(I’ve said before that I don’t like doing these shoots. I probably spent the longest on this one, and it’s still quite off. I’m a lot lower than I am in the other photos, but for my sanity I had to stop trying to get it right. I’m frustrated, but I’m also tired and 38 weeks pregnant so I’m going to let myself off – for now and then be annoyed about it for the rest of my life probably.)
In the beginning anyways. I am so slow at dressing B to go out for walks as she keeps running off and I am too pregnant to be bothered to chase her etc.
I felt awkward smiling at them, but their grownups could probably see I was pregnant and no threat. I’m sure I had not seen any of them before when I’ve been with B…
Yesterday she had her shoe balanced on her foot and brought it towards her face. It fell off and her face nearly made me cry, as she didn’t cry out but her lip was quivering and I felt awful (I’d been trying to put it on over two pairs of socks). This wasn’t why she was miserable though – I just thought about it.
I think the paracetamol doesn’t do much for her anymore, and I did notice a big molar cutting through the other day. She’s just dribbling constantly. Poor thing.
And I regret my decisions… This was two days ago. She really needed a nap as she had woken up early, and then only slept 40 minutes and wouldn’t sleep again. I didn’t have a nap and I was tired…
It’s so frustrating as I know I need my sleep. I ended up reading a book. I tend to sleep the night after, but I just want to have as much energy as possible for labour.
I thought Tiago might think I was in labour or something, but he said afterwards that that never even crossed his mind. He forgets I’m pregnant half the time…
I actually thought that I had done the last shoot 2 weeks ago and that now I was going to change to doing them every 2 weeks, that’s how quick time has gone…
In all honesty I am not going to miss doing these shoots. I find them quite annoying and frustrating. I think especially now as I can see the errors I made earlier on. I should have just stood up, but I did not take the original one with the plan of repeating it every month. If I had thought about it more then I would have done it differently…
#MyMumSawMeYesterdayAndSaidMyBumpHasDroppedMore
I can not really tell, but I guess the baby is getting bigger and getting ready so it makes sense.
I’d buy more of the same sleepsuits but they’re not cheap, and the baby might not be in them for long. Especially if they’re bigger than B was. Also, as we are not planning to have more kids it does not make sense. We need a few more though, so hopefully we can borrow some or find some alright ones second hand.
So, all is not lost. Hurrah. They’re clothes that I did not pack away when we moved though as I guess I hoped B would wear them a bit more, and/or were a bit big for B as a newborn.
This time I am preparing for a pre-38 week birth, but am obviously a bit more chilled about it. I guess having a toddler to run around after makes it more tiring. I had more time last time…
We don’t have too much to get now. Just a coat extender for babywearing, snacks and drinks for birth/hospital, sleepsuits, and a baby book (I’m still undecided about which one to get).
Yesterday, I made a video of B poking my belly button then just smacking it. I kept saying gentle, but she did not seem to get the message… In the end I had to stop filming and stop her.
#SometimesIForgetHowYoungSheIs
Sometimes she seems older. Sometimes she looks so tall, sometimes she doesn’t. It’s weird.
#IAmGettingQuiteExcitedAtTheThoughtOfMeetingBabyX
I lay in bed yesterday just feeling quite emotional. I also just couldn’t wait for B to wake up from her nap so I could cuddle her, but I was relieved that she had the best nap that she had had in ages.
Cue B walking around with a whole banana. I didn’t want her to eat the whole thing, so T took it off her, tore a bit off of it and gave that to her. B then just lay on the floor and was not happy. Fun times.
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36 weeks pregnant with B comparison:
It’s Less Than A Month Until My Due Date (36 weeks)
When I was thinking about how I am excited to meet Baby X yesterday, I was thinking about when I met B for the first time. Birth is a bizarre thing.
I am hoping this time that things will not be such a shock to the system – I know how to change nappies at least.
I had forgot about the one week in bed, one week on the sofa thing. I didn’t get out for a walk with B until 2 weeks-ish, so it makes sense. I guess it depends on how you feel. I felt sore…
I would say that I am quite active now too.
I am mainly nervous that there will not be enough staff that are Covid-free to have an okay birth experience. With B they gave me time (after I kept saying no to a c-section) to birth naturally, but will they have less patience this time (it’s also a different hospital).
We didn’t make it to Portugal until B was 14 months-ish old. B is still yet to meet one Aunt, Uncle and cousin.
I guess last time it was the summer, so the nights were shorter. I’m also more tired this time as I have B to look after so sleep hasn’t been so much of a problem. I do wear a mask when I have a nap though.
