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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Imitating B Inspecting Dirt On The Floor (21st March 2021)

Me low to the ground in a stripey dress touching a piece of dirt on the carpet.
Imitating B Inspecting Dirt On The Floor (21st March 2021)
 
#NothingGetsPastBTheseDays
#EspeciallyAnyBitOfDirtOnTheFloorThatSheIsQuickToPickUp
#SheIsSoFastAndWeBreatheASighOfReliefWhenSheSitsStillForAMinute
#ThisWeekHasBeenMyBusiestWeekSinceSheWasBornIThink
#AndOfCourseItCoincidedWithBsFirstToothStartingToCutThroughHerGums
#ItIsDay6AndIDoNotThinkItHasBrokenTheSurfaceYet
#AWomanAtTheParkSaidItCanTakeUpToAMonthForAToothToFullyAppear
#WeHaveStartedToBrushBsTeethOrRatherGumsToGetHerUsedToUsDoingIt
#HerToothpasteIsFor0To2YearOldsButItSaysTheyShouldSpitItOut
#BHasBeenLaughingAtMeShowingHerHowToSpitItOutButIDoNotThinkItMattersThatMuch
#HerNapsHaveGenerallyBeenALotShorterAndSheUsuallyWakesUpAt6amNow
#IHaveBeenWorkingUntil11ishQuiteALotButThenItTakesSoLongForMyBrainToSwitchOff
#WeManagedOneEpisodeOfAShowForDateNightLastNightThenWeWentToBedAt10
#IAmDreadingTheClocksChangingNextWeekendThoughIAmLookingForwardToLighterEvenings
#YesterdayIHadPortfolioReviewsAndWorkWorkToDoSoTiagoLookedAfterBForMostOfTheDay
#IWasReadingSomethingAboutTheSuccessOfAFemaleArtistAfterHavingKidsSeemsToCorrelateToHowSupportiveTheirPartnerIs
#IFeelLuckyThatTiagoIsSupportiveOfItAllAsOtherwiseItWouldBeHarderToGetThingsDone
#ForTheNextMonthOrSoIWillBeOutALotMoreWorkingWhichMeansLessTimeForMyOwnStuffSoWeWillSeeHowThatAllGoes
#AKidAtTheParkTheOtherDayCameOverAndStartedToPushBInTheSwing
#SheDidNotKnowWhatToMakeOfItAndIWasAlsoABitUnsureOfWhatToDo
#IDoNowKnowHowToTalkToKids
#TheOtherDayICriedAsIHadQuiteATenderMomentWithB
#SheWasInspectingMyFingersWithGreatCareAndWasLaughingAtMeRaisingMyEyebrowsUpAndDown
#SheAlsoHasANewCheekyGrinWhichIsSuperAdorable
#SheLikesToPlayWithTheBalloonsThatWeBlewUpForOneOfHerBabyClasses
#SheIsYetToUnderstandThatTheyCanPopAndIAmNotLookingForwardToTheDayThatTheyDo
#RecentlySheWasReallyDiggingHerFingersIntoItAndIHatedTheNoise
#IQuicklyPutMyHandsOverMyEarsAndSheAlsoFoundThatHilarious
#INeedToDoSomeResearchIntoWhatSoundsAllAnimalsMake
#ForExampleWhatSoundDoesAGiraffeMake

#NothingGetsPastBTheseDays

I feel like I have a completely different baby to a month ago.

#EspeciallyAnyBitOfDirtOnTheFloorThatSheIsQuickToPickUp

Though I do love when she goes for the tiny hole in the kitchen floor that she thinks is dirt, but obviously can’t pick up.

#SheIsSoFastAndWeBreatheASighOfReliefWhenSheSitsStillForAMinute

Tiago looked after her a lot yesterday and said that she never stops. I was like ‘welcome to my week’.

#ThisWeekHasBeenMyBusiestWeekSinceSheWasBornIThink

Still got plenty to do, but it’ll be fine.

#AndOfCourseItCoincidedWithBsFirstToothStartingToCutThroughHerGums #ItIsDay6AndIDoNotThinkItHasBrokenTheSurfaceYet

It felt so sharp the other day, but looking at it I do not think it has come through yet. It must be horrible. Bless B.

#AWomanAtTheParkSaidItCanTakeUpToAMonthForAToothToFullyAppear

Great.

#WeHaveStartedToBrushBsTeethOrRatherGumsToGetHerUsedToUsDoingIt

I wasn’t looking forward to it, but she does not seem to mind much.

#HerToothpasteIsFor0To2YearOldsButItSaysTheyShouldSpitItOut

Lol. Imagine trying to get a 4 month old to spit it out (B is 9 months and she does not get it yet).

#BHasBeenLaughingAtMeShowingHerHowToSpitItOutButIDoNotThinkItMattersThatMuch

She has seen us brush our teeth with an electric toothbrush so when we brush hers or I pretend to brush mine I make the sound of one. I think she finds me going ‘blergh’ more funny though. The other night she would not stop laughing.

#HerNapsHaveGenerallyBeenALotShorterAndSheUsuallyWakesUpAt6amNow

Yesterday Tiago was looking forward to her naps; she slept for half an hour both times. She has been sleeping okay through the night, though last night she did wake up at 11 briefly.

#IHaveBeenWorkingUntil11ishQuiteALotButThenItTakesSoLongForMyBrainToSwitchOff

I have been falling asleep after 12 most nights, except for last night when I actually was asleep when she woke up. Typical.

#WeManagedOneEpisodeOfAShowForDateNightLastNightThenWeWentToBedAt10

We’ve been watching Through Her Eyes. We watched 2 episodes last weekend, then hadn’t watched it again until last night. Tiago has given me the go ahead to watch it by myself though, as I think he is a little freaked out/can’t be bothered to watch it. I have started to watch a lot of TV on 1.5x while doing work…

#IAmDreadingTheClocksChangingNextWeekendThoughIAmLookingForwardToLighterEvenings

I get confused by it all every time though. Thinking about it the old 6am will be 7am, so the first night might not be great (hello super early bedtime) but it could be worse. We’ll see…

#YesterdayIHadPortfolioReviewsAndWorkWorkToDoSoTiagoLookedAfterBForMostOfTheDay

I hope more things stay online after the pandemic is over. It was so much more convenient to be at home with a digital portfolio. One reviewer said she wouldn’t have been able to go to the physical reviews as she has kids to look after.

They seemed to go well and were generally positive. It seems worth noting that I only had female reviewers.

#IWasReadingSomethingAboutTheSuccessOfAFemaleArtistAfterHavingKidsSeemsToCorrelateToHowSupportiveTheirPartnerIs

I guess it makes sense.

#IFeelLuckyThatTiagoIsSupportiveOfItAllAsOtherwiseItWouldBeHarderToGetThingsDone

It’s 9.15am and this morning he’s been looking after B so I could do dance videos, do a shoot and now my hashtags and blog. B is just going down for a nap, so I hope she sleeps well. I need to do some ‘work work’ after this, but I want to make sure that Tiago has some time for his own stuff today too.

