, yep.

I feel like I’ve talked less about my boobs in my project this time. I feel like they took longer to get bigger or I just did not notice. I’ve had to put some balm on my nipples, but not as early as I did the first time.

I guess being pregnant while having a kid is different to being pregnant with no kids. As a stay at home Mum most of my day is spent with B and my brain is normally thinking of 5 things at once (or so it seems).

I think my bump was probably more food than a baby, but now (24th September) it is definitely more baby.

I’m still upset that I forgot about the sour sweets this time.


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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Portrait Of A Mother Of A Thirteen Month Old (11 Weeks? / 14th July 2021)

Me lying in bed hugging my pregnancy pillow, with a face mask sat on my forehead and with a hand to my mouth.
Portrait Of A Mother Of A Thirteen Month Old (11 Weeks? / 14th July 2021)

#ItSeemsQuiteFittingToTakeAPhotoOfMeLyingInBed
#IFeelLikeIDoSoAtAnyChanceIHaveNow
#IAmJustSoTiredAndItIsFunnyReadingBackOldEntriesWhenIDidNotKnowIWasPregnantYetAndJustSayingHowTiredIWas
#ISawAPregnantFriendTheOtherDayWhoAlsoHasOneKidAndSheWasSayingTheFirstTrimesterWasTheWorst
#IAmHopingMyEnergyWillReturnSoon
#IHaveFeltSoInspiredToMakeOtherWorkButJustHaveNoEnergyForIt
#IHaveBeenTryingToOnlySleepOnMyLeftSideButIAmFindingMyRightSideAndBackMoreComfortableAtTheMoment
#TalkingOfSleepingWeWentToLiverpoolForTheWeekendAndOnTheFirstDayBMissedHerSecondNap
#SheHadWokenUpFortyMinutesEarlyFromHerFirstOneWhichMeantMeTryingToEntertainHerInTheCarWhichWasUsJustReadingThroughAllOfHerBooks
#WePlannedToLetHerSleepInHerPushchairForHerSecondNapButWeWereOutForFortyMinutesWithNoSuchLuck
#ThenWeTriedToPutHerDownInACotButAfterFifteenMinutesWeGaveUpSoSheWasUpForNineHours
#WeGotIntoBedAtAroundEightAndWentToSleepAtNineThirty
#TheNextDayBHadASuperShortNapAfterWakingUpAtHerUsualTimeOfPreSix
#ButOnTheWayHomeSheSleptForTwoHoursAndICouldNotWakeHerUp
#IWasWorriedThatSheWasGoingToDropHerSecondNapButNotYetPhew
#YesterdaySomeoneWasAskingMeHowIKnewIWasReadyForASecondKidAndSheTalkedAboutHerFriendsGettingBroody
#IWasNotBroodyAtAllButIJustWantedToTryAndHaveASecondOneBeforeWeReallyKnewWhatWeWereInFor
#BIsBecomingDifficultToChangeAndOftenWillCryLoudlyForWhatSeemsLikeNoReasonAtAll
#TheOtherDayWeWereTryingToGiveHerYoghurtAndSheWasScreamingSoIJustCopiedHer
#StraightAwaySheChangedHerTuneAndStartedToLaughAndAteAllOfHerYoghurt
#ItMaybeIsNotTheBestSolutionEveryTimeButItWasMuchBetterThanGettingStressedOutAndAnnoyed
#AfterwardsWeHadAFunGameOfHerTryingToStealMyEmptyBowlOfCrispsWhenMyBackWasTurned
#SheIsBecomingQuiteTheFoodThiefTheseDaysWithHerTryingToTakeWhateverWeHave
#IHaveNotBeenSickInACoupleOfDaysButIHaveGaggedAFewTimes
#IThinkTheMoreTiredIAmTheWorseIFeelAsLastNightBeforeBedIFeltSoSickAndIWasAsleepBeforeTen
#IWasAwakeFromFourToFiveButThenCouldNotGetUpOnceBHad
#TheGovernmentHasChangedTheirStanceABitWithMasksAfter19thJulyButItSeemsLikeSomePeopleStoppedWearingThemAWhileAgo
#BsWalkingIsDefinitelyImprovingDayByDayNowAndSheCanTakeQuiteAFewStepsNow
#AtHerBabyClassSomeoneWasSayingSheFeelsLikeBIsTheCelebrityOfTheClassAsEveryoneKnowsHerName
#SheReallyLikesToTryToStealEveryonesStuffButEveryoneIsNiceAboutIt

#ItSeemsQuiteFittingToTakeAPhotoOfMeLyingInBed

Well, I am yet to take it yet but it is what I have in mind. Lying in bed with my eye mask on (the one I got as an emergency in case I had to go into hospital to give birth to B – which I did).

#IFeelLikeIDoSoAtAnyChanceIHaveNow

Tiago had gone out with B to the supermarket the other night (for the first time in ages). I was about to go to sleep when I could hear that my Uncles were visiting. ‘Why does it have to be today?’ But it was nice to see them.

(19th September: I was disappointed to miss them the other day as B and I were both napping, and they only made a short visit.)

#IAmJustSoTiredAndItIsFunnyReadingBackOldEntriesWhenIDidNotKnowIWasPregnantYetAndJustSayingHowTiredIWas

I was confused as to why I was so tired. I’m taking double the amount of iron now, and my vitamins, but I guess it is just a big part of the first trimester. Great.

#ISawAPregnantFriendTheOtherDayWhoAlsoHasOneKidAndSheWasSayingTheFirstTrimesterWasTheWorst

She also had sickness and just felt so tired. I actually think I might have mentioned this in my last post, but it was on my mind.

#IAmHopingMyEnergyWillReturnSoon

I hope so. I am getting into bed as soon as I finish writing this.

#IHaveFeltSoInspiredToMakeOtherWorkButJustHaveNoEnergyForIt

By the time my energy returns the inspiration may have gone. What can I do?

#IHaveBeenTryingToOnlySleepOnMyLeftSideButIAmFindingMyRightSideAndBackMoreComfortableAtTheMoment

It is early days, so I do not need to really worry about how I am sleeping yet but I try to sleep on my left anyways. Sometimes I want to sleep on my front, but I am avoiding it.

#TalkingOfSleepingWeWentToLiverpoolForTheWeekendAndOnTheFirstDayBMissedHerSecondNap

It was a friend’s first birthday, so she obviously did not want to miss a minute of it.

#SheHadWokenUpFortyMinutesEarlyFromHerFirstOneWhichMeantMeTryingToEntertainHerInTheCarWhichWasUsJustReadingThroughAllOfHerBooks

I say us. I mean it was me reading to her. I was hoping to have a nap, so I was tired, and Tiago was also tired from driving. Tired family.

#WePlannedToLetHerSleepInHerPushchairForHerSecondNapButWeWereOutForFortyMinutesWithNoSuchLuck

Nothing like pushing B round a park screaming. (Her, not me.)

#ThenWeTriedToPutHerDownInACotButAfterFifteenMinutesWeGaveUpSoSheWasUpForNineHours

She did not seem that tired though.

#WeGotIntoBedAtAroundEightAndWentToSleepAtNineThirty

B had gone to bed at 7:50. Brushed teeth and into bedddd.

#TheNextDayBHadASuperShortNapAfterWakingUpAtHerUsualTimeOfPreSix

She will usually have 2 hours if she’s up that early, but it was more like 40 minutes.

#ButOnTheWayHomeSheSleptForTwoHoursAndICouldNotWakeHerUp

I did not want her to sleep for that long as I was worried she would have a super late bedtime. She went to bed at 7:45pm, as the England v Italy game was at 8pm and it was fine. She slept until her usual time.

#IWasWorriedThatSheWasGoingToDropHerSecondNapButNotYetPhew

I am not ready yet.

#YesterdaySomeoneWasAskingMeHowIKnewIWasReadyForASecondKidAndSheTalkedAboutHerFriendsGettingBroody #IWasNotBroodyAtAllButIJustWantedToTryAndHaveASecondOneBeforeWeReallyKnewWhatWeWereInFor

It’s really down to wanting two kids and feeling like I’m not up to much at the moment besides looking after B, so it seems like a good time to try to have another one. My body felt strong enough. I have been so anxious this week about the pregnancy, but I am trying to stay calm. Two weeks until my first scan…

#BIsBecomingDifficultToChangeAndOftenWillCryLoudlyForWhatSeemsLikeNoReasonAtAll

I am still struggling to change her nappies, and then add in her excessive wriggling and escaping. It’s great.

#TheOtherDayWeWereTryingToGiveHerYoghurtAndSheWasScreamingSoIJustCopiedHer

I remember my Mum doing it with me when I was crying crocodile tears.

#StraightAwaySheChangedHerTuneAndStartedToLaughAndAteAllOfHerYoghurt

Nothing like laughter to get you out of a bad mood. I think she is teething a lot at the moment, so that might be why.

#ItMaybeIsNotTheBestSolutionEveryTimeButItWasMuchBetterThanGettingStressedOutAndAnnoyed

Obviously if she was really upset it would not be a nice thing to do, but when it seems like she just doesn’t want to do something it is a nice trick. I’d rather make her laugh than get really pissed off.

#AfterwardsWeHadAFunGameOfHerTryingToStealMyEmptyBowlOfCrispsWhenMyBackWasTurned

I had some crisps in the bowl. She was trying to eat them. I then put the bowl on the table and she kept going to it and digging her hands in. Later on I had my back to her and she would touch the bowl while my back was turned, then I’d turn round to look at her and she would laugh. I do love when she laughs.

#SheIsBecomingQuiteTheFoodThiefTheseDaysWithHerTryingToTakeWhateverWeHave

She was trying to eat my Nan’s breakfast again today. I had some strawberries the other night and my plate was empty, but she would just scratch the plate anyways and then lick her fingers. She is funny.

#IHaveNotBeenSickInACoupleOfDaysButIHaveGaggedAFewTimes

Nothing like going to the bathroom and expecting to be sick, but just dry heaving instead. Or sometimes it is just when I am in the kitchen. The body is weird.

#IThinkTheMoreTiredIAmTheWorseIFeelAsLastNightBeforeBedIFeltSoSickAndIWasAsleepBeforeTen

I hadn’t napped during her second nap, so I felt tired. When I get tired I faff, but I should just relax instead. I was going to hang up the washing, but I stood up and thought I was going to be sick. I had to lie down in bed as I had already brushed my teeth and did not fancy being sick.

#IWasAwakeFromFourToFiveButThenCouldNotGetUpOnceBHad

I read some of my book to try to feel sleepy again. T and B were up from 5:40. I slept for another hour. Thanks Tiago.

#TheGovernmentHasChangedTheirStanceABitWithMasksAfter19thJulyButItSeemsLikeSomePeopleStoppedWearingThemAWhileAgo

Though I’ve just seen that masks will still be mandatory on London transport. That’s good.

#BsWalkingIsDefinitelyImprovingDayByDayNowAndSheCanTakeQuiteAFewStepsNow

She can do more than a few really. Ten plus quite confidently, maybe more? I need to get her some shoes. I’ve ordered a foot measurer, so we can just measure them when we want to and order online.

#AtHerBabyClassSomeoneWasSayingSheFeelsLikeBIsTheCelebrityOfTheClassAsEveryoneKnowsHerName

I feel bad as I do not know many of the names (unless I think back to the register), but the teachers are always commenting on what B is doing. She was scared of some animal puppets again yesterday 🙁

#SheReallyLikesToTryToStealEveryonesStuffButEveryoneIsNiceAboutIt

Shoes, phones, toys, pushchairs, whatever. If it is there B will have it.

