Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Blowing Bubbles Like B (22nd September 2020)

Me blowing bubbles like my baby daughter does
Blowing Bubbles Like B (22nd September 2020)
 
#IAmTryingToDoTwoShootsAWeekNowEvenIfIFeelLikeIDoNotHaveMuchToSayOrShow
#IFeelLikeDuringTheDayLifeJustConsistsOfThreeHourCycles
#SheWakesUpSheIsFedShePlaysSheIsChangedSheNaps
#TheOrderChangesButItIsBasicallyThat
#TwoNightsAgoSheSleptFor8HoursBetweenFeeds
#SheWentToBedAround8SheHadADreamFeedAround10ThirtyWhichSheSleptThrough
#SheWokeUpAt2ButWithGentleEncouragementSheWentBackToSleep
#ThenSheWokeUpAt6ThirtySoIStartedOurDayThen
#LastNightItStartedTheSameExceptSheWokeUpAtMidnight
#ItWasTooEarlyToFeedHerButSheKeptCryingSoIFedHer
#ThenSheWokeUpAt5AndITriedToEncourageHerBackToSleepButNope
#ThenSheWokeUpAt7ButIWasTooTiredToFeedHerSoTiagoPlayedWithHer
#ThenHeBroughtHerToMeAt8AndIFedHerAndThenItWasTimeForHerNap
#SoIMessedTheDayUpReallyAsIShouldHaveJustFedHerAt7
#InTheEndSheSleptForAWhileSoIWokeHerUpWhenSheWasDueToFeedAgain
#ExcitingStuff
#YesterdaySheWasGrabbingAtTheSidesOfThePushchairForTheFirstTime
#SheIsMoreGrabbyEveryDay
#SheAlsoContinuesToBlowALotOfBubblesWhichIDecidedToFocusOnForThisShoot
#IThinkSoonSheIsGoingToHaveToWearABibAllTheTime
#IAmTryingToReadToHerMoreThoughWeNeedToGetSomePortugueseKidsBooksToo
#IFeelLessOverwhelmedThanInTheLastPostButIStillFeelALittleOnEdge
#IJustWantToSleepForAWeek
#TodayANewLockdownBeginsInLiverpool
#YesterdayWeGotAnEmailSayingThatWeShouldWearMasksGoingInAndOutOfOurBuilding
#IDefinitelyWillButIFeelLikeALotOfPeopleWont
#IAmReadyToBePleasantlySurprisedThough
#IFeelLikePeopleAreGettingTooComplacent
#OnMyDailyWalksPeopleGetTooCloseToMeWhichDoesFreakMeOut
#IWonderHowOldBWillBeWhenThisIsAllOver

(I wrote this post on 22nd September.)

#IAmTryingToDoTwoShootsAWeekNowEvenIfIFeelLikeIDoNotHaveMuchToSayOrShow

This is what I aimed to do when I was pregnant, though some weeks I did more.

I guess when I was pregnant I had a body that was changing, whereas now I have a baby whose face I don’t want to show.

(8th October – I always feel like I have nothing to say, but I usually end up saying a lot.)

#IFeelLikeDuringTheDayLifeJustConsistsOfThreeHourCycles #SheWakesUpSheIsFedShePlaysSheIsChangedSheNaps #TheOrderChangesButItIsBasicallyThat

I am not a fan of constant repetition…

#TwoNightsAgoSheSleptFor8HoursBetweenFeeds #SheWentToBedAround8SheHadADreamFeedAround10ThirtyWhichSheSleptThrough #SheWokeUpAt2ButWithGentleEncouragementSheWentBackToSleep #ThenSheWokeUpAt6ThirtySoIStartedOurDayThen

We got a noise machine the day before, so I thought that may have contributed, or maybe it was because T bottle fed her two times in the evening so perhaps she drank more than she usually would?

Well, we used the noise machine again and T fed her three times, but…

#LastNightItStartedTheSameExceptSheWokeUpAtMidnight #ItWasTooEarlyToFeedHerButSheKeptCryingSoIFedHer #ThenSheWokeUpAt5AndITriedToEncourageHerBackToSleepButNope

With a baby it seems that every day is a new day, so forget what happened yesterday really.

#ThenSheWokeUpAt7ButIWasTooTiredToFeedHerSoTiagoPlayedWithHer

I would have fed her, but it had only been two hours since her last feed and she didn’t seem hungry.

#ThenHeBroughtHerToMeAt8AndIFedHerAndThenItWasTimeForHerNap #SoIMessedTheDayUpReallyAsIShouldHaveJustFedHerAt7

Often her naps in the morning are quite good and we have a consistent cycle, but by the afternoon her naps get shorter, so I knew it did not matter too much. Though I will try not to let it happen again. T just seemed keen to play, so I thought why not.

#InTheEndSheSleptForAWhileSoIWokeHerUpWhenSheWasDueToFeedAgain

Great, though the day seems a bit out of whack now.

(8th October – I get a bit obsessed with her routine. I’ve realised why – I don’t have much else to do right now; everyday is pretty much the same.)

#ExcitingStuff

Gripping, I know.

#YesterdaySheWasGrabbingAtTheSidesOfThePushchairForTheFirstTime #SheIsMoreGrabbyEveryDay

She grabs at any material. Below her on her changing mat is a muslin (so she doesn’t feel cold underneath) and when I pick her up it often comes with her…

(8th October – She is definitely more grabby now.)

#SheAlsoContinuesToBlowALotOfBubblesWhichIDecidedToFocusOnForThisShoot

Secret: I did take some photos of me blowing bubbles on the shoot where I imitated the cute thing that B does with her mouth.

#IThinkSoonSheIsGoingToHaveToWearABibAllTheTime

When we play in the living room we have a bib/towel nearby for wiping up dribble. Fun times – sorry future B if she reads this.

(8th October – She wears a bib all the time now – except when she is in her cot.)

#IAmTryingToReadToHerMoreThoughWeNeedToGetSomePortugueseKidsBooksToo

She still falls asleep a lot when I feed her. I feel like I should talk to her, but there’s only so much I can say and she doesn’t seem to care so I try to read to her. Though recently I have just started to watch films as I need to relax and this seems like a good time to do it.

Yesterday and today I have been watching the 2000s Charlie’s Angels films. I have never seen them before. Maybe because lockdown is so dull I feel like I need some action in my life? I hope B learns karate or something.

#IFeelLessOverwhelmedThanInTheLastPostButIStillFeelALittleOnEdge

I know it is the coding course that is bothering me the most. I don’t do well with educational deadlines. I’m ahead of schedule, but still I’m getting stressed out? I’m a weirdo.

T told me to have a rest whilst B napped, but I said I was going to take the pictures for these hashtags. He said I’m nuts. I think he is right…

#IJustWantToSleepForAWeek

Will I ever stop being tired? I was going to have a nap this morning during B’s first nap, but she sleeps so well then that I knew I should get up, stretch and try to do some coding.

I’m attempting the 30 days of yoga again. I think I tried too soon before when I had a big gap (diastasis recti) and so it wasn’t the best idea. Now I think it is okay to do it though.

#TodayANewLockdownBeginsInLiverpool

Oh joy. Though my Nan is under lockdown in Birmingham, so now I feel a little glad that we don’t have to try to attempt some weird meetup in a pub. Obviously I’d love to see her, but logistically it would be a right faff.

#YesterdayWeGotAnEmailSayingThatWeShouldWearMasksGoingInAndOutOfOurBuilding #IDefinitelyWillButIFeelLikeALotOfPeopleWont

T popped outside and he said the two people he saw weren’t, but maybe they haven’t seen the email yet? T doesn’t think he got the email.

#IAmReadyToBePleasantlySurprisedThough

Let’s see what I say about it when I get round to posting this.

(8th October – Some people do, some people don’t. I saw two guys walk into a shop earlier without masks… Do I sound like the local neighbourhood snitch? Yes.)

#IFeelLikePeopleAreGettingTooComplacent #OnMyDailyWalksPeopleGetTooCloseToMeWhichDoesFreakMeOut

Yesterday to get into the building I had to walk by two guys who were smoking right by the entrance. They barely moved for me and then I awkwardly had to open the door and get through with the pushchair, whilst they continued to stand right by it but acted like I was not there. I guess from today they will be told to move.

#IWonderHowOldBWillBeWhenThisIsAllOver

I can not really imagine a world where I feel safe around strangers/lots of people again. Though I did adapt pretty quickly at the hospital when I had B…


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

I Was Feeling Overwhelmed, But I Felt Better After I Wrote About It (18th September 2020)

Me feeding B
I Was Feeling Overwhelmed, But I Felt Better After I Wrote About It (18th September 2020)
 
#IHaveWantedToWriteAboutThisForAFewDaysButIHaveAlsoNotWantedToGiveMyselfExtraWorkToDo
#IThinkTheWordOfTheWeekIsOverwhelmed
#IHaveBeenWonderingWhyAndIGuessIHaveNeverHadAnAlmost24SevenJobBefore
#AndIAmGettingFedUpWithMyMainContactWithOtherPeopleBesidesBAndTBeingThroughMyPhoneOrComputer
#WeStillDoNotKnowManyPeopleInLiverpoolAndTheOnesWeDoKnowGenerallyLiveFarAway
#AndIWasHopingThatIWouldMeetMoreLocalMumsThroughTheChildrensCentreAndStuff
#ButTheyHaveBeenClosedAndNowANewLocalLockdownLooksImminent
#WeAreTryingToWorkOnBsNaps
#WithFeedingAndChangingHerYouKnowWhatYouAreGoingToGet
#ButWithNapsYouDoNotKnowIfItWillBeTwentyMinutesOrTwoHoursSoYouHaveToMoveFast
#TheFirstNapOfTheDayIsMeantToBeTheEasiestToSucceedWith
#IRiskedShavingMyLegsAndIManagedToDoBothAndIAmWritingThisNow
#IEvenManagedToDoSomeStretchingAndHaveBreakfast
#IHaveFoundMyselfDoingMyStretchingAt4InTheMorningALotLatelyWhichIsNotGood
#IFeelLikeIHaveMadeMyLifeOvercomplicated
#HavingToWriteAnEssayWithEachPhotoThenABlogPost
#ButThePicturesSeemRubbishAtTheMoment
#IAmWritingThisBeforeIHaveEvenDoneAShootAsIFeelPutOffThatTheShootWillBeBad
#IGuessItIsImportantToJustKeepMakingWorkAtTheMoment
#ButItFeelsCrapHavingCrapPhotos
#IGuessPeopleAreNotExpectingMuchFromMeRightNow
#ButIAmExpectingALotFromMyself
#OnceInAWhileIJustFeelDownAboutMyArtPracticeAndWonderWhyIDoItAll
#SoIGuessThisIsOneOfThosePhasesCombinedWithALotOfOtherStuff
#IJustNeedToMakeMyWorkForMyselfAndAsLongAsIGetSomethingFromItThenItIsAllGood
#INeedToMoveFastWhenBIsAsleepToAchieveSomething
#WeAreDueToHaveAFlatInspectionForTheFirstTimeSinceBeforeLockdown
#ItSeemsSoHardToGetTheBedroomCleanAsBIsEitherAsleepInItOrSheIsAwakeAndINeedToLookAfterHer
#TheClothesMountainJustNeverSeemsToGetAnySmaller
#ButIAmGratefulToBeAMumAndILoveWhenBEspeciallyWhenSheSmilesAtMe

(I wrote this post on 18th September.)

#IHaveWantedToWriteAboutThisForAFewDaysButIHaveAlsoNotWantedToGiveMyselfExtraWorkToDo

I need to figure out a way to make these blog posts feel less like hard work. Sometimes I enjoy them, but sometimes I wonder why I am doing this.

