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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

An Imitation Of Sorts Of How B Often Sits (4th April 2021)

Sat with one foot behind me and the other forward on a wall. You can not see my head.
An Imitation Of Sorts Of How B Often Sits (4th April 2021)
 
#BSitsALotWithOneFootInFrontOfHerAndOneBehind
#IGuessItIsGoodForBalanceAndMightJustBeHowSheEndsUpSittingRatherThanByChoiceAtTimes
#IHopeSheKeepsHerFlexibilityThoughIHaveNotSeenHerDoTheSplitsInAWhile
#TodayIsEasterSundayButWeDoNotReallyCelebrateIt
#IJustLikeTheFactThatTiagoHasAFourDayWeekend
#TheBiggestGossipAtTheMomentIsThatIQuitMyJobYesterday
#ItWasReallyStressingMeOutAndYesterdayPeopleWereSoRudeToMeThatIJustWentHome
#IReallyHateQuittingThingsButIWasJustStandingAroundCryingThenTryingToGetOverItAndCarryOnThenSomeoneElseWouldBeRude
#IWasTryingToAtLeastMakeItToTheEndOfMyShiftButIHadEnoughWhenIStartedToCryInFrontOfSomeone
#ItWasMentallyAndPhysicallyDrainingSoItDidNotSeemWorthPuttingUpWithForAFewMoreWeeksEspeciallyAsIKnowPeopleWillJustGetWorse
#ForMeMorningShiftsWereBetterWithMyMumLookingAfterBAndNotHavingWorkHangingOverMeAllDay
#ButIJustFeltLikeIWasBotheringPeopleAndWakingThemUp
#NowINeedToTryToFindOtherWorkWhichIsEasierSaidThanDone
#IForgotToMentionThatMyNanHadHerSecondJabAWeekOrSoAgoWhichIsGoodNews
#TheWeatherHasGivenUsAGlimpseOfWhatTheNextFourOrFiveMonthsCouldBeLike
#SittingOutsideInTheParkOrInTheGardenWhileBSamplesDifferentLeavesAndOutdoorCuisine
#TheOtherDayWhileWorkingIWalkedPastAGuyWhoJustSmelledOfSweatAndItWasWeirdlyNostalgic
#IRealisedThatIHadNotSmelledThatSmellInALongTime
#AndThenAnotherGuyWalkedByWhoJustStunkOfCologneAndIHadNotThatSmelledThatForALongTimeEither
#ItWasNiceToBeOutAndAboutMoreByMyselfFeelingLikeSomethingOtherThanAMother
#ThoughIThinkMyMotheringWasAlsoGoingDownHillDueToTheJobAndFeelingSoTiredAndStressed
#IFeelShatteredNowButIHopeItWillPassInACoupleOfDays
#ThenICanGetBackToTryingToBeTheMotherIWantToBe
#IHaveNotDoneAYoutubeBabyClassWithBInAWhileAndIHaveNotReadToHerMuchLately
#ThoughSheDoesRarelySitStillAndHerLegsAreGettingStrongerEachDay
#SheHasNotBeenSleepingSoWellLately
#SheWasUpAt6TodayAnd5ThirtyYesterdayThoughTiagoGotUpWithHerAndLetMeHaveMoreSleep
#IThinkSheIsTeethingALotAgainAndHerSkinHasGotABitWorse
#WeHaveSeenAFewMorePeopleLatelyThoughAndIAmLookingForwardToHangingOutWithOthersSoon
#IFeelLikeINeedAWeekOffButHopefullyThatFeelingWillPassSoonAsItIsNotPossibleAnyways 
 

#BSitsALotWithOneFootInFrontOfHerAndOneBehind

I have been trying to photograph her doing it, but I always seem too slow. I go to grab my phone and then she stops doing it to follow me.

#IGuessItIsGoodForBalanceAndMightJustBeHowSheEndsUpSittingRatherThanByChoiceAtTimes

I can’t ask her about it, but she doesn’t seem to mind sitting like it.

