Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Portrait Of A Mother Of A Thirteen Month Old (11 Weeks? / 14th July 2021)

Me lying in bed hugging my pregnancy pillow, with a face mask sat on my forehead and with a hand to my mouth.
Portrait Of A Mother Of A Thirteen Month Old (11 Weeks? / 14th July 2021)

#ItSeemsQuiteFittingToTakeAPhotoOfMeLyingInBed
#IFeelLikeIDoSoAtAnyChanceIHaveNow
#IAmJustSoTiredAndItIsFunnyReadingBackOldEntriesWhenIDidNotKnowIWasPregnantYetAndJustSayingHowTiredIWas
#ISawAPregnantFriendTheOtherDayWhoAlsoHasOneKidAndSheWasSayingTheFirstTrimesterWasTheWorst
#IAmHopingMyEnergyWillReturnSoon
#IHaveFeltSoInspiredToMakeOtherWorkButJustHaveNoEnergyForIt
#IHaveBeenTryingToOnlySleepOnMyLeftSideButIAmFindingMyRightSideAndBackMoreComfortableAtTheMoment
#TalkingOfSleepingWeWentToLiverpoolForTheWeekendAndOnTheFirstDayBMissedHerSecondNap
#SheHadWokenUpFortyMinutesEarlyFromHerFirstOneWhichMeantMeTryingToEntertainHerInTheCarWhichWasUsJustReadingThroughAllOfHerBooks
#WePlannedToLetHerSleepInHerPushchairForHerSecondNapButWeWereOutForFortyMinutesWithNoSuchLuck
#ThenWeTriedToPutHerDownInACotButAfterFifteenMinutesWeGaveUpSoSheWasUpForNineHours
#WeGotIntoBedAtAroundEightAndWentToSleepAtNineThirty
#TheNextDayBHadASuperShortNapAfterWakingUpAtHerUsualTimeOfPreSix
#ButOnTheWayHomeSheSleptForTwoHoursAndICouldNotWakeHerUp
#IWasWorriedThatSheWasGoingToDropHerSecondNapButNotYetPhew
#YesterdaySomeoneWasAskingMeHowIKnewIWasReadyForASecondKidAndSheTalkedAboutHerFriendsGettingBroody
#IWasNotBroodyAtAllButIJustWantedToTryAndHaveASecondOneBeforeWeReallyKnewWhatWeWereInFor
#BIsBecomingDifficultToChangeAndOftenWillCryLoudlyForWhatSeemsLikeNoReasonAtAll
#TheOtherDayWeWereTryingToGiveHerYoghurtAndSheWasScreamingSoIJustCopiedHer
#StraightAwaySheChangedHerTuneAndStartedToLaughAndAteAllOfHerYoghurt
#ItMaybeIsNotTheBestSolutionEveryTimeButItWasMuchBetterThanGettingStressedOutAndAnnoyed
#AfterwardsWeHadAFunGameOfHerTryingToStealMyEmptyBowlOfCrispsWhenMyBackWasTurned
#SheIsBecomingQuiteTheFoodThiefTheseDaysWithHerTryingToTakeWhateverWeHave
#IHaveNotBeenSickInACoupleOfDaysButIHaveGaggedAFewTimes
#IThinkTheMoreTiredIAmTheWorseIFeelAsLastNightBeforeBedIFeltSoSickAndIWasAsleepBeforeTen
#IWasAwakeFromFourToFiveButThenCouldNotGetUpOnceBHad
#TheGovernmentHasChangedTheirStanceABitWithMasksAfter19thJulyButItSeemsLikeSomePeopleStoppedWearingThemAWhileAgo
#BsWalkingIsDefinitelyImprovingDayByDayNowAndSheCanTakeQuiteAFewStepsNow
#AtHerBabyClassSomeoneWasSayingSheFeelsLikeBIsTheCelebrityOfTheClassAsEveryoneKnowsHerName
#SheReallyLikesToTryToStealEveryonesStuffButEveryoneIsNiceAboutIt

#ItSeemsQuiteFittingToTakeAPhotoOfMeLyingInBed

Well, I am yet to take it yet but it is what I have in mind. Lying in bed with my eye mask on (the one I got as an emergency in case I had to go into hospital to give birth to B – which I did).

#IFeelLikeIDoSoAtAnyChanceIHaveNow

Tiago had gone out with B to the supermarket the other night (for the first time in ages). I was about to go to sleep when I could hear that my Uncles were visiting. ‘Why does it have to be today?’ But it was nice to see them.

(19th September: I was disappointed to miss them the other day as B and I were both napping, and they only made a short visit.)

#IAmJustSoTiredAndItIsFunnyReadingBackOldEntriesWhenIDidNotKnowIWasPregnantYetAndJustSayingHowTiredIWas

I was confused as to why I was so tired. I’m taking double the amount of iron now, and my vitamins, but I guess it is just a big part of the first trimester. Great.

#ISawAPregnantFriendTheOtherDayWhoAlsoHasOneKidAndSheWasSayingTheFirstTrimesterWasTheWorst

She also had sickness and just felt so tired. I actually think I might have mentioned this in my last post, but it was on my mind.

#IAmHopingMyEnergyWillReturnSoon

I hope so. I am getting into bed as soon as I finish writing this.

#IHaveFeltSoInspiredToMakeOtherWorkButJustHaveNoEnergyForIt

By the time my energy returns the inspiration may have gone. What can I do?

#IHaveBeenTryingToOnlySleepOnMyLeftSideButIAmFindingMyRightSideAndBackMoreComfortableAtTheMoment

It is early days, so I do not need to really worry about how I am sleeping yet but I try to sleep on my left anyways. Sometimes I want to sleep on my front, but I am avoiding it.

#TalkingOfSleepingWeWentToLiverpoolForTheWeekendAndOnTheFirstDayBMissedHerSecondNap

It was a friend’s first birthday, so she obviously did not want to miss a minute of it.

#SheHadWokenUpFortyMinutesEarlyFromHerFirstOneWhichMeantMeTryingToEntertainHerInTheCarWhichWasUsJustReadingThroughAllOfHerBooks

I say us. I mean it was me reading to her. I was hoping to have a nap, so I was tired, and Tiago was also tired from driving. Tired family.

#WePlannedToLetHerSleepInHerPushchairForHerSecondNapButWeWereOutForFortyMinutesWithNoSuchLuck

Nothing like pushing B round a park screaming. (Her, not me.)

#ThenWeTriedToPutHerDownInACotButAfterFifteenMinutesWeGaveUpSoSheWasUpForNineHours

She did not seem that tired though.

#WeGotIntoBedAtAroundEightAndWentToSleepAtNineThirty

B had gone to bed at 7:50. Brushed teeth and into bedddd.

#TheNextDayBHadASuperShortNapAfterWakingUpAtHerUsualTimeOfPreSix

She will usually have 2 hours if she’s up that early, but it was more like 40 minutes.

#ButOnTheWayHomeSheSleptForTwoHoursAndICouldNotWakeHerUp

I did not want her to sleep for that long as I was worried she would have a super late bedtime. She went to bed at 7:45pm, as the England v Italy game was at 8pm and it was fine. She slept until her usual time.

#IWasWorriedThatSheWasGoingToDropHerSecondNapButNotYetPhew

I am not ready yet.

#YesterdaySomeoneWasAskingMeHowIKnewIWasReadyForASecondKidAndSheTalkedAboutHerFriendsGettingBroody #IWasNotBroodyAtAllButIJustWantedToTryAndHaveASecondOneBeforeWeReallyKnewWhatWeWereInFor

It’s really down to wanting two kids and feeling like I’m not up to much at the moment besides looking after B, so it seems like a good time to try to have another one. My body felt strong enough. I have been so anxious this week about the pregnancy, but I am trying to stay calm. Two weeks until my first scan…

#BIsBecomingDifficultToChangeAndOftenWillCryLoudlyForWhatSeemsLikeNoReasonAtAll

I am still struggling to change her nappies, and then add in her excessive wriggling and escaping. It’s great.

#TheOtherDayWeWereTryingToGiveHerYoghurtAndSheWasScreamingSoIJustCopiedHer

I remember my Mum doing it with me when I was crying crocodile tears.

#StraightAwaySheChangedHerTuneAndStartedToLaughAndAteAllOfHerYoghurt

Nothing like laughter to get you out of a bad mood. I think she is teething a lot at the moment, so that might be why.

#ItMaybeIsNotTheBestSolutionEveryTimeButItWasMuchBetterThanGettingStressedOutAndAnnoyed

Obviously if she was really upset it would not be a nice thing to do, but when it seems like she just doesn’t want to do something it is a nice trick. I’d rather make her laugh than get really pissed off.

#AfterwardsWeHadAFunGameOfHerTryingToStealMyEmptyBowlOfCrispsWhenMyBackWasTurned

I had some crisps in the bowl. She was trying to eat them. I then put the bowl on the table and she kept going to it and digging her hands in. Later on I had my back to her and she would touch the bowl while my back was turned, then I’d turn round to look at her and she would laugh. I do love when she laughs.

#SheIsBecomingQuiteTheFoodThiefTheseDaysWithHerTryingToTakeWhateverWeHave

She was trying to eat my Nan’s breakfast again today. I had some strawberries the other night and my plate was empty, but she would just scratch the plate anyways and then lick her fingers. She is funny.

#IHaveNotBeenSickInACoupleOfDaysButIHaveGaggedAFewTimes

Nothing like going to the bathroom and expecting to be sick, but just dry heaving instead. Or sometimes it is just when I am in the kitchen. The body is weird.

#IThinkTheMoreTiredIAmTheWorseIFeelAsLastNightBeforeBedIFeltSoSickAndIWasAsleepBeforeTen

I hadn’t napped during her second nap, so I felt tired. When I get tired I faff, but I should just relax instead. I was going to hang up the washing, but I stood up and thought I was going to be sick. I had to lie down in bed as I had already brushed my teeth and did not fancy being sick.

#IWasAwakeFromFourToFiveButThenCouldNotGetUpOnceBHad

I read some of my book to try to feel sleepy again. T and B were up from 5:40. I slept for another hour. Thanks Tiago.

#TheGovernmentHasChangedTheirStanceABitWithMasksAfter19thJulyButItSeemsLikeSomePeopleStoppedWearingThemAWhileAgo

Though I’ve just seen that masks will still be mandatory on London transport. That’s good.

#BsWalkingIsDefinitelyImprovingDayByDayNowAndSheCanTakeQuiteAFewStepsNow

She can do more than a few really. Ten plus quite confidently, maybe more? I need to get her some shoes. I’ve ordered a foot measurer, so we can just measure them when we want to and order online.

#AtHerBabyClassSomeoneWasSayingSheFeelsLikeBIsTheCelebrityOfTheClassAsEveryoneKnowsHerName

I feel bad as I do not know many of the names (unless I think back to the register), but the teachers are always commenting on what B is doing. She was scared of some animal puppets again yesterday 🙁

#SheReallyLikesToTryToStealEveryonesStuffButEveryoneIsNiceAboutIt

Shoes, phones, toys, pushchairs, whatever. If it is there B will have it.

I maybe have time for an hour nap if my brain switches off quick enough…

11 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

A close-up of my face showing a couple of spots in my hairline.
I Feel Like My Body Has A Big Job To Perform Now (11 weeks)

#FeelingConcernedAsIHaveNotFeltSickThisEveningButIFeltSickDuringTheDay 
#MaybeIHaveJustEatenEnoughDinner 
#IWillProbablyFeelSickInAnHour 
#IHeardThatSourSweetsAreGoodForSickness 
#IFoundSomeGoodVeggieSweets 
#DoNotThinkTheyReallyHelpedWithTheSicknessButTheyTasteGood 
#Anyways 
#ThisTextIsSupposedToBeAboutSpots 
#WhenIHadTheCoilISuddenlyStartedToGetLotsOfSpotsOnMyScalp 
#IFiguredItWasDueToTooMuchCopperInMyDietAndInMyBody 
#SoMaybeIHaveBeenEatingALotOfThingsThatHaveCopperInThem 
#ButIDoubtIt 
#IGuessTheSpotsAreMoreToDoWithHormones 
#MyFaceFeelsSpottierTooButIThinkThatHasALotToDoWithTheWeather 
#AsMySkinGetsWorseThanNormalInTheWinter 
#ButIHaveBigSpotsOnMyHairline 
#INoticedThemTheOtherDayButTheySeemBiggerNow 
#FunTimes 
#MaybeINeedToWashMyHairMoreAndIHaveBeenWearingAHat 
#SoMaybeThatPlaysAPartInIt 
#CanNotBelieveIAm11WeeksNow 
#StillNervous 
#TiagoCanNotLieToSaveHisLifeSoHeToldAFewPeopleYesterday 
#SoTheNumberOfPeopleWhoKnowHasNowGrown 
#IJustFeelMorePressureNow 
#NoOneIsPuttingPressureOnMe 
#ButIFeelLikeMyBodyHasABigJobToPerformNow 
#AndIAmNervousThatThereIsPlentyOfTimeForThingsToGoWrong 
#NotFeelingSickNowIsABitWorrying 
#ButIThinkThatIWillGoBrushMyTeethNowAndThatWillProbablyMakeMeFeelSick 

(19th September: Using an image with a border as my laptop stopped charging the other day, and T’s laptop seems incapable of opening editing software – I also have to paste the letter s whenever I want to use it. I am hoping to have my own again in a few days.)

I have felt just as anxious this time as I did with B. I haven’t eaten any sour sweets (I actually forgot about this), but I was eyeing up someone’s sweets on the train the other day.

My face was spotty for a bit, which was probably hormones.

I have been washing my hair even less probably, but it doesn’t look too bad.

I am now 20 weeks and I dry heave again when I brush my teeth in the evenings. This has gone on for longer than when I was pregnant with B…

I feel like I do have a big job ahead of me again, but I am a bit more relaxed about it in ways as I have been through it all once before, and I am feeling a bit more like what will happen will happen – though obviously I am hoping for the best outcomes. Fingers crossed.


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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Imitating B Hiding Behind A Blue Bean Bag (10 Weeks? / 9th July 2021)

Sitting behind a large blue bean bag with my hair in a bun appearing above it, by arms and legs appearing on the left of it.
Imitating B Hiding Behind A Blue Bean Bag (10 Weeks? / 9th July 2021)
 
#TodayBWasPlayingInHerToyBoxWhileHidingBehindABlueBeanBagSoIThoughtIWouldImitateIt
#TheShootWasOriginallyGoingToBeAboutAllTheSpotsISeemToHaveGainedAndLookingAtMyFirstPregnancyProjectIDidAShootAboutSpotsAroundASimilarPointSoItMustBeThisStage
#IHaveBeenHavingSomeBadCrampsLatelyWhichWorryMeButThenIForgetThatItIsOftenMyBodyJustCleaningItself
#IHaveANewStrategyOfJustBeingSickWhenIFeelLikeINeedToBe
#ItIsLessWorkThanTryingForAgesToNotBeSick
#ISeemToHaveQuiteBadBackPainAtTheMomentTooButIUsuallyStretchInTheMorningAndEvening
#ITryToDoVideosWhereIAmJustSatDownAsOtherwiseIFeelTooSick
#ThisMorningIDidAVideoThatRequiredSomeStandingUpAndThenIWasSickNotLongAfter
#BWokeUpAtSixTwentyYesterdayWhichWasEitherAMassiveFlukeOrSheHadSecretlyWatchedTheEnglandGameAndWasKnackered
#ThisMorningSheStartedToReallyKickOffAroundFiveFiftyFiveSoItIsNotTooBad
#ThoughIUsuallyWakeUpAroundFiveAndFiveThirtyAnywaysButThenGoBackToSleepIfSheIsNotAwake
#ItAppearsThatHerFirstTopToothHasBrokenThroughWhichIAmHopingIsWhySheIsSleepingSlightlyBetter
#IThinkItMustHaveBeenQuitePainfulBlessHerButWeStillHaveAZillionMoreTeethToLookForwardTo
#SheStillWakesUpEarlierThanWeWouldLikeHerToButTheGoodThingIsSheIsGenerallyHavingATwoHourNapInTheMorningSoAtLeastICanDoSomeWorkAndHaveANapToo
#IGenerallyJustNapWhenSheNapsNowAsIAmSoTired
#INeedToStartGoingToBedEarlierButItIsEasierSaidThanDone
#YesterdayIWasCookingDinnerAndBSpentMostOfTheTimeEntertainingHerselfWithALimeAPacketOfWrapsAndACardboardBox
#AWomanInABabyClassCommentedAboutHowBIsQuiteContentPlayingByHerself
#OftenSheWillJustGoAndSitAndLookAtHerBooksByHerselfForABitWhichIsNice
#IHadReadAboutTenBooksToHerThisMorningBeforeItWasEvenSevenThirty
#SheGetsSuperExcitedWhenSheKnowsThatIAmGoingToPutHerFavouritePortugueseSongsOn
#IAmStillStressedAboutBGettingEnoughToEatAndOfTheRightThings
#LoveIsMakingHerMuffinsWhenYouHaveMorningSicknessForHerToThenJustScatterOneOverFiveMetres
#AndThenLaughAtYouAsYouSweepItUpOnYourHandsAndKnees
#SheHasAGoodLaughAndTiagoAndNanAreAlwaysWonderingHowIMakeHerLaughSoMuch
#AtTheMomentSheLaughsAtTheCrocodileBitOfRowRowYourBoat
#TheOtherDayIWasSayingShhLetsBeQuietAsWeWentToCreepUpOnTiagoButThenBWentWahhh
#SheNowHasAGoodLaughWhenISayShhLetsBeQuietNotInAWhisperingVoiceAndThenWahhVeryLoudly
#WeHaveCancelledPartOfOurHolidaySoThatWeWillJustStayWithTiagosParentsNowForTheWholeTime
#IAmRelievedAsItWillBeLessStressfulButIJustHopeThatIWillGetOutToGoSwimmingAtSomePoint

#TodayBWasPlayingInHerToyBoxWhileHidingBehindABlueBeanBagSoIThoughtIWouldImitateIt

I love a bit of hiding and revealing. I did some with the toy box and some without as it got a bit distracting with everything, but I’m yet to choose the final shot.

#TheShootWasOriginallyGoingToBeAboutAllTheSpotsISeemToHaveGainedAndLookingAtMyFirstPregnancyProjectIDidAShootAboutSpotsAroundASimilarPointSoItMustBeThisStage

I keep hoping that I am more pregnant than 10 weeks, but looking at Waiting… I seem to be experiencing similar symptoms.

#IHaveBeenHavingSomeBadCrampsLatelyWhichWorryMeButThenIForgetThatItIsOftenMyBodyJustCleaningItself

Yeah I’m talking about discharge, and though I talked about it in Waiting… I’m like maybe people don’t want to read about it again? It is something that I had not heard about before being pregnant though.

#IHaveANewStrategyOfJustBeingSickWhenIFeelLikeINeedToBe #ItIsLessWorkThanTryingForAgesToNotBeSick

I try to hold it off a little bit, but often I’ll just stand up and I’ll be able to be sick right away. Fun times.

#ISeemToHaveQuiteBadBackPainAtTheMomentTooButIUsuallyStretchInTheMorningAndEvening

Another fun pregnancy symptom. Every night Tiago is like ‘I need to get up early in the morning’, but will then give me time to stretch while he makes B breakfast as I really can not stomach feeding her at the moment.

#ITryToDoVideosWhereIAmJustSatDownAsOtherwiseIFeelTooSick

I did do a blog post about the videos that I liked to do when I was pregnant with B.

I do this one every evening on mute while I watch TV:

(14th September: I don’t even watch it now as I know it off by heart.)

I’ve got really into watching TV sped up thanks to a plugin (Video Speed Controller) I have.

& this one maybe once a week in the morning:

Then I generally just search for ‘first trimester stretch’ or ‘first trimester yoga’.

I quite like these channels more now: Pregnancy and Postpartum TV – YouTube / Bettina Rae – YouTube

#ThisMorningIDidAVideoThatRequiredSomeStandingUpAndThenIWasSickNotLongAfter

I did this one this morning:

#BWokeUpAtSixTwentyYesterdayWhichWasEitherAMassiveFlukeOrSheHadSecretlyWatchedTheEnglandGameAndWasKnackered

Mentally it felt like a win, but physically it felt the same. (Her waking up after 6.)

