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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Third Family Portrait (2nd October 2020)

(I wrote this on 2nd October 2020, whilst dancing in my chair to You Know Me Better by Róisín Murphy on repeat. I haven’t listened to music properly in a while and it feels really good.

I’ve been making a big batch of dance videos every 2 weeks now and I’m looking forward to hopefully making some more tomorrow.)

<19th October – I made some, but I’m not sure if it was the next day. I am planning to dance to a new Róisín Murphy song in my next bath of videos.

I’ve been trying to post this all day, but I just haven’t had the time. I’m hoping that I can now while B is supposed to be having a catnap, but I can hear her making noise…>

Me dancing to the song, whilst 3 months pregnant…

Anyways…

I think this photo sums up our family quite well in some way. Me looking at the camera, and Tiago and B not. It almost looks like two photos have been edited together or something.

Third Family Portrait (2nd October 2020)
 
#WhoopsICanNotBelieveItHasBeenAMonthAndAHalfSinceTheLastFamilyPortrait
#WeHadPlannedToDoItEarlierInTheDayButInTheEndItWasGettingLateAndBWasGettingRestless
#TypicallyIHadToldSomeoneThatHerSleepingWasNotThatBadAndThenSheTookAgesToSettleAtBedtime
#HerBedtimeIsUsuallyBetween7And8WithADreamFeedAround10
#AndTheLastFewNightsIHaveNotFedHerUntil7InTheMorning
#ThoughSheNormallyWakesUpQuiteABit
#LastNightSheWokeUpLessButIStillFeltLikeIHadOnlySleptFor5Minutes
#IHaveBeenHavingANapEverydayLately
#IAmNotSureIfItIsParentingTheWeatherLifeOrEverything
#IThinkMyPeriodMayHaveStarted
#IHaveNotHadOneSinceSeptember2019AndTypicallyWeAreGoingSwimmingTomorrow
#IWasHopingToGoWithoutThemForABitLonger
#YesterdayTiagoCommentedThatBWasLookingABitTooBigInHerBassinet
#SoLastNightIAssembledTheChairElementOfHerPushchairAndSheWentInItForTheFirstTimeToday
#NewRulesGotAnnouncedForLiverpool
#NoMeetingUpWithOtherPeopleInsideForAnyReason
#AndMeetingUpOutsideIsNotRecommended
#TheNotRecommendedStuffIsABitAnnoying
#EitherWeAreAllowedOrWeAreNot
#AnywaysWeWentToTheCityCentreTodayToGetFalafelWraps
#IFoundTheWholeExperienceSoStressfulThatIWillNotBeWalkingThereAgainAnytimeSoon
#PeopleDoNotCareAboutSocialDistancingAndIJustFeltAnxiousTheWholeTime
#ItWasTooColdToEatOutsideSoWeWalkedHomeWithThem
#TiagoAteHisWhilstIFedBAndAfterAWhileIWasSoHungryThatIDecidedToEatItOverHer
#YesterdayWeAlsoStartedToPutHerInHer3To6MonthsOnesies
#SheHasALotOfTheSamePatternsAsHer0To3MonthsOnes
#SheHadANiceNewOneOnTodayAndIGotFalafelWrapJuiceAllOverIt
#CleverMe
#IAskedTiagoIfHeHadAnythingToSayWithTheHashtagsButHeSaidNo
#IAmNotLookingForwardToHimGoingBackToWorkNextWeek

#WhoopsICanNotBelieveItHasBeenAMonthAndAHalfSinceTheLastFamilyPortrait

Time just flies by. I honestly thought we had already taken a third one, and I was trying to remember the image as I could only remember the second one that we took in August.

#WeHadPlannedToDoItEarlierInTheDayButInTheEndItWasGettingLateAndBWasGettingRestless

T said we could try again tomorrow when ‘we’re all clean and stuff’, but I’m sure one of them will do, and I want this project to be an accurate portrayal of how we look day to day.

