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Oh Me, Oh Pai Pregnancy Waiting II

Tiago’s Second British Father’s Day (7 Weeks? / 20th June 2021)

Tiago sat on a beanbag with B on his lap. He is looking down at her, while her face has been covered with duplicates of Tiago's thumb.
Tiago’s Second British Father’s Day (7 Weeks? / 20th June 2021)
 
#IAskedTiagoAboutHowHeFeelsAboutBeingADadTheseDaysAndHeJustSaidGood
#AfterSomeMoreDiggingHeSaidThatHeNowUnderstandsHisPlaceInTheWorldAsAHumanMore
#IGuessBWillNotBeAsStillForTheShootAsSheWasAYearAgo
#SheWasBarelyAWeekOldWhenItWasTiagosFirstFathersDay
#NowSheIsJustOnTheMoveSoMuchAndSheIsStartingToTakeMultipleSteps
#TheOtherDaySheDidAboutSixAsSheConcentratedOnMyPhoneAsIMovedIt
#YesterdaySheWalkedFromTheKitchenIntoTheLivingRoomWithoutAnyPrompt
#TheOtherDayInHerBabyClassThereWereSomeBigFakeDogsThatTheTeachersBroughtRound
#BRanOffAndSheWouldNotTouchAnyOfTheOtherToys
#SheIsTheOldestByFarNowAndSoonSheWillSoonBeTooOldForTheClass
#SheWasRandomlyHuggingTheWomanNextToUsWhoWeHadNotSpokenTo
#HerSleepHasGotWorseButICheckedAndSheIsGoingThroughALeap
#SheAlsoHadHerOneYearVaccinationsThisWeek
#IWasSayingToSomeoneThatAtLeastThereAreNotSevenJabsButThereWereFour
#TwoInEachLegAndIFeltSoBadForBWhoWasObviouslyUpset
#TheNurseWasSayingThereUsedToBeThreeAt12MonthsThenOneOneMonthLater
#ButPeopleWereJustNotTurningUpForTheSecondAppointmentOrTheKidsWouldRememberTheNeedleAndBeScared
#YesterdayBWasAwakeLoadsDuringTheNightButPrettyMuchAwakeFromFourThirty
#SheAteAllHerBreakfastAtSixSoSheMustHaveBeenHungry
#IStillFeelABitThrownOffFromUsChangingFromFormulaToMilkButTheMainDifferenceWasIDidNotGiveHerYoghurtForDessertTheNightBefore
#SheUsuallyEatsQuiteABitOfItAndIGuessItHelpsFillHerUp
#TodaySheWokeUpAtTheSameTimeButIPutTheHeatingOnAndSheSleptABitMore
#WeHaveJustKindOfAcceptedThatWeWillBeAwakeFromFiveThirtyEverydayNow
#IHaveBeenSoTiredThatIHaveBeenAsleepByTenTheLastCoupleOfNights
#MySicknessComesAndGoesAndIHaveOnlyBeenActuallySickTwoTimes
#TwoOtherTimesIWentToBeSickButNothingCameUp
#IHaveBeenEatingALotOfCheeseAndTomatoSandwiches
#TheOtherNightIHadAReallyStrongCravingForRiceAndMangoChutney
#IFeelABitNervousAboutItAllButHopefullyEverythingWillBeOkay
#IDoNotThinkThereWillEverBeAGoodTimeToHaveASecondKidSoWeWillJustHaveToDoOurBest

#IAskedTiagoAboutHowHeFeelsAboutBeingADadTheseDaysAndHeJustSaidGood

This is why I’ve stopped asking him for comments for these things.

#AfterSomeMoreDiggingHeSaidThatHeNowUnderstandsHisPlaceInTheWorldAsAHumanMore

As the shoot is about his second Father’s Day I thought I needed to at least get something else out of him.

He’s a great Dad. It’s currently 06:38 and he’s up sorting out B’s breakfast, while I’m writing this. I did start writing before 6am but B went back to sleep for 10 minutes…

#IGuessBWillNotBeAsStillForTheShootAsSheWasAYearAgo #SheWasBarelyAWeekOldWhenItWasTiagosFirstFathersDay

Oh, what a year.

#NowSheIsJustOnTheMoveSoMuchAndSheIsStartingToTakeMultipleSteps

She.Does.Not.Sit.Still. A friend came to visit yesterday and we were sat outside with her just pushing her walker up and down.

#TheOtherDaySheDidAboutSixAsSheConcentratedOnMyPhoneAsIMovedIt

She was stood up and she was looking at my phone, so I just held it at her grabbing height and kept moving it. We were sat behind the sofa so Nan and T missed it.

