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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Fifth Family Portrait (2nd January 2021)

Fifth Family Portrait (2nd January 2021)
 
#HappyNewYear
#IFeelLikeEverythingIWasGoingToSayDoesNotMatterNowAsTiagosGrandmotherHasDied
#WeHaveNotSeenHerIn18MonthsAndSheNeverGotToMeetB
#HeSaysItIsAShameThatHeCanNotGoToTheFuneralBecauseOfTheVirus
#InPortugalTheFuneralsAreUsuallyTheNextDaySoHeSaysHeWillJustGoToTheCemeteryWhenWeFinallyManageToGetToTheIslandAgain
#WeFinallyAppliedForBsPassportTheOtherDay
#WeDidNotBotherRushingDueToCovidButHopefullySoonWeMightBeAbleToVisitTiagosFamily
#BIsJustSleepingOnTheFloorWithHerSnowsuitOpenAsSheFellAsleepOnAWalk
#InMyLastEntryISaidThatIWasFeelingReallyGood
#TheNextDayIJustFeltSuperTerrible
#WeAreNowPlanningToMoveOutAsWeThinkItWillBeBetterForAllOfUsToHaveOurOwnSpace
#EspeciallyAsWeThinkWeWillBeInBirminghamLongerThanWeInitiallyThoughtWeMight
#IKnowWeAreLuckyAndINeedToBeMoreGrateful
#SometimesItSeemsEasierToBeMoreNegativeAboutThings
#SocialMediaSeemsToExistForShowingOffThoughIFindItAwkward
#ThoughTheOtherDayIPostedMyTopNineToInstagramAndIRealiseThatItComesAcrossAsABitBraggy
#IFeelLikeIShouldHavePutAFootnoteAboutAllTheTimesIFeltRubbish
#ButThisProjectIsEnoughOfAWhinefest
#IAmGratefulToBeAMotherAndItIsGood
#ButSometimesIDoFeelOverwhelmedAndStressedByItAll
#WorryingAboutIfIAmGoodEnoughToRaiseASmallHumanToBeAGreatBigHuman
#StressingThatSheIsNotGettingEnoughToEat
#FrettingThatIAmGivingHerTooLittleOrTooMuchParacetamol
#ToBeFairIDoNotGiveItHerThatOftenSoItIsProbablyMoreTheTooLittleCategory
#IThinkInPersonBabyClassesAreSuspendedForNowUntilTheGovernmentReviewsThem
#IAmNotIntoOnlineBabyClassesAsSeeingAndTalkingToPeopleInRealLifeIsTheBestThingAboutThem
#ObviouslyItIsGoodToKnowThatBIsGettingSomeGoodPlaytimeThatWillHelpWithDevelopment
#IJustWantHerToTurnOutOkayAndWell
#IHopeThatSheBecomesMoreLikeTiagoThanMe
#ISpentABigChunkOfYesterdayAnnoyedThatIAmNoLongerAnEUCitizenThoughAtLeastTiagoAndBAre

#HappyNewYear

It’s been a weird one so far.

#IFeelLikeEverythingIWasGoingToSayDoesNotMatterNowAsTiagosGrandmotherHasDied #WeHaveNotSeenHerIn18MonthsAndSheNeverGotToMeetB #HeSaysItIsAShameThatHeCanNotGoToTheFuneralBecauseOfTheVirus #InPortugalTheFuneralsAreUsuallyTheNextDaySoHeSaysHeWillJustGoToTheCemeteryWhenWeFinallyManageToGetToTheIslandAgain

🙁

When his Grandfather died he got told on a Friday evening, and Saturday morning he had to get 3 flights (it’s usually 2) to make it the funeral on time. Luckily he just made it.

#WeFinallyAppliedForBsPassportTheOtherDay #WeDidNotBotherRushingDueToCovidButHopefullySoonWeMightBeAbleToVisitTiagosFamily

I knew we wouldn’t be going anywhere for a while so there didn’t seem any point in having lots of unused time on it, but we are hoping to be able to travel at somepoint this year.

#BIsJustSleepingOnTheFloorWithHerSnowsuitOpenAsSheFellAsleepOnAWalk

I was hoping to get home before she got too sleepy. Nope.

#InMyLastEntryISaidThatIWasFeelingReallyGood

I felt weirdly good.

#TheNextDayIJustFeltSuperTerrible

My period came, so I think it was related to that.

#WeAreNowPlanningToMoveOutAsWeThinkItWillBeBetterForAllOfUsToHaveOurOwnSpace #EspeciallyAsWeThinkWeWillBeInBirminghamLongerThanWeInitiallyThoughtWeMight

I feel excited about looking for somewhere; it’s a nice distraction as always. I’m hoping to finish my coding course tonight or tomorrow, so I’ll have more time to look at other things.

#IKnowWeAreLuckyAndINeedToBeMoreGrateful

We are really lucky. Especially during this pandemic, as we have yet to be really affected by it. Obviously things are not how we want them to be, but it is what it is.

#SometimesItSeemsEasierToBeMoreNegativeAboutThings

Is this a British thing? It’s probably more just a me thing.

#SocialMediaSeemsToExistForShowingOffThoughIFindItAwkward #ThoughTheOtherDayIPostedMyTopNineToInstagramAndIRealiseThatItComesAcrossAsABitBraggy

I talked about the main things that were shown (me being pregnant and having a solo show), then I just seemed to throw a few more things in.

2020 was a big change for me, but some good things did happen.

#IFeelLikeIShouldHavePutAFootnoteAboutAllTheTimesIFeltRubbish #ButThisProjectIsEnoughOfAWhinefest

I think people who know me know that I am honest about a lot of things.

#IAmGratefulToBeAMotherAndItIsGood #ButSometimesIDoFeelOverwhelmedAndStressedByItAll #WorryingAboutIfIAmGoodEnoughToRaiseASmallHumanToBeAGreatBigHuman #StressingThatSheIsNotGettingEnoughToEat #FrettingThatIAmGivingHerTooLittleOrTooMuchParacetamol #ToBeFairIDoNotGiveItHerThatOftenSoItIsProbablyMoreTheTooLittleCategory

Basically I’m winging it from day to day. She is growing and she does giggle sometimes, so I must be getting something right?

#IThinkInPersonBabyClassesAreSuspendedForNowUntilTheGovernmentReviewsThem #IAmNotIntoOnlineBabyClassesAsSeeingAndTalkingToPeopleInRealLifeIsTheBestThingAboutThem #ObviouslyItIsGoodToKnowThatBIsGettingSomeGoodPlaytimeThatWillHelpWithDevelopment

It is what it is – we’ll go to a real life class again when we can.

#IJustWantHerToTurnOutOkayAndWell #IHopeThatSheBecomesMoreLikeTiagoThanMe

I need to work on myself as much as I can. I have a call with a mental health service next week and they said they’ll see what ‘tools’ might help me the best.

#ISpentABigChunkOfYesterdayAnnoyedThatIAmNoLongerAnEUCitizenThoughAtLeastTiagoAndBAre

I’ll never get over Brexit.

I realised that I am the only member of Tiago’s family who isn’t an EU citizen now… Great.


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