I maybe have time for an hour nap if my brain switches off quick enough…

11 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

A close-up of my face showing a couple of spots in my hairline.
I Feel Like My Body Has A Big Job To Perform Now (11 weeks)

#FeelingConcernedAsIHaveNotFeltSickThisEveningButIFeltSickDuringTheDay 
#MaybeIHaveJustEatenEnoughDinner 
#IWillProbablyFeelSickInAnHour 
#IHeardThatSourSweetsAreGoodForSickness 
#IFoundSomeGoodVeggieSweets 
#DoNotThinkTheyReallyHelpedWithTheSicknessButTheyTasteGood 
#Anyways 
#ThisTextIsSupposedToBeAboutSpots 
#WhenIHadTheCoilISuddenlyStartedToGetLotsOfSpotsOnMyScalp 
#IFiguredItWasDueToTooMuchCopperInMyDietAndInMyBody 
#SoMaybeIHaveBeenEatingALotOfThingsThatHaveCopperInThem 
#ButIDoubtIt 
#IGuessTheSpotsAreMoreToDoWithHormones 
#MyFaceFeelsSpottierTooButIThinkThatHasALotToDoWithTheWeather 
#AsMySkinGetsWorseThanNormalInTheWinter 
#ButIHaveBigSpotsOnMyHairline 
#INoticedThemTheOtherDayButTheySeemBiggerNow 
#FunTimes 
#MaybeINeedToWashMyHairMoreAndIHaveBeenWearingAHat 
#SoMaybeThatPlaysAPartInIt 
#CanNotBelieveIAm11WeeksNow 
#StillNervous 
#TiagoCanNotLieToSaveHisLifeSoHeToldAFewPeopleYesterday 
#SoTheNumberOfPeopleWhoKnowHasNowGrown 
#IJustFeelMorePressureNow 
#NoOneIsPuttingPressureOnMe 
#ButIFeelLikeMyBodyHasABigJobToPerformNow 
#AndIAmNervousThatThereIsPlentyOfTimeForThingsToGoWrong 
#NotFeelingSickNowIsABitWorrying 
#ButIThinkThatIWillGoBrushMyTeethNowAndThatWillProbablyMakeMeFeelSick 

(19th September: Using an image with a border as my laptop stopped charging the other day, and T’s laptop seems incapable of opening editing software – I also have to paste the letter s whenever I want to use it. I am hoping to have my own again in a few days.)

I have felt just as anxious this time as I did with B. I haven’t eaten any sour sweets (I actually forgot about this), but I was eyeing up someone’s sweets on the train the other day.

My face was spotty for a bit, which was probably hormones.

I have been washing my hair even less probably, but it doesn’t look too bad.

I am now 20 weeks and I dry heave again when I brush my teeth in the evenings. This has gone on for longer than when I was pregnant with B…

I feel like I do have a big job ahead of me again, but I am a bit more relaxed about it in ways as I have been through it all once before, and I am feeling a bit more like what will happen will happen – though obviously I am hoping for the best outcomes. Fingers crossed.


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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Imitating B Lying Under The Curtain (9 Weeks? / 3rd July 2021)

Self-portrait with my head under the bottom of a curtain.
Imitating B Lying Under The Curtain (9 Weeks? / 3rd July 2021)
 
#BHasPhasesOfBeingObsessedWithTheCurtainsInTheLivingRoom
#SometimesSheLeansAgainstThemButTheOtherDaySheWasLyingUnderOneOfThem
#AnotherCuteThingSheDoesNowIsIfISayCanIHaveAKissSheOffersMeHerHandToKiss
#IAmTryingToFigureOutWhySheDoesThisButIAmNotEntirelySure
#TheOtherDayItWasWaterPlayAtHerBabyClass
#TheOtherBabiesWereBeingHelpedToSplashInTheirBowlsButBWasJustDippingHerHandInAndLickingTheWaterOff
#AtSomePointSheTriedToPickUpTheBowlAndDrinkFromIt
#IFeltQuiteAwkwardAsOurUsualFriendsWereNotThereAndEveryoneElseHadQuiteYoungBabiesButItWasFunny
#WeAlsoHaveAGoodLaughAtHomeWhenISayIAmGoingToGetYouAndSheScreamsAndCrawlsOrMovesFastWhileHoldingOntoThings
#SheIsGraduallyTakingMoreStepsButIThinkAtTimesSheIsTryingToRunBeforeSheCanWalkProperly
#AtTimesIThinkIDefinitelyLookMorePregnantThanNineWeeksSoIAmEitherThirteenOrMyBodyIsJustShowingMoreAsIHaveBeenPregnantBefore
#TheShootsIHaveDoneSoFarThatShowABumpWereTakenNotLongAfterIHadAMealThough
#IThinkOftenIJustHaveABloatedFoodBabyAndAmJustNineWeeks
#ThisWeekIHaveBeenTryingToBeMoreHelpfulAtHomeAndHaveBeenStartingToMakeDinnerAtFour
#YesterdayITriedToMakeBsBreakfastForTheFirstTimeInProbablyTwoWeeksAndIWasSick
#IWasLettingTiagoHaveALieInButHeRushedDownstairsWhenHeHeardMeBeingSickAndTookOverLuckily
#TheOtherDayIHadA90MinutePhonecallForMyInitialMidwifeAppointment
#IThoughtItWasALongAppointmentLastTimeButGeezzzzzzz
#ItWasAStudentDoingItSoThatIsWhyItTookLongerButThereAlsoSeemedLikeMoreQuestionsThanBefore
#LuckilyTheyCalledJustAfterIHadPutBDownForANapSoSheEndedUpHavingAReallyLongNapButWePaidForItTheNextDayWhenSheWokeUpAtFour
#OnTheCallIAskedAboutWhenIShouldGetTheCovidVaccineAndTheyRecommendedAfter16WeeksSoIAmGladIHaveWaited
#TheyThenSaidToAskMyDoctorWhichVaccineHeRecommendsButISaidIDoNotTrustHimAsHeSaidToGetVaccinatedStraightAwayWeeksAgo
#AtTheMomentYouNeedToBeDoubleVaccinatedToNotHaveToQuarantineInPortugal
#SoItLooksLikeIWillBeSatInTiagosParentsHouseForTwoWeeksBeFreeForFiveDaysThenHaveToQuarantineInMyNansHouseForTenDays
#IAmNotSureWhatTheRulesWillBeForOneYearOldsButTiagoHasBothHisJabsSoHeWillBeMoreFree
#IHadToGoAndGetSomeBloodTestsDoneAndGiveAUrineSample
#SheSaidSheWasGoingToHaveToGetAnotherVialOfBloodAsIWasPregnantBeforeBWasOne
#ButThenSheSaidItWasFineAndSheWouldJustAddANoteWithOneOfTheOtherFourOrFiveVials
#INeedToStartEatingAndTakingMoreIronRichStuffAsMyStoresAreProbablyQuiteDepletedFromHavingB
#IHaveNoticedWhatIThinkIsAVaricoseVeinWhichWasNotOneOfMySymptomsWhenIWasPregnantWithB

#BHasPhasesOfBeingObsessedWithTheCurtainsInTheLivingRoom #SometimesSheLeansAgainstThemButTheOtherDaySheWasLyingUnderOneOfThem

One curtain is harder to get to due to furniture, but the other one is right by where her highchair is kept and by her books so it’s a popular hangout spot at times. I’m yet to do the shoot, but I need to find the energy to haul all my stuff there later when my Nan isn’t there thinking ‘what the hell is she doing?’

#AnotherCuteThingSheDoesNowIsIfISayCanIHaveAKissSheOffersMeHerHandToKiss #IAmTryingToFigureOutWhySheDoesThisButIAmNotEntirelySure

I guess that I blow her kisses occasionally but I don’t think that’s it? If I ask for a hug I put my arms out wide? I don’t know.

(7th September: If I ask for a kiss now she headbutts me. It seems her Portuguese Grandmother taught her how to butt heads when we were visiting her – there are a lot of bulls on the island, so I think it’s to do with that.)

#TheOtherDayItWasWaterPlayAtHerBabyClass

Guess who forgot to read their reminder to bring a towel… Luckily half the class forgot and the teachers had loads of spares. Phew.

#TheOtherBabiesWereBeingHelpedToSplashInTheirBowlsButBWasJustDippingHerHandInAndLickingTheWaterOff #AtSomePointSheTriedToPickUpTheBowlAndDrinkFromIt

Showing what she does at home when she has a bowl of yoghurt… I’ll try to feed her with a spoon, but she’ll get fed up and just dip her hands in. Or she will try to drink from the bowl. Classic. She did have one big splash though.

#IFeltQuiteAwkwardAsOurUsualFriendsWereNotThereAndEveryoneElseHadQuiteYoungBabiesButItWasFunny

The teachers are usually always just laughing at what B does in a good way, so they put me at ease. However, I do feel a bit judged at times. I guess when the other babies are older the parents will understand my struggles more…

#WeAlsoHaveAGoodLaughAtHomeWhenISayIAmGoingToGetYouAndSheScreamsAndCrawlsOrMovesFastWhileHoldingOntoThings

When T carries her up the stairs to bed she will also scream if I am following. I seem to forget about this every night, but she doesn’t… Sometimes I’ll say I’m going to get you and if T is in the kitchen she’ll go to him and he will pick her up. I’ll then pop my head around the door and roar and she goes ‘ohh’ and jumps. Cute and funny.

#SheIsGraduallyTakingMoreStepsButIThinkAtTimesSheIsTryingToRunBeforeSheCanWalkProperly

She will try to go a bit too fast and fall, but she is taking a few solid steps now and will often do about six.

#AtTimesIThinkIDefinitelyLookMorePregnantThanNineWeeksSoIAmEitherThirteenOrMyBodyIsJustShowingMoreAsIHaveBeenPregnantBefore #TheShootsIHaveDoneSoFarThatShowABumpWereTakenNotLongAfterIHadAMealThough #IThinkOftenIJustHaveABloatedFoodBabyAndAmJustNineWeeks

I guess the real teller is when I wake up in the morning and I haven’t eaten since before bed. There is definitely a bump there, but after a meal it is usually a lot bigger. Looking at my Waiting… pregnancy project I think I look more pregnant for 9 weeks than I did then, but I am sure that I have read that you generally show earlier with subsequent pregnancies. I guess everything is more stretched…?

(7th September: I was 9 weeks.)

#ThisWeekIHaveBeenTryingToBeMoreHelpfulAtHomeAndHaveBeenStartingToMakeDinnerAtFour

Tiago works hard and I feel like I am quite rubbish with running a home. I have definitely slacked off since morning sickness has appeared, especially as I feel sickest when I am standing up, but I want to help as much as I can.

#YesterdayITriedToMakeBsBreakfastForTheFirstTimeInProbablyTwoWeeksAndIWasSick

Tiago has been great at getting up to look after B and making her breakfast. I managed to make her a new batch of porridge, but turning it into pancakes… my body said nah. We were talking about it in bed last night and just talking about it made me feel sick.

#IWasLettingTiagoHaveALieInButHeRushedDownstairsWhenHeHeardMeBeingSickAndTookOverLuckily

Phew. I also can’t deal with looking at B’s face after a meal when it’s covered in food. Blergh.

#TheOtherDayIHadA90MinutePhonecallForMyInitialMidwifeAppointment #IThoughtItWasALongAppointmentLastTimeButGeezzzzzzz

Epic does not cut it.

#ItWasAStudentDoingItSoThatIsWhyItTookLongerButThereAlsoSeemedLikeMoreQuestionsThanBefore

I feel like they asked me every possible question. It is quite intrusive at times, but I understand why they might need to ask them all.

(7th September: It turns out that she managed to tick that I don’t speak English, and that I’ve had a major uterine surgery – these things get brought up in appointments now.)

#LuckilyTheyCalledJustAfterIHadPutBDownForANapSoSheEndedUpHavingAReallyLongNapButWePaidForItTheNextDayWhenSheWokeUpAtFour

They said they would call sometime between one and four. I’m lucky that B slept that long, but yeah the early morning wake ups aren’t great. We are trying to change B’s feeding schedule now to see if it might help her sleep better. This morning she was up at 5, but we did only start the new schedule yesterday afternoon. I just need to start to go to bed earlier.

