Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Imitating B Looking For A Raisin Down Her Sleeve (15 Weeks / 11th August 2021)

Self-portrait of me pulling my jumper sleeve out with my left hand and looking down it.
Imitating B Looking For A Raisin Down Her Sleeve (15 Weeks / 11th August 2021)
 
#BLikesRaisinsAndIUsuallyGiveThemToHerForASnackOnceADay
#AsSoonAsSheGetsTheBowlSheLikesToEmptyThemOut
#AsAResultTheyGoEverywhereAndSheIsOftenFindingThemThroughoutTheDay
#IGuessTheyAreTrickyToKeepHoldOfAndTheOtherDayILaughedAsSheLookedDownHerSleeveForOneSheHadDropped
#TiagoAndIJustCelebratedOurThreeYearWeddingAnniversaryButWeDidNotDoMuchExceptOrderOurFavouriteIndianFood
#WeHaveBeenSortingOutOurPaperworkToGetOurMarriageRegisteredInPortugalAndForBToGetHerPortugueseCitizenship
#AsWeHaveBeenMarriedForThreeYearsICanAlsoStartApplyingForCitizenshipWhichIsQuiteExciting
#IAmSoStressedThatOurTripWillNotGoAhead
#WeHaveOurTestsTomorrowMorningButYesterdayMyNanHadAPlumberRoundForTwoHoursAsWellAsSomeoneToLookAtTheRoof
#YouNeedToHaveTakenTheTestNoMoreThan72HoursBeforeYouArriveAtYourFinalDestinationButYouAlsoNeedToAllow48HoursForTheResultsToArrive
#SoWeHaveToHopeWeGetTheResultsInTimeAndThatTheyAreNegative
#WeHadWantedToGetThemDoneWednesdayNightButTheySoldOutAndAsWeHaveAConnectingFlightSaturdayEveningWeNeedToDoThemThursdayMorning
#IHaveBeenTakingBOutToTheParkMoreButIfThePlaygroundIsBusyIWillWaitUntilTheCrowdsLeave
#TheOtherDayAGuyWalkedRightByOurBlanketAgainWhenHeHad10MetresOfGrassToWalkOn
#SomeGoodNewsIsIHaveNotBeenSickIn9DaysAndLastNightWasTheFirstNightIDidNotGagFiveTimesAfterBrushingMyTeeth
#HoweverTwoNightsAgoIDidGetMyFirstLegCrampOfThePregnancyAndItWasNotPleasant
#IThinkIWasQuiteDehydratedSoLastNightIDrankALotBeforeBedAndIDidNotGetOne
#SomePeopleHaveToldMeIAmBraveForHavingASecondOneAlready
#IAmNotIJustHaveNothingElseGoingOnInMyLifeRightNowApartFromLookingAfterB
#ItMakesSenseToHaveAnotherKidNowWhileIFeelStuckInLimboAndAmJustWaitingForTheNextChapterOfOurLives
#IWriteNotesForMyNextPostAndTwoDaysAgoIWroteThatIFeelLikeALoser
#IWroteThatIAmWorkingVeryVeryFreelanceWithAdminWorkAndIAmJustWorkingOnMyOwnStuffThatNoOneCaresAbout
#IKnowALotOfPeopleWouldLoveToBeInMyPositionRegardingKids
#IAmGratefulToBePregnantAndToHaveBButIDoFeelLikeALoser
#ICriedTheOtherDayAsTiagoSaidHeWasLookingForwardToBoysNightsOnHoliday
#IDoNotRememberTheLastTimeIHadAGirlsNightAndIAmNotSureWhenIWillAgain
#IAmTakingBOutMoreInTheHopesThatWeWillMeetSomePeople
#WeSpokeToAWomanTheOtherDayWhoSeemedNiceButLetsSeeIfWeSeeHerAgain
#OnceIAmDoubleVaccinatedIAmGoingToTakeBToBirminghamCityCentreToSeeAShowAndGoForLunch
#IJustFeelLikeINeedToBeCarefulStillButIAlsoNeedToShowHerMoreOfWhatLifeCanBeLikeBeforeHerSiblingArrivesAndIProbablyWillNotFeelLikeGoingOutMuchForAWhile

#BLikesRaisinsAndIUsuallyGiveThemToHerForASnackOnceADay

I think she is starting to get bored of them, but then she keeps eating them… I’ve also started to eat them #FunFact.

#AsSoonAsSheGetsTheBowlSheLikesToEmptyThemOut

And by that I mean hold onto the bowl with one hand and flick it up, so they all go everywhere. Or just empty them out…

#AsAResultTheyGoEverywhereAndSheIsOftenFindingThemThroughoutTheDay

I saw her put something in her mouth the other day, so I yelled at her to spit it out (she was by where my Nan sits and sometimes drops tablets). She started to cry and Tiago said he had put a raisin on the table there… Sorry B!

#IGuessTheyAreTrickyToKeepHoldOfAndTheOtherDayILaughedAsSheLookedDownHerSleeveForOneSheHadDropped

I had to help her get it out in the end…

#TiagoAndIJustCelebratedOurThreeYearWeddingAnniversaryButWeDidNotDoMuchExceptOrderOurFavouriteIndianFood

I say celebrated. I saw it on my calendar in the afternoon… It seemed like a good excuse for Indian food.

#WeHaveBeenSortingOutOurPaperworkToGetOurMarriageRegisteredInPortugalAndForBToGetHerPortugueseCitizenship

We did try to register our marriage just after we got married and went to Portugal, but they said we had to get it translated so it was probably easier to get it done at home. The embassies are so useless in the UK. Tiago has been emailing and calling over the years, but we’ve not got anywhere. They said I needed to get a birth certificate that had been issued in the last 6 months, but our friend who is sorting it out for us in Portugal now said we needed to get the documents Apostille stamped. We will now just get them translated there, as we might be waiting for (more) years if we try to get things done here now with Covid.

#AsWeHaveBeenMarriedForThreeYearsICanAlsoStartApplyingForCitizenshipWhichIsQuiteExciting

Hurrah, we are going to get the ball rolling soon. It’s funny that Tiago and B both have the new passports that don’t have European Union stamped on them, whereas mine does but I am not an EU citizen, whereas Tiago is and B will soon be. B has more claim to citizenship than me, and I think hers will be processed fast.

#IAmSoStressedThatOurTripWillNotGoAhead

Please please please let it happen.

#WeHaveOurTestsTomorrowMorningButYesterdayMyNanHadAPlumberRoundForTwoHoursAsWellAsSomeoneToLookAtTheRoof

Small things that have been wrong with the house since we moved in obviously needed to be looked at this week… (They didn’t, but oh well.)

#YouNeedToHaveTakenTheTestNoMoreThan72HoursBeforeYouArriveAtYourFinalDestinationButYouAlsoNeedToAllow48HoursForTheResultsToArrive

What a headache.

#SoWeHaveToHopeWeGetTheResultsInTimeAndThatTheyAreNegative

If it takes 48 hours we will already be on the road. Worse case scenario is we have to pay for the stupidly expensive tests at the airport (providing they have space).

#WeHadWantedToGetThemDoneWednesdayNightButTheySoldOutAndAsWeHaveAConnectingFlightSaturdayEveningWeNeedToDoThemThursdayMorning

We need to get more organised. We are going to the Birmingham airport drive through to get them done, though we are flying from London. There are some where you get sent a test and a doctor watches you do the test via webcam and can give you an instant pdf certificate, but they had sold out for this week…

Whine whine.

#IHaveBeenTakingBOutToTheParkMoreButIfThePlaygroundIsBusyIWillWaitUntilTheCrowdsLeave

I say crowds as there must be a summer school or group that has about 30 kids that takes it over. The same school/group that decided to start a race a metre away from us the other week…

#TheOtherDayAGuyWalkedRightByOurBlanketAgainWhenHeHad10MetresOfGrassToWalkOn

Maybe we sit too close to that edge of the park, but I don’t see why going 3m off course would harm him. Of course I said something along the lines of ‘Yeah, I know you wouldn’t think there was so much grass to walk on’ to B.

#SomeGoodNewsIsIHaveNotBeenSickIn9DaysAndLastNightWasTheFirstNightIDidNotGagFiveTimesAfterBrushingMyTeeth

Hurrah. I did a little heave, but it wasn’t much.

#HoweverTwoNightsAgoIDidGetMyFirstLegCrampOfThePregnancyAndItWasNotPleasant

Some pain fun to replace sick fun.

#IThinkIWasQuiteDehydratedSoLastNightIDrankALotBeforeBedAndIDidNotGetOne

Let’s hope it stays that way. I woke Tiago up with my oww-ing.

#SomePeopleHaveToldMeIAmBraveForHavingASecondOneAlready

Lol.

#IAmNotIJustHaveNothingElseGoingOnInMyLifeRightNowApartFromLookingAfterB #ItMakesSenseToHaveAnotherKidNowWhileIFeelStuckInLimboAndAmJustWaitingForTheNextChapterOfOurLives

We’re in Brum until at least the start of next summer, so it makes sense to ‘get on with things’.

#IWriteNotesForMyNextPostAndTwoDaysAgoIWroteThatIFeelLikeALoser #IWroteThatIAmWorkingVeryVeryFreelanceWithAdminWorkAndIAmJustWorkingOnMyOwnStuffThatNoOneCaresAbout

I love B, but I’d also love to have a job/commission where B could go to nursery a bit and I could feel a bit more like my old self. Obviously being pregnant now complicates things, but that’s also why I’m pregnant as there are no jobs/commissions around that I am suitable for/are worth it/fit.

#IKnowALotOfPeopleWouldLoveToBeInMyPositionRegardingKids

Having to awkwardly tell certain friends that you are pregnant before they find out from someone else, but you don’t want to tell them as you know it will upset them etc.

#IAmGratefulToBePregnantAndToHaveBButIDoFeelLikeALoser

If I had more local friends to hang out with would it be better? Once I’m double vaccinated I’m going to start going to a local pregnancy yoga class. I doubt I’ll make any good friends, but you never know and it’d be good to have a bit of time for myself and stretch well.

#ICriedTheOtherDayAsTiagoSaidHeWasLookingForwardToBoysNightsOnHoliday #IDoNotRememberTheLastTimeIHadAGirlsNightAndIAmNotSureWhenIWillAgain

Lol, I suddenly just started to cry. Tiago went to London the other month and hung out with a friend, and a friend came to Brum and he went to meet them for dinner/drinks. T says I should have a day to myself soon and do what I want. I want to go to London, but I also don’t want to if you know what I mean? This darn Covid. Once I’m double vacc’d I may feel differently, but I don’t want to be going when I’m SUPER pregnant.

#IAmTakingBOutMoreInTheHopesThatWeWillMeetSomePeople

Love the desperation. I do like looking at all the dogs though, and B usually tries to talk to them all – and also to crows and magpies.

#WeSpokeToAWomanTheOtherDayWhoSeemedNiceButLetsSeeIfWeSeeHerAgain

Her kid was a bit older than B, but she also had an older one. She talked about not having family nearby, but at least having some good friends.

#OnceIAmDoubleVaccinatedIAmGoingToTakeBToBirminghamCityCentreToSeeAShowAndGoForLunch

It’d be nice. I feel like I could look after her outside of the house and it’d be okay (remember that I have not gone far from the house with her by myself). By the time we go she might be down to one nap a day, though I hope she keeps it up for longer.

#IJustFeelLikeINeedToBeCarefulStillButIAlsoNeedToShowHerMoreOfWhatLifeCanBeLikeBeforeHerSiblingArrivesAndIProbablyWillNotFeelLikeGoingOutMuchForAWhile

Typically I finally feel like I could take her to town by myself, but then when the second one comes we will probably be stuck to the house more again. I can only do my best, and maybe with the second one I might be more chill? The idea of taking two to town sounds like a bit too much, so I should definitely try to take B a few times by herself so it would not be too daunting. Let’s see…

15 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait with my top pulled up. I am holding an apple in my right hand over my belly button and my top is pulled up.
A Baby The Size Of An Apple (15 weeks)
 
#SoOBebeIs15WeeksAndTheSizeOfAnApple
#IToldMyselfThatIWouldNotTakeAnyPicturesOfMyselfWithFruitOrVegetables
#ButHereWeAre
#ILikeApplesSoIfIAmGoingToBreakMyRulesThenItMightAsWellBeForAnApple
#AnotherAppSaysItIsAPeachButAllTheAppsAndSitesSayDifferentThings
#ApparentlyItCanStartToHearSingingSoMeAndTiagoHaveBeenTryingToSingToMyBelly
#IAmABitWorriedThatTheNeighboursCanHearUsScreechingAway
#ApparentlyUntil20WeeksTheBabyWillDoubleInSize
#IAmGettingALotOfCrampsSoIAmGuessingThatIsTheBabyGrowing
#SoonIShouldBeAbleToFeelItMoveWhichIsACrazyThought
#IStillAssociateCrampsWithPeriodsSoItStillWeirdsMeOut
#MorePeopleKnowIAmPregnantNow
#ILoveHowEveryoneNeedsToTellMeToRestEatAndDrinkPlenty
#NonAlcoholicDrinksOfCourse
#ItIsNotLikeIGotPregnantAndThenDecidedToStopSleepingEatingAndDrinking
#IKnowPeopleAreJustTryingToBeHelpfulAndSupportive
#ButItIsLikePeopleTellingMeToMakeSureIRememberToBreathe
#IOrderedAMaternityPillowAndIAmHopingItArrivesSoon
#ItIsEarlyDaysButIFeelLikeINeedOne
#IAmASideSleeperButItGetsUncomfortableAndITurnOverManyTimes
#IAlsoFeelLikeINeedToHugSomething
#ICanNotRememberTheLastTimeIFellAsleepHuggingABigTeddyBear
#ButThatIsWhatIFeelLikeINeed
#IStillForgetIAmPregnantSometimes
#OrIStillFindTheThoughtWeird
#IKeepThinkingThatSomethingBadWillHappen
#AsIStillCanNotImagineMeWithABabyAndInSomewaysItDoesNotFeelMeantToBe
#ButObviouslyIHopeItIsMeantToBeAndThatEverythingElseIsFine
#IAmGettingQuiteIntoStretchingInTheMorningsNow

I am yet to take any pictures of myself with fruit and veg this time, and I think I will try to avoid that – says me on a post about raisins. If it’s me imitating B then that’s different (and there were no raisins on the shoot anyways).

