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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Portrait Of A Mother Of A 7 Month Old (13th January 2021)

Me looking at the camera with my head resting on my knee.
Portrait Of A Mother Of A 7 Month Old (13th January 2021)
 
#ICanNotBelieveThatBIs7MonthsAlready
#ButWhatIsWeirderIsThatSheWasNotEvenBornYetWhenThePandemicStarted
#SinceMyLastEntryBHasSleptBellyDownAFewTimesNow
#WeShouldProbablyGetABabyMonitorButEveryTimeILookAtThemIFeelABitOverwhelmedByHowManyThereAre
#WeJustSeemToHaveGotByWithoutOneSoFarSoMaybeWeDoNotReallyNeedOne
#IDoNotThinkThatIHaveMentionedThatBsHairSeemsToBeGrowingALotMoreSinceSheHasStartedToEatSolids
#ISwearThatSheChangesSoMuchFromDayToDay
#SheSeemsToHaveDiscoveredBlowingRaspberriesAgainAndWasDoingItAt3InTheMorning
#MyLastShootLeftMeFeelingABitSoreAsItWasQuiteAWorkout
#IHaveBeenReadingTinaTurnersBookAboutChangingYourLifeForGood
#ItIsAnInterestingReadAndIAlreadyFeelMorePositiveAboutThings
#IKnowThatICanNotChangeEverythingThatHappensToMeButICanChangeHowIReactToThings
#IFeelMorePositiveButShortTermChangesAreEasyWhereasTheHarderThingIsImplementingChangesForALongPeriodOfTime
#AtTheWeekendIGotReallyAnnoyedOnAWalkAsIRealisedThatNoOneReallyKeepsTheirDistanceAnymore
#WeWalkInSingleFileButThenThePeopleWeAreGoingPastJustWalkSideBySide
#NowIHaveStartedToWalkOnTheGrassAwayFromPeopleMore
#ItAnnoysMeThatIHaveToDoItButIWouldRatherDoThatThenGetAnnoyedWhenTheyWalkTooClose
#YesterdayIWasOutWithBAndWeWereComingToAPointWhereTwoPathsConnect
#SomeoneWasWalkingOnTheOtherPathSoIThoughtIHadBetterHurryUpToGetOntoTheMainPathBeforeThem
#ICouldHearThemWalkingSoCloseToMeAndIWasGettingAnnoyed
#IStoppedAtAPointWhereTheyCouldWalkPastMeAndWhenITurnedToGlareAtThemNoOneWasThere
#ILookedDownAndIHadALeafStuckToMyBootThatWasMakingTheNoise
#IHaveNotBeenReadingTheNewsSoMuchAndNoOneKnowsWhenThisLockdownWillEnd
#TheDaysAreLongYetShortAtTheSameTimeButIHavePlentyToDoToKeepMeBusy
#IFeelBadWhenISitAndDoNothingThoughNowIHaveSomePaidResearchWorkToDoSoIWillHaveLessTimeToFaffAnyways
#INeedToGetBetterAtRelaxingAndLearnToBeAbleToReadABookAnywhere
#AtTheMomentIOnlyLikeToReadInBedButLastNightILostAboutAnHourOfGoodReadingTimeByJustFaffingOnMyPhoneElsewhere
#IFedBFishYesterdayAndItSmelledHorribleSoIThinkIWillLeaveFishyMealsToTiago
#IAlsoNeedToStopFeelingGuiltyAboutBSpendingTimeWithMyNanAndMum
#TheyAreHappyToHelpAndIAmSureALotOfPeopleWouldLoveTheExtraSupportSoINeedToJustAppreciateWhatIHaveAndNotFeelBadAboutIt

#ICanNotBelieveThatBIs7MonthsAlready

I am glad that I have this project to look back on, as the time has gone by so fast. I was looking at photos of B when she was super small the other day and it seemed like years ago…

#ButWhatIsWeirderIsThatSheWasNotEvenBornYetWhenThePandemicStarted

I know this has all been going on for a long time, but it just shows how long it has been.

#SinceMyLastEntryBHasSleptBellyDownAFewTimesNow

I have stopped rolling her back now if she is quiet and calm. She has only really done it during her short naps anyways.

#WeShouldProbablyGetABabyMonitorButEveryTimeILookAtThemIFeelABitOverwhelmedByHowManyThereAre #WeJustSeemToHaveGotByWithoutOneSoFarSoMaybeWeDoNotReallyNeedOne

There have been times where we have gone to get one, but T and I really need to sit down together to look – which hasn’t happened yet.

#IDoNotThinkThatIHaveMentionedThatBsHairSeemsToBeGrowingALotMoreSinceSheHasStartedToEatSolids

Maybe I have? It just seems to have grown a lot in the past month or so.

#ISwearThatSheChangesSoMuchFromDayToDay

Her face can look so different from day to day. Her hair colour seems to change from day to day.

#SheSeemsToHaveDiscoveredBlowingRaspberriesAgainAndWasDoingItAt3InTheMorning

Yesterday we were walking past an older couple and she started to do it. I felt a little embarrassed but also found it quite funny.