I only watched the last fifteen minutes of extra time as I felt too stressed to watch it. It doesn’t feel like a proud win and I’m quite disgusted by the behaviour of English fans. Add my Covid worries to it and I’m annoyed as hell.

#ThisMorningSheStartedToReallyKickOffAroundFiveFiftyFiveSoItIsNotTooBad

I had heard her at five, and it only felt like five minutes later when the clock said 5:55.

#ThoughIUsuallyWakeUpAroundFiveAndFiveThirtyAnywaysButThenGoBackToSleepIfSheIsNotAwake

We met a girl at the pond today and her Mum said she gets up at 5:30/6 too, and she is about 9 months older. Fun.

#ItAppearsThatHerFirstTopToothHasBrokenThroughWhichIAmHopingIsWhySheIsSleepingSlightlyBetter

Fingers crossed.

#IThinkItMustHaveBeenQuitePainfulBlessHerButWeStillHaveAZillionMoreTeethToLookForwardTo

It looks like a big tooth compared to the bottom ones. Just checked my teeth and yeah that’s how teeth work. Lol.

#SheStillWakesUpEarlierThanWeWouldLikeHerToButTheGoodThingIsSheIsGenerallyHavingATwoHourNapInTheMorningSoAtLeastICanDoSomeWorkAndHaveANapToo

I will miss her two naps. I seem to talk about that every post but yeah.

#IGenerallyJustNapWhenSheNapsNowAsIAmSoTired

Even just a lie down is good.

#INeedToStartGoingToBedEarlierButItIsEasierSaidThanDone

I mentioned reading a book by Stephen Fry in my last post, but I’ve moved on to How To Solve A Murder by Derek and Pauline Tremain. It’s not really what I thought it would be after months of delaying reading it, but it’s an easy read.

#YesterdayIWasCookingDinnerAndBSpentMostOfTheTimeEntertainingHerselfWithALimeAPacketOfWrapsAndACardboardBox

Great. The other day she was being suspiciously quiet and she was pulling all of the tissues out of a tissue box. Looking at the tissues made me want to be sick?

#AWomanInABabyClassCommentedAboutHowBIsQuiteContentPlayingByHerself

She was sat just playing with a drum and cymbal.

#OftenSheWillJustGoAndSitAndLookAtHerBooksByHerselfForABitWhichIsNice

Often upside down, but whatever.

#IHadReadAboutTenBooksToHerThisMorningBeforeItWasEvenSevenThirty

She does seem to like books. My Mum gave us a box of my little sister’s old books and she looks out for them at charity shops so we have a nice collection.

#SheGetsSuperExcitedWhenSheKnowsThatIAmGoingToPutHerFavouritePortugueseSongsOn

She knows by me changing the settings on the TV and she starts to bounce up and down. We often have to play Baby Shark when we clean her up after dinner to get her to chill a bit.

#IAmStillStressedAboutBGettingEnoughToEatAndOfTheRightThings

All we can do is our best.

#LoveIsMakingHerMuffinsWhenYouHaveMorningSicknessForHerToThenJustScatterOneOverFiveMetres #AndThenLaughAtYouAsYouSweepItUpOnYourHandsAndKnees

Classic B.

#SheHasAGoodLaughAndTiagoAndNanAreAlwaysWonderingHowIMakeHerLaughSoMuch

I think my clowning/improv training is finally paying off.

I mean good laugh as in she has a great sounding laugh.

#AtTheMomentSheLaughsAtTheCrocodileBitOfRowRowYourBoat

She starts to laugh as I say ‘if you see…’.

#TheOtherDayIWasSayingShhLetsBeQuietAsWeWentToCreepUpOnTiagoButThenBWentWahhh

I wasn’t expecting her to stay quiet at all. It wasn’t a wah cry, but just a general noise sound.

#SheNowHasAGoodLaughWhenISayShhLetsBeQuietNotInAWhisperingVoiceAndThenWahhVeryLoudly

It’s our first proper in joke. Cute. She probably has forgotten the original time though.

I mean good laugh as in she laughs a lot.

#WeHaveCancelledPartOfOurHolidaySoThatWeWillJustStayWithTiagosParentsNowForTheWholeTime #IAmRelievedAsItWillBeLessStressfulButIJustHopeThatIWillGetOutToGoSwimmingAtSomePoint

I was worried we had hurried into booking stuff and was worried about the cost of changing our flight. Luckily I decided to not go for the cheapest option via not buying through the actual airline, and it turns out we have flexible tickets. Great. So if all goes to plan we will make our connecting flight that evening.

Swimming. I just want to swim. I never swam when I was pregnant with B, and I want to experience it this time as if things go well then I think two children are enough.

10 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait where I am looking to the left of the frame. I am stood sideways. I am wearing a light green top.
Pregnancy Just Seems Like The Name For An Illness Where I Am Sick Every Morning (10 and a half weeks ish)
 
#IKnowIAmPregnant
#ButIHonestlyIForgetWhatThatMeansSometimes
#ItJustSeemsLikeTheNameForAnIllnessWhereIAmSickEveryMorning
#ThenFeelSickAtRandomOtherPointsOfTheDay
#EatingHelpsWhichIsWeirdAsBecauseIFeelSickIDoNotReallyWantToEatButIDo
#PregnancyAlsoMeansALotOfRandomCrampsAndPains
#IReadThatItIsMoreCommonNow
#CrampsAndPainsNotPregnancy
#WhichMakesSenseAsMyBodyIsSlowlyBeingStretched
#MyWombIsAtLeastAlreadyTwoTimesTheSizeOfItsNormalSize
#PregnancyAlsoMeansIGoToBedEarlierAndAmAllowedToNotFeelGuiltyForTakingNaps
#WhichIsGood
#IHadANiceNapThisAfternoon
#IForgetThatPregnancyMeansThatALittleBeingIsGrowingInsideOfMe
#ItStillFeelsOddAndSurreal
#ItSeemsWeirdThatItIsHappeningToMe
#ItIsSomethingThatIHopedWouldBePossibleButAtTheSameTimeCouldNeverImagineItHappeningToMe
#TiagoHasDailyTalksWithMyBellyNow
#ItIsEarlyDaysButIFindItRelaxingAndFunny
#AndIThinkItHelpsHimFeelConnectedToThisStrangeThingThatIsHappeningToMyBody
#IJustAskedHimHowItMakesHimFeel
#HeSaysItMakesItAllFeelMoreReal
#IDoNotKnowHowPregnantIAmAnymoreAsAtMyScanTheyGaveMeANewEstimate
#ButIThinkIAmApproaching11Weeks
#AlreadyAQuarterOfTheWayThrough
#QuicklyApproachingAThird
#IKnowThatBadThingsCanHappenAndItIsStillSuperEarly
#ButIAmFeelingALittleLessFreakedOutAndWorried
#IWentToTheBathroomEarlierWhenIGotReallyStrongPainsButAllSeemedFine
#FingersCrossed

14th September: Well, I can completely relate to these previous hashtags. I’m nearly double in pregnant now, but I still can not get my head around it. It is odd thinking that next year we could be a family of 4. It’s weird thinking of myself as a mother of 2, it’s weird thinking of B as a big sister, it’s bizarre.

I wish I could nap as often as I could then, but I did have a nap yesterday afternoon – I was really disorientated, and I woke B up 40 minutes later than I should have. Whoops.

Tiago talks to my bump when he remembers, but it’s different this time around with B as she is a big distraction. The pregnancy seems to be going faster.


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Imitating B Lying Under The Curtain (9 Weeks? / 3rd July 2021)

Self-portrait with my head under the bottom of a curtain.
Imitating B Lying Under The Curtain (9 Weeks? / 3rd July 2021)
 
#BHasPhasesOfBeingObsessedWithTheCurtainsInTheLivingRoom
#SometimesSheLeansAgainstThemButTheOtherDaySheWasLyingUnderOneOfThem
#AnotherCuteThingSheDoesNowIsIfISayCanIHaveAKissSheOffersMeHerHandToKiss
#IAmTryingToFigureOutWhySheDoesThisButIAmNotEntirelySure
#TheOtherDayItWasWaterPlayAtHerBabyClass
#TheOtherBabiesWereBeingHelpedToSplashInTheirBowlsButBWasJustDippingHerHandInAndLickingTheWaterOff
#AtSomePointSheTriedToPickUpTheBowlAndDrinkFromIt
#IFeltQuiteAwkwardAsOurUsualFriendsWereNotThereAndEveryoneElseHadQuiteYoungBabiesButItWasFunny
#WeAlsoHaveAGoodLaughAtHomeWhenISayIAmGoingToGetYouAndSheScreamsAndCrawlsOrMovesFastWhileHoldingOntoThings
#SheIsGraduallyTakingMoreStepsButIThinkAtTimesSheIsTryingToRunBeforeSheCanWalkProperly
#AtTimesIThinkIDefinitelyLookMorePregnantThanNineWeeksSoIAmEitherThirteenOrMyBodyIsJustShowingMoreAsIHaveBeenPregnantBefore
#TheShootsIHaveDoneSoFarThatShowABumpWereTakenNotLongAfterIHadAMealThough
#IThinkOftenIJustHaveABloatedFoodBabyAndAmJustNineWeeks
#ThisWeekIHaveBeenTryingToBeMoreHelpfulAtHomeAndHaveBeenStartingToMakeDinnerAtFour
#YesterdayITriedToMakeBsBreakfastForTheFirstTimeInProbablyTwoWeeksAndIWasSick
#IWasLettingTiagoHaveALieInButHeRushedDownstairsWhenHeHeardMeBeingSickAndTookOverLuckily
#TheOtherDayIHadA90MinutePhonecallForMyInitialMidwifeAppointment
#IThoughtItWasALongAppointmentLastTimeButGeezzzzzzz
#ItWasAStudentDoingItSoThatIsWhyItTookLongerButThereAlsoSeemedLikeMoreQuestionsThanBefore
#LuckilyTheyCalledJustAfterIHadPutBDownForANapSoSheEndedUpHavingAReallyLongNapButWePaidForItTheNextDayWhenSheWokeUpAtFour
#OnTheCallIAskedAboutWhenIShouldGetTheCovidVaccineAndTheyRecommendedAfter16WeeksSoIAmGladIHaveWaited
#TheyThenSaidToAskMyDoctorWhichVaccineHeRecommendsButISaidIDoNotTrustHimAsHeSaidToGetVaccinatedStraightAwayWeeksAgo
#AtTheMomentYouNeedToBeDoubleVaccinatedToNotHaveToQuarantineInPortugal
#SoItLooksLikeIWillBeSatInTiagosParentsHouseForTwoWeeksBeFreeForFiveDaysThenHaveToQuarantineInMyNansHouseForTenDays
#IAmNotSureWhatTheRulesWillBeForOneYearOldsButTiagoHasBothHisJabsSoHeWillBeMoreFree
#IHadToGoAndGetSomeBloodTestsDoneAndGiveAUrineSample
#SheSaidSheWasGoingToHaveToGetAnotherVialOfBloodAsIWasPregnantBeforeBWasOne
#ButThenSheSaidItWasFineAndSheWouldJustAddANoteWithOneOfTheOtherFourOrFiveVials
#INeedToStartEatingAndTakingMoreIronRichStuffAsMyStoresAreProbablyQuiteDepletedFromHavingB
#IHaveNoticedWhatIThinkIsAVaricoseVeinWhichWasNotOneOfMySymptomsWhenIWasPregnantWithB

#BHasPhasesOfBeingObsessedWithTheCurtainsInTheLivingRoom #SometimesSheLeansAgainstThemButTheOtherDaySheWasLyingUnderOneOfThem

One curtain is harder to get to due to furniture, but the other one is right by where her highchair is kept and by her books so it’s a popular hangout spot at times. I’m yet to do the shoot, but I need to find the energy to haul all my stuff there later when my Nan isn’t there thinking ‘what the hell is she doing?’

#AnotherCuteThingSheDoesNowIsIfISayCanIHaveAKissSheOffersMeHerHandToKiss #IAmTryingToFigureOutWhySheDoesThisButIAmNotEntirelySure

I guess that I blow her kisses occasionally but I don’t think that’s it? If I ask for a hug I put my arms out wide? I don’t know.

(7th September: If I ask for a kiss now she headbutts me. It seems her Portuguese Grandmother taught her how to butt heads when we were visiting her – there are a lot of bulls on the island, so I think it’s to do with that.)

#TheOtherDayItWasWaterPlayAtHerBabyClass

Guess who forgot to read their reminder to bring a towel… Luckily half the class forgot and the teachers had loads of spares. Phew.

#TheOtherBabiesWereBeingHelpedToSplashInTheirBowlsButBWasJustDippingHerHandInAndLickingTheWaterOff #AtSomePointSheTriedToPickUpTheBowlAndDrinkFromIt

Showing what she does at home when she has a bowl of yoghurt… I’ll try to feed her with a spoon, but she’ll get fed up and just dip her hands in. Or she will try to drink from the bowl. Classic. She did have one big splash though.

#IFeltQuiteAwkwardAsOurUsualFriendsWereNotThereAndEveryoneElseHadQuiteYoungBabiesButItWasFunny

The teachers are usually always just laughing at what B does in a good way, so they put me at ease. However, I do feel a bit judged at times. I guess when the other babies are older the parents will understand my struggles more…

#WeAlsoHaveAGoodLaughAtHomeWhenISayIAmGoingToGetYouAndSheScreamsAndCrawlsOrMovesFastWhileHoldingOntoThings

When T carries her up the stairs to bed she will also scream if I am following. I seem to forget about this every night, but she doesn’t… Sometimes I’ll say I’m going to get you and if T is in the kitchen she’ll go to him and he will pick her up. I’ll then pop my head around the door and roar and she goes ‘ohh’ and jumps. Cute and funny.

#SheIsGraduallyTakingMoreStepsButIThinkAtTimesSheIsTryingToRunBeforeSheCanWalkProperly

She will try to go a bit too fast and fall, but she is taking a few solid steps now and will often do about six.

#AtTimesIThinkIDefinitelyLookMorePregnantThanNineWeeksSoIAmEitherThirteenOrMyBodyIsJustShowingMoreAsIHaveBeenPregnantBefore #TheShootsIHaveDoneSoFarThatShowABumpWereTakenNotLongAfterIHadAMealThough #IThinkOftenIJustHaveABloatedFoodBabyAndAmJustNineWeeks

I guess the real teller is when I wake up in the morning and I haven’t eaten since before bed. There is definitely a bump there, but after a meal it is usually a lot bigger. Looking at my Waiting… pregnancy project I think I look more pregnant for 9 weeks than I did then, but I am sure that I have read that you generally show earlier with subsequent pregnancies. I guess everything is more stretched…?

(7th September: I was 9 weeks.)

#ThisWeekIHaveBeenTryingToBeMoreHelpfulAtHomeAndHaveBeenStartingToMakeDinnerAtFour

Tiago works hard and I feel like I am quite rubbish with running a home. I have definitely slacked off since morning sickness has appeared, especially as I feel sickest when I am standing up, but I want to help as much as I can.

#YesterdayITriedToMakeBsBreakfastForTheFirstTimeInProbablyTwoWeeksAndIWasSick

Tiago has been great at getting up to look after B and making her breakfast. I managed to make her a new batch of porridge, but turning it into pancakes… my body said nah. We were talking about it in bed last night and just talking about it made me feel sick.

#IWasLettingTiagoHaveALieInButHeRushedDownstairsWhenHeHeardMeBeingSickAndTookOverLuckily

Phew. I also can’t deal with looking at B’s face after a meal when it’s covered in food. Blergh.

#TheOtherDayIHadA90MinutePhonecallForMyInitialMidwifeAppointment #IThoughtItWasALongAppointmentLastTimeButGeezzzzzzz

Epic does not cut it.

#ItWasAStudentDoingItSoThatIsWhyItTookLongerButThereAlsoSeemedLikeMoreQuestionsThanBefore

I feel like they asked me every possible question. It is quite intrusive at times, but I understand why they might need to ask them all.

(7th September: It turns out that she managed to tick that I don’t speak English, and that I’ve had a major uterine surgery – these things get brought up in appointments now.)

#LuckilyTheyCalledJustAfterIHadPutBDownForANapSoSheEndedUpHavingAReallyLongNapButWePaidForItTheNextDayWhenSheWokeUpAtFour

They said they would call sometime between one and four. I’m lucky that B slept that long, but yeah the early morning wake ups aren’t great. We are trying to change B’s feeding schedule now to see if it might help her sleep better. This morning she was up at 5, but we did only start the new schedule yesterday afternoon. I just need to start to go to bed earlier.

#OnTheCallIAskedAboutWhenIShouldGetTheCovidVaccineAndTheyRecommendedAfter16WeeksSoIAmGladIHaveWaited

I was going to aim for 14 weeks as that is when some countries start to offer jabs to pregnant people. Apparently the advice is changing all of the time, but I had not seen 16 weeks mentioned online. Maybe it is just my local midwives who recommend 16 weeks?

(7th September: I ended up having it at 13 weeks as the advice changed to be more consistent, and I attended a good talk about it.)

#TheyThenSaidToAskMyDoctorWhichVaccineHeRecommendsButISaidIDoNotTrustHimAsHeSaidToGetVaccinatedStraightAwayWeeksAgo

I know I am only offered Moderna or Pfizer, but I would only be offered them due to my age anyways too. I know that women over 40 who are pregnant are also only offered those two.

#AtTheMomentYouNeedToBeDoubleVaccinatedToNotHaveToQuarantineInPortugal #SoItLooksLikeIWillBeSatInTiagosParentsHouseForTwoWeeksBeFreeForFiveDaysThenHaveToQuarantineInMyNansHouseForTenDays

We want B to meet her grandparents so she will. I wish his parents had a swimming pool at their house, but oh well… I imagine quarantine as not being able to leave the house, but I forget that you can sit in the garden too. We were meant to be staying on another island for a few days by ourselves (with B), but we will now cancel that and see if we can change our flight as it is pointless going there now.

#IAmNotSureWhatTheRulesWillBeForOneYearOldsButTiagoHasBothHisJabsSoHeWillBeMoreFree

Apparently those who have had the AstraZeneca jab that has been made in India will have to quarantine for fourteen days too. Tiago had the AZ one, but now we need to find out what batch it was and if he has to quarantine or not. Fun times.

(7th September: Rules changed so we did not have to quarantine in the Azores, and then they got put on the green list so I am free in the UK now.)

#IHadToGoAndGetSomeBloodTestsDoneAndGiveAUrineSample

Great.

#SheSaidSheWasGoingToHaveToGetAnotherVialOfBloodAsIWasPregnantBeforeBWasOne

Something about my iron stores.

#ButThenSheSaidItWasFineAndSheWouldJustAddANoteWithOneOfTheOtherFourOrFiveVials

I just looked away while she kept changing the vials. I don’t mind needles, but I was more worried that I might be sick or something.

#INeedToStartEatingAndTakingMoreIronRichStuffAsMyStoresAreProbablyQuiteDepletedFromHavingB

I take some iron rich water and when I was pregnant with B I kept taking one sachet though when you’re pregnant you can take two. When I remember I try to take two now (different times of the day), but it’s a faff.

#IHaveNoticedWhatIThinkIsAVaricoseVeinWhichWasNotOneOfMySymptomsWhenIWasPregnantWithB

I looked at it today and it currently looks like more of a bruise, but the other day it looked more veiny. Shrug. Just reading about the symptoms and maybe it’s not as I just noticed it when I was exercising, but it doesn’t hurt or anything.