#YesterdaySheWalkedFromTheKitchenIntoTheLivingRoomWithoutAnyPrompt

I was glad that Nan and Tiago saw it. Both times were early evening-ish, so her legs must have enough strength by then.

#TheOtherDayInHerBabyClassThereWereSomeBigFakeDogsThatTheTeachersBroughtRound #BRanOffAndSheWouldNotTouchAnyOfTheOtherToys

I was shocked as I thought she would have grabbed them. I guess she is getting older and some safety defences are kicking in? The teachers were saying some kids just don’t like cuddly toys, but I was surprised. I think she was having a weird day as at home she wouldn’t go near her toys either.

#SheIsTheOldestByFarNowAndSoonSheWillSoonBeTooOldForTheClass

There was a baby I hadn’t noticed before who was starting to crawl, but it was their last week. It’s just B and a lot of kids half her age. She enjoys it though – besides being scared of stuffed animals.

#SheWasRandomlyHuggingTheWomanNextToUsWhoWeHadNotSpokenTo

She did keep looking at the woman’s baby, but then she just crawled off, gave her a hug, then tried to go in her handbag. Classic.

#HerSleepHasGotWorseButICheckedAndSheIsGoingThroughALeap

Great.

#SheAlsoHadHerOneYearVaccinationsThisWeek

Great great.

#IWasSayingToSomeoneThatAtLeastThereAreNotSevenJabsButThereWereFour

I thought it would be one injection for some reason.

#TwoInEachLegAndIFeltSoBadForBWhoWasObviouslyUpset

I had to try to hold her still. Her legs are a mess at the moment. She obviously tried to escape my grasp 🙁

A woman outside was saying she has twins and one watched the other one have their injections and he was off.

#TheNurseWasSayingThereUsedToBeThreeAt12MonthsThenOneOneMonthLater #ButPeopleWereJustNotTurningUpForTheSecondAppointmentOrTheKidsWouldRememberTheNeedleAndBeScared

I guess they didn’t want to overload them, but it’s easier just to get them all done on the same day. Good job my Mum comes round to visit as I think B is fine, but she says to give B paracetamol as she has a bit of a temperature. I don’t even notice so I feel bad.

#YesterdayBWasAwakeLoadsDuringTheNightButPrettyMuchAwakeFromFourThirty

Oh the joys. I tried putting the heating on but that didn’t work much.

#SheAteAllHerBreakfastAtSixSoSheMustHaveBeenHungry #IStillFeelABitThrownOffFromUsChangingFromFormulaToMilkButTheMainDifferenceWasIDidNotGiveHerYoghurtForDessertTheNightBefore #SheUsuallyEatsQuiteABitOfItAndIGuessItHelpsFillHerUp

I really need to look at her meals and change things up a bit. She does seem to be getting into her milk though, but it’s always a bit weird changing from one schedule to another. Soon it will be normal. I think her sleep isn’t helped by the leap and vaccinations…

#TodaySheWokeUpAtTheSameTimeButIPutTheHeatingOnAndSheSleptABitMore

Then she was awake from 5:30, but I went in and told her to go back to sleep. We need to be more strict with only getting her out of bed at 6. Sometimes we cave at 10 to 6. Today we were being strict and she actually fell asleep from 5:55 to 6:05. I had got my laptop out to start writing, but when she went quiet I quickly lay down again.

#WeHaveJustKindOfAcceptedThatWeWillBeAwakeFromFiveThirtyEverydayNow

Even if we don’t get her up until 6 she will be awake.

#IHaveBeenSoTiredThatIHaveBeenAsleepByTenTheLastCoupleOfNights

I seem to wake up around 4 by myself and feel quite awake, but I always want more sleep. If B gets up at 6 then we try to get her to nap from 9 to 11. Sometimes she sleeps all of it, sometimes she doesn’t. I will usually nap for most of it if I do not have much on.

#MySicknessComesAndGoesAndIHaveOnlyBeenActuallySickTwoTimes

Hurrah. I don’t want it to get worse. It’s bad enough as it is.

#TwoOtherTimesIWentToBeSickButNothingCameUp

I was relieved. I didn’t like feeling sick, so I wanted to feel better but I didn’t want to actually be sick. I gagged a couple of times and felt better. Great.

#IHaveBeenEatingALotOfCheeseAndTomatoSandwiches

Toast. Butter. Cheddar. A couple of cherry tomatoes. It seems to be enough to take the sickness away and to leave me feeling happy.

#TheOtherNightIHadAReallyStrongCravingForRiceAndMangoChutney

I don’t really like rice so that was fun/weird.

