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Pregnancy Waiting II

Imitating B Pulling Her Hair (19 Weeks / 12th September 2021)

Self-portrait with my hair covering my face and I'm pulling pieces of my hair on the left and right side of my head.
Imitating B Pulling Her Hair (19 Weeks / 12th September 2021)
 
#BIsStartingToBecomeMoreAwareOfHerselfAndHerBodyIThink
#SometimesSheWillJustPullAtHerHairButNotInABadWayJustInAOohIHaveHairWay
#ShePullsMyHairInAHowMuchDoIHaveToPullThisToGetItToComeOutWay
#IGotBackFromLondonLastNightAndHadAShowerToDecontaminate
#IWentToBedWithWetHairAsIWasSoTiredSoMaybeItWillStillLookABitWildByTheTimeIDoAShoot
#IHadNotBeenAwayFromBForMoreThan6HoursBeforeAndInTheEndIDidNotSeeHerForAbout41Hours
#ILeftJustBeforeHerSecondNapOnFridayAndGotBackAfterSheHadGoneToBedOnSaturday
#IHadBeenExcitedAboutGoingButAsIPackedOnFridayISuddenlyFeltQuiteEmotionalAndSadAboutLeaving
#PackingForAnAdultForOneNightIsSoMuchLessWorkThanPackingForTwoAdultsAndAToddler
#OnFridayMorningTiagoEndedUpGivingBASpoonfulOfSlightlySoapyWaterInHerWaterCupRatherThanHerVitaminsSoIWasALittleNervous
#IHadBeenRinsingAnOldBottleForRecyclingAndMyNanMustHaveMovedItAwayFromTheDrainingBoard
#BsParacetamolIsSometimesPinkAndSometimesClearSoTiagoAssumedTheVitaminsMightBeTheSame
#ButInTheEndItWasFineAndTiagoSentMeVideosOfHimChasingAfterBAndHerCuddlingHerCollectionOfTeddies
#MyNanKeepsBuyingHerTeddiesButSheHasNeverPaidMuchAttentionToThemUntilThisWeek
#SheIsGoingThroughALeapAndHasChangedSoMuchInTheLastWeek
#ItWasHotTheOtherDayAndSheWasSatJustInHerNappySpittingOutHerWaterOntoHerChestAndRubbingItIn
#SheCouldNotSwimInTheSeaSoSheHadToMakeDoWithATubOfWaterOutsideButSheHadAGreatTime
#ButYesItWasNiceToHaveAnEveningAndDayAwayForMyselfAndToSeeSoManyOldFriendsAndAcquaintancesAfterSoLong
#IKeptThinkingThatEveryoneHasBeenCarryingOnAsNormalWhileIHaveBeenAwayLookingAfterB
#ButOfCourseThePandemicHasBeenDifferentForEveryoneAndItWasAStrangeExperienceForAll
#ILostMyVoiceAtOnePointAsIWasNotUsedToTalkingAndSpeakingLoudlySoMuch
#MyBumpFeltHeavyAtTimesFromAllTheWalkingAndStandingAndBeforeBoardingTrainsAndTubesIWouldRubMyBellyToShowIWasPregnant
#ItWasUnnecessaryThoughAsTransportWasPrettyQuietWhichWasNiceAndISatInThePregnancySeatsWithoutFeelingSuperAwkwardThoughIFeltALittleBitSo
#ThisWeekBHadHerFirstToddlerClassAndAtTheBeginningSheJustSatByHerPushchair
#IGuessItWasWeirdForHerAsSheHadGoneFromBeingTheOldestToOneOfTheYoungest
#SheHadAlsoNotBeenAroundSoManyYoungPeopleInAWhileSoItMustHaveBeenALotToTakeIn
#ItWillBeGoodForHerThoughAndSheWillLearnALotFromTheOlderOnes
#IAmHopingToJustTakeBabyXAlongToBsClassesAfterTheyAreBorn
#IAmTryingToMakeAnEffortToMeetMoreLocalMumsWhoAreAlsoPregnantViaThoseAwkwardMumApps
#MyThinkingIsTheyWillBeOnMaternityLeaveSoWillHopefullyWantToHangOutAndWeCanPassTheLongWeekdaysTogetherAtTimes

#BIsStartingToBecomeMoreAwareOfHerselfAndHerBodyIThink

She was already aware of it, but it seems like she is more so.

