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Pregnancy Waiting II

General Documenting Pregnancy Shoot (9 Weeks? / 28th June 2021)

Self-portrait of me looking at the camera in a bra and leggings. I am holding onto my elbow, and there is a bit of a baby bump showing.
General Documenting Pregnancy Shoot (9 Weeks? / 28th June 2021)
 
#TypicallyIGotAnAppointmentLetterForAScanTheSameDayThatISaidIHadHeardNothing
#AnnoyinglyItIsTheOneDayThatTiagoCanNotDoForSureSoWeWillHaveToWaitAnotherWeekNow
#TheLetterDoesNotSayIfTiagoCanAttendOrNotButIGuessTheRulesMayChangeByThenAnyways
#IRealiseThatIThoughtIMayBePregnantAsIGotSomeSpotsButTheyMayHaveBeenCausedByMeWearingAMask
#ThoughPerhapsItIsACombinationOfHormonesAndAMaskMakingThemWorseThanNormal
#IFeelHappierLatelyWhichIsProbablyAlsoACombinationOfHormonesAndHavingSomethingToCountdownToAfterMonthsOfFeelingABitLost
#ItHasAlsoBeenGoodToSeeMorePeopleLately
#WeJustHadAFewNightsAwayWhereWeCaughtUpWithLotsOfPeople
#ItWasReallyNiceToJustSeePeopleRegularlyForAFewDays
#ItWasAlsoAGlimpseOfHowItMightBeHavingTwoKids
#BDoesLikeBabiesButSheAlsoLikesToRunAroundAfterBiggerKids
#SheWasQuiteConfidentAtTakingTheirStuffAndDidNotSeemToCareWhenTheyGotAnnoyed
#ItWasAlsoAGoodReminderThatTheSecondKidWillNotDoVeryMuchForAWhile
#SoAtLeastYouCanPutThemDownAndFindThemThereAgainTenSecondsLater
#IAmJustNotLookingForwardToTheConstantFeedingAndNappyChangingAgain
#IHopeBreastfeedingWillBeEasierNextTimeButWeWillHaveToWaitAndSee
#WeTriedToExperimentWithTheLengthOfBsNapsAndHerBedtimeButSheStillWokeUpEarlierThanWeWanted
#WeSharedARoomWithHerSoItProbablyDidNotHelpEncourageHerToFallBackToSleep
#YesterdaySheSleptForAnHourAndAHalfInTheCarThenWentToBedAtSevenFortyFiveAndSheWokeUpAtFiveThirtyToday
#WeHadBeenTryingCuttingHerSecondNapToThirtyMinutesAndPuttingHerToBedAtEightAndSheWasWakingUpAtFive
#SoSheCanJustKeepHavingAnHourNapAtHerSecondNapAndGoToBedAtSevenThirty
#IGuessWeAreLuckyThatAtLeastSheSleepsQuiteSolidlyForAGoodAmountOfTime
#SheSeemsToKnowHerNapAndBedtimeRoutinesNowAndSheEitherClingsToTheSideOfHerCotOrLiesDownNextToItAsITryToGetHerReady
#YesterdayTiagoLookedAfterBAndIWentBackToSleep
#IDreamtThatWeWereAwayAndWeSaidYesToBGoingSwimmingInASmallFountain
#ItThenTurnedOutToBeAMassiveSwimmingPoolAndICouldNotSeeBAndAllTheKidsWereInTheSameCostumesWithTheSameFloats
#IStartedToShoutHadAnyoneSeenHer
#IThenWokeMyselfUpAsIDidNotWantToDealWithTheStress
#IToldTiagoAndHeSaidDoYouKnowThatYouOftenWakeUpInTheMiddleOfTheNightAndLookForB
#YesIDo

I’m yet to do a shoot, but I’ve called it General Documenting Pregnancy Shoot for now as I want to experiment a bit today and not pretend to be a one year old for once.

(3rd September 2021: I have a habit of doing shoots just after eating, so I look a bit more pregnant than I was. I’ve already copied this shoot once, and I plan to do it at least a few more times during the pregnancy.)

#TypicallyIGotAnAppointmentLetterForAScanTheSameDayThatISaidIHadHeardNothing

It’s always the way.

#AnnoyinglyItIsTheOneDayThatTiagoCanNotDoForSureSoWeWillHaveToWaitAnotherWeekNow

What’s another week? I’m impatient though.

#TheLetterDoesNotSayIfTiagoCanAttendOrNotButIGuessTheRulesMayChangeByThenAnyways

I was going to ask, but then I didn’t. The woman on the phone did say that the letter has a lot of incorrect and missing information on it though. I knew that as the line said it was open until 5, but it closed at 2:30 and I initially called at 2:50 to change my appointment so I had to wait until the next day. Fun times.

#IRealiseThatIThoughtIMayBePregnantAsIGotSomeSpotsButTheyMayHaveBeenCausedByMeWearingAMask

I’m sure I mentioned this in a previous set of hashtags. I don’t really get spots that often – unless I have been eating a lot of bad foods. I was reading something the other day and then I thought ‘ah yeah maybe the spots are more due to wearing a mask?’

#ThoughPerhapsItIsACombinationOfHormonesAndAMaskMakingThemWorseThanNormal

I guess I wear a mask for the same amount of time each week, so it must have been a combination of both? I have some really bad ones on the right side of my face right now.

#IFeelHappierLatelyWhichIsProbablyAlsoACombinationOfHormonesAndHavingSomethingToCountdownToAfterMonthsOfFeelingABitLost

If I could bottle these hormones (but not have morning sickness all the time) I’d take them for life, but I guess when I was pregnant with B I had also been feeling lost previously too.

#ItHasAlsoBeenGoodToSeeMorePeopleLately

Seeing people that I have not seen for a year or two or more…

#WeJustHadAFewNightsAwayWhereWeCaughtUpWithLotsOfPeople

Three couples and their kids (they all have two kids each).

#ItWasReallyNiceToJustSeePeopleRegularlyForAFewDays

People to hang out with while we watched the kids and passed time quite nicely. Hurrah. Luckily the weather was nice!

#ItWasAlsoAGlimpseOfHowItMightBeHavingTwoKids

They varied in age from 11 weeks to 9 years.

#BDoesLikeBabiesButSheAlsoLikesToRunAroundAfterBiggerKids

She is intrigued by babies, but she also likes to follow older kids.

#SheWasQuiteConfidentAtTakingTheirStuffAndDidNotSeemToCareWhenTheyGotAnnoyed

The determination/nonchalance on her face…

#ItWasAlsoAGoodReminderThatTheSecondKidWillNotDoVeryMuchForAWhile

I had kind of forgotten how babies are. I guess I am the most concerned about all the night feedings, and B going down to one nap very soon.

#SoAtLeastYouCanPutThemDownAndFindThemThereAgainTenSecondsLater

I forget that they are quite happy just lying on a mat, looking at the ceiling or toys etc.

#IAmJustNotLookingForwardToTheConstantFeedingAndNappyChangingAgain

It is going to be a juggle, but it will be worth it in the end.

#IHopeBreastfeedingWillBeEasierNextTimeButWeWillHaveToWaitAndSee

I feel like I have forgotten everything already, but I’m sure some things will come back to me.

#WeTriedToExperimentWithTheLengthOfBsNapsAndHerBedtimeButSheStillWokeUpEarlierThanWeWanted

Great.

