Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Imitating B Wearing My Pants On Her Head (23 Weeks / 9th October 2021)

Self-portrait diptych. I am wearing a black dress with white stripes in both. In the left image I have pants on my head in a way that looks more like a hat. On the right a leg hole follows my nose and shows the left side of my face.
Imitating B Wearing My Pants On Her Head (23 Weeks / 9th October 2021)
 
#IHaveMentionedBeforeThatBLikesToPutThingsOnHerHeadAndOrAroundHerNeck
#AParticularFavouriteIsGettingMyPantsFromTheClothesLineAndPuttingThemOnHerHead
#ItIsFunnyButItAlsoScaresMeABitSoWeNeedToKeepAnEyeOnHerAtAllTimes
#IWishSheCouldSayWhySheLikesToDoItSoMuchButSheIsStillJustBabblingALot
#IFeelLikeIShouldTalkAboutHowIAmFeelingThisPregnancyAsIThinkThatIHaveNotReallySpokenAboutItMuch
#IHaveBeenHavingALotOfDaydreamsWhereSomethingBadHappensToBabyXEitherNowOrAtTheBirth
#OftenIDaydreamForQuiteALongTimeBeforeIRealiseWhatIAmDoingAndSnapMyselfOutOfIt
#SometimesIDoNotFeelTheBabyForQuiteAWhileButIKnowItIsProbablyBecauseIAmRunningAroundAfterB
#ThoughLastNightIThinkICouldFeelHerHiccuppingForAWhileSoThatWasARelief
#IDidNotFeelBMoveThatMuchReallyAndSheHiccuppedALotTooWhichWasAGoodIndicationThatSheWasOkay
#AtLeastBIsAGoodDistractionWhoMakesTimeFlyButIAmStillQuiteAnxiousWithThisPregnancy
#IMessagedMyMidwifeYesterdayAsIHadNotBeenOfferedTheWhoppingCoughVaccineAndSheSaidToCallMyDoctors
#SoIDidThatAndThatWillBeInAFewWeeksAndSheAlsoEmailedMeMyMaternityExemptionCertificate
#TheDoctorsSaidIJustNeedToAskForMyFluVaccineAtTheSameTimeButIDoNotWantToWaitThatLongForIt
#SoIBookedWithAPharmacyToGetThatDoneThisWeekAsIKnowPeopleMyAgeWhoHaveBeenGettingTheFluQuiteBadThisYear
#YesterdayAfterBreakfastIFeltLikeIWasGettingSomeAcidRefluxWhichIHaveNotHadMuchOfYetAndICanFeelItABitNowWhichIThinkMayBeCausedByOrangeJuice
#ReadingAdviceTheySayToEatSmallMealsButOnceIEatIGenerallyCanNotStopSoIThinkTheTimeHasComeToShowSomeRestraint
#MyBumpIsGettingQuiteBigNowAndIFindItHardToImagineHowMuchMoreItCanGrowBeforeTheBabyIsBorn
#SoItMakesSenseThatINeedToEatLittleAndOftenInsteadOfALotAndInfrequently
#LastNightIWasAwakeForAboutTwoHoursFromTwoInTheMorningWhichWasAnnoyingAsIHaveNotHadThatMuchInsomnia
#IWasJustReallyHotAndThirstyAndThenMyBrainWouldNotLetMeGoBackToSleepSoThatWasFun
#IWasMainlyThinkingAboutSendingBToNurseryAndForHowMuchTimeDuringTheWeek
#ItWouldNotBeYetButWeNeedToHaveALookAtThemAndCheckAvailability
#WeSeeAGirlAroundWhoIsTheSameAgeAsBAndTheyGetQuiteExcitedWhenTheySeeEachOther
#SheGoesToTheNurseryThatWeWereLookingAtSoItWouldBeNiceForThemToHangOutMoreAndItIsGoodToHaveARecommendation
#WeWouldProbablyStartOffSendingHerTwoMorningsAWeekInACoupleOfMonthsTimeSoICanHaveSomeTimeToSortOutThingsBeforeBabyXIsBorn
#IWouldRatherSheGoForTwoMorningsThanAFullDayAsAfterAWhileIWouldJustStartToFaff
#TiagoHasStartedToTalkToBumpABitMoreAndFeltSomeMovementLastNight
#HeMadeMeLaughWhenHeWasTellingTheBabyToWakeUpAndSaidWakeyWabyInsteadOfWakeyBaby
#BAlsoMakesMeLaughWithHerEnthusiasmForThingsLikeHerTryingOutTheRampOnHerClimbingFrameByRunningUpAndDownItFiftyTimesPlusLastNight

