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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Feeling A Bit More Like My Old Self (16th November 2020)

Phone photo of my computer screen showing me on zoom
Feeling A Bit More Like My Old Self (16th November 2020)
 
#PerhapsThisImageLooksMoreLikeIHaveBeenCalledInForQuestioningAtAFloweryPoliceStation
#ThanMeSatWaitingForStudentsToJoinAnOnlineTutorialSession
#TypicallyIActuallyWashedMyHairForItLastNightButThenHadMyHairUpMostOfTheDayAsItWasAnnoyingMe
#TodayWasTheLongestIHadSpentNotMotheringB
#IDidAnOnlineTalkAndSomeTutorialsAndItFeltSoGoodToBeDoingSomethingElseForAChange
#IDoEnjoyBeingWithBAndIAmGratefulToHaveHer
#IFeelLikeIDoComplainTooMuchButItHasBeenAnIntenseFivePlusMonthsOfMothering
#IKnowThatWeAreLuckyAndQuitePrivilegedAsAFamilySoIShouldWhineLess
#IWasNotPlanningToUseThisPictureForTheProjectButIJustSawItOnMyPhoneAndThoughtWhyNot
#IWasSupposedToDoAShootYesterday
#IWasPlanningAFamilyShootButThoughTheDayGotOffToAProductiveStart
#WeManagedToBreakTheGarageDoorAndSpentALotOfTimeFaffingWithThat
#SoWeDidNotGoForAWalkAndIDidNotManageToOrganiseMyWorkSpaceOrDoMuchWork
#InOtherNewsWeGotASecondHandFormulaPrepMachineTheOtherDayAndItIsLifeChanging
#NoMoreSettingAlarmsToRememberToBoilWaterOrFranticallyTryingToCoolTheMilkDown
#AndNowThatBIs5MonthsIAmTryingToDropOneOfHerNaps
#IAlsoRealisedThatIHaveBeenWayTooStrictWithHerScheduleAndFrettingAboutHerWakeWindowsAndThings
#SoTheOtherDayIChilledOutABitWithItToAllowHerToGoToBedAroundSevenFifteenIsh
#ThoughTheLast2NightsSheHasGoneToBedEarlierDueToTryingToDropTheThirdNap
#SheHasWokeUpOnceInTheNightAndSheWasAwakeLongerThanNeedBeAsITriedNotToFeedHer
#OnceYouLiftHerOutOfTheCotToChangeHerNappyThoughYouHaveToFeedHerOrSheWillNotSleep
#ButOnceSheIsFedSheIsQuiteContentAndGoesBackToSleepAlright
#YesterdayIFeltBadAsSheWokeUpAt8InTheMorningAndIDidFretABitAboutHerSchedule
#SoTodayISetAnAlarmFor7OnceSheWentBackToSleep
#IFeelMorePositiveButLetUsSeeHowLongItLasts
#INeededADayToDoSomethingDifferentAndFeelLikeMoreThanJustAMother
#NotThatThereIsAnythingWrongWithJustBeingAMother
#IJustWasNotPreparedForHowMuchMyLifeWouldChangeWithABaby
#INeedToStretchAsIHaveNotInTheLastCoupleOfDaysAndIAcheFromAllTheBabyCarryingAndStuffMoving

(I wrote this post on 16th November.)

#PerhapsThisImageLooksMoreLikeIHaveBeenCalledInForQuestioningAtAFloweryPoliceStation #ThanMeSatWaitingForStudentsToJoinAnOnlineTutorialSession

Not that I have ever been called in for questioning at a police station, but it does look like I’ve been up to something.

#TypicallyIActuallyWashedMyHairForItLastNightButThenHadMyHairUpMostOfTheDayAsItWasAnnoyingMe

I was not going to wash it, but I thought I should make the effort. My hair looked quite good at 2am, but I brushed it when I got up and it looked bad.

Not that I usually care about my hair, but I thought I better make the effort for an online talk. (There were 50ish people in the end – thanks University of Hertfordshire.)

#TodayWasTheLongestIHadSpentNotMotheringB

I spent about 6 hours away from her in the end.

#IDidAnOnlineTalkAndSomeTutorialsAndItFeltSoGoodToBeDoingSomethingElseForAChange

It was like a flashback to my pre-baby life.

#IDoEnjoyBeingWithBAndIAmGratefulToHaveHer

I do appreciate her, but it is a full-on job.

#IFeelLikeIDoComplainTooMuchButItHasBeenAnIntense5PlusMonthsOfMothering

5+ months of mothering and we’ve only been to one baby class in real life, and haven’t had many chances to hang out with friends lately.

#IKnowThatWeAreLuckyAndQuitePrivilegedAsAFamilySoIShouldWhineLess

I am lucky to have Tiago, and for my Nan to provide an extra pair of eyes now. We’re very fortunate and I really need to get over myself and whine less.

#IWasNotPlanningToUseThisPictureForTheProjectButIJustSawItOnMyPhoneAndThoughtWhyNot

I was just going to post it on my Instagram stories, but I saw the ‘potential’ of it.

Did I ever think that I’d be including a photo of my computer screen in a project? No. To be fair I probably have done it before in other projects that aren’t shown or it may have been edited out of one series.

#IWasSupposedToDoAShootYesterday #IWasPlanningAFamilyShootButThoughTheDayGotOffToAProductiveStart

Yeah, I thought it was probably time to do another family shoot.

#WeManagedToBreakTheGarageDoorAndSpentALotOfTimeFaffingWithThat

Great.

#SoWeDidNotGoForAWalkAndIDidNotManageToOrganiseMyWorkSpaceOrDoMuchWork

Perfect.

I feel like weekends are my best time to get things done, but Tiago is always tired and at the moment we are trying to organise our stuff. I’ll just have to do it this week…

I felt bad that I only did one shoot last week, but I did spend a lot of time preparing my presentation – cutting out some projects and adding in newer stuff.

#InOtherNewsWeGotASecondHandFormulaPrepMachineTheOtherDayAndItIsLifeChanging

It’s an absolute gamechanger. I wasn’t going to bother for a month or so (we’re not sure for how long we will formula feed her), but after talking to a friend I was swayed.

#NoMoreSettingAlarmsToRememberToBoilWaterOrFranticallyTryingToCoolTheMilkDown

It’s always a faff when an alarm doesn’t get set and you have a very upset baby to deal with…

#AndNowThatBIs5MonthsIAmTryingToDropOneOfHerNaps

She is supposed to nap less during the day, which means potentially less time to do things. Fun.

#IAlsoRealisedThatIHaveBeenWayTooStrictWithHerScheduleAndFrettingAboutHerWakeWindowsAndThings

I am not sure why I have been so obsessed. Possibly, because we’re dealing with a second lockdown and I can’t go anywhere? True.

I was like ‘she has to be awake for 90 minutes, then 105 minutes twice, then 120 minutes. She can’t go to bed unless she has been awake for those full wake windows’. So some days her bedtime was getting a bit later.