#IThinkTheWordOfTheWeekIsOverwhelmed #IHaveBeenWonderingWhyAndIGuessIHaveNeverHadAnAlmost24SevenJobBefore

It is full on and I have been doing it for three months. Tiago does look after her too, but Monday to Friday 7-5ish she is mainly my responsibility, then I need to worry about producing her milk at all times.

We have been struggling with giving her a bottle feed a day as she struggles with the teats, but I think we have fixed it. I decided to get her some slow flow teats and that seems to have done the trick. Sometimes I let her suck my finger (that sounds odd) and I realised how strong she was getting, so with the other teats I think she often is drowning in milk. She had a dream feed last night with the slow teat and she drank most of it.

(5th October – The slow teats definitely did the trick. She has a dream feed with a bottle every night now and she usually feeds quite well.)

#AndIAmGettingFedUpWithMyMainContactWithOtherPeopleBesidesBAndTBeingThroughMyPhoneOrComputer

I feel like I have so many conversations going on all over the place and I am bored of them. I just want to have in person conversations, but it is difficult.

(5th October – Rules have got stricter since. I am trying to have a social media detox of sorts. I’ve deactivated my Facebook, made a long password for my Twitter that I don’t know and logged out, trying to go on Instagram less, and aiming to have more video calls and less WhatsApp chit chat.

I am finding social media difficult at the moment. Some people are living under less strict rules and have something that resembles a ‘normal’ life. The weather was so bad today that we couldn’t even go for a walk.)

#WeStillDoNotKnowManyPeopleInLiverpoolAndTheOnesWeDoKnowGenerallyLiveFarAway

All the ‘new mums’ that I know live on the other side of Liverpool.

I don’t drive, don’t really want to get public transport, and don’t want to rely on Tiago all the time.

(5th October – Well, the rules have changed now and we can no longer meet people in pubs or restaurants, and it is not recommended to meet people outdoors.)

#AndIWasHopingThatIWouldMeetMoreLocalMumsThroughTheChildrensCentreAndStuff #ButTheyHaveBeenClosedAndNowANewLocalLockdownLooksImminent

Sometimes I see women pushing pushchairs on walks and I hope they’ll talk to me, but I’m so awkward now with not having much in person interaction. I usually have my sunglasses on and can’t make eye contact when they’re off.

It’s just a weird time to meet people with social distancing and all. I’m writing this on 18th September and it looks like new rules will be introduced for Liverpool tonight.

(5th October – Yeah they changed. There are no baby classes that are easily accessible for me right now. I’m finding zoom classes awkward and I haven’t attended one ‘live’ in weeks.

I actually just got an email to say that she’s thinking about going back to in-person classes, and they’re out of the way for us. So looks like I’ll be looking into other options and probably having to embrace zoom again.)

#WeAreTryingToWorkOnBsNaps

I say we, but really it’s me as I’m the one looking after her all day.

I said to Tiago earlier that I am jealous of his life as he gets to go out for work and do stuff. He went on a bike ride last night. I want to go on a bike ride.

#WithFeedingAndChangingHerYouKnowWhatYouAreGoingToGet #ButWithNapsYouDoNotKnowIfItWillBeTwentyMinutesOrTwoHoursSoYouHaveToMoveFast

Yesterday all her naps were no longer than thirty minutes. Then I messed up with her last nap of the day as it took so long for her to go to sleep that it then basically became her bedtime. I hadn’t done any of her bedtime routine and we missed out a feeding.

We gave her a dream feed and she didn’t wake up, but she had been asleep for so long that of course she was going to wake up early in the morning. I tried to delay her feed and it worked a bit, but after 6 hours I gave up. It is recommended to not use the dummy as the first way to extend sleep, but I was so tired that I kept giving it to her first.

Last night felt like the latest I had stayed up in a while, but I did not achieve anything as I was so tired and just faffed.

#TheFirstNapOfTheDayIsMeantToBeTheEasiestToSucceedWith

You’re supposed to offer at least one nap in the cot and that one seems easy to do.

#IRiskedShavingMyLegsAndIManagedToDoBothAndIAmWritingThisNow

I was half hoping she would wake up, so I knew that the photo would be of one hairy leg and one shaven leg.

#IEvenManagedToDoSomeStretchingAndHaveBreakfast

I was going to eat breakfast first, but I knew that would be dumb as then I wouldn’t be able to stretch properly.

#IHaveFoundMyselfDoingMyStretchingAt4InTheMorningALotLatelyWhichIsNotGood

Well the last two nights before tonight. I am tired all the time, but I knew that she would be asleep long enough for me to do it.

#IFeelLikeIHaveMadeMyLifeOvercomplicated #HavingToWriteAnEssayWithEachPhotoThenABlogPost

Seriously, whose bright idea was it to write a blog?

Why did I feel like now was a good time to do a coding course? To be fair, there will never be a good time to do a course again – or not until B is in school perhaps?

#ButThePicturesSeemRubbishAtTheMoment #IAmWritingThisBeforeIHaveEvenDoneAShootAsIFeelPutOffThatTheShootWillBeBad #IGuessItIsImportantToJustKeepMakingWorkAtTheMoment #ButItFeelsCrapHavingCrapPhotos

I am guessing she will wake up soon so I won’t have to worry about what picture it’s going to be right now. I don’t know how many more pictures of myself in my underwear in my living room I can deal with.

I will probably try to take a picture with her, so I should set my stuff up ready.

(It felt like the easiest thing to do was to do a shoot whilst I fed her. She moves her hands/arms around a lot whilst feeding now, so I like that I got one with her arm like this as I love arm poses. I think I have also been feeling overwhelmed though as I often feel sore from feeding and so I was dreading feeding her at times.)

#IGuessPeopleAreNotExpectingMuchFromMeRightNow #ButIAmExpectingALotFromMyself

I always expect a lot from myself.

#OnceInAWhileIJustFeelDownAboutMyArtPracticeAndWonderWhyIDoItAll

If you’re an artist/photographer/writer/whatever you know the feeling.

#SoIGuessThisIsOneOfThosePhasesCombinedWithALotOfOtherStuff #IJustNeedToMakeMyWorkForMyselfAndAsLongAsIGetSomethingFromItThenItIsAllGood

I have had these similar phases for years. I guess I am just tired and I’ll snap out of it. Yesterday I had one of those (frequent) realisations that so many people are trying to do what I am trying to do.

I made my YouTube channel originally knowing I would get mean comments, but a mean comment yesterday made me feel really crummy. Usually people write something mean and then delete it as they know they’re being an asshole, but this person still has not deleted it.

It’s also annoying when people write something as if it is not your channel. As if it is a random video on someone else’s channel where the person who it is is not easily identifiable.

I guess you never know what is going on in someone else’s life. Sounds like they’re going through a bad time too if they feel the need to leave horrible comments on random videos.

I love the confidence that people have to write such things. Well I guess it is easy when you have no profile picture and a name that is nothing like your own. I find leaving comments awkward and I usually only write positive ones…

(5th October – I was feeling a lot better, but today I seem to have slipped a bit. Tiago was off work last week, so it was nice to have more support in the day. Now he’s back working again – though only in the other room, but I don’t like bothering him.

I don’t like not knowing when we can see my family again. It was nice to see them when we could and to have a bit of support, but now it’s all been taken away from us again. Obviously we’re not the only people affected by this and some people have less help, but it is frustrating.)

#INeedToMoveFastWhenBIsAsleepToAchieveSomething

I actually need to wake B up now to feed her.

I have been trying to get up at 7am every day to have something that resembles a routine. This morning my alarm went off (the first day that I set one) and I pressed snooze. I thought B would wake up shortly anyways.

Woke up again and it was 7.40am. Okay we’ll try again tomorrow…

I don’t see why I make it such an issue when I know that she usually will have a nap again after an hour. I like to get stuff done in the morning so I can relax a little – at least I have done something today now.

(5th October – I will wake up at 3am and be wide awake, but I always feel AWFUL at 7am. I wanted a nap this morning, but I knew it was a good time to get things done as she usually sleeps alright. I then planned to nap in the afternoon, but I thought I better do the washing up and other things.)

#WeAreDueToHaveAFlatInspectionForTheFirstTimeSinceBeforeLockdown #ItSeemsSoHardToGetTheBedroomCleanAsBIsEitherAsleepInItOrSheIsAwakeAndINeedToLookAfterHer #TheClothesMountainJustNeverSeemsToGetAnySmaller

T does an excellent job of tidying the main room (living room/dining room/kitchen/my ‘studio’) but the other rooms seem to get a bit forgotten. Typically we said we wanted an early morning inspection when I feel like we need the time, but it will be good to not spend the whole day worrying. They have inspected it as a mess before.

They do not know we have a baby. I thought they would see me at an inspection and it would be obvious, but those inspections got cancelled due to the pandemic. Do you have to call to say you’ve had a baby? I don’t think so, but tomorrow they will see anyways.

I am not the world’s tidiest person, but I would actually love someone to have B for a bit so I could tidy the hell out of this flat. I want to organise things properly and get really into nesting mode.

I guess I could do it, but I write blog posts instead. And I actually feel much better after having written this one.

(5th October – We managed to get the flat looking alright and she never even commented about us having a baby. It turns out that one of our fire alarms has not had a battery in it since we moved in, so luckily that is sorted now. I was sure that they had tested it before, but obviously not.)

#ButIAmGratefulToBeAMumAndILoveBEspeciallyWhenSheSmilesAtMe

I do whine too much, but I think a lot of people feel the same as me, so I think it is good to share so that others might not feel so alone.

I am grateful to be a mother though and just having B smile at me makes me feel so so happy, but it is a life shock even if though you signed up for it.

Time to wake B.


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Portrait Of A Mother Of A Three-Month-Old (15th September 2020)

Me leaning on a table
Portrait Of A Mother Of A Three-Month-Old (15th September 2020)
 
#WhoIsWorriedThatSheWillNotHaveTimeToWriteTheHashtagsBeforeHerBabyWakesUp
#ThatWouldHaveBeenTooLongOfATitle
#ICanNotBelieveSheIsThreeMonthsOldAndIStillCanNotBelieveThatIHaveABaby
#LastNightSheWentFor8HoursBetweenTwoFeeds
#SheDidWakeUpACoupleOfTimesButSheWentBackToSleep
#ThoughNowIAmWorriedAsSheHasSeemedQuiteSleepyToday
#TypicallyWhenSheDoesNotSleepIAmWorriedAndWhenSheDoesIAm
#SheWasStartingToGetCrankyDuringHerBabyMassageClassThisMorningWhichWasARecordingFromLastWeekAsItExpiresTomorrow
#AndWeMissedHerBabyYogaClassSoWeWillHaveToDoThatBeforeWeDoTheNextBabyMassageOne
#SheIsMeantToBeGoingThroughADevelopmentalLeapThoughWhichMightExplainTheTiredness
#YesterdayOurRoutineGotMuckedUpByTravellingAboutSoIThoughtItMightBeALongNight
#WeHadToStopAtAServiceStationForTheFirstTimeWithHer
#WeActuallyHadToStopTwiceAsTheFirstTimeIFedHerAndTheSecondTimeWeChangedHerNappyAsSheWasStillCrying
#WhenSheIsOvertiredItCanGoEitherWay
#ButIThinkHerBeingOvertiredIsTheMainReasonWhySheCries
#SheWasFineWhenIWasHoldingHerButThenSheWouldCryWhenIPutHerDownInHerCot
#NowThatWeSwaddleHerSheHasABitMoreOfANaptimeSlashBedtimeRoutine
#IUsuallyPickHerUpOnceSheIsSwaddledAndSingToHerForABitWhileRockingHer
#OurNewSongIs
#HeyBabyAreYouSleepy
#LetsGoToBedASAP
#ButASAPAsAyEssAyPee
#ISangToHerForAWhileButSheWasStillFussy
#AsSheSleepsInATravelCotThoughIRecentlyRealisedThatICanRockTheBassinetBitToRockHerToSleep
#IPlannedToDoThisShootLaterButIThoughtIMightAsWellTryToDoItNow
#SoTonightICanJustFocusOnCodingOnceIGetMeTime
#IFeelQuiteStressedOutRightNow
#IGuessIJustStartedANewCourseAndIHadNotDoneAShootInAFewDays
#IAlsoHaveNotBeenOnAWalkInACoupleOfDaysSoINeedToMakeSureThatIGoOutToday
#ItIsNiceLookingAfterHerButEveryDayIsTheSameKindOfCycle
 

Apologies for another picture of me in my underwear. I said that I would not change my clothes for shoots, and as the weather is warm whilst I write this (on the 15th September) I am just lounging around like this.

