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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Trying To Pack Up A Flat With A 4 Month Old Is Stressful (20th October 2020)

Me pulling on my hair
Trying To Pack Up A Flat With A 4 Month Old Is Stressful (20th October 2020)
 
#TheNewNestingSideOfMeIsSoFreakedOutByTheAbsoluteMessOfOurFlat
#JustBoxesAndStuffEverywhereAndWeStillNeedToPackALotMore
#TiagoHasHiredAVanForAFewDaysTimeAndIAmAlsoStressedOutAboutThat
#HavingToGetEverythingInItAndWorryingAboutGettingToldOffForParking
#DueToThePandemicWeCanNotHaveAnyHelp
#IDoFeelABitOverwhelmedByEverything
#IWantADayOffButICanNot
#IThinkBIsTeethingNow
#WellWeThoughtSheWasBeforeButNowIThinkSheIsEvenMoreSo
#YesterdayIReallyStruggledToGetHerToTakeHerSecondNapWhichWeUsuallyHaveFewProblemsWith
#InTheEndIJustLetHerSleepOnMe
#ThenSheDidNotTakeHerFourthNapSoWePutHerToBedEarly
#ButSheJustWouldNotSettleForSoLong
#TheLastTwoDaysIHaveNotNappedDuringHerFirstNapAsIRealiseItIsTheBestTimeToGetThingsDone
#ItIsReallyHardToKnowWhatIsNormalForABabyHerAgeWhenICanNotInteractWithManyMums
#IGuessWithGoingToBabyClassesAndChildrensCentresYouWouldHaveALotOfConversationsAndCanCompareThings
#ItIsVeryDifferentToJustTalkingToPeopleViaTechnology
#MyHairIsSoGreasyInThisShoot
#IAmTryingToWriteTheseHashtagsQuicklySoICanGoWashMyHairAsItJustFeelsSoGross
#IOnlyDidOneShootLastWeekAsIFeltLikeThereWasNotMuchToSay
#IHaveJustBeenMotheringPackingCodingAndGoingForADailyWalk
#ThoughIDoNotAlwaysManageToGetOutForAWalk
#IHaveAlsoBeenSellingSomeBitsOfFurnitureWhichAlwaysTurnsInToAMassiveJob
#YesterdayTheMentalHealthServiceCalledMe
#ItWasADelayedRoutineCheckupAsIDidAnOnlineCBTCourseForAnxietyAYearAgo
#TheySaidTheyUsuallyCallAfter6MonthsButTheyAreLateDueToThePandemic
#ISaidIHaveBeenFeelingBetterWhichIsProbablyDueToTheDistractionsOfMoving
#IStillHaveNotHeardBackFromTheDoctorsOrHealthVisitorThoughAfterMyAppointmentWhereIMentionedMyMentalHealth
#IHadALongShowerForTheFirstTimeInAgesAndFeltSoMuchBetterAfter
#INeedToStartDoingAnotherSetOfHashtagsForAfterIHaveRantedAboutStuffInTheFirstLotAndThenFeelLoadsBetter
 

Hello! I’m writing this on 20th October <and adding notes on 5th November.>

This shoot was inspired by photos I took on my birthday shoot, but didn’t choose for the final picture.

Before I did the shoot I did a yoga video for stress – it was nice, but I did still feel stressed afterwards.

I finished a 30 days video class yesterday, but I am thinking that maybe I accidentally skipped a few classes as it seems like it ended so soon? I feel stronger, but the problem is when you finish something like that it is knowing what to do next. She does have other programs that I need to try to get into (mentally) ASAP.

<I am trying to get through a new 30 day challenge, though today I did the same video as yesterday as I felt like I could have done it better. I was doing some 10 minute videos, but they really weren’t enough. This morning I also did a baby yoga class with B as the more stretching I can do the better!>

#TheNewNestingSideOfMeIsSoFreakedOutByTheAbsoluteMessOfOurFlat #JustBoxesAndStuffEverywhereAndWeStillNeedToPackALotMore

I have changed a lot from the messy child that I once was, but I think since having a baby I like mess even less.

Walking through the flat is a bit like an obstacle course at the moment. We need to be careful, especially when carrying B through it all.

At least she isn’t crawling yet – it would be a bit of a nightmare.

<It turns out that unpacking with a nearly 5 month old is stressful too, who would have thought it? I am hoping that we can finally start to unpack properly this weekend!>

#TiagoHasHiredAVanForAFewDaysTimeAndIAmAlsoStressedOutAboutThat #HavingToGetEverythingInItAndWorryingAboutGettingToldOffForParking

Tiago is chilled about it all, but I was already stressing about this as soon as we said we were moving.

#DueToThePandemicWeCanNotHaveAnyHelp

Well, we could hire a man with a van, but because of the pandemic it seems easier for Tiago just to do it. I meant more help from friends etc.

<Luckily a friend came to help in the end as otherwise it would have been impossible! Moving out day was a nightmare…>

#IDoFeelABitOverwhelmedByEverything #IWantADayOffButICanNot

When I say everything, really I mean a day off from responsibilities. I just miss the days where I had all day to do my own thing, and I got a lot done but also faffed. There is no time for faffing now.

(Though last night I did watch some orangutan videos. I’m more emotional at animal and baby videos now that I have a baby.)

Though I do not want a day away from B. I love when she smiles at me. The other day she had a little giggle fit which was really sweet.

I guess things will be different when she starts to eat solid foods and she doesn’t really need me 24/7, though I will miss the ease of breastfeeding and not having to prepare food etc.

<Now that we live with my Nan, things do seem a little less full on, but I still do feel overwhelmed at times. My main concern at the moment is that she is getting stimulated enough. We do the same things everyday and there are no in person classes by us, which I think would be good for both of us.>

#IThinkBIsTeethingNow #WellWeThoughtSheWasBeforeButNowIThinkSheIsEvenMoreSo

She is dribbling a lot, but I think she might be also going through the 4-month sleep regression which explain the sleeping side of things.

<She was definitely teething and still is 🙁 >

Yesterday she did roll over for the first time in ages by herself, so it’s possible – as sleep regressions have something to do with learning new skills.

<I have an app that says that she is currently going through a developmental leap.>

#YesterdayIReallyStruggledToGetHerToTakeHerSecondNapWhichWeUsuallyHaveFewProblemsWith #InTheEndIJustLetHerSleepOnMe

Well I am writing this during her second nap and it was difficult, but I just rocked her to sleep in the end.

I know I shouldn’t do it, but yesterday she was calm whilst I was rocking her but I stopped too early and then she wouldn’t settle again.

<Today she has had two naps so far and they were both shorter than normal, and I had to rock her to sleep for both.>

#ThenSheDidNotTakeHerFourthNapSoWePutHerToBedEarly #ButSheJustWouldNotSettleForSoLong

See comment above on sleep regression…

<She has been having a fourth nap lately, but she takes ages to settle at bedtime.>

#TheLastTwoDaysIHaveNotNappedDuringHerFirstNapAsIRealiseItIsTheBestTimeToGetThingsDone

It’s usually her longest nap of the day, in terms of how long she has to sleep and how well she usually sleeps.

I try to put her down to nap after 1 1/2 hours for her first nap, after 1 3/4 hours for her second and third, then 2 hours after fourth and fifth.

