Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

We’re Thinking About Leaving Liverpool And Moving To Birmingham (10th October 2020)

B sat on a small table with T's arms supporting her
We’re Thinking About Leaving Liverpool And Moving To Birmingham (10th October 2020)
 
#IFeelQuiteContentTodayThoughIDoTendToFeelBetterAtTheWeekendWhenTIsOffWork
#TheOtherDayIWentForMyCervicalSmearAfterGettingALetterInThePostToBookOne
#IManagedToGoWhilstBHadANapAtHomeAndTWasAroundToKeepAnEyeOnHer
#ItWasTheFurthestAwayIHadEverBeenFromHer
#ICouldHaveTakenHerWithMeButItSeemedUnnecessaryAndSheWokeUpJustBeforeIGotToTheFrontDoor
#IWasABitAwkwardAboutGoingForTheSmearAsItHasBeenAFewMonthsSinceSoManyDifferentPeopleWereAtBsBirthAndThenCheckedMyStitchesOver
#InTheEndIBarelyFeltIt
#IMentionMySmearBecauseIKnowThatSomePeopleDoNotGetItDoneBecauseOfAwkwardnessAndOrWorryingAboutPain
#AnywaysWhileIWasThereIThoughtIWouldMentionMyGeneralMoodAndHowItGoesUpAndDownALot
#ISaidAboutHowIWasFrustratedByTheChildrensCentresBeingClosedAndNotBeingAbleToSeeMyFamily
#SheSaidMyHealthVisitorIsTheOneToGoToForThingsLikeThatNow
#ButSheAskedIfIWantedHerToCallHerForMeAndISaidYes
#UsuallyWhenIThinkAboutReachingOutForHelpIFeelBetterButISoonFeelBadAgainSoItSeemedLikeAGoodIdeaForHerToJustCall
#IAmYetToHearAnythingButWeWillSee
#IDoNotFeelAshamedOfFeelingDownAtTimes
#HavingABabyIsAMassiveLifeChange
#AndThenExperiencingSuchALifeChangeDuringAPandemicIsDefinitelyARollercoaster
#TypicallyWeEndedUpLivingSomewhereThatExperiencedASecondLockdownEarlierThanALotOfPlaces
#ItIsHardSeeingPeopleLeadingFairlyNormalLivesWithTheirFamilyAndFriendsOnSocialMedia
#IHaveFeltBetterTheLastFewDaysThoughAndIThinkItIsBecauseIHaveHadSomeGoodCallsWithPeople
#ButAlsoBecauseWeAreThinkingAboutMovingCloserToMyFamily
#SoJustThinkingAboutItAndTheLogisticsIsTakingUpALotOfMyBrainSpaceWhichIsGood
#TSpokeToHisBossAndHeSaidToDoWhatIsBestForUs
#AsHeMainlyWorksFromHomeItWouldNotBeTooBadHavingToCommuteHereAndThere
#WeNeedToGiveAMonthsNoticeTheDayBeforeRentIsDueWhichIsNextWeekSoWeWillHaveAThink
#OtherwiseWeCanJustSeeHowTheNextMonthGoesButWeFeelPrettySoldOnTheIdeaOfGoing
#InOtherNewsIBookedASwimmingSlotForNextWeekend
#ICalledExactly40TimesBeforeIManagedToGetThroughJustBefore8InTheMorning
#ThePhotoShootIsQuiteDisconnectedToWhatIAmSaying
#ButIDoFeelHappyToHaveMyLittleFamilyAndWeNeedToDoWhatWeThinkIsBestForUs

#IFeelQuiteContentTodayThoughIDoTendToFeelBetterAtTheWeekendWhenTIsOffWork

Today is World Mental Health Day, but it won’t be by the time I post this (I’m writing this on 10th October). There are too many world days that I don’t usually bother talking about, but this one feels somewhat important.

My posts have been super negative lately and I have been struggling mentally, but you’ll read that I did tell a health professional about it.

#TheOtherDayIWentForMyCervicalSmearAfterGettingALetterInThePostToBookOne #IManagedToGoWhilstBHadANapAtHomeAndTWasAroundToKeepAnEyeOnHer #ItWasTheFurthestAwayIHadEverBeenFromHer #ICouldHaveTakenHerWithMeButItSeemedUnnecessaryAndSheWokeUpJustBeforeIGotToTheFrontDoor

I got the letter a couple of weeks ago and I should have just called and tried to go when Tiago was on holiday, but that would have been too simple.

