Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe II

First Family Portrait As A Family Of Four (25th / 27th February 2022)

Family portrait where T is sat on the floor cradling L, I am kneeling on the floor with B on my lap. B is kissing L's head.
First Family Portrait As A Family Of Four (25th / 27th February 2022)
 
#IAmWritingThisOnThe25thWithTheHopeThatWeWillDoAFamilyPortraitOverTheWeekend
#ICanNotBelieveThatLIsTwoWeeksOldAlreadyThoughItAlsoSeemsLikeSheIsALotOlder
#SheIsSoAlertAndIDefinitelyFeelALotMoreRelaxedWithHerThanIWasWithBAtThisPoint
#ThoughIAmStillYetToBatheHerByMyselfAndSheHasALotOfMilkSpotsAndDrySkin
#IFeelBetterThoughAsBreastfeedingIsGoingSoWellAndSoIDoNotHaveToFaffSoMuchThisTime
#WeHadToTakeHerOutToAnAppointmentToGetWeighedAndSheHadOnlyPutOn20gSoWeHadToGoBackTwoDaysLater
#ThatTimeSheHadPutOn60gAndWasOverHerBirthWeightSoWeHaveBothBeenDischarged
#AtThisPointBabiesAreSoSmallThatTheWeightDifferenceMightBeLargelyDownToWhetherOrNotTheyHaveBeenToTheToiletRecentlyThoughIThink
#IWasWorriedThatMaybeMyMilkWasNotGoodEnoughAndWeWouldHaveToSupplementSoItWasARelief
#BreastfeedingLHasMadeMeRealiseHowMuchGuiltIHaveOverFeedingB
#IThinkAsIStruggledSoMuchInTheBeginningItJustMadeMeWantToPumpAndIAskedTiagoToFeedHerALot
#ThisMeantIWasQuiteDistantFromBAndWhenIDidTryIHatedHowSoreMyNipplesWere
#IJustReallyDidNotEnjoyMyBreastfeedingExperienceWithHerThoughIWasSadWhenItEndedEarlierThanIHopedItWould
#ThenIFeltLikeIWasRemindedAboutMyQuoteFailureUnquoteConstantlyOnSocialMedia
#OfCourseIKnowThatWritingLikeThisMightMakeOthersFeelBadAndEvenSayingThatBreastfeedingIsGoingBetterThisTimeMightBeHardForOthersToHear
#LHasPositionalTalipesSoIAmHavingToMassageTheInsidesOfHerFeet
#TheLastCoupleOfDaysIHaveManagedToTakeThemOutByMyselfWhichHasGreatlyImprovedMyMood
#WeBoughtAPushchairThatCouldExpandToHoldTwoKidsNotKnowingIfWeWouldHaveTwoKidsButObviouslyHopingSo
#ItIsABitOfATankToPushButBSeemsToLikeHerNewSeatAndIsOkayAtBeingPutInItRatherThanRunningAround
#TheMoreTiredIAmAndMoreStuckAtHomeIFeelTheMoreEmotionalIAmSoIAmTryingToHelpMyselfBeTheBestVersionOfMyself
#IHadAGoodCryWhenTiagoWentBackToWorkAndIWasTryingToFigureOutHowToLookAfterBothOfThemByMyselfAsNapTimeApproached
#IFeelLikeINeedToNotOverDoThingsThoughAsOtherwiseIGetQuiteAchyAndINeedToNotDoSomeHeavyLiftingForAWhile
#ThatIsHardAsBFeelsReallyHeavyToMeNowButINeedToLimitHowOftenIPickHerUp
#LuckilySheIsMoreOfADaddysGirlAndDoesNotMindMeHoldingLAllTheTime
#UnfortunatelyItIsToughForTiagoWhenHeWantsToHoldLForABitAsBThenWantsToBeHeldToo
#SheDoesSoonSeemToGetOverItButWeJustNeedToKeepAnEyeOnBothOfThem
#BIsInAThrowingStageStillAndThrewMyShoeAtLWhichIsNotGood
#ICanUnderstandThatSheMustBeGettingSoFrustratedAtNotBeingAbleToExpressHerselfProperly
#IAmGoingToSignLUpForAClassToGoToWhileBIsAtNurseryJustToGetOutOfTheHouse
#CovidRulesAreLessStrictOrPrettyMuchNonExistentButIStillFeelCautious

#IAmWritingThisOnThe25thWithTheHopeThatWeWillDoAFamilyPortraitOverTheWeekend

I think it will be chaotic, but it will be nice to have a record of our early days together. (Well, we managed it a couple of days later. I was dreading it all day, but it actually went quite well. Phew!)

#ICanNotBelieveThatLIsTwoWeeksOldAlreadyThoughItAlsoSeemsLikeSheIsALotOlder

I went from feeling so unprepared to just getting on with it.

#SheIsSoAlertAndIDefinitelyFeelALotMoreRelaxedWithHerThanIWasWithBAtThisPoint

I guess I knew how to look after a newborn, but it does feel like a long time since B was so small (and she was smaller as she was 6 pounds 4 when born and L was 9 pounds 9).

#ThoughIAmStillYetToBatheHerByMyselfAndSheHasALotOfMilkSpotsAndDrySkin

At least her neck is stronger, but I do not enjoy the early days of cleaning and changing – she feels so fragile.

#IFeelBetterThoughAsBreastfeedingIsGoingSoWellAndSoIDoNotHaveToFaffSoMuchThisTime

I’ve pumped (well more massaged) a couple of times, though not in a week, but I hope I will not have to do much of it. I just get worried about getting mastitis, but now I know that if she does not have it all now she might have it at the next feed.

#WeHadToTakeHerOutToAnAppointmentToGetWeighedAndSheHadOnlyPutOn20gSoWeHadToGoBackTwoDaysLater

Getting a newborn ready for appointments is a stress. Luckily B had nursery during the appointments.

#ThatTimeSheHadPutOn60gAndWasOverHerBirthWeightSoWeHaveBothBeenDischarged

Hurrah.

#AtThisPointBabiesAreSoSmallThatTheWeightDifferenceMightBeLargelyDownToWhetherOrNotTheyHaveBeenToTheToiletRecentlyThoughIThink

The second time we were late as she was hungry and I thought it might make the difference between her being over or under. We arrived and they were running late anyways, so had to wait for a while. Tiago just waited in the car and worked both times.

#IWasWorriedThatMaybeMyMilkWasNotGoodEnoughAndWeWouldHaveToSupplementSoItWasARelief

I think she just burns it off quickly as she is so alert and often does not sleep for two hours.

#BreastfeedingLHasMadeMeRealiseHowMuchGuiltIHaveOverFeedingB #IThinkAsIStruggledSoMuchInTheBeginningItJustMadeMeWantToPumpAndIAskedTiagoToFeedHerALot #ThisMeantIWasQuiteDistantFromBAndWhenIDidTryIHatedHowSoreMyNipplesWere #IJustReallyDidNotEnjoyMyBreastfeedingExperienceWithHerThoughIWasSadWhenItEndedEarlierThanIHopedItWould

I think I purposely made myself distant from B as I felt so bad about breastfeeding. I was also not letting Tiago get the sleep he needed, so I think it is much better this time around.

#ThenIFeltLikeIWasRemindedAboutMyQuoteFailureUnquoteConstantlyOnSocialMedia

I follow a lot of mothering/parenting accounts and so I felt like I was just constantly reminded of what a rubbish job I was doing.

My nipples have been sore this time, but as I could not feed her with nipple shields I just had to persevere and it’s alright. I still need to correct her latch at times.

#OfCourseIKnowThatWritingLikeThisMightMakeOthersFeelBadAndEvenSayingThatBreastfeedingIsGoingBetterThisTimeMightBeHardForOthersToHear

This post isn’t to make others feel bad, I just want to say how I feel and how I felt.

#LHasPositionalTalipesSoIAmHavingToMassageTheInsidesOfHerFeet

B had some form of talipes – I just searched on my blog and she also had positional talipes, though I never got told to do the massage with her. B had to wear double nappies for a bit due to clicky hips.

#TheLastCoupleOfDaysIHaveManagedToTakeThemOutByMyselfWhichHasGreatlyImprovedMyMood

Feeling like I’m not just stuck in the house makes a big difference – and preparing to leave the house takes up a lot of time which helps to pass time.

#WeBoughtAPushchairThatCouldExpandToHoldTwoKidsNotKnowingIfWeWouldHaveTwoKidsButObviouslyHopingSo

So it’s worked out well.

#ItIsABitOfATankToPushButBSeemsToLikeHerNewSeatAndIsOkayAtBeingPutInItRatherThanRunningAround

Before I’d let her walk a bit or walk all the way to the playground. Maybe I will again at some point but for now it is better if she sits in her seat. This seat is better as she can not wriggle down and escape like she could in her old one – where she used to sit is now the bassinet with L.

#TheMoreTiredIAmAndMoreStuckAtHomeIFeelTheMoreEmotionalIAmSoIAmTryingToHelpMyselfBeTheBestVersionOfMyself

I think I will have a lie down after this if L isn’t awake by then.

#IHadAGoodCryWhenTiagoWentBackToWorkAndIWasTryingToFigureOutHowToLookAfterBothOfThemByMyselfAsNapTimeApproached

My Mum had gone home and I suddenly felt overwhelmed. I felt better after the nap. The next time I let B eat lunch in the living room instead and it was a lot more relaxed.

#IFeelLikeINeedToNotOverDoThingsThoughAsOtherwiseIGetQuiteAchyAndINeedToNotDoSomeHeavyLiftingForAWhile

My body went through a lot carrying and pushing out a 9 pounds 9 baby so I definitely need to be kinder to myself.

#ThatIsHardAsBFeelsReallyHeavyToMeNowButINeedToLimitHowOftenIPickHerUp

Yesterday I picked her up a lot and then made dinner (enchiladas that I slaved over for ages and were quite disappointing). I need to make quicker meals and sit down more…

#LuckilySheIsMoreOfADaddysGirlAndDoesNotMindMeHoldingLAllTheTime

Phew – must be hard for people whose oldest is the opposite.

#UnfortunatelyItIsToughForTiagoWhenHeWantsToHoldLForABitAsBThenWantsToBeHeldToo

🙁

#SheDoesSoonSeemToGetOverItButWeJustNeedToKeepAnEyeOnBothOfThem

After a walk I will leave L in her bassinet to finish her nap and it seems like a safe place to leave her while I try to make dinner.

#BIsInAThrowingStageStillAndThrewMyShoeAtLWhichIsNotGood

She brought my shoes to me (without me asking) before we went for a walk. I thought she might throw one so I took it off her, turned around to do up the baby carrier and turned back to see my other shoe bouncing and L started to cry…

#ICanUnderstandThatSheMustBeGettingSoFrustratedAtNotBeingAbleToExpressHerselfProperly

Terrible twos are coming. I don’t think she’s terrible and I think she’s a good kid, but yeah the frustrations of not being able to communicate as you would like must be hard.

#IAmGoingToSignLUpForAClassToGoToWhileBIsAtNurseryJustToGetOutOfTheHouse

At this point the class is definitely more for me than for her. I’m sure she won’t mind.

#CovidRulesAreLessStrictOrPrettyMuchNonExistentButIStillFeelCautious

Luckily the teacher of the class I want to do still seems to want to keep precautions in place. Phew.


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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Thirteenth Family Portrait (35 Weeks / 2nd January 2022)

Family portrait. Tiago and I are looking up at B who is on Tiago's shoulders. A box, the same colour as the wall, is over her face to hide her features.
Thirteenth Family Portrait (35 Weeks / 2nd January 2022)
 
#Hello2022AndHelloToBsThirdYearOnEarth
#ItMakesHerSoundSoOldWhenSheIsNotEven19MonthsYet
#WeHadAVeryQuietNewYearsEveWhereWeJustWatchedACoupleOfEpisodesOfQueerEyeThenWentToSleepAt11
#AtMidnightIWokeUpToALotOfLightAndNoiseAsEveryoneAroundUsSeemedToHaveFireworks
#IThoughtItWas3InTheMorningAndWasReallyConfusedAsToWhatWasHappeningAtFirst
#TiagoBarelyMovedAndBDidWakeUpBrieflyButLuckilyNotForTooLong
#HerSleepingHasBeenGettingWorseAndIThinkSheMustBeGoingThroughARegression
#IHaveMadeTheLightOnHerRoomThermometerABitStrongerInCaseItHelps
#SheJustSeemsToBeFullOfColdAndTeethingALotWhichProbablyDoesNotHelp
#TheOtherDayWhenWeWereAllLeavingThePlaygroundTiagoAndISanitisedOurHandsAndBCopiedWhichMadeMeLaugh
#WeAreStartingToDigOutBabyStuffAndBHadABriefPhaseOfEnjoyingSittingInHerBouncerAgain
#IAmGettingAnnoyedThoughAsWeReallyCanNotFindWhereWePutAllHer0To3MonthBabyClothes
#WeHaveLookedMultipleTimesAndYesterdayWeWentThroughThingsPrettyThoroughlyButNoLuck
#WhenWeMovedBHadOutgrownThemSoTheyMustJustBeInASmallBagSomewhere
#IWantToGetThemAllWashedSoICanPackMyHospitalBagButReallyIJustNeedToPackMyBagAndKeepLooking
#OtherwiseWeNeedToGetSomeClothesAsSoonAsPossibleAsTimeIsQuicklyPassingBy
#INeedToRereadTheHypnobirthingBookAndTiagoNeedsToReadItToo
#WeHaveAFewThingsThatWeNeedToGetThisWeekLikeASterilisingMachineAsWeBorrowedOneLastTime
#IAlsoNeedToHireATENSMachineSoonAsLastTimeIThoughtIWasBeingOrganisedAndItCameADayBeforeINeededToUseItAsBCameSoEarly
#TiagoAndIAreTryingToMakeAnEffortToSpendABitOfTimeTogetherBeforeWeGoToSleepAsUsuallyWeAreOffDoingOurOwnThing
#IAmTryingToFaffLessAndUseSocialMediaLessAndReadTheNewsLessAsIDoNotNeedToReadIt10TimesADay
#ItHasBeenNiceToTalkABitMoreBeforeGoingToBedAsOnceBabyXArrivesIKnowWeWillHaveLessUsTimeForAWhile
#MyMainHopesForThisYearIsThatBabyXIsBornHealthyAndThatTheBirthGoesWell
#IHopeThatBAdaptsWellToHavingASiblingAndThatTheyGetOnWell
#IAlsoHopeThatWeCanMoveOutOfMyNansHouseAndIntoOurPotentialForeverHome
#NextMonthItWillHaveBeen7YearsSinceTiagoAndIMetAndWeHaveLivedIn3DifferentCitiesTogether
#OurPlansAreSlowlyMovingForwardAndWeWantToMoveOutInTheSummer
#SoOnceBabyXIsBornTheCountdownWillSwitchFromTheBirthToMovingOutAndGettingOrganisedForThat
#ItWillBeABigMoveButIThinkAllTheWaitingWillBeWorthItInTheEnd
#ThanksToMyNanForPuttingUpWithUsForOverAYearAlready

#Hello2022AndHelloToBsThirdYearOnEarth

2021 dragged at times, but it also feels like it went quite fast.

#ItMakesHerSoundSoOldWhenSheIsNotEven19MonthsYet

It is weird how things work. Yesterday I was thinking about how I am 22 times older than B.

#WeHadAVeryQuietNewYearsEveWhereWeJustWatchedACoupleOfEpisodesOfQueerEyeThenWentToSleepAt11

New series. Great. We had forgotten that it was New Year’s Eve, so we agreed to both be in bed by 9 to hang out.