9 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait holding a scan over my tummy. Tiago's hand is on my left shoulder
I Keep Looking At The Scan As I Can Not Believe It (9 and a half weeks)
 
#SoWeWentToTheHospital
#HadAnAppointmentButWaitedNearlyAnHour
#MaybeBecauseOtherPeopleNeededLookingAtMoreUrgently
#SomePeopleDidLookLikeTheyWereInALotOfPain
#IThoughtIShouldHaveAFullBladderIfTheyDidAScan
#SoIWasBurstingForTheToilet
#TheyFinallyCalledMeAndAskedIfINeededToGoToTheLoo
#SoThatWasDiscomfortForNoReasonAsItWasAnInternalExam
#ThePersonExaminingMeWasBeingTestedSoThereWere3PeopleInTheRoomPlusTiago
#TheyGaveMeASheetForDignityAndIApologisedForHavingHairyLegsThoughTheySaidNothingInReply
#TheySaidTheyWereTryingToGiveMeDignityButIAmUsedToHavingMoreInvasiveExaminationsThatInvolveSpeculumsSoIWasNotSureWhereTheSheetWasMeantToBe 
#TiagoSawTheToolTheyWereGoingToUseAndIWasLikeWelcomeToAWomansWorld
#ItWasNotThatBadJustABitColdAndTheWaitingRoomHadBeenSoHot
#BeforeLongTheyTurnedTheScreenAndShowedUsTheLittleHumanInsideOfMe
#SheSaidCanYouSeeTheFlickerThatIsTheHeartbeat
#AndIStartedToCryHappyTearsAsIWasRelievedAndItWasSoSurreal
#AndISaidItIsSoWeirdAsIThoughtPregnancyWasSomethingThatHappenedToOtherPeopleAndNotMeAndItIsSoWeirdSeeingThatLittleThingInsideOfMe
#SheLookedAroundThoroughly
#ItWasGoodThatSheHadSomeoneElseTalkingToHerAsIKnowThatTheyBothHadAGoodLookAndDidNotSeeAnyIssues
#TheTesterSaidIHadTheBestOvariesThatSheHadSeenTodayAndCalledThemBeautiful 
#SheGaveUsAPicture
#TheySaidThatIfItHappensAgainIShouldBookAnotherAppointment
#AsBleedingIsNotUncommonButItStillIsNotNormal
#IAmGladTheyWereEncouragingAsIWouldNotWantToBeSeenAsAnnoying
#IHaveBledALittleSinceButIGuessItIsBecauseTheyHadThatToolInsideMeForAtLeast10Minutes
#IThoughtIWas9WeeksTodayButTheySaidItIsMoreLike9DaysAnd4Or5Days
#IAmGuessingItWillChangeAgainButThatMeansIAmNearlyAQuarterOfTheWayThroughIfAllGoesWell
#TimeHasPassedQuickly
#IKeepLookingAtTheScanAsICanNotBelieveIt
#NanThinksItIsABoyAsSheSaysTheyCauseTroubleFromTheStart

Fingers crossed I do not have any scares this time, though I still feel anxious about being pregnant. I didn’t have a scan this time until I had my first scheduled one, which for me was at 13 weeks. My next one is coming up soon.


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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

General Documenting Pregnancy Shoot (9 Weeks? / 28th June 2021)

Self-portrait of me looking at the camera in a bra and leggings. I am holding onto my elbow, and there is a bit of a baby bump showing.
General Documenting Pregnancy Shoot (9 Weeks? / 28th June 2021)
 
#TypicallyIGotAnAppointmentLetterForAScanTheSameDayThatISaidIHadHeardNothing
#AnnoyinglyItIsTheOneDayThatTiagoCanNotDoForSureSoWeWillHaveToWaitAnotherWeekNow
#TheLetterDoesNotSayIfTiagoCanAttendOrNotButIGuessTheRulesMayChangeByThenAnyways
#IRealiseThatIThoughtIMayBePregnantAsIGotSomeSpotsButTheyMayHaveBeenCausedByMeWearingAMask
#ThoughPerhapsItIsACombinationOfHormonesAndAMaskMakingThemWorseThanNormal
#IFeelHappierLatelyWhichIsProbablyAlsoACombinationOfHormonesAndHavingSomethingToCountdownToAfterMonthsOfFeelingABitLost
#ItHasAlsoBeenGoodToSeeMorePeopleLately
#WeJustHadAFewNightsAwayWhereWeCaughtUpWithLotsOfPeople
#ItWasReallyNiceToJustSeePeopleRegularlyForAFewDays
#ItWasAlsoAGlimpseOfHowItMightBeHavingTwoKids
#BDoesLikeBabiesButSheAlsoLikesToRunAroundAfterBiggerKids
#SheWasQuiteConfidentAtTakingTheirStuffAndDidNotSeemToCareWhenTheyGotAnnoyed
#ItWasAlsoAGoodReminderThatTheSecondKidWillNotDoVeryMuchForAWhile
#SoAtLeastYouCanPutThemDownAndFindThemThereAgainTenSecondsLater
#IAmJustNotLookingForwardToTheConstantFeedingAndNappyChangingAgain
#IHopeBreastfeedingWillBeEasierNextTimeButWeWillHaveToWaitAndSee
#WeTriedToExperimentWithTheLengthOfBsNapsAndHerBedtimeButSheStillWokeUpEarlierThanWeWanted
#WeSharedARoomWithHerSoItProbablyDidNotHelpEncourageHerToFallBackToSleep
#YesterdaySheSleptForAnHourAndAHalfInTheCarThenWentToBedAtSevenFortyFiveAndSheWokeUpAtFiveThirtyToday
#WeHadBeenTryingCuttingHerSecondNapToThirtyMinutesAndPuttingHerToBedAtEightAndSheWasWakingUpAtFive
#SoSheCanJustKeepHavingAnHourNapAtHerSecondNapAndGoToBedAtSevenThirty
#IGuessWeAreLuckyThatAtLeastSheSleepsQuiteSolidlyForAGoodAmountOfTime
#SheSeemsToKnowHerNapAndBedtimeRoutinesNowAndSheEitherClingsToTheSideOfHerCotOrLiesDownNextToItAsITryToGetHerReady
#YesterdayTiagoLookedAfterBAndIWentBackToSleep
#IDreamtThatWeWereAwayAndWeSaidYesToBGoingSwimmingInASmallFountain
#ItThenTurnedOutToBeAMassiveSwimmingPoolAndICouldNotSeeBAndAllTheKidsWereInTheSameCostumesWithTheSameFloats
#IStartedToShoutHadAnyoneSeenHer
#IThenWokeMyselfUpAsIDidNotWantToDealWithTheStress
#IToldTiagoAndHeSaidDoYouKnowThatYouOftenWakeUpInTheMiddleOfTheNightAndLookForB
#YesIDo

I’m yet to do a shoot, but I’ve called it General Documenting Pregnancy Shoot for now as I want to experiment a bit today and not pretend to be a one year old for once.

(3rd September 2021: I have a habit of doing shoots just after eating, so I look a bit more pregnant than I was. I’ve already copied this shoot once, and I plan to do it at least a few more times during the pregnancy.)

#TypicallyIGotAnAppointmentLetterForAScanTheSameDayThatISaidIHadHeardNothing

It’s always the way.

#AnnoyinglyItIsTheOneDayThatTiagoCanNotDoForSureSoWeWillHaveToWaitAnotherWeekNow

What’s another week? I’m impatient though.

#TheLetterDoesNotSayIfTiagoCanAttendOrNotButIGuessTheRulesMayChangeByThenAnyways

I was going to ask, but then I didn’t. The woman on the phone did say that the letter has a lot of incorrect and missing information on it though. I knew that as the line said it was open until 5, but it closed at 2:30 and I initially called at 2:50 to change my appointment so I had to wait until the next day. Fun times.

#IRealiseThatIThoughtIMayBePregnantAsIGotSomeSpotsButTheyMayHaveBeenCausedByMeWearingAMask

I’m sure I mentioned this in a previous set of hashtags. I don’t really get spots that often – unless I have been eating a lot of bad foods. I was reading something the other day and then I thought ‘ah yeah maybe the spots are more due to wearing a mask?’

#ThoughPerhapsItIsACombinationOfHormonesAndAMaskMakingThemWorseThanNormal

I guess I wear a mask for the same amount of time each week, so it must have been a combination of both? I have some really bad ones on the right side of my face right now.

#IFeelHappierLatelyWhichIsProbablyAlsoACombinationOfHormonesAndHavingSomethingToCountdownToAfterMonthsOfFeelingABitLost

If I could bottle these hormones (but not have morning sickness all the time) I’d take them for life, but I guess when I was pregnant with B I had also been feeling lost previously too.

#ItHasAlsoBeenGoodToSeeMorePeopleLately

Seeing people that I have not seen for a year or two or more…

#WeJustHadAFewNightsAwayWhereWeCaughtUpWithLotsOfPeople

Three couples and their kids (they all have two kids each).

#ItWasReallyNiceToJustSeePeopleRegularlyForAFewDays

People to hang out with while we watched the kids and passed time quite nicely. Hurrah. Luckily the weather was nice!

#ItWasAlsoAGlimpseOfHowItMightBeHavingTwoKids

They varied in age from 11 weeks to 9 years.

#BDoesLikeBabiesButSheAlsoLikesToRunAroundAfterBiggerKids

She is intrigued by babies, but she also likes to follow older kids.

#SheWasQuiteConfidentAtTakingTheirStuffAndDidNotSeemToCareWhenTheyGotAnnoyed

The determination/nonchalance on her face…

#ItWasAlsoAGoodReminderThatTheSecondKidWillNotDoVeryMuchForAWhile

I had kind of forgotten how babies are. I guess I am the most concerned about all the night feedings, and B going down to one nap very soon.

#SoAtLeastYouCanPutThemDownAndFindThemThereAgainTenSecondsLater

I forget that they are quite happy just lying on a mat, looking at the ceiling or toys etc.

#IAmJustNotLookingForwardToTheConstantFeedingAndNappyChangingAgain

It is going to be a juggle, but it will be worth it in the end.

#IHopeBreastfeedingWillBeEasierNextTimeButWeWillHaveToWaitAndSee

I feel like I have forgotten everything already, but I’m sure some things will come back to me.

#WeTriedToExperimentWithTheLengthOfBsNapsAndHerBedtimeButSheStillWokeUpEarlierThanWeWanted

Great.

#WeSharedARoomWithHerSoItProbablyDidNotHelpEncourageHerToFallBackToSleep

It is easier to try to let her go back to sleep when you’re not there next to her. She slept better than I thought she would though with the shared room situation. We just tried to only go in the room when we wanted to go to sleep. Sometimes she woke up, but she quickly went back to sleep.

#YesterdaySheSleptForAnHourAndAHalfInTheCarThenWentToBedAtSevenFortyFiveAndSheWokeUpAtFiveThirtyToday

On the way there she was just awake the whole time when I wanted to sleep. Yesterday we both napped. Poor Tiago…

#WeHadBeenTryingCuttingHerSecondNapToThirtyMinutesAndPuttingHerToBedAtEightAndSheWasWakingUpAtFive #SoSheCanJustKeepHavingAnHourNapAtHerSecondNapAndGoToBedAtSevenThirty

I was relieved as I like for her to have more than half an hour so I can get things done. I probably need to try cutting her nap to 30 minutes then putting her to bed earlier, but I feel like she just likes to wake up between 5 and 5:40.

#IGuessWeAreLuckyThatAtLeastSheSleepsQuiteSolidlyForAGoodAmountOfTime

We just need to go to bed earlier. The last two nights we have been watching football (Euros). I like football, but not that much football. I could have gone to bed at 8pm last night easily, but oh well. Portugal are out now, but Tiago is suddenly more interested in England.

#SheSeemsToKnowHerNapAndBedtimeRoutinesNowAndSheEitherClingsToTheSideOfHerCotOrLiesDownNextToItAsITryToGetHerReady

Well, this was just while we were away. I would just be sorting something out and she would be there clinging to it or next to it. It’s good though.

#YesterdayTiagoLookedAfterBAndIWentBackToSleep

Thanks Tiago.

#IDreamtThatWeWereAwayAndWeSaidYesToBGoingSwimmingInASmallFountain #ItThenTurnedOutToBeAMassiveSwimmingPoolAndICouldNotSeeBAndAllTheKidsWereInTheSameCostumesWithTheSameFloats #IStartedToShoutHadAnyoneSeenHer #IThenWokeMyselfUpAsIDidNotWantToDealWithTheStress

I realised it was a dream/nightmare, so there was no way I was going to stay there getting stressed out within it.

#IToldTiagoAndHeSaidDoYouKnowThatYouOftenWakeUpInTheMiddleOfTheNightAndLookForB #YesIDo

I still have dreams where I think she has fallen out of our bed or is out of her cot or something. Oh the fun. I’m going to try to have a quick lie down now before she wakes up. Hopefully she will sleep for another hour, but sometimes she wakes up earlier. She is teething again, and her skin is itchy again though it looks normal. Fun timessss.

8 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

(I should have posted these in the last post, but oh well. I only did one shoot for 8 weeks, but I don’t want to miss them out.)

I have a long necked top on that is covering the bottom of my nose. My hair is hanging long down one side. I am dressed in dark clothing.
Day Before Haircut (8 Weeks)
 
#IAmSoBoredOfTheWinterAlready
#ITryToWashMyHairEvery5DaysIfICan
#IDreadWashingIt
#WellNotTheWashingItSoMuchButMoreTheDryingIt
#AndComingOutOfTheShowerWithALotOfWetHair
#IHaveBeenTryingToSeeHowLongICanGrowItForPhotographicPurposes
#ButIAmTooLowMaintenanceForThis
#ThereIsJustTooMuchHairToDry
#InTheSummerItIsNotTooBadAndItIsABitRefreshing
#ButHavingToPutTheHeaterOnBecauseMyHairIsTooAnnoying
#AndSpendingAgesBlowDryingIt
#Nah
#EspeciallyNowThatIAmPregnantIJustReallyCanNotBeBothered
#IFeelLikeIWillEndUpCuttingItOffSoonAnyways
#SoMightAsWellDoItNowAndSaveMyselfALotOfTimeOverTheWinter
#LetsSeeThough
#AsOftenITalkAboutCuttingItShorter
#ButMyHairdresserDoesNotWantMeToDislikeItAfter
#ItWillNotBeSuperSuperShort
#AsIWantToBeAbleToTieItBackStill
#ButThatWillBeABigImprovementIThink
#MyHairMightBeKeepingMeABitWarmAtTheMoment
#ButICanWearAHat
#SayingMyHairdresserSoundsFunny
#ButIHaveBeenGoingToTheSamePlaceForYEARS
#ThereHaveBeenPhasesWhereIHaveNot
#ButILikeToCatchUpWithEveryoneThere
#AndIUsedToBeSoAwkwardAndSitInSilence
#AndAvoidLookingAtMyselfInTheMirror
#MyHairdresserAndILaughAboutHowAwkwardIUsedToBeAllTheTime

I recently had my hair cut off, but I was not at the same stage of pregnancy.

I cut it off due to wanting it to be lower maintenance and because it is harder to bend over the bath to wash my hair – my preferred way to do it, but I did not have that option when I was pregnant with B due to the bathroom set-up.

I can not really wear it down now as it gets so frizzy/wild, so I usually just tie up the top bit of it in a messy bun.

I now live close to my hairdressers again, so I’m going to the same place…

I am wearing a striped top and my arms are wrapped around me. I am looking at the camera.
Day After Haircut (8 Weeks)

#NotMuchToSayIThink
#GotAHaircut
#ItWasTooMuchHassleHavingLongHair
#MyHairdresserStraightenedItAndWhatever
#SoNotSureHowItWillLookWhenIHaveWashedAndBlowDriedItMyself
#ProbablyALotFluffier
#IWantedItLongEnoughToTieBack
#ButItIsAtALengthWhereIHaveToUseStrongTiesAsOtherwiseItFallsOut
#ItWillBeFine
#IDoNotLikeHowJustCutHairLooksOnMe
#TheEndsAreTooSharp
#ButIGuessItIsAlsoBecauseItIsStraight
#ButOftenIDoNotLikeHowTiagosHairLooksAfterHeHasJustHadItCut
#AfterAFewDaysItSeemsBetterButAlsoMaybeIJustGetUsedToIt
#FeelingABitSickNow
#BoredOfThisSickBusiness
#ILookPregnantHereButIAmJustBloated
#AndThisIsWhyIDoNotLikeTightTops
#ButISomehowDecidedToBuySomeTopsLikeThis
#ToBeFairTheyWereInAPacketAndIThoughtTheyWereLooserLikeOtherOnesIHave
#FunTimes
#GoingToGoSoakMyFeetAsIFeelLikeTheyNeedSomeLove
#ThenReadMyBookAboutTheSpiceGirls

I love how I say I look pregnant when I clearly don’t…

I have been caring less about what I wear as I am usually at home.

9 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait holding my NHS-issued pregnancy book. I look sad and have my arms crossed over the folder.
Bleeding Worry (9 Weeks)
 
#SoLastNightThingsFeltABitFunny
#AndIWasFeelingTooScaredToGoToTheBathroom
#AfterAWhileIWentAsIWantedToBrushMyTeeth
#AndThereWasBlood
#NotLoadsButMoreThanIHaveBledSoFarAndAReallyIntenseColour
#IWasHavingCramps
#IStillHaveSomeCrampsAndWeirdFeelings
#ItCouldBeAFewThings
#HadABusyWeekWhichIsWhyIDecidedThatINeededToStayInAndRestLastNight
#YesterdayIAccidentallyJabbedMyselfInTheStomachWithMyPhoneInMyPocket
#IAteSomethingFromAJarThatWas3WeeksOutOfDate
#ThatIsAwkwardToAdmitButItWasVegetablesAndIHadJustOpenedIt
#IUsedALotOfMoisturiserOnMyBodyWhenIUsuallyRarelyUseAny
#IFeelLikeThereWasSomethingElseButICanNotRemember
#ItCouldAllBeFineButIAmExpectingTheWorst
#LuckilyIHaveAnAppointmentForThisAfternoonAtTheHospital
#MyLeafletSaidToCallIfIHaveAnyBleedingOrPain
#AsThoughItIsNotUncommonItNeedsToBeCheckedOut
#CalledTheNumberAndOption1WasEmergency
#IFeltAwkwardPressing1SoIPressedForAllOtherEnquiriesAndThenShePutMeThroughToTheEmergencyLine
#ItIsInAFewHoursButThisMorningIsDraggingSoMuch
#IWasNotSickToday
#MyBoobsAreNotSore
#MyNoseDoesNotFeelFull
#FeelsLikeMostOfMySymptomsHaveGone
#WeCanOnlyWaitAndSee
#LastNightIJustCriedInTiagosArms
#InThePhotoIAmHoldingMyFolderOfNotesThatINeedToTakeToEveryAppointment
#DuringTheShootItFeltLikeSomethingWasJabbingMe
#IDoNotKnowWhatNormalIsSupposedToFeelLikeWhenPregnant

Luckily I have not had a scare like this yet this pregnancy. I’ve been getting bad cramps, which seem stronger than when I was pregnant with B but maybe I’ve just forgotten how things are.

B’s been accidentally kicking and punching me in my stomach loads.

My folder of notes is just a tiny booklet instead this time. Birmingham seems to use an app for all my notes?

