Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Imitating B Hiding Behind The Curtain In Tiago’s Parents’ Living Room (18 Weeks / 2nd September 2021)

Self-portrait hiding behind a thin curtain. I am pressing my head into it so you can see my hair and a bit of my face.
Imitating B Hiding Behind The Curtain In Tiago’s Parents’ Living Room (18 Weeks / 2nd September 2021)
 
#TheOtherDayWeWerePlayingInTheLivingRoomAndThenISuddenlyCouldNotFindB
#SheWasJustSittingQuietlyBehindTheCurtainThoughSometimesSheStandsAndMessesAbout
#SheHasStartedToTurnInCirclesWhichSheFindsHilariousAndIsCuteToSee
#SheNowAlsoPointsToStuffWhichIsGood
#ThisMayOrMayNotBeFromMeSingingAndDoingTheActionsToWindTheBobbinUpAMillionTimes
#TheOtherDayBMetHerSecondCousinWhoIsAboutFourMonthsYounger
#TheirCommonInterestsAreAnimalsFruitAndKeys
#ThereWereACoupleOfKittensInTheGardenWhereWeWereEatingDinnerAndBWasEnjoyingTalkingToThem
#TiagoAndACoupleOfFriendsFoundThreeKittensThatHadBeenAbandonedTheOtherDayWhileFixingSomeGardenWalls
#LuckilyTheyFoundThemAndTookThemToALocalGroceryShopAsACatCharityTheyCalledWasFull
#WeKeepTalkingAboutThemAndItIsSuchAShameThatWeCouldNotHaveKeptThemButIHopeTheyFoundAGoodHomeOrHomes
#WeHaveStartedToTakeBOutWithUsMoreInTheEveningAndTwoNightsInARowWeHaveReturnedWithHerAsleep
#WeRememberedToTakeHerToothbrushAndBrushHerTeethBeforeGettingInTheCarTheSecondTime
#WeHaveBeenWakingUpToTheSoundOfOurAlarmMoreLatelyButIDoWonderIfThisWillHappenWhenWeReturnHome
#TwoNightsAgoIWasLyingInTiagosArmsInTheNightAndAfterAWhileHePanickedAndSaidWhereIsB
#WeBothStartedToLookAroundButThenRealisedSheWasInHerCot
#TheSameNightIWasSatUpOnTheSideOfTheBedForAbout5MinutesWaitingForBAndTAsIThoughtWeWereOutside
#TheRoomWasPitchBlackButAfterAWhileIRealisedICouldHearTheSoundMachineSoKnewWeWereAtHomeSoIWentBackToSleep
#IHaveBeenHavingQuiteVividDreamsLatelyWithTheOneLastNightBeingAWholeEpisodeAboutLookingAfterMyParentsAnimalsAndThinkingIWasGoingOnHolidayWithFriends
#LastWeekIHadOneWhereIFilledUpAnEmptyOneKiloYoghurtBucketWithEarWax
#YesterdayIHadSuchIntenseCrampsInTheMorningThatIStartedToGetConcerned
#IDidNotWantToOverreactSoILookedOnlineAndItSoundedLikeItCouldBeDehydrationAndOrJustMyBodyStretching
#SoIDrankMoreWaterAndIDidFeelBetter
#YesterdayIGotUpTooFastFromSittingOnTheToiletAndIThinkIExperiencedRoundLigamentPain
#WeWillGoHomeInACoupleOfDaysSoTodayWeNeedToRunSomeErrandsAndGetOurCovidTestsDoneWhichIAmWorriedAbout
#ThereAreOnly20ActiveCasesHereSoItIsUnlikelyWeHaveItButYouNeverKnow
#IAmLookingForwardToGoingBackToOurRoutineAtHomeThoughIWillMissOurRandomExcursionsAndGoingOutAndAboutSoMuch
#TheMainChangeWeWantToMakeWhenWeGetAHomeIsToGetAFoldingDiningTableSoWeCanBothSitWithBWhenSheEats
#IMissSleepingInOurBedAsItIsMuchBiggerAndComfortable
#IfMyBodyFeelsThisAchyAndAwfulNowThenIAmReallyNotLookingForwardToBeingMorePregnant

#TheOtherDayWeWerePlayingInTheLivingRoomAndThenISuddenlyCouldNotFindB

The door was shut and I was so confused. There are not that many places for her to hide in the room…

#SheWasJustSittingQuietlyBehindTheCurtainThoughSometimesSheStandsAndMessesAbout

We do play a lot of ‘peekaboo’ with it.

I just need to try and take a photo with it now when it’s not in use (or Tiag’s parents are not there) as otherwise I will feel quite awkward.

#SheHasStartedToTurnInCirclesWhichSheFindsHilariousAndIsCuteToSee

Tiago’s Mum said she was doing it in the living room, then we saw her doing it outside. She usually falls down after 1 or 2 rotations.

#SheNowAlsoPointsToStuffWhichIsGood

Mainly the photos/paintings on the wall. The photo of T on the wall, and the paintings by Tiago’s Grandmother which are of many things but she likes the ones of flowers the most.

#ThisMayOrMayNotBeFromMeSingingAndDoingTheActionsToWindTheBobbinUpAMillionTimes

The whole ‘point to the ceiling, point to the floor, point to the window, point to the door’ saga. She points to none of them.

#TheOtherDayBMetHerSecondCousinWhoIsAboutFourMonthsYounger #TheirCommonInterestsAreAnimalsFruitAndKeys

I really don’t get how cousins work after first cousins, but his Mum is Tiago’s first cousin and I think they are second cousins?

They were both eating a lot of fruit, and playing with a set of keys.

#ThereWereACoupleOfKittensInTheGardenWhereWeWereEatingDinnerAndBWasEnjoyingTalkingToThem

Some say talking, some say yelling.

#TiagoAndACoupleOfFriendsFoundThreeKittensThatHadBeenAbandonedTheOtherDayWhileFixingSomeGardenWalls

They were fixing ‘curraletas’, which are the traditional way of growing grapes in the area.

#LuckilyTheyFoundThemAndTookThemToALocalGroceryShopAsACatCharityTheyCalledWasFull

They had been there one day the week before. It’s not a road where many people walk down and they would have been hidden. Luckily the weather was okay and they had got there early in the morning.

#WeKeepTalkingAboutThemAndItIsSuchAShameThatWeCouldNotHaveKeptThemButIHopeTheyFoundAGoodHomeOrHomes

I really hope they are okay. I am guessing this kind of thing happens more than we like to, but it may be how we end up with pets in the future…

#WeHaveStartedToTakeBOutWithUsMoreInTheEveningAndTwoNightsInARowWeHaveReturnedWithHerAsleep

We had been out 3 nights in a row. I was relieved to stay at home last night. We’d like to have a date night – just T and I – but it may not happen before we leave now. We have two nights left…

#WeRememberedToTakeHerToothbrushAndBrushHerTeethBeforeGettingInTheCarTheSecondTime

Hurrah.

#WeHaveBeenWakingUpToTheSoundOfOurAlarmMoreLatelyButIDoWonderIfThisWillHappenWhenWeReturnHome

Last night she went to bed at 8pm after having dinner at 6.30pm and she woke up when we woke her up at 7am, so that was good. The other nights she had been going to bed 2/3 hours past her bedtime, so it’s good to know she can do it without staying up late late. We’ll have to see if this routine works in the UK.

#TwoNightsAgoIWasLyingInTiagosArmsInTheNightAndAfterAWhileHePanickedAndSaidWhereIsB

He knew it was me, but at some point he thought I was B, and when he realised I wasn’t he panicked.

#WeBothStartedToLookAroundButThenRealisedSheWasInHerCot

Sleepily panicking in the dark.

#TheSameNightIWasSatUpOnTheSideOfTheBedForAbout5MinutesWaitingForBAndTAsIThoughtWeWereOutside

I must have been dreaming and then woke up. I was just sat patiently waiting for them.

#TheRoomWasPitchBlackButAfterAWhileIRealisedICouldHearTheSoundMachineSoKnewWeWereAtHomeSoIWentBackToSleep

It’s so weird. She’s sleeping less than half a metre from Tiago and we’re getting worked up a lot – as we can’t find her or whatever after waking up.

#IHaveBeenHavingQuiteVividDreamsLatelyWithTheOneLastNightBeingAWholeEpisodeAboutLookingAfterMyParentsAnimalsAndThinkingIWasGoingOnHolidayWithFriends

They don’t have many animals, but in my dream they did. They weren’t people I knew from ‘real life’ either – I think they were just based on people I knew or something.

#LastWeekIHadOneWhereIFilledUpAnEmptyOneKiloYoghurtBucketWithEarWax

There was more to the dream, which I have already forgotten. We have a lot of empty yoghurt tubs at home…

#YesterdayIHadSuchIntenseCrampsInTheMorningThatIStartedToGetConcerned

T started to message around about where I could go for a scan.

#IDidNotWantToOverreactSoILookedOnlineAndItSoundedLikeItCouldBeDehydrationAndOrJustMyBodyStretching

I know my body is stretching a lot, but it felt more intense than normal.

#SoIDrankMoreWaterAndIDidFeelBetter

Sometimes I forget to drink. We went out for a quick breakfast (just a cheese sandwich), so I drank water instead of my favourite chocolate milk.

#YesterdayIGotUpTooFastFromSittingOnTheToiletAndIThinkIExperiencedRoundLigamentPain

From reading what my pains could be I thought that I’d had been having round ligament pain earlier in the day. This seemed to fit the description more… I need to start getting up slower.

#WeWillGoHomeInACoupleOfDaysSoTodayWeNeedToRunSomeErrandsAndGetOurCovidTestsDoneWhichIAmWorriedAbout

We will go out in a minute, while T’s Mum can watch B.

#ThereAreOnly20ActiveCasesHereSoItIsUnlikelyWeHaveItButYouNeverKnow

Well it is getting passed about somehow.

#IAmLookingForwardToGoingBackToOurRoutineAtHomeThoughIWillMissOurRandomExcursionsAndGoingOutAndAboutSoMuch

More our base than routine – all of B’s stuff and having a bit more of our own space. B has been practicing her climbing a lot, so I think she will enjoy using her climbing frame a lot again.

#TheMainChangeWeWantToMakeWhenWeGetAHomeIsToGetAFoldingDiningTableSoWeCanBothSitWithBWhenSheEats

Usually one of us watches B in the kitchen and the other one sits in the living room. It’ll be nice if we can just sit together.

#IMissSleepingInOurBedAsItIsMuchBiggerAndComfortable

My shoulders ache. My hips ache. The bed is super creaky, so I have to try to be quiet when I turn over as to not wake B.

#IfMyBodyFeelsThisAchyAndAwfulNowThenIAmReallyNotLookingForwardToBeingMorePregnant

I’m probably not even half way yet, and I’m feeling it.

When we get home I need to exercise/stretch more. I feel like I’ve lost some of my fitness for sure.

Self-portrait where I am nude with a white space cutting through my breasts. My right hand is wrapped around my back and peeking out from behind my left arm. My left arm is supporting my bump.
 I Have Never Seen My Body Like This Before And It Is So Weird (18 and a half weeks)

#WellIAmIllAgain
#ItIsMainlyACoughButICoughedSoMuchYesterdayMorningThatIThrewUp
#IAmJustTryingToDrinkLotsOfWaterButEarlierTheWaterCutOut
#ItIsMeantToGoOffTomorrowSoThatWasWeirdButItIsBackOnNow
#SawAChartEarlierThatShowsIAmInMy5thMonthOfPregnancy
#ItIsGoingSoFast
#IDefinitelyJustLookLikeABlownUpVersionOfMyselfNow
#IHaveNeverSeenMyBodyLikeThisBeforeAndItIsSoWeird
#IAmStillNervousAsItHasBeen6WeeksSinceISawTheBabyInMyBelly
#TodayIWasThinkingHowOddItIsThatInSomeMonthsTimeWeCouldHaveABabyToLookAfter
#ObviouslyWeKnewWhatWeWereSigningUpFor
#ButItStillBlowsMyMindThatIAmGrowingAHumanInsideOfMe
#IAmTryingNotToJustTakeLotsOfBumpPictures
#ButThenIRealisedThatEvenIfIDoNotIntendForEveryPhotoToBeABumpPhoto
#IShouldStillDocumentItForMyself
#AndTheMainThingThatIsChangingIsMyBody
#KindOfObviousButThatIsWhyItIsHardToTryToTakeOtherPicturesOfMyself
#MyWorkHasBeenAboutBodyImageAndSelfEsteemAndSelfConfidenceForSoLong
#SoItIsInterestingSeeingMyBodyChangeAndHowIFeelAboutIt
#ILikeItBecauseIKnowIAmGrowingSomeoneInsideOfMe
#ThatSoundsSoWeirdAndThatIsBecauseItIs
#ButItIsAlsoJustStrangeSeeingMyBodyChangeSoMuchSoQuickly
#IDefinitelyFeelMoreConfidentThoughAndICareALotLessAboutThingsNow
#IHaveSpentMyWholeLifeTryingToBeSuperPoliteToPeople
#IWasCatchingATrainTheOtherDayAndIWas20MinutesEarlySoISatOnABenchBecauseIAmPregnant
#ThePlatformFilledUpSoMuchAndIWasWorriedThatIWouldNotGetASeatForThe90MinuteJourney
#WhenTheTrainCameIJustMovedAsCloseToTheDoorsAsPossible
#WhichFeltABitAwkwardButIHadBeenThereForAges
#AndIWasWorriedThatIWouldNotHaveASeatAndHaveToAskPeopleToGiveMeOneAsIAmPregnantAndNeedToSitDown
#IHaveToStickMyElbowsOutABitWhenIAmInACrowdNowToStopPeopleBargingMeInTheBelly

I am finding being pregnant weird this time too. It hasn’t really been that long since I was pregnant with B, but it does feel like a lifetime ago.

I haven’t had many opportunities to stick my elbows out this pregnancy, but I did do it when I went to London for a weekend at times.

I haven’t taken that many bump photos this time, though I am working on fixing it, but I guess this time the project photos are half about pregnancy and half about being a mother to B.