I still feel guilty about T looking after her so much, but B doesn’t see him that much during the week so it’s nice for them to spend some quality time together.

#ForTheNextMonthOrSoIWillBeOutALotMoreWorkingWhichMeansLessTimeForMyOwnStuffSoWeWillSeeHowThatAllGoes

My Mum and Tiago will be looking after her while I’m doing it. I’m looking forward to getting out more, but I worry about fitting everything in. I know it’ll be fine though.

#AKidAtTheParkTheOtherDayCameOverAndStartedToPushBInTheSwing

We had been talking to some earlier about a car, which he said was a tractor.

#SheDidNotKnowWhatToMakeOfItAndIWasAlsoABitUnsureOfWhatToDo

He had a lot of spit on his hands and B had a runny nose – fun for Covid times.

#IDoNowKnowHowToTalkToKids

I guess as B gets older I’ll figure it out, and hopefully we’ll start to hang out with more kids soon.

#TheOtherDayICriedAsIHadQuiteATenderMomentWithB

I just had to check that that was the right term.

#SheWasInspectingMyFingersWithGreatCareAndWasLaughingAtMeRaisingMyEyebrowsUpAndDown

She was sat in her high chair and it was just really sweet. I love making her laugh.

#SheAlsoHasANewCheekyGrinWhichIsSuperAdorable

I should probably imitate it for a future shoot.

(15th April: It’s the next post.)

#SheLikesToPlayWithTheBalloonsThatWeBlewUpForOneOfHerBabyClasses

She also laughs when I throw one up and enthusiastically catch it. I have a lot of fun just kicking them about and playing volleyball with them.

#SheIsYetToUnderstandThatTheyCanPopAndIAmNotLookingForwardToTheDayThatTheyDo

I am worried that it might hurt her and she will get really freaked out.

#RecentlySheWasReallyDiggingHerFingersIntoItAndIHatedTheNoise

Ergh.

#IQuicklyPutMyHandsOverMyEarsAndSheAlsoFoundThatHilarious

I live to make her laugh. Once I learn how to talk to kids I might become a kid’s entertainer…

#INeedToDoSomeResearchIntoWhatSoundsAllAnimalsMake #ForExampleWhatSoundDoesAGiraffeMake

I end up singing that ‘What Does The Fox Say?‘ song from time to time as B has a fox toy and a few books that reference foxes. I just remember hearing them mate in London a lot and that wasn’t very nice…

People like to use animals for things that aren’t really known for their noises. If in doubt a lot of animals roar, and most birds tweet, but what does a moose say? A lot of them become Pokemon in my mind as in a toucan says tou-can, and a moose says moooose.


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Imitating How B Clapped Her Hands Until Two Days Ago (10th March 2021)

Imitating How B Clapped Until Two Days Ago (10th March 2021)
 
#UntilTwoDaysAgoBWasClappingLikeSheWasLookingForAFight
#SheLikesToClapAboutEverythingAtTheMoment
#EvenThoughHerSkinGotWorseAgainAndSheHasAColdAndSheIsTeething
#ICalledTheDoctorsTheOtherDayAsWeOpenedANewTubeOfHydrocortisoneCreamAndItSaidToOnlyUseItForAWeek
#WeHaveBeenUsingItForTwoWeeksAndAsADoctorSaidToUseItTwoTimesADayUntilItWasMuchBetterWeWereOnlyApplyingItOnceADay
#ThisDoctorSaidItIsFineToKeepUsingItTwiceADayAndBsSkinHasGotMuchBetterAlready
#WeJustNeedToKeepApplyingHerOtherCreamEveryHourOrSoAndItDefinitelyMakesADifferenceToo
#SheHasARunnyNoseWhichSheDoesNotLikeHavingWipedSoThatMakesForALotOfFun
#AtTheWeekendSheWasCrawlingALittleBitButThenSheWasSuddenlyOffAroundTheRoom
#YesterdaySheCrawledIntoTheKitchenAndPushedHerselfUpToStandingOnTheStepladderThatISitOnToFeedHer
#ItIsAmazingHowMuchSheChangesWeekToWeek
#AtTheMomentWeAreTryingToHaveTheTelevisionOnLessAndSpendMoreTimeInHerRoom
#ItIsMyNansHouseSoIfSheWantsTheTelevisionOnThenSheShouldHaveItOnButIFeelGuiltyForWatchingIt
#BHasMuchBetterPlaytimeWhenItIsNotOnAndWeReadMoreBooksAndSheCrawlsMore
#MoreCrawlingEqualsBetterSleepWhichIsGoodForUsAll
#IAmStillStressedOutWithMealsButNowIJustSeeWhatSheEatsInHalfAnHourAndLeaveItAtThat
#SheDoesNotSeemToLikeMeFeedingHerAtLunchAndDinnerButIfSheHasSomeKindOfFingerFoodThenSheDoesNotMind
#ItIs5WeeksUntilWeCanAttendAnInPersonBabyClassAgain
#FriendsElsewhereInTheCountryAreAlreadyAttendingBabyGroupsAndOutdoorClassesAndIAmJealous
#EvenThoughISaidBeforeThatTheBabyWalksNearUsAreNotFairOnBAsSheIsABitBoredIHaveTriedToBookSinceButTheyAreAlwaysSoldOut
#ItIsAnnoyingAsIKnowThatPeopleDoNotShowUpAndSoThereAreAlwaysFreeSpotsButOhWell
#ItIsAwkwardWalkingAroundInAGroupLikeThatAndBGetsNothingFromIt
#WhenWeDoOnlineClassesNowBKeepsCrawlingOverToMyLaptopAndSmashesAllTheKeys
#SometimesSheEndsUpTurningMyCameraOffOrUnmutingUsSoItIsAwkwardButFunny
#ThereIsAnOnlineCoffeeMorningTodayWithAMumAppThatIUse
#IWasGoingToAttendButNowIDoNotSeeThePointAsItIsHighlyUnlikelyThatAnyOfTheMumsWillLiveNearUs
#WeJustNeedToWaitThingsOutAndHopeThatThingsDoNotRevert
#IGuessItIsForTheBestThatWeCanNotGoToAnythingAsHopefullyByTheTimeWeCanMyNanWillHaveHadHerSecondVaccine
#IKnowItWillNotCompletelyProtectHerButItWillMakeThingsALittleLessStressful
#SheIsAlsoGettingFedUpOfBeingAtHomeAllTheTimeSoWeWillAllBeHappierWhenWeCanGoOutMore

#UntilTwoDaysAgoBWasClappingLikeSheWasLookingForAFight #SheLikesToClapAboutEverythingAtTheMoment

Last week she clapped when I put her down for a nap. That made me laugh.

