#IHaveMentionedThisBeforeAndIAmSureISawBDoThisAMonthOrTwoAgo #SheLikesToPushHerFingersIntoGrapeHalvesAndThenMoveThemToAndFromHerBowlAndTable Yeah, I mentioned it in my last post. I’ve wanted to photograph it for a while but ….
People keep asking me if we want another kid. No. I would definitely be spreading myself too thin, which isn’t fair on the kids. So I wanted to make sure I documented my pregnancy as well as possible. I probably should have been a bit more experimental with my approach at times, but oh well.
He always sends a quite last minute message saying ‘I’ll be here on this date’ and everyone drops everything to go see him. I’d mentioned it to Tiago a week ago and he did not seem too keen and I was quite ill, but when I mentioned it again he seemed up for it and I felt better.
Initially I was thinking that I should sit between them, but my Dad said if we got in an accident I’d get squashed. Then we thought B should go in the front, but she’d have to face forward and that seemed distracting for Tiago.
I knew there was a possibility that we might catch it, but I really wanted to see people. I’ve been shut away for so long and I wanted B to meet people. There are still so many people that B hasn’t met. L got to meet a lot of people within her first month – it took me a while to fill in all the names of the ‘this month I met…’ section of her baby book.
We were trying to discreetly eat snacks but B would just hear things rustling and put her hand out. I was trying to entertain her, but then giving her space to fall asleep but obviously it did not go well.
A friend pointed out that they’re only just getting to the age where they interact more, but I wanted to hang out with people and see people. I’ve met a lot of dog walkers around here, but not many people with kids.
One of those fun shower daydreams where I’m like ‘I could have taken B to the sea life centre and gone to the shops and blah blah blah’. To be fair with the money we spend on her nursery we could have been out doing cool activities but it felt like too much of a risk being pregnant, and I forget that I was not vaccinated for a lot of last year. Now I’m triple vaccinated I feel better about things, but I guess they are starting to wear off now.
When B is at nursery I’ll put L down in her cot. When B is home I feel bad running off to put L in her cot and it’s a faff if she cries and I have to go get her again etc, but I need to start doing it.
I put her there just before writing this and she went off quite fast. If she’s like this now then hopefully sleep training will be alright. At this point B had a dummy and was a lot harder to put down for naps I think – but her wake windows were also a lot shorter. We bought dummies for L, just in case but once we changed her sleeping bag we realised we did not need them.
Often I faff for ages trying to get L to drink more when she doesn’t want to, so last night I was putting her back down when she fell asleep while drinking and I fell asleep pretty quickly each time. She slept for four and a half hours (I’d tried to do a dream feed but it wasn’t successful), and then she slept for ~2 hours, ~1 hour and ~1 hour. I couldn’t really burp her though after her long feed so maybe that’s why she slept less, or because she didn’t drink as much as she normally would at the night feeds. Hmm.
I worried about this happening the whole time I was breastfeeding B and I had been worried. L doesn’t feed for long but she feeds efficiently. The day before this started she had only fed for an hour and a half the whole day, so I think I should have been trying to get her feed more. Fail.
Me complaining about not sleeping in a nice bed in a safe house etc. Lol. Well, I’m just saying what happened and I was really struggling to sleep – my brain was just thinking of 5 letter words which was really pissing me off. Thanks Wordle and Quordle.
In her bouncer or something. Sometimes she does, but lately she hasn’t. If we’ve been for a walk I’ll leave her in her bassinet and she sleeps quite well. Sometimes I get the bassinet out for her to sleep in.
I do need to start trying to implement one though. Today we got up at 7 so that was good. It depends what time L has last woken up though. She had an hour of sleep between 2 and 8pm yesterday (B had 1 1/2 in comparison), so she slept for 6 hours. That probably isn’t good for my boob situation, but I needed the sleep too. I went to bed at 9ish and L slept on Tiago, then he moved her to her cot.
I think it will be chaotic, but it will be nice to have a record of our early days together. (Well, we managed it a couple of days later. I was dreading it all day, but it actually went quite well. Phew!)
I’ve pumped (well more massaged) a couple of times, though not in a week, but I hope I will not have to do much of it. I just get worried about getting mastitis, but now I know that if she does not have it all now she might have it at the next feed.
The second time we were late as she was hungry and I thought it might make the difference between her being over or under. We arrived and they were running late anyways, so had to wait for a while. Tiago just waited in the car and worked both times.
B had some form of talipes – I just searched on my blog and she also had positional talipes, though I never got told to do the massage with her. B had to wear double nappies for a bit due to clicky hips.
Before I’d let her walk a bit or walk all the way to the playground. Maybe I will again at some point but for now it is better if she sits in her seat. This seat is better as she can not wriggle down and escape like she could in her old one – where she used to sit is now the bassinet with L.