#IFeelABitNervousAboutItAllButHopefullyEverythingWillBeOkay

Last night I was going from hot to cold lots. I probably had sat outside for too long on a not very warm day.

#IDoNotThinkThereWillEverBeAGoodTimeToHaveASecondKidSoWeWillJustHaveToDoOurBest

I do worry about it, but I would rather have a second one now than leave it a few years. All we can do is our best and I’m sure it’ll all be okay.

Feeling sick now.

And then I was sick 10 minutes later…

7 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait with a piece of tissue wrapped around my finger.
(Dragon Fruit &) Cut To Finger (7 and a half weeks)
 
#SoInMyUlteriorMonologueProjectThereIsAPictureOfMyHandsHoldingADragonFruitWithABloodyFinger
#TheReasonWhyUlteriorMonologueIsCalledThatIsBecauseIWroteHashtagsLikeThese
#ButIDidNotAlwaysWriteWhatIAlwaysReallyWantedToWrite
#IAmWritingTheseHashtagsAWhileAfterITookThePhoto
#ThereIsNoDragonfruitInThisPicture
#ButThereIsTheCutFinger
#AndIThinkInMyEarlyPregnancyIHadAccidentsWithKnivesACoupleOfTimes
#AndThisWasTheWorstTime
#SoInTheHashtagsThatAccompanyTheDragonfruitPictureIfIHadFeltAbleToTalkAboutMyPregnancyIWouldHaveTalkedAboutBeingMoreClumsyThanNormal
#IThinkItWasJustBecauseMyBrainWasElsewhere
#WhichItShouldNotBeWhenIAmHoldingASharpKnife
#ThinkingAboutBeingPregnantAndNotBeingAbleToBelieveItProbably
#SoIHadStartedThisProjectButIWasStillWorkingOnUlteriorMonologueAsIDidNotWantToStopPostingStuff
#ButIRealisedThatINeededToTalkAboutBeingPregnant
#SoUlteriorMonologueReachedANaturalEnd
#ButIBoughtSomeTimeOnInstagramByPostingArchivePictures
#WhichIHadThoughtAboutDoingForAWhileButItGaveMeTheTimeToDoItAsILetMyPregnancyProgress
#IThinkItAnnoyedALotOfPeopleByJustPostingArchiveStuff
#ButIHaveSoMuchWorkThatIForgetIHaveHalfTheTime
#SoItWasNiceToGoThroughItAll
#ButItTookALongTimeToDo
#WhichIsWhatIWantedButByTheEndIWasBeyondDoneWithIt

It’s weird seeing myself with such long hair.

This was just an odd addition to the project where I explained Ulterior Monologue a little bit, and about buying myself time on Instagram.

I have been doing ‘dumb stuff’ at times, but I think it’s from having a toddler and being tired. I still don’t like the term ‘baby brain’.

Self-portrait of my body with a small round plaster on my left arm and a scratch on my belly.
Failed Blood Tests (7 and a half-ish weeks)
 
#SoTheyTriedToTakeMyBloodAndFailed
#ProbablyBecauseItWas10amAndIHadNotEatenYet
#AsIHadBeenSickThatMorningAndItPutMeOff
#ItSeemsSoEarlyToBeTalkingAboutOptions
#WhereIWantToGiveBirthWhenItSeemsSoEarlyAndIDoNotKnowTheFullFacts
#TheMidwifeMentionedAHomeBirth
#ILikeTheIdeaOfItButImmediatelyIJustThoughtAboutTheNeighboursAndWhatTheyWouldThink
#LivingInAFlatWithNeighboursOnMostSidesAndUpAndDownDoesNotMakeItSoAppealing
#ButIDoNotHearMuchFromThem
#ApartFromOneNeighbourWhoCoughsLoudly
#AndOnceICouldHearOneVomitingThroughTheVents
#WhichIsWhatIWorriedThisMorningWhenIWasBeingSick
#TIsWorriedAboutTheRisksOfHomeBirth
#SoINeedToFindHimSomeInfo
#OtherPeopleHaveExpressedTheirDisapproval
#WhichUpsetsMe
#AsItIsSoEarlyAndItIsNotSetInStoneYet
#ButThatIsMyPersonalPreference
#AndIAmTheOneGivingBirth
#AndIWantToFeelAsRelaxedAndComfortableAsPossibleToDoTheJobThatPeopleHaveBeenDoingForThousandsOfYears
#AsICanNotBeBotheredWithBeingSuperStressedOut
#LikeISaidMyMainConcernIsTheNeighbours
#SoLetUsHopeForAShortLabourThatIsMidDayAndNotMidNight
#ButItMightNotHappen
#MaybeIWillGoToTheHospitalOrABirthingCentre
#ABirthingPoolIsAllIReallyWant
#AsIWillNotGetASummerHolidaySoICanPretendIAmInTheSeaWhichIsWhereIFeelMostAtPeace
#FingersCrossedThatAllGoesWellFromHere
#ItAllSeemsTooEarlyButTodayMadeThingsABitMoreReal
#IDoNotKnowHowIGotTheScratchOnMyBelly

