Tag: anxiety

Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Thirteenth Family Portrait (35 Weeks / 2nd January 2022)

Family portrait. Tiago and I are looking up at B who is on Tiago's shoulders. A box, the same colour as the wall, is over her face to hide her features.
Thirteenth Family Portrait (35 Weeks / 2nd January 2022)
 
#Hello2022AndHelloToBsThirdYearOnEarth
#ItMakesHerSoundSoOldWhenSheIsNotEven19MonthsYet
#WeHadAVeryQuietNewYearsEveWhereWeJustWatchedACoupleOfEpisodesOfQueerEyeThenWentToSleepAt11
#AtMidnightIWokeUpToALotOfLightAndNoiseAsEveryoneAroundUsSeemedToHaveFireworks
#IThoughtItWas3InTheMorningAndWasReallyConfusedAsToWhatWasHappeningAtFirst
#TiagoBarelyMovedAndBDidWakeUpBrieflyButLuckilyNotForTooLong
#HerSleepingHasBeenGettingWorseAndIThinkSheMustBeGoingThroughARegression
#IHaveMadeTheLightOnHerRoomThermometerABitStrongerInCaseItHelps
#SheJustSeemsToBeFullOfColdAndTeethingALotWhichProbablyDoesNotHelp
#TheOtherDayWhenWeWereAllLeavingThePlaygroundTiagoAndISanitisedOurHandsAndBCopiedWhichMadeMeLaugh
#WeAreStartingToDigOutBabyStuffAndBHadABriefPhaseOfEnjoyingSittingInHerBouncerAgain
#IAmGettingAnnoyedThoughAsWeReallyCanNotFindWhereWePutAllHer0To3MonthBabyClothes
#WeHaveLookedMultipleTimesAndYesterdayWeWentThroughThingsPrettyThoroughlyButNoLuck
#WhenWeMovedBHadOutgrownThemSoTheyMustJustBeInASmallBagSomewhere
#IWantToGetThemAllWashedSoICanPackMyHospitalBagButReallyIJustNeedToPackMyBagAndKeepLooking
#OtherwiseWeNeedToGetSomeClothesAsSoonAsPossibleAsTimeIsQuicklyPassingBy
#INeedToRereadTheHypnobirthingBookAndTiagoNeedsToReadItToo
#WeHaveAFewThingsThatWeNeedToGetThisWeekLikeASterilisingMachineAsWeBorrowedOneLastTime
#IAlsoNeedToHireATENSMachineSoonAsLastTimeIThoughtIWasBeingOrganisedAndItCameADayBeforeINeededToUseItAsBCameSoEarly
#TiagoAndIAreTryingToMakeAnEffortToSpendABitOfTimeTogetherBeforeWeGoToSleepAsUsuallyWeAreOffDoingOurOwnThing
#IAmTryingToFaffLessAndUseSocialMediaLessAndReadTheNewsLessAsIDoNotNeedToReadIt10TimesADay
#ItHasBeenNiceToTalkABitMoreBeforeGoingToBedAsOnceBabyXArrivesIKnowWeWillHaveLessUsTimeForAWhile
#MyMainHopesForThisYearIsThatBabyXIsBornHealthyAndThatTheBirthGoesWell
#IHopeThatBAdaptsWellToHavingASiblingAndThatTheyGetOnWell
#IAlsoHopeThatWeCanMoveOutOfMyNansHouseAndIntoOurPotentialForeverHome
#NextMonthItWillHaveBeen7YearsSinceTiagoAndIMetAndWeHaveLivedIn3DifferentCitiesTogether
#OurPlansAreSlowlyMovingForwardAndWeWantToMoveOutInTheSummer
#SoOnceBabyXIsBornTheCountdownWillSwitchFromTheBirthToMovingOutAndGettingOrganisedForThat
#ItWillBeABigMoveButIThinkAllTheWaitingWillBeWorthItInTheEnd
#ThanksToMyNanForPuttingUpWithUsForOverAYearAlready

#Hello2022AndHelloToBsThirdYearOnEarth

2021 dragged at times, but it also feels like it went quite fast.

#ItMakesHerSoundSoOldWhenSheIsNotEven19MonthsYet

It is weird how things work. Yesterday I was thinking about how I am 22 times older than B.

#WeHadAVeryQuietNewYearsEveWhereWeJustWatchedACoupleOfEpisodesOfQueerEyeThenWentToSleepAt11

New series. Great. We had forgotten that it was New Year’s Eve, so we agreed to both be in bed by 9 to hang out.

#AtMidnightIWokeUpToALotOfLightAndNoiseAsEveryoneAroundUsSeemedToHaveFireworks

I guess it was a safer option for a lot of people to meet up, rather than be indoors.

#IThoughtItWas3InTheMorningAndWasReallyConfusedAsToWhatWasHappeningAtFirst

It really startled me.

#TiagoBarelyMovedAndBDidWakeUpBrieflyButLuckilyNotForTooLong

When I woke up I was so shocked I said ‘Tiago!’, but he just said ‘what?’ and rolled over. I had turned B’s machine up.

#HerSleepingHasBeenGettingWorseAndIThinkSheMustBeGoingThroughARegression

I looked up 18 month sleep regression and a lot of boxes were checked.

#IHaveMadeTheLightOnHerRoomThermometerABitStrongerInCaseItHelps

I had put it on the lowest setting, but it didn’t seem high enough.

#SheJustSeemsToBeFullOfColdAndTeethingALotWhichProbablyDoesNotHelp

We are constantly cleaning her eyes, wiping her nose, wiping away dribble etc.

#TheOtherDayWhenWeWereAllLeavingThePlaygroundTiagoAndISanitisedOurHandsAndBCopiedWhichMadeMeLaugh

She did it a couple of days in a row, and then stopped. We wash her hands when she gets home. Sometimes I use sanitiser, but I worry it is too strong for her.

#WeAreStartingToDigOutBabyStuffAndBHadABriefPhaseOfEnjoyingSittingInHerBouncerAgain

She tried to sit in the baby bath, so I thought I should get the bouncer out for her, then I was worried that she liked it too much that she would be trying to sit on the baby…

#IAmGettingAnnoyedThoughAsWeReallyCanNotFindWhereWePutAllHer0To3MonthBabyClothes

It is stressing me out.

#WeHaveLookedMultipleTimesAndYesterdayWeWentThroughThingsPrettyThoroughlyButNoLuck

I was sure I had put them in a cupboard in our bedroom, but nope. There is a shoulder bag of mine that I have not seen in the couple of weeks that I have been searching, so I am wondering if they are in there, but I kind of doubt it. Thinking about it there is another bag of mine that I haven’t seen either… Hmm. The shoulder bag is probably just full of my bags…

#WhenWeMovedBHadOutgrownThemSoTheyMustJustBeInASmallBagSomewhere

It’s so annoying. I want to find them ASAP.

#IWantToGetThemAllWashedSoICanPackMyHospitalBagButReallyIJustNeedToPackMyBagAndKeepLooking

I might pack my bag later or tomorrow.

#OtherwiseWeNeedToGetSomeClothesAsSoonAsPossibleAsTimeIsQuicklyPassingBy

We have a couple of new sleepsuits that we got as B’s are a bit overwashed and worn as she lived in them, so we need to get a couple more and some vests really. That’s it. I’ve found some cardigans and hats.

#INeedToRereadTheHypnobirthingBookAndTiagoNeedsToReadItToo

I’m enjoying reading a book about the Carpenters at the moment. It’s just a short read, then I will reread the book. To be fair I wrote down the main points in an email to myself and it’s enough really, but I feel like I’d feel calmer if I reread the book.

#WeHaveAFewThingsThatWeNeedToGetThisWeekLikeASterilisingMachineAsWeBorrowedOneLastTime

I don’t want to pump as much as I did last time, but it’s good to be organised. I wasn’t planning to pump at all last time, but we got given a pump and a friend lent us the steriliser so we were all set up for it when we got home from hospital.

#IAlsoNeedToHireATENSMachineSoonAsLastTimeIThoughtIWasBeingOrganisedAndItCameADayBeforeINeededToUseItAsBCameSoEarly

I have put a reminder in my calendar. I think you can keep them for 6 weeks or so, so I’ll just order it next week.

#TiagoAndIAreTryingToMakeAnEffortToSpendABitOfTimeTogetherBeforeWeGoToSleepAsUsuallyWeAreOffDoingOurOwnThing

B goes to bed and we’re like ‘freedom to do what we want’, which is me usually sitting at my computer doing some work, then stretching, and T is usually just having some time to himself and doing bits of work. I guess us not having our own place has made it this way too.

#IAmTryingToFaffLessAndUseSocialMediaLessAndReadTheNewsLessAsIDoNotNeedToReadIt10TimesADay

Less, less, less. I definitely feel better for it.

#ItHasBeenNiceToTalkABitMoreBeforeGoingToBedAsOnceBabyXArrivesIKnowWeWillHaveLessUsTimeForAWhile

We know how important it is to keep our bond strong (cheesy, but true), so that we can navigate the potentially difficult journey ahead (cliche) a bit easier.

#MyMainHopesForThisYearIsThatBabyXIsBornHealthyAndThatTheBirthGoesWell

Fingers crossed.

#IHopeThatBAdaptsWellToHavingASiblingAndThatTheyGetOnWell

Again, fingers crossed.

#IAlsoHopeThatWeCanMoveOutOfMyNansHouseAndIntoOurPotentialForeverHome

Potential forever home, as if we don’t like it then obviously we can move again, but I hope that it all works out.

#NextMonthItWillHaveBeen7YearsSinceTiagoAndIMetAndWeHaveLivedIn3DifferentCitiesTogether

3 and a half years in London in 2 different places a brief stay at my Nan’s while finding a place to live in Liverpool (lots of trips up and down to view places and work etc.), 2 years in Liverpool, then to Birmingham to live with my Nan (we weren’t sure how long we would live with her and had planned to find somewhere of our own to rent in Brum, but it’s too late now).

#OurPlansAreSlowlyMovingForwardAndWeWantToMoveOutInTheSummer

We shall see. We are starting to get a bit excited though.

#SoOnceBabyXIsBornTheCountdownWillSwitchFromTheBirthToMovingOutAndGettingOrganisedForThat

I’m not looking forward to going through all our stuff and really cutting down on things, but there is a lot of stuff that we haven’t touched since moving.

#ItWillBeABigMoveButIThinkAllTheWaitingWillBeWorthItInTheEnd

There has been a lot of waiting, and though it has been frustrating I think the timing is better.

#ThanksToMyNanForPuttingUpWithUsForOverAYearAlready

It’s been nice to see my Nan everyday and not worry about her, though it has been frustrating at times – which says more about me than her. It’s been good for her though, and it’s been good for B too. It’s been nice for my family to see more of B than they would have if we had stayed in Liverpool – especially due to Covid.

–

35 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait which is shot from below my bump. My eyes are looking out over the top of my bump and my elbows are in the air.
Our World Will Soon Change In One Way Or Another (35 and a half weeks)
 
#IFeelLikeIHaveNotWrittenMuchInMyActualDiaryAboutBeingPregnant
#MaybeBecauseIAmDoingThisProject
#SoLastNightIMadeMyselfWriteAboutHowIAmFeelingAboutImminentMotherhood
#AndIGotABitEmotional
#IAmStillNervousAsEvenThoughIHaveBeenGrowingThisBabyForSoLong
#ItDoesNotMeanWeWillHaveABabyInLessThan2MonthsTime
#ObviouslyIHopeWeDoButThereIsAlwaysAPossibilityThatWeWillNot
#SomeMightSayThatThinkingThatWayDoesYouNoGood
#ButIThinkItIsGoodToBeRealistic
#ThoughIDoNotNowHowIWouldReactIfThingsWentBadly
#ButTiagoSaysWeWillDealWithWhateverComesOurWay
#IAmAlsoNervousForIfWeDoHaveABabyAndIAmARubbishMother
#ObviouslyIWillDoMyBest
#AndIThinkNoMatterHowYouRaiseYourChildrenThingsWillNeverBePerfect
#ThoughIDoNotBelieveInPerfectButItIsTheEasiestWordToUse
#LuckilyWithLockdownItWillTakeSomePressureOffMeIThink
#ObviouslyThereIsAlwaysPressureForTheFatherTooButIThinkTheMotherGetsBurdenedWithALotOfIt
#PeopleSaveMoreJudgementForTheMother
#AndIWillBeThePrimaryCaregiver
#IThinkTiagoWillBeAGoodFatherThough
#IThinkHeHasMorePatienceAndIsABetterTeacherThanMe
#IHopeToWorkOnThoseAspectsOfMyselfThoughAlongWithManyOtherThings
#AndIWantToBeTheBestMotherThatICanPossiblyBe
#WhilstRetainingMyOwnIdentityAtLeastToSomeExtent
#IWillHopefullyBeAMotherButAlsoStillMuchMoreThanThat
#ThatWillBeJustOneOfMyLifeRoles
#MeAndTiagoAreAFamilyButThisWillBeADifferentKindOfFamily
#ILookForwardToLazyDaysInBedOrOnGrassLyingSideBySideBySide
#WritingTheseHashtagsAreMakingMeEmotional
#OurWorldWillSoonChangeInOneWayOrAnotherAndItIsExcitingButAlsoABitScary

This is from a diptych, but the second image is quite booby.

I feel the same as I did when I wrote these hashtags – I am still quite nervous that I might not be be a mother of two soon.

I don’t feel like the best mother at times – especially at the moment as I have no energy – but I know I am not the worst and that I am doing my best (or maybe 90% of my best).

There haven’t been many lazy days in bed or much lying on the grass side by side… Hopefully in the coming years.

I am excited though, but I am feeling a bit nervous too.

Self-portrait where I am in my bra and pants. I have my hands resting on my shoulders and I am looking at the camera.
The Main Thing I Need To Remember Is To Breathe (35 and a half weeks)
 
#IHaveTakenPicturesForAFewDaysInARowNow
#IJustKnowThatBabyCouldComeAnyDayNowReally
#ThisMorningIWashedAllTheNewbornClothesAndBlanketsEtc
#SoICanPutTheCleanClothesIntoTheHospitalBagThatIStillNeedToPack
#NoExcusesOnceTheyAreDry
#IReReadTheFinalChapterOfMyHypnobirthBookToday
#TheMainThingINeedToRememberIsToBreathe
#IWantedToTakePicturesTodaySoICouldWriteAboutTheBodyImageSideOfMyPregnancy
#AsIFeelLikeIHaveBeenQuiteOpenAboutThingsButStillHaveNotSpokeAboutSomeThingsOrNotMuch
#TheLastWeekOrSoIHaveNoticedThatIHaveBeenSayingMoreNegativeThingsAboutMyAppearance
#InALotOfPhotosIFeelLikeIHaveADoubleChinWhichToBeFairIHadOneBeforeInSomePictures
#ButIFeelLikeItWasAnObsessionForAWeekOrSoAsIConstantlyMadeCommentsAboutMyFace
#IWasWorriedAboutHowIFeelWouldFeelTowardsMyBodyOnceIGotPregnant
#IThinkHavingToStretchALotBecauseOfHipPainHasBeenAGoodThing
#EspeciallyWithAMoreSedentaryLifestyleBecauseOfLockdown
#ThoughWeHaveBeenGoingOnMoreWalksWhichHasBeenGoodForBothMindAndBody
#IDoLoveHavingABumpThoughTodayTheSkinJustFeelsItchyWhichIsABitUncomfortable
#ThoughIDoWorryHowItWillLookAfter
#AndIThinkIWillHaveToRemindMyselfThatMyBodyDidAnAwesomeThing
#IFeelSelfConsciousJustWritingThisAndKnowingThatIWillShareItAtSomePoint
#AsMyWorkInGeneralForALongTimeHasBeenAboutLearningToAcceptMyselfAndMyBody
#ThoughIOftenSayItIsAWorkInProgressAndThatIHaveNoticedHowHormonesHaveABigEffectOnHowIFeel
#DuringThePregnancyMyMentalHealthHasBeenPrettyGreat
#IThinkThereHasBeenALotOfAnxietyAboutCertainThingsButItHasNotFeltOutOfControl
#AndIFeelLikeTheFeelingsIHaveHadHaveBeenQuiteNormal
#BeingPregnantHasMadeMeLessSelfConsciousInSomeWays
#CaringLessAboutCertainThings
#WhichIHopeWillContinueOnceTheBabyIsBornAndIJustFocusOnMyFamilyBubble
#HavingChildrenIGuessYourPrioritiesChangeAndSomeThingsIWorryAboutMayJustFeelPointless
#IAmLookingForwardToPositivesThatWillComeOutOfItAllThoughIWillAlsoDoMyBestToDealWellWithAnyNegativesThatWeMayHaveToFace

My hypnobirthing notes are mainly about breathing and trying to be as relaxed as possible.

See, by this point I had washed all the baby clothes. I need to get on it and find things!

I think I have cared less about how I look with this pregnancy, but I also have not been going out to work and generally people just see me when I take B out and about. I’ve been stretching a lot, and I do get out for daily walks, and I think I am a bit kinder to my body now after birthing one kid.

