Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Imitating B Hiding Using Her Hands (14 Weeks / 4th August 2021)

Self-portrait with my hands over my face, but showing my left eye.
Imitating B Hiding Using Her Hands (14 Weeks / 4th August 2021)
 
#SheLikesToPutOneHandInTheMiddleOfHerFaceAndOneOnTheSideOfHerFace
#MaybeSheIsNotTryingToHideButItSeemsLikeTheMostLogicalReasonWhySheIsDoingIt
#SheNowHasAClimbingFrameAndABouncyZebraSetUpInTheLivingRoom
#WeSetThemUpOnTheSameDayAndSheWasHavingABallGoingBetweenTheTwoThenClimbingOnAChair
#TheMorningAfterSheWokeUpAtSixForTheFirstTimeInAgesWhichMightHaveJustBeenAFluke
#SheKeepsWakingUpLoadsAtNightAtTheMomentAndIThinkItIsDueToTeething
#MoreTopTeethAreComingThroughAndIThinkSomeMolarsArePlanningToJoinSoon
#BrushingHerTeethIsSuchAFaffWhichPutsUsOffButWeNeedToStartTryingToDoItTwiceADay
#BrushingMyOwnTeethIsAlsoAFaffAndQuiteUnpleasant
#IFeelMySickestInTheEveningNowAndIDoNotLookForwardToBrushingMyTeeth
#IWasSickStraightAfterBrushingThemTwoNightsAgoAndTheTasteOfSickWasStillThereTwoHoursLater
#IDidNotHaveThisLingeringSickTasteWithBAsIWasUsuallyAlwaysSickFirstThingInTheMorning
#ItIsHorribleAndIWouldNotWishItOnAnyone
#IAmFourteenishWeeksNowWhichMeansIMustBeAThirdOfTheWayThroughThePregnancyNow
#IAmQuiteAnxiousAndEveryTimeIGetACrampIFeelNervous
#IAmPlanningToAnnounceMyPregnancyTomorrowAsIThinkItIsGettingHarderToHideInDanceVideos
#AndIHaveRanOutOfNonPregnancyRelatedImagesToPost
#IFeelAwkwardInCaseSomethingBadHappensButIGuessTheWholePointOfDocumentingAndSharingMyMotherhoodStoryIsItBeingAsHonestAsPossible
#IThinkIHaveAlreadyStartedToNestAsIAmSuddenlyEnjoyingSortingThroughOurStuffAndCleaning
#WeHaveMadeMoreSpaceInOurBedroomSoThatWeCanHangOutWithBInIt
#SoIThinkThisHasMadeMeWantToGetOrganisedAndToBeFairItIsBetterToDoItNowThanWhenTheBabyComes
#BHasSuddenlyStartedToMakeALotOfGNoisesAndJustMakesLotsOfSounds
#IWishIKnewWhatSheWasTryingToSay
#SheHasLearnedToSayYeahAndSheSaysItALotWhenIAskHerQuestionsButIDoNotKnowIfSheReallyUnderstandsWhatSheIsSaying
#SheIsSoSpeedyAndIsAbleToReachThingsThatAreFurtherAwayNowOnHerTipToes
#ThisMorningSheWasUpOnTheSofaRippingATissueIntoManyPieces
#SheStillDoesNotReallyWantToWalkInHerShoesSoINeedToPutThemOnHerEveryday
#SheIsDefinitelyDaddysLittleGirlWhoWantsToBeInHisArmsAtAnyOpportunity
#WhenHeGoesOutSheGetsUpsetButITellTiagoToMakeSureHeAlwaysSaysByeAndWeWillWaveHimOffForABit
#AndThenITryToDistractHerAndSheDoesUsuallyMoveOnAfterAMinute

#SheLikesToPutOneHandInTheMiddleOfHerFaceAndOneOnTheSideOfHerFace #MaybeSheIsNotTryingToHideButItSeemsLikeTheMostLogicalReasonWhySheIsDoingIt

Sometimes she just puts a hand on the side of her head, which may or may not be down to teething.

#SheNowHasAClimbingFrameAndABouncyZebraSetUpInTheLivingRoom

The climbing frame was supposed to come on a Friday, but eventually arrived on a Tuesday so she had to wait for the weekend for us to set it up.

