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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Imitating B Trying To Eat Her Pan/Drum During Online Baby Classes (10th February 2021)

Imitating B Trying To Eat Her Pan/Drum During Online Baby Classes (10th February 2021)
 
#AYearAgoTiagoAndIWereInOsloForAFewDaysAfterMyVeryFirstSoloShowHadOpened
#ItFeltLikeACelebrationOfMyPreBabyLifeInAWay
#IWas20ishWeeksPregnantAndFeelingALittleWorriedAboutCovid
#INeverWouldHaveThoughtThatItWouldBeTheYearThatItHas
#IMentionMyShowNotToBoastButAsAHappyReminderToMyself
#OnceInAWhileIHaveDownPatchesAboutMyWorkAndIAmHavingOneRightNow
#TheOtherDayIWasFeelingBurnedOutInGeneral
#AndNowIJustFeelABitMopeyAndWhyDoIBotherDoingAllMyWork
#IKnowWhyAndItIsBecauseItIsTherapeuticForMe
#IAmGladWeMovedAsWeHaveTheExtraSupportAndIThinkIWouldBeSuperMiserableInLiverpoolRightNow
#ILovedTheCityButWeJustFeltVeryStuckThereAndIFeltBadNotBeingAbleToSeeMyNan
#DuringTheWeekITendToDoTwoBabyClassesWithBInTheDay
#OneInTheMorningFromYoutubeAndOneLiveOnZoomSoSheCanSeeOtherBabies
#NextWeekItIsHalfTermAndTheLiveClassesAreNotOnSoINeedToStepMyMotheringGameUpABit
#IKnowWeAreLuckyAndThatThingsCouldBeALotWorse
#ButThisAllDoesSuckQuiteABit
#NowIWonderIfWeWillEvenBeAbleToSeeTiagosFamilyThisYear
#IImaginedBsEarlyLifeToBeVeryDifferentThoughLuckilySheDoesNotKnowThatSheIsMissingOutOnThings
#IThinkIFailToMentionHowSupportiveTiagoIsAsWell
#HeDoesALotForUsAndHeLooksAfterMyNanReallyWell
#YesterdayBStartedToClapALittleBitWhichWasQuiteCute
#IGotHerSomeFarmAnimalPuppetsAfterSeeingHerReactionToThemInHerBabyClasses
#IThinkSheIsHappyButIJustWantHerToBeAbleToHangOutWithMorePeopleAndBabiesInRealLife
#HopefullyWhenTheWeatherImprovesRulesWillHaveRelaxedABitAndWeCanJustSitOutsideWithMorePeople
#HerSkinSeemsALittleBetterAtLeastButIThinkItWillTakeAWhileToReturnToNormal
#TalkingAboutMyWorkAgainThoughLastNightIHadADreamThatIWonACompetitionInTimorLeste
#IWasCryingOnThePhoneBecauseIFeltLikeINeededTheConfidenceBoostAndDidNotEvenCareAboutHowMuchTheCallWasCostingMe
#TheWorkThatIWonWithWasReallyBizarreThoughLikePhotoshoppedSeascapesWithSeaCreaturesAndThings
#SoIWasBitGuttedThatItWasNotForMyMotherhoodProjectOrSomethingMoreMeaningfulToMe
#IGuessIAmFeelingABitLostAtTheMomentButItWillSoonPass

#AYearAgoTiagoAndIWereInOsloForAFewDaysAfterMyVeryFirstSoloShowHadOpened

Thanks Vasli Souza for the lovely show of my work. Installation shots and info here.

#ItFeltLikeACelebrationOfMyPreBabyLifeInAWay

I was hoping that I’d still be able to keep making work (I knew I’d find a way) and it was showing pictures from my pre-baby projects.

#IWas20ishWeeksPregnantAndFeelingALittleWorriedAboutCovid

I posted a picture on my insta story of a guy next to me on the plane invading my personal space. I was freaked out. I was trying to keep my distance and washing and sanitising my hands whenever I could. I bought some hand sanitiser at the airport.