I learned a lot from all the blood tests to know to eat and drink more this time, though due to Covid my first tests were delayed anyways. They didn’t even ask me where I wanted to give birth this time. I’m also less for a homebirth as we live with my Nan, but it would be easier with not having to worry about childcare for B etc.


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Tiago’s First Dad Injury (28th September 2020)

A cut on Tiago's back from scraping it on a chest of drawers
Tiago’s First Dad Injury (28th September 2020)
 
#WellThisHappenedAt4ThisMorning
#BWokeUpAt2ButIManagedToGetHerToSleepABitLonger
#At4WhenSheWokeUpAgainIGotHerUpAsIThoughtWhenIWakeHerAt7ItIsAGoodGapBetweenFeeds
#OfCourseWeSleptUntil8Thirty
#Whoops
#Anyways
#TiagoChangedBsNappyBeforeIWasGoingToFeedHer
#HeStoodUpAndScrapedHisBackUpASlightlyOpenDrawer
#HeMadeSomeKindOfPainedSound
#IMadeHimGetTheAntisepticCream
#IWasThinkingAboutAskingIfCouldPhotographItButIDidNotThinkItWouldMakeMuchOfAnInterestingPicture
#ButIFeelLikeALotOfTheseProjectPicturesAreNotThatInteresting
#Around9ThirtyThisEveningHeAskedMeToTakeAPictureOfTheCutOnHisPhoneSoHeCouldSeeIt
#ISaidICanTakeAQuoteProfessionalUnquotePictureOfItAndIWasSurprisedThatHeAgreedToIt
#HeSatOnASmallTableWhilstIPhotographedHimAndHeWasOnHisPhone
#InOtherClumsyNews
#TodayWeWentToARestaurantForTheFirstTimeInIGuessAFewWeeks
#WeEndedUpSittingOnHighStools
#WeHadHadToMakeAReservationAndThanksToMyWakingUpLateWeArrivedDuringBsAwakeTime
#SoWeTookItInTurnsToHoldHerAsWeAte
#SheSeemedToLikeLookingAtEveryoneAndEverythingSoIFeltLessBadForHerMissingOutOnMoreFunPlayTime
#IWasHoldingHerButIWantedToEatABitSoIDidAndIStartedToDaydreamTheWayIDoWhenIEat
#NextThingIKnowISeeHerHandGoingForTheBowlButIWasSlowToReactAndShePouredMisoSoupOnMeAndHer
#OfCourseMeAndTheFloorGotMostOfIt
#SheJustHadABitOfAWetSleeve
#ItWasColdAsICanNotHandleHotFoodSoIHadMovedItOutOfTheWayUntilItCooledDown
#YesterdaySheWentToTheBeachForTheFirstTimeAndSheFeltSand
#IDoNotKnowWhatSheThoughtOfItButItWasNiceToDoSomethingDifferentWhileTheWeatherWasGood
#WeWalkedInSomeWoodsTooAndSheJustSpentALotOfTimeStaringUpAtTheTrees
#IAmLookingForwardToGoingCampingWithHerOneDay

I didn’t bother writing a blog post on the day as I thought it had said everything that needed to be said.

I also planned to combine the image with our next family portrait, however I realised that it makes it annoying to post when I have two sets of hashtags so they are better off being separate.

Tiago’s cut is healing quite nicely now.

We haven’t gone to a restaurant since the miso incident – not because of that, but because of the pandemic.

For those not in the know, the Liverpool region (where we live) is now in tier 3 of a new 3-tier system. Tier 3 means very high alert and at the moment we are in the only area to have these restrictions

I’m sure it won’t be long until other areas join us, but this now means we can do even less than before. I have no interest in going to pubs or casinos, but we can no longer go to our swimming slot on Saturday.

It’s a shame as this was a nice family activity to do, and only three families are allowed in the pool area at once so it was pretty safe. I get it, but it’s annoying.

Anyways, I’ll keep this post short as we’re actually in the process of moving.

I’ll talk about this more in future posts, but in the last week we’ve decided to move to Birmingham to be closer to my/our family. We’ve given notice on our flat and we’re now in our last month, though we plan to be out of here as soon as possible.