My mental health has been better in ways during this pregnancy as we want two kids, and I felt a bit lost just living at my Nan’s and waiting for our move, so it made sense to have the second one now. The living situation has been frustrating at times though, and I do look forward to having our own place again – and I’m sure my Nan will like to feel more relaxed in her house again. I know we have been lucky with this situation, and my Nan has benefitted from it too, but we can’t all live like this forever.

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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Imitating B Putting Her Head Against A Mirror (26 Weeks / 26th October 2021)

Self-portrait where I am resting my head on a mirror and looking at myself.
Imitating B Putting Her Head Against A Mirror (26 Weeks / 26th October 2021)
 
#IfBSeesAMirrorForSomeReasonSheHasToButtHeadsWithItOrBangOnItOrAtLeastRestHerHeadOnIt
#IAmStillTryingToFigureOutIfSheKnowsItIsHerInTheMirrorOrNot
#IfISeeAMirrorAndIAmCarryingHerThenIUsuallyWaveAtHerSoIThinkSheMustKnowButWhoKnows
#FiveDaysAgoIWroteInMyHashtagRemindersThatMaybeItIsTimeToDropBDownToOneNapADayButIWasFeelingHesitantAsILikeOurRoutines
#WellWeWentAwayAtTheWeekendAndBDidNotHaveASecondNapOnTheFridaySaturdayAndSunday
#ThenYesterdayIPutHerDownForHerFirstNapAndSheWasNotFallingAsleepSoIGotHerBackUpAndThenGaveHerANapAtMiddayInstead
#LastNightSheWasAwakeFromMidnightToTwoishAndThenWokeUpAtFiveThirtySoIPutHerInOurBed
#IDoNotLikeToDoItMuchButSheDidActuallySleepForAnotherHourThoughMySleepWasVeryUnsettledAsIWasWorriedAboutSquishingHerOrSomething
#StayingInAHotelStressedMeOutAsEverytimeSheCriedIWasWorriedThatItWouldAnnoyPeople
#IBarelySleptOnTheFridayNightAndOnTheSaturdayMorningWePutHerInOurBedFromFiveishAndSheSleptALittleBitLonger
#IAmWorriedThatWeAreUndoingHerSleepTrainingButMaybeSheIsJustTeethingAndABitClingierThoughOnSundayNightSheSleptFine
#ItWasWeirdGoingToAPhotographyWeekendAndTiagoAndBJoiningMeAsMyTwoWorldsRarelyCollide
#ItWasFunnyTalkingToPhotoFriendsAndThenSeeingThemWalkingTowardsMeAsItJustSeemedSoOdd
#IAmGoingToHaveToAdjustToThisNewOneNapScheduleButOnceWeDoIThinkItWillBeForTheBetterAsWeCanGoOutForLonger
#ThoughIAmWorriedAboutTheDarkEveningsAsIWillNotBeAbleToTakeHerOutLikeIUsuallyDoSoWeMightFeelABitStuckAtHome
#IWillJustHaveToAdjustWhenITakeHerOutForWalksAndMaybeWeWillJustHaveToDoSomeWalksInTheDarkWithTiagoOnTheNightsThatFeelLonger
#LastWeekIHadAMidwivesAppointmentAndIHadToTakeBWithMeButItWasAllFineAndTheBabyIsFine
#HerDueDateIsAFewDaysBeforeMineIThinkSoIWillNotSeeHerAgainAsSheWillBeWorkingFromHome
#SheSaidAsItIsNotMyFirstBabyThe31WeekAppointmentIsOptionalButISaidIMightAsWellHaveIt
#ThatMorningIWasChangingBsNappyAndThenICouldNotFindHerNappyCreamThoughIKnewIHadGotItBeforeSettingUpAChangingStation
#SoIWentOffToLookForItAndBStoodUpAndPissedOnTheFloorAndThenManagedToSlipOverInItSoWhenITookHerVestOffTheBackOfHerHeadWasWet
#SorryToBIfThisIsTooMuchButIFoundItFunnyAndSoIHadToGiveHerABathWhichMightHaveBeenHerFirstMorningBath
#IAmSureThisMorningThatShePointedToMyBellyAndThenDidAnImpressionOfItWithHerHand
#MyMumAndNanBothSaidMyBumpLooksALotBiggerTodaySoMaybeBNoticedToo
#WithHerNewScheduleIAmGoingToHaveToSeeIfICanDoABitOfWorkWhileShePlaysNextToMe
#IDoNotKnowWhyIFeelBadForDoingThisAsIAmSureALotOfOtherPeopleDoItToo
#YesterdayWeWereInMineAndTsBedroomAndISawAStackOfStuffNextToTheMirror
#ILookedAtItAndThoughtMaybeIShouldMoveItButDecidedItShouldBeFineButThen5MinutesLaterBHadKnockedItOverSoIHadToMoveIt
#IAmGettingQuiteNervousAboutHavingTwoKidsInAFewMonthsOrSo
#SometimesIGetWorriedAboutLackOfMovementsButThenSheStartsMovingALotAndTiagoCouldFeelHerKickingMeLastNight

#IfBSeesAMirrorForSomeReasonSheHasToButtHeadsWithItOrBangOnItOrAtLeastRestHerHeadOnIt

I really wish she could talk so she could explain things to me. Maybe she likes that it feels cold?

#IAmStillTryingToFigureOutIfSheKnowsItIsHerInTheMirrorOrNot

I thought she had known for ages, then I read in a development thing that is a more recent ‘skill’ that they learn.

#IfISeeAMirrorAndIAmCarryingHerThenIUsuallyWaveAtHerSoIThinkSheMustKnowButWhoKnows

I think she knows. Again, I can’t ask her.

#FiveDaysAgoIWroteInMyHashtagRemindersThatMaybeItIsTimeToDropBDownToOneNapADayButIWasFeelingHesitantAsILikeOurRoutines

Things were just working. I did note that maybe it would stop her early mornings though.

I send reminders to myself of what I might want to talk about in my hashtags. I am starting to think that they are just super dull, but I am tired.

#WellWeWentAwayAtTheWeekendAndBDidNotHaveASecondNapOnTheFridaySaturdayAndSunday

Friday I just thought she would not have a long enough nap before going to an appointment, and then going away so we might as well just try to leave as early as possible.

Saturday – She had her morning nap at a good time, then Tiago took her back to the hotel for a nap and she didn’t take it. Maybe it was because she knew T was in the room, but he had been there in the morning too?

Sunday – We left early so B and I could sleep in the car. Then we were meeting friends I could not be bothered to even try to get B to have a nap on the go. To be fair she showed no signs of being tired and wouldn’t even sit in her pushchair…

#ThenYesterdayIPutHerDownForHerFirstNapAndSheWasNotFallingAsleepSoIGotHerBackUpAndThenGaveHerANapAtMiddayInstead

I just realised ‘what am I doing? I should just transition her to one nap now’ as I didn’t think she would end up having a very long second nap anyways.

#LastNightSheWasAwakeFromMidnightToTwoishAndThenWokeUpAtFiveThirtySoIPutHerInOurBed

I was hoping she would sleep late as she was awake for so long.

I went in with her water and paracetamol and she seemed fine, until every time I went to leave. Tiago went in after a bit and stayed with her until she calmed down.

This morning I was not ready to get her up, and she seemed tired so putting her in our bed seemed like the easier option.

#IDoNotLikeToDoItMuchButSheDidActuallySleepForAnotherHourThoughMySleepWasVeryUnsettledAsIWasWorriedAboutSquishingHerOrSomething

My maternity pillow acted as a barrier so she was stuck on my side of the bed. She did cuddle up to me which was cute. When she went to Tiago’s side after an hour-ish I realised what an uncomfortable position I had been in.

#StayingInAHotelStressedMeOutAsEverytimeSheCriedIWasWorriedThatItWouldAnnoyPeople

The hotel reviews were really mixed, but it was nice. The staff were super friendly and the bed wasn’t bad.

#IBarelySleptOnTheFridayNightAndOnTheSaturdayMorningWePutHerInOurBedFromFiveishAndSheSleptALittleBitLonger

Every time she woke up I sat upright and stressed. Again, it seemed like an easier option to just put her in our bed.

#IAmWorriedThatWeAreUndoingHerSleepTrainingButMaybeSheIsJustTeethingAndABitClingierThoughOnSundayNightSheSleptFine

She had a similar bad sleep episode a week ago (awake for 2 hours in the night etc.) I don’t want to keep giving her paracetamol but she has been putting her fingers in her mouth a lot and she does seem to have a bit of a cold again.

#ItWasWeirdGoingToAPhotographyWeekendAndTiagoAndBJoiningMeAsMyTwoWorldsRarelyCollide

Obviously I photograph them, so my worlds collide then but I mean colliding in real life – it was weird.

#ItWasFunnyTalkingToPhotoFriendsAndThenSeeingThemWalkingTowardsMeAsItJustSeemedSoOdd

It was nice to introduce B to people, though when she was getting tired one night she kept falling over, so Tiago had to keep taking her out of the room.

#IAmGoingToHaveToAdjustToThisNewOneNapScheduleButOnceWeDoIThinkItWillBeForTheBetterAsWeCanGoOutForLonger #ThoughIAmWorriedAboutTheDarkEveningsAsIWillNotBeAbleToTakeHerOutLikeIUsuallyDoSoWeMightFeelABitStuckAtHome

We will have to see. I am really not looking forward to the clocks changing.

#IWillJustHaveToAdjustWhenITakeHerOutForWalksAndMaybeWeWillJustHaveToDoSomeWalksInTheDarkWithTiagoOnTheNightsThatFeelLonger

The time of her one nap means we do have a lot of time in the morning, and hopefully we can go out after her nap before it gets dark.

I’m not sure how safe it will be walking around with B at night, but I know people with dogs who are already trying to figure out a route. Some nights we might feel like we have to get out for a bit. I definitely wouldn’t go out with B by myself though.

#LastWeekIHadAMidwivesAppointmentAndIHadToTakeBWithMeButItWasAllFineAndTheBabyIsFine

She was listening for a heartbeat and I could feel the baby kicking so I wasn’t too worried then.

#HerDueDateIsAFewDaysBeforeMineIThinkSoIWillNotSeeHerAgainAsSheWillBeWorkingFromHome

Shame as I like her.

#SheSaidAsItIsNotMyFirstBabyThe31WeekAppointmentIsOptionalButISaidIMightAsWellHaveIt

It’s not too far to go and I’d rather just go for an extra check and know things are okay.

#ThatMorningIWasChangingBsNappyAndThenICouldNotFindHerNappyCreamThoughIKnewIHadGotItBeforeSettingUpAChangingStation #SoIWentOffToLookForItAndBStoodUpAndPissedOnTheFloorAndThenManagedToSlipOverInItSoWhenITookHerVestOffTheBackOfHerHeadWasWet

Of course the cream had just rolled away and was under the step ladder next to us.

#SorryToBIfThisIsTooMuchButIFoundItFunnyAndSoIHadToGiveHerABathWhichMightHaveBeenHerFirstMorningBath

Sorry B. I’m sure most people have slipped over in their piss at least once in their life. If they say no then they’re probably lying. I don’t remember doing it, but I might well have done at your age.

I was hoping to get away with not giving her a bath, but nope. Then I was hoping to just wash the back of her head, but she had splashed so much that I just washed all her hair.

#IAmSureThisMorningThatShePointedToMyBellyAndThenDidAnImpressionOfItWithHerHand

Just like ‘you’re this big now’. We’ve seen some friends the last couple of days and their 4 year old son hadn’t even noticed I was pregnant until he gave me a hug last night and I pointed out he was hugging baby X too.

#MyMumAndNanBothSaidMyBumpLooksALotBiggerTodaySoMaybeBNoticedToo

It does seem to have suddenly grown, but I have eaten a lot this weekend and it might be due to where my placenta is or something. I don’t know.

#WithHerNewScheduleIAmGoingToHaveToSeeIfICanDoABitOfWorkWhileShePlaysNextToMe

Yesterday I did manage to prep a blog post. I’m getting a bit over doing this blog to be honest, but I might feel better once I am up to date with putting the images in, writing pregnancy comparisons and tags etc.

#IDoNotKnowWhyIFeelBadForDoingThisAsIAmSureALotOfOtherPeopleDoItToo

It’s good for kids to play by themselves for a bit for sure. Mum guilt is real.

#YesterdayWeWereInMineAndTsBedroomAndISawAStackOfStuffNextToTheMirror #ILookedAtItAndThoughtMaybeIShouldMoveItButDecidedItShouldBeFineButThen5MinutesLaterBHadKnockedItOverSoIHadToMoveIt

Me being lazy… In future I need to trust my health and safety officer instincts. (I’m not one, but I feel like becoming a parent I do notice risks better.)

#IAmGettingQuiteNervousAboutHavingTwoKidsInAFewMonthsOrSo

*Nervous laugh* I’m just trying to go to bed earlier. The last couple of nights I have gone to sleep quite early. This is why I also need to get stuff done while B is awake/during her naps, though yesterday I had to nap during her nap and I imagine it will be the same today.

#SometimesIGetWorriedAboutLackOfMovementsButThenSheStartsMovingALotAndTiagoCouldFeelHerKickingMeLastNight

I feel like I have been writing ‘it’ instead of ‘her’ as sometimes I forget we know, though I will not 100% believe it until she is born.

I just hadn’t had much time to feel her movements as it was such a busy weekend, so it’s always a relief when I feel her moving about.

–

26 weeks with B comparison:

Self-portrait in my bra and pants where my bump is showing and I am looking up. My hands are resting on the top of my legs.
We Heard The Baby’s Heartbeat For The First Time Today (26 weeks)
 
#IFeelLikeIAmInSomeWeirdBubbleWithThisWholeCoronaVirus
#IAmUsuallyHomeQuiteABitAnyways
#AndInNoRushToGoOut
#ButNowIAmWorkingFromHomeForTheForeseeableFuture
#AndThereIsSomethingAboutNotHavingAnythingToGoOutTo
#WeJustTryToGoForAWalkInTheEveningToBuySomeFruitAndVeg
#TheGoodThingAboutOptingForAHomeBirthIsTheMidwifeVisitsOurFlat
#SheCameYesterdayAndAllWasGood
#SheSaidMyBloodPressureWasLowButInAGoodWay
#SheSaidWhyLowPressureWasGoodButICanNotRememberWhatSheSaid
#SheAskedMeIfIEverFeltDizzy
#ISaidNo
#ButLastNightAndThisMorningMaybeIGotUpTooQuickAndSawColourfulLightsInMyEyes
#SoINeedToBeCareful
#SheNeededToMeasureMyUterus
#ItTookHerAWhileAsSheSaidMyCoreIsSoStrong
#MustBeBecauseOfTheExerciseThatIAmDoingInTheMorningAndNight
#SheSaidThatMyAbdominalMusclesAreStartingToSeparateNowToMakeRoomForTheBabyWhichIsNormal
#IAmGuessingThatIfIKeepOnExercisingAsIHaveThenItWillAllBeFine
#ISaidIAmMoreFlexibleThanIWasBeforeIWasPregnant
#WhichIThoughtWasDownToTheExerciseAndItProbablyIsABit
#ButSheSaidThatHormonesDuringPregnancyWillMakeYouMoreFlexible
#SheAlsoCheckedTheBabysHeartbeat
#TheNightBeforeIWasConcernedAsICouldNotFeelItInTheEvening
#ThoughWhenICompletelyRelaxedIEventuallyDid
#SheSaidThatThePlacentaMightBeAbsorbingTheKicks
#AsItTookAWhileToFindTheBabyAsSheCouldMostlyHearPlacenta
#WhenSheFoundItThoughItWasAGoodQuickHeartbeatLikeItShouldBe
#TiagoWalkedIntoTheRoomAndHeardItTooWhichWasNice
#ThisMorningItWasKickingStrongAndTiagoFeltItALot

I heard the baby X’s heartbeat for the first time weeks ago, so not sure why it took so long with B.

It is weird thinking that at this point with B I was just going for a walk once a day and only seeing Tiago.

I feel like I look stronger in this above picture than I feel right now (at the same phase). I have made an effort to not sit up straight from lying down so hopefully my muscles will not separate so much this time. My midwife did think that I’d have to do physio after having B, but I didn’t have to luckily.

I think my placenta is in a different position this time, which may be why I can feel it kicking more than I did with B. It may also be why my bump looks different, but that might be down to having had a baby before.

As I’m not planning for a homebirth this time I have to go out to appointments, but I seem to have them at good times and it’s good to get out of the house.

