Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Imitating B Hiding Using Her Hands (14 Weeks / 4th August 2021)

Self-portrait with my hands over my face, but showing my left eye.
Imitating B Hiding Using Her Hands (14 Weeks / 4th August 2021)
 
#SheLikesToPutOneHandInTheMiddleOfHerFaceAndOneOnTheSideOfHerFace
#MaybeSheIsNotTryingToHideButItSeemsLikeTheMostLogicalReasonWhySheIsDoingIt
#SheNowHasAClimbingFrameAndABouncyZebraSetUpInTheLivingRoom
#WeSetThemUpOnTheSameDayAndSheWasHavingABallGoingBetweenTheTwoThenClimbingOnAChair
#TheMorningAfterSheWokeUpAtSixForTheFirstTimeInAgesWhichMightHaveJustBeenAFluke
#SheKeepsWakingUpLoadsAtNightAtTheMomentAndIThinkItIsDueToTeething
#MoreTopTeethAreComingThroughAndIThinkSomeMolarsArePlanningToJoinSoon
#BrushingHerTeethIsSuchAFaffWhichPutsUsOffButWeNeedToStartTryingToDoItTwiceADay
#BrushingMyOwnTeethIsAlsoAFaffAndQuiteUnpleasant
#IFeelMySickestInTheEveningNowAndIDoNotLookForwardToBrushingMyTeeth
#IWasSickStraightAfterBrushingThemTwoNightsAgoAndTheTasteOfSickWasStillThereTwoHoursLater
#IDidNotHaveThisLingeringSickTasteWithBAsIWasUsuallyAlwaysSickFirstThingInTheMorning
#ItIsHorribleAndIWouldNotWishItOnAnyone
#IAmFourteenishWeeksNowWhichMeansIMustBeAThirdOfTheWayThroughThePregnancyNow
#IAmQuiteAnxiousAndEveryTimeIGetACrampIFeelNervous
#IAmPlanningToAnnounceMyPregnancyTomorrowAsIThinkItIsGettingHarderToHideInDanceVideos
#AndIHaveRanOutOfNonPregnancyRelatedImagesToPost
#IFeelAwkwardInCaseSomethingBadHappensButIGuessTheWholePointOfDocumentingAndSharingMyMotherhoodStoryIsItBeingAsHonestAsPossible
#IThinkIHaveAlreadyStartedToNestAsIAmSuddenlyEnjoyingSortingThroughOurStuffAndCleaning
#WeHaveMadeMoreSpaceInOurBedroomSoThatWeCanHangOutWithBInIt
#SoIThinkThisHasMadeMeWantToGetOrganisedAndToBeFairItIsBetterToDoItNowThanWhenTheBabyComes
#BHasSuddenlyStartedToMakeALotOfGNoisesAndJustMakesLotsOfSounds
#IWishIKnewWhatSheWasTryingToSay
#SheHasLearnedToSayYeahAndSheSaysItALotWhenIAskHerQuestionsButIDoNotKnowIfSheReallyUnderstandsWhatSheIsSaying
#SheIsSoSpeedyAndIsAbleToReachThingsThatAreFurtherAwayNowOnHerTipToes
#ThisMorningSheWasUpOnTheSofaRippingATissueIntoManyPieces
#SheStillDoesNotReallyWantToWalkInHerShoesSoINeedToPutThemOnHerEveryday
#SheIsDefinitelyDaddysLittleGirlWhoWantsToBeInHisArmsAtAnyOpportunity
#WhenHeGoesOutSheGetsUpsetButITellTiagoToMakeSureHeAlwaysSaysByeAndWeWillWaveHimOffForABit
#AndThenITryToDistractHerAndSheDoesUsuallyMoveOnAfterAMinute

#SheLikesToPutOneHandInTheMiddleOfHerFaceAndOneOnTheSideOfHerFace #MaybeSheIsNotTryingToHideButItSeemsLikeTheMostLogicalReasonWhySheIsDoingIt

Sometimes she just puts a hand on the side of her head, which may or may not be down to teething.

#SheNowHasAClimbingFrameAndABouncyZebraSetUpInTheLivingRoom

The climbing frame was supposed to come on a Friday, but eventually arrived on a Tuesday so she had to wait for the weekend for us to set it up.

#WeSetThemUpOnTheSameDayAndSheWasHavingABallGoingBetweenTheTwoThenClimbingOnAChair

My Nan got the zebra from a charity shop for four quid. Of course at first she loved the zebra more. They have the same one at the soft play place I took her to, but she was too young for it then and it had no batteries in it – the music adds a lot to it.

She likes to hang on the climbing frame and watch TV.

#TheMorningAfterSheWokeUpAtSixForTheFirstTimeInAgesWhichMightHaveJustBeenAFluke

I was hoping it was her new things wearing her out. Potentially so, but now she’s back to waking up between 5.15 and 5.45 again.

#SheKeepsWakingUpLoadsAtNightAtTheMomentAndIThinkItIsDueToTeething

She’ll wake up a lot until midnight and then she seems to conk out until 5 something. Actually I think I’m lying; she does wake up at one, two, four, whatever, except for last night.

#MoreTopTeethAreComingThroughAndIThinkSomeMolarsArePlanningToJoinSoon

I feel sorry for her. It must be so unpleasant.

#BrushingHerTeethIsSuchAFaffWhichPutsUsOffButWeNeedToStartTryingToDoItTwiceADay

I feel embarrassed to admit that we have only been brushing her teeth once a day, but we need to start doing it more. I’m not looking forward to it.

#BrushingMyOwnTeethIsAlsoAFaffAndQuiteUnpleasant

I tried changing my toothpaste but that hasn’t really helped.

#IFeelMySickestInTheEveningNowAndIDoNotLookForwardToBrushingMyTeeth

I think sometimes I eat too much in the evenings, so last night I tried eating a bit less. I still felt sick, but I managed to not be sick after brushing my teeth at night.

#IWasSickStraightAfterBrushingThemTwoNightsAgoAndTheTasteOfSickWasStillThereTwoHoursLater

I could not be bothered to have a shower, but I did the gargling, constant nose blowing, spitting etc. After I lay down for bed a lot more came up. It’s horrid.

