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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

I Feel Like This Somehow Sums Up Today (23rd October 2020)

I wrote this post on 23rd October. I think I’m going to stop adding updates to posts when I’m about to publish them for now as often I feel like I’m adding in the same notes for many posts. Also, I think all the additions make the entries harder to read.

Breastmilk on my trousers and the floor
I Feel Like This Somehow Sums Up Today (23rd October 2020)
 
#ThisPhotoShowsLeakedMilkOnMyNewTrousersThatMyMumGotMeForMyBirthday
#WhatADay
#TiagoIsOnTheWayBackFromDrivingAVanLoadOfStuffToBirmingham
#InTheEndAFriendHelpedUsEmptyTheFlatWhichAbsolutelySavedUs
#AsOfYesterdayBHasDecidedThatSheDoesNotLikeBeingBreastfed
#SoTodayWhileTheyWereLoadingTheVanBWasJustScreamingALot
#SheEitherDoesNotLikeBeingBreastfedOrIJustDoNotSeemToBeProducingEnoughAtTheMoment
#ProbablyBecauseIAmStressedWhichSheMightBeSensingTooWhichIsUpsettingHer
#LuckilyIHaveSomeMilkInTheFreezerWhichIHaveBeenDefrostingForEachFeed
#ThenTryingToPumpBeforeSheWakesUpAndGivingOneBottleOfThatAndOneOfFreezerMilk
#WithTheFeedsSheJustGetsVeryAgitatedQuiteQuicklyAndTheFeedsAreALotShorter
#ButThenSheDrinksAllTheDefrostedMilkViaABottle
#ThePictureIsFromWhenIWasPumpingAndDidNotRealiseThatTheTopOfThePumpWasNotOnProperly
#SoItJustLeakedOnMeAndTheFloor
#WhichIsNotGreatWhenYouAreTryingToGetAsMuchMilkTogetherAsPossible
#AfterTiagoLeftWithTheVanOurFriendWentOutToBuyLunchAndSomeBottlesOfFormula
#IWillTryThemIfTheMilkSituationDoesNotImproveAndICanNotProduceEnoughMilk
#IThinkBIsDefinitelyHavingASleepRegressionAsSheSuddenlySeemsToHaveNewSkills
#RollingOverToOneSideAndRollingOverFromBackToFrontOccasionally
#AndStickingOutHerBottomLipAndUsingHerTongueMore
#AndThisWeekSheHasBeenWorkingHerWayUpHerLegsAndIsNowGrabbingHerFeet
#IFeelBadAsHerPlaytimesHaveBeenABitRubbishTheLastFewDaysWithPackingAndMoving
#HopefullyThisWillBeFixedInACoupleOfDays
#IDoNotWantToThinkAboutUnpackingRightNow
#HerNapsHaveImprovedALittleBit
#INowSpendMoreTimeSettlingHerBeforeLeavingHerToNapLikeRubbingHerForeheadAndChest
#ThoughMyFingersAndThumbsAreSoDryFromPackingNowWhichIsNotGreat
#IThoughtIWouldGetSoMuchDoneTodayAndWeWouldHaveANiceLastWalkAroundLiverpool
#ButPackingUpTheVanTookALotLongerThanPlannedAndIOnlyManagedToMake4DanceVideosAndNowItIsGettingDarkSoNoWalkForUs
#ItIsWeirdThatTonightIsOurLastNightInLiverpoolButWeWillAlwaysHaveOurScouseBabyAndWeWillBeBackForAVisitOneDay

#ThisPhotoShowsLeakedMilkOnMyNewTrousersThatMyMumGotMeForMyBirthday

I’d already put a load of washing on, so they’ll have to stink of sour milk for longer. Great.

#WhatADay #TiagoIsOnTheWayBackFromDrivingAVanLoadOfStuffToBirmingham

He’s back now. He walked in to B screaming during a feed. We tried to order some food for collection nearby, but they were no longer taking orders. Great. Random bits and bobs for dinner it was.

#InTheEndAFriendHelpedUsEmptyTheFlatWhichAbsolutelySavedUs

SAVED US. THANK YOU SO MUCH D!

(We would probably still be loading the van now if he hadn’t come to help. Moving during a pandemic with a 4 month old is not fun for sure.)

#AsOfYesterdayBHasDecidedThatSheDoesNotLikeBeingBreastfed

Convenient I know.

It is true, I do love sarcasm.

#SoTodayWhileTheyWereLoadingTheVanBWasJustScreamingALot

Amazing.

