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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Imitating B Looking At Her Hand (25th February 2021)

Imitating B Looking At Her Hand (25th February 2021)
 
#BStartedToStareAtHerHandsAboutAWeekAgo
#SheHasChangedALotInTheLastFewWeeksAndIGuessSheIsJustALotMoreCuriousAboutThings
#OfCourseSheAlwaysWantsToPlayWithThingsThatAreNotToysOrSheManagesToFindTheToysThatIHaveHiddenAway
#LikeTheTrainWithBlocksThatIDoNotLikeHerToPlayWithIfIAmKeepingAnEyeOnHerFromTheKitchenWhileISortOutHerFood
#ItHasSomeTallColumnsOnItThatIKnowIfSheWouldFellOntoItSheWouldNotBePleased
#HerSkinIsSlowlyGettingBetter
#ItStillDoesNotLookNiceButItHasDefinitelyImprovedALittleBit
#IndoorSwimmingPoolsAreAllowedToReopenFrom12thAprilSoHopefullyByThenItWillHaveCompletelyHealed
#WeWillNeedToBuyHerNewSwimmingStuffAsSheHasProbablyAlreadyOutgrownTheStuffThatSheWentSwimmingInOnce
#AlsoAroundTheTimeIndoorBabyClassesAreDueToResume
#OnThe29thMarchWeWillBeAbleToMeetUpWithMorePeopleOutsideOrInPrivateGardens
#SoItIs4AndAHalfWeeksUntilThenAndNearly7UntilIndoorBabyClassesAndSwimming
#InSomeWaysItFeelsAlmostHarderHavingThingsToCountdownToButIGuessItWillBeBetterWhenThereAreLessWeeksToGo
#HopefullyThingsDoNotGetWorseAgain
#TheOtherNightBWasAwakeFrom11To1AndWeJustCouldNotFigureOutWhatWasWrong
#ThereIsMeantToBeAn8MonthSleepRegressionAndIThinkSheDoesGetAnnoyedIfSheDoesNotHaveEnoughCrawlingTime
#YesterdayIShuffledThingsAboutAndItTookBHalfAnHourToFallAsleepForHerNapBecauseSheProbablyDidNotCrawlEnough
#SheHasSleptBetterTheLastTwoNightsThough
#IAmWorriedThatTheHouseIsTooHotForHerAndItHasBeenFairlyMildAtNight
#LastNightIWokeUpAtFourThirtyAsIWasTooHotAndIThoughtITurnedOffHerHeater
#IWentInAtSevenAndItWasStillOnButSheDidNotSeemToMind
#IThinkSheLikesTheHeatButIDoNotWantHerSkinToGetWorse
#TheOtherDayWeWentToThePlaygroundButBCouldNotGoOnTheBabySwingsAs3AdultsWereJustBlockingThem
#OneBabyWasJustAsleepInASwingAndAnotherKidWasSometimesInTheSwingAndSometimesNot
#ItWouldHaveBeenReallyAwkwardForUsToUseTheOtherSwingAndThereWasNoOneElseThereSoItMustHaveBeenObviousThatWeWereWaiting
#ItJustUpsetsMeAsILikeToThinkIAmConsiderateOfOthersInThePlaygroundButALotOfPeopleDoNotSeemToCare
#HoweverWeWentYesterdayAndWhenWeWereLeavingTwoPeopleRushedToOpenTheGateForUsSoThatMadeMeFeelBetterAboutIt
#IHaveFinallyBookedToGoToTheDentist
#ICanNotRememberTheLastTimeIWentAndMyMaternityExemptionButRunOutSoon
#MyTeethAreSoHorribleSoINeedToMakeThemLookABitBetterBeforeMyAppointment

#BStartedToStareAtHerHandsAboutAWeekAgo

It’s really cute.

I’ll do the shoot in a bit and it’ll probably look similar to pictures I took in 2012 of me just looking at my hands when I got a repetitive strain injury.

(22nd June 2021:

Sore Knuckles (16th June 2012)

Darn my 2012 one is better, though I’m not so sure on the dress which I think I only ever wore out for Halloween (I used to have a few black dresses that I was a witch in).

This time I got a bit caught up with trying to make my hand look look a bit odd – like it’s a random hand – but don’t think it worked.)