#EvenThoughHerSkinGotWorseAgainAndSheHasAColdAndSheIsTeething

Her skin is so stressful. She still has no teeth. It’s great dealing with a baby with a runny nose.

#ICalledTheDoctorsTheOtherDayAsWeOpenedANewTubeOfHydrocortisoneCreamAndItSaidToOnlyUseItForAWeek #WeHaveBeenUsingItForTwoWeeksAndAsADoctorSaidToUseItTwoTimesADayUntilItWasMuchBetterWeWereOnlyApplyingItOnceADay

Well it was much better and then it suddenly got worse. I wanted some reassurance that it was okay to still use it and to maybe use it twice a day again.

#ThisDoctorSaidItIsFineToKeepUsingItTwiceADayAndBsSkinHasGotMuchBetterAlready

Hurrah. He said some people are on it long term… It’s only a mild one but we still need to be careful.

#WeJustNeedToKeepApplyingHerOtherCreamEveryHourOrSoAndItDefinitelyMakesADifferenceToo

We have ‘Dermol 500’ which the other doctors prescribed. We were using that and that hydromol, but yesterday we just kept applying Dermol and it seemed to make things better.

Her skin is the worst under her vest, and she has a sleepsuit on top of it most of the time. Last night we thought we would try her without the vest but she was crying her eyes out at 11.30 and we put it back on. Her skin seems better. We had also put her in a new brand of nappies, so we’ve gone back to her old ones. The problem with changing a few things is that you’re not sure what is really helping, but I think it is a mix of things really.

#SheHasARunnyNoseWhichSheDoesNotLikeHavingWipedSoThatMakesForALotOfFun

Like I said before – ‘It’s great dealing with a baby with a runny nose.’

#AtTheWeekendSheWasCrawlingALittleBitButThenSheWasSuddenlyOffAroundTheRoom

My Mum came on Saturday morning and B was moving around a bit, then by the afternoon she was crawling fast towards a toy that she wanted.

My Nan has a trolley that she likes to crawl to and play with the wheels, so we’re keeping that away from her now.

#YesterdaySheCrawledIntoTheKitchenAndPushedHerselfUpToStandingOnTheStepladderThatISitOnToFeedHer

It’s now time for constant vigilance. Yay.

#ItIsAmazingHowMuchSheChangesWeekToWeek

We talk to a woman who walks a dog when we see her, which is usually about once a week. She commented yesterday about how much B has changed since she last saw her – which was probably 5 days ago.

#AtTheMomentWeAreTryingToHaveTheTelevisionOnLessAndSpendMoreTimeInHerRoom #ItIsMyNansHouseSoIfSheWantsTheTelevisionOnThenSheShouldHaveItOnButIFeelGuiltyForWatchingIt #BHasMuchBetterPlaytimeWhenItIsNotOnAndWeReadMoreBooksAndSheCrawlsMore

My Nan will say ‘put B’s shows on’. I say ‘B has watched enough TV today’ and my Nan will disagree. I know my Nan means well, but surely me playing with B is much better for her than TV? We didn’t have a TV in Liverpool and we do not plan to have one when we eventually move out. We watch stuff on our computers from time to time, but I don’t like how we can just get stuck in front of the TV. Hopefully the weather will be good soon and we can go out more, and go to classes and do anything else that isn’t sitting in front of the box.

#MoreCrawlingEqualsBetterSleepWhichIsGoodForUsAll

Exactly.

#IAmStillStressedOutWithMealsButNowIJustSeeWhatSheEatsInHalfAnHourAndLeaveItAtThat

Well, sometimes it creeps to 35 to 40 minutes but it is early days.

#SheDoesNotSeemToLikeMeFeedingHerAtLunchAndDinnerButIfSheHasSomeKindOfFingerFoodThenSheDoesNotMind

She loves breakfast and it seems okay for me to feed her, but lunch and dinner are a bit more tricky. I’ve made her broccoli scones and raspberry oat bites that she seems more into, but I need to work on giving her more finger foods as we didn’t do the baby led weaning approach.

I planned to but I found it too stressful.

#ItIs5WeeksUntilWeCanAttendAnInPersonBabyClassAgain

Fingers crossed.

#FriendsElsewhereInTheCountryAreAlreadyAttendingBabyGroupsAndOutdoorClassesAndIAmJealous

If we were still in Liverpool then we would also be quite cut off from things, as we lived on the wrong side of the city for baby classes.

#EvenThoughISaidBeforeThatTheBabyWalksNearUsAreNotFairOnBAsSheIsABitBoredIHaveTriedToBookSinceButTheyAreAlwaysSoldOut

Sometimes I just feel like we need to get out of the house and see people. I feel like B can deal with an hour of it.

#ItIsAnnoyingAsIKnowThatPeopleDoNotShowUpAndSoThereAreAlwaysFreeSpotsButOhWell

We’re on a WhatsApp group and there are usually a lot of ‘sorry I can’t make it messages’. I get it as babies are unpredictable, but we need to book onto it etc.

#ItIsAwkwardWalkingAroundInAGroupLikeThatAndBGetsNothingFromIt

It did make me feel quite anxious last time and I could not really enjoy myself, plus B’s boredom just stressed me out.

#WhenWeDoOnlineClassesNowBKeepsCrawlingOverToMyLaptopAndSmashesAllTheKeys #SometimesSheEndsUpTurningMyCameraOffOrUnmutingUsSoItIsAwkwardButFunny

She was doing it a bit before, but now she is super fast.

#ThereIsAnOnlineCoffeeMorningTodayWithAMumAppThatIUse #IWasGoingToAttendButNowIDoNotSeeThePointAsItIsHighlyUnlikelyThatAnyOfTheMumsWillLiveNearUs

It starts in 15 minutes. B is due to get up in 30 minutes.

I need to do the shoot for this so I’d rather get it done now and then relax during B’s nap later. Or I can just try to quickly do the shoot and attend, and leave early if I do not like it. Hmm. I think I’ll just do the shoot now as we have an online baby class in an hour or so.

#WeJustNeedToWaitThingsOutAndHopeThatThingsDoNotRevert

Let’s hope not.

#IGuessItIsForTheBestThatWeCanNotGoToAnythingAsHopefullyByTheTimeWeCanMyNanWillHaveHadHerSecondVaccine #IKnowItWillNotCompletelyProtectHerButItWillMakeThingsALittleLessStressful

I know that some people are still dying from Covid after having the vaccine, but at least we know she will have some protection and then we need to encourage her to still keep her distance from people etc.

#SheIsAlsoGettingFedUpOfBeingAtHomeAllTheTimeSoWeWillAllBeHappierWhenWeCanGoOutMore

I feel bad for her. I complain about things, but this whole situation is also rubbish for everyone else in different ways. She misses going out to the shops, which was her main source of joy before. Hopefully things will be better for us all soon.