#MyLastShootLeftMeFeelingABitSoreAsItWasQuiteAWorkout

When you see just the selected photo it doesn’t look like much, but when you think that I rarely take just one shot then you can imagine how it might have made my muscles hurt the next day…

#IHaveBeenReadingTinaTurnersBookAboutChangingYourLifeForGood #ItIsAnInterestingReadAndIAlreadyFeelMorePositiveAboutThings

Happiness Becomes You: A Guide to Changing Your Life for Good by Tina Turner’.

I’m just taking the bits from it that I think will be helpful. Am I going to start chanting? Not sure, but I think I do need to have a phrase or something to mutter under my breath from time to time.

#IKnowThatICanNotChangeEverythingThatHappensToMeButICanChangeHowIReactToThings

I have known this for years, but something has just clicked in my mind in the last week.

#IFeelMorePositiveButShortTermChangesAreEasyWhereasTheHarderThingIsImplementingChangesForALongPeriodOfTime

I am good at short term changes, but yeah sustaining things for the long term is the challenge. I think my mood diary is also helping me to really think about how I am feeling and why. I am trying to be better at communicating as well.

#AtTheWeekendIGotReallyAnnoyedOnAWalkAsIRealisedThatNoOneReallyKeepsTheirDistanceAnymore #WeWalkInSingleFileButThenThePeopleWeAreGoingPastJustWalkSideBySide

I do not get it. Also if you are running you should be making the biggest effort to get out of the way of people you are going past.

The other day there a lot of people blocking the path while chatting with their dogs. I walked on the grass to get away from them, but then a guy was about to walk right next to to me on the grass, so I had to move even further away.

This is boring. I am supposed to be more positive. I just want to vent about it though.

If you’re going to chat on opposite sides of a path when you have space to be stood on the same side – stand on the same side. I don’t like having to awkwardly walk through someone’s conversation and be super close to people.

#NowIHaveStartedToWalkOnTheGrassAwayFromPeopleMore #ItAnnoysMeThatIHaveToDoItButIWouldRatherDoThatThenGetAnnoyedWhenTheyWalkTooClose

Instead of seeing what people do and getting annoyed about it, I just walk on the grass and feel annoyed for having to do so, but feel less annoyed at people. I think it works out. Maybe?

#YesterdayIWasOutWithBAndWeWereComingToAPointWhereTwoPathsConnect #SomeoneWasWalkingOnTheOtherPathSoIThoughtIHadBetterHurryUpToGetOntoTheMainPathBeforeThem #ICouldHearThemWalkingSoCloseToMeAndIWasGettingAnnoyed #IStoppedAtAPointWhereTheyCouldWalkPastMeAndWhenITurnedToGlareAtThemNoOneWasThere #ILookedDownAndIHadALeafStuckToMyBootThatWasMakingTheNoise

It made me laugh. They’d gone down the path that I was walking on, but it’s a weird bit where generally everyone is walking to get onto the main path – though obviously not in this case.

#IHaveNotBeenReadingTheNewsSoMuchAndNoOneKnowsWhenThisLockdownWillEnd

I just had to have a look. Mid-February maybe? I don’t know. In my mind I had it as April, so maybe it’s best to keep thinking that and be surprised if it’s sooner?

#TheDaysAreLongYetShortAtTheSameTimeButIHavePlentyToDoToKeepMeBusy

I have made a schedule for my own work, which is quite nice.

#IFeelBadWhenISitAndDoNothingThoughNowIHaveSomePaidResearchWorkToDoSoIWillHaveLessTimeToFaffAnyways

I was looking forward to taking part in a writing workshop for a couple of weeks, but B’s sleep went bad. Good job I turned it down, as the paid work is more important right now. I’d like to do a writing/poetry/creative writing course at some point though.

#INeedToGetBetterAtRelaxingAndLearnToBeAbleToReadABookAnywhere #AtTheMomentIOnlyLikeToReadInBedButLastNightILostAboutAnHourOfGoodReadingTimeByJustFaffingOnMyPhoneElsewhere

I do not like faffing on my phone. I am really enjoying reading, so I need to just be able to sit down anywhere in the house and read. It is relaxing, yet I feel productive?

#IFedBFishYesterdayAndItSmelledHorribleSoIThinkIWillLeaveFishyMealsToTiago

She likes to mush her hands into everything these days, then grab one of your fingers while she eats.

#IAlsoNeedToStopFeelingGuiltyAboutBSpendingTimeWithMyNanAndMum #TheyAreHappyToHelpAndIAmSureALotOfPeopleWouldLoveTheExtraSupportSoINeedToJustAppreciateWhatIHaveAndNotFeelBadAboutIt

My Nan will just hold B while I warm B’s food up and things. Nothing major. My Mum watched B for an hour yesterday while I did some research work, which I felt bad about but it needs to be done. I also feel guilty when T watches B, even though he is her Dad. I need to learn to accept help and appreciate it, as if I didn’t have it I’m sure I’d want it!


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