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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Failing To Imitate The Cute Thing That B Does With Her Mouth (6th September 2020)

Me with my lips in a funny shape, trying to imitate my daughter
Failing To Imitate The Cute Thing That B Does With Her Mouth (6th September 2020)
 
#IWasPlanningOnDoingThisShootTomorrow
#ButIWasGettingReadyForBedAndISuddenlyFeltAwake
#BIsAsleepOnTiagoSoIWasGoingToDoSomeStretchingButIDecidedToDoAShootInstead
#MaybeIWillTryToStretchABitAfter
#BDoesThisCuteThingWithHerMouthWhenSheCoos
#MyNanDescribesItAsPursingHerLips
#WhichIGuessItIsButICanNotSeemToImitateItWell
#ItEitherLooksLikeIAmTryingToBeSexyOrLikeIAmTryingToImitateAMonkey
#Awkward
#TodaySheWasDoingItWhilstLookingAtHerCalamariToy
#TMadeACuteVideoOfIt
#ThisWeekendBMetMySisterHerPartnerAndTheirSonForTheFirstTime
#AndItWasOurFirstTimeMeetingOurNephewSoThatWasNice
#IAmStillWorkingOnGettingBToHaveNapsEvery60To90MinutesDuringTheDay
#ItGoesFairlyWellUntilMidAfternoonAndThenOftenSheIsAwakeFor5Hours
#SoOurNewThingIsTakingHerOutForAWalkInHerPramIfWeStruggle
#ButOnceSheFallsAsleepIAmTooScaredToComeHomeTooEarlyInCaseSheWakesUpAsSoonAsIGetIn
#YesterdayIEndedUpGoingForAWalkAsItWasGettingDark
#ItWasFunnySeeingEveryoneOutInTheirFancyClothesReadyForANightOut
#AndIWasJustLookingAStatePushingAPushchairAbout
#ItReallyDoesNotSeemLikeThereIsAPandemicHalfTheTime
#IHaveBeenToACoupleOfShopsLately
#ToTheSupermarketAndToABakery
#PushingAPushchairAroundYouRealiseHowBadAccessIsAtSomePlaces
#OrHowFrustratingSomePathsAreToNavigate
#IDidNotGoIntoOneBakeryAsIDidNotThinkIWouldBeAbleToPushBsPushchairRoundTheOneWaySystemWithTheBarriers
#AtTheOneIWentIntoInTheEndIHadToTurnThePushchairOnItsSideABit
#INearlyDidNotBotherGoingInAsIDidNotWantToEmbarrassMyself
#AndThenOnTheWayOutTwoGuysMovedTheBarrierForUsABitToGetOutWithNoProblem
#PeopleInWheelchairsOrWithMobilityScootersMustGetSoAnnoyed

(I wrote this on 6th September.)

#IWasPlanningOnDoingThisShootTomorrow #ButIWasGettingReadyForBedAndISuddenlyFeltAwake #BIsAsleepOnTiagoSoIWasGoingToDoSomeStretchingButIDecidedToDoAShootInstead

This is often the case – me feeling really tired and hoping to go to bed soon. Usually though it’s more that B just takes ages to settle and I end up going to bed a lot later than planned.

I was going to work on my coding homework, but I already did some earlier and I’m still on schedule to complete it ahead of time – fingers crossed. I can plan to do a shoot tomorrow daytime, but knowing my luck B’s naps might be short and she might need me to rock her to sleep with my foot.

The other day she was in her bouncer and I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor, with one foot bouncing her bouncer.

#MaybeIWillTryToStretchABitAfter

Leaving this blank as I’m writing this straight after I’ve done the shoot and hashtags. Trying to give myself less work to do when I get round to publishing it…

(I did manage to stretch. Hurrah!)

#BDoesThisCuteThingWithHerMouthWhenSheCoos

I’ve talked about it before.

#MyNanDescribesItAsPursingHerLips

I feel like I haven’t heard that word used in that context for a very long time.

(I’ve since heard it a few times – funny how that happens.)

#WhichIGuessItIsButICanNotSeemToImitateItWell

Though after looking at the pictures maybe I am getting there, but I usually see her lying down on her back or at an angle so it looks different.

I think I need to show the pictures to Tiago and get him to advise me on how to do it. He should be watching the shoot and shouting directions next time.

(Though thinking about it – maybe it looks so different because I have teeth?)

#ItEitherLooksLikeIAmTryingToBeSexyOrLikeIAmTryingToImitateAMonkey #Awkward

B looks like she is doing neither (thank big G) when she does it.