It is just easier for feeding, and as I haven’t been out yet today I haven’t had to put any other clothes on. I guess it is an accurate portrayal of having a summer baby in a warm flat…

(Since writing this the weather has turned and I’ve been enjoying lounging around in a long sleeved top and pyjama bottoms.)

#WhoIsWorriedThatSheWillNotHaveTimeToWriteTheHashtagsBeforeHerBabyWakesUp #ThatWouldHaveBeenTooLongOfATitle

After seeing how long this hashtag is, it definitely would have been too long for the official title. It is annoying when titles are too long for file names or title boxes.

#ICanNotBelieveSheIsThreeMonthsOldAndIStillCanNotBelieveThatIHaveABaby

Will it ever stop being weird? I don’t think so. How has it been 3 months already though?

(I was thinking this morning – 2nd October – that I haven’t said this in a while, but obviously I have. We generally have a few free hours these days between her going to bed and her dream feed, which is when I usually do my coding course. I am so caught up in my own stuff that I do sometimes temporarily forget that I have a kid. That sounds bad, but it is because I still find it weird that I grew a baby inside me.)

#LastNightSheWentFor8HoursBetweenTwoFeeds #SheDidWakeUpACoupleOfTimesButSheWentBackToSleep

I have been trying to go to bed earlier. We ended up getting home late, so I fed her and we all went to bed around 11pm-ish? She woke up at 4am and I gave her her dummy thinking that she would be crying again within 5 minutes. I lay down again and I can’t remember when she next woke up, but in the end I fed her around 7am.

When I say 8 hours between feeds I mean 8 hours from the start of her last one to the start of the next one.

I woke up around 6am and managed to do some yoga, before I woke her up to feed her. I want to start getting up at 7am every day to try to have some kind of a routine.

(2nd October – The last few nights she has gone the whole night without eating until 7am-ish. Last night she only woke up once, whereas the night before she woke up about 6 times, but I just tried to leave her for 5 minutes before intervening, and the night before that she woke up a lot and I usually just offered her the dummy straight away, which shouldn’t be my first response really. I’m learning…)

#ThoughNowIAmWorriedAsSheHasSeemedQuiteSleepyToday

She had a nap around 8.30am, and we both slept until 10.30am. I was supposed to wake her up to feed her around 10… I had to wake her up in the end as she had napped for 2 hours.

#TypicallyWhenSheDoesNotSleepIAmWorriedAndWhenSheDoesIAm

I will keep an eye on her.

(2nd October – Everything was fine; babies are supposed to sleep a lot. I was reading the other day that someone was struggling with their baby was not sleeping so well at night and someone recommended an earlier bed time. Apparently it made a big difference. Before we were aiming for a bedtime of 8pm, but now we try for 7pm-ish. )

#SheWasStartingToGetCrankyDuringHerBabyMassageClassThisMorningWhichWasARecordingFromLastWeekAsItExpiresTomorrow

She has her eyes closed whilst I feed her, so I need to work on keeping her more awake during feeds still. I thought she would not need a nap so soon, but she was getting cranky half way through the video so I thought I’d see if she wanted a nap.

#AndWeMissedHerBabyYogaClassSoWeWillHaveToDoThatBeforeWeDoTheNextBabyMassageOne

Fun fact.

#SheIsMeantToBeGoingThroughADevelopmentalLeapThoughWhichMightExplainTheTiredness

It also says to expect other things like clinginess, loss of appetite and other things. She seems to be feeding well at the moment, though I need to use nipple shields as one is quite painful and she only seems to like the other boob if it has a nipple shield on. I guess it is like sucking a dummy full of milk? The bad one just doesn’t seem to heal though.

(2nd October – I am just using nipple shields all the time now. I know you’re not supposed to, but sore nipples are horrible. I do occasionally go without to try to build up my resistance or something, but it just seems easier to use them. Okay, I’ve guilted myself into using them less.)

#YesterdayOurRoutineGotMuckedUpByTravellingAboutSoIThoughtItMightBeALongNight

It is nice to see people, but I do start to get into some kind of routine at home and it goes out of the window pretty quick.

#WeHadToStopAtAServiceStationForTheFirstTimeWithHer #WeActuallyHadToStopTwiceAsTheFirstTimeIFedHerAndTheSecondTimeWeChangedHerNappyAsSheWasStillCrying

We always try to go anywhere after she has been fed. Sometimes when she is overtired she will sleep after a feed, but not last night.

Before we left the first service station we checked her nappy and it seemed fine. However, as she was crying after we left we thought it might be her nappy so T changed it on the front passenger seat (on a changing mat) at the next service station.

She was still upset after we left there, but she calmed down a little after I played white noise on my phone and tried to sooth her more. I sensed that she might just want to be cuddled, but obviously we couldn’t do that in a moving car.

#WhenSheIsOvertiredItCanGoEitherWay

She can have a long sleep or just wake up loads. I get it though, sometimes the more tired I am the harder it is to sleep. Like when I barely slept for 2 weeks after she was born…

#ButIThinkHerBeingOvertiredIsTheMainReasonWhySheCries

Well she cries for other reasons, but it’s the hardest to fix. Feed? Easy (well, less so with bottles these days). Nappy change? No problem. Over tired? Oh no. I am trying to get better at realising she is tired though.

#SheWasFineWhenIWasHoldingHerButThenSheWouldCryWhenIPutHerDownInHerCot

I realised too late that she was tired.

#NowThatWeSwaddleHerSheHasABitMoreOfANaptimeSlashBedtimeRoutine

As we need to comfort her once she is in the swaddle.

#IUsuallyPickHerUpOnceSheIsSwaddledAndSingToHerForABitWhileRockingHer

It is usually turn on white noise > nappy change > swaddle > comfort > cot.

#OurNewSongIs #HeyBabyAreYouSleepy #LetsGoToBedASAP #ButASAPAsAyEssAyPee #ISangToHerForAWhileButSheWasStillFussy

Well, I made it up today. She did seem to calm down, but was fussy again in her cot.

#AsSheSleepsInATravelCotThoughIRecentlyRealisedThatICanRockTheBassinetBitToRockHerToSleep

I didn’t have to do it for long and she fell asleep. Win.

#IPlannedToDoThisShootLaterButIThoughtIMightAsWellTryToDoItNow #SoTonightICanJustFocusOnCodingOnceIGetMeTime

B was asleep and the food in the oven needed half an hour to cook. You never know when she will wake up, but I managed to do a shoot, hashtags and half off this blog post. I’m writing the rest while she feeds – this is probably why she falls asleep while eating.

So at least I won’t have all of this to worry about tonight. I just need to select the image to accompany all of this…

#IFeelQuiteStressedOutRightNow #IGuessIJustStartedANewCourseAndIHadNotDoneAShootInAFewDays

I do not really like the pictures in this project, but perhaps just doing something is better than nothing. That’s generally how it is with my work, but it would be nice if I really liked the pictures. I used to really like my pregnancy project, but looking at it yesterday maybe it isn’t even that good. I guess it is just a document of a time and that’s fine.

At least I slept well last night and had a good nap this morning.

#IAlsoHaveNotBeenOnAWalkInACoupleOfDaysSoINeedToMakeSureThatIGoOutToday

Like I said when we visit people the routine goes out of the window. I prefer to take her out in her pushchair now, but it does not fit in the car along with everything else. This will be corrected today. I started to listen to Carrie Fisher’s biography as an audiobook whilst on walks. I love the speed up setting – particularly with my library app as you can set it to whatever speed you like. Sometimes 1.25x is too slow and 1.5x is too fast.

#ItIsNiceLookingAfterHerButEveryDayIsTheSameKindOfCycle

Wake up, feed, change, play, nap and repeat all day. I shouldn’t complain as it is rewarding, but my very first self-portraiture project was about the cycle of life. Sometimes I do find the monotonous of existing a bit dull, particularly during a pandemic. Rules are changing again, so we won’t be able to visit my Nan at home for now. Hopefully it changes again soon but who knows. We nearly didn’t make the visit, so it was lucky that we got to see her at home when we did.

(2nd October – Well, Liverpool has more lockdown rules now. So for now we can’t see anyone in their homes or gardens, and yesterday they announced a new rule of not mixing in pubs and restaurants – before it was just advised against.)

(I felt much better after finishing this post as I had been productive. B and I had a playtime full of smiles, and I got out for a walk. Win.)


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Motherhood Is So Glamorous (10th September 2020)

Me with a bashed nose, chocolate oat milk moustache, and toast crumbs on my chest
Motherhood Is So Glamorous (10th September 2020)
 
#HereIsAPictureOfMeWithMyBashedNoseABitOfAChocolateOatMilkMoustacheAndToastedSandwichCrumbsOnMyChestAndBra
#OutOfShotIsBAsleepOnMeAndOverMyRightArm
#ThisWasThisAtAroundTenThirtyThisMorningAndItIsNearlyTwoNow
#IStillHaveNotShoweredAndIAmFindingCrumbsAllInMyBra
#IWasGoingToPutBDownForANapAfterSheHadFinishedEating
#ICanNotKeepBAwakeDuringFeeding
#IAmGoingToHaveToDoAllTheTipsLikeKeepPuttingHerDown
#IDoNotLikeThatALotOfTheBabySleepTerminologyIsTheSameAsSayingGoodbyeToAPet
#INormallyBlowRaspberriesWhichUsuallyStartlesHerAwakeTheFirstTimeThenHerResponsesGetWeakerUntilSheStopsRespondingToTheSound
#SoThisMorningSheFellAsleepOnMeAndIThoughtOkaySheCanJustNapOnMeThisTime
#AfterAWhileITextedTForHelpAndHeBroughtMeAToastedSandwichAndAGlassOfChocolateMilk
#ILikeToHaveMyChocolateMilkInbetweenBitesButTheGlassWouldHaveFallenOverOnTheBedSoIHadToDrinkItAllBeforeIStartedToEat
#IHadToEatItWithMyLeftHandAndItWasQuiteMessyHenceAllTheCrumbs
#IKnowItIsAHardLife
#IAlwaysGetAMoustacheWheneverIDrinkSomethingSoBWillProbablyNotMakeMuchMoreOfAMessThanMe
#IHaveACutOnMyNoseFromSmashingItRoundACornerOfTheBedroomWall
#ItHurtsABitButItCouldHaveBeenALotWorse
#WeTriedHerInASwaddleSleepingBagForTheFirstTimeYesterday
#ForHerFirstNapInItSheFellAsleepStraightAway
#LaterOnWePutHerToBedAndWeWentToBedAboutAnHourAfterwardsAndThenSheDidNotWakeUpForFiveHours
#ITriedToDoAllTheTipsToElongateHerSleepButSheWasNotHavingIt
#SometimesTheyWorkAndSometimesTheyDoNot
#WeDecidedToSkipHerDreamFeedAsWeWereGoingToBedAnyways
#TheNightBeforeWeDidThatButSheWokeUpWhenIWouldHaveUsuallyDoneTheDreamFeedAnyways
#GoingToBedNotLongAfterHerIsDefinitelyAGoodWayForMeToNotFeelSoCrankyInTheNightThough
#SheWouldNotGoBackToSleepForAnHourButIJustReadMyBookWhilstGentlyEncouragingHerHereAndThere
#ItIsABetterApproachForMeThanJustTryingToGoBackToSleepAsWhenItTakesHerAgesIGetAnnoyedIfIAmActivelyTryingToSleep
#SheStartedToFallAsleepDuringLunchTodaySoWePutHerInHerCot
#SheFellAsleepQuickAndThenWokeUpAbout20MinutesAgoButTJustTouchedHerChestAndSheWentBackToSleep
#SheIsApparentlyDueToHaveADevelopmentalLeapWhichMightExplainWhySheHasBeenABitDifferentLately

(I wrote this post on 10th September.)