(Trigger warning: I talk about some of my anxiety during the pregnancy and unpleasant day dreams.)

#IHaveMentionedBeforeThatBLikesToPutThingsOnHerHeadAndOrAroundHerNeck

I think so anyways. The dry skin at the back of her neck has probably been caused by her love of it…

#AParticularFavouriteIsGettingMyPantsFromTheClothesLineAndPuttingThemOnHerHead

I love when she also carries three pairs of my pants around the house too.

#ItIsFunnyButItAlsoScaresMeABitSoWeNeedToKeepAnEyeOnHerAtAllTimes

You can see how kids can easily suffocate themselves on accident…

#IWishSheCouldSayWhySheLikesToDoItSoMuchButSheIsStillJustBabblingALot

It’s probably just because she found she can do it and it usually gets a reaction. Fair enough.

#IFeelLikeIShouldTalkAboutHowIAmFeelingThisPregnancyAsIThinkThatIHaveNotReallySpokenAboutItMuch

I generally plan to, but then end up talking about all the things that B has been up to.

#IHaveBeenHavingALotOfDaydreamsWhereSomethingBadHappensToBabyXEitherNowOrAtTheBirth

Basically, I end up without a second baby.

#OftenIDaydreamForQuiteALongTimeBeforeIRealiseWhatIAmDoingAndSnapMyselfOutOfIt

I imagine the events, the conversations, the feelings, the reactions etc. It’s deep.

#SometimesIDoNotFeelTheBabyForQuiteAWhileButIKnowItIsProbablyBecauseIAmRunningAroundAfterB

I can feel her (I find it weird that I know it’s a girl) moving about now as I am sat writing this, but sometimes I don’t. When B is awake my attention and focus is elsewhere.

#ThoughLastNightIThinkICouldFeelHerHiccuppingForAWhileSoThatWasARelief

I originally wrote them instead of her as I find it weird to say it’s a girl, I think as I didn’t know what B was until she came out.

#IDidNotFeelBMoveThatMuchReallyAndSheHiccuppedALotTooWhichWasAGoodIndicationThatSheWasOkay

Hiccups are reassuring. My Mum said before that my younger sister was the same.

#AtLeastBIsAGoodDistractionWhoMakesTimeFlyButIAmStillQuiteAnxiousWithThisPregnancy

I need to start reading about hypnobirthing again and start mentally preparing myself for the birth. I stretch in the morning and evening, and try to go for a walk or two a day with B so I feel quite strong at least. I just need to get strong mentally.

#IMessagedMyMidwifeYesterdayAsIHadNotBeenOfferedTheWhoppingCoughVaccineAndSheSaidToCallMyDoctors

With B I’m sure they said about booking it quite early on, or maybe I was just on the ball.

#SoIDidThatAndThatWillBeInAFewWeeksAndSheAlsoEmailedMeMyMaternityExemptionCertificate

I’m sure with B they told me to come in the same day, so I was surprised it was a bit of a wait. It’s good that the certificate is not a piece of paper this time – so much more convenient.

#TheDoctorsSaidIJustNeedToAskForMyFluVaccineAtTheSameTimeButIDoNotWantToWaitThatLongForIt

I’m more bothered about getting my flu vaccine now than the whooping cough.