#OnTheCallIAskedAboutWhenIShouldGetTheCovidVaccineAndTheyRecommendedAfter16WeeksSoIAmGladIHaveWaited

I was going to aim for 14 weeks as that is when some countries start to offer jabs to pregnant people. Apparently the advice is changing all of the time, but I had not seen 16 weeks mentioned online. Maybe it is just my local midwives who recommend 16 weeks?

(7th September: I ended up having it at 13 weeks as the advice changed to be more consistent, and I attended a good talk about it.)

#TheyThenSaidToAskMyDoctorWhichVaccineHeRecommendsButISaidIDoNotTrustHimAsHeSaidToGetVaccinatedStraightAwayWeeksAgo

I know I am only offered Moderna or Pfizer, but I would only be offered them due to my age anyways too. I know that women over 40 who are pregnant are also only offered those two.

#AtTheMomentYouNeedToBeDoubleVaccinatedToNotHaveToQuarantineInPortugal #SoItLooksLikeIWillBeSatInTiagosParentsHouseForTwoWeeksBeFreeForFiveDaysThenHaveToQuarantineInMyNansHouseForTenDays

We want B to meet her grandparents so she will. I wish his parents had a swimming pool at their house, but oh well… I imagine quarantine as not being able to leave the house, but I forget that you can sit in the garden too. We were meant to be staying on another island for a few days by ourselves (with B), but we will now cancel that and see if we can change our flight as it is pointless going there now.

#IAmNotSureWhatTheRulesWillBeForOneYearOldsButTiagoHasBothHisJabsSoHeWillBeMoreFree

Apparently those who have had the AstraZeneca jab that has been made in India will have to quarantine for fourteen days too. Tiago had the AZ one, but now we need to find out what batch it was and if he has to quarantine or not. Fun times.

(7th September: Rules changed so we did not have to quarantine in the Azores, and then they got put on the green list so I am free in the UK now.)

#IHadToGoAndGetSomeBloodTestsDoneAndGiveAUrineSample

Great.

#SheSaidSheWasGoingToHaveToGetAnotherVialOfBloodAsIWasPregnantBeforeBWasOne

Something about my iron stores.

#ButThenSheSaidItWasFineAndSheWouldJustAddANoteWithOneOfTheOtherFourOrFiveVials

I just looked away while she kept changing the vials. I don’t mind needles, but I was more worried that I might be sick or something.

#INeedToStartEatingAndTakingMoreIronRichStuffAsMyStoresAreProbablyQuiteDepletedFromHavingB

I take some iron rich water and when I was pregnant with B I kept taking one sachet though when you’re pregnant you can take two. When I remember I try to take two now (different times of the day), but it’s a faff.

#IHaveNoticedWhatIThinkIsAVaricoseVeinWhichWasNotOneOfMySymptomsWhenIWasPregnantWithB

I looked at it today and it currently looks like more of a bruise, but the other day it looked more veiny. Shrug. Just reading about the symptoms and maybe it’s not as I just noticed it when I was exercising, but it doesn’t hurt or anything.

9 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait holding a scan over my tummy. Tiago's hand is on my left shoulder
I Keep Looking At The Scan As I Can Not Believe It (9 and a half weeks)
 
#SoWeWentToTheHospital
#HadAnAppointmentButWaitedNearlyAnHour
#MaybeBecauseOtherPeopleNeededLookingAtMoreUrgently
#SomePeopleDidLookLikeTheyWereInALotOfPain
#IThoughtIShouldHaveAFullBladderIfTheyDidAScan
#SoIWasBurstingForTheToilet
#TheyFinallyCalledMeAndAskedIfINeededToGoToTheLoo
#SoThatWasDiscomfortForNoReasonAsItWasAnInternalExam
#ThePersonExaminingMeWasBeingTestedSoThereWere3PeopleInTheRoomPlusTiago
#TheyGaveMeASheetForDignityAndIApologisedForHavingHairyLegsThoughTheySaidNothingInReply
#TheySaidTheyWereTryingToGiveMeDignityButIAmUsedToHavingMoreInvasiveExaminationsThatInvolveSpeculumsSoIWasNotSureWhereTheSheetWasMeantToBe 
#TiagoSawTheToolTheyWereGoingToUseAndIWasLikeWelcomeToAWomansWorld
#ItWasNotThatBadJustABitColdAndTheWaitingRoomHadBeenSoHot
#BeforeLongTheyTurnedTheScreenAndShowedUsTheLittleHumanInsideOfMe
#SheSaidCanYouSeeTheFlickerThatIsTheHeartbeat
#AndIStartedToCryHappyTearsAsIWasRelievedAndItWasSoSurreal
#AndISaidItIsSoWeirdAsIThoughtPregnancyWasSomethingThatHappenedToOtherPeopleAndNotMeAndItIsSoWeirdSeeingThatLittleThingInsideOfMe
#SheLookedAroundThoroughly
#ItWasGoodThatSheHadSomeoneElseTalkingToHerAsIKnowThatTheyBothHadAGoodLookAndDidNotSeeAnyIssues
#TheTesterSaidIHadTheBestOvariesThatSheHadSeenTodayAndCalledThemBeautiful 
#SheGaveUsAPicture
#TheySaidThatIfItHappensAgainIShouldBookAnotherAppointment
#AsBleedingIsNotUncommonButItStillIsNotNormal
#IAmGladTheyWereEncouragingAsIWouldNotWantToBeSeenAsAnnoying
#IHaveBledALittleSinceButIGuessItIsBecauseTheyHadThatToolInsideMeForAtLeast10Minutes
#IThoughtIWas9WeeksTodayButTheySaidItIsMoreLike9DaysAnd4Or5Days
#IAmGuessingItWillChangeAgainButThatMeansIAmNearlyAQuarterOfTheWayThroughIfAllGoesWell
#TimeHasPassedQuickly
#IKeepLookingAtTheScanAsICanNotBelieveIt
#NanThinksItIsABoyAsSheSaysTheyCauseTroubleFromTheStart

Fingers crossed I do not have any scares this time, though I still feel anxious about being pregnant. I didn’t have a scan this time until I had my first scheduled one, which for me was at 13 weeks. My next one is coming up soon.


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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Imitating B Looking At The Ceiling (8 Weeks? / 23rd June 2021)

Self-portrait on the floor. My elbows and arms are supporting me and I'm looking up to the ceiling.
Failing At Imitating How B Looks At The Ceiling (8 Weeks? / 23rd June 2021)
 
#SometimesBLeansBackAtStaresAtTheCeilingWhileInHerHighchair
#AtOneOfHerBabyClassesSheWillJustLeanBackAndLookAtTimes
#ThoughThereIsADiscoBallHangingDownButIAmNotSureIfSheHasActuallyNoticedIt
#SheHasHerThirdToothComingThroughWhichIsHerFirstInHerTopGum
#SheIsGettingMoreConfidentWithTakingStepsAndItWillNotBeLongBeforeSheIsReallyWalking
#WeNeedToGetHerSomeProperShoes
#WeHaveResignedOurselvesToTheFactThatSheJustWakesUpAtFiveFortyEveryDayNow
#IOnlyNoticedTheOtherDayHowItIsSoLightSoLateAtNightButNowItWillStartToGoTheOtherWay
#IWonderWhenOrIfSheWillStartToSleepInABitLater
#IAttendedAnOnlineClassAboutFeedingToddlersSoIKnowABitMoreNowAboutWhatSheNeedsToEatAtEveryMeal
#CookingIsDifficultAtTheMomentAsIGenerallyFeelSickWhenDoingItButINeedToPullMyWeightMore
#IHaveStartedToBeSickMoreRegularlySinceMyLastEntry
#YesterdayIHadTheDentalHygienistAndIWasReallyWorriedThatIWouldBeSickAtMyAppointment
#IWasGettingReadyAndWasAboutToBrushMyTeethWhenIWasSick
#BetterThatItWasBeforeThanDuringButIWasWorriedThatISmelledOfSick
#IWasRelievedToWalkIntoTheAppointmentAndSeeItWasTwoWomen
#IFeltLessAwkwardAboutSayingSorryIShouldWarnYouButIHaveBadMorningSickness
#IHadThoughtAboutCancellingTheAppointmentButIReadThatDentalHygieneIsReallyImportantWhenYouArePregnant
#IFeelLikeIShouldBeMorePregnantThanEightWeeksByNowAndMaybeIAmOrMaybeIAmNot
#IAmYetToHearAnythingAboutAnAppointmentSoIJustHaveToWaitAndSee
#IHaveBeenGettingTheChillsALotLatelyWhichIDoNotRememberHavingWithB
#IResearchedAboutItAndApparentlyItIsCommonAsYourHormonesAreAllOverThePlace
#MyNanLikesToPutTheHeatingOnHighSoTheChangeInTemperatureProbablyDoesNotHelp
#WeHaveStartedToSeeMorePeopleLatelyWhichIsReallyNice
#AFriendCameToSpendTheDayAndItWasReliefAsTheWeekDaysAreSoLong
#WeWillSpendTheWeekendWithSomeFriendsAndTheirKidsThisWeekendSoIAmLookingForwardToThat
#ItIsWeirdHowBIsOneAndSheIsStillYetToMeetSoManyPeople
#IHopeThatSheWillMeetMorePeopleBeforeSheHasASiblingSoSheDoesNotHaveToShareTheAttentionButItIsWhatItIs
#IWasThinkingThisMorningThatItIsWeirdThatWeMayHaveAnotherChildInSevenMonthsTime
#IKnowIAmPregnantAndWhatThatMeansButIStillDoNotReallyEquateItWithUsBeingAFamilyOfFourYet

(30th August 2021: I failed as being pregnant I couldn’t completely replicate how she does it. It’s more leaning back from a seated position, but I thought I better be careful. It was a hot day, so I wore less than I originally intended to.)

#SometimesBLeansBackAtStaresAtTheCeilingWhileInHerHighchair

I made a note of this in my ‘pictures to take’ memo 3 weeks ago.

#AtOneOfHerBabyClassesSheWillJustLeanBackAndLookAtTimes

She did it at the last class.

#ThoughThereIsADiscoBallHangingDownButIAmNotSureIfSheHasActuallyNoticedIt

I like to try to see what she is looking at. At my Nan’s house she does have some nice patterns in the paint on the ceiling, but I guess she is just taking in all of her environment.

#SheHasHerThirdToothComingThroughWhichIsHerFirstInHerTopGum

I thought I saw something a few days ago but thought it was just saliva, but then I realised the day after that it was the start of a tooth.

#SheIsGettingMoreConfidentWithTakingStepsAndItWillNotBeLongBeforeSheIsReallyWalking

I wrote the hashtags while B played with her toys, which is the first time I’ve wrote and she’s played. As I was thinking what to write B walked from the table to an activity table that my Nan got for her.

#WeNeedToGetHerSomeProperShoes

We have some shoes, but I can not even get them on her feet. Last time I did they cut her heel a bit, so yeah she needs shoes. I need to find somewhere to get her measured…

#WeHaveResignedOurselvesToTheFactThatSheJustWakesUpAtFiveFortyEveryDayNow

The other night it was 11pm and I was struggling to sleep. I knew I would regret it, but actually yesterday I didn’t have a nap and felt okay. I went to nap during her first nap, but she woke up as soon as I pulled my eye mask on and lay my head down (I had been doing some work first).

I am writing this blog post while B is having a nap. I don’t feel particularly tired, but I will at least lie down and have a rest.

#IOnlyNoticedTheOtherDayHowItIsSoLightSoLateAtNightButNowItWillStartToGoTheOtherWay

It was the 20th June and I was like ‘ooh it’s 10pm and it’s still light! Oh yeah tomorrow is the longest day of the year…’

#IWonderWhenOrIfSheWillStartToSleepInABitLater

I think we have to keep acting like she will never sleep in late again so we don’t go to bed too late. At the moment T and I are having a nice chat before we go to sleep, which sounds basic but we didn’t have time for it for a while. It’s important.

