Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Tenth Family Portrait (11 Weeks? / 18th July 2021)

A family portrait of us lying and sitting in bed on a hot day. We are not wearing much, and B has my left eye edited over her eyes and nose.
Tenth Family Portrait (11 Weeks? / 18th July 2021)
 
#WeDidNotDoAFamilyPortraitLastMonth
#ItWasAlwaysToBeDoneAtTheEndOfTheMonthAndTheMonthWouldGoBySoFast
#EveryTwoMonthsOrSoIsMoreFeasibleButLetUsSee
#TheWeatherHasBeenSoHotAndIDoNotKnowHowPeopleAreHeavilyPregnantInTheSummer
#EspeciallyInHotterCountriesAsWhatIsHotHereAtTheMomentIsNotThatHotToALotOfPeopleAroundTheWorld
#IHaveBeenStressedAboutHowToDressBAtNight
#LastNightSheJustWentToBedInHerNappyAndNoSleepingBagAndSheSleptFairlyWell
#OfCourseSheWokeUpAfterFiveAndNowWeSeemToJustGetHerOutOfBedAtFiveFortyFive
#SheMissedHerSecondNapYesterdayAsIThinkSheMightHaveBeenTooHotInJustAVestAndMaybeCouldNotSleep
#WeGotAFootMeasurerTheOtherDayInThePostAsIDidNotWantToTakeHerOutToGetHerFeetMeasured
#MyMumHelpedMeDoItAndYesterdaySheGotBSomeTrainers
#BHasBeenShoelessForAllThirteenMonthsOfHerLifeSoSheIsFindingItWeirdToWalkInThem
#SheWillGetItSoonThoughAndIOrderedHerSomeToddlerReinsLastNightSoSoonWeWillHopefullyBeAbleToGoOutForShortWalksWithoutHerPushchair
#IGotMyHaircutYesterday
#IGotALotOffAsIJustWearItUpAllTheTimeAndDoNothingWithIt
#MyHairdresserSaidThreePeopleCancelledDueToHavingCovidOrComingIntoContactWithSomeoneWhoHasIt
#IAmPlanningToGetAVaccineAround15WeeksAsIWillBe16WeeksAfterWeGoOnHoliday
#IHaveBeenDoingALotOfResearchAndPfizerIsRecommendedForAfter14WeeksAndMyMidwivesSay16WeeksSoItIsAnAverage
#IKnowAndReadAboutPregnantPeopleWhoWantToWaitUntilAfterTheirBabyIsBornButTheyAreGenerallyAlready30PlusWeeksPregnant
#IDoNotWantToWait29OrSoWeeksAsIAlreadyFeelShutAtHomeWithLimitedOptions
#IfALockdownWasToHappenAgainMyLifeWouldReallyNotChangeThatMuchAsIDoNotGoToManyPlaces
#IDoFeelLikeILiveInAnAlternateUniverseSometimesAsISeeWhatPeopleGetUpToOnTheNewsAndSocialMediaAndIMainlySitAtHome
#WeHaveOrderedBAClimbingFrameSoThatWillBeSomeGoodAmusementForHome
#TalkingAboutTheHeatAgainIAmTryingMyBestToStayHydratedAndFullOfElectrolytes
#MaybeMySicknessHasBeenWorseAtTimesAsIWasNeverPregnantWithBDuringReallyHotWeather
#IAmWorriedThatIAmConsumingTooMuchSugarButMyIntakeIsProbablyStillLessThanMostPeoples
#WhenIWasPregnantWithBICouldMainlyOnlyStomachPastaForDinnerForAWhile
#IMadeSomeTheOtherNightAndAteLoadsAsIWasEnjoyingItSoMuch
#IWokeUpWithSomeAcidRefluxDuringTheNightSoThatWasNotFun
#TheNextDayIHadPastaForDinnerAgainAndWasSickForTheFirstTimeInTwoDays

(24th September: Just had to check with Tiago that he was okay with me posting this picture and he said ‘I don’t care’. I asked if he liked B’s face and he said ‘no, it’s scary’.)

#WeDidNotDoAFamilyPortraitLastMonth

I was aware of it, but just left it.

#ItWasAlwaysToBeDoneAtTheEndOfTheMonthAndTheMonthWouldGoBySoFast

And there were often other photos that I wanted to take, or I did not want to bother Tiago again.

#EveryTwoMonthsOrSoIsMoreFeasibleButLetUsSee

It is getting harder to get B to stay around for photos.

#TheWeatherHasBeenSoHotAndIDoNotKnowHowPeopleAreHeavilyPregnantInTheSummer

B was born on a rainy day in June and giving birth then was bad enough. Love and respect to all the heavily pregnant people suffering in the heat right now. Or less so pregnant people who are still finding it hard – trying to stay hydrated is a task.

#EspeciallyInHotterCountriesAsWhatIsHotHereAtTheMomentIsNotThatHotToALotOfPeopleAroundTheWorld

It’s too much. We walk to the park and it is fine once we are there in the shade, but the walk is too much. It was too much sitting in the garden the other day. It’s a hard life.

#IHaveBeenStressedAboutHowToDressBAtNight

There’s always something to be stressed about.

#LastNightSheJustWentToBedInHerNappyAndNoSleepingBagAndSheSleptFairlyWell

The night before it was a nappy and a light sleeping bag, but her room was a lot hotter last night. She did wake up a few times. I think about putting her beaker of water in her cot, but I worry she will just spit it everywhere. Might have to try it as her bed would dry out quick anyways…

#OfCourseSheWokeUpAfterFiveAndNowWeSeemToJustGetHerOutOfBedAtFiveFortyFive

I need to go to bed earlier. I have days where I am good, and days where I am not so much. Tiago has been asleep by 9pm two nights in the last 3 or 4…

#SheMissedHerSecondNapYesterdayAsIThinkSheMightHaveBeenTooHotInJustAVestAndMaybeCouldNotSleep

Today we will try a different tactic. She’s missed her second nap on the last two Saturdays only? Okay.

#WeGotAFootMeasurerTheOtherDayInThePostAsIDidNotWantToTakeHerOutToGetHerFeetMeasured

A friend mentioned it at a party and I had looked at one via Instagram the week before. I can’t remember the last time I went in a shop. I guess I did go in a newsagents a few weeks ago, but out for a full on shopping expedition? What is one of those?

#MyMumHelpedMeDoItAndYesterdaySheGotBSomeTrainers

I had not really even started our shoe search yet. Thanks Mum.

#BHasBeenShoelessForAllThirteenMonthsOfHerLifeSoSheIsFindingItWeirdToWalkInThem

She was treading on her own feet for a bit. We just need to put her in them for a little bit every day. She went to the park in them, but spent the whole time sat down.

#SheWillGetItSoonThoughAndIOrderedHerSomeToddlerReinsLastNightSoSoonWeWillHopefullyBeAbleToGoOutForShortWalksWithoutHerPushchair

I ordered the same ones that I remember walking my little sister around in in the early 2000s as why not?

#IGotMyHaircutYesterday

I was going to do a before and after, but I forgot to do the before and who cares?

#IGotALotOffAsIJustWearItUpAllTheTimeAndDoNothingWithIt

I have been washing it every 10 days or so. It’s a lot of hair to wash to just throw it up in a messy bun everyday.

#MyHairdresserSaidThreePeopleCancelledDueToHavingCovidOrComingIntoContactWithSomeoneWhoHasIt

Great. She’d done a flow test that day as she does them two times a week, but also a pregnant friend was coming into the salon that day. I told her I was pregnant as we talk about everything. It was nice to have a chat with someone else. Another hairdresser’s sister in law had tested positive for Covid, so it’s definitely going up in the area…

#IAmPlanningToGetAVaccineAround15WeeksAsIWillBe16WeeksAfterWeGoOnHoliday #IHaveBeenDoingALotOfResearchAndPfizerIsRecommendedForAfter14WeeksAndMyMidwivesSay16WeeksSoItIsAnAverage

Meanwhile my Doctor said it was fine to get when he called about this pregnancy. There really does need to be some consistency.

Viki Male on Twitter is great for up to date facts – Viki Male (@VikiLovesFACS) / Twitter

#IKnowAndReadAboutPregnantPeopleWhoWantToWaitUntilAfterTheirBabyIsBornButTheyAreGenerallyAlready30PlusWeeksPregnant

That’s fair enough.

