She had two kids and always wanted more. She used the excuse that she has 8 siblings, but I said it is only because contraception didn’t really exist then otherwise I doubt her mum would have had so many. She said true…
Her shoes are so grippy that they help her a lot, but hinder her if she wants to slide down, which to be honest she rarely does. I think she also likes to hang on the slide and use it as a watch tower.
I think it is usually dropped by 17 months, so she has less than 2 months left. Earlier I put her to sleep without her sleeping bag, just as she crawled into her cot and seemed quite happy so I did not want to take her out and put her in it – I had tried to get her to come out and have it put on, but nope.
20 weeks pregnant with B comparison:
My belly button seemed quite pushed out from an early stage this time, but I didn’t document it as it was not so interesting to me this time.
Scans went quite differently – with baby X it was a lot less faff and we found out that it’s a girl. With B we didn’t find out until she was born, and I had to go back so they could take all the measurements. I’m interested to see if this will reflect in their personalities, but I would say that B is pretty chill, so will baby X be even more chilled? We will have to wait and see.
(7th October: Notice how I even wore the same outfit, and Tiago wore the same shirt for his arm’s appearance. My hair is even a similar length, but I rarely wear it down anymore due to the large cyst on my head. Lovely. Plus if I wear it half up I don’t have to wash my hair so much. Win.
My first scan with B was earlier as I’d had some bleeding and had to go to the hospital. Obviously everything was fine.)
The idea of me being more pregnant had long gone from my mind, though I guess I was still clinging to the remote possibility of it. I just want time to go by, but as I’ve said before my hospital said there would not be a bed for me if I was more pregnant.
I was getting bored. The staff were so lovely though so I was not annoyed at them, as these things happen. Just having a full bladder had been quite uncomfortable, so I just mentioned ‘hey you want us to have a full bladder but then you make us wait’. Also due to wearing masks you can’t sit in the waiting room and keep drinking. I was quite thirsty and hungry by the time we left, I was surprised they managed to get blood from me.
To be fair, they don’t usually say ‘is anyone graduating today?’ but the teachers like B, so maybe they wanted to draw attention to it? Who knows. She did the class in her usual fashion of stealing everyone’s stuff, crawling under the parachute and faffing about, and just going round seeing everyone.
She does like to look at the other babies, but I guess as their parents are there she usually is a little shy. She saw the doll was unattended and went for it. It was one of those dolls where the eyes close when you lie it down, so she was intrigued by that I think. Bless her.
13 weeks pregnant with B comparison:
7th October (I usually write this section on the day I post, but I forget to mention that):
I was definitely more ill with B than I have been this pregnancy. I think all the extra handwashing has helped, plus probably not being in close proximity with so many people a lot of the time.
With this pregnancy I am working more freelance than I was with B, and am basically a stay at Mum who does some admin stuff and works on my photography/video projects. Looking after B is a full-time job though, but I am not on my feet all the time but I probably am more than when I was pregnant with B.
Reading those hashtags I had no idea that Covid was coming. I was worried about how being ill would affect womb B, but at this point I was waiting to get vaccinated and worrying about catching Covid. It’s weird reading the posts from this time as it was not long ago (I’m quite behind with posting but this was the end of July and it’s the start of October now), and seeing how stressed out I was.
I realised yesterday (and expressed to Tiago) that I often have really negative daydreams where something happens to baby X. I just need to try to relax more.
B was born on a rainy day in June and giving birth then was bad enough. Love and respect to all the heavily pregnant people suffering in the heat right now. Or less so pregnant people who are still finding it hard – trying to stay hydrated is a task.
The night before it was a nappy and a light sleeping bag, but her room was a lot hotter last night. She did wake up a few times. I think about putting her beaker of water in her cot, but I worry she will just spit it everywhere. Might have to try it as her bed would dry out quick anyways…
A friend mentioned it at a party and I had looked at one via Instagram the week before. I can’t remember the last time I went in a shop. I guess I did go in a newsagents a few weeks ago, but out for a full on shopping expedition? What is one of those?