#IDidNotHaveThisLingeringSickTasteWithBAsIWasUsuallyAlwaysSickFirstThingInTheMorning

Lucky me. It wasn’t bad at all then as it was water that would come up.

#ItIsHorribleAndIWouldNotWishItOnAnyone

It’s so horrid.

#IAmFourteenishWeeksNowWhichMeansIMustBeAThirdOfTheWayThroughThePregnancyNow

I thought with B I’d be a 42-weeker. This time I do not want to be, but you never know.

#IAmQuiteAnxiousAndEveryTimeIGetACrampIFeelNervous

I don’t know how people can be chill for their whole pregnancy. Is anyone?

#IAmPlanningToAnnounceMyPregnancyTomorrowAsIThinkItIsGettingHarderToHideInDanceVideos #AndIHaveRanOutOfNonPregnancyRelatedImagesToPost

This makes it sounds like people care. No one cares, but for me it is a big deal. I’ve been dragging out posting my non pregnancy related stuff for a while – going down from two posts a week to one. Now I need to post a backlog of stuff…

#IFeelAwkwardInCaseSomethingBadHappensButIGuessTheWholePointOfDocumentingAndSharingMyMotherhoodStoryIsItBeingAsHonestAsPossible

With B I waited until after I was 20 weeks, but that was because it took so long to get my syndrome results back. I’m hoping sharing my story this time might help others who may be at similar stage – I’m bored of reading comments on different platforms about people being dumb for getting pregnant during a pandemic.

#IThinkIHaveAlreadyStartedToNestAsIAmSuddenlyEnjoyingSortingThroughOurStuffAndCleaning

I just wish I had more time to do it. Yesterday B was sat on the floor with me while I tried to sort through things. I’m playing my favourite game of ‘would I pay £5 to ship this book to keep it?’ I need to be quite ruthless.

#WeHaveMadeMoreSpaceInOurBedroomSoThatWeCanHangOutWithBInIt

We’ve lived with my Nan for 9 months now. We’re grateful, but we need some more space to ourselves. We keep looking at moving out, but we are looking for something short term now and there is not much about. By us living with her she gets support, and we also get support. I think it is normal to want more space, though I feel bad for saying these things.

#SoIThinkThisHasMadeMeWantToGetOrganisedAndToBeFairItIsBetterToDoItNowThanWhenTheBabyComes

I do not think that I will be nesting to the same level as when B was born, as I will have B to look after. Also with how our living arrangement is it will be harder to organise things without waking one of them up.

#BHasSuddenlyStartedToMakeALotOfGNoisesAndJustMakesLotsOfSounds

No gaga yet, but just a lot of riffing on g sounds.

#IWishIKnewWhatSheWasTryingToSay

It might not be too long now before she talks more.

#SheHasLearnedToSayYeahAndSheSaysItALotWhenIAskHerQuestionsButIDoNotKnowIfSheReallyUnderstandsWhatSheIsSaying

‘Do you want some water?’ ‘Yeah’ Does she really want some water though?

#SheIsSoSpeedyAndIsAbleToReachThingsThatAreFurtherAwayNowOnHerTipToes

If she hears a door open she is off. Life is just a game of moving things further away from B and her grasp.

#ThisMorningSheWasUpOnTheSofaRippingATissueIntoManyPieces

She had about four tissues at first, but I took them away except for one. She had a lot of fun ripping it up. I figured it’s good for a lot of skills, though I probably shouldn’t encourage her.

#SheStillDoesNotReallyWantToWalkInHerShoesSoINeedToPutThemOnHerEveryday

At the park yesterday she was just sat down by the swings. She did do a few steps at one point but she is not a fan.

#SheIsDefinitelyDaddysLittleGirlWhoWantsToBeInHisArmsAtAnyOpportunity

I do not mind as it gives me a break, and I know she sees me all the time so she’s not so bothered by me.

#WhenHeGoesOutSheGetsUpsetButITellTiagoToMakeSureHeAlwaysSaysByeAndWeWillWaveHimOffForABit

When I leave she does not care at all, which is good. Tiago will put B down and she will cry, but I have to tell him that once he has put her down he should not pick her up again – as I think she cries more as she knows he usually will pick her up again. It sounds mean, but he usually puts her down as he has things to do, so he needs to go do them.

#AndThenITryToDistractHerAndSheDoesUsuallyMoveOnAfterAMinute

This morning we waved bye through the window, then I took her to the living room before he’d pulled away and within 30 seconds she was fine.

13 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

(I don’t have a picture from 14 weeks, and I’ll save the 14 and a half weeks one for my next post.)

Self-portrait looking off to my lower left. I look quite tired and sick.
I Feel Like All I Write About At The Moment Is Vomit (13 Weeks)
 

#IFeelLikeAllIWriteAboutAtTheMomentIsVomit
#IHad2SickFreeDaysWhichWasMyLongestTimeSinceBeforeMyMorningSicknessBegan
#ThenIWasSickAt4AM
#AndItWasTheFirstOf9TimesInOneDay
#IAteABigMealOfRiceAndBeansTheNightBefore
#MyBrotherInLawLoadedMyPlateAndIForgotThatIHadBeenEatingSmallMealsALotLately
#IAteALotForBreakfastToo
#IWokeUpWithSuchAHeavyStomachThatIKnewTheOnlyWayIWouldFeelBetterWasToThrowUp
#ThenIHadToGoAgain20MinutesLater
#AndAnother20MinutesLater
#TiagoWentIntoTownToGetRehydrationSalts
#HeHadNeverHeardOfThemAndCameBackWith3SmallCartonsThatCostHim12Euros
#SoIDrankTheFirstVerySlowlyButIThinkItWentIntoTheToilet
#IFeltSoWeakAndIWasWorriedAboutTheBaby
#SoEvenAfterBeingSickIWouldTryToEatAgain
#EventuallyInTheEveningIManagedToKeepADrinkDown
#ThenTiagoStartedToBeSickAndIKnewItWasNotMorningSickness
#IThoughtMaybeItWasAStomachBugButIThoughtTheRiceHadJustUpsetMeALot
#ItRemindedMeOfBeingOnACaravanHolidayAtTheEndOfMiddleSchoolOrEarlyHighSchoolWhereIJustThrewUpFor24Hours
#IWouldNotWishSicknessOnMyWorstEnemy
#IFeltSoWeakAndHorrible
#IHopeIEnterTheNiceStageOfPregnancySoon
#IAmFeelingConcernedForTheBaby
#IAmStillNotCompletelyOverMyCold
#ItIsNiceBeingSomewhereSunnyForAWeek
#ButThereIsNothingLikeBeingAtHomeWithMyUsualRoutineAndFood
#MyAppetiteIsNotGreatAndIAmNotAbleToBuyThingsThatIUsuallyLikeToEat
#AndIThinkNotHavingMyUsualEatingRoutineMayHaveContributedToMySickness
#ButHopefullyEverythingIsOkay
#AndICanEnjoyTheLastCoupleOfDaysOfSunAndVitaminD

Well, I have been mentioning vomit a lot lately. I was more sick when I was pregnant with B though. Luckily my food aversions didn’t seem so bad this time too.