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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Portrait Of A Mother Of A Thirteen Month Old (11 Weeks? / 14th July 2021)

Me lying in bed hugging my pregnancy pillow, with a face mask sat on my forehead and with a hand to my mouth.
Portrait Of A Mother Of A Thirteen Month Old (11 Weeks? / 14th July 2021)

#ItSeemsQuiteFittingToTakeAPhotoOfMeLyingInBed
#IFeelLikeIDoSoAtAnyChanceIHaveNow
#IAmJustSoTiredAndItIsFunnyReadingBackOldEntriesWhenIDidNotKnowIWasPregnantYetAndJustSayingHowTiredIWas
#ISawAPregnantFriendTheOtherDayWhoAlsoHasOneKidAndSheWasSayingTheFirstTrimesterWasTheWorst
#IAmHopingMyEnergyWillReturnSoon
#IHaveFeltSoInspiredToMakeOtherWorkButJustHaveNoEnergyForIt
#IHaveBeenTryingToOnlySleepOnMyLeftSideButIAmFindingMyRightSideAndBackMoreComfortableAtTheMoment
#TalkingOfSleepingWeWentToLiverpoolForTheWeekendAndOnTheFirstDayBMissedHerSecondNap
#SheHadWokenUpFortyMinutesEarlyFromHerFirstOneWhichMeantMeTryingToEntertainHerInTheCarWhichWasUsJustReadingThroughAllOfHerBooks
#WePlannedToLetHerSleepInHerPushchairForHerSecondNapButWeWereOutForFortyMinutesWithNoSuchLuck
#ThenWeTriedToPutHerDownInACotButAfterFifteenMinutesWeGaveUpSoSheWasUpForNineHours
#WeGotIntoBedAtAroundEightAndWentToSleepAtNineThirty
#TheNextDayBHadASuperShortNapAfterWakingUpAtHerUsualTimeOfPreSix
#ButOnTheWayHomeSheSleptForTwoHoursAndICouldNotWakeHerUp
#IWasWorriedThatSheWasGoingToDropHerSecondNapButNotYetPhew
#YesterdaySomeoneWasAskingMeHowIKnewIWasReadyForASecondKidAndSheTalkedAboutHerFriendsGettingBroody
#IWasNotBroodyAtAllButIJustWantedToTryAndHaveASecondOneBeforeWeReallyKnewWhatWeWereInFor
#BIsBecomingDifficultToChangeAndOftenWillCryLoudlyForWhatSeemsLikeNoReasonAtAll
#TheOtherDayWeWereTryingToGiveHerYoghurtAndSheWasScreamingSoIJustCopiedHer
#StraightAwaySheChangedHerTuneAndStartedToLaughAndAteAllOfHerYoghurt
#ItMaybeIsNotTheBestSolutionEveryTimeButItWasMuchBetterThanGettingStressedOutAndAnnoyed
#AfterwardsWeHadAFunGameOfHerTryingToStealMyEmptyBowlOfCrispsWhenMyBackWasTurned
#SheIsBecomingQuiteTheFoodThiefTheseDaysWithHerTryingToTakeWhateverWeHave
#IHaveNotBeenSickInACoupleOfDaysButIHaveGaggedAFewTimes
#IThinkTheMoreTiredIAmTheWorseIFeelAsLastNightBeforeBedIFeltSoSickAndIWasAsleepBeforeTen
#IWasAwakeFromFourToFiveButThenCouldNotGetUpOnceBHad
#TheGovernmentHasChangedTheirStanceABitWithMasksAfter19thJulyButItSeemsLikeSomePeopleStoppedWearingThemAWhileAgo
#BsWalkingIsDefinitelyImprovingDayByDayNowAndSheCanTakeQuiteAFewStepsNow
#AtHerBabyClassSomeoneWasSayingSheFeelsLikeBIsTheCelebrityOfTheClassAsEveryoneKnowsHerName
#SheReallyLikesToTryToStealEveryonesStuffButEveryoneIsNiceAboutIt

#ItSeemsQuiteFittingToTakeAPhotoOfMeLyingInBed

Well, I am yet to take it yet but it is what I have in mind. Lying in bed with my eye mask on (the one I got as an emergency in case I had to go into hospital to give birth to B – which I did).

#IFeelLikeIDoSoAtAnyChanceIHaveNow

Tiago had gone out with B to the supermarket the other night (for the first time in ages). I was about to go to sleep when I could hear that my Uncles were visiting. ‘Why does it have to be today?’ But it was nice to see them.

(19th September: I was disappointed to miss them the other day as B and I were both napping, and they only made a short visit.)

#IAmJustSoTiredAndItIsFunnyReadingBackOldEntriesWhenIDidNotKnowIWasPregnantYetAndJustSayingHowTiredIWas

I was confused as to why I was so tired. I’m taking double the amount of iron now, and my vitamins, but I guess it is just a big part of the first trimester. Great.

#ISawAPregnantFriendTheOtherDayWhoAlsoHasOneKidAndSheWasSayingTheFirstTrimesterWasTheWorst

She also had sickness and just felt so tired. I actually think I might have mentioned this in my last post, but it was on my mind.

#IAmHopingMyEnergyWillReturnSoon

I hope so. I am getting into bed as soon as I finish writing this.

#IHaveFeltSoInspiredToMakeOtherWorkButJustHaveNoEnergyForIt

By the time my energy returns the inspiration may have gone. What can I do?

#IHaveBeenTryingToOnlySleepOnMyLeftSideButIAmFindingMyRightSideAndBackMoreComfortableAtTheMoment

It is early days, so I do not need to really worry about how I am sleeping yet but I try to sleep on my left anyways. Sometimes I want to sleep on my front, but I am avoiding it.

#TalkingOfSleepingWeWentToLiverpoolForTheWeekendAndOnTheFirstDayBMissedHerSecondNap

It was a friend’s first birthday, so she obviously did not want to miss a minute of it.

#SheHadWokenUpFortyMinutesEarlyFromHerFirstOneWhichMeantMeTryingToEntertainHerInTheCarWhichWasUsJustReadingThroughAllOfHerBooks

I say us. I mean it was me reading to her. I was hoping to have a nap, so I was tired, and Tiago was also tired from driving. Tired family.

#WePlannedToLetHerSleepInHerPushchairForHerSecondNapButWeWereOutForFortyMinutesWithNoSuchLuck

Nothing like pushing B round a park screaming. (Her, not me.)

#ThenWeTriedToPutHerDownInACotButAfterFifteenMinutesWeGaveUpSoSheWasUpForNineHours

She did not seem that tired though.

#WeGotIntoBedAtAroundEightAndWentToSleepAtNineThirty

B had gone to bed at 7:50. Brushed teeth and into bedddd.

#TheNextDayBHadASuperShortNapAfterWakingUpAtHerUsualTimeOfPreSix

She will usually have 2 hours if she’s up that early, but it was more like 40 minutes.

#ButOnTheWayHomeSheSleptForTwoHoursAndICouldNotWakeHerUp

I did not want her to sleep for that long as I was worried she would have a super late bedtime. She went to bed at 7:45pm, as the England v Italy game was at 8pm and it was fine. She slept until her usual time.

#IWasWorriedThatSheWasGoingToDropHerSecondNapButNotYetPhew

I am not ready yet.

#YesterdaySomeoneWasAskingMeHowIKnewIWasReadyForASecondKidAndSheTalkedAboutHerFriendsGettingBroody #IWasNotBroodyAtAllButIJustWantedToTryAndHaveASecondOneBeforeWeReallyKnewWhatWeWereInFor

It’s really down to wanting two kids and feeling like I’m not up to much at the moment besides looking after B, so it seems like a good time to try to have another one. My body felt strong enough. I have been so anxious this week about the pregnancy, but I am trying to stay calm. Two weeks until my first scan…

#BIsBecomingDifficultToChangeAndOftenWillCryLoudlyForWhatSeemsLikeNoReasonAtAll

I am still struggling to change her nappies, and then add in her excessive wriggling and escaping. It’s great.

#TheOtherDayWeWereTryingToGiveHerYoghurtAndSheWasScreamingSoIJustCopiedHer

I remember my Mum doing it with me when I was crying crocodile tears.

#StraightAwaySheChangedHerTuneAndStartedToLaughAndAteAllOfHerYoghurt

Nothing like laughter to get you out of a bad mood. I think she is teething a lot at the moment, so that might be why.

#ItMaybeIsNotTheBestSolutionEveryTimeButItWasMuchBetterThanGettingStressedOutAndAnnoyed

Obviously if she was really upset it would not be a nice thing to do, but when it seems like she just doesn’t want to do something it is a nice trick. I’d rather make her laugh than get really pissed off.

#AfterwardsWeHadAFunGameOfHerTryingToStealMyEmptyBowlOfCrispsWhenMyBackWasTurned

I had some crisps in the bowl. She was trying to eat them. I then put the bowl on the table and she kept going to it and digging her hands in. Later on I had my back to her and she would touch the bowl while my back was turned, then I’d turn round to look at her and she would laugh. I do love when she laughs.

#SheIsBecomingQuiteTheFoodThiefTheseDaysWithHerTryingToTakeWhateverWeHave

She was trying to eat my Nan’s breakfast again today. I had some strawberries the other night and my plate was empty, but she would just scratch the plate anyways and then lick her fingers. She is funny.

#IHaveNotBeenSickInACoupleOfDaysButIHaveGaggedAFewTimes

Nothing like going to the bathroom and expecting to be sick, but just dry heaving instead. Or sometimes it is just when I am in the kitchen. The body is weird.

#IThinkTheMoreTiredIAmTheWorseIFeelAsLastNightBeforeBedIFeltSoSickAndIWasAsleepBeforeTen

I hadn’t napped during her second nap, so I felt tired. When I get tired I faff, but I should just relax instead. I was going to hang up the washing, but I stood up and thought I was going to be sick. I had to lie down in bed as I had already brushed my teeth and did not fancy being sick.

#IWasAwakeFromFourToFiveButThenCouldNotGetUpOnceBHad

I read some of my book to try to feel sleepy again. T and B were up from 5:40. I slept for another hour. Thanks Tiago.

#TheGovernmentHasChangedTheirStanceABitWithMasksAfter19thJulyButItSeemsLikeSomePeopleStoppedWearingThemAWhileAgo

Though I’ve just seen that masks will still be mandatory on London transport. That’s good.

#BsWalkingIsDefinitelyImprovingDayByDayNowAndSheCanTakeQuiteAFewStepsNow

She can do more than a few really. Ten plus quite confidently, maybe more? I need to get her some shoes. I’ve ordered a foot measurer, so we can just measure them when we want to and order online.

#AtHerBabyClassSomeoneWasSayingSheFeelsLikeBIsTheCelebrityOfTheClassAsEveryoneKnowsHerName

I feel bad as I do not know many of the names (unless I think back to the register), but the teachers are always commenting on what B is doing. She was scared of some animal puppets again yesterday 🙁

#SheReallyLikesToTryToStealEveryonesStuffButEveryoneIsNiceAboutIt

Shoes, phones, toys, pushchairs, whatever. If it is there B will have it.

I maybe have time for an hour nap if my brain switches off quick enough…

11 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

A close-up of my face showing a couple of spots in my hairline.
I Feel Like My Body Has A Big Job To Perform Now (11 weeks)

#FeelingConcernedAsIHaveNotFeltSickThisEveningButIFeltSickDuringTheDay 
#MaybeIHaveJustEatenEnoughDinner 
#IWillProbablyFeelSickInAnHour 
#IHeardThatSourSweetsAreGoodForSickness 
#IFoundSomeGoodVeggieSweets 
#DoNotThinkTheyReallyHelpedWithTheSicknessButTheyTasteGood 
#Anyways 
#ThisTextIsSupposedToBeAboutSpots 
#WhenIHadTheCoilISuddenlyStartedToGetLotsOfSpotsOnMyScalp 
#IFiguredItWasDueToTooMuchCopperInMyDietAndInMyBody 
#SoMaybeIHaveBeenEatingALotOfThingsThatHaveCopperInThem 
#ButIDoubtIt 
#IGuessTheSpotsAreMoreToDoWithHormones 
#MyFaceFeelsSpottierTooButIThinkThatHasALotToDoWithTheWeather 
#AsMySkinGetsWorseThanNormalInTheWinter 
#ButIHaveBigSpotsOnMyHairline 
#INoticedThemTheOtherDayButTheySeemBiggerNow 
#FunTimes 
#MaybeINeedToWashMyHairMoreAndIHaveBeenWearingAHat 
#SoMaybeThatPlaysAPartInIt 
#CanNotBelieveIAm11WeeksNow 
#StillNervous 
#TiagoCanNotLieToSaveHisLifeSoHeToldAFewPeopleYesterday 
#SoTheNumberOfPeopleWhoKnowHasNowGrown 
#IJustFeelMorePressureNow 
#NoOneIsPuttingPressureOnMe 
#ButIFeelLikeMyBodyHasABigJobToPerformNow 
#AndIAmNervousThatThereIsPlentyOfTimeForThingsToGoWrong 
#NotFeelingSickNowIsABitWorrying 
#ButIThinkThatIWillGoBrushMyTeethNowAndThatWillProbablyMakeMeFeelSick 

(19th September: Using an image with a border as my laptop stopped charging the other day, and T’s laptop seems incapable of opening editing software – I also have to paste the letter s whenever I want to use it. I am hoping to have my own again in a few days.)

I have felt just as anxious this time as I did with B. I haven’t eaten any sour sweets (I actually forgot about this), but I was eyeing up someone’s sweets on the train the other day.

My face was spotty for a bit, which was probably hormones.

I have been washing my hair even less probably, but it doesn’t look too bad.

I am now 20 weeks and I dry heave again when I brush my teeth in the evenings. This has gone on for longer than when I was pregnant with B…

I feel like I do have a big job ahead of me again, but I am a bit more relaxed about it in ways as I have been through it all once before, and I am feeling a bit more like what will happen will happen – though obviously I am hoping for the best outcomes. Fingers crossed.