#SheHasChangedALotInTheLastFewWeeksAndIGuessSheIsJustALotMoreCuriousAboutThings

It’s funny how babies can suddenly start doing lots more things.

#OfCourseSheAlwaysWantsToPlayWithThingsThatAreNotToysOrSheManagesToFindTheToysThatIHaveHiddenAway

The main examples that I can think of right now being the labels on all of her toys/clothes, playing with tea towels, just being obsessed with her flannel in her bath last night instead of her bath toys…

#LikeTheTrainWithBlocksThatIDoNotLikeHerToPlayWithIfIAmKeepingAnEyeOnHerFromTheKitchenWhileISortOutHerFood #ItHasSomeTallColumnsOnItThatIKnowIfSheWouldFellOntoItSheWouldNotBePleased

I can just one of those going straight into her eye. No thanks.

I hide it behind her toy bag and she is always back there. Her play area is a sea of cushions to try to stop her from hurting herself…

#HerSkinIsSlowlyGettingBetter

Some bits are lots better.

#ItStillDoesNotLookNiceButItHasDefinitelyImprovedALittleBit

Her shoulders are still not great, but I think it’s because a lot of the old skin is coming off.

In the morning we put her steroid cream on, then 20 minutes later we put on a different cream, then 30ish mins later we put another cream on. Then I’m putting a cream on every hour or so during the day.

#IndoorSwimmingPoolsAreAllowedToReopenFrom12thAprilSoHopefullyByThenItWillHaveCompletelyHealed

I was kind of hoping it wouldn’t be sooner as I think her skin needs to be lots better before she goes in a pool again. Mid-April is a good time to aim for.

T’s workmate said her son’s eczema took 6 weeks to clear up, so that works.

#WeWillNeedToBuyHerNewSwimmingStuffAsSheHasProbablyAlreadyOutgrownTheStuffThatSheWentSwimmingInOnce

Great.

#AlsoAroundTheTimeIndoorBabyClassesAreDueToResume

Hurrahhhh. Outdoor classes are allowed to resume before then, though I thought that they counted as support groups and were allowed to go on anyways? Well, I guess there aren’t many outdoor baby groups at this time of year. Might have a look though…

#OnThe29thMarchWeWillBeAbleToMeetUpWithMorePeopleOutsideOrInPrivateGardens

My younger sister lives not too far away so it’ll be nice for her to be able to come round again or to go to hers.

We see her for walks, but she doesn’t really get to see the real B. She sees a baby who is annoyed at being in a pushchair, so it will be nice for her to see B being more herself. We might get some fake grass for B to crawl around on in the garden.

#SoItIs4AndAHalfWeeksUntilThenAndNearly7UntilIndoorBabyClassesAndSwimming

I hope that people keep following the rules and infection rates don’t go up again…

#InSomeWaysItFeelsAlmostHarderHavingThingsToCountdownToButIGuessItWillBeBetterWhenThereAreLessWeeksToGo

Well, the whole ‘one day at a time’ approach gets weary with nothing to look forward to. Things are still far off but time does go by quickly.

#HopefullyThingsDoNotGetWorseAgain

Fingers crossed.

#TheOtherNightBWasAwakeFrom11To1AndWeJustCouldNotFigureOutWhatWasWrong

We didn’t help things by going in and changing her nappy when it didn’t need to be, then putting cream on, then giving her paracetamol. At one point I had to cuddle B as I felt so bad for her. Yeah, she was probably confused by us sometimes picking her up and sometimes not.

Her skin was still bad then though and she was teething.

Annoyingly there was a talk I wanted to go to last night at midnight. If B hadn’t been sleeping last night it would have been alright, but she slept last night and so I did too-ish.

#ThereIsMeantToBeAn8MonthSleepRegressionAndIThinkSheDoesGetAnnoyedIfSheDoesNotHaveEnoughCrawlingTime #YesterdayIShuffledThingsAboutAndItTookBHalfAnHourToFallAsleepForHerNapBecauseSheProbablyDidNotCrawlEnough

Sometimes I move our walk if we have a call with someone when we usually walk. This is usually always a mistake as then B does not get to crawl much and then takes ages to fall asleep, but I need my walk. I need to just let her have an extra 5/10 mins to crawl once we get home.