#WeSharedARoomWithHerSoItProbablyDidNotHelpEncourageHerToFallBackToSleep

It is easier to try to let her go back to sleep when you’re not there next to her. She slept better than I thought she would though with the shared room situation. We just tried to only go in the room when we wanted to go to sleep. Sometimes she woke up, but she quickly went back to sleep.

#YesterdaySheSleptForAnHourAndAHalfInTheCarThenWentToBedAtSevenFortyFiveAndSheWokeUpAtFiveThirtyToday

On the way there she was just awake the whole time when I wanted to sleep. Yesterday we both napped. Poor Tiago…

#WeHadBeenTryingCuttingHerSecondNapToThirtyMinutesAndPuttingHerToBedAtEightAndSheWasWakingUpAtFive #SoSheCanJustKeepHavingAnHourNapAtHerSecondNapAndGoToBedAtSevenThirty

I was relieved as I like for her to have more than half an hour so I can get things done. I probably need to try cutting her nap to 30 minutes then putting her to bed earlier, but I feel like she just likes to wake up between 5 and 5:40.

#IGuessWeAreLuckyThatAtLeastSheSleepsQuiteSolidlyForAGoodAmountOfTime

We just need to go to bed earlier. The last two nights we have been watching football (Euros). I like football, but not that much football. I could have gone to bed at 8pm last night easily, but oh well. Portugal are out now, but Tiago is suddenly more interested in England.

#SheSeemsToKnowHerNapAndBedtimeRoutinesNowAndSheEitherClingsToTheSideOfHerCotOrLiesDownNextToItAsITryToGetHerReady

Well, this was just while we were away. I would just be sorting something out and she would be there clinging to it or next to it. It’s good though.

#YesterdayTiagoLookedAfterBAndIWentBackToSleep

Thanks Tiago.

#IDreamtThatWeWereAwayAndWeSaidYesToBGoingSwimmingInASmallFountain #ItThenTurnedOutToBeAMassiveSwimmingPoolAndICouldNotSeeBAndAllTheKidsWereInTheSameCostumesWithTheSameFloats #IStartedToShoutHadAnyoneSeenHer #IThenWokeMyselfUpAsIDidNotWantToDealWithTheStress

I realised it was a dream/nightmare, so there was no way I was going to stay there getting stressed out within it.

#IToldTiagoAndHeSaidDoYouKnowThatYouOftenWakeUpInTheMiddleOfTheNightAndLookForB #YesIDo

I still have dreams where I think she has fallen out of our bed or is out of her cot or something. Oh the fun. I’m going to try to have a quick lie down now before she wakes up. Hopefully she will sleep for another hour, but sometimes she wakes up earlier. She is teething again, and her skin is itchy again though it looks normal. Fun timessss.

8 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

(I should have posted these in the last post, but oh well. I only did one shoot for 8 weeks, but I don’t want to miss them out.)

I have a long necked top on that is covering the bottom of my nose. My hair is hanging long down one side. I am dressed in dark clothing.
Day Before Haircut (8 Weeks)
 
#IAmSoBoredOfTheWinterAlready
#ITryToWashMyHairEvery5DaysIfICan
#IDreadWashingIt
#WellNotTheWashingItSoMuchButMoreTheDryingIt
#AndComingOutOfTheShowerWithALotOfWetHair
#IHaveBeenTryingToSeeHowLongICanGrowItForPhotographicPurposes
#ButIAmTooLowMaintenanceForThis
#ThereIsJustTooMuchHairToDry
#InTheSummerItIsNotTooBadAndItIsABitRefreshing
#ButHavingToPutTheHeaterOnBecauseMyHairIsTooAnnoying
#AndSpendingAgesBlowDryingIt
#Nah
#EspeciallyNowThatIAmPregnantIJustReallyCanNotBeBothered
#IFeelLikeIWillEndUpCuttingItOffSoonAnyways
#SoMightAsWellDoItNowAndSaveMyselfALotOfTimeOverTheWinter
#LetsSeeThough
#AsOftenITalkAboutCuttingItShorter
#ButMyHairdresserDoesNotWantMeToDislikeItAfter
#ItWillNotBeSuperSuperShort
#AsIWantToBeAbleToTieItBackStill
#ButThatWillBeABigImprovementIThink
#MyHairMightBeKeepingMeABitWarmAtTheMoment
#ButICanWearAHat
#SayingMyHairdresserSoundsFunny
#ButIHaveBeenGoingToTheSamePlaceForYEARS
#ThereHaveBeenPhasesWhereIHaveNot
#ButILikeToCatchUpWithEveryoneThere
#AndIUsedToBeSoAwkwardAndSitInSilence
#AndAvoidLookingAtMyselfInTheMirror
#MyHairdresserAndILaughAboutHowAwkwardIUsedToBeAllTheTime

I recently had my hair cut off, but I was not at the same stage of pregnancy.

I cut it off due to wanting it to be lower maintenance and because it is harder to bend over the bath to wash my hair – my preferred way to do it, but I did not have that option when I was pregnant with B due to the bathroom set-up.

I can not really wear it down now as it gets so frizzy/wild, so I usually just tie up the top bit of it in a messy bun.

I now live close to my hairdressers again, so I’m going to the same place…

I am wearing a striped top and my arms are wrapped around me. I am looking at the camera.
Day After Haircut (8 Weeks)

#NotMuchToSayIThink
#GotAHaircut
#ItWasTooMuchHassleHavingLongHair
#MyHairdresserStraightenedItAndWhatever
#SoNotSureHowItWillLookWhenIHaveWashedAndBlowDriedItMyself
#ProbablyALotFluffier
#IWantedItLongEnoughToTieBack
#ButItIsAtALengthWhereIHaveToUseStrongTiesAsOtherwiseItFallsOut
#ItWillBeFine
#IDoNotLikeHowJustCutHairLooksOnMe
#TheEndsAreTooSharp
#ButIGuessItIsAlsoBecauseItIsStraight
#ButOftenIDoNotLikeHowTiagosHairLooksAfterHeHasJustHadItCut
#AfterAFewDaysItSeemsBetterButAlsoMaybeIJustGetUsedToIt
#FeelingABitSickNow
#BoredOfThisSickBusiness
#ILookPregnantHereButIAmJustBloated
#AndThisIsWhyIDoNotLikeTightTops
#ButISomehowDecidedToBuySomeTopsLikeThis
#ToBeFairTheyWereInAPacketAndIThoughtTheyWereLooserLikeOtherOnesIHave
#FunTimes
#GoingToGoSoakMyFeetAsIFeelLikeTheyNeedSomeLove
#ThenReadMyBookAboutTheSpiceGirls

I love how I say I look pregnant when I clearly don’t…

I have been caring less about what I wear as I am usually at home.