#HereIsAPictureOfMeWithMyBashedNoseABitOfAChocolateOatMilkMoustacheAndToastedSandwichCrumbsOnMyChestAndBra #OutOfShotIsBAsleepOnMeAndOverMyRightArm #ThisWasThisAtAroundTenThirtyThisMorningAndItIsNearlyTwoNow #IStillHaveNotShoweredAndIAmFindingCrumbsAllInMyBra

I did not remove the crumbs until after she had woken up, and I could brush them onto the plate.

#IWasGoingToPutBDownForANapAfterSheHadFinishedEating #ICanNotKeepBAwakeDuringFeeding #IAmGoingToHaveToDoAllTheTipsLikeKeepPuttingHerDown

Every time I really try to keep her awake, but I think it just makes her tired. She does not do it so much when we bottle feed her, but that is usually once a day lately.

#IDoNotLikeThatALotOfTheBabySleepTerminologyIsTheSameAsSayingGoodbyeToAPet

I think about this a lot…

#INormallyBlowRaspberriesWhichUsuallyStartlesHerAwakeTheFirstTimeThenHerResponsesGetWeakerUntilSheStopsRespondingToTheSound

She looks really shocked the first time, then she gradually just doesn’t notice it anymore.

#SoThisMorningSheFellAsleepOnMeAndIThoughtOkaySheCanJustNapOnMeThisTime

We had an online class coming up, but I knew we could just do the recording if she missed it.

(We haven’t made it to a live class this term since the first one. I do just find it a bit awkward.)

#AfterAWhileITextedTForHelpAndHeBroughtMeAToastedSandwichAndAGlassOfChocolateMilk #ILikeToHaveMyChocolateMilkInbetweenBitesButTheGlassWouldHaveFallenOverOnTheBedSoIHadToDrinkItAllBeforeIStartedToEat #IHadToEatItWithMyLeftHandAndItWasQuiteMessyHenceAllTheCrumbs #IKnowItIsAHardLife

My hashtags are so boring most of the time. Thanks to Tiago for bringing me breakfast in bed though 🙂

(I wrote breakfast in bread on accident, whoops.)

#IAlwaysGetAMoustacheWheneverIDrinkSomethingSoBWillProbablyNotMakeMuchMoreOfAMessThanMe

I’m sat at the dining table writing this. Looking down I can see so many crumbs around my seat… We’ve started to use a fabric table cloth now so I am hoping this will help me make less mess, but it seems like there is more on the floor instead of the table now.

#IHaveACutOnMyNoseFromSmashingItRoundACornerOfTheBedroomWall #ItHurtsABitButItCouldHaveBeenALotWorse

See my last project post.

#WeTriedHerInASwaddleSleepingBagForTheFirstTimeYesterday #ForHerFirstNapInItSheFellAsleepStraightAway

We had thought about getting one before. Obviously it won’t work every time, but we were impressed. We had to comfort her first though as it must be a shock after being able to throw all your limbs around to suddenly be confined.

(29th: We’ve put her in her winter one now as it’s been so cold. She seems to like it. The other day I tried to just use it as a sleeping bag (with her arms out), but her hands got cold so we’re swaddling her again for now. I’m quite jealous – it looks very cosy!)

#LaterOnWePutHerToBedAndWeWentToBedAboutAnHourAfterwardsAndThenSheDidNotWakeUpForFiveHours

Two nights in a row!

#ITriedToDoAllTheTipsToElongateHerSleepButSheWasNotHavingIt #SometimesTheyWorkAndSometimesTheyDoNot

There are 6 steps and sometimes the third step works, but not last night.

#WeDecidedToSkipHerDreamFeedAsWeWereGoingToBedAnyways #TheNightBeforeWeDidThatButSheWokeUpWhenIWouldHaveUsuallyDoneTheDreamFeedAnyways #GoingToBedNotLongAfterHerIsDefinitelyAGoodWayForMeToNotFeelSoCrankyInTheNightThough

If she wakes up around the time we’d do a dream feed then it’s fine, but if not then that’s probably her longest period of sleep for the night so it’s better that I get some sleep too. Before I would stay up to do her dream feed, then she would not fall back to sleep for ages and I’d get so cranky as I hadn’t slept so it wasn’t good.

(29th: Tiago’s been doing her dream feed now with a bottle.)

#SheWouldNotGoBackToSleepForAnHourButIJustReadMyBookWhilstGentlyEncouragingHerHereAndThere #ItIsABetterApproachForMeThanJustTryingToGoBackToSleepAsWhenItTakesHerAgesIGetAnnoyedIfIAmActivelyTryingToSleep

I like to read at weird times of the night now. Though I wake up at 5/6 when she wants her next feed and I feel fine. Tiago usually looks after her once I’ve finished feeding, so I can get some more sleep but then I usually wake up feeling awful. I’m going to have to start getting up at 7am like a lot of the sleep schedules recommend. It won’t be so bad now if she is sleeping better.

(29th: At the moment I’m reading House of Glass by Hadley Freeman.)

#SheStartedToFallAsleepDuringLunchTodaySoWePutHerInHerCot

I wasn’t sure whether or not to put her to sleep before we started to eat. I was bouncing her in her bouncer and saw her eyes closing, so to bed she went.

#SheFellAsleepQuickAndThenWokeUpAbout20MinutesAgoButTJustTouchedHerChestAndSheWentBackToSleep

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, though I need to wake her up to feed her now. She’s been asleep for about 90 minutes.

#SheIsApparentlyDueToHaveADevelopmentalLeapWhichMightExplainWhySheHasBeenABitDifferentLately

It is either that or a sleep regression, or a bit of both. We both feel a bit more confident now about navigating them. We’ll see what I say in the next post…


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Failing To Imitate The Cute Thing That B Does With Her Mouth (6th September 2020)

Me with my lips in a funny shape, trying to imitate my daughter
Failing To Imitate The Cute Thing That B Does With Her Mouth (6th September 2020)
 
#IWasPlanningOnDoingThisShootTomorrow
#ButIWasGettingReadyForBedAndISuddenlyFeltAwake
#BIsAsleepOnTiagoSoIWasGoingToDoSomeStretchingButIDecidedToDoAShootInstead
#MaybeIWillTryToStretchABitAfter
#BDoesThisCuteThingWithHerMouthWhenSheCoos
#MyNanDescribesItAsPursingHerLips
#WhichIGuessItIsButICanNotSeemToImitateItWell
#ItEitherLooksLikeIAmTryingToBeSexyOrLikeIAmTryingToImitateAMonkey
#Awkward
#TodaySheWasDoingItWhilstLookingAtHerCalamariToy
#TMadeACuteVideoOfIt
#ThisWeekendBMetMySisterHerPartnerAndTheirSonForTheFirstTime
#AndItWasOurFirstTimeMeetingOurNephewSoThatWasNice
#IAmStillWorkingOnGettingBToHaveNapsEvery60To90MinutesDuringTheDay
#ItGoesFairlyWellUntilMidAfternoonAndThenOftenSheIsAwakeFor5Hours
#SoOurNewThingIsTakingHerOutForAWalkInHerPramIfWeStruggle
#ButOnceSheFallsAsleepIAmTooScaredToComeHomeTooEarlyInCaseSheWakesUpAsSoonAsIGetIn
#YesterdayIEndedUpGoingForAWalkAsItWasGettingDark
#ItWasFunnySeeingEveryoneOutInTheirFancyClothesReadyForANightOut
#AndIWasJustLookingAStatePushingAPushchairAbout
#ItReallyDoesNotSeemLikeThereIsAPandemicHalfTheTime
#IHaveBeenToACoupleOfShopsLately
#ToTheSupermarketAndToABakery
#PushingAPushchairAroundYouRealiseHowBadAccessIsAtSomePlaces
#OrHowFrustratingSomePathsAreToNavigate
#IDidNotGoIntoOneBakeryAsIDidNotThinkIWouldBeAbleToPushBsPushchairRoundTheOneWaySystemWithTheBarriers
#AtTheOneIWentIntoInTheEndIHadToTurnThePushchairOnItsSideABit
#INearlyDidNotBotherGoingInAsIDidNotWantToEmbarrassMyself
#AndThenOnTheWayOutTwoGuysMovedTheBarrierForUsABitToGetOutWithNoProblem
#PeopleInWheelchairsOrWithMobilityScootersMustGetSoAnnoyed

(I wrote this on 6th September.)

#IWasPlanningOnDoingThisShootTomorrow #ButIWasGettingReadyForBedAndISuddenlyFeltAwake #BIsAsleepOnTiagoSoIWasGoingToDoSomeStretchingButIDecidedToDoAShootInstead

This is often the case – me feeling really tired and hoping to go to bed soon. Usually though it’s more that B just takes ages to settle and I end up going to bed a lot later than planned.

I was going to work on my coding homework, but I already did some earlier and I’m still on schedule to complete it ahead of time – fingers crossed. I can plan to do a shoot tomorrow daytime, but knowing my luck B’s naps might be short and she might need me to rock her to sleep with my foot.

The other day she was in her bouncer and I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor, with one foot bouncing her bouncer.

#MaybeIWillTryToStretchABitAfter

Leaving this blank as I’m writing this straight after I’ve done the shoot and hashtags. Trying to give myself less work to do when I get round to publishing it…

(I did manage to stretch. Hurrah!)

#BDoesThisCuteThingWithHerMouthWhenSheCoos

I’ve talked about it before.

#MyNanDescribesItAsPursingHerLips

I feel like I haven’t heard that word used in that context for a very long time.

(I’ve since heard it a few times – funny how that happens.)

#WhichIGuessItIsButICanNotSeemToImitateItWell

Though after looking at the pictures maybe I am getting there, but I usually see her lying down on her back or at an angle so it looks different.

I think I need to show the pictures to Tiago and get him to advise me on how to do it. He should be watching the shoot and shouting directions next time.

(Though thinking about it – maybe it looks so different because I have teeth?)

#ItEitherLooksLikeIAmTryingToBeSexyOrLikeIAmTryingToImitateAMonkey #Awkward

B looks like she is doing neither (thank big G) when she does it.

#TodaySheWasDoingItWhilstLookingAtHerCalamariToy #TMadeACuteVideoOfIt

Adorable. I need to get so much storage just for all the phone pix and videos we make of her… She isn’t even 3 months old yet.