Obviously this never goes to plan, but this is what I try to do.

#ItIsReallyHardToKnowWhatIsNormalForABabyHerAgeWhenICanNotInteractWithManyMums

I find it so weird that when you have a baby you pretty much get left to it. I guess in ‘normal times’ you’d have more in person support from friends and family, so people don’t see the need to worry about you.

<It has been good to see family lately and get some reassurance about things.>

#IGuessWithGoingToBabyClassesAndChildrensCentresYouWouldHaveALotOfConversationsAndCanCompareThings #ItIsVeryDifferentToJustTalkingToPeopleViaTechnology

Basically, I feel like I can’t keep talking to people about poop over WhatsApp…

#MyHairIsSoGreasyInThisShoot #IAmTryingToWriteTheseHashtagsQuicklySoICanGoWashMyHairAsItJustFeelsSoGross

I should have washed it yesterday really, but obviously my priorities are messed up.

<I washed my hair yesterday and I was thinking that I prioritise making over work over personal hygiene. Lucky Tiago…>

#IOnlyDidOneShootLastWeekAsIFeltLikeThereWasNotMuchToSay

And I did not know what to do for the shoot. I felt like if I was to have done a shoot then the pictures would have been bad and I would have felt more crummy, so I left it.

Usually my motto is ‘if you don’t try then you don’t get’, but I just wasn’t feeling very confident.

#IHaveJustBeenMotheringPackingCodingAndGoingForADailyWalk

I am nearly done with my coding project. I just need to edit the look of it, then I am going to take the rest of the week off (and probably another week) before I start the next and final course.

<I finished it, but now I don’t know how I had time to do a coding course. I’m going to leave it until next month I think.>

Next week I need to unpack and adjust to living in Birmingham really.

<Still need to unpack…>

Once the course is done I will have a lot more time to work on my stuff in the evenings, which will be good. I do like getting stuff done in the morning though so I feel like it’s not hanging over me all day.

I haven’t been reading much lately as I’ve been trying to go to bed early instead. Though last night I did start The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did) by Philippa Perry.

<I didn’t finish the book before I had to send it back for the next person. I do want to get back into reading as I miss it, but I seem to favour sleep over staying up late to read these days.>

#ThoughIDoNotAlwaysManageToGetOutForAWalk

I do plan to, but the other night we were going to go for one later on in the day but by then it seemed easier for Tiago to go by himself. This is why I aim for the mid-afternoon really, so that if it is missed we can aim for the next one and then the next one. Actually I think we did move it twice…

#IHaveAlsoBeenSellingSomeBitsOfFurnitureWhichAlwaysTurnsInToAMassiveJob

SO MUCH FAFF. We have one piece left to go, which someone is meant to be collecting tonight. Fingers crossed.

<They did collect it. Phew.>

#YesterdayTheMentalHealthServiceCalledMe #ItWasADelayedRoutineCheckupAsIDidAnOnlineCBTCourseForAnxietyAYearAgo #TheySaidTheyUsuallyCallAfter6MonthsButTheyAreLateDueToThePandemic #ISaidIHaveBeenFeelingBetterWhichIsProbablyDueToTheDistractionsOfMoving

I said I was moving and they told me to call the equivalent service in Birmingham if I need to. I’ll see how things go.

#IStillHaveNotHeardBackFromTheDoctorsOrHealthVisitorThoughAfterMyAppointmentWhereIMentionedMyMentalHealth

Maybe the doctor/nurse didn’t call the health visitor. Maybe she tried to call once and because I didn’t answer she didn’t try again. Maybe too many people need her help. Who knows?

<She called after I had moved and said that no one told her that I was feeling low.>

#IHadALongShowerForTheFirstTimeInAgesAndFeltSoMuchBetterAfter

I usually just have a bath when B does these days. Again, I need to question my priorities.

#INeedToStartDoingAnotherSetOfHashtagsForAfterIHaveRantedAboutStuffInTheFirstLotAndThenFeelLoadsBetter

I need to start ranting in a diary again so I can save all the mushy happy stuff for this project. Though the whole point of this series is to be as honest as possible, but I hate coming across as so whiney.

I actually did a baby class with B for the first time in ages between the shoot and writing this, which was really nice. I need to focus more on being the best Mum I can be, but it is difficult sometimes.

Mothering is the most intense job I’ve ever had. It is rewarding, but it is also exhausting.


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Third Family Portrait (2nd October 2020)

(I wrote this on 2nd October 2020, whilst dancing in my chair to You Know Me Better by Róisín Murphy on repeat. I haven’t listened to music properly in a while and it feels really good.

I’ve been making a big batch of dance videos every 2 weeks now and I’m looking forward to hopefully making some more tomorrow.)

<19th October – I made some, but I’m not sure if it was the next day. I am planning to dance to a new Róisín Murphy song in my next bath of videos.

I’ve been trying to post this all day, but I just haven’t had the time. I’m hoping that I can now while B is supposed to be having a catnap, but I can hear her making noise…>

Me dancing to the song, whilst 3 months pregnant…

Anyways…

I think this photo sums up our family quite well in some way. Me looking at the camera, and Tiago and B not. It almost looks like two photos have been edited together or something.

Third Family Portrait (2nd October 2020)
 
#WhoopsICanNotBelieveItHasBeenAMonthAndAHalfSinceTheLastFamilyPortrait
#WeHadPlannedToDoItEarlierInTheDayButInTheEndItWasGettingLateAndBWasGettingRestless
#TypicallyIHadToldSomeoneThatHerSleepingWasNotThatBadAndThenSheTookAgesToSettleAtBedtime
#HerBedtimeIsUsuallyBetween7And8WithADreamFeedAround10
#AndTheLastFewNightsIHaveNotFedHerUntil7InTheMorning
#ThoughSheNormallyWakesUpQuiteABit
#LastNightSheWokeUpLessButIStillFeltLikeIHadOnlySleptFor5Minutes
#IHaveBeenHavingANapEverydayLately
#IAmNotSureIfItIsParentingTheWeatherLifeOrEverything
#IThinkMyPeriodMayHaveStarted
#IHaveNotHadOneSinceSeptember2019AndTypicallyWeAreGoingSwimmingTomorrow
#IWasHopingToGoWithoutThemForABitLonger
#YesterdayTiagoCommentedThatBWasLookingABitTooBigInHerBassinet
#SoLastNightIAssembledTheChairElementOfHerPushchairAndSheWentInItForTheFirstTimeToday
#NewRulesGotAnnouncedForLiverpool
#NoMeetingUpWithOtherPeopleInsideForAnyReason
#AndMeetingUpOutsideIsNotRecommended
#TheNotRecommendedStuffIsABitAnnoying
#EitherWeAreAllowedOrWeAreNot
#AnywaysWeWentToTheCityCentreTodayToGetFalafelWraps
#IFoundTheWholeExperienceSoStressfulThatIWillNotBeWalkingThereAgainAnytimeSoon
#PeopleDoNotCareAboutSocialDistancingAndIJustFeltAnxiousTheWholeTime
#ItWasTooColdToEatOutsideSoWeWalkedHomeWithThem
#TiagoAteHisWhilstIFedBAndAfterAWhileIWasSoHungryThatIDecidedToEatItOverHer
#YesterdayWeAlsoStartedToPutHerInHer3To6MonthsOnesies
#SheHasALotOfTheSamePatternsAsHer0To3MonthsOnes
#SheHadANiceNewOneOnTodayAndIGotFalafelWrapJuiceAllOverIt
#CleverMe
#IAskedTiagoIfHeHadAnythingToSayWithTheHashtagsButHeSaidNo
#IAmNotLookingForwardToHimGoingBackToWorkNextWeek

#WhoopsICanNotBelieveItHasBeenAMonthAndAHalfSinceTheLastFamilyPortrait

Time just flies by. I honestly thought we had already taken a third one, and I was trying to remember the image as I could only remember the second one that we took in August.