#SoTheOtherDayIChilledOutABitWithItToAllowHerToGoToBedAroundSevenFifteenIsh

Great. Does she wake up after a bit? Yes. Everyday is a new day though, and it means we have a bit more time in the evening to do things.

#ThoughTheLast2NightsSheHasGoneToBedEarlierDueToTryingToDropTheThirdNap

Yeah, things get a bit messed up by the evening. I am learning to be flexible though…

#SheHasWokeUpOnceInTheNightAndSheWasAwakeLongerThanNeedBeAsITriedNotToFeedHer

This is about the last two nights. I just hoped that she would go back to sleep both times as she wasn’t being too loud.

#OnceYouLiftHerOutOfTheCotToChangeHerNappyThoughYouHaveToFeedHerOrSheWillNotSleep

Sometimes I think she just needs her nappy changed, but then she gets rowdy.

#ButOnceSheIsFedSheIsQuiteContentAndGoesBackToSleepAlright

Last night I got away with breastfeeding her, but the night before we had to give her some formula as she would not breastfeed.

#YesterdayIFeltBadAsSheWokeUpAt8InTheMorningAndIDidFretABitAboutHerSchedule

Whoops. It was Sunday. I need to chill more…

#SoTodayISetAnAlarmFor7OnceSheWentBackToSleep

And then I wished that I had not set one incase she slept longer.

#IFeelMorePositiveButLetUsSeeHowLongItLasts

After being reunited with B I did feel knackered after 5 minutes.

#INeededADayToDoSomethingDifferentAndFeelLikeMoreThanJustAMother

It is good for me and good for her.

#NotThatThereIsAnythingWrongWithJustBeingAMother

Kudos to women who can just be with their kid for 24/7.

#IJustWasNotPreparedForHowMuchMyLifeWouldChangeWithABaby

You can imagine it, but it’s hard to actually imagine it.

#INeedToStretchAsIHaveNotInTheLastCoupleOfDaysAndIAcheFromAllTheBabyCarryingAndStuffMoving

I did do a baby yoga class today this morning actually, but it’s not the same as just doing a video by myself.

I’m going to go stretch now…


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

I Probably Should Have Just Rested Instead Of Writing And Taking Such A Terrible Phone Photo (8th November 2020)

My lying in bed, looking teary.
I Probably Should Have Just Rested Instead Of Writing And Taking Such A Terrible Phone Photo (8th November 2020)
 
#IDoNotWantADayAwayFromB
#IJustWantADayWithoutResponsibilities
#ItIsFunnyHowBeforeIHadSoMuchFreeTime
#AndTookItAllForGranted
#YeahItIsNotFunnyAtAll
#IDoNotReallyKnowWhatIWantRightNow
#IGuessMoreTimeToJustFeelLikeMyself
#ThoughISupposeThisIsTheNewMeNow
#IFeelStressedAboutBsFeedingSituation
#DidISwitchToFormulaTooSoonAndCauseMyMilkToDryUpABit
#WasItEvenDryingUp
#IWishSheCouldCommunicateAboutHerTeething
#AndIfTheDrySkinSheHasHurts
#IJustFeelLikeICouldBeAMuchBetterParent
#IWonderIfBHadBeenBornDuringANonPandemicTimeIfThingsWouldBeDifferent
#ILikeToThinkItWouldHaveBeenBetterButMaybeItWouldNot
#SeeingMorePeopleAndBeingAbleToGoToClassesWouldHaveBeenGreatIAmSure
#TAndBJustCameToSeeMeLyingInBed
#BsSmileMakesItAllWorthIt
#INeedToGetUpAndStopWritingAndStopMoping
#IJustNeedToContinueTakingEachDayAtATime
#BabiesAreNotBornWithAHandbookSoWeHaveToKeepJustTryingToDoOurBest
#AndOneDayAllOfThisWillProbablyJustSeemLikeADistantMemory

(I wrote this post on 8th November. I’ve been dreading sharing it as the photo is so bad.)

I know recently that I said something along the lines of ‘at least I’m not taking pictures of myself crying anymore.’

(See two posts ago and my hashtag ‘#ThankfullyMyFirstInstinctIsNoLongerToTakeAPhotoOfMyselfCrying’)

Whoops.

I think at the moment I just feel quite overwhelmed one minute and frustrated the next, though I guess they’re the same thing.

I worry that I am failing B, but then I feel stressed that I am unable to make work.

This weekend we have been trying to make space for me to ‘do my own thing’. Poor Tiago is tired from a week of work and trying to give me some breaks from mothering, then he has few breaks at the weekend.

This morning we gave B a bath and I stayed in the bath a bit after while he got B dressed. He said he was jealous of me, but if he was by himself he wouldn’t be. I know exactly what he means. If he’s not around then I’m fine, but if he’s close by I get jealous of whatever he is doing. We both know we’re being stupid, but it’s how we feel.

I should have just had my 10 minutes in bed and relaxed, instead of taking some bad photos of myself and writing some text. As per usual though I do feel better after I’ve written something, and I feel like it’s important to show the realities of parenting. I know I’m not the only one who feels like this, so hopefully it might make someone else feel better.

#IDoNotWantADayAwayFromB #IJustWantADayWithoutResponsibilities #ItIsFunnyHowBeforeIHadSoMuchFreeTime #AndTookItAllForGranted #YeahItIsNotFunnyAtAll

Tiago always mentions a friend who once said he was tempted to book a day off work and go and sleep in a hotel, while his wife would think he was at work. This morning T was talking about going to a spa hotel for a weekend and just sleeping, relaxing and watching bad TV. Sounds great.

#IDoNotReallyKnowWhatIWantRightNow #IGuessMoreTimeToJustFeelLikeMyself #ThoughISupposeThisIsTheNewMeNow

By this, I just want time and space to make work. I have so many ideas and things I want to try it, but it just feels impossible at the moment. Hopefully by the time I publish this I’ll feel better.

#IFeelStressedAboutBsFeedingSituation #DidISwitchToFormulaTooSoonAndCauseMyMilkToDryUpABit #WasItEvenDryingUp

I think I just panicked. Thinking it though she only has a month and a bit until I plan to start giving her ‘normal food’. I am quite excited for the new phase and then I do not need to worry about my milk so much. So many babies are brought up on formula and they’re fine. She is still having some breastmilk a day. It’s so hard knowing what is best for her when we haven’t seen a ‘professional’ lately and B can’t talk.

#IWishSheCouldCommunicateAboutHerTeething

Today we put some spoons in the fridge and though they warm up quick in her mouth she seemed to like them.

#AndIfTheDrySkinSheHasHurts

They’re mainly under her arms. It’s probably from where we pick her up and her clothes rub against her skin. We’re putting cream on the patches but I still feed bad.

#IJustFeelLikeICouldBeAMuchBetterParent

Yep.