#WeSetThemUpOnTheSameDayAndSheWasHavingABallGoingBetweenTheTwoThenClimbingOnAChair

My Nan got the zebra from a charity shop for four quid. Of course at first she loved the zebra more. They have the same one at the soft play place I took her to, but she was too young for it then and it had no batteries in it – the music adds a lot to it.

She likes to hang on the climbing frame and watch TV.

#TheMorningAfterSheWokeUpAtSixForTheFirstTimeInAgesWhichMightHaveJustBeenAFluke

I was hoping it was her new things wearing her out. Potentially so, but now she’s back to waking up between 5.15 and 5.45 again.

#SheKeepsWakingUpLoadsAtNightAtTheMomentAndIThinkItIsDueToTeething

She’ll wake up a lot until midnight and then she seems to conk out until 5 something. Actually I think I’m lying; she does wake up at one, two, four, whatever, except for last night.

#MoreTopTeethAreComingThroughAndIThinkSomeMolarsArePlanningToJoinSoon

I feel sorry for her. It must be so unpleasant.

#BrushingHerTeethIsSuchAFaffWhichPutsUsOffButWeNeedToStartTryingToDoItTwiceADay

I feel embarrassed to admit that we have only been brushing her teeth once a day, but we need to start doing it more. I’m not looking forward to it.

#BrushingMyOwnTeethIsAlsoAFaffAndQuiteUnpleasant

I tried changing my toothpaste but that hasn’t really helped.

#IFeelMySickestInTheEveningNowAndIDoNotLookForwardToBrushingMyTeeth

I think sometimes I eat too much in the evenings, so last night I tried eating a bit less. I still felt sick, but I managed to not be sick after brushing my teeth at night.

#IWasSickStraightAfterBrushingThemTwoNightsAgoAndTheTasteOfSickWasStillThereTwoHoursLater

I could not be bothered to have a shower, but I did the gargling, constant nose blowing, spitting etc. After I lay down for bed a lot more came up. It’s horrid.

#IDidNotHaveThisLingeringSickTasteWithBAsIWasUsuallyAlwaysSickFirstThingInTheMorning

Lucky me. It wasn’t bad at all then as it was water that would come up.

#ItIsHorribleAndIWouldNotWishItOnAnyone

It’s so horrid.

#IAmFourteenishWeeksNowWhichMeansIMustBeAThirdOfTheWayThroughThePregnancyNow

I thought with B I’d be a 42-weeker. This time I do not want to be, but you never know.

#IAmQuiteAnxiousAndEveryTimeIGetACrampIFeelNervous

I don’t know how people can be chill for their whole pregnancy. Is anyone?

#IAmPlanningToAnnounceMyPregnancyTomorrowAsIThinkItIsGettingHarderToHideInDanceVideos #AndIHaveRanOutOfNonPregnancyRelatedImagesToPost

This makes it sounds like people care. No one cares, but for me it is a big deal. I’ve been dragging out posting my non pregnancy related stuff for a while – going down from two posts a week to one. Now I need to post a backlog of stuff…

#IFeelAwkwardInCaseSomethingBadHappensButIGuessTheWholePointOfDocumentingAndSharingMyMotherhoodStoryIsItBeingAsHonestAsPossible

With B I waited until after I was 20 weeks, but that was because it took so long to get my syndrome results back. I’m hoping sharing my story this time might help others who may be at similar stage – I’m bored of reading comments on different platforms about people being dumb for getting pregnant during a pandemic.

#IThinkIHaveAlreadyStartedToNestAsIAmSuddenlyEnjoyingSortingThroughOurStuffAndCleaning

I just wish I had more time to do it. Yesterday B was sat on the floor with me while I tried to sort through things. I’m playing my favourite game of ‘would I pay £5 to ship this book to keep it?’ I need to be quite ruthless.

#WeHaveMadeMoreSpaceInOurBedroomSoThatWeCanHangOutWithBInIt

We’ve lived with my Nan for 9 months now. We’re grateful, but we need some more space to ourselves. We keep looking at moving out, but we are looking for something short term now and there is not much about. By us living with her she gets support, and we also get support. I think it is normal to want more space, though I feel bad for saying these things.