#SheEitherDoesNotLikeBeingBreastfedOrIJustDoNotSeemToBeProducingEnoughAtTheMoment

I think I just am not producing enough for her right now.

#ProbablyBecauseIAmStressedWhichSheMightBeSensingTooWhichIsUpsettingHer

I think stress is definitely a big contributor to it, but also I think we haven’t been eating so well since we decided to move as we have been using up a lot of random food to lighten the moving load.

#LuckilyIHaveSomeMilkInTheFreezerWhichIHaveBeenDefrostingForEachFeed

I nearly got rid of some of it the other day as I thought it might just get ruined in the move. So glad I didn’t.

#ThenTryingToPumpBeforeSheWakesUpAndGivingOneBottleOfThatAndOneOfFreezerMilk

Well, this happened for one feed – the pumping before her waking up. The next two naps she woke up earlier than planned.

#WithTheFeedsSheJustGetsVeryAgitatedQuiteQuicklyAndTheFeedsAreALotShorter

I used to feed her for 30-40 minutes. Earlier I tried feeding her again via boob and she got annoyed after 9 minutes on both. However, she did sound like she was trying to win some speed drinking competition, so she is definitely emptying them.

Sorry (not sorry) if it’s too much information, but this is what boobs are for.

She finishes and cries though, so then I offer her more milk.

#ButThenSheDrinksAllTheDefrostedMilkViaABottle

Yeah she drinks the whole bottle, which is usually around 60ml.

When I pumped earlier I was producing about 60ml, so she must be getting similar during breastfeeds.

#ThePictureIsFromWhenIWasPumpingAndDidNotRealiseThatTheTopOfThePumpWasNotOnProperly

I am pretty sure that this is the first time this has happened. I have to hold the back on tight, so I thought it was that at first. I was so confused as to why it was leaking.

#SoItJustLeakedOnMeAndTheFloor

Good job we are cleaning the floor tomorrow.

Well, I wiped it earlier, but tomorrow we are going to clean the flat.

#WhichIsNotGreatWhenYouAreTryingToGetAsMuchMilkTogetherAsPossible

Yeah, this is annoying. Also when you pump and your bra just gets absolutely wet when it could have been going in the bottle instead.

#AfterTiagoLeftWithTheVanOurFriendWentOutToBuyLunchAndSomeBottlesOfFormula

Again – lifesaver. I was actually quite calm about the fact that I might not be producing much milk.

After her first feed of the day I did try pumping and nothing came out, so I figured she must have gotten everything.

B was having a nap and was due to feed when she woke up, so I wouldn’t have been able to get any food for a while. B’s pushchair went in the van, so I would have had to put her in her carrier – I was excited at the idea of going to a supermarket, but nah.

#IWillTryThemIfTheMilkSituationDoesNotImproveAndICanNotProduceEnoughMilk

Well, the dates aren’t very long on them, so we will be trying them soon.

I asked a friend which one she uses and she said she has some pre-mixed bottles that she is using up before she moves on to powder.

I didn’t fancy the idea of mixing up milk during the move, so we got 3 pre-mixed bottles to try.

#IThinkBIsDefinitelyHavingASleepRegressionAsSheSuddenlySeemsToHaveNewSkills

So many new skills.

#RollingOverToOneSideAndRollingOverFromBackToFrontOccasionally

She did roll over before from her front to back a while ago, but hasn’t done it for a while. She often gets her arm stuck while rolling over – I guess she will perfect it in time.

#AndStickingOutHerBottomLipAndUsingHerTongueMore

I think she sticks her bottom lip out from moving her tongue around. I’m not sure though. She is definitely working on her puppy dog face though – just in time for Christmas!

(I don’t think we will be getting her much for Xmas, as she doesn’t know it’s Christmas and she doesn’t need anything. Well, if she needs something then we will get it.)

#AndThisWeekSheHasBeenWorkingHerWayUpHerLegsAndIsNowGrabbingHerFeet

I did a yoga video tonight as I’m a bit sore from lifting the few things that I did. Part of the class was the happy baby pose and B has definitely nearly perfected it.

I’m sure I’ll be taking photos of myself imitating these new skills soon.

#IFeelBadAsHerPlaytimesHaveBeenABitRubbishTheLastFewDaysWithPackingAndMoving #HopefullyThisWillBeFixedInACoupleOfDays

Yeah I feel really bad about this, but this is what you get for trying to pack up a flat during a pandemic when no one can come round to watch her or help.