#IWonderIfBHadBeenBornDuringANonPandemicTimeIfThingsWouldBeDifferent #ILikeToThinkItWouldHaveBeenBetterButMaybeItWouldNot

It is hard to know, but I think things would be a lot different. We probably wouldn’t have moved to Birmingham though…

#SeeingMorePeopleAndBeingAbleToGoToClassesWouldHaveBeenGreatIAmSure

I seem a bit obsessed with wanting to go to classes. I just want to talk to other people in real life and let B be entertained in new ways.

#TAndBJustCameToSeeMeLyingInBed #BsSmileMakesItAllWorthIt

I felt so bad, yet good when B smiled at me.

#INeedToGetUpAndStopWritingAndStopMoping

What a way to spend my 10 minutes in bed…

#IJustNeedToContinueTakingEachDayAtATime

Yep.

#BabiesAreNotBornWithAHandbookSoWeHaveToKeepJustTryingToDoOurBest

Our old health visitor said the quote about babies and handbooks. We’ve still got about 2 weeks before our new one comes to visit.

#AndOneDayAllOfThisWillProbablyJustSeemLikeADistantMemory

And I’ll have this project to look back on and cringe at. 👍

(But also hopefully to laugh at the things that were bothering me, and to smile at the family photos and things.)


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Squeezing Through Doors And Hoping They Don’t Squeak (4th November 2020)

Me squeezed through the door and looking at the camera.
Squeezing Through Doors And Hoping They Don’t Squeak (4th November 2020)
 
#WellMyPeriodHasFinallyRememberedHowToWorkProperlyWhichIsABitAnnoying
#IWasHopingThatIWouldGetAwayWithItForABitLongerButAtLeastTheyDoNotSeemAsPainfulAsTheyUsedToBe
#PerhapsMyBodyKnowsThatIAmNotBreastfeedingSoMuch
#BIsHavingUpTo3FormulaFeedsADayNowAndTheRestOfTheTimeIBreastfeedHerOrGiveHerExpressedMilk
#IAmWorriedThatMaybeIAmOverfeedingHerButBeforeIWasWorriedThatSheWasNotGettingEnough
#SheIsRarelySickThoughAndTodayIWillDoAWeaningClassSoWeWillStartThatSoon
#TheLastCoupleOfNightsIHaveHadToSqueezeThroughASqueakyBathroomDoorToGetToMyPads
#IHaveToBeCarefulThatItDoesNotWakeBUpAsIEdgeItOpenLittleByLittle
#LastNightSheSleptThroughTheNightForWhatFeltLikeTheFirstTimeInAges
#WeHadNotGivenHerParacetamolInAFewDaysButSheWasDribblingSoMuchYesterday
#AndSheWasQuiteHappyToChompDownOnMyFingerForALongTime
#ThoughSheSleptIStillWokeUpQuiteRegularlyButLuckilyISeemAbleToGoBackToSleepPrettyQuick
#SheIsAsleepNowButIKeepThinkingThatICanHearHer
#IThinkMyBrainSometimesImaginesBabyCries
#ICalledTheDoctorsTheOtherDayAboutHerHoarseVoice
#TheyCalledBackAtTheEndOfTheDayAndHeSaidJustToKeepMonitoringHerForAWeek
#ISaidItIsDifficultToDoTheAppointmentOverThePhoneAsSheDoesNotMakeSoundsOnCue
#IPreferThePhoneAppointmentsButSometimesInPersonSeemsBetter
#SheSeemsQuiteHappyThoughReallyConsideringThatSheIsUnderTheWeatherAndIsTeethingAndIsHavingADevelopmentalLeap
#TiagoTookTheDayOffWorkTodayToGoBackAndDoOneLastCleanOfOurFlatInLiverpool
#LastTimeHeLeftHomeBefore8amAndGotBackAt10pmAndHeStillHadNotFinished
#IWillBeGladWhenTodayIsOverSoThatWeCanFocusOnUnpackingThisWeekend
#WithEnglandGoingIntoASecondLockdownTomorrowIAmGladWeMovedWhenWeDid
#ThoughMovingIntoSomeoneElsesHomePresentsNewChallenges
#IFeelLikeThisProjectWillGetLessHonestAsIFeelUnableToTalkAboutEverythingAsIDoNotWantToAppearUngrateful
#IThinkSoonIWillDropThisProjectDownToOneShootAWeekUnlessAnythingMajorHappens
#OurDaysArePrettyMuchTheSame
#IAmJustObsessivelyTryingToFollowAScheduleForHerAndWorkingIfICanWhenSheSleeps
#ThoughDuringOneOfHerNapsITakeHerForAWalkWhichICurrentlyJustDaydreamThroughAsICanNotFindMyEarphones
#IWouldLikeToMakeSomeWorkWhereICanEscapeFromTheMonotomyOfOurLives

I wrote this on 4th November and forgot what an overshare it might have been…

#WellMyPeriodHasFinallyRememberedHowToWorkProperlyWhichIsABitAnnoying #IWasHopingThatIWouldGetAwayWithItForABitLongerButAtLeastTheyDoNotSeemAsPainfulAsTheyUsedToBe

I am hoping it stays this way.

#PerhapsMyBodyKnowsThatIAmNotBreastfeedingSoMuch

It has coincided with the first week of more formula feeds, but it could be a coincidence?

#BIsHavingUpTo3FormulaFeedsADayNowAndTheRestOfTheTimeIBreastfeedHerOrGiveHerExpressedMilk

Apparently some women breastfeed and get their periods straight away?

My feeding schedule does vary a bit at the moment, but for example today so far it’s been breastfeed, formula, breastfeed, formula… and I am planning to try to breastfeed next, then a bottle of expressed milk for the dream feed.

#IAmWorriedThatMaybeIAmOverfeedingHerButBeforeIWasWorriedThatSheWasNotGettingEnough #SheIsRarelySickThoughSoMaybeSheIsHungrierTheseDays

With breastfeeding it is hard to know how much she is getting. With formula I know it is 210ml, then with feeding expressed milk it’s usually around 100ml.

#ThisImageIsAboutTheFactThatTheLastCoupleOfNightsIHaveHadToSqueezeThroughASqueakyBathroomDoorToGetToMyPads #IHaveToBeCarefulThatItDoesNotWakeBUpAsIEdgeItOpenLittleByLittle

The night my period arrived, T and B were already in bed so I was trying to rummage around to find them. The next day I realised they were in the bathroom, but when I needed a new one the bathroom door was closed.

It made me laugh trying to open it a little bit then trying to squeeze through and repeat. Last night I realised the door was closed again, so I had to do the same thing and noted the shoot idea down.

Writing this I realise that I need to make sure I move them out of the bathroom…

#LastNightSheSleptThroughTheNightForWhatFeltLikeTheFirstTimeInAges

Giving her formula so late in the day means that her nappy is always super heavy in the night. I end up changing it at 2am or whatever which upsets her and then I have to feed her.