Living with my Nan we are lucky as I have to screech pretty loudly for the neighbours to hear me. I can be less self conscious this time and do spend a lot of time singing to B…

I do not think I will ever have a cramp when pregnant and feel relaxed about it.

I have been getting annoyed this time by someone telling me to eat more fish. I haven’t intentionally eaten fish since I was 15. I know they mean well, but it’s quite annoying.

I have been hugging part of my maternity pillow from quite early on this time. I say part as there is a bit that unzips from the main bit. I got the main pillow out the other day, but actually I had forgotten that I can zip the little bit to the main bit. Just need to find where I put the small piece that joins them now…

I am really enjoying my stretching these days.

Portrait of Tiago, my husband. He is sat down with his right hand under his chin and his left hand supporting his elbow. He is looking off slightly to his right.
Tiago Says A Few Words (15 Weeks)

#ICanNotRememberHowIFeltWhenJocelynFoundOutSheWasPregnant
#IWasDefinitelyHappy
#WeHadBeenTryingSinceTheStartOf2019
#TodayIFeelHappyWaitingForMyChildToArrive
#SoICanPutMyFatherSkillsIntoAction
#IThinkIWillBeAGoodFather
#IThinkIWillBeARelaxedFather
#WhateverHappensHappens
#IAmLookingForwardToTeachingMyKidPortugueseAndToShowingThemRoundLiverpool
#IAlreadyFeelCloseToTheChildAsISpeakToThemEveryNight
#SoonIWillBeReadingThemStoriesBeforeBedTime

I didn’t realise that Tiago actually said so few words.

He keeps forgetting that I am pregnant this time…


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Imitating B When She Gets Shy (23rd May 2021)

Imitating B When She Gets Shy (23rd May 2021)
 
#AtLeastIThinkItIsWhenSheIsShyOrIsPerhapsPretendingToBe
#OftenSheWillCrawlTowardsSomeoneAndThenSuddenlyHideABit
#SometimesSomeoneWillComeRoundToVisitAndSheWillBeReallyUpsetAboutIt
#ButAfterAWhileSheGetsOverItAndTheyAreHerNewBestFriend
#ButAtClassesSheWillJustCrawlOffAndLeaveMeInFrontOfLotsOfPeople
#ThenSheMightGetCloseToSomeoneAndPutHerHeadDownButSometimesNot
#WeSawSomeFriendsYesterdayAndThereWereTimesWhenSheWasBeingShy
#WeGotThereAndDidNotRealiseThatSheMustBeHeavilyTeethingAsSheWasNotReallyBeingHerself
#AtOnePointSheWentToTiagoToBeComfortedAndThenFellAsleepInHisArms
#ICanNotRememberTheLastTimeSheJustRandomlyFellAsleepOnEitherOfUs
#IWasGettingQuiteWorriedButSheSeemsToBeOkay
#ItWasGreatToSeeSomeOldFriendsAndTheirBaby
#ToCatchUpAndHaveAChangeOfSceneryAndToHaveTheKindOfTimeWithPeopleThatIThoughtWeWouldHaveHadALotMoreOfByNow
#OnTheWayThereWeStoppedAtAPetrolStationAndIThinkSheThoughtWeWereThereAlreadyAndGotQuiteExcited
#ItWasOurLongestCarTripSinceWeMovedToBirminghamNearlySevenMonthsAgo
#ItIsWeirdThatSheHasNowLivedInBirminghamLongerThanSheLivedInLiverpool
#ITriedToGetUsOutEveryWeekDayLastWeek
#ForFridayIWasLookingAtAllTheDifferentOptionsButOneSoldOutAsIWasAboutToBook
#InTheEndIDecidedWeWouldGoSomewhereElseButItJustRainedAllDay
#AndAfterBGotUpFromHerFirstNapICouldNotBeBotheredToGoOutInTheRain
#SoWeJustStayedInAllDayButItWasNotSoBadAsWeHadBeenOutALotAllWeek
#IDefinitelyNeedToDoThingsOnAThursdayAsThatIsTheDayThatDragsTheMost
#ItIsAShameThatTheLibraryIsNotOpenEveryDayAsThatWouldBeAnEasyPlaceToGo
#IAmHavingPhasesOfLookingAtBAndGettingEmotional
#IAmRealisingHowLuckyIAmToHaveHerEvenThoughIStillFindItWeirdThatIAmAMother
#InTheCarYesterdayIWasJustWatchingHerSleepAndFeelingVeryGratefulToHaveHer
#ICanNotImagineMyLifeWithoutHerNowAndThingsAreBetterNowThatMoreThingsAreOpen
#IDoNotLikeHowThisProjectHasBeenAMassiveWhinefestButItHasBeenMyPlaceToVentAndFeelBetter
#IDoFeelLikeNewParentsHaveBeenForgottenABitInThisPandemic
#IAmAnnoyedThatItHasAllBeenATotalPostcodeLotteryWithHowMuchSupportYouDoAndDoNotGet

#AtLeastIThinkItIsWhenSheIsShyOrIsPerhapsPretendingToBe

Some evolutionary thing where she feels like she needs to hide? (Though everyone can see where she is.)

#OftenSheWillCrawlTowardsSomeoneAndThenSuddenlyHideABit

She’ll crawl in the direction of someone, then they’ll say hi and then she’ll hide.

#SometimesSomeoneWillComeRoundToVisitAndSheWillBeReallyUpsetAboutIt

I think it is because the house and the garden are her safe space.

#ButAfterAWhileSheGetsOverItAndTheyAreHerNewBestFriend

That’s nice to see.

#ButAtClassesSheWillJustCrawlOffAndLeaveMeInFrontOfLotsOfPeople

So she doesn’t seem that shy at times?

#ThenSheMightGetCloseToSomeoneAndPutHerHeadDownButSometimesNot

Because they say hello. I guess her confidence goes up and down, but mine does too so I can relate. I wish I could suddenly hide my face when I felt awkward.

#WeSawSomeFriendsYesterdayAndThereWereTimesWhenSheWasBeingShy

Hiding on the floor or hiding behind Tiago or me.

#WeGotThereAndDidNotRealiseThatSheMustBeHeavilyTeethingAsSheWasNotReallyBeingHerself

She hadn’t eaten much breakfast, she slept well in the car – though it looked like she kept having nightmares and would wake up crying at times?

#AtOnePointSheWentToTiagoToBeComfortedAndThenFellAsleepInHisArms

She was coming to us a lot to be comforted which is usually the sign that she is ill. I just went downstairs and she is having cuddles with my Nan, which she doesn’t really do unless she is not feeling great – she’ll have short cuddles, but long cuddles is an under the weather thing.

#ICanNotRememberTheLastTimeSheJustRandomlyFellAsleepOnEitherOfUs

Monthsss ago.

#IWasGettingQuiteWorriedButSheSeemsToBeOkay

She only has one tooth and she has been teething for 7 months. It looks like another one may be close…

#ItWasGreatToSeeSomeOldFriendsAndTheirBaby #ToCatchUpAndHaveAChangeOfSceneryAndToHaveTheKindOfTimeWithPeopleThatIThoughtWeWouldHaveHadALotMoreOfByNow

It was how I expected the last 11 months to be really. Seeing friends, hanging out etc.

We still need to make more local friends, but with old friends it is easy. They know you, you know them, I feel like I don’t talk about my art with new people as I feel like they just wouldn’t get it. Fun times.

#OnTheWayThereWeStoppedAtAPetrolStationAndIThinkSheThoughtWeWereThereAlreadyAndGotQuiteExcited

Or she might have been excited to see Tiago getting out of the car. She was looking at the pumps quite intrigued though.

#ItWasOurLongestCarTripSinceWeMovedToBirminghamNearlySevenMonthsAgo

I was nervous, but we timed the trip around her naps so she napped for longer than normal but she seemed tired at bedtime and slept through the night? Win. Might be because she is ill though, but I think the trip was probably a lot for her to take in so might have tired her out.

#ItIsWeirdThatSheHasNowLivedInBirminghamLongerThanSheLivedInLiverpool

She’s still Scouse though.

#ITriedToGetUsOutEveryWeekDayLastWeek

And not just to the park, somewhere more ‘substantial’. Soft play, classes, playgroups etc.

#ForFridayIWasLookingAtAllTheDifferentOptionsButOneSoldOutAsIWasAboutToBook

I didn’t really want to go back to the soft play place that week, but I thought the weather was a bit crummy so it was a safe bet.

#InTheEndIDecidedWeWouldGoSomewhereElseButItJustRainedAllDay

I was trying to find somewhere to take her for lunch, but there didn’t seem like any good options and I didn’t really want to take her by myself.

#AndAfterBGotUpFromHerFirstNapICouldNotBeBotheredToGoOutInTheRain

I just felt really tired and the idea of pushing her for 20+ minutes in the rain did not appeal.

#SoWeJustStayedInAllDayButItWasNotSoBadAsWeHadBeenOutALotAllWeek

I wanted to take her for a walk in the afternoon, but it just rained all day and I couldn’t be bothered. Sorry B.

#IDefinitelyNeedToDoThingsOnAThursdayAsThatIsTheDayThatDragsTheMost

Thursday is ‘we still have to get through Friday before it’s the weekend’. Friday is ‘countdown to the weekend when T is free.’

#ItIsAShameThatTheLibraryIsNotOpenEveryDayAsThatWouldBeAnEasyPlaceToGo

It seems to just be open on days when we do other things, not the days where I wonder where we should go. Fail.

#IAmHavingPhasesOfLookingAtBAndGettingEmotional

Heart emoji.

#IAmRealisingHowLuckyIAmToHaveHerEvenThoughIStillFindItWeirdThatIAmAMother

It was funny to see our friends yesterday and comment about how we are all parents now.

#InTheCarYesterdayIWasJustWatchingHerSleepAndFeelingVeryGratefulToHaveHer

She is cool and I am looking forward to seeing her grow up. I feel bad that I have wished some of this time away but it has been hard.

#ICanNotImagineMyLifeWithoutHerNowAndThingsAreBetterNowThatMoreThingsAreOpen

I have just felt stuck for so long with not many options of what we can do to pass some time and make sure B gets proper stimulation.

#IDoNotLikeHowThisProjectHasBeenAMassiveWhinefestButItHasBeenMyPlaceToVentAndFeelBetter

I will forever feel awkward about it, but I have done my best during these weird times – and it’s not over yet.

#IDoFeelLikeNewParentsHaveBeenForgottenABitInThisPandemic #IAmAnnoyedThatItHasAllBeenATotalPostcodeLotteryWithHowMuchSupportYouDoAndDoNotGet

I guess it all depends on your support network, where you live, who you know etc. I am worried that we will have to go through a similar winter again, but at least B will be older and into more things. We shall have to see, but fingers crossed more things will be open for us this time.

I am excited for summer though. Roll on summer.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Imitating B Using A Balloon As A Pillow (19th May 2021)

Imitating B Using A Balloon As A Pillow (19th May 2021)
 
#IHaveOnlySeenHerDoThisOnceButSheIsStartingToRestHerHeadOnThings
#TheFloorACushionMyLapThisBalloon
#HerPersonalitySeemsToBeDevelopingMoreEveryday
#SheIsSuddenlyTakingMoreOfAnInterestInDogsWhichMakesOurWalksMoreInteresting
#TheOtherDayWeMetUpWithAFriendForAPicnicAndADogKeptStealingTheirFood
#YesterdayIReadAnArticleAboutPeoplesHighsAndLowsOfHavingALockdownBaby
#ItReallyMadeMeFeelQuiteDownButIThinkNotHavingSleptMuchDidNotHelpEither
#IHaveStartedToStayUpTooLateAtNightButOftenICanNotSleep
#BGoesToBedAndIAmTiredButThenISuddenlyWakeUpAndWantMoreOfMyOwnTime
#IHaveJustBeenWastingMyTimeWatchingYoutubeVideosAndThings
#IAmFindingItHardToWriteTheseHashtagsTodayAndIThinkItIsBecauseIAmTired
#BWokeUpAtFiveFortyThisMorningButIPutTheHeatingOnInHerRoomAndWeThenHadToWakeHerUpAtSeven
#MyNansHouseIsUsuallyQuiteHotSoIThinkBIsQuiteUsedToTheHeatNow
#IWonderHowSheWillDealWithBeingOnHolidayInAMuchCoolerHouse
#IWouldRatherJustBeHavingANapRightNowButIFeelBadIfIDoNotDoThisProject
#IDoDebateHavingSomeTimeOffMyWorkButTheFeelingPassesAndIGetOnWithItAllAgain
#ITookBToSoftPlayTheOtherDayAndItWasNotAsGreatAsIHopedItWouldBe
#TheYoungKidsSectionWasABitSadAndPeopleGraduallyStoppedWearingTheirMasksWhichPissedMeOff
#IThinkABigPartOfItIsDownToWhoIsThereAtTheSameTimeAsYou
#EveryoneElseSeemedToBeThereWithSomeoneElseAndINeedToStopBeingAwkwardAboutTalkingToPeople
#ITookBOnTheSlideACoupleOfTimesThoughIThinkIFoundItMoreFunThanHer
#IWillProbablyEndUpTakingHerThereAgainSoonJustAsThereIsNotMuchElseAroundHereToDo
#IAmHopingToTryOutANewPlaygroupWithHer
#DueToThePandemicYouHaveToPrebookEverythingWhichIsNotGreatForSpontaneousPlans
#SomeGoodNewsIsThatTiagosPassportHasArrivedSoThatIsOneLessThingToWorryAbout
#ICutHisHairForTheThirdTimeTheOtherDayAndNowHisPassportPictureLooksNothingLikeHim
#HeShavedTooAndNowHeJustLooksLikeBsOlderBrother
#IAmTryingToGetBackIntoExercisingThoughIGenerallyDoSpeedUpMyStretchingVideos
#ToBeFairIHaveDoneThemAllSoManyTimesThatIDoNotNeedToHearTheLongExplanations
#IAmSoOverFeedingBNowThatITurnHerPorridgeIntoPancakes

#IHaveOnlySeenHerDoThisOnceButSheIsStartingToRestHerHeadOnThings

It is quite cute, though when I took her to soft play the other day she was just lying with her head on the floor and I felt like a few people were judging me as she looked like she was having a tantrum or something.

