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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Trying To Imitate How B Looks After She Has Slept On Her Hands (31st January 2021)

Self-portrait with some marks on my face from where I tried to imitate my daughter by lying on my hands.
Trying To Imitate How B Looks After She Has Slept On Her Hands (31st January 2021)
 
#BHasSuddenlyGotMoreMobile
#YesterdaySheStartedToRollOntoHerFrontThenBackOntoHerBack
#SheHasDoneItABitBeforeButMoreOnAccident
#NowSheKnowsWhatSheIsDoingAndUsesItToGetAroundMore
#SheWasAlsoCrawlingBackwardsABit
#YouCanSeeThatSheKnowsWhatSheNeedsToDoToCrawlForward
#ButItIsProbablyTheCarpetThatIsStoppingHerSomewhatRightNow
#IDoNotThinkItWillBeLongBeforeSheIsCrawling
#GoodbyeToTheDaysWhereYouCanPutHerDownAndLeaveTheRoomFor5SecondsToGetSomethingAndExpectToFindHerInTheSameArea
#WeAreStartingToBabyproofTheLivingRoomWithTowels
#ThisMorningSheWasAlsoBlowingALotOfRaspberries
#ItIsFunnySeeingHerOnTheBabyMonitorNow
#IAmGladWeDidNotHaveOneBeforeAsYouCanQuiteObsessedWatchingItAndSeeingEveryMovement
#ItIsCuteSeeingBFallAsleepOnHerSideAsIfSheWasTooTiredToEvenRollOntoHerFrontToSleep
#ButWhenSheDoesSleepOnHerFrontSheAlwaysSleepsOnHerHandsAndHasBigMarksWhereHerFingersWere
#SheHasNotLearnedTheArtOfTurningHerHeadToTheSideToSleepOnHerFrontYet
#IWillTryToRecreateTheFingerMarksOnMyHeadForThePhotoButLetsSeeHowLongIHaveToLieOnMyFrontFor
#SheSeemsToPreferSleepingOnHerFrontForNapsAndThenOnHerBackForNight
#ThoughTheOtherNightSheWasOnHerFrontAtNightAndIThoughtOhEventuallyWeWillHaveToGoInToTurnHerOverWhenSheScreams
#ButAtSomePointSheObviouslyRolledOntoHerBackAndItWasFine
#IAmStartingToFeelALittleDrainedAgain
#IHaveNotMadeMuchOfAnEffortToTalkToLocalPeopleLately
#ThoughTypicallyIFeelLikeThisAndThenPeopleStartToTalkToUsAtThePlaygroundMore
#IGuessIFeelLikeIHaveEnoughPeopleToTalkToThatICanNotSeeDueToCovid
#IAlsoHaveLessFreeTimeTheseDaysAndIDoNotFeelTheNeedToMakeLocalFriendsAsMuch
#ThoughThisWillProbablyChangeSoonWhenTheWeatherGetsBetterAndWeCanHopefullySpendMoreTimeOutdoors
#WeDoBabyClassesOnZoomWhereAtLeastBGetsToSeeSomeOtherBabies
#EspeciallyAsThereIsAlwaysABitWhereWeDanceTheBabiesUpToOurCamerasWhichIsRidiculouslyCute
#IFeelLikeIAmGettingQuiteObsessedWithBsScheduleAgainAndIAmQuiteUsedToOurDailyLife
#IGuessInNonPandemicTimesIWouldHaveGotUsedToAlteringItForThingsLikeClassesAndPlaydatesButIFeelLikeICanNotReallySwayAwayFromThingsRightNow

#BHasSuddenlyGotMoreMobile #YesterdaySheStartedToRollOntoHerFrontThenBackOntoHerBack #SheHasDoneItABitBeforeButMoreOnAccident #NowSheKnowsWhatSheIsDoingAndUsesItToGetAroundMore #SheWasAlsoCrawlingBackwardsABit #YouCanSeeThatSheKnowsWhatSheNeedsToDoToCrawlForward #ButItIsProbablyTheCarpetThatIsStoppingHerSomewhatRightNow #IDoNotThinkItWillBeLongBeforeSheIsCrawling

I do not usually bunch so many hashtags together, but this all fits together quite well.

It’s like a switch suddenly got flicked in her brain and she’s now hyperactive.

This morning after breakfast you could see that she just wanted to get back on the floor to try things out.

#GoodbyeToTheDaysWhereYouCanPutHerDownAndLeaveTheRoomFor5SecondsToGetSomethingAndExpectToFindHerInTheSameArea

I will miss them, but I am also excited to see B moving about.

#WeAreStartingToBabyproofTheLivingRoomWithTowels

I did an online first aid class and they were saying that a rolled up towel is good for some things – there’s a fireplace with bricks around it, which now has a big towel over the ledge.

#ThisMorningSheWasAlsoBlowingALotOfRaspberries

She was just blowing them in Tiago’s face. I did laugh… She also likes to blow raspberries more when she eats too.

#ItIsFunnySeeingHerOnTheBabyMonitorNow #IAmGladWeDidNotHaveOneBeforeAsYouCanQuiteObsessedWatchingItAndSeeingEveryMovement

Every arm flap makes me feel concerned. ‘Oh, she is going to wake up! No she didn’t…’ I turn it off unless I need it on – I’m far away/she cries and I want to see what is happening.

#ItIsCuteSeeingBFallAsleepOnHerSideAsIfSheWasTooTiredToEvenRollOntoHerFrontToSleep

Very cute.

#ButWhenSheDoesSleepOnHerFrontSheAlwaysSleepsOnHerHandsAndHasBigMarksWhereHerFingersWere #SheHasNotLearnedTheArtOfTurningHerHeadToTheSideToSleepOnHerFrontYet #IWillTryToRecreateTheFingerMarksOnMyHeadForThePhotoButLetsSeeHowLongIHaveToLieOnMyFrontFor

I was going to do this for the last shoot, but I felt like I could not justify lying on my front for a while. Today it is Sunday and I’ve done my ‘work work’ for the week so I am less stressed. I need to set up the camera before I lie down though as it might fade quick. Will I fall asleep? I might listen to a podcast or something.

B was up at 6 so she might sleep for another hour and a half now (it is 9.30am), but knowing my luck she will be awake in 10 minutes.

#SheSeemsToPreferSleepingOnHerFrontForNapsAndThenOnHerBackForNight #ThoughTheOtherNightSheWasOnHerFrontAtNightAndIThoughtOhEventuallyWeWillHaveToGoInToTurnHerOverWhenSheScreams #ButAtSomePointSheObviouslyRolledOntoHerBackAndItWasFine

Great. Though last night she was screaming as she was on her front and we did turn her over. Maybe we should have left her, but it had been 5 minutes. She was probably tired from all of her moving around last night.

She does seem to move around the cot quite a lot now.

#IAmStartingToFeelALittleDrainedAgain

I kept rewriting this half of the hashtags as I felt like I wasn’t explaining myself well.

#IHaveNotMadeMuchOfAnEffortToTalkToLocalPeopleLately #ThoughTypicallyIFeelLikeThisAndThenPeopleStartToTalkToUsAtThePlaygroundMore

I was using a lot of apps and things before, but now I just do not have the energy. The other day I was lost in my own thoughts while pushing B on a swing and someone started to chat to me. The next day someone else spoke to us.

#IGuessIFeelLikeIHaveEnoughPeopleToTalkToThatICanNotSeeDueToCovid

I have not seen a lot of my friends in over a year… (I know this is the case for a lot of people to.)

#IAlsoHaveLessFreeTimeTheseDaysAndIDoNotFeelTheNeedToMakeLocalFriendsAsMuch

At the moment it feels like the best thing to do is to stay away from people. Also having to start over with people from square one is always awkward. People who have known me for a while know me and what I do and I do not have to explain things which is great.

It’s the whole starting over from the beginning with people that is tiring, and then they usually do not talk to you for a while/long time/ever again for whatever reason. I do not have the energy for it right now.

#ThoughThisWillProbablyChangeSoonWhenTheWeatherGetsBetterAndWeCanHopefullySpendMoreTimeOutdoors

Oh yeah when we can go out as many times as we want and can just sit on the grass it will be great. At the moment when B naps I get things done. When she’s awake we have many hours to pass, so just chilling outside with people talking about things and letting the babies play sounds awesome.

#WeDoBabyClassesOnZoomWhereAtLeastBGetsToSeeSomeOtherBabies #EspeciallyAsThereIsAlwaysABitWhereWeDanceTheBabiesUpToOurCamerasWhichIsRidiculouslyCute

Last week I did not do as many as I planned. I think we managed 3 out of 5 days? I do wish they had them at the weekend as it’s a good way to pass time. I do do YouTube classes with her, but it’s not the same as watching other babies on the screen.

