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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Second Family Portrait Session (16th August 2020)

I’ve managed to get a few posts of ahead of myself for now as I want to catch up soon and then write other posts that aren’t necessarily related to my project. I write most of it then add in other more recent things when I go to hit ‘publish’.

I’ve had a go with playing with a picture that obscures B’s face, but let’s see if I like it when I come to post this.

(I think it will do for now, but perhaps I will revisit the pictures that obscure B’s face at a later date and do something else with them – or maybe not.)

Tiago, B and me lying on the sofa
Second Family Portrait Session (16th August 2020)
 
#IHaveWantedToDoAnotherFamilyPortraitSessionSinceNotLongAfterWeDidTheFirstOne
#AndThatWasOnThe28thOfJune
#ItSeemsEasierToDoThingsIndividuallyThanAllTogether
#BSleptThroughTheWholeShootAndHasJustWokeUpNow
#SheDidALoudCryLikeSheDoesWhenSheIsDreamingInHerSleepButThisTimeItWokeHerUp
#WeUsuallyWakeHerUpToFeedHerIfItHasBeenAWhile
#ButTheOtherDayAndTodayItWasImpossibleToWakeHerToFeedHer
#AFriendCalledTodayAsHerBabyHadBeenAsleepAllDayAndSheWasConcerned
#WhichMadeMeFeelBetterAsBWasDoingTheSameThing
#TheyBothWokeUpAfterAWhileAndWereFine
#AHealthVisitorCameACoupleOfDaysAgo
#BHasPutOnMoreThanHalfOfHerBirthWeightAndHadNoConcerns
#SheSaidToRingOurGPForAPrescriptionForSomeCradleCapShampoo
#IRangAndTheDoctorHadNeverHeardOfTheOneSheRecommended
#ButWeGotItSoThatWasFine
#TheHealthVisitorAskedUsIfThereWasAnyDomesticViolenceInOurHome
#ItSeemsAnOddThingToSayOutLoudToBothOfUs
#SurelyItIsSomethingYouAskIndividuallyOrSomethingButIGuessItWouldBeDifficultAndIGuessSheHadNoConcerns
#SheWouldHaveUsuallyVisitedUsBeforeButItWasDelayedDueToCovid
#SheIsOnlyAllowedToVisitTwoHouseholdsADayWhereasBeforeSheWouldVisitThreeOrFour
#IRushedToThePharmacyLaterOnAsIWasWorriedTheyWouldCloseBeforeIGotThereButTheyHadExtendedTheirOpeningHoursSinceLastTime
#AMemberOfStaffPeeredInsideHerBassinet
#SheSaidBsEyeLookedSwollenAndIWasLikeYeahIKnowIAmMassagingItDailyAndItIsCommon
#SheSaidYeahItIsCommonAndThatBothHerKidsHadItAndIRelaxed
#TheOtherDayAManWasHoldingAToddlerAndSheSaidBaby
#SoIOpenedUpTheBassinetCoverSoTheyCouldSeeHerFromADistance
#ButTheGuyStoodSoCloseToMeThatIDidNotFeelAbleToTalk
#HeProbablyThoughtIWasReallyRudeButItFreakedMeOut
#IDidNotWantAFamilyPictureInOurUnderwearButItIsSoHotAndThatWasWhatWeWereWearing
#IWasNotPlanningToUseALightButItWasTooDarkToNotUseOne
 

#IHaveWantedToDoAnotherFamilyPortraitSessionSinceNotLongAfterWeDidTheFirstOne
#AndThatWasOnThe28thOfJune

Let’s see when we manage to do another one…

#ItSeemsEasierToDoThingsIndividuallyThanAllTogether

Well it’s easier for me to photograph myself when T is looking after B, but I often feel bad for making T be in my photos as I know it’s not his most favourite thing.

Lately I’ve been taking more pictures on my phone or quickly doing a shoot during the day when B is asleep and T is working.

#BSleptThroughTheWholeShootAndHasJustWokeUpNow (and) #IWasNotPlanningToUseALightButItWasTooDarkToNotUseOne

I felt bad using the light, but B didn’t seem to care at all about it. I tried not to take too many pictures and because her eyes were closed I guess it helped. If she had been awake I would have made her look away from the light.

#SheDidALoudCryLikeSheDoesWhenSheIsDreamingInHerSleepButThisTimeItWokeHerUp

I would love to know what she dreams about. When she was first born I used to joke that it was two milky boobs running away from her and she was trying to catch them…

She does cry in her sleep a bit. It’s weird/funny/cute when you check on her as you think she is awake and upset as she lets out a cry, but she is smiling in her sleep.

#WeUsuallyWakeHerUpToFeedHerIfItHasBeenAWhile

We try to follow a schedule where you feed her every 3 hours until the night. We’ve been following those schedules since she was born for feeding, but failing on the napping side. However this week I suddenly decided to work on making her take naps more. Next week I need to work on me taking naps, while she naps!

#ButTheOtherDayAndTodayItWasImpossibleToWakeHerToFeedHer
#AFriendCalledTodayAsHerBabyHadBeenAsleepAllDayAndSheWasConcerned
#WhichMadeMeFeelBetterAsBWasDoingTheSameThing
#TheyBothWokeUpAfterAWhileAndWereFine

I laughed in relief when she said she couldn’t wake her baby up. I’m not sure if it was the weather or what…

#AHealthVisitorCameACoupleOfDaysAgo
#BHasPutOnMoreThanHalfOfHerBirthWeightAndHadNoConcerns

I wasn’t worried about her weight as she is definitely growing and getting heavier. Apparently you can get your babies weighed in children centres but they’ve been closed due to Covid. I didn’t know this, someone told me. I feel like I don’t know much about how having a baby should be in a non-Covid time, which is probably for the best as I don’t feel like we’re missing out on things really. I guess I probably would have taken her to an exhibition, but I’ve only taken her to see work outside so far.

I think the local children’s centre called yesterday. They got my details and asked if I wanted to sign B up for future classes. I said yes, but they don’t know when they’ll be able to run again and it will be invite only. I think I am starting to realise what B is missing out on now, but luckily she is too young to know and we are making do.

#SheSaidToRingOurGPForAPrescriptionForSomeCradleCapShampoo
#IRangAndTheDoctorHadNeverHeardOfTheOneSheRecommended
#ButWeGotItSoThatWasFine

She said she usually prescribed a cream over shampoo, but said the health visitor must know that it’s good. Eventually she found it and sent the prescription through to the pharmacy.

#IRushedToThePharmacyLaterOnAsIWasWorriedTheyWouldCloseBeforeIGotThereButTheyHadExtendedTheirOpeningHoursSinceLastTime
#AMemberOfStaffPeeredInsideHerBassinet
#SheSaidBsEyeLookedSwollenAndIWasLikeYeahIKnowIAmMassagingItDailyAndItIsCommon
#SheSaidYeahItIsCommonAndThatBothHerKidsHadItAndIRelaxed

I was feeling a little judged, but was relieved when she said her kids had the same thing.

#TheOtherDayAManWasHoldingAToddlerAndSheSaidBaby
#SoIOpenedUpTheBassinetCoverSoTheyCouldSeeHerFromADistance
#ButTheGuyStoodSoCloseToMeThatIDidNotFeelAbleToTalk
#HeProbablyThoughtIWasReallyRudeButItFreakedMeOut

I still find it odd when strangers get so close. Maybe they don’t think I present much of a risk as I have a baby so they know I’m being cautious, but I don’t know about them.

#IDidNotWantAFamilyPictureInOurUnderwearButItIsSoHotAndThatWasWhatWeWereWearing

I’ve said this before and I’ll probably say this a 100 times, but I want this project to be a true reflection of our family life. Hanging out in our underwear has been a big part of it so far, though B does have a lighter baby grow on here. The general rule is babies should have one extra layer than you, but sometimes it is just nappy weather for them.

I bought the blanket at the end of my trip to India in 2017 for a commission. It had just been sat in a bag since then until after B was born and I started to nest.

I have a habit of buying nice things and being too scared to use them, but with the pandemic my mentality has changed a bit, and I feel like I should enjoy things as you never know what is around the corner.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Armpit Fungus (6th August 2020)

I asked Tiago which picture he preferred out of two options and he said ‘you’re not posting about your armpit fungus are you?’ It’s awkward, but yes I am.