9 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait holding my NHS-issued pregnancy book. I look sad and have my arms crossed over the folder.
Bleeding Worry (9 Weeks)
 
#SoLastNightThingsFeltABitFunny
#AndIWasFeelingTooScaredToGoToTheBathroom
#AfterAWhileIWentAsIWantedToBrushMyTeeth
#AndThereWasBlood
#NotLoadsButMoreThanIHaveBledSoFarAndAReallyIntenseColour
#IWasHavingCramps
#IStillHaveSomeCrampsAndWeirdFeelings
#ItCouldBeAFewThings
#HadABusyWeekWhichIsWhyIDecidedThatINeededToStayInAndRestLastNight
#YesterdayIAccidentallyJabbedMyselfInTheStomachWithMyPhoneInMyPocket
#IAteSomethingFromAJarThatWas3WeeksOutOfDate
#ThatIsAwkwardToAdmitButItWasVegetablesAndIHadJustOpenedIt
#IUsedALotOfMoisturiserOnMyBodyWhenIUsuallyRarelyUseAny
#IFeelLikeThereWasSomethingElseButICanNotRemember
#ItCouldAllBeFineButIAmExpectingTheWorst
#LuckilyIHaveAnAppointmentForThisAfternoonAtTheHospital
#MyLeafletSaidToCallIfIHaveAnyBleedingOrPain
#AsThoughItIsNotUncommonItNeedsToBeCheckedOut
#CalledTheNumberAndOption1WasEmergency
#IFeltAwkwardPressing1SoIPressedForAllOtherEnquiriesAndThenShePutMeThroughToTheEmergencyLine
#ItIsInAFewHoursButThisMorningIsDraggingSoMuch
#IWasNotSickToday
#MyBoobsAreNotSore
#MyNoseDoesNotFeelFull
#FeelsLikeMostOfMySymptomsHaveGone
#WeCanOnlyWaitAndSee
#LastNightIJustCriedInTiagosArms
#InThePhotoIAmHoldingMyFolderOfNotesThatINeedToTakeToEveryAppointment
#DuringTheShootItFeltLikeSomethingWasJabbingMe
#IDoNotKnowWhatNormalIsSupposedToFeelLikeWhenPregnant

Luckily I have not had a scare like this yet this pregnancy. I’ve been getting bad cramps, which seem stronger than when I was pregnant with B but maybe I’ve just forgotten how things are.

B’s been accidentally kicking and punching me in my stomach loads.

My folder of notes is just a tiny booklet instead this time. Birmingham seems to use an app for all my notes?

I still feel like I do not know what normal is when pregnant, and I get anxious at times, but I just have to take some deep breaths and hope that everything will go the same as last time. I am just hoping that this baby will come out head first this time…


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Imitating B’s Feet When She Holds Onto Furniture (11th April 2021)

Imitating B’s Feet When She Holds Onto Furniture (11th April 2021)

#IHaveSaidBeforeThatBIsAlwaysOnTheGoAndBangsHerHeadALot
#WellNowItIsEvenMoreSoThatMaybeWeShouldGetHerAHelmet
#ItIsWeirdThatWhenSheFallsAndMakesABigBangSheSeemsToCryLessThanWhenItBarelyMakesASound
#SheSeemsAbleToReachHerArmsFurtherAcrossTablesAndThingsNow
#SheLikesToReachForMyNansPapersAndChewOnThemOrRipThemUp
#WeHadToMoveNansOrnamentsOffHerRevolvingBookcaseAsBWasJustConstantlyTryingToPullThingsOff
#WeHaveReplacedThemWithBsBooksSoNowSheGetsDistractedByThemInstead
#ItIsNiceToHaveALittleLibraryThereThoughIAmGettingBoredOfReadingHerFavouritesOnRepeat
#SinceMyLastEntryIFeltMoreOptimisticAndLikeIWasGoingToStopWhiningAndBeMoreProactive
#WhichWasGreatForADayAndThenIFeltSuperDownAgain
#IMadeAPostInALocalGroupLookingForPlaymatesForBAndAskingAboutClassesAndThings
#ThePandemicHasBeenToughForEveryoneInDifferentWays
#AndIThinkItHasBeenATotalPostcodeLotteryWithWhatHasBeenGoingOnInLocalAreas
#TheGlimpseOfGoodWeatherMadeMeFeelGreatAsSittingOutsideMadeSuchAChangeToOurDay
#SoTheBadWeatherMadeMeFeelLockedInsideAgain
#YesterdayWeWentForAWalkInTheRainAsIFeltLikeINeededToGetOut
#HopefullyThingsCanOnlyGetBetterFromHereWithMoreThingsReopeningAndBetterWeatherOnTheHorizon
#IAmSureThatIWillSoonBeWhiningAboutHowIFeelLikeIDoNotFitInInLocalGroups
#ButTheChangeOfSceneryAndBreakInOurRoutinesWillBeReallyGoodForUs
#OrMeAnywaysAsBDoesNotReallyCareButIThinkSheWillLikeToSeeMoreYoungPeople
#IHaveMadeAnEffortToTryOutNewParksThisWeek
#TheOtherDayBWasSmilingAtAYoungGirlSoThatWasNice
#IThinkBMightHaveSeenATrainForTheFirstTimeTooWhichIsWeird
#SheDidNotSeemThatBotheredByItButSheDoesTakeNoteOfBusesThatIPointOut
#BIsStillTeethingALot
#ItHurtsWhenSheWantsToTeethOnMyFingerAndBitesItWithHerTooth
#ItStillLooksLikeItNeedsToComeOutOfHerGumsMore
#WeStartedToUseANewMoisturiserOnBsSkinAndItDoesNotSeemToBeGettingAnyWorse
#IFeelLikeIAmDefinitelyNotBeingTheBestMotherForBThatICouldBe
#INeedToJustDoBetterAndKeepTryingToMoveInAPositiveDirectionAndDoWhatIsBestForHer

#IHaveSaidBeforeThatBIsAlwaysOnTheGoAndBangsHerHeadALot

I am pretty sure I have anyways.

#WellNowItIsEvenMoreSoThatMaybeWeShouldGetHerAHelmet

We won’t. We just need to be more vigilant, but it’s hard to be on top form all day…

#ItIsWeirdThatWhenSheFallsAndMakesABigBangSheSeemsToCryLessThanWhenItBarelyMakesASound

Not always the case, but it happens enough for us to comment on it (and for me to hashtag about it).

#SheSeemsAbleToReachHerArmsFurtherAcrossTablesAndThingsNow

Probably with the help of always standing on her tiptoes, but she seemed to be doing that before she really knew what she was doing.

#SheLikesToReachForMyNansPapersAndChewOnThemOrRipThemUp

My Nan doesn’t really take them off her, so I can’t really blame B too much.

She has an obsession with grabbing my Nan’s heater (when it’s not on – it’s not on if she’s in the room). I tell her not to do it all the time. The other day she was just laughing at me for saying no.

#WeHadToMoveNansOrnamentsOffHerRevolvingBookcaseAsBWasJustConstantlyTryingToPullThingsOff

I feel like everything in the living room is constantly being moved around to avoid B’s grasp. My Nan likes to rearrange everything, but then B likes to get hold of them so it’s a constant game. Baby chess?

#WeHaveReplacedThemWithBsBooksSoNowSheGetsDistractedByThemInstead

Well it is a bookcase so it makes sense. I was worried B would just pull herself up on it and pull them off, but that doesn’t seem to be the case… yet.

#ItIsNiceToHaveALittleLibraryThereThoughIAmGettingBoredOfReadingHerFavouritesOnRepeat

The House That Jack Built, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, some new book about dinosaurs that feels very nice to touch but the story isn’t great… Her bedtime books are Peppa Pig’s My Daddy and Goodnight You, Goodnight Me.