#SoIThinkThisHasMadeMeWantToGetOrganisedAndToBeFairItIsBetterToDoItNowThanWhenTheBabyComes

I do not think that I will be nesting to the same level as when B was born, as I will have B to look after. Also with how our living arrangement is it will be harder to organise things without waking one of them up.

#BHasSuddenlyStartedToMakeALotOfGNoisesAndJustMakesLotsOfSounds

No gaga yet, but just a lot of riffing on g sounds.

#IWishIKnewWhatSheWasTryingToSay

It might not be too long now before she talks more.

#SheHasLearnedToSayYeahAndSheSaysItALotWhenIAskHerQuestionsButIDoNotKnowIfSheReallyUnderstandsWhatSheIsSaying

‘Do you want some water?’ ‘Yeah’ Does she really want some water though?

#SheIsSoSpeedyAndIsAbleToReachThingsThatAreFurtherAwayNowOnHerTipToes

If she hears a door open she is off. Life is just a game of moving things further away from B and her grasp.

#ThisMorningSheWasUpOnTheSofaRippingATissueIntoManyPieces

She had about four tissues at first, but I took them away except for one. She had a lot of fun ripping it up. I figured it’s good for a lot of skills, though I probably shouldn’t encourage her.

#SheStillDoesNotReallyWantToWalkInHerShoesSoINeedToPutThemOnHerEveryday

At the park yesterday she was just sat down by the swings. She did do a few steps at one point but she is not a fan.

#SheIsDefinitelyDaddysLittleGirlWhoWantsToBeInHisArmsAtAnyOpportunity

I do not mind as it gives me a break, and I know she sees me all the time so she’s not so bothered by me.

#WhenHeGoesOutSheGetsUpsetButITellTiagoToMakeSureHeAlwaysSaysByeAndWeWillWaveHimOffForABit

When I leave she does not care at all, which is good. Tiago will put B down and she will cry, but I have to tell him that once he has put her down he should not pick her up again – as I think she cries more as she knows he usually will pick her up again. It sounds mean, but he usually puts her down as he has things to do, so he needs to go do them.

#AndThenITryToDistractHerAndSheDoesUsuallyMoveOnAfterAMinute

This morning we waved bye through the window, then I took her to the living room before he’d pulled away and within 30 seconds she was fine.

13 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

(I don’t have a picture from 14 weeks, and I’ll save the 14 and a half weeks one for my next post.)

Self-portrait looking off to my lower left. I look quite tired and sick.
I Feel Like All I Write About At The Moment Is Vomit (13 Weeks)
 

#IFeelLikeAllIWriteAboutAtTheMomentIsVomit
#IHad2SickFreeDaysWhichWasMyLongestTimeSinceBeforeMyMorningSicknessBegan
#ThenIWasSickAt4AM
#AndItWasTheFirstOf9TimesInOneDay
#IAteABigMealOfRiceAndBeansTheNightBefore
#MyBrotherInLawLoadedMyPlateAndIForgotThatIHadBeenEatingSmallMealsALotLately
#IAteALotForBreakfastToo
#IWokeUpWithSuchAHeavyStomachThatIKnewTheOnlyWayIWouldFeelBetterWasToThrowUp
#ThenIHadToGoAgain20MinutesLater
#AndAnother20MinutesLater
#TiagoWentIntoTownToGetRehydrationSalts
#HeHadNeverHeardOfThemAndCameBackWith3SmallCartonsThatCostHim12Euros
#SoIDrankTheFirstVerySlowlyButIThinkItWentIntoTheToilet
#IFeltSoWeakAndIWasWorriedAboutTheBaby
#SoEvenAfterBeingSickIWouldTryToEatAgain
#EventuallyInTheEveningIManagedToKeepADrinkDown
#ThenTiagoStartedToBeSickAndIKnewItWasNotMorningSickness
#IThoughtMaybeItWasAStomachBugButIThoughtTheRiceHadJustUpsetMeALot
#ItRemindedMeOfBeingOnACaravanHolidayAtTheEndOfMiddleSchoolOrEarlyHighSchoolWhereIJustThrewUpFor24Hours
#IWouldNotWishSicknessOnMyWorstEnemy
#IFeltSoWeakAndHorrible
#IHopeIEnterTheNiceStageOfPregnancySoon
#IAmFeelingConcernedForTheBaby
#IAmStillNotCompletelyOverMyCold
#ItIsNiceBeingSomewhereSunnyForAWeek
#ButThereIsNothingLikeBeingAtHomeWithMyUsualRoutineAndFood
#MyAppetiteIsNotGreatAndIAmNotAbleToBuyThingsThatIUsuallyLikeToEat
#AndIThinkNotHavingMyUsualEatingRoutineMayHaveContributedToMySickness
#ButHopefullyEverythingIsOkay
#AndICanEnjoyTheLastCoupleOfDaysOfSunAndVitaminD