With this image/hashtags I think I must have actually had a stomach bug or something as Tiago was also sick at least once. We were visiting his brother in Portugal at time and I was really struggling to find food that I wanted to eat as all my usual favourite things weren’t really available.

I’m starting to feel sick just looking at this image and reading the hashtags…


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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Portrait Of A Mother Of A Twelve Month Old (7 Weeks? / 15th June 2021)

Self-portrait sat on the floor with legs crossed. I have a hat on that says 1 on it, and I am holding the camera of a video monitor in my right hand.
Portrait Of A Mother Of A Twelve Month Old (7 Weeks? / 15th June 2021)

#ICannotAndCanBelieveThatBIsOneYearOldItHasGoneFastInSomeWaysAndVerySlowInOtherWays
#IWroteAPoemToCelebrateHerBirthdayButItIsQuiteRubbish
#HerNewTrickIsToGargleAllHerWater
#WeTookHerOutForLunchAndSheJustSatThereGargling
#WeWentToAWildlifeParkButIThinkTiagoAndIEnjoyedItMoreThoughItWasALotForHerToTakeIn
#TiagoIsBackAtWorkNowSoINeedToAdjustToNotBeingAbleToGoOffForNapsAllTheTime
#PoorTiagoIsMoreTiredThanBeforeHeHadHisWeekOffSoIFeelBadAboutThat
#IFeelKnackeredNowAndHopeIHaveTimeForAQuickLieDownAfterThis
#WeHaveStartedToGiveBGoatsMilkInsteadOfFormulaThoughWeWillChangeToCowsMilkSoon
#TodayWasTheFirstDayOfNotGivingHerFormulaWhenSheWokeUpAndIHadToGetOnWithBreakfastPrettyQuick
#MakingFoodJustMakesMeWantToVomitButINeedToEatAsOtherwiseIFeelMoreSick
#IAmSoBoredOfFeelingSickAlready
#IWasSickForTheFirstTimeTheOtherDayButIAmTryingToAvoidItAsIHateItSoMuch
#IWasHalfWayThroughMakingBsLunchOmeletteWhenIHadToRunOut
#TiagoCameToAskTheInstructionsToFinishItInbetweenMyGags
#ItIsEitherFeelHorribleAndBeSickOrFeelSickAndEatEvenThoughIDoNotFeelLikeItAndThenFeelBetter
#IMadeBABatchOfRatatouilleThisMorningAndItReallyMadeMeFeelIllDoingIt
#EatingBeigeFoodsGenerallyMakeMeFeelBetter
#IHaveBeenGettingALotOfCravingsForReallyVinegaryChipsAndMushyPeas
#LastNightBeforeGoingToBedICouldHaveEatenACheeseAndRedOnionWhiteBap
#ReallyWateredDownJuiceSeemsToBeANewThingThatIDesire
#IDoNotLikeEatingLateButIThinkIAmGoingToHaveToOtherwiseIWillProbablyStartBeingSickInTheEvenings
#WhyArePregnantPeoplePunishedByFeelingSickAllOfTheTime
#IAmNowSayingThatIAmSevenWeeksNowAsIDoThinkItIsMoreLikelyButIJustWantToBeFurtherAlongAlready
#TiagosLaptopScreenThatBBrokeAMonthAgoSuddenlyStartedToWorkAgainSoThatIsGood
#ThisPostIsSupposedToBeAboutBTurningOneButItIsMostlyAboutMyMorningSicknessAndTiredness
#InThePictureIHopeToImitatePhotosOfBThatITookToCelebrateHerBirthday
#IGotHerAHatThatSays1OnItThoughTheySentMeOneThatSaid3OnItAtFirst
#TheOnlyThingThatWouldDistractHerWasHerBabyMonitor
#AndSheWoreAOnePieceSoIWillWearTheOneIHaveStartedToWearAgainAsIKnowIWillNotGetMuchUseOutOfItThisSummer

#ICannotAndCanBelieveThatBIsOneYearOldItHasGoneFastInSomeWaysAndVerySlowInOtherWays

My little baby who could not support her own head is now one. What. A. Year.

#IWroteAPoemToCelebrateHerBirthdayButItIsQuiteRubbish

This post was initially just going to be a poem as of course it only has 30 lines, but I did not put it into hashtag form.

Here it is for the lolz:

B You Are One!

Oh what a year, oh what a ride,

But I am so grateful to have you by my side.

This poem is already cheesy and a bit cliché,

But I thought I should write something to celebrate your first birthday.

You were born during a pandemic in the year 2020,

We stayed in hospital for four days and I ate butternut squash curry aplenty.

Your Pai was relieved to see you arrive home,

Together is better than seeing us through the small screen of our phones.

You spent your first four months in Liverpool and saw lots of the river,

Nothing much was open so all we could do was walk and dither.

Then we moved to Birmingham to live with your Great Nan,

You like lots of books but a current favourite is This Old Man.

Here you’ve learned how to crawl, babble and eat,

I think soon you’ll be walking as you’re finding your feet.

You can say Dad and duck; you do like to go to the pond,

We’re trying to work out if you’ll be a brunette or blonde.

At your baby classes you like to wander and explore,

You bang your foot in time to music on the wood of the floor.

I like when you enjoy something and so clap your hands,

We hope soon you’ll get to visit friends in far distant lands.

Maybe we’ll get to go to Portugal and meet your family there,

When you sit on the swings you like to watch people and stare.

We look forward to seeing you develop and grow,

We’re learning a lot, there’s a lot we don’t know.