#SinceMyLastEntryIFeltMoreOptimisticAndLikeIWasGoingToStopWhiningAndBeMoreProactive #WhichWasGreatForADayAndThenIFeltSuperDownAgain

I had a day where I felt amazing, and then crashhh.

(I don’t write these things for pity. I know I am not the only person who feels like this, so I hope by talking about things it might help someone else. I still have a befriender who calls me about my mental health. I thought about quitting, but my reasons for wanting to quit were the reasons why I needed to stay – mainly feeling stressed out and like I didn’t have time for it.)

#IMadeAPostInALocalGroupLookingForPlaymatesForBAndAskingAboutClassesAndThings

The thought got in my head so I thought I better do it. I spent ages daydreaming about what I would write while B was awake, then when she went to sleep I thought ‘no I shouldn’t do it’. But because I had spent so much time thinking about it I thought I had better do it.

People sent good suggestions, and a few people got in touch about hanging out. We’ll see if it happens though. I realised that I know more people around here than I think I do, so I’ve reached out to people to see if they want to hang out soon. That’s a positive at least.

#ThePandemicHasBeenToughForEveryoneInDifferentWays

I whine, but I know things have been a lot worse for other people. It’s been hard for us all in different ways.

#AndIThinkItHasBeenATotalPostcodeLotteryWithWhatHasBeenGoingOnInLocalAreas

Still jealous that friends have been going to playgroups/support groups/outside groups in other areas. I really should just organise my own group…

(3rd May: I’ve been throwing this ‘postcode lottery’ phrase around a lot this week as in Liverpool the health visitor’s are starting to do 10 month checks on babies in person, whereas they will not be coming to us – the Birmingham health visitor that is – so I just have to fill in a questionnaire.)

#TheGlimpseOfGoodWeatherMadeMeFeelGreatAsSittingOutsideMadeSuchAChangeToOurDay

It felt so good to sit outside with B and some toys. A bit of sun, a bit of fun and less distractions.

#SoTheBadWeatherMadeMeFeelLockedInsideAgain

This morning it was snowing/raining and I thought we would have to cancel plans with friends. I felt bummed out. Luckily it’s now sunny so we can meet them, hurrah!

#YesterdayWeWentForAWalkInTheRainAsIFeltLikeINeededToGetOut

We kept waiting for the rain to stop, but it didn’t so I made us go out. We took an umbrella, but in the end we didn’t even use it as it was only drizzling.

#HopefullyThingsCanOnlyGetBetterFromHereWithMoreThingsReopeningAndBetterWeatherOnTheHorizon

It has nearly been 4 months since we last went to a class in person. Typically with the walks that we don’t go on due to the timings not being great – one is moving to a better time for us later this month, so that should be good (if we can book a slot quick enough).

#IAmSureThatIWillSoonBeWhiningAboutHowIFeelLikeIDoNotFitInInLocalGroups

Watch this space.

#ButTheChangeOfSceneryAndBreakInOurRoutinesWillBeReallyGoodForUs

I think so. It will be good for B. Doing one of our classes on zoom has meant I have got to know one of the teachers fairly well (especially when B was the only person taking part the other week) and we might recognise some of the other Mums and babies.

#OrMeAnywaysAsBDoesNotReallyCareButIThinkSheWillLikeToSeeMoreYoungPeople

It will be good for her. It’s good for her to see that more people exist in the world. I just want to see her crawling round with other babies as she’s yet to do that!

#IHaveMadeAnEffortToTryOutNewParksThisWeek

Well, one we have been to before but the other one has been on our list for a while.

#TheOtherDayBWasSmilingAtAYoungGirlSoThatWasNice

I do not know how to interact with little kids. I’m not sure how she felt about B just staring at her.

#IThinkBMightHaveSeenATrainForTheFirstTimeTooWhichIsWeird

I do like seeing trains pass by (yeah weird I know), so we will be going by there again.

#SheDidNotSeemThatBotheredByItButSheDoesTakeNoteOfBusesThatIPointOut

I should have made a train noise perhaps. It may have gone by too fast for her to really register it.

#BIsStillTeethingALot

The neverending joy.

#ItHurtsWhenSheWantsToTeethOnMyFingerAndBitesItWithHerTooth

She finds it funny when I go ‘argh!’

#ItStillLooksLikeItNeedsToComeOutOfHerGumsMore

I think so? It looks like it should be bigger than how it is, but maybe it is how it should be? I don’t know.

#WeStartedToUseANewMoisturiserOnBsSkinAndItDoesNotSeemToBeGettingAnyWorse

It’s this one from Childs Farm. Someone on a local Mums whatsapp group mentioned it, so I thought we’d give it a go. We’re still using the Dermol 500 and Diprobase, and applying them regularly, but now I also put the moisturiser on her once or twice a day too. The fact that her skin doesn’t seem to be getting worse is good. I’d say her skin looks about 98% normal right now.

#IFeelLikeIAmDefinitelyNotBeingTheBestMotherForBThatICouldBe

I’m tired. I do not read to her as much as I should, I’ve given up with her YouTube baby classes, I probably do not talk to her as much as I should and the list goes on.

#INeedToJustDoBetterAndKeepTryingToMoveInAPositiveDirectionAndDoWhatIsBestForHer

I need to be better and do better for B. The other day I took her out twice even though the weather wasn’t good, so I might just take her out more. That’s why I want the better weather to come so we can just sit outside more, and maybe I can start giving her lunch in the park and we can just enjoy nature more.

We’ll see.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Leg Hair: Before And After (31st March 2021)

Leg Hair: Before And After (31st March 2021)
 
#WellYesterdayWasAReallyHotDayAndTodayIsAlrightButNextWeekItMaySnow
#WeManagedToSitOutsideABitYesterdayAndPreparedASortOfPlayAreaForB
#OfCourseSheWasStraightOffTheMatAndLookingAtAnyBitOfDirtSheCouldFind
#AndSheJustWantedToHoldOntoTheBenchAndStandUpALot
#SheSeemedToLikeTheChangeOfSceneryThoughAndSoHopefullyWeCanKeepImprovingItForHer
#ItWasABitStressfulFiguringWhatSheShouldWearAllDayAndSleepIn
#IWishSheCouldJustTellMeHowHotOrColdSheIsButOfCourseThatWouldBeTooEasy
#WeGotSomeBlackoutStuffForHerWindowsTooSoHopefullyItMayHelpWithHerNappingAndSleep
#IDidGetHerUpAt7ThisMorningWhichIsQuiteLateForHer
#SheDidWakeUpAt2AndThen5SomethingButSheWentBackOffToSleep
#IAmWorriedThatSheWasTooHotButIAmNotSure
#IThinkSheIsJustStillInPainWithTeethingAndSheDoesSeemToBeItchingHerSkinALot
#HerSkinIsLookingGoodThoughSoIAmNotSureIfItIsItchyOrIfSheIsDoingItOutOfHabit
#IGuessItIsItchySoIJustKeepApplyingCream
#IReadYesterdayThatNewRulesSayWeCanNotSingInBabyClasses
#ThisIsGoingToAffectBsMusicClassWhichIsAllAboutSingingSoIAmInterestedToSeeWhatWillHappen
#IMayHaveSaidThisBeforeButIThinkMySingingVoiceHasGotALotBetterSinceHavingB
#IAmStillATerribleSingerButIHaveDefinitelyImprovedABit
#ItProbablyHelpsNoLongerLivingInAFlatTooAndNotFeelingSoSelfConsciousAboutMakingNoise
#IAmLookingForwardToChangeAndBeingAbleToDoMoreThings
#ButIDoFeelABitAnxiousAndWorriedAboutBsRoutineAndChangingItToDoThings
#ThoughYesterdayIGotSoExcitedAboutTheSunThatIForgotToGiveHerMilkBeforeHerSecondNap
#AndIDidNotEvenRealiseFor3HoursSoIThinkWeWillBeFine
#ButYesTheWarmerWeatherMayBeJustHereBrieflyForNowButIDoNeedToSortOutMyLegs
#IActuallyCanNotRememberTheLastTimeIShavedThemButItHasBeenProbablyTooLong
#IAmAllForBodyHairButIDoPreferMyLegsHairless
#HoweverTheyHaveJustBeenHiddenAwayForMonthsUnderLeggingsSoIJustLetThemDoTheirThing
#IThoughtAboutDoingTwoShootsWithABeforeAndAfterButItSeemedToMakeSenseToShowThemInTheSamePhoto
#IJustNeedToFindTimeToShaveTheOtherLegNowAndIHopeTheNeighboursDidNotSeeWhenIWentToGetTheWheelieBin
#AreTwoHairyLegsMoreSociallyAcceptableOnAWomanThanOneShavedAndOneNot