#INeverWouldHaveThoughtThatItWouldBeTheYearThatItHas

Did any of us?

#IMentionMyShowNotToBoastButAsAHappyReminderToMyself #OnceInAWhileIHaveDownPatchesAboutMyWorkAndIAmHavingOneRightNow

I think they’re more frequent occurrences than ‘once in a while’ to be fair.

(1st March – I’m currently in another patch. They are obviously more often than I thought, as I did not realise that the last patch was a few weeks ago…)

#TheOtherDayIWasFeelingBurnedOutInGeneral

Tired. I spent B’s naps in bed etc.

#AndNowIJustFeelABitMopeyAndWhyDoIBotherDoingAllMyWork #IKnowWhyAndItIsBecauseItIsTherapeuticForMe

Sometimes I do feel like I could just be relaxing instead of tiring myself out by doing my own stuff, but I do need to do it for my own sanity. Writing these hashtags took a while too as I felt a bit awkward and meh. I have no idea what I am going to do for the shoot. I think I might try and do something a bit more creative for my own sake…

#IAmGladWeMovedAsWeHaveTheExtraSupportAndIThinkIWouldBeSuperMiserableInLiverpoolRightNow #ILovedTheCityButWeJustFeltVeryStuckThereAndIFeltBadNotBeingAbleToSeeMyNan

I was calling my Nan on the phone every day and she sounded miserable, and I felt bad not being able to do anything to make her feel better.

#DuringTheWeekITendToDoTwoBabyClassesWithBInTheDay

I may have mentioned this recently, but what else do we do besides try to go out for a walk once a day? Yeah not much.

#OneInTheMorningFromYoutubeAndOneLiveOnZoomSoSheCanSeeOtherBabies

I have started to arrive early to them now as it’s usually the same class every day. Yesterday we were two minutes late and there was only one other Mum and baby there, so they were probably relieved that we turned up. Or maybe they were disappointed as they wanted the class to themselves?

#NextWeekItIsHalfTermAndTheLiveClassesAreNotOnSoINeedToStepMyMotheringGameUpABit

I like the live classes as it gives us something to aim for each day. I also like that I know she has had some ‘proper stimulation’, but I know most of the exercises/things we do off my heart now anyways.

#IKnowWeAreLuckyAndThatThingsCouldBeALotWorse

I feel bad whining as I know that a lot of people have lost and suffered a lot. I’m just pissed because my baby can’t meet a lot of my friends and I’m bored of WhatsApp groups. The group baby walk we were meant to go on got cancelled due to the smallest amount of snow…

#ButThisAllDoesSuckQuiteABit

Erghhhhhh.

#NowIWonderIfWeWillEvenBeAbleToSeeTiagosFamilyThisYear

There was talk on the TV yesterday about summer holidays. For now the rules are strict which is good BUT WHY WASN’T IT THIS STRICT 11 MONTHS AGO.

It must be hard for Tiago to not see his family/visit his home country/not be able to introduce his baby to everyone. He hasn’t even seen his London friends in over a year…

#IImaginedBsEarlyLifeToBeVeryDifferentThoughLuckilySheDoesNotKnowThatSheIsMissingOutOnThings

I was getting emotional writing all this. I had a conversation with a friend yesterday who feels like his young daughter is missing out. I said that I think it won’t affect them too much, but who knows.

It upset me that B cried so much when she last saw my Dad. Luckily she gets to see my Nan, Mum and younger sister on a regular basis in real life so that she does know more people really exist.

#IThinkIFailToMentionHowSupportiveTiagoIsAsWell #HeDoesALotForUsAndHeLooksAfterMyNanReallyWell

Of course he is B’s Dad, but it means a lot to me when he looks after her so I can do some work. He is more cheerful than me and has a strong positive presence which is great. He does spoil my Nan by buying her favourite fruit pies and he sits and talks to her while I work in the evenings.