#WeHadPlannedToDoItEarlierInTheDayButInTheEndItWasGettingLateAndBWasGettingRestless

T said we could try again tomorrow when ‘we’re all clean and stuff’, but I’m sure one of them will do, and I want this project to be an accurate portrayal of how we look day to day.

#TypicallyIHadToldSomeoneThatHerSleepingWasNotThatBadAndThenSheTookAgesToSettleAtBedtime

I think she got overtired. We follow a schedule, but it just gets a bit messy around bedtime and I usually end up feeding her twice in that awake period.

<Her second nap was unusually bad today. I wonder if she is teething or something.

I had to go and check on her as she is definitely not sleeping now. I only want her to sleep for 20-30 minutes, but it takes more than that to try to get her to sleep at times…>

#HerBedtimeIsUsuallyBetween7And8WithADreamFeedAround10 #AndTheLastFewNightsIHaveNotFedHerUntil7InTheMorning #ThoughSheNormallyWakesUpQuiteABit #LastNightSheWokeUpLessButIStillFeltLikeIHadOnlySleptFor5Minutes

Some nights it feels like I’m up every hour settling her; last night I only woke up twice.

The second time Tiago was awake too and he said that she did one cry and I sat upright straight away. I had assumed that she had been crying for a while and I had only just woken up.

I always feel tired…

<I’ve got B up – the catnap was a failure, so I’ll just feed her shortly and then put her to bed early. T is holding her while I finish this and drink some water.

This morning I didn’t have a nap for the first time in ages, as it’s usually when she naps the best so it’s a good time to get stuff done.>

#IHaveBeenHavingANapEverydayLately

And not feeling bad about it.

#IAmNotSureIfItIsParentingTheWeatherLifeOrEverything

To be fair the coding course is quite mentally tiring, plus everything else. The weather is colder and it is getting darker earlier, which just makes me want to hibernate. Annoyingly it’s the best time of the day to work – it’s currently 20:44. I did some coding earlier in the day, so I think I will just read my book a little tonight instead. Exciting.

#IThinkMyPeriodMayHaveStarted

Just a small amount of blood. I am hoping it goes away quick and is just my body preparing for them. Fun times.

*Cue a massive cramp.* Ergh.

#IHaveNotHadOneSinceSeptember2019AndTypicallyWeAreGoingSwimmingTomorrow

My period tracker app says my period is 350+ days late.

It’s not the end of the world obviously, but to not have had one in so long and then have it start when I am going swimming for the first time in an even longer time is just bloody annoying – does that count as a pun or something?

#IWasHopingToGoWithoutThemForABitLonger

I have heard that some women have not had them for a year or so after giving birth because of breastfeeding.

<In the end it was only very light for 2 days, so was that my period? I don’t know. It was probably my body reminding itself how they work.>

#YesterdayTiagoCommentedThatBWasLookingABitTooBigInHerBassinet #SoLastNightIAssembledTheChairElementOfHerPushchairAndSheWentInItForTheFirstTimeToday

I was thinking that maybe we should ‘upgrade’ her, so when I saw that other Mum friends had moved their babies to chairs I knew it was time.

It’s weird not being able to see her so well, but hopefully she will like looking around at people and things. It’s strange putting her in it, but I guess before long it will become normal. She looks nice and snug in it.

<I am still finding it weird. There is a little flap to check on her, but as she is usually wearing a hat I can’t see what she is doing, so I have to peep around the front.

When it’s windy her footmuff blows up at the bottom where she is too short to have her feet at the moment.>

#NewRulesGotAnnouncedForLiverpool #NoMeetingUpWithOtherPeopleInsideForAnyReason

It did seem a bit dumb that I could not see someone at their house, but I could see them in a place full of other people.

#AndMeetingUpOutsideIsNotRecommended

I did not know this. I just found out tonight. Great…

I get it – they can’t just make lots of exceptions, but there are no baby groups, I can’t get support from my family and now I can’t see the few friends that I have in Liverpool. Obviously it affects everyone and not just us, but it is annoying. What can we do though?

#TheNotRecommendedStuffIsABitAnnoying #EitherWeAreAllowedOrWeAreNot

Meeting in restaurants or pubs was not recommended before, which meant some people probably didn’t but others did.

We met a couple of friends for a hot drink outside of a cafe the other day, and saw a friend for a walk last weekend. Good job we saw them as now we’re not supposed to. It’s all a bit frustrating.

<Well, we’re under tier 3 restrictions now, but it does say you can meet outside.>

#AnywaysWeWentToTheCityCentreTodayToGetFalafelWraps

We had wanted to try them from a particular place for a while. I thought we would go today rather than at the weekend as it would not be so busy in town.

#IFoundTheWholeExperienceSoStressfulThatIWillNotBeWalkingThereAgainAnytimeSoon #PeopleDoNotCareAboutSocialDistancingAndIJustFeltAnxiousTheWholeTime

I think having a pushchair makes it more difficult as you can’t just easily get away from people fast. People have no problem walking super close to you.

A preacher guy wasn’t wearing a mask and came so close to me to try to give me a leaflet. I just said ‘No!’ loudly as I was so freaked out by him coming close to me. I think he made a ‘Ooh’ sound back or something.

#ItWasTooColdToEatOutsideSoWeWalkedHomeWithThem

We just wanted to get home and B needed to be fed.

#TiagoAteHisWhilstIFedBAndAfterAWhileIWasSoHungryThatIDecidedToEatItOverHer

She usually eats for about 30 minutes and I was so hungry.

#YesterdayWeAlsoStartedToPutHerInHer3To6MonthsOnesies #SheHasALotOfTheSamePatternsAsHer0To3MonthsOnes

I remember when the 0-3 months ones were too big on her, but now they’re quite snug so it’s funny seeing her in oversized clothes again.

#SheHadANiceNewOneOnTodayAndIGotFalafelWrapJuiceAllOverIt

Typical.

<She wore another one for the first time the other day and made a mess of it pretty quickly.>

#CleverMe

I should have known it was going to happen. I should have put a tea towel over her… Fail.

#IAskedTiagoIfHeHadAnythingToSayInTheHashtagsButHeSaidNo

He is the man of many words.