#WellYesterdayWasAReallyHotDayAndTodayIsAlrightButNextWeekItMaySnow

I think it is due to snow anyways. The weather/news keep saying ‘next week it may snow but let’s not talk about it’.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so in the know about the weather/temperature though.

#WeManagedToSitOutsideABitYesterdayAndPreparedASortOfPlayAreaForB

The other day we quickly ordered something for her to crawl on. We’d thought about astroturf, but then a mat seemed to make more sense.

#OfCourseSheWasStraightOffTheMatAndLookingAtAnyBitOfDirtSheCouldFind

Leaf. Twig. Bug. I don’t know how some bug avoided getting squashed by B. She kept narrowly missing it as she crawled around.

#AndSheJustWantedToHoldOntoTheBenchAndStandUpALot

Of course. She holds onto everything – including the stool that I’m standing on in this photo. We put this by us in hope that she holds herself up on it instead of the TV stand or something else.

#SheSeemedToLikeTheChangeOfSceneryThoughAndSoHopefullyWeCanKeepImprovingItForHer

We all took turns at sweeping the floor. B finds it funny when I sweep for some reason?

#ItWasABitStressfulFiguringWhatSheShouldWearAllDayAndSleepIn

We don’t have many summer clothes for her – I ordered some the other night. Last night she slept in a sleepsuit without a vest, but the sleeping bag may have been too heavy. Her lighter ones are also yet to arrive.

The heaviest one just arrived. Typical. It also has the nicest design and she probably won’t use it that much – thought it might come in handy with the upcoming temperature drop.

#IWishSheCouldJustTellMeHowHotOrColdSheIsButOfCourseThatWouldBeTooEasy

If she could tell me anything that would be great. Obviously I can tell some things from how she is, but yes being able to communicate ‘properly’ would be amazing.

#WeGotSomeBlackoutStuffForHerWindowsTooSoHopefullyItMayHelpWithHerNappingAndSleep

I’ve done an awful job of it as I did it by myself and I’m bad at cutting things down to size but it does the trick.

#IDidGetHerUpAt7ThisMorningWhichIsQuiteLateForHer

Well I got her up at 7.30 the other day, but the clocks had just changed so it was really 6.30.

#SheDidWakeUpAt2AndThen5SomethingButSheWentBackOffToSleep #IAmWorriedThatSheWasTooHotButIAmNotSure

I did open her door a bit at 2, and she did go back to sleep. She woke up at 5.45 I think, but I was making her wait until 6 but she went back off to sleep, and so did I.

Last night Tiago worked until after midnight and I stayed up until after 11 watching the Paloma Faith documentary.

I spend so much of the day ready to go to bed, and then the evening comes and I end up going to bed late.

#IThinkSheIsJustStillInPainWithTeethingAndSheDoesSeemToBeItchingHerSkinALot

The fun never ends.

#HerSkinIsLookingGoodThoughSoIAmNotSureIfItIsItchyOrIfSheIsDoingItOutOfHabit

I put ‘her skin is looking really good’ so I edited it as I know I am jinxing things. It was getting worse again but we switched to using her other cream more and that seems to have worked. Before the other one was working better. *Massive shrug emoji*

#IGuessItIsItchySoIJustKeepApplyingCream

Again, the fun never ends.

#IReadYesterdayThatNewRulesSayWeCanNotSingInBabyClasses

Great.

I do get why that might be the case, but ergh.

#ThisIsGoingToAffectBsMusicClassWhichIsAllAboutSingingSoIAmInterestedToSeeWhatWillHappen

We’ve been doing the classes on zoom 2 times a week (it was 5, then 3), and I know all the songs now!

#IMayHaveSaidThisBeforeButIThinkMySingingVoiceHasGotALotBetterSinceHavingB #IAmStillATerribleSingerButIHaveDefinitelyImprovedABit

We sing Jump by Van Halen too many times a day. I can hit the lower notes of that Sea Shanty song better too.

#ItProbablyHelpsNoLongerLivingInAFlatTooAndNotFeelingSoSelfConsciousAboutMakingNoise

I know a lot of people have to live in flats, but they’re terrible if the soundproofing is rubbish and you worry about making too much noise.

#IAmLookingForwardToChangeAndBeingAbleToDoMoreThings

Sitting in gardens. Baby classes. Hanging out with more people.

#ButIDoFeelABitAnxiousAndWorriedAboutBsRoutineAndChangingItToDoThings

I have been messing with her wake windows a bit and it seems alright.

#ThoughYesterdayIGotSoExcitedAboutTheSunThatIForgotToGiveHerMilkBeforeHerSecondNap

I did give her some water at least. I had been out to work and that always throws me off.

#AndIDidNotEvenRealiseFor3HoursSoIThinkWeWillBeFine

I did think that might be why she woke up a bit last night, but it could have been anything and everything really.

#ButYesTheWarmerWeatherMayBeJustHereBrieflyForNowButIDoNeedToSortOutMyLegs

I was planning to write about this earlier on, but got distracted by other things.

#IActuallyCanNotRememberTheLastTimeIShavedThemButItHasBeenProbablyTooLong

I think I have done them since moving to Birmingham, but I could be imagining it.

#IAmAllForBodyHairButIDoPreferMyLegsHairless

Bad feminist? I just like how they look without hair. I can’t remember the last time I got rid of all my armpit hair though. It’s just easier to hide…

#HoweverTheyHaveJustBeenHiddenAwayForMonthsUnderLeggingsSoIJustLetThemDoTheirThing

Grow my uglies, grow.

#IThoughtAboutDoingTwoShootsWithABeforeAndAfterButItSeemedToMakeSenseToShowThemInTheSamePhoto

It’s probably slightly more interesting to look at as one photo (?) and yeah too much effort for two shoots. I’m surprised I’ve managed to do a shoot, write hashtags, have a 30 minute phone call with my befriender, and (hopefully) finish this post before B wakes up from her nap/I wake her up in 6 minutes.