#IFeelLikeIAmGettingQuiteObsessedWithBsScheduleAgainAndIAmQuiteUsedToOurDailyLife #IGuessInNonPandemicTimesIWouldHaveGotUsedToAlteringItForThingsLikeClassesAndPlaydatesButIFeelLikeICanNotReallySwayAwayFromThingsRightNow

Going out to classes was stressful, but I did feel good when I had organised things well. Now I worry about B falling asleep on the way to or from classes when she shouldn’t, but it didn’t really do much damage anyways. I guess it will be a while until we have classes in real life again, and by then I’ll know more what I am doing with B’s schedule.

Yesterday she had a big breakfast and a tiny lunch. I think this morning it was quite a big breakfast, so I will push back lunch a bit. Things like this help with scheduling her day, and B eats well enough now that she can eat when we are out and about.

Boring stuff, but it’s what I think about.

Time to lie on the floor for a shoot…

(I did not have to lie on my hands for as long as I thought I would have to to get results, but my hands are bony and it did hurt. B’s hands are a lot more fleshy. It just looks like I’ve had sunglasses on for too long or something… Fail.)


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Failing At Trying To Imitate B Rolling Over, But Having A Good Workout (9th January 2021)

Failing At Trying To Imitate B Rolling Over, But Having A Good Workout (9th January 2021)
 
#WellNanEndedUpGettingAVaccineTheDayAfterMyLastEntry
#SheGotACallInTheMorningAndSheWentToGetItACoupleOfHoursLater
#ThatIsAReliefAsBeforeTheLockdownSheWasGoingOutToShopsALotAsSheWasSoBored
#IWasWorriedThatIfSheCaughtCovidWeWouldGetBlamed
#MostOfOurBabyClassesHaveBeenPostponedThoughOneHasMovedOnline
#TheyHaveClassesEveryWeekDayAndWeCanGoToAsManyAsWeWant
#IThinkIWillTryToAttendOneEverydayAsThereIsNotMuchElseToDoAndBHadAReallyGoodNapAfterOneYesterday
#IDidNotLikeOnlineClassesMuchBeforeButIThinkNowThatBHasAnEstablishedRoutineItIsMuchBetter
#AlsoItMightBeABetterWayToGetToKnowSomeLocalMumsAsMaybeByTheTimeWeGoBackToRealLifeClassWeMightRecogniseMorePeople
#IKnowThatBIsDueToDropAnotherNapSoonButAtLeastThenSheShouldKeepASimilarRoutineUntilAround14Months
#BHasSuddenlyRememberedHowToRollOverAndJustDoesItAllTheTimeNow
#SomeFriendsWereTalkingAboutHowTheirBabiesAreRollingOverInTheirCotsAndSleepingOnTheirFronts
#ISaidThatBDidNotKnowHowToRollOverInHerCotButTheSameDaySheStartedToDoIt
#ThoughSheGenerallyScreamsAfterSheDoesItSoIHaveToPutHerBackOnHerBack
#ButThenSheKeepsDoingIt
#IAmLikeIfYouDoNotLikeItSoMuchThenWhyDoYouKeepDoingIt
#TheOtherNightSheDidNotGoToSleepInHerCotForAnHourAsSheKeptRollingOver
#IReadThatTheyJustWantToPracticeTheirNewSkillsSoYesterdayIMadeHerRollOverLots
#SheTookAboutHalfAnHourToSettleInsteadSoHopefullyTonightItWillBeQuicker
#ITryToPutHerDownOnTheLeftSideOfTheCotAsSheTendsToRollToHerLeft
#WeJustNeedToGetHerToLearnHowToRollBackNow
#IForgotToMentionThatBTriedFishForTheFirstTimeLastWeek
#SheSeemedToLikeItThoughIDoNotLikeHavingToFeedItToHer
#IUsuallyCheckTheTemperatureOfHerFoodALotAndIDoNotWantToCheckItIfThereIsFishInIt
#IAmStillWorryingAboutHerDietButYesterdayIWentToGiveHerAFoodPouchAndRealisedTheyAreFullOfTheSameThingsThatIAmGivingHerAnyways
#SoonSheWillBe7MonthsSoINeedToStartLookingAtDifferentRecipes
#MyNanKeepsSayingIShouldGiveBIceCreamSoIDoNotKnowWhyIWorrySoMuch
#AsFromWhatSheSaysItSeemsLikeBabiesInThePastWereJustGivenWhateverAndTurnedOutOkay
#SheAlsoSaidToPutAPillowInBsCotToStopHerTurningOver
#YouAreNotSupposedToPutAnythingInBabiesCotsBesidesBedSheetsUntilTheyAre12Months

#WellNanEndedUpGettingAVaccineTheDayAfterMyLastEntry #SheGotACallInTheMorningAndSheWentToGetItACoupleOfHoursLater

Hurrah. She also saw one of her sisters who must have been getting the second jab as she had got a phone call about the first only a couple of days after they became available.

#ThatIsAReliefAsBeforeTheLockdownSheWasGoingOutToShopsALotAsSheWasSoBored #IWasWorriedThatIfSheCaughtCovidWeWouldGetBlamed

You know the story – Nan gets Covid after her Granddaughter and her family move in and fingers get pointed. Obviously she can still get it, but hopefully if she does it will not be that bad. At this moment in time Tiago just goes out to the supermarket (though his car is broken at the moment).

#MostOfOurBabyClassesHaveBeenPostponedThoughOneHasMovedOnline #TheyHaveClassesEveryWeekDayAndWeCanGoToAsManyAsWeWant #IThinkIWillTryToAttendOneEverydayAsThereIsNotMuchElseToDoAndBHadAReallyGoodNapAfterOneYesterday

In the morning I have generally been doing old YouTube classes, so it’s nice to have some ‘fresh content’. Plus it’s a music class so that’s always fun.

#IDidNotLikeOnlineClassesMuchBeforeButIThinkNowThatBHasAnEstablishedRoutineItIsMuchBetter

In Liverpool when I was doing them I was just stressed as the timing of classes never seemed right and I guess B was younger so we would not often get through them.

#AlsoItMightBeABetterWayToGetToKnowSomeLocalMumsAsMaybeByTheTimeWeGoBackToRealLifeClassWeMightRecogniseMorePeople

They are supposed to be setting up WhatsApp groups for the class, though like I said in my previous post I am not great with them. The one we ‘went to’ yesterday was not our local class, but I guess I am more open-minded about the whole thing. In Liverpool it just seemed like I would never meet any of the women in real life – to be fair I only met a few and that was because I knew them from elsewhere.

#IKnowThatBIsDueToDropAnotherNapSoonButAtLeastThenSheShouldKeepASimilarRoutineUntilAround14Months

She is not ready to drop it yet, but I know that it can happen around 7 months.

#BHasSuddenlyRememberedHowToRollOverAndJustDoesItAllTheTimeNow

She has rolled over here and there occasionally, but now I put her down and the floor and she rolls pretty quickly.

#SomeFriendsWereTalkingAboutHowTheirBabiesAreRollingOverInTheirCotsAndSleepingOnTheirFronts #ISaidThatBDidNotKnowHowToRollOverInHerCotButTheSameDaySheStartedToDoIt

Of course.

#ThoughSheGenerallyScreamsAfterSheDoesItSoIHaveToPutHerBackOnHerBack #ButThenSheKeepsDoingIt #IAmLikeIfYouDoNotLikeItSoMuchThenWhyDoYouKeepDoingIt

Babies…

#TheOtherNightSheDidNotGoToSleepInHerCotForAnHourAsSheKeptRollingOver #IReadThatTheyJustWantToPracticeTheirNewSkillsSoYesterdayIMadeHerRollOverLots #SheTookAboutHalfAnHourToSettleInsteadSoHopefullyTonightItWillBeQuicker

Hoping for 15 minutes or less, but I am guessing it will be 2 hours now I’ve said that…

#ITryToPutHerDownOnTheLeftSideOfTheCotAsSheTendsToRollToHerLeft

I’m not sure if she has ever rolled to her right? I try to encourage her to do it, but she does not seem bothered.

#WeJustNeedToGetHerToLearnHowToRollBackNow

Roll to the right, and roll back. Let’s see.

#IForgotToMentionThatBTriedFishForTheFirstTimeLastWeek #SheSeemedToLikeItThoughIDoNotLikeHavingToFeedItToHer #IUsuallyCheckTheTemperatureOfHerFoodALotAndIDoNotWantToCheckItIfThereIsFishInIt

I did make Tiago feed it to her as I was a bit grossed out, though I did try again the next day. Sometimes I think it’d be easier if we all just ate the same thing, but I don’t think I can face the idea of eating fish yet.

#IAmStillWorryingAboutHerDietButYesterdayIWentToGiveHerAFoodPouchAndRealisedTheyAreFullOfTheSameThingsThatIAmGivingHerAnyways

She had been waking up a lot at night and I thought it was due to hunger, but the last couple of nights she has slept better. So maybe it was just due to the rolling and teething? Though this morning she woke up at 5am, and we were still trying to get her to go back to sleep at 5.30am so we decided to start the day. It’s nearly 7am, so hopefully she’ll have a nap soon and I’ll have one too.