Self-portrait with some broken blood vessels visible on my cheeks. I am wearing a purple top that matches the blotches on my cheeks a bit. I am resting my left hand on my chin.
Broken Blood Vessels (26 weeks)
 
#IHaveBeenNoticingBitsOfRedOnMyCheeksForAFewWeeks
#IJustThoughtItWasToDoWithTheColdOutside
#AsUsuallyMySkinGoesABitRubbishInTheWinter
#OrIThoughtItWasASlightAllergicReaction
#YesterdayMorningIHadABitOfRedOnMyFace
#IWentToPhotographItButTiagoWasDoingExerciseInTheBitOfTheLivingRoomWhereIShoot
#AndByTheTimeHeFinishedItHadFaded
#IWalkedForAbout2HoursYesterday
#AndTiagoCommentedThatMyFaceWasQuiteRedLastNight
#ItIsThatTimeOfYearWhereYourBodyFeelsWeirdWhenTheSunGoesDown
#AsItWasQuiteWarmDuringTheDay
#AndThenSuddenlyItIsVeryCold
#SoIThoughtItMightBeToDoWithThat
#ReadingLastNightThoughApparentlyItIsACommonThing
#ToDoWithIncreasedBloodFlowAndBloodVessels
#SometimesTheBloodVesselsBreak
#WhichExplainsWhySometimesThePatchesTakeAFewDaysToDisappear
#TheSkinOnMyChinIsAlsoABitWeird
#WhichIsProbablyToDoWithHormones
#ApparentlyTheBabyIsTheSizeOfAnAcornSquashNow
#AndAbout36cmLong
#IAmAlsoAboutTwoThirdsOfTheWayThrough
#TimeIsFlying
#FeelLikeIShouldStartBuyingMoreThingsOffTheBabyListSoon
#IKeepLookingAtThingsButDoNotWantToCommitToBuyingRightNow
#IAmHopingThatWeWillGetToGoSomewhereToTryOutThePushchairWeWant
#ButWeMightJustHaveToRiskItAndBuyItWithoutTrying
#WillSeeHowThingsAreWhenIAmAround30Weeks
#WeAreLuckyAsWeBothHaveJobsThatSeemRelativelySecure
#WhoKnowsHowLongThingsAreGoingToGoOnFor
 

I have not noticed any broken blood vessels this time, so far.

This time we do not really need to buy anything, though I remembered earlier that soon we will need to buy newborn nappies and things. Fun times ahead…

Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

General Documenting Pregnancy Shoot IV (24 Weeks / 17th October 2021)

Shoot which I am recreating for the 4th time this pregnancy. I am wearing a bra and leggings. I have my right hand clasping my left elbow. My bump is bigger than the previous version of this image.
General Documenting Pregnancy Shoot IV (24 Weeks / 17th October 2021)

#IThoughtItWasTimeThatIDoOneOfTheseShootsAgain
#TheBraThatIWearForThemHasFallenApartALotSinceTheFirstShootSoItWillBeGoingInTheBinOnceBabyXIsBorn
#MyBumpIsDefinitelyGettingBiggerAndICanNotImagineItGettingMuchBiggerButIKnowItWill
#IAmStrugglingToBendDownToPickThingsUpNowWhichIsReallyHandyAsBLikesToThrowEverythingOnTheFloor
#YesterdayISuddenlyFeltTheUrgeToTidyUpOurRoomAndGetRidOfLotsOfThings
#IDoNeedToDeclutterAndReduceMyStuffAsWeArePlanningToMoveAtSomePointNextYear
#SoItIsBetterToDoItNowWhileICanMoveAboutIshAndBeforeBabyXIsBorn
#ThereIsSoMuchStuffThatHasSurvived5MovesWithMeButINeedToBeRealisticWhetherIWouldWantToPayToShipItInTheFutureAndTheAnswerIsUsuallyNo
#IThinkTheOrganisingPlusDoingSomeExtraDanceVideosReallyTiredMeOut
#ThisMorningBWasUpAtFiveThirtySoTiagoWentToGetHerAndUsuallyIWakeUpButIWasAsleepWithHerPlayingRightNextToMe
#SheHasBeenAwakeAtFiveThirtyTheLastFewMorningsWhichIsNotMuchFunThoughAtLeastSheHasALongFirstNap
#IThinkItIsDueToHerTeethingAsSheSeemsToAlwaysHaveHerFingersInHerMouth
#SheOnlyReallyHasMolarsLeftToComeThroughAndTheyCanNotBePleasantAtAll
#ILikeHowIUsedToCountHowManyTeethSheHasAndNowIHaveNoIdea
#WeHaveFinallyBookedToGoAndLookAtANurseryForHer
#TheDaysWeAreThinkingWillMeanWeWillNeedToCancelHerMusicClassAndIWasFeelingBadAboutItAsILikeHerTeacherALot
#ButItTurnsOutHerTeacherIsFiveWeeksLessPregnantThanMeSoSheWillBeGoingOnMaternityLeaveAndNowIDoNotFeelSoBad
#IAmFeelingQuiteStressedAboutBeingPregnantAndTheFactWeWillSoonHaveTwoKids
#WeJustSeemSoTiredAtTheMomentAndEvenThoughBWakesUpEarlyAtLeastWeDoGetAGoodAmountOfSleep
#IJustNeedToGoToBedEarlierWhichToBeFairIDidLastNightButItObviouslyWasNotEnough
#EveryoneKeepsSayingTheFirstYearIsTheHardestAndToBeHonestIAmNotLookingForwardToWeaningAndAllThatStuffAgain
#HopefullySheWillArriveAndIWillJustGetOnWithItAndAllICanDoIsToTryMyBest
#AtLeastInTheEarlyDaysTheirNeedsArePrettyBasic
#IJustNeedToMakeAnEffortToGetOutOfTheHouseOnceADayForMySanity
#ItWillBeAStruggleInTheBeginningIAmSureButWeJustNeedToFindARoutineThatWorksForUs
#IJustHopeThatWeDoNotGetLockedDownAgainButThenAgainWhatDoesItMatterWhenIDoubtIWillWantToGoFarAnyways
#IAmWorriedThatCasesAreRisingButEveryoneIsABitNonchalantAboutItButIGuessIAmMoreRelaxedNowIHaveHadMySecondVaccineAndFluJab
#IJustDoNotGetWhyWearingMasksInShopsAndStuffIsNotCompulsoryAndIAmSurprisedAtHowFewPeopleActuallyDoWearThem
#InOtherNewsBIsTryingReallyHardToTalkNowAndISwearSheSaysTickleTickleTickle
#IHaveHeardACoupleOfMamaAndMumSoundsEscapeFromHerLatelyTooSoIHopeSheMightActuallyStartSayingMumAtMeSoon

#IThoughtItWasTimeThatIDoOneOfTheseShootsAgain

The last one was at 19 weeks, so there should be a difference?

(Yes, there is – you can see the versions here: 1 / 2 / 3.)

#TheBraThatIWearForThemHasFallenApartALotSinceTheFirstShootSoItWillBeGoingInTheBinOnceBabyXIsBorn

Maybe in each picture it will start to look more shabby. I’ve been wearing my maternity bras for a while now, and this is not one of them.

#MyBumpIsDefinitelyGettingBiggerAndICanNotImagineItGettingMuchBiggerButIKnowItWill

*Nervous laugh*

#IAmStrugglingToBendDownToPickThingsUpNowWhichIsReallyHandyAsBLikesToThrowEverythingOnTheFloor

This morning she was eating some of my breakfast (scrambled eggs and crusts of my toast), and then throwing it on the floor. I did struggle to pick it up.

#YesterdayISuddenlyFeltTheUrgeToTidyUpOurRoomAndGetRidOfLotsOfThings

I love nesting.

#IDoNeedToDeclutterAndReduceMyStuffAsWeArePlanningToMoveAtSomePointNextYear

Every time I go through my things I get rid of a few more things, but I need to start being ruthless.

#SoItIsBetterToDoItNowWhileICanMoveAboutIshAndBeforeBabyXIsBorn

I am tired, so yeah there will never be a good time again.

#ThereIsSoMuchStuffThatHasSurvived5MovesWithMeButINeedToBeRealisticWhetherIWouldWantToPayToShipItInTheFutureAndTheAnswerIsUsuallyNo

Playing my favourite ‘would I pay £5 to ship this?’ game.

I told Tiago about it and he said would most things really cost £5 to ship. I said no, but would you still pay £5 to ship it? Is it worth the money?

#IThinkTheOrganisingPlusDoingSomeExtraDanceVideosReallyTiredMeOut

I did lie down before B’s second nap, but I’m not sure if I even slept.

#ThisMorningBWasUpAtFiveThirtySoTiagoWentToGetHerAndUsuallyIWakeUpButIWasAsleepWithHerPlayingRightNextToMe

Wake up as in become more alert. I ended up sleeping in until 7.10am, and then I looked through my books and stretched. Then Tiago had a nap (and is still napping as B is napping as I write this).

#SheHasBeenAwakeAtFiveThirtyTheLastFewMorningsWhichIsNotMuchFunThoughAtLeastSheHasALongFirstNap

I try not to put her down for a nap until 9, and then wake her up between 10.30 to 11 depending on our plans.

#IThinkItIsDueToHerTeethingAsSheSeemsToAlwaysHaveHerFingersInHerMouth

I’m being more generous with her paracetamol these days, as otherwise she does not nap or sleep very well. I do worry that I am drugging her at times, but it’s only when I see her with her fingers in her mouth and it’s been 4 hours since the last dose…

#SheOnlyReallyHasMolarsLeftToComeThroughAndTheyCanNotBePleasantAtAll

Bless her.

#ILikeHowIUsedToCountHowManyTeethSheHasAndNowIHaveNoIdea

If I put my finger in her mouth now it just gets bitten and it hurts.

#WeHaveFinallyBookedToGoAndLookAtANurseryForHer

Hurrah.

#TheDaysWeAreThinkingWillMeanWeWillNeedToCancelHerMusicClassAndIWasFeelingBadAboutItAsILikeHerTeacherALot

The class isn’t the best but I do really like her teacher and she makes it way more enjoyable.

#ButItTurnsOutHerTeacherIsFiveWeeksLessPregnantThanMeSoSheWillBeGoingOnMaternityLeaveAndNowIDoNotFeelSoBad

I mentioned I was pregnant last week and she said ‘oh me too’. I really could not tell that she was at all, but she does wear a baggy t-shirt. I had looked at moving locations and days, but I think once B goes down to one nap the other day and time will not work for us. Hopefully B will get enough stimulation at nursery and we can just do more music stuff at home.

#IAmFeelingQuiteStressedAboutBeingPregnantAndTheFactWeWillSoonHaveTwoKids

I feel like I’ve mentioned it before, but I am starting to get waves of overwhelmed-ness now.

#WeJustSeemSoTiredAtTheMomentAndEvenThoughBWakesUpEarlyAtLeastWeDoGetAGoodAmountOfSleep #IJustNeedToGoToBedEarlierWhichToBeFairIDidLastNightButItObviouslyWasNotEnough

This would probably make a big difference, and I’m sure once she is born I will have to just surrender to motherhood, but for now I am enjoying have a bit of evening time to myself.

#EveryoneKeepsSayingTheFirstYearIsTheHardestAndToBeHonestIAmNotLookingForwardToWeaningAndAllThatStuffAgain

I just need to take each day/cycle of the day at a time.

#HopefullySheWillArriveAndIWillJustGetOnWithItAndAllICanDoIsToTryMyBest

We wanted this baby and I have to handle the responsibility. I am nervous though.

#AtLeastInTheEarlyDaysTheirNeedsArePrettyBasic

And she won’t be running off like B does.

#IJustNeedToMakeAnEffortToGetOutOfTheHouseOnceADayForMySanity

It will be winter, but hopefully by then spring will not be too far away.

#ItWillBeAStruggleInTheBeginningIAmSureButWeJustNeedToFindARoutineThatWorksForUs

Like I said, I need to surrender to motherhood.

#IJustHopeThatWeDoNotGetLockedDownAgainButThenAgainWhatDoesItMatterWhenIDoubtIWillWantToGoFarAnyways

B’s classes moving to zoom would make things a lot easier to be fair. I doubt we will have another lockdown though.

#IAmWorriedThatCasesAreRisingButEveryoneIsABitNonchalantAboutItButIGuessIAmMoreRelaxedNowIHaveHadMySecondVaccineAndFluJab

Other countries have less cases and are in full panic mode, but I guess they are not as vaccinated as here.

#IJustDoNotGetWhyWearingMasksInShopsAndStuffIsNotCompulsoryAndIAmSurprisedAtHowFewPeopleActuallyDoWearThem

We still wear them in shops, and I do on public transport though that is rare. I have not been wearing them in classes, but in B’s music class she does not go near anyone else and we sit far back from everyone. At another class I probably should, but no one else does… When it’s time to sing we sat at the back of the bunch.

#InOtherNewsBIsTryingReallyHardToTalkNowAndISwearSheSaysTickleTickleTickle

It sounds more like ‘iggle iggle iggle’ or something else I guess, but I think that is what she is trying to say.

#IHaveHeardACoupleOfMamaAndMumSoundsEscapeFromHerLatelyTooSoIHopeSheMightActuallyStartSayingMumAtMeSoon

She’s been saying Dada and Dad for so long, though she doesn’t really say it at Tiago much. She is growing up fast though.

Despite my nervousness I am excited to see her with her sister.

–

24 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait wearing a black dress with white stripes. I have a toy octopus on my head.
So Many Decisions To Be Made (24 and a half weeks)
 
#SoWeFinallyBoughtSomeBabyStuff
#ThereWereSomeGoodSalesOn
#SoWeOrderedSomeBabyClothes
#AndThenISawSomeCuteToysSoIBoughtACouple
#ItFeelsLikeWeAreCursingThingsByBuyingStuff
#ButIAlsoDoNotWantToGetCaughtOutByHavingNothing
#ObviouslyTheBabyWillNotKnowIfItHasToysOrNotInTheBeginning
#ButThingsLikeClothesAreNecessary
#SoManyDecisionsToBeMade
#ThingsAreSeemingMoreReal
#ThoughIAlsoDoStillForgetThatIAmPregnantSometimes
#IFeltSoHeavyNotLongAgoButIFeelLighterTheseDays
#MaybeItIsAllTheStretchingIAmDoing
#AndOrMaybeIAmNotEatingSuchBigMealsNow
#IDoASquatPoseInTheMorning
#ButInTheEveningItIsHarderAsMyBellyIsFuller
#IBoughtAHypnobirthingCourseAfterAFriendsRecommendation
#INeedToStartDoingThatJustInCaseAsAgainIDoNotWantToGetCaughtOut
#IKeepReadingThingsAboutPeopleWhoDidNotWantToBeParents
#WhereasIDoButIWorryThatIWillBeRubbish
#ThoughIRememberGoingToSeeMyNieceForTheFirstTimeAndBeingWorriedAsIHadNotBeenAroundABabyForALongTime
#ButISoonGotOverTheNervousness
#ThoughIWasJustEntertainingHerAndNotDoingHerWholeRoutineAndBeingAroundHerAllDayEveryDay
#ICanOnlyDoMyBest
#AndSoonWeWillDoAnNCTCourseSoHopefullyWeWillNotBeTooClueless
#IFeelLikeTiagoIsGoodWithKids
#IAmLookingForwardToSeeingHimAsAFather
#IGotAKickTrackingAppYesterdayToTryToMakeMeFeelBetter
#ThoughIAmNotMonitoringHowManyKicksYetButJustWhenIFeelItMoving
#TodayIHaveNotFeltItMoveMuchButIThinkIHaveNotBeenThinkingAboutItAsMuchAsYesterday

This shoot was a bit bad. It was definitely a day when I was struggling with ideas…

It’s funny now as it’s gone from being a toy that we bought to it being B’s toy that she does interact with from time to time.

#ObviouslyTheBabyWillNotKnowIfItHasToysOrNotInTheBeginning

B has only really started to interact with the toys she had then, quite recently. Especially cuddly toys.