#TheFloorACushionMyLapThisBalloon

We have a lot of cushions around the living room to protect her from furniture and she will just chill on them a bit now.

#HerPersonalitySeemsToBeDevelopingMoreEveryday

I love when she laughs at things.

#SheIsSuddenlyTakingMoreOfAnInterestInDogsWhichMakesOurWalksMoreInteresting

There are a group of people who have been gathering on an area of grass with their dogs for months who I call ‘the dog club’ (very original), and now B likes to look at them all. I’m trying to get more comfortable with us stopping and looking at them, without feeling like a big weirdo.

#TheOtherDayWeMetUpWithAFriendForAPicnicAndADogKeptStealingTheirFood

Well B was stealing her friend’s food, and the dog was stealing food from both of them. The owners really didn’t seem that bothered. Thanks.

#YesterdayIReadAnArticleAboutPeoplesHighsAndLowsOfHavingALockdownBaby #ItReallyMadeMeFeelQuiteDownButIThinkNotHavingSleptMuchDidNotHelpEither

The article was on The Guardian. I was feeling alright and then after reading that I just felt rubbish. I really hope that B gets to meet T’s parents this summer… I had a long nap when B napped and I felt better.

#IHaveStartedToStayUpTooLateAtNightButOftenICanNotSleep

Last week I was not falling asleep for over an hour, so now I just stay up an hour later and then don’t fall asleep for another hour.

#BGoesToBedAndIAmTiredButThenISuddenlyWakeUpAndWantMoreOfMyOwnTime

It’s either go to bed early and feel alright in the morning, or stay up and feel good about having some time to myself and then feel grim in the morning. I do not like feeling tired, so I just need to suck it up and go to bed earlier.

#IHaveJustBeenWastingMyTimeWatchingYoutubeVideosAndThings

Watching highlights from comedy gameshows and watching RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under.

#IAmFindingItHardToWriteTheseHashtagsTodayAndIThinkItIsBecauseIAmTired

I feel so groggy, though I was feeling fine at 7 this morning.

#BWokeUpAtFiveFortyThisMorningButIPutTheHeatingOnInHerRoomAndWeThenHadToWakeHerUpAtSeven

Great. Yesterday she was awake at 5.30am and then didn’t go back to sleep, but then she had a long nap and so did I.

#MyNansHouseIsUsuallyQuiteHotSoIThinkBIsQuiteUsedToTheHeatNow

And as a result she likes her room to be quite warm. Downstairs is always hot, but upstairs isn’t.

#IWonderHowSheWillDealWithBeingOnHolidayInAMuchCoolerHouse

It’ll be fine. I’ll be more relaxed then hopefully as Tiago will be off and it’ll be lovely to spend some more time together as a family and with family.

#IWouldRatherJustBeHavingANapRightNowButIFeelBadIfIDoNotDoThisProject

Story of the last year of my life.

#IDoDebateHavingSomeTimeOffMyWorkButTheFeelingPassesAndIGetOnWithItAllAgain

Last week I was ready to stop posting on social media for a while and just keep making this project but with shortened hashtags. It’s part of the fun of being an artist right?

#ITookBToSoftPlayTheOtherDayAndItWasNotAsGreatAsIHopedItWouldBe

Le sigh. I was really hoping it would be the place that would save me from myself.

#TheYoungKidsSectionWasABitSadAndPeopleGraduallyStoppedWearingTheirMasksWhichPissedMeOff

Well maybe it wasn’t that sad, but for someone B’s age it was sad – the cooler stuff was too old for B.

When you go in someone says wear masks at all times unless you are sat down eating. I saw a guy with a mask not covering his nose walking around and then later he wasn’t even wearing it. I was sat in the young kids’ area close to a woman (it’s a small area) not wearing a mask and coughing.

#IThinkABigPartOfItIsDownToWhoIsThereAtTheSameTimeAsYou

People who put up with wearing a mask and those who don’t?

#EveryoneElseSeemedToBeThereWithSomeoneElseAndINeedToStopBeingAwkwardAboutTalkingToPeople

Basically I wanted to talk to people, but no one needed to talk to me. That’s fair enough.

#ITookBOnTheSlideACoupleOfTimesThoughIThinkIFoundItMoreFunThanHer

I saw other adults climbing up (I don’t know the rules of soft play alright) so I took her on that a few times. She was more interested in holding onto the netting at the side though.

#IWillProbablyEndUpTakingHerThereAgainSoonJustAsThereIsNotMuchElseAroundHereToDo

I’ll give it another go and see how it is.

(12th July: We’re still yet to go again. I’ve been put off it.)

#IAmHopingToTryOutANewPlaygroupWithHer

It’s when my Mum usually visits, but it might be where I meet some likeminded local people so I need to give it a go. We do know a few people now, but generally everyone is back at work and only has Friday off, and then they have plans with other people as they have lives and know other people.

#DueToThePandemicYouHaveToPrebookEverythingWhichIsNotGreatForSpontaneousPlans

I debated not booking the playgroup until the day, but I know that there will probably be no spaces on the day.

#SomeGoodNewsIsThatTiagosPassportHasArrivedSoThatIsOneLessThingToWorryAbout

Hurrah. It said 10 weeks, but I think it’s been 4? Not sure but it was definitely quick. B’s came a lot quicker than they said it would. I guess it’s so you don’t leave your application until the last minute.

Am I jealous of everyone on the news in Portugal already? Yes.

#ICutHisHairForTheThirdTimeTheOtherDayAndNowHisPassportPictureLooksNothingLikeHim

I think it was an alright cut.

#HeShavedTooAndNowHeJustLooksLikeBsOlderBrother

He commented on how young he looked first.

#IAmTryingToGetBackIntoExercisingThoughIGenerallyDoSpeedUpMyStretchingVideos

I am so lazy these days.

#ToBeFairIHaveDoneThemAllSoManyTimesThatIDoNotNeedToHearTheLongExplanations

I should have done this before. I had loads of YouTube comedy videos lined up but I knew I had to go to bed soon so I started to watch them faster. I’ve had to skip through RuPaul as there is no option on iPlayer to play them faster (shame – the feature is great on Netflix) as I need to go to bed, but I want to see what happens.

(12th July: I now use a plugin called ‘Video Speed Controller’. It’s great, and I can speed things up faster than Netflix allows.)

#IAmSoOverFeedingBNowThatITurnHerPorridgeIntoPancakes

A random ending but yes. I made her some porridge bars the other day, but they only feed her for two days and the porridge is healthier (it has butternut squash in it). I just add some flour (I used buckwheat the other day) and fry them. I made her a batch today, so I’ll do the porridge pancakes again for the next 4 days. To be fair they come more like porridge pancake blobs, but that’s fine.

(12th July: We no longer add the flour. We just fry the mix.)

Time to do a shoot and then get B up, if she doesn’t wake up before I finish.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Hire Us For Your Denim Advert (6th May 2021)

Me holding B. We're both wearing denim and her back is to the camera. It's quite close up and framed from my eye bags down.
Hire Us For Your Denim Advert (6th May 2021)
 
#ThisWeekIsMaternalMentalHealthAwarenessWeek
#ItFeelsSomewhatFittingAsIWasSupposedToDoAllThisYesterdayButIFeltTooCrapTo
#IHadANapWhenBHadHerFirstNapAndIFeltMuchBetterButTheRestOfTheDayWasStillASlog
#ThisProjectIsSupposedToBeAllAboutHonestyAndStuffButIFeelLikeIDoLeaveQuiteABitOut
#IThinkFromReadingMyProjectThoughItIsSomewhatClearThatIHaveBeenStruggling
#ItGoesUpAndDownAndSometimesIFeelFineAndThenIJustReallyRubbishAgain
#IHaveBeenFindingItHardToGetOutOfBedEvenIfISleepFairlyWell
#IThinkIHaveDippedAgainBecauseTheWeatherHasBeenSoCrummyAgainLately
#ItJustRainsEveryDayAndIFeelStuckInsideButMoreThingsReopenIn11DaysSoIHopeThatWillMakeABigDifference
#IFeelLikeICanNotCompletelyRelaxInTheLivingRoomAtMyNansHouseWhichIsMoreToDoWithMeThanHer
#AgainWithTheWeatherBeingRubbishItMeansOurOptionsAreLimitedWithWhereWeCanGo
#AsBHasBlackoutBlindsTapedToHerWindowIDoNotLikeToTakeHerInThereMuchAsItIsSoDark
#SoThisMorningIBroughtHerToOurBedroomWhichIHadToChildproofABitMoreForHer
#IWasWorriedThatSheWasColdAndIDidNotWantToGoDownstairsToGetHerUsualIndoorJacket
#SoIPutHerInHerDenimJacketThatSheHadNotWornBeforeAndIHadBroughtUpstairsAnHourBefore
#ThenIRememberedThatTiagoHasADenimJacketSoIThoughtIWouldWearItAndWeCouldDoAShootToPassTheTimeUntilBreakfast
#IAmNotSureWhichPictureIWillChooseYetButBWasQuiteFedUpAndIWasFeelingDownSoIfItLooksAllHappyFamilyThenThatMightNotBeTheReality
#HireUsForYourDenimAdvert
#MyMumIsHereNowSoIThinkWeWillGoHomeWithHerJustToGetAChangeOfScenery
#BWasIllAndShePassedItOntoMeAndNowAllMyTeethHurtWhichIHopeIsJustRelatedToFeelingRundown
#ItIsPainfulAndParacetamolDoesNotSeemToTouchItWhichDoesNotMakeMeFeelMuchBetter
#BeingIllWhenYouDoNotHaveAKidIsTotallyDifferentToBeingIllWithAKid
#LuckilyItWasABankHolidayWeekendSoTiagoWasAroundToHelpForAnExtraDayButICouldHaveJustDoneWithLyingInBedForAFewDaysButSillyMeFeelsGuiltyAboutSuchThingsNow
#YesterdayWeDidAVideoCallInTheKitchenAndIPutBsWalkerThereToSeeIfSheWouldUseIt
#BeforeIHadEvenStartedTheCallSheStoodUpAndStartedToPushItWhichWasAHugeSurprise
#ITriedToGetHerToShowTiagoLaterButIThinkSheWasABitTiredAndDidNotDoItSoWell
#SomeGoodNewsIsHeHadAnInterviewForHisBritishPassportAndThatWasFineSoFingersCrossedThatWillBeSortedSoon
#WeAreDefinitelyInNeedOfSomeTimeAwaySomewhereAndWeHopeWeCanSeeHisFamilyThisSummer
#IDoWonderHowIWouldHaveBeenIfIHadHadABabyInNonCovidTimesButIGuessIWouldStillBeStrugglingInSomeWay
#IAmJustPissedOffThatItHasBeenATotalPostcodeLotteryWithWhatHasBeenOpenInDifferentAreasOverTheLastFewMonthsAndWithWhatSupportYouGet

#ThisWeekIsMaternalMentalHealthAwarenessWeek

As always I will be posting this much later, so it will no longer be Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week.

#ItFeelsSomewhatFittingAsIWasSupposedToDoAllThisYesterdayButIFeltTooCrapTo

I got an email from Happity yesterday about their #shoutieselfie and I debated doing it, but yeah I felt too rubbish to. This post is somewhat negative but yesterdays would have been REALLY negative.

#IHadANapWhenBHadHerFirstNapAndIFeltMuchBetterButTheRestOfTheDayWasStillASlog

I sleep fairly well at night (though B had been awake for about an hour between 12.30 and 1.30), so I shouldn’t have needed that nap but apparently I did.

#ThisProjectIsSupposedToBeAllAboutHonestyAndStuffButIFeelLikeIDoLeaveQuiteABitOut

I’m aware of how negative and whiny it is all the time, and I feel awful about it. I know how lucky I am to have B and I do love her a lot, I am just feeling a bit stuck.

#IThinkFromReadingMyProjectThoughItIsSomewhatClearThatIHaveBeenStruggling

I feel like I don’t really need to talk about the really dark times that I sometimes have, and we do not need to see anymore photos of me crying.

#ItGoesUpAndDownAndSometimesIFeelFineAndThenIJustReallyRubbishAgain

It’s the circle of mental health.

#IHaveBeenFindingItHardToGetOutOfBedEvenIfISleepFairlyWell

Last night I went to bed earlier than normal. I probably fell asleep around 10.30pm and Tiago got up at 5.30ish, then B woke up at 6.20. Tiago had to go to work not long after, so I wasn’t in a great mood.

#IThinkIHaveDippedAgainBecauseTheWeatherHasBeenSoCrummyAgainLately

It just rains and rains. I took her to the swings briefly the other day and chatting to the Mum next to us she said we’d had all the weather today except for snow. I said it did hail the other day and two minutes later it was hailing…

#ItJustRainsEveryDayAndIFeelStuckInsideButMoreThingsReopenIn11DaysSoIHopeThatWillMakeABigDifference

The other week we were meeting up with a couple of Mums. This week we’ve just seen people in class, and it’s a new term at one of our classes next week and our friends are off to nursery so it’s time to make new friends. Great.