#SheHasSleptBetterTheLastTwoNightsThough

Hurrah.

#IAmWorriedThatTheHouseIsTooHotForHerAndItHasBeenFairlyMildAtNight #LastNightIWokeUpAtFourThirtyAsIWasTooHotAndIThoughtITurnedOffHerHeater

I had changed her heater to come on a lot less often and for less time, but obviously I messed it up. I also realised that the night before her heater had been on for an hour and a half at point one instead of half an hour…

#IWentInAtSevenAndItWasStillOnButSheDidNotSeemToMind

Note to self, just turn the on commands off, but keep the off commands on so that it covers mishaps.

#IThinkSheLikesTheHeatButIDoNotWantHerSkinToGetWorse

It’s hard trying to figure out what is best for her.

#TheOtherDayWeWentToThePlaygroundButBCouldNotGoOnTheBabySwingsAs3AdultsWereJustBlockingThem #OneBabyWasJustAsleepInASwingAndAnotherKidWasSometimesInTheSwingAndSometimesNot #ItWouldHaveBeenReallyAwkwardForUsToUseTheOtherSwingAndThereWasNoOneElseThereSoItMustHaveBeenObviousThatWeWereWaiting

Has my blog/project become a place for me to b*tch about other parents and B not getting to go on swings? Yes.

I thought about saying something but they had really blocked the swings and I do worry that they might just tell me to p*ss off.

You’re not supposed to hang out with more than one other adult outside (I think?) so I think they were just using it as a way to chat. I always sound like the pandemic police, but I just want B to go on the swing. I don’t want to awkwardly stand around for 15 minutes for no reason.

Yesterday the swings were in use but we went in and within 2 minutes a swing was free. Great.

#ItJustUpsetsMeAsILikeToThinkIAmConsiderateOfOthersInThePlaygroundButALotOfPeopleDoNotSeemToCare

Going to the swings is our daily bit of freedom. B probably doesn’t even care, but obviously I am very passionate about making sure she gets a fair turn on the swings.

#HoweverWeWentYesterdayAndWhenWeWereLeavingTwoPeopleRushedToOpenTheGateForUsSoThatMadeMeFeelBetterAboutIt

Hurrah for better weather and good people.

#IHaveFinallyBookedToGoToTheDentist #ICanNotRememberTheLastTimeIWentAndMyMaternityExemptionButRunOutSoon #MyTeethAreSoHorribleSoINeedToMakeThemLookABitBetterBeforeMyAppointment

I loved our dentist in London. If I had any problems they could usually fit me in that day or the next week. In Liverpool the dentist was terrible and you had to wait weeks to be seen, then obviously the pandemic started. I feel like my teeth need to be looked at and I might as well go while it costs me nothing.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

An Impression Of B Sucking Her Hands (31st August 2020)

Me doing an impression of B sucking her hand
An Impression Of B Sucking Her Hands (31st August 2020)
 