#TypicallyIHadToldSomeoneThatHerSleepingWasNotThatBadAndThenSheTookAgesToSettleAtBedtime

I think she got overtired. We follow a schedule, but it just gets a bit messy around bedtime and I usually end up feeding her twice in that awake period.

<Her second nap was unusually bad today. I wonder if she is teething or something.

I had to go and check on her as she is definitely not sleeping now. I only want her to sleep for 20-30 minutes, but it takes more than that to try to get her to sleep at times…>

#HerBedtimeIsUsuallyBetween7And8WithADreamFeedAround10 #AndTheLastFewNightsIHaveNotFedHerUntil7InTheMorning #ThoughSheNormallyWakesUpQuiteABit #LastNightSheWokeUpLessButIStillFeltLikeIHadOnlySleptFor5Minutes

Some nights it feels like I’m up every hour settling her; last night I only woke up twice.

The second time Tiago was awake too and he said that she did one cry and I sat upright straight away. I had assumed that she had been crying for a while and I had only just woken up.

I always feel tired…

<I’ve got B up – the catnap was a failure, so I’ll just feed her shortly and then put her to bed early. T is holding her while I finish this and drink some water.

This morning I didn’t have a nap for the first time in ages, as it’s usually when she naps the best so it’s a good time to get stuff done.>

#IHaveBeenHavingANapEverydayLately

And not feeling bad about it.

#IAmNotSureIfItIsParentingTheWeatherLifeOrEverything

To be fair the coding course is quite mentally tiring, plus everything else. The weather is colder and it is getting darker earlier, which just makes me want to hibernate. Annoyingly it’s the best time of the day to work – it’s currently 20:44. I did some coding earlier in the day, so I think I will just read my book a little tonight instead. Exciting.

#IThinkMyPeriodMayHaveStarted

Just a small amount of blood. I am hoping it goes away quick and is just my body preparing for them. Fun times.

*Cue a massive cramp.* Ergh.

#IHaveNotHadOneSinceSeptember2019AndTypicallyWeAreGoingSwimmingTomorrow

My period tracker app says my period is 350+ days late.

It’s not the end of the world obviously, but to not have had one in so long and then have it start when I am going swimming for the first time in an even longer time is just bloody annoying – does that count as a pun or something?

#IWasHopingToGoWithoutThemForABitLonger

I have heard that some women have not had them for a year or so after giving birth because of breastfeeding.

<In the end it was only very light for 2 days, so was that my period? I don’t know. It was probably my body reminding itself how they work.>

#YesterdayTiagoCommentedThatBWasLookingABitTooBigInHerBassinet #SoLastNightIAssembledTheChairElementOfHerPushchairAndSheWentInItForTheFirstTimeToday

I was thinking that maybe we should ‘upgrade’ her, so when I saw that other Mum friends had moved their babies to chairs I knew it was time.

It’s weird not being able to see her so well, but hopefully she will like looking around at people and things. It’s strange putting her in it, but I guess before long it will become normal. She looks nice and snug in it.

<I am still finding it weird. There is a little flap to check on her, but as she is usually wearing a hat I can’t see what she is doing, so I have to peep around the front.

When it’s windy her footmuff blows up at the bottom where she is too short to have her feet at the moment.>

#NewRulesGotAnnouncedForLiverpool #NoMeetingUpWithOtherPeopleInsideForAnyReason

It did seem a bit dumb that I could not see someone at their house, but I could see them in a place full of other people.

#AndMeetingUpOutsideIsNotRecommended

I did not know this. I just found out tonight. Great…

I get it – they can’t just make lots of exceptions, but there are no baby groups, I can’t get support from my family and now I can’t see the few friends that I have in Liverpool. Obviously it affects everyone and not just us, but it is annoying. What can we do though?

#TheNotRecommendedStuffIsABitAnnoying #EitherWeAreAllowedOrWeAreNot

Meeting in restaurants or pubs was not recommended before, which meant some people probably didn’t but others did.

We met a couple of friends for a hot drink outside of a cafe the other day, and saw a friend for a walk last weekend. Good job we saw them as now we’re not supposed to. It’s all a bit frustrating.