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Imitating B With Her Hands And Feet On The Floor (6th March 2021)

Imitating B With Her Hands And Feet On The Floor (6th March 2021)
 
#BIsDefinitelyMovingAroundQuickerEachDay
#YesterdaySheGotStuckByTheCushionsByTheTVAsSheOnlyLikesRollingOneWaySoSheKeptRollingIntoThemRatherThanAwayFromThem
#ThisPhotoIsMeImitatingHerWithHerHandsAndFeetOnTheFloorWhichSheHasStartedToDoInTheLastWeekOrSo
#ICanNotImagineHerWalkingAroundButIGuessThoseDaysAreGettingCloserAndCloser
#SometimesAtNightNowIHearHerCryingSoITurnOnTheMonitorAndSheIsJustSatUpInHerCot
#IHadACallWithMySupportBefrienderPersonTheOtherDay
#SheSaidSheThatCouldTellThatIWasDown
#ISaidIDoNotKnowWhyIBotherMakingProjectsAndThingsWithTheFreeTimeIHaveWhenICouldBeRelaxingInstead
#SheSaidItIsBecauseYouLoveIt
#ILikeThisProjectFromTimeToTimeButItIsMoreThatIFeelIHaveToMakeIt
#WhenIDoAGoodShootIFeelGreatButWhenIDoNotIFeelPrettyDown
#SoHerCommentGaveMeAKickToActuallyStartShootingForAProjectThatIHaveBeenThinkingAboutForAFewWeeks
#IDoNotKnowIfItWillEverSeeTheLightOfDayButIDefinitelyFeelBetterForHavingStartedIt
#ThisMorningTiagoGotBUpAt7AndHeWillLookAfterHerUntilHerNapAtAround10
#IDidMyDanceVideosFirstThingToGetThemDoneAsIFeelLikeTheyHangOverMeAtTheWeekend
#TodayIReallyEnjoyedItButSomeWeeksItIsJustAnotherThingThatIFeelIHaveToDo
#INeedToStopFeelingGuiltyForHavingSomeTimeToMyself
#IWorkPrettyQuicklyNowWithTheFreeTimeIHaveAndTiagoIsBsDadSoOfCourseHeShouldBeSpendingTimeWithHer
#IThinkIFeelBadAsTiagoIsWorkingAllWeekAndMakingMoneyWhereasIDoNotMakeMuch
#IAmDoingSomeNonArtPaidWorkAtTheMomentWhichIJustDoInFifteenMinutesToTwoHoursIshSessions
#IDoLookForOtherWorkWhereBWouldHaveToGoToNurseryButThereDoesNotSeemToBeMuchOutThere
#ItWouldAlsoNeedToBeSomethingWhichLeavesMeWithEnoughAfterPayingNurseryFeesToSeemWorthIt
#MostOfTheMumsIKnowWithBabiesOfASimilarAgeAreEitherBackAtWorkOrGoingBackSoon
#ItIsAnnoyingInTheSenseThatSoonWeWillBeAbleToHangOutWithOtherBabiesButTheyAllMightBeInNurseries
#IGuessThereWillBeSomeAroundThoughWhoseParentsWorkPartTimeOrWhoAreInASimilarPosition
#IHaveSpokenToACoupleOfMumsThisWeekAtThePlaygroundWeGoTo
#IRealiseNowThatEveryoneElseProbablyWantsToChatButTheyAreJustAsAwkwardAsMe
#MyCurrentMumPickupLineIsHowOldIsYourLittleOne
#WeSayWeWillSeeEachOtherAroundButWeHaveLivedHereForFourMonthsAndIDoNotThinkIHaveSeenThemBefore
#WorkingOnANewProjectAndTalkingToPeopleMakesMeFeelHappierSoINeedToKeepOnDoingWhatIAmDoing

#BIsDefinitelyMovingAroundQuickerEachDay

I’m excited for her to walk, but I’m almost nervous. We’re on bump alert most of the time at the moment.

#YesterdaySheGotStuckByTheCushionsByTheTVAsSheOnlyLikesRollingOneWaySoSheKeptRollingIntoThemRatherThanAwayFromThem

We have cushions everywhere. She definitely has a rolling preference. She was getting agitated and I’m like ‘why don’t you just roll the other way?’

Obviously she can’t understand me, but eventually she had rolled into them enough times that she was able to make enough space to roll onto her belly and crawl away. Gripping stuff.

#ThisPhotoIsMeImitatingHerWithHerHandsAndFeetOnTheFloorWhichSheHasStartedToDoInTheLastWeekOrSo

I was toying between imitating this and the way she sits down sometimes. I will have to aim to do that next time.

I haven’t done the shoot yet, but I wrote it like I had. I guess the backdrop will be the cupboards in our bedroom again… I could quickly go into B’s room and do it there, but by the time I finish writing this she is due to sleep. I could just go and do the shoot now. Hmm.

Okay I need to move quick…

Well that was fun. Tiago and B came up during the shoot and the light was blocking the doorway (health and safety!!!), so Tiago passed B over the light which she found hilarious.

I obviously (well maybe it’s not that obvious) have more hair than B. I did some yoga after my dance videos too so that helped, especially as B is so flexible.

#ICanNotImagineHerWalkingAroundButIGuessThoseDaysAreGettingCloserAndCloser

So bizarre. I know other babies who are standing up/supporting themselves, but B seemed to want to crawl first and now she has mastered that she is working on her standing.

#SometimesAtNightNowIHearHerCryingSoITurnOnTheMonitorAndSheIsJustSatUpInHerCot

I wanted to write more about this/I did and then deleted them as I needed more space for other things. Maybe I should have kept them? Maybe I should have saved it for my next post?

It did weird me out the first time I saw her just sat there. I don’t know why, it just looked odd!

#IHadACallWithMySupportBefrienderPersonTheOtherDay

I never know what to call her. The woman who calls me every 2 weeks to talk about my mental health. I had thought about quitting the service as they probably have a waiting list and I don’t want to unnecessarily take up their resources. I just feel like I don’t have time for a 30 minute call every 2 weeks (lol) as it happens during B’s nap, but it is useful and it does make me think differently about things.

#SheSaidSheThatCouldTellThatIWasDown

I was trying to hide it.

#ISaidIDoNotKnowWhyIBotherMakingProjectsAndThingsWithTheFreeTimeIHaveWhenICouldBeRelaxingInstead

I have said it before. I wish I could just relax and do nothing, but I’m stubborn about making work. I obviously need to do it as well.

#SheSaidItIsBecauseYouLoveIt

I was like ‘Do I though?’

#ILikeThisProjectFromTimeToTimeButItIsMoreThatIFeelIHaveToMakeIt

It is more just a project that I feel I am stuck making for now. I don’t know how long I will do it for. I thought maybe until B is one, but maybe it is a more long-term thing now that I just need to do once a week, so I have time for other things?

#WhenIDoAGoodShootIFeelGreatButWhenIDoNotIFeelPrettyDown

At the moment this shoot sits on the so-so pile. I might feel differently about it later.