Who knows how long this pandemic will go on for? I doubt things will improve much in Liverpool anytime soon, and we’re basically just paying a lot of money to feel stuck in our flat and away from family who are missing out on B growing up.

T mainly works from home these days and if he has to drive to up North here and there, then that’s better than being up North permanently.

It’s already starting to get quite cold up here, so it makes sense to go before winter really sets in and things feel even more miserable…

Liverpool, it’s been great to live in you. We never knew how long we were going to be here, and in the end it turned out to be less than 2 years. We’ve met some lovely people, ate some great food (Liverpool has really good restaurants), and had some nice walks.

Shame it had to end like this, but B will always be our little Scouser. I look forward to bringing her back when she’s older and showing her around the first place she lived.

Time to pack up the flat, and for new adventures!


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe Oh Me, Oh Pai

My First Attempt At Barbering (28th June 2020)

Before

My First Attempt At Barbering (28th June 2020)

#ItHasBeenOver3MonthsSinceLockdownStarted
#TiagoHadNotHadAHaircutSinceWayBeforeThat
#HeHadBeenAskingMeToCutHisHairBeforeBWasBorn
#ButIWasNotVeryConfident
#AndILikedHisHairLong
#AsWellAsHimHavingABeard
#IUnderstandHeNeedsItCutWithHisWorkAndHimWantingToLookSmartInMeetings
#TheOtherDayIAskedOnInstagramAboutTipsForCuttingHair
#IThenIBoughtClippersAndScissors
#ToriSentADiagramAndAVideoForMeToFollow
#ItWasGettingLateLastNightButItNeededToBeDone
#IWasNotFeelingConfidentAtAll
#SoIStartedOffShyAndAwkward
#ThenBeforeIKnewItIWasGettingReallyIntoIt
#IFoundItQuiteTherapeutic
#IThinkHeWantedItABitLonger
#ButIKeptAccidentallyCuttingBitsShorter
#IWasDaydreamingAtSomePointAndNotReallyPayingAttentionToWhatIWasDoing
#ItIsFunnyHowQuickIGoFromBeingScaredToNotReallyThinkingAboutIt
#TheWorstBitWasTheFrontAsIDidNotWantToMessItUp
#AfterwardsIClippedHisBeard
#AndHeWentAndHadAShowerAndShaved
#HeLooksLikeADifferentPerson
#WeWereLaughingAboutHowHeLooks12WithHisGlassesOn
#AndHeSaysHeLooksLikeMichaelGove
#IThinkIWillBeCuttingHisHairInFuture
#IAmAlsoTemptedToCutAllMineOffButIProbablyWillNot
#IFeelLikeIHaveChangedALotInTheLastFewWeeks
#AndMyOldHairCarriesOldBadEnergyThatIWantToGetRidOfButIAmTooScaredInCaseILookStupid
#ICanThinkOfManyTimesInMyLifeWhereChangeHasBroughtAHaircut

After

My First Attempt At Barbering (28th June 2020) II
My First Attempt At Barbering (28th June 2020) III

Well I cut Tiago’s hair on 28th June, even though hairdressers reopened on 4th July. We were being careful about going to places and I think Tiago was a bit wary of going somewhere to get his hair cut.

I felt inspired after mentioning in an Instagram story that he needed his hair cut, and receiving a few replies along the lines of ‘do it yourself’.

There is an hour between the before and after photos.

Tiago says why couldn’t I have taken an after photo without hair all over him, but it was nearly 11pm when I took them. I’m surprised we got through it without B waking up and I think I just wanted to tidy up and go to bed.

He asked me to crop the first after photo so his nipples wouldn’t be on show, so I cropped the before too to make them as similar in size as I could for a side by side comparison.

#AndILikedHisHairLong
#AsWellAsHimHavingABeard

His hair and beard were both getting too long though… I thought it would be really weird adjusting to his new look, but it felt pretty normal straight away.

Usually when he has his hair cut I don’t like it as it has that just cut look about it – you know too neat. I think because I didn’t know how to give it that proper just cut though I liked it straight away. I’m definitely not great at cutting hair, but it wasn’t bad for my first attempt!

#ItIsFunnyHowQuickIGoFromBeingScaredToNotReallyThinkingAboutIt

I’m always nervous before doing things for the first time. I feel like this applies to all areas of my life, but more recently with having a baby. Everything I did in hospital I’m very comfortable with, but things I hadn’t done – breastfeeding lying down, washing her, bathing her etc – I’m either still building my confidence with or haven’t mastered yet. Everyday I’m getting more confident with mothering though.