#IAttendedAnOnlineClassAboutFeedingToddlersSoIKnowABitMoreNowAboutWhatSheNeedsToEatAtEveryMeal

Carbs at every meal/snack. More energy dense foods. Okay.

#CookingIsDifficultAtTheMomentAsIGenerallyFeelSickWhenDoingItButINeedToPullMyWeightMore

I managed to make a mushroom and leek pie while B crawled around me yesterday. Though T helped with the puff pastry, but it felt good to contribute as I have been so rubbish lately.

#IHaveStartedToBeSickMoreRegularlySinceMyLastEntry

I was sick after finishing my last post.

#YesterdayIHadTheDentalHygienistAndIWasReallyWorriedThatIWouldBeSickAtMyAppointment

I was really anxious about it.

#IWasGettingReadyAndWasAboutToBrushMyTeethWhenIWasSick

I was a bit relieved.

#BetterThatItWasBeforeThanDuringButIWasWorriedThatISmelledOfSick

I arrived just on time, though someone beat me to reception so it seemed like I was late. I had been trying to make sure I didn’t smell of sick.

#IWasRelievedToWalkIntoTheAppointmentAndSeeItWasTwoWomen #IFeltLessAwkwardAboutSayingSorryIShouldWarnYouButIHaveBadMorningSickness

If there had been two guys I would have said it, but I would have felt more awkward for sure.

#IHadThoughtAboutCancellingTheAppointmentButIReadThatDentalHygieneIsReallyImportantWhenYouArePregnant

Your gums bleed more, which might be why when I went to have a tooth out my gums might have been bleeding a lot when they were checking me over beforehand. I had that tooth removed as ibruprofen was the only thing that helped and I knew that you’re not really supposed to take ibruprofen when you’re pregnant. I didn’t want the pain to get worse and then have a tooth out when I was possibly heavily pregnant. It was a good job that I had it out when I did.

#IFeelLikeIShouldBeMorePregnantThanEightWeeksByNowAndMaybeIAmOrMaybeIAmNot

Time moves in weird ways. Sometimes I look quite pregnant, but it’s more of a food baby I think.

#IAmYetToHearAnythingAboutAnAppointmentSoIJustHaveToWaitAndSee

I did miss a call from a mobile number last week. They never left a message though so it probably was just spam.

#IHaveBeenGettingTheChillsALotLatelyWhichIDoNotRememberHavingWithB

I’ll go really cold. Put my jacket on. Then I’m hot in a few minutes.

#IResearchedAboutItAndApparentlyItIsCommonAsYourHormonesAreAllOverThePlace

Great.

#MyNanLikesToPutTheHeatingOnHighSoTheChangeInTemperatureProbablyDoesNotHelp

Heating on maximum. Turn it down. Sun comes out. Etc etc.

#WeHaveStartedToSeeMorePeopleLatelyWhichIsReallyNice

After so long without seeing many people at all.

#AFriendCameToSpendTheDayAndItWasReliefAsTheWeekDaysAreSoLong

It was so nice to hang out and have someone else giving B attention. We all had a nap when B had her second nap. I was glad that she didn’t mind me going off to sleep and she said she fell asleep too.

#WeWillSpendTheWeekendWithSomeFriendsAndTheirKidsThisWeekendSoIAmLookingForwardToThat

We went away with them a few years ago and we were the only couple who did not have kids. There were 4 kids then and now there are 7. If this pregnancy goes well then we will all have 2 kids each.

#ItIsWeirdHowBIsOneAndSheIsStillYetToMeetSoManyPeople

*Shrug* What can we do?

#IHopeThatSheWillMeetMorePeopleBeforeSheHasASiblingSoSheDoesNotHaveToShareTheAttentionButItIsWhatItIs

I know a lot of people will not see me until I potentially have two kids and that might be weird for them to see. I keep saying potentially as I am still nervous about things as it is early days. Morning sickness is meant to be a good sign, but it is never concrete.

#IWasThinkingThisMorningThatItIsWeirdThatWeMayHaveAnotherChildInSevenMonthsTime #IKnowIAmPregnantAndWhatThatMeansButIStillDoNotReallyEquateItWithUsBeingAFamilyOfFourYet

I guess things will be more real when we have a scan or an appointment. At the moment I am finding it hard to get my head around, I think so much of my time is focused on B that in ways I probably do not think about it all as much as when I was pregnant with her.

Fingers crossed for it all. Time to have a lie down. I’m feeling sleepier now…

8 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait. Sat in bed with the bedsheet and duvet pulled up around me, and holding my hands to my elbows. I'm looking straight at the camera and look a bit tired.
I Worry That People Will Think I Am Drunk Or Hungover If I Am Sick In The Street (8 Weeks)

#8Weeks
#ThatMeansIHaveKnownForNearly4WeeksNow
#ItIsSoWeird
#IThinkIAmGettingALittleLessFreakedOutNow
#ThoughCrampsAndStuffOccasionallyDoMakeMeWinceAndWorry
#ThenIRememberHowOftenIHaveExperiencedThem
#TheSicknessThingIsAlreadyGettingOld
#IHaveBeenFeelingMoreSickInTheEvenings
#IDoNotMindBeingSickInTheMorningSoMuchAsIHaveNotEatenYetAndNowIJustTryToDrinkWaterBeforeEightThirty
#OnceIAmSickInTheMorningIFeelFineAndNowItIsBecomingWeirdlyReassuring
#LikeOkayIMustStillBePregnantAsMyBodyIsDoingThatSickThing
#IJustDoNotWantToGetCaughtOutAndBeSickOutsideOfOurFlat
#IWorryThatPeopleWillThinkIAmDrunkOrHungoverIfIAmSickInTheStreet
#BeingSickOnATrainIsMyMainWorry
#IBoughtSomeProperSickBagsYesterday
#ButINeedToJustCarryOneAroundWithMe
#LikeAReallyCoolKid
#RegisteredForTheDentistToday
#TheyWereLikeDoYouPay
#ISaidIUsuallyDoButIAmPregnantAtTheMoment
#AtTheMomentSeemsToBeSomethingThatISayALot
#IAmStillCautious
#IToldOneMorePersonThisWeekThatIAmPregnant
#BecauseIFeltSoSickAndWeWereGoingToMeetTiagoAndHisFriendAndIThoughtTiagosFriendWouldSayCongratsWhenHeSawMeWhichHeDid
#IUnderstandTheNotTellingLotsOfPeopleButIfItIsToProtectMeThenItIsMoreAwkwardNotTalkingAboutThingsThanTalkingAboutThem
#AwkwardAsInKeepingSecretsAndKeepingThoughtsBackFromPeople
#TalkingToPeopleSayingThatIAmMakingWorkAboutTryingToGetPregnant
#WhichIWasDoingButNowIAmPregnantSoICanNotBeTrueAboutWhatIAmWorkingOnAtTheMoment
#IAmSeeingSomeFriendsNextWeekSoIAmGuessingIWillTellThemThenAsOtherwiseIMightNotSeeThemFaceToFaceAgainForAWhileAndSeeingPeoplesReactionsIsMostOfTheFun 
#WhenWeWereEngagedIOnlyToldPeopleFaceToFaceBeforeWeActuallyGotMarried

I am 8 weeks pregnant in the new image, though it hadn’t been confirmed yet. Cramps still make me worry. With B I was usually sick more in the mornings, but with baby X I was sick more in the evenings. I was never actually sick in public with B, but I was sick in front of people last week, which wasn’t very nice…

This time I wasn’t really travelling about because of B and Covid (I’ve only been on a train two or three times for short journeys since she was born), so I’ve hopefully missed that phase this time.

I also told more people via messages that I was pregnant this time before I announced it as I knew I would not see many people in person before hand.

But morning sickness is and was HORRIBLE. Some things don’t change…


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Pai Pregnancy Waiting II

Tiago’s Second British Father’s Day (7 Weeks? / 20th June 2021)

Tiago sat on a beanbag with B on his lap. He is looking down at her, while her face has been covered with duplicates of Tiago's thumb.
Tiago’s Second British Father’s Day (7 Weeks? / 20th June 2021)
 
#IAskedTiagoAboutHowHeFeelsAboutBeingADadTheseDaysAndHeJustSaidGood
#AfterSomeMoreDiggingHeSaidThatHeNowUnderstandsHisPlaceInTheWorldAsAHumanMore
#IGuessBWillNotBeAsStillForTheShootAsSheWasAYearAgo
#SheWasBarelyAWeekOldWhenItWasTiagosFirstFathersDay
#NowSheIsJustOnTheMoveSoMuchAndSheIsStartingToTakeMultipleSteps
#TheOtherDaySheDidAboutSixAsSheConcentratedOnMyPhoneAsIMovedIt
#YesterdaySheWalkedFromTheKitchenIntoTheLivingRoomWithoutAnyPrompt
#TheOtherDayInHerBabyClassThereWereSomeBigFakeDogsThatTheTeachersBroughtRound
#BRanOffAndSheWouldNotTouchAnyOfTheOtherToys
#SheIsTheOldestByFarNowAndSoonSheWillSoonBeTooOldForTheClass
#SheWasRandomlyHuggingTheWomanNextToUsWhoWeHadNotSpokenTo
#HerSleepHasGotWorseButICheckedAndSheIsGoingThroughALeap
#SheAlsoHadHerOneYearVaccinationsThisWeek
#IWasSayingToSomeoneThatAtLeastThereAreNotSevenJabsButThereWereFour
#TwoInEachLegAndIFeltSoBadForBWhoWasObviouslyUpset
#TheNurseWasSayingThereUsedToBeThreeAt12MonthsThenOneOneMonthLater
#ButPeopleWereJustNotTurningUpForTheSecondAppointmentOrTheKidsWouldRememberTheNeedleAndBeScared
#YesterdayBWasAwakeLoadsDuringTheNightButPrettyMuchAwakeFromFourThirty
#SheAteAllHerBreakfastAtSixSoSheMustHaveBeenHungry
#IStillFeelABitThrownOffFromUsChangingFromFormulaToMilkButTheMainDifferenceWasIDidNotGiveHerYoghurtForDessertTheNightBefore
#SheUsuallyEatsQuiteABitOfItAndIGuessItHelpsFillHerUp
#TodaySheWokeUpAtTheSameTimeButIPutTheHeatingOnAndSheSleptABitMore
#WeHaveJustKindOfAcceptedThatWeWillBeAwakeFromFiveThirtyEverydayNow
#IHaveBeenSoTiredThatIHaveBeenAsleepByTenTheLastCoupleOfNights
#MySicknessComesAndGoesAndIHaveOnlyBeenActuallySickTwoTimes
#TwoOtherTimesIWentToBeSickButNothingCameUp
#IHaveBeenEatingALotOfCheeseAndTomatoSandwiches
#TheOtherNightIHadAReallyStrongCravingForRiceAndMangoChutney
#IFeelABitNervousAboutItAllButHopefullyEverythingWillBeOkay
#IDoNotThinkThereWillEverBeAGoodTimeToHaveASecondKidSoWeWillJustHaveToDoOurBest

#IAskedTiagoAboutHowHeFeelsAboutBeingADadTheseDaysAndHeJustSaidGood

This is why I’ve stopped asking him for comments for these things.

#AfterSomeMoreDiggingHeSaidThatHeNowUnderstandsHisPlaceInTheWorldAsAHumanMore

As the shoot is about his second Father’s Day I thought I needed to at least get something else out of him.

He’s a great Dad. It’s currently 06:38 and he’s up sorting out B’s breakfast, while I’m writing this. I did start writing before 6am but B went back to sleep for 10 minutes…

#IGuessBWillNotBeAsStillForTheShootAsSheWasAYearAgo #SheWasBarelyAWeekOldWhenItWasTiagosFirstFathersDay

Oh, what a year.

#NowSheIsJustOnTheMoveSoMuchAndSheIsStartingToTakeMultipleSteps

She.Does.Not.Sit.Still. A friend came to visit yesterday and we were sat outside with her just pushing her walker up and down.