#AtMidnightIWokeUpToALotOfLightAndNoiseAsEveryoneAroundUsSeemedToHaveFireworks

I guess it was a safer option for a lot of people to meet up, rather than be indoors.

#IThoughtItWas3InTheMorningAndWasReallyConfusedAsToWhatWasHappeningAtFirst

It really startled me.

#TiagoBarelyMovedAndBDidWakeUpBrieflyButLuckilyNotForTooLong

When I woke up I was so shocked I said ‘Tiago!’, but he just said ‘what?’ and rolled over. I had turned B’s machine up.

#HerSleepingHasBeenGettingWorseAndIThinkSheMustBeGoingThroughARegression

I looked up 18 month sleep regression and a lot of boxes were checked.

#IHaveMadeTheLightOnHerRoomThermometerABitStrongerInCaseItHelps

I had put it on the lowest setting, but it didn’t seem high enough.

#SheJustSeemsToBeFullOfColdAndTeethingALotWhichProbablyDoesNotHelp

We are constantly cleaning her eyes, wiping her nose, wiping away dribble etc.

#TheOtherDayWhenWeWereAllLeavingThePlaygroundTiagoAndISanitisedOurHandsAndBCopiedWhichMadeMeLaugh

She did it a couple of days in a row, and then stopped. We wash her hands when she gets home. Sometimes I use sanitiser, but I worry it is too strong for her.

#WeAreStartingToDigOutBabyStuffAndBHadABriefPhaseOfEnjoyingSittingInHerBouncerAgain

She tried to sit in the baby bath, so I thought I should get the bouncer out for her, then I was worried that she liked it too much that she would be trying to sit on the baby…

#IAmGettingAnnoyedThoughAsWeReallyCanNotFindWhereWePutAllHer0To3MonthBabyClothes

It is stressing me out.

#WeHaveLookedMultipleTimesAndYesterdayWeWentThroughThingsPrettyThoroughlyButNoLuck

I was sure I had put them in a cupboard in our bedroom, but nope. There is a shoulder bag of mine that I have not seen in the couple of weeks that I have been searching, so I am wondering if they are in there, but I kind of doubt it. Thinking about it there is another bag of mine that I haven’t seen either… Hmm. The shoulder bag is probably just full of my bags…

#WhenWeMovedBHadOutgrownThemSoTheyMustJustBeInASmallBagSomewhere

It’s so annoying. I want to find them ASAP.

#IWantToGetThemAllWashedSoICanPackMyHospitalBagButReallyIJustNeedToPackMyBagAndKeepLooking

I might pack my bag later or tomorrow.

#OtherwiseWeNeedToGetSomeClothesAsSoonAsPossibleAsTimeIsQuicklyPassingBy

We have a couple of new sleepsuits that we got as B’s are a bit overwashed and worn as she lived in them, so we need to get a couple more and some vests really. That’s it. I’ve found some cardigans and hats.

#INeedToRereadTheHypnobirthingBookAndTiagoNeedsToReadItToo

I’m enjoying reading a book about the Carpenters at the moment. It’s just a short read, then I will reread the book. To be fair I wrote down the main points in an email to myself and it’s enough really, but I feel like I’d feel calmer if I reread the book.

#WeHaveAFewThingsThatWeNeedToGetThisWeekLikeASterilisingMachineAsWeBorrowedOneLastTime

I don’t want to pump as much as I did last time, but it’s good to be organised. I wasn’t planning to pump at all last time, but we got given a pump and a friend lent us the steriliser so we were all set up for it when we got home from hospital.

#IAlsoNeedToHireATENSMachineSoonAsLastTimeIThoughtIWasBeingOrganisedAndItCameADayBeforeINeededToUseItAsBCameSoEarly

I have put a reminder in my calendar. I think you can keep them for 6 weeks or so, so I’ll just order it next week.

#TiagoAndIAreTryingToMakeAnEffortToSpendABitOfTimeTogetherBeforeWeGoToSleepAsUsuallyWeAreOffDoingOurOwnThing

B goes to bed and we’re like ‘freedom to do what we want’, which is me usually sitting at my computer doing some work, then stretching, and T is usually just having some time to himself and doing bits of work. I guess us not having our own place has made it this way too.

#IAmTryingToFaffLessAndUseSocialMediaLessAndReadTheNewsLessAsIDoNotNeedToReadIt10TimesADay

Less, less, less. I definitely feel better for it.

#ItHasBeenNiceToTalkABitMoreBeforeGoingToBedAsOnceBabyXArrivesIKnowWeWillHaveLessUsTimeForAWhile

We know how important it is to keep our bond strong (cheesy, but true), so that we can navigate the potentially difficult journey ahead (cliche) a bit easier.

#MyMainHopesForThisYearIsThatBabyXIsBornHealthyAndThatTheBirthGoesWell

Fingers crossed.

#IHopeThatBAdaptsWellToHavingASiblingAndThatTheyGetOnWell

Again, fingers crossed.

#IAlsoHopeThatWeCanMoveOutOfMyNansHouseAndIntoOurPotentialForeverHome

Potential forever home, as if we don’t like it then obviously we can move again, but I hope that it all works out.

#NextMonthItWillHaveBeen7YearsSinceTiagoAndIMetAndWeHaveLivedIn3DifferentCitiesTogether

3 and a half years in London in 2 different places a brief stay at my Nan’s while finding a place to live in Liverpool (lots of trips up and down to view places and work etc.), 2 years in Liverpool, then to Birmingham to live with my Nan (we weren’t sure how long we would live with her and had planned to find somewhere of our own to rent in Brum, but it’s too late now).

#OurPlansAreSlowlyMovingForwardAndWeWantToMoveOutInTheSummer

We shall see. We are starting to get a bit excited though.

#SoOnceBabyXIsBornTheCountdownWillSwitchFromTheBirthToMovingOutAndGettingOrganisedForThat

I’m not looking forward to going through all our stuff and really cutting down on things, but there is a lot of stuff that we haven’t touched since moving.

#ItWillBeABigMoveButIThinkAllTheWaitingWillBeWorthItInTheEnd

There has been a lot of waiting, and though it has been frustrating I think the timing is better.

#ThanksToMyNanForPuttingUpWithUsForOverAYearAlready

It’s been nice to see my Nan everyday and not worry about her, though it has been frustrating at times – which says more about me than her. It’s been good for her though, and it’s been good for B too. It’s been nice for my family to see more of B than they would have if we had stayed in Liverpool – especially due to Covid.

35 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait which is shot from below my bump. My eyes are looking out over the top of my bump and my elbows are in the air.
Our World Will Soon Change In One Way Or Another (35 and a half weeks)
 
#IFeelLikeIHaveNotWrittenMuchInMyActualDiaryAboutBeingPregnant
#MaybeBecauseIAmDoingThisProject
#SoLastNightIMadeMyselfWriteAboutHowIAmFeelingAboutImminentMotherhood
#AndIGotABitEmotional
#IAmStillNervousAsEvenThoughIHaveBeenGrowingThisBabyForSoLong
#ItDoesNotMeanWeWillHaveABabyInLessThan2MonthsTime
#ObviouslyIHopeWeDoButThereIsAlwaysAPossibilityThatWeWillNot
#SomeMightSayThatThinkingThatWayDoesYouNoGood
#ButIThinkItIsGoodToBeRealistic
#ThoughIDoNotNowHowIWouldReactIfThingsWentBadly
#ButTiagoSaysWeWillDealWithWhateverComesOurWay
#IAmAlsoNervousForIfWeDoHaveABabyAndIAmARubbishMother
#ObviouslyIWillDoMyBest
#AndIThinkNoMatterHowYouRaiseYourChildrenThingsWillNeverBePerfect
#ThoughIDoNotBelieveInPerfectButItIsTheEasiestWordToUse
#LuckilyWithLockdownItWillTakeSomePressureOffMeIThink
#ObviouslyThereIsAlwaysPressureForTheFatherTooButIThinkTheMotherGetsBurdenedWithALotOfIt
#PeopleSaveMoreJudgementForTheMother
#AndIWillBeThePrimaryCaregiver
#IThinkTiagoWillBeAGoodFatherThough
#IThinkHeHasMorePatienceAndIsABetterTeacherThanMe
#IHopeToWorkOnThoseAspectsOfMyselfThoughAlongWithManyOtherThings
#AndIWantToBeTheBestMotherThatICanPossiblyBe
#WhilstRetainingMyOwnIdentityAtLeastToSomeExtent
#IWillHopefullyBeAMotherButAlsoStillMuchMoreThanThat
#ThatWillBeJustOneOfMyLifeRoles
#MeAndTiagoAreAFamilyButThisWillBeADifferentKindOfFamily
#ILookForwardToLazyDaysInBedOrOnGrassLyingSideBySideBySide
#WritingTheseHashtagsAreMakingMeEmotional
#OurWorldWillSoonChangeInOneWayOrAnotherAndItIsExcitingButAlsoABitScary

This is from a diptych, but the second image is quite booby.

I feel the same as I did when I wrote these hashtags – I am still quite nervous that I might not be be a mother of two soon.

I don’t feel like the best mother at times – especially at the moment as I have no energy – but I know I am not the worst and that I am doing my best (or maybe 90% of my best).

There haven’t been many lazy days in bed or much lying on the grass side by side… Hopefully in the coming years.

I am excited though, but I am feeling a bit nervous too.

My hypnobirthing notes are mainly about breathing and trying to be as relaxed as possible.

See, by this point I had washed all the baby clothes. I need to get on it and find things!

I think I have cared less about how I look with this pregnancy, but I also have not been going out to work and generally people just see me when I take B out and about. I’ve been stretching a lot, and I do get out for daily walks, and I think I am a bit kinder to my body now after birthing one kid.

My mental health has been better in ways during this pregnancy as we want two kids, and I felt a bit lost just living at my Nan’s and waiting for our move, so it made sense to have the second one now. The living situation has been frustrating at times though, and I do look forward to having our own place again – and I’m sure my Nan will like to feel more relaxed in her house again. I know we have been lucky with this situation, and my Nan has benefitted from it too, but we can’t all live like this forever.


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Twelfth Family Portrait (30 Weeks / 28th November 2021)

Family portrait where T is holding B and I am trying to entertain her with the camera remote. T and I are both looking at her, while B's face has been edited so she has no facial features.
Twelfth Family Portrait (30 Weeks / 28th November 2021)
 
#AgainTimeHasFlownByAndItHasBeenOverTwoMonthsSinceTheLastFamilyPortrait
#SoonThereMayBeAFamilyPortraitOfFourOfUsWhichIsAWeirdButExcitingThought
#IAmDefinitelyDoubtingMyMotheringSkillsMoreEspeciallyWithTheSuddenDropInTemperature
#TheOtherDayITookBToTheParkAndSheWasCryingSoMuchOnTheWayHomeAndEvenAfterWeHadGotHome
#ItIsNotFunWalkingALongWayWithACryingChildAndHavingPeopleCommentAboutIt
#IThinkHerHandsHadGottenTooColdSoNowSheAlwaysGoesOutWithHerOversizedMittens
#ThoughWeWentToSeeChristmasLightsBeingTurnedOnAndBWasCryingALotThenToo
#WeWereWithACoupleOfFriendsAndTheirKidAndIThinkBothKidsJustGotBoredAndColdSoWeAllLeftEarly
#WeThoughtItWouldBeANiceThingToDoButAtTheirAgeIGuessTheyDoNotCareAndIFeltOverwhelmedByTheHugeCrowdOfPeople
#SheHadACoupleOfBadFallsTheOtherDayTooWithOneAtThePlaygroundWhereSheFellOutOfACar
#IRanToCatchHerButIAmWaddlingMoreAndMoreTheseDaysAndWasTooSlow
#ThenSheLikesToGetOntoTheCoffeeTablesInTheLivingRoomAndFellForwardOffOfOneToo
#SheHasAClimbingFrameButSheLikesToClimbOnEverythingElseAsObviouslyThatIsWayMoreFun
#ITalkAboutWhatTimeBWakesUpWayTooMuchAndItIsTheFirstCommentIMakeInMyPersonalDiaryEveryDay
#ButYesterdayIWokeBUpJustBeforeEightAndIWasWorriedSheWasDeadAsIKeptCallingHerNameAndSheWouldNotWakeUp
#TodayWeWokeHerUpAtSevenThirtyAndWeDidNotHearHerAtAllDuringTheNight
#SheSeemsToBeSleepingInLongerButBeforeLastNightSheHadBeenWakingUpTwoOrThreeTimesAndTakingAWhileToFallBackAsleep
#LastNightIJustKeptTheHeaterOnLowInHerRoomAllNightWhereasOtherNightsPerhapsSheHasWokenUpAsSheHasBeenTooHotOrTooCold
#SheGoesThroughHerNapAndBedtimeRoutinesOkayButThenCriesOnceSheIsInHerCotThoughSheUsuallyCrawlsInByHerself
#LuckilySheDoesNotCryForLongButIGuessSheIsJustTryingHerLuckAtStayingUpForLonger
#SheTendsToWakeHerFromHerNapAfterFortyMinutesALotThoughIWillLetHerNapForTwoAndAHalfHours
#IHaveStoppedRubbingHerBackToSendHerBackToSleepAsMaybeThatIsSendingMixedMessagesAndYesterdaySheWentBackToSleepByHerself
#IJustTendToResortToRubbingHerBackWhenTIsWorkingAsHeCanHearHerCryingAndSheAlwaysWakesUpAfterIAmJustAboutToFallAsleep
#SheIsGettingReallyGoodAtEatingWithASpoonNowAndWeHaveStoppedTurningHerPorridgeIntoPancakes
#WeAreBoredOfDoingItAndSheWillHappilyEatThePorridgeByHerselfNowWhichIsGood
#TheBabysKicksAreGettingStrongerAndICanReallySeeMyBellyWobbleNow
#BStillSeemsObliviousAboutThereBeingABabyInMyTummyThoughIAmTryingMyBestToMakeHerAware
#IAmLookingForwardToSeeingHowSheWillReactButIAmALittleNervous
#SheHasANewThingWhereSheLikesToTouchOurEyesSoThatWillNotBeAGoodThingToDoToHerSibling
#SheHasNoIdeaAboutHowMuchHerLittleWorldWillChangeSoonButIThinkWeWillAllBeOkay

I said to T: Ready to see your daughter?

I showed him the photo and he pulled a face. Obviously she doesn’t look nice, but it’s good for hiding her face…

#AgainTimeHasFlownByAndItHasBeenOverTwoMonthsSinceTheLastFamilyPortrait

I was waiting to see if I’d have another scan photo (at 28 weeks), but then I realised that my NHS scans were over and yeah time has passed by fast.

#SoonThereMayBeAFamilyPortraitOfFourOfUsWhichIsAWeirdButExcitingThought

I go between nervous, excited, anxious etc. about becoming a mother to two.

#IAmDefinitelyDoubtingMyMotheringSkillsMoreEspeciallyWithTheSuddenDropInTemperature

Oh, the fun.

#TheOtherDayITookBToTheParkAndSheWasCryingSoMuchOnTheWayHomeAndEvenAfterWeHadGotHome

It had rained a lot and someone wanted to go down the slide and splash water off the slide…

#ItIsNotFunWalkingALongWayWithACryingChildAndHavingPeopleCommentAboutIt

Two women with a few dogs were talking to B and I said ‘I don’t think she’s in the mood’, but really I meant that I was not in the mood. B did temporarily stop crying when she saw the dogs…

#IThinkHerHandsHadGottenTooColdSoNowSheAlwaysGoesOutWithHerOversizedMittens

I had stupidly not taken them out with me as I thought pulling her sleeves down on her jacket was enough, but obviously not – especially after they got wet.

#ThoughWeWentToSeeChristmasLightsBeingTurnedOnAndBWasCryingALotThenToo

Le sigh.