#SoonSheWillBe7MonthsSoINeedToStartLookingAtDifferentRecipes

I really like the recipes that are in Joe Wicks’s Wean In 15.

#MyNanKeepsSayingIShouldGiveBIceCreamSoIDoNotKnowWhyIWorrySoMuch #AsFromWhatSheSaysItSeemsLikeBabiesInThePastWereJustGivenWhateverAndTurnedOutOkay #SheAlsoSaidToPutAPillowInBsCotToStopHerTurningOver #YouAreNotSupposedToPutAnythingInBabiesCotsBesidesBedSheetsUntilTheyAre12Months

My Nan raised some of her siblings and two of her own kids, and the rules/guidelines have obviously changed a lot. Though some things I am not sure if she just says them for the sake of it.

When my older sister was born in 1986 people were advised to put their babies to sleep on their front, but by the time I was born in 1988 people were told that it was better for their babies to sleep on their backs.

Rules/guidelines changed, but so many people survived these things that are considered bad for babies now. I’m not saying I’m putting B to sleep on her front now (like I said she hates it), but I get so worried about B when she probably eats better than a lot of adults…

I’m keeping a mood diary now and I think it is helping me reflect on my emotions and feelings better. It’s early days though, so we’ll see. I think hormones play a big part in it all.


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Imitating B Blowing Raspberries (4th December 2020)

Me imitating my daughter blowing raspberries
Imitating B Blowing Raspberries (4th December 2020)
 
#SoBHasFinallyDiscoveredHowToBlowRaspberries
#ILoveTryingToHaveAFairlySeriousPhoneConversationAndBIsJustDoingThem
#OrSheIsSupposedToBeGoingToSleepButSheJustWantsToPracticeHerNewSkill
#WeHaveAClassTodayWhichIAmQuiteExcitedButNervousAbout
#SinceTheLastShootIHaveAlsoBookedHerOntoAnotherCourseAndATrialClass
#IGotHerChangingBagOutToPrepareItAndTheNappiesInThereAreSize2
#SheIsNowIn4PlusThoughIRealisedYesterdayThatTheyAreWayToBigForHerNowThatWeKnowWhatSheWeighs
#IFeelBadThatWeAreYetToTryReusablesButThingsHaveBeenStressful
#NowThatTheSecondLockdownHasFinishedWeAreInTier3
#TypicallyLiverpoolIsNowTier2
#ButTheGoodNewsIsThatHouseholdsWithABabyUnder1AreAllowedToBubbleWithAnotherHouseholdRegardlessOfHowManyAdultsAreInThem
#YesterdayWeWereSupposedToMeetUpWithAMumAndBabyForAWalkButItRainedAllDay
#SoInsteadWeWentWithMyMumToTheSupermarket
#IHadNotBeenInABigSupermarketSinceAtLeastMarchAndItWasBsFirstTime
#SheSeemedABitOverwhelmedAtFirstAndMaybeTheTrolleyChairWasNotSuperComfortableSoMyMumHeldHerALot
#IFoundItABitStressfulSoIWasGladMyMumWasThere
#TiagoHasBeenDoingTheShoppingForSoLongThatIForgottenAboutHalfTheThingsThatExist
#ItWasAlsoWeirdSeeingThatThereAre20TypesOfOneProductToChooseFrom
#IAmStartingToGetIntoCookingABitMoreNow
#BSeemsToBeEnjoyingFoodAndIWantHerToHaveHealthyMeals
#SheReallyLikedSweetPotatoThoughIReadTodayThatItIsBestToLeaveThatUntilLaterAndStartWithLessSweetFoods
#Whoops
#IWasGoingToGiveHerAvocadoTodayButItWasNotAsRipeAsItFelt
#SoIAmGoingToTryCourgetteInstead
#TheOtherNightIDreamedThatWeWentToHerBabyClassAndThereWasABoxOfSnacksWithHerNameOnItOnATable
#SheWasNotReadyForThemYetSoIAteThemAll
#ButThenIWorriedThatTheyWereNotActuallyForHerAndIFeltReallyGuilty
#IHaveNotCalledThePostNatalSupportLineYet
#IFeelBetterDueToBookingHerInForMoreClassesAndTheSupportBubbleRulesChanging
#ThoughTypicallyTheClassesWillNotBeRunningForAFewWeeksOverXmasSoWeShallSeeHowItGoes

#SoBHasFinallyDiscoveredHowToBlowRaspberries #ILoveTryingToHaveAFairlySeriousPhoneConversationAndBIsJustDoingThem #OrSheIsSupposedToBeGoingToSleepButSheJustWantsToPracticeHerNewSkill

I’m writing this on 4th December. I haven’t done the shoot yet, but I imagine that it will involve me blowing raspberries. (Yes, it did.)

#WeHaveAClassTodayWhichIAmQuiteExcitedButNervousAbout #SinceTheLastShootIHaveAlsoBookedHerOntoAnotherCourseAndATrialClass

Typically I booked her onto the other course, then saw another class that I thought she (well probably me) would enjoy more. If they were spaced out a bit better then maybe it would be alright. There’s only one class of one we’re trialling before Xmas, so if it seems good and if I think I can endure two classes two days in a row then I’ll book on.

Playtimes are so long that I’m sure it’ll be good to have another class to go to. I just worry about the timings, especially as we’ve gone so long without having fixed times that we need to go out in our schedule.

#IGotHerChangingBagOutToPrepareItAndTheNappiesInThereAreSize2 #SheIsNowIn4PlusThoughIRealisedYesterdayThatTheyAreWayToBigForHerNowThatWeKnowWhatSheWeighs

Well, the fact that we have jumped so many sizes shows how much time has passed since we last needed to use the changing bag.

#IFeelBadThatWeAreYetToTryReusablesButThingsHaveBeenStressful

Every time I try to figure out which ones to get I just feel overwhelmed and since we decided to move I haven’t looked into it again. I will.

#NowThatTheSecondLockdownHasFinishedWeAreInTier3 #TypicallyLiverpoolIsNowTier2

Classic. We moved from one tier 3 place to another tier 3 place.

#ButTheGoodNewsIsThatHouseholdsWithABabyUnder1AreAllowedToBubbleWithAnotherHouseholdRegardlessOfHowManyAdultsAreInThem

Hurrah.

#YesterdayWeWereSupposedToMeetUpWithAMumAndBabyForAWalkButItRainedAllDay

I ‘met’ the Mum on that Peanut app, which is basically Tinder for Mums. I am yet to meet someone from it, but she seems nice.

#SoInsteadWeWentWithMyMumToTheSupermarket

She suggested the idea, as we can now see her. We had seen her a bit as she had been running errands for my Nan, but it’s now nice to be able to properly hang out (and go to the supermarket together).

#IHadNotBeenInABigSupermarketSinceAtLeastMarchAndItWasBsFirstTime

We also had not been in the car since we moved so that was funny. It was also B’s first time in my parents’ car seat (and in my Mum’s car?)

#SheSeemedABitOverwhelmedAtFirstAndMaybeTheTrolleyChairWasNotSuperComfortableSoMyMumHeldHerALot

I had forgotten to bring her carrier…

#IFoundItABitStressfulSoIWasGladMyMumWasThere

It was a bit overwhelming for me as well really.

#TiagoHasBeenDoingTheShoppingForSoLongThatIForgottenAboutHalfTheThingsThatExist #ItWasAlsoWeirdSeeingThatThereAre20TypesOfOneProductToChooseFrom

I think it was vegetable stock that I was surprised to see so many different brands/types of.

#IAmStartingToGetIntoCookingABitMoreNow #BSeemsToBeEnjoyingFoodAndIWantHerToHaveHealthyMeals #SheReallyLikedSweetPotatoThoughIReadTodayThatItIsBestToLeaveThatUntilLaterAndStartWithLessSweetFoods #Whoops

I think she will be having sweet potato more often. Tiago isn’t usually a fan of it, but I made baked sweet potatoes and he really liked them. I’m trying to give her lots of different vegetables now before repeating them though.

#IWasGoingToGiveHerAvocadoTodayButItWasNotAsRipeAsItFelt

It felt super squidgy, but nope… I had half of it on my breakfast sandwich (that sounds fancy), with the intention of giving her some of the remaining bit.

#SoIAmGoingToTryCourgetteInstead

It is cooked and waiting for B to wakeup.

#TheOtherNightIDreamedThatWeWentToHerBabyClassAndThereWasABoxOfSnacksWithHerNameOnItOnATable #SheWasNotReadyForThemYetSoIAteThemAll #ButThenIWorriedThatTheyWereNotActuallyForHerAndIFeltReallyGuilty

There was a note with them saying thanks for being a returning student. We had not been before though. I love awkward dreams…

(20th: Last night I had a dream that I was carrying around a cat that was high on cat nip?)

#IHaveNotCalledThePostNatalSupportLineYet

Thinking I’m a terrible parent reminded me of this.