#IAmNotLookingForwardToHimGoingBackToWorkNextWeek

I just want us to hang out together as a family all day everyday…


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Blowing Bubbles Like B (22nd September 2020)

Me blowing bubbles like my baby daughter does
Blowing Bubbles Like B (22nd September 2020)
 
#IAmTryingToDoTwoShootsAWeekNowEvenIfIFeelLikeIDoNotHaveMuchToSayOrShow
#IFeelLikeDuringTheDayLifeJustConsistsOfThreeHourCycles
#SheWakesUpSheIsFedShePlaysSheIsChangedSheNaps
#TheOrderChangesButItIsBasicallyThat
#TwoNightsAgoSheSleptFor8HoursBetweenFeeds
#SheWentToBedAround8SheHadADreamFeedAround10ThirtyWhichSheSleptThrough
#SheWokeUpAt2ButWithGentleEncouragementSheWentBackToSleep
#ThenSheWokeUpAt6ThirtySoIStartedOurDayThen
#LastNightItStartedTheSameExceptSheWokeUpAtMidnight
#ItWasTooEarlyToFeedHerButSheKeptCryingSoIFedHer
#ThenSheWokeUpAt5AndITriedToEncourageHerBackToSleepButNope
#ThenSheWokeUpAt7ButIWasTooTiredToFeedHerSoTiagoPlayedWithHer
#ThenHeBroughtHerToMeAt8AndIFedHerAndThenItWasTimeForHerNap
#SoIMessedTheDayUpReallyAsIShouldHaveJustFedHerAt7
#InTheEndSheSleptForAWhileSoIWokeHerUpWhenSheWasDueToFeedAgain
#ExcitingStuff
#YesterdaySheWasGrabbingAtTheSidesOfThePushchairForTheFirstTime
#SheIsMoreGrabbyEveryDay
#SheAlsoContinuesToBlowALotOfBubblesWhichIDecidedToFocusOnForThisShoot
#IThinkSoonSheIsGoingToHaveToWearABibAllTheTime
#IAmTryingToReadToHerMoreThoughWeNeedToGetSomePortugueseKidsBooksToo
#IFeelLessOverwhelmedThanInTheLastPostButIStillFeelALittleOnEdge
#IJustWantToSleepForAWeek
#TodayANewLockdownBeginsInLiverpool
#YesterdayWeGotAnEmailSayingThatWeShouldWearMasksGoingInAndOutOfOurBuilding
#IDefinitelyWillButIFeelLikeALotOfPeopleWont
#IAmReadyToBePleasantlySurprisedThough
#IFeelLikePeopleAreGettingTooComplacent
#OnMyDailyWalksPeopleGetTooCloseToMeWhichDoesFreakMeOut
#IWonderHowOldBWillBeWhenThisIsAllOver

(I wrote this post on 22nd September.)

#IAmTryingToDoTwoShootsAWeekNowEvenIfIFeelLikeIDoNotHaveMuchToSayOrShow

This is what I aimed to do when I was pregnant, though some weeks I did more.

I guess when I was pregnant I had a body that was changing, whereas now I have a baby whose face I don’t want to show.

(8th October – I always feel like I have nothing to say, but I usually end up saying a lot.)

#IFeelLikeDuringTheDayLifeJustConsistsOfThreeHourCycles #SheWakesUpSheIsFedShePlaysSheIsChangedSheNaps #TheOrderChangesButItIsBasicallyThat

I am not a fan of constant repetition…

#TwoNightsAgoSheSleptFor8HoursBetweenFeeds #SheWentToBedAround8SheHadADreamFeedAround10ThirtyWhichSheSleptThrough #SheWokeUpAt2ButWithGentleEncouragementSheWentBackToSleep #ThenSheWokeUpAt6ThirtySoIStartedOurDayThen

We got a noise machine the day before, so I thought that may have contributed, or maybe it was because T bottle fed her two times in the evening so perhaps she drank more than she usually would?

Well, we used the noise machine again and T fed her three times, but…

#LastNightItStartedTheSameExceptSheWokeUpAtMidnight #ItWasTooEarlyToFeedHerButSheKeptCryingSoIFedHer #ThenSheWokeUpAt5AndITriedToEncourageHerBackToSleepButNope

With a baby it seems that every day is a new day, so forget what happened yesterday really.

#ThenSheWokeUpAt7ButIWasTooTiredToFeedHerSoTiagoPlayedWithHer

I would have fed her, but it had only been two hours since her last feed and she didn’t seem hungry.

#ThenHeBroughtHerToMeAt8AndIFedHerAndThenItWasTimeForHerNap #SoIMessedTheDayUpReallyAsIShouldHaveJustFedHerAt7

Often her naps in the morning are quite good and we have a consistent cycle, but by the afternoon her naps get shorter, so I knew it did not matter too much. Though I will try not to let it happen again. T just seemed keen to play, so I thought why not.

#InTheEndSheSleptForAWhileSoIWokeHerUpWhenSheWasDueToFeedAgain

Great, though the day seems a bit out of whack now.

(8th October – I get a bit obsessed with her routine. I’ve realised why – I don’t have much else to do right now; everyday is pretty much the same.)

#ExcitingStuff

Gripping, I know.

#YesterdaySheWasGrabbingAtTheSidesOfThePushchairForTheFirstTime #SheIsMoreGrabbyEveryDay

She grabs at any material. Below her on her changing mat is a muslin (so she doesn’t feel cold underneath) and when I pick her up it often comes with her…

(8th October – She is definitely more grabby now.)

#SheAlsoContinuesToBlowALotOfBubblesWhichIDecidedToFocusOnForThisShoot

Secret: I did take some photos of me blowing bubbles on the shoot where I imitated the cute thing that B does with her mouth.

#IThinkSoonSheIsGoingToHaveToWearABibAllTheTime

When we play in the living room we have a bib/towel nearby for wiping up dribble. Fun times – sorry future B if she reads this.

(8th October – She wears a bib all the time now – except when she is in her cot.)

#IAmTryingToReadToHerMoreThoughWeNeedToGetSomePortugueseKidsBooksToo

She still falls asleep a lot when I feed her. I feel like I should talk to her, but there’s only so much I can say and she doesn’t seem to care so I try to read to her. Though recently I have just started to watch films as I need to relax and this seems like a good time to do it.

Yesterday and today I have been watching the 2000s Charlie’s Angels films. I have never seen them before. Maybe because lockdown is so dull I feel like I need some action in my life? I hope B learns karate or something.

#IFeelLessOverwhelmedThanInTheLastPostButIStillFeelALittleOnEdge

I know it is the coding course that is bothering me the most. I don’t do well with educational deadlines. I’m ahead of schedule, but still I’m getting stressed out? I’m a weirdo.

T told me to have a rest whilst B napped, but I said I was going to take the pictures for these hashtags. He said I’m nuts. I think he is right…

#IJustWantToSleepForAWeek

Will I ever stop being tired? I was going to have a nap this morning during B’s first nap, but she sleeps so well then that I knew I should get up, stretch and try to do some coding.

I’m attempting the 30 days of yoga again. I think I tried too soon before when I had a big gap (diastasis recti) and so it wasn’t the best idea. Now I think it is okay to do it though.

#TodayANewLockdownBeginsInLiverpool

Oh joy. Though my Nan is under lockdown in Birmingham, so now I feel a little glad that we don’t have to try to attempt some weird meetup in a pub. Obviously I’d love to see her, but logistically it would be a right faff.

#YesterdayWeGotAnEmailSayingThatWeShouldWearMasksGoingInAndOutOfOurBuilding #IDefinitelyWillButIFeelLikeALotOfPeopleWont

T popped outside and he said the two people he saw weren’t, but maybe they haven’t seen the email yet? T doesn’t think he got the email.

#IAmReadyToBePleasantlySurprisedThough

Let’s see what I say about it when I get round to posting this.