#WeHadNotGivenHerParacetamolInAFewDaysButSheWasDribblingSoMuchYesterday #AndSheWasQuiteHappyToChompDownOnMyFingerForALongTime

It is so hard to know if she is in pain or not. I was cautious about giving her it as someone said that some parents just use it to make their kids drowsy, so I worry about using it for no reason. Pain might be why she hasn’t been sleeping through the night though…

#ThoughSheSleptIStillWokeUpQuiteRegularlyButLuckilyISeemAbleToGoBackToSleepPrettyQuick

It takes me so long to fall asleep at first as my brain is overthinking thing, but usually I do fall asleep quickly during the night.

#SheIsAsleepNowButIKeepThinkingThatICanHearHer #IThinkMyBrainSometimesImaginesBabyCries

I am writing this during her last nap of the day and I keep think I can hear her again. She went down too easily for this time of the day…

#ICalledTheDoctorsTheOtherDayAboutHerHoarseVoice #TheyCalledBackAtTheEndOfTheDayAndHeSaidJustToKeepMonitoringHerForAWeek

I feel like today she hasn’t made that much noise, but it does seem to be getting a little bit better.

#ISaidItIsDifficultToDoTheAppointmentOverThePhoneAsSheDoesNotMakeSoundsOnCue

He got a bit annoyed at me saying that it is hard over the phone. I said I understand why they’re on the phone… I still haven’t heard from the health visitor yet. It will be good when they finally visit, though I am nervous.

#IPreferThePhoneAppointmentsButSometimesInPersonSeemsBetter

It’d be nice for her just to be checked over and so that I know everything is okay.

I am nervous that I might get told off for whatever reason though.

#SheSeemsQuiteHappyThoughReallyConsideringThatSheIsUnderTheWeatherAndIsTeethingAndIsHavingADevelopmentalLeap

She’s a bit clingy and I have to rush to do things sometimes, but she does seem okay.

#TiagoTookTheDayOffWorkTodayToGoBackAndDoOneLastCleanOfOurFlatInLiverpool #LastTimeHeLeftHomeBefore8amAndGotBackAt10pmAndHeStillHadNotFinished

Bless him. I feel bad that I can’t help him. It’s 5pm now and he thinks he’ll be there until 7pm at least. He left at around 7am…

#IWillBeGladWhenTodayIsOverSoThatWeCanFocusOnUnpackingThisWeekend

I really just want to have some things put away and to sort through our stuff, and to have some space to make work.

#WithEnglandGoingIntoASecondLockdownTomorrowIAmGladWeMovedWhenWeDid

Maybe it will only be 4 weeks, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it is much longer.

#ThoughMovingIntoSomeoneElsesHomePresentsNewChallenges

I feel like perhaps this project won’t be as honest as it usually is. Well, it’ll still be honest but I feel unable to talk about some things as I don’t want to be seen as ungrateful.

It’s a difficult time for everyone right now in some way. For me I think I would feel a lot better if I could just have more conversations with people face to face and go to baby classes.

#INowKnowWithParentsThatItIsBestNotToGiveAdviceUnlessTheyAskForItAndIGuessTheSameAppliesForAllPeopleAndSubjects

Perhaps this a polite way of saying that I do not like being made to feel that I am a bad parent and that I do not know what is wrong with my child. It might not be their intention when they say things, but that is how it makes me feel.

#IThinkSoonIWillDropThisProjectDownToOneShootAWeekUnlessAnythingMajorHappens

The writing side of this takes up so much time. I could change it, but I feel like I am letting myself down in some way.

#OurDaysArePrettyMuchTheSame #IAmJustObsessivelyTryingToFollowAScheduleForHerAndWorkingIfICanWhenSheSleeps

I seem to have things to talk about, but I am sure some weeks nothing much will happen. Perhaps I just need to shorten my writing at times?

#ThoughDuringOneOfHerNapsITakeHerForAWalkWhichICurrentlyJustDaydreamThroughAsICanNotFindMyEarphonesToListenToThings

It is quite nice to actually not listen to anything and just let my brain be free for a bit. I don’t really do it enough.

Today I saw a few women with pushchairs/prams. I wanted to talk to them, but I didn’t want them to think I was weird.

#IWouldLikeToMakeSomeWorkWhereICanEscapeFromTheMonotomyOfOurLives

I don’t know when I can make a dance video again. Maybe next week? I just need to make space for it, or just totally change how I do them.

This project is too involved with scrutinising what I am doing and how things are. I need to have some art fun…


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Twinning With My Child In My Nan’s (And Now Our) Home (31st October 2020)

Twinning With My Child In My Nan’s (And Now Our) Home (31st October 2020)
 
#WellIAmWritingTheseHashtagsInHopeThatIGetToTakeThisPhotoToday
#TheMorningDidNotStartWell
#TiagoHasGoneToLiverpoolToCleanTheFlatAndHandInTheKeys
#BHasAHoarseVoiceAndSeemsABitUnderTheWeather
#UsuallyHerFirstNapOfTheDayIsTheEasiestButSheWouldNotGoToSleep
#IFedHerAndGaveHerSomeParacetamolAsSheSeemsToStillBeTeething
#YouAreSupposedToGiveItABitAtATimeButIAccidentallyPushedTheSyringeAllTheWayIn
#ICriedABitAsIFeltSoOverwhelmed
#ThankfullyMyFirstInstinctIsNoLongerToTakeAPhotoOfMyselfCrying
#EventuallySheSleptAndIPlannedToGetThingsDone
#ButIGotNothingDone
#WeAreGivingHerMoreFormulaFeedsNow
#ItIsSuchAFaffButAtLeastIKnowSheIsGettingEnoughToEat
#IHaveSignedUpForAWeaningClassButIHopeICanChangeItToNextWeekInstead
#AsMaybeIShouldStartSoonerRatherThanLater
#SheDefinitelySeemsInterestedInFood
#IHaveSetUpMyCameraToTakeAPhotoOfBAndIOnMyNansRug
#ITookASimilarPhotoOnMyParentsCarpetAsItCarpetRemindsMeSoMuchOfTheirHouse
#WhereasThisRugIsVeryMuchMyNansHouseToMe
#IWasWaitingForBsStomachToSettleAfterHerFeedToTakeThePhoto
#IThoughtIShouldRestartMyComputerButThereWasAnUpdate
#ObviouslyItTookOverAnHourToComeBackOnSoIMissedThatWindowForPhotos
#TheHealthVisitorCalledMeTheOtherDayAndSaidMyDoctorNeverSaidIWasFeelingLow
#ObviouslyNowWeHaveMovedSoIHaveToBeTransferredToANewHealthVisitor
#SheSaidToCallOurNewDoctorIfIWasWorriedAboutBsFeeding
#IDidTryToRingThemButIThinkICalledTheOneAfternoonThatTheyAreClosed
#IThoughtAboutItAndIKnowSheDrinksEnoughFromABottle
#ItIsJustWithBreastfeedingINeverKnowHowMuchSheIsGetting
#IAmSadThatItSeemsLikeOurBreastfeedingJourneyIsComingToAPrematureEnd
#WellInTheEndIDidTheShootAfterHerNextFeedAndItWasQuiteRelaxing

I’m writing this on 31st October 2020.