Some weeks I have really not wanted to do this project, particularly when B was a bit younger.

In my ArtsQuest article (ooh get me quoting myself) I said ‘I decided to set up the blog not long after giving birth in June 2020 in a sleep-deprived haze of confidence. There are times that I have told myself off for giving myself extra work as my stubbornness means I will continue to write posts for probably at least a few more years to come whether anyone reads it or not.

I am glad that I did not quit it when there were times that I wanted to. I think this project will be interesting to look back on when B is older.

My favourite shoots are definitely those where I am imitating B, so I just need to make it more fun and playful.

#SoHerCommentGaveMeAKickToActuallyStartShootingForAProjectThatIHaveBeenThinkingAboutForAFewWeeks

Sometimes I have ideas that pass quickly, but this one was stuck in my head to the point where I knew I needed to do it. I had been doing some research for it, but I usually work best by shooting and seeing where it goes. It’s meant to be a fun project, which is self-portraiture and sticks within my interests.

#IDoNotKnowIfItWillEverSeeTheLightOfDayButIDefinitelyFeelBetterForHavingStartedIt

Starting a project is the hardest thing. Particularly now when my last few photography projects have generally been shoot, talk about it and post it, it’s weird doing work where it doesn’t feel like that might be the case. I may need to sit on it and see. It is another project though where I think I do just need to do keep shooting and accumulate mass to wade through.

Was that poetic? It seemed to be.

#ThisMorningTiagoGotBUpAt7AndHeWillLookAfterHerUntilHerNapAtAround10

He’s just gone off for a bike ride and I had 3 hours in the morning to do things. BEAUTIFUL. It’s 10.30am now and B should be asleep for another 45 minutes, so I’m really enjoying getting things done. In the morning I have a list of things that I want to do in my head and it’s a long time to wait until 7.30pm when I can usually get more things done.

#IDidMyDanceVideosFirstThingToGetThemDoneAsIFeelLikeTheyHangOverMeAtTheWeekend

Nothing like waking yourself up with dance videos. I did 5 today. I usually do 3/4, and one was 7 minutes long!

#TodayIReallyEnjoyedItButSomeWeeksItIsJustAnotherThingThatIFeelIHaveToDo

My support befriender person said I’m disciplined. I guess it’s true.

I’ve always said with the dance videos that the project is over when I don’t want to do it anymore. Some weeks it feels like more of a slog (having to move furniture and stuff is always fun), but other times I do get into it more. It’s meant to be an exercise in not caring and today I didn’t care and just enjoyed it.

#INeedToStopFeelingGuiltyForHavingSomeTimeToMyself

Oh, Mum guilt.

#IWorkPrettyQuicklyNowWithTheFreeTimeIHaveAndTiagoIsBsDadSoOfCourseHeShouldBeSpendingTimeWithHer

And he likes spending time with her. I do not faff so much anymore, particularly at this time of day when I know that I can not take the piss.

#IThinkIFeelBadAsTiagoIsWorkingAllWeekAndMakingMoneyWhereasIDoNotMakeMuch

He works so hard and I want him to have time to rest and relax. Well, I guess playing with your daughter is relaxing?

#IAmDoingSomeNonArtPaidWorkAtTheMomentWhichIJustDoInFifteenMinutesToTwoHoursIshSessions

At the moment the work comes when it comes, when it doesn’t come then I do my own work.

#IDoLookForOtherWorkWhereBWouldHaveToGoToNurseryButThereDoesNotSeemToBeMuchOutThere

It’s a weird time.

#ItWouldAlsoNeedToBeSomethingWhichLeavesMeWithEnoughAfterPayingNurseryFeesToSeemWorthIt

If I’m left with 5 quid afterwards then what’s the point? Some people might say yeah it’s 5 quid, but it seems like a lot of hassle. Hopefully something will come up at some point, but for now I should enjoy spending time with B as I’m sure a lot of people would just prefer to be at home with their kids. I know I am lucky.

Having time away from B this morning makes me look forward to playing with her when she wakes up. I don’t feel as excited if I’m with her all day every day you know? No offence B.

#MostOfTheMumsIKnowWithBabiesOfASimilarAgeAreEitherBackAtWorkOrGoingBackSoon #ItIsAnnoyingInTheSenseThatSoonWeWillBeAbleToHangOutWithOtherBabiesButTheyAllMightBeInNurseries

I just want to have a gaggle of friends who we meet up with in the summer and chill in the park with. She might have to make do with younger friends but that’s fine. A lot of the younger babies that we have met will be acknowledging other babies/not sleeping all the time by the time the better weather comes around.

#IGuessThereWillBeSomeAroundThoughWhoseParentsWorkPartTimeOrWhoAreInASimilarPosition

A lot of people seem to be cutting/condensing their hours to fewer days a week, so I guess there will be a day when people are free to play.

#IHaveSpokenToACoupleOfMumsThisWeekAtThePlaygroundWeGoTo

It always seems to come in phases – one week I talk to people and then I do not talk to anyone for a week.

#IRealiseNowThatEveryoneElseProbablyWantsToChatButTheyAreJustAsAwkwardAsMe

I think people do not know how to start a conversation (like me).

#MyCurrentMumPickupLineIsHowOldIsYourLittleOne

This seems to be a good one. I don’t offend someone by misgendering their child, and it’s something that doesn’t seem too intimidating. I usually direct it to people who have sat their kid in the swing next to us.

#WeSayWeWillSeeEachOtherAroundButWeHaveLivedHereForFourMonthsAndIDoNotThinkIHaveSeenThemBefore

One woman I think we might have seen once before, but the other one I really don’t think I have. We’ll see how long it takes to bump into them again.

#WorkingOnANewProjectAndTalkingToPeopleMakesMeFeelHappierSoINeedToKeepOnDoingWhatIAmDoing

Last time I spoke to more people I was feeling really down due to ‘am I pregnant/am I not?’ issues and other people made the effort, but now I am feeling better I am the one reaching out. I guess things go in waves, but I want to keep getting mentally and physically stronger.