#TodaySheWasDoingItWhilstLookingAtHerCalamariToy #TMadeACuteVideoOfIt

Adorable. I need to get so much storage just for all the phone pix and videos we make of her… She isn’t even 3 months old yet.

Like I said before it’s a shame that I’m not showing her face online as I just want to show the world how adorable she is. Instead everyone gets to see ugly pix of me trying to imitate her, and she looks more like Tiago!

#ThisWeekendBMetMySisterHerPartnerAndTheirSonForTheFirstTime #AndItWasOurFirstTimeMeetingOurNephewSoThatWasNice

It was really nice to see them. Our nephew is another lockdown baby.

#IAmStillWorkingOnGettingBToHaveNapsEvery60To90MinutesDuringTheDay #ItGoesFairlyWellUntilMidAfternoonAndThenOftenSheIsAwakeFor5Hours

It’s weird that the more they sleep in the day, the better they sleep at night. In the past I’ve been like ‘well at least if she doesn’t go to sleep well, she’ll sleep better during the night’. It was like that a little bit at times I think, but there have been a couple of bad nights lately and I don’t do well with bad nights. None of us do.

I don’t really know what her sleep cycles were like before to be honest. I can’t really remember. I just kind of let her sleep when she wanted to, but then she would get over tired. Once I figured out the pink eyebrows were a sign of needing to sleep, and then I read at her age she should be napping every 60-90 minutes that made me realise that things needed to change.

#SoOurNewThingIsTakingHerOutForAWalkInHerPramIfWeStruggle #ButOnceSheFallsAsleepIAmTooScaredToComeHomeTooEarlyInCaseSheWakesUpAsSoonAsIGetIn

At least it’s good exercise… It gets super cold in Liverpool in the winter though, so that will be interesting. When I got soaked whilst taking her out for a walk the other day B was all nice and snug and dry in her bassinet at least…

#YesterdayIEndedUpGoingForAWalkAsItWasGettingDark #ItWasFunnySeeingEveryoneOutInTheirFancyClothesReadyForANightOut #AndIWasJustLookingAStatePushingAPushchairAbout

I think a few people looked at me like I was a bit odd. Different lives. I was never really a going out kind of person, though perhaps I was more in London. I went to art openings more than anything else though in the evening. Who knows when I’ll be going to one of them again… (I’d take B with me, it’s more because of the pandemic.)

#ItReallyDoesNotSeemLikeThereIsAPandemicHalfTheTime

Tiago says he has noticed that the ‘electricity’ of the ‘old days’ is back on the streets a bit. It seemed really busy out and about that weekend, but then again we were out and about adding to the crowd…

(On the day of posting this a new lockdown has begun in Liverpool, so we’ll see how it feels now. I’m guessing it won’t change much, though I hope it does. We got told by email yesterday to wear masks when we go in and out of our building, for the first time.)

#IHaveBeenToACoupleOfShopsLately #ToTheSupermarketAndToABakery

Hopefully reading this in the future it will sound so boring, but it seems like newsworthy events at the moment because of how things are.

(I have been to a shop since, but I think I will stop it for now. It is too annoying to navigate places with the pushchair…)

#PushingAPushchairAroundYouRealiseHowBadAccessIsAtSomePlaces #OrHowFrustratingSomePathsAreToNavigate #IDidNotGoIntoOneBakeryAsIDidNotThinkIWouldBeAbleToPushBsPushchairRoundTheOneWaySystemWithTheBarriers #AtTheOneIWentIntoInTheEndIHadToTurnThePushchairOnItsSideABit #INearlyDidNotBotherGoingInAsIDidNotWantToEmbarrassMyself #AndThenOnTheWayOutTwoGuysMovedTheBarrierForUsABitToGetOutWithNoProblem #PeopleInWheelchairsOrWithMobilityScootersMustGetSoAnnoyed

I used to think about accessibility a bit before, but now I have a 4-wheeled thing to push around I definitely think about it a lot. I have to change the routes I walk now because of it. You realise how bumpy some surfaces are, steps that you never thought twice about before are a bit bothersome now, you notice how narrow paths are or how lopsided they are etc. You see places in an entirely new light…


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

An Impression Of B Sucking Her Hands (31st August 2020)

Me doing an impression of B sucking her hand
An Impression Of B Sucking Her Hands (31st August 2020)
 