I had not really even started our shoe search yet. Thanks Mum.
Great. She’d done a flow test that day as she does them two times a week, but also a pregnant friend was coming into the salon that day. I told her I was pregnant as we talk about everything. It was nice to have a chat with someone else. Another hairdresser’s sister in law had tested positive for Covid, so it’s definitely going up in the area…
My Mum said my electrolytes were probably out of balance which doesn’t help.
She was saying you can make your own with a spoon of sugar, spoon of salt, and water, but I have been drinking a sports drink in small amounts at a time with ice. Living the dream. I might try a homemade lemon and lime solution later.
I did not feel like eating dinner and didn’t eat that much (there wasn’t much left anyways). I haven’t been sick since (two days), but I have dry heaved a few times. Fun times.
In my last post (I think) I said I had not been sick in two days, and then I was sick 3 times the next day.
It’s 6.50am. I have dry heaved today. Off to stretch then join my family. We’ll do a shoot later.
11 weeks pregnant with B comparison:
I feel like I’ve talked less about my boobs in my project this time. I feel like they took longer to get bigger or I just did not notice. I’ve had to put some balm on my nipples, but not as early as I did the first time.
I guess being pregnant while having a kid is different to being pregnant with no kids. As a stay at home Mum most of my day is spent with B and my brain is normally thinking of 5 things at once (or so it seems).
I think my bump was probably more food than a baby, but now (24th September) it is definitely more baby.
I’m still upset that I forgot about the sour sweets this time.
2nd August: I’m not totally sure on the photo editing. I had edited it differently, but I did not like it. I prefer this, but I’m still not sure. I like how B has one hand on Tiago and one on me though.
NCT being the National Childcare Trust. We did a course with them to learn about looking after a baby, but also as we wanted to meet people as we didn’t know many people in Liverpool. And then we left.
It was fairly cold at the park for the party, so I thought the next day would be more of the same. I had shaved my legs in a hurry before we left Brum and cut my ankle quite badly (I’ve never cut myself that much shaving in my life). If I had known it would have been so hot I would have had no leggings on and worn sandals. Oh well. That’s what we get for being away from home and not checking the weather as much.
We travelled to Liverpool when it was time for her first nap. We had left a little earlier and the first wake window is meant to be 2 hours 45 minutes to 3 hours. She fell asleep pretty much on 2 hours 45 minutes.
We know she can get away with being awake a little longer if she has to.
I was hoping to have a nap myself and read more of Pregnant Then Screwed, instead I was doing a lot of singing and stressing out.
Lighter sleeping bag or shorter sleeved top? We went for shorter sleeved top and it seemed okay. If it’s this hot in May I am worried for August, but we’ll hopefully get better at judging what she needs to wear.
She’s been around for 11 months and this is our eighth, so we haven’t missed many really.
Now I feel like if we want to keep doing them monthly then we need to take them at the end of the month. I thought maybe we could try next Saturday instead, but it’s 1st May. So nope, today is the day!
We are yet to take it, so hopefully we’re all still in the mood later.
(26th May: Well, we managed it. It’s not the best picture, but it was the best out of a bad bunch. Originally I edited it so that she had two left arms (and one was holding a ball), but I didn’t do it very well so I had another go with it last week or so and I much prefer this.)
I think that maybe I need to start being proactive and try to find a spare vaccine. There must be some going to waste every day?
Tiago asked a steward and they said to call around 11am, but that the person at reception might be annoyed. Can’t wait to call…
On Thursday we had no plans and I felt super tired so it’s definitely a good idea. If I know we have some plans here and there then I feel better, so now it’s about finding the right balance. Maybe as I get used to socialising again we can do more.
She seemed to be asleep and I was standing outside of the kid’s playground as I thought the squeaky gate might wake her up. Went through the gate and thought I’d got away with it even though it SQUEAKED, then after not very long I realised she was awake. Fail. We can try again in the future, but maybe it’s best if it is a walk and not somewhere where there are a lot of kids. Luckily I knew we had the rest of the day to make it up.