I still feel like I do not know what normal is when pregnant, and I get anxious at times, but I just have to take some deep breaths and hope that everything will go the same as last time. I am just hoping that this baby will come out head first this time…


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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Imitating B Looking At The Ceiling (8 Weeks? / 23rd June 2021)

Self-portrait on the floor. My elbows and arms are supporting me and I'm looking up to the ceiling.
Failing At Imitating How B Looks At The Ceiling (8 Weeks? / 23rd June 2021)
 
#SometimesBLeansBackAtStaresAtTheCeilingWhileInHerHighchair
#AtOneOfHerBabyClassesSheWillJustLeanBackAndLookAtTimes
#ThoughThereIsADiscoBallHangingDownButIAmNotSureIfSheHasActuallyNoticedIt
#SheHasHerThirdToothComingThroughWhichIsHerFirstInHerTopGum
#SheIsGettingMoreConfidentWithTakingStepsAndItWillNotBeLongBeforeSheIsReallyWalking
#WeNeedToGetHerSomeProperShoes
#WeHaveResignedOurselvesToTheFactThatSheJustWakesUpAtFiveFortyEveryDayNow
#IOnlyNoticedTheOtherDayHowItIsSoLightSoLateAtNightButNowItWillStartToGoTheOtherWay
#IWonderWhenOrIfSheWillStartToSleepInABitLater
#IAttendedAnOnlineClassAboutFeedingToddlersSoIKnowABitMoreNowAboutWhatSheNeedsToEatAtEveryMeal
#CookingIsDifficultAtTheMomentAsIGenerallyFeelSickWhenDoingItButINeedToPullMyWeightMore
#IHaveStartedToBeSickMoreRegularlySinceMyLastEntry
#YesterdayIHadTheDentalHygienistAndIWasReallyWorriedThatIWouldBeSickAtMyAppointment
#IWasGettingReadyAndWasAboutToBrushMyTeethWhenIWasSick
#BetterThatItWasBeforeThanDuringButIWasWorriedThatISmelledOfSick
#IWasRelievedToWalkIntoTheAppointmentAndSeeItWasTwoWomen
#IFeltLessAwkwardAboutSayingSorryIShouldWarnYouButIHaveBadMorningSickness
#IHadThoughtAboutCancellingTheAppointmentButIReadThatDentalHygieneIsReallyImportantWhenYouArePregnant
#IFeelLikeIShouldBeMorePregnantThanEightWeeksByNowAndMaybeIAmOrMaybeIAmNot
#IAmYetToHearAnythingAboutAnAppointmentSoIJustHaveToWaitAndSee
#IHaveBeenGettingTheChillsALotLatelyWhichIDoNotRememberHavingWithB
#IResearchedAboutItAndApparentlyItIsCommonAsYourHormonesAreAllOverThePlace
#MyNanLikesToPutTheHeatingOnHighSoTheChangeInTemperatureProbablyDoesNotHelp
#WeHaveStartedToSeeMorePeopleLatelyWhichIsReallyNice
#AFriendCameToSpendTheDayAndItWasReliefAsTheWeekDaysAreSoLong
#WeWillSpendTheWeekendWithSomeFriendsAndTheirKidsThisWeekendSoIAmLookingForwardToThat
#ItIsWeirdHowBIsOneAndSheIsStillYetToMeetSoManyPeople
#IHopeThatSheWillMeetMorePeopleBeforeSheHasASiblingSoSheDoesNotHaveToShareTheAttentionButItIsWhatItIs
#IWasThinkingThisMorningThatItIsWeirdThatWeMayHaveAnotherChildInSevenMonthsTime
#IKnowIAmPregnantAndWhatThatMeansButIStillDoNotReallyEquateItWithUsBeingAFamilyOfFourYet

(30th August 2021: I failed as being pregnant I couldn’t completely replicate how she does it. It’s more leaning back from a seated position, but I thought I better be careful. It was a hot day, so I wore less than I originally intended to.)

#SometimesBLeansBackAtStaresAtTheCeilingWhileInHerHighchair

I made a note of this in my ‘pictures to take’ memo 3 weeks ago.

#AtOneOfHerBabyClassesSheWillJustLeanBackAndLookAtTimes

She did it at the last class.

#ThoughThereIsADiscoBallHangingDownButIAmNotSureIfSheHasActuallyNoticedIt

I like to try to see what she is looking at. At my Nan’s house she does have some nice patterns in the paint on the ceiling, but I guess she is just taking in all of her environment.

#SheHasHerThirdToothComingThroughWhichIsHerFirstInHerTopGum

I thought I saw something a few days ago but thought it was just saliva, but then I realised the day after that it was the start of a tooth.

#SheIsGettingMoreConfidentWithTakingStepsAndItWillNotBeLongBeforeSheIsReallyWalking

I wrote the hashtags while B played with her toys, which is the first time I’ve wrote and she’s played. As I was thinking what to write B walked from the table to an activity table that my Nan got for her.

#WeNeedToGetHerSomeProperShoes

We have some shoes, but I can not even get them on her feet. Last time I did they cut her heel a bit, so yeah she needs shoes. I need to find somewhere to get her measured…

#WeHaveResignedOurselvesToTheFactThatSheJustWakesUpAtFiveFortyEveryDayNow

The other night it was 11pm and I was struggling to sleep. I knew I would regret it, but actually yesterday I didn’t have a nap and felt okay. I went to nap during her first nap, but she woke up as soon as I pulled my eye mask on and lay my head down (I had been doing some work first).

I am writing this blog post while B is having a nap. I don’t feel particularly tired, but I will at least lie down and have a rest.

#IOnlyNoticedTheOtherDayHowItIsSoLightSoLateAtNightButNowItWillStartToGoTheOtherWay

It was the 20th June and I was like ‘ooh it’s 10pm and it’s still light! Oh yeah tomorrow is the longest day of the year…’

#IWonderWhenOrIfSheWillStartToSleepInABitLater

I think we have to keep acting like she will never sleep in late again so we don’t go to bed too late. At the moment T and I are having a nice chat before we go to sleep, which sounds basic but we didn’t have time for it for a while. It’s important.

#IAttendedAnOnlineClassAboutFeedingToddlersSoIKnowABitMoreNowAboutWhatSheNeedsToEatAtEveryMeal

Carbs at every meal/snack. More energy dense foods. Okay.

#CookingIsDifficultAtTheMomentAsIGenerallyFeelSickWhenDoingItButINeedToPullMyWeightMore

I managed to make a mushroom and leek pie while B crawled around me yesterday. Though T helped with the puff pastry, but it felt good to contribute as I have been so rubbish lately.

#IHaveStartedToBeSickMoreRegularlySinceMyLastEntry

I was sick after finishing my last post.

#YesterdayIHadTheDentalHygienistAndIWasReallyWorriedThatIWouldBeSickAtMyAppointment

I was really anxious about it.

#IWasGettingReadyAndWasAboutToBrushMyTeethWhenIWasSick

I was a bit relieved.

#BetterThatItWasBeforeThanDuringButIWasWorriedThatISmelledOfSick

I arrived just on time, though someone beat me to reception so it seemed like I was late. I had been trying to make sure I didn’t smell of sick.

#IWasRelievedToWalkIntoTheAppointmentAndSeeItWasTwoWomen #IFeltLessAwkwardAboutSayingSorryIShouldWarnYouButIHaveBadMorningSickness

If there had been two guys I would have said it, but I would have felt more awkward for sure.

#IHadThoughtAboutCancellingTheAppointmentButIReadThatDentalHygieneIsReallyImportantWhenYouArePregnant

Your gums bleed more, which might be why when I went to have a tooth out my gums might have been bleeding a lot when they were checking me over beforehand. I had that tooth removed as ibruprofen was the only thing that helped and I knew that you’re not really supposed to take ibruprofen when you’re pregnant. I didn’t want the pain to get worse and then have a tooth out when I was possibly heavily pregnant. It was a good job that I had it out when I did.

#IFeelLikeIShouldBeMorePregnantThanEightWeeksByNowAndMaybeIAmOrMaybeIAmNot

Time moves in weird ways. Sometimes I look quite pregnant, but it’s more of a food baby I think.

#IAmYetToHearAnythingAboutAnAppointmentSoIJustHaveToWaitAndSee

I did miss a call from a mobile number last week. They never left a message though so it probably was just spam.

#IHaveBeenGettingTheChillsALotLatelyWhichIDoNotRememberHavingWithB

I’ll go really cold. Put my jacket on. Then I’m hot in a few minutes.

#IResearchedAboutItAndApparentlyItIsCommonAsYourHormonesAreAllOverThePlace

Great.

#MyNanLikesToPutTheHeatingOnHighSoTheChangeInTemperatureProbablyDoesNotHelp

Heating on maximum. Turn it down. Sun comes out. Etc etc.

#WeHaveStartedToSeeMorePeopleLatelyWhichIsReallyNice

After so long without seeing many people at all.

#AFriendCameToSpendTheDayAndItWasReliefAsTheWeekDaysAreSoLong

It was so nice to hang out and have someone else giving B attention. We all had a nap when B had her second nap. I was glad that she didn’t mind me going off to sleep and she said she fell asleep too.

#WeWillSpendTheWeekendWithSomeFriendsAndTheirKidsThisWeekendSoIAmLookingForwardToThat

We went away with them a few years ago and we were the only couple who did not have kids. There were 4 kids then and now there are 7. If this pregnancy goes well then we will all have 2 kids each.

#ItIsWeirdHowBIsOneAndSheIsStillYetToMeetSoManyPeople

*Shrug* What can we do?

#IHopeThatSheWillMeetMorePeopleBeforeSheHasASiblingSoSheDoesNotHaveToShareTheAttentionButItIsWhatItIs

I know a lot of people will not see me until I potentially have two kids and that might be weird for them to see. I keep saying potentially as I am still nervous about things as it is early days. Morning sickness is meant to be a good sign, but it is never concrete.

#IWasThinkingThisMorningThatItIsWeirdThatWeMayHaveAnotherChildInSevenMonthsTime #IKnowIAmPregnantAndWhatThatMeansButIStillDoNotReallyEquateItWithUsBeingAFamilyOfFourYet

I guess things will be more real when we have a scan or an appointment. At the moment I am finding it hard to get my head around, I think so much of my time is focused on B that in ways I probably do not think about it all as much as when I was pregnant with her.

Fingers crossed for it all. Time to have a lie down. I’m feeling sleepier now…

8 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait. Sat in bed with the bedsheet and duvet pulled up around me, and holding my hands to my elbows. I'm looking straight at the camera and look a bit tired.
I Worry That People Will Think I Am Drunk Or Hungover If I Am Sick In The Street (8 Weeks)

#8Weeks
#ThatMeansIHaveKnownForNearly4WeeksNow
#ItIsSoWeird
#IThinkIAmGettingALittleLessFreakedOutNow
#ThoughCrampsAndStuffOccasionallyDoMakeMeWinceAndWorry
#ThenIRememberHowOftenIHaveExperiencedThem
#TheSicknessThingIsAlreadyGettingOld
#IHaveBeenFeelingMoreSickInTheEvenings
#IDoNotMindBeingSickInTheMorningSoMuchAsIHaveNotEatenYetAndNowIJustTryToDrinkWaterBeforeEightThirty
#OnceIAmSickInTheMorningIFeelFineAndNowItIsBecomingWeirdlyReassuring
#LikeOkayIMustStillBePregnantAsMyBodyIsDoingThatSickThing
#IJustDoNotWantToGetCaughtOutAndBeSickOutsideOfOurFlat
#IWorryThatPeopleWillThinkIAmDrunkOrHungoverIfIAmSickInTheStreet
#BeingSickOnATrainIsMyMainWorry
#IBoughtSomeProperSickBagsYesterday
#ButINeedToJustCarryOneAroundWithMe
#LikeAReallyCoolKid
#RegisteredForTheDentistToday
#TheyWereLikeDoYouPay
#ISaidIUsuallyDoButIAmPregnantAtTheMoment
#AtTheMomentSeemsToBeSomethingThatISayALot
#IAmStillCautious
#IToldOneMorePersonThisWeekThatIAmPregnant
#BecauseIFeltSoSickAndWeWereGoingToMeetTiagoAndHisFriendAndIThoughtTiagosFriendWouldSayCongratsWhenHeSawMeWhichHeDid
#IUnderstandTheNotTellingLotsOfPeopleButIfItIsToProtectMeThenItIsMoreAwkwardNotTalkingAboutThingsThanTalkingAboutThem
#AwkwardAsInKeepingSecretsAndKeepingThoughtsBackFromPeople
#TalkingToPeopleSayingThatIAmMakingWorkAboutTryingToGetPregnant
#WhichIWasDoingButNowIAmPregnantSoICanNotBeTrueAboutWhatIAmWorkingOnAtTheMoment
#IAmSeeingSomeFriendsNextWeekSoIAmGuessingIWillTellThemThenAsOtherwiseIMightNotSeeThemFaceToFaceAgainForAWhileAndSeeingPeoplesReactionsIsMostOfTheFun 
#WhenWeWereEngagedIOnlyToldPeopleFaceToFaceBeforeWeActuallyGotMarried

I am 8 weeks pregnant in the new image, though it hadn’t been confirmed yet. Cramps still make me worry. With B I was usually sick more in the mornings, but with baby X I was sick more in the evenings. I was never actually sick in public with B, but I was sick in front of people last week, which wasn’t very nice…

This time I wasn’t really travelling about because of B and Covid (I’ve only been on a train two or three times for short journeys since she was born), so I’ve hopefully missed that phase this time.

I also told more people via messages that I was pregnant this time before I announced it as I knew I would not see many people in person before hand.

But morning sickness is and was HORRIBLE. Some things don’t change…


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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Portrait Of A Mother Of A Twelve Month Old (7 Weeks? / 15th June 2021)

Self-portrait sat on the floor with legs crossed. I have a hat on that says 1 on it, and I am holding the camera of a video monitor in my right hand.
Portrait Of A Mother Of A Twelve Month Old (7 Weeks? / 15th June 2021)

#ICannotAndCanBelieveThatBIsOneYearOldItHasGoneFastInSomeWaysAndVerySlowInOtherWays
#IWroteAPoemToCelebrateHerBirthdayButItIsQuiteRubbish
#HerNewTrickIsToGargleAllHerWater
#WeTookHerOutForLunchAndSheJustSatThereGargling
#WeWentToAWildlifeParkButIThinkTiagoAndIEnjoyedItMoreThoughItWasALotForHerToTakeIn
#TiagoIsBackAtWorkNowSoINeedToAdjustToNotBeingAbleToGoOffForNapsAllTheTime
#PoorTiagoIsMoreTiredThanBeforeHeHadHisWeekOffSoIFeelBadAboutThat
#IFeelKnackeredNowAndHopeIHaveTimeForAQuickLieDownAfterThis
#WeHaveStartedToGiveBGoatsMilkInsteadOfFormulaThoughWeWillChangeToCowsMilkSoon
#TodayWasTheFirstDayOfNotGivingHerFormulaWhenSheWokeUpAndIHadToGetOnWithBreakfastPrettyQuick
#MakingFoodJustMakesMeWantToVomitButINeedToEatAsOtherwiseIFeelMoreSick
#IAmSoBoredOfFeelingSickAlready
#IWasSickForTheFirstTimeTheOtherDayButIAmTryingToAvoidItAsIHateItSoMuch
#IWasHalfWayThroughMakingBsLunchOmeletteWhenIHadToRunOut
#TiagoCameToAskTheInstructionsToFinishItInbetweenMyGags
#ItIsEitherFeelHorribleAndBeSickOrFeelSickAndEatEvenThoughIDoNotFeelLikeItAndThenFeelBetter
#IMadeBABatchOfRatatouilleThisMorningAndItReallyMadeMeFeelIllDoingIt
#EatingBeigeFoodsGenerallyMakeMeFeelBetter
#IHaveBeenGettingALotOfCravingsForReallyVinegaryChipsAndMushyPeas
#LastNightBeforeGoingToBedICouldHaveEatenACheeseAndRedOnionWhiteBap
#ReallyWateredDownJuiceSeemsToBeANewThingThatIDesire
#IDoNotLikeEatingLateButIThinkIAmGoingToHaveToOtherwiseIWillProbablyStartBeingSickInTheEvenings
#WhyArePregnantPeoplePunishedByFeelingSickAllOfTheTime
#IAmNowSayingThatIAmSevenWeeksNowAsIDoThinkItIsMoreLikelyButIJustWantToBeFurtherAlongAlready
#TiagosLaptopScreenThatBBrokeAMonthAgoSuddenlyStartedToWorkAgainSoThatIsGood
#ThisPostIsSupposedToBeAboutBTurningOneButItIsMostlyAboutMyMorningSicknessAndTiredness
#InThePictureIHopeToImitatePhotosOfBThatITookToCelebrateHerBirthday
#IGotHerAHatThatSays1OnItThoughTheySentMeOneThatSaid3OnItAtFirst
#TheOnlyThingThatWouldDistractHerWasHerBabyMonitor
#AndSheWoreAOnePieceSoIWillWearTheOneIHaveStartedToWearAgainAsIKnowIWillNotGetMuchUseOutOfItThisSummer

#ICannotAndCanBelieveThatBIsOneYearOldItHasGoneFastInSomeWaysAndVerySlowInOtherWays

My little baby who could not support her own head is now one. What. A. Year.

#IWroteAPoemToCelebrateHerBirthdayButItIsQuiteRubbish

This post was initially just going to be a poem as of course it only has 30 lines, but I did not put it into hashtag form.

Here it is for the lolz:

B You Are One!

Oh what a year, oh what a ride,

But I am so grateful to have you by my side.

This poem is already cheesy and a bit cliché,

But I thought I should write something to celebrate your first birthday.

You were born during a pandemic in the year 2020,

We stayed in hospital for four days and I ate butternut squash curry aplenty.

Your Pai was relieved to see you arrive home,

Together is better than seeing us through the small screen of our phones.

You spent your first four months in Liverpool and saw lots of the river,

Nothing much was open so all we could do was walk and dither.

Then we moved to Birmingham to live with your Great Nan,

You like lots of books but a current favourite is This Old Man.

Here you’ve learned how to crawl, babble and eat,

I think soon you’ll be walking as you’re finding your feet.

You can say Dad and duck; you do like to go to the pond,

We’re trying to work out if you’ll be a brunette or blonde.

At your baby classes you like to wander and explore,

You bang your foot in time to music on the wood of the floor.

I like when you enjoy something and so clap your hands,

We hope soon you’ll get to visit friends in far distant lands.

Maybe we’ll get to go to Portugal and meet your family there,

When you sit on the swings you like to watch people and stare.

We look forward to seeing you develop and grow,

We’re learning a lot, there’s a lot we don’t know.

We still don’t know much about what parents should do,

But we’re making the effort to find out just for you.

We’re glad you’re here, you’ll always be our little B,

We love you so much and plan to do so permanently.

Here’s to your first birthday, what a year it has been,

You’re our baby, our bunny, you’re our little queen.

The End

(23rd August: I’d completely forgotten that I wrote a poem for B….)

#HerNewTrickIsToGargleAllHerWater

Great. Take a gulp. Gargle. Take a gulp. Gargle. And repeat until the whole cup is empty.

I think she has just woken up from her nap. Fail. I had the heating on as I thought she may be cold. I’ve just put it on again. I thought that I’d been putting it on in the morning, but apparently I haven’t been. I need to try that again as she keeps waking up at 5.40am and it’s too early… She seems asleep for now.

#WeTookHerOutForLunchAndSheJustSatThereGargling

Luckily two women by us found it funny. It is funny, but it’s a bit much after 20 goes of it. I guess she is clever for working it out though…

#WeWentToAWildlifeParkButIThinkTiagoAndIEnjoyedItMoreThoughItWasALotForHerToTakeIn

Most of the animals were hiding or napping, so I don’t think B saw most of them. We only got a photo of her looking at a komodo dragon.

#TiagoIsBackAtWorkNowSoINeedToAdjustToNotBeingAbleToGoOffForNapsAllTheTime

Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo. How will I cope with two kids? Though at least I won’t be feeling sick all the time. I think/hope the first trimester is the worst.

#PoorTiagoIsMoreTiredThanBeforeHeHadHisWeekOffSoIFeelBadAboutThat

🙁

#IFeelKnackeredNowAndHopeIHaveTimeForAQuickLieDownAfterThis

If B stays asleep… It’s looking unlikely.

#WeHaveStartedToGiveBGoatsMilkInsteadOfFormulaThoughWeWillChangeToCowsMilkSoon

I did some more reading about goats milk and I think we should just move to cows milk when her carton is over. Plus just having cows milk will be easier as we can use it with all her cooking.

She seemed unsure of the milk, but now I just make sure to warm it up a little bit. I gave her 100ml before she had this nap and she probably drank 80/90 of it, so that’s good. Yesterday she didn’t drink much, but it probably didn’t help that we gave her formula in the morning. Apparently it’s sweeter?

#TodayWasTheFirstDayOfNotGivingHerFormulaWhenSheWokeUpAndIHadToGetOnWithBreakfastPrettyQuick

She was upset and I thought maybe she was hungry. She got up at 5.40am. She had some water. She had breakfast at 7am.

#MakingFoodJustMakesMeWantToVomitButINeedToEatAsOtherwiseIFeelMoreSick

I make a tomato and egg omelette/scrambled egg thing for myself with garlic powder, pepper and oregano then bung it between two pieces of buttered toast. I just have to eat it slowly. I make it for myself after B’s porridge has been pancaked and the pan is still hot. Boring info.

#IAmSoBoredOfFeelingSickAlready

Boredd.

#IWasSickForTheFirstTimeTheOtherDayButIAmTryingToAvoidItAsIHateItSoMuch #IWasHalfWayThroughMakingBsLunchOmeletteWhenIHadToRunOut

I have days where I just feel sick all day. I have started a Puke Portraits II project, but I hope to just keep it to a very small number of images. I also can’t be bothered to spend the time writing hashtags and editing the images.