#IHadBeenMeaningToTakeAPictureOfThisForAFewDays
#BHasStartedToSuckHerHandsNow
#AndBecauseIDoNotWantHerFaceInThisProjectIThoughtIWouldPhotographMyselfDoingItInstead
#ItLooksABitLikeSheIsLickingAnIceCream
#IHopeItDoesNotLookTooDodgy
#WellIfItDoesThenThatIsYourDodgyMindNotMine
#ItWasOnMyShootListButIWasTryingToNotDoOneForACoupleOfDays
#IAmUpToDateWithMyBlogPostsInTermsOfHavingSomethingWrittenForEachOne
#ThenOnTheDayThatIPostIJustCheckOverThemAndAddInAnythingElse
#AndIStartedACodingCourseLastWeekSoIFeelLikeIHaveALotGoingOn
#SoItWasNiceToNotHaveToWriteAnyBlogPostsForACoupleOfDays
#ThenIHadAnImprintOfBsEarOnMyChest
#SoIWantedToPhotographThatWithMyQuoteProperKitUnquoteAsMostOfMyPicturesLatelyHaveBeenWithMyCrummyPhoneCamera
#ThoughIDidTryToTakeOneWithMyPhone
#AndAsEverythingWasSetUpAndBWasWithTiagoIThoughtIWouldTryOutThisIdea
#ItIsWhatItIs
#MeDoingAnImpressionOfBSuckingHerHand
#TiagoGotACoupleOfShelvingUnitsThatIHaveWantedSinceIStartedToNestAtTheBeginningOfLockdown
#SoHopefullyNowWeCanSoonHaveTheFlatMoreTidy
#ButThenTheNextThingWeNeedToWorryAboutIsBabyproofingEverything
#TheFunNeverEnds
#IFeelABitLonely
#IFeelLikeNonMumFriendsCanNotRelateToMeNowAndSomeAreKeepingTheirDistance
#AndThatIDoNotFitInWithNewMumFriendsAsIStartedToDoACourseAndTheyFeelLikeTheyDoNotHaveTimeToDoAnything
#INeedToBeProductiveAndRetainSomeOfMyOldIdentityAsOtherwiseItIsNotGoodForMyMentalHealth
#ILoveBToBitsAlreadyButSheCanNotProvideMeWithEverythingINeed
#AndTheGoodThingAboutMyProjectIsItIsToDoWithOurFamily
#ThoughWritingThingsLikeThisIsHardButIThinkSheWillUnderstandOneDay
#IAmStillWorkingOnABalanceButIGuessItIsAWorkInProgressFromWeekToWeek
#INeedToDoSomeStretchingBeforeSheWakesUpFromHerNapAsIHaveNotInAFewDaysAndIDoNotFeelThatGreatBecauseOfIt

(I wrote this blog post on the day I took the picture – any comments in brackets are comments from today.)

#IHadBeenMeaningToTakeAPictureOfThisForAFewDays
#BHasStartedToSuckHerHandsNow
#AndBecauseIDoNotWantHerFaceInThisProjectIThoughtIWouldPhotographMyselfDoingItInstead
#ItLooksABitLikeSheIsLickingAnIceCream
#IHopeItDoesNotLookTooDodgy
#WellIfItDoesThenThatIsYourDodgyMindNotMine

To be fair there were some dodgy looking pictures and I get enough weird messages as it is. In the end it was between this one and one that did look dodgy. I preferred this one, but I thought I’d ask T his opinion; I was happy when he also liked this one.

Maybe it looks more like I am just thinking. I do suck/bite my fingers when I am stressed (perhaps less now due to Covid now), so maybe it’s a similar thing. I think she is just discovering her body more though. I got reminded that she will be grabbing her feet and things soon, which will be funny!

#ItWasOnMyShootListButIWasTryingToNotDoOneForACoupleOfDays
#IAmUpToDateWithMyBlogPostsInTermsOfHavingSomethingWrittenForEachOne
#ThenOnTheDayThatIPostIJustCheckOverThemAndAddInAnythingElse

Though once I start writing blog posts I do get quite into them.

#AndIStartedACodingCourseLastWeekSoIFeelLikeIHaveALotGoingOn
#SoItWasNiceToNotHaveToWriteAnyBlogPostsForACoupleOfDays

Yeah it’s a bit much doing blog posts and classes in one night. Though I watched a few segments earlier and did the first task for my JavaScript week, and this is my second blog post but hopefully tomorrow night I can just focus on my course. Thanks to Tiago for being super supportive.

#ThenIHadAnImprintOfBsEarOnMyChest
#SoIWantedToPhotographThatWithMyQuoteProperKitUnquoteAsMostOfMyPicturesLatelyHaveBeenWithMyCrummyPhoneCamera
#ThoughIDidTryToTakeOneWithMyPhone
#AndAsEverythingWasSetUpAndBWasWithTiagoIThoughtIWouldTryOutThisIdea
#ItIsWhatItIs
#MeDoingAnImpressionOfBSuckingHerHand

I love how I don’t do a shoot for a few days and then I photograph two ideas. It’s how it goes. I’ve written the blog posts on the same day as the shoots, which at least is a good exercise in editing my shoots down quickly. It feels really good to be up to date with these things – until I make more work for myself.