#IFeelLikeICanNotCompletelyRelaxInTheLivingRoomAtMyNansHouseWhichIsMoreToDoWithMeThanHer

We’re very grateful to my Nan for letting us live with her, but it is hard at times, and like I’ve said that’s more to do with me. This morning I was just not in the mood to chat as it was pre-7am and if I was my Nan I would have still been asleep in bed. I’ve said before that I do not like sitting in front of the TV all day. I can not remember the last time that I sat in the living room after B has gone to bed – I just like to have some time to myself.

(14th June: I feel so awkward about saying all that, but it was how I felt. I’m just not a morning person at all – she says after getting up at 5.40 this morning. We look at moving out from time to time, but there isn’t much on the renting market nearby. At the moment the weather is good, so we go out more and we open the window in her room (see two hashtags below) and play in there.)

#AgainWithTheWeatherBeingRubbishItMeansOurOptionsAreLimitedWithWhereWeCanGo

Again, as soon as the weather is better and places reopen we will be out more which will solve this ‘problem’.

#AsBHasBlackoutBlindsTapedToHerWindowIDoNotLikeToTakeHerInThereMuchAsItIsSoDark

It’s not the nicest place to sit in the day, though yesterday I did take her to her room early before a nap and just read books with her which was nice.

#SoThisMorningIBroughtHerToOurBedroomWhichIHadToChildproofABitMoreForHer

I had stopped bringing her in here to play as she just goes for all the cables and it stresses me out. I miss our big living/dining room in Liverpool where there would not have been many hazards for her.

#IWasWorriedThatSheWasColdAndIDidNotWantToGoDownstairsToGetHerUsualIndoorJacket

Logistics. Laziness.

#SoIPutHerInHerDenimJacketThatSheHadNotWornBeforeAndIHadBroughtUpstairsAnHourBefore

My Mum got it for her and it’s a little big. I was trying to tidy up a bit downstairs and so brought it up here.

#ThenIRememberedThatTiagoHasADenimJacketSoIThoughtIWouldWearItAndWeCouldDoAShootToPassTheTimeUntilBreakfast

This made me feel better as I did not know what I would do for the shoot, so it felt good to get the shoot out of the way, pass some time with B and get some photos together.

#IAmNotSureWhichPictureIWillChooseYetButBWasQuiteFedUpAndIWasFeelingDownSoIfItLooksAllHappyFamilyThenThatMightNotBeTheReality

I sang ‘Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall eating yellow bananas…’ a fair few times to cheer her up. She just wanted to smash my laptop as per usual; she took a few pictures of me accidentally.

#HireUsForYourDenimAdvert

I actually thought I looked alright in the denim jacket so maybe I will start wearing it.

#MyMumIsHereNowSoIThinkWeWillGoHomeWithHerJustToGetAChangeOfScenery

Tiago is at work so he can pick us up afterwards. I don’t know why we haven’t gone home with my Mum before… I will have to get her to try to have a nap in her pushchair and I hope it doesn’t pour on us while I take her out for one.

(14th June: I couldn’t be bothered to pack up B’s stuff in the end, so we didn’t go.)

#BWasIllAndShePassedItOntoMeAndNowAllMyTeethHurtWhichIHopeIsJustRelatedToFeelingRundown

Great. Tiago was ill for about half a day.

#ItIsPainfulAndParacetamolDoesNotSeemToTouchItWhichDoesNotMakeMeFeelMuchBetter

Whine whine whine. It does hurt though.

#BeingIllWhenYouDoNotHaveAKidIsTotallyDifferentToBeingIllWithAKid

Tell me about it.

#LuckilyItWasABankHolidayWeekendSoTiagoWasAroundToHelpForAnExtraDayButICouldHaveJustDoneWithLyingInBedForAFewDaysButSillyMeFeelsGuiltyAboutSuchThingsNow

Tiago told me to have a lie down. I did. I felt better. I made some mac and cheese for us all (B loves it), and then I felt knackered again and needed a lie down. Pre-baby I did used to get exhaustion at least once a year and I’d just spend a weekend in bed, but it’s difficult now.

#YesterdayWeDidAVideoCallInTheKitchenAndIPutBsWalkerThereToSeeIfSheWouldUseIt #BeforeIHadEvenStartedTheCallSheStoodUpAndStartedToPushItWhichWasAHugeSurprise

She did not even think about it. She just got up and went until she ploughed into the cupboard.

#ITriedToGetHerToShowTiagoLaterButIThinkSheWasABitTiredAndDidNotDoItSoWell

She had just woken up from a nap, so her legs were probably not warmed up yet.

#SomeGoodNewsIsHeHadAnInterviewForHisBritishPassportAndThatWasFineSoFingersCrossedThatWillBeSortedSoon

It was good that he did not have to venture anywhere for it – though in Liverpool we lived really close to the passport office.

#WeAreDefinitelyInNeedOfSomeTimeAwaySomewhereAndWeHopeWeCanSeeHisFamilyThisSummer

Fingers crossed. He is hopefully finding out today how long he is allowed to go away for if the world doesn’t go back to full doomed mode.

#IDoWonderHowIWouldHaveBeenIfIHadHadABabyInNonCovidTimesButIGuessIWouldStillBeStrugglingInSomeWay

I just wouldn’t realise I lucky I was…

#IAmJustPissedOffThatItHasBeenATotalPostcodeLotteryWithWhatHasBeenOpenInDifferentAreasOverTheLastFewMonthsAndWithWhatSupportYouGet

This has all obviously done me some good as I feel less pissed off than when I wrote this 30+ minutes ago. But it has been a total postcode lottery and I am jealous that friends in other areas have had a lot more things to go to. Oh well, as we keep saying to ourselves ‘things can only get better’.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

I Need To Stop Whining And Get Over Myself (7th April 2021)

I Need To Stop Whining And Get Over Myself (7th April 2021)
 
#AfterIHadWrittenMyHashtagsAndDoneMyShootTheOtherDayBSuddenlyStartedToBabbleLoads
#SheSaysDadaQuiteClearlyThoughWeNeverReallySaidItToHerBeforeAsWeCallTiagoHerPaiMoreThanHerDad
#ItIsObviouslyJustASoundThatBabiesCanMakeQuiteEasily
#TiagoWasTellingBThatIAmHerBigDadaAndThatHeIsTheLittleDada
#SheHasPhasesWhereSheBabblesLoadsAndThenSheWillNotSayAnythingForAWhile
#WeAreStillGettingUsedToHearingHerBabblingButItIsReallyCute
#ICanStillNotImagineHavingProperConversationsWithHerOneDay
#ButItIsLikeSheHasAlwaysBeenCrawlingNowSoIAmSureItWillBecomeNormalFast
#WeHadSomeTiramisuAtTheWeekendAndIFeltQuiteTipsyAfterwardsAsIHaveNotHadADrinkForAWhile
#SometimesIThinkAboutHavingADrinkButThenIUsuallyHaveLotsOfStuffToDoSoIDoNotBother
#IAmStillFeelingABitWeirdAboutHavingQuitMyJob
#IDoNotLikeToQuitThingsButIThinkItWasTheRightDecision
#IWasSoTiredOnMondayThatIDoNotSeeHowIWouldHaveManagedToDoAShiftAnyways
#MyBossCameToPickUpMyThingsYesterdayAndIDidNotEvenSeeHimSinceHeSaidICouldJustLeaveItByTheFrontDoor
#IFeltSoRubbishAtTheJobAsIWasSoAnxiousAboutKnockingOnPeoplesDoors
#ItHasAffectedMyConfidenceABitButHopefullyIWillGetOverItAllSoon
#IDefinitelyFeltABitRunDownPerhapsAsMyBodyWasLikeOkayYouCanRelaxNowThatThatIsOver
#IHadSomeCovidTestsLeftOverFromMyJobSoITookOneJustInCaseButItWasNegative
#IDoNotFindThemThatUncomfortableThoughTheyDoMakeMeGagAndSneeze
#BHasABabyClassNextWeekWhichIAmExcitedForButAlsoAnxiousAbout
#IAmWorriedAboutHowSheWillReactToItAllButIAmSureSheWillBeFine
#MyYoungerSisterCameToVisitUsAndBCriedAtHerForAWhile
#ByTheTimeSheLeftThoughBWasABitObsessedWithHerSoItJustShowsThatSheNeedsALittleTimeToAdapt
#IAmMostWorriedAboutBTryingToCrawlAwayWhenWeProbablyNeedToStayFirmlyOnOurMat
#ButIAmSureSheWillJustEnjoySittingAndLookingAtOtherPeople
#YesterdayOnTheSwingsSheWasJustStaringAtEveryoneAgain
#IFeelSoAwkwardAsObviouslyWeAreTaughtThatItIsNotPoliteToStare
#IAmSurePeopleDoNotMindAsTheyKnowSheIsJustABabyButStill
#SometimesItIsAGoodWayToMakeConversationButSometimesItDoesNotHappen
#IDidAShootWithBAndIThinkWeBothExperiencedEveryKindOfEmotionDuringIt

Well, this has never happened before – I managed to not post this and not realise this for two posts. Good work!

#AfterIHadWrittenMyHashtagsAndDoneMyShootTheOtherDayBSuddenlyStartedToBabbleLoads

I feel like she used to be quite ‘talkative’ when she was younger and then she went quieter. It was a bit of a shock to hear her babbling with quite clear sounds.

#SheSaysDadaQuiteClearlyThoughWeNeverReallySaidItToHerBeforeAsWeCallTiagoHerPaiMoreThanHerDad

Pai is Dad in Portuguese.

#ItIsObviouslyJustASoundThatBabiesCanMakeQuiteEasily

Maybe that’s where Dad came from?

‘Dada? That can be your name for me but it sounds a bit babyish so what about Dad?’

#TiagoWasTellingBThatIAmHerBigDadaAndThatHeIsTheLittleDada

Lol. I wonder when she will say Mama though.

#SheHasPhasesWhereSheBabblesLoadsAndThenSheWillNotSayAnythingForAWhile

She likes to babble to the stepladder in the kitchen, and last night she was talking to the bin a lot?

#WeAreStillGettingUsedToHearingHerBabblingButItIsReallyCute

I wonder what her voice will sound like when she’s older, and what accent she’ll have?

#ICanStillNotImagineHavingProperConversationsWithHerOneDay

It’s a weird thought, but I’m looking forward to it. It’s weird spending so much of my time with someone who doesn’t talk back to me…

#ButItIsLikeSheHasAlwaysBeenCrawlingNowSoIAmSureItWillBecomeNormalFast

It’s probably only been a month and a half? I can’t even remember now. It’s like she’s always done it.

#WeHadSomeTiramisuAtTheWeekendAndIFeltQuiteTipsyAfterwardsAsIHaveNotHadADrinkForAWhile

Absolute lightweight.

#SometimesIThinkAboutHavingADrinkButThenIUsuallyHaveLotsOfStuffToDoSoIDoNotBother

I didn’t have time for after effects of alcohol before having a baby, and I definitely do not have time for it now.

#IAmStillFeelingABitWeirdAboutHavingQuitMyJob

Ergh.

#IDoNotLikeToQuitThingsButIThinkItWasTheRightDecision

Oh definitely.

#IWasSoTiredOnMondayThatIDoNotSeeHowIWouldHaveManagedToDoAShiftAnyways

I guess I would have just got on with it, but my body felt so heavy then and it feels heavy now.

#MyBossCameToPickUpMyThingsYesterdayAndIDidNotEvenSeeHimSinceHeSaidICouldJustLeaveItByTheFrontDoor

I put it out early as I knew I had to get B ready for a nap around the time he said he’d drop by. I checked a couple of minutes later before I had even started to get B ready and it was already gone.

I was worried it had been stolen, but he never rang/texted/knocked so I’m sure it’s fine.

#IFeltSoRubbishAtTheJobAsIWasSoAnxiousAboutKnockingOnPeoplesDoors

It’s not great when you’re balancing everything to do a job that you feel so rubbish at and anxious about.

#ItHasAffectedMyConfidenceABitButHopefullyIWillGetOverItAllSoon

I need to focus and get over myself as I need to find other work now. Why do I have to be so awkward?

#IDefinitelyFeltABitRunDownPerhapsAsMyBodyWasLikeOkayYouCanRelaxNowThatThatIsOver

Yesterday I just napped/rested when B did.

#IHadSomeCovidTestsLeftOverFromMyJobSoITookOneJustInCaseButItWasNegative

I just felt a bit unwell, but I think it’s just how I feel in the morning when I get up sometimes. I took the test just in case, and I soon felt better anyways.

#IDoNotFindThemThatUncomfortableThoughTheyDoMakeMeGagAndSneeze

Fun times. I think soon everyone in the UK will be able to do tests twice a week, so maybe I’ll get used to them and they won’t take so long due to all the sneezing. It’s like sticking a little duster up my nose…

#BHasABabyClassNextWeekWhichIAmExcitedForButAlsoAnxiousAbout

I CAN NOT BELIEVE THAT IT IS NEARLY TIME TO GO.

#IAmWorriedAboutHowSheWillReactToItAllButIAmSureSheWillBeFine

It has been 4ish months since her last in person class.

#MyYoungerSisterCameToVisitUsAndBCriedAtHerForAWhile

‘Who is this strange woman in my territory?’

#ByTheTimeSheLeftThoughBWasABitObsessedWithHerSoItJustShowsThatSheNeedsALittleTimeToAdapt

I was really surprised that she cried as we do see her for walks from time to time, but I guess it has been a few weeks since we last saw her.

#IAmMostWorriedAboutBTryingToCrawlAwayWhenWeProbablyNeedToStayFirmlyOnOurMat

I’m sure she won’t be the only little escape artist. It’s going to be weird, but hopefully fun. I need to pack a going out bag for B. I haven’t had to do that for a long time…

#ButIAmSureSheWillJustEnjoySittingAndLookingAtOtherPeople

I am hoping she loves seeing lots of people her own age.

#YesterdayOnTheSwingsSheWasJustStaringAtEveryoneAgain

I’ve probably talked about it before; she does just stare at everyone at the playground.