#IHopeSheKeepsHerFlexibilityThoughIHaveNotSeenHerDoTheSplitsInAWhile

I’d love for her to do gymnastics or something when she’s old enough. I’d have loved to do things like that when I was a kid – I won’t even attempt handstands anymore after too many falls on my face.

#TodayIsEasterSundayButWeDoNotReallyCelebrateIt

I keep forgetting about it to be honest. In past years I’ve just been annoyed that the supermarkets are open at different times.

#IJustLikeTheFactThatTiagoHasAFourDayWeekend

More family time/more time for me to sneak off and do a bit of my own stuff.

#TheBiggestGossipAtTheMomentIsThatIQuitMyJobYesterday

I feel mixed about it. Relieved but also like I’ve let my family down.

#ItWasReallyStressingMeOutAndYesterdayPeopleWereSoRudeToMeThatIJustWentHome

You might be able to work out what my job was – I’m not supposed to talk about it and I’m worried that someone at the company tracks this stuff.

#IReallyHateQuittingThingsButIWasJustStandingAroundCryingThenTryingToGetOverItAndCarryOnThenSomeoneElseWouldBeRude

You know when you’re trying hard not to cry that it makes it worse and then you just cry more? It’s worse when you’re half an hour walk from home so can’t just pop home, cry it out, then carry on.

I felt relieved to have a mask to hide behind, but it was still obvious from the sniffles and red eyes.

#IWasTryingToAtLeastMakeItToTheEndOfMyShiftButIHadEnoughWhenIStartedToCryInFrontOfSomeone

So embarrassing.

#ItWasMentallyAndPhysicallyDrainingSoItDidNotSeemWorthPuttingUpWithForAFewMoreWeeksEspeciallyAsIKnowPeopleWillJustGetWorse

I was nice and polite to people. I was bothering them as they had not done something that they needed to do. The nice people have done what they needed to now.

#ForMeMorningShiftsWereBetterWithMyMumLookingAfterBAndNotHavingWorkHangingOverMeAllDay

I have another job which is sometimes busy and sometimes not, but I leave that for the evenings. I did a couple of evenings with this job, but it was too stressful with getting dinner and B sorted. Plus I was knackered as it was a different kind of energy.

#ButIJustFeltLikeIWasBotheringPeopleAndWakingThemUp

I did not like knocking on people’s doors at 9am, but if they had done what they needed to then I would not need to be there.

#NowINeedToTryToFindOtherWorkWhichIsEasierSaidThanDone

I’ve been thinking about setting up a patreon for a while, but I feel weird/awkward about it. I might look into it again though. I need to get smart about making money from art, but my confidence is not great. I need to get over things though.

#IForgotToMentionThatMyNanHadHerSecondJabAWeekOrSoAgoWhichIsGoodNews

Hurrah.

#TheWeatherHasGivenUsAGlimpseOfWhatTheNextFourOrFiveMonthsCouldBeLike #SittingOutsideInTheParkOrInTheGardenWhileBSamplesDifferentLeavesAndOutdoorCuisine

The weather was hot, then it went cold but it has been warm enough to sit in the park on a picnic blanket the last couple of days in the afternoon – with coats on of course. B crawls off the mat and inspects everything, but I’m sure it’s good for her.

#TheOtherDayWhileWorkingIWalkedPastAGuyWhoJustSmelledOfSweatAndItWasWeirdlyNostalgic #IRealisedThatIHadNotSmelledThatSmellInALongTime

It was odd. In the past I would have been like ‘well that guy smelled of sweat, but so have most of the men I’ve walked past today’.

I only started to use deodorant again recently to be fair…

#AndThenAnotherGuyWalkedByWhoJustStunkOfCologneAndIHadNotThatSmelledThatForALongTimeEither

Blegh.

#ItWasNiceToBeOutAndAboutMoreByMyselfFeelingLikeSomethingOtherThanAMother

It was weird being out without B. I bumped into a lady who has a dog while out in my work garb and I said to her ‘you might not recognise me without a baby in tow’.