#WeWereWithACoupleOfFriendsAndTheirKidAndIThinkBothKidsJustGotBoredAndColdSoWeAllLeftEarly

We got bored of waiting, but then got stuck trying to get home and so saw them being turned on anyways. It definitely was not worth the stress.

#WeThoughtItWouldBeANiceThingToDoButAtTheirAgeIGuessTheyDoNotCareAndIFeltOverwhelmedByTheHugeCrowdOfPeople

It had not been so cold, but that day it had been freezing and once the sun went down it was even colder. B didn’t want to be in her pushchair, but we didn’t want her running around all over the place and Tiago couldn’t keep carrying her.

I was freaked out by how many people were there. I knew it would be busy, but I had not seen so many people in a small space in a very long time. I’m glad that masks are being made mandatory for shops and public transport again…

#SheHadACoupleOfBadFallsTheOtherDayTooWithOneAtThePlaygroundWhereSheFellOutOfACar #IRanToCatchHerButIAmWaddlingMoreAndMoreTheseDaysAndWasTooSlow

I was stood at the front of the car, so I can run either way to catch her in case she falls out and it was a big fail. I was worried Tiago would tell me off, but he said it happens. I told our friend and she said she was surprised that it had not happened yet…

#ThenSheLikesToGetOntoTheCoffeeTablesInTheLivingRoomAndFellForwardOffOfOneToo

Tiago had said that something else bad was probably going to happen that day. I do believe in the ‘rule of 3’… Luckily she fell half onto a cushion/a thick rug. She usually turns around and climbs down backwards, but I think she is starting to get more confident/is a bit of a daredevil.

#SheHasAClimbingFrameButSheLikesToClimbOnEverythingElseAsObviouslyThatIsWayMoreFun

I wrote the hashtags in the living room today while T was about and B was doing her usual faffing. B was just climbing on various things…

#ITalkAboutWhatTimeBWakesUpWayTooMuchAndItIsTheFirstCommentIMakeInMyPersonalDiaryEveryDay

It is probably a big boring part of my work for most people, but it’s on my mind a lot.

#ButYesterdayIWokeBUpJustBeforeEightAndIWasWorriedSheWasDeadAsIKeptCallingHerNameAndSheWouldNotWakeUp

Usually turning the light on, and/or turning off her noise machine makes her wakeup. Not then. I kept calling her name and started to get freaked out. She must have been in a deep sleep…

#TodayWeWokeHerUpAtSevenThirtyAndWeDidNotHearHerAtAllDuringTheNight

Let’s see how long this lasts.

#SheSeemsToBeSleepingInLongerButBeforeLastNightSheHadBeenWakingUpTwoOrThreeTimesAndTakingAWhileToFallBackAsleep

Usually once before we go to bed or just as I’m putting my head down, then usually around 2 or 4…

#LastNightIJustKeptTheHeaterOnLowInHerRoomAllNightWhereasOtherNightsPerhapsSheHasWokenUpAsSheHasBeenTooHotOrTooCold

Usually when she wakes up I mess with the settings on her heater. The radiator in her room doesn’t work, so she has a heater that is plugged into a smart plug so I can control it from my phone.

#SheGoesThroughHerNapAndBedtimeRoutinesOkayButThenCriesOnceSheIsInHerCotThoughSheUsuallyCrawlsInByHerself

Once she’s in I zip it up and she then usually starts to cry…

#LuckilySheDoesNotCryForLongButIGuessSheIsJustTryingHerLuckAtStayingUpForLonger

Or maybe she wants more attention from me? Not sure.

#SheTendsToWakeHerFromHerNapAfterFortyMinutesALotThoughIWillLetHerNapForTwoAndAHalfHours

It seems to be a more frequent occurrence.

#IHaveStoppedRubbingHerBackToSendHerBackToSleepAsMaybeThatIsSendingMixedMessagesAndYesterdaySheWentBackToSleepByHerself

Maybe that is why she has been waking up more at night and taking longer to fall back to sleep? Who knows.

#IJustTendToResortToRubbingHerBackWhenTIsWorkingAsHeCanHearHerCryingAndSheAlwaysWakesUpAfterIAmJustAboutToFallAsleep

The other day I just resigned myself to the fact that she probably wouldn’t go back to sleep and I’d have to make do with a 10 minute nap. I was a bit grumpy for the rest of the day…

#SheIsGettingReallyGoodAtEatingWithASpoonNowAndWeHaveStoppedTurningHerPorridgeIntoPancakes

We probably should have given her a spoon to use earlier on, but she seems to have picked it up quick.

#WeAreBoredOfDoingItAndSheWillHappilyEatThePorridgeByHerselfNowWhichIsGood

Turning the porridge into pancakes just felt like effort. She had started to go too impatient in the mornings so she’d been having just the porridge. Now we warm it up and a bit and now our mornings are a bit easier.

#TheBabysKicksAreGettingStrongerAndICanReallySeeMyBellyWobbleNow

At one point this morning B and the baby both had hiccups.

#BStillSeemsObliviousAboutThereBeingABabyInMyTummyThoughIAmTryingMyBestToMakeHerAware

I need to find some episodes of her favourite TV shows where they talk about it. Is there a pregnancy version of In The Night Garden?

#IAmLookingForwardToSeeingHowSheWillReactButIAmALittleNervous

I hope she likes being a big sister. I just watched her walked around and got a bit emotional thinking about her being a big sister.

#SheHasANewThingWhereSheLikesToTouchOurEyesSoThatWillNotBeAGoodThingToDoToHerSibling

The other day I was lying down and she was trying to touch my eyes. This morning Tiago was holding her, and B was looking at him lovingly and then tried to touch his eyes. She’s more obsessed with touching her own nose though…

#SheHasNoIdeaAboutHowMuchHerLittleWorldWillChangeSoonButIThinkWeWillAllBeOkay

She adapts well to new things. I like to think I adapt quickly. I just asked Tiago how he adapts and he said ‘adapting to stuff is my work’.

30 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

My dreams have been quite vivid lately. Last night I dreamed that my Nan died and one of my sisters was in the process of buying her house…

As B slept so well last night I slept well and didn’t go to the toilet in the night. Hurrah. When B wakes up in the night I usually wait 15 mins before going into her room, and usually pop to the toilet beforehand as there is a big weight pressing on my bladder.

I lay awake for a little bit last night thinking that we should probably buy the other things we need soon. We need to look at another car seat and a heater for our room.

I haven’t done many reshoots for this project, but there have been a couple of times where I just really didn’t like the photos. Looking back I think there are a few shoots that could have been way better, but … oh well.


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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Eleventh Family Portrait (20 Weeks / 19th September 2021)

Family portrait where T and I are smiling at B, while B holds the camera remote. Her face has been photoshopped so you can see her hair being repeated. I am holding a baby scan.
Eleventh Family Portrait (20 Weeks / 19th September 2021)
 
#WellItHasBeenTwoMonthsSinceWeLastDidAFamilyPortraitButWeFinallyGotRoundToIt
#TheWeatherWasMiserableSoItWasAGoodExcuseToDoAShootRatherThanGoToThePlayground
#BBarelySatStillAndRanOffALotSoWeWillHaveToSeeWhichOneIChoose
#TheMainAdditionToThePortraitThisTimeIsOfCourseTheLatestScanOfBabyX
#TAndBWaitedOutsideTheHospitalAndBHadHerLunchWhileIWentInByMyself
#OnlyThoseWhoWerePregnantWereAllowedToWaitInTheWaitingRoomWhilePartnersHadToWaitByTheCoffeeShop
#ItDoesNotMakeMuchSenseAsSurelyCovidIsMoreLikelyToSpreadAtTheCoffeeShopThanInTheWaitingRoomButWhatever
#TheyWereShowingBargainHuntSoIWasQuiteHappyWatchingThatWhileIWaitedAgesAsTheyWereRunningLate
#FinallyWentInAndTheGuyAskedIfIWantedToKnowTheSexAndISaidYesIfYouCanFindOut
#IHadAskedTiagoIfHeWantedMeThemToWriteItDownSoWeCouldDiscoverItTogetherButHeSaidNahYouCanJustTellMe
#BeforeLongHeSaidAreYouReadyAndILookedAtTheScreenAndAllICouldSeeWasSomethingBetweenTheLegsSoISaidBoy
#HeSaidNoGirlAndISaidOhItMustBeAHandAndHeSaidNoItIsThePlacentaSoObviouslyIHaveNoClueAboutScans
#IHadItInMyHeadAgainThatMaybeIWasHavingABoyThisTimeButIWasGoingToBeHappyEitherWayAndIAm
#HeCheckedAllTheOrgansAndLimbsButWasStrugglingToGetAFewMeasurements
#HeSaidIfHeCouldNotGetThemIWouldHaveToComeBackInTwoWeeksButHeSentMeToEmptyMyBladderAndThenGotThemPhew
#IWentOutAndTiagoAndBWereWalkingAboutAndTiagoSaidDoYouKnow
#ISaidWhatDoYouWantToKnowIfBIsHavingALittleBrotherOrALittleSisterAndIToldHim
#MyNanSaidWeWillHaveToHaveAnotherBabyToHaveABoyAndISaidNanThatIsNotHowItWorksAndTwoIsEnough
#WeShowedBTheScanAndSaidItIsYourLittleSisterButSheStillDoesNotGetItYet
#SheHasASnottyNoseAtTheMomentWhichIsSuperDelightful
#SheMightHavePickedItUpFromPuttingHerHandsInMyNansBirdBathsAndThenLickingHerFingers
#OrFromHerNewFoundFreedomInThePlaygroundAndTouchingEverything
#OrFromRummagingInTheBinAtThePlayground
#AGrandmotherWasSayingThatTooManyParentsDoNotLetTheirKidsGetDirtyTheseDays
#BWasPullingEverythingOutOfTheBinAndSoISaidMaybePlayingInTheBinIsABitTooMuchAndSheAgreed
#SheNowLikesToTryToClimbUpTheSlideWhichIsFineIfItIsQuiteEmpty
#AsSheGenerallyWakesUpAround7NowITakeHerOutForAMorningWalkABitLaterAndWeSeemToMeetMoreKidsHerAgeWhichIsNice
#SometimesSheWillJustPlayWithHerPushchairForAWhileBeforeGoingOffToExplore
#IThinkHerSecondNapMaySoonBeOnTheWayOutAsSheIsTakingLongerToFallAsleepAndOnlyHad10MinutesTheOtherDay
#IWillTryToKeepItForAsLongAsPossibleButWhenSheShowsMoreSignsThatSheIsReallyDoneWithItThenWeWillDropIt

(I am not so sure about the editing of B’s face, though I think I did try a few different things. I might give it another go. 3rd December: I tried. This will do…)

#WellItHasBeenTwoMonthsSinceWeLastDidAFamilyPortraitButWeFinallyGotRoundToIt

My main excuse is we were away for a while and then we’ve been getting back into the flow, but that’s lame.

#TheWeatherWasMiserableSoItWasAGoodExcuseToDoAShootRatherThanGoToThePlayground

I was worried about when we would fit it in, so it worked out well. We were going to see my parents today, but B has a cold so we will go next weekend instead to avoid passing it on.

#BBarelySatStillAndRanOffALotSoWeWillHaveToSeeWhichOneIChoose

There was a point where she put her hand in front of the camera, and she held onto my remote for the whole shoot – I just set up the camera to shoot in intervals as it is easier with a wriggly child.

#TheMainAdditionToThePortraitThisTimeIsOfCourseTheLatestScanOfBabyX

Ooh la la. This also felt like a good time to do the shoot as I knew I would talk about the scan.

#TAndBWaitedOutsideTheHospitalAndBHadHerLunchWhileIWentInByMyself

We had no one available to watch B, so it was how it had to be. I just hoped it would not be bad news as I did not want to receive it by myself.

#OnlyThoseWhoWerePregnantWereAllowedToWaitInTheWaitingRoomWhilePartnersHadToWaitByTheCoffeeShop #ItDoesNotMakeMuchSenseAsSurelyCovidIsMoreLikelyToSpreadAtTheCoffeeShopThanInTheWaitingRoomButWhatever

I am sure they have a good reason, but it just seems more a case of looking like they are trying to do something because of Covid.

#TheyWereShowingBargainHuntSoIWasQuiteHappyWatchingThatWhileIWaitedAgesAsTheyWereRunningLate

There were two people doing scans, and of course mine was the one running late. The other one seemed to be running early…

#FinallyWentInAndTheGuyAskedIfIWantedToKnowTheSexAndISaidYesIfYouCanFindOut

B was a surprise as she would not ‘present’ during scans, which I was happy about as I wanted it to be a surprise, but this time I have less patience.

#IHadAskedTiagoIfHeWantedMeThemToWriteItDownSoWeCouldDiscoverItTogetherButHeSaidNahYouCanJustTellMe

I was a bit relieved that he was casual about it, as I did not really want to have to ask, but I would have of course.

#BeforeLongHeSaidAreYouReadyAndILookedAtTheScreenAndAllICouldSeeWasSomethingBetweenTheLegsSoISaidBoy

Visions of B playing games with her little brother running through my head instantly.

#HeSaidNoGirlAndISaidOhItMustBeAHandAndHeSaidNoItIsThePlacentaSoObviouslyIHaveNoClueAboutScans

Lol, I’m alway tricked. I thought B was a boy when they showed me her after she was born as all I could see was the umbilical cord.

#IHadItInMyHeadAgainThatMaybeIWasHavingABoyThisTimeButIWasGoingToBeHappyEitherWayAndIAm

I was sure that B was going to be a boy, mainly as T always talked to my bump saying my little boy. He was doing that again this time…

I don’t really believe in the whole way that your bump hangs, but it looked similar to last time so I had thought maybe a girl, as well. Well, it’s only 50/50 isn’t it?!

#HeCheckedAllTheOrgansAndLimbsButWasStrugglingToGetAFewMeasurements

I think I had to go back again with B, or maybe that was the previous scan. They all blur into one…

#HeSaidIfHeCouldNotGetThemIWouldHaveToComeBackInTwoWeeksButHeSentMeToEmptyMyBladderAndThenGotThemPhew

I was relieved as these appointments are much more of a faff now with having a kid already, and when they run late and end up taking ages they are quite time consuming.

#IWentOutAndTiagoAndBWereWalkingAboutAndTiagoSaidDoYouKnow

I saw a guy close to them who had been smiling at B.

#ISaidWhatDoYouWantToKnowIfBIsHavingALittleBrotherOrALittleSisterAndIToldHim

The guy said congrats. Tiago was happy, especially when I said the baby is growing well and everything looks good.

#MyNanSaidWeWillHaveToHaveAnotherBabyToHaveABoyAndISaidNanThatIsNotHowItWorksAndTwoIsEnough

She had two kids and always wanted more. She used the excuse that she has 8 siblings, but I said it is only because contraception didn’t really exist then otherwise I doubt her mum would have had so many. She said true…

#WeShowedBTheScanAndSaidItIsYourLittleSisterButSheStillDoesNotGetItYet

Or maybe she does and is just pretending that she doesn’t.

#SheHasASnottyNoseAtTheMomentWhichIsSuperDelightful

I called it her marathon nose this morning as it is more than runny… (I’m so funny.)

#SheMightHavePickedItUpFromPuttingHerHandsInMyNansBirdBathsAndThenLickingHerFingers

We keep pulling her away from them, but she does not care. I was a bit slow the other day…

#OrFromHerNewFoundFreedomInThePlaygroundAndTouchingEverything

It is like taking a different kid to the playground these days.

#OrFromRummagingInTheBinAtThePlayground

Again, I pulled her away from it but she just kept going back.