(8th October – Some people do, some people don’t. I saw two guys walk into a shop earlier without masks… Do I sound like the local neighbourhood snitch? Yes.)

#IFeelLikePeopleAreGettingTooComplacent #OnMyDailyWalksPeopleGetTooCloseToMeWhichDoesFreakMeOut

Yesterday to get into the building I had to walk by two guys who were smoking right by the entrance. They barely moved for me and then I awkwardly had to open the door and get through with the pushchair, whilst they continued to stand right by it but acted like I was not there. I guess from today they will be told to move.

#IWonderHowOldBWillBeWhenThisIsAllOver

I can not really imagine a world where I feel safe around strangers/lots of people again. Though I did adapt pretty quickly at the hospital when I had B…


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Portrait Of A Mother Of A Three-Month-Old (15th September 2020)

Me leaning on a table
Portrait Of A Mother Of A Three-Month-Old (15th September 2020)
 
#WhoIsWorriedThatSheWillNotHaveTimeToWriteTheHashtagsBeforeHerBabyWakesUp
#ThatWouldHaveBeenTooLongOfATitle
#ICanNotBelieveSheIsThreeMonthsOldAndIStillCanNotBelieveThatIHaveABaby
#LastNightSheWentFor8HoursBetweenTwoFeeds
#SheDidWakeUpACoupleOfTimesButSheWentBackToSleep
#ThoughNowIAmWorriedAsSheHasSeemedQuiteSleepyToday
#TypicallyWhenSheDoesNotSleepIAmWorriedAndWhenSheDoesIAm
#SheWasStartingToGetCrankyDuringHerBabyMassageClassThisMorningWhichWasARecordingFromLastWeekAsItExpiresTomorrow
#AndWeMissedHerBabyYogaClassSoWeWillHaveToDoThatBeforeWeDoTheNextBabyMassageOne
#SheIsMeantToBeGoingThroughADevelopmentalLeapThoughWhichMightExplainTheTiredness
#YesterdayOurRoutineGotMuckedUpByTravellingAboutSoIThoughtItMightBeALongNight
#WeHadToStopAtAServiceStationForTheFirstTimeWithHer
#WeActuallyHadToStopTwiceAsTheFirstTimeIFedHerAndTheSecondTimeWeChangedHerNappyAsSheWasStillCrying
#WhenSheIsOvertiredItCanGoEitherWay
#ButIThinkHerBeingOvertiredIsTheMainReasonWhySheCries
#SheWasFineWhenIWasHoldingHerButThenSheWouldCryWhenIPutHerDownInHerCot
#NowThatWeSwaddleHerSheHasABitMoreOfANaptimeSlashBedtimeRoutine
#IUsuallyPickHerUpOnceSheIsSwaddledAndSingToHerForABitWhileRockingHer
#OurNewSongIs
#HeyBabyAreYouSleepy
#LetsGoToBedASAP
#ButASAPAsAyEssAyPee
#ISangToHerForAWhileButSheWasStillFussy
#AsSheSleepsInATravelCotThoughIRecentlyRealisedThatICanRockTheBassinetBitToRockHerToSleep
#IPlannedToDoThisShootLaterButIThoughtIMightAsWellTryToDoItNow
#SoTonightICanJustFocusOnCodingOnceIGetMeTime
#IFeelQuiteStressedOutRightNow
#IGuessIJustStartedANewCourseAndIHadNotDoneAShootInAFewDays
#IAlsoHaveNotBeenOnAWalkInACoupleOfDaysSoINeedToMakeSureThatIGoOutToday
#ItIsNiceLookingAfterHerButEveryDayIsTheSameKindOfCycle
 

Apologies for another picture of me in my underwear. I said that I would not change my clothes for shoots, and as the weather is warm whilst I write this (on the 15th September) I am just lounging around like this.

It is just easier for feeding, and as I haven’t been out yet today I haven’t had to put any other clothes on. I guess it is an accurate portrayal of having a summer baby in a warm flat…

(Since writing this the weather has turned and I’ve been enjoying lounging around in a long sleeved top and pyjama bottoms.)

#WhoIsWorriedThatSheWillNotHaveTimeToWriteTheHashtagsBeforeHerBabyWakesUp #ThatWouldHaveBeenTooLongOfATitle

After seeing how long this hashtag is, it definitely would have been too long for the official title. It is annoying when titles are too long for file names or title boxes.

#ICanNotBelieveSheIsThreeMonthsOldAndIStillCanNotBelieveThatIHaveABaby

Will it ever stop being weird? I don’t think so. How has it been 3 months already though?

(I was thinking this morning – 2nd October – that I haven’t said this in a while, but obviously I have. We generally have a few free hours these days between her going to bed and her dream feed, which is when I usually do my coding course. I am so caught up in my own stuff that I do sometimes temporarily forget that I have a kid. That sounds bad, but it is because I still find it weird that I grew a baby inside me.)

#LastNightSheWentFor8HoursBetweenTwoFeeds #SheDidWakeUpACoupleOfTimesButSheWentBackToSleep

I have been trying to go to bed earlier. We ended up getting home late, so I fed her and we all went to bed around 11pm-ish? She woke up at 4am and I gave her her dummy thinking that she would be crying again within 5 minutes. I lay down again and I can’t remember when she next woke up, but in the end I fed her around 7am.

When I say 8 hours between feeds I mean 8 hours from the start of her last one to the start of the next one.

I woke up around 6am and managed to do some yoga, before I woke her up to feed her. I want to start getting up at 7am every day to try to have some kind of a routine.

(2nd October – The last few nights she has gone the whole night without eating until 7am-ish. Last night she only woke up once, whereas the night before she woke up about 6 times, but I just tried to leave her for 5 minutes before intervening, and the night before that she woke up a lot and I usually just offered her the dummy straight away, which shouldn’t be my first response really. I’m learning…)

#ThoughNowIAmWorriedAsSheHasSeemedQuiteSleepyToday

She had a nap around 8.30am, and we both slept until 10.30am. I was supposed to wake her up to feed her around 10… I had to wake her up in the end as she had napped for 2 hours.

#TypicallyWhenSheDoesNotSleepIAmWorriedAndWhenSheDoesIAm

I will keep an eye on her.

(2nd October – Everything was fine; babies are supposed to sleep a lot. I was reading the other day that someone was struggling with their baby was not sleeping so well at night and someone recommended an earlier bed time. Apparently it made a big difference. Before we were aiming for a bedtime of 8pm, but now we try for 7pm-ish. )

#SheWasStartingToGetCrankyDuringHerBabyMassageClassThisMorningWhichWasARecordingFromLastWeekAsItExpiresTomorrow

She has her eyes closed whilst I feed her, so I need to work on keeping her more awake during feeds still. I thought she would not need a nap so soon, but she was getting cranky half way through the video so I thought I’d see if she wanted a nap.

#AndWeMissedHerBabyYogaClassSoWeWillHaveToDoThatBeforeWeDoTheNextBabyMassageOne

Fun fact.

#SheIsMeantToBeGoingThroughADevelopmentalLeapThoughWhichMightExplainTheTiredness

It also says to expect other things like clinginess, loss of appetite and other things. She seems to be feeding well at the moment, though I need to use nipple shields as one is quite painful and she only seems to like the other boob if it has a nipple shield on. I guess it is like sucking a dummy full of milk? The bad one just doesn’t seem to heal though.