<Well, we’re under tier 3 restrictions now, but it does say you can meet outside.>

#AnywaysWeWentToTheCityCentreTodayToGetFalafelWraps

We had wanted to try them from a particular place for a while. I thought we would go today rather than at the weekend as it would not be so busy in town.

#IFoundTheWholeExperienceSoStressfulThatIWillNotBeWalkingThereAgainAnytimeSoon #PeopleDoNotCareAboutSocialDistancingAndIJustFeltAnxiousTheWholeTime

I think having a pushchair makes it more difficult as you can’t just easily get away from people fast. People have no problem walking super close to you.

A preacher guy wasn’t wearing a mask and came so close to me to try to give me a leaflet. I just said ‘No!’ loudly as I was so freaked out by him coming close to me. I think he made a ‘Ooh’ sound back or something.

#ItWasTooColdToEatOutsideSoWeWalkedHomeWithThem

We just wanted to get home and B needed to be fed.

#TiagoAteHisWhilstIFedBAndAfterAWhileIWasSoHungryThatIDecidedToEatItOverHer

She usually eats for about 30 minutes and I was so hungry.

#YesterdayWeAlsoStartedToPutHerInHer3To6MonthsOnesies #SheHasALotOfTheSamePatternsAsHer0To3MonthsOnes

I remember when the 0-3 months ones were too big on her, but now they’re quite snug so it’s funny seeing her in oversized clothes again.

#SheHadANiceNewOneOnTodayAndIGotFalafelWrapJuiceAllOverIt

Typical.

<She wore another one for the first time the other day and made a mess of it pretty quickly.>

#CleverMe

I should have known it was going to happen. I should have put a tea towel over her… Fail.

#IAskedTiagoIfHeHadAnythingToSayInTheHashtagsButHeSaidNo

He is the man of many words.

#IAmNotLookingForwardToHimGoingBackToWorkNextWeek

I just want us to hang out together as a family all day everyday…


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Second Family Portrait Session (16th August 2020)

I’ve managed to get a few posts of ahead of myself for now as I want to catch up soon and then write other posts that aren’t necessarily related to my project. I write most of it then add in other more recent things when I go to hit ‘publish’.

I’ve had a go with playing with a picture that obscures B’s face, but let’s see if I like it when I come to post this.

(I think it will do for now, but perhaps I will revisit the pictures that obscure B’s face at a later date and do something else with them – or maybe not.)

Tiago, B and me lying on the sofa
Second Family Portrait Session (16th August 2020)
 
#IHaveWantedToDoAnotherFamilyPortraitSessionSinceNotLongAfterWeDidTheFirstOne
#AndThatWasOnThe28thOfJune
#ItSeemsEasierToDoThingsIndividuallyThanAllTogether
#BSleptThroughTheWholeShootAndHasJustWokeUpNow
#SheDidALoudCryLikeSheDoesWhenSheIsDreamingInHerSleepButThisTimeItWokeHerUp
#WeUsuallyWakeHerUpToFeedHerIfItHasBeenAWhile
#ButTheOtherDayAndTodayItWasImpossibleToWakeHerToFeedHer
#AFriendCalledTodayAsHerBabyHadBeenAsleepAllDayAndSheWasConcerned
#WhichMadeMeFeelBetterAsBWasDoingTheSameThing
#TheyBothWokeUpAfterAWhileAndWereFine
#AHealthVisitorCameACoupleOfDaysAgo
#BHasPutOnMoreThanHalfOfHerBirthWeightAndHadNoConcerns
#SheSaidToRingOurGPForAPrescriptionForSomeCradleCapShampoo
#IRangAndTheDoctorHadNeverHeardOfTheOneSheRecommended
#ButWeGotItSoThatWasFine
#TheHealthVisitorAskedUsIfThereWasAnyDomesticViolenceInOurHome
#ItSeemsAnOddThingToSayOutLoudToBothOfUs
#SurelyItIsSomethingYouAskIndividuallyOrSomethingButIGuessItWouldBeDifficultAndIGuessSheHadNoConcerns
#SheWouldHaveUsuallyVisitedUsBeforeButItWasDelayedDueToCovid
#SheIsOnlyAllowedToVisitTwoHouseholdsADayWhereasBeforeSheWouldVisitThreeOrFour
#IRushedToThePharmacyLaterOnAsIWasWorriedTheyWouldCloseBeforeIGotThereButTheyHadExtendedTheirOpeningHoursSinceLastTime
#AMemberOfStaffPeeredInsideHerBassinet
#SheSaidBsEyeLookedSwollenAndIWasLikeYeahIKnowIAmMassagingItDailyAndItIsCommon
#SheSaidYeahItIsCommonAndThatBothHerKidsHadItAndIRelaxed
#TheOtherDayAManWasHoldingAToddlerAndSheSaidBaby
#SoIOpenedUpTheBassinetCoverSoTheyCouldSeeHerFromADistance
#ButTheGuyStoodSoCloseToMeThatIDidNotFeelAbleToTalk
#HeProbablyThoughtIWasReallyRudeButItFreakedMeOut
#IDidNotWantAFamilyPictureInOurUnderwearButItIsSoHotAndThatWasWhatWeWereWearing
#IWasNotPlanningToUseALightButItWasTooDarkToNotUseOne
 

