We gave her some paracetamol last night for the first time in a few nights and maybe that was why? Or it could be that she went to bed quite early, but had two more feeds before we went to bed? She always seems to be hungry…
I try to prepare her food for the day during her first nap now.
Obviously every place has their own way of doing things. I do tend to feel better at the start of the week and the health visitor coming made the day a bit more interesting. Though I did think that I had the wrong day as it was getting on and she had not arrived. B was due for a nap but I was trying to keep her up as I knew she would have to be weighed. In the end I put her to bed and called the number to check, and they said she was 30 minutes away.
B is 5 and a half months old. We’ve been to one class in person. This is why I get so rigid with her routine, but luckily I have been relaxing a bit about it lately.
I am hoping the class will tire her out more than just our usual playtimes so she will sleep well at night. I have been wondering if that is why sometimes she does not sleep very well – she has not been tired out enough.
This morning she fed a bit, but she still seemed hungry so I gave her some formula too. I am trying to feed her in the morning and evening to see if that helps my supply. I miss the convenience of breastfeeding, though our prep machine is super useful.
It was a bit scary, so we built up our confidence again with the baby rice.
She still did not seem too impressed though. The lumps were worrying me though I did mash it up a lot.
I am typing this now in the kitchen while I am boiling some carrot. B is having a nap. This seems like a good time to do some cooking. The other day when I was boiling the potatoes I was also making a meal for the day.
I am sad about it. Maybe it is not too late… Maybe I should try? They’ve just been out of action for at least 5 days now, so I feel like the time has passed. I have gone back to wearing non-maternity bras now, which feels a bit weird.
My Mum said I wouldn’t be breastfed after 4 months…
(After I finished this B woke up and I felt compelled to try breastfeeding her. Some milk did actually come out, and though I had to keep swapping B over from side to side I think she did get something. Afterwards I winded her and she burped quite loudly, but it could have been left over from earlier? I think I might try to see if I can get my production up.)
I read an article about it, but it seemed to be about babies that are a lot younger. It said that it overstimulates them, but one of the reasons why I like her to face out is so that she can see everything, and for a change of scenery during playtimes.
I usually have the hood of her pushchair pulled over her, so I can’t really see her and she is usually asleep so of course people will not interact with her. I just need to talk to her more in the pushchair. It doesn’t face me, so hopefully she can just enjoy the world and I can stop more to talk to her and point things out.
It just gets a bit busy when all the kids are walking home from school and they seem to hang around more than I thought they would. I think they all get let out at different times too so when one lot seems to clear, a new lot soon appears.
I was just going to post it on my Instagram stories, but I saw the ‘potential’ of it.
Did I ever think that I’d be including a photo of my computer screen in a project? No. To be fair I probably have done it before in other projects that aren’t shown or it may have been edited out of one series.
I am not sure why I have been so obsessed. Possibly, because we’re dealing with a second lockdown and I can’t go anywhere? True.
I was like ‘she has to be awake for 90 minutes, then 105 minutes twice, then 120 minutes. She can’t go to bed unless she has been awake for those full wake windows’. So some days her bedtime was getting a bit later.
(I wrote this post on 8th November. I’ve been dreading sharing it as the photo is so bad.)
I know recently that I said something along the lines of ‘at least I’m not taking pictures of myself crying anymore.’
(See two posts ago and my hashtag ‘#ThankfullyMyFirstInstinctIsNoLongerToTakeAPhotoOfMyselfCrying’)
I think at the moment I just feel quite overwhelmed one minute and frustrated the next, though I guess they’re the same thing.
I worry that I am failing B, but then I feel stressed that I am unable to make work.
This weekend we have been trying to make space for me to ‘do my own thing’. Poor Tiago is tired from a week of work and trying to give me some breaks from mothering, then he has few breaks at the weekend.
This morning we gave B a bath and I stayed in the bath a bit after while he got B dressed. He said he was jealous of me, but if he was by himself he wouldn’t be. I know exactly what he means. If he’s not around then I’m fine, but if he’s close by I get jealous of whatever he is doing. We both know we’re being stupid, but it’s how we feel.