It might have been the longest that I’ve been out of the same building as her too – I went for a walk with my sister once, while Tiago was looking after her, but the timing was probably similar.

#IWasABitAwkwardAboutGoingForTheSmearAsItHasBeenAFewMonthsSinceSoManyDifferentPeopleWereAtBsBirthAndThenCheckedMyStitchesOver #InTheEndIBarelyFeltIt #IMentionMySmearBecauseIKnowThatSomePeopleDoNotGetItDoneBecauseOfAwkwardnessAndOrWorryingAboutPain

I did mention about having stitches and having a bit of scar tissue, so she said she’d be careful.

Perhaps it’s too much information for some people, but I talk about most things on here and I hope that it might encourage someone to go has been putting it off.

I remember reading a couple of years ago that the Jady Goody effect is wearing off, and in 2018 the number of smear tests were at a 20-year low – so please just go and get tested.

#AnywaysWhileIWasThereIThoughtIWouldMentionMyGeneralMoodAndHowItGoesUpAndDownALot #ISaidAboutHowIWasFrustratedByTheChildrensCentresBeingClosedAndNotBeingAbleToSeeMyFamily

I think the day before I had been quite bad, so I thought it was easiest to mention it whilst I was there.

#SheSaidMyHealthVisitorIsTheOneToGoToForThingsLikeThatNow

I didn’t know.

#ButSheAskedIfIWantedHerToCallHerForMeAndISaidYes #UsuallyWhenIThinkAboutReachingOutForHelpIFeelBetterButISoonFeelBadAgainSoItSeemedLikeAGoodIdeaForHerToJustCall #IAmYetToHearAnythingButWeWillSee

I know that they look after a lot of people, so it’s no surprise that she hasn’t been in touch yet.

She probably will call when I am having a good day…

<29th October – Funnily enough when I first started to look at this post earlier she hadn’t called. Then when I was walking B I got my phone out of my pocket to check something and she called (I note getting my phone out as I would have probably missed her call otherwise).

She said that my GP hadn’t notified her that I had been feeling low (I guess they’re busy). I’m not sure how she found out – maybe she was checking my notes?

As I’m now no longer living in Liverpool – yes, we decided to move the day after I took this and moved 5 days ago – I need to be transferred to a health visitor here.

She asked if I’m still feeling low and I said at times. Earlier if you had asked me just after I called I would have said yes, but I just gave B a bottle of formula (more on that in future posts) and I feel more relaxed as I know she is eating enough now.>

#IDoNotFeelAshamedOfFeelingDownAtTimes #HavingABabyIsAMassiveLifeChange #AndThenExperiencingSuchALifeChangeDuringAPandemicIsDefinitelyARollercoaster

I said that I thought that due to the pandemic that more people were probably experiencing mental health problems – she agreed.

I said that that I know it is normal to feel down after having a baby – she agreed – and that when you add a pandemic to it that it is no surprise that I feel down a lot – she agreed.

#TypicallyWeEndedUpLivingSomewhereThatExperiencedASecondLockdownEarlierThanALotOfPlaces

I keep saying that it’s annoying that children’s centres are closed, whilst pubs aren’t, but by the time I post this I think the pubs might be under tighter restrictions.

I mentioned to the nurse that there are baby groups, but none are near me. She said what about zoom ones and I said I really don’t like them – I do just find being on webcam with a bunch of strangers really odd. It makes me feel anxious and awkward, which then makes me feel worse.

I haven’t even done any baby class recordings in the last week… I feel bad for that. Next week I will do better. I have just been singing Old MacDonald to B a lot though, which she seems to love.

I love this Ella Fitzgerald version – I was playing it to get the link and T laughed and said ‘that song’.

<Ooh, I’ve since danced to it so I can now link it –

>

#ItIsHardSeeingPeopleLeadingFairlyNormalLivesWithTheirFamilyAndFriendsOnSocialMedia

I have been using it less in the last week and I think it has helped.