#YesterdayBStartedToClapALittleBitWhichWasQuiteCute

She hasn’t done it yet today, but she was doing it before her first nap and then during her baby class and the teacher commented on it.

(Sad but when teacher’s praise B it makes me feel good. I need it.)

#IGotHerSomeFarmAnimalPuppetsAfterSeeingHerReactionToThemInHerBabyClasses

I spend a lot of the day making animal noises now. I was singing to her on the swing the other day and another Mum smiled at us as she went past with her baby. I felt a bit awkward as I realised she could probably hear me. Lately we seem to go to the playground at quiet times. It’s better for B as I talk/sing to her more while she swings, but she likes to look at other people…

#IThinkSheIsHappyButIJustWantHerToBeAbleToHangOutWithMorePeopleAndBabiesInRealLife #HopefullyWhenTheWeatherImprovesRulesWillHaveRelaxedABitAndWeCanJustSitOutsideWithMorePeople

Bring on the summerrrr. My Mum suggested getting some fake grass for the garden, so she can crawl around outside more. It’s all bricks outside at the moment, and it’d be nice to casually sit outside and not worry about the floor being too hard. We’ll see.

#HerSkinSeemsALittleBetterAtLeastButIThinkItWillTakeAWhileToReturnToNormal

This new ointment seems to keep her skin hydrated for longer. Hurrah.

#TalkingAboutMyWorkAgainThoughLastNightIHadADreamThatIWonACompetitionInTimorLeste

Random. It was an internet competition and I spent a lot of the dream trying to figure out when I entered it and what the prize was. I never found out. Probably for the best as I woke up disappointed that I had not won.

Awkward.

#IWasCryingOnThePhoneBecauseIFeltLikeINeededTheConfidenceBoostAndDidNotEvenCareAboutHowMuchTheCallWasCostingMe

Also awkward.

#TheWorkThatIWonWithWasReallyBizarreThoughLikePhotoshoppedSeascapesWithSeaCreaturesAndThings

Bizarre for me/my work.

#SoIWasBitGuttedThatItWasNotForMyMotherhoodProjectOrSomethingMoreMeaningfulToMe

Winners can’t be choosers?

#IGuessIAmFeelingABitLostAtTheMomentButItWillSoonPass

I rarely enter competitions now as I’d rather use the time to make work or do something with guaranteed results/an outcome, so I don’t think I’ll be winning anything soon.

I’ll get over it.


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Categories
Motherhood

First Haircut Since January (22nd December 2020)

First Haircut Since January (22nd December 2020)
 