#TiagoCameToAskTheInstructionsToFinishItInbetweenMyGags

Lovely.

#ItIsEitherFeelHorribleAndBeSickOrFeelSickAndEatEvenThoughIDoNotFeelLikeItAndThenFeelBetter

A friend was saying the other day that when you usually feel sick you don’t want to eat and you don’t, but with pregnancy sickness you have to eat. Yep.

#IMadeBABatchOfRatatouilleThisMorningAndItReallyMadeMeFeelIllDoingIt

I was supposed to do it yesterday but Tiago was busy and I didn’t look for the passata well enough, and I felt too sick to make it so I didn’t bother trying much harder.

#EatingBeigeFoodsGenerallyMakeMeFeelBetter

Nan got some crumpets. Great. Mini cheddars seem like a good option at the moment. Crisps in general. I’m trying to eat more nuts…

#IHaveBeenGettingALotOfCravingsForReallyVinegaryChipsAndMushyPeas

Writing this and reading this makes me want them again.

#LastNightBeforeGoingToBedICouldHaveEatenACheeseAndRedOnionWhiteBap

Not feeling that so much now. My Nan bought some baps and made a cheese and tomato one before dinner yesterday. I could eat one of those now…

#ReallyWateredDownJuiceSeemsToBeANewThingThatIDesire

Water with a hint of something. Going to try elderflower cordial, though I probably should have asked for some ginger cordial instead…

#IDoNotLikeEatingLateButIThinkIAmGoingToHaveToOtherwiseIWillProbablyStartBeingSickInTheEvenings

Piece of toast before bed? Probably a good idea.

#WhyArePregnantPeoplePunishedByFeelingSickAllOfTheTime

Whoever/whatever invented pregnancy symptoms is a sod. Aren’t we punished enough with periods and menopause? Then we don’t get periods, which is nice, but then we have to deal with sickness. Sod. To those who don’t get morning sickness – you’re lucky!

#IAmNowSayingThatIAmSevenWeeksNowAsIDoThinkItIsMoreLikelyButIJustWantToBeFurtherAlongAlready

I just want to be clear of the first trimester already, and I want to get my jab. (I know I can get it already, but I do want to wait until 14 weeks like some countries suggest/are doing.)

#TiagosLaptopScreenThatBBrokeAMonthAgoSuddenlyStartedToWorkAgainSoThatIsGood

He came in showing me his laptop all excited. I was like ‘yeah the Google logo has always looked like that?’ Ahhh okay.

#ThisPostIsSupposedToBeAboutBTurningOneButItIsMostlyAboutMyMorningSicknessAndTiredness

Sorry love. I should have just made this post the poem and left my sickness until later in the week. I’m starting to feel a bit sick again now…

#InThePictureIHopeToImitatePhotosOfBThatITookToCelebrateHerBirthday

One hat. All in one outfit. Holding a video monitor. Looking quite serious.

(23rd August: I seemed to achieve it.)

#IGotHerAHatThatSays1OnItThoughTheySentMeOneThatSaid3OnItAtFirst

Well that will keep. Let’s see if I can find it in 2 years.

#TheOnlyThingThatWouldDistractHerWasHerBabyMonitor

We tried all the toys. T was getting frustrated. She liked the baby monitor and her room thermometer – things we don’t usually let her play with. I managed to move the thermometer out of the frame though.

#AndSheWoreAOnePieceSoIWillWearTheOneIHaveStartedToWearAgainAsIKnowIWillNotGetMuchUseOutOfItThisSummer

I suddenly remembered about it yesterday. I don’t remember wearing it last summer, and if things go to plan I doubt I will be fitting in it for much longer.

I’m going to eat some mini cheddars, then have a lie down…

7 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

A diptych of two full length images of me with my top pulled up to document my bump. In one I
I Have Nothing To Show Yet (7 weeks)
 
#ItIsColdNowSoIAmWearingExtraLayers
#IHaveNothingToShowYet
#OrMaybeIDoButIAmSureIHaveLookedTheSameAsThisEveryTimeIHaveEatenForManyYears
#IHaveLookedMorePregnantBeforeAfterOrderingAnIndianTakeawayAndNotBeingAbleToStop
#AtChristmas2018MyParentsThoughtIWasPregnantAsIWasWearingBaggyClothing
#AndIChooseComfortOverFashion
#YouKnowMe
#ThoughIWouldNotMindLookingALittleBetter
#IJustHateClothesShopping
#AndNowIsNotTheTimeToStartGettingIntoClothesMore
#BecauseTheyEitherWillNotFitMeForLongOrTheyWillNotFitMeAfter
#AGoodReasonForBaggierClothingThisWinterThoughIsToHideMyGrowingBoobs
#IToldAFriendThatIAmPregnantAndSheSaidSheThoughtMyBoobsLookedBiggerAndThisWasTwoWeeksAgo
#IHaveAlwaysHadAWeirdRelationshipWithThem
#BeingToldInHighSchoolThatIWasTwoParacetamolsOnAnIroningBoard
#AndBeingUpsetButAlsoNotCaringAsIWasLikeBoobsAreJustForBabiesAnyways
#AndTheIdeaOfMeWithBiggerBoobsWasJustWeird
#BeingToldByGuysThatTheyUsuallyDateGirlsWithBiggerBoobs
#Lol 
#ButIThinkBoobsBringAttentionAndIDoLikeToBeInvisible
#IReallyCanNotImagineMySelfHavingBigBoobs
#AndGoingOutWithThemOnDisplay
#NoOffenceToOtherPeopleWhoShowTheirsOff
#TheyLookGoodOnYouButTheyLookWeirdAsHellOnMe
#ThisPostHasTooManyBoobs
#NotSureIfIPreferBoobsOrBreasts
#BreastsJustSoundsLikeMeatRightNowAndThatIsMakingMeFeelSickEvenThoughIHadMeatCravingsYesterdayAndIAmVegetarian
#IThinkHowIFeelTowardsMyBodyDuringAndAfterMyPregnancyWillBeInteresting
#ParticularlyAsPregnantIsSeenAsBeautifulAndMyBodyGrowingIsForAGoodThingButThenAsSoonAsYouGiveBirthThereIsALotOfPressureToBeAsYouWereAgain
#IJustWantToLookAfterMyselfAndBodyAsBestAsICan 

B and baby X will be born in complete opposite seasons. In this diptych I am cold, but in my new photo I was quite hot.

I still look a mess all the time, so nothing has changed there. I feel like my boobs didn’t grow as quick this time, which I was kind of relieved about. They’re probably different from breastfeeding, but I can’t really tell.

I think my bump started to show a bit earlier this time, but it also may be just down to food. I seem to have a habit of doing shoots just after eating which doesn’t help.

I need to start eating better and exercising more again. I feel like over the last week I’ve let myself (and X) down a bit on that front. I’m trying my best…


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

I Just Want To Know How Pregnant I Am (9 Weeks? / 3rd June 2021)

A duvet cover hangs in the background as a backdrop. I am facing the left of the image with my hand on my hip. I am wearing a dark blue top and black leggings. Half of my hair is tied up in a messy bun, and I am arching my back.
I Just Want To Know How Pregnant I Am (9 Weeks? / 3rd June 2021)
 
#AmIFiveWeeksOrNineWeeksIJustWantToKnow
#IThinkIAmNineButIWillNotKnowForSureUntilADatingScan
#ThisPictureIsImitatingAPictureITookOfMyselfInJanuaryWhenIMayHaveBeenSevenWeeksPregnant
#ItIsWeirdThinkingHowPregnantICouldHaveBeenRightNow
#IAmNotLookingForwardToBDroppingANapSoonAsILikeHavingTimeToRestAndDoMyOwnStuffWhenSheSleeps
#IAmQuiteTiredAndISeemToWakeUpALotInTheNightNowButFindItHardToNapDuringTheDay
#IAmNotSureIfThisIsDueToBeingPregnantOrIfItIsBecauseOfTheWeather
#TheOtherDayBeforeITookTheTestTiagoSaidIMustBePregnantAsHeSawAMagpieAndSpokeToIt
#WhenHeWasOutsideOfTheHospitalWaitingForNewsOnMeBeforeBWasBornHeSpokeToAMagpieForReassurance
#ThisAllSoundsWeirdAndIsVeryUnlikeTiagoButIGuessInAnxiousTimesWeTakeComfortInWhatWeCan
#SpeakingOfBirdsAsItHasBeenSoHotBAndMeHaveJustBeenPlayingInTheGardenALot
#TheOtherDayIRealisedThatThereIsABlackbirdsNextRightByOurFavouriteSpotInTheShade
#FromTimeToTimeWeHaveToMoveAsICanSeeTheParentBlackbirdsWaitingWithFoodInTheirMouths
#TheyWillNotFlyToTheNestWhileWeAreAroundAsIThinkTheyThinkItIsTopSecretOrSomething
#IOnlyFoundItAsIHeardTheChicksCheepingAndRealisedTheyWereReallyCloseBy
#SoNowIHaveStartedToTakeBToTheParkMoreAndWeSitInTheShadeThere
#ItIsLessStressfulAsInTheGardenBHasALeafInHerMouthEveryFiveSeconds
#SheIsGettingCheekierEveryDay
#SometimesIPretendToChaseHerAndSheLaughsThoughSheGenerallyJustCrawlsIntoADeadEnd
#NanSaidThatYesterdayBTookAStepAndIDidNotReallyBelieveHer
#ThenThisMorningBWasStoodUpInFrontOfMeAndThenDidStepOnce
#SheIsStillBuildingUpHerStrengthButIsGettingBetterWithHerWalker
#SheAlsoHasASecondToothNowWhichMustHaveBeenWhySheKeptWakingUpSoMuchOneNightLastWeek
#BIsGettingMoreFidgetyAndHarderToChangeSoIDoWorryHowItWillBeIfAndWhenIAmMorePregnant
#IHaveToSingHerFavouritePortugueseSongsToTryToChillHerOutButTheyDoNotAlwaysWork
#IGetNervousEveryTimeIGoToTheBathroom
#EspeciallyIfIHaveNotLongHadACramp
#INeedToRememberThatGoodishCrampsExistTooAsItIsJustASignOfThingsStretching
#IAmTryingToBeatMyselfUpLessAboutMyMotheringNow
#AsLongAsIAmTryingMyBestThenThatIsAllICanDo

#AmIFiveWeeksOrNineWeeksIJustWantToKnow

I feel like I have/had too many symptoms to only be 5 but you never know. I do worry that my body was faking some as I thought I may be.

#IThinkIAmNineButIWillNotKnowForSureUntilADatingScan

Just got to wait for my doctor to call me next week then we can get the ball rolling.

(8th August: I can not believe that I thought I was 9 weeks. I know I just wanted to be further along than I was, but yeah… this photo shows nothing. I was 5 weeks here. I’m a bit embarrassed of this picture, but oh well.)

#ThisPictureIsImitatingAPictureITookOfMyselfInJanuaryWhenIMayHaveBeenSevenWeeksPregnant

I haven’t done the shoot yet, but that is what I intend to copy.

(8th August: Here is the original with hashtags –

A duvet cover hangs in the background as a backdrop. I am facing the left of the image with my hand on my hip. I am wearing a dark blue top and black leggings. Half of my hair is tied up in a messy bun, and I am arching my back.
I Worry When I Do Not Feel Sick (7 Weeks / 23rd January 2021)
 
#IWorryWhenIDoNotFeelSickButThenIRealiseIDoSoThenIDrinkWaterAndIFeelBetter
#SometimesICanFeelASlightTickleInMyTummyButItProbablyJustThingsStartingToStretchAgain
#TheDoctorSaidNotToExpectToHearFromTheHospitalAnytimeSoonButIGotALetterInThePostTwoDaysAfterOurCallSayingToGiveThemARing
#TheySaidThereIsABacklogForAppointmentsDueToCovidButTheyWillDoTheAppointmentsWhenTheyCan
#TheFirstAppointmentWillJustBeOverThePhoneThisTimeToTakeDetailsWhichIsFine
#TheSecondAppointmentWillBeInPersonAndTheyWillDoTheBloodTestsThenAndOtherChecks
#LastTimeTheyTriedToDoABloodTestAtMyFirstAppointmentButTheyCouldNotAsMyBodySaidNo
#ThenTheyMadeMeGoSomewhereElseToGetItDoneButTheySaidItWasAWasteOfTimeAsTheyWouldDoABloodTestAtMyNextAppointmentSoItSeemsLikeABetterStreamlinedProcessThisTime
#ThoughIThinkBecauseItIsMySecondPregnancyTheyAreLessConcernedAndThereAreUsuallyLessAppointments
#NanSaidThatIWasStartingToShowTheOtherDayButIWasWearingATightTopAndIHadNotLongEatenDinner
#IHaveSaidBeforeThatIFindTheTermBabyBrainInsultingButIHaveBeenDoingDaftThingsLately
#HoweverIWasABitLikeThisAtTheBeginningOfMyLastPregnancyAsIThinkIJustHaveALotOnMyMind
#WithBGoingDownToA2NapScheduleIAmStillGettingUsedToWorkingOutTheTimingsAndWorryingAboutBTakesUpABitPartOfMyBrainSpaceRightNow
#IPutAJumperOnInsideOutWithTheLabelAtTheFrontTheOtherDay
#TiagoKeepsForgettingThatIAmPregnant
#WhenIWasPregnantWithBHeKeptTalkingToMyBumpAndWasSoSureThatTheBabyWouldBeABoy
#HeAskedIfThisTimeIfHeCallsItAGirlItWillTurnOutToBeABoy
#WeWillProbablyFindOutTheGenderThisTimeIfWeCanAsIThinkFindingNamesWeBothAgreeOnWillBeAStruggle
#ItWasWeirdHearingTTalkToMyBellyAndMentionItsSisterB
#IAmImaginingBWithTheBabyAndInMyMindItIsRidiculouslyCute
#WeWantedTwoKidsButNowIAmABitLikeWhatHaveWeSignedUpFor
#ItWillBeFineAndWeWillGetUsedToItButItIsOddThinkingOfUsHavingTwoKids
#IStillFindItWeirdThatIHaveAChildAndBIsNow7MonthsOld
#IHopeThatSheLikesHavingASiblingAndThatTheyGetAlong
#IAmStillNervousAboutHowThePregnancyWillGo
#AWomanWhoCallsMeEvery2WeeksToCheckOnMeTaughtMeAGoodMindfulnessExercise
#BasicallyYouSay5ThingsYouCanSee4ThingsYouCanFeel3ThingsYouCanHear2ThingsYouCanSmellAnd1ThingYouCanTaste
#IGuessItIsAGoodCovidTestAsWell
#LookingBackAtMyLastPregnancyProjectItIsAwkwardHowBellyOrientatedItIsButThatIsTheMainThingThatChangesAboutYouWhenYouArePregnant
#ThisShootWillJustBeAboutHavingSomethingToCompareLaterPregnancyTo
 

)

#ItIsWeirdThinkingHowPregnantICouldHaveBeenRightNow

I can’t be bothered to figure it out, but I guess I would have been due in a few months?

#IAmNotLookingForwardToBDroppingANapSoonAsILikeHavingTimeToRestAndDoMyOwnStuffWhenSheSleeps

I’ll just have to change how I do things. I am worried more because of how tired I may be when I am pregnant. If that’s the case then we might need to look into B going to nursery here and there. I am a bit worried that she might miss out on things the more pregnant I get, but we will have to see and I just need to rest more.

#IAmQuiteTiredAndISeemToWakeUpALotInTheNightNowButFindItHardToNapDuringTheDay

I seem to wake up at 5am every day, plus multiple other times. Great.

#IAmNotSureIfThisIsDueToBeingPregnantOrIfItIsBecauseOfTheWeather

It has been HOT this week. Luckily today it is a bit cooler.

#TheOtherDayBeforeITookTheTestTiagoSaidIMustBePregnantAsHeSawAMagpieAndSpokeToIt #WhenHeWasOutsideOfTheHospitalWaitingForNewsOnMeBeforeBWasBornHeSpokeToAMagpieForReassurance #ThisAllSoundsWeirdAndIsVeryUnlikeTiagoButIGuessInAnxiousTimesWeTakeComfortInWhatWeCan

I just had a dig through our old messages…

‘Just had a magpie sitting [on the traffic sign] next to me’

Me: Nice!

‘Asked him twice if he was the bearer of good news and he replied two times and then took off haha’

I just went to ask him about this more recent incident. He said they always come to him with good news, especially on the days he needs it.

#SpeakingOfBirdsAsItHasBeenSoHotBAndMeHaveJustBeenPlayingInTheGardenALot

It’s been too hot to go for walks.

#TheOtherDayIRealisedThatThereIsABlackbirdsNextRightByOurFavouriteSpotInTheShade

I heard cheeping, realised it was close, found the nest…

#FromTimeToTimeWeHaveToMoveAsICanSeeTheParentBlackbirdsWaitingWithFoodInTheirMouths

This is what made me realise that it was a blackbird nest.

#TheyWillNotFlyToTheNestWhileWeAreAroundAsIThinkTheyThinkItIsTopSecretOrSomething

It did take me a while to see it at first. It’s a good spot. Kudos to them.

#IOnlyFoundItAsIHeardTheChicksCheepingAndRealisedTheyWereReallyCloseBy

I can’t see into the nest, so I want to get a stepladder and have a look. I’m somewhat nervous to in case a parent sees me and attacks me.

#SoNowIHaveStartedToTakeBToTheParkMoreAndWeSitInTheShadeThere

We do not want to disturb the birds. It was so hot walking to the park yesterday, but I wanted to get out.

#ItIsLessStressfulAsInTheGardenBHasALeafInHerMouthEveryFiveSeconds

She must have eaten a fair few leaves the other day. She eats some in the park too, but not as much for some reason.

#SheIsGettingCheekierEveryDay

I like it.

#SometimesIPretendToChaseHerAndSheLaughsThoughSheGenerallyJustCrawlsIntoADeadEnd

It’ll be fun as she gets older and realises how to actually crawl away from me.

#NanSaidThatYesterdayBTookAStepAndIDidNotReallyBelieveHer

I don’t know why, but it just seemed hard to believe.

#ThenThisMorningBWasStoodUpInFrontOfMeAndThenDidStepOnce

It was more just stepping her feet wider apart but she has to start somewhere!

#SheIsStillBuildingUpHerStrengthButIsGettingBetterWithHerWalker

The other day she was pushing it and I was pretending to scream and run away from her. She just needs to learn to turn it round/to avoid things.

#SheAlsoHasASecondToothNowWhichMustHaveBeenWhySheKeptWakingUpSoMuchOneNightLastWeek

Two front bottom teeth. I’m not looking forward to all the others coming through if she wakes up as much as she did that night…

#BIsGettingMoreFidgetyAndHarderToChangeSoIDoWorryHowItWillBeIfAndWhenIAmMorePregnant

Fun times ahead.

I say if and when as it is still early days and I am nervous.

#IHaveToSingHerFavouritePortugueseSongsToTryToChillHerOutButTheyDoNotAlwaysWork

I just sing all the songs from this compilation (quite badly and with most of the wrong lyrics. She gets so excited when she can tell that I’m going to put YouTube on.

#IGetNervousEveryTimeIGoToTheBathroom #EspeciallyIfIHaveNotLongHadACramp

I am not looking forward to more months of worry. I want this baby but it is so stressful.

#INeedToRememberThatGoodishCrampsExistTooAsItIsJustASignOfThingsStretching

Stretching and cleaning. My body has a lot of changing to do.

#IAmTryingToBeatMyselfUpLessAboutMyMotheringNow #AsLongAsIAmTryingMyBestThenThatIsAllICanDo

I need to conserve my energy. I worry that B might miss out on things the more pregnant I get but at least we have more support here. Would I be pregnant now if we lived in Liverpool still? Maybe, maybe not.


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Categories
Pregnancy

Looking Back On Being Pregnant During A Pandemic

I probably should have wrote this a bit closer to the one year anniversary of the UK’s first lockdown (23rd March), but I guess nearly 3 weeks after isn’t so bad.

I had planned for this blog post to reflect on pregnancy and early motherhood during a pandemic, but it took me long enough to just talk about my pregnancy so expect the motherhood bit at a later date.