<Now that we have moved and we live with my Nan it doesn’t bother me so much, but I also haven’t had much time to go on social media either. I have reactivated my Facebook and logged back into my Twitter, but I don’t feel the need to go on them as much. I wanted to tell people that we had moved etc and get back in touch with people who live here.>

#IHaveFeltBetterTheLastFewDaysThoughAndIThinkItIsBecauseIHaveHadSomeGoodCallsWithPeople

This too. Some good phone calls and some good video calls.

The nurse said it is important to talk to people, so I have been making an effort after shutting myself off a bit.

#ButAlsoBecauseWeAreThinkingAboutMovingCloserToMyFamily #SoJustThinkingAboutItAndTheLogisticsIsTakingUpALotOfMyBrainSpaceWhichIsGood

We have thought about it before, but now with the second lockdown it just feels like we are paying a lot of money to be ‘held like prisoners in the north’ away from my family. There is a lockdown by them too, but just knowing they are nearby when things start to shift would be nice.

Packing up the car to go and visit them was quite stressful, so that wouldn’t be a problem.

Pre-Covid we would visit them every 3 weeks or so, and once the first lockdown lifted we were going every 2 to 3 weeks.

<Well, the next day we decided to move after talking to my Nan and the rest of my/our family. It seemed liked the best thing to move in with my Nan as otherwise we wouldn’t have been able to see her and that way we knew she was alright. I was calling her everyday on the phone, so it’s much nicer to have a conversation in person and for her to see B growing up.>

#TSpokeToHisBossAndHeSaidToDoWhatIsBestForUs #AsHeMainlyWorksFromHomeItWouldNotBeTooBadHavingToCommuteHereAndThere

It’s about an hour commute now, it would be about two. That’s not too bad for once a week or so – and Tiago likes driving.

#WeNeedToGiveAMonthsNoticeTheDayBeforeRentIsDueWhichIsNextWeekSoWeWillHaveAThink #OtherwiseWeCanJustSeeHowTheNextMonthGoesButWeFeelPrettySoldOnTheIdeaOfGoing

It would be good for us – and for B.

Our flat is so cold that I am already dreading it, and it is colder up here. We’ll be stuck in a cold flat all day, and then going out for cold walk with not much else to do – I guess it might be the same in Birmingham, but we will make an effort to find somewhere better.

<It already feels a lot warmer at my Nan’s place. I’m going for a walk everyday – it’s a totally different landscape. In Liverpool we lived in the city centre, but here we’re in a suburb and I’m enjoying seeing a lot more of nature. The weather is rubbish but I don’t care – I’m quite happy walking in light rain.>

#InOtherNewsIBookedASwimmingSlotForNextWeekend #ICalledExactly40TimesBeforeIManagedToGetThroughJustBefore8InTheMorning

I thought the phoneline opened at 8, but I was checking something on the site and saw that spaces had already gone. By 8.15am there was only one slot left. Madness.

<Well, it got cancelled by tier 3 restrictions coming into place. Then they allowed the session again and asked if we wanted to rebook it for the weekend after, but we were moving that weekend.>

#ThePhotoShootIsQuiteDisconnectedToWhatIAmSaying

I did try a few different ideas, and I don’t know which one I’ll pick yet, but all of them involve B and T in some way.

<I do like this photo. Bless B and her bald patches – they’re totally normal for a baby.>

#ButIDoFeelHappyToHaveMyLittleFamilyAndWeNeedToDoWhatWeThinkIsBestForUs

I’ll miss the few friends that we have here, but we’re not supposed to see them at the moment (meeting outside is ‘not recommended’) and most of them don’t live close to us.

At this rate we’ll see them just as much as we would if we moved away anyways…

<We’re keen to return when things get better – whenever that is.>


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

They Say That It Takes A Village To Raise A Child, But We’re Cut Off From The Village (7th October 2020)

Me looking at B while she pushes her feet on my face
They Say That It Takes A Village To Raise A Child, But We’re Cut Off From The Village (7th October 2020)
 