#SoIBookedWithAPharmacyToGetThatDoneThisWeekAsIKnowPeopleMyAgeWhoHaveBeenGettingTheFluQuiteBadThisYear

My Nan got hers at the start of the week. I do not fancy catching the flu.

#YesterdayAfterBreakfastIFeltLikeIWasGettingSomeAcidRefluxWhichIHaveNotHadMuchOfYetAndICanFeelItABitNowWhichIThinkMayBeCausedByOrangeJuice

I’m still loving my hashbrowns and scrambled egg toasted sandwich with a small glass of orange juice.

#ReadingAdviceTheySayToEatSmallMealsButOnceIEatIGenerallyCanNotStopSoIThinkTheTimeHasComeToShowSomeRestraint

I won’t be hungry, but then I’ll just keep eating for ages once I start – especially at lunch.

#MyBumpIsGettingQuiteBigNowAndIFindItHardToImagineHowMuchMoreItCanGrowBeforeTheBabyIsBorn #SoItMakesSenseThatINeedToEatLittleAndOftenInsteadOfALotAndInfrequently

I feel like I am running out of space already.

#LastNightIWasAwakeForAboutTwoHoursFromTwoInTheMorningWhichWasAnnoyingAsIHaveNotHadThatMuchInsomnia

I mentioned it before but it seemed to be a one off, or two night event.

#IWasJustReallyHotAndThirstyAndThenMyBrainWouldNotLetMeGoBackToSleepSoThatWasFun

I thought my Nan had put the heating on, but she hadn’t. By the time I’d checked the thermostat, and gone to the loo I was wide awake.

#IWasMainlyThinkingAboutSendingBToNurseryAndForHowMuchTimeDuringTheWeek

It’s been taking over my brain space for the last 16 hours or so?

#ItWouldNotBeYetButWeNeedToHaveALookAtThemAndCheckAvailability

I’m keen for it to be after B drops down to one nap a day, which isn’t far away, and when baby X isn’t so far away.

#WeSeeAGirlAroundWhoIsTheSameAgeAsBAndTheyGetQuiteExcitedWhenTheySeeEachOther

We see her and her parents at the playground a lot. They’ll see each other from a distance and start smiling and flapping.

#SheGoesToTheNurseryThatWeWereLookingAtSoItWouldBeNiceForThemToHangOutMoreAndItIsGoodToHaveARecommendation

If it’s good enough for her, then it’s good enough for B. Great.

#WeWouldProbablyStartOffSendingHerTwoMorningsAWeekInACoupleOfMonthsTimeSoICanHaveSomeTimeToSortOutThingsBeforeBabyXIsBorn

And just have a bit of time to feel less tired?

#IWouldRatherSheGoForTwoMorningsThanAFullDayAsAfterAWhileIWouldJustStartToFaff

I do not know what I would do for a full day a week without having B around. I have work to do, but it’s more beneficial for it to be two mornings than a whole day. I’d get a lot more done. It’d also break the week up a bit.

#TiagoHasStartedToTalkToBumpABitMoreAndFeltSomeMovementLastNight

He feels the middle of my belly, but I said I feel more movements at the bottom and then he felt something.

#HeMadeMeLaughWhenHeWasTellingTheBabyToWakeUpAndSaidWakeyWabyInsteadOfWakeyBaby

Yeah, not that funny really but we had a good laugh.

#BAlsoMakesMeLaughWithHerEnthusiasmForThingsLikeHerTryingOutTheRampOnHerClimbingFrameByRunningUpAndDownItFiftyTimesPlusLastNight

I was hoping it would wear her out, but she was up just before 6. Zzz.