We still don’t know much about what parents should do,

But we’re making the effort to find out just for you.

We’re glad you’re here, you’ll always be our little B,

We love you so much and plan to do so permanently.

Here’s to your first birthday, what a year it has been,

You’re our baby, our bunny, you’re our little queen.

The End

(23rd August: I’d completely forgotten that I wrote a poem for B….)

#HerNewTrickIsToGargleAllHerWater

Great. Take a gulp. Gargle. Take a gulp. Gargle. And repeat until the whole cup is empty.

I think she has just woken up from her nap. Fail. I had the heating on as I thought she may be cold. I’ve just put it on again. I thought that I’d been putting it on in the morning, but apparently I haven’t been. I need to try that again as she keeps waking up at 5.40am and it’s too early… She seems asleep for now.

#WeTookHerOutForLunchAndSheJustSatThereGargling

Luckily two women by us found it funny. It is funny, but it’s a bit much after 20 goes of it. I guess she is clever for working it out though…

#WeWentToAWildlifeParkButIThinkTiagoAndIEnjoyedItMoreThoughItWasALotForHerToTakeIn

Most of the animals were hiding or napping, so I don’t think B saw most of them. We only got a photo of her looking at a komodo dragon.

#TiagoIsBackAtWorkNowSoINeedToAdjustToNotBeingAbleToGoOffForNapsAllTheTime

Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo. How will I cope with two kids? Though at least I won’t be feeling sick all the time. I think/hope the first trimester is the worst.

#PoorTiagoIsMoreTiredThanBeforeHeHadHisWeekOffSoIFeelBadAboutThat

🙁

#IFeelKnackeredNowAndHopeIHaveTimeForAQuickLieDownAfterThis

If B stays asleep… It’s looking unlikely.

#WeHaveStartedToGiveBGoatsMilkInsteadOfFormulaThoughWeWillChangeToCowsMilkSoon

I did some more reading about goats milk and I think we should just move to cows milk when her carton is over. Plus just having cows milk will be easier as we can use it with all her cooking.

She seemed unsure of the milk, but now I just make sure to warm it up a little bit. I gave her 100ml before she had this nap and she probably drank 80/90 of it, so that’s good. Yesterday she didn’t drink much, but it probably didn’t help that we gave her formula in the morning. Apparently it’s sweeter?

#TodayWasTheFirstDayOfNotGivingHerFormulaWhenSheWokeUpAndIHadToGetOnWithBreakfastPrettyQuick

She was upset and I thought maybe she was hungry. She got up at 5.40am. She had some water. She had breakfast at 7am.

#MakingFoodJustMakesMeWantToVomitButINeedToEatAsOtherwiseIFeelMoreSick

I make a tomato and egg omelette/scrambled egg thing for myself with garlic powder, pepper and oregano then bung it between two pieces of buttered toast. I just have to eat it slowly. I make it for myself after B’s porridge has been pancaked and the pan is still hot. Boring info.

#IAmSoBoredOfFeelingSickAlready

Boredd.

#IWasSickForTheFirstTimeTheOtherDayButIAmTryingToAvoidItAsIHateItSoMuch #IWasHalfWayThroughMakingBsLunchOmeletteWhenIHadToRunOut

I have days where I just feel sick all day. I have started a Puke Portraits II project, but I hope to just keep it to a very small number of images. I also can’t be bothered to spend the time writing hashtags and editing the images.

#TiagoCameToAskTheInstructionsToFinishItInbetweenMyGags

Lovely.

#ItIsEitherFeelHorribleAndBeSickOrFeelSickAndEatEvenThoughIDoNotFeelLikeItAndThenFeelBetter

A friend was saying the other day that when you usually feel sick you don’t want to eat and you don’t, but with pregnancy sickness you have to eat. Yep.

#IMadeBABatchOfRatatouilleThisMorningAndItReallyMadeMeFeelIllDoingIt

I was supposed to do it yesterday but Tiago was busy and I didn’t look for the passata well enough, and I felt too sick to make it so I didn’t bother trying much harder.

#EatingBeigeFoodsGenerallyMakeMeFeelBetter

Nan got some crumpets. Great. Mini cheddars seem like a good option at the moment. Crisps in general. I’m trying to eat more nuts…

#IHaveBeenGettingALotOfCravingsForReallyVinegaryChipsAndMushyPeas

Writing this and reading this makes me want them again.

#LastNightBeforeGoingToBedICouldHaveEatenACheeseAndRedOnionWhiteBap

Not feeling that so much now. My Nan bought some baps and made a cheese and tomato one before dinner yesterday. I could eat one of those now…

#ReallyWateredDownJuiceSeemsToBeANewThingThatIDesire

Water with a hint of something. Going to try elderflower cordial, though I probably should have asked for some ginger cordial instead…

#IDoNotLikeEatingLateButIThinkIAmGoingToHaveToOtherwiseIWillProbablyStartBeingSickInTheEvenings

Piece of toast before bed? Probably a good idea.

#WhyArePregnantPeoplePunishedByFeelingSickAllOfTheTime

Whoever/whatever invented pregnancy symptoms is a sod. Aren’t we punished enough with periods and menopause? Then we don’t get periods, which is nice, but then we have to deal with sickness. Sod. To those who don’t get morning sickness – you’re lucky!

#IAmNowSayingThatIAmSevenWeeksNowAsIDoThinkItIsMoreLikelyButIJustWantToBeFurtherAlongAlready

I just want to be clear of the first trimester already, and I want to get my jab. (I know I can get it already, but I do want to wait until 14 weeks like some countries suggest/are doing.)

#TiagosLaptopScreenThatBBrokeAMonthAgoSuddenlyStartedToWorkAgainSoThatIsGood

He came in showing me his laptop all excited. I was like ‘yeah the Google logo has always looked like that?’ Ahhh okay.

#ThisPostIsSupposedToBeAboutBTurningOneButItIsMostlyAboutMyMorningSicknessAndTiredness

Sorry love. I should have just made this post the poem and left my sickness until later in the week. I’m starting to feel a bit sick again now…

#InThePictureIHopeToImitatePhotosOfBThatITookToCelebrateHerBirthday

One hat. All in one outfit. Holding a video monitor. Looking quite serious.