For All I Know This Could Be My Last Week Without The Responsibility Of A Small Human (36 weeks)
I was really not expecting it to be, but actually it was! B came at 37+5, so it was my last full week without a lot of responsibility.
I’m still no good at plans. This year, I just want to keep making work, and move. Then once we move I need to figure out a lot of things. I’m excited though.
I think having a child has given me more confidence in some ways. I like to think I am more efficient and organised too. I don’t have much time to faff. I love to do lists more than ever.
I’ve said it before – I want this baby to look a bit more like me, but I want B and baby X to look like siblings. We’ll have to wait and see – and B’s face just keeps changing.
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We will see how it goes. B was not very happy last time…
(I put off doing it all day, but in the end it was actually quite nice. She was unhappy at first, but then she started to just play with my hair and seemed to relax. Phew.)
Yesterday I had pizza for lunch and a few chocolates afterwards, and I didn’t feel as bad as I thought I would actually. Hurrah.
#IAmJustGladThatIHaveMoreEnergyNowAndFeelQuiteFit
I feel like I am not waddling as much as I was at this point when I was pregnant with B, but maybe it’s because I walk slower and not as far with B, and her pushchair gives me support.
She loved it. We weren’t planning to give her a bath last night, but she went to the bathroom and looked longingly at the bath. It helps the time before bed go faster, and probably relaxes her so why not. She also uses a lot of energy up splashing about…
I was getting a bit worried, though I know she will eat when she wants. She might not eat much of her food sometimes, but she will always steal a bit of whatever we are eating.
T and I were talking about how things might be now if it wasn’t for Covid. I’m really not sure. I guess we might have moved closer to a park in Liverpool, or we might have just put up with living in the city centre (it wasn’t that much of a chore, but just not that kid friendly) and I’d be taking B to the museums every day…
There’s space for us at my Nan’s, I haven’t been worried about her (I used to call her every day before living with her), she lives in a safe area and close to a park etc.
I just feel trapped as there aren’t many places to go within walking distance, Covid makes me not want to go to the few places that we could go to, I don’t know many people etc.
It’s been so difficult trying to meet other parents. Everyone has their old schedules too which makes it more complicated. We can’t invite new friends round to my Nan’s (well we could, but it’s not the best set-up), and I don’t feel that comfortable with going to other people’s homes, because of Covid.
I’ve been complaining about Groundhog Day vibes for a while. I’m glad we’re having a second kid now though, rather than leaving it until later. It does make sense as I’m really not up to much.
I finished reading House of Gucci yesterday. I’m currently watching a series of Survivor Australia at 2x speed, and skipping through it a bit as the episodes are too long.
I need to read my hypnobirthing book again, and just go to bed earlier.
Lol at the first two hashtags – B came before 38 weeks.
I thought I leaked a lot earlier than this, so I feel a little less worried now. I got given a colostrum kit today. (Oh wait, it said I leaked 6 weeks before.)
I still don’t like hiccups. I didn’t think that B was that active, but this baby is a lot more active.
I go out loads without Tiago, but usually just for walks with B. I do go to the local shops by myself sometimes, and I went to my midwife appointment alone today.
When I picked up B’s prescription a woman with a walking stick said I should sit down on the chair, so I must be looking quite pregnant to other people.
I’ve been on about making pancakes for a long time, and I haven’t. I finally bought some maple syrup the other day, so I should try to do it soon. Reading this makes me want some now.
I got through it as I wasn’t tired from running around after a toddler (I nearly wrote teenager?), but I think this time I will be too tired for the same series of events, but I guess adrenaline and whatever kicks in?
I was faffing around reading the news and stuff, but I think that just makes my brain more alert. I started to read my book and before long I felt sleepy again. I usually read a book every night until my eyes start to close, or I have to tell myself to go to sleep.
I am currently reading Men Who Hate Women by Laura Bates. It’s interesting, but sad/frustrating/a bit of a downer. I swear I’ll pick up my hypnobirthing book soon…
We went for lunch at our favourite Indian restaurant and it did not disappoint. I have missed their chili paneer. Whenever we order Indian food I always get chili paneer and it is never as good.
We bought snacks at a supermarket before we got to the hotel and we barely touched them as we were so full from lunch.