We aren’t going to do the hypnobirthing course again, but I have the book of it which we are both planning to read again. I need to get on with it really as time is flying by…

I downloaded an app to monitor kicks but I have only used it once. This baby seems more active, so I feel reassured. I am being kicked/punched right now…

Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Imitating B Wearing My Pants On Her Head (23 Weeks / 9th October 2021)

Self-portrait diptych. I am wearing a black dress with white stripes in both. In the left image I have pants on my head in a way that looks more like a hat. On the right a leg hole follows my nose and shows the left side of my face.
Imitating B Wearing My Pants On Her Head (23 Weeks / 9th October 2021)
 
#IHaveMentionedBeforeThatBLikesToPutThingsOnHerHeadAndOrAroundHerNeck
#AParticularFavouriteIsGettingMyPantsFromTheClothesLineAndPuttingThemOnHerHead
#ItIsFunnyButItAlsoScaresMeABitSoWeNeedToKeepAnEyeOnHerAtAllTimes
#IWishSheCouldSayWhySheLikesToDoItSoMuchButSheIsStillJustBabblingALot
#IFeelLikeIShouldTalkAboutHowIAmFeelingThisPregnancyAsIThinkThatIHaveNotReallySpokenAboutItMuch
#IHaveBeenHavingALotOfDaydreamsWhereSomethingBadHappensToBabyXEitherNowOrAtTheBirth
#OftenIDaydreamForQuiteALongTimeBeforeIRealiseWhatIAmDoingAndSnapMyselfOutOfIt
#SometimesIDoNotFeelTheBabyForQuiteAWhileButIKnowItIsProbablyBecauseIAmRunningAroundAfterB
#ThoughLastNightIThinkICouldFeelHerHiccuppingForAWhileSoThatWasARelief
#IDidNotFeelBMoveThatMuchReallyAndSheHiccuppedALotTooWhichWasAGoodIndicationThatSheWasOkay
#AtLeastBIsAGoodDistractionWhoMakesTimeFlyButIAmStillQuiteAnxiousWithThisPregnancy
#IMessagedMyMidwifeYesterdayAsIHadNotBeenOfferedTheWhoppingCoughVaccineAndSheSaidToCallMyDoctors
#SoIDidThatAndThatWillBeInAFewWeeksAndSheAlsoEmailedMeMyMaternityExemptionCertificate
#TheDoctorsSaidIJustNeedToAskForMyFluVaccineAtTheSameTimeButIDoNotWantToWaitThatLongForIt
#SoIBookedWithAPharmacyToGetThatDoneThisWeekAsIKnowPeopleMyAgeWhoHaveBeenGettingTheFluQuiteBadThisYear
#YesterdayAfterBreakfastIFeltLikeIWasGettingSomeAcidRefluxWhichIHaveNotHadMuchOfYetAndICanFeelItABitNowWhichIThinkMayBeCausedByOrangeJuice
#ReadingAdviceTheySayToEatSmallMealsButOnceIEatIGenerallyCanNotStopSoIThinkTheTimeHasComeToShowSomeRestraint
#MyBumpIsGettingQuiteBigNowAndIFindItHardToImagineHowMuchMoreItCanGrowBeforeTheBabyIsBorn
#SoItMakesSenseThatINeedToEatLittleAndOftenInsteadOfALotAndInfrequently
#LastNightIWasAwakeForAboutTwoHoursFromTwoInTheMorningWhichWasAnnoyingAsIHaveNotHadThatMuchInsomnia
#IWasJustReallyHotAndThirstyAndThenMyBrainWouldNotLetMeGoBackToSleepSoThatWasFun
#IWasMainlyThinkingAboutSendingBToNurseryAndForHowMuchTimeDuringTheWeek
#ItWouldNotBeYetButWeNeedToHaveALookAtThemAndCheckAvailability
#WeSeeAGirlAroundWhoIsTheSameAgeAsBAndTheyGetQuiteExcitedWhenTheySeeEachOther
#SheGoesToTheNurseryThatWeWereLookingAtSoItWouldBeNiceForThemToHangOutMoreAndItIsGoodToHaveARecommendation
#WeWouldProbablyStartOffSendingHerTwoMorningsAWeekInACoupleOfMonthsTimeSoICanHaveSomeTimeToSortOutThingsBeforeBabyXIsBorn
#IWouldRatherSheGoForTwoMorningsThanAFullDayAsAfterAWhileIWouldJustStartToFaff
#TiagoHasStartedToTalkToBumpABitMoreAndFeltSomeMovementLastNight
#HeMadeMeLaughWhenHeWasTellingTheBabyToWakeUpAndSaidWakeyWabyInsteadOfWakeyBaby
#BAlsoMakesMeLaughWithHerEnthusiasmForThingsLikeHerTryingOutTheRampOnHerClimbingFrameByRunningUpAndDownItFiftyTimesPlusLastNight

(Trigger warning: I talk about some of my anxiety during the pregnancy and unpleasant day dreams.)

#IHaveMentionedBeforeThatBLikesToPutThingsOnHerHeadAndOrAroundHerNeck

I think so anyways. The dry skin at the back of her neck has probably been caused by her love of it…

#AParticularFavouriteIsGettingMyPantsFromTheClothesLineAndPuttingThemOnHerHead

I love when she also carries three pairs of my pants around the house too.

#ItIsFunnyButItAlsoScaresMeABitSoWeNeedToKeepAnEyeOnHerAtAllTimes

You can see how kids can easily suffocate themselves on accident…

#IWishSheCouldSayWhySheLikesToDoItSoMuchButSheIsStillJustBabblingALot

It’s probably just because she found she can do it and it usually gets a reaction. Fair enough.

#IFeelLikeIShouldTalkAboutHowIAmFeelingThisPregnancyAsIThinkThatIHaveNotReallySpokenAboutItMuch

I generally plan to, but then end up talking about all the things that B has been up to.

#IHaveBeenHavingALotOfDaydreamsWhereSomethingBadHappensToBabyXEitherNowOrAtTheBirth

Basically, I end up without a second baby.

#OftenIDaydreamForQuiteALongTimeBeforeIRealiseWhatIAmDoingAndSnapMyselfOutOfIt

I imagine the events, the conversations, the feelings, the reactions etc. It’s deep.

#SometimesIDoNotFeelTheBabyForQuiteAWhileButIKnowItIsProbablyBecauseIAmRunningAroundAfterB

I can feel her (I find it weird that I know it’s a girl) moving about now as I am sat writing this, but sometimes I don’t. When B is awake my attention and focus is elsewhere.

#ThoughLastNightIThinkICouldFeelHerHiccuppingForAWhileSoThatWasARelief

I originally wrote them instead of her as I find it weird to say it’s a girl, I think as I didn’t know what B was until she came out.

#IDidNotFeelBMoveThatMuchReallyAndSheHiccuppedALotTooWhichWasAGoodIndicationThatSheWasOkay

Hiccups are reassuring. My Mum said before that my younger sister was the same.

#AtLeastBIsAGoodDistractionWhoMakesTimeFlyButIAmStillQuiteAnxiousWithThisPregnancy

I need to start reading about hypnobirthing again and start mentally preparing myself for the birth. I stretch in the morning and evening, and try to go for a walk or two a day with B so I feel quite strong at least. I just need to get strong mentally.

#IMessagedMyMidwifeYesterdayAsIHadNotBeenOfferedTheWhoppingCoughVaccineAndSheSaidToCallMyDoctors

With B I’m sure they said about booking it quite early on, or maybe I was just on the ball.

#SoIDidThatAndThatWillBeInAFewWeeksAndSheAlsoEmailedMeMyMaternityExemptionCertificate

I’m sure with B they told me to come in the same day, so I was surprised it was a bit of a wait. It’s good that the certificate is not a piece of paper this time – so much more convenient.

#TheDoctorsSaidIJustNeedToAskForMyFluVaccineAtTheSameTimeButIDoNotWantToWaitThatLongForIt

I’m more bothered about getting my flu vaccine now than the whooping cough.

#SoIBookedWithAPharmacyToGetThatDoneThisWeekAsIKnowPeopleMyAgeWhoHaveBeenGettingTheFluQuiteBadThisYear

My Nan got hers at the start of the week. I do not fancy catching the flu.

#YesterdayAfterBreakfastIFeltLikeIWasGettingSomeAcidRefluxWhichIHaveNotHadMuchOfYetAndICanFeelItABitNowWhichIThinkMayBeCausedByOrangeJuice

I’m still loving my hashbrowns and scrambled egg toasted sandwich with a small glass of orange juice.

#ReadingAdviceTheySayToEatSmallMealsButOnceIEatIGenerallyCanNotStopSoIThinkTheTimeHasComeToShowSomeRestraint

I won’t be hungry, but then I’ll just keep eating for ages once I start – especially at lunch.

#MyBumpIsGettingQuiteBigNowAndIFindItHardToImagineHowMuchMoreItCanGrowBeforeTheBabyIsBorn #SoItMakesSenseThatINeedToEatLittleAndOftenInsteadOfALotAndInfrequently

I feel like I am running out of space already.

#LastNightIWasAwakeForAboutTwoHoursFromTwoInTheMorningWhichWasAnnoyingAsIHaveNotHadThatMuchInsomnia

I mentioned it before but it seemed to be a one off, or two night event.

#IWasJustReallyHotAndThirstyAndThenMyBrainWouldNotLetMeGoBackToSleepSoThatWasFun

I thought my Nan had put the heating on, but she hadn’t. By the time I’d checked the thermostat, and gone to the loo I was wide awake.

#IWasMainlyThinkingAboutSendingBToNurseryAndForHowMuchTimeDuringTheWeek

It’s been taking over my brain space for the last 16 hours or so?

#ItWouldNotBeYetButWeNeedToHaveALookAtThemAndCheckAvailability

I’m keen for it to be after B drops down to one nap a day, which isn’t far away, and when baby X isn’t so far away.

#WeSeeAGirlAroundWhoIsTheSameAgeAsBAndTheyGetQuiteExcitedWhenTheySeeEachOther

We see her and her parents at the playground a lot. They’ll see each other from a distance and start smiling and flapping.

#SheGoesToTheNurseryThatWeWereLookingAtSoItWouldBeNiceForThemToHangOutMoreAndItIsGoodToHaveARecommendation

If it’s good enough for her, then it’s good enough for B. Great.

#WeWouldProbablyStartOffSendingHerTwoMorningsAWeekInACoupleOfMonthsTimeSoICanHaveSomeTimeToSortOutThingsBeforeBabyXIsBorn

And just have a bit of time to feel less tired?

#IWouldRatherSheGoForTwoMorningsThanAFullDayAsAfterAWhileIWouldJustStartToFaff

I do not know what I would do for a full day a week without having B around. I have work to do, but it’s more beneficial for it to be two mornings than a whole day. I’d get a lot more done. It’d also break the week up a bit.

#TiagoHasStartedToTalkToBumpABitMoreAndFeltSomeMovementLastNight

He feels the middle of my belly, but I said I feel more movements at the bottom and then he felt something.

#HeMadeMeLaughWhenHeWasTellingTheBabyToWakeUpAndSaidWakeyWabyInsteadOfWakeyBaby

Yeah, not that funny really but we had a good laugh.

#BAlsoMakesMeLaughWithHerEnthusiasmForThingsLikeHerTryingOutTheRampOnHerClimbingFrameByRunningUpAndDownItFiftyTimesPlusLastNight

I was hoping it would wear her out, but she was up just before 6. Zzz.

–

23 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait diptych. I am wearing a maternity bra and leggings in both. On the left my leggings are covering my bump, and on the right my bump is exposed.
I Am Not Sick, I Am Just Pregnant (23 and a half weeks)
 
#IWasFeelingStressedYesterday
#WorryingAboutTheBabysMovements
#EveryoneTellsMeNotToWorryButItIsEasierSaidThanDone
#IHaveNeverExperiencedPregnancyBeforeSoIDoNotKnowWhatIsNormal
#IWasOnTheFloorEarlierAndWasStrugglingToGetUp
#AndIWasLaughingToMyself
#IHadToGoOntoAllFoursSoThatICouldStandUp
#IKeepThinkingMyBodyIsTheSameAsItUsedToBe
#YesterdayIWasSayingToTiagoThatMaybeIDoNotEvenLookThatPregnant
#AndHeWasLikeYesYouDo
#IGuessLookingDownAtMyselfItSeemsFairlyNormalNowAsItGrowsABitDaily
#ButIGetMoreWeirdedOutWhenILookInTheMirror
#IDefinitelyLookedMorePregnantInMyDanceVideosToday
#ItIsWeirdLookingBackAtOlderPhotosThoughOfWhenIThoughtIStartedToLookPregnant
#AndIBarelyLookPregnantComparedToNow
#IAmAlsoFeelingAnnoyedAboutWorkAndOpportunities
#WhenIWasTryingToGetPregnantNothingReallyCameUp
#AndAsSoonAsIGotPregnantIStartedToGetApproachedForThings
#IFeelLikeIHaveBeenTurnedDownForThingsBecauseIAmPregnant
#ButInsteadOfThemHavingAConversationWithMeAboutWhatIFeelAbleToDo
#TheyChooseToShutItDownAndJustStartIgnoringMe
#MaybeItIsNotBecauseIAmPregnant
#ButEitherWayJustSaySorryWeDoNotWantToWorkWithYou
#ByThemNotSayingThatAndNotTalkingWithMe
#ItJustFeelsLikeItIsDiscriminationBecauseIAmPregnant
#ButByThemNotChoosingToTalkAboutItThenICanNotCallItDiscrimination
#IAmPostingThisProjectOnlineNowAndIThinkPeopleThinkIAmPostingItInRealTime
#IAmStillWorkingIAmStillMakingWorkIAmStillDancingIExerciseTwiceADay
#IAmNotSickIAmJustPregnant
#IKnowHavingAKidMeansIWillHaveToTurnDownCertainOpportunitiesButIAlsoFeelLikeMaybeIAmAlreadyOnADoNotHireListNow

Another unintentional pairing of comparison pictures – two diptychs. They also both talk about anxiety during pregnancy.

I decided to have another baby as soon as possible as I felt like it would be good to get the baby stage done and then hopefully in the not so distant future I can apply for bigger opportunities again. I also do think it will be good for them to be close in age.

I feel like since becoming a parent I have been approached for less opportunities, but maybe it’s because Covid is also a big part of life now and that also affects things?

I had to turn down one opportunity when I was pregnant with B as it was for international travel around the time B was due, but I guess it got cancelled due to Covid anyways.

Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Imitating B With Her Cuddly Toys (21 Weeks / 25th September 2021)

Self-portrait cuddling about 6 of B's cuddly toys.
Imitating B With Her Cuddly Toys (21 Weeks / 25th September 2021)
 
#ILikeThatBInteractsMoreWithHerCuddlyToysNow
#YesterdaySheWasDraggingOneAroundWithHerThroughOurBedroomsWhichWasNiceToSee
#IWasABitObsessedWithCuddlyToysWhenIWasAKidSoMaybeThatIsWhyILikeThatSheIsGettingIntoThem
#WhenSheCrawlsIntoHerCotIWillIncorporateThemAllIntoTheVersionOfTwinkleTwinkleLittleStarThatISingToHer
#IBasicallyGotBoredOfSingingItAndAddNewBitsToItAllTheTime
#SheLikesToTakeFruitFromTheFruitBowlAndBiteIntoItAndThenTakeAnotherPieceOfFruitUntilItAllHasBiteMarksInIt
#BeforeIGiveHerAFewOfHerCrispsIRustleThePacketAndSheRunsOverToMe
#YesterdaySheGaveMeSuchABigSmileAndClappedHerHandsAtTheSightOfTheBag
#SomeDaysIHaveBeenTakingHerForThreeWalksButSomeDaysWeJustGoForOne
#TwoGirlsAtThePlaygroundTheOtherDayKeptCallingHerABoySoICorrectedThem
#OneStillKeptCallingHerABoySoISaidItIsConfusingAsSheWearsALotOfBlue
#ThenTheOtherGirlSaidWhyIsSheWearingRed
#OurNeighbourReferredToHerAsABoyTheOtherDayAndIFeltTooAwkwardToCorrectHim
#SomeDaysIPutHerInHerPinkLeggingsSoThatIDoNotHaveToDealWithTheAwkwardnessOfPeople
#IUsuallyAskPeopleHowOldTheirLittleOneIsSoThatTheyUsuallySayHeOrSheOrTheirKidsNameAsItIsOftenHardToTellWithYoungKids
#SheCanWalkFurtherNowAndWeSometimesTakeHerOutWithHerReins
#SheLikesToKickThroughAPileOfLeavesButWeSometimesHaveToPickHerUpAsOtherwiseSheWillJustKeepGoingBackToThings
#SheGotABitMoreInvolvedWithHerClassThisWeekAndSeemedToUnderstandMore
#OneThingIsThatAtTimesThereWillBeABasketWithInstrumentsToTakeFromAndThenReturnThemTo
#SheTendsToGoUpToItOnceItIsTimeForItToGoAwayButMaybeSoonSheWillBeABitQuicker
#SheDidSpendHalfOfTheClassJustClimbingOnHerPushchairButIThinkSheEnjoyedItStill
#IHadMySecondVaccineTheOtherDayAndIFeelFineApartFromJustFeelingReallyTired
#ItSeemedALotLessOrganisedThanMyFirstButItWasAtADifferentPlaceAndPeopleHaveJustStartedToHaveBoosterShots
#ThereWasABigQueueAndNotManyChairsButEventuallyIGotOne
#WheneverThePersonRunningReceptionStartedToLookForPeopleToKickOutOfChairsIWouldRubMyBelly
#ThisPlaceWasAlsoLessPrivateAndPeopleCouldSeeMeHavingMyVaccine
#IRealisedYesterdayThatThisWillProbablyBeTheLastTimeThatIWillBePregnantSoIShouldTryToAppreciateItAsMuchAsICan
#TheBabysMovementsAreGettingBiggerNowAndItJustRemindsMeOfWhatABizarreThingPregnancyIs
#IWonderIfSheWillLookALotLikeBOrIfTheyWillLookQuiteDifferentToEachOther
#IAmAlsoTryingToMentallyPrepareMyselfForHowItWillBeHavingTwoKidsAsItWillBeQuiteDifferentHavingABabyToLookAfterThisTime

#ILikeThatBInteractsMoreWithHerCuddlyToysNow

She’s had most of them since she was born, so it’s nice to see her enjoying them more each day.

#YesterdaySheWasDraggingOneAroundWithHerThroughOurBedroomsWhichWasNiceToSee

Partners in crime. I realised it was still in our room when she went to bed, but she didn’t miss it.