#AGrandmotherWasSayingThatTooManyParentsDoNotLetTheirKidsGetDirtyTheseDays #BWasPullingEverythingOutOfTheBinAndSoISaidMaybePlayingInTheBinIsABitTooMuchAndSheAgreed

I was glad she agreed, otherwise I was going to be a bit concerned.

#SheNowLikesToTryToClimbUpTheSlideWhichIsFineIfItIsQuiteEmpty

Her shoes are so grippy that they help her a lot, but hinder her if she wants to slide down, which to be honest she rarely does. I think she also likes to hang on the slide and use it as a watch tower.

#AsSheGenerallyWakesUpAround7NowITakeHerOutForAMorningWalkABitLaterAndWeSeemToMeetMoreKidsHerAgeWhichIsNice

We were going out a bit too early before. Yesterday there were so many kids around her age, but I guess it was because it was a Saturday.

#SometimesSheWillJustPlayWithHerPushchairForAWhileBeforeGoingOffToExplore

B loves to climb on it, or play with the harness.

#IThinkHerSecondNapMaySoonBeOnTheWayOutAsSheIsTakingLongerToFallAsleepAndOnlyHad10MinutesTheOtherDay

I was hoping to have a nap, but oh well.

#IWillTryToKeepItForAsLongAsPossibleButWhenSheShowsMoreSignsThatSheIsReallyDoneWithItThenWeWillDropIt

I think it is usually dropped by 17 months, so she has less than 2 months left. Earlier I put her to sleep without her sleeping bag, just as she crawled into her cot and seemed quite happy so I did not want to take her out and put her in it – I had tried to get her to come out and have it put on, but nope.

20 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Close-up of my belly button.
My Belly Button Has Never Been So Close (20 and a half weeks)
 
#IGuessItMustBeWeirderForPeopleWhoHaveInnies
#ItHasBeenMoreOutForAFewWeeks
#ButIAmStartingToThinkThatMaybeItHasAlwaysBeenLikeThis
#ButBecauseMyBellyIsGrowingThenItIsCloserToMe
#IFeelLikeItWasHarderToCleanBeforeThough
#InOtherNewsIHadMy20WeekScanToday
#WasRelievedToSeeAHeartbeatVeryQuickly
#ThoughTheScannerWasQuietALotWhichWorriedMe
#IGuessSheWasJustConcentratingOnCheckingThings
#AtOnePointWeCouldSeeItMovingItsMouthWhichWasFunny
#SheDidAllTheChecksApartFromThree
#SheAskedMeToGoToTheLooAndThenJumpUpAndDown
#TheBabyWasInABallAndWouldNotBudge
#SheHadMeRockingMyHipsFromSideToSide
#ItWouldNotMove
#SheMadeMeDrinkASugaryDrinkAndGoForAWalk
#ItWouldNotMove
#SheHadMeDoingStarjumps
#IWasImpressedWithHowManyIDidBut
#ItWouldNotMove
#SoIHaveToGoBackIn2To3Weeks
#IHopeEverythingIsOkay
#IStillHaveNotHadMyScreeningResultsFrom7PlusWeeksAgo
#IJustKeptLaughingAtTheMonitor
#WeHaveAPictureOfItLookingLikeAGrumpyOldMan
#WhenSheShowedUsItsFaceBeforeItLookedMoreLikeAPuppyThanABaby
#ThenSheShowedUsItsSpineSoMuchThatIComparedItToADinosaur
#SheGaveUsThePicturesForFreeAsSheSaidTheBabyWasInSuchABadPosition
#ICanDefinitelyFeelTheBabyMovingAroundNow
#ItTypicallyWasMovingBeforeAndAfterTheAppointment

My belly button seemed quite pushed out from an early stage this time, but I didn’t document it as it was not so interesting to me this time.

Scans went quite differently – with baby X it was a lot less faff and we found out that it’s a girl. With B we didn’t find out until she was born, and I had to go back so they could take all the measurements. I’m interested to see if this will reflect in their personalities, but I would say that B is pretty chill, so will baby X be even more chilled? We will have to wait and see.


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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

I Have Had My First Scan (13 Weeks / 28th July 2021)

I'm holding B in my arms while also holding a baby scan in my left hand. Tiago has his left hand on my shoulder.
I Have Had My First Scan (13 Weeks / 28th July 2021)
 
#IImagineThePhotographThatIWillTakeWillReferenceAPictureFromMyWaitingProjectWhenIWasNineAndAHalfWeeks
#IWantToGetBInvolvedInThePictureTooButTheImageIHaveInMyMindWillProbablyNotBeTheOneIEndUpGetting
#TheMidwifeRangTheDayBeforeTheScanAndSaidToWearAFaceMaskHaveAFullBladderForTiagoToBringHisFlowTestAndFiveQuidInCashForPhotos
#WellThereIsAFineLineBetweenHavingAFullBladderAndFeelingLikeYouAreGoingToPissYourself
#TheyWereRunningAboutThirtyMinutesLateSoISatInTheWaitingRoomStrugglingWhilePeopleCoughedAndSniffledAroundUs
#WithMyTwelveWeekAppointmentWithBIGotToldOffForNotHavingAFullEnoughBladderAndGotSentToDrinkMoreWater
#ThisTimeIKeptGettingSentToTheToiletToEmptyMyBladderABitMoreAsIHadWaitedSoLong
#ItWasWeirdToSeeTheBabyOnTheScreenAsIKnowIAmPregnantButIDoOftenForgetWhatItMeans
#SheSaidThatIAm13WeeksWhichIHadAssumedIWasThoughPartOfMeWasStillHopingIWas17Weeks
#IWasRelievedToSeeThatTheBabyWasWellThoughTheMidwifeWasStrugglingToGetAllTheMeasurementsSheNeeded
#IKeptGettingOffTheBedToDanceAroundOrStayedOnTheBedAndPushedMyHipsUpAndWiggled
#InTheEndSheSentUsToTheWaitingRoomWhileSheSawTheNextPatientToSeeIfTheBabyWouldBeInTheRightPositionAfterTheWait
#WeWereOutForNearlyTwoAndAHalfHoursInTheEndSoItWasGoodThatTiagoHadBroughtHisLaptop
#IWentInByMyselfForTheLastBitAndAfterMoreDancingSheGotTheNeckMeasurementThatSheWanted
#IThenNeededToBeWeighedAndHaveABloodTestSoThatWasMoreWaitingAroundButAtLeastThereWasGoodMusicPlayingAtThePlace
#TheyDidNotChargeUsForThePhotoInTheEndAsTheyHadNoEnvelopesAndTheyHadNotBeenChargingAgainUntilRecentlyAsPartnersHadNotBeenAllowedIn
#BeforeSheChoseTheImageForUsWeJokedThatItLookedLikeTheBabyWasSmokingACigarAndTheCloudOfSmokeIsVisibleInTheImage
#LuckilyMyMumWasWatchingBAsKidsAreNotAllowedToAppointments
#ItSoundsLikeMostOfMyAppointmentsAreHereThereAndEverywhereWhichIsABitFrustrating
#LastNightTiagoSaidHeIsFeelingMoreRelaxedAboutThisPregnancy
#ThenFiveMinutesLaterWeLookedAtBOnHerMonitorAndTiagoThoughtSheWasNotBreathingButLuckilySheMovedJustBeforeTiagoWasAboutToGoIntoHerRoom
#TiagoFinallyGotRoundToMakingItSoThatBsDoorNoLongerSqueaks
#SoThatIsGoodWhenWeNeedToGoIntoHerRoomToCloseAWindowOrSomethingAsWeWereAlwaysWakingHerUpBefore
#ISaidInMyLastEntryThatIHadNotBeenSickInFiveDaysButThenThatNightIWasSick
#IWasThenNotSickForThreeDaysUntilThisMorningButEarlyMorningSickIsTheLeastHorribleKindUsually
#IAmStillHavingToStretchMyBackOutTwiceADayAndIGuessItWillOnlyGetWorseAsTimeGoesOn
#BHadHerLastBabySensoryClassAndIAmSadSheIsTooOldForItNowAsItHasBeenAHighlightOfOurWeekForMe
#IThinkSheEntertainsALotOfPeopleSoEveryoneClappedForHerWhichWasSweet
#AtTheEndOfTheClassSheApproachedTheTeachersDollAndWasQuiteIntriguedByIt
#ItGaveMeSomeInsightOfHowSheMightBeWithHerSiblingAndSheWasQuiteCuteWithItButIJustHopeSheDoesNotKeepPokingThemInTheEyes

(7th October: I’m not so sure on the title of the image now – I Had My First Scan, First Scan instead perhaps? But it obviously felt right at the time, so I’ll leave it.)

I keep meaning to keep to Instagram’s text limit, but I just seem to waffle on and on now.

#IImagineThePhotographThatIWillTakeWillReferenceAPictureFromMyWaitingProjectWhenIWasNineAndAHalfWeeks

This one:

Me holding a scan of B when I was 9 and a half weeks pregnant. T has his right hand on my left shoulder.
I Keep Looking At The Scan As I Can Not Believe It (9 and a half weeks)
 
#SoWeWentToTheHospital
#HadAnAppointmentButWaitedNearlyAnHour
#MaybeBecauseOtherPeopleNeededLookingAtMoreUrgently
#SomePeopleDidLookLikeTheyWereInALotOfPain
#IThoughtIShouldHaveAFullBladderIfTheyDidAScan
#SoIWasBurstingForTheToilet
#TheyFinallyCalledMeAndAskedIfINeededToGoToTheLoo
#SoThatWasDiscomfortForNoReasonAsItWasAnInternalExam
#ThePersonExaminingMeWasBeingTestedSoThereWere3PeopleInTheRoomPlusTiago
#TheyGaveMeASheetForDignityAndIApologisedForHavingHairyLegsThoughTheySaidNothingInReply
#TheySaidTheyWereTryingToGiveMeDignityButIAmUsedToHavingMoreInvasiveExaminationsThatInvolveSpeculumsSoIWasNotSureWhereTheSheetWasMeantToBe 
#TiagoSawTheToolTheyWereGoingToUseAndIWasLikeWelcomeToAWomansWorld
#ItWasNotThatBadJustABitColdAndTheWaitingRoomHadBeenSoHot
#BeforeLongTheyTurnedTheScreenAndShowedUsTheLittleHumanInsideOfMe
#SheSaidCanYouSeeTheFlickerThatIsTheHeartbeat
#AndIStartedToCryHappyTearsAsIWasRelievedAndItWasSoSurreal
#AndISaidItIsSoWeirdAsIThoughtPregnancyWasSomethingThatHappenedToOtherPeopleAndNotMeAndItIsSoWeirdSeeingThatLittleThingInsideOfMe
#SheLookedAroundThoroughly
#ItWasGoodThatSheHadSomeoneElseTalkingToHerAsIKnowThatTheyBothHadAGoodLookAndDidNotSeeAnyIssues
#TheTesterSaidIHadTheBestOvariesThatSheHadSeenTodayAndCalledThemBeautiful 
#SheGaveUsAPicture
#TheySaidThatIfItHappensAgainIShouldBookAnotherAppointment
#AsBleedingIsNotUncommonButItStillIsNotNormal
#IAmGladTheyWereEncouragingAsIWouldNotWantToBeSeenAsAnnoying
#IHaveBledALittleSinceButIGuessItIsBecauseTheyHadThatToolInsideMeForAtLeast10Minutes
#IThoughtIWas9WeeksTodayButTheySaidItIsMoreLike9DaysAnd4Or5Days
#IAmGuessingItWillChangeAgainButThatMeansIAmNearlyAQuarterOfTheWayThroughIfAllGoesWell
#TimeHasPassedQuickly
#IKeepLookingAtTheScanAsICanNotBelieveIt
#NanThinksItIsABoyAsSheSaysTheyCauseTroubleFromTheStart

(7th October: Notice how I even wore the same outfit, and Tiago wore the same shirt for his arm’s appearance. My hair is even a similar length, but I rarely wear it down anymore due to the large cyst on my head. Lovely. Plus if I wear it half up I don’t have to wash my hair so much. Win.

My first scan with B was earlier as I’d had some bleeding and had to go to the hospital. Obviously everything was fine.)

#IWantToGetBInvolvedInThePictureTooButTheImageIHaveInMyMindWillProbablyNotBeTheOneIEndUpGetting

I haven’t asked Tiago if I can borrow his arm yet. It’ll be easier if he holds B while we do the shoot and then maybe she can hold onto me too, but we’ll see.

It might just end up being me by myself…

(7th October: If I remember correctly we all got a bit stressed out and so it made sense for me to just hold B. It makes sense as she is where I was holding the scan of her in the early photo.)

#TheMidwifeRangTheDayBeforeTheScanAndSaidToWearAFaceMaskHaveAFullBladderForTiagoToBringHisFlowTestAndFiveQuidInCashForPhotos

She said full mask, full bladder… at first. I was going to ask what a full mask was, but I just assumed it was a normal one. She later said she had meant a face mask.

#WellThereIsAFineLineBetweenHavingAFullBladderAndFeelingLikeYouAreGoingToPissYourself

It’s a good job I do my kegels every day.

#TheyWereRunningAboutThirtyMinutesLateSoISatInTheWaitingRoomStrugglingWhilePeopleCoughedAndSniffledAroundUs

I was not happy.

#WithMyTwelveWeekAppointmentWithBIGotToldOffForNotHavingAFullEnoughBladderAndGotSentToDrinkMoreWater

I still remember his annoyed face. I had not wanted to have a situation where I felt like I was going to piss myself, but obviously I was nowhere near that – plus the appointment was on time then.

#ThisTimeIKeptGettingSentToTheToiletToEmptyMyBladderABitMoreAsIHadWaitedSoLong

I don’t think I’ve really been to the toilet and partially emptied my bladder before. It was a bit difficult and didn’t feel very pleasant…

#ItWasWeirdToSeeTheBabyOnTheScreenAsIKnowIAmPregnantButIDoOftenForgetWhatItMeans

I kept looking at it and just thinking they were a tiny B. Well, they could end up looking very similar.

(7th October: Even yesterday I kept saying to Tiago how weird it is that we have a child, and another on the way.)

#SheSaidThatIAm13WeeksWhichIHadAssumedIWasThoughPartOfMeWasStillHopingIWas17Weeks

The idea of me being more pregnant had long gone from my mind, though I guess I was still clinging to the remote possibility of it. I just want time to go by, but as I’ve said before my hospital said there would not be a bed for me if I was more pregnant.

#IWasRelievedToSeeThatTheBabyWasWellThoughTheMidwifeWasStrugglingToGetAllTheMeasurementsSheNeeded

This happened with B a lot.

#IKeptGettingOffTheBedToDanceAroundOrStayedOnTheBedAndPushedMyHipsUpAndWiggled

I really did not want to have to come back for another scan next week.

#InTheEndSheSentUsToTheWaitingRoomWhileSheSawTheNextPatientToSeeIfTheBabyWouldBeInTheRightPositionAfterTheWait

I stood up for a bit and just swayed. Then I sat down.

#WeWereOutForNearlyTwoAndAHalfHoursInTheEndSoItWasGoodThatTiagoHadBroughtHisLaptop

I think they were having a lot of tech difficulties. Classic.

#IWentInByMyselfForTheLastBitAndAfterMoreDancingSheGotTheNeckMeasurementThatSheWanted

Hurrah. I was nervous, but she managed to get one and just wanted to double check it, and then she confirmed it with another one. She said the baby was quite chilled.

#IThenNeededToBeWeighedAndHaveABloodTestSoThatWasMoreWaitingAroundButAtLeastThereWasGoodMusicPlayingAtThePlace

I was getting bored. The staff were so lovely though so I was not annoyed at them, as these things happen. Just having a full bladder had been quite uncomfortable, so I just mentioned ‘hey you want us to have a full bladder but then you make us wait’. Also due to wearing masks you can’t sit in the waiting room and keep drinking. I was quite thirsty and hungry by the time we left, I was surprised they managed to get blood from me.