#SometimesSheWillJustPullAtHerHairButNotInABadWayJustInAOohIHaveHairWay

Maybe she is stressed sometimes, or maybe it is just something to do? It seems to be in a playful/toddler way.

#ShePullsMyHairInAHowMuchDoIHaveToPullThisToGetItToComeOutWay

Maybe she is just more aware of bodies in general. She likes to grab our noses more now.

#IGotBackFromLondonLastNightAndHadAShowerToDecontaminate

Put all my clothes in the wash, had a shower and washed my hair.

#IWentToBedWithWetHairAsIWasSoTiredSoMaybeItWillStillLookABitWildByTheTimeIDoAShoot

It looked WILD this morning. We took B for a walk and I don’t want to brush it, so I looked a bit of a mess, but it will have fallen out more by the time I get round to the shoot.

#IHadNotBeenAwayFromBForMoreThan6HoursBeforeAndInTheEndIDidNotSeeHerForAbout41Hours

Those 6 hours were in November…

On holiday the other week I did have a bit of time away from her, but I would generally see her after two or three hours.

It was T’s first time looking after B for a whole day, though my Nan was around and my Mum was about for a bit.

#ILeftJustBeforeHerSecondNapOnFridayAndGotBackAfterSheHadGoneToBedOnSaturday

So I did not see her until this morning.

#IHadBeenExcitedAboutGoingButAsIPackedOnFridayISuddenlyFeltQuiteEmotionalAndSadAboutLeaving

I did miss her while I was away, but I was also happy to see so many people and be reminded that I do have friends and know people.

#PackingForAnAdultForOneNightIsSoMuchLessWorkThanPackingForTwoAdultsAndAToddler

One small backpack. I packed way too many changes of clothes, but whatever. So nice to have a short packing list rather than a massive one.

#OnFridayMorningTiagoEndedUpGivingBASpoonfulOfSlightlySoapyWaterInHerWaterCupRatherThanHerVitaminsSoIWasALittleNervous #IHadBeenRinsingAnOldBottleForRecyclingAndMyNanMustHaveMovedItAwayFromTheDrainingBoard #BsParacetamolIsSometimesPinkAndSometimesClearSoTiagoAssumedTheVitaminsMightBeTheSame

He had given her milk and pointed to a glass and said ‘this is what is left of B’s vitamin water’ (we mix her vitamins in with her water as it seems easier than giving it on a spoon, though she likes it so she probably would take it from the spoon now). I was confused and said ‘it looks a bit clear’, but he mentioned about her paracetamol sometimes being clear and sometimes being pink. Her vitamins are a very strong pink.

After a few seconds it clicked and I could not stop laughing. I tried the water to make T feel a bit better. It couldn’t have been so bad as B had drank most of the cup.

#ButInTheEndItWasFineAndTiagoSentMeVideosOfHimChasingAfterBAndHerCuddlingHerCollectionOfTeddies

A good run around before bed – ‘I’m going to get you’.

A morning cuddle with three teddies.

#MyNanKeepsBuyingHerTeddiesButSheHasNeverPaidMuchAttentionToThemUntilThisWeek

It’s probably because before I put her down for a nap for bed I mention the three stuffed animals that are in her cot. Sometimes she cuddles them, sometimes she cuddles her water cup.

#SheIsGoingThroughALeapAndHasChangedSoMuchInTheLastWeek

She just suddenly seems smarter. She now makes it clear when she wants more water etc.