#ThoughIThinkMyMotheringWasAlsoGoingDownHillDueToTheJobAndFeelingSoTiredAndStressed

Trying to juggle everything has not been good. It would be fine if I had liked the job, but trying to balance it all for a job that made me miserable has been rubbish.

#IFeelShatteredNowButIHopeItWillPassInACoupleOfDays

I might try to have a lie down when I finish this before B wakes up.

#ThenICanGetBackToTryingToBeTheMotherIWantToBe

A mother who pays more attention to her child is a good start.

#IHaveNotDoneAYoutubeBabyClassWithBInAWhileAndIHaveNotReadToHerMuchLately #ThoughSheDoesRarelySitStillAndHerLegsAreGettingStrongerEachDay

The last time I did it B would not sit still. Our last online zoom baby class was just our teacher, B and me. B would not sit still for that either. It’s going to be interesting seeing how she reacts in a real life class.

#SheHasNotBeenSleepingSoWellLately

Le sigh.

#SheWasUpAt6TodayAnd5ThirtyYesterdayThoughTiagoGotUpWithHerAndLetMeHaveMoreSleep

We usually leave her until 6 before we get her out of her cot, but yesterday T just got up with her as none of us were sleeping.

#IThinkSheIsTeethingALotAgainAndHerSkinHasGotABitWorse

She woke up at 11 last night and wouldn’t settle. In the end we gave her some paracetamol as she wanted to chew on our fingers and she went back to sleep.

#WeHaveSeenAFewMorePeopleLatelyThoughAndIAmLookingForwardToHangingOutWithOthersSoon

My Uncles visited the other day which was a nice surprise.

#IFeelLikeINeedAWeekOffButHopefullyThatFeelingWillPassSoonAsItIsNotPossibleAnyways

I need to sort my life out. Time for a quick lie down first though.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Imitating B’s New Cheeky Grin, Though She Does Not Have A Mouth Full Of Bad Teeth (24th March 2021)

Me with a big grin, trying to imitate B.
Imitating B’s New Cheeky Grin, Though She Does Not Have A Mouth Full Of Bad Teeth (24th March 2021)
 
#TheOtherDayINoticedThatBHadANewCheekyGrin
#IMadeAVideoOfItAndShowedItToHerThenSheWasGrinningBackAtHerself
#ThinkingAboutItSheHasNotReallyDoneItSinceThenButSheDoesSeemToDoNewThingsAndForgetAboutThemForABit
#MyMumSaysSheIsImitatingMeWhenIDoItButIAmNotAwareOfMyselfDoingIt
#WeAreJustConstantlyOnBWatchNowAsSheSeemsToBumpHerHeadAMillionTimesADay
#LuckilyBabiesSeemQuiteResilientWhichIsGoodAsOtherwiseIDoNotThinkAnyoneWouldMakeItToAdulthood
#HerToothIsStillYetToBreakThroughAndSheLikesToWakeUpAtAround11pmInPain
#LastNightTAndIWereBothSoTiredThatWeHopedItWasJustARandomWakeUp
#OfCourseIWasJustStartingToDriftOffWhenSheWokeUp
#EventuallyTiagoWentAndGaveHerSomeTeethingGelWhichSeemedToWork
#IShouldHaveJustGotUpSoonerAndDoneItAndNowIFeelQuiteGuilty
#NowIAmActuallyLookingForwardToTheClocksChangingAsIHopeWeCanGetBBackToWakingUpAt7
#OftenWhenISeePicturesOfOtherPeopleBreastfeedingIFeelBadThatOurBreastfeedingJourneyEndedEarlierThanIPlanned
#ButBReallyDidNotWantToDoItSoItMadeSenseToStop
#WeCompletedOurCensusTheOtherDayAndItWasQuiteExcitingToPutBOnThere
#HopefullyIn100YearsTimeWeWillHaveRelativesWhoAreInterestedInUs
#AndTheyWillBeAbleToFindUsLivingWithNan
#IAmDefinitelyGladThatWeMoved
#IThinkIWouldBeStrugglingALotIfWeStillLivedInLiverpoolAsWeWouldNotHaveSoMuchSupport
#IWouldNotBeAbleToHaveTheJobThatIAmDoingAtTheMomentOrAtLeastNotBeAbleToDoItInTheSameWay
#ItHasBeenNiceToGoOutThoughMyLegsFeelABitLikeJellyAfterWalkingSoMuchYesterday
#ItIsGoodThatBIsUsedToMyMumAsSheDoesNotSeemToMindWhenIGoOut
#ItIsEarlyDaysSoThatMightChangeButSheIsQuiteHappyClingingToMyMumDuringABadTeethingMoment
#IHopeItDoesNotRainMuchOnFutureWorkDaysAsThatWillMakeItNotSoGreat
#IFeelPositiveWithGettingOutMoreThoughAndNextWeekWeShouldBeAbleToSitInOtherPeoplesGardens
#AndSoonBabyClassesWillReopenAgainWhichIAmGreatlyLookingForwardTo
#FriendsInDifferentAreasHaveAlreadyBeenGoingToGroupsAndHaveBeenAbleToHangOut
#IWantBToHaveSomeFriendsThatSheCanCrawlAroundWithAndDoThingsThatSheHasBeenMissingOutOn
#LuckilySheDoesNotKnowSheIsMissingOutButHopefullySheWillNotHaveToMissOutAgainThoughIAmNotThatOptimisticAboutItAll
#IAmGladIHaveTheDentistSoonAsOneOfMyTeethIsStartingToPlayUp