#TheyDidNotChargeUsForThePhotoInTheEndAsTheyHadNoEnvelopesAndTheyHadNotBeenChargingAgainUntilRecentlyAsPartnersHadNotBeenAllowedIn

That paid for some veggie samosas, and some grocery shopping on the way home. I went into a mini supermarket for the first time in ages.

#BeforeSheChoseTheImageForUsWeJokedThatItLookedLikeTheBabyWasSmokingACigarAndTheCloudOfSmokeIsVisibleInTheImage

We just try to have a laugh when we can. B sometimes puts big twigs in her mouth and I call her Winston Churchill. Yeah, we’re hilarious.

#LuckilyMyMumWasWatchingBAsKidsAreNotAllowedToAppointments

Luckily it was on a morning where she is free. Otherwise Tiago would have had to drop me off and watch B in the car… That would have been a nightmare.

#ItSoundsLikeMostOfMyAppointmentsAreHereThereAndEverywhereWhichIsABitFrustrating

‘Where do you want your 28 weeks appointment? This place that is far from you or this one?’ Those places also don’t have their clinics at convenient times. Great.

#LastNightTiagoSaidHeIsFeelingMoreRelaxedAboutThisPregnancy

Nice. I feel quite stressed – there’s a lot of pressure on the pregnant person I think. I just want it to go well.

#ThenFiveMinutesLaterWeLookedAtBOnHerMonitorAndTiagoThoughtSheWasNotBreathingButLuckilySheMovedJustBeforeTiagoWasAboutToGoIntoHerRoom

I wasn’t concerned but then I thought ‘well maybe something is wrong’. I kept talking into the monitor but she would not move, so Tiago was about to go and check on her.

#TiagoFinallyGotRoundToMakingItSoThatBsDoorNoLongerSqueaks

Her monitor had been facing the wall as she likes to play with it, so I had just gone in there to readjust it.

#SoThatIsGoodWhenWeNeedToGoIntoHerRoomToCloseAWindowOrSomethingAsWeWereAlwaysWakingHerUpBefore

I could not master opening her door without it squeaking. Tiago was quite good at it, but I’m glad he’s sorted it out.

#ISaidInMyLastEntryThatIHadNotBeenSickInFiveDaysButThenThatNightIWasSick

Typical.

#IWasThenNotSickForThreeDaysUntilThisMorningButEarlyMorningSickIsTheLeastHorribleKindUsually

Early mornings and brushing my teeth are the danger times. In the morning it’s usually just water so that’s fine.

#IAmStillHavingToStretchMyBackOutTwiceADayAndIGuessItWillOnlyGetWorseAsTimeGoesOn

Great.

#BHadHerLastBabySensoryClassAndIAmSadSheIsTooOldForItNowAsItHasBeenAHighlightOfOurWeekForMe

She was quite a lot older than the other kids though.

#IThinkSheEntertainsALotOfPeopleSoEveryoneClappedForHerWhichWasSweet

To be fair, they don’t usually say ‘is anyone graduating today?’ but the teachers like B, so maybe they wanted to draw attention to it? Who knows. She did the class in her usual fashion of stealing everyone’s stuff, crawling under the parachute and faffing about, and just going round seeing everyone.

#AtTheEndOfTheClassSheApproachedTheTeachersDollAndWasQuiteIntriguedByIt

She went right up to the teacher’s area which she hasn’t done before. Then she was looking at its hands and studying it.

#ItGaveMeSomeInsightOfHowSheMightBeWithHerSiblingAndSheWasQuiteCuteWithItButIJustHopeSheDoesNotKeepPokingThemInTheEyes

She does like to look at the other babies, but I guess as their parents are there she usually is a little shy. She saw the doll was unattended and went for it. It was one of those dolls where the eyes close when you lie it down, so she was intrigued by that I think. Bless her.

13 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait wrapped in a fleece blanket with a tissue to my nose. My hair is quite greasy.
Resting, Taking Vitamins, Staying Hydrated, Eating Fruit & Veg (13 Weeks)
 
#IHaveBeenIllFor5DaysNow
#IThinkItIsDueToTryingToDoTooMuch
#AndBeingAroundPeopleWhoWereIllLastWeek
#TiagoToldMeOffTheOtherDayForBeingAroundIllPeople
#IKnewIWasGoingToGetIllAtSomePoint
#IGetIllOnceInAWhile
#AndApparentlyWhenYouArePregnantYourImmuneSystemIsLower
#HeWasIllTheOtherWeekAndIDidNotGetIt
#ButItProbablyWeakenedMyDefences
#HeSaidHeFindsItFrustratingAsHeHasNoControlOverThePregnancy
#WhichIUnderstand
#ButIKnowIAmLuckyAsIDoNotHaveAFullTimeJob
#AndSomePeopleWorkFullTimeOnTheirFeetTheWholeTime
#SoIGetToRestMoreThanMost
#ItIsFrustratingForMeAsICanNotDoAsMuchAsIUsedTo
#OrMaybeThatIsBecauseIAmIllRightNow
#ThoughIFeltLikeIWasBeingMoreProductiveBefore
#AnywaysWeAreBothWorriedAboutHowMeBeingIllWillAffectTheBaby
#ButIfBadThingsHappenedWheneverAnyonePregnantHadAColdThenHumansWouldBeExtinctByNowSurely
#IAmDoingTheBestICanToGetBetter
#RestingTakingVitaminsStayingHydratedEatingFruitAndVegEtc
#IHaveAScanTomorrowSoThatIsComfortingForUsBothAnyways
#IAmABitNervous
#IHaveDaydreamsOfThemTurningAroundToSayItIsBadNews
#ButINeedToRelaxAndJustRestABitMore
#TheMostAnnoyingThingAboutBeingIllIsHavingBrokenSleepDuringTheNight
#ButIGuessThatIsGoodPracticeForHavingANewborn
#MyHairIsGreasyInThePictureAsIHadNotWashedItForAWeek
#IWashedItStraightAfterBecauseOfThisScanTomorrow
#GoingToBackupThisShootThenHaveALieDown

7th October (I usually write this section on the day I post, but I forget to mention that):

I was definitely more ill with B than I have been this pregnancy. I think all the extra handwashing has helped, plus probably not being in close proximity with so many people a lot of the time.

With this pregnancy I am working more freelance than I was with B, and am basically a stay at Mum who does some admin stuff and works on my photography/video projects. Looking after B is a full-time job though, but I am not on my feet all the time but I probably am more than when I was pregnant with B.

Reading those hashtags I had no idea that Covid was coming. I was worried about how being ill would affect womb B, but at this point I was waiting to get vaccinated and worrying about catching Covid. It’s weird reading the posts from this time as it was not long ago (I’m quite behind with posting but this was the end of July and it’s the start of October now), and seeing how stressed out I was.

I realised yesterday (and expressed to Tiago) that I often have really negative daydreams where something happens to baby X. I just need to try to relax more.


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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Tenth Family Portrait (11 Weeks? / 18th July 2021)

A family portrait of us lying and sitting in bed on a hot day. We are not wearing much, and B has my left eye edited over her eyes and nose.
Tenth Family Portrait (11 Weeks? / 18th July 2021)
 
#WeDidNotDoAFamilyPortraitLastMonth
#ItWasAlwaysToBeDoneAtTheEndOfTheMonthAndTheMonthWouldGoBySoFast
#EveryTwoMonthsOrSoIsMoreFeasibleButLetUsSee
#TheWeatherHasBeenSoHotAndIDoNotKnowHowPeopleAreHeavilyPregnantInTheSummer
#EspeciallyInHotterCountriesAsWhatIsHotHereAtTheMomentIsNotThatHotToALotOfPeopleAroundTheWorld
#IHaveBeenStressedAboutHowToDressBAtNight
#LastNightSheJustWentToBedInHerNappyAndNoSleepingBagAndSheSleptFairlyWell
#OfCourseSheWokeUpAfterFiveAndNowWeSeemToJustGetHerOutOfBedAtFiveFortyFive
#SheMissedHerSecondNapYesterdayAsIThinkSheMightHaveBeenTooHotInJustAVestAndMaybeCouldNotSleep
#WeGotAFootMeasurerTheOtherDayInThePostAsIDidNotWantToTakeHerOutToGetHerFeetMeasured
#MyMumHelpedMeDoItAndYesterdaySheGotBSomeTrainers
#BHasBeenShoelessForAllThirteenMonthsOfHerLifeSoSheIsFindingItWeirdToWalkInThem
#SheWillGetItSoonThoughAndIOrderedHerSomeToddlerReinsLastNightSoSoonWeWillHopefullyBeAbleToGoOutForShortWalksWithoutHerPushchair
#IGotMyHaircutYesterday
#IGotALotOffAsIJustWearItUpAllTheTimeAndDoNothingWithIt
#MyHairdresserSaidThreePeopleCancelledDueToHavingCovidOrComingIntoContactWithSomeoneWhoHasIt
#IAmPlanningToGetAVaccineAround15WeeksAsIWillBe16WeeksAfterWeGoOnHoliday
#IHaveBeenDoingALotOfResearchAndPfizerIsRecommendedForAfter14WeeksAndMyMidwivesSay16WeeksSoItIsAnAverage
#IKnowAndReadAboutPregnantPeopleWhoWantToWaitUntilAfterTheirBabyIsBornButTheyAreGenerallyAlready30PlusWeeksPregnant
#IDoNotWantToWait29OrSoWeeksAsIAlreadyFeelShutAtHomeWithLimitedOptions
#IfALockdownWasToHappenAgainMyLifeWouldReallyNotChangeThatMuchAsIDoNotGoToManyPlaces
#IDoFeelLikeILiveInAnAlternateUniverseSometimesAsISeeWhatPeopleGetUpToOnTheNewsAndSocialMediaAndIMainlySitAtHome
#WeHaveOrderedBAClimbingFrameSoThatWillBeSomeGoodAmusementForHome
#TalkingAboutTheHeatAgainIAmTryingMyBestToStayHydratedAndFullOfElectrolytes
#MaybeMySicknessHasBeenWorseAtTimesAsIWasNeverPregnantWithBDuringReallyHotWeather
#IAmWorriedThatIAmConsumingTooMuchSugarButMyIntakeIsProbablyStillLessThanMostPeoples
#WhenIWasPregnantWithBICouldMainlyOnlyStomachPastaForDinnerForAWhile
#IMadeSomeTheOtherNightAndAteLoadsAsIWasEnjoyingItSoMuch
#IWokeUpWithSomeAcidRefluxDuringTheNightSoThatWasNotFun
#TheNextDayIHadPastaForDinnerAgainAndWasSickForTheFirstTimeInTwoDays

(24th September: Just had to check with Tiago that he was okay with me posting this picture and he said ‘I don’t care’. I asked if he liked B’s face and he said ‘no, it’s scary’.)

#WeDidNotDoAFamilyPortraitLastMonth

I was aware of it, but just left it.

#ItWasAlwaysToBeDoneAtTheEndOfTheMonthAndTheMonthWouldGoBySoFast

And there were often other photos that I wanted to take, or I did not want to bother Tiago again.

#EveryTwoMonthsOrSoIsMoreFeasibleButLetUsSee

It is getting harder to get B to stay around for photos.

#TheWeatherHasBeenSoHotAndIDoNotKnowHowPeopleAreHeavilyPregnantInTheSummer

B was born on a rainy day in June and giving birth then was bad enough. Love and respect to all the heavily pregnant people suffering in the heat right now. Or less so pregnant people who are still finding it hard – trying to stay hydrated is a task.

#EspeciallyInHotterCountriesAsWhatIsHotHereAtTheMomentIsNotThatHotToALotOfPeopleAroundTheWorld

It’s too much. We walk to the park and it is fine once we are there in the shade, but the walk is too much. It was too much sitting in the garden the other day. It’s a hard life.

#IHaveBeenStressedAboutHowToDressBAtNight

There’s always something to be stressed about.

#LastNightSheJustWentToBedInHerNappyAndNoSleepingBagAndSheSleptFairlyWell

The night before it was a nappy and a light sleeping bag, but her room was a lot hotter last night. She did wake up a few times. I think about putting her beaker of water in her cot, but I worry she will just spit it everywhere. Might have to try it as her bed would dry out quick anyways…

#OfCourseSheWokeUpAfterFiveAndNowWeSeemToJustGetHerOutOfBedAtFiveFortyFive

I need to go to bed earlier. I have days where I am good, and days where I am not so much. Tiago has been asleep by 9pm two nights in the last 3 or 4…

#SheMissedHerSecondNapYesterdayAsIThinkSheMightHaveBeenTooHotInJustAVestAndMaybeCouldNotSleep

Today we will try a different tactic. She’s missed her second nap on the last two Saturdays only? Okay.

#WeGotAFootMeasurerTheOtherDayInThePostAsIDidNotWantToTakeHerOutToGetHerFeetMeasured

A friend mentioned it at a party and I had looked at one via Instagram the week before. I can’t remember the last time I went in a shop. I guess I did go in a newsagents a few weeks ago, but out for a full on shopping expedition? What is one of those?

#MyMumHelpedMeDoItAndYesterdaySheGotBSomeTrainers

I had not really even started our shoe search yet. Thanks Mum.

#BHasBeenShoelessForAllThirteenMonthsOfHerLifeSoSheIsFindingItWeirdToWalkInThem

She was treading on her own feet for a bit. We just need to put her in them for a little bit every day. She went to the park in them, but spent the whole time sat down.

#SheWillGetItSoonThoughAndIOrderedHerSomeToddlerReinsLastNightSoSoonWeWillHopefullyBeAbleToGoOutForShortWalksWithoutHerPushchair

I ordered the same ones that I remember walking my little sister around in in the early 2000s as why not?

#IGotMyHaircutYesterday

I was going to do a before and after, but I forgot to do the before and who cares?

#IGotALotOffAsIJustWearItUpAllTheTimeAndDoNothingWithIt

I have been washing it every 10 days or so. It’s a lot of hair to wash to just throw it up in a messy bun everyday.

#MyHairdresserSaidThreePeopleCancelledDueToHavingCovidOrComingIntoContactWithSomeoneWhoHasIt

Great. She’d done a flow test that day as she does them two times a week, but also a pregnant friend was coming into the salon that day. I told her I was pregnant as we talk about everything. It was nice to have a chat with someone else. Another hairdresser’s sister in law had tested positive for Covid, so it’s definitely going up in the area…

#IAmPlanningToGetAVaccineAround15WeeksAsIWillBe16WeeksAfterWeGoOnHoliday #IHaveBeenDoingALotOfResearchAndPfizerIsRecommendedForAfter14WeeksAndMyMidwivesSay16WeeksSoItIsAnAverage

Meanwhile my Doctor said it was fine to get when he called about this pregnancy. There really does need to be some consistency.

Viki Male on Twitter is great for up to date facts – Viki Male (@VikiLovesFACS) / Twitter

#IKnowAndReadAboutPregnantPeopleWhoWantToWaitUntilAfterTheirBabyIsBornButTheyAreGenerallyAlready30PlusWeeksPregnant

That’s fair enough.

#IDoNotWantToWait29OrSoWeeksAsIAlreadyFeelShutAtHomeWithLimitedOptions

And reading about it all I think the benefits to having the jab outweigh risks.

#IfALockdownWasToHappenAgainMyLifeWouldReallyNotChangeThatMuchAsIDoNotGoToManyPlaces

And I will be going to less until I have my first vaccine now as I can not rely on strangers to keep me safe.

#IDoFeelLikeILiveInAnAlternateUniverseSometimesAsISeeWhatPeopleGetUpToOnTheNewsAndSocialMediaAndIMainlySitAtHome

I am not going to talk about the Euros.