#TiagoSaysThatWeDoNotHaveAVillage
#IPointedOutThatWeDoButItIsJustNotALocalVillageAsNoOneFromOurFamilyLivesCloseToUs
#BsSleepHasGottenWorse
#SheWasWakingUpAtNightBeforeButSheDidNotNeedToBeFedAndCouldBeSettled
#NowSheWakesUpWithAHarshCryAndWillOnlySettleIfIFeedHer
#IThinkSheFeedsMoreForComfortThanBecauseSheIsHungryThough
#SheHadInjectionsAndThatNightSheSleptStraightThrough
#WhichWasOddAsSheDoesUsuallyWakeUp
#IHaveHadToFeedHerTwiceTheLastCoupleOfNights
#WeWereGettingAnnoyedLastNight
#IPutHerOnOurBedToGetReadyToFeedHer
#ThenSheStartedToSmileAndBeAllCuteSoWeInstantlyFeltBad
#IWasReadingThatYouShouldNotWatchTVAndBeOnYourPhoneWhilstYouFeed
#IHaveBeenFeelingDownAgainSinceTiagoWentBackToWork
#AndTheFilmsHaveBeenHighlightsDuringLongFeeds
#AsIUsuallyFeedHerFor40Minutes
#ThereIsOnlySoMuchThatICanTalkToHerWhilstSheHasHerMouthFull
#YesIDoFeelGuilty
#MyLifeIsPrettyMuchTheSameEveryday
#IThinkThisPandemicIsMakingMoreSociallyAwkwardThanIAlreadyWas
#TheIdeaOfGroupChatsJustMakesMeFeelAnxious
#ICanNotImagineBeingInARoomFullOfPeopleAtAnEventAnymore
#ItIsSoWeird
#WeTookBSwimmingTheOtherDay
#SheSeemedToLikeItThoughWeWereOnlyInTheWaterFor20Minutes
#ItWasNiceToDoSomethingDifferentAsAFamily
#TheWeatherHasTurnedAndTheOtherDayIDidNotGoOutForAWalkThenYesterdayIGotRainedOn
#INeedToJustFocusOnTakingLifeOneDayAtATime
#AndTryToFindMorePositivityInThisWeirdTimeAsOtherwiseItIsGoingToBeAVeryLongWinter
#IReallyEnjoyedThisShootWithBSoMaybeINeedToCollaborateWithHerMore

<25th October: I wrote this blog post on 7th October.>

#TiagoSaysThatWeDoNotHaveAVillage #IPointedOutThatWeDoButItIsJustNotALocalVillageAsNoOneFromOurFamilyLivesCloseToUs

I am kind of bored with whining about not being able to see my family, and friends who live further afield. It sucks, but we are not the only people who can not see people.

We need the support, but I know that some of those who we can’t see have less day to day support, and I feel bad that we can’t help them right now.

#BsSleepHasGottenWorse #SheWasWakingUpAtNightBeforeButSheDidNotNeedToBeFedAndCouldBeSettled

Her crying was usually quite soft and with some reassurance she would usually go back to sleep.

#NowSheWakesUpWithAHarshCryAndWillOnlySettleIfIFeedHer

I try to leave it 5 minutes before going to her, but it is so loud and she sounds so distressed that I usually only manage a minute.

#IThinkSheFeedsMoreForComfortThanBecauseSheIsHungryThough

I have been feeding her a three hour-ish intervals during the day, just like when she was sleeping well. She usually goes to sleep quite quickly after being fed though.

#SheHadInjectionsAndThatNightSheSleptStraightThrough #WhichWasOddAsSheDoesUsuallyWakeUp

I figured they made her drowsy, which is normal, right?

#IHaveHadToFeedHerTwiceTheLastCoupleOfNights

Before if I had to feed her it would usually be around 4am. Last night I had to feed her around midnight, then 4am (she was crying at 3am, but I managed to settle her until 4).

#WeWereGettingAnnoyedLastNight

The first time I was really annoyed as it took me ages to fall asleep and I felt like I was just drifting off when she woke up.

#IPutHerOnOurBedToGetReadyToFeedHer

I thought she would start crying as when she is hungry she gets upset about me putting her down on the bed first.

#ThenSheStartedToSmileAndBeAllCuteSoWeInstantlyFeltBad

I think smiling and being cute is definitely due to survival instinct. How did cave women survive sore nipples without nipple cream? Smiles are powerful.

#IWasReadingThatYouShouldNotWatchTVAndBeOnYourPhoneWhilstYouFeed

Le sigh.