(23rd August: I seemed to achieve it.)

#IGotHerAHatThatSays1OnItThoughTheySentMeOneThatSaid3OnItAtFirst

Well that will keep. Let’s see if I can find it in 2 years.

#TheOnlyThingThatWouldDistractHerWasHerBabyMonitor

We tried all the toys. T was getting frustrated. She liked the baby monitor and her room thermometer – things we don’t usually let her play with. I managed to move the thermometer out of the frame though.

#AndSheWoreAOnePieceSoIWillWearTheOneIHaveStartedToWearAgainAsIKnowIWillNotGetMuchUseOutOfItThisSummer

I suddenly remembered about it yesterday. I don’t remember wearing it last summer, and if things go to plan I doubt I will be fitting in it for much longer.

I’m going to eat some mini cheddars, then have a lie down…

7 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

A diptych of two full length images of me with my top pulled up to document my bump. In one I
I Have Nothing To Show Yet (7 weeks)
 
#ItIsColdNowSoIAmWearingExtraLayers
#IHaveNothingToShowYet
#OrMaybeIDoButIAmSureIHaveLookedTheSameAsThisEveryTimeIHaveEatenForManyYears
#IHaveLookedMorePregnantBeforeAfterOrderingAnIndianTakeawayAndNotBeingAbleToStop
#AtChristmas2018MyParentsThoughtIWasPregnantAsIWasWearingBaggyClothing
#AndIChooseComfortOverFashion
#YouKnowMe
#ThoughIWouldNotMindLookingALittleBetter
#IJustHateClothesShopping
#AndNowIsNotTheTimeToStartGettingIntoClothesMore
#BecauseTheyEitherWillNotFitMeForLongOrTheyWillNotFitMeAfter
#AGoodReasonForBaggierClothingThisWinterThoughIsToHideMyGrowingBoobs
#IToldAFriendThatIAmPregnantAndSheSaidSheThoughtMyBoobsLookedBiggerAndThisWasTwoWeeksAgo
#IHaveAlwaysHadAWeirdRelationshipWithThem
#BeingToldInHighSchoolThatIWasTwoParacetamolsOnAnIroningBoard
#AndBeingUpsetButAlsoNotCaringAsIWasLikeBoobsAreJustForBabiesAnyways
#AndTheIdeaOfMeWithBiggerBoobsWasJustWeird
#BeingToldByGuysThatTheyUsuallyDateGirlsWithBiggerBoobs
#Lol 
#ButIThinkBoobsBringAttentionAndIDoLikeToBeInvisible
#IReallyCanNotImagineMySelfHavingBigBoobs
#AndGoingOutWithThemOnDisplay
#NoOffenceToOtherPeopleWhoShowTheirsOff
#TheyLookGoodOnYouButTheyLookWeirdAsHellOnMe
#ThisPostHasTooManyBoobs
#NotSureIfIPreferBoobsOrBreasts
#BreastsJustSoundsLikeMeatRightNowAndThatIsMakingMeFeelSickEvenThoughIHadMeatCravingsYesterdayAndIAmVegetarian
#IThinkHowIFeelTowardsMyBodyDuringAndAfterMyPregnancyWillBeInteresting
#ParticularlyAsPregnantIsSeenAsBeautifulAndMyBodyGrowingIsForAGoodThingButThenAsSoonAsYouGiveBirthThereIsALotOfPressureToBeAsYouWereAgain
#IJustWantToLookAfterMyselfAndBodyAsBestAsICan 

B and baby X will be born in complete opposite seasons. In this diptych I am cold, but in my new photo I was quite hot.

I still look a mess all the time, so nothing has changed there. I feel like my boobs didn’t grow as quick this time, which I was kind of relieved about. They’re probably different from breastfeeding, but I can’t really tell.

I think my bump started to show a bit earlier this time, but it also may be just down to food. I seem to have a habit of doing shoots just after eating which doesn’t help.

I need to start eating better and exercising more again. I feel like over the last week I’ve let myself (and X) down a bit on that front. I’m trying my best…


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Mum Looks #1 (10 Weeks? / 11th June 2021)

Self-portrait of myself wearing a colourful top and shorts. I have a book tucked into the back of my shorts and a pig puppet hanging out of my pocket.
Mum Looks #1 (10 Weeks? / 11th June 2021)
 
#ThisIsHowICarriedAPuppetAndABookUpTheStairsTheOtherDayWhileHoldingB
#ThePuppetUsedToDistractHerDuringNappyChangesButNowALittleMusicalPianoWorksBetter
#TheBookIsTheVeryHungryCaterpillarWhichBLikesALot
#NotLongAgoIWasTalkingToAnotherMumAboutAnUpcomingBookFestivalWhereAuthorsWillReadTheirBooks
#IJokedThatAllOfBsFavouriteAuthorsAreDeadAsIThoughtThatEricCarleHadDiedALongTimeAgo
#IWasSurprisedAfterAQuickOnlineSearchThatHeWasStillAliveButThenHeDiedACoupleOfWeeksLater
#IWasSupposedToHaveMyFirstVaccineThisWeekButAfterALotOfResearchIDecidedToWaitUntilIAmInMySecondTrimester
#TheBabyDevelopsSoMuchInTheFirstTrimesterAndIAmFeelingSoSick
#TheyDoNotKnowTheLongTermEffectsOfTheVaccinationsOnUnbornBabiesSoIWouldRatherWaitABit
#IrelandSuggestsWaitingUntil14WeeksToGetTheVaccineAndIHaveSeenThatInAFewPlaces
#SoIJustNeedToBeCarefulAndTryNotToGetCovidBeforeThen
#InABabyClassTheOtherDayWeDidNotHaveToWearAMaskWhenWeWereSatDown
#AndInATakeawayAGuyWalkedInWithoutAMaskButIPlanToKeepWearingMineUntilIGetAVaccine
#IAmStartingToThinkThatMaybeIAmMoreSixWeeksPregnantThanTen
#IThinkIWouldHaveBeenFeelingThisSickForLongerIfIWasTenWeeks
#ButIWasAlsoSoConvincedThatIWasPregnantWhenIWouldHaveOnlyBeenTwoWeeksIfIAmOnlySixWeeksNow
#ItHasBeenGoodThatTiagoHadThisWeekOffAsItMeansIHaveHadPlentyOfTimeToRest
#WeHaveNotDoneMuchButThatIsFineAsIHaveBeenFeelingSoTiredAndSick
#BWokeUpAtSixFortyTodayRatherThanFiveFortyWhichWasABitOfARelief
#WeHaveSatInTheParkAlotAndTodayWePlanToGoToAWildlifeCentre
#IUpdatedHerBabyBookTheOtherDaySoItIsNearlyCompleteNow
#IFeelLikeTheSecondKidWillNotHaveSuchAGoodOneButINeedToMakeTheEffortToMakeSureTheyHaveSomething
#TheWombMustBeQuiteResilientToDealWithPregnantPeopleLookingAfterKids
#BIsAlwaysFallingOnMeOrUsingMyStomachAsASupportPost
#IHaveAlreadyHadMoreKnocksToMyStomachThanIDidDuringMyWholePregnancyWithHer
#LastTimeWhenIWasPregnantIGotALetterFromTheMidwivesAfterTwoDays
#LastNightIGotATextFromMyDoctorsSayingINeedToPickAReferralLetterUpFromReception
#IAmGuessingItIsToDoWithTheMidwivesButItSeemsWeirdThatTheyDoNotPostOrEmailIt
#WellIWentToPickUpMyLetterUpAndIHaveCalledTheHospital
#TheyHavePutMeDownAsSixWeeksForNowAndApparentlyTheyDoNotHaveABedForMeAtTheDueDateIfIAmTenWeeks