#IWasABitObsessedWithCuddlyToysWhenIWasAKidSoMaybeThatIsWhyILikeThatSheIsGettingIntoThem

I’d line them up all around my bed and I used to draw family trees and write biographies for them all. I was a cool kid.

#WhenSheCrawlsIntoHerCotIWillIncorporateThemAllIntoTheVersionOfTwinkleTwinkleLittleStarThatISingToHer

Her crawling into her cot now is great, though sometimes she crawls in before we’ve done the rest of her bedtime routine or without her sleeping bag on.

#IBasicallyGotBoredOfSingingItAndAddNewBitsToItAllTheTime

I started off singing it properly and then will sing something along the lines of:

‘Twinkle twinkle little star, you’re our bunny yes you are, we love you so very much, hope you always stay in touch…’

‘Here’s your squirrel, here’s your bee, here’s your carrot, it’s clear to see…’

Blah blah.

#SheLikesToTakeFruitFromTheFruitBowlAndBiteIntoItAndThenTakeAnotherPieceOfFruitUntilItAllHasBiteMarksInIt

We give her fruit for dessert with most meals. I’m not sure if she’s hungry or just doing it for fun. Obviously if we see her doing it we’ll move the bowl away, but she would happily sink her teeth into everything if she could. Earlier she had my dress in her mouth…

#BeforeIGiveHerAFewOfHerCrispsIRustleThePacketAndSheRunsOverToMe #YesterdaySheGaveMeSuchABigSmileAndClappedHerHandsAtTheSightOfTheBag

They’re ones for kids. Chickpea, quinoa, tomato and something? She does like crisps in general though. If we are eating crisps we have to give her a bit of one or she gets upset.

#SomeDaysIHaveBeenTakingHerForThreeWalksButSomeDaysWeJustGoForOne

It depends on the weather, how I’m feeling, how much energy I have etc.

#TwoGirlsAtThePlaygroundTheOtherDayKeptCallingHerABoySoICorrectedThem #OneStillKeptCallingHerABoySoISaidItIsConfusingAsSheWearsALotOfBlue #ThenTheOtherGirlSaidWhyIsSheWearingRed

I wear so much blue, I just knew that was why she was getting confused.

I feel sad as they are missing out on a lot if they feel like they can’t wear/own things of a certain colour.

#OurNeighbourReferredToHerAsABoyTheOtherDayAndIFeltTooAwkwardToCorrectHim

I thought he knew she was a girl, but maybe he forgot/always sees her wandering around in blue and thought he must be wrong? I don’t know.

#SomeDaysIPutHerInHerPinkLeggingsSoThatIDoNotHaveToDealWithTheAwkwardnessOfPeople

Just thinking about it all makes me feel tired.

#IUsuallyAskPeopleHowOldTheirLittleOneIsSoThatTheyUsuallySayHeOrSheOrTheirKidsNameAsItIsOftenHardToTellWithYoungKids

Some parents dress their kids quite gender neutral and some kids have gender neutral names. Even if I think a child is a certain gender, I try not to assume as sometimes I am wrong. Some parents put their daughter’s hair in girlish styles or put head bands on them, so obviously then it is easier to assume.

#SheCanWalkFurtherNowAndWeSometimesTakeHerOutWithHerReins

It’s nice to see her progessing with her walking.

#SheLikesToKickThroughAPileOfLeavesButWeSometimesHaveToPickHerUpAsOtherwiseSheWillJustKeepGoingBackToThings

Walk through the leaves. Back to the leaves. Sit down and play with the leaves.

#SheGotABitMoreInvolvedWithHerClassThisWeekAndSeemedToUnderstandMore

I was a bit proud.

#OneThingIsThatAtTimesThereWillBeABasketWithInstrumentsToTakeFromAndThenReturnThemTo #SheTendsToGoUpToItOnceItIsTimeForItToGoAwayButMaybeSoonSheWillBeABitQuicker

The teacher will often end up giving her an instrument, then I wait to see if she will put it back. Then I’ll put it back, then she’ll go up to the basket.

#SheDidSpendHalfOfTheClassJustClimbingOnHerPushchairButIThinkSheEnjoyedItStill

Like I’ve said before – if she’s happy, I’m happy.

A Grandmother said to me ‘think we’re in the slow corner’, but her Grandson and B are quite a bit younger than the others. The others are jumping and talking, so there is a bit of an age gap…

#IHadMySecondVaccineTheOtherDayAndIFeelFineApartFromJustFeelingReallyTired

I am struggling to write this as I am so tired. I planned to do it this morning, but I just lay in bed and rested. B will have a nap shortly, so I will nap too – she is currently with Tiago.

#ItSeemedALotLessOrganisedThanMyFirstButItWasAtADifferentPlaceAndPeopleHaveJustStartedToHaveBoosterShots

Maybe they booked into too many people for booster shots?

#ThereWasABigQueueAndNotManyChairsButEventuallyIGotOne

I didn’t want to take one close to the ‘vaccine zone’, but eventually one came up right in the back corner. Perfect.

#WheneverThePersonRunningReceptionStartedToLookForPeopleToKickOutOfChairsIWouldRubMyBelly

I had stood up for about 5/10 minutes before I got the chair. I think I waited about 40 minutes in the end before my number was called.

#ThisPlaceWasAlsoLessPrivateAndPeopleCouldSeeMeHavingMyVaccine

The first time was in a health centre, but this was in a tent. It’s fine, but it was weird knowing some people could see me – including a very vocal guy who acted like he was the only one who had to wait.

#IRealisedYesterdayThatThisWillProbablyBeTheLastTimeThatIWillBePregnantSoIShouldTryToAppreciateItAsMuchAsICan

I have already really forgotten how it was to be pregnant with B. I will be glad to not go through it again as it is quite nerve-wracking.

#TheBabysMovementsAreGettingBiggerNowAndItJustRemindsMeOfWhatABizarreThingPregnancyIs

It’s just weird feeling something moving inside of you. It is cool, but sometimes it is just really odd.

#IWonderIfSheWillLookALotLikeBOrIfTheyWillLookQuiteDifferentToEachOther

Only time will tell. It’d be nice if they looked quite alike I think, but if one looks more like me and more like T then that is also cool. But I don’t really mind.

#IAmAlsoTryingToMentallyPrepareMyselfForHowItWillBeHavingTwoKidsAsItWillBeQuiteDifferentHavingABabyToLookAfterThisTime

It was great when B had 5 naps a day. This time it does not matter so much as B will probably only be having 1 by the time baby X is born. I just need to do my best and rest when I can.

–

21 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait standing on one leg while naked.
Have I Mentioned That Pregnancy Is So Weird? (21 Weeks)
 
#FinallyGotTheScreeningResults
#TheScanPersonSaidToSpeakToMyMidwifeButTheMidwifeSaidToPhoneTheHospital
#PhonedTheHospitalAndGotPassedAround
#ButGotAPhoneCallBackWhichSaidIWasLowRiskForTheThreeSyndromes
#IAmJustGladThatTheyDidNotLoseTheBloodSampleOrResults
#AsIDoNotWantAnotherUnnecessaryBloodTest
#TheLetterGotLostInThePostSoTheyAreSendingAnotherOne
#ItIsReassuringToFeelTheBabyMovingAboutIt
#ThoughItAlsoWorriesMeWhenIFeelNothing
#INoticeTheMovementsMoreWhenIAmSatDownDrinkingWaterAndNotStressing
#IThinkItDidNotReactToMyStarJumpsTheOtherDayAsItIsUsedToMeExercisingAndDancingAbout
#ButItIsWeirdWhenYouFeelTheMovements
#ThatThereIsALittleSomeonePawingInsideYou
#HaveIMentionedThatPregnancyIsSoWeird
#IKnowIHaveSaidItManyTimesAlready
#IGetWorriedAboutThePregnancySometimesAndIExpressThis
#IKnowThatPeopleAreTryingToBeReassuring
#ButSomeoneTellingMeThatEverythingIsAndWillBeFineDoesNotAssureMe
#YouCanBeTheHealthiestPersonInTheWorldWhateverThatMeans
#ButThatDoesNotMeanThatYourBabyWillBeAbsolutelyFine
#PregnancyIsNotLikeTakingATestWhereIfYouStudyYouCanDoYourBest
#PregnancyIsUnpredictableAndYouCanNotControlItAndTheOutcome
#IAmSureThingsWillAllBeFineButItIsGoodToBeRealistic
#PeopleKnowAboutMyPregnancyNowAndIFeelAnxiousThatItIsOutInTheOpen
#AsWhatIfThingsGoWrongAndIHaveToTellPeople
#ButIAmQuiteHonestAboutThingsAndIAmSureIWillMakeWorkAboutThings
#IJustWishIHadBeenMoreHonestAboutTryingToGetPregnantAndMadeWorkAboutIt
#IMadeWorkAboutItButTheTextThatIWroteWasNotReallyAboutIt
#ThisPhotoIsSimilarToAPhotoITookLastYearWhenIWasTryingToGetPregnant
#IThoughtIShouldDocumentMyBodyInCaseIGotPregnantAndSoTheMainDifferenceInThisOneIsThatIHaveABumpButAlsoNoTan

This time my results came within a week.

Like I’ve said 100 times before, I don’t think pregnancy will ever stop not being weird to me.

I will also never stop not liking the fact that I have little control over pregnancy. It is stressful.

This time I did make work about wanting to be pregnant again, though I do feel awkward about it. I know that a lot of people have struggles with fertility or trying to get pregnant or getting through a pregnancy, and at times I do wonder why has it been quite straight forward for us as a family? I do feel guilty about it at times.

It Is Kind Of Nice Knowing That I Am Never Alone (21 and a half weeks)
 
#WellIAmIllAgain
#IThoughtThatMaybeICouldBeatTheColdThatIFeltComingOnButNo
#ItIsNotAsBadAsTheLastTwoTimesAtLeast
#ItIsJustABitAnnoying
#IThinkIAmGettingUsedToMyBodyChangingNow
#ICanNotReallyRememberWhatItLookedLikeBefore
#WellIAmRemindedByLookingAtOldSelfPortraits
#ButIGuessThisIsMyNewNormal
#IThinkIWillMissHavingABump
#ThoughMaybeIWillNotBeSayingThatSoonWhenItGetsMoreUncomfortable
#SoMaybeIWillMissHavingA21AndAHalfWeeksBump
#ItIsKindOfNiceKnowingThatIAmNeverAlone
#WasEatingMyBreakfastThisMorningAndIFeltItMove
#ItMadeMeImagineMyKidInACoupleOfYearsTime
#WatchingMeWheneverIEatAndWantingSomeOfIt
#ThisMorningItWasKindOfPawingAtMe
#LikeGiveMeSomeOfYourFood
#ButObviouslyIGuessItWasHavingTheNutrientsFromItOrWhatever
#ItSeemsToMoveMoreWhenIAmAboutToEat
#MaybeItSensesMyExcitement
#OrItIsJustACoincidence
#WhenItMovesIFeelReassured
#ThenIFeelStressedWhenItDoesNot
#IThinkItHasHadTheHiccupsAFewTimes
#AsTheOtherDayIThoughtItWasMovingButItHadARhythmToit
#AndMyMumHasMentionedThatSheUsedToFeelMySisterHiccuping
#SoWeird
#ItStillBlowsMyMindThatThereIsALittleHumanInMeAndOneDayItWillComeOut
#IKindOfJustWantToKeepItInMyBellyForever
#ButIAlsoWantToMeetTheLittleHumanThatIHaveGrownInsideMe

‘#ItMadeMeImagineMyKidInACoupleOfYearsTime
#WatchingMeWheneverIEatAndWantingSomeOfIt’

Well it hasn’t been a couple of years yet and B likes to eat everything that I have.

I definitely get stressed when I can’t feel many movements. Sometimes I am just busier though so have less opportunities to feel her.

As my bump gets bigger this time it is weird thinking that I probably will not ever be pregnant again, but being pregnant with a toddler is quite different to being pregnant without another kid. As B wants picking up a lot/needs to be as otherwise we will never get home from walks, having a bump does make it harder to pick her up/I get worried that maybe I am overstretching my bump.

Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Imitating B Hiding Using Her Hands (14 Weeks / 4th August 2021)

Self-portrait with my hands over my face, but showing my left eye.
Imitating B Hiding Using Her Hands (14 Weeks / 4th August 2021)
 
#SheLikesToPutOneHandInTheMiddleOfHerFaceAndOneOnTheSideOfHerFace
#MaybeSheIsNotTryingToHideButItSeemsLikeTheMostLogicalReasonWhySheIsDoingIt
#SheNowHasAClimbingFrameAndABouncyZebraSetUpInTheLivingRoom
#WeSetThemUpOnTheSameDayAndSheWasHavingABallGoingBetweenTheTwoThenClimbingOnAChair
#TheMorningAfterSheWokeUpAtSixForTheFirstTimeInAgesWhichMightHaveJustBeenAFluke
#SheKeepsWakingUpLoadsAtNightAtTheMomentAndIThinkItIsDueToTeething
#MoreTopTeethAreComingThroughAndIThinkSomeMolarsArePlanningToJoinSoon
#BrushingHerTeethIsSuchAFaffWhichPutsUsOffButWeNeedToStartTryingToDoItTwiceADay
#BrushingMyOwnTeethIsAlsoAFaffAndQuiteUnpleasant
#IFeelMySickestInTheEveningNowAndIDoNotLookForwardToBrushingMyTeeth
#IWasSickStraightAfterBrushingThemTwoNightsAgoAndTheTasteOfSickWasStillThereTwoHoursLater
#IDidNotHaveThisLingeringSickTasteWithBAsIWasUsuallyAlwaysSickFirstThingInTheMorning
#ItIsHorribleAndIWouldNotWishItOnAnyone
#IAmFourteenishWeeksNowWhichMeansIMustBeAThirdOfTheWayThroughThePregnancyNow
#IAmQuiteAnxiousAndEveryTimeIGetACrampIFeelNervous
#IAmPlanningToAnnounceMyPregnancyTomorrowAsIThinkItIsGettingHarderToHideInDanceVideos
#AndIHaveRanOutOfNonPregnancyRelatedImagesToPost
#IFeelAwkwardInCaseSomethingBadHappensButIGuessTheWholePointOfDocumentingAndSharingMyMotherhoodStoryIsItBeingAsHonestAsPossible
#IThinkIHaveAlreadyStartedToNestAsIAmSuddenlyEnjoyingSortingThroughOurStuffAndCleaning
#WeHaveMadeMoreSpaceInOurBedroomSoThatWeCanHangOutWithBInIt
#SoIThinkThisHasMadeMeWantToGetOrganisedAndToBeFairItIsBetterToDoItNowThanWhenTheBabyComes
#BHasSuddenlyStartedToMakeALotOfGNoisesAndJustMakesLotsOfSounds
#IWishIKnewWhatSheWasTryingToSay
#SheHasLearnedToSayYeahAndSheSaysItALotWhenIAskHerQuestionsButIDoNotKnowIfSheReallyUnderstandsWhatSheIsSaying
#SheIsSoSpeedyAndIsAbleToReachThingsThatAreFurtherAwayNowOnHerTipToes
#ThisMorningSheWasUpOnTheSofaRippingATissueIntoManyPieces
#SheStillDoesNotReallyWantToWalkInHerShoesSoINeedToPutThemOnHerEveryday
#SheIsDefinitelyDaddysLittleGirlWhoWantsToBeInHisArmsAtAnyOpportunity
#WhenHeGoesOutSheGetsUpsetButITellTiagoToMakeSureHeAlwaysSaysByeAndWeWillWaveHimOffForABit
#AndThenITryToDistractHerAndSheDoesUsuallyMoveOnAfterAMinute

#SheLikesToPutOneHandInTheMiddleOfHerFaceAndOneOnTheSideOfHerFace #MaybeSheIsNotTryingToHideButItSeemsLikeTheMostLogicalReasonWhySheIsDoingIt

Sometimes she just puts a hand on the side of her head, which may or may not be down to teething.

#SheNowHasAClimbingFrameAndABouncyZebraSetUpInTheLivingRoom

The climbing frame was supposed to come on a Friday, but eventually arrived on a Tuesday so she had to wait for the weekend for us to set it up.

#WeSetThemUpOnTheSameDayAndSheWasHavingABallGoingBetweenTheTwoThenClimbingOnAChair

My Nan got the zebra from a charity shop for four quid. Of course at first she loved the zebra more. They have the same one at the soft play place I took her to, but she was too young for it then and it had no batteries in it – the music adds a lot to it.

She likes to hang on the climbing frame and watch TV.

#TheMorningAfterSheWokeUpAtSixForTheFirstTimeInAgesWhichMightHaveJustBeenAFluke

I was hoping it was her new things wearing her out. Potentially so, but now she’s back to waking up between 5.15 and 5.45 again.

#SheKeepsWakingUpLoadsAtNightAtTheMomentAndIThinkItIsDueToTeething

She’ll wake up a lot until midnight and then she seems to conk out until 5 something. Actually I think I’m lying; she does wake up at one, two, four, whatever, except for last night.

#MoreTopTeethAreComingThroughAndIThinkSomeMolarsArePlanningToJoinSoon

I feel sorry for her. It must be so unpleasant.