#IFeelBetterDueToBookingHerInForMoreClassesAndTheSupportBubbleRulesChanging #ThoughTypicallyTheClassesWillNotBeRunningForAFewWeeksOverXmasSoWeShallSeeHowItGoes

The nervous energy about her class today is distracting me. I was a bit grumpy yesterday though. My period arrived a couple of days ago and I’m bored of it already. I miss my period free days…


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Imitating B By Putting Baby Rice On My Face (28th November 2020)

Self-portrait with baby rice around my mouth
Imitating B By Putting Baby Rice On My Face (28th November 2020)
 
#WellInMyLastDiaryEntryISaidWeWereGoingToStartWeaningBSoon
#InTheEndIGaveBSomeBabyRiceTheSameDay
#SheWasABitUnsureAtFirstButThenSheAteItAllUpSoIGaveHerAnotherMealOfItTheSameDay
#IMixedItWithHerUsualMilkThenGaveHerTheRestOfTheBottleAfter
#WeDidTwoDaysOfThatThenITriedGivingHerSomePotato
#SheChokedWhichPutMeOffSoSheHadSomeBabyRiceAtDinner
#YesterdayITriedAgainAndItWasABitMoreSuccessful
#IThinkTodayIWillTryCarrot
#ThisPictureIsImitatingTheMessThatBGetsHerselfInto
#WeGotAnElectricChopperWhichWillHopefullyBlendHerFoodBetterNowAndSpeedUpCookingOurMeals
#IHaveGivenUpWithBreastfeedingAsDidNotWantToForThreeDaysAndAfterThatIStoppedTrying
#IWasFeelingMorePositiveAboutThingsButIThinkByTheEndOfTheWeekIStartToFeelSoTired
#AndTwoNightsAgoBWasWakingUpConstantlySoYesterdayIWasStrugglingABit
#AlsoSomeoneHadMentionedThatWearingBabiesSoTheyFaceForwardIsNotGoodForThem
#SoIFeelABitTornAsIWasReallyEnjoyingDoingThat
#YesterdayICarriedHerFacingMeAndSheFellAsleepWithin5Minutes
#SoIEndedUpJustWearingHerForAnHourWhileSheHadANap
#TypicallySheSometimesDoesNotNapForVeryLongAndItWasNotEvenHerNaptime
#ITriedToTakeAPhotoInTheKitchenOfMeAwkwardlyEatingMyLunchButTheyWereSoOutOfFocusAsItWasJustOnMyPhone
#MyBackIsReallyHurtingMeThoughNowSoIMightJustAlternateThings
#ForTheNextCoupleOfDaysIWillJustTakeHerOutInHerPushchairAndHopefullyItWillBeJustAsMuchFun
#IHaveLikedTheInteractionsThatWeHaveHadWithPeopleLatelySoMaybeIJustNeedToBeBetterAtEyeContactWhenSheIsInThePushchair
#UsuallyIJustLookDownAtTheWheelsAndPretendToJustCheckThatWeAreNotGoingOnTheGrass
#ItDoesNotMatterIfItGetsDirtyReallyButItIsALotEasierToJustWalkAcrossTheGrassAwayFromPeopleWhenCarryingHer
#ThePushchairIsJustABitBigAndAnnoyingAtTimesSoIFeelMoreFreeWithTheCarrier
#SoIThinkIWillCarryHerFacingOutOccasionally
#SheSeemsToEnjoyItAndOurWalksAreGenerallyShorterNowAsITendToGoOutTwiceADayInstead
#BeforeWhenIWasPushingHerToSleepIWouldWalkSoFarWhichWouldTireMeOut
#NowIWantHerToEnjoyHerAwakeTimeAndIDoNotPushHerSoFar
#IHaveMyWorkshopTomorrowWhichIAmNervousAboutButIThinkItWillBeOkay

(I wrote this on 28th November.)

#WellInMyLastDiaryEntryISaidWeWereGoingToStartWeaningBSoon

Oh, I actually said ‘#IAlsoMightGiveHerSomeBabyRiceTodayButIFeelLikeISayThatEveryday’

#InTheEndIGaveBSomeBabyRiceTheSameDay

So I actually did do it. I was feeling stressed about it, but suddenly I felt like that day was the day.

#SheWasABitUnsureAtFirstButThenSheAteItAllUpSoIGaveHerAnotherMealOfItTheSameDay

I thought she was going to spit it out, but she was quite enthusiastic. I was surprised. I thought she would not eat any of it.

There was a lot of it on her face though – hence the photo.

#IMixedItWithHerUsualMilkThenGaveHerTheRestOfTheBottleAfter

I thought she would not drink all of her milk, but she did.

#WeDidTwoDaysOfThatThenITriedGivingHerSomePotato #SheChokedWhichPutMeOffSoSheHadSomeBabyRiceAtDinner

It was a bit scary, so we built up our confidence again with the baby rice.

#YesterdayITriedAgainAndItWasABitMoreSuccessful

She still did not seem too impressed though. The lumps were worrying me though I did mash it up a lot.

#IThinkTodayIWillTryCarrot

I am typing this now in the kitchen while I am boiling some carrot. B is having a nap. This seems like a good time to do some cooking. The other day when I was boiling the potatoes I was also making a meal for the day.

(Carrot seems more successful than potato.)

#ThisPictureIsImitatingTheMessThatBGetsHerselfInto

There are some of me with it coming out of my mouth. I don’t know which one I will choose yet. Sorry if it is a disgusting choice…

(13th December: Well, I went for a more ‘classic’ option.)

#WeGotAnElectricChopperWhichWillHopefullyBlendHerFoodBetterNowAndSpeedUpCookingOurMeals

I am going to puree some carrot, but also have some bigger slices for her to try in the baby led weaning style.

Being vegetarian I feel like most of cooking is just chopping veg, so hopefully it will be good.

#IHaveGivenUpWithBreastfeedingAsDidNotWantToForThreeDaysAndAfterThatIStoppedTrying

I am sad about it. Maybe it is not too late… Maybe I should try? They’ve just been out of action for at least 5 days now, so I feel like the time has passed. I have gone back to wearing non-maternity bras now, which feels a bit weird.

My Mum said I wouldn’t be breastfed after 4 months…

(After I finished this B woke up and I felt compelled to try breastfeeding her. Some milk did actually come out, and though I had to keep swapping B over from side to side I think she did get something. Afterwards I winded her and she burped quite loudly, but it could have been left over from earlier? I think I might try to see if I can get my production up.)

#IWasFeelingMorePositiveAboutThingsButIThinkByTheEndOfTheWeekIStartToFeelSoTired

By Friday I am just knackered.

#AndTwoNightsAgoBWasWakingUpConstantlySoYesterdayIWasStrugglingABit

It was a long night. Last night she slept better but typically my brain was so awake at 2am after she woke up that I did not sleep for at least an hour.

#AlsoSomeoneHadMentionedThatWearingBabiesSoTheyFaceForwardIsNotGoodForThem #SoIFeelABitTornAsIWasReallyEnjoyingDoingThat

I read an article about it, but it seemed to be about babies that are a lot younger. It said that it overstimulates them, but one of the reasons why I like her to face out is so that she can see everything, and for a change of scenery during playtimes.

#YesterdayICarriedHerFacingMeAndSheFellAsleepWithin5Minutes

I realised that we were going out half an hour from naptime, so I thought we’d be quick.

I kept trying to keep her awake, but she fell asleep after 5 minutes.

#SoIEndedUpJustWearingHerForAnHourWhileSheHadANap

I could not be bothered to keep walking around with her, so I just came home.

#TypicallySheSometimesDoesNotNapForVeryLongAndItWasNotEvenHerNaptime

I was hoping it would be a 30 minute nap at the most, but her previous one had only been 30 minutes.

#ITriedToTakeAPhotoInTheKitchenOfMeAwkwardlyEatingMyLunchButTheyWereSoOutOfFocusAsItWasJustOnMyPhone

I got Tiago to put some food in the pan for me to reheat so the noise wouldn’t wake her up. I just watched Taskmaster on my phone, while awkwardly navigating my food over her head.

#MyBackIsReallyHurtingMeThoughNowSoIMightJustAlternateThings

I stretch quite a lot, so I do wonder how people who don’t stretch cope.

#ForTheNextCoupleOfDaysIWillJustTakeHerOutInHerPushchairAndHopefullyItWillBeJustAsMuchFun

I need to get a rain cover for the carrier, so at least her pushchair has one. It is a wet day today.

#IHaveLikedTheInteractionsThatWeHaveHadWithPeopleLatelySoMaybeIJustNeedToBeBetterAtEyeContactWhenSheIsInThePushchair

I usually have the hood of her pushchair pulled over her, so I can’t really see her and she is usually asleep so of course people will not interact with her. I just need to talk to her more in the pushchair. It doesn’t face me, so hopefully she can just enjoy the world and I can stop more to talk to her and point things out.

#UsuallyIJustLookDownAtTheWheelsAndPretendToJustCheckThatWeAreNotGoingOnTheGrass

Well, I don’t know if I am pretending but it is a thing I do to avoid eye contact.