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

General Documenting Pregnancy Shoot (9 Weeks? / 28th June 2021)

Self-portrait of me looking at the camera in a bra and leggings. I am holding onto my elbow, and there is a bit of a baby bump showing.
General Documenting Pregnancy Shoot (9 Weeks? / 28th June 2021)
 
#TypicallyIGotAnAppointmentLetterForAScanTheSameDayThatISaidIHadHeardNothing
#AnnoyinglyItIsTheOneDayThatTiagoCanNotDoForSureSoWeWillHaveToWaitAnotherWeekNow
#TheLetterDoesNotSayIfTiagoCanAttendOrNotButIGuessTheRulesMayChangeByThenAnyways
#IRealiseThatIThoughtIMayBePregnantAsIGotSomeSpotsButTheyMayHaveBeenCausedByMeWearingAMask
#ThoughPerhapsItIsACombinationOfHormonesAndAMaskMakingThemWorseThanNormal
#IFeelHappierLatelyWhichIsProbablyAlsoACombinationOfHormonesAndHavingSomethingToCountdownToAfterMonthsOfFeelingABitLost
#ItHasAlsoBeenGoodToSeeMorePeopleLately
#WeJustHadAFewNightsAwayWhereWeCaughtUpWithLotsOfPeople
#ItWasReallyNiceToJustSeePeopleRegularlyForAFewDays
#ItWasAlsoAGlimpseOfHowItMightBeHavingTwoKids
#BDoesLikeBabiesButSheAlsoLikesToRunAroundAfterBiggerKids
#SheWasQuiteConfidentAtTakingTheirStuffAndDidNotSeemToCareWhenTheyGotAnnoyed
#ItWasAlsoAGoodReminderThatTheSecondKidWillNotDoVeryMuchForAWhile
#SoAtLeastYouCanPutThemDownAndFindThemThereAgainTenSecondsLater
#IAmJustNotLookingForwardToTheConstantFeedingAndNappyChangingAgain
#IHopeBreastfeedingWillBeEasierNextTimeButWeWillHaveToWaitAndSee
#WeTriedToExperimentWithTheLengthOfBsNapsAndHerBedtimeButSheStillWokeUpEarlierThanWeWanted
#WeSharedARoomWithHerSoItProbablyDidNotHelpEncourageHerToFallBackToSleep
#YesterdaySheSleptForAnHourAndAHalfInTheCarThenWentToBedAtSevenFortyFiveAndSheWokeUpAtFiveThirtyToday
#WeHadBeenTryingCuttingHerSecondNapToThirtyMinutesAndPuttingHerToBedAtEightAndSheWasWakingUpAtFive
#SoSheCanJustKeepHavingAnHourNapAtHerSecondNapAndGoToBedAtSevenThirty
#IGuessWeAreLuckyThatAtLeastSheSleepsQuiteSolidlyForAGoodAmountOfTime
#SheSeemsToKnowHerNapAndBedtimeRoutinesNowAndSheEitherClingsToTheSideOfHerCotOrLiesDownNextToItAsITryToGetHerReady
#YesterdayTiagoLookedAfterBAndIWentBackToSleep
#IDreamtThatWeWereAwayAndWeSaidYesToBGoingSwimmingInASmallFountain
#ItThenTurnedOutToBeAMassiveSwimmingPoolAndICouldNotSeeBAndAllTheKidsWereInTheSameCostumesWithTheSameFloats
#IStartedToShoutHadAnyoneSeenHer
#IThenWokeMyselfUpAsIDidNotWantToDealWithTheStress
#IToldTiagoAndHeSaidDoYouKnowThatYouOftenWakeUpInTheMiddleOfTheNightAndLookForB
#YesIDo

I’m yet to do a shoot, but I’ve called it General Documenting Pregnancy Shoot for now as I want to experiment a bit today and not pretend to be a one year old for once.

(3rd September 2021: I have a habit of doing shoots just after eating, so I look a bit more pregnant than I was. I’ve already copied this shoot once, and I plan to do it at least a few more times during the pregnancy.)

#TypicallyIGotAnAppointmentLetterForAScanTheSameDayThatISaidIHadHeardNothing

It’s always the way.

#AnnoyinglyItIsTheOneDayThatTiagoCanNotDoForSureSoWeWillHaveToWaitAnotherWeekNow

What’s another week? I’m impatient though.

#TheLetterDoesNotSayIfTiagoCanAttendOrNotButIGuessTheRulesMayChangeByThenAnyways

I was going to ask, but then I didn’t. The woman on the phone did say that the letter has a lot of incorrect and missing information on it though. I knew that as the line said it was open until 5, but it closed at 2:30 and I initially called at 2:50 to change my appointment so I had to wait until the next day. Fun times.

#IRealiseThatIThoughtIMayBePregnantAsIGotSomeSpotsButTheyMayHaveBeenCausedByMeWearingAMask

I’m sure I mentioned this in a previous set of hashtags. I don’t really get spots that often – unless I have been eating a lot of bad foods. I was reading something the other day and then I thought ‘ah yeah maybe the spots are more due to wearing a mask?’

#ThoughPerhapsItIsACombinationOfHormonesAndAMaskMakingThemWorseThanNormal

I guess I wear a mask for the same amount of time each week, so it must have been a combination of both? I have some really bad ones on the right side of my face right now.

#IFeelHappierLatelyWhichIsProbablyAlsoACombinationOfHormonesAndHavingSomethingToCountdownToAfterMonthsOfFeelingABitLost

If I could bottle these hormones (but not have morning sickness all the time) I’d take them for life, but I guess when I was pregnant with B I had also been feeling lost previously too.

#ItHasAlsoBeenGoodToSeeMorePeopleLately

Seeing people that I have not seen for a year or two or more…

#WeJustHadAFewNightsAwayWhereWeCaughtUpWithLotsOfPeople

Three couples and their kids (they all have two kids each).

#ItWasReallyNiceToJustSeePeopleRegularlyForAFewDays

People to hang out with while we watched the kids and passed time quite nicely. Hurrah. Luckily the weather was nice!

#ItWasAlsoAGlimpseOfHowItMightBeHavingTwoKids

They varied in age from 11 weeks to 9 years.

#BDoesLikeBabiesButSheAlsoLikesToRunAroundAfterBiggerKids

She is intrigued by babies, but she also likes to follow older kids.

#SheWasQuiteConfidentAtTakingTheirStuffAndDidNotSeemToCareWhenTheyGotAnnoyed

The determination/nonchalance on her face…

#ItWasAlsoAGoodReminderThatTheSecondKidWillNotDoVeryMuchForAWhile

I had kind of forgotten how babies are. I guess I am the most concerned about all the night feedings, and B going down to one nap very soon.

#SoAtLeastYouCanPutThemDownAndFindThemThereAgainTenSecondsLater

I forget that they are quite happy just lying on a mat, looking at the ceiling or toys etc.

#IAmJustNotLookingForwardToTheConstantFeedingAndNappyChangingAgain

It is going to be a juggle, but it will be worth it in the end.

#IHopeBreastfeedingWillBeEasierNextTimeButWeWillHaveToWaitAndSee

I feel like I have forgotten everything already, but I’m sure some things will come back to me.

#WeTriedToExperimentWithTheLengthOfBsNapsAndHerBedtimeButSheStillWokeUpEarlierThanWeWanted

Great.

#WeSharedARoomWithHerSoItProbablyDidNotHelpEncourageHerToFallBackToSleep

It is easier to try to let her go back to sleep when you’re not there next to her. She slept better than I thought she would though with the shared room situation. We just tried to only go in the room when we wanted to go to sleep. Sometimes she woke up, but she quickly went back to sleep.

#YesterdaySheSleptForAnHourAndAHalfInTheCarThenWentToBedAtSevenFortyFiveAndSheWokeUpAtFiveThirtyToday

On the way there she was just awake the whole time when I wanted to sleep. Yesterday we both napped. Poor Tiago…

#WeHadBeenTryingCuttingHerSecondNapToThirtyMinutesAndPuttingHerToBedAtEightAndSheWasWakingUpAtFive #SoSheCanJustKeepHavingAnHourNapAtHerSecondNapAndGoToBedAtSevenThirty

I was relieved as I like for her to have more than half an hour so I can get things done. I probably need to try cutting her nap to 30 minutes then putting her to bed earlier, but I feel like she just likes to wake up between 5 and 5:40.

#IGuessWeAreLuckyThatAtLeastSheSleepsQuiteSolidlyForAGoodAmountOfTime

We just need to go to bed earlier. The last two nights we have been watching football (Euros). I like football, but not that much football. I could have gone to bed at 8pm last night easily, but oh well. Portugal are out now, but Tiago is suddenly more interested in England.

#SheSeemsToKnowHerNapAndBedtimeRoutinesNowAndSheEitherClingsToTheSideOfHerCotOrLiesDownNextToItAsITryToGetHerReady

Well, this was just while we were away. I would just be sorting something out and she would be there clinging to it or next to it. It’s good though.

#YesterdayTiagoLookedAfterBAndIWentBackToSleep

Thanks Tiago.

#IDreamtThatWeWereAwayAndWeSaidYesToBGoingSwimmingInASmallFountain #ItThenTurnedOutToBeAMassiveSwimmingPoolAndICouldNotSeeBAndAllTheKidsWereInTheSameCostumesWithTheSameFloats #IStartedToShoutHadAnyoneSeenHer #IThenWokeMyselfUpAsIDidNotWantToDealWithTheStress

I realised it was a dream/nightmare, so there was no way I was going to stay there getting stressed out within it.

#IToldTiagoAndHeSaidDoYouKnowThatYouOftenWakeUpInTheMiddleOfTheNightAndLookForB #YesIDo

I still have dreams where I think she has fallen out of our bed or is out of her cot or something. Oh the fun. I’m going to try to have a quick lie down now before she wakes up. Hopefully she will sleep for another hour, but sometimes she wakes up earlier. She is teething again, and her skin is itchy again though it looks normal. Fun timessss.

8 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

(I should have posted these in the last post, but oh well. I only did one shoot for 8 weeks, but I don’t want to miss them out.)

I have a long necked top on that is covering the bottom of my nose. My hair is hanging long down one side. I am dressed in dark clothing.
Day Before Haircut (8 Weeks)
 
#IAmSoBoredOfTheWinterAlready
#ITryToWashMyHairEvery5DaysIfICan
#IDreadWashingIt
#WellNotTheWashingItSoMuchButMoreTheDryingIt
#AndComingOutOfTheShowerWithALotOfWetHair
#IHaveBeenTryingToSeeHowLongICanGrowItForPhotographicPurposes
#ButIAmTooLowMaintenanceForThis
#ThereIsJustTooMuchHairToDry
#InTheSummerItIsNotTooBadAndItIsABitRefreshing
#ButHavingToPutTheHeaterOnBecauseMyHairIsTooAnnoying
#AndSpendingAgesBlowDryingIt
#Nah
#EspeciallyNowThatIAmPregnantIJustReallyCanNotBeBothered
#IFeelLikeIWillEndUpCuttingItOffSoonAnyways
#SoMightAsWellDoItNowAndSaveMyselfALotOfTimeOverTheWinter
#LetsSeeThough
#AsOftenITalkAboutCuttingItShorter
#ButMyHairdresserDoesNotWantMeToDislikeItAfter
#ItWillNotBeSuperSuperShort
#AsIWantToBeAbleToTieItBackStill
#ButThatWillBeABigImprovementIThink
#MyHairMightBeKeepingMeABitWarmAtTheMoment
#ButICanWearAHat
#SayingMyHairdresserSoundsFunny
#ButIHaveBeenGoingToTheSamePlaceForYEARS
#ThereHaveBeenPhasesWhereIHaveNot
#ButILikeToCatchUpWithEveryoneThere
#AndIUsedToBeSoAwkwardAndSitInSilence
#AndAvoidLookingAtMyselfInTheMirror
#MyHairdresserAndILaughAboutHowAwkwardIUsedToBeAllTheTime

I recently had my hair cut off, but I was not at the same stage of pregnancy.

I cut it off due to wanting it to be lower maintenance and because it is harder to bend over the bath to wash my hair – my preferred way to do it, but I did not have that option when I was pregnant with B due to the bathroom set-up.

I can not really wear it down now as it gets so frizzy/wild, so I usually just tie up the top bit of it in a messy bun.

I now live close to my hairdressers again, so I’m going to the same place…

I am wearing a striped top and my arms are wrapped around me. I am looking at the camera.
Day After Haircut (8 Weeks)

#NotMuchToSayIThink
#GotAHaircut
#ItWasTooMuchHassleHavingLongHair
#MyHairdresserStraightenedItAndWhatever
#SoNotSureHowItWillLookWhenIHaveWashedAndBlowDriedItMyself
#ProbablyALotFluffier
#IWantedItLongEnoughToTieBack
#ButItIsAtALengthWhereIHaveToUseStrongTiesAsOtherwiseItFallsOut
#ItWillBeFine
#IDoNotLikeHowJustCutHairLooksOnMe
#TheEndsAreTooSharp
#ButIGuessItIsAlsoBecauseItIsStraight
#ButOftenIDoNotLikeHowTiagosHairLooksAfterHeHasJustHadItCut
#AfterAFewDaysItSeemsBetterButAlsoMaybeIJustGetUsedToIt
#FeelingABitSickNow
#BoredOfThisSickBusiness
#ILookPregnantHereButIAmJustBloated
#AndThisIsWhyIDoNotLikeTightTops
#ButISomehowDecidedToBuySomeTopsLikeThis
#ToBeFairTheyWereInAPacketAndIThoughtTheyWereLooserLikeOtherOnesIHave
#FunTimes
#GoingToGoSoakMyFeetAsIFeelLikeTheyNeedSomeLove
#ThenReadMyBookAboutTheSpiceGirls

I love how I say I look pregnant when I clearly don’t…

I have been caring less about what I wear as I am usually at home.

9 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait holding my NHS-issued pregnancy book. I look sad and have my arms crossed over the folder.
Bleeding Worry (9 Weeks)
 
#SoLastNightThingsFeltABitFunny
#AndIWasFeelingTooScaredToGoToTheBathroom
#AfterAWhileIWentAsIWantedToBrushMyTeeth
#AndThereWasBlood
#NotLoadsButMoreThanIHaveBledSoFarAndAReallyIntenseColour
#IWasHavingCramps
#IStillHaveSomeCrampsAndWeirdFeelings
#ItCouldBeAFewThings
#HadABusyWeekWhichIsWhyIDecidedThatINeededToStayInAndRestLastNight
#YesterdayIAccidentallyJabbedMyselfInTheStomachWithMyPhoneInMyPocket
#IAteSomethingFromAJarThatWas3WeeksOutOfDate
#ThatIsAwkwardToAdmitButItWasVegetablesAndIHadJustOpenedIt
#IUsedALotOfMoisturiserOnMyBodyWhenIUsuallyRarelyUseAny
#IFeelLikeThereWasSomethingElseButICanNotRemember
#ItCouldAllBeFineButIAmExpectingTheWorst
#LuckilyIHaveAnAppointmentForThisAfternoonAtTheHospital
#MyLeafletSaidToCallIfIHaveAnyBleedingOrPain
#AsThoughItIsNotUncommonItNeedsToBeCheckedOut
#CalledTheNumberAndOption1WasEmergency
#IFeltAwkwardPressing1SoIPressedForAllOtherEnquiriesAndThenShePutMeThroughToTheEmergencyLine
#ItIsInAFewHoursButThisMorningIsDraggingSoMuch
#IWasNotSickToday
#MyBoobsAreNotSore
#MyNoseDoesNotFeelFull
#FeelsLikeMostOfMySymptomsHaveGone
#WeCanOnlyWaitAndSee
#LastNightIJustCriedInTiagosArms
#InThePhotoIAmHoldingMyFolderOfNotesThatINeedToTakeToEveryAppointment
#DuringTheShootItFeltLikeSomethingWasJabbingMe
#IDoNotKnowWhatNormalIsSupposedToFeelLikeWhenPregnant

Luckily I have not had a scare like this yet this pregnancy. I’ve been getting bad cramps, which seem stronger than when I was pregnant with B but maybe I’ve just forgotten how things are.

B’s been accidentally kicking and punching me in my stomach loads.

My folder of notes is just a tiny booklet instead this time. Birmingham seems to use an app for all my notes?