I did also play The Sims. I do play it once in a while as it’s good when I’m feeling quite stressed/tired. I have phases of playing it once or twice a year. I remember seeing an ad for the first one on the back of a different game I bought and saved up for it until it came out. We have a long history together…
Anyways, I ended up staying up until midnight watching reruns of Gogglebox and then slept until 7. Was a bit disappointed as I did want to sleep until checkout, but I’m not used to sleeping in anymore.
She was nuzzling into my Mum and then would sneak a peek at us with a smile, then she came over. We knew she was just waking up and wasn’t in a mood with us or anything. My parents said the weekend went better than they thought so that’s nice.
I’d got her some new crisps to try. I usually just give her a few, but as we weren’t at home I thought she could just eat them from the bag, but that was obviously a mistake.
It took me a good while to take all the pieces out. Tiago said the seat didn’t smell, but the night before we had gone to the supermarket and the car stank of sick.
Apparently I only need to eat 200 more calories a day than before I was pregnant, but I have no idea what 200 calories is and the baby takes most of the nutrients out of what I eat and I get the leftovers. Charming.
If my Nan is up when we get up then we usually watch more. Luckily after a while B gets bored of watching the TV. I do try to take her out for a walk or two a day, but we need to find more things to do really.
It’s good for her. Tiago says she doesn’t cry or anything when he drops her off now. She’s settled in quick, but I said why would she want to spend all day with her boring, tired pregnant mother when she can see kids her own age and play with different toys etc.
I just keep wondering how it will be, but I just want to get on with it. I am feeling tired though, so I am nervous and should probably enjoy the few hours to myself that I get while B is at nursery and I have no mothering responsibilities while I can.
I can feel the pain in bed a bit now. I guess baby is getting bigger and my body is trying to keep up. I have a lot of cramps and pains. All fun stuff.
I did a few when I was pregnant with B. I think I’ve said before that baby X will say ‘Mum, why did you take no nudes with me?’ In reality I’m sure they will both say ‘Mum, why did you take nudes when you were pregnant with us?’ I do wonder what they will think about my work when they’re older. They’ll probably just say ‘Mum, you look so old now’.
I say that, but so many people have told me that their third was an accident. I really don’t want to go through pregnancy again though. The sickness, the tiredness etc. Two seems like a good number. I have two arms. One to grab each kid with. One to replace Tiago, one to replace me. I think I will be stretching myself too much as a mother to more.
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30 weeks pregnant with B comparison:
We Could Be Parents In 3 Months Or Less (30 weeks)
I had a zoom call with a few of our Liverpool friends the other night who were pregnant at the same time. They said to show them my bump and we talked about how it was weird that we never saw each other pregnant in real life last time. Sadly, they might not see me pregnant in real life this time as well just as I doubt we will get to see them before X is born.
#HeSaidHeHopesForABigBaby
I had forgotten that he said this. B was small. X is meant to be bigger…
Well, in the end we didn’t find out and like I’ve said before I’m skeptical that X is a girl. I know that people get it wrong so I’m holding my breath.
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Who Knows How Things Will Be By The Time I Give Birth (30 weeks)
I keep telling myself that the baby will not come until at least the time B did, but in the back of my head I know the baby could come at anytime.
This time I have already bought nappies, but we need to think about cot options. We might just use the one that my parents have at their house (for B’s stays etc.)
Tiago has been in the project less this time, though hopefully this weekend we will do a family shoot.
This time things are meant to be a bit ‘better’ with visiting at hospitals, but I’m not going to keep looking at it as I know things can and probably will change before X is born. Better not to get my hopes up, but hopefully this time we will be home quicker.
I didn’t like using the pushchair for a while as I felt so self-conscious using it. It can adapt to have two kids in/on it, but we’ll see how it goes. I need to have a go at putting the bassinet and a seat on it.
I do worry about being far away from a toilet when we are out at times as I do feel like my bladder is smaller, but I think the kegels definitely help.
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I’m yet to do the shoot, but I think I will be probably lying down or some kind of pose that means little effort for my body.
(Yeah, a classic lie across the bed pose. I was initially wearing a dress, but I didn’t like how it looked in the photos/you couldn’t see my bump as well.)
Lie in bed and try to sleep, or just watch terrible TV. I did feel better the next night as I just watched TV in bed, and I fell asleep with my phone next to me which I never do – and slept solidly until B woke up at 5.30am.
I try to put myself in her shoes. It must be so annoying not being able to say what you want, though I can guess at times, but sometimes I seem quite off.