#IJustNeedToFindTimeToShaveTheOtherLegNowAndIHopeTheNeighboursDidNotSeeWhenIWentToGetTheWheelieBin

B might have to just sit and watch me do it when I get her up. Or maybe I can wake her up with the noise of it. I just did it with the electric shaver attachment of an epilator. I’m not looking forward to epilating again. I didn’t bother at all last summer, so yeah that’s some fun to look forward to when I can be bothered.

#AreTwoHairyLegsMoreSociallyAcceptableOnAWomanThanOneShavedAndOneNot

Answers on a postcard to Jockey Greys, Mars, 2100.

(Apparently people will be living on Mars by the end of the century. No thanks. Will B end up on Mars? Who knows.)


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Imitating B Trying To Eat Her Pan/Drum During Online Baby Classes (10th February 2021)

Imitating B Trying To Eat Her Pan/Drum During Online Baby Classes (10th February 2021)
 
#AYearAgoTiagoAndIWereInOsloForAFewDaysAfterMyVeryFirstSoloShowHadOpened
#ItFeltLikeACelebrationOfMyPreBabyLifeInAWay
#IWas20ishWeeksPregnantAndFeelingALittleWorriedAboutCovid
#INeverWouldHaveThoughtThatItWouldBeTheYearThatItHas
#IMentionMyShowNotToBoastButAsAHappyReminderToMyself
#OnceInAWhileIHaveDownPatchesAboutMyWorkAndIAmHavingOneRightNow
#TheOtherDayIWasFeelingBurnedOutInGeneral
#AndNowIJustFeelABitMopeyAndWhyDoIBotherDoingAllMyWork
#IKnowWhyAndItIsBecauseItIsTherapeuticForMe
#IAmGladWeMovedAsWeHaveTheExtraSupportAndIThinkIWouldBeSuperMiserableInLiverpoolRightNow
#ILovedTheCityButWeJustFeltVeryStuckThereAndIFeltBadNotBeingAbleToSeeMyNan
#DuringTheWeekITendToDoTwoBabyClassesWithBInTheDay
#OneInTheMorningFromYoutubeAndOneLiveOnZoomSoSheCanSeeOtherBabies
#NextWeekItIsHalfTermAndTheLiveClassesAreNotOnSoINeedToStepMyMotheringGameUpABit
#IKnowWeAreLuckyAndThatThingsCouldBeALotWorse
#ButThisAllDoesSuckQuiteABit
#NowIWonderIfWeWillEvenBeAbleToSeeTiagosFamilyThisYear
#IImaginedBsEarlyLifeToBeVeryDifferentThoughLuckilySheDoesNotKnowThatSheIsMissingOutOnThings
#IThinkIFailToMentionHowSupportiveTiagoIsAsWell
#HeDoesALotForUsAndHeLooksAfterMyNanReallyWell
#YesterdayBStartedToClapALittleBitWhichWasQuiteCute
#IGotHerSomeFarmAnimalPuppetsAfterSeeingHerReactionToThemInHerBabyClasses
#IThinkSheIsHappyButIJustWantHerToBeAbleToHangOutWithMorePeopleAndBabiesInRealLife
#HopefullyWhenTheWeatherImprovesRulesWillHaveRelaxedABitAndWeCanJustSitOutsideWithMorePeople
#HerSkinSeemsALittleBetterAtLeastButIThinkItWillTakeAWhileToReturnToNormal
#TalkingAboutMyWorkAgainThoughLastNightIHadADreamThatIWonACompetitionInTimorLeste
#IWasCryingOnThePhoneBecauseIFeltLikeINeededTheConfidenceBoostAndDidNotEvenCareAboutHowMuchTheCallWasCostingMe
#TheWorkThatIWonWithWasReallyBizarreThoughLikePhotoshoppedSeascapesWithSeaCreaturesAndThings
#SoIWasBitGuttedThatItWasNotForMyMotherhoodProjectOrSomethingMoreMeaningfulToMe
#IGuessIAmFeelingABitLostAtTheMomentButItWillSoonPass

#AYearAgoTiagoAndIWereInOsloForAFewDaysAfterMyVeryFirstSoloShowHadOpened

Thanks Vasli Souza for the lovely show of my work. Installation shots and info here.

#ItFeltLikeACelebrationOfMyPreBabyLifeInAWay

I was hoping that I’d still be able to keep making work (I knew I’d find a way) and it was showing pictures from my pre-baby projects.

#IWas20ishWeeksPregnantAndFeelingALittleWorriedAboutCovid

I posted a picture on my insta story of a guy next to me on the plane invading my personal space. I was freaked out. I was trying to keep my distance and washing and sanitising my hands whenever I could. I bought some hand sanitiser at the airport.

#INeverWouldHaveThoughtThatItWouldBeTheYearThatItHas

Did any of us?

#IMentionMyShowNotToBoastButAsAHappyReminderToMyself #OnceInAWhileIHaveDownPatchesAboutMyWorkAndIAmHavingOneRightNow

I think they’re more frequent occurrences than ‘once in a while’ to be fair.

(1st March – I’m currently in another patch. They are obviously more often than I thought, as I did not realise that the last patch was a few weeks ago…)

#TheOtherDayIWasFeelingBurnedOutInGeneral

Tired. I spent B’s naps in bed etc.

#AndNowIJustFeelABitMopeyAndWhyDoIBotherDoingAllMyWork #IKnowWhyAndItIsBecauseItIsTherapeuticForMe

Sometimes I do feel like I could just be relaxing instead of tiring myself out by doing my own stuff, but I do need to do it for my own sanity. Writing these hashtags took a while too as I felt a bit awkward and meh. I have no idea what I am going to do for the shoot. I think I might try and do something a bit more creative for my own sake…

#IAmGladWeMovedAsWeHaveTheExtraSupportAndIThinkIWouldBeSuperMiserableInLiverpoolRightNow #ILovedTheCityButWeJustFeltVeryStuckThereAndIFeltBadNotBeingAbleToSeeMyNan

I was calling my Nan on the phone every day and she sounded miserable, and I felt bad not being able to do anything to make her feel better.

#DuringTheWeekITendToDoTwoBabyClassesWithBInTheDay

I may have mentioned this recently, but what else do we do besides try to go out for a walk once a day? Yeah not much.

#OneInTheMorningFromYoutubeAndOneLiveOnZoomSoSheCanSeeOtherBabies

I have started to arrive early to them now as it’s usually the same class every day. Yesterday we were two minutes late and there was only one other Mum and baby there, so they were probably relieved that we turned up. Or maybe they were disappointed as they wanted the class to themselves?

#NextWeekItIsHalfTermAndTheLiveClassesAreNotOnSoINeedToStepMyMotheringGameUpABit

I like the live classes as it gives us something to aim for each day. I also like that I know she has had some ‘proper stimulation’, but I know most of the exercises/things we do off my heart now anyways.

#IKnowWeAreLuckyAndThatThingsCouldBeALotWorse

I feel bad whining as I know that a lot of people have lost and suffered a lot. I’m just pissed because my baby can’t meet a lot of my friends and I’m bored of WhatsApp groups. The group baby walk we were meant to go on got cancelled due to the smallest amount of snow…

#ButThisAllDoesSuckQuiteABit

Erghhhhhh.