He said, ‘what has that got to do with motherhood?’
I said, ‘I got it from breastfeeding’. He didn’t seem to believe me, and I might not have done but I’ve never had it before in my life until now…

Armpit Fungus (6th August 2020)
 
#ThisIsProbablyMyMostGlamorousPhotoToDate
#PleaseMayIIntroduceYouToMyArmpitFungus
#BHadHerFirstSetOfJabsTodayAndIHadACheckUp
#YesWeDidGoLastNightForBsCheckUp
#TheWomanWhoDidMyCheckUpCouldNotDoBsAsSheHasNotDoneTheRelevantCourse
#WeGaveBSomeParacetamolBeforeHandLikeTheDoctorSaidToYesterday
#SheHadAnOralVaccinationForSomethingThenA6In1VaccinationInOneLegAndThenMeningitisBInTheOther
#TheDoctorSaidTheParentsUsuallyGetMoreTraumatisedThanTheBabies
#InMyHeadIWasLikeNahIWillBeFine
#ThenPoorLittleBLetOutAWailThatIHadNotHeardBeforeAndIFeltAwful
#IThinkWritingYesterdayAboutTheAwkwardnessOfBabyTalkMadeMeGetOverMyself
#AsIJustKeptTalkingAndTalkingToBAfterwards
#IWentToTheWaitingRoomWhereIComfortedHerAndFedHerALittleWhilstWeWaitedForMyAppointment
#IGotCalledInAndIShowedHerMyArmpit
#IProbablyGotItFromBeingSweatyAllTheTimeAsBreastfeedingSeemsToMakeMeSweat
#ShePrescribedACream
#SheCheckedMyStitchesAndIHaveABitOfScarTissueThatSheSaidMightSoftenInAFewMonths
#TheySnaggedABitOfSkinWhenTheyWereStitchingMeUpAndIHopeItDoesSoften
#ISaidIHaveBeenFeelingEmotionalAtTimesButIKnowItIsWhenIAmMyMostSleepiest
#SheSaidToCallIfItFeelsLikeSomethingThatIsNotSleepRelated
#AndThatBreastfeedingIsANaturalFormOfContraceptionButItIsAdvisedToUseAnotherFormToo
#YesterdayOneOfTheWomenWorkingThereSaidHatsOffToMeForBeingPregnantAndHavingABabyDuringThePandemic
#ISaidHatsOffToHerForHavingToLookAfterTwoKidsDuringItAll
#IHadNotBeenPregnantOrHadABabyBeforeSoIDoNotKnowAnyDifferent
#IWentToPickUpMyPrescription
#ItWasMyFirstTimeInAShopSinceMarchAsTiagoWentTheTwoTimesBeforeToPickThemUp
#IBoughtTwoBagsOfDiscountedPopcornAsTheyWere10PEachAndILoveABargain
#SoPopcornWasMyFirstPhysicalPurchaseThatITappedMyCardForInAVeryLongTime
#IBoughtThemMoreForTiagoButIAteABagWhilstGoingForALongWalkHomeWithB
#BSleptThroughMyAppointmentAndAllTheWayHome

It does just look like I want to show off my armpit hair. I still feel awkward about it and I can’t even remember how long I’ve had it for now…

Today B and I attended our first baby class in real life (not via Zoom). My two favourite nursing dresses are sleeveless and it was too hot to wear a cardigan, so I decided to try not to care about my hairy pits and put my arms in the air when required. Hopefully the other Mums were just too busy worrying about themselves and their babies, and I’m sure the teacher doesn’t care. I was on the end so random people walking by probably saw too, but oh well.

There are some things that I don’t talk about in my work, and there are also some things that I probably shouldn’t talk about but here I am talking about my armpits.

If I’m this self-conscious about my hair then I should probably get rid of it, but I don’t like shaving them and epilating is too painful. I’m fine if I’m not required to lift my arms above my head, but anyways…

#ThisIsProbablyMyMostGlamorousPhotoToDate

Yes, I do love sarcasm.

#PleaseMayIIntroduceYouToMyArmpitFungus

It’s not that interesting to look at sorry. It would be better if I had little mushrooms growing there – that would be really cool! Even better if I could fry them up and eat them. Yes, I do feel a little ill now.

#BHadHerFirstSetOfJabsTodayAndIHadACheckUp
#YesWeDidGoLastNightForBsCheckUp
#TheWomanWhoDidMyCheckUpCouldNotDoBsAsSheHasNotDoneTheRelevantCourse

Everything was initially booked for the same day, which would have been a lot easier. At least we had some practice in getting out of the flat in time for appointments though.

#WeGaveBSomeParacetamolBeforeHandLikeTheDoctorSaidToYesterday #SheHadAnOralVaccinationForSomethingThenA6In1VaccinationInOneLegAndThenMeningitisBInTheOther

The paracetamol was for the meningitis B as apparently it’s not very nice, and the oral vaccine was for rotavirus, which I don’t think I have ever heard of.

#TheDoctorSaidTheParentsUsuallyGetMoreTraumatisedThanTheBabies
#InMyHeadIWasLikeNahIWillBeFine
#ThenPoorLittleBLetOutAWailThatIHadNotHeardBeforeAndIFeltAwful

I think it was more the shock than anything else, but she soon got over it. I knew it was for the best, though it’s still hard to see your baby crying.

#IThinkWritingYesterdayAboutTheAwkwardnessOfBabyTalkMadeMeGetOverMyself
#AsIJustKeptTalkingAndTalkingToBAfterwards
#IWentToTheWaitingRoomWhereIComfortedHerAndFedHerALittleWhilstWeWaitedForMyAppointment

Oh yeah I don’t care about baby talking anymore. I think B is trying her hardest to talk back which is cool. It does weird me out thinking that one day we will be having conversations, but I can’t wait! I need to start improving my Portuguese so I will know what her and T are saying…

#IGotCalledInAndIShowedHerMyArmpit
#IProbablyGotItFromBeingSweatyAllTheTimeAsBreastfeedingSeemsToMakeMeSweat

I didn’t show it straight away, but I suddenly remembered about it and it was a good time to ask about it. I don’t know what I thought it was, but I wasn’t expecting her to say fungus.

Breastfeeding really does make me sweaty so I’m not surprised.

#SheCheckedMyStitchesAndIHaveABitOfScarTissueThatSheSaidMightSoftenInAFewMonths
#TheySnaggedABitOfSkinWhenTheyWereStitchingMeUpAndIHopeItDoesSoften

I guess something had to go ‘wrong’ as the birth seemed pretty straightforward in the end. Obviously the hospital stay was a bit rocky, but it feels like old news now.

#ISaidIHaveBeenFeelingEmotionalAtTimesButIKnowItIsWhenIAmMyMostSleepiest
#SheSaidToCallIfItFeelsLikeSomethingThatIsNotSleepRelated

I definitely have been better now that I have been working on my life balance and know when to take nap (if I can).

#AndThatBreastfeedingIsANaturalFormOfContraceptionButItIsAdvisedToUseAnotherFormToo

Like I have said before I wouldn’t take any chances after a woman opposite me in the ward had a newborn and a 10-month old baby, and she was breastfeeding.

#YesterdayOneOfTheWomenWorkingThereSaidHatsOffToMeForBeingPregnantAndHavingABabyDuringThePandemic
#ISaidHatsOffToHerForHavingToLookAfterTwoKidsDuringItAll
#IHadNotBeenPregnantOrHadABabyBeforeSoIDoNotKnowAnyDifferent

She said she was getting broody by looking at B, but wouldn’t want to be pregnant now as she knows what it is like to not be pregnant during a pandemic. Major respect to anyone who had to look after their kids 24/7 whilst getting on with the rest of their lives at home.

I guess if I am ever pregnant again it will be a different experience, though who knows it might not be…

#IWentToPickUpMyPrescription
#ItWasMyFirstTimeInAShopSinceMarchAsTiagoWentTheTwoTimesBeforeToPickThemUp
#IBoughtTwoBagsOfDiscountedPopcornAsTheyWere10PEachAndILoveABargain
#SoPopcornWasMyFirstPhysicalPurchaseThatITappedMyCardForInAVeryLongTime
#IBoughtThemMoreForTiagoButIAteABagWhilstGoingForALongWalkHomeWithB

I really miss going to the supermarket and it was the closest thing to being in one. I went again to get another prescription recently and I bought more discounted food – I can’t help it, I love a bargain! I got chocolate bars and flapjacks. I know, super healthy choices.

It’s nice to have an excuse to talk to strangers and pretend that the world is semi-normal even if we are all wearing masks.

Today it was lovely to just be around so many other Mums and their babies. We met a few people who I’ve only spoken to via WhatsApp and Zoom, so it was nice to finally meet them in real life and have conversations. It’s good to get outside and just feel like life is somewhat ‘normal’ at times.

#BSleptThroughMyAppointmentAndAllTheWayHome

Lucky me! She doesn’t always sleep when I want her to, but when she does it really is great!


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

My First Time Breastfeeding In Public (5th August 2020)

My First Time Breastfeeding In Public (5th August 2020)
 
#IDidItIFinallyBreastfedInPublic
#WellItWasTheWaitingRoomOfTheDoctorsAfterBsCheckUp
#AndNoOneWasThere
#TheReceptionStaffWereSittingBehindPerspexOrWhateverAtTheOtherEndOfTheRoom
#AndIUsedThePushchairToBlockTheViewJustInCase
#AfterAWhileIRealisedThatThereWasACCTVCameraOnTheWallToMyLeft
#Lol
#OhWellItIsQuiteDiscreetOnceYouGetThemLatchedOn
#IDoNotThinkBHadTheBestLatchButItWasTolerable
#SheFedFor6MinutesThenFellAsleepAndSleptInHerPushchairForTheNextCoupleOfHours
#ThatNeverHappens
#SheSleptThroughDinnerAndThenWokeUpOnceWeWokeHerUpForHerNextFeed
#ThisWeekItIsNationalBreastfeedingWeekSoIGuessItWasAGoodWeekToDoIt
#IDidHaveABottleOfExpressedMilkInACoolBagButIThoughtItWasMaybeMoreOfAFaffThanBreastfeeding
#TiagoSaysSheSeemsToBeABitMessierWhenFeedingFromABottleTheseDays
#IAmNotSureIfItIsJustHerGettingExcitedOrWhat
#TiagoSeemsMoreConcernedAboutItThanIAm
#IWillMentionItTomorrowWhenSheGetsHerJabsDone
#IfIRemember
#INeedToBuildMyConfidenceWithFeedingHerInPublic
#IAmSureIWouldHaveDoneItLoadsByNowIfThereWasNotAPandemic
#ButMaybeNot
#WhoKnows
#SometimesIGetStressedOutButSheOnlyHasVeryBasicNeedsRightNow
#SheIsCurrentlyLyingBellyUpOnTiagosChestHiccupping
#SheLooksQuiteSleepyButIGuessTheyAreKeepingHerUp
#SheHiccuppedALotInTheWomb
#HopefullyTheyWillStopSoonAndSheCanSleepALittle
#SheIsTooCute
#IStillCanNotBelieveThatWeHaveABaby

It’s not the best photo, but you get the point. The light from the window and me wearing a mask make it quite it dramatic.