I had debated just going home, but thought I shouldn’t as it used to be fully booked and I have whined before about people not turning up. I nearly couldn’t find anyone as the person was running late, but just as I was about to give up I found them.
I was so stressed out by this point and not in the mood to talk to people anyways. I think we will give the walk a miss in future as B doesn’t like to be stuck in her pushchair for an hour – which I have said before.
I was also glad to go home as it was a warm day and I had washed my water bottle, but it tasted so much of soap. I rinsed it out loads yesterday and it still does. Blergh.
Usually when I stop pushing her she wakes up, but she was in a deep sleep. I felt bad waking her but I was not sure what to do with her schedule. I was hoping if she had a shorter nap that she would be tired enough to have an earlier nap.
Hurrah. It was only 2 hours after I had woken her up, and she is usually awake for 3 and a half hours after her first nap so it went well. I tried to nap, but it was difficult. I think I only had 10 minutes, then I read some of the 3rd Narnia book – The Horse and His Boy. I am really enjoying the series.
So it is super stressful for me. Though some parents may read this and be like ‘you need to chill more’. Hopefully with time! I had packed lunch for her in case we wanted to have lunch out after the walk – maybe next time!
I just want her to sleep well as she hasn’t been so much lately – until the last couple of nights. T said maybe she is going through a leap. Checked the app. Lightning sign over the next few weeks. Okay.
We hadn’t even started to wean her before we moved here, and now she is picking chunks of butternut squash out of her porridge and chewing them down fairly nicely – there was a little choke this morning.
The trip used to be a right faff without a baby and a pandemic, so let’s see how it goes. Two flights, probably starting off from Manchester or London, maybe getting cancelled due to Covid, maybe having to isolate somewhere, yeah I am already stressed. Tiago hasn’t seen his family in 18 months and he hasn’t been to his home island in 2 years…
(26th May: H got his passport last week. I knew it came quicker than we thought it would, but wow that was fast. The site said it was a 10 week wait…)
The only room with a plain/empty wall in this house is B’s room, and the windows are on one side of it. Hello shadow. So I tried with flash and they said it was rubbish, so I said Tiago should go to a shop and get it done. I did B’s fine, but I think they are less fussy with babies.
The stepladder that I sit on to feed her in her highchair, the sofa that my Nan sits on, the tables that house things like photo frames and vases, and the glass shelves under the TV which she pushes the cushion away from to do so. Fun times.
I just felt embarrassed. She’s like ‘do you eat a lot of sugar?’, but I said I’m paying for my teenage/early 20s sugar sins.
I was known in high school for my addiction to a certain sugary drink and I was sure one day I’d get a tattoo related to it. I’m glad to say that I have no tattoos. I had that certain drink while at a hospital for a pregnancy scan (when pregnant with B) and they wanted her to change positions. They told me to get a sugary drink and walk up and down the corridors. The drink tasted disgusting (probably due to less sugar) and she did not move.
Classic. She does love smacking my laptop a bit too much.
(21st April: I think the final shot is a bit messy with the composition, but this was the reality of trying to do a shoot. I’m never sure what to use to cover B’s face, but I liked how her hand was so I instinctively copied and pasted it, then enlarged it to cover her features better. It fits well with something I like in photos – hands.)
With my job. I really need to check the weather before I go out as it changes so fast. Today I just wore a coat the whole time as it was spitting constantly (the weather).
My sister got us a device for Xmas. We didn’t think we’d need it, but it has become really useful – my hands are usually covered in porridge when I want to change songs. I just wish they’d sort out the volume control on them as turning the volume up by one usually makes it way too loud, or turning it down by one makes it too quiet. Hard life.
I mentioned that the other night I was watching the monitor and then got really worried about B. I knew I was being silly, but sometimes you just get stuck in these thoughts.
I’ve mentioned before about me finding it easier to be negative about things. I finished reading Untamed last week and there was a bit where she talks about becoming more positive and then someone commenting that they now find it hard to relate to her. Food for thought.