I should have just had my 10 minutes in bed and relaxed, instead of taking some bad photos of myself and writing some text. As per usual though I do feel better after I’ve written something, and I feel like it’s important to show the realities of parenting. I know I’m not the only one who feels like this, so hopefully it might make someone else feel better.
Tiago always mentions a friend who once said he was tempted to book a day off work and go and sleep in a hotel, while his wife would think he was at work. This morning T was talking about going to a spa hotel for a weekend and just sleeping, relaxing and watching bad TV. Sounds great.
I think I just panicked. Thinking it though she only has a month and a bit until I plan to start giving her ‘normal food’. I am quite excited for the new phase and then I do not need to worry about my milk so much. So many babies are brought up on formula and they’re fine. She is still having some breastmilk a day. It’s so hard knowing what is best for her when we haven’t seen a ‘professional’ lately and B can’t talk.
Today we put some spoons in the fridge and though they warm up quick in her mouth she seemed to like them.
They’re mainly under her arms. It’s probably from where we pick her up and her clothes rub against her skin. We’re putting cream on the patches but I still feed bad.
Apparently some women breastfeed and get their periods straight away?
My feeding schedule does vary a bit at the moment, but for example today so far it’s been breastfeed, formula, breastfeed, formula… and I am planning to try to breastfeed next, then a bottle of expressed milk for the dream feed.
The night my period arrived, T and B were already in bed so I was trying to rummage around to find them. The next day I realised they were in the bathroom, but when I needed a new one the bathroom door was closed.
It made me laugh trying to open it a little bit then trying to squeeze through and repeat. Last night I realised the door was closed again, so I had to do the same thing and noted the shoot idea down.
Writing this I realise that I need to make sure I move them out of the bathroom…
It is so hard to know if she is in pain or not. I was cautious about giving her it as someone said that some parents just use it to make their kids drowsy, so I worry about using it for no reason. Pain might be why she hasn’t been sleeping through the night though…
He got a bit annoyed at me saying that it is hard over the phone. I said I understand why they’re on the phone… I still haven’t heard from the health visitor yet. It will be good when they finally visit, though I am nervous.
Perhaps this a polite way of saying that I do not like being made to feel that I am a bad parent and that I do not know what is wrong with my child. It might not be their intention when they say things, but that is how it makes me feel.
I didn’t bother texting Tiago as I didn’t want to stress him out. The flat is in an absolute state, so I feel bad that he has to tackle it himself. At the same time I am a bit jealous of him being out all day and just doing something non-baby related. I love B, but I would love a day off – but probably not to clean.
I didn’t even think about photographing myself as I felt so bad for B – you’ll be pleased to hear.
It does just get a bit much sometimes. She’s been so clingy this week and it’s hard to know what is wrong with her. My Mum said to call the doctors if I was worried about her, but I thought I would see how she was in an hours time. She seemed quite normal…
Fail. I had breakfast and didn’t do much else. I should have at least stretched, but nope. I guess I did try to think about how we’d organise the space we have here, and I found where we put the baby thermometer. Hurrah. So I did some things, but not really what I would have liked to do – take lots of pictures!
Boiling the water and leaving it for 30 minutes, but no longer (that’s what the box says). Then putting the powder in – to 2 small bottles as we don’t have one for as much milk as she needs and it seems like a waste for so late in the feeding game. Then you have to cool them down…
It’s all fine unless your baby is screaming as you suspect she’s hungry, but she’s usually not ready for the next feed yet.
Maybe I’m f-ing it all up by giving her breastmilk and formula – she has to have the formula in a much bigger quantity. I just don’t want to stop completely breastfeeding her.
Perhaps everything was fine and I’ve f-ed it up by giving her formula, but I do feel better when I know she is eating.
About 10 minutes after I wrote this a letter came in the post that talked about a health visitor coming to visit us here etc. I’m quite relieved, though I worry they will tell me off for how I’m doing things. Well, I’m just trying to do my best.
It’s annoying that now her latch is really good I don’t think she is getting enough via le boobz. She hasn’t slept through the night the last couple of nights – last night I gave her a boobfeed when she woke up not long after we went to bed so Tiago didn’t have to give her a dream feed and so I didn’t have to pump. Then she woke up about 1am or something and I fed her as she didn’t seem like she was going to go back to bed otherwise.