#IDidItIFinallyBreastfedInPublic
#WellItWasTheWaitingRoomOfTheDoctorsAfterBsCheckUp
#AndNoOneWasThere
#TheReceptionStaffWereSittingBehindPerspexOrWhateverAtTheOtherEndOfTheRoom
#AndIUsedThePushchairToBlockTheViewJustInCase

It was a good first place to feed that wasn’t in a flat/house as it was quite private, so I felt confident enough to do it.

#AfterAWhileIRealisedThatThereWasACCTVCameraOnTheWallToMyLeft
#Lol

This did make me laugh. I’m guessing the video is just shown in the office section and it was all women there, so I just found it funny.

#OhWellItIsQuiteDiscreetOnceYouGetThemLatchedOn
#IDoNotThinkBHadTheBestLatchButItWasTolerable

Yes, the most nerve-wracking bit was getting her to latch on as sometimes she likes to come off a bit before starting to feed properly. Once she is feeding there isn’t much to see as she blocks the boob from view. I didn’t want to unlatch her and put her on again, but if it was more uncomfortable I would have.

#SheFedFor6MinutesThenFellAsleepAndSleptInHerPushchairForTheNextCoupleOfHours
#ThatNeverHappens
#SheSleptThroughDinnerAndThenWokeUpOnceWeWokeHerUpForHerNextFeed

We met up with Tiago after leaving the doctors and went out for dinner, which I talked about in yesterday’s post.

#IDidHaveABottleOfExpressedMilkInACoolBagButIThoughtItWasMaybeMoreOfAFaffThanBreastfeeding

Usually when we go out we take a bottle of expressed milk, but then if I feel up to it I breastfeed. Most of the time she sleeps though so the milk has had an unnecessary trip.

#TiagoSaysSheSeemsToBeABitMessierWhenFeedingFromABottleTheseDays
#IAmNotSureIfItIsJustHerGettingExcitedOrWhat
#TiagoSeemsMoreConcernedAboutItThanIAm

We mentioned this the other day and my Mum thinks she might be teething, as she is producing more saliva and is chewing the teat a bit. I think back to then though and she was just discovering her tongue and faffing about a bit.

#IWillMentionItTomorrowWhenSheGetsHerJabsDone
#IfIRemember

I forgot… probably because I wasn’t that worried.

#INeedToBuildMyConfidenceWithFeedingHerInPublic
#IAmSureIWouldHaveDoneItLoadsByNowIfThereWasNotAPandemic
#ButMaybeNot
#WhoKnows

I have done it a couple more times now. Once when we were out to lunch and another time at the park, but friends were feeding their babies too so I felt more relaxed. I would have probably been out more if there wasn’t a pandemic, but like I said, who knows?

#SometimesIGetStressedOutButSheOnlyHasVeryBasicNeedsRightNow

She needs to be fed, changed, put to bed, comforted, washed and played with. She sleeps for the majority of the day really.

#SheIsCurrentlyLyingBellyUpOnTiagosChestHiccupping

I think her favourite place (maybe not but she can’t tell us otherwise) is on Tiago’s chest; that’s where she does a lot of her tummy time.

#SheLooksQuiteSleepyButIGuessTheyAreKeepingHerUp
#SheHiccuppedALotInTheWomb
#HopefullyTheyWillStopSoonAndSheCanSleepALittle

I spelled hiccupped and hiccupping wrong. I put only one p for some reason. I should be better at spelling them considered she does it so much, but I can’t really spellcheck hashtags which is a bit annoying. It’s fine, I only have to correct the spelling in about 6 places when I realise. 👍

#SheIsTooCute
#IStillCanNotBelieveThatWeHaveABaby

I wonder when this feeling of ‘whoa, I have a baby’ will go away. I took a photo of B and I the other day, and it felt weird seeing myself with a baby. I’m feeling a lot more confident with looking after her though, which I guess you’d hope so by now…


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What B Sees (5th August 2020)

What B Sees (5th August 2020)
 
#IThoughtIWouldTakeAPictureOfHowILookWhenITalkToB
#YouKnowWithThatHighPitchedSingSongVoice
#ItFeelsABitAwkwardTalkingToBWhenWeAreOutAndAboutAlone
#TalkingToABabyWhoEveryoneCanSeeWillNotTalkBack
#ButSheWontBeTalkingBackForAWhileSoINeedToGetUsedToIt
#AtHomeIJustPullSillyFacesAndMakeUpSongsALot
#SheSmilesMoreNowWhichIsSuperNiceThoughItStillSeemsAtRandomTimesAndNotAtAnythingInParticular
#SheHadACheckUpAtTheDoctorsToday
#IWasNervousAboutGoingButWeWereTheOnlyOnesInTheWaitingRoom
#TheDoctorWasNiceAndIHadSpokenToHerOnThePhoneBefore
#ItIsSoGreatJustSendingInPhotosOfTheProblemAndNotHavingToWorryAboutGoing
#IHopeTheyKeepThisServiceForever
#AnywaysAllWasGoodApartFromHerHipClickingOnOneSide
#TheDoctorSaidSheWouldHaveReferredHerForItButSheAlreadyHasAnAppointmentAboutItLaterThisMonth
#ThatWasBecauseOfAReferralAfterBirthAsSheWasBornBreechAndIThinkAllBreechBabiesHaveThatCheck
#SheSaidToPutTwoNappiesOnBForNowAsTheyMightRecommendItAtTheAppointment
#TheDoctorApologisedForTalkingToBInTheSingSongBabyVoice
#ISaidNoNeedToApologise
#IHadAlreadyPlannedToDoThisShootBeforeWeWentToTheDoctorsButIfNotMaybeHerCommentWouldHaveMadeMeThinkAboutTakingAPhotoLikeThis
#AtTheDoctorsBWouldNotHaveSeenUsDoingTheWideMouthKindOfLookThoughAsWeWereWearingMasks
#TheDoctorSaidThatBIsTheMostAlert8WeekOldSheHasEverSeenButIAmSureSheSaysThatAboutAllTheBabies
#AfterwardsIBreastfedHerForTheFirstTimeInPublic
#ITookAPictureToMarkTheOccasionSoIMadeADifferentSetOfHashtagsForThatImage
#WeGotAPrescriptionForBabyParacetamolToGiveHerBeforeHerJabsTomorrow
#ThenWeWentOutForDinnerAgainToMakeTheMostOfTheGovernmentsEatOutOutToHelpOutScheme
#WeTryToChoosePlacesThatHaveALotOfSpaceAndWhereWeWillFeelMoreComfortable
#BSleptThroughItLikeSheDidLastNight
#IAmSureSheWillBeAwakeNextTimeButINeedToBuildUpMyConfidenceWithFeedingHerInPublic
#IHaveSaidBeforeThatIDoNotWantToGetChangedOrChangeMyAppearanceForTheseShoots
#SoIKeptMySunglassesOnMyHeadAsIWasStillWearingThemFromOurTripOutWhilstSettingUp

#IThoughtIWouldTakeAPictureOfHowILookWhenITalkToB
#YouKnowWithThatHighPitchedSingSongVoice

You know the voice. The one you talk to babies and animals with…

#ItFeelsABitAwkwardTalkingToBWhenWeAreOutAndAboutAlone
#TalkingToABabyWhoEveryoneCanSeeWillNotTalkBack
#ButSheWontBeTalkingBackForAWhileSoINeedToGetUsedToIt

I said that, but she actually is quite talkative in her own way. I made a video of her trying to sing yesterday, which is quite cute. She won’t be ‘talking talking’ for a long while, but she is already definitely trying.

#AtHomeIJustPullSillyFacesAndMakeUpSongsALot

I’ve posted a couple of songs (Milky Milky Moos and You’re My Baby) to my Instagram account. I should probably do another one soon…

#SheSmilesMoreNowWhichIsSuperNiceThoughItStillSeemsAtRandomTimesAndNotAtAnythingInParticular

She definitely smiles with a purpose now, which is really nice. She seems to smile more in the mornings, but maybe we are just imagining it.

#SheHadACheckUpAtTheDoctorsToday
#IWasNervousAboutGoingButWeWereTheOnlyOnesInTheWaitingRoom

It makes sense that places lock their doors to stop random people walking in, but I was awkwardly stood outside pressing a doorbell wondering if I had to call a number instead. Someone came to the door after a little while.

#TheDoctorWasNiceAndIHadSpokenToHerOnThePhoneBefore
#ItIsSoGreatJustSendingInPhotosOfTheProblemAndNotHavingToWorryAboutGoing
#IHopeTheyKeepThisServiceForever

I have mentioned this a few times already, but I really hope they do keep it. It’s super convenient and saves so much time.

#AnywaysAllWasGoodApartFromHerHipClickingOnOneSide
#TheDoctorSaidSheWouldHaveReferredHerForItButSheAlreadyHasAnAppointmentAboutItLaterThisMonth
#ThatWasBecauseOfAReferralAfterBirthAsSheWasBornBreechAndIThinkAllBreechBabiesHaveThatCheck
#SheSaidToPutTwoNappiesOnBForNowAsTheyMightRecommendItAtTheAppointment

Perhaps I should be more concerned about all of this, but I don’t see the point in getting stressed about it yet. I originally thought the appointment was the week after, but that was actually for her positional talipes (more commonly known as clubfoot – all was fine and she doesn’t need to be seen about it again). Hopefully because she will have been wearing double nappies for a few weeks by the time of her appointment it may have made a difference. I’m not entirely sure what it does, but looking online it might help the hip socket heal/put the hip back in the socket properly?