23 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait diptych. I am wearing a maternity bra and leggings in both. On the left my leggings are covering my bump, and on the right my bump is exposed.
I Am Not Sick, I Am Just Pregnant (23 and a half weeks)
 
#IWasFeelingStressedYesterday
#WorryingAboutTheBabysMovements
#EveryoneTellsMeNotToWorryButItIsEasierSaidThanDone
#IHaveNeverExperiencedPregnancyBeforeSoIDoNotKnowWhatIsNormal
#IWasOnTheFloorEarlierAndWasStrugglingToGetUp
#AndIWasLaughingToMyself
#IHadToGoOntoAllFoursSoThatICouldStandUp
#IKeepThinkingMyBodyIsTheSameAsItUsedToBe
#YesterdayIWasSayingToTiagoThatMaybeIDoNotEvenLookThatPregnant
#AndHeWasLikeYesYouDo
#IGuessLookingDownAtMyselfItSeemsFairlyNormalNowAsItGrowsABitDaily
#ButIGetMoreWeirdedOutWhenILookInTheMirror
#IDefinitelyLookedMorePregnantInMyDanceVideosToday
#ItIsWeirdLookingBackAtOlderPhotosThoughOfWhenIThoughtIStartedToLookPregnant
#AndIBarelyLookPregnantComparedToNow
#IAmAlsoFeelingAnnoyedAboutWorkAndOpportunities
#WhenIWasTryingToGetPregnantNothingReallyCameUp
#AndAsSoonAsIGotPregnantIStartedToGetApproachedForThings
#IFeelLikeIHaveBeenTurnedDownForThingsBecauseIAmPregnant
#ButInsteadOfThemHavingAConversationWithMeAboutWhatIFeelAbleToDo
#TheyChooseToShutItDownAndJustStartIgnoringMe
#MaybeItIsNotBecauseIAmPregnant
#ButEitherWayJustSaySorryWeDoNotWantToWorkWithYou
#ByThemNotSayingThatAndNotTalkingWithMe
#ItJustFeelsLikeItIsDiscriminationBecauseIAmPregnant
#ButByThemNotChoosingToTalkAboutItThenICanNotCallItDiscrimination
#IAmPostingThisProjectOnlineNowAndIThinkPeopleThinkIAmPostingItInRealTime
#IAmStillWorkingIAmStillMakingWorkIAmStillDancingIExerciseTwiceADay
#IAmNotSickIAmJustPregnant
#IKnowHavingAKidMeansIWillHaveToTurnDownCertainOpportunitiesButIAlsoFeelLikeMaybeIAmAlreadyOnADoNotHireListNow

Another unintentional pairing of comparison pictures – two diptychs. They also both talk about anxiety during pregnancy.

I decided to have another baby as soon as possible as I felt like it would be good to get the baby stage done and then hopefully in the not so distant future I can apply for bigger opportunities again. I also do think it will be good for them to be close in age.

I feel like since becoming a parent I have been approached for less opportunities, but maybe it’s because Covid is also a big part of life now and that also affects things?

I had to turn down one opportunity when I was pregnant with B as it was for international travel around the time B was due, but I guess it got cancelled due to Covid anyways.


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Imitating B With Her Cuddly Toys (21 Weeks / 25th September 2021)

Self-portrait cuddling about 6 of B's cuddly toys.
Imitating B With Her Cuddly Toys (21 Weeks / 25th September 2021)
 