(20th August: This probably won’t become a mini-series, but maybe it should. I think my whole project is just Mum Looks – me looking dishevelled.)

#ThisIsHowICarriedAPuppetAndABookUpTheStairsTheOtherDayWhileHoldingB

I tried to take a photo of my look on my phone at the time, but it was hard.

#ThePuppetUsedToDistractHerDuringNappyChangesButNowALittleMusicalPianoWorksBetter

I think it plays about four tunes automatically and I seem to know which one is coming next now. (If I know which one is coming I should know how many it has, but I can’t be bothered to work it out.)

(20th August: It has four. Now I just use any tactic to get her to stay still. Earlier I was using her bath toy, but sometimes it’s a tub with the lid screwed on tight, or a book or anything.)

#TheBookIsTheVeryHungryCaterpillarWhichBLikesALot

I haven’t read it to her in a few days, which I am somewhat happy about as I need a break from it.

#NotLongAgoIWasTalkingToAnotherMumAboutAnUpcomingBookFestivalWhereAuthorsWillReadTheirBooks

I think a lot of children’s authors will be present.

#IJokedThatAllOfBsFavouriteAuthorsAreDeadAsIThoughtThatEricCarleHadDiedALongTimeAgo

She was a Mum at the park and we had a very brief conversation. She likes a lot of Pam Adams’ books and I just looked and she died in 2010…

#IWasSurprisedAfterAQuickOnlineSearchThatHeWasStillAliveButThenHeDiedACoupleOfWeeksLater

RIP Eric Carle. We like his From Head To Toe book too.

#IWasSupposedToHaveMyFirstVaccineThisWeekButAfterALotOfResearchIDecidedToWaitUntilIAmInMySecondTrimester

It was stressing me out, so now I am glad I decided to wait.

(20th August: I ended up getting the vaccine at 13 weeks after advice became a bit more consistent. I was also swayed by a talk by Pregnant Then Screwed and Viki Male, an immunologist. Here is the talk on Instagram.)

#TheBabyDevelopsSoMuchInTheFirstTrimesterAndIAmFeelingSoSick #TheyDoNotKnowTheLongTermEffectsOfTheVaccinationsOnUnbornBabiesSoIWouldRatherWaitABit

Research shows that babies are being born fine, but it is too early to know if there are long term effects and when is best to get the vaccine.

I’m feeling sick all of the time so I don’t want to get ill on top of it if I have a bad reaction…

#IrelandSuggestsWaitingUntil14WeeksToGetTheVaccineAndIHaveSeenThatInAFewPlaces

I saw on Twitter that a country (not sure which one) was offering the vaccine to women over 14 weeks. The UK and my doctor say all trimesters are fine, but I’d rather wait…

#SoIJustNeedToBeCarefulAndTryNotToGetCovidBeforeThen

I’ve managed it this far, but you never know.

#InABabyClassTheOtherDayWeDidNotHaveToWearAMaskWhenWeWereSatDown

I walked in and was like ‘why does everyone look different?’ After a while a couple more women walked in wearing them, but the teacher said we don’t have to wear them while sat down. I took mine off, though I wanted to keep it on. Next time I will as B runs off a lot so I need to get up and pick her up.

#AndInATakeawayAGuyWalkedInWithoutAMaskButIPlanToKeepWearingMineUntilIGetAVaccine

I shouldn’t let my awkwardness affect my personal safety. Maybe it’s unnecessary but I do not want to risk it.

I definitely will have a vaccine in my second trimester as getting Covid in the third trimester is quite dangerous for a pregnant person.

#IAmStartingToThinkThatMaybeIAmMoreSixWeeksPregnantThanTen

This ball of fun again.

#IThinkIWouldHaveBeenFeelingThisSickForLongerIfIWasTenWeeks

Looking at my Waiting project I was feeling sick at 6 weeks and by 8 weeks I felt really bad.

#ButIWasAlsoSoConvincedThatIWasPregnantWhenIWouldHaveOnlyBeenTwoWeeksIfIAmOnlySixWeeksNow

With B I had a period of two days, then it stopped so I thought it was weird, did a pregnancy test and I was about 4 weeks.

Earlier in the year when I was pregnant I had a period of sorts, then I was starting to wake up feeling sick and I was pregnant. About 6 weeks.

This time I had a normal period, then what seemed like a normal period, then a missed period. Then I did a test. I was feeling a bit sick before my missed period/or imagining things as I wanted to be pregnant. ?

#ItHasBeenGoodThatTiagoHadThisWeekOffAsItMeansIHaveHadPlentyOfTimeToRest

I am going to struggle when he goes back to work next week.

#WeHaveNotDoneMuchButThatIsFineAsIHaveBeenFeelingSoTiredAndSick

It’s been nice to just chill at home with T being available.