#IDoNotWantToWait29OrSoWeeksAsIAlreadyFeelShutAtHomeWithLimitedOptions

And reading about it all I think the benefits to having the jab outweigh risks.

#IfALockdownWasToHappenAgainMyLifeWouldReallyNotChangeThatMuchAsIDoNotGoToManyPlaces

And I will be going to less until I have my first vaccine now as I can not rely on strangers to keep me safe.

#IDoFeelLikeILiveInAnAlternateUniverseSometimesAsISeeWhatPeopleGetUpToOnTheNewsAndSocialMediaAndIMainlySitAtHome

I am not going to talk about the Euros.

It’s weird seeing people in other countries hanging out in big groups without masks.

#WeHaveOrderedBAClimbingFrameSoThatWillBeSomeGoodAmusementForHome

Especially with a potential upcoming lockdown, but at least for the quarantine period after we get back from Portugal.

#TalkingAboutTheHeatAgainIAmTryingMyBestToStayHydratedAndFullOfElectrolytes

My Mum said my electrolytes were probably out of balance which doesn’t help.

She was saying you can make your own with a spoon of sugar, spoon of salt, and water, but I have been drinking a sports drink in small amounts at a time with ice. Living the dream. I might try a homemade lemon and lime solution later.

#MaybeMySicknessHasBeenWorseAtTimesAsIWasNeverPregnantWithBDuringReallyHotWeather

Plus with the tiredness of running around after a 1+ year old.

#IAmWorriedThatIAmConsumingTooMuchSugarButMyIntakeIsProbablyStillLessThanMostPeoples

I am finding it hard to drink just water, but I need to persevere.

#WhenIWasPregnantWithBICouldMainlyOnlyStomachPastaForDinnerForAWhile

That was a fun time.

#IMadeSomeTheOtherNightAndAteLoadsAsIWasEnjoyingItSoMuch

I made a cherry tomato pasta sauce, as for some reason our fridge was full of about to go off tomatoes.

It was this recipe – Easy Homemade Cherry Tomato Pasta Sauce – Flour On My Face

I didn’t have italian seasoning, red pepper flakes, parmesan or fresh basil. I put some cheddar in instead…

#IWokeUpWithSomeAcidRefluxDuringTheNightSoThatWasNotFun

That was a lesson.

#TheNextDayIHadPastaForDinnerAgainAndWasSickForTheFirstTimeInTwoDays

I did not feel like eating dinner and didn’t eat that much (there wasn’t much left anyways). I haven’t been sick since (two days), but I have dry heaved a few times. Fun times.

In my last post (I think) I said I had not been sick in two days, and then I was sick 3 times the next day.

It’s 6.50am. I have dry heaved today. Off to stretch then join my family. We’ll do a shoot later.

11 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait from my belly button up, where I am sat in my bra and looking off slightly up and right.
I Definitely Have A Belly Developing, But I’m Not Sure If It Is Baby Or Food Or Both (11 and a half ish weeks)
 
#IAmStillBeingSickInTheMorning
#IAmStillFeelingSickInTheAfternoon
#ISeemToNotFeelSickInTheEveningAnymore
#BeingSickIsAnnoyinglyReassuringButIHaveTalkedAboutThatALotAlready
#AnotherChangeIsMyBoobs
#INoticedThatTheyHadGrownEarlyOn
#NowTheyJustSeemNormalToMe
#TheyAreWayMoreVeinyThanUsualThough
#INeedToGoBraShoppingButIHateBraShoppingNormally
#IJustToGetFittedButIDoNotWantTo
#IHaveNeverLikedBraShoppingButIWillMakeTheEffortToGoSoon
#MyNipplesAreGettingSoreAndHaveDefinitelyChangedColour
#IHaveToPutBalmOnThemToTryToHelpOtherwiseTheyHurt
#SomeSpotThatIHadAgesAgoAndShouldHaveSqueezedButDidNotSoItAddedABitToMyNippleHasAlsoGotBigger
#ItIsSoWeird
#ThatIsHowIKnowMyNipplesAreDifferent
#ItLooksLikeIHaveAnotherNippleGrowingOnMyNipple
#MaybeIShouldGetItCheckedOut
#IHaveTwoMolesOnOneNippleAndItLooksLikeIUsedToHaveAPiercing
#NeverNoticedThatBefore
#IGuessIHaveNotPhotographedMyNipplesSoIntimatelyBefore
#IDoNotKnowIfIWillShowThesePixButIGuessIWillAsIThinkSomeOfThemAreQuiteNice
#IDefinitelyHaveABellyDeveloping
#NotSureIfItIsBabyOrFoodOrABitOfBoth
#YouAreNotSupposedToEatMoreButItIsWinterSoIUsuallyEatMoreAndIfIFeelHungryThenIFeelSickSoIAmEatingMore
#IBoughtSomeVeganSourSweetsToSeeIfTheyHelpWithMorningSicknessAndIDoNotKnowButTheyAreSuperTasty
#OtherThanThatIAmTryingToEatMoreHealthyFoodOrHealthierVersionsOfThingsLikeBakedCrisps
#ILoveThatDifferentSitesSayDifferentThingsAboutTheSizeOfTheFetusNow
#11WeeksIsALargeStrawberryAnApricotOrABrusselSprout

Sickness, yep.

I feel like I’ve talked less about my boobs in my project this time. I feel like they took longer to get bigger or I just did not notice. I’ve had to put some balm on my nipples, but not as early as I did the first time.

I guess being pregnant while having a kid is different to being pregnant with no kids. As a stay at home Mum most of my day is spent with B and my brain is normally thinking of 5 things at once (or so it seems).

I think my bump was probably more food than a baby, but now (24th September) it is definitely more baby.

I’m still upset that I forgot about the sour sweets this time.


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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

General Documenting Pregnancy Shoot (9 Weeks? / 28th June 2021)

Self-portrait of me looking at the camera in a bra and leggings. I am holding onto my elbow, and there is a bit of a baby bump showing.
General Documenting Pregnancy Shoot (9 Weeks? / 28th June 2021)
 
#TypicallyIGotAnAppointmentLetterForAScanTheSameDayThatISaidIHadHeardNothing
#AnnoyinglyItIsTheOneDayThatTiagoCanNotDoForSureSoWeWillHaveToWaitAnotherWeekNow
#TheLetterDoesNotSayIfTiagoCanAttendOrNotButIGuessTheRulesMayChangeByThenAnyways
#IRealiseThatIThoughtIMayBePregnantAsIGotSomeSpotsButTheyMayHaveBeenCausedByMeWearingAMask
#ThoughPerhapsItIsACombinationOfHormonesAndAMaskMakingThemWorseThanNormal
#IFeelHappierLatelyWhichIsProbablyAlsoACombinationOfHormonesAndHavingSomethingToCountdownToAfterMonthsOfFeelingABitLost
#ItHasAlsoBeenGoodToSeeMorePeopleLately
#WeJustHadAFewNightsAwayWhereWeCaughtUpWithLotsOfPeople
#ItWasReallyNiceToJustSeePeopleRegularlyForAFewDays
#ItWasAlsoAGlimpseOfHowItMightBeHavingTwoKids
#BDoesLikeBabiesButSheAlsoLikesToRunAroundAfterBiggerKids
#SheWasQuiteConfidentAtTakingTheirStuffAndDidNotSeemToCareWhenTheyGotAnnoyed
#ItWasAlsoAGoodReminderThatTheSecondKidWillNotDoVeryMuchForAWhile
#SoAtLeastYouCanPutThemDownAndFindThemThereAgainTenSecondsLater
#IAmJustNotLookingForwardToTheConstantFeedingAndNappyChangingAgain
#IHopeBreastfeedingWillBeEasierNextTimeButWeWillHaveToWaitAndSee
#WeTriedToExperimentWithTheLengthOfBsNapsAndHerBedtimeButSheStillWokeUpEarlierThanWeWanted
#WeSharedARoomWithHerSoItProbablyDidNotHelpEncourageHerToFallBackToSleep
#YesterdaySheSleptForAnHourAndAHalfInTheCarThenWentToBedAtSevenFortyFiveAndSheWokeUpAtFiveThirtyToday
#WeHadBeenTryingCuttingHerSecondNapToThirtyMinutesAndPuttingHerToBedAtEightAndSheWasWakingUpAtFive
#SoSheCanJustKeepHavingAnHourNapAtHerSecondNapAndGoToBedAtSevenThirty
#IGuessWeAreLuckyThatAtLeastSheSleepsQuiteSolidlyForAGoodAmountOfTime
#SheSeemsToKnowHerNapAndBedtimeRoutinesNowAndSheEitherClingsToTheSideOfHerCotOrLiesDownNextToItAsITryToGetHerReady
#YesterdayTiagoLookedAfterBAndIWentBackToSleep
#IDreamtThatWeWereAwayAndWeSaidYesToBGoingSwimmingInASmallFountain
#ItThenTurnedOutToBeAMassiveSwimmingPoolAndICouldNotSeeBAndAllTheKidsWereInTheSameCostumesWithTheSameFloats
#IStartedToShoutHadAnyoneSeenHer
#IThenWokeMyselfUpAsIDidNotWantToDealWithTheStress
#IToldTiagoAndHeSaidDoYouKnowThatYouOftenWakeUpInTheMiddleOfTheNightAndLookForB
#YesIDo