Obviously B doesn’t know what is going on, but thanks to her for just chilling in her cot and grabbing her feet, or chilling in her bouncer while we’ve packed around her.

#IDoNotWantToThinkAboutUnpackingRightNow

Ergh.

#HerNapsHaveImprovedALittleBit

Well, now I’ve said it let’s see how tomorrow is.

#INowSpendMoreTimeSettlingHerBeforeLeavingHerToNapLikeRubbingHerForeheadAndChest

It makes sense as it probably makes her feel more secure, and once she starts crying I think it probably stresses her out more and then it takes longer to calm her. Maybe?

#ThoughMyFingersAndThumbsAreSoDryFromPackingNowWhichIsNotGreat

I need to start moisturising my hands more again. All that packing and sanitising etc.

#IThoughtIWouldGetSoMuchDoneTodayAndWeWouldHaveANiceLastWalkAroundLiverpool

Well, at least we finally got to see Boaty McBoatface yesterday and the day before…

#ButPackingUpTheVanTookALotLongerThanPlannedAndIOnlyManagedToMake4DanceVideosAndNowItIsGettingDarkSoNoWalkForUs

Packing up the van took so long that we missed the drop-off time for it. Imagine if our friend hadn’t helped us? I hope that nothing happens to it while we have it overnight…

Tiago took the day off work as he thought the van place was open until 9, but when he got there he said it was open until 5. I guess it’s probably due to Covid…

#ItIsWeirdThatTonightIsOurLastNightInLiverpoolButWeWillAlwaysHaveOurScouseBabyAndWeWillBeBackForAVisitOneDay

It doesn’t feel like our last night. I’m sat writing this in the living room, whilst T is in the bedroom having a rest, and B is having a sleep in her cot.

There were some fireworks earlier – don’t think they were for us.

Yes, B will always B (ha) our Scouse baby, so we definitely want to show her the city when she is older and of course we want to visit our friends that we’ve made.

We moved to Liverpool wanting kids but not sure when we’d have kids. A month later after visiting Tiago’s brother, sister-in-law and niece we thought we’d start trying. It didn’t happen as quick as I thought it would. I felt lost and made a project called Ulterior Monologue to try to deal with it.

Then just as I was going to start a project that actually talked about wanting to be pregnant, I got pregnant and made a project about my pregnancy, and another about my morning sickness.

And now we are leaving Liverpool with a baby, and I’ll keep making a project about early motherhood for now.


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Milk Puddle On My Skirt (28th July 2020)

Milk Puddle On My Skirt (28th July 2020)
 
#IWasBreastfeedingBWhenIFeltLiquidRunningDownMyBelly
#ILookedDownAndSawALittlePuddleOfMilkOnMySkirt
#SheMustHaveSpatItOutOrLostItFromHerMouth
#IDoNotThinkThatMuchMilkCouldEscapeMyBoobThatQuick
#IWasHoldingBToMyLeftBoobAndHoldingHerWithMyRightHand
#IKnewIWantedToGetAPictureOfItBeforeItDisappeared
#SoIAwkwardlyTookThisPhotoWithMyPhoneUsingMyLeftHand
#TheFocusIsNotGreatButYouGetTheIdea
#AfterwardsIJustRubbedItIntoMySkirt
#ILikeHowBSmells
#ThenIRealisedThatMyBreastPadsSmellTheSame
#SoSheMustJustSmellLikeBreastMilk
#ThoughSourBreastMilkOnMyClothesDoesNotSmellAsNice
#SoIAmConfused
#IAmTryingToGetOutOfTheFlatToGoForAWalk
#TheWeatherLooksNiceAndSheHasJustFallenAsleep
#IAmTypingThisWithHerAsleepOnMyKnees
#IAmAwkwardlyTwistingMyBodyAsMyLaptopIsOnALittleTableToMyRight
#HerSkinIsSuperDryFromHavingSoManyMilkSpots
#HerScalpIsAlsoReallyDryAsIStoppedUsingHerMassageBrushBecauseOfSpotsOnHerScalp
#AtLeastSheWillBeWearingAHatWhenWeGoOut
#AndSheWillBeInTheBassinetOfHerPushchairSoPeopleWillNotSeeHerAndJudgeMe
#AtLeastWithThePandemicYouDoNotGetRandomPeopleComingClose
#ThoughActuallyIWouldWelcomeSomeChatAsIAmGoingOutAlone
#AndItIsTooWindyToTalkOnThePhone
#TimeIsTickingBySoIShouldGoOut
#IJustNeedToTryToPutOnHerCardiganAndHatWithoutHerWakingUpOrGettingUpset
#ThenHopefullySheWillLikeTheBassinetAgainToday
#ILookForwardToOurDailyWalk
#SometimesIGetIdeasAndOtherTimesIEnjoyThinkingAboutNotMuchAtAll

I feel like this post will be a short one as there isn’t that much to elaborate on.