It’s weird seeing people in other countries hanging out in big groups without masks.

#WeHaveOrderedBAClimbingFrameSoThatWillBeSomeGoodAmusementForHome

Especially with a potential upcoming lockdown, but at least for the quarantine period after we get back from Portugal.

#TalkingAboutTheHeatAgainIAmTryingMyBestToStayHydratedAndFullOfElectrolytes

My Mum said my electrolytes were probably out of balance which doesn’t help.

She was saying you can make your own with a spoon of sugar, spoon of salt, and water, but I have been drinking a sports drink in small amounts at a time with ice. Living the dream. I might try a homemade lemon and lime solution later.

#MaybeMySicknessHasBeenWorseAtTimesAsIWasNeverPregnantWithBDuringReallyHotWeather

Plus with the tiredness of running around after a 1+ year old.

#IAmWorriedThatIAmConsumingTooMuchSugarButMyIntakeIsProbablyStillLessThanMostPeoples

I am finding it hard to drink just water, but I need to persevere.

#WhenIWasPregnantWithBICouldMainlyOnlyStomachPastaForDinnerForAWhile

That was a fun time.

#IMadeSomeTheOtherNightAndAteLoadsAsIWasEnjoyingItSoMuch

I made a cherry tomato pasta sauce, as for some reason our fridge was full of about to go off tomatoes.

It was this recipe – Easy Homemade Cherry Tomato Pasta Sauce – Flour On My Face

I didn’t have italian seasoning, red pepper flakes, parmesan or fresh basil. I put some cheddar in instead…

#IWokeUpWithSomeAcidRefluxDuringTheNightSoThatWasNotFun

That was a lesson.

#TheNextDayIHadPastaForDinnerAgainAndWasSickForTheFirstTimeInTwoDays

I did not feel like eating dinner and didn’t eat that much (there wasn’t much left anyways). I haven’t been sick since (two days), but I have dry heaved a few times. Fun times.

In my last post (I think) I said I had not been sick in two days, and then I was sick 3 times the next day.

It’s 6.50am. I have dry heaved today. Off to stretch then join my family. We’ll do a shoot later.

11 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait from my belly button up, where I am sat in my bra and looking off slightly up and right.
I Definitely Have A Belly Developing, But I’m Not Sure If It Is Baby Or Food Or Both (11 and a half ish weeks)
 
#IAmStillBeingSickInTheMorning
#IAmStillFeelingSickInTheAfternoon
#ISeemToNotFeelSickInTheEveningAnymore
#BeingSickIsAnnoyinglyReassuringButIHaveTalkedAboutThatALotAlready
#AnotherChangeIsMyBoobs
#INoticedThatTheyHadGrownEarlyOn
#NowTheyJustSeemNormalToMe
#TheyAreWayMoreVeinyThanUsualThough
#INeedToGoBraShoppingButIHateBraShoppingNormally
#IJustToGetFittedButIDoNotWantTo
#IHaveNeverLikedBraShoppingButIWillMakeTheEffortToGoSoon
#MyNipplesAreGettingSoreAndHaveDefinitelyChangedColour
#IHaveToPutBalmOnThemToTryToHelpOtherwiseTheyHurt
#SomeSpotThatIHadAgesAgoAndShouldHaveSqueezedButDidNotSoItAddedABitToMyNippleHasAlsoGotBigger
#ItIsSoWeird
#ThatIsHowIKnowMyNipplesAreDifferent
#ItLooksLikeIHaveAnotherNippleGrowingOnMyNipple
#MaybeIShouldGetItCheckedOut
#IHaveTwoMolesOnOneNippleAndItLooksLikeIUsedToHaveAPiercing
#NeverNoticedThatBefore
#IGuessIHaveNotPhotographedMyNipplesSoIntimatelyBefore
#IDoNotKnowIfIWillShowThesePixButIGuessIWillAsIThinkSomeOfThemAreQuiteNice
#IDefinitelyHaveABellyDeveloping
#NotSureIfItIsBabyOrFoodOrABitOfBoth
#YouAreNotSupposedToEatMoreButItIsWinterSoIUsuallyEatMoreAndIfIFeelHungryThenIFeelSickSoIAmEatingMore
#IBoughtSomeVeganSourSweetsToSeeIfTheyHelpWithMorningSicknessAndIDoNotKnowButTheyAreSuperTasty
#OtherThanThatIAmTryingToEatMoreHealthyFoodOrHealthierVersionsOfThingsLikeBakedCrisps
#ILoveThatDifferentSitesSayDifferentThingsAboutTheSizeOfTheFetusNow
#11WeeksIsALargeStrawberryAnApricotOrABrusselSprout

Sickness, yep.

I feel like I’ve talked less about my boobs in my project this time. I feel like they took longer to get bigger or I just did not notice. I’ve had to put some balm on my nipples, but not as early as I did the first time.

I guess being pregnant while having a kid is different to being pregnant with no kids. As a stay at home Mum most of my day is spent with B and my brain is normally thinking of 5 things at once (or so it seems).

I think my bump was probably more food than a baby, but now (24th September) it is definitely more baby.

I’m still upset that I forgot about the sour sweets this time.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Ninth Family Portrait (31st May 2021)

Family portrait. Tiago and me are sat on the floor and B is sat on Tiago's lap wth one hand resting on T's arm, and one one resting on my arm.
Ninth Family Portrait (31st May 2021)
 
#WellThisWeekendWeHadOurFirstNightAwayFromMyNansHouseSinceWeMovedIn
#ICanNotBelieveThatWeHaveBeenLivingHereForSevenMonthsAlready
#IWasSupposedToWriteAListOfThingsToTakeButOfCourseIDidNotAndWeForgotAFewThings
#TheMostMajorThingWasBsNoiseMachineThatPlaysWhileSheSleeps
#WeUsedMyPhoneForNapsAndThenTiagosForTheNight
#OfCourseTheBatteryDiedButIThinkBOnlyWokeUpVeryBrieflySoThatWasGood
#WeWentToLiverpoolAsWeAreStillInTouchWithPeopleFromOurNCTGroup
#AndTheFirstBirthdayPartiesAreStartingToHappenSoWeWentForAJointParty
#ItWasAShameThatNotEveryoneCouldBeThereForItWasNiceToSeeSixOfThemTogether
#BWasSuperShyWhenWeArrivedAndHeldBackOnOurPicnicBlanket
#AfterAWhileSheWasQuiteContentCrawlingRoundPickingUpEveryonesBearShapedPotatoSnacks
#ItRemindedMeOfGoingToSchoolDiscosAndJustSeeingHowManyBagsOfCrispsICouldEat
#ThePartyHatsDidNotLastLongButTheyAllSeemedToEnjoyThemselvesAndItWasNiceToCatchUpWithTheOtherParents
#TheNextDayWeWentToMeetFriendsInTheCentreToHaveLunch
#ItWasBsFirstMealAtARestaurantAndOurFirstSinceMovingToBirmingham
#SheJustHadBitsOfOurFoodAndIShouldHaveTakenAPictureOfHerCoveredInTomatoSauce
#ItWasSoHotOut
#LuckilyTheRestaurantManagedToGiveUsSomeShadeAsIWasWorriedAboutBGettingTooHot
#IThoughtItWouldHaveBeenReallyHotAtTheBirthdayPartyButItWasNotSoIDidNotDressAppropriately
#LiverpoolLookedLikeItWasBackToNormalAsThereWereSoManyPeople
#WeWantedToGetAPictureWithTheBeatlesStatueButItWasTooBusy
#IFeelAwkwardHavingAPhotoTakenWithSoManyPeopleWatchingToo
#WeWentToOpenEyeGalleryBrieflyToSeeFriends
#WeUsedTheBabyChangingFacilitiesAndItWasTheFirstTimeWeHaveChangedHerNappyInAPublicPlaceSinceMovingIThink
#WePlannedToGetOnTheRoadWhenItWasTimeForBsSecondNapSoSheCouldSleepInTheCar
#OfCourseInTheEndWeLeftReallyLate
#BWasOvertiredAndCriedALotInTheCar
#SheEndedUpSleepingFor10MinutesAboutTwoHoursLaterThanSheShouldHave
#ThoughIWasABitRelievedAsIWasWorriedSheWouldNeedASuperLateBedtimeByThatPoint
#HerRoomWasHotWhenWeGotBackSoWeTriedPuttingHerInAShortSleevedVestAndLuckilySheSleptTheWholeNight

2nd August: I’m not totally sure on the photo editing. I had edited it differently, but I did not like it. I prefer this, but I’m still not sure. I like how B has one hand on Tiago and one on me though.

#WellThisWeekendWeHadOurFirstNightAwayFromMyNansHouseSinceWeMovedIn #ICanNotBelieveThatWeHaveBeenLivingHereForSevenMonthsAlready

I was anxious about it all, but it was nice to get away and see people.

#IWasSupposedToWriteAListOfThingsToTakeButOfCourseIDidNotAndWeForgotAFewThings

All that packing for one night… We took way too much stuff but I would rather take too much than too little. It took me a minute to remember how B’s cot folds up, but I managed it.

I do need to make a list for day trips and overnight stays though.

#TheMostMajorThingWasBsNoiseMachineThatPlaysWhileSheSleeps

Great. I remember saying to myself that I needed to pack it. Annoyingly I had gone in her room and noticed that I nearly forgot to take her nappies, but the noise machine is tucked out of the way.

#WeUsedMyPhoneForNapsAndThenTiagosForTheNight

This is what we played.

#OfCourseTheBatteryDiedButIThinkBOnlyWokeUpVeryBrieflySoThatWasGood

T’s phone needed to be charged so we had it plugged in for a bit, but we were worried about it being on all night so T went in to turn it off, and of course his phone died.

I did hear her briefly wake up at one point and that might have been why. It was good that she slept without it, but I thought with other people around it was a good idea to use it.

#WeWentToLiverpoolAsWeAreStillInTouchWithPeopleFromOurNCTGroup

NCT being the National Childcare Trust. We did a course with them to learn about looking after a baby, but also as we wanted to meet people as we didn’t know many people in Liverpool. And then we left.

#AndTheFirstBirthdayPartiesAreStartingToHappenSoWeWentForAJointParty

We can’t go to all of the parties (if it was a shorter drive then we would do), so it was nice that there was one for three of them. Shame we don’t have a group like them in Birmingham.

#ItWasAShameThatNotEveryoneCouldBeThereForItWasNiceToSeeSixOfThemTogether

The last time we saw some of them they were very small and not doing much. Now they are all crawling, standing up and one was walking! There are eight in total.

#BWasSuperShyWhenWeArrivedAndHeldBackOnOurPicnicBlanket

She just buried her head in it. I think it was because we were next to a lot of Dads and she doesn’t really see a lot of men. She’s usually less shy if there are a lot of babies around.

#AfterAWhileSheWasQuiteContentCrawlingRoundPickingUpEveryonesBearShapedPotatoSnacks

I don’t let B eat a lot of salt so she was in heaven. She was also eating a lot of triangular shaped adult snacks. I was surprised she ate so much dinner afterwards…

#ItRemindedMeOfGoingToSchoolDiscosAndJustSeeingHowManyBagsOfCrispsICouldEat

I think I ate seven once. Classy me.

#ThePartyHatsDidNotLastLongButTheyAllSeemedToEnjoyThemselvesAndItWasNiceToCatchUpWithTheOtherParents

They looked cute with them on. B’s was too big for her so I had to tie a knot in it.

#TheNextDayWeWentToMeetFriendsInTheCentreToHaveLunch

It was weird parking there as we always walked from home when we lived there.

#ItWasBsFirstMealAtARestaurantAndOurFirstSinceMovingToBirmingham

It seemed like a big occasion. I took no photos.

#SheJustHadBitsOfOurFoodAndIShouldHaveTakenAPictureOfHerCoveredInTomatoSauce

We looked at getting a meal for her, but we thought she would have barely eaten it. They had a kids menu, but it seemed for a lot older kids.

#ItWasSoHotOut

I had to take my shoes off as I was melting.

#LuckilyTheRestaurantManagedToGiveUsSomeShadeAsIWasWorriedAboutBGettingTooHot

And someone let us move as I could not have sat in the sun for that long.

#IThoughtItWouldHaveBeenReallyHotAtTheBirthdayPartyButItWasNotSoIDidNotDressAppropriately

It was fairly cold at the park for the party, so I thought the next day would be more of the same. I had shaved my legs in a hurry before we left Brum and cut my ankle quite badly (I’ve never cut myself that much shaving in my life). If I had known it would have been so hot I would have had no leggings on and worn sandals. Oh well. That’s what we get for being away from home and not checking the weather as much.

#LiverpoolLookedLikeItWasBackToNormalAsThereWereSoManyPeople

I was surprised on a day so hot that people were in the centre. I would have chilled in a park or a garden or something… but we had plans and they did too.

#WeWantedToGetAPictureWithTheBeatlesStatueButItWasTooBusy

Gone again are the days of it being super quiet. I guess it was a weekend and it was hot. I used to walk past it with B everyday on our walks.

#IFeelAwkwardHavingAPhotoTakenWithSoManyPeopleWatchingToo

There’s also a queue of people watching and yeah I find it awkward.

#WeWentToOpenEyeGalleryBrieflyToSeeFriends

We wanted to go for longer but it was already getting late.

#WeUsedTheBabyChangingFacilitiesAndItWasTheFirstTimeWeHaveChangedHerNappyInAPublicPlaceSinceMovingIThink

Bit weird to say, but again it feels worth mentioning. Our friends said they could hear B singing/talking from the reception area.

#WePlannedToGetOnTheRoadWhenItWasTimeForBsSecondNapSoSheCouldSleepInTheCar

We travelled to Liverpool when it was time for her first nap. We had left a little earlier and the first wake window is meant to be 2 hours 45 minutes to 3 hours. She fell asleep pretty much on 2 hours 45 minutes.

#OfCourseInTheEndWeLeftReallyLate

We know she can get away with being awake a little longer if she has to.

#BWasOvertiredAndCriedALotInTheCar

I was hoping to have a nap myself and read more of Pregnant Then Screwed, instead I was doing a lot of singing and stressing out.

#SheEndedUpSleepingFor10MinutesAboutTwoHoursLaterThanSheShouldHave

She woke up crying a lot. 🙁

#ThoughIWasABitRelievedAsIWasWorriedSheWouldNeedASuperLateBedtimeByThatPoint

You can’t win can you?