#IFeelSoAwkwardAsObviouslyWeAreTaughtThatItIsNotPoliteToStare #IAmSurePeopleDoNotMindAsTheyKnowSheIsJustABabyButStill

Some people react well, some people are a little awkward. I don’t blame them.

#SometimesItIsAGoodWayToMakeConversationButSometimesItDoesNotHappen

‘Yes B, there are other people in the world.’ ‘Sorry, she’s not used to seeing other people.’ ‘Yeah, she’s a proper lockdown baby.’

#IDidAShootWithBAndIThinkWeBothExperiencedEveryKindOfEmotionDuringIt

Happy, sad, annoyed, frustrated – you name it we both went there.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

An Imitation Of Sorts Of How B Often Sits (4th April 2021)

Sat with one foot behind me and the other forward on a wall. You can not see my head.
An Imitation Of Sorts Of How B Often Sits (4th April 2021)
 
#BSitsALotWithOneFootInFrontOfHerAndOneBehind
#IGuessItIsGoodForBalanceAndMightJustBeHowSheEndsUpSittingRatherThanByChoiceAtTimes
#IHopeSheKeepsHerFlexibilityThoughIHaveNotSeenHerDoTheSplitsInAWhile
#TodayIsEasterSundayButWeDoNotReallyCelebrateIt
#IJustLikeTheFactThatTiagoHasAFourDayWeekend
#TheBiggestGossipAtTheMomentIsThatIQuitMyJobYesterday
#ItWasReallyStressingMeOutAndYesterdayPeopleWereSoRudeToMeThatIJustWentHome
#IReallyHateQuittingThingsButIWasJustStandingAroundCryingThenTryingToGetOverItAndCarryOnThenSomeoneElseWouldBeRude
#IWasTryingToAtLeastMakeItToTheEndOfMyShiftButIHadEnoughWhenIStartedToCryInFrontOfSomeone
#ItWasMentallyAndPhysicallyDrainingSoItDidNotSeemWorthPuttingUpWithForAFewMoreWeeksEspeciallyAsIKnowPeopleWillJustGetWorse
#ForMeMorningShiftsWereBetterWithMyMumLookingAfterBAndNotHavingWorkHangingOverMeAllDay
#ButIJustFeltLikeIWasBotheringPeopleAndWakingThemUp
#NowINeedToTryToFindOtherWorkWhichIsEasierSaidThanDone
#IForgotToMentionThatMyNanHadHerSecondJabAWeekOrSoAgoWhichIsGoodNews
#TheWeatherHasGivenUsAGlimpseOfWhatTheNextFourOrFiveMonthsCouldBeLike
#SittingOutsideInTheParkOrInTheGardenWhileBSamplesDifferentLeavesAndOutdoorCuisine
#TheOtherDayWhileWorkingIWalkedPastAGuyWhoJustSmelledOfSweatAndItWasWeirdlyNostalgic
#IRealisedThatIHadNotSmelledThatSmellInALongTime
#AndThenAnotherGuyWalkedByWhoJustStunkOfCologneAndIHadNotThatSmelledThatForALongTimeEither
#ItWasNiceToBeOutAndAboutMoreByMyselfFeelingLikeSomethingOtherThanAMother
#ThoughIThinkMyMotheringWasAlsoGoingDownHillDueToTheJobAndFeelingSoTiredAndStressed
#IFeelShatteredNowButIHopeItWillPassInACoupleOfDays
#ThenICanGetBackToTryingToBeTheMotherIWantToBe
#IHaveNotDoneAYoutubeBabyClassWithBInAWhileAndIHaveNotReadToHerMuchLately
#ThoughSheDoesRarelySitStillAndHerLegsAreGettingStrongerEachDay
#SheHasNotBeenSleepingSoWellLately
#SheWasUpAt6TodayAnd5ThirtyYesterdayThoughTiagoGotUpWithHerAndLetMeHaveMoreSleep
#IThinkSheIsTeethingALotAgainAndHerSkinHasGotABitWorse
#WeHaveSeenAFewMorePeopleLatelyThoughAndIAmLookingForwardToHangingOutWithOthersSoon
#IFeelLikeINeedAWeekOffButHopefullyThatFeelingWillPassSoonAsItIsNotPossibleAnyways 
 

#BSitsALotWithOneFootInFrontOfHerAndOneBehind

I have been trying to photograph her doing it, but I always seem too slow. I go to grab my phone and then she stops doing it to follow me.

#IGuessItIsGoodForBalanceAndMightJustBeHowSheEndsUpSittingRatherThanByChoiceAtTimes

I can’t ask her about it, but she doesn’t seem to mind sitting like it.

#IHopeSheKeepsHerFlexibilityThoughIHaveNotSeenHerDoTheSplitsInAWhile

I’d love for her to do gymnastics or something when she’s old enough. I’d have loved to do things like that when I was a kid – I won’t even attempt handstands anymore after too many falls on my face.

#TodayIsEasterSundayButWeDoNotReallyCelebrateIt

I keep forgetting about it to be honest. In past years I’ve just been annoyed that the supermarkets are open at different times.

#IJustLikeTheFactThatTiagoHasAFourDayWeekend

More family time/more time for me to sneak off and do a bit of my own stuff.

#TheBiggestGossipAtTheMomentIsThatIQuitMyJobYesterday

I feel mixed about it. Relieved but also like I’ve let my family down.

#ItWasReallyStressingMeOutAndYesterdayPeopleWereSoRudeToMeThatIJustWentHome

You might be able to work out what my job was – I’m not supposed to talk about it and I’m worried that someone at the company tracks this stuff.

#IReallyHateQuittingThingsButIWasJustStandingAroundCryingThenTryingToGetOverItAndCarryOnThenSomeoneElseWouldBeRude

You know when you’re trying hard not to cry that it makes it worse and then you just cry more? It’s worse when you’re half an hour walk from home so can’t just pop home, cry it out, then carry on.

I felt relieved to have a mask to hide behind, but it was still obvious from the sniffles and red eyes.

#IWasTryingToAtLeastMakeItToTheEndOfMyShiftButIHadEnoughWhenIStartedToCryInFrontOfSomeone

So embarrassing.

#ItWasMentallyAndPhysicallyDrainingSoItDidNotSeemWorthPuttingUpWithForAFewMoreWeeksEspeciallyAsIKnowPeopleWillJustGetWorse

I was nice and polite to people. I was bothering them as they had not done something that they needed to do. The nice people have done what they needed to now.

#ForMeMorningShiftsWereBetterWithMyMumLookingAfterBAndNotHavingWorkHangingOverMeAllDay

I have another job which is sometimes busy and sometimes not, but I leave that for the evenings. I did a couple of evenings with this job, but it was too stressful with getting dinner and B sorted. Plus I was knackered as it was a different kind of energy.

#ButIJustFeltLikeIWasBotheringPeopleAndWakingThemUp

I did not like knocking on people’s doors at 9am, but if they had done what they needed to then I would not need to be there.

#NowINeedToTryToFindOtherWorkWhichIsEasierSaidThanDone

I’ve been thinking about setting up a patreon for a while, but I feel weird/awkward about it. I might look into it again though. I need to get smart about making money from art, but my confidence is not great. I need to get over things though.

#IForgotToMentionThatMyNanHadHerSecondJabAWeekOrSoAgoWhichIsGoodNews

Hurrah.

#TheWeatherHasGivenUsAGlimpseOfWhatTheNextFourOrFiveMonthsCouldBeLike #SittingOutsideInTheParkOrInTheGardenWhileBSamplesDifferentLeavesAndOutdoorCuisine

The weather was hot, then it went cold but it has been warm enough to sit in the park on a picnic blanket the last couple of days in the afternoon – with coats on of course. B crawls off the mat and inspects everything, but I’m sure it’s good for her.

#TheOtherDayWhileWorkingIWalkedPastAGuyWhoJustSmelledOfSweatAndItWasWeirdlyNostalgic #IRealisedThatIHadNotSmelledThatSmellInALongTime

It was odd. In the past I would have been like ‘well that guy smelled of sweat, but so have most of the men I’ve walked past today’.

I only started to use deodorant again recently to be fair…

#AndThenAnotherGuyWalkedByWhoJustStunkOfCologneAndIHadNotThatSmelledThatForALongTimeEither

Blegh.

#ItWasNiceToBeOutAndAboutMoreByMyselfFeelingLikeSomethingOtherThanAMother

It was weird being out without B. I bumped into a lady who has a dog while out in my work garb and I said to her ‘you might not recognise me without a baby in tow’.

#ThoughIThinkMyMotheringWasAlsoGoingDownHillDueToTheJobAndFeelingSoTiredAndStressed

Trying to juggle everything has not been good. It would be fine if I had liked the job, but trying to balance it all for a job that made me miserable has been rubbish.

#IFeelShatteredNowButIHopeItWillPassInACoupleOfDays

I might try to have a lie down when I finish this before B wakes up.

#ThenICanGetBackToTryingToBeTheMotherIWantToBe

A mother who pays more attention to her child is a good start.

#IHaveNotDoneAYoutubeBabyClassWithBInAWhileAndIHaveNotReadToHerMuchLately #ThoughSheDoesRarelySitStillAndHerLegsAreGettingStrongerEachDay

The last time I did it B would not sit still. Our last online zoom baby class was just our teacher, B and me. B would not sit still for that either. It’s going to be interesting seeing how she reacts in a real life class.

#SheHasNotBeenSleepingSoWellLately

Le sigh.

#SheWasUpAt6TodayAnd5ThirtyYesterdayThoughTiagoGotUpWithHerAndLetMeHaveMoreSleep

We usually leave her until 6 before we get her out of her cot, but yesterday T just got up with her as none of us were sleeping.

#IThinkSheIsTeethingALotAgainAndHerSkinHasGotABitWorse

She woke up at 11 last night and wouldn’t settle. In the end we gave her some paracetamol as she wanted to chew on our fingers and she went back to sleep.

#WeHaveSeenAFewMorePeopleLatelyThoughAndIAmLookingForwardToHangingOutWithOthersSoon

My Uncles visited the other day which was a nice surprise.

#IFeelLikeINeedAWeekOffButHopefullyThatFeelingWillPassSoonAsItIsNotPossibleAnyways

I need to sort my life out. Time for a quick lie down first though.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

First Mother’s Day / Portrait Of A Mother Of A 9 Month Old (14th March 2021)

First Mother’s Day / Portrait Of A Mother Of A 9 Month Old (14th March 2021)
 
#TiagoGotHisFirstFathersDayWhenBWasOnlyAroundAWeekOld
#IHaveHadToWaitPatientlyFor9MonthsToGetMyFirstParentsDay
#TiagoGetsReallyStressedOutAboutWhatToDoForOccasionsButHeMadeANiceCardWithALotOfTextInsideThatHeSaidBToldHimToWrite
#HeWasOnAboutGettingMeRollerBladesButMaybeItIsNotTheBestTimeToStartBreakingSomeBones
#BsSkinLookedAlmostBackToNormalAndThenItStartedToGetBadAgain
#IThinkWeWillBeDealingWithItForAWhileButIGuessAtLeastWeKnowWhatWorksNow
#IHaveBeenFeelingALotBetterThisWeekThoughIAmNotReallySureWhy
#IThinkIHaveBeenSoBusyAndIKnowThingsAreChangingSoIAmFeelingMorePositive
#IWhineSoMuchInThisProjectWhichIsAwkwardButIDoLoveBeingAMother
#SeeingBGrowingAndChangingWeekToWeekIsSoRewarding
#ButNothingCanPrepareYouForThisMassiveLifeShift
#IAmFeelingMoreRelaxedWithBsMealTimesNowThatISetA30MinuteLimit
#IfSheIsHungryThenSheWillEatItSuperFast
#IfSheIsNotEatingThenAfter10MinutesIWillTrySomethingElseLikeMixingInHerDessertWhichIsUsuallyYoghurtAndFruit
#SheHasMilkBeforeHerSecondNapNowSoEvenIfSheDoesNotEatSheUsuallyDrinksWell
#TheOtherDayIStartedToSingThatTikTokSeaShantyToHerAndSheStartedToLaughSoThatWasTheSongOfTheDay
#IHadToLookUpTheLyricsAsIRealisedThatIHadBeenMakingThemUp
#MyClowningAndImprovTrainingIsDefinitelyComingInHandyForEntertainingB
#IDoLoveToMakeHerLaugh
#WhateverMakesHerLaughIJustKeepDoingItAndAmplifyingItUntilSheIsLaughedOut
#SheCanSuddenlyPlayWithToysThatSheCouldNotHoldBeforeAndIsInterestedInALotMoreThings
#SheHasStartedToOpenDrawersSoWeNeedToDoSomeMoreBabyProofing
#WeAreTryingToTeachHerToWaveWhichSheDoesSometimesButOtherTimesSheJustClaps
#IFeelLikeIShouldReallyBeLearningMoreAboutBabySignLanguageNow
#WhenWeDoOnlineBabyClassesIReallyLikeLearningTheSignsForSongs
#IAmAlsoFindingItEasierToTalkToHerNow
#IUsuallyJustKeepSayingCanYouSayThisOrThisAndSheDoesNotButSheWillOneDay
#OrIAmLikeLookAtThisToyCarrotItIsOrangeAndGreenAndItIsAVegetable
#TheMurderOfSarahEverardHasGotMeThinkingALotAboutAwkwardAndHorribleExperiencesInMyPast
#IHopeThatThingsWillBeDifferentForBAsSheGrowsUpButWeWillHaveToWaitAndSee

I was planning for this ‘entry’ to be Portrait Of A Mother Of A 9 Month Old, but then I realised Mother’s Day was coming up so I thought I would leave it until today. I haven’t done a shoot yet, but I fancy doing one with B so hopefully we’ll do one when she wakes up from her nap.

(6th April: Well I did the shoot and it involves one of my favourite themes of making myself not look very nice. I say that I’m not going to show B’s face, but this one shows her mouth and a bit of her nose. I was going to edit it, but it seemed a bit unnecessary.