#TheDoctorApologisedForTalkingToBInTheSingSongBabyVoice
#ISaidNoNeedToApologise
#IHadAlreadyPlannedToDoThisShootBeforeWeWentToTheDoctorsButIfNotMaybeHerCommentWouldHaveMadeMeThinkAboutTakingAPhotoLikeThis

It’s quite funny seeing strangers interact with B, but it’s cute. It’s nice for her to get used to being around new people in a time when it is all a bit awkward.

#AtTheDoctorsBWouldNotHaveSeenUsDoingTheWideMouthKindOfLookThoughAsWeWereWearingMasks

I love when I smile at someone and then remember I’m wearing a mask, so they probably can’t tell. I wondered if the masks scare B, but they don’t seem to bother her. I guess she’s too young to care.

#TheDoctorSaidThatBIsTheMostAlert8WeekOldSheHasEverSeenButIAmSureSheSaysThatAboutAllTheBabies

Maybe, maybe not. I sometimes forget how young she is as she does seem older, but then again I don’t have much knowledge about young babies. I like that she spends a good amount of time awake and just chilling/daydreaming.

#AfterwardsIBreastfedHerForTheFirstTimeInPublic
#ITookAPictureToMarkTheOccasionSoIMadeADifferentSetOfHashtagsForThatImage

I was going to include it in this post, but I’ll save that fun for the next one.

#WeGotAPrescriptionForBabyParacetamolToGiveHerBeforeHerJabsTomorrow

Tiago was coming to meet us so he went and got the prescription. I still hadn’t been in a shop since March at this point.

They said to give her some before the appointment and then 4-6 hours afterwards.

#ThenWeWentOutForDinnerAgainToMakeTheMostOfTheGovernmentsEatOutOutToHelpOutScheme
#WeTryToChoosePlacesThatHaveALotOfSpaceAndWhereWeWillFeelMoreComfortable
#BSleptThroughItLikeSheDidLastNight

We went somewhere that had an outdoor area that was sheltered. It seems like some tables are quite close to others, but so far we have been quite lucky and sat a bit more to ourselves.

With her being asleep though I start to get a bit stressed towards the end as what if she wakes up just as we are about to leave? If she wakes up at the beginning or in the middle-ish it wouldn’t be so bad. We’ll deal with it when we get there though.

#IAmSureSheWillBeAwakeNextTimeButINeedToBuildUpMyConfidenceWithFeedingHerInPublic

Oh yeah she was, but it was fine and our confidence definitely got built a bit. She was awake for most of it and the service was slow, which was great as I gave us plenty of time to deal with her needs.

#IHaveSaidBeforeThatIDoNotWantToGetChangedOrChangeMyAppearanceForTheseShoots
#SoIKeptMySunglassesOnMyHeadAsIWasStillWearingThemFromOurTripOutWhilstSettingUp

I originally chose a photo where my hair was quite tidy, but T and my younger sister both preferred this one. I then realised that this is a more accurate depiction of how I generally look – my hair is usually in a mess and rarely washed. Today I washed my hair and it was starting to matt underneath, so it looks like I will be brushing it more from now on…


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Stuck (Don’t Wake The Baby) (4th August 2020)

A true story…

Stuck (Don’t Wake The Baby) (4th August 2020)
 
Don’t wake the baby
 
I want to make lunch 
 
Don’t wake the baby 
 
I want to get up 
 
Don’t wake the baby 
 
My phone’s about to die 
 
Don’t wake the baby 
 
My arm is stuck 
 
Don’t wake the baby 
 
I removed my arm 
 
Don’t wake the baby 
 
I woke the baby 

B fell asleep on me and I wanted to make lunch and plug my phone in, but my arm was stuck and I didn’t want to make her up. Obviously I woke her up when I eventually removed my arm.

Pre-baby we had a personal joke where when I walked into a room and T was sleeping/had his eyes closed, I’d whisper ‘shh, don’t wake the baby’.

Now he’s not the baby though and it is often used for when he walks into the room and B has finally fallen asleep, but he wants to play with her or give her affection. The phrase has been changed to ‘shh, don’t you dare wake the baby’ though.


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Baby Fingernails, Stubbed Toe (24th July 2020)

Baby Fingernails, Stubbed Toe (24th July 2020)
 
#IWasThinkingOfTakingAPhotoOfHerHandOnMyHand
#ButThenIRememberedThatIStubbedMyToeBadlyOnTheSofaLegYesterday
#SoIPutMyToeNextToHerHandInsteadObviously
#MaybeYouCanSeeHowBadlyICutHerFingerNailsLastNight
#NotBadForTheFirstAttemptReally
#IHadBeenFilingThemButTheyWereStillQuiteLongAndSharp
#AndSheHasReallyBadMilkSpotsAtTheMomentSoIDoNotWantHerScratching
#AndIDoNotLikePuttingTheMittenPartOfHerOnesiesOverHerHandsAllTheTime
#AsPerhapsSheJustWantsHerHandsToBeFree
#SheLikesToSleepWithHerArmsOutWideOrAboveHerHead
#ICalledTheDoctorsAboutHerSpotsAsTheyLookedReallyBadLastNight
#ItIsTheSecondTimeIHaveHadToCallTheDoctorsForHer
#TheFirstTimeWasBecauseHerEyeLookedSwollenAndIHaveToDoATearDuctMassage
#BothTimesIHaveJustHadToSendPhotosAndIHopeAppointmentsLikeThisContinue
#AsGoingToTheDoctorsForTheseThingsWouldBeSoStressfulAndTakeSoMuchTime
#IHadAQuickShowerThenTheBuildingsFireAlarmStartedToGoOffAsIWasGettingDressed
#TiagoIsOutAtWorkForTheSecondTimeSinceLockdown
#BWasAsleepAndIGotStressedOutThinkingAboutWhatINeededToDoToGetHerReadyToGoOutside
#NextTimeIWouldJustTakeHerAsSheIsAndGrabSomeStuffForInCaseWeWereOutsideForALongTime
#IWaitedAFewMinutesThenHeardVoicesInTheCorridor
#SomeNeighboursWereChattingAndACoupleWereGoingDownstairs
#ISaidIHaveASmallBabyAndIWasHesitantToLeaveTheFlat
#TheyProbablyThoughtIWasAnIdiotAsSurelyWithABabyThatIsMoreOfAReasonToLeave
#TheySaidTheyCouldKnockOnMyDoorIfEverythingWasOkayButObviouslyTheyWouldNotIfItWasNotOkay
#ISaidDoNotWorryIWillJustComeDownstairs
#IWasLookingForwardToMeetingSomeOfMyNeighboursAsIDoNotKnowThem
#IStartedToGetUsReadyAndThenItStopped
#TheGuyKnockedToSayNotToBotherAndIShouldHaveAskedHimHisName
#IHaveSeenHimOnceBeforeSoHopefullyIWillSeeHimAndIPresumeHisGirlfriendAgainSoon
#ThenIThoughtIWouldDoThisShootWhilstBWasStillAsleepOnTheBed
 

#IWasThinkingOfTakingAPhotoOfHerHandOnMyHand

I had imagined a nice, cute picture of her hand on mine recording the difference in size. I’ll have to do it some other time.

#ButThenIRememberedThatIStubbedMyToeBadlyOnTheSofaLegYesterday
#SoIPutMyToeNextToHerHandInsteadObviously

But of course I’m the kind of person who then stubs their toe and thinks that I should put it next to my baby’s hand instead. It doesn’t even really look that bad in the picture, but it got worse as the day went on.

I stub my toes quite a lot, though I thought I hadn’t hit it as hard as previous times but afterwards it hurt more. I had moved the sofa to do dance videos and there was less space to walk by it than usual, so obviously the one time I’m not wearing my sandals I kick the sofa leg. I usually hurt them on the bed or something. Perhaps it doesn’t look that bad because the bedsheet is more purple.

(My feet looks quite tanned compared to B’s hand. I guess I’ve been wearing sandals a lot and B isn’t in the sun very much.)

#MaybeYouCanSeeHowBadlyICutHerFingerNailsLastNight
#NotBadForTheFirstAttemptReally
#IHadBeenFilingThemButTheyWereStillQuiteLongAndSharp

I’ve cut them again since, but I think I did a better job that time; I need to start cutting them and then filing them. She’s started to grab me a bit more, so I probably should for our safety.

#AndSheHasReallyBadMilkSpotsAtTheMomentSoIDoNotWantHerScratching

Oh those milk spots. I said in my last post that in a few posts time I’ll talk about crying again. Well her skin problems were the main reason why I got upset…

#AndIDoNotLikePuttingTheMittenPartOfHerOnesiesOverHerHandsAllTheTime
#AsPerhapsSheJustWantsHerHandsToBeFree

I feel like I’m depriving her by putting them away all the time; I should only really do it when she sleeps. I haven’t used the mittens in a while though…

#SheLikesToSleepWithHerArmsOutWideOrAboveHerHead

So adorable. We did swaddle her more in the beginning and we thought about buying a swaddle rather than using a blanket, but we haven’t done it in a while either.

#ICalledTheDoctorsAboutHerSpotsAsTheyLookedReallyBadLastNight

She just said to use some cream if the skin feels dry and that milk spots are super common.