#IWasHoldingBToMyLeftBoobAndHoldingHerWithMyRightHand
#IKnewIWantedToGetAPictureOfItBeforeItDisappeared
#SoIAwkwardlyTookThisPhotoWithMyPhoneUsingMyLeftHand
#TheFocusIsNotGreatButYouGetTheIdea

I guess from this you can work out that I am right handed, which is one reason why it was awkward to take a picture. I have started to put my phone on timer mode now to try to help me with taking one-handed photos. If the phone is facing me it’s fine, but if it’s not then the flash goes off for the countdown. If I’m trying to take a picture of B then it’s a bit annoying.

Thinking about it I should probably look in my phone settings…

#AfterwardsIJustRubbedItIntoMySkirt

Disgusting? Perhaps a little. It’s funny how quickly you get over being grossed out by things when you have a baby. I just need to remember to not wear leggings out that I have rubbed various things into (baby eye gunk, snot, saliva, breastmilk etc – not poop or wee though, I felt like I had to point that out).

#ILikeHowBSmells
#ThenIRealisedThatMyBreastPadsSmellTheSame
#SoSheMustJustSmellLikeBreastMilk
#ThoughSourBreastMilkOnMyClothesDoesNotSmellAsNice
#SoIAmConfused

I smell like sour breast milk a lot…

#IAmTypingThisWithHerAsleepOnMyKnees

I can tell how much she has grown as it’s not so easy to do this anymore. She is a lot longer and if she is awake I worry that if she pushes her legs into me then she might push herself off… She’s definitely getting stronger.

I use …s too much, but I love them. (Ellipsis, I love them so much I wasn’t sure how to spell it – I searched for ‘ellipses’.)

#HerSkinIsSuperDryFromHavingSoManyMilkSpots
#HerScalpIsAlsoReallyDryAsIStoppedUsingHerMassageBrushBecauseOfSpotsOnHerScalp

I talked about the milk spots in yesterday’s post and I will be talking about it more in posts to come.

#AtLeastSheWillBeWearingAHatWhenWeGoOut
#AndSheWillBeInTheBassinetOfHerPushchairSoPeopleWillNotSeeHerAndJudgeMe
#AtLeastWithThePandemicYouDoNotGetRandomPeopleComingClose

Well more recently random people have been coming closer to me. On one occasion B’s skin was really bad and I felt the need to say something before they did.

#ThoughActuallyIWouldWelcomeSomeChatAsIAmGoingOutAlone
#AndItIsTooWindyToTalkOnThePhone

It is really nice to talk to people, but I want them to keep their distance – particularly if I don’t know them. I see women pushing prams and I want to chat to them, but with the pandemic it puts me off. Plus I don’t like rejection – striking up conversation can be quite random.

#IJustNeedToTryToPutOnHerCardiganAndHatWithoutHerWakingUpOrGettingUpset

I think I achieved this. Winning.

#ThenHopefullySheWillLikeTheBassinetAgainToday

She doesn’t seem to care. She falls asleep pretty much anywhere. Rhyme.

#ILookForwardToOurDailyWalk

It is nice to get out. I feel like I’m quicker at getting out the flat these days and also I’ve breastfed in public yesterday and today, so I’m less worried about doing it now. Though I was with people on those occasions and both times someone else was breastfeeding too, but it does help with my confidence and learning how to arrange my clothing whilst being as discreet as possible.

#SometimesIGetIdeasAndOtherTimesIEnjoyThinkingAboutNotMuchAtAll

Kind of like in the shower. Sometimes I solve a problem, sometimes I get an idea or sometimes of think about nothing/rubbish and it’s all good.


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

What I Wore For My Four Night Hospital Stay After Giving Birth

So when I was in hospital I basically wore the same dress the whole time. After getting home I washed everything apart from it as I knew I wanted to photograph myself in it, though now I have decided to keep it as part of my ‘archive’ (I feel funny saying that even though I have so much work).