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Where Is Mummy? (16th February 2021)

Where Is Mummy? (16th February 2021)
 
#IAlwaysWriteMumButMummyLooksABitWeird
#IAmNotADeadPersonInAMuseumThoughIMaySometimesLookLikeIt
#LastNightIWentToSleepAtNineThirtyAfterReadingForABit
#ThenIWasAwakeBetweenFourAndFiveThirtyishAsBWasMakingNoisesAndICouldNotFallBackAsleep
#ThenItWas7AndIDidNotWantToGetOutOfBedAsIFeltSoTired
#IHadPlannedToDoSomeCraftsOrWritingOrAnythingLastNightButIJustCouldNotBeBothered
#TypicallyISpendAllDayLookingForwardToAGoodAmountOfMeTimeButThenItArrivesAndIAmJustKnackered
#IStartedAFundingApplicationTheOtherNightButItJustSeemedSoPointlessAndItWouldHaveBeenVeryRushed
#IFeelLikeINeedToPrioritiseMyMeTimeAtTheMomentForThingsThatHaveInstantaneousResultsOrMakeMeMoney
#IWantToStartWorkingOnANewProjectButIAmNotSureWhat
#ItFeelsEasyToKeepAddingToThisSeriesAndIDoNotHaveToThinkAboutItMuch
#AnywaysWeWentOnAGroupWalkWithOtherMumsAndMomsYesterday
#TypicallyEveryoneElseKnewEachOtherThoughIDoFeelLikeTheyDidTryToIncludeMe
#ButAllOfTheirBabiesAre8WeeksOldAndWereAsleepTheWholeTime
#BWasAwakeAndBeingQuitePatientReallyConsideringSheWasJustStuckInHerPushchair
#SheCanCrawlForwardALittleNowButThenHasToStopBeforeTryingAgain
#ItFeltGoodToBeOutAndAboutInGoodWeatherAndTalkToOtherPeople
#ButItWasNotAnyFunForBSoIMightJustTryAndGoOnceInAWhile
#MaybeItWouldNotBeSoBadIfThePushchairActuallyFacedMeAsICouldTalkToHerMore
#IDoWishWeHadGotOneThatCouldFaceBothWaysButItIsABitLateNow
#IAlsoFeltAwkwardMovingAboutWithABunchOfPeopleAsIFeltLikePeopleWereJudgingUsAndGettingAnnoyed
#ItIsClassedAsASupportGroupSoWeAreNotBreakingTheLawButIAmAwkwardEnoughJustBeingOutWithB
#WeAreDebatingSendingBToNurseryOneDayAWeek
#IFeelQuiteTornAboutItAsIAmNotMakingEnoughMoneyAtTheMomentToJustifyItAndIFeelGuiltyThatSheWouldBeInNurseryWhileIAmJustFaffingAboutAtHome
#IFeelLikeItLooksLikeIDoNotWantToSpendTimeWithHer
#ILoveHerALotButIAmJustTiredAndMaybeSheWouldHaveMoreFunSpendingADayWithOtherKids
#ThenICanUseMyFreeTimeToFigureOutWhatIWantToDoWithMyLifeAndProbablySpendALotOfMyTimeMissingBAndFeelingGuilty
#ThenWhenWeAreReunitedIWillHopefullyHaveMoreEnthusiasmAfterHavingSomeMoreMeTime
#IDoWorryThatIWillJustWasteMyFreeTimeThoughTiagoSaysItIsFineIfIJustSpendTheFirstTimeSleeping
#ThinkingAboutItSendingHerToNurseryIncreasesOurRiskOfHavingToSelfIsolateAndThatWouldBeNoFun

#IAlwaysWriteMumButMummyLooksABitWeird #IAmNotADeadPersonInAMuseumThoughIMaySometimesLookLikeIt

Hello tiredness my old friend.

The title and image reference our many games of peekaboo.

#LastNightIWentToSleepAtNineThirtyAfterReadingForABit

Continuing on the dead theme – I’m reading Dead Famous by Greg Jenner.

#ThenIWasAwakeBetweenFourAndFiveThirtyishAsBWasMakingNoisesAndICouldNotFallBackAsleep

It was warm last night and I was not sure what setting/timing to have B’s heater on. I thought it was on a higher setting than it was and so had turned some ‘sessions’ off. I think she was slightly too cold. We went in a couple of times – once as I thought she was trapped at the bottom of her cot with not much space, and the other time to change her nappy.

Exciting stuff.

#ThenItWas7AndIDidNotWantToGetOutOfBedAsIFeltSoTired

Tiago is good at getting her up. I did have a little nap, then stretched but I need to just get up really.

#IHadPlannedToDoSomeCraftsOrWritingOrAnythingLastNightButIJustCouldNotBeBothered

I even thought about playing video games, which I have not done since before B was born. In the end I thought it was not very productive and that I would probably load it then turn it off after 5 minutes anyways.

#TypicallyISpendAllDayLookingForwardToAGoodAmountOfMeTimeButThenItArrivesAndIAmJustKnackered

I think I also just feel a bit overwhelmed with choosing what to do if there is not obvious stuff that needs to be done – like editing or any work related stuff. I did think about doing some digital drawing. Nope. I thought about painting. Nope. I looked for part time jobs briefly. I did a tiny bit of writing and then I felt shattered.

#IStartedAFundingApplicationTheOtherNightButItJustSeemedSoPointlessAndItWouldHaveBeenVeryRushed

The deadline was sooner than I thought. I thought I had a good idea and I kept talking myself in and out of doing the application. Well I finally started it and then realised that there was no chance that I was going to get the funding. Next time!

#IFeelLikeINeedToPrioritiseMyMeTimeAtTheMomentForThingsThatHaveInstantaneousResultsOrMakeMeMoney

Obviously funding would give me money, but spending 5+ hours (realistically it would need to be a lot longer) on an application where I probably wouldn’t get the money does not feel like a good use of my time. I will try to apply next time though and I can hopefully just chip away at it a bit at a time.

Making dance videos and adding to this project feel like ‘instantaneous results’, as I am actively adding to things that I share.

#IWantToStartWorkingOnANewProjectButIAmNotSureWhat

I feel like I am trying things out within this project, but I need a good solid idea.

#ItFeelsEasyToKeepAddingToThisSeriesAndIDoNotHaveToThinkAboutItMuch

I know that if I make work for this series then it always gets added to the project. I need to just experiment more (which I feel like I did with my last shoot) and ideas will come.

I need to find a commission or something so I do not have to worry about doing odd jobs right now. Easier said than done. Someone is probably reading this and shouting ‘that’s why you apply for funding!’ Yeah I know but it’s also easier said than done…

I’m enjoying editing some websites at the moment and I have put some things that I learned on my coding course into practice which is great!

I’d like to do a creative writing course or something next.

#AnywaysWeWentOnAGroupWalkWithOtherMumsAndMomsYesterday

We being B and I.

#TypicallyEveryoneElseKnewEachOtherThoughIDoFeelLikeTheyDidTryToIncludeMe

They’d all met on a parenting course.

#ButAllOfTheirBabiesAre8WeeksOldAndWereAsleepTheWholeTime

So B is 6 months+ older and it’s a whole different world of parenting. It was nice to talk to them though.

#BWasAwakeAndBeingQuitePatientReallyConsideringSheWasJustStuckInHerPushchair

She was getting a bit screamy at one point and I thought about taking her home, but we were so far from home that I thought we might as well keep walking and then head off once we got to a point that was closer to home. Home home home.

#SheCanCrawlForwardALittleNowButThenHasToStopBeforeTryingAgain

Yesterday she seemed pretty tired, so it wasn’t too bad that she was just sat in the pushchair. The day before she had moved a lot so she probably did just need to rest a bit.