I still feel like I do not know what normal is when pregnant, and I get anxious at times, but I just have to take some deep breaths and hope that everything will go the same as last time. I am just hoping that this baby will come out head first this time…


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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Here We Go Again Again (9 Weeks? / 31st May 2021)

Self-portrait against a plain wall and from the waist up. I'm wearing a dark top with a slight neck that is flopping over. I'm looking directly to the camera and have my hair tied up. My expression is neutral.
Here We Go Again Again (9 Weeks? / 31st May 2021)

#WellIDidAPregnancyTestAnHourOrSoAgoAndItWasPositive #IWasGoingToBeMoreSurprisedIfIWasNotAsItWasJustToCheckWhatIThought #IHaveBeenFeelingSickishForAFewWeeksAndHaveHadOtherSymptoms #SpotsLotsOfSnotReallyReallyTiredSomeDizzinessFeelingMoreEmotional #IWillLookAtBAndStartCryingAsIAmSoHappyToHaveHer #ABigSignIsThatMyPeriodIsUnusuallyLate #IHaveBeenFourDaysLateBeforeButWeArePastThatNowAndYeahItSeemedTimeToDoATest #IWouldHaveDoneItSoonerButWeHaveBeenAwayAndIHaveHadLotsOfWorkToDo #SoIWantedToWaitUntilIHadTimeToDoAShootAndWriteAboutItWhichIsABitSad #WeDidAFamilyShootThenIDidTheTestAndThenITookThePictures #IAmExcitedButNervous #IWantedToWaitAndSeeIfMyPeriodArrivedBeforeDoingATestAsIDidNotWantToBeDisappointedLikeLastTime #IDidHaveSomeSpottingThreeDaysBeforeItWasDueButThatWasIt #SoMaybeThatWasImplantationBleedingButIDoNotThinkIAmOnlyFiveWeeksPregnant #IWasWorriedThatIWasImaginingMorningSicknessSoThatIsAnotherReasonThatIWantedToDelayTakingATest #INeedToBookMyCovidVaccinationsSoIWantToCheckWithMyDoctorAboutItAllFirst #IHopeThisPregnancyGoesWell #IAmWorriedThatSomethingWillGoWrongButItIsWhatItIsAndWeWillHaveToSee #IfTheBabyHappensThenTheyWillBeBornInTheOppositeSeasonToB #WhichMeansThatMyGrandPlanOfPassingHerStuffAlongMightNotCompletelyWork #HerNiceStuffForTheSummerNowWillNotBeGoodForABabyBornInTheWinterWhoWillBeTooSmallForThemButOhWell #AtLeastIWillNotBeHeavilyPregnantInSummer #IDoNotWantToTellPeopleForNow #IWantToKeepItQuietAndThenMaybeJustTalkAboutItIfAndWhenIGetToTwelveWeeks #WhichMightBeSoonOrItMightNot #TheTwelveWeeksThingIsNotGreatAsItFeelsLikeItJustProtectsOtherPeopleFromTheAwkwardnessOfItAllMoreThanMe #AndIWillTalkAboutItWhetherOrNotItProgressesButIGuessSomePeopleDoNotLikeToShareSoMuch #IWonderHowItWillBeHavingTwoKids #IWorryThatItCouldBeTwinsButIReallyDoubtIt #IfBHadHadATwinThatWouldHaveBeenGreatButIDoNotWantTwinsNowThoughIfTwinsHappenThenWeWillGetOnWithItObviously

#WellIDidAPregnancyTestAnHourOrSoAgoAndItWasPositive #IWasGoingToBeMoreSurprisedIfIWasNotAsItWasJustToCheckWhatIThought

Yeah I wasn’t surprised, but it was still a bit weird seeing it confirmed.

I did a first trimester YouTube exercise video this morning (before I knew for sure) so that says a lot. I also did one two days ago…

#IHaveBeenFeelingSickishForAFewWeeksAndHaveHadOtherSymptoms #SpotsLotsOfSnotReallyReallyTiredSomeDizzinessFeelingMoreEmotional

Another weird thing is last time and this time, I felt a need to lie on my front in bed? I feel like I don’t really lie on my front. Maybe it’s an evolutionary thing to protect your stomach? Maybe it’s just all in my head?

#IWillLookAtBAndStartCryingAsIAmSoHappyToHaveHer

I have always loved her, but my love for her has been stronger lately.

Since having B I also find it harder to read sad news stories about kids, but in the last week I have got more emotional – especially about the 5 year old who was the sole survivor of a cable car crash. Even now my eyes are welling up thinking about it.

#ABigSignIsThatMyPeriodIsUnusuallyLate #IHaveBeenFourDaysLateBeforeButWeArePastThatNowAndYeahItSeemedTimeToDoATest

When I was pregnant with B I had a period, and when I was pregnant earlier this year I had had my period, so it now being this late seemed like a clear sign.

#IWouldHaveDoneItSoonerButWeHaveBeenAwayAndIHaveHadLotsOfWorkToDo

Our first night away in 7 months! And yeah so much stuff to do.

#SoIWantedToWaitUntilIHadTimeToDoAShootAndWriteAboutItWhichIsABitSad

I did ask Tiago if we should do it before our trip, but he said ‘nah wait’, which I was relieved about. I knew I was pregnant, but if we had had it confirmed before the trip it would have felt like we were hiding a big secret, and Tiago is not great with secrets (bless him).

#WeDidAFamilyShootThenIDidTheTestAndThenITookThePictures

Everything was set up to take the picture in the same way that I have been doing since we started to try to get pregnant again.

(5th August: The title isn’t a mistake. It references a similar picture I took called ‘Here We Go Again’ in January after I got a positive pregnancy test. I look more shocked in that photo though.)

Here it is:

Self-portrait against a plain wall and from the waist up. I'm wearing a dark top with a slight neck that is flopping over. I'm looking directly to the camera and my hair is down. I have a slightly shocked expression and I am breathing out.
Here We Go Again (6 Weeks / 16th January 2021)
 
#MyHeartIsBeatingSoFast
#IWasPlanningHashtagsInMyHeadAboutDefinitelyNotBeingPregnant
#IHadBeenThinkingAboutTakingATestForTheLastFewDays
#MyPeriodWasSuperHeavyFor2DaysButThenWasReallyLightForAFewDays
#ButIThoughtLastTimeItCompletelyStopped
#IHaveWokenUpFeelingABitSickAFewMornings
#OneWasWhenIWasThinkingAboutPregnancySoIThoughtItWasMyMindPlayingTricksOnMe
#IHaveBeenFeelingQuiteTiredLatelyButIThoughtItWasDownToHavingA7MonthOld
#AndIHaveBeenFeelingQuiteGoodMentallyWhichIThoughtWasDownToMakingAnEffortToBeMorePositive
#IWasThinkingIShouldTakeATestAFewDaysAgoButICouldNotBeBotheredToLookForTheTestAndThoughtIWasBeingSilly
#YesterdayIWentAsFarAsToFindItButThoughtIWouldBeWastingATest
#ThisMorningITookItAsIWasFedUpOfThinkingWellAmIOrAmINotAndIDidNotWantToWaitTwoWeeksToSeeIfMyNextPeriodCame
#IAmInShock
#InThePastIHaveFoundItWeirdThatSomeWomenDoSoManyTestsButIThinkIWillGetTiagoToGetACoupleMore
#TiagoIsHappyAndICouldHearHimSingingToBInPortugueseThatSheMightHaveABrother
#IFeelCautiousAboutItThoughAndDoNotWantToTellPeopleUntilLaterOnThisTime
#IAmWorriedAboutBeingJudgedAboutBeingPregnantAgainSoSoon
#ButForMeItMakesSenseToMeWhileTheWorldIsInLimboAndWeCanNotDoMuch
#TiagoJustCameInToSayIfTheBabyIsDueInAugustThenHowIsHeSupposedToGoToTwoWeddingsOfHisBestFriends
#OneWasPostponedFromThisSummerAndWasTheOneWeWereTryingToAvoidBeingPregnantAroundLastTime
#TheWayThingsAreGoingItMightGetPostponedAgainWhoKnows
#IAmAlreadyWorriedThatSomethingWillGoWrongAsItIsSoEarly
#IHaveBeenContinuingToTakeMyPregnancyAndBreastfeedingVitaminsEvenThoughAsIWasNotPregnantOrBreastfeedingSoAtLeastIDoNotHaveToWorryAboutThat
#IMissedACallFromMyDoctorYesterdayWhoWantsToDoAReviewWithMeOnMondaySoIGuessIWillSayThenThatIAmPregnant
#EvenThoughIWasPregnantNotThatLongAgoIFeelLikeIHaveAlreadyForgottenAboutHowAllTheAppointmentsWork
#PlusNowWeHaveMovedSomewhereElseSoItWillBeSlightlyDifferentAnyways
#IHaveReadThatThereIsNoEvidenceToSayThatTheCovidVaccineIsUnsafeIfYouArePregnant
#ButTheNHSWantMoreEvidenceBeforePregnantPeopleAreRoutinelyOfferedTheVaccine
#IProbablyWouldNotBeCalledToHaveItForALongTimeAnywaysAsIAmInMy30sWithNoHealthIssues
#IAmInShockButINeedToStartRestingMoreForSure

#IAmExcitedButNervous

It is nice to have something to countdown to again. I wanted to learn to drive, but there isn’t much availability. I need to start messaging people as otherwise I will not have much time at all.

#IWantedToWaitAndSeeIfMyPeriodArrivedBeforeDoingATestAsIDidNotWantToBeDisappointedLikeLastTime

This post explains it.

#IDidHaveSomeSpottingThreeDaysBeforeItWasDueButThatWasIt

It was really nothing.

#SoMaybeThatWasImplantationBleedingButIDoNotThinkIAmOnlyFiveWeeksPregnant

I do not think I would be having all these symptoms if I was only 5 weeks, but you never know.

(5th August: I was only 5 weeks pregnant at this point (I’ve recently had a dating scan), but I wanted to believe I was more. Also based on my periods have been before when I’ve been pregnant it seemed like it might add up. I’ve decided to keep the wrong gestation and question marks in the titles as it reflects how I was feeling/what I believed.)

#IWasWorriedThatIWasImaginingMorningSicknessSoThatIsAnotherReasonThatIWantedToDelayTakingATest

I have felt quite sick at times, and not so much at others. I worry that sometimes I think ‘oh shouldn’t I be feeling more sick?’ and then I feel more sick. I do not want to be sick this time though.

#INeedToBookMyCovidVaccinationsSoIWantToCheckWithMyDoctorAboutItAllFirst

Fun times. I think I will be avoiding germ pits like softplay for now while I wait for it.

#IHopeThisPregnancyGoesWell

Fingers crossed.

#IAmWorriedThatSomethingWillGoWrongButItIsWhatItIsAndWeWillHaveToSee

I do not want to spend the whole time feeling as anxious and nervous as I did last time, but I also feel like I need to be realistic about it all, especially as it is still the first trimester.

#IfTheBabyHappensThenTheyWillBeBornInTheOppositeSeasonToB #WhichMeansThatMyGrandPlanOfPassingHerStuffAlongMightNotCompletelyWork #HerNiceStuffForTheSummerNowWillNotBeGoodForABabyBornInTheWinterWhoWillBeTooSmallForThemButOhWell

Me justifying buying nice stuff as it can be passed along = fail. Some stuff will be fine though. The baby could be quite big though – who knows?

#AtLeastIWillNotBeHeavilyPregnantInSummer

Phew.

#IDoNotWantToTellPeopleForNow #IWantToKeepItQuietAndThenMaybeJustTalkAboutItIfAndWhenIGetToTwelveWeeks #WhichMightBeSoonOrItMightNot

I need to call my doctor and see what they think. A lot of the appointments are down to how pregnant you are.

#TheTwelveWeeksThingIsNotGreatAsItFeelsLikeItJustProtectsOtherPeopleFromTheAwkwardnessOfItAllMoreThanMe #AndIWillTalkAboutItWhetherOrNotItProgressesButIGuessSomePeopleDoNotLikeToShareSoMuch

I am debating what to do – this could be a new project as before when I thought I was pregnant I was doing a pregnancy project and continuing with Oh Me, Oh Mãe. Two projects is too much of a faff, especially if one is just trying to hide the fact I am pregnant for a bit longer so this is probably a new project about having a kid and being pregnant. I guess my pregnancy project, OMOM and this are all chapters of a bigger project anyways?

(5th August: I’ve just been working on this project, which shows that I am a little more sure than I was earlier this year when I was working on two. (Well, I have been making a Puke Portraits II.) It is a cross between Waiting and OMOM. I’m calling it Waiting… II for now, but it needs it’s own title. I’ll start thinking…

#IWonderHowItWillBeHavingTwoKids

In the car yesterday I was imagining how it would be with two in the car.

#IWorryThatItCouldBeTwinsButIReallyDoubtIt #IfBHadHadATwinThatWouldHaveBeenGreatButIDoNotWantTwinsNowThoughIfTwinsHappenThenWeWillGetOnWithItObviously

We shall have to wait and see. Time to look after B now.

I am debating including the images/hashtags from when I was a similar gestation with B. However, I did actually manage to write a few blog posts about Waiting, so I’ll just include links to them for now.

Turns out I never did pictures for 5 weeks last time, but the first photo I took was the day after I found out at 4+ weeks so that is similar.