#WeWereLaughingAboutHowHeLooks12WithHisGlassesOn
#AndHeSaysHeLooksLikeMichaelGove

We did laugh for a long time…

#AndMyOldHairCarriesOldBadEnergyThatIWantToGetRidOfButIAmTooScaredInCaseILookStupid

The feeling about the bad energy has passed. I also remembered that I have had a cyst on my head for over a year. It doesn’t look like it is going anywhere and my hair hides it a bit at the moment, so I don’t think I’ll be cutting my hair off anytime soon. A tidy up would be good though.

I’ve been going to the same hairdressers on and off since I was a kid. I’d love to get a haircut and show them B, but I think if I go I will have to go alone because of restrictions. Plus the chances of her sleeping through the appointment would be small I think – she’s capable of it but with timings and random factors it’s never guaranteed.

I feel inspired to book an appointment though (thanks blogging) and maybe they can just see B outside from a 2m distance?


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

First Family Portrait Session (28th June 2020)

This is a short post with a couple of photos from our first family portrait session. I feel a bit bad that it took us 2 weeks after she was born to do it, but I’ve been meaning to do another one since and it’s already been 6 weeks.

First Family Portrait Session (28th June 2020)
 
#OurFirstFamilyPortraitSession
#IHaveWantedToDoItForAFewDaysButYesterdayWeWereFinallyReady
#AndTiagoWantedHisHairCutSoIWantedAPictureOfHimWithHairAndHisBeard
#WritingThisADayLaterAsIDidNotHaveTimeYesterdayOrRatherIWasBusyWithOtherThings
#IDidNotUseFlashAsIDidNotWantToScareOrHurtBThoughSheSleptThroughTheWholeThing
#IPutMeAndTiagoInOurMatchingTopsToReferencePicturesFromMyPregnancyProject
#ThoughLaterOnInTheDayWePutBInAStripeyOnesieAndIHadAStripeyDressOn
#SoWeNeedToDoAStripeyPictureAtSomePoint
#IBreastFedMoreYesterday
#IFeltMoreRelaxed
#HerLatchSeemedBetterThoughInTheNightItWasNotAndNowMyNipplesAreSoSore
#AllSheDoesIsEatSleepAndGoToTheToiletWithPlaytimeIfAndWhenSheIsAlert
#TheDaysSeemSoLongInAGoodWay
#ThoughTheLastTwoNightsWeHaveGoneToBedTooLate
#LastNightSheHadBadWindAndWasAwakeMostOfTheNight
#WeNeedToStartHavingANapAt8PMAgain
#WeHaveSomehowManagedToMisplaceOneOfOurFabricWrapsForCarryingHerIn
#ItHasToBeInTheFlatButWhoKnowsWhereItIs
#IKeepLosingMyPhoneToo
#IDoNotWantToSayItIsBabyBrainAsIFindThatTermSoRude
#IThinkItIsJustACaseOfConstantlyMovingAboutAndHavingToGoFetchThings
#IStillUseMyPhoneButIFaffOnItALotLess
#IReadTheNewsForAbout10MinutesYesterdayWhichIsMoreThanIHaveInAWhile
#IDoNotWantToJustBeInABabyBubbleButItIsKindOfNice
#IAmDefinitelyFeelingALotBetterAboutParentingNowThatIAmHavingNaps
#NotSleepingForTwoWeeksReallyMessedMeUp
#IWouldJustGetSoTiredAndThenHaveAMeltdown
#ItIsGoodIHaveThisProjectNowAsICanNotBeBotheredToWriteInMyNormalDiaryInAsMuchDetailAboutLifeAnymore
#IOrderedOneOfThose5YearDiariesWhereYouWriteAFewLinesEachDayThisMorning
#ThatSeemsMoreManageable
 
First Family Portrait Session (28th June 2020) II

I tried putting different things over B’s face. A blue box seemed a bit too boring, so I tried drawing on them. Originally I drew a lot of flowers, but it looked a bit too much. I still want to keep experimenting with what to put over her face though, so these might not be the final photos.

But here is the first photo of us as a family – not long after she was born – with a boring white box over her face:

First Picture Of All Of Us

Some comments relating to the hashtags:

#ThoughTheLastTwoNightsWeHaveGoneToBedTooLate
#LastNightSheHadBadWindAndWasAwakeMostOfTheNight
#WeNeedToStartHavingANapAt8PMAgain

We are still going to bed too late… Tiago will often say ‘okay let’s go to bed soon’. I’ll try to settle B, T will fall asleep waiting and I’m up until 1. Last night I think we managed to go to bed at 11pm though. We need to work on making the room a lot darker a lot earlier as think this might help. Sometimes if we’re not ready to sleep we don’t push things though. I’d rather feed her a little more in hope that she’ll then let me sleep longer.