#BWokeUpAtSixFortyTodayRatherThanFiveFortyWhichWasABitOfARelief

Her heating comes on for a bit between 4 and 5, but it has been the last few days so who knows why she slept better today?

#WeHaveSatInTheParkAlotAndTodayWePlanToGoToAWildlifeCentre

Simple things. Hopefully she likes the centre today.

#IUpdatedHerBabyBookTheOtherDaySoItIsNearlyCompleteNow

Hurrah. I hadn’t looked at in a few months.

#IFeelLikeTheSecondKidWillNotHaveSuchAGoodOneButINeedToMakeTheEffortToMakeSureTheyHaveSomething

Or I need to change the way I do it. I’d feel bad if they didn’t have one.

#TheWombMustBeQuiteResilientToDealWithPregnantPeopleLookingAfterKids #BIsAlwaysFallingOnMeOrUsingMyStomachAsASupportPost #IHaveAlreadyHadMoreKnocksToMyStomachThanIDidDuringMyWholePregnancyWithHer

It freaks me out a bit when she touches my stomach, but I’m sure the baby is well protected.

#LastTimeWhenIWasPregnantIGotALetterFromTheMidwivesAfterTwoDays

Even though my Doctor said there was a massive delay with them.

#LastNightIGotATextFromMyDoctorsSayingINeedToPickAReferralLetterUpFromReception #IAmGuessingItIsToDoWithTheMidwivesButItSeemsWeirdThatTheyDoNotPostOrEmailIt

So it took longer to do the referral letter this time than it did for me to get a letter in the post this time? I know they’re busy. Maybe they thought it would be quicker for me to pick it up. It seems weird though. I’m going to go pick it up now.

#WellIWentToPickUpMyLetterUpAndIHaveCalledTheHospital

I guess they say to pick it up from reception now as the Doctors is operating more like in the ‘old days’ now. No having to wait outside for ages – the door was open.

I got myself a veggie samosa from a nearby shop on the way back and it was good.

#TheyHavePutMeDownAsSixWeeksForNowAndApparentlyTheyDoNotHaveABedForMeAtTheDueDateIfIAmTenWeeks

She said only I could say what date to put me down as. I said for 10 weeks. She said ‘well there are no beds left for then’. So I said to put me down as 6 weeks for now and we will have to see. If I wanted to be put down as 10 weeks a letter had to be sent to the higher ups or something, and maybe I am just 6 weeks. What a faff.

She said the first appointment will either be on the phone or in person. Last time they told me it would be on the phone, so things are changing.

(20th August: I was only 6 weeks here.)

6 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait of me sat with a purple scarf over myself. My left hand is just below my lips and I am gazing off and look deep in thought, though possibly just feeling sick.
Morning Sickness Is Not Only A Morning Thing (6 and a half weeks)
 
#SoTheSicknessComesAndGoes
#MorningSicknessIsSuchALie
#IAskedTheDoctorIfSheHadAnyTipsAfterIFirstWentWhenIFoundOut
#SheSaidThatMorningSicknessIsNotOnlyAMorningThing
#WellSheDidNotLie
#SometimesItIsTheMorning
#YesterdayICouldHaveBeenSickOverEverything
#LastWeekItWasMoreAnAfternoonThing
#ButSometimesItIsTheEvening
#SomeoneWasTalkingAboutWarmCamelsMilkTheOtherDay
#AndItWasMakingMeSoIll
#ThenILookedAtMyCollectionOfSoups
#AndJustReadingTheFlavoursMadeMeFeelIll
#ItIsSuchAWeirdThing
#IKnowThatNoOneReallyLikesToVomit
#ButIReallyHateIt
#IOnceProudlyCouldSayIHadNotVomitedInAtLeast10Years
#AndThenMyHousemateMadeMeSuperStrongRumCocktailsWhenIWasDoingMyBA
#AndThatWasGrim
#AndACharmingExBoyfriendTookPolaroidsOfMeByTheToilet 
#EvenThoughHeWasSickMostWeekendsBecauseOfAlcohol
#IDoNotKnowWhatHappenedToThosePolaroids
#BetTheyShowUpIn50Years
#Anyways
#YesterdayIHadStrongMeatAndFishCravingsEvenThoughIHaveBeenVegetarianForOverHalfMyLife
#CouldHaveEasilyEatenCodAndChipsOrATurkeyAndStuffingSandwich
#ThoughIThinkTheyWouldHaveMadeMeSick
#SoLastNightISettledForAVeganFishFreeBurger
#ItWasProbablyTheFirstTimeIHadEatenAFishBurger
#AndItWasAlrightButIWouldNotBeInARushToEatItAgain

Morning sickness is definitely a lie. With B I was generally sick in the mornings though struggled to eat anything at dinner except for pasta. This time I have been mostly sick in the evenings.

I didn’t like soup again this time and things like baked beans.

I haven’t had strong meat and fish cravings this time, though I’ve been taking double the amount of iron lately.

The bit about my ex-boyfriend taking pictures of me vomiting isn’t pleasant, but it’s true. Now I just take pictures of myself after vomiting…


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Categories
Waiting

I Can Tell My Body Is Already Changing (6 weeks)

This is a post about the second image from my series Waiting For Things In A Time When You Rarely Wait For Things, where I documented my pregnancy from October 2019 to June 2020.

I Can Tell My Body Is Already Changing (6 weeks) from the series Waiting For Things In A Time When You Rarely Wait For Things.