Head to knee self-portrait. I am stood facing the left hand side of the frame. My hair is falling down my right side and I am wearing a black cardigan, black leggings and a dress that is blue with darker blue dots. My hands are in the pockets of the dress and I am pulling it out, as if to imagine what it will be like to have a pregnancy bump.
The Day After I Found Out (4+ weeks)
 
#SoIAmGoingThroughMyPicturesACoupleOfMonthsAfterTryingToEditTheProjectSoFar
#AndApparentlyIHaveBeenWritingHashtagsForEveryShootOnTheDayApartFromThisOne
#WritingThemOnTheDayIsMuchBetterButOhWell
#ILikeThatIAmWearingThisDress
#NotSureIfItWasAnAccidentOrOnPurpose
#ButItIsTheSameDressAsTheOneIAmWearingInMyPictureCalled
#ItSeemsLikeEveryoneIsPregnantExceptMe
#InMySeriesCalledUlteriorMonologue
#WhichIsAboutWantingToTalkAboutWantingToBePregnantButFeelingTooAwkwardTo
#TheDayBeforeWeHadGoneFoodShopping
#IHadBoughtCheeseThatYouAreNotSupposedToEatIfYouArePregnant
#AndTwoPregnancyTests
#IBoughtTheTestsAsIMyPeriodWasLateAndIWasHopeful
#ButBoughtTheCheeseAsIWasNotThatHopeful
#WellActuallyIWasConfusedAsItHadStartedAndStopped
#IOnlyHadATinyBitOfTheCheeseAsIWasLikeWellWhatIf
#AndThenTriedToDoATest
#ButForgotIWasGoingToDoOne
#SoIWasJustInTheBathroomForAgesDrinkingLotsOfWaterAndWaiting
#FunTimes
#ThenICameOutOfTheBathroomInShockIThink
#AndCalledTiagoIntoTheBathroomAsWeWereAtMyNans
#HeSaidHeDidNotEvenKnowWhatWasTheResultByLookingAtTheTest
#WritingThisNowIHaveABitOfABump
#OnTheDayITookAPictureOfMyBellyAndToBeFairIThoughtILookedABitPregnant
#ButMyBellyUsuallyLookedLikeThat
#AndNowIKnowMyFoodBabiesLookABitDifferentToABabyBump
#ButFoodBabiesWithABabyBumpJustLookLikeABigBabyBump
#AnywaysHereIWasAbout4AndABitWeeksPregnantOrSoTheFolderTellsMe
#IFindItOddTheWayTheyCalculateItAsPartOfThatIWasNotPregnant

I thought I might as well just add the image and hashtags in. The picture is definitely more interesting than this new one, but oh well.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Blowing Bubbles Like B (22nd September 2020)

Me blowing bubbles like my baby daughter does
Blowing Bubbles Like B (22nd September 2020)
 
#IAmTryingToDoTwoShootsAWeekNowEvenIfIFeelLikeIDoNotHaveMuchToSayOrShow
#IFeelLikeDuringTheDayLifeJustConsistsOfThreeHourCycles
#SheWakesUpSheIsFedShePlaysSheIsChangedSheNaps
#TheOrderChangesButItIsBasicallyThat
#TwoNightsAgoSheSleptFor8HoursBetweenFeeds
#SheWentToBedAround8SheHadADreamFeedAround10ThirtyWhichSheSleptThrough
#SheWokeUpAt2ButWithGentleEncouragementSheWentBackToSleep
#ThenSheWokeUpAt6ThirtySoIStartedOurDayThen
#LastNightItStartedTheSameExceptSheWokeUpAtMidnight
#ItWasTooEarlyToFeedHerButSheKeptCryingSoIFedHer
#ThenSheWokeUpAt5AndITriedToEncourageHerBackToSleepButNope
#ThenSheWokeUpAt7ButIWasTooTiredToFeedHerSoTiagoPlayedWithHer
#ThenHeBroughtHerToMeAt8AndIFedHerAndThenItWasTimeForHerNap
#SoIMessedTheDayUpReallyAsIShouldHaveJustFedHerAt7
#InTheEndSheSleptForAWhileSoIWokeHerUpWhenSheWasDueToFeedAgain
#ExcitingStuff
#YesterdaySheWasGrabbingAtTheSidesOfThePushchairForTheFirstTime
#SheIsMoreGrabbyEveryDay
#SheAlsoContinuesToBlowALotOfBubblesWhichIDecidedToFocusOnForThisShoot
#IThinkSoonSheIsGoingToHaveToWearABibAllTheTime
#IAmTryingToReadToHerMoreThoughWeNeedToGetSomePortugueseKidsBooksToo
#IFeelLessOverwhelmedThanInTheLastPostButIStillFeelALittleOnEdge
#IJustWantToSleepForAWeek
#TodayANewLockdownBeginsInLiverpool
#YesterdayWeGotAnEmailSayingThatWeShouldWearMasksGoingInAndOutOfOurBuilding
#IDefinitelyWillButIFeelLikeALotOfPeopleWont
#IAmReadyToBePleasantlySurprisedThough
#IFeelLikePeopleAreGettingTooComplacent
#OnMyDailyWalksPeopleGetTooCloseToMeWhichDoesFreakMeOut
#IWonderHowOldBWillBeWhenThisIsAllOver

(I wrote this post on 22nd September.)

#IAmTryingToDoTwoShootsAWeekNowEvenIfIFeelLikeIDoNotHaveMuchToSayOrShow

This is what I aimed to do when I was pregnant, though some weeks I did more.

I guess when I was pregnant I had a body that was changing, whereas now I have a baby whose face I don’t want to show.

(8th October – I always feel like I have nothing to say, but I usually end up saying a lot.)

#IFeelLikeDuringTheDayLifeJustConsistsOfThreeHourCycles #SheWakesUpSheIsFedShePlaysSheIsChangedSheNaps #TheOrderChangesButItIsBasicallyThat

I am not a fan of constant repetition…

#TwoNightsAgoSheSleptFor8HoursBetweenFeeds #SheWentToBedAround8SheHadADreamFeedAround10ThirtyWhichSheSleptThrough #SheWokeUpAt2ButWithGentleEncouragementSheWentBackToSleep #ThenSheWokeUpAt6ThirtySoIStartedOurDayThen

We got a noise machine the day before, so I thought that may have contributed, or maybe it was because T bottle fed her two times in the evening so perhaps she drank more than she usually would?

Well, we used the noise machine again and T fed her three times, but…

#LastNightItStartedTheSameExceptSheWokeUpAtMidnight #ItWasTooEarlyToFeedHerButSheKeptCryingSoIFedHer #ThenSheWokeUpAt5AndITriedToEncourageHerBackToSleepButNope

With a baby it seems that every day is a new day, so forget what happened yesterday really.

#ThenSheWokeUpAt7ButIWasTooTiredToFeedHerSoTiagoPlayedWithHer

I would have fed her, but it had only been two hours since her last feed and she didn’t seem hungry.

#ThenHeBroughtHerToMeAt8AndIFedHerAndThenItWasTimeForHerNap #SoIMessedTheDayUpReallyAsIShouldHaveJustFedHerAt7

Often her naps in the morning are quite good and we have a consistent cycle, but by the afternoon her naps get shorter, so I knew it did not matter too much. Though I will try not to let it happen again. T just seemed keen to play, so I thought why not.

#InTheEndSheSleptForAWhileSoIWokeHerUpWhenSheWasDueToFeedAgain

Great, though the day seems a bit out of whack now.

(8th October – I get a bit obsessed with her routine. I’ve realised why – I don’t have much else to do right now; everyday is pretty much the same.)

#ExcitingStuff

Gripping, I know.

#YesterdaySheWasGrabbingAtTheSidesOfThePushchairForTheFirstTime #SheIsMoreGrabbyEveryDay

She grabs at any material. Below her on her changing mat is a muslin (so she doesn’t feel cold underneath) and when I pick her up it often comes with her…

(8th October – She is definitely more grabby now.)

#SheAlsoContinuesToBlowALotOfBubblesWhichIDecidedToFocusOnForThisShoot

Secret: I did take some photos of me blowing bubbles on the shoot where I imitated the cute thing that B does with her mouth.

#IThinkSoonSheIsGoingToHaveToWearABibAllTheTime

When we play in the living room we have a bib/towel nearby for wiping up dribble. Fun times – sorry future B if she reads this.

(8th October – She wears a bib all the time now – except when she is in her cot.)

#IAmTryingToReadToHerMoreThoughWeNeedToGetSomePortugueseKidsBooksToo

She still falls asleep a lot when I feed her. I feel like I should talk to her, but there’s only so much I can say and she doesn’t seem to care so I try to read to her. Though recently I have just started to watch films as I need to relax and this seems like a good time to do it.

Yesterday and today I have been watching the 2000s Charlie’s Angels films. I have never seen them before. Maybe because lockdown is so dull I feel like I need some action in my life? I hope B learns karate or something.

#IFeelLessOverwhelmedThanInTheLastPostButIStillFeelALittleOnEdge

I know it is the coding course that is bothering me the most. I don’t do well with educational deadlines. I’m ahead of schedule, but still I’m getting stressed out? I’m a weirdo.

T told me to have a rest whilst B napped, but I said I was going to take the pictures for these hashtags. He said I’m nuts. I think he is right…

#IJustWantToSleepForAWeek

Will I ever stop being tired? I was going to have a nap this morning during B’s first nap, but she sleeps so well then that I knew I should get up, stretch and try to do some coding.

I’m attempting the 30 days of yoga again. I think I tried too soon before when I had a big gap (diastasis recti) and so it wasn’t the best idea. Now I think it is okay to do it though.

#TodayANewLockdownBeginsInLiverpool

Oh joy. Though my Nan is under lockdown in Birmingham, so now I feel a little glad that we don’t have to try to attempt some weird meetup in a pub. Obviously I’d love to see her, but logistically it would be a right faff.

#YesterdayWeGotAnEmailSayingThatWeShouldWearMasksGoingInAndOutOfOurBuilding #IDefinitelyWillButIFeelLikeALotOfPeopleWont

T popped outside and he said the two people he saw weren’t, but maybe they haven’t seen the email yet? T doesn’t think he got the email.

#IAmReadyToBePleasantlySurprisedThough

Let’s see what I say about it when I get round to posting this.

(8th October – Some people do, some people don’t. I saw two guys walk into a shop earlier without masks… Do I sound like the local neighbourhood snitch? Yes.)

#IFeelLikePeopleAreGettingTooComplacent #OnMyDailyWalksPeopleGetTooCloseToMeWhichDoesFreakMeOut

Yesterday to get into the building I had to walk by two guys who were smoking right by the entrance. They barely moved for me and then I awkwardly had to open the door and get through with the pushchair, whilst they continued to stand right by it but acted like I was not there. I guess from today they will be told to move.

#IWonderHowOldBWillBeWhenThisIsAllOver

I can not really imagine a world where I feel safe around strangers/lots of people again. Though I did adapt pretty quickly at the hospital when I had B…


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

I Was Feeling Overwhelmed, But I Felt Better After I Wrote About It (18th September 2020)

Me feeding B
I Was Feeling Overwhelmed, But I Felt Better After I Wrote About It (18th September 2020)
 
#IHaveWantedToWriteAboutThisForAFewDaysButIHaveAlsoNotWantedToGiveMyselfExtraWorkToDo
#IThinkTheWordOfTheWeekIsOverwhelmed
#IHaveBeenWonderingWhyAndIGuessIHaveNeverHadAnAlmost24SevenJobBefore
#AndIAmGettingFedUpWithMyMainContactWithOtherPeopleBesidesBAndTBeingThroughMyPhoneOrComputer
#WeStillDoNotKnowManyPeopleInLiverpoolAndTheOnesWeDoKnowGenerallyLiveFarAway
#AndIWasHopingThatIWouldMeetMoreLocalMumsThroughTheChildrensCentreAndStuff
#ButTheyHaveBeenClosedAndNowANewLocalLockdownLooksImminent
#WeAreTryingToWorkOnBsNaps
#WithFeedingAndChangingHerYouKnowWhatYouAreGoingToGet
#ButWithNapsYouDoNotKnowIfItWillBeTwentyMinutesOrTwoHoursSoYouHaveToMoveFast
#TheFirstNapOfTheDayIsMeantToBeTheEasiestToSucceedWith
#IRiskedShavingMyLegsAndIManagedToDoBothAndIAmWritingThisNow
#IEvenManagedToDoSomeStretchingAndHaveBreakfast
#IHaveFoundMyselfDoingMyStretchingAt4InTheMorningALotLatelyWhichIsNotGood
#IFeelLikeIHaveMadeMyLifeOvercomplicated
#HavingToWriteAnEssayWithEachPhotoThenABlogPost
#ButThePicturesSeemRubbishAtTheMoment
#IAmWritingThisBeforeIHaveEvenDoneAShootAsIFeelPutOffThatTheShootWillBeBad
#IGuessItIsImportantToJustKeepMakingWorkAtTheMoment
#ButItFeelsCrapHavingCrapPhotos
#IGuessPeopleAreNotExpectingMuchFromMeRightNow
#ButIAmExpectingALotFromMyself
#OnceInAWhileIJustFeelDownAboutMyArtPracticeAndWonderWhyIDoItAll
#SoIGuessThisIsOneOfThosePhasesCombinedWithALotOfOtherStuff
#IJustNeedToMakeMyWorkForMyselfAndAsLongAsIGetSomethingFromItThenItIsAllGood
#INeedToMoveFastWhenBIsAsleepToAchieveSomething
#WeAreDueToHaveAFlatInspectionForTheFirstTimeSinceBeforeLockdown
#ItSeemsSoHardToGetTheBedroomCleanAsBIsEitherAsleepInItOrSheIsAwakeAndINeedToLookAfterHer
#TheClothesMountainJustNeverSeemsToGetAnySmaller
#ButIAmGratefulToBeAMumAndILoveWhenBEspeciallyWhenSheSmilesAtMe

(I wrote this post on 18th September.)

#IHaveWantedToWriteAboutThisForAFewDaysButIHaveAlsoNotWantedToGiveMyselfExtraWorkToDo

I need to figure out a way to make these blog posts feel less like hard work. Sometimes I enjoy them, but sometimes I wonder why I am doing this.

#IThinkTheWordOfTheWeekIsOverwhelmed #IHaveBeenWonderingWhyAndIGuessIHaveNeverHadAnAlmost24SevenJobBefore

It is full on and I have been doing it for three months. Tiago does look after her too, but Monday to Friday 7-5ish she is mainly my responsibility, then I need to worry about producing her milk at all times.

We have been struggling with giving her a bottle feed a day as she struggles with the teats, but I think we have fixed it. I decided to get her some slow flow teats and that seems to have done the trick. Sometimes I let her suck my finger (that sounds odd) and I realised how strong she was getting, so with the other teats I think she often is drowning in milk. She had a dream feed last night with the slow teat and she drank most of it.

(5th October – The slow teats definitely did the trick. She has a dream feed with a bottle every night now and she usually feeds quite well.)

#AndIAmGettingFedUpWithMyMainContactWithOtherPeopleBesidesBAndTBeingThroughMyPhoneOrComputer

I feel like I have so many conversations going on all over the place and I am bored of them. I just want to have in person conversations, but it is difficult.

(5th October – Rules have got stricter since. I am trying to have a social media detox of sorts. I’ve deactivated my Facebook, made a long password for my Twitter that I don’t know and logged out, trying to go on Instagram less, and aiming to have more video calls and less WhatsApp chit chat.

I am finding social media difficult at the moment. Some people are living under less strict rules and have something that resembles a ‘normal’ life. The weather was so bad today that we couldn’t even go for a walk.)

#WeStillDoNotKnowManyPeopleInLiverpoolAndTheOnesWeDoKnowGenerallyLiveFarAway

All the ‘new mums’ that I know live on the other side of Liverpool.

I don’t drive, don’t really want to get public transport, and don’t want to rely on Tiago all the time.

(5th October – Well, the rules have changed now and we can no longer meet people in pubs or restaurants, and it is not recommended to meet people outdoors.)

#AndIWasHopingThatIWouldMeetMoreLocalMumsThroughTheChildrensCentreAndStuff #ButTheyHaveBeenClosedAndNowANewLocalLockdownLooksImminent

Sometimes I see women pushing pushchairs on walks and I hope they’ll talk to me, but I’m so awkward now with not having much in person interaction. I usually have my sunglasses on and can’t make eye contact when they’re off.

It’s just a weird time to meet people with social distancing and all. I’m writing this on 18th September and it looks like new rules will be introduced for Liverpool tonight.

(5th October – Yeah they changed. There are no baby classes that are easily accessible for me right now. I’m finding zoom classes awkward and I haven’t attended one ‘live’ in weeks.

I actually just got an email to say that she’s thinking about going back to in-person classes, and they’re out of the way for us. So looks like I’ll be looking into other options and probably having to embrace zoom again.)

#WeAreTryingToWorkOnBsNaps

I say we, but really it’s me as I’m the one looking after her all day.

I said to Tiago earlier that I am jealous of his life as he gets to go out for work and do stuff. He went on a bike ride last night. I want to go on a bike ride.