#ILikeThatBInteractsMoreWithHerCuddlyToysNow
#YesterdaySheWasDraggingOneAroundWithHerThroughOurBedroomsWhichWasNiceToSee
#IWasABitObsessedWithCuddlyToysWhenIWasAKidSoMaybeThatIsWhyILikeThatSheIsGettingIntoThem
#WhenSheCrawlsIntoHerCotIWillIncorporateThemAllIntoTheVersionOfTwinkleTwinkleLittleStarThatISingToHer
#IBasicallyGotBoredOfSingingItAndAddNewBitsToItAllTheTime
#SheLikesToTakeFruitFromTheFruitBowlAndBiteIntoItAndThenTakeAnotherPieceOfFruitUntilItAllHasBiteMarksInIt
#BeforeIGiveHerAFewOfHerCrispsIRustleThePacketAndSheRunsOverToMe
#YesterdaySheGaveMeSuchABigSmileAndClappedHerHandsAtTheSightOfTheBag
#SomeDaysIHaveBeenTakingHerForThreeWalksButSomeDaysWeJustGoForOne
#TwoGirlsAtThePlaygroundTheOtherDayKeptCallingHerABoySoICorrectedThem
#OneStillKeptCallingHerABoySoISaidItIsConfusingAsSheWearsALotOfBlue
#ThenTheOtherGirlSaidWhyIsSheWearingRed
#OurNeighbourReferredToHerAsABoyTheOtherDayAndIFeltTooAwkwardToCorrectHim
#SomeDaysIPutHerInHerPinkLeggingsSoThatIDoNotHaveToDealWithTheAwkwardnessOfPeople
#IUsuallyAskPeopleHowOldTheirLittleOneIsSoThatTheyUsuallySayHeOrSheOrTheirKidsNameAsItIsOftenHardToTellWithYoungKids
#SheCanWalkFurtherNowAndWeSometimesTakeHerOutWithHerReins
#SheLikesToKickThroughAPileOfLeavesButWeSometimesHaveToPickHerUpAsOtherwiseSheWillJustKeepGoingBackToThings
#SheGotABitMoreInvolvedWithHerClassThisWeekAndSeemedToUnderstandMore
#OneThingIsThatAtTimesThereWillBeABasketWithInstrumentsToTakeFromAndThenReturnThemTo
#SheTendsToGoUpToItOnceItIsTimeForItToGoAwayButMaybeSoonSheWillBeABitQuicker
#SheDidSpendHalfOfTheClassJustClimbingOnHerPushchairButIThinkSheEnjoyedItStill
#IHadMySecondVaccineTheOtherDayAndIFeelFineApartFromJustFeelingReallyTired
#ItSeemedALotLessOrganisedThanMyFirstButItWasAtADifferentPlaceAndPeopleHaveJustStartedToHaveBoosterShots
#ThereWasABigQueueAndNotManyChairsButEventuallyIGotOne
#WheneverThePersonRunningReceptionStartedToLookForPeopleToKickOutOfChairsIWouldRubMyBelly
#ThisPlaceWasAlsoLessPrivateAndPeopleCouldSeeMeHavingMyVaccine
#IRealisedYesterdayThatThisWillProbablyBeTheLastTimeThatIWillBePregnantSoIShouldTryToAppreciateItAsMuchAsICan
#TheBabysMovementsAreGettingBiggerNowAndItJustRemindsMeOfWhatABizarreThingPregnancyIs
#IWonderIfSheWillLookALotLikeBOrIfTheyWillLookQuiteDifferentToEachOther
#IAmAlsoTryingToMentallyPrepareMyselfForHowItWillBeHavingTwoKidsAsItWillBeQuiteDifferentHavingABabyToLookAfterThisTime

#ILikeThatBInteractsMoreWithHerCuddlyToysNow

She’s had most of them since she was born, so it’s nice to see her enjoying them more each day.

#YesterdaySheWasDraggingOneAroundWithHerThroughOurBedroomsWhichWasNiceToSee

Partners in crime. I realised it was still in our room when she went to bed, but she didn’t miss it.

#IWasABitObsessedWithCuddlyToysWhenIWasAKidSoMaybeThatIsWhyILikeThatSheIsGettingIntoThem

I’d line them up all around my bed and I used to draw family trees and write biographies for them all. I was a cool kid.

#WhenSheCrawlsIntoHerCotIWillIncorporateThemAllIntoTheVersionOfTwinkleTwinkleLittleStarThatISingToHer

Her crawling into her cot now is great, though sometimes she crawls in before we’ve done the rest of her bedtime routine or without her sleeping bag on.