#ItFeltGoodToBeOutAndAboutInGoodWeatherAndTalkToOtherPeople

Really nice. Forget all the things I’ve said about not wanting to meet local people. It is just frustrating though.

#ButItWasNotAnyFunForBSoIMightJustTryAndGoOnceInAWhile

It’s also frustrating. I’d love to go every week, but it’s not fair on B. There is one during B’s naptime, so maybe I should go to that one instead but then I’ll lose my hour+ of free time in the morning. It’s alright if I have nothing on, but if I have to work then it’s annoying.

#MaybeItWouldNotBeSoBadIfThePushchairActuallyFacedMeAsICouldTalkToHerMore #IDoWishWeHadGotOneThatCouldFaceBothWaysButItIsABitLateNow

It hasn’t been too bad as usually we don’t go too far. Yesterday was the furthest we’ve gone from home since before Xmas…

#IAlsoFeltAwkwardMovingAboutWithABunchOfPeopleAsIFeltLikePeopleWereJudgingUsAndGettingAnnoyed #ItIsClassedAsASupportGroupSoWeAreNotBreakingTheLawButIAmAwkwardEnoughJustBeingOutWithB

It’s half term so the area was busier than usual. We were walking in twos, but the paths are narrow (I walked on the grass a lot).

Basically we can’t win. Be miserable at home, or be awkward out and about.

#WeAreDebatingSendingBToNurseryOneDayAWeek #IFeelQuiteTornAboutItAsIAmNotMakingEnoughMoneyAtTheMomentToJustifyIt#AndIFeelGuiltyThatSheWouldBeInNurseryWhileIAmJustFaffingAboutAtHome

If more things were open I think it would not be so bad. Classes/play groups/activities would be cheaper than nursery and pass the day nicely. I guess things will have to reopen soon, but can my sanity wait until then?

#IFeelLikeItLooksLikeIDoNotWantToSpendTimeWithHer #ILoveHerALotButIAmJustTiredAndMaybeSheWouldHaveMoreFunSpendingADayWithOtherKids

It’s very full on. I make it harder for myself by getting stressed out about anything and everything – is she eating okay, is she being entertained, is she getting enough stimulation? This week our usual baby classes aren’t on, and we tend to do YouTube classes using the TV, but my Nan does not like them. Fun times.

#ThenICanUseMyFreeTimeToFigureOutWhatIWantToDoWithMyLifeAndProbablySpendALotOfMyTimeMissingBAndFeelingGuilty

I am feeling a bit lost.

#ThenWhenWeAreReunitedIWillHopefullyHaveMoreEnthusiasmAfterHavingSomeMoreMeTime

I hope so.

#IDoWorryThatIWillJustWasteMyFreeTimeThoughTiagoSaysItIsFineIfIJustSpendTheFirstTimeSleeping

I am used to having to work quite fast, so having a whole day to do stuff just seems incomprehensible. I’d have to make a plan and be quite strict with myself as otherwise I’d feel really guilty. Factoring in relaxing time is fine, but I’d need to get stuff done.

I just imagine leaving B there and her crying her eyes out. She’d get over it after a bit and it’d be better for the whole family perhaps. I remember going to nursery/playgroup and absolutely loving it but I was a bit older.

If playgroups reopened soon that would be really good… B would have fun and I could have a chat. That seems like a dream at the moment though.

Simple things.

#ThinkingAboutItSendingHerToNurseryIncreasesOurRiskOfHavingToSelfIsolateAndThatWouldBeNoFun

I reedited my hashtags to fit this in. As much as I’d love more me/free time, it seems a bit risky to send her to nursery when we don’t really need to. If someone tests positive, we have to self-isolate which means no walks, we can’t just go to the supermarket when we need something, and my Mum can’t visit.

It’s an annoying situation, but a lot of people have a lot more problems so I just need to get over it.


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Trying To Imitate How B Looks After She Has Slept On Her Hands (31st January 2021)

Self-portrait with some marks on my face from where I tried to imitate my daughter by lying on my hands.
Trying To Imitate How B Looks After She Has Slept On Her Hands (31st January 2021)
 
#BHasSuddenlyGotMoreMobile
#YesterdaySheStartedToRollOntoHerFrontThenBackOntoHerBack
#SheHasDoneItABitBeforeButMoreOnAccident
#NowSheKnowsWhatSheIsDoingAndUsesItToGetAroundMore
#SheWasAlsoCrawlingBackwardsABit
#YouCanSeeThatSheKnowsWhatSheNeedsToDoToCrawlForward
#ButItIsProbablyTheCarpetThatIsStoppingHerSomewhatRightNow
#IDoNotThinkItWillBeLongBeforeSheIsCrawling
#GoodbyeToTheDaysWhereYouCanPutHerDownAndLeaveTheRoomFor5SecondsToGetSomethingAndExpectToFindHerInTheSameArea
#WeAreStartingToBabyproofTheLivingRoomWithTowels
#ThisMorningSheWasAlsoBlowingALotOfRaspberries
#ItIsFunnySeeingHerOnTheBabyMonitorNow
#IAmGladWeDidNotHaveOneBeforeAsYouCanQuiteObsessedWatchingItAndSeeingEveryMovement
#ItIsCuteSeeingBFallAsleepOnHerSideAsIfSheWasTooTiredToEvenRollOntoHerFrontToSleep
#ButWhenSheDoesSleepOnHerFrontSheAlwaysSleepsOnHerHandsAndHasBigMarksWhereHerFingersWere
#SheHasNotLearnedTheArtOfTurningHerHeadToTheSideToSleepOnHerFrontYet
#IWillTryToRecreateTheFingerMarksOnMyHeadForThePhotoButLetsSeeHowLongIHaveToLieOnMyFrontFor
#SheSeemsToPreferSleepingOnHerFrontForNapsAndThenOnHerBackForNight
#ThoughTheOtherNightSheWasOnHerFrontAtNightAndIThoughtOhEventuallyWeWillHaveToGoInToTurnHerOverWhenSheScreams
#ButAtSomePointSheObviouslyRolledOntoHerBackAndItWasFine
#IAmStartingToFeelALittleDrainedAgain
#IHaveNotMadeMuchOfAnEffortToTalkToLocalPeopleLately
#ThoughTypicallyIFeelLikeThisAndThenPeopleStartToTalkToUsAtThePlaygroundMore
#IGuessIFeelLikeIHaveEnoughPeopleToTalkToThatICanNotSeeDueToCovid
#IAlsoHaveLessFreeTimeTheseDaysAndIDoNotFeelTheNeedToMakeLocalFriendsAsMuch
#ThoughThisWillProbablyChangeSoonWhenTheWeatherGetsBetterAndWeCanHopefullySpendMoreTimeOutdoors
#WeDoBabyClassesOnZoomWhereAtLeastBGetsToSeeSomeOtherBabies
#EspeciallyAsThereIsAlwaysABitWhereWeDanceTheBabiesUpToOurCamerasWhichIsRidiculouslyCute
#IFeelLikeIAmGettingQuiteObsessedWithBsScheduleAgainAndIAmQuiteUsedToOurDailyLife
#IGuessInNonPandemicTimesIWouldHaveGotUsedToAlteringItForThingsLikeClassesAndPlaydatesButIFeelLikeICanNotReallySwayAwayFromThingsRightNow