I guess I do not want to show her whole face (well I posted a photo of B wearing her jaundice machine mask when I announced her birth anyways), and I particularly don’t want to show her eyes (which were covered in that photo). I feel like I should write more about this but I’m too tired. A topic for the future?)

#TiagoGotHisFirstFathersDayWhenBWasOnlyAroundAWeekOld

And here is the entry about that. Portugal has their Father’s Day on the 19th March every year, so that’s in 5 days time.

#IHaveHadToWaitPatientlyFor9MonthsToGetMyFirstParentsDay

It looks like Mother’s Day in Portugal is the first Sunday in May. Weird that Mother’s Day moves around but Father’s Day is the same date every year? I guess Portuguese Father’s Day might mean more to Tiago?

#TiagoGetsReallyStressedOutAboutWhatToDoForOccasionsButHeMadeANiceCardWithALotOfTextInsideThatHeSaidBToldHimToWrite

Bless him. He gets super stressed then keeps talking about it as the day approaches. It’s a commercial holiday that I am not really that bothered about, but I guess it just feels somewhat momentous as it is my first. I much prefer a hand-drawn card with a nice personal message to anything else, plus as it’s the weekend he has given me plenty of time to do my work which means more to me.

#HeWasOnAboutGettingMeRollerBladesButMaybeItIsNotTheBestTimeToStartBreakingSomeBones

When we lived in Liverpool people on skateboards and roller blades/skates would constantly go past us. I used to love roller blading – I remember going round my neighbour’s garage to Gina G a lot – and going to roller discos. I was never good on hills though. Just nice flat terrain for me please. I’d be too embarrassed to go out on them by myself…

#BsSkinLookedAlmostBackToNormalAndThenItStartedToGetBadAgain #IThinkWeWillBeDealingWithItForAWhileButIGuessAtLeastWeKnowWhatWorksNow

It’s a rollercoaster. Basically we can’t be lazy. We have some hydrocortisone cream that we apply twice a day when it’s bad, but her skin go to the point where we couldn’t even see where it needed to be applied. Now it is creeping back, so we need to keep an eye on it. We also use Dermol 500 which is super easy to apply and her skin seemed to get much better when we started to apply that every hour or two the other day. Then we have Zerobase which is a heavier ointment that we use before she goes to bed, and once or twice during the day.

(I hope this may be of use for someone, but I know different things work for different people. These are all things that B has been prescribed.)

#IHaveBeenFeelingALotBetterThisWeekThoughIAmNotReallySureWhy

I generally feel better at the weekend.

#IThinkIHaveBeenSoBusyAndIKnowThingsAreChangingSoIAmFeelingMorePositive

I have a temporary part time job coming up and I’m excited to get out of the house more. Yesterday we bumped into a woman and her baby who we met the other week, so I am hoping soon we will know more people.

#IWhineSoMuchInThisProjectWhichIsAwkwardButIDoLoveBeingAMother

I worry that B will see this work when she is older and think I hated raising her. I don’t.

#SeeingBGrowingAndChangingWeekToWeekIsSoRewarding

She changes so fast. I guess I did not really know how she would be at 9 months, but she seems to be doing more than I thought she would?

#ButNothingCanPrepareYouForThisMassiveLifeShift

I never really stayed in bed until late, but I definitely wasn’t waking up between 6 and 7 every day. You just get used to it and adjust your bedtime I guess, but that is the biggest shock I think really. We could let her lie in, but then she’ll probably go to bed later and I like having free time in the evening. Plus now she is often awake before 7 (when we’d like to get up) so that wouldn’t work.

#IAmFeelingMoreRelaxedWithBsMealTimesNowThatISetA30MinuteLimit

I thought I had mentioned this in previous hashtags, but maybe I didn’t? Well at meals now I give her 30 minutes to eat as otherwise we can sit there for an hour with me getting stressed.

#IfSheIsHungryThenSheWillEatItSuperFast

Breakfast is usually 15 minutes.

#IfSheIsNotEatingThenAfter10MinutesIWillTrySomethingElseLikeMixingInHerDessertWhichIsUsuallyYoghurtAndFruit

Yesterday she wasn’t eating dinner, but then I started to give her a bit of yoghurt with mango and she got eating so then I mixed it all together and she ate 90% of it. Great.

#SheHasMilkBeforeHerSecondNapNowSoEvenIfSheDoesNotEatSheUsuallyDrinksWell

Maybe I talked about this before, I’m not sure. Before she was just having milk when she woke up and before she went to bed, but on my sister’s suggestion we now give her milk then. It makes me feel not so stressed about her maybe not eating so much lunch.

#TheOtherDayIStartedToSingThatTikTokSeaShantyToHerAndSheStartedToLaughSoThatWasTheSongOfTheDay

This song. I’ve sung it so many times that I’m getting better at hitting a lower note at the end of the chorus. I’m not sure why she likes it, but she claps. I kept making videos of her doing stuff, then I’d start to sing it and she’d look at me.

#IHadToLookUpTheLyricsAsIRealisedThatIHadBeenMakingThemUp

Apparently it’s not about a weatherman, but a wellerman (which is the name of the song.)

#MyClowningAndImprovTrainingIsDefinitelyComingInHandyForEntertainingB

When we (Tiago and me, as B was not born yet) lived in London I used to do a lot of improv classes and courses, and I did a couple of clowning courses too. I started a stand-up comedy course but we moved to Liverpool before I finished it. It is something that I would like to revisit at some point.

#IDoLoveToMakeHerLaugh

I love to make anyone laugh, but the sound of babies laughing is one of the best in the world.

#WhateverMakesHerLaughIJustKeepDoingItAndAmplifyingItUntilSheIsLaughedOut

It’s great training. I’ve thought that maybe I should be a children’s entertainer? It seems less scary than making adults laugh.

#SheCanSuddenlyPlayWithToysThatSheCouldNotHoldBeforeAndIsInterestedInALotMoreThings

I love digging out a toy that she did not look at twice when she last saw it, but now she can really interact with it. I think I feel happier too as she can entertain herself a bit better now and is happy as long as you’re sat next to her. Tiago likes to lie on the floor while B crawls over him and chills next to him playing with her toys.

#SheHasStartedToOpenDrawersSoWeNeedToDoSomeMoreBabyProofing

Anything that she shouldn’t play with she obviously loves. My Nan has a trolley that looks a bit like a tea cart. She loves to stick her fingers in the wheels…

#WeAreTryingToTeachHerToWaveWhichSheDoesSometimesButOtherTimesSheJustClaps

She’s young. She’s got time. One moment she will really get it and switch between clapping and waving, and then she’ll just clap. The YouTube baby classes that we do talk about clapping more than they do waving, so it’s fair enough.

#IFeelLikeIShouldReallyBeLearningMoreAboutBabySignLanguageNow

I did look for a local class but one was too far away really and there was a waiting list, so I’ll just look for more online videos.

Here are a few.

#WhenWeDoOnlineBabyClassesIReallyLikeLearningTheSignsForSongs

I feel like I am learning something and using my brain, which feels quite nice. It’s a good memory test.

#IAmAlsoFindingItEasierToTalkToHerNow #IUsuallyJustKeepSayingCanYouSayThisOrThisAndSheDoesNotButSheWillOneDay #OrIAmLikeLookAtThisToyCarrotItIsOrangeAndGreenAndItIsAVegetable

I’ve said a lot in the past that I do not know what to say to B all day. I guess I have been overthinking it a lot. I can just keep it simple. ‘Say hi’ say hello etc.’ and then just talking about the colours of things and pointing things out to her etc.

#TheMurderOfSarahEverardHasGotMeThinkingALotAboutAwkwardAndHorribleExperiencesInMyPast

This feels quite randomly slot into the bottom. I originally wanted to say more about it, but yesterday I ended up writing a blog post about it all instead. I feel a bit awkward about it, but I ended up spending a lot of my free time in the morning on it so I thought I should share it.

#IHopeThatThingsWillBeDifferentForBAsSheGrowsUpButWeWillHaveToWaitAndSee

Fingers crossed. I want her to grow up feeling more confident than I ever did, and her to feel able to call out/tell someone/report when something is not right, or something bad has happened.


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Imitating B With Her Hands And Feet On The Floor (6th March 2021)

Imitating B With Her Hands And Feet On The Floor (6th March 2021)
 
#BIsDefinitelyMovingAroundQuickerEachDay
#YesterdaySheGotStuckByTheCushionsByTheTVAsSheOnlyLikesRollingOneWaySoSheKeptRollingIntoThemRatherThanAwayFromThem
#ThisPhotoIsMeImitatingHerWithHerHandsAndFeetOnTheFloorWhichSheHasStartedToDoInTheLastWeekOrSo
#ICanNotImagineHerWalkingAroundButIGuessThoseDaysAreGettingCloserAndCloser
#SometimesAtNightNowIHearHerCryingSoITurnOnTheMonitorAndSheIsJustSatUpInHerCot
#IHadACallWithMySupportBefrienderPersonTheOtherDay
#SheSaidSheThatCouldTellThatIWasDown
#ISaidIDoNotKnowWhyIBotherMakingProjectsAndThingsWithTheFreeTimeIHaveWhenICouldBeRelaxingInstead
#SheSaidItIsBecauseYouLoveIt
#ILikeThisProjectFromTimeToTimeButItIsMoreThatIFeelIHaveToMakeIt
#WhenIDoAGoodShootIFeelGreatButWhenIDoNotIFeelPrettyDown
#SoHerCommentGaveMeAKickToActuallyStartShootingForAProjectThatIHaveBeenThinkingAboutForAFewWeeks
#IDoNotKnowIfItWillEverSeeTheLightOfDayButIDefinitelyFeelBetterForHavingStartedIt
#ThisMorningTiagoGotBUpAt7AndHeWillLookAfterHerUntilHerNapAtAround10
#IDidMyDanceVideosFirstThingToGetThemDoneAsIFeelLikeTheyHangOverMeAtTheWeekend
#TodayIReallyEnjoyedItButSomeWeeksItIsJustAnotherThingThatIFeelIHaveToDo
#INeedToStopFeelingGuiltyForHavingSomeTimeToMyself
#IWorkPrettyQuicklyNowWithTheFreeTimeIHaveAndTiagoIsBsDadSoOfCourseHeShouldBeSpendingTimeWithHer
#IThinkIFeelBadAsTiagoIsWorkingAllWeekAndMakingMoneyWhereasIDoNotMakeMuch
#IAmDoingSomeNonArtPaidWorkAtTheMomentWhichIJustDoInFifteenMinutesToTwoHoursIshSessions
#IDoLookForOtherWorkWhereBWouldHaveToGoToNurseryButThereDoesNotSeemToBeMuchOutThere
#ItWouldAlsoNeedToBeSomethingWhichLeavesMeWithEnoughAfterPayingNurseryFeesToSeemWorthIt
#MostOfTheMumsIKnowWithBabiesOfASimilarAgeAreEitherBackAtWorkOrGoingBackSoon
#ItIsAnnoyingInTheSenseThatSoonWeWillBeAbleToHangOutWithOtherBabiesButTheyAllMightBeInNurseries
#IGuessThereWillBeSomeAroundThoughWhoseParentsWorkPartTimeOrWhoAreInASimilarPosition
#IHaveSpokenToACoupleOfMumsThisWeekAtThePlaygroundWeGoTo
#IRealiseNowThatEveryoneElseProbablyWantsToChatButTheyAreJustAsAwkwardAsMe
#MyCurrentMumPickupLineIsHowOldIsYourLittleOne
#WeSayWeWillSeeEachOtherAroundButWeHaveLivedHereForFourMonthsAndIDoNotThinkIHaveSeenThemBefore
#WorkingOnANewProjectAndTalkingToPeopleMakesMeFeelHappierSoINeedToKeepOnDoingWhatIAmDoing

#BIsDefinitelyMovingAroundQuickerEachDay

I’m excited for her to walk, but I’m almost nervous. We’re on bump alert most of the time at the moment.

#YesterdaySheGotStuckByTheCushionsByTheTVAsSheOnlyLikesRollingOneWaySoSheKeptRollingIntoThemRatherThanAwayFromThem

We have cushions everywhere. She definitely has a rolling preference. She was getting agitated and I’m like ‘why don’t you just roll the other way?’

Obviously she can’t understand me, but eventually she had rolled into them enough times that she was able to make enough space to roll onto her belly and crawl away. Gripping stuff.

#ThisPhotoIsMeImitatingHerWithHerHandsAndFeetOnTheFloorWhichSheHasStartedToDoInTheLastWeekOrSo

I was toying between imitating this and the way she sits down sometimes. I will have to aim to do that next time.

I haven’t done the shoot yet, but I wrote it like I had. I guess the backdrop will be the cupboards in our bedroom again… I could quickly go into B’s room and do it there, but by the time I finish writing this she is due to sleep. I could just go and do the shoot now. Hmm.

Okay I need to move quick…

Well that was fun. Tiago and B came up during the shoot and the light was blocking the doorway (health and safety!!!), so Tiago passed B over the light which she found hilarious.

I obviously (well maybe it’s not that obvious) have more hair than B. I did some yoga after my dance videos too so that helped, especially as B is so flexible.

#ICanNotImagineHerWalkingAroundButIGuessThoseDaysAreGettingCloserAndCloser

So bizarre. I know other babies who are standing up/supporting themselves, but B seemed to want to crawl first and now she has mastered that she is working on her standing.

#SometimesAtNightNowIHearHerCryingSoITurnOnTheMonitorAndSheIsJustSatUpInHerCot

I wanted to write more about this/I did and then deleted them as I needed more space for other things. Maybe I should have kept them? Maybe I should have saved it for my next post?

It did weird me out the first time I saw her just sat there. I don’t know why, it just looked odd!