#ItWasHotTheOtherDayAndSheWasSatJustInHerNappySpittingOutHerWaterOntoHerChestAndRubbingItIn

Classic.

#SheCouldNotSwimInTheSeaSoSheHadToMakeDoWithATubOfWaterOutsideButSheHadAGreatTime

She loved it. One day it was so hot that I did not even bother drying her afterwards and she dried fast. Her skin felt lovely and cold.

#ButYesItWasNiceToHaveAnEveningAndDayAwayForMyselfAndToSeeSoManyOldFriendsAndAcquaintancesAfterSoLong

It’s just nice to wander around and recognise so many faces.

#IKeptThinkingThatEveryoneHasBeenCarryingOnAsNormalWhileIHaveBeenAwayLookingAfterB #ButOfCourseThePandemicHasBeenDifferentForEveryoneAndItWasAStrangeExperienceForAll

Big photography events and openings just haven’t been happening.

#ILostMyVoiceAtOnePointAsIWasNotUsedToTalkingAndSpeakingLoudlySoMuch

It was good to talk about photography and life with people in real life again. Apologies to anyone that I bored talking about family life to.

#MyBumpFeltHeavyAtTimesFromAllTheWalkingAndStandingAndBeforeBoardingTrainsAndTubesIWouldRubMyBellyToShowIWasPregnant

I haven’t stood up and walked so much in a while.

#ItWasUnnecessaryThoughAsTransportWasPrettyQuietWhichWasNiceAndISatInThePregnancySeatsWithoutFeelingSuperAwkwardThoughIFeltALittleBitSo

When I lived in London I’d never sit in the priority chairs so it felt weird, apart from getting the train to and from Brum. I love the single seats that face out, and I managed to get one of them both ways, so I didn’t have to sit next to someone without a mask.

I was disappointed how many people weren’t wearing masks on public transport in London.

#ThisWeekBHadHerFirstToddlerClassAndAtTheBeginningSheJustSatByHerPushchair

I had to put her by the mat and all the kids.

#IGuessItWasWeirdForHerAsSheHadGoneFromBeingTheOldestToOneOfTheYoungest

It’s nice to be at a more age appropriate class though, as the other one was getting boring.

#SheHadAlsoNotBeenAroundSoManyYoungPeopleInAWhileSoItMustHaveBeenALotToTakeIn #ItWillBeGoodForHerThoughAndSheWillLearnALotFromTheOlderOnes

It was a settling in class for both of us. Hopefully she will feel more at home next week, and we can try to meet some people.

#IAmHopingToJustTakeBabyXAlongToBsClassesAfterTheyAreBorn

Fingers crossed. Tiago can take B when he is on paternity leave, and then hopefully I’d feel comfortable enough to take them both.

#IAmTryingToMakeAnEffortToMeetMoreLocalMumsWhoAreAlsoPregnantViaThoseAwkwardMumApps

I’ve spent a lot of time talking to Mums over the last year, but not much comes out of it. It’s worse than dating.

#MyThinkingIsTheyWillBeOnMaternityLeaveSoWillHopefullyWantToHangOutAndWeCanPassTheLongWeekdaysTogetherAtTimes

Especially those who have an older kid as they will hopefully feel more comfortable going out. I’m not being picky though, I’d just like more weekday friends.

19 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait from my head to my knees. I'm dressed all in black and some of my hair is draped over my left arm, which is resting on my head.
The Other Day I Thought I Could Feel The Baby Moving (19 and a half weeks)
 