#IHaveWantedToDoAnotherFamilyPortraitSessionSinceNotLongAfterWeDidTheFirstOne
#AndThatWasOnThe28thOfJune

Let’s see when we manage to do another one…

#ItSeemsEasierToDoThingsIndividuallyThanAllTogether

Well it’s easier for me to photograph myself when T is looking after B, but I often feel bad for making T be in my photos as I know it’s not his most favourite thing.

Lately I’ve been taking more pictures on my phone or quickly doing a shoot during the day when B is asleep and T is working.

#BSleptThroughTheWholeShootAndHasJustWokeUpNow (and) #IWasNotPlanningToUseALightButItWasTooDarkToNotUseOne

I felt bad using the light, but B didn’t seem to care at all about it. I tried not to take too many pictures and because her eyes were closed I guess it helped. If she had been awake I would have made her look away from the light.

#SheDidALoudCryLikeSheDoesWhenSheIsDreamingInHerSleepButThisTimeItWokeHerUp

I would love to know what she dreams about. When she was first born I used to joke that it was two milky boobs running away from her and she was trying to catch them…

She does cry in her sleep a bit. It’s weird/funny/cute when you check on her as you think she is awake and upset as she lets out a cry, but she is smiling in her sleep.

#WeUsuallyWakeHerUpToFeedHerIfItHasBeenAWhile

We try to follow a schedule where you feed her every 3 hours until the night. We’ve been following those schedules since she was born for feeding, but failing on the napping side. However this week I suddenly decided to work on making her take naps more. Next week I need to work on me taking naps, while she naps!

#ButTheOtherDayAndTodayItWasImpossibleToWakeHerToFeedHer
#AFriendCalledTodayAsHerBabyHadBeenAsleepAllDayAndSheWasConcerned
#WhichMadeMeFeelBetterAsBWasDoingTheSameThing
#TheyBothWokeUpAfterAWhileAndWereFine

I laughed in relief when she said she couldn’t wake her baby up. I’m not sure if it was the weather or what…

#AHealthVisitorCameACoupleOfDaysAgo
#BHasPutOnMoreThanHalfOfHerBirthWeightAndHadNoConcerns

I wasn’t worried about her weight as she is definitely growing and getting heavier. Apparently you can get your babies weighed in children centres but they’ve been closed due to Covid. I didn’t know this, someone told me. I feel like I don’t know much about how having a baby should be in a non-Covid time, which is probably for the best as I don’t feel like we’re missing out on things really. I guess I probably would have taken her to an exhibition, but I’ve only taken her to see work outside so far.