#BrushingHerTeethIsSuchAFaffWhichPutsUsOffButWeNeedToStartTryingToDoItTwiceADay

I feel embarrassed to admit that we have only been brushing her teeth once a day, but we need to start doing it more. I’m not looking forward to it.

#BrushingMyOwnTeethIsAlsoAFaffAndQuiteUnpleasant

I tried changing my toothpaste but that hasn’t really helped.

#IFeelMySickestInTheEveningNowAndIDoNotLookForwardToBrushingMyTeeth

I think sometimes I eat too much in the evenings, so last night I tried eating a bit less. I still felt sick, but I managed to not be sick after brushing my teeth at night.

#IWasSickStraightAfterBrushingThemTwoNightsAgoAndTheTasteOfSickWasStillThereTwoHoursLater

I could not be bothered to have a shower, but I did the gargling, constant nose blowing, spitting etc. After I lay down for bed a lot more came up. It’s horrid.

#IDidNotHaveThisLingeringSickTasteWithBAsIWasUsuallyAlwaysSickFirstThingInTheMorning

Lucky me. It wasn’t bad at all then as it was water that would come up.

#ItIsHorribleAndIWouldNotWishItOnAnyone

It’s so horrid.

#IAmFourteenishWeeksNowWhichMeansIMustBeAThirdOfTheWayThroughThePregnancyNow

I thought with B I’d be a 42-weeker. This time I do not want to be, but you never know.

#IAmQuiteAnxiousAndEveryTimeIGetACrampIFeelNervous

I don’t know how people can be chill for their whole pregnancy. Is anyone?

#IAmPlanningToAnnounceMyPregnancyTomorrowAsIThinkItIsGettingHarderToHideInDanceVideos #AndIHaveRanOutOfNonPregnancyRelatedImagesToPost

This makes it sounds like people care. No one cares, but for me it is a big deal. I’ve been dragging out posting my non pregnancy related stuff for a while – going down from two posts a week to one. Now I need to post a backlog of stuff…

#IFeelAwkwardInCaseSomethingBadHappensButIGuessTheWholePointOfDocumentingAndSharingMyMotherhoodStoryIsItBeingAsHonestAsPossible

With B I waited until after I was 20 weeks, but that was because it took so long to get my syndrome results back. I’m hoping sharing my story this time might help others who may be at similar stage – I’m bored of reading comments on different platforms about people being dumb for getting pregnant during a pandemic.

#IThinkIHaveAlreadyStartedToNestAsIAmSuddenlyEnjoyingSortingThroughOurStuffAndCleaning

I just wish I had more time to do it. Yesterday B was sat on the floor with me while I tried to sort through things. I’m playing my favourite game of ‘would I pay £5 to ship this book to keep it?’ I need to be quite ruthless.

#WeHaveMadeMoreSpaceInOurBedroomSoThatWeCanHangOutWithBInIt

We’ve lived with my Nan for 9 months now. We’re grateful, but we need some more space to ourselves. We keep looking at moving out, but we are looking for something short term now and there is not much about. By us living with her she gets support, and we also get support. I think it is normal to want more space, though I feel bad for saying these things.

#SoIThinkThisHasMadeMeWantToGetOrganisedAndToBeFairItIsBetterToDoItNowThanWhenTheBabyComes

I do not think that I will be nesting to the same level as when B was born, as I will have B to look after. Also with how our living arrangement is it will be harder to organise things without waking one of them up.

#BHasSuddenlyStartedToMakeALotOfGNoisesAndJustMakesLotsOfSounds

No gaga yet, but just a lot of riffing on g sounds.

#IWishIKnewWhatSheWasTryingToSay

It might not be too long now before she talks more.

#SheHasLearnedToSayYeahAndSheSaysItALotWhenIAskHerQuestionsButIDoNotKnowIfSheReallyUnderstandsWhatSheIsSaying

‘Do you want some water?’ ‘Yeah’ Does she really want some water though?

#SheIsSoSpeedyAndIsAbleToReachThingsThatAreFurtherAwayNowOnHerTipToes

If she hears a door open she is off. Life is just a game of moving things further away from B and her grasp.

#ThisMorningSheWasUpOnTheSofaRippingATissueIntoManyPieces

She had about four tissues at first, but I took them away except for one. She had a lot of fun ripping it up. I figured it’s good for a lot of skills, though I probably shouldn’t encourage her.

#SheStillDoesNotReallyWantToWalkInHerShoesSoINeedToPutThemOnHerEveryday

At the park yesterday she was just sat down by the swings. She did do a few steps at one point but she is not a fan.

#SheIsDefinitelyDaddysLittleGirlWhoWantsToBeInHisArmsAtAnyOpportunity

I do not mind as it gives me a break, and I know she sees me all the time so she’s not so bothered by me.

#WhenHeGoesOutSheGetsUpsetButITellTiagoToMakeSureHeAlwaysSaysByeAndWeWillWaveHimOffForABit

When I leave she does not care at all, which is good. Tiago will put B down and she will cry, but I have to tell him that once he has put her down he should not pick her up again – as I think she cries more as she knows he usually will pick her up again. It sounds mean, but he usually puts her down as he has things to do, so he needs to go do them.

#AndThenITryToDistractHerAndSheDoesUsuallyMoveOnAfterAMinute

This morning we waved bye through the window, then I took her to the living room before he’d pulled away and within 30 seconds she was fine.

–

13 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

(I don’t have a picture from 14 weeks, and I’ll save the 14 and a half weeks one for my next post.)

Self-portrait looking off to my lower left. I look quite tired and sick.
I Feel Like All I Write About At The Moment Is Vomit (13 Weeks)
 
#IFeelLikeAllIWriteAboutAtTheMomentIsVomit
#IHad2SickFreeDaysWhichWasMyLongestTimeSinceBeforeMyMorningSicknessBegan
#ThenIWasSickAt4AM
#AndItWasTheFirstOf9TimesInOneDay
#IAteABigMealOfRiceAndBeansTheNightBefore
#MyBrotherInLawLoadedMyPlateAndIForgotThatIHadBeenEatingSmallMealsALotLately
#IAteALotForBreakfastToo
#IWokeUpWithSuchAHeavyStomachThatIKnewTheOnlyWayIWouldFeelBetterWasToThrowUp
#ThenIHadToGoAgain20MinutesLater
#AndAnother20MinutesLater
#TiagoWentIntoTownToGetRehydrationSalts
#HeHadNeverHeardOfThemAndCameBackWith3SmallCartonsThatCostHim12Euros
#SoIDrankTheFirstVerySlowlyButIThinkItWentIntoTheToilet
#IFeltSoWeakAndIWasWorriedAboutTheBaby
#SoEvenAfterBeingSickIWouldTryToEatAgain
#EventuallyInTheEveningIManagedToKeepADrinkDown
#ThenTiagoStartedToBeSickAndIKnewItWasNotMorningSickness
#IThoughtMaybeItWasAStomachBugButIThoughtTheRiceHadJustUpsetMeALot
#ItRemindedMeOfBeingOnACaravanHolidayAtTheEndOfMiddleSchoolOrEarlyHighSchoolWhereIJustThrewUpFor24Hours
#IWouldNotWishSicknessOnMyWorstEnemy
#IFeltSoWeakAndHorrible
#IHopeIEnterTheNiceStageOfPregnancySoon
#IAmFeelingConcernedForTheBaby
#IAmStillNotCompletelyOverMyCold
#ItIsNiceBeingSomewhereSunnyForAWeek
#ButThereIsNothingLikeBeingAtHomeWithMyUsualRoutineAndFood
#MyAppetiteIsNotGreatAndIAmNotAbleToBuyThingsThatIUsuallyLikeToEat
#AndIThinkNotHavingMyUsualEatingRoutineMayHaveContributedToMySickness
#ButHopefullyEverythingIsOkay
#AndICanEnjoyTheLastCoupleOfDaysOfSunAndVitaminD

Well, I have been mentioning vomit a lot lately. I was more sick when I was pregnant with B though. Luckily my food aversions didn’t seem so bad this time too.

With this image/hashtags I think I must have actually had a stomach bug or something as Tiago was also sick at least once. We were visiting his brother in Portugal at time and I was really struggling to find food that I wanted to eat as all my usual favourite things weren’t really available.

I’m starting to feel sick just looking at this image and reading the hashtags…

Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

I Have Had My First Scan (13 Weeks / 28th July 2021)

I'm holding B in my arms while also holding a baby scan in my left hand. Tiago has his left hand on my shoulder.
I Have Had My First Scan (13 Weeks / 28th July 2021)
 
#IImagineThePhotographThatIWillTakeWillReferenceAPictureFromMyWaitingProjectWhenIWasNineAndAHalfWeeks
#IWantToGetBInvolvedInThePictureTooButTheImageIHaveInMyMindWillProbablyNotBeTheOneIEndUpGetting
#TheMidwifeRangTheDayBeforeTheScanAndSaidToWearAFaceMaskHaveAFullBladderForTiagoToBringHisFlowTestAndFiveQuidInCashForPhotos
#WellThereIsAFineLineBetweenHavingAFullBladderAndFeelingLikeYouAreGoingToPissYourself
#TheyWereRunningAboutThirtyMinutesLateSoISatInTheWaitingRoomStrugglingWhilePeopleCoughedAndSniffledAroundUs
#WithMyTwelveWeekAppointmentWithBIGotToldOffForNotHavingAFullEnoughBladderAndGotSentToDrinkMoreWater
#ThisTimeIKeptGettingSentToTheToiletToEmptyMyBladderABitMoreAsIHadWaitedSoLong
#ItWasWeirdToSeeTheBabyOnTheScreenAsIKnowIAmPregnantButIDoOftenForgetWhatItMeans
#SheSaidThatIAm13WeeksWhichIHadAssumedIWasThoughPartOfMeWasStillHopingIWas17Weeks
#IWasRelievedToSeeThatTheBabyWasWellThoughTheMidwifeWasStrugglingToGetAllTheMeasurementsSheNeeded
#IKeptGettingOffTheBedToDanceAroundOrStayedOnTheBedAndPushedMyHipsUpAndWiggled
#InTheEndSheSentUsToTheWaitingRoomWhileSheSawTheNextPatientToSeeIfTheBabyWouldBeInTheRightPositionAfterTheWait
#WeWereOutForNearlyTwoAndAHalfHoursInTheEndSoItWasGoodThatTiagoHadBroughtHisLaptop
#IWentInByMyselfForTheLastBitAndAfterMoreDancingSheGotTheNeckMeasurementThatSheWanted
#IThenNeededToBeWeighedAndHaveABloodTestSoThatWasMoreWaitingAroundButAtLeastThereWasGoodMusicPlayingAtThePlace
#TheyDidNotChargeUsForThePhotoInTheEndAsTheyHadNoEnvelopesAndTheyHadNotBeenChargingAgainUntilRecentlyAsPartnersHadNotBeenAllowedIn
#BeforeSheChoseTheImageForUsWeJokedThatItLookedLikeTheBabyWasSmokingACigarAndTheCloudOfSmokeIsVisibleInTheImage
#LuckilyMyMumWasWatchingBAsKidsAreNotAllowedToAppointments
#ItSoundsLikeMostOfMyAppointmentsAreHereThereAndEverywhereWhichIsABitFrustrating
#LastNightTiagoSaidHeIsFeelingMoreRelaxedAboutThisPregnancy
#ThenFiveMinutesLaterWeLookedAtBOnHerMonitorAndTiagoThoughtSheWasNotBreathingButLuckilySheMovedJustBeforeTiagoWasAboutToGoIntoHerRoom
#TiagoFinallyGotRoundToMakingItSoThatBsDoorNoLongerSqueaks
#SoThatIsGoodWhenWeNeedToGoIntoHerRoomToCloseAWindowOrSomethingAsWeWereAlwaysWakingHerUpBefore
#ISaidInMyLastEntryThatIHadNotBeenSickInFiveDaysButThenThatNightIWasSick
#IWasThenNotSickForThreeDaysUntilThisMorningButEarlyMorningSickIsTheLeastHorribleKindUsually
#IAmStillHavingToStretchMyBackOutTwiceADayAndIGuessItWillOnlyGetWorseAsTimeGoesOn
#BHadHerLastBabySensoryClassAndIAmSadSheIsTooOldForItNowAsItHasBeenAHighlightOfOurWeekForMe
#IThinkSheEntertainsALotOfPeopleSoEveryoneClappedForHerWhichWasSweet
#AtTheEndOfTheClassSheApproachedTheTeachersDollAndWasQuiteIntriguedByIt
#ItGaveMeSomeInsightOfHowSheMightBeWithHerSiblingAndSheWasQuiteCuteWithItButIJustHopeSheDoesNotKeepPokingThemInTheEyes

(7th October: I’m not so sure on the title of the image now – I Had My First Scan, First Scan instead perhaps? But it obviously felt right at the time, so I’ll leave it.)

I keep meaning to keep to Instagram’s text limit, but I just seem to waffle on and on now.

#IImagineThePhotographThatIWillTakeWillReferenceAPictureFromMyWaitingProjectWhenIWasNineAndAHalfWeeks

This one:

Me holding a scan of B when I was 9 and a half weeks pregnant. T has his right hand on my left shoulder.
I Keep Looking At The Scan As I Can Not Believe It (9 and a half weeks)
 
#SoWeWentToTheHospital
#HadAnAppointmentButWaitedNearlyAnHour
#MaybeBecauseOtherPeopleNeededLookingAtMoreUrgently
#SomePeopleDidLookLikeTheyWereInALotOfPain
#IThoughtIShouldHaveAFullBladderIfTheyDidAScan
#SoIWasBurstingForTheToilet
#TheyFinallyCalledMeAndAskedIfINeededToGoToTheLoo
#SoThatWasDiscomfortForNoReasonAsItWasAnInternalExam
#ThePersonExaminingMeWasBeingTestedSoThereWere3PeopleInTheRoomPlusTiago
#TheyGaveMeASheetForDignityAndIApologisedForHavingHairyLegsThoughTheySaidNothingInReply
#TheySaidTheyWereTryingToGiveMeDignityButIAmUsedToHavingMoreInvasiveExaminationsThatInvolveSpeculumsSoIWasNotSureWhereTheSheetWasMeantToBe 
#TiagoSawTheToolTheyWereGoingToUseAndIWasLikeWelcomeToAWomansWorld
#ItWasNotThatBadJustABitColdAndTheWaitingRoomHadBeenSoHot
#BeforeLongTheyTurnedTheScreenAndShowedUsTheLittleHumanInsideOfMe
#SheSaidCanYouSeeTheFlickerThatIsTheHeartbeat
#AndIStartedToCryHappyTearsAsIWasRelievedAndItWasSoSurreal
#AndISaidItIsSoWeirdAsIThoughtPregnancyWasSomethingThatHappenedToOtherPeopleAndNotMeAndItIsSoWeirdSeeingThatLittleThingInsideOfMe
#SheLookedAroundThoroughly
#ItWasGoodThatSheHadSomeoneElseTalkingToHerAsIKnowThatTheyBothHadAGoodLookAndDidNotSeeAnyIssues
#TheTesterSaidIHadTheBestOvariesThatSheHadSeenTodayAndCalledThemBeautiful 
#SheGaveUsAPicture
#TheySaidThatIfItHappensAgainIShouldBookAnotherAppointment
#AsBleedingIsNotUncommonButItStillIsNotNormal
#IAmGladTheyWereEncouragingAsIWouldNotWantToBeSeenAsAnnoying
#IHaveBledALittleSinceButIGuessItIsBecauseTheyHadThatToolInsideMeForAtLeast10Minutes
#IThoughtIWas9WeeksTodayButTheySaidItIsMoreLike9DaysAnd4Or5Days
#IAmGuessingItWillChangeAgainButThatMeansIAmNearlyAQuarterOfTheWayThroughIfAllGoesWell
#TimeHasPassedQuickly
#IKeepLookingAtTheScanAsICanNotBelieveIt
#NanThinksItIsABoyAsSheSaysTheyCauseTroubleFromTheStart

(7th October: Notice how I even wore the same outfit, and Tiago wore the same shirt for his arm’s appearance. My hair is even a similar length, but I rarely wear it down anymore due to the large cyst on my head. Lovely. Plus if I wear it half up I don’t have to wash my hair so much. Win.

My first scan with B was earlier as I’d had some bleeding and had to go to the hospital. Obviously everything was fine.)

#IWantToGetBInvolvedInThePictureTooButTheImageIHaveInMyMindWillProbablyNotBeTheOneIEndUpGetting

I haven’t asked Tiago if I can borrow his arm yet. It’ll be easier if he holds B while we do the shoot and then maybe she can hold onto me too, but we’ll see.

It might just end up being me by myself…

(7th October: If I remember correctly we all got a bit stressed out and so it made sense for me to just hold B. It makes sense as she is where I was holding the scan of her in the early photo.)

#TheMidwifeRangTheDayBeforeTheScanAndSaidToWearAFaceMaskHaveAFullBladderForTiagoToBringHisFlowTestAndFiveQuidInCashForPhotos

She said full mask, full bladder… at first. I was going to ask what a full mask was, but I just assumed it was a normal one. She later said she had meant a face mask.