I’m a bit bored of sounding like a massive whiner, but this year has been tough and I know it’s been tough for everyone in different ways.

Going back to what feels like a lifetime ago – I found out I was pregnant in October 2019 and knew I wanted to document it since I’ve been making self-portraiture projects since 2010. Sometimes titles for projects take a long time to appear, but other times they are easy, and Waiting For Things In A Time When You Rarely Wait For Things arrived with little stress.

I thought it was smart and funny.

‘Well, it’s 2020 and you can order things via the little gadget in your hand and it will arrive the next morning. We can watch a whole series in one go and not have to spend a week wondering what will happen next (okay for some shows you do have to, but I didn’t have a TV so I wasn’t really watching programmes like that). And now I have to wait for 9ish months for this baby to appear.’

I thought that pregnancy was something that happened to other people and not me, so I was really intrigued to see my body changing and experience someone – who would look like me and my husband – growing inside me.

If I talked about the whole of my pregnancy then we would be here for a long time, so let’s skip to not long before the UK had it’s first lockdown.

Earlier in my project (Waiting For Things…) I remember referring to Covid and feeling awkward about it as I thought (like most people) that it would be something that would just pass. Now I wish I had mentioned it more, but I thought people would think I was paranoid. I remember when I first started to sanitise my hands in public that people would think that I was odd for doing it. I initially tried to do it as discreetly as possible.

Pregnancy In The Time Of Corona (25 weeks)
(March 2020)
 
#SoTheThreatOfCoronavirusIsMoreRealNow
#OfficialGuidanceSayItIsNotReallyAThreatToPregnantWomen
#ButIDoWorryThatIfIGetItThatThereMightBeSomeSideEffectsForTheBaby
#IAmAlsoPrettyCertainThatIfItContinuesTheWayItIsThenIWillProbablyGetIt
#IJustHopeICanDelayGettingItUntilIAmMorePregnant
#BecauseOfCoronaIHaveNoticedHowDisgustingPeopleAreInGeneral
#ISawAGuyBlowHisNoseIntoHisHandInTheSupermarketTheOtherDay
#AWomanCoughedInTheLiftYesterdayAndSheDidNotPutHerHandOverHerMouth
#AsSoonAsSheCoughedThePeopleAtTheFrontOfTheLiftLookedAroundNervously
#SoIThinkAfterTheVirusGoesIWillJustWashMyHandsMoreAndUseHandSanitiserMore
#IPushedTheButtonForTheLiftWithAKnuckleBecauseIThoughtIWasBeingSmart
#ButIPushedItIntoTheBrailleAndItStartedToBleed
#MyHandsAreSoDryFromAllTheWashingAndHandSanitising
#IFeelAwkwardUsingTheHandSanitiserInPublic
#TiagoShookSomeonesHandTheOtherDayAndIPassedHimTheHandSanitiser
#IHopeItDidNotOffendTheOtherPerson
#IfIWasNotPregnantThenIThinkIWouldBeMoreChilledOut
#AtLeastBecauseIAmPregnantWeHaveNotMadeAnyTravelPlans
#AndWeWentToTheTheatreLastWeek
#IDoNotHaveAnythingBookedInMyDiaryThatIMightHaveToCancel
#JustLocalArtEventsWhichAreAShameToMissButIDoNotWantToBeInRoomsFullOfPeople
#IWasSpeakingToSomeoneOnTheStairsInMyWorkBuildingYesterday
#AndTodayTheyWereOffAsTheyWereReallyIll
#WeWereStoodAtLeastAMetreApartAndSheWasSomeStepsLowerThanMe
#TypicallyWeWereStoodTalkingAboutCorona
#TheBumpContinuesToGrowThough
#IDownloadedThatAppToMarkWhenIFeelItMove
#AndTheOtherDayAfterTalkingAboutItItHadAQuietDayWhichFreakedMeOut
#ButIThinkItDependsWhatIAmDoing
#WhenIAmAtWorkINoticeItMoreAsIAmNotMovingAboutSoMuch

#OfficialGuidanceSayItIsNotReallyAThreatToPregnantWomen

And then 5 days later…

Pregnant People Are Now High Risk (25 and a half weeks)
(March 2020)
 
#ThingsChangeSoFastTheseDays
#IWasSayingToWorkThatIWasThinkingAboutWorkingFromHomeTheRestOfTheWeek
#BecauseOfCorona
#MyColleagueWasLikeYouAreGoingToComeBackArentYou
#ISaidYeah
#ThenByTheEndOfTheDayTheyAnnouncedNewMeasuresAndIWasLikeSeeYouWhenISeeYou
#ThenByTheTimeIGotHomeTheySaidThatPregnantPeopleWereHighRiskAndWouldHaveToSociallyDistance
#SoNowIDoNotKnowWhenIWillSeeThem
#IDidGoOutTodayThoughAsIHadErrandsToRun
#ITriedToKeepMyDistanceFromPeopleInTheQueues
#ButThenPeopleWouldBeRightNextToMe
#EvenThoughThereWasRoomToNotBe
#IHaveBeenLessAnxiousAboutTheBabyAsIAmMoreConcernedAboutMyNan
#YesterdaySheWasTellingMeToBeCareful
#AndIWasLikeNanYouAreHighRiskAndIAmNot
#ThenIGotHomeAndObviouslyItHadChanged
#ThoughIFeelLikePregnantPeopleAreNotHighRiskInOtherCountries
#IThinkBorisJustWantsToBeAtHomeWithHisPregnantFiancee
#IAmJustGoingToGoOnWalksFromNowOn
#AndLeaveTiagoToGoFoodShopping
#ThoughIMightJustStandOutsideOfTheShopAndWaitForHim
#IfTiagoGetsItIWillGetIt
#SomeoneMessagedTodayToLetThemKnowIfWeNeedStuffPickingUpIfWeBothHaveToSelfQuarantine
#ThatWarmedMyHeart
#InOtherNewsTheBabysKicksAreGettingStronger
#TiagoFinallyFeltOneTheOtherDay
#IAmBackToHavingMyOriginalMidwifeForNowAsHerOperationGotCancelled
#IHopeHerFamilyIsOkay
#SomeBabyClothesArrivedToday
#IThoughtThatTheyHadGotStuckInAnotherCountryOrCustomsSoThatWasARelief

(It’s weird seeing how short my hashtags used to be. I feel like sometimes I don’t know what to write about and before you know it I’ve reached the Instagram maximum of 30 hashtags and 2,200 characters.)

We had planned for a home birth, so my midwife appointments were all at our flat. I had the same midwife the whole time, but she was giving her father a kidney so was due to go on sick leave. However due to Covid the operation got cancelled so she never took her sick leave. I hope her family is okay.

I actually didn’t even reference going into the first lockdown in my project. My first post after lockdown just talks more excitedly about seeing the baby (B) moving for the first time.

As there wasn’t much to do though we got quite into going for walks. We lived in Liverpool city centre and originally we were walking along the riverfront which was really nice, but just a bit too busy for our liking. I was scared. I didn’t know how Covid might affect B (as an unborn baby) and I was anxious enough during my pregnancy before the pandemic.

I Want To Keep Being Able To Go For Walks (27 weeks)
(March 2020)
 
#IAmFeelingTired
#GladIDecidedYesterdayToTakePicturesOfMyselfOnTheSofaToday
#YesterdayIWasLyingOnThereWatchingMyBellyToSeeIfICouldSeeTheBabyMoving
#IHaveNotSeenTheBabyMoveAsMoveAsMuchAsTheFirstDayISawIt
#ITryToTakeABreakToSeeIfICanFeelAndSeeTheBabyMoving
#IThinkItIsMovingNow
#AndItWasDuringTheShootABit
#IDoNotThinkIWillReadBabyForumsForABit
#TheyStressedMeOutBefore
#ButNowWithCoronaTheyAreFullOfPeopleBeingMoreStressedOut
#StillTryingToGoOutForAWalkADay
#IMakeAnEffortToKeepAGoodDistanceBetweenMyselfAndOtherPeople
#TheOtherDayIWasOutsideOfASupermarket
#AWomanAndGuyCameAlong
#TheWomanWentInAndTheGuyStayedOutside
#ButHeStoodRightByTheDoor
#SoAnyoneGoingInAndOutHadToWalkLessThanAMetreAwayFromHim
#ThenYesterdayWeWereWalkingOnAVeryWidePathByTheKerb
#AGuyRanByPuffingAndPantingRightNextToUs
#IShouldHaveToldBothOfThemOff
#AndYesterdayISawTwoGuysCoughInTheStreetWithoutPuttingTheirHandsOverTheirMouths
#AndOneThenWalkedIntoTheSupermarketThatTiagoWasIn
#IWantToKeepBeingAbleToGoForWalks
#INeedTheExercise
#ButIfPeopleKeepNotKeepingTheirDistanceAndDoingDumbThingsThenIMightHaveToStop
#ThoughTheyAreTheOnesWhoShouldNotGoOut
#IFeelLikeMaybeWeWillNotGetIt
#ButMaybeIAmTryingToBeOptimistic
#ItSeemsMoreSeriousByTheDay
#IJustWantToKnowHowLongItWillGoOnForButItCouldBeALongTime

#IJustWantToKnowHowLongItWillGoOnForButItCouldBeALongTime

Lol. Did any of us think we would still be dealing with it now?

I felt like people weren’t taking instructions about social distancing seriously enough and I got stressed out. I would wait outside of the supermarket while Tiago went in, and get annoyed by people, especially as I realised how gross and unhygienic people were.

I Feel Like I Have Lost A Sense Of Urgency (27 weeks)
(March 2020)
 
#AnotherDayAtHome
#WellWeWentOutForAShortWalk
#YesterdayWeLeftOurWalkUntilTooLate
#WhenItWasStartingToGetDarkAndCold
#SoWeDidNotGoOut
#OriginallyWeWereHavingOurWalksAfterItGetsDark
#ButTheWeatherGotBetterSoWeWantedToEnjoyTheSunABit
#IHavePlentyOfThingsToKeepMeBusy
#ButIFeelLikeIHaveLostASenseOfUrgency
#LikeWhyRushAsIAmNotGoingAnywhereElse
#AFriendAskedUsIfWeWereOkayJustBeingAroundEachOtherAllDay
#YeahWeAreUsedToBeingHomeALot
#WeAreLuckyAsWeCanSitInDifferentRoomsWhilstWeAreWorkingIfWeWant
#ThoughThisWeekendWeHaveStuckToTheSameRoom
#IWasSupposedToStartPhotographingHimMoreAWhileAgo
#IDidForABitButIFeltBadBotheringHim
#HeWasOnThePhoneDoingTheWashingUpToday
#AndIWasHuggingHim
#AndIThoughtThatWouldMakeAnAlrightPicture
#SoLaterOnIAskedHimAndHeObviouslySaidYes
#ObviouslyAsInHeIsInThePicture
#AskedTiagoIfHeHadAnyCommentsAndHeSaid
#IFeelKindOfRelaxedToBeFair
#HopefulThatThingsWillGetBetterInAMonthOrTwo
#ISaidIThinkItMightTakeAWhileForThingsToGoBackToNormal
#ItMightBeAfterIGiveBirthAtThisPoint
#IThinkEvenWhenThisNonLockdownEndsIWillBeCautious
#AsItCouldQuiteEasilyComeBackAndStartAllOverAgain
#WhoKnows
#IThinkWeJustNeedToBeCareful

#AskedTiagoIfHeHadAnyCommentsAndHeSaid
#IFeelKindOfRelaxedToBeFair
#HopefulThatThingsWillGetBetterInAMonthOrTwo
#ISaidIThinkItMightTakeAWhileForThingsToGoBackToNormal
#ItMightBeAfterIGiveBirthAtThisPoint

We had been walking after dark to try to avoid the masses of people also taking walks, but soon we just started to walk in the opposite direction during daylight through the industrial area instead.

(I’m just posting pictures where the titles refer to things to do with the pandemic as there would be too many images to talk about otherwise. You can see the whole series on my Instagram.)

Tiago & His Holiday Beard (28 weeks)
(April 2020)
 
#TiagoOnlyUsuallyHasSomethingThatResemblesABeardWhenWeHaveBeenOnHoliday
#IGuessItShouldBeCalledHisLockdownBeard
#ButIAlwaysReferToHisFacialHairAsAHolidayBeard
#HeIsNotOnHolidayThoughAsHeIsWorkingFromHome
#ButStillHasVideoMeetingsToAttend
#HeJustCanNotBeBotheredToShave
#HeHasBeenInAFewPicturesInThisProject
#ButNotAsManyAsIFirstThought
#ThoughDueToLockdownItMightBeAGoodChanceToPhotographHimMore
#IThinkTryingToGetHashtagsOutOfHimLastTimeWasHardWork
#IKnewThisWeekendThatIWantedToPhotographHimThough
#WeWentOutForAWalkTodayAndThePlanWasToPhotographHimWhenWeGotHome
#IThoughtTheSofaWasASafeBetAsHeWouldBeRelaxed
#HeDidFallAsleepAtSomePoint
#HeSpentALotOfTimeTodayCookingAndTidying
#IWantedHimToHaveHisEyesClosed
#ButItDoesLookABitLikeHeIsDead
#TheWeekendsGoBySurprisinglyFast
#IAmWaitingForHimToGetOffAVideoCallWithHisParents
#AndThenIWillAskHimIfHeHasAnythingThatHeWantsToSayAboutImpendingFatherhood
#HeWasOnThePhoneForAboutAnHour
#HeSaysHeIsFeelingExcitedByIt
#ItIsBecomingMoreRealEveryDay
#HeSaysHeIsMainlyFocusedOnTheBabyAndNotThatStressedOutByCorona
#HeFeelsConnectedToTheBabyAlreadyEvenThoughHeDoesNotKnowThemYet
#FeelingThemKickIsNice
#HeLooksForwardToParentingAndGettingToKnowTheBaby
#AndTheChallengeOfIt
#HeSaysSeeingMyBumpInTheFleshIsStrangeYetNaturalAtTheSameTime

Tiago used to work from home a bit before Covid, but then he was always at home. Luckily we get along well (that’s always good if you’re married to someone) and it was nice to see him more. While I grew a baby he grew facial hair, which was weird as he only rocked a beard when we were on holiday.

He appeared in the project more than I had initially planned due to being around more.

Soon my midwife appointments would be changed from every 3 weeks to every 4 weeks. This didn’t really matter but I guess it meant we didn’t have as many as we should have. At one point my midwife sent someone else in case she wasn’t available when I gave birth, but otherwise she was the only person who I saw on a regular-ish basis during lockdown #1 besides Tiago.

It Is Odd That Quite Possibly None Of My Friends Or Family (Besides Tiago) Will See Me Heavily Pregnant In Real Life (29 weeks)
(April 2020)
 
#PeopleWarnedUsWhenWeWereTryingToGetPregnantThatWeWouldNeverBeAbleToLeaveTheHouseWhenWeWantedAgain
#IRememberShruggingAtTheTimeAndSayingItDidNotBotherMeMuch
#IHaveAlwaysLikedBookingTicketsForThingsMoreThanGoingToTheThings
#IBookTicketsAndIGetExcited
#ThenOnTheDayTheEventComesRoundIAmAlwaysFeelingTired
#IDoEnjoyEventsButIAmNotThatBothered
#NowIHaveBeenAtHomeFor3WeeksOtherThanGoingForWalks
#AndWhenRestrictionsFinallyLiftIWillNotBeRushingToGoOutForAnythingOtherThanWalks
#TheBabyMayHaveBeenBornAlreadyOrItMayHaveNot
#EitherWayIDoNotEnvisionGoingAnywhereWithTheBabyBesidesWalks
#ItIsOddThatQuitePossiblyNoneOfMyFriendsOrFamilyWillSeeMeHeavilyPregnantInRealLife
#EveryWeekIFeelLikeTheBabyIsGrowingALot
#IDidNotBotherBuyingAnyMoreMaternityClothesThanTheOnesIGotWhenIWas15Weeks
#WhichWereMainlyBrasADressAPairOfLeggingsAndACardigan
#NowIAmJustAtHomeSoIDefinitelyDoNotNeedToGetAnythingElse
#YesterdayISpentTheWholeDayLookingAtBabyStuff
#WeAreJustGoingToHaveToRiskItAndBuyStuffWithoutTrying
#IWouldRatherJustBuyEverythingSoonerRatherThanLaterSoWeDoNotHaveToWorry
#IAmThinkingThatThereIsNoPointBuyingABabyBassinetForThePushchairAsWeWillNotProbablyUseItMuch
#IWouldRatherJustCarryTheBabyInTheBeginning
#ParticularlyToAvoidAnyoneTryingToPeerIntoTheBassinetInsteadOfKeepingTheirDistance
#WeStillDoNotKnowIfItIsAGirlOrABoy
#IOftenForgetItHasAGenderWhichIsWeirdToSay
#IJustReferToThemAsTheBabyOrThem
#WhereasTiagoUsuallyStartsTalkingToTheBumpWithMyBabyBoy
#AndThenICoughInANonCovidWayAndHeSaysOrMyBabyGirl
#HeStillWantsToFindOutBeforeTheBirth
#IWantToWait
#IAmSupposedToBeHavingMoreScansButIHaveNotReceivedALetterRecently
#AndIDoNotFeelLikeChasingThemUpAsIWouldRatherAvoidGoingToTheHospitalIfICan

I was looking forward to my friends and family seeing me pregnant, I wanted to know what it was like to float in water while pregnant and … actually my wishlist wasn’t very long at all. I guess the main thing was to just really make the most of our time saying goodbye to our old lives of no responsibility, and hang out with our nearest and dearest.

It’s funny how you can take such simple things for granted.

We (my husband Tiago and I) moved to Liverpool in late 2018 and we had a small group of friends there, but a lot of our friends lived elsewhere. We had both lived in London for a number of years (me for 8ish and Tiago for 10ish), and Tiago was born in Portugal. We still haven’t seen any of Tiago’s family since December 2019 when Tiago’s brother invited everyone (their parents and us) for Christmas, otherwise we wouldn’t have seen them for a much longer time.

#IAmSupposedToBeHavingMoreScansButIHaveNotReceivedALetterRecently
#AndIDoNotFeelLikeChasingThemUpAsIWouldRatherAvoidGoingToTheHospitalIfICan

We had had all our compulsory scans before the lockdown, but I was meant to have 3 additional scans due to my BMI (if it’s under 20 you need more scans and mine was 19.9). These got cancelled, which was fine as I didn’t think it was necessary and didn’t fancy going into the hospital for them. It also meant that Tiago never missed an appointment due to restrictions, which was lucky.

#IJustReferToThemAsTheBabyOrThem
#WhereasTiagoUsuallyStartsTalkingToTheBumpWithMyBabyBoy
#AndThenICoughInANonCovidWayAndHeSaysOrMyBabyGirl
#HeStillWantsToFindOutBeforeTheBirth

We had tried to find out at previous scans, but B would not ‘present’ and I was not so secretly glad that this was the case. Due to our other scans being cancelled we did not have an opportunity to find out, so we waited until I gave birth to see that B was a girl. (I thought she was a boy at first as I could only see the umbilical cord.)

#IHaveAlwaysLikedBookingTicketsForThingsMoreThanGoingToTheThings

I was thinking the other day that I really don’t miss a lot of things. Maybe that’s because I’ve had a baby and things are more difficult. ‘Would it be worth the hassle of getting someone to look after B to go to a music gig?’ Not really.

I do daydream about going out to a private view or something though, but Tiago wouldn’t be bothered about joining me so he could look after B.