I’m yet to do a shoot, but I’ve called it General Documenting Pregnancy Shoot for now as I want to experiment a bit today and not pretend to be a one year old for once.

(3rd September 2021: I have a habit of doing shoots just after eating, so I look a bit more pregnant than I was. I’ve already copied this shoot once, and I plan to do it at least a few more times during the pregnancy.)

#TypicallyIGotAnAppointmentLetterForAScanTheSameDayThatISaidIHadHeardNothing

It’s always the way.

#AnnoyinglyItIsTheOneDayThatTiagoCanNotDoForSureSoWeWillHaveToWaitAnotherWeekNow

What’s another week? I’m impatient though.

#TheLetterDoesNotSayIfTiagoCanAttendOrNotButIGuessTheRulesMayChangeByThenAnyways

I was going to ask, but then I didn’t. The woman on the phone did say that the letter has a lot of incorrect and missing information on it though. I knew that as the line said it was open until 5, but it closed at 2:30 and I initially called at 2:50 to change my appointment so I had to wait until the next day. Fun times.

#IRealiseThatIThoughtIMayBePregnantAsIGotSomeSpotsButTheyMayHaveBeenCausedByMeWearingAMask

I’m sure I mentioned this in a previous set of hashtags. I don’t really get spots that often – unless I have been eating a lot of bad foods. I was reading something the other day and then I thought ‘ah yeah maybe the spots are more due to wearing a mask?’

#ThoughPerhapsItIsACombinationOfHormonesAndAMaskMakingThemWorseThanNormal

I guess I wear a mask for the same amount of time each week, so it must have been a combination of both? I have some really bad ones on the right side of my face right now.

#IFeelHappierLatelyWhichIsProbablyAlsoACombinationOfHormonesAndHavingSomethingToCountdownToAfterMonthsOfFeelingABitLost

If I could bottle these hormones (but not have morning sickness all the time) I’d take them for life, but I guess when I was pregnant with B I had also been feeling lost previously too.

#ItHasAlsoBeenGoodToSeeMorePeopleLately

Seeing people that I have not seen for a year or two or more…

#WeJustHadAFewNightsAwayWhereWeCaughtUpWithLotsOfPeople

Three couples and their kids (they all have two kids each).

#ItWasReallyNiceToJustSeePeopleRegularlyForAFewDays

People to hang out with while we watched the kids and passed time quite nicely. Hurrah. Luckily the weather was nice!

#ItWasAlsoAGlimpseOfHowItMightBeHavingTwoKids

They varied in age from 11 weeks to 9 years.

#BDoesLikeBabiesButSheAlsoLikesToRunAroundAfterBiggerKids

She is intrigued by babies, but she also likes to follow older kids.

#SheWasQuiteConfidentAtTakingTheirStuffAndDidNotSeemToCareWhenTheyGotAnnoyed

The determination/nonchalance on her face…

#ItWasAlsoAGoodReminderThatTheSecondKidWillNotDoVeryMuchForAWhile

I had kind of forgotten how babies are. I guess I am the most concerned about all the night feedings, and B going down to one nap very soon.

#SoAtLeastYouCanPutThemDownAndFindThemThereAgainTenSecondsLater

I forget that they are quite happy just lying on a mat, looking at the ceiling or toys etc.

#IAmJustNotLookingForwardToTheConstantFeedingAndNappyChangingAgain

It is going to be a juggle, but it will be worth it in the end.

#IHopeBreastfeedingWillBeEasierNextTimeButWeWillHaveToWaitAndSee

I feel like I have forgotten everything already, but I’m sure some things will come back to me.

#WeTriedToExperimentWithTheLengthOfBsNapsAndHerBedtimeButSheStillWokeUpEarlierThanWeWanted

Great.

#WeSharedARoomWithHerSoItProbablyDidNotHelpEncourageHerToFallBackToSleep

It is easier to try to let her go back to sleep when you’re not there next to her. She slept better than I thought she would though with the shared room situation. We just tried to only go in the room when we wanted to go to sleep. Sometimes she woke up, but she quickly went back to sleep.

#YesterdaySheSleptForAnHourAndAHalfInTheCarThenWentToBedAtSevenFortyFiveAndSheWokeUpAtFiveThirtyToday

On the way there she was just awake the whole time when I wanted to sleep. Yesterday we both napped. Poor Tiago…

#WeHadBeenTryingCuttingHerSecondNapToThirtyMinutesAndPuttingHerToBedAtEightAndSheWasWakingUpAtFive #SoSheCanJustKeepHavingAnHourNapAtHerSecondNapAndGoToBedAtSevenThirty

I was relieved as I like for her to have more than half an hour so I can get things done. I probably need to try cutting her nap to 30 minutes then putting her to bed earlier, but I feel like she just likes to wake up between 5 and 5:40.

#IGuessWeAreLuckyThatAtLeastSheSleepsQuiteSolidlyForAGoodAmountOfTime

We just need to go to bed earlier. The last two nights we have been watching football (Euros). I like football, but not that much football. I could have gone to bed at 8pm last night easily, but oh well. Portugal are out now, but Tiago is suddenly more interested in England.

#SheSeemsToKnowHerNapAndBedtimeRoutinesNowAndSheEitherClingsToTheSideOfHerCotOrLiesDownNextToItAsITryToGetHerReady

Well, this was just while we were away. I would just be sorting something out and she would be there clinging to it or next to it. It’s good though.

#YesterdayTiagoLookedAfterBAndIWentBackToSleep

Thanks Tiago.

#IDreamtThatWeWereAwayAndWeSaidYesToBGoingSwimmingInASmallFountain #ItThenTurnedOutToBeAMassiveSwimmingPoolAndICouldNotSeeBAndAllTheKidsWereInTheSameCostumesWithTheSameFloats #IStartedToShoutHadAnyoneSeenHer #IThenWokeMyselfUpAsIDidNotWantToDealWithTheStress

I realised it was a dream/nightmare, so there was no way I was going to stay there getting stressed out within it.

#IToldTiagoAndHeSaidDoYouKnowThatYouOftenWakeUpInTheMiddleOfTheNightAndLookForB #YesIDo

I still have dreams where I think she has fallen out of our bed or is out of her cot or something. Oh the fun. I’m going to try to have a quick lie down now before she wakes up. Hopefully she will sleep for another hour, but sometimes she wakes up earlier. She is teething again, and her skin is itchy again though it looks normal. Fun timessss.

8 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

(I should have posted these in the last post, but oh well. I only did one shoot for 8 weeks, but I don’t want to miss them out.)