Sorry Tiago – I was a bit too wrapped up in my own thoughts and feelings. These hashtags today are making me feel awkward. Maybe this whole project is a bit too self obsessed. Maybe I am self obsessed? I was wondering about that the other night.
Merriam-Webster says ‘excessively preoccupied with oneself or with one’s own concerns’.
Hmm, yes and no. I feel like I could write an essay about this, but I want to finish writing this so I can make some scones for B while she is still asleep (and catch-up on RuPaul’s Drag Race UK).
I am hoping a family portrait will accompany this. I want to try to include Nan, but let’s see.
(7th February: Well, we did a shoot. We tried to do some more ‘typical’ family portraits, but it ended up being a bit more documentary which is quite nice actually. Typically I talk about Tiago not wearing glasses in them, but he ended up having them on this time. Maybe we’ll get Nan in a future shoot.)
I could not get out of bed to go to her at 5.30am. I talked to her through the baby monitor, and then turned the heating on in her room via my phone. Eventually she went back to sleep.
Tiago tends to get up with her. He tells me to rest, but my brain is usually just thinking about what I want to do today. I did some yoga and posted a blog post. Then I came back to write the hashtags after Tiago said I could have another half an hour. I planned to write the blog post then too, but nope!
I knew they would probably put it online afterwards, but I did not want to miss it just in case. I also like to try to attend events when they happen as it is somewhat easier to see it live than watch a recording – did that make any sense? I was just lying in bed watching it, which I probably would not do with a recording – I’d feel like I had to sit at my desk and work on other things which is not necessarily bad.
An article did once call me the Queen of Awkward, and I think that is still the case.
I’ve been thinking about trying to get funding for my work. Trying to balance ‘normal’ work, personal work and looking after a baby is a bit tough. Other people get funding to make their personal work, so why can’t I?
I am writing this more just as a reminder to myself. Maybe there is more I can do with the hashtags? I want to experiment with and learn about other art forms. I think with photography I just know how it all works and though my confidence is low I will show it, whereas with other art forms I just feel a bit lost and unsure. A few years ago I was painting a bit and sharing them, but then I felt awkward and I started a project that required me to travel so it got put on the back burner. I need to go back to things and I need to make time to try things.
I can’t believe how much free time I used to have that I completely wasted. I should have relaxed more, tried new things and just lived a bit more.
Well her naps have been all over the place. The app I use to keep track of things thinks she is still on 5 naps a day, but I was confused the other day as I do not remember dropping it to 4. I guess it just happened though when I moved her to the 1 hour 30, 1.45 x 2, 2 x 2 (wake window) schedule.
I said we were going to start at 6 months, but I think it would not hurt to try a bit earlier. However, I think we need to be completely relaxed when we do otherwise I think it will not be such a great experience for B. Perhaps next weekend?
I feel like I should not talk about certain things, so I’ll leave it at that.
I usually drink from a water bottle instead of a glass as I get worried that it will get knocked over, so B was trying to grab it with her mouth wide open. I went to give her some, but I thought that maybe it wasn’t that safe. So now she has a sippy cup.
I imagine us sitting on a bench with her staring up at the trees. Maybe then some people might talk to us? I sound desperate to talk to people… My sister is sending her a pram suit, so once we get that then maybe I can try her on the local swings too.
I just lay in bed intending to have a nap, but felt like I needed to find a group. At the moment I like the idea of classes or a group, but I like the idea of going somewhere and just talking and chilling a bit.
I was hoping she would sleep for an hour, but she had half an hour.
I think I just realise how lucky we are, so I shouldn’t be so darn negative all the time. It’s boring to whine so much.
To be fair the coding course is quite mentally tiring, plus everything else. The weather is colder and it is getting darker earlier, which just makes me want to hibernate. Annoyingly it’s the best time of the day to work – it’s currently 20:44. I did some coding earlier in the day, so I think I will just read my book a little tonight instead. Exciting.