Like I said before it’s a shame that I’m not showing her face online as I just want to show the world how adorable she is. Instead everyone gets to see ugly pix of me trying to imitate her, and she looks more like Tiago!

#ThisWeekendBMetMySisterHerPartnerAndTheirSonForTheFirstTime #AndItWasOurFirstTimeMeetingOurNephewSoThatWasNice

It was really nice to see them. Our nephew is another lockdown baby.

#IAmStillWorkingOnGettingBToHaveNapsEvery60To90MinutesDuringTheDay #ItGoesFairlyWellUntilMidAfternoonAndThenOftenSheIsAwakeFor5Hours

It’s weird that the more they sleep in the day, the better they sleep at night. In the past I’ve been like ‘well at least if she doesn’t go to sleep well, she’ll sleep better during the night’. It was like that a little bit at times I think, but there have been a couple of bad nights lately and I don’t do well with bad nights. None of us do.

I don’t really know what her sleep cycles were like before to be honest. I can’t really remember. I just kind of let her sleep when she wanted to, but then she would get over tired. Once I figured out the pink eyebrows were a sign of needing to sleep, and then I read at her age she should be napping every 60-90 minutes that made me realise that things needed to change.

#SoOurNewThingIsTakingHerOutForAWalkInHerPramIfWeStruggle #ButOnceSheFallsAsleepIAmTooScaredToComeHomeTooEarlyInCaseSheWakesUpAsSoonAsIGetIn

At least it’s good exercise… It gets super cold in Liverpool in the winter though, so that will be interesting. When I got soaked whilst taking her out for a walk the other day B was all nice and snug and dry in her bassinet at least…

#YesterdayIEndedUpGoingForAWalkAsItWasGettingDark #ItWasFunnySeeingEveryoneOutInTheirFancyClothesReadyForANightOut #AndIWasJustLookingAStatePushingAPushchairAbout

I think a few people looked at me like I was a bit odd. Different lives. I was never really a going out kind of person, though perhaps I was more in London. I went to art openings more than anything else though in the evening. Who knows when I’ll be going to one of them again… (I’d take B with me, it’s more because of the pandemic.)

#ItReallyDoesNotSeemLikeThereIsAPandemicHalfTheTime

Tiago says he has noticed that the ‘electricity’ of the ‘old days’ is back on the streets a bit. It seemed really busy out and about that weekend, but then again we were out and about adding to the crowd…

(On the day of posting this a new lockdown has begun in Liverpool, so we’ll see how it feels now. I’m guessing it won’t change much, though I hope it does. We got told by email yesterday to wear masks when we go in and out of our building, for the first time.)

#IHaveBeenToACoupleOfShopsLately #ToTheSupermarketAndToABakery

Hopefully reading this in the future it will sound so boring, but it seems like newsworthy events at the moment because of how things are.

(I have been to a shop since, but I think I will stop it for now. It is too annoying to navigate places with the pushchair…)

#PushingAPushchairAroundYouRealiseHowBadAccessIsAtSomePlaces #OrHowFrustratingSomePathsAreToNavigate #IDidNotGoIntoOneBakeryAsIDidNotThinkIWouldBeAbleToPushBsPushchairRoundTheOneWaySystemWithTheBarriers #AtTheOneIWentIntoInTheEndIHadToTurnThePushchairOnItsSideABit #INearlyDidNotBotherGoingInAsIDidNotWantToEmbarrassMyself #AndThenOnTheWayOutTwoGuysMovedTheBarrierForUsABitToGetOutWithNoProblem #PeopleInWheelchairsOrWithMobilityScootersMustGetSoAnnoyed

I used to think about accessibility a bit before, but now I have a 4-wheeled thing to push around I definitely think about it a lot. I have to change the routes I walk now because of it. You realise how bumpy some surfaces are, steps that you never thought twice about before are a bit bothersome now, you notice how narrow paths are or how lopsided they are etc. You see places in an entirely new light…


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

I Went To The Supermarket For The First Time Since Before Lockdown And Got Soaked (2nd September 2020)

Warning: I think this post and pictures are a bit boring. Sorry!

(I wrote this blog post on the 2nd and I’m just looking at it before posting it on the 17th. I was just thinking about how boring this is…)

I Went To The Supermarket For The First Time Since Before Lockdown And Got Soaked (2nd September 2020)
 
#ItWasRainingABitEarlierButIThoughtItWasJustDrizzlingAfterAWhileSoIDecidedToGoForAWalk
#IHaveBeenTryingToGoForAWalkBeforeTFinishesWorkSoICanDoABitOfMyCourseInTheEvening
#AndTIsNotBotheredAboutNotGoingOut
#OneMinuteIAmTellingMyselfOffForSigningUpForToLearnCodingAsIFeelIHaveEnoughOnMyPlateButTheNextMinuteIAmLovingChallengingMyselfAndItFeelsGreatWhenIGetThingsRight
#JustBeforeILeftIDecidedIShouldGoToTheSupermarket
#IHadNotBeenInOneSinceBeforeLockdown
#SometimesIGetBoredAsMyWalksAreABitAimlessSoItWasNiceToHaveAMission
#ILeftHomeAndItWasRainingALittleBitButItWasNotTooBad
#IWasGoingToGoForAWalkFirstThenGoShoppingBeforeICameHome
#FiveMinutesLaterItWasPouringDownSoIJustHeadedForTheShop
#IHadToStopBeforeIGotThereToPutMyMaskOnAsThereWasNowhereToShelterByTheShopToDoIt
#LuckilyItWasQuietInsideBecauseOfTheRain
#IWasAnxiousAboutPushingBAroundAsTheAislesAreQuiteSmall
#ItWasWeirdSeeingThePricesOfThingsAndSeeingProductsThatIHaveNotSeenInMonths
#TiagoHasBeenDoingOurShoppingForSoLongNow
#IAwkwardlyTookACoupleOfPhotosOfMyselfInTheShopToMarkThisMomentousOccasion
#AMemberOfStaffWalkedByAsIWasDoingItSoITriedToNotLookAsWeirdAsIDid
#IPrettyMuchBlockedTheWholeSelfServiceSectionWithThePushchair
#AndITriedToScanAndPackAsQuickAsPossible
#MyShoppingBagsWereSoakingWet
#ItWasABitOfAStressfulExperience
#IWentOutsideAndNoticedBHadLostHerDummy
#IPulledOverToSomeShelterButICouldNotFindItAndMyArmWasSoWetThatIDidNotWantToDigAroundForIt
#ITriedToWalkFastAndACarSplashedMeButIWasSoSoakedThatItDidNotMakeADifference
#ItWasGoodToTestBsPushchairsWaterproofCoverToTheLimit
#IWouldHaveDoneAFullLengthPhotoOfHowSoakedIWasButItWasTooCold
#TheOnlyThingThatDidNotGetWetAtAllWereMyBreastPads
#LuckilyBKeptSleepingSoICouldHaveAHotShower
#TSawHowWetIWasAndSaidSomethingAboutHowNiceItMustFeelToFeelTheRainOnMeOrSomething
#ILikeWalkingInTheRainButThisWasTooMuchSoNextTimeIWillBeMoreCareful
I Went To The Supermarket For The First Time Since Before Lockdown And Got Soaked (2nd September 2020) II  
I Went To The Supermarket For The First Time Since Before Lockdown And Got Soaked (2nd September 2020) III  

#ItWasRainingABitEarlierButIThoughtItWasJustDrizzlingAfterAWhileSoIDecidedToGoForAWalk

I heard the rain hitting the window earlier on, but I wanted to go out for B to have her next nap as she sleeps better with movement. Her previous naps had been in the bouncer. I couldn’t hear the rain so I assumed it was just spitting.

#IHaveBeenTryingToGoForAWalkBeforeTFinishesWorkSoICanDoABitOfMyCourseInTheEvening #AndTIsNotBotheredAboutNotGoingOut #OneMinuteIAmTellingMyselfOffForSigningUpForToLearnCodingAsIFeelIHaveEnoughOnMyPlateButTheNextMinuteIAmLovingChallengingMyselfAndItFeelsGreatWhenIGetThingsRight

We did not go for a walk the whole bank holiday weekend. As Tiago isn’t at work it’s good to catch up with things, so though we plan to go out often it doesn’t happen. Generally we say for most of the day that we will go out, but then it gets too late. We need to not do that again…

#JustBeforeILeftIDecidedIShouldGoToTheSupermarket #IHadNotBeenInOneSinceBeforeLockdown #SometimesIGetBoredAsMyWalksAreABitAimlessSoItWasNiceToHaveAMission

“Mission”. We needed some things and I thought if T went out then it would take up some of the evening. I had been thinking about going to the supermarket for a while, so it seemed like a good time to do it.

#ILeftHomeAndItWasRainingALittleBitButItWasNotTooBad #IWasGoingToGoForAWalkFirstThenGoShoppingBeforeICameHome

It wasn’t raining enough to feel like ‘I should turn around and wait until later’. Though maybe it was a little and I was committed? Once you’ve got your baby ready and you’re out the house, it’s a big thing to be like nah… later.

#FiveMinutesLaterItWasPouringDownSoIJustHeadedForTheShop

I was looking forward to the walk, but yeah it got too much too fast. I keep an umbrella on the handlebars, but it was too windy for it and it’s a bit of a faff pushing it and holding an umbrella. I’m not that skilled yet!

#IHadToStopBeforeIGotThereToPutMyMaskOnAsThereWasNowhereToShelterByTheShopToDoIt

And waiting for T outside there before I’ve got annoyed at seeing people put a mask on in the doorway, so I was not going to be that person. Though inside some people weren’t wearing masks…

#LuckilyItWasQuietInsideBecauseOfTheRain

I guess they limit the number of customers now, but there was more staff than customers.

#IWasAnxiousAboutPushingBAroundAsTheAislesAreQuiteSmall

I kept trying to ‘park’ out of the way whilst I checked my shopping list and messaged Tiago to say how soaked I was. Occasionally an aisle was too narrow, so I’d have to leave B and quickly go grab something.

#ItWasWeirdSeeingThePricesOfThingsAndSeeingProductsThatIHaveNotSeenInMonths #TiagoHasBeenDoingOurShoppingForSoLongNow

I look at the receipts occasionally, but it was weird seeing them for myself. I had forgotten about so many brands and things. It was odd…

#IAwkwardlyTookACoupleOfPhotosOfMyselfInTheShopToMarkThisMomentousOccasion #AMemberOfStaffWalkedByAsIWasDoingItSoITriedToNotLookAsWeirdAsIDid

“Momentous occasion”. Of course I had to… A full length would have been cool, but I’m too awkward for these things.

#IPrettyMuchBlockedTheWholeSelfServiceSectionWithThePushchair #AndITriedToScanAndPackAsQuickAsPossible #MyShoppingBagsWereSoakingWet #ItWasABitOfAStressfulExperience

I was hoping to just go to a cashier as I thought it would be quicker, but they weren’t open. I guess it is safer to not go to them, but I have always found the self service machines stressful if you have more than a few items.

The rain worked in my favour with the shop, but not with feeling physically good.

(I haven’t been back since and I don’t really plan to unless she is in a carrier as it was so stressful. I went to some clothes shops yesterday to get her some vests and even some of the aisles of baby clothes are too narrow for a pushchair.)

#IWentOutsideAndNoticedBHadLostHerDummy #IPulledOverToSomeShelterButICouldNotFindItAndMyArmWasSoWetThatIDidNotWantToDigAroundForIt

She had woken up and I usually give it back to her to help her go back to sleep. I wasn’t going to open up her waterproof cover, but I thought I should try to in case she started to cry later on and I would not be able to stop anywhere else that was so dry. In the end it was fine though and she drifted back off to sleep. Win.