#IHaveNotBeenToTheHairdressersSinceJanuary2020
#MyNanAndIHadAppointmentsTogetherForLastMonthButTheyWereCancelledDueToEnglandsSecondLockdown
#IWantToGetALotCutOffButNotTooMuchAsINeedToBeAbleToTieItUpOtherwiseBPullsOnIt
#ButSheAlsoGigglesALotFromMyHairSwishingAboutSoMaybeIWillJustGetWhatNeedsToBeCutOffRemoved
#IFeelABitAwkwardAboutGoingAsIHaveACystOnMyHeadThatIsALotBiggerSinceLastTimeIWent
#IThinkItFeelsBiggerThanItLooksAtLeast
#IWokeUpInTheNightThinkingBWasInDangerAndNearlySmackedTiagoAcrossTheFaceOnAccident
#ICanNotRememberWhatIThoughtHadHappenedButIWokeUpVerySuddenlyAndPanickedLookingForHer
#IAlsoTurnedHerNoiseMachineOffAtOneThinkingItWasTimeToGetUp
#TheOtherNightIDreamtThatHerLowerHalfWasHangingOverTheBedAndSheWasAboutToFallOffAndIWokeUpVeryFast
#ABigTopicAtHomeAtTheMomentIsIfBShouldBeRaisedVegetarianOrNot
#IDoNotThinkItIsReallyADiscussionThoughAsTheConsensusSeemsToBeThatBShouldBeAtLeastFedFishForNow
#ThisConversationHasComeUpAFewTimesInThePastButEveryTimeIJustGetAnnoyedByIt
#IWouldRatherSheAteItLessOftenButAteGoodQualityMeatOrFishWhereWeKnowTheAnimalHadAFairlyDecentLife
#IJustDoNotWantToFeedHerItAsIHaveBeenVeggieSinceIWas15
#IDoNotWantToTurnThisWholeEntryIntoAThingOnVegetarianism
#IKnowThatItIsAHeatedTopicForALotOfPeopleAndIDoNotWantToHaveDiscussionsWithAnyoneElseAboutIt
#IAmHavingFlashbacksToConversationsWithPeopleNowAskingWhyIAmVegetarianAndThenArguingWithMeAboutIt
#TheCodingCourseIAmDoingIsGoingOkayThoughItRequiresALotOfBrainPower
#IFeelABitLikeErghWhyAmIDoingThisButIAmNearlyAWeekAheadWithMyWorkAndThereAre4WeeksLeft
#AfterIFinishINeedToUtiliseMyEveningsWellAsIRealiseHowMuchTimeIDoHave
#INeedToStartStudyingPortugueseAgainReally
#IWatchKidsSongsInPortugueseWithBEspeciallyWhenIAmTryingToFileHerNails
#AndIFeelLikeIAmAtLeastLearningSomeNewWords
#ButIReallyNeedToWorkOnBeingAbleToHaveNormalConversationsWithPeopleAndNotJustBeAbleToSingAboutAnimals
#WellIGotMyHaircutAndItWasOddToLeaveTheHouseWithoutB
#ItWasNiceToCatchupWithMyHairdresserThoughAsIHaveBeenGoingToTheSamePlaceSinceIWasATeenager
#IJustToldHerToDoWhatSheWantedToMyHairWhichIsWhatIUsuallySay
#BKeptLookingAtMyHairWhenIGotHomeAndWhenIPutHerDownToSleepSheWasTryingToPlayWithIt
#MyHairHasNotLookedThisNeatAndTidyForALongTimeAndIGuessItWillBeAWhileUntilUntilItLooksLikeThisAgain

#IHaveNotBeenToTheHairdressersSinceJanuary2020

I thought I had better add 2020 to the end as I will probably be posting this in January 2021.

#MyNanAndIHadAppointmentsTogetherForLastMonthButTheyWereCancelledDueToEnglandsSecondLockdown

I wanted us to get appointments at the same time this time, but I had to take B to a baby class at the time they were able to fit us in, so Nan went two weeks ago.

#IWantToGetALotCutOffButNotTooMuchAsINeedToBeAbleToTieItUpOtherwiseBPullsOnIt #ButSheAlsoGigglesALotFromMyHairSwishingAboutSoMaybeIWillJustGetWhatNeedsToBeCutOffRemoved

I can see why a lot of Mums have short hair now.

#IFeelABitAwkwardAboutGoingAsIHaveACystOnMyHeadThatIsALotBiggerSinceLastTimeIWent #IThinkItFeelsBiggerThanItLooksAtLeast

Talking to other people I didn’t realise how common cysts on the head were, so she probably sees them all the time.

#IWokeUpInTheNightThinkingBWasInDangerAndNearlySmackedTiagoAcrossTheFaceOnAccident #ICanNotRememberWhatIThoughtHadHappenedButIWokeUpVerySuddenlyAndPanickedLookingForHer

I just sat up very quickly and didn’t realise that I had nearly hit him. He was awake and just said something like ‘hey, watch my face!’ I think maybe I thought she was going to drink some very hot milk? I don’t know.

#IAlsoTurnedHerNoiseMachineOffAtOneThinkingItWasTimeToGetUp

I think I turned it off while I was half asleep, then I looked at the time, said ‘oops’ and turned it back on. I think I disturbed B a bit as I soon had to soothe her a bit, but she went back to sleep.