#HerRoomWasHotWhenWeGotBackSoWeTriedPuttingHerInAShortSleevedVestAndLuckilySheSleptTheWholeNight

Lighter sleeping bag or shorter sleeved top? We went for shorter sleeved top and it seemed okay. If it’s this hot in May I am worried for August, but we’ll hopefully get better at judging what she needs to wear.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Eighth Family Portrait (24th April 2021)

Eighth Family Portrait (24th April 2021)
 
#IHaveSaidBeforeThatIHadWishWeHadDoneAFamilyPortraitEveryMonthSinceBWasBorn
#ButItDoesNotFeelLikeThatLongSinceTheLastOne
#ItIsTheWeekendAndTiagoSaidHeIsUpForDoingOneThoughSoWhyNot
#HeHasJustComeBackFromHavingHisSecondVaccine
#LastTimeHeHadToTakeTheNextDayOffWorkSoItMadeMoreSenseToGetItOnASaturdayThisTime
#TheWeatherIsNiceSoWeCanJustLazeAroundInTheGardenAtLeast
#ThisWeekWasGoodAsWeDidALotMoreThingsButMaybeItWasTooMuch
#IThinkWeNeedToLimitThingsToOnePlanADayAndThenMaybeHaveANoPlansDay
#YesterdayIThoughtWeWouldSeeIfBWouldTakeHerMorningNapInThePushchairWhichSheHasNotDoneInMonthsss
#IThinkSheOnlySleptFor10MinutesAndSoIWasStressedInsteadOfEnjoyingSeeingFriends
#ThenWeHadBookedOntoAWalkForAnHourAfterwardsAndBWouldNotSleepDuringThatTime
#ThenOnTheWalkSheWasFussySoILeftEarlyAndOfCourseSheFellAsleepOnTheWayHome
#ILetHerHave20MinutesAsItWasLunchtime
#LuckilySheWentOffToSleepWhenIAmUsuallyWakingHerUpFromHer2ndNap
#AndSheOnlyWentToBed30MinutesLaterThanUsualAndSleptWellInTheNightSoItAllWorkedOut
#ItAllSoundsLikeReallyBoringStuffButDueToThePandemicIHaveNotReallyHadToBeSpontaneousAndFlexibleWithHerRoutine
#AndIWorryAboutHowThingsThatHappenDuringTheDayWillAffectHerSleepAtNight
#LuckilyIThinkSheAdaptsPrettyWellSoINeedToStopBeingAStressHead
#WeSeemToHaveFoundTheRightClothesForHerAtBedtimeAsSheHasSleptALotBetterAtNightTheLast2Nights
#WhenIPutHerInHerPushchairNowSheSeemsToKnowThatSheNeedsToBeBuckledInAndAlwaysReachesForTheBottomPartOfIt
#ItMightJustBeSomethingThatSheLikesToMessWithButILikeToThinkThatSheIsHelpingMe
#YesterdayIWasJustRandomlyFilmingBAndItLookedLikeSheWasTryingToDoAYogaSequence
#TheOtherDaySheWasLaughingAtAPigeonDrinkingWaterFromABirdBathAndShakingItsHeadAfterwards
#ItIsAmazingHowMuchSheHasChangedSinceWeMovedHereNearly6MonthsAgo
#NanHasBeenSoKeenToGoToTheHairdressersThatSheWentAWeekEarlyForHerAppointment
#LuckilyTheySqueezedHerInSoSheIsHappy
#WeHaveDecidedToTryToGoToPortugalThisSummerForAWeddingButTiagoNeedsToSortHisPassportOut
#IPlannedToTakeBToSomeCharityShopsWhileTiagoWentToGetSomePhotosDone
#IHadTakenSomeForHimSomeWeeksAgoButTheWebsiteSaidTheyWerePoorDueToUsingFlashEtc
#WeEndedUpJustGoingInOneAsWeGotChattingToANiceLadyForAgesSoWeWillHaveToGoBackAnotherTime

#IHaveSaidBeforeThatIHadWishWeHadDoneAFamilyPortraitEveryMonthSinceBWasBorn

She’s been around for 11 months and this is our eighth, so we haven’t missed many really.

#ButItDoesNotFeelLikeThatLongSinceTheLastOne

Now I feel like if we want to keep doing them monthly then we need to take them at the end of the month. I thought maybe we could try next Saturday instead, but it’s 1st May. So nope, today is the day!

#ItIsTheWeekendAndTiagoSaidHeIsUpForDoingOneThoughSoWhyNot

We are yet to take it, so hopefully we’re all still in the mood later.

(26th May: Well, we managed it. It’s not the best picture, but it was the best out of a bad bunch. Originally I edited it so that she had two left arms (and one was holding a ball), but I didn’t do it very well so I had another go with it last week or so and I much prefer this.)

#HeHasJustComeBackFromHavingHisSecondVaccine

I think that maybe I need to start being proactive and try to find a spare vaccine. There must be some going to waste every day?

Tiago asked a steward and they said to call around 11am, but that the person at reception might be annoyed. Can’t wait to call…

#LastTimeHeHadToTakeTheNextDayOffWorkSoItMadeMoreSenseToGetItOnASaturdayThisTime

He said he is already feeling sick, but I guess we’ll have to see. I’m trying to get my work done ASAP so I can look after him if need be.

(26th May: He was fine.)

#TheWeatherIsNiceSoWeCanJustLazeAroundInTheGardenAtLeast

We don’t have any plans this weekend, so it’s a good time to have a lazy weekend.

#ThisWeekWasGoodAsWeDidALotMoreThingsButMaybeItWasTooMuch

Typical I want to do lots of things, and then I do lots of things and it feels like too much.

#IThinkWeNeedToLimitThingsToOnePlanADayAndThenMaybeHaveANoPlansDay

On Thursday we had no plans and I felt super tired so it’s definitely a good idea. If I know we have some plans here and there then I feel better, so now it’s about finding the right balance. Maybe as I get used to socialising again we can do more.

#YesterdayIThoughtWeWouldSeeIfBWouldTakeHerMorningNapInThePushchairWhichSheHasNotDoneInMonthsss

I was nervous.

#IThinkSheOnlySleptFor10MinutesAndSoIWasStressedInsteadOfEnjoyingSeeingFriends

She seemed to be asleep and I was standing outside of the kid’s playground as I thought the squeaky gate might wake her up. Went through the gate and thought I’d got away with it even though it SQUEAKED, then after not very long I realised she was awake. Fail. We can try again in the future, but maybe it’s best if it is a walk and not somewhere where there are a lot of kids. Luckily I knew we had the rest of the day to make it up.

#ThenWeHadBookedOntoAWalkForAnHourAfterwardsAndBWouldNotSleepDuringThatTime

I had debated just going home, but thought I shouldn’t as it used to be fully booked and I have whined before about people not turning up. I nearly couldn’t find anyone as the person was running late, but just as I was about to give up I found them.

#ThenOnTheWalkSheWasFussySoILeftEarlyAndOfCourseSheFellAsleepOnTheWayHome

I was so stressed out by this point and not in the mood to talk to people anyways. I think we will give the walk a miss in future as B doesn’t like to be stuck in her pushchair for an hour – which I have said before.

I was also glad to go home as it was a warm day and I had washed my water bottle, but it tasted so much of soap. I rinsed it out loads yesterday and it still does. Blergh.

#ILetHerHave20MinutesAsItWasLunchtime

Usually when I stop pushing her she wakes up, but she was in a deep sleep. I felt bad waking her but I was not sure what to do with her schedule. I was hoping if she had a shorter nap that she would be tired enough to have an earlier nap.

#LuckilySheWentOffToSleepWhenIAmUsuallyWakingHerUpFromHer2ndNap

Hurrah. It was only 2 hours after I had woken her up, and she is usually awake for 3 and a half hours after her first nap so it went well. I tried to nap, but it was difficult. I think I only had 10 minutes, then I read some of the 3rd Narnia book – The Horse and His Boy. I am really enjoying the series.

#AndSheOnlyWentToBed30MinutesLaterThanUsualAndSleptWellInTheNightSoItAllWorkedOut

Hurrah.

#ItAllSoundsLikeReallyBoringStuffButDueToThePandemicIHaveNotReallyHadToBeSpontaneousAndFlexibleWithHerRoutine

So it is super stressful for me. Though some parents may read this and be like ‘you need to chill more’. Hopefully with time! I had packed lunch for her in case we wanted to have lunch out after the walk – maybe next time!

#AndIWorryAboutHowThingsThatHappenDuringTheDayWillAffectHerSleepAtNight

I just want her to sleep well as she hasn’t been so much lately – until the last couple of nights. T said maybe she is going through a leap. Checked the app. Lightning sign over the next few weeks. Okay.

#LuckilyIThinkSheAdaptsPrettyWellSoINeedToStopBeingAStressHead

I think having the blackout blinds in her room helped yesterday as well.

#WeSeemToHaveFoundTheRightClothesForHerAtBedtimeAsSheHasSleptALotBetterAtNightTheLast2Nights

At the moment she has a long sleeved vest on and a 2.5 tog sleeping bag. We tried the long sleeved vest with the 1 tog (too cold?), and a long sleeved suit with the 1 tog (too hot?).

#WhenIPutHerInHerPushchairNowSheSeemsToKnowThatSheNeedsToBeBuckledInAndAlwaysReachesForTheBottomPartOfIt

She’s done it the last few days now. I find it really cute.

#ItMightJustBeSomethingThatSheLikesToMessWithButILikeToThinkThatSheIsHelpingMe

She did something similar in her highchair today too – reaching for the strap on one side. However she does like to hold onto her highchair and chew on the buckle when it’s just hanging around.

#YesterdayIWasJustRandomlyFilmingBAndItLookedLikeSheWasTryingToDoAYogaSequence

She put her hands on the floor, then kneeled and put one foot on the floor, then lifted her arms in the air.

#TheOtherDaySheWasLaughingAtAPigeonDrinkingWaterFromABirdBathAndShakingItsHeadAfterwards

I was too late to film it. I just got her looking away from it, doing a loud scream, then turning back to see it was flying away.

#ItIsAmazingHowMuchSheHasChangedSinceWeMovedHereNearly6MonthsAgo

We hadn’t even started to wean her before we moved here, and now she is picking chunks of butternut squash out of her porridge and chewing them down fairly nicely – there was a little choke this morning.

#NanHasBeenSoKeenToGoToTheHairdressersThatSheWentAWeekEarlyForHerAppointment

I was thinking it was a bit soon considering they had called her two days ago.

#LuckilyTheySqueezedHerInSoSheIsHappy

She was also happy to get out of the house for a bit.

#WeHaveDecidedToTryToGoToPortugalThisSummerForAWeddingButTiagoNeedsToSortHisPassportOut

The trip used to be a right faff without a baby and a pandemic, so let’s see how it goes. Two flights, probably starting off from Manchester or London, maybe getting cancelled due to Covid, maybe having to isolate somewhere, yeah I am already stressed. Tiago hasn’t seen his family in 18 months and he hasn’t been to his home island in 2 years…

(26th May: H got his passport last week. I knew it came quicker than we thought it would, but wow that was fast. The site said it was a 10 week wait…)

#IPlannedToTakeBToSomeCharityShopsWhileTiagoWentToGetSomePhotosDone

Baby clothes, baby books, baby toys – let’s see what they’ve got!

#IHadTakenSomeForHimSomeWeeksAgoButTheWebsiteSaidTheyWerePoorDueToUsingFlashEtc

The only room with a plain/empty wall in this house is B’s room, and the windows are on one side of it. Hello shadow. So I tried with flash and they said it was rubbish, so I said Tiago should go to a shop and get it done. I did B’s fine, but I think they are less fussy with babies.

#WeEndedUpJustGoingInOneAsWeGotChattingToANiceLadyForAgesSoWeWillHaveToGoBackAnotherTime

She just asked what I thought of the sunglasses she was trying on, then noticed B and we got talking about the pandemic, classes, life etc.

We have less plans for next week, so let’s see how it goes!


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Seventh Family Portrait (28th March 2021)

Tiago holding B, while I hug both of them. B's face is covered by her hand which has been edited onto her face and enlarged.
Seventh Family Portrait (28th March 2021)
 
#ItIsAShameThatWeHaveNotManagedToDoAFamilyPortraitEveryMonthSinceBWasBorn
#IGuessSevenOutOfTenIsNotBadConsideringIDidNotRealiseItWasGoingToBeARegularThing
#BIsTryingToStandUpAsMuchAsPossibleTheseDays
#SheUsesAStepladderTheSofaAllOfMyNansLittleTablesAndThingsLikeGlassShelvesWhichWeHadHiddenAwayWithCushions
#SheIsGettingStrongerEverydayButSheStillHasALotOfBumps
#TheDentistWentOkayTheOtherDayThoughIKeptApologisingForHowBadMyTeethAre
#SheSaidThatWeShouldLetBHavingAGoAtBrushingHerOwnTeethToo
#INearlyLaughedOutLoudAsWeAreFindingItDifficultEnough
#ButWeJustMakeTheSoundOfAnElectricToothbrushAndSheLetsUsBrushHerSoleToothAndHerGums
#MyBackToothIsPlayingUpAndWillProbablyNeedToBeRemovedAtSomePoint
#ItWasSoWeirdRemovingMyMaskWhileBeingSoCloseToStrangers
#IFeltAwkwardRemovingItAndSheSaidThatALotOfPeopleSayTheSame
#ThisMorningTheClocksChangedAndLuckilyForUsBWokeUpAtSevenThirtyWhichWasSixThirtyOldTime
#SheWokeUpAtSixThirtyYesterdayTooWhichIsBetterThanSixSoLetsSeeWhatTimeSheWakesUpNowWithTheTimeChange
#IKnowIShouldHaveGoneToBedEarlierLastNightButIKindOfResentedTheFactThatIShouldSoIDidNot
#MyNewJobIsSoTiring
#IHadANapAfterIGotInTodayWhenBHadHersAndIDidTheSameYesterday
#TheNapAlwaysEndsUpBeingAbout35MinutesAndIWakeUpFeelingSuperGroggy
#IRecentlyFoundTheEyeMaskThatIGotForMyJustInCaseHospitalBirthBag
#ItHasBeenGettingSomeUseAndItDefinitelyHelpsMeFallAsleepQuicker
#WeDidThisShootAfterWeAllWokeUpFromOurNap
#WeWouldHaveJustPhotographedUsInBedButIRealisedThatOurLastFamilyPortraitWasUsLyingInBed
#SoWeMovedBsCotAndDidTheShootInHerRoom
#AtOnePointSheActuallyTookASetOfPhotosAsSheWasMessingWithMyComputerAndPressedTheButtonToShootASet
#SheSpentTheShootTryingToStandUpThenBeingAnnoyedAtUsTryingToKeepHerInShotOrSheWasCrawlingAwayAndBashingMyLaptop
#ItIsNiceToBeOutOfTheHouseMoreButItIsWeird
#MyBodyIsDefinitelyNotUsedToAllTheWalkingButHopefullyItWillGetOverItSoon
#IAmEnjoyingIntroducingBToMoreMusicThoughSheDoesJustSeemToLoveJumpByVanHalen
#InTheLastWeekIHavePlayedLauraVeirsJulyFlameAlbumALotWhenFeedingHerAsItIsQuiteRelaxing
#ICanNotBelieveHowMuchSheChangesWeekToWeekAndHowMuchOfASmallHumanSheIs

#ItIsAShameThatWeHaveNotManagedToDoAFamilyPortraitEveryMonthSinceBWasBorn #IGuessSevenOutOfTenIsNotBadConsideringIDidNotRealiseItWasGoingToBeARegularThing

There are definitely themes within this project with the 3 big ones being the family portraits, ‘portrait of a mother of a … month old’ (which I also have not done every month) and imitating B.

#BIsTryingToStandUpAsMuchAsPossibleTheseDays #SheUsesAStepladderTheSofaAllOfMyNansLittleTablesAndThingsLikeGlassShelvesWhichWeHadHiddenAwayWithCushions

The stepladder that I sit on to feed her in her highchair, the sofa that my Nan sits on, the tables that house things like photo frames and vases, and the glass shelves under the TV which she pushes the cushion away from to do so. Fun times.

#SheIsGettingStrongerEverydayButSheStillHasALotOfBumps

I am trying to be chilled out about it, as you could bubble wrap her and she’d still hurt herself.

#TheDentistWentOkayTheOtherDayThoughIKeptApologisingForHowBadMyTeethAre

I just felt embarrassed. She’s like ‘do you eat a lot of sugar?’, but I said I’m paying for my teenage/early 20s sugar sins.

I was known in high school for my addiction to a certain sugary drink and I was sure one day I’d get a tattoo related to it. I’m glad to say that I have no tattoos. I had that certain drink while at a hospital for a pregnancy scan (when pregnant with B) and they wanted her to change positions. They told me to get a sugary drink and walk up and down the corridors. The drink tasted disgusting (probably due to less sugar) and she did not move.