#ITriedToWalkFastAndACarSplashedMeButIWasSoSoakedThatItDidNotMakeADifference

I went to swear at them, but then I noticed how deep the puddle was and I hadn’t really felt it. The splash looked quite big though, so they could have driven slower but they probably saw how wet I was anyways.

I felt a bit self-conscious about soaked I was, but other pedestrians looked the same.

#ItWasGoodToTestBsPushchairsWaterproofCoverToTheLimit

It did let a bit of rain in, but it did pretty well. We usually towel dry it as it is quicker, but the basket was soaking wet.

#IWouldHaveDoneAFullLengthPhotoOfHowSoakedIWasButItWasTooCold #TheOnlyThingThatDidNotGetWetAtAllWereMyBreastPads #LuckilyBKeptSleepingSoICouldHaveAHotShower

I did not want to drip all over my stuff and I did not know how long I had before B would wake up. A shower took preference. I’m sat in my comfy clothes now and I’d love a nap, but I need to feed B.

#TSawHowWetIWasAndSaidSomethingAboutHowNiceItMustFeelToFeelTheRainOnMeOrSomething #ILikeWalkingInTheRainButThisWasTooMuchSoNextTimeIWillBeMoreCareful

He saw me in my comfy clothes and said I should get into bed, but I said no I have to write my hashtags and then I wrote this blog post…

(The next day I realised that the rain had also ruined my sunglasses. They used to be blue tinted, but whatever makes them blue had started to come away as I had left them soaking wet in the organiser of the pushchair. Great. I’m going to have to see if I can completely remove that layer so I can salvage them and just have black sunglasses. Exciting stuff!)


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

An Impression Of B Sucking Her Hands (31st August 2020)

Me doing an impression of B sucking her hand
An Impression Of B Sucking Her Hands (31st August 2020)
 
#IHadBeenMeaningToTakeAPictureOfThisForAFewDays
#BHasStartedToSuckHerHandsNow
#AndBecauseIDoNotWantHerFaceInThisProjectIThoughtIWouldPhotographMyselfDoingItInstead
#ItLooksABitLikeSheIsLickingAnIceCream
#IHopeItDoesNotLookTooDodgy
#WellIfItDoesThenThatIsYourDodgyMindNotMine
#ItWasOnMyShootListButIWasTryingToNotDoOneForACoupleOfDays
#IAmUpToDateWithMyBlogPostsInTermsOfHavingSomethingWrittenForEachOne
#ThenOnTheDayThatIPostIJustCheckOverThemAndAddInAnythingElse
#AndIStartedACodingCourseLastWeekSoIFeelLikeIHaveALotGoingOn
#SoItWasNiceToNotHaveToWriteAnyBlogPostsForACoupleOfDays
#ThenIHadAnImprintOfBsEarOnMyChest
#SoIWantedToPhotographThatWithMyQuoteProperKitUnquoteAsMostOfMyPicturesLatelyHaveBeenWithMyCrummyPhoneCamera
#ThoughIDidTryToTakeOneWithMyPhone
#AndAsEverythingWasSetUpAndBWasWithTiagoIThoughtIWouldTryOutThisIdea
#ItIsWhatItIs
#MeDoingAnImpressionOfBSuckingHerHand
#TiagoGotACoupleOfShelvingUnitsThatIHaveWantedSinceIStartedToNestAtTheBeginningOfLockdown
#SoHopefullyNowWeCanSoonHaveTheFlatMoreTidy
#ButThenTheNextThingWeNeedToWorryAboutIsBabyproofingEverything
#TheFunNeverEnds
#IFeelABitLonely
#IFeelLikeNonMumFriendsCanNotRelateToMeNowAndSomeAreKeepingTheirDistance
#AndThatIDoNotFitInWithNewMumFriendsAsIStartedToDoACourseAndTheyFeelLikeTheyDoNotHaveTimeToDoAnything
#INeedToBeProductiveAndRetainSomeOfMyOldIdentityAsOtherwiseItIsNotGoodForMyMentalHealth
#ILoveBToBitsAlreadyButSheCanNotProvideMeWithEverythingINeed
#AndTheGoodThingAboutMyProjectIsItIsToDoWithOurFamily
#ThoughWritingThingsLikeThisIsHardButIThinkSheWillUnderstandOneDay
#IAmStillWorkingOnABalanceButIGuessItIsAWorkInProgressFromWeekToWeek
#INeedToDoSomeStretchingBeforeSheWakesUpFromHerNapAsIHaveNotInAFewDaysAndIDoNotFeelThatGreatBecauseOfIt

(I wrote this blog post on the day I took the picture – any comments in brackets are comments from today.)

#IHadBeenMeaningToTakeAPictureOfThisForAFewDays
#BHasStartedToSuckHerHandsNow
#AndBecauseIDoNotWantHerFaceInThisProjectIThoughtIWouldPhotographMyselfDoingItInstead
#ItLooksABitLikeSheIsLickingAnIceCream
#IHopeItDoesNotLookTooDodgy
#WellIfItDoesThenThatIsYourDodgyMindNotMine

To be fair there were some dodgy looking pictures and I get enough weird messages as it is. In the end it was between this one and one that did look dodgy. I preferred this one, but I thought I’d ask T his opinion; I was happy when he also liked this one.

Maybe it looks more like I am just thinking. I do suck/bite my fingers when I am stressed (perhaps less now due to Covid now), so maybe it’s a similar thing. I think she is just discovering her body more though. I got reminded that she will be grabbing her feet and things soon, which will be funny!

#ItWasOnMyShootListButIWasTryingToNotDoOneForACoupleOfDays
#IAmUpToDateWithMyBlogPostsInTermsOfHavingSomethingWrittenForEachOne
#ThenOnTheDayThatIPostIJustCheckOverThemAndAddInAnythingElse

Though once I start writing blog posts I do get quite into them.

#AndIStartedACodingCourseLastWeekSoIFeelLikeIHaveALotGoingOn
#SoItWasNiceToNotHaveToWriteAnyBlogPostsForACoupleOfDays

Yeah it’s a bit much doing blog posts and classes in one night. Though I watched a few segments earlier and did the first task for my JavaScript week, and this is my second blog post but hopefully tomorrow night I can just focus on my course. Thanks to Tiago for being super supportive.

#ThenIHadAnImprintOfBsEarOnMyChest
#SoIWantedToPhotographThatWithMyQuoteProperKitUnquoteAsMostOfMyPicturesLatelyHaveBeenWithMyCrummyPhoneCamera
#ThoughIDidTryToTakeOneWithMyPhone
#AndAsEverythingWasSetUpAndBWasWithTiagoIThoughtIWouldTryOutThisIdea
#ItIsWhatItIs
#MeDoingAnImpressionOfBSuckingHerHand

I love how I don’t do a shoot for a few days and then I photograph two ideas. It’s how it goes. I’ve written the blog posts on the same day as the shoots, which at least is a good exercise in editing my shoots down quickly. It feels really good to be up to date with these things – until I make more work for myself.

#TiagoGotACoupleOfShelvingUnitsThatIHaveWantedSinceIStartedToNestAtTheBeginningOfLockdown
#SoHopefullyNowWeCanSoonHaveTheFlatMoreTidy

A certain furniture store was out of stock of certain things – like the cot we wanted – and then wasn’t delivering other things that we wanted. When they reopened we thought the queues would be too much, so we held off and tried to find them second hand. In the end we were too slow at getting them, so T finally braved it. He said there were still big queues and a lot of people going in together. I’d love to go round a shop, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to go as a family.

Anyways, we built them pretty fast and it’s nice to have my art books out finally after living in Liverpool for 20 months!

#ButThenTheNextThingWeNeedToWorryAboutIsBabyproofingEverything
#TheFunNeverEnds

Can she just exist within a playpen for the rest of her life?

#IFeelABitLonely
#IFeelLikeNonMumFriendsCanNotRelateToMeNowAndSomeAreKeepingTheirDistance
#AndThatIDoNotFitInWithNewMumFriendsAsIStartedToDoACourseAndTheyFeelLikeTheyDoNotHaveTimeToDoAnything
#INeedToBeProductiveAndRetainSomeOfMyOldIdentityAsOtherwiseItIsNotGoodForMyMentalHealth

(I’ve been thinking about these few hashtags since I wrote them and I feel awkward about them, but it’s how I feel.)

It is just a bit weird. Some people stop talking to you once you get pregnant, some stop talking to you once you’ve had a kid, some people it just feels awkward to talk to etc.

I know that some people feel bad for not being productive; I don’t want them to feel that way. Some people say they aren’t productive, but I bet they are in different ways to me.

I would love to just be relaxing, but I’m not very good at it. I’m trying to be more relaxed during the day though when me and B hang out though. I’m also lucky that Tiago understands that I need some time to do my own thing.

I guess I’ve always felt like I’ve never really fitted in anywhere anyways. Well, I feel like I fit in with my new family of T and B and that’s really good. I can be myself with them – for now. Maybe B will find me embarrassing in a few years’ time, but we will just have to wait and see!

I’ve said since before B was born that I need to retain some of my past identity. When I say that I mean just being able to do my art stuff as it is important for my mental health. I am at my worst when I feel like I haven’t done anything as my work is very therapeutic for me.

(I’m currently feeling a little stressed as I’ve started the next phase of my coding course – my session today took me longer than I planned and I didn’t do my task well – and I haven’t done a shoot in 4/5 days. Hopefully I will take photos tomorrow.)

#ILoveBToBitsAlreadyButSheCanNotProvideMeWithEverythingINeed

I love when she smiles and she giggles in her sleep a bit now. I can’t wait for her to laugh at loud at me doing dumb things to make her do so 🙂

#AndTheGoodThingAboutMyProjectIsItIsToDoWithOurFamily

So I may annoy them, but at least I’m around. At some point I would like to do something that perhaps isn’t so diaristic, but that’s where we are for now.

#ThoughWritingThingsLikeThisIsHardButIThinkSheWillUnderstandOneDay

Well, she will one day know that I can not provide her with everything she needs because it is impossible.

It is also hard to write about feeling lonely at times. I think I feel this way because of the pandemic too though; things would be a bit different if we weren’t going through this. It is odd though as a lot of people act like it is not happening.

#IAmStillWorkingOnABalanceButIGuessItIsAWorkInProgressFromWeekToWeek

It is a bit more day to day at times, but I am learning and different days need different approaches.

#INeedToDoSomeStretchingBeforeSheWakesUpFromHerNapAsIHaveNotInAFewDaysAndIDoNotFeelThatGreatBecauseOfIt

I was bouncing her in her bouncer while she slept. I finished the hashtags and got up to do a YouTube video. T took over bouncing duties, but she noticed the difference and she woke up pretty quickly.

Luckily she was pretty chilled and allowed me to finish. I think I fed and changed her, then I did a baby yoga video with her. I need to start doing more baby classes with her as it is good quality time and I feel like she gets a lot out of them. We are starting a new course soon, so hopefully she will enjoy it more now that she is a bit older.

(We have since started a new course and we haven’t been able to get through a class in one go – the last one we did it took 3 separate sessions to complete.

I hope this blog post makes sense. When I wrote it I was probably tired and now checking it I am quite tired. I’ve started to go to bed at 9pm if I can, but it seems that I can never sleep enough.)