#IHadBeenMeaningToTakeAPictureOfThisForAFewDays
#BHasStartedToSuckHerHandsNow
#AndBecauseIDoNotWantHerFaceInThisProjectIThoughtIWouldPhotographMyselfDoingItInstead
#ItLooksABitLikeSheIsLickingAnIceCream
#IHopeItDoesNotLookTooDodgy
#WellIfItDoesThenThatIsYourDodgyMindNotMine
#ItWasOnMyShootListButIWasTryingToNotDoOneForACoupleOfDays
#IAmUpToDateWithMyBlogPostsInTermsOfHavingSomethingWrittenForEachOne
#ThenOnTheDayThatIPostIJustCheckOverThemAndAddInAnythingElse
#AndIStartedACodingCourseLastWeekSoIFeelLikeIHaveALotGoingOn
#SoItWasNiceToNotHaveToWriteAnyBlogPostsForACoupleOfDays
#ThenIHadAnImprintOfBsEarOnMyChest
#SoIWantedToPhotographThatWithMyQuoteProperKitUnquoteAsMostOfMyPicturesLatelyHaveBeenWithMyCrummyPhoneCamera
#ThoughIDidTryToTakeOneWithMyPhone
#AndAsEverythingWasSetUpAndBWasWithTiagoIThoughtIWouldTryOutThisIdea
#ItIsWhatItIs
#MeDoingAnImpressionOfBSuckingHerHand
#TiagoGotACoupleOfShelvingUnitsThatIHaveWantedSinceIStartedToNestAtTheBeginningOfLockdown
#SoHopefullyNowWeCanSoonHaveTheFlatMoreTidy
#ButThenTheNextThingWeNeedToWorryAboutIsBabyproofingEverything
#TheFunNeverEnds
#IFeelABitLonely
#IFeelLikeNonMumFriendsCanNotRelateToMeNowAndSomeAreKeepingTheirDistance
#AndThatIDoNotFitInWithNewMumFriendsAsIStartedToDoACourseAndTheyFeelLikeTheyDoNotHaveTimeToDoAnything
#INeedToBeProductiveAndRetainSomeOfMyOldIdentityAsOtherwiseItIsNotGoodForMyMentalHealth
#ILoveBToBitsAlreadyButSheCanNotProvideMeWithEverythingINeed
#AndTheGoodThingAboutMyProjectIsItIsToDoWithOurFamily
#ThoughWritingThingsLikeThisIsHardButIThinkSheWillUnderstandOneDay
#IAmStillWorkingOnABalanceButIGuessItIsAWorkInProgressFromWeekToWeek
#INeedToDoSomeStretchingBeforeSheWakesUpFromHerNapAsIHaveNotInAFewDaysAndIDoNotFeelThatGreatBecauseOfIt

(I wrote this blog post on the day I took the picture – any comments in brackets are comments from today.)

#IHadBeenMeaningToTakeAPictureOfThisForAFewDays
#BHasStartedToSuckHerHandsNow
#AndBecauseIDoNotWantHerFaceInThisProjectIThoughtIWouldPhotographMyselfDoingItInstead
#ItLooksABitLikeSheIsLickingAnIceCream
#IHopeItDoesNotLookTooDodgy
#WellIfItDoesThenThatIsYourDodgyMindNotMine

To be fair there were some dodgy looking pictures and I get enough weird messages as it is. In the end it was between this one and one that did look dodgy. I preferred this one, but I thought I’d ask T his opinion; I was happy when he also liked this one.

Maybe it looks more like I am just thinking. I do suck/bite my fingers when I am stressed (perhaps less now due to Covid now), so maybe it’s a similar thing. I think she is just discovering her body more though. I got reminded that she will be grabbing her feet and things soon, which will be funny!

#ItWasOnMyShootListButIWasTryingToNotDoOneForACoupleOfDays
#IAmUpToDateWithMyBlogPostsInTermsOfHavingSomethingWrittenForEachOne
#ThenOnTheDayThatIPostIJustCheckOverThemAndAddInAnythingElse

Though once I start writing blog posts I do get quite into them.

#AndIStartedACodingCourseLastWeekSoIFeelLikeIHaveALotGoingOn
#SoItWasNiceToNotHaveToWriteAnyBlogPostsForACoupleOfDays

Yeah it’s a bit much doing blog posts and classes in one night. Though I watched a few segments earlier and did the first task for my JavaScript week, and this is my second blog post but hopefully tomorrow night I can just focus on my course. Thanks to Tiago for being super supportive.

#ThenIHadAnImprintOfBsEarOnMyChest
#SoIWantedToPhotographThatWithMyQuoteProperKitUnquoteAsMostOfMyPicturesLatelyHaveBeenWithMyCrummyPhoneCamera
#ThoughIDidTryToTakeOneWithMyPhone
#AndAsEverythingWasSetUpAndBWasWithTiagoIThoughtIWouldTryOutThisIdea
#ItIsWhatItIs
#MeDoingAnImpressionOfBSuckingHerHand

I love how I don’t do a shoot for a few days and then I photograph two ideas. It’s how it goes. I’ve written the blog posts on the same day as the shoots, which at least is a good exercise in editing my shoots down quickly. It feels really good to be up to date with these things – until I make more work for myself.