#TheOtherNightIDreamtThatHerLowerHalfWasHangingOverTheBedAndSheWasAboutToFallOffAndIWokeUpVeryFast

Maybe my dream was also to do with her falling last night? I wake up so fast – it’s more efficient than an alarm clock.

#ABigTopicAtHomeAtTheMomentIsIfBShouldBeRaisedVegetarianOrNot #IDoNotThinkItIsReallyADiscussionThoughAsTheConsensusSeemsToBeThatBShouldBeAtLeastFedFishForNow #ThisConversationHasComeUpAFewTimesInThePastButEveryTimeIJustGetAnnoyedByIt #IWouldRatherSheAteItLessOftenButAteGoodQualityMeatOrFishWhereWeKnowTheAnimalHadAFairlyDecentLife #IJustDoNotWantToFeedHerItAsIHaveBeenVeggieSinceIWas15 #IDoNotWantToTurnThisWholeEntryIntoAThingOnVegetarianism #IKnowThatItIsAHeatedTopicForALotOfPeopleAndIDoNotWantToHaveDiscussionsWithAnyoneElseAboutIt

I feel like I should mention it, but at the same time I do not want to hear anyone else’s opinion on it. B will be eating fish some point soon. I’m quite torn about it, but hey ho.

#IAmHavingFlashbacksToConversationsWithPeopleNowAskingWhyIAmVegetarianAndThenArguingWithMeAboutIt

Roll my eyes.

#TheCodingCourseIAmDoingIsGoingOkayThoughItRequiresALotOfBrainPower #IFeelABitLikeErghWhyAmIDoingThisButIAmNearlyAWeekAheadWithMyWorkAndThereAre4WeeksLeft

When things finally make sense I feel good, but when you’ve had a full on day and you know that at around 8pm you need to do your homework it’s not always the best feeling. I’m lucky to be able to do it though and it is interesting, and it makes sense to do it now while things are fairly quiet.

#AfterIFinishINeedToUtiliseMyEveningsWellAsIRealiseHowMuchTimeIDoHave

I said this last time, but I guess I did need some kind of break after moving and everything. I’d like to try doing some other art forms for fun.

#INeedToStartStudyingPortugueseAgainReally #IWatchKidsSongsInPortugueseWithBEspeciallyWhenIAmTryingToFileHerNails #AndIFeelLikeIAmAtLeastLearningSomeNewWords #ButIReallyNeedToWorkOnBeingAbleToHaveNormalConversationsWithPeopleAndNotJustBeAbleToSingAboutAnimals

Portuguese should be my priority though. I used to do half an hour everyday and it was good – it wouldn’t even take up my whole evening. I need to start doing my books again. I stopped before as when pregnancy pains got a bit too much I used my Portuguese time for more stretching videos.

#WellIGotMyHaircutAndItWasOddToLeaveTheHouseWithoutB #ItWasNiceToCatchupWithMyHairdresserThoughAsIHaveBeenGoingToTheSamePlaceSinceIWasATeenager

She was a little disappointed that I didn’t bring B, but it would have been difficult. She settled for seeing a few videos instead.

#IJustToldHerToDoWhatSheWantedToMyHairWhichIsWhatIUsuallySay

She didn’t even bother asking how I wanted it styled at the end as she knows I just tell her to do whatever. I think she likes that I am an easy client.

#BKeptLookingAtMyHairWhenIGotHomeAndWhenIPutHerDownToSleepSheWasTryingToPlayWithIt

I was surprised that she recognised me in a mask when I was going out. She is used to seeing me with my hair up, so she must have found it all a bit odd.

#MyHairHasNotLookedThisNeatAndTidyForALongTimeAndIGuessItWillBeAWhileUntilUntilItLooksLikeThisAgain

I feel like I shouldn’t put it up today, but I’m sure B will start pulling on it later and I will need to.


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