#WithFeedingAndChangingHerYouKnowWhatYouAreGoingToGet #ButWithNapsYouDoNotKnowIfItWillBeTwentyMinutesOrTwoHoursSoYouHaveToMoveFast

Yesterday all her naps were no longer than thirty minutes. Then I messed up with her last nap of the day as it took so long for her to go to sleep that it then basically became her bedtime. I hadn’t done any of her bedtime routine and we missed out a feeding.

We gave her a dream feed and she didn’t wake up, but she had been asleep for so long that of course she was going to wake up early in the morning. I tried to delay her feed and it worked a bit, but after 6 hours I gave up. It is recommended to not use the dummy as the first way to extend sleep, but I was so tired that I kept giving it to her first.

Last night felt like the latest I had stayed up in a while, but I did not achieve anything as I was so tired and just faffed.

#TheFirstNapOfTheDayIsMeantToBeTheEasiestToSucceedWith

You’re supposed to offer at least one nap in the cot and that one seems easy to do.

#IRiskedShavingMyLegsAndIManagedToDoBothAndIAmWritingThisNow

I was half hoping she would wake up, so I knew that the photo would be of one hairy leg and one shaven leg.

#IEvenManagedToDoSomeStretchingAndHaveBreakfast

I was going to eat breakfast first, but I knew that would be dumb as then I wouldn’t be able to stretch properly.

#IHaveFoundMyselfDoingMyStretchingAt4InTheMorningALotLatelyWhichIsNotGood

Well the last two nights before tonight. I am tired all the time, but I knew that she would be asleep long enough for me to do it.

#IFeelLikeIHaveMadeMyLifeOvercomplicated #HavingToWriteAnEssayWithEachPhotoThenABlogPost

Seriously, whose bright idea was it to write a blog?

Why did I feel like now was a good time to do a coding course? To be fair, there will never be a good time to do a course again – or not until B is in school perhaps?

#ButThePicturesSeemRubbishAtTheMoment #IAmWritingThisBeforeIHaveEvenDoneAShootAsIFeelPutOffThatTheShootWillBeBad #IGuessItIsImportantToJustKeepMakingWorkAtTheMoment #ButItFeelsCrapHavingCrapPhotos

I am guessing she will wake up soon so I won’t have to worry about what picture it’s going to be right now. I don’t know how many more pictures of myself in my underwear in my living room I can deal with.

I will probably try to take a picture with her, so I should set my stuff up ready.

(It felt like the easiest thing to do was to do a shoot whilst I fed her. She moves her hands/arms around a lot whilst feeding now, so I like that I got one with her arm like this as I love arm poses. I think I have also been feeling overwhelmed though as I often feel sore from feeding and so I was dreading feeding her at times.)

#IGuessPeopleAreNotExpectingMuchFromMeRightNow #ButIAmExpectingALotFromMyself

I always expect a lot from myself.

#OnceInAWhileIJustFeelDownAboutMyArtPracticeAndWonderWhyIDoItAll

If you’re an artist/photographer/writer/whatever you know the feeling.

#SoIGuessThisIsOneOfThosePhasesCombinedWithALotOfOtherStuff #IJustNeedToMakeMyWorkForMyselfAndAsLongAsIGetSomethingFromItThenItIsAllGood

I have had these similar phases for years. I guess I am just tired and I’ll snap out of it. Yesterday I had one of those (frequent) realisations that so many people are trying to do what I am trying to do.

I made my YouTube channel originally knowing I would get mean comments, but a mean comment yesterday made me feel really crummy. Usually people write something mean and then delete it as they know they’re being an asshole, but this person still has not deleted it.

It’s also annoying when people write something as if it is not your channel. As if it is a random video on someone else’s channel where the person who it is is not easily identifiable.

I guess you never know what is going on in someone else’s life. Sounds like they’re going through a bad time too if they feel the need to leave horrible comments on random videos.

I love the confidence that people have to write such things. Well I guess it is easy when you have no profile picture and a name that is nothing like your own. I find leaving comments awkward and I usually only write positive ones…

(5th October – I was feeling a lot better, but today I seem to have slipped a bit. Tiago was off work last week, so it was nice to have more support in the day. Now he’s back working again – though only in the other room, but I don’t like bothering him.

I don’t like not knowing when we can see my family again. It was nice to see them when we could and to have a bit of support, but now it’s all been taken away from us again. Obviously we’re not the only people affected by this and some people have less help, but it is frustrating.)

#INeedToMoveFastWhenBIsAsleepToAchieveSomething

I actually need to wake B up now to feed her.

I have been trying to get up at 7am every day to have something that resembles a routine. This morning my alarm went off (the first day that I set one) and I pressed snooze. I thought B would wake up shortly anyways.

Woke up again and it was 7.40am. Okay we’ll try again tomorrow…

I don’t see why I make it such an issue when I know that she usually will have a nap again after an hour. I like to get stuff done in the morning so I can relax a little – at least I have done something today now.

(5th October – I will wake up at 3am and be wide awake, but I always feel AWFUL at 7am. I wanted a nap this morning, but I knew it was a good time to get things done as she usually sleeps alright. I then planned to nap in the afternoon, but I thought I better do the washing up and other things.)

#WeAreDueToHaveAFlatInspectionForTheFirstTimeSinceBeforeLockdown #ItSeemsSoHardToGetTheBedroomCleanAsBIsEitherAsleepInItOrSheIsAwakeAndINeedToLookAfterHer #TheClothesMountainJustNeverSeemsToGetAnySmaller

T does an excellent job of tidying the main room (living room/dining room/kitchen/my ‘studio’) but the other rooms seem to get a bit forgotten. Typically we said we wanted an early morning inspection when I feel like we need the time, but it will be good to not spend the whole day worrying. They have inspected it as a mess before.

They do not know we have a baby. I thought they would see me at an inspection and it would be obvious, but those inspections got cancelled due to the pandemic. Do you have to call to say you’ve had a baby? I don’t think so, but tomorrow they will see anyways.

I am not the world’s tidiest person, but I would actually love someone to have B for a bit so I could tidy the hell out of this flat. I want to organise things properly and get really into nesting mode.

I guess I could do it, but I write blog posts instead. And I actually feel much better after having written this one.

(5th October – We managed to get the flat looking alright and she never even commented about us having a baby. It turns out that one of our fire alarms has not had a battery in it since we moved in, so luckily that is sorted now. I was sure that they had tested it before, but obviously not.)

#ButIAmGratefulToBeAMumAndILoveBEspeciallyWhenSheSmilesAtMe

I do whine too much, but I think a lot of people feel the same as me, so I think it is good to share so that others might not feel so alone.

I am grateful to be a mother though and just having B smile at me makes me feel so so happy, but it is a life shock even if though you signed up for it.

Time to wake B.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Portrait Of A Mother Of A Three-Month-Old (15th September 2020)

Me leaning on a table
Portrait Of A Mother Of A Three-Month-Old (15th September 2020)
 
#WhoIsWorriedThatSheWillNotHaveTimeToWriteTheHashtagsBeforeHerBabyWakesUp
#ThatWouldHaveBeenTooLongOfATitle
#ICanNotBelieveSheIsThreeMonthsOldAndIStillCanNotBelieveThatIHaveABaby
#LastNightSheWentFor8HoursBetweenTwoFeeds
#SheDidWakeUpACoupleOfTimesButSheWentBackToSleep
#ThoughNowIAmWorriedAsSheHasSeemedQuiteSleepyToday
#TypicallyWhenSheDoesNotSleepIAmWorriedAndWhenSheDoesIAm
#SheWasStartingToGetCrankyDuringHerBabyMassageClassThisMorningWhichWasARecordingFromLastWeekAsItExpiresTomorrow
#AndWeMissedHerBabyYogaClassSoWeWillHaveToDoThatBeforeWeDoTheNextBabyMassageOne
#SheIsMeantToBeGoingThroughADevelopmentalLeapThoughWhichMightExplainTheTiredness
#YesterdayOurRoutineGotMuckedUpByTravellingAboutSoIThoughtItMightBeALongNight
#WeHadToStopAtAServiceStationForTheFirstTimeWithHer
#WeActuallyHadToStopTwiceAsTheFirstTimeIFedHerAndTheSecondTimeWeChangedHerNappyAsSheWasStillCrying
#WhenSheIsOvertiredItCanGoEitherWay
#ButIThinkHerBeingOvertiredIsTheMainReasonWhySheCries
#SheWasFineWhenIWasHoldingHerButThenSheWouldCryWhenIPutHerDownInHerCot
#NowThatWeSwaddleHerSheHasABitMoreOfANaptimeSlashBedtimeRoutine
#IUsuallyPickHerUpOnceSheIsSwaddledAndSingToHerForABitWhileRockingHer
#OurNewSongIs
#HeyBabyAreYouSleepy
#LetsGoToBedASAP
#ButASAPAsAyEssAyPee
#ISangToHerForAWhileButSheWasStillFussy
#AsSheSleepsInATravelCotThoughIRecentlyRealisedThatICanRockTheBassinetBitToRockHerToSleep
#IPlannedToDoThisShootLaterButIThoughtIMightAsWellTryToDoItNow
#SoTonightICanJustFocusOnCodingOnceIGetMeTime
#IFeelQuiteStressedOutRightNow
#IGuessIJustStartedANewCourseAndIHadNotDoneAShootInAFewDays
#IAlsoHaveNotBeenOnAWalkInACoupleOfDaysSoINeedToMakeSureThatIGoOutToday
#ItIsNiceLookingAfterHerButEveryDayIsTheSameKindOfCycle
 

Apologies for another picture of me in my underwear. I said that I would not change my clothes for shoots, and as the weather is warm whilst I write this (on the 15th September) I am just lounging around like this.

It is just easier for feeding, and as I haven’t been out yet today I haven’t had to put any other clothes on. I guess it is an accurate portrayal of having a summer baby in a warm flat…

(Since writing this the weather has turned and I’ve been enjoying lounging around in a long sleeved top and pyjama bottoms.)

#WhoIsWorriedThatSheWillNotHaveTimeToWriteTheHashtagsBeforeHerBabyWakesUp #ThatWouldHaveBeenTooLongOfATitle

After seeing how long this hashtag is, it definitely would have been too long for the official title. It is annoying when titles are too long for file names or title boxes.

#ICanNotBelieveSheIsThreeMonthsOldAndIStillCanNotBelieveThatIHaveABaby

Will it ever stop being weird? I don’t think so. How has it been 3 months already though?

(I was thinking this morning – 2nd October – that I haven’t said this in a while, but obviously I have. We generally have a few free hours these days between her going to bed and her dream feed, which is when I usually do my coding course. I am so caught up in my own stuff that I do sometimes temporarily forget that I have a kid. That sounds bad, but it is because I still find it weird that I grew a baby inside me.)

#LastNightSheWentFor8HoursBetweenTwoFeeds #SheDidWakeUpACoupleOfTimesButSheWentBackToSleep

I have been trying to go to bed earlier. We ended up getting home late, so I fed her and we all went to bed around 11pm-ish? She woke up at 4am and I gave her her dummy thinking that she would be crying again within 5 minutes. I lay down again and I can’t remember when she next woke up, but in the end I fed her around 7am.

When I say 8 hours between feeds I mean 8 hours from the start of her last one to the start of the next one.

I woke up around 6am and managed to do some yoga, before I woke her up to feed her. I want to start getting up at 7am every day to try to have some kind of a routine.

(2nd October – The last few nights she has gone the whole night without eating until 7am-ish. Last night she only woke up once, whereas the night before she woke up about 6 times, but I just tried to leave her for 5 minutes before intervening, and the night before that she woke up a lot and I usually just offered her the dummy straight away, which shouldn’t be my first response really. I’m learning…)

#ThoughNowIAmWorriedAsSheHasSeemedQuiteSleepyToday

She had a nap around 8.30am, and we both slept until 10.30am. I was supposed to wake her up to feed her around 10… I had to wake her up in the end as she had napped for 2 hours.

#TypicallyWhenSheDoesNotSleepIAmWorriedAndWhenSheDoesIAm

I will keep an eye on her.

(2nd October – Everything was fine; babies are supposed to sleep a lot. I was reading the other day that someone was struggling with their baby was not sleeping so well at night and someone recommended an earlier bed time. Apparently it made a big difference. Before we were aiming for a bedtime of 8pm, but now we try for 7pm-ish. )

#SheWasStartingToGetCrankyDuringHerBabyMassageClassThisMorningWhichWasARecordingFromLastWeekAsItExpiresTomorrow

She has her eyes closed whilst I feed her, so I need to work on keeping her more awake during feeds still. I thought she would not need a nap so soon, but she was getting cranky half way through the video so I thought I’d see if she wanted a nap.

#AndWeMissedHerBabyYogaClassSoWeWillHaveToDoThatBeforeWeDoTheNextBabyMassageOne

Fun fact.

#SheIsMeantToBeGoingThroughADevelopmentalLeapThoughWhichMightExplainTheTiredness

It also says to expect other things like clinginess, loss of appetite and other things. She seems to be feeding well at the moment, though I need to use nipple shields as one is quite painful and she only seems to like the other boob if it has a nipple shield on. I guess it is like sucking a dummy full of milk? The bad one just doesn’t seem to heal though.

(2nd October – I am just using nipple shields all the time now. I know you’re not supposed to, but sore nipples are horrible. I do occasionally go without to try to build up my resistance or something, but it just seems easier to use them. Okay, I’ve guilted myself into using them less.)

#YesterdayOurRoutineGotMuckedUpByTravellingAboutSoIThoughtItMightBeALongNight

It is nice to see people, but I do start to get into some kind of routine at home and it goes out of the window pretty quick.

#WeHadToStopAtAServiceStationForTheFirstTimeWithHer #WeActuallyHadToStopTwiceAsTheFirstTimeIFedHerAndTheSecondTimeWeChangedHerNappyAsSheWasStillCrying

We always try to go anywhere after she has been fed. Sometimes when she is overtired she will sleep after a feed, but not last night.

Before we left the first service station we checked her nappy and it seemed fine. However, as she was crying after we left we thought it might be her nappy so T changed it on the front passenger seat (on a changing mat) at the next service station.

She was still upset after we left there, but she calmed down a little after I played white noise on my phone and tried to sooth her more. I sensed that she might just want to be cuddled, but obviously we couldn’t do that in a moving car.

#WhenSheIsOvertiredItCanGoEitherWay

She can have a long sleep or just wake up loads. I get it though, sometimes the more tired I am the harder it is to sleep. Like when I barely slept for 2 weeks after she was born…

#ButIThinkHerBeingOvertiredIsTheMainReasonWhySheCries

Well she cries for other reasons, but it’s the hardest to fix. Feed? Easy (well, less so with bottles these days). Nappy change? No problem. Over tired? Oh no. I am trying to get better at realising she is tired though.

#SheWasFineWhenIWasHoldingHerButThenSheWouldCryWhenIPutHerDownInHerCot

I realised too late that she was tired.