I think the local children’s centre called yesterday. They got my details and asked if I wanted to sign B up for future classes. I said yes, but they don’t know when they’ll be able to run again and it will be invite only. I think I am starting to realise what B is missing out on now, but luckily she is too young to know and we are making do.

#SheSaidToRingOurGPForAPrescriptionForSomeCradleCapShampoo
#IRangAndTheDoctorHadNeverHeardOfTheOneSheRecommended
#ButWeGotItSoThatWasFine

She said she usually prescribed a cream over shampoo, but said the health visitor must know that it’s good. Eventually she found it and sent the prescription through to the pharmacy.

#IRushedToThePharmacyLaterOnAsIWasWorriedTheyWouldCloseBeforeIGotThereButTheyHadExtendedTheirOpeningHoursSinceLastTime
#AMemberOfStaffPeeredInsideHerBassinet
#SheSaidBsEyeLookedSwollenAndIWasLikeYeahIKnowIAmMassagingItDailyAndItIsCommon
#SheSaidYeahItIsCommonAndThatBothHerKidsHadItAndIRelaxed

I was feeling a little judged, but was relieved when she said her kids had the same thing.

#TheOtherDayAManWasHoldingAToddlerAndSheSaidBaby
#SoIOpenedUpTheBassinetCoverSoTheyCouldSeeHerFromADistance
#ButTheGuyStoodSoCloseToMeThatIDidNotFeelAbleToTalk
#HeProbablyThoughtIWasReallyRudeButItFreakedMeOut

I still find it odd when strangers get so close. Maybe they don’t think I present much of a risk as I have a baby so they know I’m being cautious, but I don’t know about them.

#IDidNotWantAFamilyPictureInOurUnderwearButItIsSoHotAndThatWasWhatWeWereWearing

I’ve said this before and I’ll probably say this a 100 times, but I want this project to be a true reflection of our family life. Hanging out in our underwear has been a big part of it so far, though B does have a lighter baby grow on here. The general rule is babies should have one extra layer than you, but sometimes it is just nappy weather for them.

I bought the blanket at the end of my trip to India in 2017 for a commission. It had just been sat in a bag since then until after B was born and I started to nest.

I have a habit of buying nice things and being too scared to use them, but with the pandemic my mentality has changed a bit, and I feel like I should enjoy things as you never know what is around the corner.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

First Family Portrait Session (28th June 2020)

This is a short post with a couple of photos from our first family portrait session. I feel a bit bad that it took us 2 weeks after she was born to do it, but I’ve been meaning to do another one since and it’s already been 6 weeks.

First Family Portrait Session (28th June 2020)
 
#OurFirstFamilyPortraitSession
#IHaveWantedToDoItForAFewDaysButYesterdayWeWereFinallyReady
#AndTiagoWantedHisHairCutSoIWantedAPictureOfHimWithHairAndHisBeard
#WritingThisADayLaterAsIDidNotHaveTimeYesterdayOrRatherIWasBusyWithOtherThings
#IDidNotUseFlashAsIDidNotWantToScareOrHurtBThoughSheSleptThroughTheWholeThing
#IPutMeAndTiagoInOurMatchingTopsToReferencePicturesFromMyPregnancyProject
#ThoughLaterOnInTheDayWePutBInAStripeyOnesieAndIHadAStripeyDressOn
#SoWeNeedToDoAStripeyPictureAtSomePoint
#IBreastFedMoreYesterday
#IFeltMoreRelaxed
#HerLatchSeemedBetterThoughInTheNightItWasNotAndNowMyNipplesAreSoSore
#AllSheDoesIsEatSleepAndGoToTheToiletWithPlaytimeIfAndWhenSheIsAlert
#TheDaysSeemSoLongInAGoodWay
#ThoughTheLastTwoNightsWeHaveGoneToBedTooLate
#LastNightSheHadBadWindAndWasAwakeMostOfTheNight
#WeNeedToStartHavingANapAt8PMAgain
#WeHaveSomehowManagedToMisplaceOneOfOurFabricWrapsForCarryingHerIn
#ItHasToBeInTheFlatButWhoKnowsWhereItIs
#IKeepLosingMyPhoneToo
#IDoNotWantToSayItIsBabyBrainAsIFindThatTermSoRude
#IThinkItIsJustACaseOfConstantlyMovingAboutAndHavingToGoFetchThings
#IStillUseMyPhoneButIFaffOnItALotLess
#IReadTheNewsForAbout10MinutesYesterdayWhichIsMoreThanIHaveInAWhile
#IDoNotWantToJustBeInABabyBubbleButItIsKindOfNice
#IAmDefinitelyFeelingALotBetterAboutParentingNowThatIAmHavingNaps
#NotSleepingForTwoWeeksReallyMessedMeUp
#IWouldJustGetSoTiredAndThenHaveAMeltdown
#ItIsGoodIHaveThisProjectNowAsICanNotBeBotheredToWriteInMyNormalDiaryInAsMuchDetailAboutLifeAnymore
#IOrderedOneOfThose5YearDiariesWhereYouWriteAFewLinesEachDayThisMorning
#ThatSeemsMoreManageable
 