I don’t feel like writing today. I just want to take photos, but I feel unable to because of space and catching B at the right time today.

#WellIAmWritingTheseHashtagsInHopeThatIGetToTakeThisPhotoToday

Let’s see if I get to do the shoot that I want to today… (I did).

#TheMorningDidNotStartWell #TiagoHasGoneToLiverpoolToCleanTheFlatAndHandInTheKeys #BHasAHoarseVoiceAndSeemsABitUnderTheWeather #UsuallyHerFirstNapOfTheDayIsTheEasiestButSheWouldNotGoToSleep

I didn’t bother texting Tiago as I didn’t want to stress him out. The flat is in an absolute state, so I feel bad that he has to tackle it himself. At the same time I am a bit jealous of him being out all day and just doing something non-baby related. I love B, but I would love a day off – but probably not to clean.

#IFedHerAndGaveHerSomeParacetamolAsSheSeemsToStillBeTeething

I tried breastfeeding her, but more on that later.

#YouAreSupposedToGiveItABitAtATimeButIAccidentallyPushedTheSyringeAllTheWayIn

I felt so terrible, but she actually wasn’t that bothered. She didn’t spill much either.

Usually Tiago and I do it together and T is much better at pushing the syringe – I say that but we did get it all over B and I the other day.

#ICriedABitAsIFeltSoOverwhelmed #ThankfullyMyFirstInstinctIsNoLongerToTakeAPhotoOfMyselfCrying

I didn’t even think about photographing myself as I felt so bad for B – you’ll be pleased to hear.

It does just get a bit much sometimes. She’s been so clingy this week and it’s hard to know what is wrong with her. My Mum said to call the doctors if I was worried about her, but I thought I would see how she was in an hours time. She seemed quite normal…

#EventuallySheSleptAndIPlannedToGetThingsDone

Great!

#ButIGotNothingDone

Fail. I had breakfast and didn’t do much else. I should have at least stretched, but nope. I guess I did try to think about how we’d organise the space we have here, and I found where we put the baby thermometer. Hurrah. So I did some things, but not really what I would have liked to do – take lots of pictures!

#WeAreGivingHerMoreFormulaFeedsNow #ItIsSuchAFaffButAtLeastIKnowSheIsGettingEnoughToEat

Boiling the water and leaving it for 30 minutes, but no longer (that’s what the box says). Then putting the powder in – to 2 small bottles as we don’t have one for as much milk as she needs and it seems like a waste for so late in the feeding game. Then you have to cool them down…

It’s all fine unless your baby is screaming as you suspect she’s hungry, but she’s usually not ready for the next feed yet.

Maybe I’m f-ing it all up by giving her breastmilk and formula – she has to have the formula in a much bigger quantity. I just don’t want to stop completely breastfeeding her.

Perhaps everything was fine and I’ve f-ed it up by giving her formula, but I do feel better when I know she is eating.

#IHaveSignedUpForAWeaningClassButIHopeICanChangeItToNextWeekInstead #AsMaybeIShouldStartSoonerRatherThanLater

The NHS says 6 months now, but a friend said a lot of people start at 5 months.

#SheDefinitelySeemsInterestedInFood

She always watches us when she eats and she can sit up better and has better hand to mouth coordination. This morning she was nearly putting her toes in her mouth…

(On the course they said that a baby watching you eat is not a sign – they’re just interested in what you do.)

#IHaveSetUpMyCameraToTakeAPhotoOfBAndIOnMyNansRug

It is waiting there in hope.

#ITookASimilarPhotoOnMyParentsCarpetAsItCarpetRemindsMeSoMuchOfTheirHouse

Yeah, this one (or fancy link box below).

#WhereasThisRugIsVeryMuchMyNansHouseToMe

Yeah, she’s had it for a very long time.

#IWasWaitingForBsStomachToSettleAfterHerFeedToTakeThePhoto

She did have a lot of formula – well her usual amount – and I did not want her being sick.

#IThoughtIShouldRestartMyComputerButThereWasAnUpdate

I thought it might be a quick update.

#ObviouslyItTookOverAnHourToComeBackOnSoIMissedThatWindowForPhotos

Yeah, it wasn’t a quick update.

#TheHealthVisitorCalledMeTheOtherDayAndSaidMyDoctorNeverSaidIWasFeelingLow

I talked about it a bit in my previous post, but thought I should record it in the hashtags.

#ObviouslyNowWeHaveMovedSoIHaveToBeTransferredToANewHealthVisitor

About 10 minutes after I wrote this a letter came in the post that talked about a health visitor coming to visit us here etc. I’m quite relieved, though I worry they will tell me off for how I’m doing things. Well, I’m just trying to do my best.

#SheSaidToCallOurNewDoctorIfIWasWorriedAboutBsFeeding #IDidTryToRingThemButIThinkICalledTheOneAfternoonThatTheyAreClosed

I was worried, but I felt awkward about ringing.

#IThoughtAboutItAndIKnowSheDrinksEnoughFromABottle

So I was glad that they were closed as I know that she is getting enough one way or another – if she wasn’t drinking very much from the bottle then I would definitely call.

#ItIsJustWithBreastfeedingINeverKnowHowMuchSheIsGetting

Sometimes I wish she was see through and that her stomach had measurement labels on it so I could see.

#IAmSadThatItSeemsLikeOurBreastfeedingJourneyIsComingToAPrematureEnd

It’s annoying that now her latch is really good I don’t think she is getting enough via le boobz. She hasn’t slept through the night the last couple of nights – last night I gave her a boobfeed when she woke up not long after we went to bed so Tiago didn’t have to give her a dream feed and so I didn’t have to pump. Then she woke up about 1am or something and I fed her as she didn’t seem like she was going to go back to bed otherwise.

Blah blah blah, but yeah I wish she was just breastfeeding at every feed. She’s not though and I have to deal with the path I’ve led her down…

#WellInTheEndIDidTheShootAfterHerNextFeedAndItWasQuiteRelaxing

It was quite nice just lying on the floor with B and chilling out-ish. She seemed pretty chilled, but I was a little stressed out about getting a good picture.

I haven’t chosen one yet, but I think there is something that will do. (There was.)