#IBasicallyGotBoredOfSingingItAndAddNewBitsToItAllTheTime

I started off singing it properly and then will sing something along the lines of:

‘Twinkle twinkle little star, you’re our bunny yes you are, we love you so very much, hope you always stay in touch…’

‘Here’s your squirrel, here’s your bee, here’s your carrot, it’s clear to see…’

Blah blah.

#SheLikesToTakeFruitFromTheFruitBowlAndBiteIntoItAndThenTakeAnotherPieceOfFruitUntilItAllHasBiteMarksInIt

We give her fruit for dessert with most meals. I’m not sure if she’s hungry or just doing it for fun. Obviously if we see her doing it we’ll move the bowl away, but she would happily sink her teeth into everything if she could. Earlier she had my dress in her mouth…

#BeforeIGiveHerAFewOfHerCrispsIRustleThePacketAndSheRunsOverToMe #YesterdaySheGaveMeSuchABigSmileAndClappedHerHandsAtTheSightOfTheBag

They’re ones for kids. Chickpea, quinoa, tomato and something? She does like crisps in general though. If we are eating crisps we have to give her a bit of one or she gets upset.

#SomeDaysIHaveBeenTakingHerForThreeWalksButSomeDaysWeJustGoForOne

It depends on the weather, how I’m feeling, how much energy I have etc.

#TwoGirlsAtThePlaygroundTheOtherDayKeptCallingHerABoySoICorrectedThem #OneStillKeptCallingHerABoySoISaidItIsConfusingAsSheWearsALotOfBlue #ThenTheOtherGirlSaidWhyIsSheWearingRed

I wear so much blue, I just knew that was why she was getting confused.

I feel sad as they are missing out on a lot if they feel like they can’t wear/own things of a certain colour.

#OurNeighbourReferredToHerAsABoyTheOtherDayAndIFeltTooAwkwardToCorrectHim

I thought he knew she was a girl, but maybe he forgot/always sees her wandering around in blue and thought he must be wrong? I don’t know.

#SomeDaysIPutHerInHerPinkLeggingsSoThatIDoNotHaveToDealWithTheAwkwardnessOfPeople

Just thinking about it all makes me feel tired.

#IUsuallyAskPeopleHowOldTheirLittleOneIsSoThatTheyUsuallySayHeOrSheOrTheirKidsNameAsItIsOftenHardToTellWithYoungKids

Some parents dress their kids quite gender neutral and some kids have gender neutral names. Even if I think a child is a certain gender, I try not to assume as sometimes I am wrong. Some parents put their daughter’s hair in girlish styles or put head bands on them, so obviously then it is easier to assume.

#SheCanWalkFurtherNowAndWeSometimesTakeHerOutWithHerReins

It’s nice to see her progessing with her walking.

#SheLikesToKickThroughAPileOfLeavesButWeSometimesHaveToPickHerUpAsOtherwiseSheWillJustKeepGoingBackToThings

Walk through the leaves. Back to the leaves. Sit down and play with the leaves.

#SheGotABitMoreInvolvedWithHerClassThisWeekAndSeemedToUnderstandMore

I was a bit proud.

#OneThingIsThatAtTimesThereWillBeABasketWithInstrumentsToTakeFromAndThenReturnThemTo #SheTendsToGoUpToItOnceItIsTimeForItToGoAwayButMaybeSoonSheWillBeABitQuicker

The teacher will often end up giving her an instrument, then I wait to see if she will put it back. Then I’ll put it back, then she’ll go up to the basket.

#SheDidSpendHalfOfTheClassJustClimbingOnHerPushchairButIThinkSheEnjoyedItStill

Like I’ve said before – if she’s happy, I’m happy.

A Grandmother said to me ‘think we’re in the slow corner’, but her Grandson and B are quite a bit younger than the others. The others are jumping and talking, so there is a bit of an age gap…

#IHadMySecondVaccineTheOtherDayAndIFeelFineApartFromJustFeelingReallyTired

I am struggling to write this as I am so tired. I planned to do it this morning, but I just lay in bed and rested. B will have a nap shortly, so I will nap too – she is currently with Tiago.