#TheOtherDaySheDidAboutSixAsSheConcentratedOnMyPhoneAsIMovedIt

She was stood up and she was looking at my phone, so I just held it at her grabbing height and kept moving it. We were sat behind the sofa so Nan and T missed it.

#YesterdaySheWalkedFromTheKitchenIntoTheLivingRoomWithoutAnyPrompt

I was glad that Nan and Tiago saw it. Both times were early evening-ish, so her legs must have enough strength by then.

#TheOtherDayInHerBabyClassThereWereSomeBigFakeDogsThatTheTeachersBroughtRound #BRanOffAndSheWouldNotTouchAnyOfTheOtherToys

I was shocked as I thought she would have grabbed them. I guess she is getting older and some safety defences are kicking in? The teachers were saying some kids just don’t like cuddly toys, but I was surprised. I think she was having a weird day as at home she wouldn’t go near her toys either.

#SheIsTheOldestByFarNowAndSoonSheWillSoonBeTooOldForTheClass

There was a baby I hadn’t noticed before who was starting to crawl, but it was their last week. It’s just B and a lot of kids half her age. She enjoys it though – besides being scared of stuffed animals.

#SheWasRandomlyHuggingTheWomanNextToUsWhoWeHadNotSpokenTo

She did keep looking at the woman’s baby, but then she just crawled off, gave her a hug, then tried to go in her handbag. Classic.

#HerSleepHasGotWorseButICheckedAndSheIsGoingThroughALeap

Great.

#SheAlsoHadHerOneYearVaccinationsThisWeek

Great great.

#IWasSayingToSomeoneThatAtLeastThereAreNotSevenJabsButThereWereFour

I thought it would be one injection for some reason.

#TwoInEachLegAndIFeltSoBadForBWhoWasObviouslyUpset

I had to try to hold her still. Her legs are a mess at the moment. She obviously tried to escape my grasp 🙁

A woman outside was saying she has twins and one watched the other one have their injections and he was off.

#TheNurseWasSayingThereUsedToBeThreeAt12MonthsThenOneOneMonthLater #ButPeopleWereJustNotTurningUpForTheSecondAppointmentOrTheKidsWouldRememberTheNeedleAndBeScared

I guess they didn’t want to overload them, but it’s easier just to get them all done on the same day. Good job my Mum comes round to visit as I think B is fine, but she says to give B paracetamol as she has a bit of a temperature. I don’t even notice so I feel bad.

#YesterdayBWasAwakeLoadsDuringTheNightButPrettyMuchAwakeFromFourThirty

Oh the joys. I tried putting the heating on but that didn’t work much.

#SheAteAllHerBreakfastAtSixSoSheMustHaveBeenHungry #IStillFeelABitThrownOffFromUsChangingFromFormulaToMilkButTheMainDifferenceWasIDidNotGiveHerYoghurtForDessertTheNightBefore #SheUsuallyEatsQuiteABitOfItAndIGuessItHelpsFillHerUp

I really need to look at her meals and change things up a bit. She does seem to be getting into her milk though, but it’s always a bit weird changing from one schedule to another. Soon it will be normal. I think her sleep isn’t helped by the leap and vaccinations…

#TodaySheWokeUpAtTheSameTimeButIPutTheHeatingOnAndSheSleptABitMore

Then she was awake from 5:30, but I went in and told her to go back to sleep. We need to be more strict with only getting her out of bed at 6. Sometimes we cave at 10 to 6. Today we were being strict and she actually fell asleep from 5:55 to 6:05. I had got my laptop out to start writing, but when she went quiet I quickly lay down again.

#WeHaveJustKindOfAcceptedThatWeWillBeAwakeFromFiveThirtyEverydayNow

Even if we don’t get her up until 6 she will be awake.

#IHaveBeenSoTiredThatIHaveBeenAsleepByTenTheLastCoupleOfNights

I seem to wake up around 4 by myself and feel quite awake, but I always want more sleep. If B gets up at 6 then we try to get her to nap from 9 to 11. Sometimes she sleeps all of it, sometimes she doesn’t. I will usually nap for most of it if I do not have much on.

#MySicknessComesAndGoesAndIHaveOnlyBeenActuallySickTwoTimes

Hurrah. I don’t want it to get worse. It’s bad enough as it is.

#TwoOtherTimesIWentToBeSickButNothingCameUp

I was relieved. I didn’t like feeling sick, so I wanted to feel better but I didn’t want to actually be sick. I gagged a couple of times and felt better. Great.

#IHaveBeenEatingALotOfCheeseAndTomatoSandwiches

Toast. Butter. Cheddar. A couple of cherry tomatoes. It seems to be enough to take the sickness away and to leave me feeling happy.

#TheOtherNightIHadAReallyStrongCravingForRiceAndMangoChutney

I don’t really like rice so that was fun/weird.

#IFeelABitNervousAboutItAllButHopefullyEverythingWillBeOkay

Last night I was going from hot to cold lots. I probably had sat outside for too long on a not very warm day.

#IDoNotThinkThereWillEverBeAGoodTimeToHaveASecondKidSoWeWillJustHaveToDoOurBest

I do worry about it, but I would rather have a second one now than leave it a few years. All we can do is our best and I’m sure it’ll all be okay.

Feeling sick now.

And then I was sick 10 minutes later…

7 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait with a piece of tissue wrapped around my finger.
(Dragon Fruit &) Cut To Finger (7 and a half weeks)
 
#SoInMyUlteriorMonologueProjectThereIsAPictureOfMyHandsHoldingADragonFruitWithABloodyFinger
#TheReasonWhyUlteriorMonologueIsCalledThatIsBecauseIWroteHashtagsLikeThese
#ButIDidNotAlwaysWriteWhatIAlwaysReallyWantedToWrite
#IAmWritingTheseHashtagsAWhileAfterITookThePhoto
#ThereIsNoDragonfruitInThisPicture
#ButThereIsTheCutFinger
#AndIThinkInMyEarlyPregnancyIHadAccidentsWithKnivesACoupleOfTimes
#AndThisWasTheWorstTime
#SoInTheHashtagsThatAccompanyTheDragonfruitPictureIfIHadFeltAbleToTalkAboutMyPregnancyIWouldHaveTalkedAboutBeingMoreClumsyThanNormal
#IThinkItWasJustBecauseMyBrainWasElsewhere
#WhichItShouldNotBeWhenIAmHoldingASharpKnife
#ThinkingAboutBeingPregnantAndNotBeingAbleToBelieveItProbably
#SoIHadStartedThisProjectButIWasStillWorkingOnUlteriorMonologueAsIDidNotWantToStopPostingStuff
#ButIRealisedThatINeededToTalkAboutBeingPregnant
#SoUlteriorMonologueReachedANaturalEnd
#ButIBoughtSomeTimeOnInstagramByPostingArchivePictures
#WhichIHadThoughtAboutDoingForAWhileButItGaveMeTheTimeToDoItAsILetMyPregnancyProgress
#IThinkItAnnoyedALotOfPeopleByJustPostingArchiveStuff
#ButIHaveSoMuchWorkThatIForgetIHaveHalfTheTime
#SoItWasNiceToGoThroughItAll
#ButItTookALongTimeToDo
#WhichIsWhatIWantedButByTheEndIWasBeyondDoneWithIt

It’s weird seeing myself with such long hair.

This was just an odd addition to the project where I explained Ulterior Monologue a little bit, and about buying myself time on Instagram.

I have been doing ‘dumb stuff’ at times, but I think it’s from having a toddler and being tired. I still don’t like the term ‘baby brain’.

Self-portrait of my body with a small round plaster on my left arm and a scratch on my belly.
Failed Blood Tests (7 and a half-ish weeks)
 
#SoTheyTriedToTakeMyBloodAndFailed
#ProbablyBecauseItWas10amAndIHadNotEatenYet
#AsIHadBeenSickThatMorningAndItPutMeOff
#ItSeemsSoEarlyToBeTalkingAboutOptions
#WhereIWantToGiveBirthWhenItSeemsSoEarlyAndIDoNotKnowTheFullFacts
#TheMidwifeMentionedAHomeBirth
#ILikeTheIdeaOfItButImmediatelyIJustThoughtAboutTheNeighboursAndWhatTheyWouldThink
#LivingInAFlatWithNeighboursOnMostSidesAndUpAndDownDoesNotMakeItSoAppealing
#ButIDoNotHearMuchFromThem
#ApartFromOneNeighbourWhoCoughsLoudly
#AndOnceICouldHearOneVomitingThroughTheVents
#WhichIsWhatIWorriedThisMorningWhenIWasBeingSick
#TIsWorriedAboutTheRisksOfHomeBirth
#SoINeedToFindHimSomeInfo
#OtherPeopleHaveExpressedTheirDisapproval
#WhichUpsetsMe
#AsItIsSoEarlyAndItIsNotSetInStoneYet
#ButThatIsMyPersonalPreference
#AndIAmTheOneGivingBirth
#AndIWantToFeelAsRelaxedAndComfortableAsPossibleToDoTheJobThatPeopleHaveBeenDoingForThousandsOfYears
#AsICanNotBeBotheredWithBeingSuperStressedOut
#LikeISaidMyMainConcernIsTheNeighbours
#SoLetUsHopeForAShortLabourThatIsMidDayAndNotMidNight
#ButItMightNotHappen
#MaybeIWillGoToTheHospitalOrABirthingCentre
#ABirthingPoolIsAllIReallyWant
#AsIWillNotGetASummerHolidaySoICanPretendIAmInTheSeaWhichIsWhereIFeelMostAtPeace
#FingersCrossedThatAllGoesWellFromHere
#ItAllSeemsTooEarlyButTodayMadeThingsABitMoreReal
#IDoNotKnowHowIGotTheScratchOnMyBelly

I learned a lot from all the blood tests to know to eat and drink more this time, though due to Covid my first tests were delayed anyways. They didn’t even ask me where I wanted to give birth this time. I’m also less for a homebirth as we live with my Nan, but it would be easier with not having to worry about childcare for B etc.


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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Imitating B Closing Her Eyes As She Knocks Down A Tower Of Blocks (10 Weeks? / 7th June 2021)

Self-portrait with my eyes closed. B's bricks are stacked up with 5 rows of 2 on top of each other with just one at the top. I am holding onto the top one with my left hand and pushing them.
Imitating B Closing Her Eyes As She Knocks Down A Tower Of Blocks (10 Weeks? / 7th June 2021)
 