(2nd October – I am just using nipple shields all the time now. I know you’re not supposed to, but sore nipples are horrible. I do occasionally go without to try to build up my resistance or something, but it just seems easier to use them. Okay, I’ve guilted myself into using them less.)

#YesterdayOurRoutineGotMuckedUpByTravellingAboutSoIThoughtItMightBeALongNight

It is nice to see people, but I do start to get into some kind of routine at home and it goes out of the window pretty quick.

#WeHadToStopAtAServiceStationForTheFirstTimeWithHer #WeActuallyHadToStopTwiceAsTheFirstTimeIFedHerAndTheSecondTimeWeChangedHerNappyAsSheWasStillCrying

We always try to go anywhere after she has been fed. Sometimes when she is overtired she will sleep after a feed, but not last night.

Before we left the first service station we checked her nappy and it seemed fine. However, as she was crying after we left we thought it might be her nappy so T changed it on the front passenger seat (on a changing mat) at the next service station.

She was still upset after we left there, but she calmed down a little after I played white noise on my phone and tried to sooth her more. I sensed that she might just want to be cuddled, but obviously we couldn’t do that in a moving car.

#WhenSheIsOvertiredItCanGoEitherWay

She can have a long sleep or just wake up loads. I get it though, sometimes the more tired I am the harder it is to sleep. Like when I barely slept for 2 weeks after she was born…

#ButIThinkHerBeingOvertiredIsTheMainReasonWhySheCries

Well she cries for other reasons, but it’s the hardest to fix. Feed? Easy (well, less so with bottles these days). Nappy change? No problem. Over tired? Oh no. I am trying to get better at realising she is tired though.

#SheWasFineWhenIWasHoldingHerButThenSheWouldCryWhenIPutHerDownInHerCot

I realised too late that she was tired.

#NowThatWeSwaddleHerSheHasABitMoreOfANaptimeSlashBedtimeRoutine

As we need to comfort her once she is in the swaddle.

#IUsuallyPickHerUpOnceSheIsSwaddledAndSingToHerForABitWhileRockingHer

It is usually turn on white noise > nappy change > swaddle > comfort > cot.

#OurNewSongIs #HeyBabyAreYouSleepy #LetsGoToBedASAP #ButASAPAsAyEssAyPee #ISangToHerForAWhileButSheWasStillFussy

Well, I made it up today. She did seem to calm down, but was fussy again in her cot.

#AsSheSleepsInATravelCotThoughIRecentlyRealisedThatICanRockTheBassinetBitToRockHerToSleep

I didn’t have to do it for long and she fell asleep. Win.

#IPlannedToDoThisShootLaterButIThoughtIMightAsWellTryToDoItNow #SoTonightICanJustFocusOnCodingOnceIGetMeTime

B was asleep and the food in the oven needed half an hour to cook. You never know when she will wake up, but I managed to do a shoot, hashtags and half off this blog post. I’m writing the rest while she feeds – this is probably why she falls asleep while eating.

So at least I won’t have all of this to worry about tonight. I just need to select the image to accompany all of this…

#IFeelQuiteStressedOutRightNow #IGuessIJustStartedANewCourseAndIHadNotDoneAShootInAFewDays

I do not really like the pictures in this project, but perhaps just doing something is better than nothing. That’s generally how it is with my work, but it would be nice if I really liked the pictures. I used to really like my pregnancy project, but looking at it yesterday maybe it isn’t even that good. I guess it is just a document of a time and that’s fine.

At least I slept well last night and had a good nap this morning.

#IAlsoHaveNotBeenOnAWalkInACoupleOfDaysSoINeedToMakeSureThatIGoOutToday

Like I said when we visit people the routine goes out of the window. I prefer to take her out in her pushchair now, but it does not fit in the car along with everything else. This will be corrected today. I started to listen to Carrie Fisher’s biography as an audiobook whilst on walks. I love the speed up setting – particularly with my library app as you can set it to whatever speed you like. Sometimes 1.25x is too slow and 1.5x is too fast.

#ItIsNiceLookingAfterHerButEveryDayIsTheSameKindOfCycle

Wake up, feed, change, play, nap and repeat all day. I shouldn’t complain as it is rewarding, but my very first self-portraiture project was about the cycle of life. Sometimes I do find the monotonous of existing a bit dull, particularly during a pandemic. Rules are changing again, so we won’t be able to visit my Nan at home for now. Hopefully it changes again soon but who knows. We nearly didn’t make the visit, so it was lucky that we got to see her at home when we did.

(2nd October – Well, Liverpool has more lockdown rules now. So for now we can’t see anyone in their homes or gardens, and yesterday they announced a new rule of not mixing in pubs and restaurants – before it was just advised against.)

(I felt much better after finishing this post as I had been productive. B and I had a playtime full of smiles, and I got out for a walk. Win.)


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

This Is Supposed To Be A Photo Of B’s Ear Imprint (31st August 2020)

Well I tried my best to get a good picture of it before it disappeared…

A bad photo of B's ear imprinted on my chest
This Is Supposed To Be A Photo Of B’s Ear Imprint (31st August 2020)
 
#BHadAMorningNapOnMe
#SheHadOneOnTiagoBeforeIWokeUpAndThenHePutHerBackInHerCot
#WhenSheCriedAndWokeMeUpIGotHerUpAndFedHerAndThenSheFellAsleepOnMeAndIWasTooTiredToGetUpSoILetHerSleep
#ICanNotGetUpInTheMorning
#WellIHaveToButIFeelTerribleForAWhile
#ButThenIGenerallyDoNotSleepAgainUntilNightTime
#WhileSheSleptOnMeIReadSomeOfMyLibraryBookThatIGenerallyOnlyReadDuringTheNight
#AsIFeelQuiteAwakeButThenWakeUpFeelingTerrible
#YouOnlyHave2WeeksToReadAnEbookAndTwoPeopleAreWaitingForItSoINeedToHurryUp
#OtherwiseIHaveToWaitForThemToBorrowItBeforeICanFinishIt
#TiagoBroughtMeBreakfastAndIAteWhatICouldOverHerHead
#WhenIMovedHerOffMeToEatTheMessierPartINoticedLinesOnMyStomachFromHerBabyGrowZip
#ButAlsoAStrangeMarkOnMyBoob
#LookingDownAtItIRealisedItWasAnImprintOfHerEar
#TJustCameIntoTheRoomKindOfHalfSkippingHalfLikeHeWasRidingAHorse
#HeSaidHeHadNeverMovedLikeItBeforeAndDidTheSameToExitTheRoom
#IThoughtIShouldMentionItAsItMadeMeLaugh
#AnywaysITriedToTakeAPictureOfTheEarImprint
#ButMyPhoneIsNotVeryGood
#AndALotWasOnShowIfIWantedToHaveItSoThatItWasInFocus
#SoIQuicklyPassedBToTiago
#AndSetUpMyPhotoStuffToSeeIfICouldTakeAnAlrightPhotoWithACloseupFilter
#GoodJobItIsABankHolidaySoHeWasAvailable
#IWasScramblingAsIKnewItWasAlreadyFading
#YouCanKindOfSeeItButIGuessItIsNotVeryObvious
#MyFriendBellaHasShownMePhotosOfHerSonsEarImprintedOnHerArmBefore
#ForSomeReasonIDidNotExpectToSeeMeWithOneSoSoon
#IAmSureItWillNotBeTheLastTimeEither
#MaybeNextTimeICanGetABetterPhoto
#ButItMightJustLookTheSame

Tiago says you can’t see s*** and that is quite accurate…

#BHadAMorningNapOnMe
#SheHadOneOnTiagoBeforeIWokeUpAndThenHePutHerBackInHerCot
#WhenSheCriedAndWokeMeUpIGotHerUpAndFedHerAndThenSheFellAsleepOnMeAndIWasTooTiredToGetUpSoILetHerSleep

So I should have either woken her up and fed her more, or woken her up and got her ready for the day. I did neither…

#ICanNotGetUpInTheMorning
#WellIHaveToButIFeelTerribleForAWhile
#ButThenIGenerallyDoNotSleepAgainUntilNightTime

I should really be napping more during the day when she naps, but that would be too smart.