#ItSeemedALotLessOrganisedThanMyFirstButItWasAtADifferentPlaceAndPeopleHaveJustStartedToHaveBoosterShots

Maybe they booked into too many people for booster shots?

#ThereWasABigQueueAndNotManyChairsButEventuallyIGotOne

I didn’t want to take one close to the ‘vaccine zone’, but eventually one came up right in the back corner. Perfect.

#WheneverThePersonRunningReceptionStartedToLookForPeopleToKickOutOfChairsIWouldRubMyBelly

I had stood up for about 5/10 minutes before I got the chair. I think I waited about 40 minutes in the end before my number was called.

#ThisPlaceWasAlsoLessPrivateAndPeopleCouldSeeMeHavingMyVaccine

The first time was in a health centre, but this was in a tent. It’s fine, but it was weird knowing some people could see me – including a very vocal guy who acted like he was the only one who had to wait.

#IRealisedYesterdayThatThisWillProbablyBeTheLastTimeThatIWillBePregnantSoIShouldTryToAppreciateItAsMuchAsICan

I have already really forgotten how it was to be pregnant with B. I will be glad to not go through it again as it is quite nerve-wracking.

#TheBabysMovementsAreGettingBiggerNowAndItJustRemindsMeOfWhatABizarreThingPregnancyIs

It’s just weird feeling something moving inside of you. It is cool, but sometimes it is just really odd.

#IWonderIfSheWillLookALotLikeBOrIfTheyWillLookQuiteDifferentToEachOther

Only time will tell. It’d be nice if they looked quite alike I think, but if one looks more like me and more like T then that is also cool. But I don’t really mind.

#IAmAlsoTryingToMentallyPrepareMyselfForHowItWillBeHavingTwoKidsAsItWillBeQuiteDifferentHavingABabyToLookAfterThisTime

It was great when B had 5 naps a day. This time it does not matter so much as B will probably only be having 1 by the time baby X is born. I just need to do my best and rest when I can.

21 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait standing on one leg while naked.
Have I Mentioned That Pregnancy Is So Weird? (21 Weeks)
 
#FinallyGotTheScreeningResults
#TheScanPersonSaidToSpeakToMyMidwifeButTheMidwifeSaidToPhoneTheHospital
#PhonedTheHospitalAndGotPassedAround
#ButGotAPhoneCallBackWhichSaidIWasLowRiskForTheThreeSyndromes
#IAmJustGladThatTheyDidNotLoseTheBloodSampleOrResults
#AsIDoNotWantAnotherUnnecessaryBloodTest
#TheLetterGotLostInThePostSoTheyAreSendingAnotherOne
#ItIsReassuringToFeelTheBabyMovingAboutIt
#ThoughItAlsoWorriesMeWhenIFeelNothing
#INoticeTheMovementsMoreWhenIAmSatDownDrinkingWaterAndNotStressing
#IThinkItDidNotReactToMyStarJumpsTheOtherDayAsItIsUsedToMeExercisingAndDancingAbout
#ButItIsWeirdWhenYouFeelTheMovements
#ThatThereIsALittleSomeonePawingInsideYou
#HaveIMentionedThatPregnancyIsSoWeird
#IKnowIHaveSaidItManyTimesAlready
#IGetWorriedAboutThePregnancySometimesAndIExpressThis
#IKnowThatPeopleAreTryingToBeReassuring
#ButSomeoneTellingMeThatEverythingIsAndWillBeFineDoesNotAssureMe
#YouCanBeTheHealthiestPersonInTheWorldWhateverThatMeans
#ButThatDoesNotMeanThatYourBabyWillBeAbsolutelyFine
#PregnancyIsNotLikeTakingATestWhereIfYouStudyYouCanDoYourBest
#PregnancyIsUnpredictableAndYouCanNotControlItAndTheOutcome
#IAmSureThingsWillAllBeFineButItIsGoodToBeRealistic
#PeopleKnowAboutMyPregnancyNowAndIFeelAnxiousThatItIsOutInTheOpen
#AsWhatIfThingsGoWrongAndIHaveToTellPeople
#ButIAmQuiteHonestAboutThingsAndIAmSureIWillMakeWorkAboutThings
#IJustWishIHadBeenMoreHonestAboutTryingToGetPregnantAndMadeWorkAboutIt
#IMadeWorkAboutItButTheTextThatIWroteWasNotReallyAboutIt
#ThisPhotoIsSimilarToAPhotoITookLastYearWhenIWasTryingToGetPregnant
#IThoughtIShouldDocumentMyBodyInCaseIGotPregnantAndSoTheMainDifferenceInThisOneIsThatIHaveABumpButAlsoNoTan