Anyways, it seems weird to continue my pregnancy project now I’m no longer pregnant, so with motherhood I have started a new project called Oh Me, Oh Mãe. I came up with the title whilst I was still pregnant as a play on the phrase oh me oh my. I tried with and without a comma and I seem to prefer it with one.

Mãe is mother in Portuguese (my husband is Portuguese and our baby is British-Portuguese, or Portuguese-British depending on who you ask). You pronounce mãe similarly to my, though you can listen to the pronunciation here and tell me I’m wrong. Maybe it’s more like myy.

A funny coincidence was that I listened to Devendra Banhart a lot in hospital and it wasn’t until getting home that I realised he has an album called Oh Me Oh My… It seems meant to be, though I was a bit discouraged as Tiago (my husband) had never heard the phrase oh me oh my before and didn’t like it for ages. Now he gets it and I think it is here to stay. If you ever need an honest non-artists opinion on something he is your guy!

So… the photo and hashtags (yes I think I am still doing the hashtags for some stuff, but I seem to be experimenting with other writing styles on different pictures).

What I Wore For My Four Night Hospital Stay After Giving Birth #WeHadPackedTheBagJustInCaseACoupleOfWeeksPreviouslyEvenThoughWeWerePlanningForAHomeBirth #IThoughtAtLeastEverythingIMightNeedEvenForHomeWouldBeInTheSamePlace #IKeptSayingWeShouldRevisitThemButWeNeverGotRoundToItEspeciallyAsSomeThingsWeNeededForEverydayUse #SoWhenICalledTheHospitalToSayMyWatersHadBrokeTheySaidToBringBagsInJustInCase #WeSpentHalfAnHourRushingRoundButIDidNotTakeItTooSeriously #INearlyDidNotPackThisDressAsItWasWhatIWasWearingInBedWhenMyWatersBroke #ItWasALittleWetAndItDidNotSmellSoIPutItInMyBagThinkingIWouldBeComingHomeSoonForMyHomeBirth #WellObviouslyIDidNotComeHomeAndWasInHospitalFor4Nights #AndILivedInThisDress #ICouldHaveAskedTiagoToBringMoreThingsButByTheTimeIThoughtAboutItIKnewMyStayWasComingToAnEnd #OriginallyIWasInHospitalDueToProblemsWithBreastfeedingAndThenBabyBGotJaundice #TheDressShowsColostrumStainsAndThenMilkStainsAfterMyMilkCameInOnDay3 #ItWouldHaveBeenEvenMessierThanThisButOftenISatWithMyDressOffToDoSkinToSkin #SoManyWomenTouchedMyBoobsDuringMyStayToHelpMeTryToFeedSoIDidNotCareAnymore #PlusAround6PeopleWereAtTheBirthPlusTiago #ItWasWeirdToSuddenlyBeAroundSoManyPeopleAfterHavingNotSeenMyFamilyFor3MonthsDueToCovid #MyCurtainWasNeverFullyClosedAsThereWasALightSwitchJustBehindItThatTheHospitalStaffUsed #SoPotentiallyPeopleCouldSeeInButIReallyDidNotCare #AfterAFewDaysIThoughtIBetterWearSomethingElseButItWasTooHot #TheOtherWomenOnTheWardProbablyJudgedMeForWearingAStainCoveredDress #ButSoManyCameAndWentBeforeMe #IDidNotWearMyWatchBecauseOfBreastfeeding #ISometimesWoreANursingBraButInTheBeginningIDidNotAndThenIUsedBreastPadsOnceMyMilkCameIn #IHadMyEyeMaskOnMyHeadAllTheTimeAndEvenAfterIGotHome #TheJokeWasIWasNotSleepingThoughAndIStillAmNotReally #IBoughtItAsItWasOnARecommendedHospitalListButIAlsoThoughtItWouldBeGoodForHomeAsIFindItHardToSleep #ItWasProbablyTheMostUsefulThingInMyHospitalBagInTheEndAndIAmUsingItAtHome #AndThenIWasGladThatIWoreMySandalsAndNotTrainers #SoEasyToJustSlipO

A few outtakes

(Though I’m thinking maybe it could be a set of images, I don’t know?)

I’m calling this one ‘zombie mum’ – can you tell I hadn’t slept much in the week+ since she was born? I don’t think I really slept for another week.
A classic head to waist-ish shot.
Mmm armpits… though I like the closeup as it kind of looks like a face – two eyes on my boobs and a bit of roundness around my belly as a mouth.