#ItDoesNotMatterIfItGetsDirtyReallyButItIsALotEasierToJustWalkAcrossTheGrassAwayFromPeopleWhenCarryingHer #ThePushchairIsJustABitBigAndAnnoyingAtTimesSoIFeelMoreFreeWithTheCarrier

It could be worse, but some paths are quite narrow so you have to move. Some people barely leave any space as they go past, whereas others will awkwardly leave what feels like a bit too much space.

#SoIThinkIWillCarryHerFacingOutOccasionally

I’ve spoke to other people about it and they don’t think there is an issue.

#SheSeemsToEnjoyItAndOurWalksAreGenerallyShorterNowAsITendToGoOutTwiceADayInstead #BeforeWhenIWasPushingHerToSleepIWouldWalkSoFarWhichWouldTireMeOut #NowIWantHerToEnjoyHerAwakeTimeAndIDoNotPushHerSoFar

The walks are a lot more pleasant now.

#IHaveMyWorkshopTomorrowWhichIAmNervousAboutButIThinkItWillBeOkay

Fingers crossed.


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Imitating B Trying To Eat Her Toes (24th November 2020)

Imitating B Trying To Eat Her Toes (24th November 2020)
 
#ThisShootWasMeJustImitatingBWhenSheDoesTheHappyBabyYogaPoseAndWhenSheTriesToPutHerToesInHerMouth
#ICanSeeHowThePoseGotTheNameNow
#SheHasBeenDoingThisForAWhileButMyPlanOfCopyingHerHasBeenNeglectedForAWhile
#YesterdayITookHerOutForTwoWalksDuringHerAwakeTimes
#HerWakeWindowsAreUsuallyBetweenTwoAndTwoAndAHalfHoursNow
#ThatIsALongTimeToEntertainHer4TimesADay
#SoItMakesSenseToTakeHerOutDuringHerPlaytimesRatherThanNaptimes
#IPutHerForwardFacingInHerCarrierForTheFirstTime
#SheIsOldEnoughNowAndIFiguredItMightBeBetterForLettingHerSeeThings
#FirstITookHerOutInTheMorningAndALotOfPeopleSaidGoodMorningToUsWhichWasReallyNice
#SheJustSeemedToCheerSomePeopleUpAndWeStoppedToTalkToAYoungGirlAndHerFamilyWhoHadPointedAtHer
#IWalkedForABitTooLongAndBFellAsleep
#NextITookHerOutInTheAfternoonButWeDidNotMakeItSoFar
#ThereWereALotOfSchoolKidsAroundWhichFreaksMeOutALittleBitSoNextTimeWeNeedToBeEarlier
#IHadPutSomeLittleBootsOnHerFeet
#ButAfterGettingHomeTheSecondTimeICouldNotFindOneOfThem
#IWaitedForTiagoToFinishAWorkCallSoHeCouldWatchB
#ThenIRetracedOurStepsAndFoundItNotSoFarAwayOnAPath
#SoINeedToBeCarefulAboutTheAmountOfTimeAndKeepAnEyeOnHerBoots
#TheWeatherWasReallyNiceYesterdayButPuttingHerInTheCarrierMightNotBeAGreatPlanForEveryday
#SheHasBeenWakingUpALotAtNightLatelyWhichIsMakingTAndIABitGrumpy
#LastWeekSheWasStillBreastfeedingTwoOrThreeTimesADay
#ButNowSheReallyDoesNotWantToBreastfeedWhichIsABitOfAShame
#IThinkItProbablyHasALotToDoWithHerTeething
#ThoughSometimesIAmTryingToGetHerToLatchOnAndSheJustTipsHerHeadBackAndLooksLonginglyAtAnEmptyBottleThatIForgotToMove
#MyMumSaysThatSheWantedToBreastfeedMySistersAndIForLongerButWeStoppedBeingInterestedAround4Months
#TodayIMightJustTryFormulaFeedingHerForEveryFeedAndSeeIfThatHelpsWithHerSleep
#IAlsoMightGiveHerSomeBabyRiceTodayButIFeelLikeISayThatEveryday
#IAmCurrentlySpendingALotOfMyFreeTimePlanningForAHashtagWorkshop
#IAmNervousAboutItButIHopeThatItGoesWellAndThatPeopleEnjoyIt

(I wrote this on 24th November.)

#ThisShootWasMeJustImitatingBWhenSheDoesTheHappyBabyYogaPoseAndWhenSheTriesToPutHerToesInHerMouth

Classic B.

#ICanSeeHowThePoseGotTheNameNow

I could kind of see how it did before, but having a baby has made it very clear.

#SheHasBeenDoingThisForAWhileButMyPlanOfCopyingHerHasBeenNeglectedForAWhile

I have a list of shoot ideas, but actually this idea is not as old as I thought – I added it on 22nd October.

#YesterdayITookHerOutForTwoWalksDuringHerAwakeTimes #HerWakeWindowsAreUsuallyBetweenTwoAndTwoAndAHalfHoursNow #ThatIsALongTimeToEntertainHer4TimesADay #SoItMakesSenseToTakeHerOutDuringHerPlaytimesRatherThanNaptimes

Well, I know that during her awake times I am feeding her, changing her and other things, but still it leaves a lot of play time.

#IPutHerForwardFacingInHerCarrierForTheFirstTime

The day before Tiago had taken her out facing him.

#SheIsOldEnoughNowAndIFiguredItMightBeBetterForLettingHerSeeThings

Just another one of those things that seems scary to do, but once you do it it seems easy. I’ll just have to see if I can higher her up anymore.

#FirstITookHerOutInTheMorningAndALotOfPeopleSaidGoodMorningToUsWhichWasReallyNice

At one point I think I was having a competition with myself to see how many I could get to say good morning to me or back to me.

#SheJustSeemedToCheerSomePeopleUpAndWeStoppedToTalkToAYoungGirlAndHerFamilyWhoHadPointedAtHer

With her being on me it’s a lot easier to move out of the way of people too if paths are too narrow.

#IWalkedForABitTooLongAndBFellAsleep

So when I got home and wanted her to have a nap, she took longer to fall asleep than usual.

#NextITookHerOutInTheAfternoonButWeDidNotMakeItSoFar #ThereWereALotOfSchoolKidsAroundWhichFreaksMeOutALittleBitSoNextTimeWeNeedToBeEarlier

It just gets a bit busy when all the kids are walking home from school and they seem to hang around more than I thought they would. I think they all get let out at different times too so when one lot seems to clear, a new lot soon appears.

#IHadPutSomeLittleBootsOnHerFeet #ButAfterGettingHomeTheSecondTimeICouldNotFindOneOfThem

Classic me. I thought it must have just fallen off when I lifted her out of her carrier, but I couldn’t see it.

#IWaitedForTiagoToFinishAWorkCallSoHeCouldWatchB #ThenIRetracedOurStepsAndFoundItNotSoFarAwayOnAPath

I was so proud of myself for finding it. I was worried as I had walked across a big patch of grass, which would have made it easier to find, but it had probably dropped just before I went onto it.

#SoINeedToBeCarefulAboutTheAmountOfTimeAndKeepAnEyeOnHerBoots

Shorter walks. Check boots. Got it.

#TheWeatherWasReallyNiceYesterdayButPuttingHerInTheCarrierMightNotBeAGreatPlanForEveryday

I need to get a rain cover for it…

#SheHasBeenWakingUpALotAtNightLatelyWhichIsMakingTAndIABitGrumpy

When she woke up for the last time at 6.30am it felt like it was 3am and I was like erghhhh.

#LastWeekSheWasStillBreastfeedingTwoOrThreeTimesADay

Great.

#ButNowSheReallyDoesNotWantToBreastfeedWhichIsABitOfAShame

I am a bit saddened by it.

#IThinkItProbablyHasALotToDoWithHerTeething

Yeah, it can’t be too comfortable at the moment. She has been teething for about a month, which doesn’t help.

#ThoughSometimesIAmTryingToGetHerToLatchOnAndSheJustTipsHerHeadBackAndLooksLonginglyAtAnEmptyBottleThatIForgotToMove

It’s probably nicer to teethe on.

#MyMumSaysThatSheWantedToBreastfeedMySistersAndIForLongerButWeStoppedBeingInterestedAround4Months

Maybe she’s more like me than she looks… (She looks more like Tiago.)

#TodayIMightJustTryFormulaFeedingHerForEveryFeedAndSeeIfThatHelpsWithHerSleep #IAlsoMightGiveHerSomeBabyRiceTodayButIFeelLikeISayThatEveryday

Between writing the hashtags and writing this blog post I did give her some. It went well. If I remember I’ll probably talk about it in my next blog post.

#IAmCurrentlySpendingALotOfMyFreeTimePlanningForAHashtagWorkshop #IAmNervousAboutItButIHopeThatItGoesWellAndThatPeopleEnjoyIt

Luckily I did a university lecture last week, so I am feeling a little less awkward about it. I really hope that people enjoy it.