#WellThereIsAFineLineBetweenHavingAFullBladderAndFeelingLikeYouAreGoingToPissYourself

It’s a good job I do my kegels every day.

#TheyWereRunningAboutThirtyMinutesLateSoISatInTheWaitingRoomStrugglingWhilePeopleCoughedAndSniffledAroundUs

I was not happy.

#WithMyTwelveWeekAppointmentWithBIGotToldOffForNotHavingAFullEnoughBladderAndGotSentToDrinkMoreWater

I still remember his annoyed face. I had not wanted to have a situation where I felt like I was going to piss myself, but obviously I was nowhere near that – plus the appointment was on time then.

#ThisTimeIKeptGettingSentToTheToiletToEmptyMyBladderABitMoreAsIHadWaitedSoLong

I don’t think I’ve really been to the toilet and partially emptied my bladder before. It was a bit difficult and didn’t feel very pleasant…

#ItWasWeirdToSeeTheBabyOnTheScreenAsIKnowIAmPregnantButIDoOftenForgetWhatItMeans

I kept looking at it and just thinking they were a tiny B. Well, they could end up looking very similar.

(7th October: Even yesterday I kept saying to Tiago how weird it is that we have a child, and another on the way.)

#SheSaidThatIAm13WeeksWhichIHadAssumedIWasThoughPartOfMeWasStillHopingIWas17Weeks

The idea of me being more pregnant had long gone from my mind, though I guess I was still clinging to the remote possibility of it. I just want time to go by, but as I’ve said before my hospital said there would not be a bed for me if I was more pregnant.

#IWasRelievedToSeeThatTheBabyWasWellThoughTheMidwifeWasStrugglingToGetAllTheMeasurementsSheNeeded

This happened with B a lot.

#IKeptGettingOffTheBedToDanceAroundOrStayedOnTheBedAndPushedMyHipsUpAndWiggled

I really did not want to have to come back for another scan next week.

#InTheEndSheSentUsToTheWaitingRoomWhileSheSawTheNextPatientToSeeIfTheBabyWouldBeInTheRightPositionAfterTheWait

I stood up for a bit and just swayed. Then I sat down.

#WeWereOutForNearlyTwoAndAHalfHoursInTheEndSoItWasGoodThatTiagoHadBroughtHisLaptop

I think they were having a lot of tech difficulties. Classic.

#IWentInByMyselfForTheLastBitAndAfterMoreDancingSheGotTheNeckMeasurementThatSheWanted

Hurrah. I was nervous, but she managed to get one and just wanted to double check it, and then she confirmed it with another one. She said the baby was quite chilled.

#IThenNeededToBeWeighedAndHaveABloodTestSoThatWasMoreWaitingAroundButAtLeastThereWasGoodMusicPlayingAtThePlace

I was getting bored. The staff were so lovely though so I was not annoyed at them, as these things happen. Just having a full bladder had been quite uncomfortable, so I just mentioned ‘hey you want us to have a full bladder but then you make us wait’. Also due to wearing masks you can’t sit in the waiting room and keep drinking. I was quite thirsty and hungry by the time we left, I was surprised they managed to get blood from me.

#TheyDidNotChargeUsForThePhotoInTheEndAsTheyHadNoEnvelopesAndTheyHadNotBeenChargingAgainUntilRecentlyAsPartnersHadNotBeenAllowedIn

That paid for some veggie samosas, and some grocery shopping on the way home. I went into a mini supermarket for the first time in ages.

#BeforeSheChoseTheImageForUsWeJokedThatItLookedLikeTheBabyWasSmokingACigarAndTheCloudOfSmokeIsVisibleInTheImage

We just try to have a laugh when we can. B sometimes puts big twigs in her mouth and I call her Winston Churchill. Yeah, we’re hilarious.

#LuckilyMyMumWasWatchingBAsKidsAreNotAllowedToAppointments

Luckily it was on a morning where she is free. Otherwise Tiago would have had to drop me off and watch B in the car… That would have been a nightmare.

#ItSoundsLikeMostOfMyAppointmentsAreHereThereAndEverywhereWhichIsABitFrustrating

‘Where do you want your 28 weeks appointment? This place that is far from you or this one?’ Those places also don’t have their clinics at convenient times. Great.

#LastNightTiagoSaidHeIsFeelingMoreRelaxedAboutThisPregnancy

Nice. I feel quite stressed – there’s a lot of pressure on the pregnant person I think. I just want it to go well.

#ThenFiveMinutesLaterWeLookedAtBOnHerMonitorAndTiagoThoughtSheWasNotBreathingButLuckilySheMovedJustBeforeTiagoWasAboutToGoIntoHerRoom

I wasn’t concerned but then I thought ‘well maybe something is wrong’. I kept talking into the monitor but she would not move, so Tiago was about to go and check on her.

#TiagoFinallyGotRoundToMakingItSoThatBsDoorNoLongerSqueaks

Her monitor had been facing the wall as she likes to play with it, so I had just gone in there to readjust it.

#SoThatIsGoodWhenWeNeedToGoIntoHerRoomToCloseAWindowOrSomethingAsWeWereAlwaysWakingHerUpBefore

I could not master opening her door without it squeaking. Tiago was quite good at it, but I’m glad he’s sorted it out.

#ISaidInMyLastEntryThatIHadNotBeenSickInFiveDaysButThenThatNightIWasSick

Typical.

#IWasThenNotSickForThreeDaysUntilThisMorningButEarlyMorningSickIsTheLeastHorribleKindUsually

Early mornings and brushing my teeth are the danger times. In the morning it’s usually just water so that’s fine.

#IAmStillHavingToStretchMyBackOutTwiceADayAndIGuessItWillOnlyGetWorseAsTimeGoesOn

Great.

#BHadHerLastBabySensoryClassAndIAmSadSheIsTooOldForItNowAsItHasBeenAHighlightOfOurWeekForMe

She was quite a lot older than the other kids though.

#IThinkSheEntertainsALotOfPeopleSoEveryoneClappedForHerWhichWasSweet

To be fair, they don’t usually say ‘is anyone graduating today?’ but the teachers like B, so maybe they wanted to draw attention to it? Who knows. She did the class in her usual fashion of stealing everyone’s stuff, crawling under the parachute and faffing about, and just going round seeing everyone.

#AtTheEndOfTheClassSheApproachedTheTeachersDollAndWasQuiteIntriguedByIt

She went right up to the teacher’s area which she hasn’t done before. Then she was looking at its hands and studying it.

#ItGaveMeSomeInsightOfHowSheMightBeWithHerSiblingAndSheWasQuiteCuteWithItButIJustHopeSheDoesNotKeepPokingThemInTheEyes

She does like to look at the other babies, but I guess as their parents are there she usually is a little shy. She saw the doll was unattended and went for it. It was one of those dolls where the eyes close when you lie it down, so she was intrigued by that I think. Bless her.

–

13 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait wrapped in a fleece blanket with a tissue to my nose. My hair is quite greasy.
Resting, Taking Vitamins, Staying Hydrated, Eating Fruit & Veg (13 Weeks)
 
#IHaveBeenIllFor5DaysNow
#IThinkItIsDueToTryingToDoTooMuch
#AndBeingAroundPeopleWhoWereIllLastWeek
#TiagoToldMeOffTheOtherDayForBeingAroundIllPeople
#IKnewIWasGoingToGetIllAtSomePoint
#IGetIllOnceInAWhile
#AndApparentlyWhenYouArePregnantYourImmuneSystemIsLower
#HeWasIllTheOtherWeekAndIDidNotGetIt
#ButItProbablyWeakenedMyDefences
#HeSaidHeFindsItFrustratingAsHeHasNoControlOverThePregnancy
#WhichIUnderstand
#ButIKnowIAmLuckyAsIDoNotHaveAFullTimeJob
#AndSomePeopleWorkFullTimeOnTheirFeetTheWholeTime
#SoIGetToRestMoreThanMost
#ItIsFrustratingForMeAsICanNotDoAsMuchAsIUsedTo
#OrMaybeThatIsBecauseIAmIllRightNow
#ThoughIFeltLikeIWasBeingMoreProductiveBefore
#AnywaysWeAreBothWorriedAboutHowMeBeingIllWillAffectTheBaby
#ButIfBadThingsHappenedWheneverAnyonePregnantHadAColdThenHumansWouldBeExtinctByNowSurely
#IAmDoingTheBestICanToGetBetter
#RestingTakingVitaminsStayingHydratedEatingFruitAndVegEtc
#IHaveAScanTomorrowSoThatIsComfortingForUsBothAnyways
#IAmABitNervous
#IHaveDaydreamsOfThemTurningAroundToSayItIsBadNews
#ButINeedToRelaxAndJustRestABitMore
#TheMostAnnoyingThingAboutBeingIllIsHavingBrokenSleepDuringTheNight
#ButIGuessThatIsGoodPracticeForHavingANewborn
#MyHairIsGreasyInThePictureAsIHadNotWashedItForAWeek
#IWashedItStraightAfterBecauseOfThisScanTomorrow
#GoingToBackupThisShootThenHaveALieDown

7th October (I usually write this section on the day I post, but I forget to mention that):

I was definitely more ill with B than I have been this pregnancy. I think all the extra handwashing has helped, plus probably not being in close proximity with so many people a lot of the time.

With this pregnancy I am working more freelance than I was with B, and am basically a stay at Mum who does some admin stuff and works on my photography/video projects. Looking after B is a full-time job though, but I am not on my feet all the time but I probably am more than when I was pregnant with B.

Reading those hashtags I had no idea that Covid was coming. I was worried about how being ill would affect womb B, but at this point I was waiting to get vaccinated and worrying about catching Covid. It’s weird reading the posts from this time as it was not long ago (I’m quite behind with posting but this was the end of July and it’s the start of October now), and seeing how stressed out I was.

I realised yesterday (and expressed to Tiago) that I often have really negative daydreams where something happens to baby X. I just need to try to relax more.

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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Imitating B Putting Her Hand In A Glass Of Water (12 Weeks? / 25th July 2021)

Holding a glass of water in my left hand and pushing my right hand into it. The water is at the top of the glass.
Imitating B Putting Her Hand In A Glass Of Water (12 Weeks? / 25th July 2021)
 
#AsIHaveMentionedBeforeBLikesToDrinkFromMyGlassOfWaterAndThenDipsHerHandIn
#ItHasCooledDownABitWhichIAmQuiteRelievedAboutAsItMeansWeCanGoOutMore
#ThoughIGetStressedWhenWeDoAsPeopleCanNotKeepTheirDistance
#TheOtherDayIWentToSetUpAPicnicBlanketOnTheGrassAndAGroupOfTenPeopleDecidedToStartARaceOneMetreAwayFromUs
#ThenAGuyWalkedRightBehindUsWithHisDogWhenHeHad15MetresOfSpaceInFrontOfUsToWalk
#YesterdayWeWentToTakeBToTheSwingsButAsWeApproachedWeHeardAKidConstantlyCoughing
#WeWentToTheGatesThenDecidedWeShouldGoAndSitFarAwayOnTheGrassInstead
#WeAreSupposedToGoToABirthdayPartyTodayButWeDecidedItIsProbablyBestToMissIt
#MySocialCalendarIsSoEmptyAndSadThatItIsAShameToMissItButWeCanNotTrustAGardenFullOfMostlyStrangersToKeepUsSafe
#TypicallyAsOurHolidayToPortugalApproachesTheCasesOnTheIslandHaveAlsoGoneUp
#TheGossipIsSomeoneCameFromMainlandPortugalForA300PersonWeddingAndNowThereAreOver150CasesThere
#SoTheHolidayCouldPossiblyBeCancelledByPortugalGoingRedOrTheIslandLockingDown
#TheOtherDayIWentToMyParentsHouseWithBForAChangeOfScenery
#HerEnergyIsLimitlessAndIThinkItLeftAllOfUsFeelingVeryTiredApartFromB
#AdviceOnTheVaccineForPregnantPeopleSeemsToHaveChangedAndIsABitMoreConsistentNow
#IAmPlanningToGetMyVaccineThisWeekAfterIHaveMyFirstScan
#IDoNotWantToWaitAnymoreAsIAmFeelingSoAnxiousAndLockedAway
#IDoNotLikeTheTermPregnancyBrainAndIThinkItIsMoreDueToBeingTiredButIHaveDoneQuiteAFewDumbThingsThisWeek
#TheMostAnnoyingThingWasIOrderedSomeSecondHandBooksForBAndDecidedToCleanThem
#LuckilyIOnlyCleanedACoupleButTheSecondIsCompletelyRuinedAsAllThePagesAreStuckTogether
#IShouldHaveLetThemDryOrWipedThemDryBeforeDoingTheNextPages
#ItWasPartOfASetOfBooksButTheBookIsNotActuallySupposedToBeInTheSet
#MyBackAcheHasBeenWildEvenWithStretchingInTheMorningAndEvenings
#IGuessPregnancyPlusPickingUpAOneYearOldIsNotAGreatMix
#IAmTryingToLearnFromMyPregnancyWithBAndLyingDownViaMySideFirstWhenIGoToExerciseOnMyBack
#IHaveNotBeenSickInFiveDaysButIHaveComeCloseAFewTimes
#LastNightAfterBrushingMyTeethIWasSureItWasGoingToHappenAfterIGaggedButISatDownAndItPassed
#SomeJoyAtTheMomentIsThatTheOlympicsIsOnAndIAmEnjoyingWatchingIt
#IWasLookingForwardToWatchingItWithANewbornLastSummerButOhWell
#IDoNotThinkItShouldHaveGoneAheadButBIsUpSoEarlyAndTheTimeDifferenceIsGoodForWatching

#AsIHaveMentionedBeforeBLikesToDrinkFromMyGlassOfWaterAndThenDipsHerHandIn

Great.

#ItHasCooledDownABitWhichIAmQuiteRelievedAboutAsItMeansWeCanGoOutMore

It was too hot to go out before, though I’m used to taking her out before her first nap now so we still go out then if I feel up to it. She seems to have been sleeping through her first nap better since the temperature has dropped too.

#ThoughIGetStressedWhenWeDoAsPeopleDoNotKeepTheirDistance

It doesn’t help that some tool said that it does not matter anymore. I’m also annoyed that I move out of the way for people on narrow paths (like walking on the grass) and people do not say thanks. I generally mutter ‘you’re welcome’ after they pass.

#TheOtherDayIWentToSetUpAPicnicBlanketOnTheGrassAndAGroupOfTenPeopleDecidedToStartARaceOneMetreAwayFromUs

We first had to navigate them on a super narrow bridge, but luckily they decided to move off it. Then they blocked the path, so I went on to the grass to set up the blanket. Then they decided to follow us and stand next to us, so I waited for them to move before putting it down. I’m getting a bit passive aggressive these days and just said to B fairly loudly as I was fuming ‘I know you would not think there was a pandemic’.

#ThenAGuyWalkedRightBehindUsWithHisDogWhenHeHad15MetresOfSpaceInFrontOfUsToWalk

B pointed at the dog and I said ‘Yes it’s a dog. Shame they can’t walk further away from us’. I don’t like being like this, but I’m just annoyed. Seeing people protesting their lack of freedom in Trafalgar Square, when to me it looks like they have so much freedom.

#YesterdayWeWentToTakeBToTheSwingsButAsWeApproachedWeHeardAKidConstantlyCoughing #WeWentToTheGatesThenDecidedWeShouldGoAndSitFarAwayOnTheGrassInstead

I think the Dad soon dragged his kid out, but we were put off. It might have been a non-Covid cough, but we didn’t fancy taking our chances. We do not do much and I do not fancy losing the walks we have.

#WeAreSupposedToGoToABirthdayPartyTodayButWeDecidedItIsProbablyBestToMissIt #MySocialCalendarIsSoEmptyAndSadThatItIsAShameToMissItButWeCanNotTrustAGardenFullOfMostlyStrangersToKeepUsSafe

We only know the parents and the kid, so they’ll be busy talking to everyone else and we do not know anyone else. I’d rather avoid just looking awkward and feeling stressed, but I had been looking forward to it for a month. Oh well.

#TypicallyAsOurHolidayToPortugalApproachesTheCasesOnTheIslandHaveAlsoGoneUp #TheGossipIsSomeoneCameFromMainlandPortugalForA300PersonWeddingAndNowThereAreOver150CasesThere

There were 70 the other day – supposedly from the wedding – and now it has spread a bit. Apparently it was the bride’s brother, so they greeted and then the bride went on to greet everyone else, but it could just be gossip. It sounds very plausible though.

#SoTheHolidayCouldPossiblyBeCancelledByPortugalGoingRedOrTheIslandLockingDown

The UK has more cases than most places, so it depends if we get banned by other countries. Tiago doesn’t think the island will lock down.

#TheOtherDayIWentToMyParentsHouseWithBForAChangeOfScenery #HerEnergyIsLimitlessAndIThinkItLeftAllOfUsFeelingVeryTiredApartFromB

It was hot so we didn’t last long outside. My Mum had suggested going for a picnic in the park, but I said it’s too hot for me and so we just went in the garden for five minutes.