#NowIWonderIfWeWillEvenBeAbleToSeeTiagosFamilyThisYear

There was talk on the TV yesterday about summer holidays. For now the rules are strict which is good BUT WHY WASN’T IT THIS STRICT 11 MONTHS AGO.

It must be hard for Tiago to not see his family/visit his home country/not be able to introduce his baby to everyone. He hasn’t even seen his London friends in over a year…

#IImaginedBsEarlyLifeToBeVeryDifferentThoughLuckilySheDoesNotKnowThatSheIsMissingOutOnThings

I was getting emotional writing all this. I had a conversation with a friend yesterday who feels like his young daughter is missing out. I said that I think it won’t affect them too much, but who knows.

It upset me that B cried so much when she last saw my Dad. Luckily she gets to see my Nan, Mum and younger sister on a regular basis in real life so that she does know more people really exist.

#IThinkIFailToMentionHowSupportiveTiagoIsAsWell #HeDoesALotForUsAndHeLooksAfterMyNanReallyWell

Of course he is B’s Dad, but it means a lot to me when he looks after her so I can do some work. He is more cheerful than me and has a strong positive presence which is great. He does spoil my Nan by buying her favourite fruit pies and he sits and talks to her while I work in the evenings.

#YesterdayBStartedToClapALittleBitWhichWasQuiteCute

She hasn’t done it yet today, but she was doing it before her first nap and then during her baby class and the teacher commented on it.

(Sad but when teacher’s praise B it makes me feel good. I need it.)

#IGotHerSomeFarmAnimalPuppetsAfterSeeingHerReactionToThemInHerBabyClasses

I spend a lot of the day making animal noises now. I was singing to her on the swing the other day and another Mum smiled at us as she went past with her baby. I felt a bit awkward as I realised she could probably hear me. Lately we seem to go to the playground at quiet times. It’s better for B as I talk/sing to her more while she swings, but she likes to look at other people…

#IThinkSheIsHappyButIJustWantHerToBeAbleToHangOutWithMorePeopleAndBabiesInRealLife #HopefullyWhenTheWeatherImprovesRulesWillHaveRelaxedABitAndWeCanJustSitOutsideWithMorePeople

Bring on the summerrrr. My Mum suggested getting some fake grass for the garden, so she can crawl around outside more. It’s all bricks outside at the moment, and it’d be nice to casually sit outside and not worry about the floor being too hard. We’ll see.

#HerSkinSeemsALittleBetterAtLeastButIThinkItWillTakeAWhileToReturnToNormal

This new ointment seems to keep her skin hydrated for longer. Hurrah.

#TalkingAboutMyWorkAgainThoughLastNightIHadADreamThatIWonACompetitionInTimorLeste

Random. It was an internet competition and I spent a lot of the dream trying to figure out when I entered it and what the prize was. I never found out. Probably for the best as I woke up disappointed that I had not won.

Awkward.

#IWasCryingOnThePhoneBecauseIFeltLikeINeededTheConfidenceBoostAndDidNotEvenCareAboutHowMuchTheCallWasCostingMe

Also awkward.

#TheWorkThatIWonWithWasReallyBizarreThoughLikePhotoshoppedSeascapesWithSeaCreaturesAndThings

Bizarre for me/my work.

#SoIWasBitGuttedThatItWasNotForMyMotherhoodProjectOrSomethingMoreMeaningfulToMe

Winners can’t be choosers?

#IGuessIAmFeelingABitLostAtTheMomentButItWillSoonPass

I rarely enter competitions now as I’d rather use the time to make work or do something with guaranteed results/an outcome, so I don’t think I’ll be winning anything soon.

I’ll get over it.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Sixth Family Portrait (6th February 2021)

Sixth Family Portrait (6th February 2021)
 
#BHasStartedToSquealAndScreechALotInTheLastWeek
#ICallHerMyScreecherCreature
#NanMadeMeLaughTheOtherDayWhenSheAskedBIfSheWasAnOperaSinger
#SheAlsoKeptSayingHowCleverIWasAfterIOpenedAJarOfMarmalade
#BNowAlsoLikesToJustEatTheLabelsOnAnything
#SheWillBeSatInHerHighchairWithFoodInFrontOfHerAndSheJustWantsToEatTheLabelOnHerBib
#IAmWorriedThatBsFirstWordWillBeSkipDueToMeAlwaysSkippingSongsWhileSheEats
#SometimesINearlyCallHerAlexa
#IWasWorriedThatSheWouldThinkThatWasHerNameButIfISayAlexaSheLooksInTheDirectionOfTheMachine
#NowWhenSheDropsHerCupFromHerHighchairSheClosesHerEyesAndAnticipatesTheSoundOfItHittingTheFloor
#SheHasHadSomeReallyDryPatchesOnHerBodyForAWhileAndItIsStartingToUpsetMeABit
#WeApplyCreamALotButWeJustNeedToApplyItMore
#IHaveOrderedSomeOtherStuffThatAFriendRecommendedSoHopefullyItComesSoon
#SheHasADryPatchDevelopingOnHerFaceNowWhichMakesMeFeelWorse
#IUsedToGetReallyDrySkinWhenIWasYoungerThough
#IRememberHavingAReallyDryPatchRightByMyEyeForAbout6MonthsOrSoWhichMadeMeFeelWonderfulInHighSchool
#AnywaysAfterMyLastEntryISpokeToTheWomanWhoChecksOnMeEveryCoupleOfWeeks
#SheSaysIAmDoingEverythingPossibleButIJustNeedToBeMorePositiveAndKickNegativeThoughtsAway
#SheAskedHowTiagoIsAndIFeltBadAsIHadNotReallyThoughtAboutHowRecentEventsMightMakeHimFeel
#WeHadTalkedAboutItABitButIWasTooObsessedWithWhatOrWasNotHappeningToMyBodyAndHowIWasFeelingSoIMadeSureWeSpokeAboutItLater
#BIsGettingVeryQuickAtRemovingTiagosGlassesFromHisFace
#IJustRealisedThatHeUsuallyTakesThemOffForTheFamilyPortraitsSoSomePeopleMightNotBeAwareThatHeWearsThem
#WeProbablyStayedUpTooLateLastNight
#BWokeUpAtFiveThirtyButLuckilySheWentBackToSleepAfterAWhileAndThenTiagoGotHerUpAt7
#TheNightBeforeIWantedToGoToBedEarlyAsIWantedAGoodNapBeforeWakingUpForATalkAtMidnight
#ObviouslyIBarelyNappedAndThenICouldNotSleepForTwoHoursAfterTheTalkAsIFeltSoInspired
#IFeelSoGuiltyForMakingWorkAboutMyselfButThenIRealiseThatALotOfOtherPeopleAreDoingIt
#INeedToStopFeelingSoGuiltyAboutSoManyThingsAndJustCareLess
#IWantToGetMoreIntoPoetryAndOrCreativeWritingButIDoNotReallyKnowWhereToStart
#LastNightISuddenlyFeltInspiredToTryToWriteAPoemButItJustSeemedToTurnIntoMyHashtagWriting

#BHasStartedToSquealAndScreechALotInTheLastWeek

Typically it’s always after someone else mentions that their baby is squealing a lot.

#ICallHerMyScreecherCreature

She seems to like any names that rhyme – Pissy Missy has made her laugh on a few occasions…

#NanMadeMeLaughTheOtherDayWhenSheAskedBIfSheWasAnOperaSinger

I would love it if B did something to do with music. We attend enough music classes. This week we did one everyday again.