#SheSaidThatWeShouldLetBHavingAGoAtBrushingHerOwnTeethToo #INearlyLaughedOutLoudAsWeAreFindingItDifficultEnough #ButWeJustMakeTheSoundOfAnElectricToothbrushAndSheLetsUsBrushHerSoleToothAndHerGums

I keep referring to her teeth, but she does just have the one for now. I am dreading future teeth arriving. I hope they just all turn up at once.

#MyBackToothIsPlayingUpAndWillProbablyNeedToBeRemovedAtSomePoint

Great. I’m not looking forward to that day.

#ItWasSoWeirdRemovingMyMaskWhileBeingSoCloseToStrangers

The dentist and her assistant.

#IFeltAwkwardRemovingItAndSheSaidThatALotOfPeopleSayTheSame

I just kept it on until she said to take it off as I just felt so weirded out by it.

#ThisMorningTheClocksChangedAndLuckilyForUsBWokeUpAtSevenThirtyWhichWasSixThirtyOldTime

I say luckily enough, but B has been waking up at 6 a lot for a long time.

#SheWokeUpAtSixThirtyYesterdayTooWhichIsBetterThanSixSoLetsSeeWhatTimeSheWakesUpNowWithTheTimeChange

I am guessing it could be 6 new time, which will be 5. I hope not… I hope all the standing up has tired her out.

#IKnowIShouldHaveGoneToBedEarlierLastNightButIKindOfResentedTheFactThatIShouldSoIDidNot

I think I should go to bed early tonight though!

#MyNewJobIsSoTiring

It is a different kind of tiring to mothering all day.

#IHadANapAfterIGotInTodayWhenBHadHersAndIDidTheSameYesterday

Family naps as T also had naps too. He’s not used to looking after B so much at weekends without me either.

We just had a chat and he said he used to feel recharged on Sunday nights for work and now he feels knackered. We’ll have to see how things go.

#TheNapAlwaysEndsUpBeingAbout35MinutesAndIWakeUpFeelingSuperGroggy

So we bring in B from her room and sit in bed until we wake up a bit.

#IRecentlyFoundTheEyeMaskThatIGotForMyJustInCaseHospitalBirthBag

The one that I used for 4 days and have on my head in this photo.

#ItHasBeenGettingSomeUseAndItDefinitelyHelpsMeFallAsleepQuicker

Hello instantly dark room.

#WeDidThisShootAfterWeAllWokeUpFromOurNap

We planned to do it before the nap, but time flew by and we weren’t in the mood.

#WeWouldHaveJustPhotographedUsInBedButIRealisedThatOurLastFamilyPortraitWasUsLyingInBed

Yeah, this one.

#SoWeMovedBsCotAndDidTheShootInHerRoom

My old ‘studio’ wall, which I also use for my dance videos.

#AtOnePointSheActuallyTookASetOfPhotosAsSheWasMessingWithMyComputerAndPressedTheButtonToShootASet

I ordered a new remote as my other one was going weird, but I’ve been using my laptop to just keep shooting frames and I like this method. It’s a lot easier with a wriggling baby…

#SheSpentTheShootTryingToStandUpThenBeingAnnoyedAtUsTryingToKeepHerInShotOrSheWasCrawlingAwayAndBashingMyLaptop

Classic. She does love smacking my laptop a bit too much.

(21st April: I think the final shot is a bit messy with the composition, but this was the reality of trying to do a shoot. I’m never sure what to use to cover B’s face, but I liked how her hand was so I instinctively copied and pasted it, then enlarged it to cover her features better. It fits well with something I like in photos – hands.)

#ItIsNiceToBeOutOfTheHouseMoreButItIsWeird

With my job. I really need to check the weather before I go out as it changes so fast. Today I just wore a coat the whole time as it was spitting constantly (the weather).

#MyBodyIsDefinitelyNotUsedToAllTheWalkingButHopefullyItWillGetOverItSoon

I’ve had my period this week, so hopefully I won’t be so tired next week.

#IAmEnjoyingIntroducingBToMoreMusicThoughSheDoesJustSeemToLoveJumpByVanHalen

She just looks up at our Alexa a lot.

(21st April: Weirdly as I got to this bit it came on. I need to find her more songs as we listen to it way too much.)

#InTheLastWeekIHavePlayedLauraVeirsJulyFlameAlbumALotWhenFeedingHerAsItIsQuiteRelaxing

We used to listen to Bryan Adams a lot, though I was playing The Knife while feeding her dinner today.

‘Heartbeats’ used to be my alarm for years. Tiago heard it and said ‘this used to be your alarm, I hate this song’. Whenever I hear it I do just think of my alarm.

#ICanNotBelieveHowMuchSheChangesWeekToWeekAndHowMuchOfASmallHumanSheIs

Well, these hashtags jumped around a lot at the end, but yes it is so weird. It almost feels like she has always crawled, but 9 months ago she could not even hold her head up by herself. Bizarre.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Sixth Family Portrait (6th February 2021)

Sixth Family Portrait (6th February 2021)
 
#BHasStartedToSquealAndScreechALotInTheLastWeek
#ICallHerMyScreecherCreature
#NanMadeMeLaughTheOtherDayWhenSheAskedBIfSheWasAnOperaSinger
#SheAlsoKeptSayingHowCleverIWasAfterIOpenedAJarOfMarmalade
#BNowAlsoLikesToJustEatTheLabelsOnAnything
#SheWillBeSatInHerHighchairWithFoodInFrontOfHerAndSheJustWantsToEatTheLabelOnHerBib
#IAmWorriedThatBsFirstWordWillBeSkipDueToMeAlwaysSkippingSongsWhileSheEats
#SometimesINearlyCallHerAlexa
#IWasWorriedThatSheWouldThinkThatWasHerNameButIfISayAlexaSheLooksInTheDirectionOfTheMachine
#NowWhenSheDropsHerCupFromHerHighchairSheClosesHerEyesAndAnticipatesTheSoundOfItHittingTheFloor
#SheHasHadSomeReallyDryPatchesOnHerBodyForAWhileAndItIsStartingToUpsetMeABit
#WeApplyCreamALotButWeJustNeedToApplyItMore
#IHaveOrderedSomeOtherStuffThatAFriendRecommendedSoHopefullyItComesSoon
#SheHasADryPatchDevelopingOnHerFaceNowWhichMakesMeFeelWorse
#IUsedToGetReallyDrySkinWhenIWasYoungerThough
#IRememberHavingAReallyDryPatchRightByMyEyeForAbout6MonthsOrSoWhichMadeMeFeelWonderfulInHighSchool
#AnywaysAfterMyLastEntryISpokeToTheWomanWhoChecksOnMeEveryCoupleOfWeeks
#SheSaysIAmDoingEverythingPossibleButIJustNeedToBeMorePositiveAndKickNegativeThoughtsAway
#SheAskedHowTiagoIsAndIFeltBadAsIHadNotReallyThoughtAboutHowRecentEventsMightMakeHimFeel
#WeHadTalkedAboutItABitButIWasTooObsessedWithWhatOrWasNotHappeningToMyBodyAndHowIWasFeelingSoIMadeSureWeSpokeAboutItLater
#BIsGettingVeryQuickAtRemovingTiagosGlassesFromHisFace
#IJustRealisedThatHeUsuallyTakesThemOffForTheFamilyPortraitsSoSomePeopleMightNotBeAwareThatHeWearsThem
#WeProbablyStayedUpTooLateLastNight
#BWokeUpAtFiveThirtyButLuckilySheWentBackToSleepAfterAWhileAndThenTiagoGotHerUpAt7
#TheNightBeforeIWantedToGoToBedEarlyAsIWantedAGoodNapBeforeWakingUpForATalkAtMidnight
#ObviouslyIBarelyNappedAndThenICouldNotSleepForTwoHoursAfterTheTalkAsIFeltSoInspired
#IFeelSoGuiltyForMakingWorkAboutMyselfButThenIRealiseThatALotOfOtherPeopleAreDoingIt
#INeedToStopFeelingSoGuiltyAboutSoManyThingsAndJustCareLess
#IWantToGetMoreIntoPoetryAndOrCreativeWritingButIDoNotReallyKnowWhereToStart
#LastNightISuddenlyFeltInspiredToTryToWriteAPoemButItJustSeemedToTurnIntoMyHashtagWriting

#BHasStartedToSquealAndScreechALotInTheLastWeek

Typically it’s always after someone else mentions that their baby is squealing a lot.

#ICallHerMyScreecherCreature

She seems to like any names that rhyme – Pissy Missy has made her laugh on a few occasions…

#NanMadeMeLaughTheOtherDayWhenSheAskedBIfSheWasAnOperaSinger

I would love it if B did something to do with music. We attend enough music classes. This week we did one everyday again.

#SheAlsoKeptSayingHowCleverIWasAfterIOpenedAJarOfMarmalade

I could hear her telling Tiago how smart I was. Then later on she was telling me that I can do anything. This did start after I opened a jar of marmalade for her.

Nan’s a great cheerleader, though I wish she understood what I do with most of my free time and cheer me on with my art things. I feel like I need it…

#BNowAlsoLikesToJustEatTheLabelsOnAnything #SheWillBeSatInHerHighchairWithFoodInFrontOfHerAndSheJustWantsToEatTheLabelOnHerBib

Tiago got her up and looked after her this morning. I came into the room and B was eating a label on a cuddly toy…

#IAmWorriedThatBsFirstWordWillBeSkipDueToMeAlwaysSkippingSongsWhileSheEats #SometimesINearlyCallHerAlexa #IWasWorriedThatSheWouldThinkThatWasHerNameButIfISayAlexaSheLooksInTheDirectionOfTheMachine

My sister got us a device for Xmas. We didn’t think we’d need it, but it has become really useful – my hands are usually covered in porridge when I want to change songs. I just wish they’d sort out the volume control on them as turning the volume up by one usually makes it way too loud, or turning it down by one makes it too quiet. Hard life.

#NowWhenSheDropsHerCupFromHerHighchairSheClosesHerEyesAndAnticipatesTheSoundOfItHittingTheFloor

It is quite cute when she closes her eyes, but now I know she knows what she is doing.

She’s started to pick the cup up herself, but she drinks from it in weird ways. I’ll have to imitate it for a photo one day…

#SheHasHadSomeReallyDryPatchesOnHerBodyForAWhileAndItIsStartingToUpsetMeABit #WeApplyCreamALotButWeJustNeedToApplyItMore #IHaveOrderedSomeOtherStuffThatAFriendRecommendedSoHopefullyItComesSoon #SheHasADryPatchDevelopingOnHerFaceNowWhichMakesMeFeelWorse

I think I have mentioned it, but I’ve also not because I feel so bad about it.

Some days it does seem to be getting better, but then it goes bad again. I showed my Mum and she said to keep applying cream, though I’m hoping this other stuff will work.

#IUsedToGetReallyDrySkinWhenIWasYoungerThough #IRememberHavingAReallyDryPatchRightByMyEyeForAbout6MonthsOrSoWhichMadeMeFeelWonderfulInHighSchool

Mmm crusty eye. I’ve got a bit of a dry patch by my left eye right now – I think my eye has been getting dry from being on a computer more lately, so I was itching it and now the skin is upset. Great.

#AnywaysAfterMyLastEntryISpokeToTheWomanWhoChecksOnMeEveryCoupleOfWeeks #SheSaysIAmDoingEverythingPossibleButIJustNeedToBeMorePositiveAndKickNegativeThoughtsAway

I mentioned that the other night I was watching the monitor and then got really worried about B. I knew I was being silly, but sometimes you just get stuck in these thoughts.

I’ve mentioned before about me finding it easier to be negative about things. I finished reading Untamed last week and there was a bit where she talks about becoming more positive and then someone commenting that they now find it hard to relate to her. Food for thought.

#SheAskedHowTiagoIsAndIFeltBadAsIHadNotReallyThoughtAboutHowRecentEventsMightMakeHimFeel #WeHadTalkedAboutItABitButIWasTooObsessedWithWhatOrWasNotHappeningToMyBodyAndHowIWasFeelingSoIMadeSureWeSpokeAboutItLater

Sorry Tiago – I was a bit too wrapped up in my own thoughts and feelings. These hashtags today are making me feel awkward. Maybe this whole project is a bit too self obsessed. Maybe I am self obsessed? I was wondering about that the other night.

Merriam-Webster says ‘excessively preoccupied with oneself or with one’s own concerns’.

Hmm, yes and no. I feel like I could write an essay about this, but I want to finish writing this so I can make some scones for B while she is still asleep (and catch-up on RuPaul’s Drag Race UK).

#BIsGettingVeryQuickAtRemovingTiagosGlassesFromHisFace

Super speedy.

#IJustRealisedThatHeUsuallyTakesThemOffForTheFamilyPortraitsSoSomePeopleMightNotBeAwareThatHeWearsThem

I am hoping a family portrait will accompany this. I want to try to include Nan, but let’s see.

(7th February: Well, we did a shoot. We tried to do some more ‘typical’ family portraits, but it ended up being a bit more documentary which is quite nice actually. Typically I talk about Tiago not wearing glasses in them, but he ended up having them on this time. Maybe we’ll get Nan in a future shoot.)

#WeProbablyStayedUpTooLateLastNight

11 o’clock. Just faffing on our phones…

#BWokeUpAtFiveThirtyButLuckilySheWentBackToSleepAfterAWhileAndThenTiagoGotHerUpAt7

I could not get out of bed to go to her at 5.30am. I talked to her through the baby monitor, and then turned the heating on in her room via my phone. Eventually she went back to sleep.

Tiago tends to get up with her. He tells me to rest, but my brain is usually just thinking about what I want to do today. I did some yoga and posted a blog post. Then I came back to write the hashtags after Tiago said I could have another half an hour. I planned to write the blog post then too, but nope!

#TheNightBeforeIWantedToGoToBedEarlyAsIWantedAGoodNapBeforeWakingUpForATalkAtMidnight #ObviouslyIBarelyNappedAndThenICouldNotSleepForTwoHoursAfterTheTalkAsIFeltSoInspired

The talk was so good – it’s online here.

I knew they would probably put it online afterwards, but I did not want to miss it just in case. I also like to try to attend events when they happen as it is somewhat easier to see it live than watch a recording – did that make any sense? I was just lying in bed watching it, which I probably would not do with a recording – I’d feel like I had to sit at my desk and work on other things which is not necessarily bad.

#IFeelSoGuiltyForMakingWorkAboutMyselfButThenIRealiseThatALotOfOtherPeopleAreDoingIt

All the artists were making work about themselves, their families and/or about something very personal.

I think now with pandemic a lot more people are turning inwards too so I don’t know why I find it so awkward.

#INeedToStopFeelingSoGuiltyAboutSoManyThingsAndJustCareLess

An article did once call me the Queen of Awkward, and I think that is still the case.

I’ve been thinking about trying to get funding for my work. Trying to balance ‘normal’ work, personal work and looking after a baby is a bit tough. Other people get funding to make their personal work, so why can’t I?

#IWantToGetMoreIntoPoetryAndOrCreativeWritingButIDoNotReallyKnowWhereToStart #LastNightISuddenlyFeltInspiredToTryToWriteAPoemButItJustSeemedToTurnIntoMyHashtagWriting

I am writing this more just as a reminder to myself. Maybe there is more I can do with the hashtags? I want to experiment with and learn about other art forms. I think with photography I just know how it all works and though my confidence is low I will show it, whereas with other art forms I just feel a bit lost and unsure. A few years ago I was painting a bit and sharing them, but then I felt awkward and I started a project that required me to travel so it got put on the back burner. I need to go back to things and I need to make time to try things.

I can’t believe how much free time I used to have that I completely wasted. I should have relaxed more, tried new things and just lived a bit more.

Oh well.


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