#AdviceOnTheVaccineForPregnantPeopleSeemsToHaveChangedAndIsABitMoreConsistentNow

The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, and The Royal College of Midwives have updated their resources and FAQs.

I am yet to hear what my local midwives think, but I am guessing it will be in line with them. I watched an hour talk on Insta about vaccinating pregnant people and I’ve made my mind up. Thanks Pregnant Then Screwed and Viki Male.

#IAmPlanningToGetMyVaccineThisWeekAfterIHaveMyFirstScan

I’ll be 13 weeks, or maybe more depending on what they say at the scan.

#IDoNotWantToWaitAnymoreAsIAmFeelingSoAnxiousAndLockedAway

And it’d be good for there to be time for it to become more effective before we go away.

#IDoNotLikeTheTermPregnancyBrainAndIThinkItIsMoreDueToBeingTiredButIHaveDoneQuiteAFewDumbThingsThisWeek

I’ve been too busy reading The Volunteer than napping… So I’ve been tired and my mind often wanders.

#TheMostAnnoyingThingWasIOrderedSomeSecondHandBooksForBAndDecidedToCleanThem #LuckilyIOnlyCleanedACoupleButTheSecondIsCompletelyRuinedAsAllThePagesAreStuckTogether #IShouldHaveLetThemDryOrWipedThemDryBeforeDoingTheNextPages #ItWasPartOfASetOfBooksButTheBookIsNotActuallySupposedToBeInTheSet

Blah blah. Silly me. I also ordered two lots of the same set. Annoyingly a guy messaged to say ‘oh it is quite dirty, do you still want it?’ so I said no. Then I ordered another set. Then later on I was looking at my purchases and noticed I had already ordered it before. Oh well. Typically I won’t have doubles of the ones I messed up.

#MyBackAcheHasBeenWildEvenWithStretchingInTheMorningAndEvenings

Ergh.

#IGuessPregnancyPlusPickingUpAOneYearOldIsNotAGreatMix

I think the more you stretch, the more you notice it too when it comes back?

#IAmTryingToLearnFromMyPregnancyWithBAndLyingDownViaMySideFirstWhenIGoToExerciseOnMyBack

Did I know about diastasis recti when I was pregnant with B? Nope. It will happen, but I want to avoid making it worse like I did with B.

#IHaveNotBeenSickInFiveDaysButIHaveComeCloseAFewTimes

Thanks to a sport drink it seems to keep away my sickness. I water it down a bit just so I do not get too addicted to the sugar/sweeteners.

#LastNightAfterBrushingMyTeethIWasSureItWasGoingToHappenAfterIGaggedButISatDownAndItPassed

I nearly gave into it, but I do not like the feeling – especially as my no sick day count goes up. Sitting down seems to help.

#SomeJoyAtTheMomentIsThatTheOlympicsIsOnAndIAmEnjoyingWatchingIt #IWasLookingForwardToWatchingItWithANewbornLastSummerButOhWell #IDoNotThinkItShouldHaveGoneAheadButBIsUpSoEarlyAndTheTimeDifferenceIsGoodForWatching

Yesterday I watched some swimming, archery, cycling and bits of team sports. It’s a bit different watching it with a child who runs around and does not stop, but it’s nice to have something interesting on in the background for once. We watched most of the opening ceremony and B was due to a nap when Portugal finally popped up. Their entrance was high energy and worth the wait, but then B went for a nap and I had a lie down. So many teams…

–

12 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Waist to head photo. I am wearing a grey jumper and have my left hand pulling on my right elbow, and my left hand tucking my hair behind my ear.
I Wore This Jumper As I Thought It Might Go Well With My Dark Eye Bags (12 weeks)

#MyFaceFeltDrySoIWentToCleanseItAndINoticedHowDarkMyEyeBagsWere
#MySisterAskedMeIfIHadWoreHerXmasPresentWhichWasAGreyJumperYetSoIThoughtItWouldGoWellWithMyEyeBags
#ButIThinkTheyLookedWorseWhenIWasInADarkRoom
#IWasPlanningOnHavingALieInThisMorningButTiagoLeftAndIRealisedThatHeHadNotSaidAnythingAboutPolitics
#SoIKnewItWasBadNewsAndThenIGotSuckedIntoSocialMediaAndTheNews
#IThinkMyBodyWentIntoShockAsIWasSick3HoursLaterThanUsual
#AndEvenThenItWasMeJustMakingSureBeforeIAteAnything
#LastNightWasTheOfficeXmasParty
#IWasExcitedAboutOrderingAnAlcoholFreeGinAndTonic
#ButThePlaceHadSoldOutSoTheySaidTheyWouldMakeMeAGinFreeMocktailInstead
#ADifferentGuyBroughtTheDrinksOutAndIFeltLikeHeJustShoutedAlcoholFreeVersion
#IGotAFewLooksButNoOneSeemedToCare
#ThoughSomeoneElseAskedIfIHadAnyKidsYetAsTheyHadNotSeenMeInAWhile
#IShouldHaveJustRolledMyEyesButInsteadIWasDumbAndSaidYouWish
#IThinkMyCheeksWentRedOnAFewOccasions
#DinnerWasSoFillingThatIThoughtIWouldBurst
#MyPocketsWereFullOfSnacksThatWereNotNeeded
#JustInCaseIFeltABitSick
#ThoughIDidHaveAFewMintsWhenIWasFeelingHungryAtTheBeginning
#IAmJustFeelingTiredAndICouldEasilyHaveANapNowButIHaveGotLotsOfStuffToDo
#FunTimes
#FeelingLikeIGotIgnoredForAPhotoJobAsISaidIWasPregnant
#IThoughtItWasSafeToSaySoAsTheBriefMentionedPregnancy
#MaybeTheyAreJustBusyButTheySaidTheyWouldCallMeTheOtherDayAndTheyDidNot
#ItMayHaveBeenForOtherReasons
#ButIWouldRatherPeopleJustTellMeThatTheyDoNotWantMeRatherThanGoSilent
#IDoNotGetManyOpportunitiesForThingsAndIWorryThatHavingAChildWillMakeThemEvenLessFrequent
#IDoNotUnderstandHowPeopleCanMakeALivingFromTheirWork
#WellIDoButIThinkIDoNotHaveTheRightPersonalityForIt
#MaybeHavingAKidWillMakeMeCareLessAndJustFightForMyselfMore 

It’s weird that I was 12 weeks pregnant at a completely different time of year last time. I haven’t had many opportunities to go out and order an alcohol free drink this time, but if I had it wouldn’t be much of a shock as I barely drank between having B and being pregnant. I’m such a lightweight and I feel like I’ve never had time for hangovers, let alone now.

I never heard back about that photography job. It’s just polite to say ‘sorry we’ve chosen other people’ or anything.

Things have been quite quiet on the photography front for me, besides making my work. Maybe it’s Covid, maybe it’s moving, maybe it’s having a kid and now being pregnant, maybe it’s just that there are so many photographers now, maybe it’s just a mix of many things and I can’t just expect opportunities to land on my lap.

My confidence has increased in some ways, but then not in others.

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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

It Has Been A Weird Couple Of Weeks (3rd February 2021)

Trigger warning: Miscarriage(?).

B sat between my legs looking down at her hands
It Has Been A Weird Couple Of Weeks (3rd February 2021)
 
#ItHasBeenAWeirdCoupleOfWeeks
#IDidNotKnowIfIWouldTalkAboutItHereButIDecidedIShouldAsThisProjectIsTryingToBeAsHonestAsPossible
#BasicallyOverTwoWeeksAgoIWasWakingUpInTheMorningFeelingSick
#AfterThreeOrSoDaysOfItIDecidedToDoAPregnancyTestWhichWasPositive
#SoIStartedToMakeANewPregnancyProjectAndIThoughtIWasManagingMyMorningSicknessWell
#AfterAboutAWeekAndAHalfIWasGettingQuiteBadCrampsAndSomeBleeding
#SoICalledUpTheDoctorsAndTheyCalledMeInToExamineMyTummy
#AndTheyDid3PregnancyTestsWhichWereAllNegative
#ThingsGotABitWorseAndTheyMadeMeDoAPregnancyBloodTestWhichAlsoCameBackNegative
#ItWasAndIsABitOfAConfusingSituationAsWasIEverActuallyPregnantOrNotIsHardToSay
#ISpentSomeTimeThinkingIWasAndMadeWorkAboutItAndTheDoctorsVisitsAndWaitingForResultsEtc
#IAmNotSureIfIWillEverShowItOrShareItButItFeelsSomewhatImportantToSayThatItExists
#InMyLastEntryITalkedAboutNotBeingThatBotheredAboutMeetingPeople
#ThoughInTheLastWeekIHaveHad3DifferentPeopleTalkToMeAtThePlaygroundWhenBeforeNoOneReallySpokeToMe
#OneWomanAskedIfIWasPlanningOnHavingAnymoreKidsAndAtThatPointIDidNotKnowWhatWasHappeningToMyBodyAndJustSaidYeahIHopeSo
#SheSaidSheHadTwoKidsWithAnEightYearGapAndTheyHadGivenUpOnHavingAnotherOneWhenSheGotPregnantWithHerYoungest
#WeWouldLikeTwoKidsButIWouldNotLikeAn8YearGapButIGuessWeHaveToSeeWhatHappens
#ItAlsoFeelsAwkwardTalkingAboutThisAsBeingPregnantWithBIWorriedThatIWouldLoseOutOnOpportunitiesByBeingPregnant
#NowThatIAmSayingWeWouldLikeAnotherKidOutLoudItFeelsLikeAgainIMightBeDismissedSomewhatForIt
#WeStartedSleepTrainingBAsIDidNotWantToBePregnantAndBeingWokenUpAllNight
#LastNightWePutHerToBedAt7AndIHadToWakeHerUpAt7WhichIsVeryRare
#EvenThoughWeSleptWellICouldHaveSleptForAnother10Hours
#ButYeahIWouldLikeToMeetSomeLocalPeopleButIAmNoGoodInGroupConversationsOnZoom
#ThereIsALocalWalkNextWeekForParentsWhichIsNiceAsTheyHaveBeenCancelledForAWhile
#IWasAlsoTryingToProtectMyselfAsIThoughtIWasPregnantAndShouldStayAwayFromPeopleForABit
#IAmEnjoyingBsZoomClassesButSheJustSeemsToTryAndEatEverything
#WhenItsTimeForKitchenInstrumentsSheJustEatsTheSpatulaAndIfITakeThatAwaySheTriesToEatThePan
#LastNightWeWereLyingOnTheFloorAndIWasReadingHerBooksAndSheLookedOverAtMeInASuperCuteWay
#SoILeanedTowardsHerAndThenSheJustStartedToStickHerFingersInMyEyesAndUpMyNose
#SheDoesNotKnowWhatSheIsDoingSoIAmGoingToTakeThatAsASignOfHerAffection

#ItHasBeenAWeirdCoupleOfWeeks #IDidNotKnowIfIWouldTalkAboutItHereButIDecidedIShouldAsThisProjectIsTryingToBeAsHonestAsPossible

I spoke to a friend yesterday and she said in some ways it was important to talk about it.

#BasicallyOverTwoWeeksAgoIWasWakingUpInTheMorningFeelingSick #AfterThreeOrSoDaysOfItIDecidedToDoAPregnancyTestWhichWasPositive #SoIStartedToMakeANewPregnancyProjectAndIThoughtIWasManagingMyMorningSicknessWell

Drinking plenty and eating snacks. I was determined to not have a Puke Portraits II project.

#AfterAboutAWeekAndAHalfIWasGettingQuiteBadCrampsAndSomeBleeding #SoICalledUpTheDoctorsAndTheyCalledMeInToExamineMyTummy #AndTheyDid3PregnancyTestsWhichWereAllNegative #ThingsGotABitWorseAndTheyMadeMeDoAPregnancyBloodTestWhichAlsoCameBackNegative #ItWasAndIsABitOfAConfusingSituationAsWasIEverActuallyPregnantOrNotIsHardToSay

I thought I better put a trigger warning on the post. I did bleed, but was it a period or more than that? My period(?) was 4 days early, which rarely happens. I had had a period a month previously, but I did have a bit of one when I was pregnant with B. I was really heavy for 2 days and then it pretty much stopped which had made me suspicious.

The blood test was just to see if I was still pregnant or not, but they will never be able to tell me if I was pregnant or not.

(Before I did the home pregnancy test I was also needing to go to the toilet more and I had even thought to myself ‘I’m doing kegels everyday, why do I suddenly need to wee more?’)

#ISpentSomeTimeThinkingIWasAndMadeWorkAboutItAndTheDoctorsVisitsAndWaitingForResultsEtc

I started to mentally prepare myself for being pregnant again. I was super anxious about something bad happening. I have a phone call every 2 weeks about my mental health and my anxiety was through the roof.

I really thought I was wasting their time by calling about cramps and slight bleeding, but I was just crying my eyes out that day in worry.

Thanks to the NHS for their help. I read an article the other day about maternity staff feeling overwhelmed – when I called the hospital to book my first appointment the woman on the phone said her and her colleagues were really at the end of their tethers that day.

#IAmNotSureIfIWillEverShowItOrShareItButItFeelsSomewhatImportantToSayThatItExists

I spent time writing hashtags and blog posts, not being sure if I’ll ever share them but it was really therapeutic for me.

#InMyLastEntryITalkedAboutNotBeingThatBotheredAboutMeetingPeople #ThoughInTheLastWeekIHaveHad3DifferentPeopleTalkToMeAtThePlaygroundWhenBeforeNoOneReallySpokeToMe

I am just so bad at conversations now. A Dad was talking to me the other day and I realised that I had not really spoken more than a few words to a random man in a long time.

#OneWomanAskedIfIWasPlanningOnHavingAnymoreKidsAndAtThatPointIDidNotKnowWhatWasHappeningToMyBodyAndJustSaidYeahIHopeSo #SheSaidSheHadTwoKidsWithAnEightYearGapAndTheyHadGivenUpOnHavingAnotherOneWhenSheGotPregnantWithHerYoungest

It must have been such a ride for her.

#WeWouldLikeTwoKidsButIWouldNotLikeAn8YearGapButIGuessWeHaveToSeeWhatHappens

An 8 year gap would mean me having a kid at 40ish and I do not see that happening.

#ItAlsoFeelsAwkwardTalkingAboutThisAsBeingPregnantWithBIWorriedThatIWouldLoseOutOnOpportunitiesByBeingPregnant #NowThatIAmSayingWeWouldLikeAnotherKidOutLoudItFeelsLikeAgainIMightBeDismissedSomewhatForIt

I am saying I want a kid and if I was pregnant now it would be great. However our bodies don’t just do what we want them to and I do not know when it will happen, so reach out to me with any opportunities you have. I kept making dance videos until the day before I gave birth last time. I’m fine…

#WeStartedSleepTrainingBAsIDidNotWantToBePregnantAndBeingWokenUpAllNight #LastNightWePutHerToBedAt7AndIHadToWakeHerUpAt7WhichIsVeryRare #EvenThoughWeSleptWellICouldHaveSleptForAnother10Hours

The night before she had woken up a few times and I was relieved to see that it was midnight and not 6am as I wanted more sleep.

This morning I woke up and saw it was 6.30am and she was not awake yet.

The more sleep you get the more sleep you want. I’ve been going to bed early – I think I did around 10.30pm last night, but I need to aim more for 10.

Usually B wakes up around 4.30ish, but we don’t get her out of her cot until 6. She may just have been tired from all the zoom calls and trying to crawl yesterday.

#ButYeahIWouldLikeToMeetSomeLocalPeopleButIAmNoGoodInGroupConversationsOnZoom

Unless they are good friends of mine, but even then I feel awkward and think I say too much rubbish.

#ThereIsALocalWalkNextWeekForParentsWhichIsNiceAsTheyHaveBeenCancelledForAWhile

B is always asleep during the zoom calls so I never join them. Arranged walks are nice as I guess we get paired off and then can just chat about life.

#IWasAlsoTryingToProtectMyselfAsIThoughtIWasPregnantAndShouldStayAwayFromPeopleForABit

I was happy though, but yeah I thought it was for the best that I could not mix closely with other people. Nan and Tiago both have had their vaccines so in some way I’m the most vulnerable now, as babies do not really get/react badly to Covid (I think?).

#IAmEnjoyingBsZoomClassesButSheJustSeemsToTryAndEatEverything #WhenItsTimeForKitchenInstrumentsSheJustEatsTheSpatulaAndIfITakeThatAwaySheTriesToEatThePan

She just eats EVERYTHING. It’s cute, but funny. I feel like our screen on zoom is B just hitting me in the head on accident and/or eating everything I give to her or am holding.

#LastNightWeWereLyingOnTheFloorAndIWasReadingHerBooksAndSheLookedOverAtMeInASuperCuteWay #SoILeanedTowardsHerAndThenSheJustStartedToStickHerFingersInMyEyesAndUpMyNose #SheDoesNotKnowWhatSheIsDoingSoIAmGoingToTakeThatAsASignOfHerAffection

I thought we were having a really sweet moment. It was cute. But also a bit painful…

Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!