#IHaveBeenFeelingDownAgainSinceTiagoWentBackToWork #AndTheFilmsHaveBeenHighlightsDuringLongFeeds #AsIUsuallyFeedHerFor40Minutes #ThereIsOnlySoMuchThatICanTalkToHerWhilstSheHasHerMouthFull #YesIDoFeelGuilty

Do I think that most people are watching TV/on their phones whilst feeding their baby? Yes.

Have I enjoyed watching The Addams Family movies? Yes.

We live in weird times where we aren’t able to do a lot of things right now, so I don’t want to take away things that I do have. I will try turning it down and talking to her more though – or do I just say this on my blog to try to not feel so bad?

<25th October – I haven’t watched a film while feeding her in a while…>

#MyLifeIsPrettyMuchTheSameEveryday

I seem to talk frequently about how my life is 3 hour cycles during the day.

#IThinkThisPandemicIsMakingMoreSociallyAwkwardThanIAlreadyWas #TheIdeaOfGroupChatsJustMakesMeFeelAnxious #ICanNotImagineBeingInARoomFullOfPeopleAtAnEventAnymore #ItIsSoWeird

I have mentioned before about how I feel like I am getting worse at eye contact.

I have always been better at one to one conversations than group ones. I always find them awkward – particularly now in the age of zoom. I have arranged one for today, but I do not think I will attend as I do not feel up to it. I feel too crappy and I feel like the whole thing will make me feel worse.

#WeTookBSwimmingTheOtherDay #SheSeemedToLikeItThoughWeWereOnlyInTheWaterFor20Minutes #ItWasNiceToDoSomethingDifferentAsAFamily

It was quite late in the day so I felt anxious for most of it. Pre-pandemic I would worry about what to do when I got somewhere and I would try to map it all out in my mind. Pandemic measures have just made me feel more nervous, but in the end it was fine and if we go again I will know how it all works (or most of it if the rules change).

We just floated B on the surface and moved her about. She did drink some water… Oops. She seemed to enjoy it though (the swimming, not trying a new drink) and didn’t cry at all.

It was an operation to get her dressed quick after though as she got very cold after we got out. We had to bath her when we got home and I washed my hair at home too as there were signs that said we weren’t allowed to use shampoo at the pool. So it was a day long thing in the end really.

I do want to go again, but I think every week would be a bit much.

#TheWeatherHasTurnedAndTheOtherDayIDidNotGoOutForAWalkThenYesterdayIGotRainedOn

Though I did figure out how to get her pushchair rain cover on properly yesterday so I feel a little less awkward about going out now. I realised that I had lost some of my confidence with going out – we had been going out as a family for a week and I was still not used to B’s new pushchair situation.

I am definitely going to try to go out everyday though and just keep an eye on the weather.

#INeedToJustFocusOnTakingLifeOneDayAtATime #AndTryToFindMorePositivityInThisWeirdTimeAsOtherwiseItIsGoingToBeAVeryLongWinter

I had the O Brother, Where Art Thou? soundtrack on as I was writing the hashtags. Keep On The Sunny Side was playing as I got to the end of them.

Yesterday I happened to read something about negativity bias, which I had never heard about before but I know it is something that I need to work on changing…

#IReallyEnjoyedThisShootWithBSoMaybeINeedToCollaborateWithHerMore

I wrote all the hashtags before the shoot – except for this one. I am adding this as B plays on her mat. She is getting more grabby – with her hands and feet.

Just because I am not showing her face does not mean that she can’t be in more shoots. I guess there is only so much that we can do, but she does not seem to mind just sitting/lying on me whilst I take photos.

<25th October: A few days after this shoot and hashtag we decided to leave Liverpool and move in with my Nan in Birmingham. We arrived yesterday. Packing a flat up with a 4 month old during a pandemic was not easy, and now I am looking at the mountain of stuff wondering how we are going to unpack it all.

I tried to start on it all this morning, but I just didn’t know where to start. The good thing is we don’t need most of it right now, but it’s definitely going to be a challenge.