I was going to post a link to the workshop, but by the time I post this it will have already happened. Wishing myself luck from the past and future…


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Blowing Bubbles Like B (22nd September 2020)

Me blowing bubbles like my baby daughter does
Blowing Bubbles Like B (22nd September 2020)
 
#IAmTryingToDoTwoShootsAWeekNowEvenIfIFeelLikeIDoNotHaveMuchToSayOrShow
#IFeelLikeDuringTheDayLifeJustConsistsOfThreeHourCycles
#SheWakesUpSheIsFedShePlaysSheIsChangedSheNaps
#TheOrderChangesButItIsBasicallyThat
#TwoNightsAgoSheSleptFor8HoursBetweenFeeds
#SheWentToBedAround8SheHadADreamFeedAround10ThirtyWhichSheSleptThrough
#SheWokeUpAt2ButWithGentleEncouragementSheWentBackToSleep
#ThenSheWokeUpAt6ThirtySoIStartedOurDayThen
#LastNightItStartedTheSameExceptSheWokeUpAtMidnight
#ItWasTooEarlyToFeedHerButSheKeptCryingSoIFedHer
#ThenSheWokeUpAt5AndITriedToEncourageHerBackToSleepButNope
#ThenSheWokeUpAt7ButIWasTooTiredToFeedHerSoTiagoPlayedWithHer
#ThenHeBroughtHerToMeAt8AndIFedHerAndThenItWasTimeForHerNap
#SoIMessedTheDayUpReallyAsIShouldHaveJustFedHerAt7
#InTheEndSheSleptForAWhileSoIWokeHerUpWhenSheWasDueToFeedAgain
#ExcitingStuff
#YesterdaySheWasGrabbingAtTheSidesOfThePushchairForTheFirstTime
#SheIsMoreGrabbyEveryDay
#SheAlsoContinuesToBlowALotOfBubblesWhichIDecidedToFocusOnForThisShoot
#IThinkSoonSheIsGoingToHaveToWearABibAllTheTime
#IAmTryingToReadToHerMoreThoughWeNeedToGetSomePortugueseKidsBooksToo
#IFeelLessOverwhelmedThanInTheLastPostButIStillFeelALittleOnEdge
#IJustWantToSleepForAWeek
#TodayANewLockdownBeginsInLiverpool
#YesterdayWeGotAnEmailSayingThatWeShouldWearMasksGoingInAndOutOfOurBuilding
#IDefinitelyWillButIFeelLikeALotOfPeopleWont
#IAmReadyToBePleasantlySurprisedThough
#IFeelLikePeopleAreGettingTooComplacent
#OnMyDailyWalksPeopleGetTooCloseToMeWhichDoesFreakMeOut
#IWonderHowOldBWillBeWhenThisIsAllOver

(I wrote this post on 22nd September.)

#IAmTryingToDoTwoShootsAWeekNowEvenIfIFeelLikeIDoNotHaveMuchToSayOrShow

This is what I aimed to do when I was pregnant, though some weeks I did more.

I guess when I was pregnant I had a body that was changing, whereas now I have a baby whose face I don’t want to show.

(8th October – I always feel like I have nothing to say, but I usually end up saying a lot.)

#IFeelLikeDuringTheDayLifeJustConsistsOfThreeHourCycles #SheWakesUpSheIsFedShePlaysSheIsChangedSheNaps #TheOrderChangesButItIsBasicallyThat

I am not a fan of constant repetition…

#TwoNightsAgoSheSleptFor8HoursBetweenFeeds #SheWentToBedAround8SheHadADreamFeedAround10ThirtyWhichSheSleptThrough #SheWokeUpAt2ButWithGentleEncouragementSheWentBackToSleep #ThenSheWokeUpAt6ThirtySoIStartedOurDayThen

We got a noise machine the day before, so I thought that may have contributed, or maybe it was because T bottle fed her two times in the evening so perhaps she drank more than she usually would?

Well, we used the noise machine again and T fed her three times, but…

#LastNightItStartedTheSameExceptSheWokeUpAtMidnight #ItWasTooEarlyToFeedHerButSheKeptCryingSoIFedHer #ThenSheWokeUpAt5AndITriedToEncourageHerBackToSleepButNope

With a baby it seems that every day is a new day, so forget what happened yesterday really.

#ThenSheWokeUpAt7ButIWasTooTiredToFeedHerSoTiagoPlayedWithHer

I would have fed her, but it had only been two hours since her last feed and she didn’t seem hungry.

#ThenHeBroughtHerToMeAt8AndIFedHerAndThenItWasTimeForHerNap #SoIMessedTheDayUpReallyAsIShouldHaveJustFedHerAt7

Often her naps in the morning are quite good and we have a consistent cycle, but by the afternoon her naps get shorter, so I knew it did not matter too much. Though I will try not to let it happen again. T just seemed keen to play, so I thought why not.

#InTheEndSheSleptForAWhileSoIWokeHerUpWhenSheWasDueToFeedAgain

Great, though the day seems a bit out of whack now.

(8th October – I get a bit obsessed with her routine. I’ve realised why – I don’t have much else to do right now; everyday is pretty much the same.)

#ExcitingStuff

Gripping, I know.

#YesterdaySheWasGrabbingAtTheSidesOfThePushchairForTheFirstTime #SheIsMoreGrabbyEveryDay

She grabs at any material. Below her on her changing mat is a muslin (so she doesn’t feel cold underneath) and when I pick her up it often comes with her…

(8th October – She is definitely more grabby now.)

#SheAlsoContinuesToBlowALotOfBubblesWhichIDecidedToFocusOnForThisShoot

Secret: I did take some photos of me blowing bubbles on the shoot where I imitated the cute thing that B does with her mouth.

#IThinkSoonSheIsGoingToHaveToWearABibAllTheTime

When we play in the living room we have a bib/towel nearby for wiping up dribble. Fun times – sorry future B if she reads this.

(8th October – She wears a bib all the time now – except when she is in her cot.)

#IAmTryingToReadToHerMoreThoughWeNeedToGetSomePortugueseKidsBooksToo

She still falls asleep a lot when I feed her. I feel like I should talk to her, but there’s only so much I can say and she doesn’t seem to care so I try to read to her. Though recently I have just started to watch films as I need to relax and this seems like a good time to do it.

Yesterday and today I have been watching the 2000s Charlie’s Angels films. I have never seen them before. Maybe because lockdown is so dull I feel like I need some action in my life? I hope B learns karate or something.

#IFeelLessOverwhelmedThanInTheLastPostButIStillFeelALittleOnEdge

I know it is the coding course that is bothering me the most. I don’t do well with educational deadlines. I’m ahead of schedule, but still I’m getting stressed out? I’m a weirdo.

T told me to have a rest whilst B napped, but I said I was going to take the pictures for these hashtags. He said I’m nuts. I think he is right…

#IJustWantToSleepForAWeek

Will I ever stop being tired? I was going to have a nap this morning during B’s first nap, but she sleeps so well then that I knew I should get up, stretch and try to do some coding.

I’m attempting the 30 days of yoga again. I think I tried too soon before when I had a big gap (diastasis recti) and so it wasn’t the best idea. Now I think it is okay to do it though.

#TodayANewLockdownBeginsInLiverpool

Oh joy. Though my Nan is under lockdown in Birmingham, so now I feel a little glad that we don’t have to try to attempt some weird meetup in a pub. Obviously I’d love to see her, but logistically it would be a right faff.

#YesterdayWeGotAnEmailSayingThatWeShouldWearMasksGoingInAndOutOfOurBuilding #IDefinitelyWillButIFeelLikeALotOfPeopleWont

T popped outside and he said the two people he saw weren’t, but maybe they haven’t seen the email yet? T doesn’t think he got the email.

#IAmReadyToBePleasantlySurprisedThough

Let’s see what I say about it when I get round to posting this.

(8th October – Some people do, some people don’t. I saw two guys walk into a shop earlier without masks… Do I sound like the local neighbourhood snitch? Yes.)

#IFeelLikePeopleAreGettingTooComplacent #OnMyDailyWalksPeopleGetTooCloseToMeWhichDoesFreakMeOut

Yesterday to get into the building I had to walk by two guys who were smoking right by the entrance. They barely moved for me and then I awkwardly had to open the door and get through with the pushchair, whilst they continued to stand right by it but acted like I was not there. I guess from today they will be told to move.