#IHadACallWithMySupportBefrienderPersonTheOtherDay

I never know what to call her. The woman who calls me every 2 weeks to talk about my mental health. I had thought about quitting the service as they probably have a waiting list and I don’t want to unnecessarily take up their resources. I just feel like I don’t have time for a 30 minute call every 2 weeks (lol) as it happens during B’s nap, but it is useful and it does make me think differently about things.

#SheSaidSheThatCouldTellThatIWasDown

I was trying to hide it.

#ISaidIDoNotKnowWhyIBotherMakingProjectsAndThingsWithTheFreeTimeIHaveWhenICouldBeRelaxingInstead

I have said it before. I wish I could just relax and do nothing, but I’m stubborn about making work. I obviously need to do it as well.

#SheSaidItIsBecauseYouLoveIt

I was like ‘Do I though?’

#ILikeThisProjectFromTimeToTimeButItIsMoreThatIFeelIHaveToMakeIt

It is more just a project that I feel I am stuck making for now. I don’t know how long I will do it for. I thought maybe until B is one, but maybe it is a more long-term thing now that I just need to do once a week, so I have time for other things?

#WhenIDoAGoodShootIFeelGreatButWhenIDoNotIFeelPrettyDown

At the moment this shoot sits on the so-so pile. I might feel differently about it later.

Some weeks I have really not wanted to do this project, particularly when B was a bit younger.

In my ArtsQuest article (ooh get me quoting myself) I said ‘I decided to set up the blog not long after giving birth in June 2020 in a sleep-deprived haze of confidence. There are times that I have told myself off for giving myself extra work as my stubbornness means I will continue to write posts for probably at least a few more years to come whether anyone reads it or not.

I am glad that I did not quit it when there were times that I wanted to. I think this project will be interesting to look back on when B is older.

My favourite shoots are definitely those where I am imitating B, so I just need to make it more fun and playful.

#SoHerCommentGaveMeAKickToActuallyStartShootingForAProjectThatIHaveBeenThinkingAboutForAFewWeeks

Sometimes I have ideas that pass quickly, but this one was stuck in my head to the point where I knew I needed to do it. I had been doing some research for it, but I usually work best by shooting and seeing where it goes. It’s meant to be a fun project, which is self-portraiture and sticks within my interests.

#IDoNotKnowIfItWillEverSeeTheLightOfDayButIDefinitelyFeelBetterForHavingStartedIt

Starting a project is the hardest thing. Particularly now when my last few photography projects have generally been shoot, talk about it and post it, it’s weird doing work where it doesn’t feel like that might be the case. I may need to sit on it and see. It is another project though where I think I do just need to do keep shooting and accumulate mass to wade through.

Was that poetic? It seemed to be.

#ThisMorningTiagoGotBUpAt7AndHeWillLookAfterHerUntilHerNapAtAround10

He’s just gone off for a bike ride and I had 3 hours in the morning to do things. BEAUTIFUL. It’s 10.30am now and B should be asleep for another 45 minutes, so I’m really enjoying getting things done. In the morning I have a list of things that I want to do in my head and it’s a long time to wait until 7.30pm when I can usually get more things done.

#IDidMyDanceVideosFirstThingToGetThemDoneAsIFeelLikeTheyHangOverMeAtTheWeekend

Nothing like waking yourself up with dance videos. I did 5 today. I usually do 3/4, and one was 7 minutes long!

#TodayIReallyEnjoyedItButSomeWeeksItIsJustAnotherThingThatIFeelIHaveToDo

My support befriender person said I’m disciplined. I guess it’s true.

I’ve always said with the dance videos that the project is over when I don’t want to do it anymore. Some weeks it feels like more of a slog (having to move furniture and stuff is always fun), but other times I do get into it more. It’s meant to be an exercise in not caring and today I didn’t care and just enjoyed it.

#INeedToStopFeelingGuiltyForHavingSomeTimeToMyself

Oh, Mum guilt.

#IWorkPrettyQuicklyNowWithTheFreeTimeIHaveAndTiagoIsBsDadSoOfCourseHeShouldBeSpendingTimeWithHer

And he likes spending time with her. I do not faff so much anymore, particularly at this time of day when I know that I can not take the piss.

#IThinkIFeelBadAsTiagoIsWorkingAllWeekAndMakingMoneyWhereasIDoNotMakeMuch

He works so hard and I want him to have time to rest and relax. Well, I guess playing with your daughter is relaxing?

#IAmDoingSomeNonArtPaidWorkAtTheMomentWhichIJustDoInFifteenMinutesToTwoHoursIshSessions

At the moment the work comes when it comes, when it doesn’t come then I do my own work.

#IDoLookForOtherWorkWhereBWouldHaveToGoToNurseryButThereDoesNotSeemToBeMuchOutThere

It’s a weird time.

#ItWouldAlsoNeedToBeSomethingWhichLeavesMeWithEnoughAfterPayingNurseryFeesToSeemWorthIt

If I’m left with 5 quid afterwards then what’s the point? Some people might say yeah it’s 5 quid, but it seems like a lot of hassle. Hopefully something will come up at some point, but for now I should enjoy spending time with B as I’m sure a lot of people would just prefer to be at home with their kids. I know I am lucky.

Having time away from B this morning makes me look forward to playing with her when she wakes up. I don’t feel as excited if I’m with her all day every day you know? No offence B.

#MostOfTheMumsIKnowWithBabiesOfASimilarAgeAreEitherBackAtWorkOrGoingBackSoon #ItIsAnnoyingInTheSenseThatSoonWeWillBeAbleToHangOutWithOtherBabiesButTheyAllMightBeInNurseries

I just want to have a gaggle of friends who we meet up with in the summer and chill in the park with. She might have to make do with younger friends but that’s fine. A lot of the younger babies that we have met will be acknowledging other babies/not sleeping all the time by the time the better weather comes around.

#IGuessThereWillBeSomeAroundThoughWhoseParentsWorkPartTimeOrWhoAreInASimilarPosition

A lot of people seem to be cutting/condensing their hours to fewer days a week, so I guess there will be a day when people are free to play.

#IHaveSpokenToACoupleOfMumsThisWeekAtThePlaygroundWeGoTo

It always seems to come in phases – one week I talk to people and then I do not talk to anyone for a week.

#IRealiseNowThatEveryoneElseProbablyWantsToChatButTheyAreJustAsAwkwardAsMe

I think people do not know how to start a conversation (like me).

#MyCurrentMumPickupLineIsHowOldIsYourLittleOne

This seems to be a good one. I don’t offend someone by misgendering their child, and it’s something that doesn’t seem too intimidating. I usually direct it to people who have sat their kid in the swing next to us.

#WeSayWeWillSeeEachOtherAroundButWeHaveLivedHereForFourMonthsAndIDoNotThinkIHaveSeenThemBefore

One woman I think we might have seen once before, but the other one I really don’t think I have. We’ll see how long it takes to bump into them again.

#WorkingOnANewProjectAndTalkingToPeopleMakesMeFeelHappierSoINeedToKeepOnDoingWhatIAmDoing

Last time I spoke to more people I was feeling really down due to ‘am I pregnant/am I not?’ issues and other people made the effort, but now I am feeling better I am the one reaching out. I guess things go in waves, but I want to keep getting mentally and physically stronger.


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Imitating How B Puts Her Arms Up When I Pick Her Up (2nd March 2021)

Me with my arms in the air.
Imitating How B Puts Her Arms Up When I Pick Her Up (2nd March 2021)
 
#IHaveCalledTheShootFolderPutYourArmsInTheAirLikeYouAreBAndYouDoNotCare
#BeforeWhenIPickedHerUpSheWouldJustNotMoveHerArmsAndSoItWasEasyToLiftAndCarryHer
#NowAfterYouPickHerUpSheWillJustThrowHerArmsUpStraightIntoTheAirAndAsSheIsGettingHeavierItCanBeQuiteAStruggle
#HerSkinIsABitBetterButIThinkItWillTakeSomeTimeToGoAwayCompletely
#IAmABitBoredOfApplyingCreamsAndThingsButObviouslyItIsForTheBest
#AfterMyLastShootIWentToAnOnlineZoomMeetingForLocalMumsWhileBWasAsleep
#ItWasJustSoSuperAwkwardAsIDidNotRealiseIWasOnMuteAtFirstAndThenIDidNotGetToTalkOrSoItFelt
#ItMadeMeRememberWhyIHadNotBeenToOneForTwoMonthsOrSoAndIHadACryAfterwards
#AfterBWasUpIBlewMyNoseAndThenSheWasCryingAsItHadScaredHer
#IHaveBeenFeelingDownAgainAndPostingABlogEntryTheOtherDayMadeMeRealiseThatMyLastBadPatchWasNotThatLongAgo
#INeedToStartLookingAfterMyselfBetterSoThatICanBeABetterMumForB
#IWantToGetMentallyStrongAsWellAsPhysicallyStrong
#InTheLastWeekIHaveStartedToTryToDoPushups
#IThoughtMyArmsShouldBeGettingStrongerWithAllThisBabyCarryingButIRealisedHowWeakTheyAreStill
#DoYouEverGetThatFeelingOfThereIsSoMuchThatYouWantToDoButYouDoNotKnowWhereToStartSoInsteadOfDoingSomethingYouDoNothing
#IFeltABitLikeThatTheOtherDayAndISpentALotOfMyFreeTimeAtTheWeekendJustWatchingTaskmaster
#IThinkIAmJustABitScaredOfFailureSlashWastingMyTimeSoIWouldRatherRelax
#WeHadOurSecondDateNightTheOtherNightWhichWasUsJustWatchingTheFilmStanAndOllie
#SoOurDateNightIsBasicallyUsJustWatchingTVTogether
#OnceBGoesToSleepIAmUsuallyOffDoingWorkOrProcrastinatingOrTryingToRead
#IAmABitFrustratedByAllThePeopleActingLikeLockdownIsOver
#SuddenlyThereAreLargeGroupsSatInTheParkHavingPicnicsAndDrinking
#IGetItIKnowThatPeopleAreFedUpAndWhatever
#IAmJustBitterAsIWouldNotEnjoyMyselfIfIDidTheSame
#AndIAmWorriedThatByTheTimeBabyClassesAreDueToReopenTheyWillNotBeAllowedToAsInfectionRatesMightGetWorseAgain
#BSeemsToBeTeethingALotAgain
#SheHasBeenTeasingUsWithThisOnOffTeethingBusinessForAWhileButMaybeAToothWillSoonAppear
#EveryDayILoveHerABitMore
#INeedToStopFeelingSoGuiltyAndJustBeMorePresentWhenIAmWithHer
#IAlsoNeedToTalkToHerMoreButIFindItDifficultAsTheDaysAreSoLongAndRepetitiveAndIGetTired

#IHaveCalledTheShootFolderPutYourArmsInTheAirLikeYouAreBAndYouDoNotCare

I am so funny.

#BeforeWhenIPickedHerUpSheWouldJustNotMoveHerArmsAndSoItWasEasyToLiftAndCarryHer

Hands under the arms. Great.

#NowAfterYouPickHerUpSheWillJustThrowHerArmsUpStraightIntoTheAirAndAsSheIsGettingHeavierItCanBeQuiteAStruggle

Sometimes I worry that she will just slip out of my hands.

#HerSkinIsABitBetterButIThinkItWillTakeSomeTimeToGoAwayCompletely #IAmABitBoredOfApplyingCreamsAndThingsButObviouslyItIsForTheBest

Her chest seems a little worse in places. I am thinking it is heat rash as she does sleep on her tummy a lot. I’ve been experimenting with making her room cooler at bedtime this last week. It seems to have been going okay.

#AfterMyLastShootIWentToAnOnlineZoomMeetingForLocalMumsWhileBWasAsleep

I usually do work/have me time when B is asleep and these zoom chats are always when B is napping. However I felt in the mood to talk to people

#ItWasJustSoSuperAwkwardAsIDidNotRealiseIWasOnMuteAtFirstAndThenIDidNotGetToTalkOrSoItFelt

I am cringeing now. I thought they were ignoring me, but then I realised that I had muted my computer via the button on my keyboard. Later on I tried to talk but someone else also spoke at the same time, so I just let them carry on. Then I asked a question to one of the women, but at that moment she went on mute and it was just super awkward.

#ItMadeMeRememberWhyIHadNotBeenToOneForTwoMonthsOrSoAndIHadACryAfterwards

I was crying quite a lot. I think it was partly because of the call, but also just crying to get other things off of my chest.

#AfterBWasUpIBlewMyNoseAndThenSheWasCryingAsItHadScaredHer

I was still crying, so I had to blow my nose. Then she started to cry, which made me cry more as I felt terrible. I do not like crying in front of her. It was a bad day.

#IHaveBeenFeelingDownAgainAndPostingABlogEntryTheOtherDayMadeMeRealiseThatMyLastBadPatchWasNotThatLongAgo

This entry.

I said:

#OnceInAWhileIHaveDownPatchesAboutMyWorkAndIAmHavingOneRightNow

I think they’re more frequent occurrences than ‘once in a while’ to be fair.’

Reading that while feeling in a similar patch made me realise that it is more common. I had thought about quitting my fortnightly mental health call, but I think I need it for now.

#INeedToStartLookingAfterMyselfBetterSoThatICanBeABetterMumForB

I wrote about this a lot the other night in my diary.

#IWantToGetMentallyStrongAsWellAsPhysicallyStrong

I’m bored of sounding like such a negative whiney person. I think I write this at least once a month.

A big part of it is also feeling like I’m only as good as my last shoot and I haven’t liked my last couple of shoots. I hope today’s shoot goes better.

#InTheLastWeekIHaveStartedToTryToDoPushups #IThoughtMyArmsShouldBeGettingStrongerWithAllThisBabyCarryingButIRealisedHowWeakTheyAreStill

I’ve done 30 days of yoga a few times now and I still can not do chaturanga to upward facing dog without touching the floor between them. So with more pushups I hope to be able to achieve this (I can do it sometimes, but I want to be able to do it all the time).