Blah blah blah, but yeah I wish she was just breastfeeding at every feed. She’s not though and I have to deal with the path I’ve led her down…
It’s some pre-mixed stuff. At her age they recommend 210ml at a feed, but they sell them in 200ml bottles. Cunning. She drank the whole bottle, but I think most babies will if you keep offering them milk.
She had been on for a little bit but not much at all. Her first bf feed of the day is quite long as there is more milk as they have not been used in 8 hours-ish usually.
After that the feeds get very short and I think she drinks them dry, and makes a sound when she comes off. Though sometimes she will drink more, but maybe it’s to do with teething and it hurts her? She seems to prefer the bottle more as I think she uses it as a teether.
She’s currently having her first nap of the day now, which is a great time to get things done. She usually sleeps for an hour and a half, but I can hear her now after 40 minutes. I’m just leaving it a minute in case she goes back to sleep.
She’s up now. I think it might be because of teething, so we gave her some paracetamol. I feel awkward about giving her it as I don’t like to take it much myself, but my Mum says that it’s best not to be shy about it. I’m sure if B could say if she wanted it or not she would want it.
Carrying this on now that she’s gone down for another nap – nearly 2 hours later.
When other people have had problems with their milk supply I’ve said ‘why do they torture themselves? why do they not just switch to formula?’ but I get it now.
However, I spend the day worrying about whether she is getting enough or not. This morning I thought she must be as she is sleeping quite well through the night at the moment, so she can’t be too hungry.
Talking to my Mum I think that maybe she is alright. It is normal for babies to lose their appetites as their mouths hurt, so we’ll see. I think I should maybe do one formula feed a day though.
I am using us not having our box of hangers as an excuse, but once we get them I do hope to start putting things away and sorting through our stuff. We definitely need to start getting rid of more things.
We were hoping to leave sooner, but by the time we got in the car B hadn’t slept in 3 hours. I thought there was no point just letting her sleep as I usually feed her every 3 hours during the day, so it made sense for her to eat before we left.
See above. She definitely wouldn’t have slept the whole time if we haven’t fed her before. It made sense to do it first as otherwise we would have had to stop at a service station, which would have been more stressful.
I also had a chat with a neighbour yesterday – we didn’t know our neighbours in Liverpool, so it’s nice having more people to chat to.
(12th November 2020: Typically since then I haven’t had any interactions with the neighbours or spoke to any people whilst out on a walk – except when I decide just to wait for them to pass instead of squeezing down a path and they say thanks.)
I wrote this post on 23rd October. I think I’m going to stop adding updates to posts when I’m about to publish them for now as often I feel like I’m adding in the same notes for many posts. Also, I think all the additions make the entries harder to read.
I used to feed her for 30-40 minutes. Earlier I tried feeding her again via boob and she got annoyed after 9 minutes on both. However, she did sound like she was trying to win some speed drinking competition, so she is definitely emptying them.
Sorry (not sorry) if it’s too much information, but this is what boobs are for.
She finishes and cries though, so then I offer her more milk.
Yeah she drinks the whole bottle, which is usually around 60ml.
When I pumped earlier I was producing about 60ml, so she must be getting similar during breastfeeds.
Again – lifesaver. I was actually quite calm about the fact that I might not be producing much milk.
After her first feed of the day I did try pumping and nothing came out, so I figured she must have gotten everything.
B was having a nap and was due to feed when she woke up, so I wouldn’t have been able to get any food for a while. B’s pushchair went in the van, so I would have had to put her in her carrier – I was excited at the idea of going to a supermarket, but nah.
It doesn’t feel like our last night. I’m sat writing this in the living room, whilst T is in the bedroom having a rest, and B is having a sleep in her cot.
There were some fireworks earlier – don’t think they were for us.
Yes, B will always B (ha) our Scouse baby, so we definitely want to show her the city when she is older and of course we want to visit our friends that we’ve made.
We moved to Liverpool wanting kids but not sure when we’d have kids. A month later after visiting Tiago’s brother, sister-in-law and niece we thought we’d start trying. It didn’t happen as quick as I thought it would. I felt lost and made a project called Ulterior Monologue to try to deal with it.