I do intend to breastfeed again, so she will still be taking nutrients but in a less invasive way to being inside of me I imagine. That’s what I think anyways. The baby is due to double in size between now and birth. *Nervous laugh*
I really struggled to get a urine sample before I left the house, but I couldn’t see over my bump and so didn’t catch most of it. She said it was enough for the test though. I had drank a lot, but I guess it was old piss. Lovely.
I thought that B had just been over the okay line (I’m not sure what that is, but I thought it was around 10-15%?)
So yeah my suspicions of the baby being bigger have been confirmed. Maybe the first time my body was testing me and thought I could grow a bigger one this time?
We can also cancel until an hour before check-in so if my parents change their minds, then we can cancel.
This hotel also has a pool, but it is a bit cheaper and we haven’t had food from our favourite Indian restaurant in a long time so it’s a good excuse to change hotel and location.
A lot to cram into the last hashtag, but yeah it was good. I had ran a very shallow bath to begin with and realised I either had to really fill it up or not have a bath. It was weird lifting my bump out of the water as it suddenly felt cold, but also quite heavy?
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28 weeks pregnant with B comparison:
I Just Want A Nice Record Of My Pregnancy As Maybe I Will Never Be Pregnant Again (28 and a half weeks)
Well, spoiler I am pregnant again but it would be nice to have a comparison photo.
I have taken less nudes this time (if any?), but I do need to take at least one like this just as a reminder – and maybe baby X will say ‘Hey Mum, why did you not take a nude portrait with me?’
I am still dancing, but I think I need to be more casual about it with my tiredness and all. No one has commented about my bump yet, but then again I am quite behind with posting them – just like this project. At the time of writing this, this will be my 17th post that I need to post. They’re all ready to go, but yeah I’ve fell behind.
I’m also adding the first photo that I took at 29 weeks on as it talks about my 28 week appointment:
My midwife appointments are currently every 3 weeks. My blood test was more successful this time too.
No one has mentioned that my muscles have separated this time, which is good – I’ve made an effort to not do anything that might encourage them to separate more.
I think my placenta is at the back this time.
I’m yet to have a leak, so maybe that might happen soon?
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The project was called Hair Sculptures. It probably needs a better title to be honest, but the name follows on from Bathroom Sculptures which was hand tissues that had been dumped on surfaces in the Mayfair bathroom of a building where I worked.
I did think about putting those projects on my website at some point, but they are quite different to the rest of my work.
I’ve been listening to podcasts whilst pushing B on walks and I feel inspired to try other art forms again, but do I have the time? Not really.
I think my hairdresser told me this – that makes me sound fancier than I am. My hair was thick enough already, though I didn’t really notice much change in it whilst I was pregnant. I had it cut to shoulder length when I was about 18 weeks and it’s just been growing since.
I think T didn’t believe that I randomly made an animal with my hair. Sadly I’m not that creative… Well I am but my execution of it would have been worse if I had tried to do it on purpose. Maybe no one else sees the bird, but it makes me happy. I like random creations.
I was trying to get away with not washing my hair much, but then lockdown really helped as no one really saw me – except T, and strangers on my daily walks.
I love when I’ve had my hair tied up in a messy bun for a week and it has a massive wave through it when I take it down. It’s not enjoyed for long though as I’ve usually taken it down to wash it or to retie it.
#TheseHashtagsAreSoBoring
No one probably cares about half the stuff I say, but hopefully some of it will be interesting to me in the future.
I bought some lavender bath salts to try to help me sleep in the early days. Then I realised I wasn’t supposed to have a bath yet because of my stitches and I haven’t got round to using them. I feel like I don’t have time for a relaxing bath at the moment, but hopefully I will soon!
That’s the thing – I can’t be too relaxed in case B needs me, though we’ve gone back to doing a bottle feed in the evening. It seems like an easier way to give her her vitamin D, but she doesn’t seem to like drinking from a bottle anymore.
I think B has always liked the bath. The first or second time T tried to dunk her more in the bath after and she cried, but she’s quite content sat there. She is getting stronger. She pushes herself away on the mat where I flannel wash her in the mornings, but I’m like I can catch you!
#ICanNotWaitToGoSwimmingWithHerOneDay
This will be nice. I’ve looked at lessons, but they’re quite expensive and not that easy for me to get to so we’ll have to see. Usually we’d have been on holiday this summer to see T’s parents and gone swimming in the sea lots, though it was kind of off the table for me because I was pregnant. T was planning to go for a wedding, but that got postponed. His parents just sent us honey and our favourite cheese, so I’ll just have to close my eyes when I eat it and pretend we’re there…
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