#WeHaveSomehowManagedToMisplaceOneOfOurFabricWrapsForCarryingHerIn
#ItHasToBeInTheFlatButWhoKnowsWhereItIs

I know you’re desperate to know if we found it. Yes we did. It was behind the pillows on the bed…

#IKeepLosingMyPhoneToo
#IDoNotWantToSayItIsBabyBrainAsIFindThatTermSoRude
#IThinkItIsJustACaseOfConstantlyMovingAboutAndHavingToGoFetchThings

I’m losing my phone a lot less now (or maybe I like to think that). I still don’t like the term ‘baby brain’. I think ‘tired brain’ is more accurate.

#IStillUseMyPhoneButIFaffOnItALotLess
#IReadTheNewsForAbout10MinutesYesterdayWhichIsMoreThanIHaveInAWhile
#IDoNotWantToJustBeInABabyBubbleButItIsKindOfNice

Now I’m back to trying to use it less and read more instead of faffing.

I finished reading a book yesterday, which I started after she was born – The Son and Heir: A Memoir by Alexander Münninghoff.

#IAmDefinitelyFeelingALotBetterAboutParentingNowThatIAmHavingNaps
#NotSleepingForTwoWeeksReallyMessedMeUp
#IWouldJustGetSoTiredAndThenHaveAMeltdown

I still need to learn to rest more. With the blog I need to learn to be more efficient, especially if I want to catch up and post my project in real-ish time. Sometimes I feel like I need to explain/share a lot though – like with yesterday’s post about feeding.

Some days I plan to do a lot of work, but I end up faffing and I don’t completely relax either. So, I’m trying to get better with planning my time – working well when B is asleep or T is looking after her, and then having better quality time with B when she’s awake. I’ve already failed with the planning as I haven’t allocated time for relaxing/resting when B is asleep too.

I was guilty of not having a good life balance before having a baby, so now it is more important than ever. She has already grown so much and time is flying by…


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Pai

Tiago’s First British Father’s Day

This morning’s big idea (whilst listening to Keycard by Sebastian Maschat & Erlend Øye with Clara Cebrián for the 100th time) was to create a new category called Oh Me, Oh Pai.

I think it makes sense for Tiago (Pai – which means Dad and rhymes with pie) to have his own category/project, though I guess it will grow a lot slower.

I just told him that I’ve done it and asked him to guess the name. He said Oh Me, Oh Mãe. I said ‘No, Oh Me, Oh…’ and pointed at him.

Tiago: Dad…. T…..

Me: Pai

T: I was nearly there…

(Oh Me, Oh T would have also worked to be fair – maybe that’s a future project or a name for the pictures I’ve taken of us together in the past. Thanks for the inspiration Tiago.)

Anyways…

Tiago’s First British Father’s Day

#FathersDayInTheUKWasOnThe21stJuneIn2020 #ITookThisPhotoThenAsIKnewIWantedToDocumentTheOccasion #FathersDayInPortugalIsOn19thMarchEveryYear #TiagoDoesNotReallyCareMuchAboutTheDay #ThoughMaybeHeWillOnceBGetsOlderAndCanUnderstandWhatItIsAbout #IDoNotLikeTheCommercialSideOfItButIThinkItWillBeANiceTimeToSayThanksToTiagoInTheFuture #AnywaysItIsNow31stJulyAsIHaveNotWantedToBotherTiagoAboutWritingHashtags #AndIKnowHimBeingInterviewedByMeIsNotHisFavouriteThing #ButThisMorningIAskedHimQuestionsWhilstHeBoiledSomeEggs
#HeSaid
#IFeelGoodBeingAFather
#ItFeelsNaturalYouKnowIFeelHappy
#IFeelWholesomeDoesThatExist
#MyLifeCameFullCircle
#TheBabyMadeMeAnEmotionalHuman
#NowMyHeartIsExposedToTheElements
#BeforeIWasPragmaticAndRationalAndNowIAmMoreEmotional #MyEmotionsComeUpQuickerAndIReactFaster
#IShowedHimThePicture
#HeSaidShitttThatsCoolSendItToMe
#HeAskedToSeeItAgainAndSaidHeMissesLittleB
#SheHasGrownSoFastAlready
#ThePictureIsARepresentationOfAWonderfulTimeWeHad #HeThenMadeTheseLittleWeirdSoundsThatWeMakeWhenWeFindThingsCute #TheNoiseIsSomeKindOfMixOfADogAndAWolfIThink #InTheFirstWeekOfBeingHomeIKeptTellingTiagoHeWasChangingHerNappiesWrong #HeGotUpsetAsHeHadNotBeenShownInHospitalLikeIHad #IThenGotUpsetAsIHadUpsetHimAndWeCriedTogether
#HeSaysHeWasFeelingHormonalAndSensitive
#HeIsSuchAGoodDadAndThisMorningBSmiledWidelyAtHim

So this is ‘Tiago’s First British Father’s Day’. It could have just been called ‘Tiago’s First Father’s Day’, but like the hashtags say Portugal has Father’s Day on 19th March every year and I guess I’ll document that day too.