#TiagoGotACoupleOfShelvingUnitsThatIHaveWantedSinceIStartedToNestAtTheBeginningOfLockdown
#SoHopefullyNowWeCanSoonHaveTheFlatMoreTidy

A certain furniture store was out of stock of certain things – like the cot we wanted – and then wasn’t delivering other things that we wanted. When they reopened we thought the queues would be too much, so we held off and tried to find them second hand. In the end we were too slow at getting them, so T finally braved it. He said there were still big queues and a lot of people going in together. I’d love to go round a shop, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to go as a family.

Anyways, we built them pretty fast and it’s nice to have my art books out finally after living in Liverpool for 20 months!

#ButThenTheNextThingWeNeedToWorryAboutIsBabyproofingEverything
#TheFunNeverEnds

Can she just exist within a playpen for the rest of her life?

#IFeelABitLonely
#IFeelLikeNonMumFriendsCanNotRelateToMeNowAndSomeAreKeepingTheirDistance
#AndThatIDoNotFitInWithNewMumFriendsAsIStartedToDoACourseAndTheyFeelLikeTheyDoNotHaveTimeToDoAnything
#INeedToBeProductiveAndRetainSomeOfMyOldIdentityAsOtherwiseItIsNotGoodForMyMentalHealth

(I’ve been thinking about these few hashtags since I wrote them and I feel awkward about them, but it’s how I feel.)

It is just a bit weird. Some people stop talking to you once you get pregnant, some stop talking to you once you’ve had a kid, some people it just feels awkward to talk to etc.

I know that some people feel bad for not being productive; I don’t want them to feel that way. Some people say they aren’t productive, but I bet they are in different ways to me.

I would love to just be relaxing, but I’m not very good at it. I’m trying to be more relaxed during the day though when me and B hang out though. I’m also lucky that Tiago understands that I need some time to do my own thing.

I guess I’ve always felt like I’ve never really fitted in anywhere anyways. Well, I feel like I fit in with my new family of T and B and that’s really good. I can be myself with them – for now. Maybe B will find me embarrassing in a few years’ time, but we will just have to wait and see!

I’ve said since before B was born that I need to retain some of my past identity. When I say that I mean just being able to do my art stuff as it is important for my mental health. I am at my worst when I feel like I haven’t done anything as my work is very therapeutic for me.

(I’m currently feeling a little stressed as I’ve started the next phase of my coding course – my session today took me longer than I planned and I didn’t do my task well – and I haven’t done a shoot in 4/5 days. Hopefully I will take photos tomorrow.)

#ILoveBToBitsAlreadyButSheCanNotProvideMeWithEverythingINeed

I love when she smiles and she giggles in her sleep a bit now. I can’t wait for her to laugh at loud at me doing dumb things to make her do so 🙂

#AndTheGoodThingAboutMyProjectIsItIsToDoWithOurFamily

So I may annoy them, but at least I’m around. At some point I would like to do something that perhaps isn’t so diaristic, but that’s where we are for now.

#ThoughWritingThingsLikeThisIsHardButIThinkSheWillUnderstandOneDay

Well, she will one day know that I can not provide her with everything she needs because it is impossible.

It is also hard to write about feeling lonely at times. I think I feel this way because of the pandemic too though; things would be a bit different if we weren’t going through this. It is odd though as a lot of people act like it is not happening.

#IAmStillWorkingOnABalanceButIGuessItIsAWorkInProgressFromWeekToWeek

It is a bit more day to day at times, but I am learning and different days need different approaches.

#INeedToDoSomeStretchingBeforeSheWakesUpFromHerNapAsIHaveNotInAFewDaysAndIDoNotFeelThatGreatBecauseOfIt

I was bouncing her in her bouncer while she slept. I finished the hashtags and got up to do a YouTube video. T took over bouncing duties, but she noticed the difference and she woke up pretty quickly.

Luckily she was pretty chilled and allowed me to finish. I think I fed and changed her, then I did a baby yoga video with her. I need to start doing more baby classes with her as it is good quality time and I feel like she gets a lot out of them. We are starting a new course soon, so hopefully she will enjoy it more now that she is a bit older.

(We have since started a new course and we haven’t been able to get through a class in one go – the last one we did it took 3 separate sessions to complete.

I hope this blog post makes sense. When I wrote it I was probably tired and now checking it I am quite tired. I’ve started to go to bed at 9pm if I can, but it seems that I can never sleep enough.)


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!