(18th April 2021: I debated changing the title today, but there needs to be some comment in it about B not having so many teeth, and my teeth are bad so I guess it’s accurate. I do feel a bit awkward about it, but I guess that’s why my solo show last year was called Always Awkward.

#TheOtherDayINoticedThatBHadANewCheekyGrin

It made me cry a bit as I thought it was so sweet.

#IMadeAVideoOfItAndShowedItToHerThenSheWasGrinningBackAtHerself

Adorable.

#ThinkingAboutItSheHasNotReallyDoneItSinceThenButSheDoesSeemToDoNewThingsAndForgetAboutThemForABit

Yeah this happens a lot. I showed her the video again earlier, but she didn’t do it.

#MyMumSaysSheIsImitatingMeWhenIDoItButIAmNotAwareOfMyselfDoingIt

I guess it’s hard when you can’t see yourself all of the time – not that I’d want to anyways.

#WeAreJustConstantlyOnBWatchNowAsSheSeemsToBumpHerHeadAMillionTimesADay

She currently has two little red marks on her head at the moment. One is from her bumping her head on her box of eggs and the other one could be from a million other incidents.

#LuckilyBabiesSeemQuiteResilientWhichIsGoodAsOtherwiseIDoNotThinkAnyoneWouldMakeItToAdulthood

I probably should look at a baby first aid course. It has been on my list of things to do – I need to get on it.

#HerToothIsStillYetToBreakThroughAndSheLikesToWakeUpAtAround11pmInPain

🙁 I knew I was never going to look forward to the teething phase. Why can’t it just hurry up and appear. We still have lots of other teeth to deal with…

#LastNightTAndIWereBothSoTiredThatWeHopedItWasJustARandomWakeUp

‘She might just go back to sleep soon.’ She did settle for a bit, then as we were falling back to sleep she started again.

#OfCourseIWasJustStartingToDriftOffWhenSheWokeUp

T was already asleep. I need to start reading books again as otherwise my brain doesn’t switch off well…

#EventuallyTiagoWentAndGaveHerSomeTeethingGelWhichSeemedToWork

We hadn’t been using it much before, but it’s our new best friend.

#IShouldHaveJustGotUpSoonerAndDoneItAndNowIFeelQuiteGuilty

Bad parent. We live and learn…

#NowIAmActuallyLookingForwardToTheClocksChangingAsIHopeWeCanGetBBackToWakingUpAt7

Doubt it, but I hope so. Her naps still seem to be a bit here and there too.