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

This Is Supposed To Be A Photo Of B’s Ear Imprint (31st August 2020)

Well I tried my best to get a good picture of it before it disappeared…

A bad photo of B's ear imprinted on my chest
This Is Supposed To Be A Photo Of B’s Ear Imprint (31st August 2020)
 
#BHadAMorningNapOnMe
#SheHadOneOnTiagoBeforeIWokeUpAndThenHePutHerBackInHerCot
#WhenSheCriedAndWokeMeUpIGotHerUpAndFedHerAndThenSheFellAsleepOnMeAndIWasTooTiredToGetUpSoILetHerSleep
#ICanNotGetUpInTheMorning
#WellIHaveToButIFeelTerribleForAWhile
#ButThenIGenerallyDoNotSleepAgainUntilNightTime
#WhileSheSleptOnMeIReadSomeOfMyLibraryBookThatIGenerallyOnlyReadDuringTheNight
#AsIFeelQuiteAwakeButThenWakeUpFeelingTerrible
#YouOnlyHave2WeeksToReadAnEbookAndTwoPeopleAreWaitingForItSoINeedToHurryUp
#OtherwiseIHaveToWaitForThemToBorrowItBeforeICanFinishIt
#TiagoBroughtMeBreakfastAndIAteWhatICouldOverHerHead
#WhenIMovedHerOffMeToEatTheMessierPartINoticedLinesOnMyStomachFromHerBabyGrowZip
#ButAlsoAStrangeMarkOnMyBoob
#LookingDownAtItIRealisedItWasAnImprintOfHerEar
#TJustCameIntoTheRoomKindOfHalfSkippingHalfLikeHeWasRidingAHorse
#HeSaidHeHadNeverMovedLikeItBeforeAndDidTheSameToExitTheRoom
#IThoughtIShouldMentionItAsItMadeMeLaugh
#AnywaysITriedToTakeAPictureOfTheEarImprint
#ButMyPhoneIsNotVeryGood
#AndALotWasOnShowIfIWantedToHaveItSoThatItWasInFocus
#SoIQuicklyPassedBToTiago
#AndSetUpMyPhotoStuffToSeeIfICouldTakeAnAlrightPhotoWithACloseupFilter
#GoodJobItIsABankHolidaySoHeWasAvailable
#IWasScramblingAsIKnewItWasAlreadyFading
#YouCanKindOfSeeItButIGuessItIsNotVeryObvious
#MyFriendBellaHasShownMePhotosOfHerSonsEarImprintedOnHerArmBefore
#ForSomeReasonIDidNotExpectToSeeMeWithOneSoSoon
#IAmSureItWillNotBeTheLastTimeEither
#MaybeNextTimeICanGetABetterPhoto
#ButItMightJustLookTheSame

Tiago says you can’t see s*** and that is quite accurate…

#BHadAMorningNapOnMe
#SheHadOneOnTiagoBeforeIWokeUpAndThenHePutHerBackInHerCot
#WhenSheCriedAndWokeMeUpIGotHerUpAndFedHerAndThenSheFellAsleepOnMeAndIWasTooTiredToGetUpSoILetHerSleep

So I should have either woken her up and fed her more, or woken her up and got her ready for the day. I did neither…

#ICanNotGetUpInTheMorning
#WellIHaveToButIFeelTerribleForAWhile
#ButThenIGenerallyDoNotSleepAgainUntilNightTime

I should really be napping more during the day when she naps, but that would be too smart.

To be fair most of her naps are on me, in the pushchair, in her carrier or in the bouncer whilst I am bouncing it so it’s not that easy…

(Since I wrote this she’s been taking more naps in her cot, but it’s a work in progress.)

#WhileSheSleptOnMeIReadSomeOfMyLibraryBookThatIGenerallyOnlyReadDuringTheNight
#AsIFeelQuiteAwakeButThenWakeUpFeelingTerrible
#YouOnlyHave2WeeksToReadAnEbookAndTwoPeopleAreWaitingForItSoINeedToHurryUp
#OtherwiseIHaveToWaitForThemToBorrowItBeforeICanFinishIt

I started to read when I only had 10 days left. I assumed I wouldn’t read it and would just return it like I do with a lot of books, but I’ve got quite into it. It’s called Diamonds at the Lost and Found by Sarah Aspinall. I love a good childhood memoir, but I was mainly drawn in by the cover on the library app. I tend not to read too much blurb as I like to be surprised.

(Well I finished it and now I’m reading Such A Fun Age by Kiley Reid.)

#TiagoBroughtMeBreakfastAndIAteWhatICouldOverHerHead

If you’re interested it was some olive tapenade on bread, some Sao Jorge cheese on bread and two eggs. I was worried the eggs would run over her head, so I asked him to put them on toast but the bread was small and I knew I would make a mess. Fun times.

#WhenIMovedHerOffMeToEatTheMessierPartINoticedLinesOnMyStomachFromHerBabyGrowZip

So yeah I had to move her off me and I felt bad. I also knew she would wake up as soon as I put her down.

#ButAlsoAStrangeMarkOnMyBoob
#LookingDownAtItIRealisedItWasAnImprintOfHerEar

Please remember this bit.

#TJustCameIntoTheRoomKindOfHalfSkippingHalfLikeHeWasRidingAHorse
#HeSaidHeHadNeverMovedLikeItBeforeAndDidTheSameToExitTheRoom
#IThoughtIShouldMentionItAsItMadeMeLaugh

A bit of a random hashtag interlude but Tiago looked so happy and it made me laugh out loud so I had to include it.

Remember the hashtags before though…

#AnywaysITriedToTakeAPictureOfTheEarImprint
#ButMyPhoneIsNotVeryGood
#AndALotWasOnShowIfIWantedToHaveItSoThatItWasInFocus
#SoIQuicklyPassedBToTiago

A bad phone picture where it is more obvious. I think that is also a crumb from my breakfast further up the left hand side of the photo.

Yeah a bad picture like that, but it is more clear. The crumb does crack me up though – I probably should just have this as the final image really.

(I’ve seen taken a photo of myself where you can see a lot of crumbs on me.)

#AndSetUpMyPhotoStuffToSeeIfICouldTakeAnAlrightPhotoWithACloseupFilter
#GoodJobItIsABankHolidaySoHeWasAvailable
#IWasScramblingAsIKnewItWasAlreadyFading
#YouCanKindOfSeeItButIGuessItIsNotVeryObvious
#MyFriendBellaHasShownMePhotosOfHerSonsEarImprintedOnHerArmBefore
#ForSomeReasonIDidNotExpectToSeeMeWithOneSoSoon
#IAmSureItWillNotBeTheLastTimeEither
#MaybeNextTimeICanGetABetterPhoto
#ButItMightJustLookTheSame

And that’s the story of how I got a photo of my chest with nothing much to see. I should probably moisturise it in the not so distant future by the zoomed in looks of it!


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Crying Because She Smiled At Me (19th August 2020)

Me with a tear on my cheek in the bathroom because my daughter smiled at me
Crying Because She Smiled At Me (19th August 2020)
 
#IUsedToCryBecauseSheDidNotSmile
#NowICryBecauseSheDoesSmile
#IHaveCriedThreeTimesBetweenHerFirstSmilingAtMeThisMorningAndMeOpeningThisDocumentToWriteTheseHashtags
#ObviouslyTearsOfJoy
#WeAreAllSatOnTheBedAndBIsAtMySide
#IKeepLookingDownAtHerAndTryingToMakeHerSmile
#MyNewFavouriteThingsIsJustSayingAEIOUAtHerAndOnUIPutMyFingerOnHerNose
#IReadThatBabiesLikeToLookAtYourMouth
#MyFavouriteSoundOfHersIsWhenSheCoos
#AndTheShapeThatHerMouthMovesIntoToMakeItIsSoCute
#IAlsoJustOpenMyMouthWideAndMakeAShortLaughingSoundWhichSheSeemsToLike
#SheLikesToGrabOnToThingsNow
#WeHaveALotOfMuslinsAndWeUseOneWithHerCarseatAndTheOtherDaySheWasHoldingItAllTheWayToTheCar
#AndSheIsFallingAsleepNowWithOneInHerHand
#MaybeItIsTimeToGiveHerTheComfortBlanketWeHaveForHer
#SheJustWokeUpAndMadeALittleSoundSoILookedOverAtHerAndMadeMyMouthBigAndSheSmiled
#IFeelLikeWhenSheIsInASmileyMoodICanSayAnythingAndSheWillSmile
#IMostlyCallHerAPoopMachineAndSayPoopInAHighPitchedWay
#SheAlsoPutsHerHandOnMyChestMoreWhenIFeedHer
#AllMyRecentPhonePhotosHaveJustBeenWhenIAmFeedingHerAndWhereShePutsHerHands
#IThinkYesterdayWasTheFirstTimeThatIDidNotHandExpressOrPump
#IFedHerOnAParkBenchYesterdayWhenWeMetNCTFriends
#AndTheDayBeforeIBreastfedHerAtATableOutsideOfARestaurant
#IReadAboutAnActivityToDoPaintingWithHer
#YouPutAPieceOfPaperWithBigDollopsOfPaintOnItInsideASeeThroughPlasticWalletAndTapeItToTheFloor
#ThenDragHerHandsAcrossItOrSeeIfSheInteractsWithItDuringTummyTime
#PerhapsSheIsTooYoungButWeMightTryItToday
#YesterdayIDidDanceVideosWithoutBAndAsMuchAsILoveHavingHerWithMeWhenIDoThemIThinkIDanceBetterAlone
#WhenSheIsOnMeMyMovementsAreLimitedAndIDoTheSameMobesButWithoutHerItIsMoreOfAWorkout
#SheJustWokeHerselfUpByCryingInHerSleepAndNowIAmCryingBecauseHerFrownBrokeMyHeart
 

It’s not the world’s best picture, but I only took a few. One was blah, one showed me licking the tear with my tongue (possibly interesting but odd) or this one which actually shows the tear but is a bit blurry. I guess the blurriness shows my hurried state these days – taking a few quick pictures in the bathroom then running back to my baby.

#IUsedToCryBecauseSheDidNotSmile
#NowICryBecauseSheDoesSmile
#IHaveCriedThreeTimesBetweenHerFirstSmilingAtMeThisMorningAndMeOpeningThisDocumentToWriteTheseHashtags
#ObviouslyTearsOfJoy

It’s such an amazing feeling to see her smiling at me; I’m getting emotional just writing this.

I wrote a post about my image/hashtags called My Baby Is A Brick Wall (14th July 2020), which talks about that I think I’ll find motherhood easier/better when B smiles and it is definitely true. Before it was hard when she didn’t show me any positive emotion, but obviously now that she does it makes me cry too – though in a good way.

Today B had some more injections and the person administering them (I never know the job titles of medical professionals) said it’s a shame that she never gets any babies smiling at her now because she has to wear a mask. I don’t think B just gets confused when I wear one, but it is true that she smiles less as me smiling at her usually triggers her to smile.

#WeAreAllSatOnTheBedAndBIsAtMySide
#IKeepLookingDownAtHerAndTryingToMakeHerSmile
#MyNewFavouriteThingsIsJustSayingAEIOUAtHerAndOnUIPutMyFingerOnHerNose
#IReadThatBabiesLikeToLookAtYourMouth

I have a hand movement for each vowel now. I’ll have to make a video of it and put it on my Instagram at some point, but without B as I don’t show her face. (Maybe I’ll get T to pretend to be B.)

I read that they like Old Macdonald Had A Farm, because of the vowel bit in the song. I sing it to her quite a bit, but also just say vowels at her… He has a lot of cows, because moo is a good mouth shape for her to copy. He also has a few cats and then whatever other animals I can think of.