Just a small amount of blood. I am hoping it goes away quick and is just my body preparing for them. Fun times.
My period tracker app says my period is 350+ days late.
It’s not the end of the world obviously, but to not have had one in so long and then have it start when I am going swimming for the first time in an even longer time is just bloody annoying – does that count as a pun or something?
I have heard that some women have not had them for a year or so after giving birth because of breastfeeding.
<In the end it was only very light for 2 days, so was that my period? I don’t know. It was probably my body reminding itself how they work.>
I was thinking that maybe we should ‘upgrade’ her, so when I saw that other Mum friends had moved their babies to chairs I knew it was time.
It’s weird not being able to see her so well, but hopefully she will like looking around at people and things. It’s strange putting her in it, but I guess before long it will become normal. She looks nice and snug in it.
<I am still finding it weird. There is a little flap to check on her, but as she is usually wearing a hat I can’t see what she is doing, so I have to peep around the front.
When it’s windy her footmuff blows up at the bottom where she is too short to have her feet at the moment.>
It did seem a bit dumb that I could not see someone at their house, but I could see them in a place full of other people.
I did not know this. I just found out tonight. Great…
I get it – they can’t just make lots of exceptions, but there are no baby groups, I can’t get support from my family and now I can’t see the few friends that I have in Liverpool. Obviously it affects everyone and not just us, but it is annoying. What can we do though?
I think having a pushchair makes it more difficult as you can’t just easily get away from people fast. People have no problem walking super close to you.
A preacher guy wasn’t wearing a mask and came so close to me to try to give me a leaflet. I just said ‘No!’ loudly as I was so freaked out by him coming close to me. I think he made a ‘Ooh’ sound back or something.
We just wanted to get home and B needed to be fed.
I’ve managed to get a few posts of ahead of myself for now as I want to catch up soon and then write other posts that aren’t necessarily related to my project. I write most of it then add in other more recent things when I go to hit ‘publish’.
I’ve had a go with playing with a picture that obscures B’s face, but let’s see if I like it when I come to post this.
(I think it will do for now, but perhaps I will revisit the pictures that obscure B’s face at a later date and do something else with them – or maybe not.)
I felt bad using the light, but B didn’t seem to care at all about it. I tried not to take too many pictures and because her eyes were closed I guess it helped. If she had been awake I would have made her look away from the light.
I would love to know what she dreams about. When she was first born I used to joke that it was two milky boobs running away from her and she was trying to catch them…
She does cry in her sleep a bit. It’s weird/funny/cute when you check on her as you think she is awake and upset as she lets out a cry, but she is smiling in her sleep.
We try to follow a schedule where you feed her every 3 hours until the night. We’ve been following those schedules since she was born for feeding, but failing on the napping side. However this week I suddenly decided to work on making her take naps more. Next week I need to work on me taking naps, while she naps!
I wasn’t worried about her weight as she is definitely growing and getting heavier. Apparently you can get your babies weighed in children centres but they’ve been closed due to Covid. I didn’t know this, someone told me. I feel like I don’t know much about how having a baby should be in a non-Covid time, which is probably for the best as I don’t feel like we’re missing out on things really. I guess I probably would have taken her to an exhibition, but I’ve only taken her to see work outside so far.
I think the local children’s centre called yesterday. They got my details and asked if I wanted to sign B up for future classes. I said yes, but they don’t know when they’ll be able to run again and it will be invite only. I think I am starting to realise what B is missing out on now, but luckily she is too young to know and we are making do.
I’ve said this before and I’ll probably say this a 100 times, but I want this project to be a true reflection of our family life. Hanging out in our underwear has been a big part of it so far, though B does have a lighter baby grow on here. The general rule is babies should have one extra layer than you, but sometimes it is just nappy weather for them.
I bought the blanket at the end of my trip to India in 2017 for a commission. It had just been sat in a bag since then until after B was born and I started to nest.
I have a habit of buying nice things and being too scared to use them, but with the pandemic my mentality has changed a bit, and I feel like I should enjoy things as you never know what is around the corner.