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Working On The Stairs, Listening Out For B (27th October 2020)

Sat on the bottom step of the stairs with my face lit by the light of my laptop
Working On The Stairs, Listening Out For B (27th October 2020)
 
#HereIsATerriblePhonePictureOfMeWorkingOnTheBottomOfTheStairs
#BHadGoneToBedButSheKeptWakingUpAndCryingSoItWasEasierToJustSitThereAndWork
#SheIsDefinitelyTeethingNow
#IFeelSoSorryForHerAsItMustBeHorrible
#IKnewWithHavingABabyThatIWouldDreadTheTeethingStages
#TodaySheHadFormulaForTheSecondTime
#SheHadHerFirstBottleTwoDaysAgoAsIWasWorriedThatSheWasNotGettingEnough
#IGaveHerSomeTodayWhenSheWouldBarelyBreastfeedDuringOneFeed
#IPumpedAfterwardsAndBarelyAnythingCameOut
#MaybeItIsDueToStressOrMaybeItIsPermanentlyDryingUp
#IDoFeelBummedOutByItButINeedToMakeSureSheIsGettingFed
#ThereIsNoPointTorturingMyself
#TiagoWentFoodShoppingTonightSoHeBoughtABoxOfFormula
#IWouldStartWeaningHerButItSeemsThat6MonthsIsTheRecommendationNow
#SheIs4AndAHalfMonthsSoItIsNotMuchLongerToGo
#IGuessIWillTryToBreastfeedHerStillAsMuchAsICanThough
#InOtherNewsIHaveNotUnpackedMuchAtAll
#IAmTiredFromHavingToQuicklyPackEverythingUp
#TiagoNeedsToGoBackToCleanUpTheFlatAndPackTheLastFewThings
#ItWasANightmareGettingTheThingsWeNeededAndOurselvesInTheCar
#InTheEndWeJustBottleFedBSomeExpressedMilkInTheCarInTheCarparkJustSoWeCouldGetOutOfTheFlat
#WeStartedTheDayOptimisticAndThoughtWeWouldStartWithTheCleaning
#WeEvenWentForAWalkToGetLunchFromOurFavouriteFalafelPlace
#AGuyWalkedPastUsInTheStreetAndWasImpressedByTiagoCarryingB
#HeSaidHeWantedOneButIDoNotKnowIfHeWentTheCarrierOrBabyOrBoth
#BsScheduleGotSuperMessedUpButSheDidSleepForTheWholeCarJourneyAtLeast
#TodayIDecidedToExploreMoreOfTheAreaAsEvenThoughIHaveSpentSoMuchTimeHereIStillDoNotKnowWhatIsInCertainDirections
#ILikeToDrinkALotOfWaterWhenIWalkToTryToHelpWithMilkProduction
#AGuyRanPastSayingHeHopedItWasVodka
#PeopleSeemFriendlyAroundHereButIAmStressedOutByTheNarrowPaths

I am writing this on 28th October. I was too tired to do it last night/I didn’t have much time as I was actually planning on doing a shoot today, but this seemed shareable.

#HereIsATerriblePhonePictureOfMeWorkingOnTheBottomOfTheStairs

I think you can just about see that my face is lit up by the laptop screen. I balanced my phone on the radiator to take this picture.

I have really started to embrace the self-timer setting on my phone since having a baby; often it’s the easiest way to get a picture with B.

#BHadGoneToBedButSheKeptWakingUpAndCryingSoItWasEasierToJustSitThereAndWork

T had gone out food shopping and she seemed a bit too happy at bedtime, so I knew it was too good to be true. It’s always when she goes to bed at a reasonable time that she plays up for ages.

#SheIsDefinitelyTeethingNow

We need to start giving her paracetamol before she goes to bed as we end up giving it to her a lot later on and then she seems to sleep well.

#IFeelSoSorryForHerAsItMustBeHorrible

She just chews on my fingers a lot, though we have 4 different teethers now. Actually more than that I think, but her mouth is quite small at the moment, so a finger fits better.

#IKnewWithHavingABabyThatIWouldDreadTheTeethingStages

This is just the first phase of more to come. You can’t explain to her what is happening and she can’t communicate, so we’re just guessing and hoping we get things right.

#TodaySheHadFormulaForTheSecondTime #SheHadHerFirstBottleTwoDaysAgoAsIWasWorriedThatSheWasNotGettingEnoughFood #IGaveHerSomeTodayWhenSheWouldBarelyBreastfeedDuringOneFeed

It’s some pre-mixed stuff. At her age they recommend 210ml at a feed, but they sell them in 200ml bottles. Cunning. She drank the whole bottle, but I think most babies will if you keep offering them milk.

#IPumpedAfterwardsAndBarelyAnythingCameOut

She had been on for a little bit but not much at all. Her first bf feed of the day is quite long as there is more milk as they have not been used in 8 hours-ish usually.

After that the feeds get very short and I think she drinks them dry, and makes a sound when she comes off. Though sometimes she will drink more, but maybe it’s to do with teething and it hurts her? She seems to prefer the bottle more as I think she uses it as a teether.

#MaybeItIsDueToStressOrMaybeMyMilkIsPermanentlyDryingUp

I am a bit stressed out.

She’s currently having her first nap of the day now, which is a great time to get things done. She usually sleeps for an hour and a half, but I can hear her now after 40 minutes. I’m just leaving it a minute in case she goes back to sleep.

She’s up now. I think it might be because of teething, so we gave her some paracetamol. I feel awkward about giving her it as I don’t like to take it much myself, but my Mum says that it’s best not to be shy about it. I’m sure if B could say if she wanted it or not she would want it.

#IDoFeelBummedOutByItButINeedToMakeSureSheIsGettingFed #ThereIsNoPointTorturingMyself

Carrying this on now that she’s gone down for another nap – nearly 2 hours later.

When other people have had problems with their milk supply I’ve said ‘why do they torture themselves? why do they not just switch to formula?’ but I get it now.

However, I spend the day worrying about whether she is getting enough or not. This morning I thought she must be as she is sleeping quite well through the night at the moment, so she can’t be too hungry.

Talking to my Mum I think that maybe she is alright. It is normal for babies to lose their appetites as their mouths hurt, so we’ll see. I think I should maybe do one formula feed a day though.

#TiagoWentFoodShoppingTonightSoHeBoughtABoxOfFormula

Reading the instructions it seems like such a faff. I think this is also why I have changed my tune a bit with her feeding…

My Mum says that B would be crying a lot more if she was hungry and not sleeping so well at night.

#IWouldStartWeaningHerButItSeemsThat6MonthsIsTheRecommendationNow #SheIs4AndAHalfMonthsSoItIsNotMuchLongerToGo

I think I’m going to do a workshop so that I do feel more comfortable with weaning as it’s not too far off now.

#IGuessIWillTryToBreastfeedHerStillAsMuchAsICanThough

I don’t want my supply to drop even lower. There’s also something in breast milk that acts as a painkiller, which is good for her teething.

#InOtherNewsIHaveNotUnpackedMuchAtAll #IAmTiredFromHavingToQuicklyPackEverythingUp

Packing and unpacking fatigue.

#TiagoNeedsToGoBackToCleanUpTheFlatAndPackTheLastFewThings

I am using us not having our box of hangers as an excuse, but once we get them I do hope to start putting things away and sorting through our stuff. We definitely need to start getting rid of more things.

#ItWasANightmareGettingTheThingsWeNeededAndOurselvesInTheCar

I would not wish moving with a baby during a pandemic on anyone.