Comments

The whole picture has a similar vibe to my 21st April 2017 (Today’s Look) picture, which I did think about when I was doing the shoot. Different flat and a post-birth belly instead of a hot water bottle, toothpaste stains on one and colostrum/milk stains on the other. With 21st April 2017… it was the first time that I’d wrote a long piece of text to go with a photo, which definitely started to help me feel more confident with my own words.

21st April 2017 (Today’s Look) from Don’t Take Me Out Of My Melons (2017-18).

Old top that I don’t like wearing in public anymore as it took me too long to realise that if I lean over I flash my bra/boobs, trousers that I wore out once in public but felt self-conscious wearing so they are now in the homewear only pile (with toothpaste stains as I can’t seem to brush my teeth without making a mess anymore), 2 pairs of slippers (one – my pair – not really visible, boyfriend’s pair visible), no makeup (haven’t worn any makeup since July, wore makeup twice last year – once for a costume party and once for 1 wedding out of 3 that I attended), brushed hair that I washed yesterday (it’s usually every 4ish days), hairy legs as I haven’t ‘dealt’ with them since February (I went on holiday to warmer climates) and a hot water bottle for period pain as I try to avoid painkillers as much as possible (except when it comes to tooth pain – wisdom tooth removal is not pleasant). 

Also hidden: Bracelet that I made when I was a teenager, a watch (boyfriend’s one that he gave to me after my similar one broke – which was identical to one I bought in 2009, my parents also wear similar watches), a bra (fairly old, I hate bra shopping so I usually just wear the ones that my mum gets me for Christmas), armpit hair (my skin is sensitive, shaving is too much work and epilating hurts so I’m going to try to embrace the neatly trimmed armpit hair look this summer whilst being self-conscious about it), 2 x temporary medicated fillings (I’ve never been to the dentist as many times as I have this year), permanent fillings (wish I had looked after my teeth better – can’t be bothered to go and count them in the mirror), pants (I’ve never been into small underwear, these ones I don’t wear very often but I need to wash my clothes – they are meant to be not be visible through clothes but I still see them under the new trousers I bought so I’m too self-conscious to wear those too), pubic hair (I’ve never understood the prepubescent look/can’t be bothered with more pain), menstrual cup (wish I had bought one years before I did) and a liner (because the cup still isn’t perfect).

I guess walking around loads in front of people in a massively stain covered dress is something I wouldn’t have done pre-baby, but since having B I have changed so much already. I plan to do a photo and text about that soon.

Well you probably won’t catch me walking around Liverpool in it either, but my clothes definitely have more stains on them and I care less. With this project I don’t want to change how I look before doing a shoot if I’m suddenly in the mood. So far that has meant mainly just not retying my hair/brushing it, and my hair misbehaving has ruined a lot of shoots in the past so I guess they’re going to be slightly irritating pictures (I call myself a lazy perfectionist – love perfection, but get annoyed trying to achieve it).

I love it when everything is in ‘the right place’ in a photo and you’ve just got a bit of hair that is doing its own thing, and continues to do its own thing no matter how many times you brush it, restyle it (I don’t style my hair – but I guess more retying it and trying a lower ponytail or something) or try to tuck it away (that is a common approach of mine).

It seems weird posting pictures where there is a big focus on my boobs and all the stains on and around them. I was feeling really awkward about the nudity in my pregnancy project, but since giving birth I also care less. My work is not sexual and my boobs are finally being used for the purpose that I have them for. I remember in high school being mocked for having no boobs (two paracetamols on an ironing board, haha) and me saying ‘well they’re only made for babies anyways’ whilst crying on the inside.

(I feel the need to say I can totally understand why people choose not to breastfeed/use their breastmilk – it is definitely a journey, and if you don’t have kids or don’t want them then enjoy not being covered in stains and having sore nipples).

Rewritten 2003 diary entry for my 2013 project Your Mind & Body Is All That You’ve Got II.

I feel like this sums up my feelings about my misbehaving hair and having no boobs – I was happy having none though (if people had left me alone about it) and I still don’t think having boobs suits me. Time was a club that I don’t think I ever went to.

(I just thought about that calculator thing where the answer upside down is boobless).

I was not sure whether or not to start posting this new project whilst I’m still trying to finish posting my pregnancy project on Instagram, but I think I need to get on with it otherwise I’m going to be months behind with posting it – and B is already growing so fast!

I think that’s it for now… Thanks for reading 🙂


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