To be fair most of her naps are on me, in the pushchair, in her carrier or in the bouncer whilst I am bouncing it so it’s not that easy…

(Since I wrote this she’s been taking more naps in her cot, but it’s a work in progress.)

#WhileSheSleptOnMeIReadSomeOfMyLibraryBookThatIGenerallyOnlyReadDuringTheNight
#AsIFeelQuiteAwakeButThenWakeUpFeelingTerrible
#YouOnlyHave2WeeksToReadAnEbookAndTwoPeopleAreWaitingForItSoINeedToHurryUp
#OtherwiseIHaveToWaitForThemToBorrowItBeforeICanFinishIt

I started to read when I only had 10 days left. I assumed I wouldn’t read it and would just return it like I do with a lot of books, but I’ve got quite into it. It’s called Diamonds at the Lost and Found by Sarah Aspinall. I love a good childhood memoir, but I was mainly drawn in by the cover on the library app. I tend not to read too much blurb as I like to be surprised.

(Well I finished it and now I’m reading Such A Fun Age by Kiley Reid.)

#TiagoBroughtMeBreakfastAndIAteWhatICouldOverHerHead

If you’re interested it was some olive tapenade on bread, some Sao Jorge cheese on bread and two eggs. I was worried the eggs would run over her head, so I asked him to put them on toast but the bread was small and I knew I would make a mess. Fun times.

#WhenIMovedHerOffMeToEatTheMessierPartINoticedLinesOnMyStomachFromHerBabyGrowZip

So yeah I had to move her off me and I felt bad. I also knew she would wake up as soon as I put her down.

#ButAlsoAStrangeMarkOnMyBoob
#LookingDownAtItIRealisedItWasAnImprintOfHerEar

Please remember this bit.

#TJustCameIntoTheRoomKindOfHalfSkippingHalfLikeHeWasRidingAHorse
#HeSaidHeHadNeverMovedLikeItBeforeAndDidTheSameToExitTheRoom
#IThoughtIShouldMentionItAsItMadeMeLaugh

A bit of a random hashtag interlude but Tiago looked so happy and it made me laugh out loud so I had to include it.

Remember the hashtags before though…

#AnywaysITriedToTakeAPictureOfTheEarImprint
#ButMyPhoneIsNotVeryGood
#AndALotWasOnShowIfIWantedToHaveItSoThatItWasInFocus
#SoIQuicklyPassedBToTiago

A bad phone picture where it is more obvious. I think that is also a crumb from my breakfast further up the left hand side of the photo.

Yeah a bad picture like that, but it is more clear. The crumb does crack me up though – I probably should just have this as the final image really.

(I’ve seen taken a photo of myself where you can see a lot of crumbs on me.)

#AndSetUpMyPhotoStuffToSeeIfICouldTakeAnAlrightPhotoWithACloseupFilter
#GoodJobItIsABankHolidaySoHeWasAvailable
#IWasScramblingAsIKnewItWasAlreadyFading
#YouCanKindOfSeeItButIGuessItIsNotVeryObvious
#MyFriendBellaHasShownMePhotosOfHerSonsEarImprintedOnHerArmBefore
#ForSomeReasonIDidNotExpectToSeeMeWithOneSoSoon
#IAmSureItWillNotBeTheLastTimeEither
#MaybeNextTimeICanGetABetterPhoto
#ButItMightJustLookTheSame

And that’s the story of how I got a photo of my chest with nothing much to see. I should probably moisturise it in the not so distant future by the zoomed in looks of it!


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

It Feels So Good To Lie On My Front Again (Maybe Not On A Wooden Floor Though) (21st July 2020)

When I wrote the hashtags I gave the image the temporary name of ‘Lying on my front again is so weird’. Sometimes the temporary name becomes permanent or often it’s just a reminder to think of something else along those lines.

Lying on my front again was weird, but I am also loving it – which isn’t so obvious through the image as showcasing a new love by lying on a hard wooden floor probably wasn’t the best idea.

It Feels So Good To Lie On My Front Again (Maybe Not On A Wooden Floor Though) (21st July 2020)
 
#IAmWritingTheseHashtagsBeforeIDoTheShootAgain
#BWillNotBeByHerselfMuchToday
#SheFinallyWentForASleepInACarrierWhilstIWentForAWalkAndWentToThePhotoGalleryToSeeACoupleOfFriendsWhoWorkThere
#TheyWereInTheirMasksAndTheGalleryStillWillNotOpenForACoupleOfMonths
#SoIAmWritingThisWithMyStandUpDeskThingWhileSheIsAsleepInHerCarrier
#IMightNotBeAbleToPutHerDownLongEnoughToDoAShoot
#AndThisIsTheFirstDayThatTiagoHasGoneToSomethingWorkRelatedOutsideOfTheFlatSinceMarch
#SoIMightHaveToWaitUntilLateTonightOrUntilTomorrow
#IAmGuessingThisPhotoWillShowMeLyingOMyFront
#INeverSleptOnMyFrontMuchThoughMaybeIDidButIDidNotHaveToThinkAboutIt
#BeingPregnantYouThinkAboutHowYouAreLyingALot
#LuckilyIWasMoreOfASideSleeperButItIsSaidThatLyingOnYourLeftIsTheBestWayToSleep
#AsItHelpsWithBloodFlowAndStuff
#IWantedToLieOnMyFrontAtTimesButObviouslyItWasImpossible
#AndIWouldWakeUpOnMyBackALot
#ProbablyBecauseOfMovingInMySleepAndTheWeightOfMyBumpTippingMeOver
#OrBecauseIJustWantedToLieOnMyBack
#WhenIWasInHospitalAfterGivingBirthITriedToLieOnMyFrontButItWasStillTooWeird
#MyUterusWasShrinkingDownForAGoodWhile
#IFirstLayOnMyFrontABitACoupleOrSoWeeksAgoWhenIDidAPostNatalExerciseVideoForTheFirstTime
#DoingAPlankFeltWeirdButThenDoingChaturangaAndBabyCobraWasOdd
#NowILikeToLieOnMyFrontABitInBed
#ThoughIfMyBoobsAreFullOfMilkItIsAlsoPainful
#IThinkMyStitchesMustHaveHealedByNowButILikeToBringMyKneeUpToo
#WhichIsPerhapsABitMuchButINeedToStretchEverythingOutIGuess
#IAmStillBleedingALittleLittleBit
#ThoughIWasWorriedItWouldBePeriodLikePainFor6WeeksButIDoNotFeelAnything
#IJustSearchedPeriodsAndBreastfeeding
#ApparentlyTheBleedingIsCalledLochiaIndItIsAMixOfBloodMucusAndTissueFromTheLiningOfTheUterus
#BreastfeedingAffectsYourPeriodSoWhoKnowsWhenIWillHaveAPeriodAgainButIAmNotLookingForwardToIt

It took me a bit of time to choose which image I wanted to use to represent the hashtags, but in the end I went for this one (obviously). I like the awkward hand peering out, though I’m not a fan of my remote being in shot. Tyra Banks would also be annoyed at my lack of neck, but whatever.