Eating Almond Butter Is My Daily Highlight Right Now (29 and a half weeks)
(April 2020)
 
#TheLastCoupleOfWeeksIHaveNoticedThatIHaveHadAFewBadEvenings
#LastWeekIWasCrankyTwoNightsInARowAndLastNightIJustFeltDown
#IFeltDownInTheEveningProbablyACoupleOfWeeksAgo
#IWasCryingAndIDidNotReallyKnowWhy
#IJustFeltOverwhelmed
#IGuessINeverExpectedToBePregnantDuringAPandemic
#IFeelMoreTiredInTheAfternoonThanTheEvenings
#ButMaybeByTheEveningsIAmMoreMentallyTired
#AfterISleepIWakeUpFeelingFine
#IThinkTheMassageMakingMeSleepLaterWasJustACoincidence
#LastNightIWokeUpAt1amThen4amThen6am
#AtLeastNowIDoNotHaveToWorryAboutCommuting
#AndTheWakingUpInTheNightIsPreparationForWhatIsToCome
#IFeltDownLastNightAgainBecauseIThinkIWasOverwhelmed
#IWantToChatWithPeopleButIJustFindItKindOfExhausting
#SeeingMessagesToReplyToMakesMeFeelABitAnxious
#PeopleAskingMeWhenIAmDue
#IDoJustNotWantItToGetToTheTimeWhenIAmDueAndBeGettingLotsOfMessagesAskingMeForBabyNews
#IWillTellPeopleWhenIAmReady
#WhichCouldBeSoonAfterTheBirthOrItMightNot
#SoIfYouHaveAskedAndIHaveToldYouInAnObviousOrVagueWayPleaseDoNotBugMe
#IfYouHaveNotAskedThenPleaseDoNotAskMe
#MyHighlightOfTheDayAtTheMomentIsWhenIEatAnAppleAndABananaWithAlmondButter
#ThisHasBeenMyDailyHighlightForAtLeastAWeek
#IReadThatEatingNutsInYourFirstTrimesterIsReallyGoodForTheBaby
#ButICouldNotEatThemAsIHadAnAversionToThem
#HopefullyItWillHelpABitNowButMaybeIAmEatingTooMuchAndItHasTheOppositeEffect
#IAmJustEatingItBecauseILoveIt
#WeCouldNotGetBananasTheOtherDayButTiagoGotSomeToday
#IEnjoyThisTreatMoreThanOurWalksAsWeWalkTheSameRouteAllTheTimeAndPeopleStressMeOutAsTheyDoNotSeemToKnowWhat2MetresIss

#TheLastCoupleOfWeeksIHaveNoticedThatIHaveHadAFewBadEvenings
#LastWeekIWasCrankyTwoNightsInARowAndLastNightIJustFeltDown
#IFeltDownInTheEveningProbablyACoupleOfWeeksAgo
#IWasCryingAndIDidNotReallyKnowWhy
#IJustFeltOverwhelmed
#IGuessINeverExpectedToBePregnantDuringAPandemic

I really did not know what to expect when pregnant, but I knew it wasn’t this. My mental health has always been a bit over the place, and my art is therapeutic for me and the main way that I try to deal with things. I felt lucky to have something to count down to during this time and I was glad that I had already started a project to work on and vent into.

#MyHighlightOfTheDayAtTheMomentIsWhenIEatAnAppleAndABananaWithAlmondButter

Sad, but small things. My daily highlight at the moment is getting out for a walk, but I do now really like this dark chocolate sea salt almond butter – I was just eating their plain stuff before which is still really good. (Yes that’s a lot of money for nut butter, but a kilo does last a long time. Some people spend money on alcohol – I like to buy nut butter.)

Who Knows How Things Will Be By The Time I Give Birth (30 weeks)
 
#IKeepTellingMyselfThatIShouldRestMore
#ButIWokeUpTodayFeelingLikeIWantedToDoAShoot
#ThisWasNotTheIdeaIHadYesterdayThatIDidNotEndUpDoing
#IRealiseThatAFewOfTheLastPicturesAllHaveAHandOrHandsOnMyBump
#IWasLookingAtThePictureOfMeAndTiagoWhenIWas19WeeksPregnantAndYouCanBarelySeeMyBump
#SoIThoughtItWouldBeNiceToRedoItWithMyBumpMoreObvious
#WeKindOfLookLikeWeirdMannequins
#WeOrderedOurPushchairAndCotToday
#ItHasBeenStressingMeOutForACoupleOfWeeksDecidingOnWhichOnesToBuy
#SoWeJustTookThePlungeTodayAsWhatIsTheWorstThatCanHappen
#ItIsSoWeirdMakingWhatFeelsLikeBigPurchasesWithoutHavingSeenThemInRealLifeOrHavingTriedThemOutFirst
#ApparentlyIfTheBabyCameNowItWouldHaveAGoodChanceOfSurviving
#SoItMadeSenseToOrderThem
#JustNeedToBuySomeSmallerThingsNowLikeMattressProtectorsAndNappies
#IAmLookingForwardToHavingItAllSorted
#ItIsNiceThatTiagoIsInTheProjectABitMoreNow
#ItIsGoingToBeWeirdWhenWeAreNotAtHomeTogetherSoMuch
#IThinkOnceTheBabyIsBornHisWorkNoLongerConsidersMeToBeVulnerable
#SoHeWillNeedToLeaveTheHouseForWorkAgain
#ButSurelyANewbornIsVulnerable
#IDoNotKnow
#WhoKnowsHowThingsWillBeByTheTimeIGiveBirth
#ItFeelsWeirdBuyingAPushchairKnowingThatItWillProbablyBeUsedForJustMyUsualSimpleWalkForALongTime
#AndMaybeIWillPreferToJustHaveTheBabyInACarrierForAWhileToAvoidAwkwardPavementEncounters
#IGuessItIsGoodToCoverAllTheOptionsAsThePushchairWillBeUsedAtSomePoint
#IHadALieDownThisAfternoonAndIThinkTheBabyWasUsingMyBladderAsATrampoline
#IThoughtIWasGoingToWetMyself
#WentOutForOurUsualWalkEarlier
#AGuyStuckHisHeadOutOfTheWindowOfAVanThatDroveFromBehindUsAndLetOutABloodCurdlingScreamAndIJumped
#HeHadHisHeadOutOfTheWindowSoIHopedHeNoticedIWasPregnantAndThenFeltBadButIAmSureHeWasJustHappyThatHeHadShowedOffInFrontOfWhoeverWasDriving
 

#IThinkOnceTheBabyIsBornHisWorkNoLongerConsidersMeToBeVulnerable
#SoHeWillNeedToLeaveTheHouseForWorkAgain

Oh yeah, I had forgotten about him being at home more as I was considered to be vulnerable. This does really feel like a lifetime ago.

#AGuyStuckHisHeadOutOfTheWindowOfAVanThatDroveFromBehindUsAndLetOutABloodCurdlingScreamAndIJumped
#HeHadHisHeadOutOfTheWindowSoIHopedHeNoticedIWasPregnantAndThenFeltBadButIAmSureHeWasJustHappyThatHeHadShowedOffInFrontOfWhoeverWasDriving

I do remember this quite clearly though. Asshole. Can I say that on my blog? It’s my blog, so yeah.

Accepting That My Old Normal Is Gone Forever (32 and a half weeks)
(May 2020)
Accepting That My Old Normal Is Gone Forever (32 and a half weeks) II
(May 2020)
 
#MeAndTiagoWereTalkingTheOtherDayAboutWhenThingsReturnToQuoteNormalUnquote
#AndIRealisedThatMyOldNormalWillProbablyNeverExistAgain
#RealisticallyTheBabyWillBeBornUnderSomeKindOfLockdown
#SomeRestrictionsMayLiftButLifeWillNotBeTheSameForAWhile
#IHaveNoDesireToRushToBeInACrowdAgain
#ToSitInARestaurantOrGoToTheCinemaOrGoToAGig
#EvenTheIdeaOfGoingToAnExhibitionFeelsAwkward
#LuckilyInLiverpoolTheyDoNotHaveTheSameCrowdednessAsShowsInLondon
#IDefinitelyWillNotBeRushingToGoToLondon
#AndWithABabyTheIdeaOfTheseThingsMightHaveSeemedABitUneasyAnyways
#ButNowIWillNotHaveThePressureOrFeelingOfWellICouldDoThings
#IThinkIWillJustBeAtHomeAndGoingOnDailyWalksForAWhile
#YouNeverKnowICouldSlipBackIntoOldLifeQuiteEasily
#ButAgainWithABabyItWillNotBeLikeMyOldLife
#MyOldLifeIsForeverGone
#AndIAmNotSadAboutItAsIWantedThisBaby
#AndPeopleWouldSayToMeIfYouHaveABabyYouWillNotJustBeAbleToGoOutWhenYouWantAgain
#AndIShruggedAndSaidIWasNotThatBothered
#AndNowWithThePandemicICareLess
#IAmEnjoyingBeingAtHomeMore
#AndSeeingTiagoALotMore
#ItWillBeWeirdWhenHeFinallyStartsGoingBackOutToWorkAgain
#MyBackHurtsALittleFromThesePicturesNow
#IWasTryingToRecreateAnOuttakeFrom11WeeksAgo
#AndIAmABitBiggerNowSoItWasNotThatEasy
#PregnancyIsDefinitelyGettingMoreUncomfortableNow
#TheExerciseVideosIHaveBeenDoingForWeeksAreGettingABitMoreHarderToDoWithABiggerBump
#IWasSupposedToHaveAMidwifeAppointmentTodayButSomeoneWentIntoLabour
#SoIWillSeeHerInACoupleOfDaysTimeInsteadAndIAmInterestedToHearAboutMyPossibleBirthOptions
#TiagoSaysILookPaleAndABitLikeJesus 

I had imagined that at some point there would be some kind of big goodbye to not being a parent. I didn’t want a baby shower, so I was relieved that I would not get one, but yes I thought I would celebrate with friends and just experience doing things for the last time child-free while realising it was the last time. Bizarre.

In February 2020 I had gone to Norway for my first solo show at Vasli Souza in Oslo, and Tiago had joined for a few days. I had imagined that we would go on another small trip before B was born, but nope. Norway is expensive and I felt bad for spending money on things, but if we had known what was to come then maybe we would have just stayed longer and done more.

At this point we are not sure when we will risk going to see Tiago’s family (it’s two flights, and it was already a lot of faff before we had a baby and Covid to think about).

I Have Told Him Before That If He Wants To Touch The Bump Then He Has To Make Sure His Hands Are Warm (22 and a half weeks)
(February 2020)
 
#IKeepGettingAdsForPregnancyPhotoShoots
#SoIThoughtIBetterTakeMoreOfOurOwn
#IWantedTiagoToRestHisHeadOnTheBump
#ButHeThoughtISaidForHimToPutHisHandsOnIt
#AndTheyWereFREEZING
#IHaveToldHimBeforeThatIfHeWantsToTouchTheBumpThenHeHasToMakeSureHisHandsAreWarm
#ThereIsAnOuttakeOfHimLaughingBecauseISaidNotHisHandsButHisHead
#AnywaysTheBumpContinuesToGrow
#IAmAtThePointNowWhereFoodCrumbsGetStuckOnTheTopOfIt
#TryingToMonitorTheMovementsStillStressesMeOut
#WhenICanFeelItMoveIFeelRelaxed
#WhenICanNotIFeelStressed
#ThisMorningTiagoWentForAShowerAndCameBackToFindMeJustLyingInBedWatchingMyBump
#IAmTryingToFaffLessOnMyPhoneSoItItOneWayOfDoingItIGuess
#WhoNeedsTechnologyWhenYouHaveAnOldFashionedBump
#ThatIsMonitoredInAllTheNewTechnologyWays
#IWasReadingAboutBraxtonHicksTheOtherDay
#IHaveNeverHeardAboutItInAllOfMyLife
#BasicallyItIsWhenYourBodyPracticesContractions
#SoNowIAmLikeWasThatAHiccupFromTheBabyOrABraxtonHicksContraction
#ItIsAFunGame
#INeedToStartThinkingAboutLookingMoreIntoHypnobirthingAndStuffNow
#AsTimeIsFlyingBy
#AndAFriendSaidThatHerFriendGaveBirthAt30Weeks
#SoIFeelLikeINeedToGetMorePrepared
#INeedToStartThinkingMoreAboutPushchairsAndAllThatStuffToo
#ThereIsSoMuchToChooseFromWhichIsAnnoying
#WeAreGoingToABabyShowSoonWhichSoundsLikeMyIdeaOfHellButIAmHopingItWillBeUseful
#TwoPeopleInTheLastWeekHaveToldMeThatILookPale
#WhichHasConcernedMeButIThinkItIsJustBecauseTheWinterIsJustDraggingOnAndMyBodyHasYetToUtiliseItsTemporarySkillOfRetainingATanForLonger
The Bump & The Beard (33 weeks)
(May 2020)
 
#ItIsFunnyHowDifferentTiagoLooksToTheOriginalThatWeTookAt22AndAHalfWeeks
#IHaveNeverSeenHimWithThisMuchFacialHairBefore
#HeSaysHeHasNeverHadThisMuchFacialHairBefore
#HeMightGetRidOfItSoon
#ItIsFunnySeeingHowMuchBiggerMyBumpIsToo
#YesterdayWeWalkedADifferentWayAsOurWalksHaveBeenGettingShorter
#WalkingDownTheSameRoadAllTheTimeIsSoDemotivating
#WeWalkedInTheDirectionThatIsMorePopular
#TiagoIsTheOneWhoGoesOutAndDoesFoodShoppingSoHeIsUsedToBeingAroundAndSeeingMorePeople
#WhereasIHaveBecomeABitScaredOfPeople
#SoItWasGoodToSeeMorePeopleAndEnjoyALongerWalkAndChangeOfScenery
#SomePeopleStillWalkABitTooCloseForMyLiking
#ItIsQuiteObviousThatIAmPregnantNowIfYouAreWalkingTowardsMe
#MaybeTheyThinkThatBecauseIAmPregnantThatIAmNotLikelyToHaveCovidAndGiveItToThem
#ButIDoNotKnowIfTheyHaveItOrNotSoIWouldPreferIfTheyKeptTheirDistance
#ItIsWeirdImaginingAWorldPostAllOfThis
#MaybeItWillFeelEasyButIThinkRealisticallyIWillBeEmergingFromThisWithABaby
#AndSoTheOutsideWorldWillBeADifferentExperienceForMeAnyways
#ItIsGoingToBeOddNotHavingTiagoAroundAllTheTime
#IHaveBeenSpoiltAsHeHasBeenMaking99PercentOfTheMeals
#ITendToJustMakeCheeseAndPickleSandwiches
#ItWillBeWeirdHavingLunchByMyself
#WellIKeepThinkingAndSayingByMyselfButIWillHaveTheBabyAround
#IPictureMyselfWithTheBabyButItStillFeelsSoFarAway
#ThoughTimeIsMovingQuick
#INeedToStartPreparingMoreAgain
#IWasDoingWellAndThenTheNCTCourseKnackeredMeOut
#SoINeedToGetBackIntoReadingMoreThingsAndBuyingTheLastBitsAndBobs
#IAskedTiagoIfHeWantedToSayAnything
#HeJustSaidThatHeIsKeenToMeetTheBaby

The first photo was taken pre-lockdown #1, but it shows how things changed for both of us between February and May.

#ItIsWeirdImaginingAWorldPostAllOfThis
#MaybeItWillFeelEasyButIThinkRealisticallyIWillBeEmergingFromThisWithABaby
#AndSoTheOutsideWorldWillBeADifferentExperienceForMeAnyways

Oh, it’s been a ride. I definitely need to save it for another post as this is getting way too long.

The Baby Just Seems So Protected And Safe In My Belly (36 and a half weeks)
(June 2020)
 
#IStillHaveNotBeenSleepingGreat
#WeOrderedSomeNewPillowsWhichArrivedYesterday
#ThoughtWeMightAsWellWithNoPlansToGoAnywhereThisSummer
#AndApparentSleepDeprivationAroundTheCorner
#ThePillowDoesFeelGreatButItDoesNotFixMyProblemOfHavingToWakeUpToTurnOver
#NotSureIfTheLackOfSleepIsDownToMyBodyTryingToPrepareMeForFutureLackOfSleep
#ThoughTalkingToOtherPregnantWomenIAmNotTheOnlyOne
#OurFavouriteFalafelPlaceHasReopenedSoWeGotTakeawayForLunch
#ThatWillProbablyBeTheHighlightOfTheWeekSoItSeemedWorthMentioning
#OtherwiseIGuessWeAreJustApproachingTheWaitingGameNow
#ItIsBabysDueMonthThoughItCouldComeNextMonth
#ABabyFromTheNCTGroupIsDueTodayAndAnotherIsDueTomorrow
#TheyAreTheFirstOnesThatAreDue
#ItWillBeInterestingToSeeWhenAll8BabiesAreBorn
#EarlyOnDateOrLate
#IHopeMineComesAfterTheDueDate
#JustToGiveMeMoreTimeToGetMyHeadAroundItAllAndWindDownABitMore
#ParticularlyAsIStillHaveWorkOnUntilTheWeekBeforeMyDueDate
#ThoughIKnowBabyWillComeWhenBabyWantsTo
#IThinkWeAreReadyEnoughThough
#WatchingThisPostNatalCourseIsReallyUsefulAsIStillFeelLikeIHaveSoMuchLearn
#AndIKnowIWillKeepLearningEveryDayOnceTheBabyArrivesAnyways
#TheBabyJustSeemsSoProtectedAndSafeInMyBelly
#ICanFeelItHiccupping
#ItGetsEverythingItWantsOnTapRightNow
#TheWholeFourthTrimesterThingMakesSense
#TheBabyNotNeedingTotalQuietAndWantingToBeCloseEtc
#LikeIHaveSaid100TimesBeforeAtLeastThePandemicAllowsUsMoreTimeToNotRushBackToNormalLife
#ThoughOurNormalLifeTheseDaysIsJustBeingAtHomeForAtLeast23HoursADayReally
#IProbablyWillJustTakeTheBabyOutForWalksAroundLiverpoolInTheBeginning

And then as my due date got nearer I seemed to not worry so much about the world’s situation, as my main thoughts were about giving birth and becoming a mother. Covid was just something we learned to deal with. We went for our walks and Tiago did the food shopping. We both worked, and I spent my days off doing my own work.

(I now realise how much time I wasted and faffed. I wish I had been quicker and spent more time relaxing, but oh well.)

We figured we wouldn’t be going anywhere anytime soon, so we just tried to make our flat nicer as we planned to stay there for a while. (Spoiler alert: We moved to Birmingham at the end of October.)

#IHopeMineComesAfterTheDueDate

Just laughing at this as I really thought I’d be a 42 weeker giving birth at home, but B came before 38 weeks and there was no home birth.

Time Is Running Out (37 and a half weeks)
(June 2020)
 
#IWasDoingMyMorningExerciseWhenICaughtMyReflectionInTheKitchenSplashBackWall
#IThoughtItWouldBeNiceToDoAMoreSilhouettedPhotoOfMyselfAndBumpAgainstTheBlinds
#SoThatIsWhatIDidThisEvening
#YesterdayEveningWeWentForAWalk
#IDidNotHaveAnyPainsOrDiscomfortAndIFeltLikeICouldWalkFasterThanNormal
#IJustDidTheWashingUpNowAndIGotSomeExtremeCrampsInTheTopOfMyLeftLeg
#AndNowTheBabyHasHiccupsWhichAlwaysMakesMeFeelUncomfortable
#TheyDoNotHurtButIJustDoNotLikeTheFeelingOfThem
#EspeciallyAsTheBabyIsHeadDownSoItJustFeelsWeird
#ItWouldNotBeSoBadIfTheyWereAtTheTopOfTheBump
#AFewDaysAgoIDecidedThatIWouldLikeToTakeSomePicturesInTheStyleOfMyMáscaraProject
#IThoughtIHadTheMakeupHereButApparentlyIDoNot
#MyMumFoundMyBagOfItAsWeHaveStillHaveSomeStuffAtFamilyHousesAndPutItInThePostToday
#SoHopefullyIGetItInTheNextCoupleOfDays
#AsTimeIsRunningOut
#MyHospitalPantsTurnedUpToday
#TheySaidTheyHadBeenDeliveredYesterdaySoIWasABitConcernedAsTheyWereNotHere
#AtTimesIKindOfForgetAboutThePandemic
#AndThenIRememberWhatIsGoingOn
#ItIsAllABitWeird
#IFeelLikeWeHaveAdaptedWellButIKnowWeArePrivileged
#ALotOfPeopleSeemToBeGoingBackToNormal
#ButIAmScared
#MeAndTiagoHaveALittleBitOfACold
#ButTheWeatherKeepsChangingAndIWasIllQuiteALotAtTheStartOfThePregnancy
#IHaveNotReallyBeenIllAtAllSinceLockdown
#SoIThinkItIsJustUsFeelingALittleRundown
#LastNightISleptThroughUntil5AMWhichHasNotHappenedInALongTime
#MaybeDoingALotOfKegelsYesterdayHelped
#AsWellAsHavingAGoodStretchingSessionAndNotSleepingMuchTheNightBefore

This is the last photo that I took for the project while pregnant.