#TheFirstTimeWasBecauseHerEyeLookedSwollenAndIHaveToDoATearDuctMassage

She had probably been scratching it, but her eyes get gunky and I have to clean them a lot. Their tear ducts get blocked easily at this age. It seems to be getting bad again, so I need to keep doing this massage:

#BothTimesIHaveJustHadToSendPhotosAndIHopeAppointmentsLikeThisContinue
#AsGoingToTheDoctorsForTheseThingsWouldBeSoStressfulAndTakeSoMuchTime

I’ve mentioned how great doctor’s appointments are near me at the moment a few times on this blog (I’m sure it’s a similar situation in the rest of the UK, but I don’t know for sure). It must be better for doctors with less people missing appointments/being late, and like I said I don’t have to stress about leaving home. Speaking of stressed about leaving home…

#IHadAQuickShowerThenTheBuildingsFireAlarmStartedToGoOffAsIWasGettingDressed
#TiagoIsOutAtWorkForTheSecondTimeSinceLockdown
#BWasAsleepAndIGotStressedOutThinkingAboutWhatINeededToDoToGetHerReadyToGoOutside

Of course I had just gotten out of the shower and was getting dressed when it went off. I had never heard it go off before. I just kind of froze in panic. It would have been different if Tiago was there, but obviously he wasn’t. I just didn’t know what to do.

Do I carry her? Put her in a carrier? Put her in a car seat? Put her in the pushchair? Do I put her in a cardigan? Do I change her clothes? Do I bring a bottle in case I feel awkward feeding her? What if we are out there for hours?

#NextTimeIWouldJustTakeHerAsSheIsAndGrabSomeStuffForInCaseWeWereOutsideForALongTime

I should have just grabbed some stuff quickly, put it in a bag and sorted her out once we got outside. Hopefully I won’t have to worry about it again, but next time I’d just get us out ASAP as you never know if it’s real or not.

(Then perhaps too many unnecessary hashtags about me interacting with neighbours/wanting to interact with neighbours.)

I saw two next door neighbours once during lockdown and I wasn’t even sure if they were the neighbours I’d seen before. I don’t know if they noticed that I was pregnant. Were they surprised to hear a baby a few months later? The other next door neighbour/s I might have seen once but I don’t remember. I feel like the one I saw a bit moved out. It’s a shame as in London we knew one neighbour and I thought we would know more here. The day that we moved in we chatted to a guy who lived in our building and he seemed nice, but we haven’t seen him since. So yeah, I’d be keen to know our neighbours more.

The way we spoke to people in our last building was by looking after their post, because it used to get stolen a lot. Here it doesn’t seem to be a problem though…

#ThenIThoughtIWouldDoThisShootWhilstBWasStillAsleepOnTheBed

The alarm was going off right outside our door, so I was also worried about subjecting B to that noise. How she slept through it all I don’t know, but she did and we did a shoot. Hurrah!


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It Feels So Good To Lie On My Front Again (Maybe Not On A Wooden Floor Though) (21st July 2020)

When I wrote the hashtags I gave the image the temporary name of ‘Lying on my front again is so weird’. Sometimes the temporary name becomes permanent or often it’s just a reminder to think of something else along those lines.

Lying on my front again was weird, but I am also loving it – which isn’t so obvious through the image as showcasing a new love by lying on a hard wooden floor probably wasn’t the best idea.

It Feels So Good To Lie On My Front Again (Maybe Not On A Wooden Floor Though) (21st July 2020)
 
#IAmWritingTheseHashtagsBeforeIDoTheShootAgain
#BWillNotBeByHerselfMuchToday
#SheFinallyWentForASleepInACarrierWhilstIWentForAWalkAndWentToThePhotoGalleryToSeeACoupleOfFriendsWhoWorkThere
#TheyWereInTheirMasksAndTheGalleryStillWillNotOpenForACoupleOfMonths
#SoIAmWritingThisWithMyStandUpDeskThingWhileSheIsAsleepInHerCarrier
#IMightNotBeAbleToPutHerDownLongEnoughToDoAShoot
#AndThisIsTheFirstDayThatTiagoHasGoneToSomethingWorkRelatedOutsideOfTheFlatSinceMarch
#SoIMightHaveToWaitUntilLateTonightOrUntilTomorrow
#IAmGuessingThisPhotoWillShowMeLyingOMyFront
#INeverSleptOnMyFrontMuchThoughMaybeIDidButIDidNotHaveToThinkAboutIt
#BeingPregnantYouThinkAboutHowYouAreLyingALot
#LuckilyIWasMoreOfASideSleeperButItIsSaidThatLyingOnYourLeftIsTheBestWayToSleep
#AsItHelpsWithBloodFlowAndStuff
#IWantedToLieOnMyFrontAtTimesButObviouslyItWasImpossible
#AndIWouldWakeUpOnMyBackALot
#ProbablyBecauseOfMovingInMySleepAndTheWeightOfMyBumpTippingMeOver
#OrBecauseIJustWantedToLieOnMyBack
#WhenIWasInHospitalAfterGivingBirthITriedToLieOnMyFrontButItWasStillTooWeird
#MyUterusWasShrinkingDownForAGoodWhile
#IFirstLayOnMyFrontABitACoupleOrSoWeeksAgoWhenIDidAPostNatalExerciseVideoForTheFirstTime
#DoingAPlankFeltWeirdButThenDoingChaturangaAndBabyCobraWasOdd
#NowILikeToLieOnMyFrontABitInBed
#ThoughIfMyBoobsAreFullOfMilkItIsAlsoPainful
#IThinkMyStitchesMustHaveHealedByNowButILikeToBringMyKneeUpToo
#WhichIsPerhapsABitMuchButINeedToStretchEverythingOutIGuess
#IAmStillBleedingALittleLittleBit
#ThoughIWasWorriedItWouldBePeriodLikePainFor6WeeksButIDoNotFeelAnything
#IJustSearchedPeriodsAndBreastfeeding
#ApparentlyTheBleedingIsCalledLochiaIndItIsAMixOfBloodMucusAndTissueFromTheLiningOfTheUterus
#BreastfeedingAffectsYourPeriodSoWhoKnowsWhenIWillHaveAPeriodAgainButIAmNotLookingForwardToIt

It took me a bit of time to choose which image I wanted to use to represent the hashtags, but in the end I went for this one (obviously). I like the awkward hand peering out, though I’m not a fan of my remote being in shot. Tyra Banks would also be annoyed at my lack of neck, but whatever.

Bonus image:

It Feels So Good To Lie On My Front Again (Maybe Not On A Wooden Floor Though) (21st July 2020) II  

I just took it to test out where the camera was pointed, but I quite liked it. The stain on my dress (maybe I’d just done the washing up actually?) and my space socks. I only just realised today that one of them is inside out, which I guess says a lot about getting dressed with a young baby. The inside out sock was what sold having to post it.

So, expanding on some hashtags:

#BWillNotBeByHerselfMuchToday

I had to read this a few times. I was like why won’t she? Why wouldn’t she? But reading on I realised that I meant she wouldn’t stay by herself much without getting upset.

#SheFinallyWentForASleepInACarrierWhilstIWentForAWalkAndWentToThePhotoGalleryToSeeACoupleOfFriendsWhoWorkThere
#TheyWereInTheirMasksAndTheGalleryStillWillNotOpenForACoupleOfMonths

It was nice to see them, though it’s odd to go to a place that you used to go to a lot before and realise how much the world has changed – people in masks, it being closed for now etc. I’d said to them that when my baby was born I was going to stop by a lot to see them and to make sure I was getting out for a walk. I’ve only stopped by a couple of times so far, but hopefully that will change soon.

#SoIAmWritingThisWithMyStandUpDeskThingWhileSheIsAsleepInHerCarrier

At one point I was putting a little table on top of the dining table in order to be able to work standing up, but then a laptop stand that I ordered on Kickstarter MONTHS before arrived. I use both of them these days; I used the little table the other day to edit my dance videos whilst B was in a wrap. She fell asleep whilst I danced and I wanted to sort stuff out whilst she continued to sleep. I was worried that if I put her down she would wake up and I wouldn’t get stuff done for a while.

#IMightNotBeAbleToPutHerDownLongEnoughToDoAShoot

It looks like I managed to do the shoot an hour later (I couldn’t remember, I had to check when files were made).

#AndThisIsTheFirstDayThatTiagoHasGoneToSomethingWorkRelatedOutsideOfTheFlatSinceMarch

It was weird having him leave the flat to go to work. Luckily I had enough time to adapt to having a baby to not be totally freaked out. It was fine really.

#IAmGuessingThisPhotoWillShowMeLyingOMyFront

Correct. (Obviously you know that I just felt like saying that. I say obviously too much in these posts.)

#INeverSleptOnMyFrontMuchThoughMaybeIDidButIDidNotHaveToThinkAboutIt
#BeingPregnantYouThinkAboutHowYouAreLyingALot

I don’t think I slept on my front much, but like I said I never really thought about it so maybe I did. Perhaps I did as I had an urge to lie on my front from time to time, as I mention in the #IWantedToLieOnMyFrontAtTimesButObviouslyItWasImpossible hashtag.

#LuckilyIWasMoreOfASideSleeperButItIsSaidThatLyingOnYourLeftIsTheBestWayToSleep
#AsItHelpsWithBloodFlowAndStuff

Looking online it says it’s to do with a large vein down your back on the right side called the vena cava. It carries blood to your heart, which then goes to the baby. Apparently lying on your left side also helps with kidney and liver function, which means you should get less swelling in your ankles, feet and hands. I didn’t have much swelling, but I thought it might have been down to exercising a few times a day?