This time my results came within a week.

Like I’ve said 100 times before, I don’t think pregnancy will ever stop not being weird to me.

I will also never stop not liking the fact that I have little control over pregnancy. It is stressful.

This time I did make work about wanting to be pregnant again, though I do feel awkward about it. I know that a lot of people have struggles with fertility or trying to get pregnant or getting through a pregnancy, and at times I do wonder why has it been quite straight forward for us as a family? I do feel guilty about it at times.

It Is Kind Of Nice Knowing That I Am Never Alone (21 and a half weeks)
 
#WellIAmIllAgain
#IThoughtThatMaybeICouldBeatTheColdThatIFeltComingOnButNo
#ItIsNotAsBadAsTheLastTwoTimesAtLeast
#ItIsJustABitAnnoying
#IThinkIAmGettingUsedToMyBodyChangingNow
#ICanNotReallyRememberWhatItLookedLikeBefore
#WellIAmRemindedByLookingAtOldSelfPortraits
#ButIGuessThisIsMyNewNormal
#IThinkIWillMissHavingABump
#ThoughMaybeIWillNotBeSayingThatSoonWhenItGetsMoreUncomfortable
#SoMaybeIWillMissHavingA21AndAHalfWeeksBump
#ItIsKindOfNiceKnowingThatIAmNeverAlone
#WasEatingMyBreakfastThisMorningAndIFeltItMove
#ItMadeMeImagineMyKidInACoupleOfYearsTime
#WatchingMeWheneverIEatAndWantingSomeOfIt
#ThisMorningItWasKindOfPawingAtMe
#LikeGiveMeSomeOfYourFood
#ButObviouslyIGuessItWasHavingTheNutrientsFromItOrWhatever
#ItSeemsToMoveMoreWhenIAmAboutToEat
#MaybeItSensesMyExcitement
#OrItIsJustACoincidence
#WhenItMovesIFeelReassured
#ThenIFeelStressedWhenItDoesNot
#IThinkItHasHadTheHiccupsAFewTimes
#AsTheOtherDayIThoughtItWasMovingButItHadARhythmToit
#AndMyMumHasMentionedThatSheUsedToFeelMySisterHiccuping
#SoWeird
#ItStillBlowsMyMindThatThereIsALittleHumanInMeAndOneDayItWillComeOut
#IKindOfJustWantToKeepItInMyBellyForever
#ButIAlsoWantToMeetTheLittleHumanThatIHaveGrownInsideMe

‘#ItMadeMeImagineMyKidInACoupleOfYearsTime
#WatchingMeWheneverIEatAndWantingSomeOfIt’

Well it hasn’t been a couple of years yet and B likes to eat everything that I have.

I definitely get stressed when I can’t feel many movements. Sometimes I am just busier though so have less opportunities to feel her.

As my bump gets bigger this time it is weird thinking that I probably will not ever be pregnant again, but being pregnant with a toddler is quite different to being pregnant without another kid. As B wants picking up a lot/needs to be as otherwise we will never get home from walks, having a bump does make it harder to pick her up/I get worried that maybe I am overstretching my bump.


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!