#NowThatWeSwaddleHerSheHasABitMoreOfANaptimeSlashBedtimeRoutine

As we need to comfort her once she is in the swaddle.

#IUsuallyPickHerUpOnceSheIsSwaddledAndSingToHerForABitWhileRockingHer

It is usually turn on white noise > nappy change > swaddle > comfort > cot.

#OurNewSongIs #HeyBabyAreYouSleepy #LetsGoToBedASAP #ButASAPAsAyEssAyPee #ISangToHerForAWhileButSheWasStillFussy

Well, I made it up today. She did seem to calm down, but was fussy again in her cot.

#AsSheSleepsInATravelCotThoughIRecentlyRealisedThatICanRockTheBassinetBitToRockHerToSleep

I didn’t have to do it for long and she fell asleep. Win.

#IPlannedToDoThisShootLaterButIThoughtIMightAsWellTryToDoItNow #SoTonightICanJustFocusOnCodingOnceIGetMeTime

B was asleep and the food in the oven needed half an hour to cook. You never know when she will wake up, but I managed to do a shoot, hashtags and half off this blog post. I’m writing the rest while she feeds – this is probably why she falls asleep while eating.

So at least I won’t have all of this to worry about tonight. I just need to select the image to accompany all of this…

#IFeelQuiteStressedOutRightNow #IGuessIJustStartedANewCourseAndIHadNotDoneAShootInAFewDays

I do not really like the pictures in this project, but perhaps just doing something is better than nothing. That’s generally how it is with my work, but it would be nice if I really liked the pictures. I used to really like my pregnancy project, but looking at it yesterday maybe it isn’t even that good. I guess it is just a document of a time and that’s fine.

At least I slept well last night and had a good nap this morning.

#IAlsoHaveNotBeenOnAWalkInACoupleOfDaysSoINeedToMakeSureThatIGoOutToday

Like I said when we visit people the routine goes out of the window. I prefer to take her out in her pushchair now, but it does not fit in the car along with everything else. This will be corrected today. I started to listen to Carrie Fisher’s biography as an audiobook whilst on walks. I love the speed up setting – particularly with my library app as you can set it to whatever speed you like. Sometimes 1.25x is too slow and 1.5x is too fast.

#ItIsNiceLookingAfterHerButEveryDayIsTheSameKindOfCycle

Wake up, feed, change, play, nap and repeat all day. I shouldn’t complain as it is rewarding, but my very first self-portraiture project was about the cycle of life. Sometimes I do find the monotonous of existing a bit dull, particularly during a pandemic. Rules are changing again, so we won’t be able to visit my Nan at home for now. Hopefully it changes again soon but who knows. We nearly didn’t make the visit, so it was lucky that we got to see her at home when we did.

(2nd October – Well, Liverpool has more lockdown rules now. So for now we can’t see anyone in their homes or gardens, and yesterday they announced a new rule of not mixing in pubs and restaurants – before it was just advised against.)

(I felt much better after finishing this post as I had been productive. B and I had a playtime full of smiles, and I got out for a walk. Win.)


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Motherhood Is So Glamorous (10th September 2020)

Me with a bashed nose, chocolate oat milk moustache, and toast crumbs on my chest
Motherhood Is So Glamorous (10th September 2020)
 
#HereIsAPictureOfMeWithMyBashedNoseABitOfAChocolateOatMilkMoustacheAndToastedSandwichCrumbsOnMyChestAndBra
#OutOfShotIsBAsleepOnMeAndOverMyRightArm
#ThisWasThisAtAroundTenThirtyThisMorningAndItIsNearlyTwoNow
#IStillHaveNotShoweredAndIAmFindingCrumbsAllInMyBra
#IWasGoingToPutBDownForANapAfterSheHadFinishedEating
#ICanNotKeepBAwakeDuringFeeding
#IAmGoingToHaveToDoAllTheTipsLikeKeepPuttingHerDown
#IDoNotLikeThatALotOfTheBabySleepTerminologyIsTheSameAsSayingGoodbyeToAPet
#INormallyBlowRaspberriesWhichUsuallyStartlesHerAwakeTheFirstTimeThenHerResponsesGetWeakerUntilSheStopsRespondingToTheSound
#SoThisMorningSheFellAsleepOnMeAndIThoughtOkaySheCanJustNapOnMeThisTime
#AfterAWhileITextedTForHelpAndHeBroughtMeAToastedSandwichAndAGlassOfChocolateMilk
#ILikeToHaveMyChocolateMilkInbetweenBitesButTheGlassWouldHaveFallenOverOnTheBedSoIHadToDrinkItAllBeforeIStartedToEat
#IHadToEatItWithMyLeftHandAndItWasQuiteMessyHenceAllTheCrumbs
#IKnowItIsAHardLife
#IAlwaysGetAMoustacheWheneverIDrinkSomethingSoBWillProbablyNotMakeMuchMoreOfAMessThanMe
#IHaveACutOnMyNoseFromSmashingItRoundACornerOfTheBedroomWall
#ItHurtsABitButItCouldHaveBeenALotWorse
#WeTriedHerInASwaddleSleepingBagForTheFirstTimeYesterday
#ForHerFirstNapInItSheFellAsleepStraightAway
#LaterOnWePutHerToBedAndWeWentToBedAboutAnHourAfterwardsAndThenSheDidNotWakeUpForFiveHours
#ITriedToDoAllTheTipsToElongateHerSleepButSheWasNotHavingIt
#SometimesTheyWorkAndSometimesTheyDoNot
#WeDecidedToSkipHerDreamFeedAsWeWereGoingToBedAnyways
#TheNightBeforeWeDidThatButSheWokeUpWhenIWouldHaveUsuallyDoneTheDreamFeedAnyways
#GoingToBedNotLongAfterHerIsDefinitelyAGoodWayForMeToNotFeelSoCrankyInTheNightThough
#SheWouldNotGoBackToSleepForAnHourButIJustReadMyBookWhilstGentlyEncouragingHerHereAndThere
#ItIsABetterApproachForMeThanJustTryingToGoBackToSleepAsWhenItTakesHerAgesIGetAnnoyedIfIAmActivelyTryingToSleep
#SheStartedToFallAsleepDuringLunchTodaySoWePutHerInHerCot
#SheFellAsleepQuickAndThenWokeUpAbout20MinutesAgoButTJustTouchedHerChestAndSheWentBackToSleep
#SheIsApparentlyDueToHaveADevelopmentalLeapWhichMightExplainWhySheHasBeenABitDifferentLately

(I wrote this post on 10th September.)

#HereIsAPictureOfMeWithMyBashedNoseABitOfAChocolateOatMilkMoustacheAndToastedSandwichCrumbsOnMyChestAndBra #OutOfShotIsBAsleepOnMeAndOverMyRightArm #ThisWasThisAtAroundTenThirtyThisMorningAndItIsNearlyTwoNow #IStillHaveNotShoweredAndIAmFindingCrumbsAllInMyBra

I did not remove the crumbs until after she had woken up, and I could brush them onto the plate.

#IWasGoingToPutBDownForANapAfterSheHadFinishedEating #ICanNotKeepBAwakeDuringFeeding #IAmGoingToHaveToDoAllTheTipsLikeKeepPuttingHerDown

Every time I really try to keep her awake, but I think it just makes her tired. She does not do it so much when we bottle feed her, but that is usually once a day lately.

#IDoNotLikeThatALotOfTheBabySleepTerminologyIsTheSameAsSayingGoodbyeToAPet

I think about this a lot…

#INormallyBlowRaspberriesWhichUsuallyStartlesHerAwakeTheFirstTimeThenHerResponsesGetWeakerUntilSheStopsRespondingToTheSound

She looks really shocked the first time, then she gradually just doesn’t notice it anymore.

#SoThisMorningSheFellAsleepOnMeAndIThoughtOkaySheCanJustNapOnMeThisTime

We had an online class coming up, but I knew we could just do the recording if she missed it.

(We haven’t made it to a live class this term since the first one. I do just find it a bit awkward.)

#AfterAWhileITextedTForHelpAndHeBroughtMeAToastedSandwichAndAGlassOfChocolateMilk #ILikeToHaveMyChocolateMilkInbetweenBitesButTheGlassWouldHaveFallenOverOnTheBedSoIHadToDrinkItAllBeforeIStartedToEat #IHadToEatItWithMyLeftHandAndItWasQuiteMessyHenceAllTheCrumbs #IKnowItIsAHardLife

My hashtags are so boring most of the time. Thanks to Tiago for bringing me breakfast in bed though 🙂

(I wrote breakfast in bread on accident, whoops.)

#IAlwaysGetAMoustacheWheneverIDrinkSomethingSoBWillProbablyNotMakeMuchMoreOfAMessThanMe

I’m sat at the dining table writing this. Looking down I can see so many crumbs around my seat… We’ve started to use a fabric table cloth now so I am hoping this will help me make less mess, but it seems like there is more on the floor instead of the table now.

#IHaveACutOnMyNoseFromSmashingItRoundACornerOfTheBedroomWall #ItHurtsABitButItCouldHaveBeenALotWorse

See my last project post.

#WeTriedHerInASwaddleSleepingBagForTheFirstTimeYesterday #ForHerFirstNapInItSheFellAsleepStraightAway

We had thought about getting one before. Obviously it won’t work every time, but we were impressed. We had to comfort her first though as it must be a shock after being able to throw all your limbs around to suddenly be confined.

(29th: We’ve put her in her winter one now as it’s been so cold. She seems to like it. The other day I tried to just use it as a sleeping bag (with her arms out), but her hands got cold so we’re swaddling her again for now. I’m quite jealous – it looks very cosy!)

#LaterOnWePutHerToBedAndWeWentToBedAboutAnHourAfterwardsAndThenSheDidNotWakeUpForFiveHours

Two nights in a row!

#ITriedToDoAllTheTipsToElongateHerSleepButSheWasNotHavingIt #SometimesTheyWorkAndSometimesTheyDoNot

There are 6 steps and sometimes the third step works, but not last night.

#WeDecidedToSkipHerDreamFeedAsWeWereGoingToBedAnyways #TheNightBeforeWeDidThatButSheWokeUpWhenIWouldHaveUsuallyDoneTheDreamFeedAnyways #GoingToBedNotLongAfterHerIsDefinitelyAGoodWayForMeToNotFeelSoCrankyInTheNightThough

If she wakes up around the time we’d do a dream feed then it’s fine, but if not then that’s probably her longest period of sleep for the night so it’s better that I get some sleep too. Before I would stay up to do her dream feed, then she would not fall back to sleep for ages and I’d get so cranky as I hadn’t slept so it wasn’t good.

(29th: Tiago’s been doing her dream feed now with a bottle.)

#SheWouldNotGoBackToSleepForAnHourButIJustReadMyBookWhilstGentlyEncouragingHerHereAndThere #ItIsABetterApproachForMeThanJustTryingToGoBackToSleepAsWhenItTakesHerAgesIGetAnnoyedIfIAmActivelyTryingToSleep

I like to read at weird times of the night now. Though I wake up at 5/6 when she wants her next feed and I feel fine. Tiago usually looks after her once I’ve finished feeding, so I can get some more sleep but then I usually wake up feeling awful. I’m going to have to start getting up at 7am like a lot of the sleep schedules recommend. It won’t be so bad now if she is sleeping better.

(29th: At the moment I’m reading House of Glass by Hadley Freeman.)

#SheStartedToFallAsleepDuringLunchTodaySoWePutHerInHerCot

I wasn’t sure whether or not to put her to sleep before we started to eat. I was bouncing her in her bouncer and saw her eyes closing, so to bed she went.

#SheFellAsleepQuickAndThenWokeUpAbout20MinutesAgoButTJustTouchedHerChestAndSheWentBackToSleep

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, though I need to wake her up to feed her now. She’s been asleep for about 90 minutes.

#SheIsApparentlyDueToHaveADevelopmentalLeapWhichMightExplainWhySheHasBeenABitDifferentLately

It is either that or a sleep regression, or a bit of both. We both feel a bit more confident now about navigating them. We’ll see what I say in the next post…


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Failing To Imitate The Cute Thing That B Does With Her Mouth (6th September 2020)

Me with my lips in a funny shape, trying to imitate my daughter
Failing To Imitate The Cute Thing That B Does With Her Mouth (6th September 2020)
 
#IWasPlanningOnDoingThisShootTomorrow
#ButIWasGettingReadyForBedAndISuddenlyFeltAwake
#BIsAsleepOnTiagoSoIWasGoingToDoSomeStretchingButIDecidedToDoAShootInstead
#MaybeIWillTryToStretchABitAfter
#BDoesThisCuteThingWithHerMouthWhenSheCoos
#MyNanDescribesItAsPursingHerLips
#WhichIGuessItIsButICanNotSeemToImitateItWell
#ItEitherLooksLikeIAmTryingToBeSexyOrLikeIAmTryingToImitateAMonkey
#Awkward
#TodaySheWasDoingItWhilstLookingAtHerCalamariToy
#TMadeACuteVideoOfIt
#ThisWeekendBMetMySisterHerPartnerAndTheirSonForTheFirstTime
#AndItWasOurFirstTimeMeetingOurNephewSoThatWasNice
#IAmStillWorkingOnGettingBToHaveNapsEvery60To90MinutesDuringTheDay
#ItGoesFairlyWellUntilMidAfternoonAndThenOftenSheIsAwakeFor5Hours
#SoOurNewThingIsTakingHerOutForAWalkInHerPramIfWeStruggle
#ButOnceSheFallsAsleepIAmTooScaredToComeHomeTooEarlyInCaseSheWakesUpAsSoonAsIGetIn
#YesterdayIEndedUpGoingForAWalkAsItWasGettingDark
#ItWasFunnySeeingEveryoneOutInTheirFancyClothesReadyForANightOut
#AndIWasJustLookingAStatePushingAPushchairAbout
#ItReallyDoesNotSeemLikeThereIsAPandemicHalfTheTime
#IHaveBeenToACoupleOfShopsLately
#ToTheSupermarketAndToABakery
#PushingAPushchairAroundYouRealiseHowBadAccessIsAtSomePlaces
#OrHowFrustratingSomePathsAreToNavigate
#IDidNotGoIntoOneBakeryAsIDidNotThinkIWouldBeAbleToPushBsPushchairRoundTheOneWaySystemWithTheBarriers
#AtTheOneIWentIntoInTheEndIHadToTurnThePushchairOnItsSideABit
#INearlyDidNotBotherGoingInAsIDidNotWantToEmbarrassMyself
#AndThenOnTheWayOutTwoGuysMovedTheBarrierForUsABitToGetOutWithNoProblem
#PeopleInWheelchairsOrWithMobilityScootersMustGetSoAnnoyed

(I wrote this on 6th September.)

#IWasPlanningOnDoingThisShootTomorrow #ButIWasGettingReadyForBedAndISuddenlyFeltAwake #BIsAsleepOnTiagoSoIWasGoingToDoSomeStretchingButIDecidedToDoAShootInstead

This is often the case – me feeling really tired and hoping to go to bed soon. Usually though it’s more that B just takes ages to settle and I end up going to bed a lot later than planned.