#InTheEndWeJustBottleFedBSomeExpressedMilkInTheCarInTheCarparkJustSoWeCouldGetOutOfTheFlat

We were hoping to leave sooner, but by the time we got in the car B hadn’t slept in 3 hours. I thought there was no point just letting her sleep as I usually feed her every 3 hours during the day, so it made sense for her to eat before we left.

#WeStartedTheDayOptimisticAndThoughtWeWouldStartWithTheCleaning #WeEvenWentForAWalkToGetLunchFromOurFavouriteFalafelPlace

I had a really nice chat with the guy in the falafel place. We didn’t get out for a walk the day before, so it was nice to have a last goodbye walk in Liverpool even though it was mainly in the rain.

#AGuyWalkedPastUsInTheStreetAndWasImpressedByTiagoCarryingB #HeSaidHeWantedOneButIDoNotKnowIfHeWentTheCarrierOrBabyOrBoth

It’s always typical that when you are about to leave somewhere that you start having nice interactions with people – not that we hadn’t had any before, but I just wished that I had had more sooner.

B and I had been going on daily walks and no one had spoken to us randomly before.

#BsScheduleGotSuperMessedUpButSheDidSleepForTheWholeCarJourneyAtLeast

See above. She definitely wouldn’t have slept the whole time if we haven’t fed her before. It made sense to do it first as otherwise we would have had to stop at a service station, which would have been more stressful.

#TodayIDecidedToExploreMoreOfTheAreaAsEvenThoughIHaveSpentSoMuchTimeHereIStillDoNotKnowWhatIsInCertainDirections

I just needed to get out of the house. My daily walk is quite relaxing and it feels good to get out and about. Today I’ll maybe try to discover some other new places.

#ILikeToDrinkALotOfWaterWhenIWalkToTryToHelpWithMilkProduction #AGuyRanPastSayingHeHopedItWasVodka

I had checked behind to see if anyone was coming as I thought I could hear someone. I then must have taken a swig and it probably looked a bit suspicious.

It was nice to have an interaction with someone though. Two days before someone had warned me about a lot of goose poo on the path up ahead.

#PeopleSeemFriendlyAroundHereButIAmStressedOutByTheNarrowPaths

Yeah, the narrow goose poo paths.

I also had a chat with a neighbour yesterday – we didn’t know our neighbours in Liverpool, so it’s nice having more people to chat to.

(12th November 2020: Typically since then I haven’t had any interactions with the neighbours or spoke to any people whilst out on a walk – except when I decide just to wait for them to pass instead of squeezing down a path and they say thanks.)


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

I Feel Like This Somehow Sums Up Today (23rd October 2020)

I wrote this post on 23rd October. I think I’m going to stop adding updates to posts when I’m about to publish them for now as often I feel like I’m adding in the same notes for many posts. Also, I think all the additions make the entries harder to read.

Breastmilk on my trousers and the floor
I Feel Like This Somehow Sums Up Today (23rd October 2020)
 
#ThisPhotoShowsLeakedMilkOnMyNewTrousersThatMyMumGotMeForMyBirthday
#WhatADay
#TiagoIsOnTheWayBackFromDrivingAVanLoadOfStuffToBirmingham
#InTheEndAFriendHelpedUsEmptyTheFlatWhichAbsolutelySavedUs
#AsOfYesterdayBHasDecidedThatSheDoesNotLikeBeingBreastfed
#SoTodayWhileTheyWereLoadingTheVanBWasJustScreamingALot
#SheEitherDoesNotLikeBeingBreastfedOrIJustDoNotSeemToBeProducingEnoughAtTheMoment
#ProbablyBecauseIAmStressedWhichSheMightBeSensingTooWhichIsUpsettingHer
#LuckilyIHaveSomeMilkInTheFreezerWhichIHaveBeenDefrostingForEachFeed
#ThenTryingToPumpBeforeSheWakesUpAndGivingOneBottleOfThatAndOneOfFreezerMilk
#WithTheFeedsSheJustGetsVeryAgitatedQuiteQuicklyAndTheFeedsAreALotShorter
#ButThenSheDrinksAllTheDefrostedMilkViaABottle
#ThePictureIsFromWhenIWasPumpingAndDidNotRealiseThatTheTopOfThePumpWasNotOnProperly
#SoItJustLeakedOnMeAndTheFloor
#WhichIsNotGreatWhenYouAreTryingToGetAsMuchMilkTogetherAsPossible
#AfterTiagoLeftWithTheVanOurFriendWentOutToBuyLunchAndSomeBottlesOfFormula
#IWillTryThemIfTheMilkSituationDoesNotImproveAndICanNotProduceEnoughMilk
#IThinkBIsDefinitelyHavingASleepRegressionAsSheSuddenlySeemsToHaveNewSkills
#RollingOverToOneSideAndRollingOverFromBackToFrontOccasionally
#AndStickingOutHerBottomLipAndUsingHerTongueMore
#AndThisWeekSheHasBeenWorkingHerWayUpHerLegsAndIsNowGrabbingHerFeet
#IFeelBadAsHerPlaytimesHaveBeenABitRubbishTheLastFewDaysWithPackingAndMoving
#HopefullyThisWillBeFixedInACoupleOfDays
#IDoNotWantToThinkAboutUnpackingRightNow
#HerNapsHaveImprovedALittleBit
#INowSpendMoreTimeSettlingHerBeforeLeavingHerToNapLikeRubbingHerForeheadAndChest
#ThoughMyFingersAndThumbsAreSoDryFromPackingNowWhichIsNotGreat
#IThoughtIWouldGetSoMuchDoneTodayAndWeWouldHaveANiceLastWalkAroundLiverpool
#ButPackingUpTheVanTookALotLongerThanPlannedAndIOnlyManagedToMake4DanceVideosAndNowItIsGettingDarkSoNoWalkForUs
#ItIsWeirdThatTonightIsOurLastNightInLiverpoolButWeWillAlwaysHaveOurScouseBabyAndWeWillBeBackForAVisitOneDay

#ThisPhotoShowsLeakedMilkOnMyNewTrousersThatMyMumGotMeForMyBirthday

I’d already put a load of washing on, so they’ll have to stink of sour milk for longer. Great.

#WhatADay #TiagoIsOnTheWayBackFromDrivingAVanLoadOfStuffToBirmingham

He’s back now. He walked in to B screaming during a feed. We tried to order some food for collection nearby, but they were no longer taking orders. Great. Random bits and bobs for dinner it was.

#InTheEndAFriendHelpedUsEmptyTheFlatWhichAbsolutelySavedUs

SAVED US. THANK YOU SO MUCH D!

(We would probably still be loading the van now if he hadn’t come to help. Moving during a pandemic with a 4 month old is not fun for sure.)

#AsOfYesterdayBHasDecidedThatSheDoesNotLikeBeingBreastfed

Convenient I know.

It is true, I do love sarcasm.