#BHasBeenClosingHerEyesBeforeDoingLoudThingsForQuiteAWhile
#ItUsedToBeThatBeforeSheDroppedHerCupFromHerHighchairSheWouldCloseThem
#ILikeToSeeHowTallICanBuildATowerBeforeSheComesToKnockItOver
#TheBlocksBelongToTheWalkerThatSheHas
#SheIsGettingReallyGoodWithItAndSomeDaysSheWillJustKeepGoingUpAndDownTheRoomWithIt
#ThoughSheStillNeedsToLearnHowToTurnItRoundAsWeHaveToDoThatForHer
#SheIsAlsoGettingQuickerAtMovingAroundTheRoomWhileHoldingOntoFurniture
#IAmAlrightButJustFeelingQuiteSickForMostOfTheDay
#ITryToDrinkWaterRegularlyAndEatOftenButMaybeItIsMoreDownToTiredness
#BKeepsWakingUpAroundFiveFortyAtTheMomentWhichIsNotMuchFun
#IOftenWakeUpAtFiveByMyselfButWillThenFallBackToSleep
#TheOtherDayIReallyFanciedChipsWithCurrySauceWhichIHadAndItWasGreat
#ItMayHaveBeenACravingOrItMayJustHaveBeenANormalFoodFancy
#IfIWatchAnythingThatShowsFoodInItBeforeGoingToBedIGetSoHungry
#BSaysDuckALotNowWhichIsQuiteCute
#SometimesSheSeemsToSayYuckWhichIsFunny
#TalkingOfBirdsThoughHavingABlackbirdNestInTheGardenIsNotAsCoolAsIInitiallyThought
#AboutFourDaysAgoICouldHearLotsOfNoiseSoILookedOutTheWindowAfterAWhileAndIScaredAMagpieAwayFromTheNest
#IWasUpsetAndAssumedTheChicksWereAllDeadAndItPutMeInABadMood
#ISawTheParentsTheNextDayWithWhatLookedLikeFoodInTheirMouthButIThoughtThatMaybeTheyWereBuildingANewNest
#TheNextDayIWasNearbyAndIHeardCheepingThenSawABlackbirdFlyToTheNestAndIWasSoHappy
#ThenLaterThatDayIHeardMoreNoiseAndLookedOutOfTheWindowExpectingToSeeAMagpieButInsteadISawADeadChickOnTheFloor
#IDoNotKnowWhatHappenedButIHaveSeenNoActivityAroundTheNestSinceSoItMayHaveBeenTheLastChick
#NatureIsBeautifulNatureIsCruel
#TheDoctorCalledMeToAskMeQuestions
#HeHasPutDownMyLastPeriodAs6WeeksAgoButIReallyDoThinkIAmTenWeeks
#ThoughNowIAmStartingToDoubtMyselfAsWouldIHaveHadAPeriodSixWeeksAgoIfIWasPregnant
#IGuessItWillBeAWhileUntilIHaveAScanSoWeShallHaveToSee
#HeSaidItIsFineForMeToHaveAVaccinationAndNowIThinkUnderFortiesAreLimitedToWhichOnesTheyCanHaveAnyways
#HeWillReferMeToTheMidwifeServiceSoHopefullyIWillReceiveALetterFromThemSoon

#BHasBeenClosingHerEyesBeforeDoingLoudThingsForQuiteAWhile #ItUsedToBeThatBeforeSheDroppedHerCupFromHerHighchairSheWouldCloseThem

It makes me laugh, but I guess it is smart/sensible? Though it would be smarter if she covered her ears I guess…

#ILikeToSeeHowTallICanBuildATowerBeforeSheComesToKnockItOver

I will loudly count or say the colours out loud before she notices. It depends where we are as on some surfaces I can get it quite high, but it is a bit too dangerous so now I have to restrict it.

#TheBlocksBelongToTheWalkerThatSheHas #SheIsGettingReallyGoodWithItAndSomeDaysSheWillJustKeepGoingUpAndDownTheRoomWithIt #ThoughSheStillNeedsToLearnHowToTurnItRoundAsWeHaveToDoThatForHer

Some days we use it loads, some days we don’t. We should really be more consistent with it.

#SheIsAlsoGettingQuickerAtMovingAroundTheRoomWhileHoldingOntoFurniture

This morning she was going up and down the sofa pretty fast.

#IAmAlrightButJustFeelingQuiteSickForMostOfTheDay

I feel sick now. Fun times.

#ITryToDrinkWaterRegularlyAndEatOftenButMaybeItIsMoreDownToTiredness

I’m just at home most of the time so it means I can snack and drink well. I also eat breakfast earlier than I used to, which I am hoping might help but we’ll see. I am worried about going off my food like last time. Yesterday at dinner B was covered in food and it made me feel a bit sick.

#BKeepsWakingUpAroundFiveFortyAtTheMomentWhichIsNotMuchFun

The other day she had a two hour nap in the morning, yesterday she had forty minutes, so let’s see how well she naps today. I want to finish this then have a lie down…

#IOftenWakeUpAtFiveByMyselfButWillThenFallBackToSleep

This morning I could hear people outside at 5. I wasn’t sure if they drunk and still out, or maybe they were on their way to work.

#TheOtherDayIReallyFanciedChipsWithCurrySauceWhichIHadAndItWasGreat

Mmm.

#ItMayHaveBeenACravingOrItMayJustHaveBeenANormalFoodFancy

I fancy a lot of food at the moment. Hoping to get a falafel wrap today…

#IfIWatchAnythingThatShowsFoodInItBeforeGoingToBedIGetSoHungry

We’re been speed watching (1.25x if with Tiago or 1.5x by myself) some trashy stuff on Netflix, and if they eat I get realllllly hungry. I’m getting hungry now thinking about food and I had a good breakfast not long ago.

#BSaysDuckALotNowWhichIsQuiteCute

Duck duck duck duck duck.

#SometimesSheSeemsToSayYuckWhichIsFunny

I can’t wait until she says more.

#TalkingOfBirdsThoughHavingABlackbirdNestInTheGardenIsNotAsCoolAsIInitiallyThought

It’s been stressful/sad.

#AboutFourDaysAgoICouldHearLotsOfNoiseSoILookedOutTheWindowAfterAWhileAndIScaredAMagpieAwayFromTheNest #IWasUpsetAndAssumedTheChicksWereAllDeadAndItPutMeInABadMood

I had looked online to see if magpies will eat blackbird chicks and it said yeah. My Mum said there is less food for birds at the moment, so this also might be why.

#ISawTheParentsTheNextDayWithWhatLookedLikeFoodInTheirMouthButIThoughtThatMaybeTheyWereBuildingANewNest

Food or twigs? It looked like food.

#TheNextDayIWasNearbyAndIHeardCheepingThenSawABlackbirdFlyToTheNestAndIWasSoHappy

Sooo happy.

#ThenLaterThatDayIHeardMoreNoiseAndLookedOutOfTheWindowExpectingToSeeAMagpieButInsteadISawADeadChickOnTheFloor

🙁

#IDoNotKnowWhatHappenedButIHaveSeenNoActivityAroundTheNestSinceSoItMayHaveBeenTheLastChick

I felt bad. I was wishing that the blackbirds were able to communicate to me so that I would have been able to help them.

The pregnancy has been making me more emotional, so I really didn’t need a blackbird saga. The chick was a lot bigger than I thought it would be. I wonder if a magpie came, but then dropped it? I don’t know.

Luckily/sadly it was gone not long after, but I do not want to sit out there for a while.

#NatureIsBeautifulNatureIsCruel

I’ve really got into birds since living at my Nan’s house, but when I was pregnant I really liked to see the goslings, ducks and cygnets growing up by us in Liverpool.

#TheDoctorCalledMeToAskMeQuestions

I was worried that I would be waiting all day, but I had left some space at the bottom of my hashtags and I was starting to write my blog post.

#HeHasPutDownMyLastPeriodAs6WeeksAgoButIReallyDoThinkIAmTenWeeks

He said that I know my body better than him, but he has put 6 weeks anyways. I should have just given him the earlier date.

#ThoughNowIAmStartingToDoubtMyselfAsWouldIHaveHadAPeriodSixWeeksAgoIfIWasPregnant

The body is weird. Who knows. Maybe I am 6 weeks though.

(16th August: I was 6 weeks.)

#IGuessItWillBeAWhileUntilIHaveAScanSoWeShallHaveToSee

I am so impatient.

#HeSaidItIsFineForMeToHaveAVaccinationAndNowIThinkUnderFortiesAreLimitedToWhichOnesTheyCanHaveAnyways

‘If you’re under 40, you’ll only be shown appointments for the Pfizer/BioNTech or Moderna vaccines. If you’re 40 or over, you’ll be asked if you’re pregnant to make sure you’re only shown appointments for these vaccines.’

#HeWillReferMeToTheMidwifeServiceSoHopefullyIWillReceiveALetterFromThemSoon

I just read the hashtags from my pregnancy project that was not to be and it said he said to not expect to hear from them anytime soon, but I got a letter two days later. This time he didn’t say expect a wait, so we’ll see. Knowing my luck it will take 2 weeks.

6 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

The new picture doesn’t really show me pregnant as this project is a mix of pregnancy, and motherhood photos.

I'm lying on the living room floor in a dark pink top with my hair flowing down. My legs are bare and lifted off the ground with one foot supporting the other.
I Can Tell My Body Is Already Changing (6 weeks)

#WellWeHadBeenTryingToGetPregnantSinceTheStartOfTheYear
#WeHaveAWeddingToGoToInPortugalInJulyNextYearSoIThoughtWeShouldPauseThingsForABit
#ButTiagoSaidWeWereBetterOffTrying
#AndToBeFairIThoughtICouldNotGetPregnant
#EvenThoughIHadABloodTestAtOvulationOnceAndTheySaidAllWasGood
#SoIDecidedIWantedToBeLessStressedOutInLifeSoIStartedToMakeAnEffortToBeMoreRelaxed
#WhenMyPeriodWas4DaysLateIKnowSomethingWasUp
#SoIBoughtATest
#AndIForgotIWasGoingToDoOneSoIHadToKeepDrinkingWaterAndEventuallyIManagedToGetAResultFromTheDamnThing
#AndTheCrossCameUpPrettyQuickThen
#AndIWasNotThatSurprised
#IDidNotHaveMuchOfAReaction
#IWasJustRelievedToKnowICouldGetPregnant
#AndThenIJustGotRealStressedAboutWhatIfThingsGoWrong
#IDoNotKnowHowPeopleDealtWithPregnanciesPreInternet
#AnythingAndIAmCheckingIsThisNormal
#AnywaysICanTellMyBodyIsAlreadyChanging
#AndIHaveBeenFeelingSick
#MorningSicknessIsALieItStrikesAtAnytime
#ButItIsEarlyDaysForMeSoItIsNotYetThatBad
#IKnowINeedToEatMoreCalciumSoIAmIndulgingInCheddarOnSandwiches
#WasTryingToCutOutSugarButWasEatingChutneyAndPickleSoAmHavingMoreMarmiteThanThoseNow
#AndIAmGoingOffFoods
#LikeDaalOrDalOrDahlWhichWeEatAllTheTimeUsually
#AndMyFavouriteLunchOfASpicyBeanBurgerWithGherkinsTomatoesAndHoumousIsNotAsGreatAsItUsedToBe
#AndIHaveEatenThatWeeklyForYears
#AndIMeanYEARS
#AndICanNotDrinkMostOfMyLargeCollectionOfHerbalTeas
#AsEverythingHasLicoriceInIt
#SoItIsRooibosAndHoneybushEverydayForNowUntilIFindOtherOnes

I haven’t got back into drinking herbal tea since being pregnant with B, but I also drank more when I was in an office setting and I haven’t been in one of those since before England’s first lockdown.

We ended up having two weddings to go to, but one got postponed and one got cancelled (they’ve got married). I’m still stressed that things could go wrong, but B is a big distraction this time. She also makes time go by fast, though the days are long.

I have been noticing my body changes and of course I couldn’t help but notice the sick feelings, but it is different this time with having B around.