I was going to work on my coding homework, but I already did some earlier and I’m still on schedule to complete it ahead of time – fingers crossed. I can plan to do a shoot tomorrow daytime, but knowing my luck B’s naps might be short and she might need me to rock her to sleep with my foot.

The other day she was in her bouncer and I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor, with one foot bouncing her bouncer.

#MaybeIWillTryToStretchABitAfter

Leaving this blank as I’m writing this straight after I’ve done the shoot and hashtags. Trying to give myself less work to do when I get round to publishing it…

(I did manage to stretch. Hurrah!)

#BDoesThisCuteThingWithHerMouthWhenSheCoos

I’ve talked about it before.

#MyNanDescribesItAsPursingHerLips

I feel like I haven’t heard that word used in that context for a very long time.

(I’ve since heard it a few times – funny how that happens.)

#WhichIGuessItIsButICanNotSeemToImitateItWell

Though after looking at the pictures maybe I am getting there, but I usually see her lying down on her back or at an angle so it looks different.

I think I need to show the pictures to Tiago and get him to advise me on how to do it. He should be watching the shoot and shouting directions next time.

(Though thinking about it – maybe it looks so different because I have teeth?)

#ItEitherLooksLikeIAmTryingToBeSexyOrLikeIAmTryingToImitateAMonkey #Awkward

B looks like she is doing neither (thank big G) when she does it.

#TodaySheWasDoingItWhilstLookingAtHerCalamariToy #TMadeACuteVideoOfIt

Adorable. I need to get so much storage just for all the phone pix and videos we make of her… She isn’t even 3 months old yet.

Like I said before it’s a shame that I’m not showing her face online as I just want to show the world how adorable she is. Instead everyone gets to see ugly pix of me trying to imitate her, and she looks more like Tiago!

#ThisWeekendBMetMySisterHerPartnerAndTheirSonForTheFirstTime #AndItWasOurFirstTimeMeetingOurNephewSoThatWasNice

It was really nice to see them. Our nephew is another lockdown baby.

#IAmStillWorkingOnGettingBToHaveNapsEvery60To90MinutesDuringTheDay #ItGoesFairlyWellUntilMidAfternoonAndThenOftenSheIsAwakeFor5Hours

It’s weird that the more they sleep in the day, the better they sleep at night. In the past I’ve been like ‘well at least if she doesn’t go to sleep well, she’ll sleep better during the night’. It was like that a little bit at times I think, but there have been a couple of bad nights lately and I don’t do well with bad nights. None of us do.

I don’t really know what her sleep cycles were like before to be honest. I can’t really remember. I just kind of let her sleep when she wanted to, but then she would get over tired. Once I figured out the pink eyebrows were a sign of needing to sleep, and then I read at her age she should be napping every 60-90 minutes that made me realise that things needed to change.

#SoOurNewThingIsTakingHerOutForAWalkInHerPramIfWeStruggle #ButOnceSheFallsAsleepIAmTooScaredToComeHomeTooEarlyInCaseSheWakesUpAsSoonAsIGetIn

At least it’s good exercise… It gets super cold in Liverpool in the winter though, so that will be interesting. When I got soaked whilst taking her out for a walk the other day B was all nice and snug and dry in her bassinet at least…

#YesterdayIEndedUpGoingForAWalkAsItWasGettingDark #ItWasFunnySeeingEveryoneOutInTheirFancyClothesReadyForANightOut #AndIWasJustLookingAStatePushingAPushchairAbout

I think a few people looked at me like I was a bit odd. Different lives. I was never really a going out kind of person, though perhaps I was more in London. I went to art openings more than anything else though in the evening. Who knows when I’ll be going to one of them again… (I’d take B with me, it’s more because of the pandemic.)

#ItReallyDoesNotSeemLikeThereIsAPandemicHalfTheTime

Tiago says he has noticed that the ‘electricity’ of the ‘old days’ is back on the streets a bit. It seemed really busy out and about that weekend, but then again we were out and about adding to the crowd…

(On the day of posting this a new lockdown has begun in Liverpool, so we’ll see how it feels now. I’m guessing it won’t change much, though I hope it does. We got told by email yesterday to wear masks when we go in and out of our building, for the first time.)

#IHaveBeenToACoupleOfShopsLately #ToTheSupermarketAndToABakery

Hopefully reading this in the future it will sound so boring, but it seems like newsworthy events at the moment because of how things are.

(I have been to a shop since, but I think I will stop it for now. It is too annoying to navigate places with the pushchair…)

#PushingAPushchairAroundYouRealiseHowBadAccessIsAtSomePlaces #OrHowFrustratingSomePathsAreToNavigate #IDidNotGoIntoOneBakeryAsIDidNotThinkIWouldBeAbleToPushBsPushchairRoundTheOneWaySystemWithTheBarriers #AtTheOneIWentIntoInTheEndIHadToTurnThePushchairOnItsSideABit #INearlyDidNotBotherGoingInAsIDidNotWantToEmbarrassMyself #AndThenOnTheWayOutTwoGuysMovedTheBarrierForUsABitToGetOutWithNoProblem #PeopleInWheelchairsOrWithMobilityScootersMustGetSoAnnoyed

I used to think about accessibility a bit before, but now I have a 4-wheeled thing to push around I definitely think about it a lot. I have to change the routes I walk now because of it. You realise how bumpy some surfaces are, steps that you never thought twice about before are a bit bothersome now, you notice how narrow paths are or how lopsided they are etc. You see places in an entirely new light…


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

I Went To The Supermarket For The First Time Since Before Lockdown And Got Soaked (2nd September 2020)

Warning: I think this post and pictures are a bit boring. Sorry!

(I wrote this blog post on the 2nd and I’m just looking at it before posting it on the 17th. I was just thinking about how boring this is…)

I Went To The Supermarket For The First Time Since Before Lockdown And Got Soaked (2nd September 2020)
 
#ItWasRainingABitEarlierButIThoughtItWasJustDrizzlingAfterAWhileSoIDecidedToGoForAWalk
#IHaveBeenTryingToGoForAWalkBeforeTFinishesWorkSoICanDoABitOfMyCourseInTheEvening
#AndTIsNotBotheredAboutNotGoingOut
#OneMinuteIAmTellingMyselfOffForSigningUpForToLearnCodingAsIFeelIHaveEnoughOnMyPlateButTheNextMinuteIAmLovingChallengingMyselfAndItFeelsGreatWhenIGetThingsRight
#JustBeforeILeftIDecidedIShouldGoToTheSupermarket
#IHadNotBeenInOneSinceBeforeLockdown
#SometimesIGetBoredAsMyWalksAreABitAimlessSoItWasNiceToHaveAMission
#ILeftHomeAndItWasRainingALittleBitButItWasNotTooBad
#IWasGoingToGoForAWalkFirstThenGoShoppingBeforeICameHome
#FiveMinutesLaterItWasPouringDownSoIJustHeadedForTheShop
#IHadToStopBeforeIGotThereToPutMyMaskOnAsThereWasNowhereToShelterByTheShopToDoIt
#LuckilyItWasQuietInsideBecauseOfTheRain
#IWasAnxiousAboutPushingBAroundAsTheAislesAreQuiteSmall
#ItWasWeirdSeeingThePricesOfThingsAndSeeingProductsThatIHaveNotSeenInMonths
#TiagoHasBeenDoingOurShoppingForSoLongNow
#IAwkwardlyTookACoupleOfPhotosOfMyselfInTheShopToMarkThisMomentousOccasion
#AMemberOfStaffWalkedByAsIWasDoingItSoITriedToNotLookAsWeirdAsIDid
#IPrettyMuchBlockedTheWholeSelfServiceSectionWithThePushchair
#AndITriedToScanAndPackAsQuickAsPossible
#MyShoppingBagsWereSoakingWet
#ItWasABitOfAStressfulExperience
#IWentOutsideAndNoticedBHadLostHerDummy
#IPulledOverToSomeShelterButICouldNotFindItAndMyArmWasSoWetThatIDidNotWantToDigAroundForIt
#ITriedToWalkFastAndACarSplashedMeButIWasSoSoakedThatItDidNotMakeADifference
#ItWasGoodToTestBsPushchairsWaterproofCoverToTheLimit
#IWouldHaveDoneAFullLengthPhotoOfHowSoakedIWasButItWasTooCold
#TheOnlyThingThatDidNotGetWetAtAllWereMyBreastPads
#LuckilyBKeptSleepingSoICouldHaveAHotShower
#TSawHowWetIWasAndSaidSomethingAboutHowNiceItMustFeelToFeelTheRainOnMeOrSomething
#ILikeWalkingInTheRainButThisWasTooMuchSoNextTimeIWillBeMoreCareful
I Went To The Supermarket For The First Time Since Before Lockdown And Got Soaked (2nd September 2020) II  
I Went To The Supermarket For The First Time Since Before Lockdown And Got Soaked (2nd September 2020) III  

#ItWasRainingABitEarlierButIThoughtItWasJustDrizzlingAfterAWhileSoIDecidedToGoForAWalk

I heard the rain hitting the window earlier on, but I wanted to go out for B to have her next nap as she sleeps better with movement. Her previous naps had been in the bouncer. I couldn’t hear the rain so I assumed it was just spitting.

#IHaveBeenTryingToGoForAWalkBeforeTFinishesWorkSoICanDoABitOfMyCourseInTheEvening #AndTIsNotBotheredAboutNotGoingOut #OneMinuteIAmTellingMyselfOffForSigningUpForToLearnCodingAsIFeelIHaveEnoughOnMyPlateButTheNextMinuteIAmLovingChallengingMyselfAndItFeelsGreatWhenIGetThingsRight

We did not go for a walk the whole bank holiday weekend. As Tiago isn’t at work it’s good to catch up with things, so though we plan to go out often it doesn’t happen. Generally we say for most of the day that we will go out, but then it gets too late. We need to not do that again…

#JustBeforeILeftIDecidedIShouldGoToTheSupermarket #IHadNotBeenInOneSinceBeforeLockdown #SometimesIGetBoredAsMyWalksAreABitAimlessSoItWasNiceToHaveAMission

“Mission”. We needed some things and I thought if T went out then it would take up some of the evening. I had been thinking about going to the supermarket for a while, so it seemed like a good time to do it.

#ILeftHomeAndItWasRainingALittleBitButItWasNotTooBad #IWasGoingToGoForAWalkFirstThenGoShoppingBeforeICameHome

It wasn’t raining enough to feel like ‘I should turn around and wait until later’. Though maybe it was a little and I was committed? Once you’ve got your baby ready and you’re out the house, it’s a big thing to be like nah… later.

#FiveMinutesLaterItWasPouringDownSoIJustHeadedForTheShop

I was looking forward to the walk, but yeah it got too much too fast. I keep an umbrella on the handlebars, but it was too windy for it and it’s a bit of a faff pushing it and holding an umbrella. I’m not that skilled yet!

#IHadToStopBeforeIGotThereToPutMyMaskOnAsThereWasNowhereToShelterByTheShopToDoIt

And waiting for T outside there before I’ve got annoyed at seeing people put a mask on in the doorway, so I was not going to be that person. Though inside some people weren’t wearing masks…

#LuckilyItWasQuietInsideBecauseOfTheRain

I guess they limit the number of customers now, but there was more staff than customers.

#IWasAnxiousAboutPushingBAroundAsTheAislesAreQuiteSmall

I kept trying to ‘park’ out of the way whilst I checked my shopping list and messaged Tiago to say how soaked I was. Occasionally an aisle was too narrow, so I’d have to leave B and quickly go grab something.

#ItWasWeirdSeeingThePricesOfThingsAndSeeingProductsThatIHaveNotSeenInMonths #TiagoHasBeenDoingOurShoppingForSoLongNow

I look at the receipts occasionally, but it was weird seeing them for myself. I had forgotten about so many brands and things. It was odd…

#IAwkwardlyTookACoupleOfPhotosOfMyselfInTheShopToMarkThisMomentousOccasion #AMemberOfStaffWalkedByAsIWasDoingItSoITriedToNotLookAsWeirdAsIDid

“Momentous occasion”. Of course I had to… A full length would have been cool, but I’m too awkward for these things.

#IPrettyMuchBlockedTheWholeSelfServiceSectionWithThePushchair #AndITriedToScanAndPackAsQuickAsPossible #MyShoppingBagsWereSoakingWet #ItWasABitOfAStressfulExperience

I was hoping to just go to a cashier as I thought it would be quicker, but they weren’t open. I guess it is safer to not go to them, but I have always found the self service machines stressful if you have more than a few items.

The rain worked in my favour with the shop, but not with feeling physically good.

(I haven’t been back since and I don’t really plan to unless she is in a carrier as it was so stressful. I went to some clothes shops yesterday to get her some vests and even some of the aisles of baby clothes are too narrow for a pushchair.)

#IWentOutsideAndNoticedBHadLostHerDummy #IPulledOverToSomeShelterButICouldNotFindItAndMyArmWasSoWetThatIDidNotWantToDigAroundForIt

She had woken up and I usually give it back to her to help her go back to sleep. I wasn’t going to open up her waterproof cover, but I thought I should try to in case she started to cry later on and I would not be able to stop anywhere else that was so dry. In the end it was fine though and she drifted back off to sleep. Win.

#ITriedToWalkFastAndACarSplashedMeButIWasSoSoakedThatItDidNotMakeADifference

I went to swear at them, but then I noticed how deep the puddle was and I hadn’t really felt it. The splash looked quite big though, so they could have driven slower but they probably saw how wet I was anyways.

I felt a bit self-conscious about soaked I was, but other pedestrians looked the same.

#ItWasGoodToTestBsPushchairsWaterproofCoverToTheLimit

It did let a bit of rain in, but it did pretty well. We usually towel dry it as it is quicker, but the basket was soaking wet.

#IWouldHaveDoneAFullLengthPhotoOfHowSoakedIWasButItWasTooCold #TheOnlyThingThatDidNotGetWetAtAllWereMyBreastPads #LuckilyBKeptSleepingSoICouldHaveAHotShower

I did not want to drip all over my stuff and I did not know how long I had before B would wake up. A shower took preference. I’m sat in my comfy clothes now and I’d love a nap, but I need to feed B.

#TSawHowWetIWasAndSaidSomethingAboutHowNiceItMustFeelToFeelTheRainOnMeOrSomething #ILikeWalkingInTheRainButThisWasTooMuchSoNextTimeIWillBeMoreCareful

He saw me in my comfy clothes and said I should get into bed, but I said no I have to write my hashtags and then I wrote this blog post…

(The next day I realised that the rain had also ruined my sunglasses. They used to be blue tinted, but whatever makes them blue had started to come away as I had left them soaking wet in the organiser of the pushchair. Great. I’m going to have to see if I can completely remove that layer so I can salvage them and just have black sunglasses. Exciting stuff!)


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