#AndIWouldWakeUpOnMyBackALot
#ProbablyBecauseOfMovingInMySleepAndTheWeightOfMyBumpTippingMeOver
#OrBecauseIJustWantedToLieOnMyBack

It would freak me out when I woke up on my back, though at times I was too tired to register how I had slept. I guess you’d know if you really had to roll over ASAP, but I mainly tried to sleep on my left until it was uncomfortable and I’d have to sit up to be able to switch to my right.

#WhenIWasInHospitalAfterGivingBirthITriedToLieOnMyFrontButItWasStillTooWeird

It was sooo weird. I think I also tried to lie on my back, but that also made my belly feel strange.

#IFirstLayOnMyFrontABitACoupleOrSoWeeksAgoWhenIDidAPostNatalExerciseVideoForTheFirstTime #DoingAPlankFeltWeirdButThenDoingChaturangaAndBabyCobraWasOdd

I was on a mat on the wooden floor and it felt pretty hard, and just really odd doing things that I hadn’t done for a long time. I think I’ve tried to go back to ‘normal’ exercise too quickly. I was doing a 30 days of yoga thing recently, but then I read more about Diastasis Recti and I think I need to work on closing that gap still.

The video above explains it a bit. I was doing it a while ago, but I didn’t take it that seriously.

Then I watched this video:

And I thought I better change these habits. I didn’t think that I was picking B up like how she demonstrates is wrong, but then I caught myself doing it 2 times today. I also haven’t been rolling to my side first, so that’s changing, and it also mentions slouching whilst feeding. If she had seen how I was feeding in hospital she would have been appalled… I slouch a lot though so I’m trying to correct that.

I’ve been using an app to remind me to do Kegels, and I think that may have helped a bit. I’m not sure, but at the hospital they said to do 10 sets of 10 today unless I want to regret not doing it when I’m older. I think it has made a difference as thinking about it lately when I’ve sneezed I haven’t been like ‘that was a close call’.

#NowILikeToLieOnMyFrontABitInBed
#ThoughIfMyBoobsAreFullOfMilkItIsAlsoPainful

These days I fall asleep on my front with my arms hugging the underside of my pillow a lot. I have to move my boobs up to the pillow a bit more if they feel sore. That’s the start of a rhyme…

#IThinkMyStitchesMustHaveHealedByNowButILikeToBringMyKneeUpToo
#WhichIsPerhapsABitMuchButINeedToStretchEverythingOutIGuess

At an 8 week check-up they said they’d healed well, but there is a bit of scar tissue. Hopefully that will soften up.

#ApparentlyTheBleedingIsCalledLochiaIndItIsAMixOfBloodMucusAndTissueFromTheLiningOfTheUterus

I love learning new facts by researching when writing hashtags, though I didn’t learn about the vena cava until today…

#BreastfeedingAffectsYourPeriodSoWhoKnowsWhenIWillHaveAPeriodAgainButIAmNotLookingForwardToIt

The doctor at my 8 week check said that breastfeeding can act as a natural contraceptive, but she recommends using other forms. I wouldn’t take the risk, particularly after hearing that a woman opposite me on the hospital ward was breastfeeding her newborn, whilst her 10 month old baby was at home. Maybe it was her plan, but I highly doubt it. If you don’t want that to be the case for you, then I’d suggest that you play safe…


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Crying In My Nan’s Kitchen (16th July 2020)

Like yesterday’s post, this is also awkward to share.

I’m glad that I only (currently) have to talk about me crying once more and it’s not for another 5 more posts.

Crying In My Nan’s Kitchen (16th July 2020)
 
 
Just had a cry in the kitchen. I was sorting out lunch and I ate all my food in there too.
 
I’m visiting family and I don’t like being told that I’m doing things wrong or don’t know what is wrong with my own baby. 
 
Okay I don’t know everything, but baby acne is a thing. And how I’m feeling goes beyond this one incident, it’s not the first time I’ve felt judged. 
 
My life has completely changed, whereas Tiago has his job still. I have my art still, but with writing and pictures like this it makes me feel like I’m just making work about my own failures.
 
I produce her food so feeding is stressful for me – am I producing enough milk? – whereas Tiago does not have the same feelings around it. 
 
I have started to breastfeed her more, which I guess is odd as by now people are perhaps doing the opposite – she is now 5 weeks old. Though tomorrow all her meals could just be delivered via bottle again. It depends on how me and my nipples are feeling. 
 
I just want to sleep. I wake up feeling knackered, but then I feel so wide awake.
 
I’m writing this as B snuffles on my boob and I need to take more time to appreciate her, as she has already grown up so fast. 
 
Maybe making a project isn’t the best use of my time, but I need it to still feel like me and hopefully saying this stuff out loud in its full awkwardness will help someone else.

I’m elegantly wiping my nose in the photo, though I’ve just realised that it fits my love of hands in pictures. I like when they appear looking a bit odd. I’m guessing I probably was quite aware of how my hand looked. You can also see the long fingernail that in the end I cut as I was worried that I was going to accidentally poke B in the eye with it…

I wrote the text on my phone as I was upset and just wanted to write quickly, so I decided to not think about it in hashtags form. I could have changed it to be that way, but like I’ve said before with this project I want to experiment with different forms of writing if I feel like it.

So to comment on the text:

Just had a cry in the kitchen. I was sorting out lunch and I ate all my food in there too.

I cried in the kitchen, but I took the photo in the utility room, which is next to it. You don’t need to know that really, but in case someone who has been there is reading this I don’t want them to be like ‘excuse me but…’. Why did I take it there? I think I naturally gravitate towards a blank wall to take pictures and this was the nearest blank wall that meant I wasn’t showing my tears to anyone else. (Though I didn’t stand right next to it, so there is a bit of mirror creeping in but it makes the location more identifiable for me at least.) I think I also wrote the text in that room.

I ate my food in the kitchen as I wanted to stop crying before I sat down, and it obviously took me a while to.
 
I’m visiting family and I don’t like being told that I’m doing things wrong or don’t know what is wrong with my own baby. 
Okay I don’t know everything, but baby acne is a thing. And how I’m feeling goes beyond this one incident, it’s not the first time I’ve felt judged. 

So B had a lot of milk spots (later confirmed by the doctor) and my Nan had never heard of them. They weren’t lovely to look at, but they got a lot worse in the week after (which is partially why I have another crying post). Milk spots are super common and don’t need any treatment, but after feeling not very confident with my mothering feeling judged about them really didn’t help.

It was hard after just being at home feeling like our parenting skills were being watched closely (as even usual people who would visit at/by this point like the health visitor weren’t able to because of Covid). I know people mean well when they give advice, but it’s not always welcome. Particularly if the baby is all well and good.
 
My life has completely changed, whereas Tiago has his job still. I have my art still, but with writing and pictures like this it makes me feel like I’m just making work about my own failures.

I guess it’s understandable that I initially found my new life weird and somewhat hard. It’s a massive life shift after things were pretty much the same for years and years (even with moving from London to Liverpool my life didn’t change that much). I realised during lockdown that I wouldn’t even get some kind of goodbye to my pre-baby life. I had done things for the last time whilst not being a mother that I hadn’t even realised were my last time – just simple things like going to a restaurant, to a gallery, to the cinema, on holiday etc. I’m not really upset about it, but it was a weird realisation.
 
I produce her food so feeding is stressful for me – am I producing enough milk? – whereas Tiago does not have the same feelings around it. 

Things will be different when she starts to eat ‘normal’ food, but for now it is kind of odd that she relies on me to produce what she eats/drinks. Obviously formula exists, but for now I provide her food. It really is bizarre, but kind of cool.
 
I have started to breastfeed her more, which I guess is odd as by now people are perhaps doing the opposite – she is now 5 weeks old. Though tomorrow all her meals could just be delivered via bottle again. It depends on how me and my nipples are feeling. 

It doesn’t matter what other people are doing. I am mainly breastfeeding her, but Tiago is again bottle feeding her whilst I write this. Fun fact: I haven’t put nipple cream on for a few days now so they must be hardening up. I remember a ‘Mum friend’ saying the other week that she doesn’t need to use it anymore and I was like ‘whoa’. I guess it’s not a big deal, but it’s been a noticeable thing for me. Before I used to rush to put it on after every feed.
 
I just want to sleep. I wake up feeling knackered, but then I feel so wide awake.

Yeah, I want to sleep now. This morning T bottle fed her whilst I slept a bit longer, but usually I wake up and sort B out and plan to go back to sleep. By the time I can sleep again though I’m usually feeling super awake.
 
I’m writing this as B snuffles on my boob and I need to take more time to appreciate her, as she has already grown up so fast. 

We saw a friend today and she said how tiny B is, but B seems so big to me now. She’s definitely growing and changing day by day. I’m excited for the future, but I also don’t want her to grow up too fast.
 

Maybe making a project isn’t the best use of my time, but I need it to still feel like me and hopefully saying this stuff out loud in its full awkwardness will help someone else.

It is definitely therapeutic making my project and doing it makes me feel like me. This is what I do. I make work about myself and my life, gradually getting more honest about things and feeling more awkward about it. Though the project has changed, making my artwork is the main consistent thing that connects me to my ‘past life’.

I feel less apologetic about making this project though. ‘Oh Me, Oh Mãe’ (the title of it) and my pregnancy project are perhaps more relatable than previous series and I sincerely hope they might help someone.