I could have added updates to a lot of this post like I usually do, but I address a lot of it in following posts and… I’m tired.>


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

With My Child In My Childhood Home (6th July 2020)

With My Child In My Childhood Home (6th July 2020)
 
#ItIsNowJulyAndIHadNotSeenMyParentsSinceFebruary
#AndTheyHaveNowObviouslyMetBForTheFirstTime
#MyYoungerSisterCameToStayWithMeAndTTheWeekendBeforeLockdownStarted
#AndIHadNotSeenMyNanSinceMarch
#IWasWorriedThatSheMightDieBeforeWeSawHerAgainAndNeverGetToMeetB
#SheLooksReallyWellAndMaybeThatIsPartlyDownToHerEnthusiasmAtMeetingNewFamilyMembers
#MeTAndBHaveBeenAtMyParentsHouseForAFewDaysNow
#ThisIsTheLongestIHaveStayedHereInALongTime
#WeUsuallyStayWithMyNanAndWithTBeingAbleToWorkFromHomeItIsOkayToStayABitLonger
#YesterdayACoupleOfFriendsCameRoundAndLifeFeltSomewhatNormal
#ThoughTheyHaveNotSatAtMyParentsHouseBefore
#UsuallyWeMeetAtAPubOrSomething
#APubOrAnywhereWithLotsOfStrangersIsTheLastPlaceIWantToBeRightNow
#BJustStayedInMyLapSleepingTheWholeTime
#ItIsEasyToForgetThatIAmAMotherSometimes
#ThoughSheLetsMeKnowAtNightWhenIAmUpAndDownUntilSheFinallyStopsFeedingAndSleeps
#SomeNightsSheJustWakesOnce
#OtherNightsItIsOften
#SheHasChangedALotInTheLastFewDays
#SheIsMoreAlertAndWatchesThingsLikeTheTreesBlowing
#ItIsNiceToBeAtMyParentsHouseAndAroundNatureMore
#IHaveNotBeenToAParkSinceMarchButTheirGardenIsKindOfLikeGoingToAPark
#IHadNotWatchedATVSinceMarchAsWeJustHaveNetflixOnOurComputersAndIDidNotWatchTVInHospital
#ITookAPictureOfMeAndBLyingOnTheLivingRoomCarpetAsToMeItIsNoticeablyMyParentsHouse
#ITookSomeOfUsLyingOnABedButItCouldHaveBeenAnywhere
#ThisCarpetSurvivedTheMoveFromBirminghamToTheHouseTheyLiveInNow20PlusYearsAgo
#ThoughThinkingAboutItIThinkTheyReplacedItAYearAgoWithASimilarCarpet
#INeedToAskAndCheck
#ItTookMeOverAMonthToCheckAndGoodJobIDidAsThisIsHowFakeNewsStarts
#ItWasInTheHouseWhenTheyMovedIn
 

If I had known that I was going to cover B’s face with carpet, then I wouldn’t have deleted a test shot of the carpet without us lying there… I still think it’s nice even though the colours of the pasted bit don’t match up (I took that from an outtake of just a picture of B).

#ItIsNowJulyAndIHadNotSeenMyParentsSinceFebruary
#AndTheyHaveNowObviouslyMetBForTheFirstTime

I thought it would be weird to see people again, but it was like we had never been apart. We weren’t going to do the trip so soon, but visiting rules changed and we had accidentally left B in her car seat for longer than we thought we were meant to at a garden party. It was accidental because we were so stressed about being out of the house with her for the first time that we forgot how to parent. She seemed fine and so we thought we were up for the drive. She ended up sleeping the whole way there and back, and we didn’t need to stop as there was less traffic so the journeys were shorter.

#AndIHadNotSeenMyNanSinceMarch
#IWasWorriedThatSheMightDieBeforeWeSawHerAgainAndNeverGetToMeetB
#SheLooksReallyWellAndMaybeThatIsPartlyDownToHerEnthusiasmAtMeetingNewFamilyMembers

I thought about deleting the bit about my fear, but this is my kind of diary and that is how I felt. We used to go to visit her every few weeks, so it was weird not being able to see her; we had to make do with talking on the phone everyday instead.

#YesterdayACoupleOfFriendsCameRoundAndLifeFeltSomewhatNormal

We sat at a reasonable distance with hand sanitiser on the table. It’s weird thinking about carefree we used to be… Only one friend (neither of the friends mentioned here) saw me heavily pregnant in real life, which is so weird.