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

I Just Want To Know How Pregnant I Am (9 Weeks? / 3rd June 2021)

A duvet cover hangs in the background as a backdrop. I am facing the left of the image with my hand on my hip. I am wearing a dark blue top and black leggings. Half of my hair is tied up in a messy bun, and I am arching my back.
I Just Want To Know How Pregnant I Am (9 Weeks? / 3rd June 2021)
 
#AmIFiveWeeksOrNineWeeksIJustWantToKnow
#IThinkIAmNineButIWillNotKnowForSureUntilADatingScan
#ThisPictureIsImitatingAPictureITookOfMyselfInJanuaryWhenIMayHaveBeenSevenWeeksPregnant
#ItIsWeirdThinkingHowPregnantICouldHaveBeenRightNow
#IAmNotLookingForwardToBDroppingANapSoonAsILikeHavingTimeToRestAndDoMyOwnStuffWhenSheSleeps
#IAmQuiteTiredAndISeemToWakeUpALotInTheNightNowButFindItHardToNapDuringTheDay
#IAmNotSureIfThisIsDueToBeingPregnantOrIfItIsBecauseOfTheWeather
#TheOtherDayBeforeITookTheTestTiagoSaidIMustBePregnantAsHeSawAMagpieAndSpokeToIt
#WhenHeWasOutsideOfTheHospitalWaitingForNewsOnMeBeforeBWasBornHeSpokeToAMagpieForReassurance
#ThisAllSoundsWeirdAndIsVeryUnlikeTiagoButIGuessInAnxiousTimesWeTakeComfortInWhatWeCan
#SpeakingOfBirdsAsItHasBeenSoHotBAndMeHaveJustBeenPlayingInTheGardenALot
#TheOtherDayIRealisedThatThereIsABlackbirdsNextRightByOurFavouriteSpotInTheShade
#FromTimeToTimeWeHaveToMoveAsICanSeeTheParentBlackbirdsWaitingWithFoodInTheirMouths
#TheyWillNotFlyToTheNestWhileWeAreAroundAsIThinkTheyThinkItIsTopSecretOrSomething
#IOnlyFoundItAsIHeardTheChicksCheepingAndRealisedTheyWereReallyCloseBy
#SoNowIHaveStartedToTakeBToTheParkMoreAndWeSitInTheShadeThere
#ItIsLessStressfulAsInTheGardenBHasALeafInHerMouthEveryFiveSeconds
#SheIsGettingCheekierEveryDay
#SometimesIPretendToChaseHerAndSheLaughsThoughSheGenerallyJustCrawlsIntoADeadEnd
#NanSaidThatYesterdayBTookAStepAndIDidNotReallyBelieveHer
#ThenThisMorningBWasStoodUpInFrontOfMeAndThenDidStepOnce
#SheIsStillBuildingUpHerStrengthButIsGettingBetterWithHerWalker
#SheAlsoHasASecondToothNowWhichMustHaveBeenWhySheKeptWakingUpSoMuchOneNightLastWeek
#BIsGettingMoreFidgetyAndHarderToChangeSoIDoWorryHowItWillBeIfAndWhenIAmMorePregnant
#IHaveToSingHerFavouritePortugueseSongsToTryToChillHerOutButTheyDoNotAlwaysWork
#IGetNervousEveryTimeIGoToTheBathroom
#EspeciallyIfIHaveNotLongHadACramp
#INeedToRememberThatGoodishCrampsExistTooAsItIsJustASignOfThingsStretching
#IAmTryingToBeatMyselfUpLessAboutMyMotheringNow
#AsLongAsIAmTryingMyBestThenThatIsAllICanDo

#AmIFiveWeeksOrNineWeeksIJustWantToKnow

I feel like I have/had too many symptoms to only be 5 but you never know. I do worry that my body was faking some as I thought I may be.

#IThinkIAmNineButIWillNotKnowForSureUntilADatingScan

Just got to wait for my doctor to call me next week then we can get the ball rolling.

(8th August: I can not believe that I thought I was 9 weeks. I know I just wanted to be further along than I was, but yeah… this photo shows nothing. I was 5 weeks here. I’m a bit embarrassed of this picture, but oh well.)

#ThisPictureIsImitatingAPictureITookOfMyselfInJanuaryWhenIMayHaveBeenSevenWeeksPregnant

I haven’t done the shoot yet, but that is what I intend to copy.

(8th August: Here is the original with hashtags –

A duvet cover hangs in the background as a backdrop. I am facing the left of the image with my hand on my hip. I am wearing a dark blue top and black leggings. Half of my hair is tied up in a messy bun, and I am arching my back.
I Worry When I Do Not Feel Sick (7 Weeks / 23rd January 2021)
 
#IWorryWhenIDoNotFeelSickButThenIRealiseIDoSoThenIDrinkWaterAndIFeelBetter
#SometimesICanFeelASlightTickleInMyTummyButItProbablyJustThingsStartingToStretchAgain
#TheDoctorSaidNotToExpectToHearFromTheHospitalAnytimeSoonButIGotALetterInThePostTwoDaysAfterOurCallSayingToGiveThemARing
#TheySaidThereIsABacklogForAppointmentsDueToCovidButTheyWillDoTheAppointmentsWhenTheyCan
#TheFirstAppointmentWillJustBeOverThePhoneThisTimeToTakeDetailsWhichIsFine
#TheSecondAppointmentWillBeInPersonAndTheyWillDoTheBloodTestsThenAndOtherChecks
#LastTimeTheyTriedToDoABloodTestAtMyFirstAppointmentButTheyCouldNotAsMyBodySaidNo
#ThenTheyMadeMeGoSomewhereElseToGetItDoneButTheySaidItWasAWasteOfTimeAsTheyWouldDoABloodTestAtMyNextAppointmentSoItSeemsLikeABetterStreamlinedProcessThisTime
#ThoughIThinkBecauseItIsMySecondPregnancyTheyAreLessConcernedAndThereAreUsuallyLessAppointments
#NanSaidThatIWasStartingToShowTheOtherDayButIWasWearingATightTopAndIHadNotLongEatenDinner
#IHaveSaidBeforeThatIFindTheTermBabyBrainInsultingButIHaveBeenDoingDaftThingsLately
#HoweverIWasABitLikeThisAtTheBeginningOfMyLastPregnancyAsIThinkIJustHaveALotOnMyMind
#WithBGoingDownToA2NapScheduleIAmStillGettingUsedToWorkingOutTheTimingsAndWorryingAboutBTakesUpABitPartOfMyBrainSpaceRightNow
#IPutAJumperOnInsideOutWithTheLabelAtTheFrontTheOtherDay
#TiagoKeepsForgettingThatIAmPregnant
#WhenIWasPregnantWithBHeKeptTalkingToMyBumpAndWasSoSureThatTheBabyWouldBeABoy
#HeAskedIfThisTimeIfHeCallsItAGirlItWillTurnOutToBeABoy
#WeWillProbablyFindOutTheGenderThisTimeIfWeCanAsIThinkFindingNamesWeBothAgreeOnWillBeAStruggle
#ItWasWeirdHearingTTalkToMyBellyAndMentionItsSisterB
#IAmImaginingBWithTheBabyAndInMyMindItIsRidiculouslyCute
#WeWantedTwoKidsButNowIAmABitLikeWhatHaveWeSignedUpFor
#ItWillBeFineAndWeWillGetUsedToItButItIsOddThinkingOfUsHavingTwoKids
#IStillFindItWeirdThatIHaveAChildAndBIsNow7MonthsOld
#IHopeThatSheLikesHavingASiblingAndThatTheyGetAlong
#IAmStillNervousAboutHowThePregnancyWillGo
#AWomanWhoCallsMeEvery2WeeksToCheckOnMeTaughtMeAGoodMindfulnessExercise
#BasicallyYouSay5ThingsYouCanSee4ThingsYouCanFeel3ThingsYouCanHear2ThingsYouCanSmellAnd1ThingYouCanTaste
#IGuessItIsAGoodCovidTestAsWell
#LookingBackAtMyLastPregnancyProjectItIsAwkwardHowBellyOrientatedItIsButThatIsTheMainThingThatChangesAboutYouWhenYouArePregnant
#ThisShootWillJustBeAboutHavingSomethingToCompareLaterPregnancyTo
 

)

#ItIsWeirdThinkingHowPregnantICouldHaveBeenRightNow

I can’t be bothered to figure it out, but I guess I would have been due in a few months?

#IAmNotLookingForwardToBDroppingANapSoonAsILikeHavingTimeToRestAndDoMyOwnStuffWhenSheSleeps

I’ll just have to change how I do things. I am worried more because of how tired I may be when I am pregnant. If that’s the case then we might need to look into B going to nursery here and there. I am a bit worried that she might miss out on things the more pregnant I get, but we will have to see and I just need to rest more.

#IAmQuiteTiredAndISeemToWakeUpALotInTheNightNowButFindItHardToNapDuringTheDay

I seem to wake up at 5am every day, plus multiple other times. Great.

#IAmNotSureIfThisIsDueToBeingPregnantOrIfItIsBecauseOfTheWeather

It has been HOT this week. Luckily today it is a bit cooler.

#TheOtherDayBeforeITookTheTestTiagoSaidIMustBePregnantAsHeSawAMagpieAndSpokeToIt #WhenHeWasOutsideOfTheHospitalWaitingForNewsOnMeBeforeBWasBornHeSpokeToAMagpieForReassurance #ThisAllSoundsWeirdAndIsVeryUnlikeTiagoButIGuessInAnxiousTimesWeTakeComfortInWhatWeCan

I just had a dig through our old messages…

‘Just had a magpie sitting [on the traffic sign] next to me’

Me: Nice!

‘Asked him twice if he was the bearer of good news and he replied two times and then took off haha’

I just went to ask him about this more recent incident. He said they always come to him with good news, especially on the days he needs it.

#SpeakingOfBirdsAsItHasBeenSoHotBAndMeHaveJustBeenPlayingInTheGardenALot

It’s been too hot to go for walks.

#TheOtherDayIRealisedThatThereIsABlackbirdsNextRightByOurFavouriteSpotInTheShade

I heard cheeping, realised it was close, found the nest…

#FromTimeToTimeWeHaveToMoveAsICanSeeTheParentBlackbirdsWaitingWithFoodInTheirMouths

This is what made me realise that it was a blackbird nest.

#TheyWillNotFlyToTheNestWhileWeAreAroundAsIThinkTheyThinkItIsTopSecretOrSomething

It did take me a while to see it at first. It’s a good spot. Kudos to them.

#IOnlyFoundItAsIHeardTheChicksCheepingAndRealisedTheyWereReallyCloseBy

I can’t see into the nest, so I want to get a stepladder and have a look. I’m somewhat nervous to in case a parent sees me and attacks me.

#SoNowIHaveStartedToTakeBToTheParkMoreAndWeSitInTheShadeThere

We do not want to disturb the birds. It was so hot walking to the park yesterday, but I wanted to get out.

#ItIsLessStressfulAsInTheGardenBHasALeafInHerMouthEveryFiveSeconds

She must have eaten a fair few leaves the other day. She eats some in the park too, but not as much for some reason.

#SheIsGettingCheekierEveryDay

I like it.

#SometimesIPretendToChaseHerAndSheLaughsThoughSheGenerallyJustCrawlsIntoADeadEnd

It’ll be fun as she gets older and realises how to actually crawl away from me.

#NanSaidThatYesterdayBTookAStepAndIDidNotReallyBelieveHer

I don’t know why, but it just seemed hard to believe.

#ThenThisMorningBWasStoodUpInFrontOfMeAndThenDidStepOnce

It was more just stepping her feet wider apart but she has to start somewhere!

#SheIsStillBuildingUpHerStrengthButIsGettingBetterWithHerWalker

The other day she was pushing it and I was pretending to scream and run away from her. She just needs to learn to turn it round/to avoid things.

#SheAlsoHasASecondToothNowWhichMustHaveBeenWhySheKeptWakingUpSoMuchOneNightLastWeek

Two front bottom teeth. I’m not looking forward to all the others coming through if she wakes up as much as she did that night…

#BIsGettingMoreFidgetyAndHarderToChangeSoIDoWorryHowItWillBeIfAndWhenIAmMorePregnant

Fun times ahead.

I say if and when as it is still early days and I am nervous.

#IHaveToSingHerFavouritePortugueseSongsToTryToChillHerOutButTheyDoNotAlwaysWork

I just sing all the songs from this compilation (quite badly and with most of the wrong lyrics. She gets so excited when she can tell that I’m going to put YouTube on.

#IGetNervousEveryTimeIGoToTheBathroom #EspeciallyIfIHaveNotLongHadACramp

I am not looking forward to more months of worry. I want this baby but it is so stressful.

#INeedToRememberThatGoodishCrampsExistTooAsItIsJustASignOfThingsStretching

Stretching and cleaning. My body has a lot of changing to do.

#IAmTryingToBeatMyselfUpLessAboutMyMotheringNow #AsLongAsIAmTryingMyBestThenThatIsAllICanDo

I need to conserve my energy. I worry that B might miss out on things the more pregnant I get but at least we have more support here. Would I be pregnant now if we lived in Liverpool still? Maybe, maybe not.