#TiagoGotACoupleOfShelvingUnitsThatIHaveWantedSinceIStartedToNestAtTheBeginningOfLockdown
#SoHopefullyNowWeCanSoonHaveTheFlatMoreTidy

A certain furniture store was out of stock of certain things – like the cot we wanted – and then wasn’t delivering other things that we wanted. When they reopened we thought the queues would be too much, so we held off and tried to find them second hand. In the end we were too slow at getting them, so T finally braved it. He said there were still big queues and a lot of people going in together. I’d love to go round a shop, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to go as a family.

Anyways, we built them pretty fast and it’s nice to have my art books out finally after living in Liverpool for 20 months!

#ButThenTheNextThingWeNeedToWorryAboutIsBabyproofingEverything
#TheFunNeverEnds

Can she just exist within a playpen for the rest of her life?

#IFeelABitLonely
#IFeelLikeNonMumFriendsCanNotRelateToMeNowAndSomeAreKeepingTheirDistance
#AndThatIDoNotFitInWithNewMumFriendsAsIStartedToDoACourseAndTheyFeelLikeTheyDoNotHaveTimeToDoAnything
#INeedToBeProductiveAndRetainSomeOfMyOldIdentityAsOtherwiseItIsNotGoodForMyMentalHealth

(I’ve been thinking about these few hashtags since I wrote them and I feel awkward about them, but it’s how I feel.)

It is just a bit weird. Some people stop talking to you once you get pregnant, some stop talking to you once you’ve had a kid, some people it just feels awkward to talk to etc.

I know that some people feel bad for not being productive; I don’t want them to feel that way. Some people say they aren’t productive, but I bet they are in different ways to me.

I would love to just be relaxing, but I’m not very good at it. I’m trying to be more relaxed during the day though when me and B hang out though. I’m also lucky that Tiago understands that I need some time to do my own thing.

I guess I’ve always felt like I’ve never really fitted in anywhere anyways. Well, I feel like I fit in with my new family of T and B and that’s really good. I can be myself with them – for now. Maybe B will find me embarrassing in a few years’ time, but we will just have to wait and see!

I’ve said since before B was born that I need to retain some of my past identity. When I say that I mean just being able to do my art stuff as it is important for my mental health. I am at my worst when I feel like I haven’t done anything as my work is very therapeutic for me.

(I’m currently feeling a little stressed as I’ve started the next phase of my coding course – my session today took me longer than I planned and I didn’t do my task well – and I haven’t done a shoot in 4/5 days. Hopefully I will take photos tomorrow.)

#ILoveBToBitsAlreadyButSheCanNotProvideMeWithEverythingINeed

I love when she smiles and she giggles in her sleep a bit now. I can’t wait for her to laugh at loud at me doing dumb things to make her do so 🙂

#AndTheGoodThingAboutMyProjectIsItIsToDoWithOurFamily

So I may annoy them, but at least I’m around. At some point I would like to do something that perhaps isn’t so diaristic, but that’s where we are for now.

#ThoughWritingThingsLikeThisIsHardButIThinkSheWillUnderstandOneDay

Well, she will one day know that I can not provide her with everything she needs because it is impossible.

It is also hard to write about feeling lonely at times. I think I feel this way because of the pandemic too though; things would be a bit different if we weren’t going through this. It is odd though as a lot of people act like it is not happening.

#IAmStillWorkingOnABalanceButIGuessItIsAWorkInProgressFromWeekToWeek

It is a bit more day to day at times, but I am learning and different days need different approaches.

#INeedToDoSomeStretchingBeforeSheWakesUpFromHerNapAsIHaveNotInAFewDaysAndIDoNotFeelThatGreatBecauseOfIt

I was bouncing her in her bouncer while she slept. I finished the hashtags and got up to do a YouTube video. T took over bouncing duties, but she noticed the difference and she woke up pretty quickly.

Luckily she was pretty chilled and allowed me to finish. I think I fed and changed her, then I did a baby yoga video with her. I need to start doing more baby classes with her as it is good quality time and I feel like she gets a lot out of them. We are starting a new course soon, so hopefully she will enjoy it more now that she is a bit older.

(We have since started a new course and we haven’t been able to get through a class in one go – the last one we did it took 3 separate sessions to complete.

I hope this blog post makes sense. When I wrote it I was probably tired and now checking it I am quite tired. I’ve started to go to bed at 9pm if I can, but it seems that I can never sleep enough.)


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!