I have a long necked top on that is covering the bottom of my nose. My hair is hanging long down one side. I am dressed in dark clothing.
Day Before Haircut (8 Weeks)
 
#IAmSoBoredOfTheWinterAlready
#ITryToWashMyHairEvery5DaysIfICan
#IDreadWashingIt
#WellNotTheWashingItSoMuchButMoreTheDryingIt
#AndComingOutOfTheShowerWithALotOfWetHair
#IHaveBeenTryingToSeeHowLongICanGrowItForPhotographicPurposes
#ButIAmTooLowMaintenanceForThis
#ThereIsJustTooMuchHairToDry
#InTheSummerItIsNotTooBadAndItIsABitRefreshing
#ButHavingToPutTheHeaterOnBecauseMyHairIsTooAnnoying
#AndSpendingAgesBlowDryingIt
#Nah
#EspeciallyNowThatIAmPregnantIJustReallyCanNotBeBothered
#IFeelLikeIWillEndUpCuttingItOffSoonAnyways
#SoMightAsWellDoItNowAndSaveMyselfALotOfTimeOverTheWinter
#LetsSeeThough
#AsOftenITalkAboutCuttingItShorter
#ButMyHairdresserDoesNotWantMeToDislikeItAfter
#ItWillNotBeSuperSuperShort
#AsIWantToBeAbleToTieItBackStill
#ButThatWillBeABigImprovementIThink
#MyHairMightBeKeepingMeABitWarmAtTheMoment
#ButICanWearAHat
#SayingMyHairdresserSoundsFunny
#ButIHaveBeenGoingToTheSamePlaceForYEARS
#ThereHaveBeenPhasesWhereIHaveNot
#ButILikeToCatchUpWithEveryoneThere
#AndIUsedToBeSoAwkwardAndSitInSilence
#AndAvoidLookingAtMyselfInTheMirror
#MyHairdresserAndILaughAboutHowAwkwardIUsedToBeAllTheTime

I recently had my hair cut off, but I was not at the same stage of pregnancy.

I cut it off due to wanting it to be lower maintenance and because it is harder to bend over the bath to wash my hair – my preferred way to do it, but I did not have that option when I was pregnant with B due to the bathroom set-up.

I can not really wear it down now as it gets so frizzy/wild, so I usually just tie up the top bit of it in a messy bun.

I now live close to my hairdressers again, so I’m going to the same place…

I am wearing a striped top and my arms are wrapped around me. I am looking at the camera.
Day After Haircut (8 Weeks)

#NotMuchToSayIThink
#GotAHaircut
#ItWasTooMuchHassleHavingLongHair
#MyHairdresserStraightenedItAndWhatever
#SoNotSureHowItWillLookWhenIHaveWashedAndBlowDriedItMyself
#ProbablyALotFluffier
#IWantedItLongEnoughToTieBack
#ButItIsAtALengthWhereIHaveToUseStrongTiesAsOtherwiseItFallsOut
#ItWillBeFine
#IDoNotLikeHowJustCutHairLooksOnMe
#TheEndsAreTooSharp
#ButIGuessItIsAlsoBecauseItIsStraight
#ButOftenIDoNotLikeHowTiagosHairLooksAfterHeHasJustHadItCut
#AfterAFewDaysItSeemsBetterButAlsoMaybeIJustGetUsedToIt
#FeelingABitSickNow
#BoredOfThisSickBusiness
#ILookPregnantHereButIAmJustBloated
#AndThisIsWhyIDoNotLikeTightTops
#ButISomehowDecidedToBuySomeTopsLikeThis
#ToBeFairTheyWereInAPacketAndIThoughtTheyWereLooserLikeOtherOnesIHave
#FunTimes
#GoingToGoSoakMyFeetAsIFeelLikeTheyNeedSomeLove
#ThenReadMyBookAboutTheSpiceGirls

I love how I say I look pregnant when I clearly don’t…

I have been caring less about what I wear as I am usually at home.

9 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait holding my NHS-issued pregnancy book. I look sad and have my arms crossed over the folder.
Bleeding Worry (9 Weeks)
 
#SoLastNightThingsFeltABitFunny
#AndIWasFeelingTooScaredToGoToTheBathroom
#AfterAWhileIWentAsIWantedToBrushMyTeeth
#AndThereWasBlood
#NotLoadsButMoreThanIHaveBledSoFarAndAReallyIntenseColour
#IWasHavingCramps
#IStillHaveSomeCrampsAndWeirdFeelings
#ItCouldBeAFewThings
#HadABusyWeekWhichIsWhyIDecidedThatINeededToStayInAndRestLastNight
#YesterdayIAccidentallyJabbedMyselfInTheStomachWithMyPhoneInMyPocket
#IAteSomethingFromAJarThatWas3WeeksOutOfDate
#ThatIsAwkwardToAdmitButItWasVegetablesAndIHadJustOpenedIt
#IUsedALotOfMoisturiserOnMyBodyWhenIUsuallyRarelyUseAny
#IFeelLikeThereWasSomethingElseButICanNotRemember
#ItCouldAllBeFineButIAmExpectingTheWorst
#LuckilyIHaveAnAppointmentForThisAfternoonAtTheHospital
#MyLeafletSaidToCallIfIHaveAnyBleedingOrPain
#AsThoughItIsNotUncommonItNeedsToBeCheckedOut
#CalledTheNumberAndOption1WasEmergency
#IFeltAwkwardPressing1SoIPressedForAllOtherEnquiriesAndThenShePutMeThroughToTheEmergencyLine
#ItIsInAFewHoursButThisMorningIsDraggingSoMuch
#IWasNotSickToday
#MyBoobsAreNotSore
#MyNoseDoesNotFeelFull
#FeelsLikeMostOfMySymptomsHaveGone
#WeCanOnlyWaitAndSee
#LastNightIJustCriedInTiagosArms
#InThePhotoIAmHoldingMyFolderOfNotesThatINeedToTakeToEveryAppointment
#DuringTheShootItFeltLikeSomethingWasJabbingMe
#IDoNotKnowWhatNormalIsSupposedToFeelLikeWhenPregnant

Luckily I have not had a scare like this yet this pregnancy. I’ve been getting bad cramps, which seem stronger than when I was pregnant with B but maybe I’ve just forgotten how things are.

B’s been accidentally kicking and punching me in my stomach loads.

My folder of notes is just a tiny booklet instead this time. Birmingham seems to use an app for all my notes?

I still feel like I do not know what normal is when pregnant, and I get anxious at times, but I just have to take some deep breaths and hope that everything will go the same as last time. I am just hoping that this baby will come out head first this time…


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Imitating B Using A Balloon As A Pillow (19th May 2021)

Imitating B Using A Balloon As A Pillow (19th May 2021)
 
#IHaveOnlySeenHerDoThisOnceButSheIsStartingToRestHerHeadOnThings
#TheFloorACushionMyLapThisBalloon
#HerPersonalitySeemsToBeDevelopingMoreEveryday
#SheIsSuddenlyTakingMoreOfAnInterestInDogsWhichMakesOurWalksMoreInteresting
#TheOtherDayWeMetUpWithAFriendForAPicnicAndADogKeptStealingTheirFood
#YesterdayIReadAnArticleAboutPeoplesHighsAndLowsOfHavingALockdownBaby
#ItReallyMadeMeFeelQuiteDownButIThinkNotHavingSleptMuchDidNotHelpEither
#IHaveStartedToStayUpTooLateAtNightButOftenICanNotSleep
#BGoesToBedAndIAmTiredButThenISuddenlyWakeUpAndWantMoreOfMyOwnTime
#IHaveJustBeenWastingMyTimeWatchingYoutubeVideosAndThings
#IAmFindingItHardToWriteTheseHashtagsTodayAndIThinkItIsBecauseIAmTired
#BWokeUpAtFiveFortyThisMorningButIPutTheHeatingOnInHerRoomAndWeThenHadToWakeHerUpAtSeven
#MyNansHouseIsUsuallyQuiteHotSoIThinkBIsQuiteUsedToTheHeatNow
#IWonderHowSheWillDealWithBeingOnHolidayInAMuchCoolerHouse
#IWouldRatherJustBeHavingANapRightNowButIFeelBadIfIDoNotDoThisProject
#IDoDebateHavingSomeTimeOffMyWorkButTheFeelingPassesAndIGetOnWithItAllAgain
#ITookBToSoftPlayTheOtherDayAndItWasNotAsGreatAsIHopedItWouldBe
#TheYoungKidsSectionWasABitSadAndPeopleGraduallyStoppedWearingTheirMasksWhichPissedMeOff
#IThinkABigPartOfItIsDownToWhoIsThereAtTheSameTimeAsYou
#EveryoneElseSeemedToBeThereWithSomeoneElseAndINeedToStopBeingAwkwardAboutTalkingToPeople
#ITookBOnTheSlideACoupleOfTimesThoughIThinkIFoundItMoreFunThanHer
#IWillProbablyEndUpTakingHerThereAgainSoonJustAsThereIsNotMuchElseAroundHereToDo
#IAmHopingToTryOutANewPlaygroupWithHer
#DueToThePandemicYouHaveToPrebookEverythingWhichIsNotGreatForSpontaneousPlans
#SomeGoodNewsIsThatTiagosPassportHasArrivedSoThatIsOneLessThingToWorryAbout
#ICutHisHairForTheThirdTimeTheOtherDayAndNowHisPassportPictureLooksNothingLikeHim
#HeShavedTooAndNowHeJustLooksLikeBsOlderBrother
#IAmTryingToGetBackIntoExercisingThoughIGenerallyDoSpeedUpMyStretchingVideos
#ToBeFairIHaveDoneThemAllSoManyTimesThatIDoNotNeedToHearTheLongExplanations
#IAmSoOverFeedingBNowThatITurnHerPorridgeIntoPancakes