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Hire Us For Your Denim Advert (6th May 2021)

Me holding B. We're both wearing denim and her back is to the camera. It's quite close up and framed from my eye bags down.
Hire Us For Your Denim Advert (6th May 2021)
 
#ThisWeekIsMaternalMentalHealthAwarenessWeek
#ItFeelsSomewhatFittingAsIWasSupposedToDoAllThisYesterdayButIFeltTooCrapTo
#IHadANapWhenBHadHerFirstNapAndIFeltMuchBetterButTheRestOfTheDayWasStillASlog
#ThisProjectIsSupposedToBeAllAboutHonestyAndStuffButIFeelLikeIDoLeaveQuiteABitOut
#IThinkFromReadingMyProjectThoughItIsSomewhatClearThatIHaveBeenStruggling
#ItGoesUpAndDownAndSometimesIFeelFineAndThenIJustReallyRubbishAgain
#IHaveBeenFindingItHardToGetOutOfBedEvenIfISleepFairlyWell
#IThinkIHaveDippedAgainBecauseTheWeatherHasBeenSoCrummyAgainLately
#ItJustRainsEveryDayAndIFeelStuckInsideButMoreThingsReopenIn11DaysSoIHopeThatWillMakeABigDifference
#IFeelLikeICanNotCompletelyRelaxInTheLivingRoomAtMyNansHouseWhichIsMoreToDoWithMeThanHer
#AgainWithTheWeatherBeingRubbishItMeansOurOptionsAreLimitedWithWhereWeCanGo
#AsBHasBlackoutBlindsTapedToHerWindowIDoNotLikeToTakeHerInThereMuchAsItIsSoDark
#SoThisMorningIBroughtHerToOurBedroomWhichIHadToChildproofABitMoreForHer
#IWasWorriedThatSheWasColdAndIDidNotWantToGoDownstairsToGetHerUsualIndoorJacket
#SoIPutHerInHerDenimJacketThatSheHadNotWornBeforeAndIHadBroughtUpstairsAnHourBefore
#ThenIRememberedThatTiagoHasADenimJacketSoIThoughtIWouldWearItAndWeCouldDoAShootToPassTheTimeUntilBreakfast
#IAmNotSureWhichPictureIWillChooseYetButBWasQuiteFedUpAndIWasFeelingDownSoIfItLooksAllHappyFamilyThenThatMightNotBeTheReality
#HireUsForYourDenimAdvert
#MyMumIsHereNowSoIThinkWeWillGoHomeWithHerJustToGetAChangeOfScenery
#BWasIllAndShePassedItOntoMeAndNowAllMyTeethHurtWhichIHopeIsJustRelatedToFeelingRundown
#ItIsPainfulAndParacetamolDoesNotSeemToTouchItWhichDoesNotMakeMeFeelMuchBetter
#BeingIllWhenYouDoNotHaveAKidIsTotallyDifferentToBeingIllWithAKid
#LuckilyItWasABankHolidayWeekendSoTiagoWasAroundToHelpForAnExtraDayButICouldHaveJustDoneWithLyingInBedForAFewDaysButSillyMeFeelsGuiltyAboutSuchThingsNow
#YesterdayWeDidAVideoCallInTheKitchenAndIPutBsWalkerThereToSeeIfSheWouldUseIt
#BeforeIHadEvenStartedTheCallSheStoodUpAndStartedToPushItWhichWasAHugeSurprise
#ITriedToGetHerToShowTiagoLaterButIThinkSheWasABitTiredAndDidNotDoItSoWell
#SomeGoodNewsIsHeHadAnInterviewForHisBritishPassportAndThatWasFineSoFingersCrossedThatWillBeSortedSoon
#WeAreDefinitelyInNeedOfSomeTimeAwaySomewhereAndWeHopeWeCanSeeHisFamilyThisSummer
#IDoWonderHowIWouldHaveBeenIfIHadHadABabyInNonCovidTimesButIGuessIWouldStillBeStrugglingInSomeWay
#IAmJustPissedOffThatItHasBeenATotalPostcodeLotteryWithWhatHasBeenOpenInDifferentAreasOverTheLastFewMonthsAndWithWhatSupportYouGet

#ThisWeekIsMaternalMentalHealthAwarenessWeek

As always I will be posting this much later, so it will no longer be Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week.

#ItFeelsSomewhatFittingAsIWasSupposedToDoAllThisYesterdayButIFeltTooCrapTo

I got an email from Happity yesterday about their #shoutieselfie and I debated doing it, but yeah I felt too rubbish to. This post is somewhat negative but yesterdays would have been REALLY negative.

#IHadANapWhenBHadHerFirstNapAndIFeltMuchBetterButTheRestOfTheDayWasStillASlog

I sleep fairly well at night (though B had been awake for about an hour between 12.30 and 1.30), so I shouldn’t have needed that nap but apparently I did.

#ThisProjectIsSupposedToBeAllAboutHonestyAndStuffButIFeelLikeIDoLeaveQuiteABitOut

I’m aware of how negative and whiny it is all the time, and I feel awful about it. I know how lucky I am to have B and I do love her a lot, I am just feeling a bit stuck.

#IThinkFromReadingMyProjectThoughItIsSomewhatClearThatIHaveBeenStruggling

I feel like I don’t really need to talk about the really dark times that I sometimes have, and we do not need to see anymore photos of me crying.

#ItGoesUpAndDownAndSometimesIFeelFineAndThenIJustReallyRubbishAgain

It’s the circle of mental health.

#IHaveBeenFindingItHardToGetOutOfBedEvenIfISleepFairlyWell

Last night I went to bed earlier than normal. I probably fell asleep around 10.30pm and Tiago got up at 5.30ish, then B woke up at 6.20. Tiago had to go to work not long after, so I wasn’t in a great mood.

#IThinkIHaveDippedAgainBecauseTheWeatherHasBeenSoCrummyAgainLately

It just rains and rains. I took her to the swings briefly the other day and chatting to the Mum next to us she said we’d had all the weather today except for snow. I said it did hail the other day and two minutes later it was hailing…

#ItJustRainsEveryDayAndIFeelStuckInsideButMoreThingsReopenIn11DaysSoIHopeThatWillMakeABigDifference

The other week we were meeting up with a couple of Mums. This week we’ve just seen people in class, and it’s a new term at one of our classes next week and our friends are off to nursery so it’s time to make new friends. Great.

#IFeelLikeICanNotCompletelyRelaxInTheLivingRoomAtMyNansHouseWhichIsMoreToDoWithMeThanHer

We’re very grateful to my Nan for letting us live with her, but it is hard at times, and like I’ve said that’s more to do with me. This morning I was just not in the mood to chat as it was pre-7am and if I was my Nan I would have still been asleep in bed. I’ve said before that I do not like sitting in front of the TV all day. I can not remember the last time that I sat in the living room after B has gone to bed – I just like to have some time to myself.

(14th June: I feel so awkward about saying all that, but it was how I felt. I’m just not a morning person at all – she says after getting up at 5.40 this morning. We look at moving out from time to time, but there isn’t much on the renting market nearby. At the moment the weather is good, so we go out more and we open the window in her room (see two hashtags below) and play in there.)

#AgainWithTheWeatherBeingRubbishItMeansOurOptionsAreLimitedWithWhereWeCanGo

Again, as soon as the weather is better and places reopen we will be out more which will solve this ‘problem’.

#AsBHasBlackoutBlindsTapedToHerWindowIDoNotLikeToTakeHerInThereMuchAsItIsSoDark

It’s not the nicest place to sit in the day, though yesterday I did take her to her room early before a nap and just read books with her which was nice.

#SoThisMorningIBroughtHerToOurBedroomWhichIHadToChildproofABitMoreForHer

I had stopped bringing her in here to play as she just goes for all the cables and it stresses me out. I miss our big living/dining room in Liverpool where there would not have been many hazards for her.

#IWasWorriedThatSheWasColdAndIDidNotWantToGoDownstairsToGetHerUsualIndoorJacket

Logistics. Laziness.

#SoIPutHerInHerDenimJacketThatSheHadNotWornBeforeAndIHadBroughtUpstairsAnHourBefore

My Mum got it for her and it’s a little big. I was trying to tidy up a bit downstairs and so brought it up here.

#ThenIRememberedThatTiagoHasADenimJacketSoIThoughtIWouldWearItAndWeCouldDoAShootToPassTheTimeUntilBreakfast

This made me feel better as I did not know what I would do for the shoot, so it felt good to get the shoot out of the way, pass some time with B and get some photos together.

#IAmNotSureWhichPictureIWillChooseYetButBWasQuiteFedUpAndIWasFeelingDownSoIfItLooksAllHappyFamilyThenThatMightNotBeTheReality

I sang ‘Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall eating yellow bananas…’ a fair few times to cheer her up. She just wanted to smash my laptop as per usual; she took a few pictures of me accidentally.

#HireUsForYourDenimAdvert

I actually thought I looked alright in the denim jacket so maybe I will start wearing it.

#MyMumIsHereNowSoIThinkWeWillGoHomeWithHerJustToGetAChangeOfScenery

Tiago is at work so he can pick us up afterwards. I don’t know why we haven’t gone home with my Mum before… I will have to get her to try to have a nap in her pushchair and I hope it doesn’t pour on us while I take her out for one.

(14th June: I couldn’t be bothered to pack up B’s stuff in the end, so we didn’t go.)

#BWasIllAndShePassedItOntoMeAndNowAllMyTeethHurtWhichIHopeIsJustRelatedToFeelingRundown

Great. Tiago was ill for about half a day.

#ItIsPainfulAndParacetamolDoesNotSeemToTouchItWhichDoesNotMakeMeFeelMuchBetter

Whine whine whine. It does hurt though.

#BeingIllWhenYouDoNotHaveAKidIsTotallyDifferentToBeingIllWithAKid

Tell me about it.

#LuckilyItWasABankHolidayWeekendSoTiagoWasAroundToHelpForAnExtraDayButICouldHaveJustDoneWithLyingInBedForAFewDaysButSillyMeFeelsGuiltyAboutSuchThingsNow

Tiago told me to have a lie down. I did. I felt better. I made some mac and cheese for us all (B loves it), and then I felt knackered again and needed a lie down. Pre-baby I did used to get exhaustion at least once a year and I’d just spend a weekend in bed, but it’s difficult now.

#YesterdayWeDidAVideoCallInTheKitchenAndIPutBsWalkerThereToSeeIfSheWouldUseIt #BeforeIHadEvenStartedTheCallSheStoodUpAndStartedToPushItWhichWasAHugeSurprise

She did not even think about it. She just got up and went until she ploughed into the cupboard.

#ITriedToGetHerToShowTiagoLaterButIThinkSheWasABitTiredAndDidNotDoItSoWell

She had just woken up from a nap, so her legs were probably not warmed up yet.

#SomeGoodNewsIsHeHadAnInterviewForHisBritishPassportAndThatWasFineSoFingersCrossedThatWillBeSortedSoon

It was good that he did not have to venture anywhere for it – though in Liverpool we lived really close to the passport office.

#WeAreDefinitelyInNeedOfSomeTimeAwaySomewhereAndWeHopeWeCanSeeHisFamilyThisSummer

Fingers crossed. He is hopefully finding out today how long he is allowed to go away for if the world doesn’t go back to full doomed mode.

#IDoWonderHowIWouldHaveBeenIfIHadHadABabyInNonCovidTimesButIGuessIWouldStillBeStrugglingInSomeWay

I just wouldn’t realise I lucky I was…

#IAmJustPissedOffThatItHasBeenATotalPostcodeLotteryWithWhatHasBeenOpenInDifferentAreasOverTheLastFewMonthsAndWithWhatSupportYouGet

This has all obviously done me some good as I feel less pissed off than when I wrote this 30+ minutes ago. But it has been a total postcode lottery and I am jealous that friends in other areas have had a lot more things to go to. Oh well, as we keep saying to ourselves ‘things can only get better’.


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