#AtTimesIKindOfForgetAboutThePandemic
#AndThenIRememberWhatIsGoingOn
#ItIsAllABitWeird

Our new normal just became staying at home with a daily walk. I felt lucky to still be working, and that Tiago was still working, and that we hadn’t really been affected too much by Covid. I was just really unsure of how giving birth would be, but I just kept practicing my breathing that I’d learned through hypnobirthing (it was super useful in the end).

We Ended Up Waiting For Something To Happen In A Time When Everyone Was Waiting For Something (0 weeks)
(June 2020)
 
#SoOurBabyArrivedTwoWeeksEarly
#MyWatersBrokeWhenIWasInBedAtOneThirtyInTheMorningAndAtFirstIThoughtIHadWetMyself
#WeWentToTheHospitalForMonitoring
#TurnedOutThatBabyWasBreech
#TheyWantedMeToHaveACSectionButISaidNoAsIDidNotFancyTheRecoveryTime
#TheyBasicallyPutMeOnAClockAndSaidIfIWasNotInEstablishedLabourBy6PMThenIWasHavingACSectionAndIThoughtChallengeeAccepted
#IKnewIfIGotStressedOutThenMySurgesWouldNotComeOrWouldBeStopped
#IDancedBehindMyCurtainInTheWardAndIBreathedThroughEachSurge
#AtSomePointIWasExaminedAndAllowedToGoToTheDeliverySuiteAndTiagoCouldComeInTheRoom
#TheyPutACannulaInMyHandAndPutTheDateAndTimeOnIt
#ExactlyTwoHoursLaterOurBabyWasBorn
#WeDidNotKnowIfItWasABoyOrAGirl
#TheyShowedMeAndAtFirstAllICouldSeeWasThePlacentaCordAndIThoughtItWasABoy
#ButItWasAGirlWhoIWillReferToAsB
#IHadUsedATensMachineForTheFirstHalfOfLabourAndByTheSecondHalfItJustAnnoyedMe
#AfterwardsIFeltHighFromHavingJustFocusedOnMyBreathing
#AFewPeopleHaveSaidToMeThatTheyDidNotKnowVaginalBreechDeliveryWasPossible
#AnywaysIThoughtIShouldConcludeThisProjectWithSomethingThatReferencesOurBabyB
#IPlannedToGetAPictureOfTheCordStumpAttachedToHer
#ButIJustDidNotGetRoundToItAndThenYesterdayMorningWeRealisedItHadGoneAndWereTryingToFindItInHerClothes
#IGuessItFallingOffSignifiesTheCompleteEndOfHerPhysicalAttachmentToMe
#IWasAboutToSayTheEndOfMyBodyFeedingHerBodyWithNutrients
#ButIAmBreastfeedingAndItDependsHowYouDefinePhysicalAttachment
#AnywaysIThoughtThisWasANiceWayToEndTheProjectAndSayThatSheIsHereWhilstNotShowingHer
#ObviouslyIWasAnxiousALotDuringThePregnancyButItWasTheCompleteUnknownForMe
#INeverWouldHaveThoughtThatIWouldBePregnantDuringAPandemicLetAloneThatOneWouldHappen
#NowSheHasBeenBornIHaveKindOfForgottenAboutItAndIAmTryingMyBestToSleepWhilstFeelingOnTopOfTheWorld
#InTheEndWeEndedUpWaitingForSomethingToHappenInATimeWhenEveryoneWasWaitingForSomethingToHappen
#WeAlsoWaitedForHerCordStumpToFallOffSoWeCouldBathHerSoIGuessThatIsAnotherReasonToEndItLikeThis
#HopeItDoesNotGrossYouOutTooMuch

Ooh I love a nod to a project title with the last image in a series.

The hashtags are a very quick account of what happened. You can read B’s birth story here and about our hospital stay here.

#INeverWouldHaveThoughtThatIWouldBePregnantDuringAPandemicLetAloneThatOneWouldHappen
#NowSheHasBeenBornIHaveKindOfForgottenAboutItAndIAmTryingMyBestToSleepWhilstFeelingOnTopOfTheWorld

I miss those early days of feeling high on life and feeling okay about everything. In the early days she could not do much and it was nice to just learn about parenting without the pressures of having to see people and feel judged. I’m glad that I did not know how long this would go on for though.

But overall with my pregnancy – Yes I wish I had seen more friends, yes I still haven’t seen most of those friends, but I do not really think I missed out that much. The main thing that upset me was being in hospital for 4 nights without Tiago being able to visit us. It was bizarre. I was in a parallel universe in a hospital (after not being in another building besides our flat for months), with a baby and without a husband (who I had not been away from for a night since February).

The big missing out for me though has been since B has been born and it has been super frustrating. Moving to Birmingham has meant that we’ve got to be closer to some of my family, but I just feel like we’ve been locked at home for months unable to do the things that people with babies are usually able to do. I’ve felt worse lately after some good weather – which meant some nice time sat outside and a change of scenery – soon went away, but hopefully with summer on its way and more things starting to reopen soon it can only get better. She’s still yet to meet a lot of people, we haven’t been to a baby class in real life since before Christmas (we have one this week, phew!) and I get super obsessed about her routine because I haven’t had much to mess it up for a long time.

I guess I should save this for the next post though, which I will try to do soon but this has taken me way longer than I expected.

One last note though: I’m really glad that I made this project as I remember being pregnant, but it doesn’t really feel like it happened to me and that I dreamed it or something? I find it weird looking at the photos that THAT happened to my body. It’s bizarre. I definitely never imagined that I’d be pregnant during a pandemic, but I was, and thanks to Tiago for helping me get through it.


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Pregnancy Waiting

Failed Blood Tests (7 and a half-ish weeks)

This is a post about the sixth image from my series Waiting For Things In A Time When You Rarely Wait For Things where I documented my pregnancy from October 2019 to June 2020.

I haven’t posted about this project since July. I was just having a morning stretch and thought I should post about it again – even if they’re just short posts. Before I was making my life difficult by digging through outtakes, so I’m just going to focus on the photo/s that I chose for each set of hashtags.

So here we go…

Photo of my body. Arm has a plaster on it from a blood test
Failed Blood Tests (7 and a half-ish weeks)
 
#SoTheyTriedToTakeMyBloodAndFailed
#ProbablyBecauseItWas10amAndIHadNotEatenYet
#AsIHadBeenSickThatMorningAndItPutMeOff
#ItSeemsSoEarlyToBeTalkingAboutOptions
#WhereIWantToGiveBirthWhenItSeemsSoEarlyAndIDoNotKnowTheFullFacts
#TheMidwifeMentionedAHomeBirth
#ILikeTheIdeaOfItButImmediatelyIJustThoughtAboutTheNeighboursAndWhatTheyWouldThink
#LivingInAFlatWithNeighboursOnMostSidesAndUpAndDownDoesNotMakeItSoAppealing
#ButIDoNotHearMuchFromThem
#ApartFromOneNeighbourWhoCoughsLoudly
#AndOnceICouldHearOneVomitingThroughTheVents
#WhichIsWhatIWorriedThisMorningWhenIWasBeingSick
#TIsWorriedAboutTheRisksOfHomeBirth
#SoINeedToFindHimSomeInfo
#OtherPeopleHaveExpressedTheirDisapproval
#WhichUpsetsMe
#AsItIsSoEarlyAndItIsNotSetInStoneYet
#ButThatIsMyPersonalPreference
#AndIAmTheOneGivingBirth
#AndIWantToFeelAsRelaxedAndComfortableAsPossibleToDoTheJobThatPeopleHaveBeenDoingForThousandsOfYears
#AsICanNotBeBotheredWithBeingSuperStressedOut
#LikeISaidMyMainConcernIsTheNeighbours
#SoLetUsHopeForAShortLabourThatIsMidDayAndNotMidNight
#ButItMightNotHappen
#MaybeIWillGoToTheHospitalOrABirthingCentre
#ABirthingPoolIsAllIReallyWant
#AsIWillNotGetASummerHolidaySoICanPretendIAmInTheSeaWhichIsWhereIFeelMostAtPeace
#FingersCrossedThatAllGoesWellFromHere
#ItAllSeemsTooEarlyButTodayMadeThingsABitMoreReal
#IDoNotKnowHowIGotTheScratchOnMyBelly

So I took this photo in November when there wasn’t even a whiff of pandemic in the air (ooh so poetic).

I really do not know how I got that scratch; I’m guessing it was a rogue fingernail.

The photo is cropped and rotated – I don’t like having to crop my work for some reason, but too much boob felt unnecessary. I do like that the picture is a little abstract.

#SoTheyTriedToTakeMyBloodAndFailed
#ProbablyBecauseItWas10amAndIHadNotEatenYet #AsIHadBeenSickThatMorningAndItPutMeOff

Typically it was the first day that I had actually been sick. Later on I would realise that eating a little bit when I felt sick would make me feel better, but at this point I did not know that.

Afterwards before every blood test I would make sure that I drank plenty and ate something. Usually my appointments would be in the morning so I would have less time to eat, and I went off a lot of food so I’d at least try to eat something that I could tolerate (usually some light crisps – like the oven baked ones).

#ItSeemsSoEarlyToBeTalkingAboutOptions
#WhereIWantToGiveBirthWhenItSeemsSoEarlyAndIDoNotKnowTheFullFacts
#TheMidwifeMentionedAHomeBirth

Back then there were more options, but it did seem super early. I remember calling the hospital when I found out I was pregnant and they were like ‘so you’re having the baby here?’ I did not know what my options were; I hadn’t researched or talked to anyone about them yet.

I did read ‘Give Birth Like A Feminist’ by Milli Hill when we were trying to get pregnant, which is when home births first became an idea in my mind.

Then I was surprised at my first midwife appointment that when she asked where I wanted to give birth that she said ‘at home?’ first. She said she had never registered someone for a home birth before. I thought maybe I should think about it more as she straight away referred me to the home birth team, but she did say I could change my mind.

I really wanted one, but I was worried about the neighbours in case the birth was during the night…

#TIsWorriedAboutTheRisksOfHomeBirth
#SoINeedToFindHimSomeInfo

I told T and he wasn’t very enthusiastic about the idea. Back then he was very much ‘you go to hospital and you do what the doctors say as they know best’. Luckily, we did an online hypnobirthing course together and he completely changed his mindset.

Now if he finds out that anyone is pregnant he really recommends the course to them; he says it made him feel empowered (so imagine how it made me feel). There is so much that we never knew about pregnancy before doing the course and it just explained things in a way that made things less daunting. T always says that ‘knowledge is power’ and with the knowledge you know how to advocate for yourself.

In the end I never got a home birth, but the course definitely empowered me to say no to a c-section (if I had needed one then fair enough, but I didn’t) and to ask for a vaginal delivery. T wasn’t there during the discussions due to Covid, so I did not have anyone to back me up. Luckily it worked out in the end, though I didn’t get a home birth or water birth. It’s just really good to know your options and think about your preferences (though my birth plan never accounted for a breech baby – so if you’re reading this while pregnant please think about it and what you would want to do).

I also learned that staying calm will help labour continue (adrenaline stops surges), so I focused on doing the breathing techniques that I had learned on the course and danced to music and tried to relax as much as possible whilst waiting on the maternity ward. If I had got stressed out then I probably would have had to have a C-section as they put me on a countdown (at 9am they said if I wasn’t in established labour by 6pm then I would not be allowed to have a vaginal delivery). I do love a challenge…

#OtherPeopleHaveExpressedTheirDisapproval

Funnily enough with Covid and all, those who weren’t so keen on me having a home birth in the beginning actually saw it as a good idea in the end. It seemed less risky going somewhere where I could possibly get Covid and everything. However precautions were in place there (I had a lovely swab up the nose) and it was so odd but nice to be around a lot of strangers for the first time in months.

You can read my birth story here and about my hospital stay here.


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Waiting

(Dragon Fruit &) Cut To Finger (7 and a half weeks)

This is a post about the fifth image from my series Waiting For Things In A Time When You Rarely Wait For Things where I documented my pregnancy from October 2019 to June 2020.

(Dragon Fruit &) Cut To Finger (7 and a half weeks)

#SoInMyUlteriorMonologueProjectThereIsAPictureOfMyHandsHoldingADragonFruitWithABloodyFinger #TheReasonWhyUlteriorMonologueIsCalledThatIsBecauseIWroteHashtagsLikeThese
#ButIDidNotAlwaysWriteWhatIAlwaysReallyWantedToWrite
#IAmWritingTheseHashtagsAWhileAfterITookThePhoto
#ThereIsNoDragonFruitInThisPicture
#ButThereIsTheCutFinger
#AndIThinkInMyEarlyPregnancyIHadAccidentsWithKnivesACoupleOfTimes
#AndThisWasTheWorstTime #SoInTheHashtagsThatAccompanyTheDragonFruitPictureIfIHadFeltAbleToTalkAboutMyPregnancyIWouldHaveTalkedAboutBeingMoreClumsyThanNormal
#IThinkItWasJustBecauseMyBrainWasElsewhere
#WhichItShouldNotBeWhenIAmHoldingASharpKnife
#ThinkingAboutBeingPregnantAndNotBeingAbleToBelieveItProbably #SoIHadStartedThisProjectButIWasStillWorkingOnUlteriorMonologueAsIDidNotWantToStopPostingStuff #ButIRealisedThatINeededToTalkAboutBeingPregnant
#SoUlteriorMonologueReachedANaturalEnd
#ButIBoughtSomeTimeOnInstagramByPostingArchivePictures #WhichIHadThoughtAboutDoingForAWhileButItGaveMeTheTimeToDoItAsILetMyPregnancyProgress #IThinkItAnnoyedALotOfPeopleByJustPostingArchiveStuff
#ButIHaveSoMuchWorkThatIForgetIHaveHalfTheTime
#SoItWasNiceToGoThroughItAll
#ButItTookALongTimeToDo
#WhichIsWhatIWantedButByTheEndIWasBeyondDoneWithIt

Ulterior Monologue

Usually I show outtakes, but the Waiting… one is pretty much an outtake from my series Ulterior Monologue, so instead here is the chosen picture for that project and the accompanying hashtags.

Dragon Fruit & Cut To Finger

#SoTodayMeAndTWereOutInTown #IWasFeelingRelaxedAndNotFeelingBadForTakingABreak
#ThenIGotShatOnByABird #GuessingItWasAPigeonAsItWasOneOfThoseSmallStreetsWherePigeonsHangAbout #AndItWasMassiveAndGrossAllOverOneSideOfMyCoat
#AndABitInMyJustWashedHair
#AndIHateWashingMyHairInTheWinter #ButIWasLikeAtLeastItWasNotFullOnMyHeadAsItCouldHaveEasilyBeen #AndTWipedItOffWithATissue #SoItCouldHaveBeenWorseAndIThoughtIsBirdShitSupposedToBeLuckyOrSomething #WhichIsObviouslyJustWhatSomeoneInventedToMakeThemselfOrSomeoneElseFeelBetter
#ThenAtHomeTWasMakingDinnerAndPuttingItOutOnPlates #WhichWereOnTheHobAsWeNeverSeemToHaveEnoughCounterSpace #ThenAPlateJustCracked #TurnedOutHeHadTurnedTheHobOnAccidentallyAndItHeatedUpThePlateAndItCracked #ItWasOneOfTwoBigPlatesThatWeOwn #AsIGotALotOfMyDadsParentsKitchenStuffWhenIWentToUni #AndIHaveManagedToKeepThemSafeSince2007ButNeverMind #TIsLuckyThatHeDidNotGetInjuredByItCrackingAsItWasLoudAndFlungApartABit #HeWasNotSureAboutEatingSomeOfTheFoodButIWasLikeAPlateDoesNotSplinter #ThenWhenIWasDoingTheWashingUpIGotABitOfPlateSplinterStuckInMyFingerDidINot #IWasPlanningToPhotographMyselfWithTheDragonFruitThatTBoughtYesterday #EvenThoughIDoNotThinkWeHaveEatenOneBeforeAndDoNotKnowWhatToDoWithIt #ButTSaidHeWantedToEatItTodayAndIWantedAPhotographWithItAsItIsUnusualToMeAnyways
#ToSomeoneElseItProbablyLooksAsOrdinaryAsAnAppleDoesToMe #ButIThoughtItWasGoingToBeABoringPhoto #AndItIsButTheBigBitOfTissueOverTheCutOnTheSideOfMyFingerFromTheCeramicSplinterHasJazzedItUpATinyBit
#OrAtLeastIThinkSo
#WellIAmHopingThatIsOur3ThingsOfBadLuckForTheWeek #AndIFound4OfThePlatesOnEbayForAGoodPriceSoNowWeWillHave5NormalSizedDinnerPlates

Comments

So as I explained in my Animal Hats & Cramps post, there was a bit of an overlap between Waiting… and my previous project (Ulterior Monologue). Reading the hashtags for the top image too I realise that I talk about it a bit there too.

(‘#SoIHadStartedThisProjectButIWasStillWorkingOnUlteriorMonologueAsIDidNotWantToStopPostingStuff #ButIRealisedThatINeededToTalkAboutBeingPregnant
#SoUlteriorMonologueReachedANaturalEnd
#ButIBoughtSomeTimeOnInstagramByPostingArchivePictures’)

I announced my pregnancy on social media when I was 20 weeks and it was starting to become obvious in my dance videos/I got bored of hiding my bump under big jumpers. I definitely bought some time, but was relieved when my archive posts were over.

Anyways, I did a photoshoot around a dragon fruit and cutting my finger, and in the UM hashtags I talk about 3 bad/unlucky things that happened that day. This includes getting a bit of plate stuck in my finger which is why I have tissue wrapped around my finger, though I didn’t talk about my recent (increased) clumsiness.

I talk about how I think it was due to my mind being elsewhere, though it speaks about accidental knife cuts rather than the injury being from the plate splinter. (When I first started to write this post I also thought the need for a tissue was from a knife cut). I wrote the hashtags when I was preparing to post the project on Instagram and decided to add the photo in – I wanted to post them in chronological order so it made sense to decide early on if I wanted to include an image from this shoot.

I vaguely remember writing them as I wasn’t sure whether or not to use the term ‘baby brain’. I really don’t like it, though I think me being distracted by daydreaming about being pregnant and becoming a mother is what probably led to me getting the injury. I like to think that I was pretty ‘with it’ after this incident, so when on a few occasions people accused me of being baby brained when I wasn’t I was annoyed…

(Okay, yesterday I walked into the living room to get the dummy that Tiago asked for and walked back into the bedroom with a tube of nipple cream. In my defence I walked there – the whole 5m – wondering if I should put some nipple cream on… I think this says a lot about not getting enough sleep/being sleepy. If a guy does something forgetful after becoming a father is he accused of having baby brain? Probably not.)

I prefer the UM image more though it wasn’t a favourite and it wouldn’t have fit in Waiting… I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do with the shoot, but I like playing around with hands and arms so it makes sense that I did something a little odd – the hand that isn’t holding the dragon fruit is definitely a bit weird. I think I took the Waiting one for myself as it has that pregnancy feel to it; a classic light touch to the belly, but nicely concealed. I definitely wouldn’t have put it in UM.

I could have perhaps been more inventive with the title of the Waiting image – (Dragon Fruit &) Cut To Finger (7 and a half weeks), whereas the UM one is Dragon Fruit & Cut To Finger. However I like that the similar titles tie the two images together as if you saw them side by side you wouldn’t necessarily think that they were from the same shoot – you’d probably just think ‘wow she’s clumsy’ if you knew that they were both pictures of me.

I think that’s about it.

I feel like talking about the whole project is a bit of an undertaking, but I’m determined to do it! 5 down, 79 to go!

My fear is that no one is reading these and I’m spending a lot of time/energy doing this blog, but I guess an audience doesn’t grow overnight.

I’m also awkward about promoting my posts across all my social media sites. The other week I wrote about how I would be better at promoting my work, but I still feel like I am bothering people. A lot of people use social media to promote their stuff and I’m sure there’s a good amount of people who don’t feel weird about it, and I don’t feel awkward for them so why do I for myself? That’s something that I can possibly post about more in the future…


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