#TheOtherDayIThoughtICouldFeelTheBabyMoving
#ItFeltLikePopcornLightlyPopping
#ButAgainItCouldHaveBeenWishfulThinking
#TheNightBeforeIHadHadADreamThatINeededToFlushPeoplesRingsDownTheToilet
#OtherwiseSomethingReallyBadWouldHappenToMe
#ItWasASuperStressfulDream
#MeanwhileTiagoWasDreamingThatTheBabyWasCryingInItsCot
#SoHePickedItUpAndSangToItAndSettledIt
#AndThereWasAVeryBabylikeDollInTheCotToo
#BesidesFromTheCreepyDollItSoundsLikeAMuchBetterDream
#IHaveBeenFeelingABitBetterInTheLastFewDays
#IThinkTheCrampsWereProbablyTheBabyJustGrowingAndMyBodyDoingItsThing
#ButIAlsoThinkItMayHaveBeenTrappedWindAndThingsLikeThat
#CharmingButTrue
#ItHasBeenNiceNotGettingMenstrualCrampsForAWhile
#MyPeriodTrackerAppSaysMyPeriodIs111DaysLate
#MyCoughSeemsToHaveReturnedAlreadyWhichIsABitAnnoying
#PeopleAlwaysAskMeAboutIfIHaveCravings
#NotReallyThoughIHavePizzaToastInsteadOfCheeseAndPickleSandwichesWhenPossibleNow
#IThinkItIsMoreMeJustLettingMyselfEatWhatIWantRatherThanCravings
#IAmNotSureIfIMentionedItBeforeButOneDayISawAVanThatSaidWFSOnIt
#AndIWasLikeMmmWaffles
#TheOtherDayTiagoWasWatchingEvertonFootballHighlights
#AndTheirShirtsMadeMeWantCheeseAndOnionCrisps
#SoIGuessWeirdThingsTriggerCravings
#ThoughIDoNotUsuallyEatTheThingsIThinkAbout
#TheCravingsAreNormallyQuiteImpulsive
#LikeIWantItNowAndIfItWasEasilyAttainableThenIProbablyWouldEatItThenAndThere
#ThoughIAmTryingNotToEatTooUnhealthily
#INeedToEatMoreCalciumWhichIsWhyIDoNotFeelBadAboutEatingSomeCheddarEveryDay

I had forgot about describing kicks as popcorn popping. It just felt more ticklish this time and then quickly moved onto stronger movements.

My dreams have been intense lately (mid-October), but I don’t like when I have them as they tire me out.

I had a phase of being quite into vinegary crisps this time, but it passed. I have been enjoying beetroot and pickled red cabbage lately though (in a wrap with other things), and I did have a lot of vinegar on my chips at dinner today. But I was a fan of vinegar before being pregnant – I just usually don’t choose salt and vinegar crisps over other flavours though. Exciting stuff.

I have been making banana bread a lot lately and I put a lot of yoghurt on that, so I guess that’s my calcium sorted.


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General

Hi!

Me (and B) at my first solo show in February 2020 at Vasli Souza in Oslo, Norway.

Hi, I’m Jocelyn. I’m an artist who mainly works with photography, video, performance and dance.

Me in Liverpool Women’s Hospital at the end of a 4 night stay with B.

I decided to set up this blog in June 2020 after giving birth to my daughter, my first child who I will refer to as B. I do not plan to show her face.

Young Jocelyn Freya.

Jockey Greys is a suggested autocorrection of Jocelyn Freya – my first two names – that I remembered whilst trying to think of a name for the blog.

29 weeks pregnant in a photo from my pregnancy project Waiting For Things In A Time When You Rarely Wait For Things.

It’s early days, but I plan to post my work (I documented my pregnancy and am making a new series about motherhood), and to share my experiences as a new mother, as well as talk about anything and everything else that interests me.

On our wedding day in 2018 at our local registry office.

My husband, Tiago, also plans to contribute from time to time, with thoughts on fatherhood, recipes and whatever else he feels like sharing.

Tiago moved to London for 3 months in 2008 after finishing his degree in Audiology in Coimbra, Portugal, and decided to stay in the UK.

I relocated to London in 2010 after finishing my BA in Photographic Art in Newport, Wales.

We met in 2015 (via Tinder), and moved to Liverpool in late-2018. Our plan is to eventually move to the Azores and the island where Tiago grew up, which was when I intially planned to start a blog.

Now to get blogging…

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