She brought my shoes to me (without me asking) before we went for a walk. I thought she might throw one so I took it off her, turned around to do up the baby carrier and turned back to see my other shoe bouncing and L started to cry…
I think another reason the breastfeeding team never came is because the staff were ‘so impressed’ (their words) that I was feeding the baby and feeding myself already. Fair enough. They closed the curtains and it wasn’t until the next day I noticed that it said to keep the curtains open unless you’re dressing or feeding, so this probably also didn’t help with making me feel so lonely.
Your birth partner was allowed to stay with you until the end of visiting hours, but if you had been there for a day already they were only allowed to visit for 4 hours. I was okay until I started to get really sleep deprived and then the crying started.
I was starting to get hysterical. I called for help and they offered to take her. They had her for an hour and a half I think. Later I called again and they probably took her for half an hour – I woke up to her crying. As I was the only one without ward visitors I think I was also the most annoying one as no one else really buzzed for help.
With B she had sleeping bags where the arms can be in or out. I bought some 0-3 month ones for L and I couldn’t get her in them, so she was in B’s 3-9 month ones. She’d nap fine in them during the day, but at night – nope.
I had called my Doctors and they had arranged for someone to call me in the afternoon. Then the midwife called and could come to see me before the Doctors. It’s so much easier having someone come to the house.
I was worried about how it would be, but B seems to like having another little human around. When she points to L’s nose she says ‘no’ or something like that. The headbutting thing for a kiss is still funny. It’s very cute. I hope they get on well when they’re older.
I had a wasp stuck in my hair the other day at the playground and I could hear it buzzing, I still remained calm though. Tiago likes to swat them away, which I don’t think is a good idea – I have told him that.
I always ask her if I can have a cuddle and she ignores me, which is fair enough as I did ask her question and the answer is obviously no. On this occasion though she came to me and it was very lovely, but yeah I don’t want her to get upset/scared frequently just so I can have nice cuddles.
It may or may not be down to me singing the Something Special theme, though now we also play it on our ‘listening device’ and I think she enjoys it a lot more. I also try to make sure she sees me brushing my teeth, so she knows she isn’t the only one who has to do it.
I originally wrote ‘they are’ as for a minute I forgot that I know it is a girl and that I will have revealed it by now. Yesterday for some reason I thought I was having a boy. My brain… (I actually only corrected one ‘they are’.)
B does eat fish, and my Nan feeds her meat when she eats – I’m not happy about it, but Tiago wants her to eat meat. This is a bigger topic for another day, that I will probably never revisit as I do not have the energy to.
I’m not saying this stuff to be mean about my Nan. I’m just a bit fed up with being a woman in my 30s and getting told by people what I should and should not eat while pregnant.
(I say intentionally as there have been a few mishaps in restaurants, and in foreign countries – Japan with supermarket rice balls especially – where I have accidentally had a bit of meat or fish.)
The other day he knew I just wanted to eat my dinner in peace (I don’t like to talk much while eating), so he gave Nan some dessert. I like his new strategy. You can’t say it’s mean, as Nan is quite happy with her food/tea.
22 weeks pregnant with B comparison:
I think this time I just know how to get up easier.
Trying to pick stuff off the floor is annoying though.
At a restaurant last night the waitress dropped a fork on the floor. I looked to see what it was and she said ‘don’t worry about it’. I just pointed to my bump (I’m 26 weeks at the time of writing this) and said ‘it would be hard for me anyways’.
I guess I do look at people to see if they look pregnant these days too.
I was thinking about bellies being the main focus again today actually. It is odd. There was an episode of Yakka Dee on and it was all about tummies, which made me think about it.
I feel like though I have felt some tickles this time, it just felt more like kicks earlier on. Maybe it’s to do with where the placenta is?
I haven’t had an ad for a pregnancy shoot yet. Disappointing but maybe it’s because I keep rejecting cookies.
I’m yet to take any bump photos with Tiago this time, but he is busy with work and then sometimes he is watching B while I do a shoot. Actually we have been doing family portraits so I guess that is something? But not a shoot like this anyways.
I still can’t tell the difference between a kick and a Braxton Hicks…
I can hear B giggling at T from here. I’m also listening to Sparrow Sleeps – which are lullaby versions of songs that I liked when I was a teen. I’ve been listening to Relient K, but now I see they have albums of Say Anything and Alkaline Trio… It’s quite nice to write to as I don’t get so distracted by the lyrics though I am kind of singing along anyways.
(I wrote this on 26th December and I’d already forgot about Sparrow Sleeps, so thanks to me for the reminder!)
We thought that we were cursing things by staying up late two nights ago, but as she slept fairly well we just ended up watching the whole of Pearl Harbour. I thought I would turn it off at 11pm, but there seemed like no point as we were so close to the end.
Tiago says I can’t win as I feel bad for wanting more time for myself, but when I do I feel guilty about it and don’t really enjoy it.
T fed B all her meals yesterday (though dinner didn’t go well so I gave it a go). I tried to just read my book (The Sanest Guy In The Room by Don Black), but I kept getting distracted by my Nan and life. I usually read e-books now, but this is a physical book that my Mum got me for my birthday.