#IHaveOnlySeenHerDoThisOnceButSheIsStartingToRestHerHeadOnThings

It is quite cute, though when I took her to soft play the other day she was just lying with her head on the floor and I felt like a few people were judging me as she looked like she was having a tantrum or something.

#TheFloorACushionMyLapThisBalloon

We have a lot of cushions around the living room to protect her from furniture and she will just chill on them a bit now.

#HerPersonalitySeemsToBeDevelopingMoreEveryday

I love when she laughs at things.

#SheIsSuddenlyTakingMoreOfAnInterestInDogsWhichMakesOurWalksMoreInteresting

There are a group of people who have been gathering on an area of grass with their dogs for months who I call ‘the dog club’ (very original), and now B likes to look at them all. I’m trying to get more comfortable with us stopping and looking at them, without feeling like a big weirdo.

#TheOtherDayWeMetUpWithAFriendForAPicnicAndADogKeptStealingTheirFood

Well B was stealing her friend’s food, and the dog was stealing food from both of them. The owners really didn’t seem that bothered. Thanks.

#YesterdayIReadAnArticleAboutPeoplesHighsAndLowsOfHavingALockdownBaby #ItReallyMadeMeFeelQuiteDownButIThinkNotHavingSleptMuchDidNotHelpEither

The article was on The Guardian. I was feeling alright and then after reading that I just felt rubbish. I really hope that B gets to meet T’s parents this summer… I had a long nap when B napped and I felt better.

#IHaveStartedToStayUpTooLateAtNightButOftenICanNotSleep

Last week I was not falling asleep for over an hour, so now I just stay up an hour later and then don’t fall asleep for another hour.

#BGoesToBedAndIAmTiredButThenISuddenlyWakeUpAndWantMoreOfMyOwnTime

It’s either go to bed early and feel alright in the morning, or stay up and feel good about having some time to myself and then feel grim in the morning. I do not like feeling tired, so I just need to suck it up and go to bed earlier.

#IHaveJustBeenWastingMyTimeWatchingYoutubeVideosAndThings

Watching highlights from comedy gameshows and watching RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under.

#IAmFindingItHardToWriteTheseHashtagsTodayAndIThinkItIsBecauseIAmTired

I feel so groggy, though I was feeling fine at 7 this morning.

#BWokeUpAtFiveFortyThisMorningButIPutTheHeatingOnInHerRoomAndWeThenHadToWakeHerUpAtSeven

Great. Yesterday she was awake at 5.30am and then didn’t go back to sleep, but then she had a long nap and so did I.

#MyNansHouseIsUsuallyQuiteHotSoIThinkBIsQuiteUsedToTheHeatNow

And as a result she likes her room to be quite warm. Downstairs is always hot, but upstairs isn’t.

#IWonderHowSheWillDealWithBeingOnHolidayInAMuchCoolerHouse

It’ll be fine. I’ll be more relaxed then hopefully as Tiago will be off and it’ll be lovely to spend some more time together as a family and with family.

#IWouldRatherJustBeHavingANapRightNowButIFeelBadIfIDoNotDoThisProject

Story of the last year of my life.

#IDoDebateHavingSomeTimeOffMyWorkButTheFeelingPassesAndIGetOnWithItAllAgain

Last week I was ready to stop posting on social media for a while and just keep making this project but with shortened hashtags. It’s part of the fun of being an artist right?

#ITookBToSoftPlayTheOtherDayAndItWasNotAsGreatAsIHopedItWouldBe

Le sigh. I was really hoping it would be the place that would save me from myself.

#TheYoungKidsSectionWasABitSadAndPeopleGraduallyStoppedWearingTheirMasksWhichPissedMeOff

Well maybe it wasn’t that sad, but for someone B’s age it was sad – the cooler stuff was too old for B.

When you go in someone says wear masks at all times unless you are sat down eating. I saw a guy with a mask not covering his nose walking around and then later he wasn’t even wearing it. I was sat in the young kids’ area close to a woman (it’s a small area) not wearing a mask and coughing.

#IThinkABigPartOfItIsDownToWhoIsThereAtTheSameTimeAsYou

People who put up with wearing a mask and those who don’t?

#EveryoneElseSeemedToBeThereWithSomeoneElseAndINeedToStopBeingAwkwardAboutTalkingToPeople

Basically I wanted to talk to people, but no one needed to talk to me. That’s fair enough.

#ITookBOnTheSlideACoupleOfTimesThoughIThinkIFoundItMoreFunThanHer

I saw other adults climbing up (I don’t know the rules of soft play alright) so I took her on that a few times. She was more interested in holding onto the netting at the side though.

#IWillProbablyEndUpTakingHerThereAgainSoonJustAsThereIsNotMuchElseAroundHereToDo

I’ll give it another go and see how it is.

(12th July: We’re still yet to go again. I’ve been put off it.)

#IAmHopingToTryOutANewPlaygroupWithHer

It’s when my Mum usually visits, but it might be where I meet some likeminded local people so I need to give it a go. We do know a few people now, but generally everyone is back at work and only has Friday off, and then they have plans with other people as they have lives and know other people.

#DueToThePandemicYouHaveToPrebookEverythingWhichIsNotGreatForSpontaneousPlans

I debated not booking the playgroup until the day, but I know that there will probably be no spaces on the day.

#SomeGoodNewsIsThatTiagosPassportHasArrivedSoThatIsOneLessThingToWorryAbout

Hurrah. It said 10 weeks, but I think it’s been 4? Not sure but it was definitely quick. B’s came a lot quicker than they said it would. I guess it’s so you don’t leave your application until the last minute.

Am I jealous of everyone on the news in Portugal already? Yes.

#ICutHisHairForTheThirdTimeTheOtherDayAndNowHisPassportPictureLooksNothingLikeHim

I think it was an alright cut.

#HeShavedTooAndNowHeJustLooksLikeBsOlderBrother

He commented on how young he looked first.

#IAmTryingToGetBackIntoExercisingThoughIGenerallyDoSpeedUpMyStretchingVideos

I am so lazy these days.

#ToBeFairIHaveDoneThemAllSoManyTimesThatIDoNotNeedToHearTheLongExplanations

I should have done this before. I had loads of YouTube comedy videos lined up but I knew I had to go to bed soon so I started to watch them faster. I’ve had to skip through RuPaul as there is no option on iPlayer to play them faster (shame – the feature is great on Netflix) as I need to go to bed, but I want to see what happens.

(12th July: I now use a plugin called ‘Video Speed Controller’. It’s great, and I can speed things up faster than Netflix allows.)

#IAmSoOverFeedingBNowThatITurnHerPorridgeIntoPancakes

A random ending but yes. I made her some porridge bars the other day, but they only feed her for two days and the porridge is healthier (it has butternut squash in it). I just add some flour (I used buckwheat the other day) and fry them. I made her a batch today, so I’ll do the porridge pancakes again for the next 4 days. To be fair they come more like porridge pancake blobs, but that’s fine.

(12th July: We no longer add the flour. We just fry the mix.)