I like how they have it on the same day every year (though I find it odd seeing that it will be on a Friday next year) as I never know when Mother’s and Father’s Day in the UK is. Mother’s Day in Portugal looks like it is the first Sunday in May, so it doesn’t have a fixed date? Interesting.

(Just went to put Portuguese Father’s Day in my calendar and noticed it’s the same date that we got engaged. Well, we were just sitting in bed the morning after going to a party where someone said they thought we’d get married next, and we said shall we get married? I think that’s pretty much all there is to the story…)

I haven’t included any outtakes as the other pictures from the shoot look pretty similar. From now on I’ll probably only share outtakes that I REALLY like. I feel like I’ve been sharing some that aren’t worthy and it takes time sorting through them.

I chose the photo where B’s face is really in focus, but I don’t want to put her face on the internet. I’ve probably talked about it before (I know I have in the hashtags of a pregnancy photo), but so much about me and my life is on the internet that I don’t want her face or name has to be on it. She deserves some privacy as she can not consent, though I guess me talking about her and her being in my dance videos is a bit debatable. (In the videos she is in a carrier facing me.)

I’ve put a blue dot over her face for now, though I’d like to experiment with other ways to hide her face. I was thinking about reworking this photo at some point, but perhaps the dot will stay. I quite like it as she is so small in the photo anyways and I took the blue from the bean bag. That bean bag has come in quite useful for feeding her on, but it’s just difficult to get up from afterwards…

I feel like there’s not much more to comment on with the hashtags as they’re mainly by Tiago. I am hoping at some point he will write a post about fatherhood. Him crying because I broke his confidence was a low moment in the early days. I still feel bad about it. I’d been in hospital for 4 nights and I was nervous about changing nappies, but I came home fairly confident about it. I showed him a couple of times and then just kept correcting him… We were both quite tired.

I talked to him about the hashtags the night before I wrote them and he was being very poetic. I wish I had wrote them down. Something about a tsunami of something (to do with emotions).

He is a really good Pai though. I saw a guy with a kid on his shoulders yesterday who were having a great time. I can’t wait to see Tiago and B interacting like that.

I asked Tiago if he wants to add anything else. He just said that it’s a good picture. I’m not so sure about the right side of the photo, but that’s what I got for not using flash as I wanted to protect B’s eyes, which is way more important.

As you can’t see, I thought I should say she is asleep in the picture. Just like she is now on Tiago’s legs (or now on my lap as I am checking it over one last time before posting).

Happy belated Father’s Day to T and all the other Dads and father figures out there!


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Hi!

Me (and B) at my first solo show in February 2020 at Vasli Souza in Oslo, Norway.

Hi, I’m Jocelyn. I’m an artist who mainly works with photography, video, performance and dance.

Me in Liverpool Women’s Hospital at the end of a 4 night stay with B.

I decided to set up this blog in June 2020 after giving birth to my daughter, my first child who I will refer to as B. I do not plan to show her face.

Young Jocelyn Freya.

Jockey Greys is a suggested autocorrection of Jocelyn Freya – my first two names – that I remembered whilst trying to think of a name for the blog.

29 weeks pregnant in a photo from my pregnancy project Waiting For Things In A Time When You Rarely Wait For Things.

It’s early days, but I plan to post my work (I documented my pregnancy and am making a new series about motherhood), and to share my experiences as a new mother, as well as talk about anything and everything else that interests me.

On our wedding day in 2018 at our local registry office.

My husband, Tiago, also plans to contribute from time to time, with thoughts on fatherhood, recipes and whatever else he feels like sharing.

Tiago moved to London for 3 months in 2008 after finishing his degree in Audiology in Coimbra, Portugal, and decided to stay in the UK.

I relocated to London in 2010 after finishing my BA in Photographic Art in Newport, Wales.

We met in 2015 (via Tinder), and moved to Liverpool in late-2018. Our plan is to eventually move to the Azores and the island where Tiago grew up, which was when I intially planned to start a blog.

Now to get blogging…

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