I felt like I didn’t need to speak to them anymore, but my mood does go up and down a lot. I know they won’t be able to help with some things (they won’t be able to give me time off – though like I’ve said before I don’t want time away from B), but maybe it might help me to try to change myself for the better.
It’s so stupid that it gets to me. I know that most of social media is fake and most people don’t show their true feelings etc. I am happy for other people, but it says a lot more about me than it does about them.
I’m also currently reading a book about periods (Period by Emma Barnett) and it says something about talking about them being quite off limits for a lot of people. Well, I’ve now talked about periods and cysts in my project so…
It is unbelievable how much babies grow in the first six months though. I remember my friend sending us a 6 month onesie for B and thinking nah she is never going to be that big in 6 months time. Well, she is…
We give her a lot of water with meals and between if she doesn’t have milk. We give her a milk feed in the morning and in the evening, but after her terrible dinner we gave her milk to make sure she had enough. I think she was just teething really badly and food was irritating her. Possibly?
B didn’t want to anymore, so I shouldn’t feel bad about it though I feel like I might have jumped to formula a bit too quick before.. You never know. She wasn’t feeding well and we were moving, so it seemed like the best thing to do to make sure she was getting enough.
I feel like the whole breastfeeding journey has been very up and down. There are a lot of what ifs… but I do just need to let it go. Easier said than done.
Well, I guess the next shoot can be a family portrait.
Tiago asked if I could cut his hair tonight, but my Mum was round so she looked after B while I did it. I did feel very nervous, but like last time I quickly got into it. It is quite therapeutic, but hopefully next time I’ll do a better job of it.
I never like how hair looks when it’s just been cut, so maybe it will look better in a few days. I do need to work out there not being such an abrupt change in length in hair between sections though.
We gave her some paracetamol last night for the first time in a few nights and maybe that was why? Or it could be that she went to bed quite early, but had two more feeds before we went to bed? She always seems to be hungry…
I try to prepare her food for the day during her first nap now.
Obviously every place has their own way of doing things. I do tend to feel better at the start of the week and the health visitor coming made the day a bit more interesting. Though I did think that I had the wrong day as it was getting on and she had not arrived. B was due for a nap but I was trying to keep her up as I knew she would have to be weighed. In the end I put her to bed and called the number to check, and they said she was 30 minutes away.
B is 5 and a half months old. We’ve been to one class in person. This is why I get so rigid with her routine, but luckily I have been relaxing a bit about it lately.
I am hoping the class will tire her out more than just our usual playtimes so she will sleep well at night. I have been wondering if that is why sometimes she does not sleep very well – she has not been tired out enough.
This morning she fed a bit, but she still seemed hungry so I gave her some formula too. I am trying to feed her in the morning and evening to see if that helps my supply. I miss the convenience of breastfeeding, though our prep machine is super useful.
It was a bit scary, so we built up our confidence again with the baby rice.
She still did not seem too impressed though. The lumps were worrying me though I did mash it up a lot.
I am typing this now in the kitchen while I am boiling some carrot. B is having a nap. This seems like a good time to do some cooking. The other day when I was boiling the potatoes I was also making a meal for the day.
I am sad about it. Maybe it is not too late… Maybe I should try? They’ve just been out of action for at least 5 days now, so I feel like the time has passed. I have gone back to wearing non-maternity bras now, which feels a bit weird.
My Mum said I wouldn’t be breastfed after 4 months…
(After I finished this B woke up and I felt compelled to try breastfeeding her. Some milk did actually come out, and though I had to keep swapping B over from side to side I think she did get something. Afterwards I winded her and she burped quite loudly, but it could have been left over from earlier? I think I might try to see if I can get my production up.)
I read an article about it, but it seemed to be about babies that are a lot younger. It said that it overstimulates them, but one of the reasons why I like her to face out is so that she can see everything, and for a change of scenery during playtimes.
I usually have the hood of her pushchair pulled over her, so I can’t really see her and she is usually asleep so of course people will not interact with her. I just need to talk to her more in the pushchair. It doesn’t face me, so hopefully she can just enjoy the world and I can stop more to talk to her and point things out.
It just gets a bit busy when all the kids are walking home from school and they seem to hang around more than I thought they would. I think they all get let out at different times too so when one lot seems to clear, a new lot soon appears.
I was just going to post it on my Instagram stories, but I saw the ‘potential’ of it.
Did I ever think that I’d be including a photo of my computer screen in a project? No. To be fair I probably have done it before in other projects that aren’t shown or it may have been edited out of one series.
I am not sure why I have been so obsessed. Possibly, because we’re dealing with a second lockdown and I can’t go anywhere? True.
I was like ‘she has to be awake for 90 minutes, then 105 minutes twice, then 120 minutes. She can’t go to bed unless she has been awake for those full wake windows’. So some days her bedtime was getting a bit later.