Time to do a shoot and then get B up, if she doesn’t wake up before I finish.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Tiago’s Second Home Haircut (26th December 2020)

Tiago’s Second Home Haircut (26th December 2020)
 
#IAmWritingThisAt6ThirtyInTheMorningAsBHasAlreadyBeenUpForAboutAnHour
#SheHasBeenWakingUpACoupleOfTimesInTheNightButSleepingQuiteWellInGeneral
#SoLastNightWeStayedUpLateWatchingPearlHarbourWhichIHadRecordedACoupleOfWeeksAgo
#TheNightBeforeWeHadStayedUpNotAsLateWatchingADocumentaryAboutTheBeeGees
#IThinkTonightItWillBeAnEarlyNightForUsThoughWeWillProbablyNapWhenSheHasHerFirstNap
#TiagoHasFourDaysOffForXmasSoIHaveBeenHavingALittleMoreOfABreak
#IFeelGuiltyAboutItThough
#YesterdayIFeltLikeICouldHaveStayedInBedForAWeekAsISuddenlyFeltSoDown
#TheCodingCourseSeemsALotHarderAndIAmHavingALotLessFeelingSmartMoments
#YesIDidDoABitOfCodingAndGeneralWorkOnChristmasDay
#ItIsStillAboutAnotherWeekUntilMyPhoneCallAssessmentWithTheServiceThatMyHealthVisitorSuggested
#IAmFindingItHardToSeeSocialMediaPostsAboutPeopleAndTheirBabies
#IThinkItIsBecauseItAllLooksSoEasyForEveryoneElseThoughIKnowThatEveryoneOnlyUsuallyTriesToShowTheirBestSelvesOnSocialMedia
#AfterGoingToTheHairdressersIRealisedThatTheCystOnMyHeadIsQuiteVisibleNow
#WellItIsMoreTheBaldPatchThatSurroundsIt
#IHaveProbablyHadItForAtLeastAYearAndAHalfButItHasGotBiggerAsIMessWithItWhenIGetStressed
#AndPregnancyAndCovidAndThingsHaveBeenStressful
#IAmTalkingAboutItNowToShameMyselfIntoStopMessingWithItButIKnowThatIWillProbablyNot
#ICouldGetItRemovedButApparentlyTheyUsuallyGrowBack
#IJustSearchEnginedCystOnHeadAndIFeelABitBetterAboutItAllAsThereAreSomeHugeOnesOutThere
#AnywaysWeReallyNeedToMoveBOutOfTheBassinetOnHerCotAndIntoTheBottomBit
#ItIsRidiculousHowMuchSheHasGrownIn6Months
#IGuessWeAreStallingBecauseItWillBeALotMoreAnnoyingToGetHerOutOfItAndWeWillNotBeAbleToRockHerAsEasily
#YesterdayWeMadeHerSomeNiceMealsButSheDidNotSeemThatIntoThem
#WhichIsProbablyWhySheWokeUpSoEarlyTodayAsWhenSheEatsWellSheSeemsToSleepBetter
#IThinkIHaveFinallyGivenUpWithBreastfeedingNowAsSheHasHadAFewDaysOfNotWantingToBreastfeedSoIGaveUpAFewDaysAgo
#IThinkIFindItDifficultSeeingSoManyPostsAndReferencesAboutBreastfeedingAsIFeelABitGuiltyAboutItThoughItWasUltimatelyBsChoice
#ButAlsoIFeelBadThatThingsIHavePostedInThePastMightHaveMadeOthersFeelBadAboutThemselvesForWhateverReason
#TheShootWasMeantToBeAFamilyPortaitSessionButTiagoAskedMeToCutHisHairAgainSoIThoughtIShouldDocumentIt
#IThoughtIHadDoneABetterJobThanLastTimeButNowIAmNotSoSureAndIMightNeedToNeatenItUpMoreLater

#IAmWritingThisAt6ThirtyInTheMorningAsBHasAlreadyBeenUpForAboutAnHour

I can hear B giggling at T from here. I’m also listening to Sparrow Sleeps – which are lullaby versions of songs that I liked when I was a teen. I’ve been listening to Relient K, but now I see they have albums of Say Anything and Alkaline Trio… It’s quite nice to write to as I don’t get so distracted by the lyrics though I am kind of singing along anyways.

(I wrote this on 26th December and I’d already forgot about Sparrow Sleeps, so thanks to me for the reminder!)

#SheHasBeenWakingUpACoupleOfTimesInTheNightButSleepingQuiteWellInGeneral #SoLastNightWeStayedUpLateWatchingPearlHarbourWhichIHadRecordedACoupleOfWeeksAgo #TheNightBeforeWeHadStayedUpNotAsLateWatchingADocumentaryAboutTheBeeGees

We thought that we were cursing things by staying up late two nights ago, but as she slept fairly well we just ended up watching the whole of Pearl Harbour. I thought I would turn it off at 11pm, but there seemed like no point as we were so close to the end.

#IThinkTonightItWillBeAnEarlyNightForUsThoughWeWillProbablyNapWhenSheHasHerFirstNap

Well, Tiago says when I am finished that he will probably have a nap.

#TiagoHasFourDaysOffForXmasSoIHaveBeenHavingALittleMoreOfABreak #IFeelGuiltyAboutItThough

Tiago says I can’t win as I feel bad for wanting more time for myself, but when I do I feel guilty about it and don’t really enjoy it.

T fed B all her meals yesterday (though dinner didn’t go well so I gave it a go). I tried to just read my book (The Sanest Guy In The Room by Don Black), but I kept getting distracted by my Nan and life. I usually read e-books now, but this is a physical book that my Mum got me for my birthday.

#YesterdayIFeltLikeICouldHaveStayedInBedForAWeekAsISuddenlyFeltSoDown

Though the feeling passed a bit after 20ish minutes in bed, when I felt guilty for being there.

#TheCodingCourseSeemsALotHarderAndIAmHavingALotLessFeelingSmartMoments

It sucks feeling dumb, but I am halfway through it now so I just need to get on and finish it.

#YesIDidDoABitOfCodingAndGeneralWorkOnChristmasDay

To be fair I think I always do work a bit on Xmas, and now it makes more sense than ever as Tiago is off and I work when I have the chance.

A couple of photos from my Neblina series were taken on Xmas day.

#ItIsStillAboutAnotherWeekUntilMyPhoneCallAssessmentWithTheServiceThatMyHealthVisitorSuggested

I felt like I didn’t need to speak to them anymore, but my mood does go up and down a lot. I know they won’t be able to help with some things (they won’t be able to give me time off – though like I’ve said before I don’t want time away from B), but maybe it might help me to try to change myself for the better.

#IAmFindingItHardToSeeSocialMediaPostsAboutPeopleAndTheirBabies #IThinkItIsBecauseItAllLooksSoEasyForEveryoneElseThoughIKnowThatEveryoneOnlyUsuallyTriesToShowTheirBestSelvesOnSocialMedia

It’s so stupid that it gets to me. I know that most of social media is fake and most people don’t show their true feelings etc. I am happy for other people, but it says a lot more about me than it does about them.

#AfterGoingToTheHairdressersIRealisedThatTheCystOnMyHeadIsQuiteVisibleNow

Talking about my cyst is just making me think of RuPaul’s Drag Race…

#WellItIsMoreTheBaldPatchThatSurroundsIt #IHaveProbablyHadItForAtLeastAYearAndAHalfButItHasGotBiggerAsIMessWithItWhenIGetStressed #AndPregnancyAndCovidAndThingsHaveBeenStressful #IAmTalkingAboutItNowToShameMyselfIntoStopMessingWithItButIKnowThatIWillProbablyNot #ICouldGetItRemovedButApparentlyTheyUsuallyGrowBack

I’m also currently reading a book about periods (Period by Emma Barnett) and it says something about talking about them being quite off limits for a lot of people. Well, I’ve now talked about periods and cysts in my project so…

#IJustSearchEnginedCystOnHeadAndIFeelABitBetterAboutItAllAsThereAreSomeHugeOnesOutThere

Another fun thing about getting older.