First Family Portrait Session (28th June 2020) II

I tried putting different things over B’s face. A blue box seemed a bit too boring, so I tried drawing on them. Originally I drew a lot of flowers, but it looked a bit too much. I still want to keep experimenting with what to put over her face though, so these might not be the final photos.

But here is the first photo of us as a family – not long after she was born – with a boring white box over her face:

First Picture Of All Of Us

Some comments relating to the hashtags:

#ThoughTheLastTwoNightsWeHaveGoneToBedTooLate
#LastNightSheHadBadWindAndWasAwakeMostOfTheNight
#WeNeedToStartHavingANapAt8PMAgain

We are still going to bed too late… Tiago will often say ‘okay let’s go to bed soon’. I’ll try to settle B, T will fall asleep waiting and I’m up until 1. Last night I think we managed to go to bed at 11pm though. We need to work on making the room a lot darker a lot earlier as think this might help. Sometimes if we’re not ready to sleep we don’t push things though. I’d rather feed her a little more in hope that she’ll then let me sleep longer.

#WeHaveSomehowManagedToMisplaceOneOfOurFabricWrapsForCarryingHerIn
#ItHasToBeInTheFlatButWhoKnowsWhereItIs

I know you’re desperate to know if we found it. Yes we did. It was behind the pillows on the bed…

#IKeepLosingMyPhoneToo
#IDoNotWantToSayItIsBabyBrainAsIFindThatTermSoRude
#IThinkItIsJustACaseOfConstantlyMovingAboutAndHavingToGoFetchThings

I’m losing my phone a lot less now (or maybe I like to think that). I still don’t like the term ‘baby brain’. I think ‘tired brain’ is more accurate.

#IStillUseMyPhoneButIFaffOnItALotLess
#IReadTheNewsForAbout10MinutesYesterdayWhichIsMoreThanIHaveInAWhile
#IDoNotWantToJustBeInABabyBubbleButItIsKindOfNice

Now I’m back to trying to use it less and read more instead of faffing.

I finished reading a book yesterday, which I started after she was born – The Son and Heir: A Memoir by Alexander Münninghoff.

#IAmDefinitelyFeelingALotBetterAboutParentingNowThatIAmHavingNaps
#NotSleepingForTwoWeeksReallyMessedMeUp
#IWouldJustGetSoTiredAndThenHaveAMeltdown

I still need to learn to rest more. With the blog I need to learn to be more efficient, especially if I want to catch up and post my project in real-ish time. Sometimes I feel like I need to explain/share a lot though – like with yesterday’s post about feeding.

Some days I plan to do a lot of work, but I end up faffing and I don’t completely relax either. So, I’m trying to get better with planning my time – working well when B is asleep or T is looking after her, and then having better quality time with B when she’s awake. I’ve already failed with the planning as I haven’t allocated time for relaxing/resting when B is asleep too.

I was guilty of not having a good life balance before having a baby, so now it is more important than ever. She has already grown so much and time is flying by…


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