#WellWeHadBeenTryingToGetPregnantSinceTheStartOfTheYear #WeHaveAWeddingToGoToInPortugalInJulyNextYearSoIThoughtWeShouldPauseThingsForABit #ButTiagoSaidWeWereBetterOffTrying #AndToBeFairIThoughtICouldNotGetPregnant #EvenThoughIHadABloodTestAtOvulationOnceAndTheySaidAllWasGood #SoIDecidedIWantedToBeLessStressedOutInLifeSoIStartedToMakeAnEffortToBeMoreRelaxed
#WhenMyPeriodWas4DaysLateIKnowSomethingWasUp
#SoIBoughtATest #AndIForgotIWasGoingToDoOneSoIHadToKeepDrinkingWaterAndEventuallyIManagedToGetAResultFromTheDamnThing
#AndTheCrossCameUpPrettyQuickThen
#AndIWasNotThatSurprised
#IDidNotHaveMuchOfAReaction
#IWasJustRelievedToKnowICouldGetPregnant #AndThenIJustGotRealStressedAboutWhatIfThingsGoWrong #IDoNotKnowHowPeopleDealtWithPregnanciesPreInternet #AnythingAndIAmCheckingIsThisNormal
#AnywaysICanTellMyBodyIsAlreadyChanging
#AndIHaveBeenFeelingSick
#MorningSicknessIsALieItStrikesAtAnytime #ButItIsEarlyDaysForMeSoItIsNotYetThatBad #IKnowINeedToEatMoreCalciumSoIAmIndulgingInCheddarOnSandwiches #WasTryingToCutOutSugarButWasEatingChutneyAndPickleSoAmHavingMoreMarmiteThanThoseNow
#AndIAmGoingOffFoods
#LikeDaalOrDalOrDahlWhichWeEatAllTheTimeUsually #AndMyFavouriteLunchOfASpicyBeanBurgerWithGherkinsTomatoesAndHoumousIsNotAsGreatAsItUsedToBe
#AndIHaveEatenThatWeeklyForYears
#AndIMeanYEARS
#AndICanNotDrinkMostOfMyLargeCollectionOfHerbalTeas #AsEverythingHasLicoriceInIt #SoItIsRooibosAndHoneybushEverydayForNowUntilIFindOtherOnes

Link to post about the first image.


A few outtakes

Very similar to the chosen image except I’m looking at the camera.

With shoots I end up taking a lot of images and with most of them it’s difficult to edit them down as the differences are so subtle. In the beginning I take a lot of pictures to make sure that I am in the right position – as central as possible as I am usually central-ish in my images. Then once I find something I do a lot of little variations and take enough to make sure that I ‘have the shot’. Now I’m debating if this is better than the one I chose but I think looking off makes me look a bit more thoughtful whereas this seems more confrontational? Maybe I’m talking rubbish. I can’t believe my hair used to be this long…

Your typical ‘I’m pregnant and here is my belly and I’m looking at it grow’ shot.

The whole project is full of belly shots and I think I realised how ridiculous a shot like this would be in the beginning, though does it really matter? No. Even though I have done nude projects I do feel awkward about sitting around in my pants for shoots, though less so after having 6 people at the birth of my child, and having my boobs prodded and poked by lots of women whilst trying to breastfeed in hospital.

I was wearing the pants that I was already wearing for the shoot, but guessing I changed them to black for them to be less distracting. This was taken before the others shown here.

This seems a bit too adventurous and belly squashing for a pregnancy picture. Even though it took about 9 months for me to get pregnant I then was doing lots of stupid things like falling over for a video repeatedly as I think I could not believe I was pregnant. Perhaps I knew I would not be able to do these more flexible poses for much longer which is why I milked it as much as possible with this shoot.


Comments

A big secret (that isn’t so secret and especially not now) about how I shoot for my self-portrait projects – generally I have no idea what I am going to do for a shoot.

My first few self-portraiture projects (Reality of Youth Going Backwards In Vain, One Is Not Like The Other, The Many Faces of JFA) were very controlled; I knew exactly what shot I needed. Well to a degree I guess as there were test shots and location changes for Reality of Youth and One Is Not, but I had more of a clue than I did for a lot of projects afterwards.

With this shoot I had no clue and looking back for outtakes I can see that, though the theme seemed to be that pink top that my younger sister gave me and being sat on the floor.

I play around and then when I find something that I like I ‘riff on it’ – yeah like a musician or something.

In 2010 after my BA I was shortlisted to take a portrait for the National Museum Wales and National Portrait Gallery. I travelled from Birmingham to Cardiff for the interview and proudly talked about how I don’t plan shoots and you could just see in their faces how disapproving they were, yet I kept going on. The thing is at university me and my friend Sarah (who started and runs We Are Hairy People) did fashion shoots all the time when we were in the mood and we generally had no plan; we were always winging it. I’d photograph and she would model. We would just pull random clothes from our wardrobes and mess about with usually quite good results. I feel the need to pull a photo out, so let me have a look…

Here are a few pictures from 2010.

Sarah in a dress my older sister gave me with the neighbour’s dog on the other side of the fence – definitely not planned.
Sarah with a Christmas tree that was in her garden – it was May.
Sarah with her housemate’s drum cymbal.

I feel like this post is going a long way away from where it was supposed to be. I’ve talked a lot about how random and made up my shoots are, but then again with my pregnancy project there have been shoots where I knew what I wanted to show.

Don’t be fooled (especially if you want to hire me and now are thinking I’m too risky – come back!) I guess I do plan things to an extent… now I think I am just saying this so you hire me.

No, what I mean to say is I have planned shoots more so with this project. For example: I had a blood test, I want to show that etc. I guess there was a reason why I did improv comedy in London, as much as sometimes I lack confidence I like just seeing what happens and what I come up with.

I did mention in my interview that when I do plan shoots I never like the images, but I guess they provide a starting point.

With shoots if you don’t try then you don’t get – if I don’t do a shoot then I have no pictures to possibly like or dislike. If I do then I might have a shot that I can use or at least have an idea for something to recreate. With this project I took poses/shots that I liked and recreated them later on, especially if one was good but I felt like another one was better. Though towards the end of the project I got more indecisive and often chose two images from shoots – perhaps because I was running out of time to photograph myself pregnant.

Anyways, some of the hashtags are kind of similar to the first image from the series. I had planned for this to be the first image, but I then remembered that I had done the previous shoot and wrote hashtags for it. It was hard knowing what to write for the first one as a lot of it had already been said here. There was a noticeable difference within myself though, especially with feelings of morning sickness beginning to start. I had forgotten that I got food aversions that early.

Everyone always asks about cravings, though I had never really heard about food aversions. I seemed to hate everything I had ever loved – I was really upset about not being able to eat my favourite lunch that I had been eating for YEARS. At one point I could only eat pasta and vegetables for dinner, as everything else made me feel sick. Luckily I could start to eat different things just as the Great Pasta Shortage of 2020 rolled in, otherwise that would have been a very grim time…

It was hard to imagine myself ever being pregnant, let alone imagining myself pregnant during a pandemic, but I guess that’s something I’ll talk about again and again during these posts…


Thanks for reading 🙂