#MyFavouriteSoundOfHersIsWhenSheCoos
#AndTheShapeThatHerMouthMovesIntoToMakeItIsSoCute

IT IS SO ADORABLE. I’m kind of annoyed at myself for choosing not to show her face as I just want to show the world how cute she is (and strong, and intelligent and smart etc.), but I also know that I should protect her privacy a bit.

(I feel like me saying I should protect her privacy makes me sound like I think I’m some ‘big shot’ or something. I don’t…)

#IAlsoJustOpenMyMouthWideAndMakeAShortLaughingSoundWhichSheSeemsToLike

It’s funny how quickly these things become a thing of the past. I don’t do this anymore… It’s a good job I record the songs that I make up for her as I often record them and then don’t sing them anymore.

#SheLikesToGrabOnToThingsNow
#WeHaveALotOfMuslinsAndWeUseOneWithHerCarseatAndTheOtherDaySheWasHoldingItAllTheWayToTheCar
#AndSheIsFallingAsleepNowWithOneInHerHand
#MaybeItIsTimeToGiveHerTheComfortBlanketWeHaveForHer

It’s nice to see her strength and awareness developing. I still need to get the comforter out of her toy bag for her…

#SheJustWokeUpAndMadeALittleSoundSoILookedOverAtHerAndMadeMyMouthBigAndSheSmiled
#IFeelLikeWhenSheIsInASmileyMoodICanSayAnythingAndSheWillSmile
#IMostlyCallHerAPoopMachineAndSayPoopInAHighPitchedWay

I also haven’t called her a poop machine much since I wrote the hashtags…

#SheAlsoPutsHerHandOnMyChestMoreWhenIFeedHer
#AllMyRecentPhonePhotosHaveJustBeenWhenIAmFeedingHerAndWhereShePutsHerHands

I’ve also started to take less pictures of feeding her, because of how her hands are. The other day she was putting her hands down my top whilst I fed her? She doesn’t know what she is doing, but it is funny.

#IThinkYesterdayWasTheFirstTimeThatIDidNotHandExpressOrPump

There were a couple of days where I didn’t, but I’m trying to do it once a day now. Mainly because it’s easier to give her her vitamin D in a bottle of milk, but also because I hope it helps keep my milk production up.

I realise that since I stopped pumping so much, when I do I don’t produce so much but I guess it’s more of a supply and demand now, whereas before I was probably over-producing.

(I’m trying to pump once a day now. Yesterday it took me a while to get 60ml from one boob and then I spilled 40ml of it over the bed – great.)

#IFedHerOnAParkBenchYesterdayWhenWeMetNCTFriends
#AndTheDayBeforeIBreastfedHerAtATableOutsideOfARestaurant

I talked about this already in a previous post or five.

#IReadAboutAnActivityToDoPaintingWithHer
#YouPutAPieceOfPaperWithBigDollopsOfPaintOnItInsideASeeThroughPlasticWalletAndTapeItToTheFloor
#ThenDragHerHandsAcrossItOrSeeIfSheInteractsWithItDuringTummyTime
#PerhapsSheIsTooYoungButWeMightTryItToday

Well I ended up doing a week or so later. I used too much paint and she really wasn’t in the mood for tummy time – which is unusual for her. Or perhaps she wasn’t in the mood for me to drag her hands, make her walk on it or sit on it…

B's first painting
I probably should have taken a picture of it now that it’s dry and not in the bag.

#YesterdayIDidDanceVideosWithoutBAndAsMuchAsILoveHavingHerWithMeWhenIDoThemIThinkIDanceBetterAlone
#WhenSheIsOnMeMyMovementsAreLimitedAndIDoTheSameMobesButWithoutHerItIsMoreOfAWorkout

I still want to dance with her occasionally, but it’s nice to have a bit of a workout.

One of the videos:

I broke a button off my dress (right video) and I’ve just realised how I shouldn’t dance in it until it is fixed. Maybe this is why I get annoying comments from men…


#SheJustWokeHerselfUpByCryingInHerSleepAndNowIAmCryingBecauseHerFrownBrokeMyHeart

She seems to be waking herself up my crying in her sleep a bit more lately. I think she does has bad dreams. It’s kind of cute when she does it, but I feel bad as I can’t stop her having bad dreams. I said it in my last post, but what do babies dream about?


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My First Pushchair Injury (18th August 2020)

My First Pushchair Injury (18th August 2020)
 
#INeverKnowWhatToCallBsVehicle
#TheWebsiteIBoughtItFromCallsItAStrollerButIThoughtThatWasTheSameAsAPushchair
#JustHadAResearch
#APramIsForNewborns
#APushchairIsForWhenTheyAreABitOlderAndCanSitUp
#AStrollerIsSuitableForToddlersAndYoungChildren
#ABuggyCanMeanAPushchairOrStroller
#WellItIsAStrollerWithABassinetOnItRightNow
#IAmKeepingTheTitleAsPushchairAsStrollerSoundsLikeIAmStrollingAbout
#WhichIWasToBeFairButNotWhenIHurtMyselfOnIt
#WeWentToMeetSomePeopleFromOurNCTGroup
#WeHadOurCourseOnlineNearly4MonthsAgoAndWeTalkEverydayInTheMumsWhatsAppGroup
#ThereAre8BabiesIncludingB
#5OfThemWereThereAndItWasTheFirstTimeIHadMetTwoOfThem
#ItIsFunnyAsIFeelLikeIHaveMetEveryoneInRealLifeButIAmStillYetToMeetThreeOfThem
#ThereIsAbout7WeeksBetweenTheOldestAndTheYoungestBaby
#WeMetInAParkAndJustStoodAboutChattingBabiesAndTV
#ForTheRecordWeAreMainlyWatchingSellingSunsetAndThisIsUs
#IBreastfedInPublicForTheSecondAndThirdTimeYesterdayAndTodaySoThatIsGood
#TheGroupHasBeenGreatAsItIsNiceToKnowThatOtherPeopleAreGoingThroughTheSameThing
#EspeciallyWithBeingPregnantGivingBirthAndHavingANewbornInAPandemic
#EveryoneLeftAndTBAndMeWentForABitMoreOfAWalk
#IThinkMyKneeHurtsFromWalkingOnSoMuchCobbledFloor
#ItWasTheFirstTimeTakingTheStrollerInTheCar
#SoWeHaveNotPutItUpAndDownMuch
#IWentToPutItDownAndICouldSeePeopleBehindWalkingCloseBySoIFeltUnderPressure
#ItWouldNotSeemToFoldSoIPushedItABitMore
#AndThenSuddenlyItWentAndIGuessItCaughtMyFinger
#IHaveNotChosenTheImageYetButIThinkIWillGoForOneWhereMyFingerLooksABitLikeASnake
#OfCourseAsSoonAsIHurtMyFingerIThoughtIWillPhotographThisLaterAndSoIDid

 

#INeverKnowWhatToCallBsVehicle
#TheWebsiteIBoughtItFromCallsItAStrollerButIThoughtThatWasTheSameAsAPushchair
#JustHadAResearch
#APramIsForNewborns
#APushchairIsForWhenTheyAreABitOlderAndCanSitUp
#AStrollerIsSuitableForToddlersAndYoungChildren
#ABuggyCanMeanAPushchairOrStroller
#WellItIsAStrollerWithABassinetOnItRightNow

I think it is probably actually a ‘2-in-1’ system or something, but who really cares?

I did briefly work in a baby shop many years ago, but obviously I never learned the difference then. It’s a bit weird thinking about it now as back then I don’t think I had that much interest in babies or thought I would end up having one of my own…

(I think from my early 20s or before I knew I wanted kids, but that it would not happen anytime soon.)

#IAmKeepingTheTitleAsPushchairAsStrollerSoundsLikeIAmStrollingAbout
#WhichIWasToBeFairButNotWhenIHurtMyselfOnIt

And people know what a pushchair is. I do stroll about with it a lot, but I should probably do it more…

#WeWentToMeetSomePeopleFromOurNCTGroup
#WeHadOurCourseOnlineNearly4MonthsAgoAndWeTalkEverydayInTheMumsWhatsAppGroup
#ThereAre8BabiesIncludingB
#5OfThemWereThereAndItWasTheFirstTimeIHadMetTwoOfThem
#ItIsFunnyAsIFeelLikeIHaveMetEveryoneInRealLifeButIAmStillYetToMeetThreeOfThem

We signed up to the NCT group as we had no idea about babies, but also because we wanted to meet more expectant parents in Liverpool. We knew a handful of people when we moved here at the end of 2018, and though we have made new friends we still didn’t know that many people. Some reviews did say that it was an expensive way to buy friends, but we thought we’d give it a go.

We ended up ‘meeting’ over Zoom due to lockdown and though at first I found it awkward, I eventually got over it. I was tired for weeks after the course as I think the stress of being on video to strangers stressed me out. That may sound weird as I’m in a lot of my work, but being a student on a course via webcam is a completely different thing.

I’ve since met a couple more, so there’s only one mother and baby that B and I haven’t met yet.

#ThereIsAbout7WeeksBetweenTheOldestAndTheYoungestBaby

B was born 4th, but she is not even a week younger than the oldest. The order would have been different if she hadn’t been born more than 2 weeks before her due date…

#WeMetInAParkAndJustStoodAboutChattingBabiesAndTV
#ForTheRecordWeAreMainlyWatchingSellingSunsetAndThisIsUs

I feel like I should be watching more TV and films with B, but instead I chose to write a blog and start a coding course…

(Yesterday we did watch Farmageddon though and it was very good. I say we, but B slept on my chest through all of it after feeding and T was doing other things.)

#IBreastfedInPublicForTheSecondAndThirdTimeYesterdayAndTodaySoThatIsGood

We had lunch with one of the Mums and we were both breastfeeding, then at the park another Mum was feeding. Feeding together is a good way to build confidence.

#TheGroupHasBeenGreatAsItIsNiceToKnowThatOtherPeopleAreGoingThroughTheSameThing
#EspeciallyWithBeingPregnantGivingBirthAndHavingANewbornInAPandemic

I know other people who have kids, but I think having been pregnant and had a baby in a pandemic is a different experience.

#EveryoneLeftAndTBAndMeWentForABitMoreOfAWalk
#IThinkMyKneeHurtsFromWalkingOnSoMuchCobbledFloor

We hadn’t been to that park before and not much walking had taken place, so we wanted to explore. My knee was playing up for a little bit.

#ItWasTheFirstTimeTakingTheStrollerInTheCar
#SoWeHaveNotPutItUpAndDownMuch
#IWentToPutItDownAndICouldSeePeopleBehindWalkingCloseBySoIFeltUnderPressure
#ItWouldNotSeemToFoldSoIPushedItABitMore
#AndThenSuddenlyItWentAndIGuessItCaughtMyFinger

I have since figured out where I was going wrong – there was a bit that you can push up or down that makes it easier. I did last read the instructions back in April, which is unusual for me as I just prefer to figure things out for myself unless I get really stuck.

#IHaveNotChosenTheImageYetButIThinkIWillGoForOneWhereMyFingerLooksABitLikeASnake

The other images were a bit boring. Maybe this one is too, but I do like that it looks a bit like an animal – I love finding faces in things.

Apparently it’s called pareidolia.

#OfCourseAsSoonAsIHurtMyFingerIThoughtIWillPhotographThisLaterAndSoIDid

Perhaps it’s not a normal way to think, but it seems to be how I operate these days. I guess it’s good though as otherwise I wouldn’t have a lot of images, though I don’t like being clumsy at times.

I am enjoying that I am not forcing pictures for this project though – I’m not doing random shoots and hoping something works. I usually have an idea in mind these days, which is a quicker way to work, and that is great – especially when you have a baby.


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