Bonus image:

It Feels So Good To Lie On My Front Again (Maybe Not On A Wooden Floor Though) (21st July 2020) II  

I just took it to test out where the camera was pointed, but I quite liked it. The stain on my dress (maybe I’d just done the washing up actually?) and my space socks. I only just realised today that one of them is inside out, which I guess says a lot about getting dressed with a young baby. The inside out sock was what sold having to post it.

So, expanding on some hashtags:

#BWillNotBeByHerselfMuchToday

I had to read this a few times. I was like why won’t she? Why wouldn’t she? But reading on I realised that I meant she wouldn’t stay by herself much without getting upset.

#SheFinallyWentForASleepInACarrierWhilstIWentForAWalkAndWentToThePhotoGalleryToSeeACoupleOfFriendsWhoWorkThere
#TheyWereInTheirMasksAndTheGalleryStillWillNotOpenForACoupleOfMonths

It was nice to see them, though it’s odd to go to a place that you used to go to a lot before and realise how much the world has changed – people in masks, it being closed for now etc. I’d said to them that when my baby was born I was going to stop by a lot to see them and to make sure I was getting out for a walk. I’ve only stopped by a couple of times so far, but hopefully that will change soon.

#SoIAmWritingThisWithMyStandUpDeskThingWhileSheIsAsleepInHerCarrier

At one point I was putting a little table on top of the dining table in order to be able to work standing up, but then a laptop stand that I ordered on Kickstarter MONTHS before arrived. I use both of them these days; I used the little table the other day to edit my dance videos whilst B was in a wrap. She fell asleep whilst I danced and I wanted to sort stuff out whilst she continued to sleep. I was worried that if I put her down she would wake up and I wouldn’t get stuff done for a while.

#IMightNotBeAbleToPutHerDownLongEnoughToDoAShoot

It looks like I managed to do the shoot an hour later (I couldn’t remember, I had to check when files were made).

#AndThisIsTheFirstDayThatTiagoHasGoneToSomethingWorkRelatedOutsideOfTheFlatSinceMarch

It was weird having him leave the flat to go to work. Luckily I had enough time to adapt to having a baby to not be totally freaked out. It was fine really.

#IAmGuessingThisPhotoWillShowMeLyingOMyFront

Correct. (Obviously you know that I just felt like saying that. I say obviously too much in these posts.)

#INeverSleptOnMyFrontMuchThoughMaybeIDidButIDidNotHaveToThinkAboutIt
#BeingPregnantYouThinkAboutHowYouAreLyingALot

I don’t think I slept on my front much, but like I said I never really thought about it so maybe I did. Perhaps I did as I had an urge to lie on my front from time to time, as I mention in the #IWantedToLieOnMyFrontAtTimesButObviouslyItWasImpossible hashtag.

#LuckilyIWasMoreOfASideSleeperButItIsSaidThatLyingOnYourLeftIsTheBestWayToSleep
#AsItHelpsWithBloodFlowAndStuff

Looking online it says it’s to do with a large vein down your back on the right side called the vena cava. It carries blood to your heart, which then goes to the baby. Apparently lying on your left side also helps with kidney and liver function, which means you should get less swelling in your ankles, feet and hands. I didn’t have much swelling, but I thought it might have been down to exercising a few times a day?

#AndIWouldWakeUpOnMyBackALot
#ProbablyBecauseOfMovingInMySleepAndTheWeightOfMyBumpTippingMeOver
#OrBecauseIJustWantedToLieOnMyBack

It would freak me out when I woke up on my back, though at times I was too tired to register how I had slept. I guess you’d know if you really had to roll over ASAP, but I mainly tried to sleep on my left until it was uncomfortable and I’d have to sit up to be able to switch to my right.

#WhenIWasInHospitalAfterGivingBirthITriedToLieOnMyFrontButItWasStillTooWeird

It was sooo weird. I think I also tried to lie on my back, but that also made my belly feel strange.

#IFirstLayOnMyFrontABitACoupleOrSoWeeksAgoWhenIDidAPostNatalExerciseVideoForTheFirstTime #DoingAPlankFeltWeirdButThenDoingChaturangaAndBabyCobraWasOdd

I was on a mat on the wooden floor and it felt pretty hard, and just really odd doing things that I hadn’t done for a long time. I think I’ve tried to go back to ‘normal’ exercise too quickly. I was doing a 30 days of yoga thing recently, but then I read more about Diastasis Recti and I think I need to work on closing that gap still.

The video above explains it a bit. I was doing it a while ago, but I didn’t take it that seriously.

Then I watched this video:

And I thought I better change these habits. I didn’t think that I was picking B up like how she demonstrates is wrong, but then I caught myself doing it 2 times today. I also haven’t been rolling to my side first, so that’s changing, and it also mentions slouching whilst feeding. If she had seen how I was feeding in hospital she would have been appalled… I slouch a lot though so I’m trying to correct that.

I’ve been using an app to remind me to do Kegels, and I think that may have helped a bit. I’m not sure, but at the hospital they said to do 10 sets of 10 today unless I want to regret not doing it when I’m older. I think it has made a difference as thinking about it lately when I’ve sneezed I haven’t been like ‘that was a close call’.

#NowILikeToLieOnMyFrontABitInBed
#ThoughIfMyBoobsAreFullOfMilkItIsAlsoPainful

These days I fall asleep on my front with my arms hugging the underside of my pillow a lot. I have to move my boobs up to the pillow a bit more if they feel sore. That’s the start of a rhyme…

#IThinkMyStitchesMustHaveHealedByNowButILikeToBringMyKneeUpToo
#WhichIsPerhapsABitMuchButINeedToStretchEverythingOutIGuess

At an 8 week check-up they said they’d healed well, but there is a bit of scar tissue. Hopefully that will soften up.

#ApparentlyTheBleedingIsCalledLochiaIndItIsAMixOfBloodMucusAndTissueFromTheLiningOfTheUterus

I love learning new facts by researching when writing hashtags, though I didn’t learn about the vena cava until today…

#BreastfeedingAffectsYourPeriodSoWhoKnowsWhenIWillHaveAPeriodAgainButIAmNotLookingForwardToIt

The doctor at my 8 week check said that breastfeeding can act as a natural contraceptive, but she recommends using other forms. I wouldn’t take the risk, particularly after hearing that a woman opposite me on the hospital ward was breastfeeding her newborn, whilst her 10 month old baby was at home. Maybe it was her plan, but I highly doubt it. If you don’t want that to be the case for you, then I’d suggest that you play safe…


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