#IWonderHowOldBWillBeWhenThisIsAllOver

I can not really imagine a world where I feel safe around strangers/lots of people again. Though I did adapt pretty quickly at the hospital when I had B…


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Failing To Imitate The Cute Thing That B Does With Her Mouth (6th September 2020)

Me with my lips in a funny shape, trying to imitate my daughter
Failing To Imitate The Cute Thing That B Does With Her Mouth (6th September 2020)
 
#IWasPlanningOnDoingThisShootTomorrow
#ButIWasGettingReadyForBedAndISuddenlyFeltAwake
#BIsAsleepOnTiagoSoIWasGoingToDoSomeStretchingButIDecidedToDoAShootInstead
#MaybeIWillTryToStretchABitAfter
#BDoesThisCuteThingWithHerMouthWhenSheCoos
#MyNanDescribesItAsPursingHerLips
#WhichIGuessItIsButICanNotSeemToImitateItWell
#ItEitherLooksLikeIAmTryingToBeSexyOrLikeIAmTryingToImitateAMonkey
#Awkward
#TodaySheWasDoingItWhilstLookingAtHerCalamariToy
#TMadeACuteVideoOfIt
#ThisWeekendBMetMySisterHerPartnerAndTheirSonForTheFirstTime
#AndItWasOurFirstTimeMeetingOurNephewSoThatWasNice
#IAmStillWorkingOnGettingBToHaveNapsEvery60To90MinutesDuringTheDay
#ItGoesFairlyWellUntilMidAfternoonAndThenOftenSheIsAwakeFor5Hours
#SoOurNewThingIsTakingHerOutForAWalkInHerPramIfWeStruggle
#ButOnceSheFallsAsleepIAmTooScaredToComeHomeTooEarlyInCaseSheWakesUpAsSoonAsIGetIn
#YesterdayIEndedUpGoingForAWalkAsItWasGettingDark
#ItWasFunnySeeingEveryoneOutInTheirFancyClothesReadyForANightOut
#AndIWasJustLookingAStatePushingAPushchairAbout
#ItReallyDoesNotSeemLikeThereIsAPandemicHalfTheTime
#IHaveBeenToACoupleOfShopsLately
#ToTheSupermarketAndToABakery
#PushingAPushchairAroundYouRealiseHowBadAccessIsAtSomePlaces
#OrHowFrustratingSomePathsAreToNavigate
#IDidNotGoIntoOneBakeryAsIDidNotThinkIWouldBeAbleToPushBsPushchairRoundTheOneWaySystemWithTheBarriers
#AtTheOneIWentIntoInTheEndIHadToTurnThePushchairOnItsSideABit
#INearlyDidNotBotherGoingInAsIDidNotWantToEmbarrassMyself
#AndThenOnTheWayOutTwoGuysMovedTheBarrierForUsABitToGetOutWithNoProblem
#PeopleInWheelchairsOrWithMobilityScootersMustGetSoAnnoyed

(I wrote this on 6th September.)

#IWasPlanningOnDoingThisShootTomorrow #ButIWasGettingReadyForBedAndISuddenlyFeltAwake #BIsAsleepOnTiagoSoIWasGoingToDoSomeStretchingButIDecidedToDoAShootInstead

This is often the case – me feeling really tired and hoping to go to bed soon. Usually though it’s more that B just takes ages to settle and I end up going to bed a lot later than planned.

I was going to work on my coding homework, but I already did some earlier and I’m still on schedule to complete it ahead of time – fingers crossed. I can plan to do a shoot tomorrow daytime, but knowing my luck B’s naps might be short and she might need me to rock her to sleep with my foot.

The other day she was in her bouncer and I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor, with one foot bouncing her bouncer.

#MaybeIWillTryToStretchABitAfter

Leaving this blank as I’m writing this straight after I’ve done the shoot and hashtags. Trying to give myself less work to do when I get round to publishing it…

(I did manage to stretch. Hurrah!)

#BDoesThisCuteThingWithHerMouthWhenSheCoos

I’ve talked about it before.

#MyNanDescribesItAsPursingHerLips

I feel like I haven’t heard that word used in that context for a very long time.

(I’ve since heard it a few times – funny how that happens.)

#WhichIGuessItIsButICanNotSeemToImitateItWell

Though after looking at the pictures maybe I am getting there, but I usually see her lying down on her back or at an angle so it looks different.

I think I need to show the pictures to Tiago and get him to advise me on how to do it. He should be watching the shoot and shouting directions next time.

(Though thinking about it – maybe it looks so different because I have teeth?)

#ItEitherLooksLikeIAmTryingToBeSexyOrLikeIAmTryingToImitateAMonkey #Awkward

B looks like she is doing neither (thank big G) when she does it.

#TodaySheWasDoingItWhilstLookingAtHerCalamariToy #TMadeACuteVideoOfIt

Adorable. I need to get so much storage just for all the phone pix and videos we make of her… She isn’t even 3 months old yet.

Like I said before it’s a shame that I’m not showing her face online as I just want to show the world how adorable she is. Instead everyone gets to see ugly pix of me trying to imitate her, and she looks more like Tiago!

#ThisWeekendBMetMySisterHerPartnerAndTheirSonForTheFirstTime #AndItWasOurFirstTimeMeetingOurNephewSoThatWasNice

It was really nice to see them. Our nephew is another lockdown baby.

#IAmStillWorkingOnGettingBToHaveNapsEvery60To90MinutesDuringTheDay #ItGoesFairlyWellUntilMidAfternoonAndThenOftenSheIsAwakeFor5Hours

It’s weird that the more they sleep in the day, the better they sleep at night. In the past I’ve been like ‘well at least if she doesn’t go to sleep well, she’ll sleep better during the night’. It was like that a little bit at times I think, but there have been a couple of bad nights lately and I don’t do well with bad nights. None of us do.

I don’t really know what her sleep cycles were like before to be honest. I can’t really remember. I just kind of let her sleep when she wanted to, but then she would get over tired. Once I figured out the pink eyebrows were a sign of needing to sleep, and then I read at her age she should be napping every 60-90 minutes that made me realise that things needed to change.

#SoOurNewThingIsTakingHerOutForAWalkInHerPramIfWeStruggle #ButOnceSheFallsAsleepIAmTooScaredToComeHomeTooEarlyInCaseSheWakesUpAsSoonAsIGetIn

At least it’s good exercise… It gets super cold in Liverpool in the winter though, so that will be interesting. When I got soaked whilst taking her out for a walk the other day B was all nice and snug and dry in her bassinet at least…

#YesterdayIEndedUpGoingForAWalkAsItWasGettingDark #ItWasFunnySeeingEveryoneOutInTheirFancyClothesReadyForANightOut #AndIWasJustLookingAStatePushingAPushchairAbout

I think a few people looked at me like I was a bit odd. Different lives. I was never really a going out kind of person, though perhaps I was more in London. I went to art openings more than anything else though in the evening. Who knows when I’ll be going to one of them again… (I’d take B with me, it’s more because of the pandemic.)

#ItReallyDoesNotSeemLikeThereIsAPandemicHalfTheTime

Tiago says he has noticed that the ‘electricity’ of the ‘old days’ is back on the streets a bit. It seemed really busy out and about that weekend, but then again we were out and about adding to the crowd…

(On the day of posting this a new lockdown has begun in Liverpool, so we’ll see how it feels now. I’m guessing it won’t change much, though I hope it does. We got told by email yesterday to wear masks when we go in and out of our building, for the first time.)

#IHaveBeenToACoupleOfShopsLately #ToTheSupermarketAndToABakery

Hopefully reading this in the future it will sound so boring, but it seems like newsworthy events at the moment because of how things are.

(I have been to a shop since, but I think I will stop it for now. It is too annoying to navigate places with the pushchair…)

#PushingAPushchairAroundYouRealiseHowBadAccessIsAtSomePlaces #OrHowFrustratingSomePathsAreToNavigate #IDidNotGoIntoOneBakeryAsIDidNotThinkIWouldBeAbleToPushBsPushchairRoundTheOneWaySystemWithTheBarriers #AtTheOneIWentIntoInTheEndIHadToTurnThePushchairOnItsSideABit #INearlyDidNotBotherGoingInAsIDidNotWantToEmbarrassMyself #AndThenOnTheWayOutTwoGuysMovedTheBarrierForUsABitToGetOutWithNoProblem #PeopleInWheelchairsOrWithMobilityScootersMustGetSoAnnoyed

I used to think about accessibility a bit before, but now I have a 4-wheeled thing to push around I definitely think about it a lot. I have to change the routes I walk now because of it. You realise how bumpy some surfaces are, steps that you never thought twice about before are a bit bothersome now, you notice how narrow paths are or how lopsided they are etc. You see places in an entirely new light…


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An Impression Of B Sucking Her Hands (31st August 2020)

Me doing an impression of B sucking her hand
An Impression Of B Sucking Her Hands (31st August 2020)
 