#AnywaysWeReallyNeedToMoveBOutOfTheBassinetOnHerCotAndIntoTheBottomBit #ItIsRidiculousHowMuchSheHasGrownIn6Months #IGuessWeAreStallingBecauseItWillBeALotMoreAnnoyingToGetHerOutOfItAndWeWillNotBeAbleToRockHerAsEasily

It is unbelievable how much babies grow in the first six months though. I remember my friend sending us a 6 month onesie for B and thinking nah she is never going to be that big in 6 months time. Well, she is…

#YesterdayWeMadeHerSomeNiceMealsButSheDidNotSeemThatIntoThem

Carrot porridge (she eats that up every day, butternut squash with almond butter and cinnamon (she ate that all up the day before), and aubergine with red pepper and cous cous (she barely ate any).

#WhichIsProbablyWhySheWokeUpSoEarlyTodayAsWhenSheEatsWellSheSeemsToSleepBetter

We give her a lot of water with meals and between if she doesn’t have milk. We give her a milk feed in the morning and in the evening, but after her terrible dinner we gave her milk to make sure she had enough. I think she was just teething really badly and food was irritating her. Possibly?

#IThinkIHaveFinallyGivenUpWithBreastfeedingNowAsSheHasHadAFewDaysOfNotWantingToBreastfeedSoIGaveUpAFewDaysAgo #IThinkIFindItDifficultSeeingSoManyPostsAndReferencesAboutBreastfeedingAsIFeelABitGuiltyAboutItThoughItWasUltimatelyBsChoice

B didn’t want to anymore, so I shouldn’t feel bad about it though I feel like I might have jumped to formula a bit too quick before.. You never know. She wasn’t feeding well and we were moving, so it seemed like the best thing to do to make sure she was getting enough.

I feel like the whole breastfeeding journey has been very up and down. There are a lot of what ifs… but I do just need to let it go. Easier said than done.

#ButAlsoIFeelBadThatThingsIHavePostedInThePastMightHaveMadeOthersFeelBadAboutThemselvesForWhateverReason

And possible future posts. I need to talk about my need to gravitate to talk about negative things all the time; this is something I have felt about addressing for a while.

I guess I’ll save it for a future reflective post.

#TheShootWasMeantToBeAFamilyPortaitSessionButTiagoAskedMeToCutHisHairAgainSoIThoughtIShouldDocumentIt #IThoughtIHadDoneABetterJobThanLastTimeButNowIAmNotSoSureAndIMightNeedToNeatenItUpMoreLater

Well, I guess the next shoot can be a family portrait.

Tiago asked if I could cut his hair tonight, but my Mum was round so she looked after B while I did it. I did feel very nervous, but like last time I quickly got into it. It is quite therapeutic, but hopefully next time I’ll do a better job of it.

I never like how hair looks when it’s just been cut, so maybe it will look better in a few days. I do need to work out there not being such an abrupt change in length in hair between sections though.


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Categories
Motherhood

First Haircut Since January (22nd December 2020)

First Haircut Since January (22nd December 2020)
 
#IHaveNotBeenToTheHairdressersSinceJanuary2020
#MyNanAndIHadAppointmentsTogetherForLastMonthButTheyWereCancelledDueToEnglandsSecondLockdown
#IWantToGetALotCutOffButNotTooMuchAsINeedToBeAbleToTieItUpOtherwiseBPullsOnIt
#ButSheAlsoGigglesALotFromMyHairSwishingAboutSoMaybeIWillJustGetWhatNeedsToBeCutOffRemoved
#IFeelABitAwkwardAboutGoingAsIHaveACystOnMyHeadThatIsALotBiggerSinceLastTimeIWent
#IThinkItFeelsBiggerThanItLooksAtLeast
#IWokeUpInTheNightThinkingBWasInDangerAndNearlySmackedTiagoAcrossTheFaceOnAccident
#ICanNotRememberWhatIThoughtHadHappenedButIWokeUpVerySuddenlyAndPanickedLookingForHer
#IAlsoTurnedHerNoiseMachineOffAtOneThinkingItWasTimeToGetUp
#TheOtherNightIDreamtThatHerLowerHalfWasHangingOverTheBedAndSheWasAboutToFallOffAndIWokeUpVeryFast
#ABigTopicAtHomeAtTheMomentIsIfBShouldBeRaisedVegetarianOrNot
#IDoNotThinkItIsReallyADiscussionThoughAsTheConsensusSeemsToBeThatBShouldBeAtLeastFedFishForNow
#ThisConversationHasComeUpAFewTimesInThePastButEveryTimeIJustGetAnnoyedByIt
#IWouldRatherSheAteItLessOftenButAteGoodQualityMeatOrFishWhereWeKnowTheAnimalHadAFairlyDecentLife
#IJustDoNotWantToFeedHerItAsIHaveBeenVeggieSinceIWas15
#IDoNotWantToTurnThisWholeEntryIntoAThingOnVegetarianism
#IKnowThatItIsAHeatedTopicForALotOfPeopleAndIDoNotWantToHaveDiscussionsWithAnyoneElseAboutIt
#IAmHavingFlashbacksToConversationsWithPeopleNowAskingWhyIAmVegetarianAndThenArguingWithMeAboutIt
#TheCodingCourseIAmDoingIsGoingOkayThoughItRequiresALotOfBrainPower
#IFeelABitLikeErghWhyAmIDoingThisButIAmNearlyAWeekAheadWithMyWorkAndThereAre4WeeksLeft
#AfterIFinishINeedToUtiliseMyEveningsWellAsIRealiseHowMuchTimeIDoHave
#INeedToStartStudyingPortugueseAgainReally
#IWatchKidsSongsInPortugueseWithBEspeciallyWhenIAmTryingToFileHerNails
#AndIFeelLikeIAmAtLeastLearningSomeNewWords
#ButIReallyNeedToWorkOnBeingAbleToHaveNormalConversationsWithPeopleAndNotJustBeAbleToSingAboutAnimals
#WellIGotMyHaircutAndItWasOddToLeaveTheHouseWithoutB
#ItWasNiceToCatchupWithMyHairdresserThoughAsIHaveBeenGoingToTheSamePlaceSinceIWasATeenager
#IJustToldHerToDoWhatSheWantedToMyHairWhichIsWhatIUsuallySay
#BKeptLookingAtMyHairWhenIGotHomeAndWhenIPutHerDownToSleepSheWasTryingToPlayWithIt
#MyHairHasNotLookedThisNeatAndTidyForALongTimeAndIGuessItWillBeAWhileUntilUntilItLooksLikeThisAgain

#IHaveNotBeenToTheHairdressersSinceJanuary2020

I thought I had better add 2020 to the end as I will probably be posting this in January 2021.

#MyNanAndIHadAppointmentsTogetherForLastMonthButTheyWereCancelledDueToEnglandsSecondLockdown

I wanted us to get appointments at the same time this time, but I had to take B to a baby class at the time they were able to fit us in, so Nan went two weeks ago.

#IWantToGetALotCutOffButNotTooMuchAsINeedToBeAbleToTieItUpOtherwiseBPullsOnIt #ButSheAlsoGigglesALotFromMyHairSwishingAboutSoMaybeIWillJustGetWhatNeedsToBeCutOffRemoved

I can see why a lot of Mums have short hair now.

#IFeelABitAwkwardAboutGoingAsIHaveACystOnMyHeadThatIsALotBiggerSinceLastTimeIWent #IThinkItFeelsBiggerThanItLooksAtLeast

Talking to other people I didn’t realise how common cysts on the head were, so she probably sees them all the time.

#IWokeUpInTheNightThinkingBWasInDangerAndNearlySmackedTiagoAcrossTheFaceOnAccident #ICanNotRememberWhatIThoughtHadHappenedButIWokeUpVerySuddenlyAndPanickedLookingForHer

I just sat up very quickly and didn’t realise that I had nearly hit him. He was awake and just said something like ‘hey, watch my face!’ I think maybe I thought she was going to drink some very hot milk? I don’t know.

#IAlsoTurnedHerNoiseMachineOffAtOneThinkingItWasTimeToGetUp

I think I turned it off while I was half asleep, then I looked at the time, said ‘oops’ and turned it back on. I think I disturbed B a bit as I soon had to soothe her a bit, but she went back to sleep.

#TheOtherNightIDreamtThatHerLowerHalfWasHangingOverTheBedAndSheWasAboutToFallOffAndIWokeUpVeryFast

Maybe my dream was also to do with her falling last night? I wake up so fast – it’s more efficient than an alarm clock.