I’ve learned so much since becoming pregnant – a bit about myself, but a lot about the human body. Things that you don’t really get told about until you ‘join the club’ or maybe I just was ignorant to a lot of things before.

It’s still early days and I have a lot to learn, but I’m excited. I just need to keep up a good life balance (as best as I can) and learn to rest more. Fingers crossed.


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My Baby Is A Brick Wall (14th July 2020)

Whether to have the title as a simile or a metaphor? I went with metaphor…

My Baby Is A Brick Wall (14th July 2020)
 
#IHaveBeenABitEmotionalThisMorning
#IFeelABitDetachedFromBAtTimes
#WhilstTiagoSaysHeCanNotBelieveHowMuchHeIsInLoveWithHer
#IAmHappyHeFeelsThisWayAboutHer
#IHaveNeverBeenAMassiveFanOfNewbornsAsIFeelLikeTheyDoNotDoMuch
#ThoughIHaveAlwaysSaidItMustBeDifferentWhenItIsYourOwnChildAsYouSeeTheSmallChanges
#IThinkWhatIFindMostDifficultIsThatIFeelLikeIAmNotGettingMuchBackFromHerEmotionally
#SheIsStartingToSmileThoughIThinkItIsMostlyOnAccident
#WhenSheSmilesPurposefullyIThinkIWillFeelDifferentAsAtTheMomentItFeelsLikeSheIsABrickWall
#ILoveToMakePeopleLaughAndThereIsNoBetterSoundInTheWorldThanABabyLaughing
#IFindMyselfPullingTheSameFacesAndDoingThingsThatMakeMyNieceLaughAndIGetNothingOrAFrownBackFromB
#IJustHadAnOnlineSearchAndGigglingIsFromMonth3Or4AndSheIsJust1Month
#ThePurposefulSmilesStartBetween6And12Weeks
#IGuessWeKnowWhenSheIsContentWhichIsWhenSheIsNotCrying
#ButINeedMoreOfAnIndicationThatIAmDoingAGoodJob
#ISupposeIJustHaveToWaitAndMaybeLaterIWillFeelBetter
#IAlsoFeelGuiltyThatWeHaveStartedToGiveHerADummy
#ThoughIOnlyFeelGuiltyAsIWorryWhatPeopleThink
#IKnowItIsTheBestThingForMyFamily
#PeopleCanBeSoJudgmentalAboutAllThingsParentingAndLifeInGeneral
#IfWeWantAdviceWeWillAskForIt
#WeStartedToGiveHerADummyAsSheWasAlwaysJustRestingWithTheBottleTeatOrANippleInHerMouthAndNotDrinking
#INeverHadADummyAsABabyButISuckedMyThumbAndTwiddledMyHairALotInstead
#IAlsoToldTiagoThatINeedABitMoreAttention
#AGoodHugBeforeSleepOrWhateverAsItMakesABigDifferenceToMe
#IGuessIDoGetABitJealousSeeingBGetAllHisAttention
#ThatSeemsHardToAdmitButMostlyBecauseIKnowOneDayIWillShareAllOfThis
#TheLastFewDaysIHaveStartedToReadToBMoreToMakeSureIHaveSomeGoodQualityTimeWithHer
#ItFeelsLikeSettingUpABlogWasNotTheSmartestThingToDoRightNowButIGuessItIsBecauseIPutTooMuchPressureOnMyselfAndItShouldBeMoreCasual
#IThinkIFeelRubbishBecauseThisIsMyFirstShootInNearlyAWeekAndIFeelMyWorstWhenIAmNotMakingWork

Sometimes I focus so much on explaining the hashtags that I forget to talk about the photos (I am writing this after I already pressed publish.)

The idea with the picture is that I’m looking away/facing a wall and not showing you the expression on my face. I wasn’t trying to hide a teary face or anything, it just seemed fitting.

(You can also see how long the nail was on the little finger of my left hand. It looked horrible, but it became a weird thing of ‘how long can I grow this’, but I cut my nails in the end as I was worried that I would poke her in the eye with one of them.)

#IFeelABitDetachedFromBAtTimes

I have been thinking about this a bit and I think this is another reason why I chose to express rather than breastfeed so much. This meant that Tiago could feed her more and it allowed me to keep my distance. Perhaps I was overwhelmed, which seems understandable.

I think it was just such a bizarre thing and I couldn’t get my head around the fact that I had grown a human inside me and now they were here demanding my attention and my body. I hadn’t needed to be this responsible in my whole life and now I had to be. I hope she doesn’t read this in the future and think I disliked her or something. I just needed some time to adjust and get my head around her existence and what was expected of me, and now I have.

I say think too much. Sometimes I am not sure, but other times I know and I try to distance myself from my feelings a little. It is hard saying things about myself that make me look bad, but as always I admit it in hope that it helps someone else.

#WhilstTiagoSaysHeCanNotBelieveHowMuchHeIsInLoveWithHer

Tiago stepped up, whereas I stepped back. I’m so glad she has such a loving father. (I’m getting emotional writing this.)

#IHaveNeverBeenAMassiveFanOfNewbornsAsIFeelLikeTheyDoNotDoMuch #ThoughIHaveAlwaysSaidItMustBeDifferentWhenItIsYourOwnChildAsYouSeeTheSmallChanges

Yep. In the past people I know had babies and I ran away a bit. To be fair it was because I thought they wanted time to be in a baby bubble, but after having a kid myself I was keen to get out and socialise though I didn’t always feel confident. (Covid got and still gets in the way of this though.) I also just didn’t feel confident around newborns, even though I was 10+ when my little sister was born and I was confident with her then. That was a long time ago though. I felt nervous holding my niece and being around her when she was 6 months old, but I quickly got used to her to be fair.

I just need time to adapt, though sometimes I only need minutes and other times I need weeks apparently. Sleep deprivation probably didn’t help speed things up either.

#IThinkWhatIFindMostDifficultIsThatIFeelLikeIAmNotGettingMuchBackFromHerEmotionally
#SheIsStartingToSmileThoughIThinkItIsMostlyOnAccident
#WhenSheSmilesPurposefullyIThinkIWillFeelDifferentAsAtTheMomentItFeelsLikeSheIsABrickWall

Oh I used a simile for the hashtag, but a metaphor for the title. Interesting. Having her smile and react to me really is amazing though and it has made a huge difference.

This afternoon I was singing her Old MacDonald Had A Farm (as an app I have said it’s good for them to see the shapes your mouth pulls) and then Hey Baby by DJ Otzi (quite randomly, not sure where that song came from in my head). Whilst I was singing she was staring at me intently and then started to touch my face a lot. Maybe the face touching was not that intentional, but it seemed like she was exploring my face.

#ILoveToMakePeopleLaughAndThereIsNoBetterSoundInTheWorldThanABabyLaughing #IFindMyselfPullingTheSameFacesAndDoingThingsThatMakeMyNieceLaughAndIGetNothingOrAFrownBackFromB
#IJustHadAnOnlineSearchAndGigglingIsFromMonth3Or4AndSheIsJust1Month

I really can’t wait until she giggles. A health visitor came today and they asked if B is chuckling. I said no, but she said she meant looking like she was chuckling but not making the sound. She does do that at times.

She is over 2 months now so it’s not too long to wait! It was nice to just have a good playtime with her this afternoon, and now that I am writing these blog posts in the evening when Tiago looks after her for a bit I feel more relaxed in the day.

#ISupposeIJustHaveToWaitAndMaybeLaterIWillFeelBetter

I definitely feel better. I haven’t cried in 2 weeks, which was probably close to when she started to smile properly. I’ve also got a better work/life balance going on at the moment and I’m feeling productive. This answers the last hashtag (#IThinkIFeelRubbishBecauseThisIsMyFirstShootInNearlyAWeekAndIFeelMyWorstWhenIAmNotMakingWork).

#IAlsoFeelGuiltyThatWeHaveStartedToGiveHerADummy #ThoughIOnlyFeelGuiltyAsIWorryWhatPeopleThink
#IKnowItIsTheBestThingForMyFamil
y

Like I said yesterday I don’t feel bad about this anymore. It is the best thing for my family.

#PeopleCanBeSoJudgmentalAboutAllThingsParentingAndLifeInGeneral
#IfWeWantAdviceWeWillAskForIt

Just realised that I spelt judgmental wrong (I put judgemental) and so I had to replace it in 6 places… but yeah people are judgmental and I judge people too, though I’m trying to do less of that. I generally try to put myself in other people’s shoes and think about how they feel and why they act the way they do or do certain things.

#IAlsoToldTiagoThatINeedABitMoreAttention
#AGoodHugBeforeSleepOrWhateverAsItMakesABigDifferenceToMe
#IGuessIDoGetABitJealousSeeingBGetAllHisAttention
#ThatSeemsHardToAdmitButMostlyBecauseIKnowOneDayIWillShareAllOfThis

It definitely is hard admitting this stuff/saying it out loud to a possible audience. I thought about deleting it but it defeats the point of this blog really. I know I’m not the first person to feel this way and so it feels somewhat important to share it. When I say jealous though it’s not in a mean/hateful way though, it’s more of a casual jealousy if that makes sense?

Maybe this is why I felt distant too? Now we sometimes have good quality time as a family. It’ll be nice when she is the age where she can give and receive hugs properly. Family hugs! (heart emoji)

#TheLastFewDaysIHaveStartedToReadToBMoreToMakeSureIHaveSomeGoodQualityTimeWithHer

Yep, quality time. So important. I find myself singing the books to her and like I said I sang to her a lot earlier. I think my singing voice is getting a little better which is a nice side effect, though maybe I really sound like a screeching cat. I think quality time will get even more special as she gets older and responds more. If she’s how she is now after 9 weeks, then I know she will be doing so much more very soon. It’s exciting! These hashtags are quite negative, but I really am more positive about everything and more excited about watching her grow.