#IHadBeenMeaningToTakeAPictureOfThisForAFewDays
#BHasStartedToSuckHerHandsNow
#AndBecauseIDoNotWantHerFaceInThisProjectIThoughtIWouldPhotographMyselfDoingItInstead
#ItLooksABitLikeSheIsLickingAnIceCream
#IHopeItDoesNotLookTooDodgy
#WellIfItDoesThenThatIsYourDodgyMindNotMine
#ItWasOnMyShootListButIWasTryingToNotDoOneForACoupleOfDays
#IAmUpToDateWithMyBlogPostsInTermsOfHavingSomethingWrittenForEachOne
#ThenOnTheDayThatIPostIJustCheckOverThemAndAddInAnythingElse
#AndIStartedACodingCourseLastWeekSoIFeelLikeIHaveALotGoingOn
#SoItWasNiceToNotHaveToWriteAnyBlogPostsForACoupleOfDays
#ThenIHadAnImprintOfBsEarOnMyChest
#SoIWantedToPhotographThatWithMyQuoteProperKitUnquoteAsMostOfMyPicturesLatelyHaveBeenWithMyCrummyPhoneCamera
#ThoughIDidTryToTakeOneWithMyPhone
#AndAsEverythingWasSetUpAndBWasWithTiagoIThoughtIWouldTryOutThisIdea
#ItIsWhatItIs
#MeDoingAnImpressionOfBSuckingHerHand
#TiagoGotACoupleOfShelvingUnitsThatIHaveWantedSinceIStartedToNestAtTheBeginningOfLockdown
#SoHopefullyNowWeCanSoonHaveTheFlatMoreTidy
#ButThenTheNextThingWeNeedToWorryAboutIsBabyproofingEverything
#TheFunNeverEnds
#IFeelABitLonely
#IFeelLikeNonMumFriendsCanNotRelateToMeNowAndSomeAreKeepingTheirDistance
#AndThatIDoNotFitInWithNewMumFriendsAsIStartedToDoACourseAndTheyFeelLikeTheyDoNotHaveTimeToDoAnything
#INeedToBeProductiveAndRetainSomeOfMyOldIdentityAsOtherwiseItIsNotGoodForMyMentalHealth
#ILoveBToBitsAlreadyButSheCanNotProvideMeWithEverythingINeed
#AndTheGoodThingAboutMyProjectIsItIsToDoWithOurFamily
#ThoughWritingThingsLikeThisIsHardButIThinkSheWillUnderstandOneDay
#IAmStillWorkingOnABalanceButIGuessItIsAWorkInProgressFromWeekToWeek
#INeedToDoSomeStretchingBeforeSheWakesUpFromHerNapAsIHaveNotInAFewDaysAndIDoNotFeelThatGreatBecauseOfIt

(I wrote this blog post on the day I took the picture – any comments in brackets are comments from today.)

#IHadBeenMeaningToTakeAPictureOfThisForAFewDays
#BHasStartedToSuckHerHandsNow
#AndBecauseIDoNotWantHerFaceInThisProjectIThoughtIWouldPhotographMyselfDoingItInstead
#ItLooksABitLikeSheIsLickingAnIceCream
#IHopeItDoesNotLookTooDodgy
#WellIfItDoesThenThatIsYourDodgyMindNotMine

To be fair there were some dodgy looking pictures and I get enough weird messages as it is. In the end it was between this one and one that did look dodgy. I preferred this one, but I thought I’d ask T his opinion; I was happy when he also liked this one.

Maybe it looks more like I am just thinking. I do suck/bite my fingers when I am stressed (perhaps less now due to Covid now), so maybe it’s a similar thing. I think she is just discovering her body more though. I got reminded that she will be grabbing her feet and things soon, which will be funny!

#ItWasOnMyShootListButIWasTryingToNotDoOneForACoupleOfDays
#IAmUpToDateWithMyBlogPostsInTermsOfHavingSomethingWrittenForEachOne
#ThenOnTheDayThatIPostIJustCheckOverThemAndAddInAnythingElse

Though once I start writing blog posts I do get quite into them.

#AndIStartedACodingCourseLastWeekSoIFeelLikeIHaveALotGoingOn
#SoItWasNiceToNotHaveToWriteAnyBlogPostsForACoupleOfDays

Yeah it’s a bit much doing blog posts and classes in one night. Though I watched a few segments earlier and did the first task for my JavaScript week, and this is my second blog post but hopefully tomorrow night I can just focus on my course. Thanks to Tiago for being super supportive.

#ThenIHadAnImprintOfBsEarOnMyChest
#SoIWantedToPhotographThatWithMyQuoteProperKitUnquoteAsMostOfMyPicturesLatelyHaveBeenWithMyCrummyPhoneCamera
#ThoughIDidTryToTakeOneWithMyPhone
#AndAsEverythingWasSetUpAndBWasWithTiagoIThoughtIWouldTryOutThisIdea
#ItIsWhatItIs
#MeDoingAnImpressionOfBSuckingHerHand

I love how I don’t do a shoot for a few days and then I photograph two ideas. It’s how it goes. I’ve written the blog posts on the same day as the shoots, which at least is a good exercise in editing my shoots down quickly. It feels really good to be up to date with these things – until I make more work for myself.

#TiagoGotACoupleOfShelvingUnitsThatIHaveWantedSinceIStartedToNestAtTheBeginningOfLockdown
#SoHopefullyNowWeCanSoonHaveTheFlatMoreTidy

A certain furniture store was out of stock of certain things – like the cot we wanted – and then wasn’t delivering other things that we wanted. When they reopened we thought the queues would be too much, so we held off and tried to find them second hand. In the end we were too slow at getting them, so T finally braved it. He said there were still big queues and a lot of people going in together. I’d love to go round a shop, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to go as a family.

Anyways, we built them pretty fast and it’s nice to have my art books out finally after living in Liverpool for 20 months!

#ButThenTheNextThingWeNeedToWorryAboutIsBabyproofingEverything
#TheFunNeverEnds

Can she just exist within a playpen for the rest of her life?

#IFeelABitLonely
#IFeelLikeNonMumFriendsCanNotRelateToMeNowAndSomeAreKeepingTheirDistance
#AndThatIDoNotFitInWithNewMumFriendsAsIStartedToDoACourseAndTheyFeelLikeTheyDoNotHaveTimeToDoAnything
#INeedToBeProductiveAndRetainSomeOfMyOldIdentityAsOtherwiseItIsNotGoodForMyMentalHealth

(I’ve been thinking about these few hashtags since I wrote them and I feel awkward about them, but it’s how I feel.)

It is just a bit weird. Some people stop talking to you once you get pregnant, some stop talking to you once you’ve had a kid, some people it just feels awkward to talk to etc.

I know that some people feel bad for not being productive; I don’t want them to feel that way. Some people say they aren’t productive, but I bet they are in different ways to me.

I would love to just be relaxing, but I’m not very good at it. I’m trying to be more relaxed during the day though when me and B hang out though. I’m also lucky that Tiago understands that I need some time to do my own thing.

I guess I’ve always felt like I’ve never really fitted in anywhere anyways. Well, I feel like I fit in with my new family of T and B and that’s really good. I can be myself with them – for now. Maybe B will find me embarrassing in a few years’ time, but we will just have to wait and see!

I’ve said since before B was born that I need to retain some of my past identity. When I say that I mean just being able to do my art stuff as it is important for my mental health. I am at my worst when I feel like I haven’t done anything as my work is very therapeutic for me.

(I’m currently feeling a little stressed as I’ve started the next phase of my coding course – my session today took me longer than I planned and I didn’t do my task well – and I haven’t done a shoot in 4/5 days. Hopefully I will take photos tomorrow.)

#ILoveBToBitsAlreadyButSheCanNotProvideMeWithEverythingINeed

I love when she smiles and she giggles in her sleep a bit now. I can’t wait for her to laugh at loud at me doing dumb things to make her do so 🙂

#AndTheGoodThingAboutMyProjectIsItIsToDoWithOurFamily

So I may annoy them, but at least I’m around. At some point I would like to do something that perhaps isn’t so diaristic, but that’s where we are for now.

#ThoughWritingThingsLikeThisIsHardButIThinkSheWillUnderstandOneDay

Well, she will one day know that I can not provide her with everything she needs because it is impossible.

It is also hard to write about feeling lonely at times. I think I feel this way because of the pandemic too though; things would be a bit different if we weren’t going through this. It is odd though as a lot of people act like it is not happening.

#IAmStillWorkingOnABalanceButIGuessItIsAWorkInProgressFromWeekToWeek

It is a bit more day to day at times, but I am learning and different days need different approaches.

#INeedToDoSomeStretchingBeforeSheWakesUpFromHerNapAsIHaveNotInAFewDaysAndIDoNotFeelThatGreatBecauseOfIt

I was bouncing her in her bouncer while she slept. I finished the hashtags and got up to do a YouTube video. T took over bouncing duties, but she noticed the difference and she woke up pretty quickly.

Luckily she was pretty chilled and allowed me to finish. I think I fed and changed her, then I did a baby yoga video with her. I need to start doing more baby classes with her as it is good quality time and I feel like she gets a lot out of them. We are starting a new course soon, so hopefully she will enjoy it more now that she is a bit older.

(We have since started a new course and we haven’t been able to get through a class in one go – the last one we did it took 3 separate sessions to complete.

I hope this blog post makes sense. When I wrote it I was probably tired and now checking it I am quite tired. I’ve started to go to bed at 9pm if I can, but it seems that I can never sleep enough.)


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