#ABigTopicAtHomeAtTheMomentIsIfBShouldBeRaisedVegetarianOrNot #IDoNotThinkItIsReallyADiscussionThoughAsTheConsensusSeemsToBeThatBShouldBeAtLeastFedFishForNow #ThisConversationHasComeUpAFewTimesInThePastButEveryTimeIJustGetAnnoyedByIt #IWouldRatherSheAteItLessOftenButAteGoodQualityMeatOrFishWhereWeKnowTheAnimalHadAFairlyDecentLife #IJustDoNotWantToFeedHerItAsIHaveBeenVeggieSinceIWas15 #IDoNotWantToTurnThisWholeEntryIntoAThingOnVegetarianism #IKnowThatItIsAHeatedTopicForALotOfPeopleAndIDoNotWantToHaveDiscussionsWithAnyoneElseAboutIt

I feel like I should mention it, but at the same time I do not want to hear anyone else’s opinion on it. B will be eating fish some point soon. I’m quite torn about it, but hey ho.

#IAmHavingFlashbacksToConversationsWithPeopleNowAskingWhyIAmVegetarianAndThenArguingWithMeAboutIt

Roll my eyes.

#TheCodingCourseIAmDoingIsGoingOkayThoughItRequiresALotOfBrainPower #IFeelABitLikeErghWhyAmIDoingThisButIAmNearlyAWeekAheadWithMyWorkAndThereAre4WeeksLeft

When things finally make sense I feel good, but when you’ve had a full on day and you know that at around 8pm you need to do your homework it’s not always the best feeling. I’m lucky to be able to do it though and it is interesting, and it makes sense to do it now while things are fairly quiet.

#AfterIFinishINeedToUtiliseMyEveningsWellAsIRealiseHowMuchTimeIDoHave

I said this last time, but I guess I did need some kind of break after moving and everything. I’d like to try doing some other art forms for fun.

#INeedToStartStudyingPortugueseAgainReally #IWatchKidsSongsInPortugueseWithBEspeciallyWhenIAmTryingToFileHerNails #AndIFeelLikeIAmAtLeastLearningSomeNewWords #ButIReallyNeedToWorkOnBeingAbleToHaveNormalConversationsWithPeopleAndNotJustBeAbleToSingAboutAnimals

Portuguese should be my priority though. I used to do half an hour everyday and it was good – it wouldn’t even take up my whole evening. I need to start doing my books again. I stopped before as when pregnancy pains got a bit too much I used my Portuguese time for more stretching videos.

#WellIGotMyHaircutAndItWasOddToLeaveTheHouseWithoutB #ItWasNiceToCatchupWithMyHairdresserThoughAsIHaveBeenGoingToTheSamePlaceSinceIWasATeenager

She was a little disappointed that I didn’t bring B, but it would have been difficult. She settled for seeing a few videos instead.

#IJustToldHerToDoWhatSheWantedToMyHairWhichIsWhatIUsuallySay

She didn’t even bother asking how I wanted it styled at the end as she knows I just tell her to do whatever. I think she likes that I am an easy client.

#BKeptLookingAtMyHairWhenIGotHomeAndWhenIPutHerDownToSleepSheWasTryingToPlayWithIt

I was surprised that she recognised me in a mask when I was going out. She is used to seeing me with my hair up, so she must have found it all a bit odd.

#MyHairHasNotLookedThisNeatAndTidyForALongTimeAndIGuessItWillBeAWhileUntilUntilItLooksLikeThisAgain

I feel like I shouldn’t put it up today, but I’m sure B will start pulling on it later and I will need to.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe Oh Me, Oh Pai

My First Attempt At Barbering (28th June 2020)

Before

My First Attempt At Barbering (28th June 2020)

#ItHasBeenOver3MonthsSinceLockdownStarted
#TiagoHadNotHadAHaircutSinceWayBeforeThat
#HeHadBeenAskingMeToCutHisHairBeforeBWasBorn
#ButIWasNotVeryConfident
#AndILikedHisHairLong
#AsWellAsHimHavingABeard
#IUnderstandHeNeedsItCutWithHisWorkAndHimWantingToLookSmartInMeetings
#TheOtherDayIAskedOnInstagramAboutTipsForCuttingHair
#IThenIBoughtClippersAndScissors
#ToriSentADiagramAndAVideoForMeToFollow
#ItWasGettingLateLastNightButItNeededToBeDone
#IWasNotFeelingConfidentAtAll
#SoIStartedOffShyAndAwkward
#ThenBeforeIKnewItIWasGettingReallyIntoIt
#IFoundItQuiteTherapeutic
#IThinkHeWantedItABitLonger
#ButIKeptAccidentallyCuttingBitsShorter
#IWasDaydreamingAtSomePointAndNotReallyPayingAttentionToWhatIWasDoing
#ItIsFunnyHowQuickIGoFromBeingScaredToNotReallyThinkingAboutIt
#TheWorstBitWasTheFrontAsIDidNotWantToMessItUp
#AfterwardsIClippedHisBeard
#AndHeWentAndHadAShowerAndShaved
#HeLooksLikeADifferentPerson
#WeWereLaughingAboutHowHeLooks12WithHisGlassesOn
#AndHeSaysHeLooksLikeMichaelGove
#IThinkIWillBeCuttingHisHairInFuture
#IAmAlsoTemptedToCutAllMineOffButIProbablyWillNot
#IFeelLikeIHaveChangedALotInTheLastFewWeeks
#AndMyOldHairCarriesOldBadEnergyThatIWantToGetRidOfButIAmTooScaredInCaseILookStupid
#ICanThinkOfManyTimesInMyLifeWhereChangeHasBroughtAHaircut

After

My First Attempt At Barbering (28th June 2020) II
My First Attempt At Barbering (28th June 2020) III

Well I cut Tiago’s hair on 28th June, even though hairdressers reopened on 4th July. We were being careful about going to places and I think Tiago was a bit wary of going somewhere to get his hair cut.

I felt inspired after mentioning in an Instagram story that he needed his hair cut, and receiving a few replies along the lines of ‘do it yourself’.

There is an hour between the before and after photos.

Tiago says why couldn’t I have taken an after photo without hair all over him, but it was nearly 11pm when I took them. I’m surprised we got through it without B waking up and I think I just wanted to tidy up and go to bed.

He asked me to crop the first after photo so his nipples wouldn’t be on show, so I cropped the before too to make them as similar in size as I could for a side by side comparison.

#AndILikedHisHairLong
#AsWellAsHimHavingABeard

His hair and beard were both getting too long though… I thought it would be really weird adjusting to his new look, but it felt pretty normal straight away.

Usually when he has his hair cut I don’t like it as it has that just cut look about it – you know too neat. I think because I didn’t know how to give it that proper just cut though I liked it straight away. I’m definitely not great at cutting hair, but it wasn’t bad for my first attempt!

#ItIsFunnyHowQuickIGoFromBeingScaredToNotReallyThinkingAboutIt

I’m always nervous before doing things for the first time. I feel like this applies to all areas of my life, but more recently with having a baby. Everything I did in hospital I’m very comfortable with, but things I hadn’t done – breastfeeding lying down, washing her, bathing her etc – I’m either still building my confidence with or haven’t mastered yet. Everyday I’m getting more confident with mothering though.

#WeWereLaughingAboutHowHeLooks12WithHisGlassesOn
#AndHeSaysHeLooksLikeMichaelGove

We did laugh for a long time…

#AndMyOldHairCarriesOldBadEnergyThatIWantToGetRidOfButIAmTooScaredInCaseILookStupid

The feeling about the bad energy has passed. I also remembered that I have had a cyst on my head for over a year. It doesn’t look like it is going anywhere and my hair hides it a bit at the moment, so I don’t think I’ll be cutting my hair off anytime soon. A tidy up would be good though.

I’ve been going to the same hairdressers on and off since I was a kid. I’d love to get a haircut and show them B, but I think if I go I will have to go alone because of restrictions. Plus the chances of her sleeping through the appointment would be small I think – she’s capable of it but with timings and random factors it’s never guaranteed.

I feel inspired to book an appointment though (thanks blogging) and maybe they can just see B outside from a 2m distance?


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