#SoTodayWhileTheyWereLoadingTheVanBWasJustScreamingALot

Amazing.

#SheEitherDoesNotLikeBeingBreastfedOrIJustDoNotSeemToBeProducingEnoughAtTheMoment

I think I just am not producing enough for her right now.

#ProbablyBecauseIAmStressedWhichSheMightBeSensingTooWhichIsUpsettingHer

I think stress is definitely a big contributor to it, but also I think we haven’t been eating so well since we decided to move as we have been using up a lot of random food to lighten the moving load.

#LuckilyIHaveSomeMilkInTheFreezerWhichIHaveBeenDefrostingForEachFeed

I nearly got rid of some of it the other day as I thought it might just get ruined in the move. So glad I didn’t.

#ThenTryingToPumpBeforeSheWakesUpAndGivingOneBottleOfThatAndOneOfFreezerMilk

Well, this happened for one feed – the pumping before her waking up. The next two naps she woke up earlier than planned.

#WithTheFeedsSheJustGetsVeryAgitatedQuiteQuicklyAndTheFeedsAreALotShorter

I used to feed her for 30-40 minutes. Earlier I tried feeding her again via boob and she got annoyed after 9 minutes on both. However, she did sound like she was trying to win some speed drinking competition, so she is definitely emptying them.

Sorry (not sorry) if it’s too much information, but this is what boobs are for.

She finishes and cries though, so then I offer her more milk.

#ButThenSheDrinksAllTheDefrostedMilkViaABottle

Yeah she drinks the whole bottle, which is usually around 60ml.

When I pumped earlier I was producing about 60ml, so she must be getting similar during breastfeeds.

#ThePictureIsFromWhenIWasPumpingAndDidNotRealiseThatTheTopOfThePumpWasNotOnProperly

I am pretty sure that this is the first time this has happened. I have to hold the back on tight, so I thought it was that at first. I was so confused as to why it was leaking.

#SoItJustLeakedOnMeAndTheFloor

Good job we are cleaning the floor tomorrow.

Well, I wiped it earlier, but tomorrow we are going to clean the flat.

#WhichIsNotGreatWhenYouAreTryingToGetAsMuchMilkTogetherAsPossible

Yeah, this is annoying. Also when you pump and your bra just gets absolutely wet when it could have been going in the bottle instead.

#AfterTiagoLeftWithTheVanOurFriendWentOutToBuyLunchAndSomeBottlesOfFormula

Again – lifesaver. I was actually quite calm about the fact that I might not be producing much milk.

After her first feed of the day I did try pumping and nothing came out, so I figured she must have gotten everything.

B was having a nap and was due to feed when she woke up, so I wouldn’t have been able to get any food for a while. B’s pushchair went in the van, so I would have had to put her in her carrier – I was excited at the idea of going to a supermarket, but nah.

#IWillTryThemIfTheMilkSituationDoesNotImproveAndICanNotProduceEnoughMilk

Well, the dates aren’t very long on them, so we will be trying them soon.

I asked a friend which one she uses and she said she has some pre-mixed bottles that she is using up before she moves on to powder.

I didn’t fancy the idea of mixing up milk during the move, so we got 3 pre-mixed bottles to try.

#IThinkBIsDefinitelyHavingASleepRegressionAsSheSuddenlySeemsToHaveNewSkills

So many new skills.

#RollingOverToOneSideAndRollingOverFromBackToFrontOccasionally

She did roll over before from her front to back a while ago, but hasn’t done it for a while. She often gets her arm stuck while rolling over – I guess she will perfect it in time.

#AndStickingOutHerBottomLipAndUsingHerTongueMore

I think she sticks her bottom lip out from moving her tongue around. I’m not sure though. She is definitely working on her puppy dog face though – just in time for Christmas!

(I don’t think we will be getting her much for Xmas, as she doesn’t know it’s Christmas and she doesn’t need anything. Well, if she needs something then we will get it.)

#AndThisWeekSheHasBeenWorkingHerWayUpHerLegsAndIsNowGrabbingHerFeet

I did a yoga video tonight as I’m a bit sore from lifting the few things that I did. Part of the class was the happy baby pose and B has definitely nearly perfected it.

I’m sure I’ll be taking photos of myself imitating these new skills soon.

#IFeelBadAsHerPlaytimesHaveBeenABitRubbishTheLastFewDaysWithPackingAndMoving #HopefullyThisWillBeFixedInACoupleOfDays

Yeah I feel really bad about this, but this is what you get for trying to pack up a flat during a pandemic when no one can come round to watch her or help.

Obviously B doesn’t know what is going on, but thanks to her for just chilling in her cot and grabbing her feet, or chilling in her bouncer while we’ve packed around her.

#IDoNotWantToThinkAboutUnpackingRightNow

Ergh.

#HerNapsHaveImprovedALittleBit

Well, now I’ve said it let’s see how tomorrow is.

#INowSpendMoreTimeSettlingHerBeforeLeavingHerToNapLikeRubbingHerForeheadAndChest

It makes sense as it probably makes her feel more secure, and once she starts crying I think it probably stresses her out more and then it takes longer to calm her. Maybe?

#ThoughMyFingersAndThumbsAreSoDryFromPackingNowWhichIsNotGreat

I need to start moisturising my hands more again. All that packing and sanitising etc.

#IThoughtIWouldGetSoMuchDoneTodayAndWeWouldHaveANiceLastWalkAroundLiverpool

Well, at least we finally got to see Boaty McBoatface yesterday and the day before…

#ButPackingUpTheVanTookALotLongerThanPlannedAndIOnlyManagedToMake4DanceVideosAndNowItIsGettingDarkSoNoWalkForUs

Packing up the van took so long that we missed the drop-off time for it. Imagine if our friend hadn’t helped us? I hope that nothing happens to it while we have it overnight…

Tiago took the day off work as he thought the van place was open until 9, but when he got there he said it was open until 5. I guess it’s probably due to Covid…

#ItIsWeirdThatTonightIsOurLastNightInLiverpoolButWeWillAlwaysHaveOurScouseBabyAndWeWillBeBackForAVisitOneDay

It doesn’t feel like our last night. I’m sat writing this in the living room, whilst T is in the bedroom having a rest, and B is having a sleep in her cot.

There were some fireworks earlier – don’t think they were for us.

Yes, B will always B (ha) our Scouse baby, so we definitely want to show her the city when she is older and of course we want to visit our friends that we’ve made.

We moved to Liverpool wanting kids but not sure when we’d have kids. A month later after visiting Tiago’s brother, sister-in-law and niece we thought we’d start trying. It didn’t happen as quick as I thought it would. I felt lost and made a project called Ulterior Monologue to try to deal with it.

Then just as I was going to start a project that actually talked about wanting to be pregnant, I got pregnant and made a project about my pregnancy, and another about my morning sickness.

And now we are leaving Liverpool with a baby, and I’ll keep making a project about early motherhood for now.


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