#DoYouEverGetThatFeelingOfThereIsSoMuchThatYouWantToDoButYouDoNotKnowWhereToStartSoInsteadOfDoingSomethingYouDoNothing #IFeltABitLikeThatTheOtherDayAndISpentALotOfMyFreeTimeAtTheWeekendJustWatchingTaskmaster #IThinkIAmJustABitScaredOfFailureSlashWastingMyTimeSoIWouldRatherRelax

I was tired. I need to not be so hard on myself and let myself relax a bit. Previously I would have just jumped into doing something. Now I am trying to think about it more first before I do it, though I think I am at the point where I just need to try something.

It’s difficult not having a good space to work in, like when I was using what is now B’s room. Our bedroom is okay, but it’s not the most ideal. I miss a blank wall. I’m going to order a backdrop or paper or something.

#WeHadOurSecondDateNightTheOtherNightWhichWasUsJustWatchingTheFilmStanAndOllie

We had planned to watch this last week, but instead we watched 3 episodes of tv.

Amy Poehler told a joke at the Golden Globes the other night that summed it up nicely:  ‘Now, TV is the one that I watch five hours straight, but a movie is the one that I don’t turn on because it’s two hours. I don’t want to be in front of my TV for two hours, I want to be in front of the TV for one hour five times.’

#SoOurDateNightIsBasicallyUsJustWatchingTVTogether

So most couple’s normal nights? We don’t watch TV together in the evenings after B is asleep usually.

#OnceBGoesToSleepIAmUsuallyOffDoingWorkOrProcrastinatingOrTryingToRead

I rarely sit in the living room while B is asleep. I’m usually sat in our room. I’ve started 3 books lately, but I need to actually finish one.

Library e-books are a better way for me to read as I usually have 14 days to read them before it’s time to return it for someone else in the queue. If I own it then I do not do such a good job of finishing it.

A book that I am aiming to finish is The Five by Hallie Rubenhold.

Last night I should have just got into bed early and read it, but when I’m tired I procrastinate more than usual and I wasted a lot of time doing nothing.

#IAmABitFrustratedByAllThePeopleActingLikeLockdownIsOver #SuddenlyThereAreLargeGroupsSatInTheParkHavingPicnicsAndDrinking

Hi, it’s me Jocelyn the pandemic police lady again.

#IGetItIKnowThatPeopleAreFedUpAndWhatever

I am also a member of the not very exclusive ‘I’m fed up’ club.

#IAmJustBitterAsIWouldNotEnjoyMyselfIfIDidTheSame

I would feel guilty for openly flouting the rules and I also can not be carefree in the park anymore as I have a baby.

#AndIAmWorriedThatByTheTimeBabyClassesAreDueToReopenTheyWillNotBeAllowedToAsInfectionRatesMightGetWorseAgain

If you all want to get Covid then fine, but just let me leave the house for a baby class or playgroup. Pleaseeee.

#BSeemsToBeTeethingALotAgain #SheHasBeenTeasingUsWithThisOnOffTeethingBusinessForAWhileButMaybeAToothWillSoonAppear

She has been teasing us since before we moved to Birmingham and we have lived here for 4 months now.

#EveryDayILoveHerABitMore

Cheesy but true. I look at her many times during the day and think ‘whoa I grew this little human inside me’.

#INeedToStopFeelingSoGuiltyAndJustBeMorePresentWhenIAmWithHer #IAlsoNeedToTalkToHerMoreButIFindItDifficultAsTheDaysAreSoLongAndRepetitiveAndIGetTired

Maybe these hashtags should be swapped around? Oh well.

I do need to talk to her more. I think I spend a lot of the day in silence/watching more kids TV than she does. I just can not talk all day, especially when the person I am talking to can not really talk back. She has more talkative phases though and I just need to do that thing where you copy then say some words afterwards.

I need to get over things. I wanted a baby. I am so happy that we have B. We are lucky as we have my Nan, and we see my Mum a few times a week. It is just so tiring, but I do still want another one at some point. I’d rather just get on with things as there will never be a good time to have another child now.

(26th March: B throwing her arms up in the air after I picked her up seemed to be a 2 day phase. She hasn’t done it since then.)


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Portrait Of A Mother Of An 8 Month Old (13th February 2021)

Self-portrait staring into the distance with a reflection of myself behind.
Portrait Of A Mother Of An 8 Month Old (13th February 2021)
 
#ICanNotBelieveThatBIsTwoThirdsOfAYearOld
#AndAlsoThatThisIsMy80thEntryForThisProject
#ICanNotSayThatEveryPhotoIHaveTakenForItIsGoodButIAmHappyToHaveARecordOfThingsAnywaysEspeciallyWithAllTheWriting
#JustYesterdayTiagoWalkedIntoOurBedroomHoldingBAndIThoughtWhoaIAmTheMotherOfThisSmilingYoungHuman
#IRealisedIHadActuallySwitchedOffABitAsIKnewThatTiagoWouldLookAfterHerUntilHerBedtime
#UsuallyISpendMostOfTheTimeAwayFromBOnEdgeThatSheMayWakeUpOrThatIAmRunningOutOfTimeToGetStuffDone
#IAmJustFeelingQuiteTired
#TwoNightsAgoAsSoonAsBWentToBedIJustGotIntoBedAndWatchedTheQueensGambit
#IWasExhaustedButIDidAlsoJustWantToWatchIt
#LastNightIMadeMyselfDoTheWorkThatINeededToDoFirstBeforeWatchingTheFinalEpisode
#IHaveNotReallyWatchedMuchTVLatelyApartFromItsASinAndDragRace
#CatchingTheEndOfBargainHuntWhenSortingOutBsLunchIsAlsoADailyHighlight
#ThoughIDidMissItYesterdayAndDoQuiteALotOfDaysActually
#NoOffenceToBButIAmABitBoredOfFeedingHer
#IThinkItIsMoreTheStressOfItThanAnythingElse
#OurUsualTrickForIfSheDoesNotSeemToWantToEatAtLunchIsToPutSomeGreekStyleYoghurtWithHerFood
#YesterdaySheDidNotWantToEatHerLunchButThenSuddenlySheHadFinishedHerBowlOfScrambledEggTomatoAndToastWithSomeYoghurt
#OrAtDinnerWeJustStartToFeedHerHerDessertWhichIsUsuallyYoghurtAndFruit
#ButThenWeMixSomeOfHerDinnerInWithItTooAndSoSheHasWeirdCombinationsOfFood
#WeUsuallyWaitAWhileFirstThoughBeforeDoingThis
#HerSkinIsLoadsBetterWhichIsARelief
#IThoughtThatRestaurantsWouldBeAllowedToReopenSoonButIJustLookedForTheArticleAgainAndSawItWasOnlyInJersey
#IWasNotBotheredAboutItButIThoughtItWouldSoonMeanGoodNewsForBabyGroups
#IWasThinkingYesterdayThatIThinkIHaveOnlyChangedBsNappyInPublicTwice
#OnceInARestaurantToiletAndOnceAtTheParkJustOnTheGrass
#ItIsJustWeirdThinkingThatIHaveAn8MonthOldButHaveOnlyBeenOutFarAndLongEnoughToChangeHerInPublicTwice
#IThinkTiagoHasProbablyChangedHerMoreThanMeThoughAsInTheEarlyDaysIFeltTooScaredNervousAndAwkwardTo
#WeWereSayingYesterdayThatItSeemsWeirdThatAtOnePointWeWereGoingOutToRestaurantsOnceAWeekish
#TiagoSaysThatHeIsReallyEnjoyingHisPlaytimeWithB
#EspeciallyNowThatSheShowsALotMoreOfHerPersonalityAndStartsToPlayWithHerToysAndRespondMore

#ICanNotBelieveThatBIsTwoThirdsOfAYearOld

Time really flies.

Every time I do one of these ‘Portrait Of A Mother…’ posts I think ‘how has another month gone by already?’

#AndAlsoThatThisIsMy80thEntryForThisProject

My pregnancy project was 84 entries. I thought I should note that for some reason.

#ICanNotSayThatEveryPhotoIHaveTakenForItIsGoodButIAmHappyToHaveARecordOfThingsAnywaysEspeciallyWithAllTheWriting

In the whole project how many photos am I really happy with? Probably about 10 right now, but perhaps more – I am not going to go through and count.

It’s a record and as time goes on some entries will make me cringe more and some less. Some photos I will grow to love, some I will love more and some I will tell myself for in some ways or another – ‘I should have done … instead’.

#JustYesterdayTiagoWalkedIntoOurBedroomHoldingBAndIThoughtWhoaIAmTheMotherOfThisSmilingYoungHuman

I love when they walk in and B is just super happy to see me.

She doesn’t have much time away from me to miss me…

#IRealisedIHadActuallySwitchedOffABitAsIKnewThatTiagoWouldLookAfterHerUntilHerBedtime

I think I left the living room at 6.30pm and her bedtime is around 7pm.

#UsuallyISpendMostOfTheTimeAwayFromBOnEdgeThatSheMayWakeUpOrThatIAmRunningOutOfTimeToGetStuffDone

Usually I am working during B’s naps, or after she goes to bed and I am normally the closest person to be able to respond to her (though I know it is temporary and she will sleep again). Or like now it is 8am and Tiago has been looking after her since 7am while I did my yoga and a bit of work. I know I should go downstairs soon and give him some time to do something. Or when my Mum is here and she is looking after B and I know she can not stay too long, or we have a baby class to attend anyways.

#IAmJustFeelingQuiteTired

My diary entry each night usually starts with ‘I am tired’ or some variation of the statement.

#TwoNightsAgoAsSoonAsBWentToBedIJustGotIntoBedAndWatchedTheQueensGambit

I was slow to get into it. My younger sister said it was good, but I was watching 10-15 minutes at a time stretching in the evenings and then I suddenly got into it.

#IWasExhaustedButIDidAlsoJustWantToWatchIt

I had worked all through B’s naps so I was shattered.

#LastNightIMadeMyselfDoTheWorkThatINeededToDoFirstBeforeWatchingTheFinalEpisode

I knew I would find it harder to watch the episode then do work after. I made the mistake of not getting into bed to watch the rest of the episode after stretching though.

#IHaveNotReallyWatchedMuchTVLatelyApartFromItsASinAndDragRace

UK and US Drag Race. I feel like there is so much TV to watch, but I should probably have a break now before I find something else to watch. I have stopped reading so much and I would like to get back into it.

#CatchingTheEndOfBargainHuntWhenSortingOutBsLunchIsAlsoADailyHighlight

I can not be bothered for most of the episode where they are finding stuff. Just show me how much they made or lost!

#ThoughIDidMissItYesterdayAndDoQuiteALotOfDaysActually

Fail. Sometimes I am feeding B and I have to carefully try to see what is going on – take B’s bowl away so she doesn’t knock it on the floor/make sure she doesn’t choke.

#NoOffenceToBButIAmABitBoredOfFeedingHer

I love you, but I do not look forward to mealtimes. Breakfast is alright.

#IThinkItIsMoreTheStressOfItThanAnythingElse

Has she eaten enough? Will she sleep through the night? Not sure why I worry really as she has some milk before bed which usually fills her up.

#OurUsualTrickForIfSheDoesNotSeemToWantToEatAtLunchIsToPutSomeGreekStyleYoghurtWithHerFood

I need to see how much is too much for a baby really. We don’t give her LOADS though.

#YesterdaySheDidNotWantToEatHerLunchButThenSuddenlySheHadFinishedHerBowlOfScrambledEggTomatoAndToastWithSomeYoghurt

Well, a lot of toast ends up on the floor and in her ‘pouch’ (where her bib collects food in her lap) along with the egg. The yoghurt did make her more keen though.

#OrAtDinnerWeJustStartToFeedHerHerDessertWhichIsUsuallyYoghurtAndFruit #ButThenWeMixSomeOfHerDinnerInWithItTooAndSoSheHasWeirdCombinationsOfFood

If she isn’t hungry then she will not eat it at all. I hope we are not creating a fussy eater, but there are worse things we could be adding to meals than plain yoghurt I think.

#WeUsuallyWaitAWhileFirstThoughBeforeDoingThis

10-30 minutes of us getting stressed, then ‘oh yeah, yoghurt!’

#HerSkinIsLoadsBetterWhichIsARelief

Thank you Hydromol (and to our friend who recommended it.)

#IThoughtThatRestaurantsWouldBeAllowedToReopenSoonButIJustLookedForTheArticleAgainAndSawItWasOnlyInJersey

I wondered why the article was no longer trending. I need to tell Tiago that I was telling lies last night…

#IWasNotBotheredAboutItButIThoughtItWouldSoonMeanGoodNewsForBabyGroups

I will miss the convenience of online baby classes when we can go to them in person again, though I think they are still planning some online ones for now for people who are unsure about returning to real life classes.

#IWasThinkingYesterdayThatIThinkIHaveOnlyChangedBsNappyInPublicTwice #OnceInARestaurantToiletAndOnceAtTheParkJustOnTheGrass

A weird, but true thought – unless I am forgetting other occasions.

#ItIsJustWeirdThinkingThatIHaveAn8MonthOldButHaveOnlyBeenOutFarAndLongEnoughToChangeHerInPublicTwice

Well, one time was without Tiago.

#IThinkTiagoHasProbablyChangedHerMoreThanMeThoughAsInTheEarlyDaysIFeltTooScaredNervousAndAwkwardToo

He definitely has. In the car park at the petrol station is another time on his list.

#WeWereSayingYesterdayThatItSeemsWeirdThatAtOnePointWeWereGoingOutToRestaurantsOnceAWeekish

Odd. Remember Eat Out To Help Out?

#TiagoSaysThatHeIsReallyEnjoyingHisPlaytimeWithB #EspeciallyNowThatSheShowsALotMoreOfHerPersonalityAndStartsToPlayWithHerToysAndRespondMore

Cute. She definitely does engage more.

It feels like there should be more to this post, but nope! It’s nearly 8.30am and I need to go to see what T and B are up to!


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