#BHasSuddenlyGotMoreMobile #YesterdaySheStartedToRollOntoHerFrontThenBackOntoHerBack #SheHasDoneItABitBeforeButMoreOnAccident #NowSheKnowsWhatSheIsDoingAndUsesItToGetAroundMore #SheWasAlsoCrawlingBackwardsABit #YouCanSeeThatSheKnowsWhatSheNeedsToDoToCrawlForward #ButItIsProbablyTheCarpetThatIsStoppingHerSomewhatRightNow #IDoNotThinkItWillBeLongBeforeSheIsCrawling

I do not usually bunch so many hashtags together, but this all fits together quite well.

It’s like a switch suddenly got flicked in her brain and she’s now hyperactive.

This morning after breakfast you could see that she just wanted to get back on the floor to try things out.

#GoodbyeToTheDaysWhereYouCanPutHerDownAndLeaveTheRoomFor5SecondsToGetSomethingAndExpectToFindHerInTheSameArea

I will miss them, but I am also excited to see B moving about.

#WeAreStartingToBabyproofTheLivingRoomWithTowels

I did an online first aid class and they were saying that a rolled up towel is good for some things – there’s a fireplace with bricks around it, which now has a big towel over the ledge.

#ThisMorningSheWasAlsoBlowingALotOfRaspberries

She was just blowing them in Tiago’s face. I did laugh… She also likes to blow raspberries more when she eats too.

#ItIsFunnySeeingHerOnTheBabyMonitorNow #IAmGladWeDidNotHaveOneBeforeAsYouCanQuiteObsessedWatchingItAndSeeingEveryMovement

Every arm flap makes me feel concerned. ‘Oh, she is going to wake up! No she didn’t…’ I turn it off unless I need it on – I’m far away/she cries and I want to see what is happening.

#ItIsCuteSeeingBFallAsleepOnHerSideAsIfSheWasTooTiredToEvenRollOntoHerFrontToSleep

Very cute.

#ButWhenSheDoesSleepOnHerFrontSheAlwaysSleepsOnHerHandsAndHasBigMarksWhereHerFingersWere #SheHasNotLearnedTheArtOfTurningHerHeadToTheSideToSleepOnHerFrontYet #IWillTryToRecreateTheFingerMarksOnMyHeadForThePhotoButLetsSeeHowLongIHaveToLieOnMyFrontFor

I was going to do this for the last shoot, but I felt like I could not justify lying on my front for a while. Today it is Sunday and I’ve done my ‘work work’ for the week so I am less stressed. I need to set up the camera before I lie down though as it might fade quick. Will I fall asleep? I might listen to a podcast or something.

B was up at 6 so she might sleep for another hour and a half now (it is 9.30am), but knowing my luck she will be awake in 10 minutes.

#SheSeemsToPreferSleepingOnHerFrontForNapsAndThenOnHerBackForNight #ThoughTheOtherNightSheWasOnHerFrontAtNightAndIThoughtOhEventuallyWeWillHaveToGoInToTurnHerOverWhenSheScreams #ButAtSomePointSheObviouslyRolledOntoHerBackAndItWasFine

Great. Though last night she was screaming as she was on her front and we did turn her over. Maybe we should have left her, but it had been 5 minutes. She was probably tired from all of her moving around last night.

She does seem to move around the cot quite a lot now.

#IAmStartingToFeelALittleDrainedAgain

I kept rewriting this half of the hashtags as I felt like I wasn’t explaining myself well.

#IHaveNotMadeMuchOfAnEffortToTalkToLocalPeopleLately #ThoughTypicallyIFeelLikeThisAndThenPeopleStartToTalkToUsAtThePlaygroundMore

I was using a lot of apps and things before, but now I just do not have the energy. The other day I was lost in my own thoughts while pushing B on a swing and someone started to chat to me. The next day someone else spoke to us.

#IGuessIFeelLikeIHaveEnoughPeopleToTalkToThatICanNotSeeDueToCovid

I have not seen a lot of my friends in over a year… (I know this is the case for a lot of people to.)

#IAlsoHaveLessFreeTimeTheseDaysAndIDoNotFeelTheNeedToMakeLocalFriendsAsMuch

At the moment it feels like the best thing to do is to stay away from people. Also having to start over with people from square one is always awkward. People who have known me for a while know me and what I do and I do not have to explain things which is great.

It’s the whole starting over from the beginning with people that is tiring, and then they usually do not talk to you for a while/long time/ever again for whatever reason. I do not have the energy for it right now.

#ThoughThisWillProbablyChangeSoonWhenTheWeatherGetsBetterAndWeCanHopefullySpendMoreTimeOutdoors

Oh yeah when we can go out as many times as we want and can just sit on the grass it will be great. At the moment when B naps I get things done. When she’s awake we have many hours to pass, so just chilling outside with people talking about things and letting the babies play sounds awesome.

#WeDoBabyClassesOnZoomWhereAtLeastBGetsToSeeSomeOtherBabies #EspeciallyAsThereIsAlwaysABitWhereWeDanceTheBabiesUpToOurCamerasWhichIsRidiculouslyCute

Last week I did not do as many as I planned. I think we managed 3 out of 5 days? I do wish they had them at the weekend as it’s a good way to pass time. I do do YouTube classes with her, but it’s not the same as watching other babies on the screen.

#IFeelLikeIAmGettingQuiteObsessedWithBsScheduleAgainAndIAmQuiteUsedToOurDailyLife #IGuessInNonPandemicTimesIWouldHaveGotUsedToAlteringItForThingsLikeClassesAndPlaydatesButIFeelLikeICanNotReallySwayAwayFromThingsRightNow

Going out to classes was stressful, but I did feel good when I had organised things well. Now I worry about B falling asleep on the way to or from classes when she shouldn’t, but it didn’t really do much damage anyways. I guess it will be a while until we have classes in real life again, and by then I’ll know more what I am doing with B’s schedule.

Yesterday she had a big breakfast and a tiny lunch. I think this morning it was quite a big breakfast, so I will push back lunch a bit. Things like this help with scheduling her day, and B eats well enough now that she can eat when we are out and about.

Boring stuff, but it’s what I think about.

Time to lie on the floor for a shoot…

(I did not have to lie on my hands for as long as I thought I would have to to get results, but my hands are bony and it did hurt. B’s hands are a lot more fleshy. It just looks like I’ve had sunglasses on for too long or something… Fail.)


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