#OftenWhenISeePicturesOfOtherPeopleBreastfeedingIFeelBadThatOurBreastfeedingJourneyEndedEarlierThanIPlanned

A random jump, but it’s on my notes to jog my memory about what I might want to talk about.

#ButBReallyDidNotWantToDoItSoItMadeSenseToStop

I probably upset people with my breastfeeding pictures, as they might not have been able to breastfeed or their journey ended earlier than they thought it might too.

I definitely think people should keep sharing their photos, but it just reminds me that I am sad about it all.

#WeCompletedOurCensusTheOtherDayAndItWasQuiteExcitingToPutBOnThere #HopefullyIn100YearsTimeWeWillHaveRelativesWhoAreInterestedInUs #AndTheyWillBeAbleToFindUsLivingWithNan

I do think about things like our family tree a bit. Will our line continue? Maybe, maybe not. Hopefully some distant relative will be interested in us though.

#IAmDefinitelyGladThatWeMoved

I do miss Liverpool but the winter would have been tough.

#IThinkIWouldBeStrugglingALotIfWeStillLivedInLiverpoolAsWeWouldNotHaveSoMuchSupport

Obviously there are people out there who have been through this pandemic with so little support. We would have just got on with it, but I think we would have probably ending up moving somewhere – even just the other side of Liverpool. We didn’t live near any parks, which was a big thing that I felt we were missing.

#IWouldNotBeAbleToHaveTheJobThatIAmDoingAtTheMomentOrAtLeastNotBeAbleToDoItInTheSameWay

At the moment I am spreading out my hours over multiple days so my Mum or Tiago can look after her. She would have either had to go to nursery which would have cancelled out what I was earning or Tiago would have had to look after her all weekend.

#ItHasBeenNiceToGoOutThoughMyLegsFeelABitLikeJellyAfterWalkingSoMuchYesterday

My shoulders are also a bit sore, so I have been trying to roll them out a lot.

#ItIsGoodThatBIsUsedToMyMumAsSheDoesNotSeemToMindWhenIGoOut #ItIsEarlyDaysSoThatMightChangeButSheIsQuiteHappyClingingToMyMumDuringABadTeethingMoment

If she was upset I’m sure she’d get over it soon but I’d feel guilty, though it’s good for us to let me go and do my own thing for a bit.

#IHopeItDoesNotRainMuchOnFutureWorkDaysAsThatWillMakeItNotSoGreat

It has just finished raining. I’m not supposed to talk about my job on social media, so this is why I am quite vague.

#IFeelPositiveWithGettingOutMoreThoughAndNextWeekWeShouldBeAbleToSitInOtherPeoplesGardens

I thought the 29th March was a Sunday, but nope it’s a Monday.

Will people probably be sat in gardens this weekend anyways? Probably.

#AndSoonBabyClassesWillReopenAgainWhichIAmGreatlyLookingForwardTo

Hurrah.

#FriendsInDifferentAreasHaveAlreadyBeenGoingToGroupsAndHaveBeenAbleToHangOut

A know one friend goes to an outdoors group and other friends go to a playgroup. I still don’t know when a playgroup will open near us. Am I jealous? Yes. Am I dealing with it? Yes. I have a big distraction with work now, and by the time I finish that job hopefully lots more things will be open.

#IWantBToHaveSomeFriendsThatSheCanCrawlAroundWithAndDoThingsThatSheHasBeenMissingOutOn

We’ve bumped into a Mum and her kids a couple of times this week, so it’s been nice for B to see a baby her own age.

#LuckilySheDoesNotKnowSheIsMissingOutButHopefullySheWillNotHaveToMissOutAgainThoughIAmNotThatOptimisticAboutItAll

It sounds like things are getting bad again. Hopefully we can be smarter as a country about things this time. The other day we realised that we might not be able to see Tiago’s family this summer. We don’t fancy throwing money down the drain as the logistics are complicated, so we’ll just have to wait and see.

#IAmGladIHaveTheDentistSoonAsOneOfMyTeethIsStartingToPlayUp

A random end, but yes this tooth is playing me up so I’m glad I can get it looked at soon.


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!