#SheAlsoKeptSayingHowCleverIWasAfterIOpenedAJarOfMarmalade

I could hear her telling Tiago how smart I was. Then later on she was telling me that I can do anything. This did start after I opened a jar of marmalade for her.

Nan’s a great cheerleader, though I wish she understood what I do with most of my free time and cheer me on with my art things. I feel like I need it…

#BNowAlsoLikesToJustEatTheLabelsOnAnything #SheWillBeSatInHerHighchairWithFoodInFrontOfHerAndSheJustWantsToEatTheLabelOnHerBib

Tiago got her up and looked after her this morning. I came into the room and B was eating a label on a cuddly toy…

#IAmWorriedThatBsFirstWordWillBeSkipDueToMeAlwaysSkippingSongsWhileSheEats #SometimesINearlyCallHerAlexa #IWasWorriedThatSheWouldThinkThatWasHerNameButIfISayAlexaSheLooksInTheDirectionOfTheMachine

My sister got us a device for Xmas. We didn’t think we’d need it, but it has become really useful – my hands are usually covered in porridge when I want to change songs. I just wish they’d sort out the volume control on them as turning the volume up by one usually makes it way too loud, or turning it down by one makes it too quiet. Hard life.

#NowWhenSheDropsHerCupFromHerHighchairSheClosesHerEyesAndAnticipatesTheSoundOfItHittingTheFloor

It is quite cute when she closes her eyes, but now I know she knows what she is doing.

She’s started to pick the cup up herself, but she drinks from it in weird ways. I’ll have to imitate it for a photo one day…

#SheHasHadSomeReallyDryPatchesOnHerBodyForAWhileAndItIsStartingToUpsetMeABit #WeApplyCreamALotButWeJustNeedToApplyItMore #IHaveOrderedSomeOtherStuffThatAFriendRecommendedSoHopefullyItComesSoon #SheHasADryPatchDevelopingOnHerFaceNowWhichMakesMeFeelWorse

I think I have mentioned it, but I’ve also not because I feel so bad about it.

Some days it does seem to be getting better, but then it goes bad again. I showed my Mum and she said to keep applying cream, though I’m hoping this other stuff will work.

#IUsedToGetReallyDrySkinWhenIWasYoungerThough #IRememberHavingAReallyDryPatchRightByMyEyeForAbout6MonthsOrSoWhichMadeMeFeelWonderfulInHighSchool

Mmm crusty eye. I’ve got a bit of a dry patch by my left eye right now – I think my eye has been getting dry from being on a computer more lately, so I was itching it and now the skin is upset. Great.

#AnywaysAfterMyLastEntryISpokeToTheWomanWhoChecksOnMeEveryCoupleOfWeeks #SheSaysIAmDoingEverythingPossibleButIJustNeedToBeMorePositiveAndKickNegativeThoughtsAway

I mentioned that the other night I was watching the monitor and then got really worried about B. I knew I was being silly, but sometimes you just get stuck in these thoughts.

I’ve mentioned before about me finding it easier to be negative about things. I finished reading Untamed last week and there was a bit where she talks about becoming more positive and then someone commenting that they now find it hard to relate to her. Food for thought.

#SheAskedHowTiagoIsAndIFeltBadAsIHadNotReallyThoughtAboutHowRecentEventsMightMakeHimFeel #WeHadTalkedAboutItABitButIWasTooObsessedWithWhatOrWasNotHappeningToMyBodyAndHowIWasFeelingSoIMadeSureWeSpokeAboutItLater

Sorry Tiago – I was a bit too wrapped up in my own thoughts and feelings. These hashtags today are making me feel awkward. Maybe this whole project is a bit too self obsessed. Maybe I am self obsessed? I was wondering about that the other night.

Merriam-Webster says ‘excessively preoccupied with oneself or with one’s own concerns’.

Hmm, yes and no. I feel like I could write an essay about this, but I want to finish writing this so I can make some scones for B while she is still asleep (and catch-up on RuPaul’s Drag Race UK).

#BIsGettingVeryQuickAtRemovingTiagosGlassesFromHisFace

Super speedy.

#IJustRealisedThatHeUsuallyTakesThemOffForTheFamilyPortraitsSoSomePeopleMightNotBeAwareThatHeWearsThem

I am hoping a family portrait will accompany this. I want to try to include Nan, but let’s see.

(7th February: Well, we did a shoot. We tried to do some more ‘typical’ family portraits, but it ended up being a bit more documentary which is quite nice actually. Typically I talk about Tiago not wearing glasses in them, but he ended up having them on this time. Maybe we’ll get Nan in a future shoot.)

#WeProbablyStayedUpTooLateLastNight

11 o’clock. Just faffing on our phones…

#BWokeUpAtFiveThirtyButLuckilySheWentBackToSleepAfterAWhileAndThenTiagoGotHerUpAt7

I could not get out of bed to go to her at 5.30am. I talked to her through the baby monitor, and then turned the heating on in her room via my phone. Eventually she went back to sleep.

Tiago tends to get up with her. He tells me to rest, but my brain is usually just thinking about what I want to do today. I did some yoga and posted a blog post. Then I came back to write the hashtags after Tiago said I could have another half an hour. I planned to write the blog post then too, but nope!

#TheNightBeforeIWantedToGoToBedEarlyAsIWantedAGoodNapBeforeWakingUpForATalkAtMidnight #ObviouslyIBarelyNappedAndThenICouldNotSleepForTwoHoursAfterTheTalkAsIFeltSoInspired

The talk was so good – it’s online here.

I knew they would probably put it online afterwards, but I did not want to miss it just in case. I also like to try to attend events when they happen as it is somewhat easier to see it live than watch a recording – did that make any sense? I was just lying in bed watching it, which I probably would not do with a recording – I’d feel like I had to sit at my desk and work on other things which is not necessarily bad.

#IFeelSoGuiltyForMakingWorkAboutMyselfButThenIRealiseThatALotOfOtherPeopleAreDoingIt

All the artists were making work about themselves, their families and/or about something very personal.

I think now with pandemic a lot more people are turning inwards too so I don’t know why I find it so awkward.

#INeedToStopFeelingSoGuiltyAboutSoManyThingsAndJustCareLess

An article did once call me the Queen of Awkward, and I think that is still the case.

I’ve been thinking about trying to get funding for my work. Trying to balance ‘normal’ work, personal work and looking after a baby is a bit tough. Other people get funding to make their personal work, so why can’t I?

#IWantToGetMoreIntoPoetryAndOrCreativeWritingButIDoNotReallyKnowWhereToStart #LastNightISuddenlyFeltInspiredToTryToWriteAPoemButItJustSeemedToTurnIntoMyHashtagWriting

I am writing this more just as a reminder to myself. Maybe there is more I can do with the hashtags? I want to experiment with and learn about other art forms. I think with photography I just know how it all works and though my confidence is low I will show it, whereas with other art forms I just feel a bit lost and unsure. A few years ago I was painting a bit and sharing them, but then I felt awkward and I started a project that required me to travel so it got put on the back burner. I need to go back to things and I need to make time to try things.

I can’t believe how much free time I used to have that I completely wasted. I should have relaxed more, tried new things and just lived a bit more.

Oh well.


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