#ItFeelsLikeSettingUpABlogWasNotTheSmartestThingToDoRightNowButIGuessItIsBecauseIPutTooMuchPressureOnMyselfAndItShouldBeMoreCasual

Referencing my blog in my work, how fun. I definitely feel like I’m enjoying the blog more these days though. This is post 14 of the current 27 that need to be made, so at this rate it will probably take me at least 3 weeks to catch up on myself depending on how much I shoot and if I skip some days.

This blog is a really good exercise in just saying what I think as I don’t have time to make up lies or skip around things too much.

The hashtags are a good exercise in themselves, but expanding on them like I do in this blog is another level in terms of pushing myself out of my comfort zone and feeling confident with my words.

Hearing friends who just had babies say that they read certain blog posts really pushes me on too.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

With My Child In My Childhood Home (6th July 2020)

With My Child In My Childhood Home (6th July 2020)
 
#ItIsNowJulyAndIHadNotSeenMyParentsSinceFebruary
#AndTheyHaveNowObviouslyMetBForTheFirstTime
#MyYoungerSisterCameToStayWithMeAndTTheWeekendBeforeLockdownStarted
#AndIHadNotSeenMyNanSinceMarch
#IWasWorriedThatSheMightDieBeforeWeSawHerAgainAndNeverGetToMeetB
#SheLooksReallyWellAndMaybeThatIsPartlyDownToHerEnthusiasmAtMeetingNewFamilyMembers
#MeTAndBHaveBeenAtMyParentsHouseForAFewDaysNow
#ThisIsTheLongestIHaveStayedHereInALongTime
#WeUsuallyStayWithMyNanAndWithTBeingAbleToWorkFromHomeItIsOkayToStayABitLonger
#YesterdayACoupleOfFriendsCameRoundAndLifeFeltSomewhatNormal
#ThoughTheyHaveNotSatAtMyParentsHouseBefore
#UsuallyWeMeetAtAPubOrSomething
#APubOrAnywhereWithLotsOfStrangersIsTheLastPlaceIWantToBeRightNow
#BJustStayedInMyLapSleepingTheWholeTime
#ItIsEasyToForgetThatIAmAMotherSometimes
#ThoughSheLetsMeKnowAtNightWhenIAmUpAndDownUntilSheFinallyStopsFeedingAndSleeps
#SomeNightsSheJustWakesOnce
#OtherNightsItIsOften
#SheHasChangedALotInTheLastFewDays
#SheIsMoreAlertAndWatchesThingsLikeTheTreesBlowing
#ItIsNiceToBeAtMyParentsHouseAndAroundNatureMore
#IHaveNotBeenToAParkSinceMarchButTheirGardenIsKindOfLikeGoingToAPark
#IHadNotWatchedATVSinceMarchAsWeJustHaveNetflixOnOurComputersAndIDidNotWatchTVInHospital
#ITookAPictureOfMeAndBLyingOnTheLivingRoomCarpetAsToMeItIsNoticeablyMyParentsHouse
#ITookSomeOfUsLyingOnABedButItCouldHaveBeenAnywhere
#ThisCarpetSurvivedTheMoveFromBirminghamToTheHouseTheyLiveInNow20PlusYearsAgo
#ThoughThinkingAboutItIThinkTheyReplacedItAYearAgoWithASimilarCarpet
#INeedToAskAndCheck
#ItTookMeOverAMonthToCheckAndGoodJobIDidAsThisIsHowFakeNewsStarts
#ItWasInTheHouseWhenTheyMovedIn
 

If I had known that I was going to cover B’s face with carpet, then I wouldn’t have deleted a test shot of the carpet without us lying there… I still think it’s nice even though the colours of the pasted bit don’t match up (I took that from an outtake of just a picture of B).

#ItIsNowJulyAndIHadNotSeenMyParentsSinceFebruary
#AndTheyHaveNowObviouslyMetBForTheFirstTime

I thought it would be weird to see people again, but it was like we had never been apart. We weren’t going to do the trip so soon, but visiting rules changed and we had accidentally left B in her car seat for longer than we thought we were meant to at a garden party. It was accidental because we were so stressed about being out of the house with her for the first time that we forgot how to parent. She seemed fine and so we thought we were up for the drive. She ended up sleeping the whole way there and back, and we didn’t need to stop as there was less traffic so the journeys were shorter.

#AndIHadNotSeenMyNanSinceMarch
#IWasWorriedThatSheMightDieBeforeWeSawHerAgainAndNeverGetToMeetB
#SheLooksReallyWellAndMaybeThatIsPartlyDownToHerEnthusiasmAtMeetingNewFamilyMembers

I thought about deleting the bit about my fear, but this is my kind of diary and that is how I felt. We used to go to visit her every few weeks, so it was weird not being able to see her; we had to make do with talking on the phone everyday instead.

#YesterdayACoupleOfFriendsCameRoundAndLifeFeltSomewhatNormal

We sat at a reasonable distance with hand sanitiser on the table. It’s weird thinking about carefree we used to be… Only one friend (neither of the friends mentioned here) saw me heavily pregnant in real life, which is so weird.

#APubOrAnywhereWithLotsOfStrangersIsTheLastPlaceIWantToBeRightNow

We’ve started to go to restaurants in the last couple of weeks, but that’s only because I don’t like missing a bargain (there is a scheme in the UK called Eat Out To Help Out). We try to be careful about where we go and the places are a lot less crowded than they used to be which is good. It’s nice to build up our confidence with going out, but I still feel a bit nervous (because of Covid and because of having a baby).

#ItIsEasyToForgetThatIAmAMotherSometimes

When she is sleeping I often forget that I am a mother. I’m going to try to not say in every post that I still can’t believe I’m one…

#SheHasChangedALotInTheLastFewDays
#SheIsMoreAlertAndWatchesThingsLikeTheTreesBlowing

She is growing up so fast and we see small changes everyday. When she smiles a lot it makes me cry tears of joy (just writing this is making me emotional). She is using her hands more (touching, grabbing etc) and she seems to have discovered that she has a tongue. Earlier she had a bath and she was kicking her legs in it, which she hasn’t done before.

#ItIsNiceToBeAtMyParentsHouseAndAroundNatureMore #IHaveNotBeenToAParkSinceMarchButTheirGardenIsKindOfLikeGoingToAPark

Though we were just there for a couple of days and I did not go into the garden once. I think I get worried about what to dress her in, though really a few minutes in the garden if I made the wrong decision wouldn’t be too bad right? I’m still building up my confidence with certain things.

#IHadNotWatchedATVSinceMarchAsWeJustHaveNetflixOnOurComputersAndIDidNotWatchTVInHospital

I’ve been enjoying watching Canada’s Drag Race at my Nan’s house, though she doesn’t seem so impressed with it.

#ITookAPictureOfMeAndBLyingOnTheLivingRoomCarpetAsToMeItIsNoticeablyMyParentsHouse
#ITookSomeOfUsLyingOnABedButItCouldHaveBeenAnywhere

I had originally thought that I’d take a picture called Lying With My Child on My Childhood Bed, though my parents thought we should go in my older sister’s room as there is more space. The duvet cover was new to me and yeah it didn’t seem right. Then when I was in the living room I looked at the carpet and I thought it made more sense as it really says ‘my parents’ house’ to me.

I feel like I should add that we moved to that house when I was 7, but it’s the place that I’ve lived in for the longest amount of time in my life. I guess I spent more childhood years (0-7) at the previous house, but who cares, right?

#ThisCarpetSurvivedTheMoveFromBirminghamToTheHouseTheyLiveInNow20PlusYearsAgo
#ThoughThinkingAboutItIThinkTheyReplacedItAYearAgoWithASimilarCarpet
#INeedToAskAndCheck
#ItTookMeOverAMonthToCheckAndGoodJobIDidAsThisIsHowFakeNewsStarts
#ItWasInTheHouseWhenTheyMovedIn

I always check over the hashtags before posting to make sure I’ve made no mistakes and I was confused why I only had 29 when you can post a maximum of 30 to Instagram. Then I read them and realised that I was planning to check at the time. I messaged my Mum today saying ‘random question…’ and realised that I was about to spread fake news about my parents’ living room carpet when she replied. My bad.

As you can’t see B’s face – she is looking quite cheeky and biting on her clothes a little bit. I think not sharing her face is the right thing to do for us, though sometimes I do just want the world to see how cute she is. (If I tell her she is cute I also tell her how smart, strong etc she is as well.)

When she is older if people are still interested in these pictures then she can decide if she wants her face to be revealed or not, but for now a lot of people will just have to imagine what she looks like. I think she looks a lot like how Tiago did when he was a kid at the moment and friends say that she looks like him too, but he can’t see it.

Hopefully she’ll get to meet more of our friends and family soon. Who knows when she’ll get to meet Tiago’s family, but I hope it is sooner rather than later. We’re going to apply for her passport soon then see how things are and how we feel.

This was the first summer (and year so far) that we haven’t been to Portugal since we met and I just want to swim in the sea so badly. I can’t wait to take B swimming for the first time. She seems to like the bath and like I said before, she was kicking her legs in it today.

I’m a bit of a snob about swimming in chlorine as it dries my skin out, so she’ll have to wait for now. I’ve already bought her a swimwear sunsuit for 1 year olds (hello sale), but hopefully we won’t be waiting that long.


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