#APubOrAnywhereWithLotsOfStrangersIsTheLastPlaceIWantToBeRightNow

We’ve started to go to restaurants in the last couple of weeks, but that’s only because I don’t like missing a bargain (there is a scheme in the UK called Eat Out To Help Out). We try to be careful about where we go and the places are a lot less crowded than they used to be which is good. It’s nice to build up our confidence with going out, but I still feel a bit nervous (because of Covid and because of having a baby).

#ItIsEasyToForgetThatIAmAMotherSometimes

When she is sleeping I often forget that I am a mother. I’m going to try to not say in every post that I still can’t believe I’m one…

#SheHasChangedALotInTheLastFewDays
#SheIsMoreAlertAndWatchesThingsLikeTheTreesBlowing

She is growing up so fast and we see small changes everyday. When she smiles a lot it makes me cry tears of joy (just writing this is making me emotional). She is using her hands more (touching, grabbing etc) and she seems to have discovered that she has a tongue. Earlier she had a bath and she was kicking her legs in it, which she hasn’t done before.

#ItIsNiceToBeAtMyParentsHouseAndAroundNatureMore #IHaveNotBeenToAParkSinceMarchButTheirGardenIsKindOfLikeGoingToAPark

Though we were just there for a couple of days and I did not go into the garden once. I think I get worried about what to dress her in, though really a few minutes in the garden if I made the wrong decision wouldn’t be too bad right? I’m still building up my confidence with certain things.

#IHadNotWatchedATVSinceMarchAsWeJustHaveNetflixOnOurComputersAndIDidNotWatchTVInHospital

I’ve been enjoying watching Canada’s Drag Race at my Nan’s house, though she doesn’t seem so impressed with it.

#ITookAPictureOfMeAndBLyingOnTheLivingRoomCarpetAsToMeItIsNoticeablyMyParentsHouse
#ITookSomeOfUsLyingOnABedButItCouldHaveBeenAnywhere

I had originally thought that I’d take a picture called Lying With My Child on My Childhood Bed, though my parents thought we should go in my older sister’s room as there is more space. The duvet cover was new to me and yeah it didn’t seem right. Then when I was in the living room I looked at the carpet and I thought it made more sense as it really says ‘my parents’ house’ to me.

I feel like I should add that we moved to that house when I was 7, but it’s the place that I’ve lived in for the longest amount of time in my life. I guess I spent more childhood years (0-7) at the previous house, but who cares, right?

#ThisCarpetSurvivedTheMoveFromBirminghamToTheHouseTheyLiveInNow20PlusYearsAgo
#ThoughThinkingAboutItIThinkTheyReplacedItAYearAgoWithASimilarCarpet
#INeedToAskAndCheck
#ItTookMeOverAMonthToCheckAndGoodJobIDidAsThisIsHowFakeNewsStarts
#ItWasInTheHouseWhenTheyMovedIn

I always check over the hashtags before posting to make sure I’ve made no mistakes and I was confused why I only had 29 when you can post a maximum of 30 to Instagram. Then I read them and realised that I was planning to check at the time. I messaged my Mum today saying ‘random question…’ and realised that I was about to spread fake news about my parents’ living room carpet when she replied. My bad.

As you can’t see B’s face – she is looking quite cheeky and biting on her clothes a little bit. I think not sharing her face is the right thing to do for us, though sometimes I do just want the world to see how cute she is. (If I tell her she is cute I also tell her how smart, strong etc she is as well.)

When she is older if people are still interested in these pictures then she can decide if she wants her face to be revealed or not, but for now a lot of people will just have to imagine what she looks like. I think she looks a lot like how Tiago did when he was a kid at the moment and friends say that she looks like him too, but he can’t see it.

Hopefully she’ll get to meet more of our friends and family soon. Who knows when she’ll get to meet Tiago’s family, but I hope it is sooner rather than later. We’re going to apply for her passport soon then see how things are and how we feel.

This was the first summer (and year so far) that we haven’t been to Portugal since we met and I just want to swim in the sea so badly. I can’t wait to take B swimming for the first time. She seems to like the bath and like I said before, she was kicking her legs in it today.

I’m a bit of a snob about swimming in chlorine as it dries my skin out, so she’ll have to wait for now. I’ve already bought her a swimwear sunsuit for 1 year olds (hello sale), but hopefully we won’t be waiting that long.


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