Well, I have been mentioning vomit a lot lately. I was more sick when I was pregnant with B though. Luckily my food aversions didn’t seem so bad this time too.

With this image/hashtags I think I must have actually had a stomach bug or something as Tiago was also sick at least once. We were visiting his brother in Portugal at time and I was really struggling to find food that I wanted to eat as all my usual favourite things weren’t really available.

I’m starting to feel sick just looking at this image and reading the hashtags…


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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

I Have Had My First Scan (13 Weeks / 28th July 2021)

I'm holding B in my arms while also holding a baby scan in my left hand. Tiago has his left hand on my shoulder.
I Have Had My First Scan (13 Weeks / 28th July 2021)
 
#IImagineThePhotographThatIWillTakeWillReferenceAPictureFromMyWaitingProjectWhenIWasNineAndAHalfWeeks
#IWantToGetBInvolvedInThePictureTooButTheImageIHaveInMyMindWillProbablyNotBeTheOneIEndUpGetting
#TheMidwifeRangTheDayBeforeTheScanAndSaidToWearAFaceMaskHaveAFullBladderForTiagoToBringHisFlowTestAndFiveQuidInCashForPhotos
#WellThereIsAFineLineBetweenHavingAFullBladderAndFeelingLikeYouAreGoingToPissYourself
#TheyWereRunningAboutThirtyMinutesLateSoISatInTheWaitingRoomStrugglingWhilePeopleCoughedAndSniffledAroundUs
#WithMyTwelveWeekAppointmentWithBIGotToldOffForNotHavingAFullEnoughBladderAndGotSentToDrinkMoreWater
#ThisTimeIKeptGettingSentToTheToiletToEmptyMyBladderABitMoreAsIHadWaitedSoLong
#ItWasWeirdToSeeTheBabyOnTheScreenAsIKnowIAmPregnantButIDoOftenForgetWhatItMeans
#SheSaidThatIAm13WeeksWhichIHadAssumedIWasThoughPartOfMeWasStillHopingIWas17Weeks
#IWasRelievedToSeeThatTheBabyWasWellThoughTheMidwifeWasStrugglingToGetAllTheMeasurementsSheNeeded
#IKeptGettingOffTheBedToDanceAroundOrStayedOnTheBedAndPushedMyHipsUpAndWiggled
#InTheEndSheSentUsToTheWaitingRoomWhileSheSawTheNextPatientToSeeIfTheBabyWouldBeInTheRightPositionAfterTheWait
#WeWereOutForNearlyTwoAndAHalfHoursInTheEndSoItWasGoodThatTiagoHadBroughtHisLaptop
#IWentInByMyselfForTheLastBitAndAfterMoreDancingSheGotTheNeckMeasurementThatSheWanted
#IThenNeededToBeWeighedAndHaveABloodTestSoThatWasMoreWaitingAroundButAtLeastThereWasGoodMusicPlayingAtThePlace
#TheyDidNotChargeUsForThePhotoInTheEndAsTheyHadNoEnvelopesAndTheyHadNotBeenChargingAgainUntilRecentlyAsPartnersHadNotBeenAllowedIn
#BeforeSheChoseTheImageForUsWeJokedThatItLookedLikeTheBabyWasSmokingACigarAndTheCloudOfSmokeIsVisibleInTheImage
#LuckilyMyMumWasWatchingBAsKidsAreNotAllowedToAppointments
#ItSoundsLikeMostOfMyAppointmentsAreHereThereAndEverywhereWhichIsABitFrustrating
#LastNightTiagoSaidHeIsFeelingMoreRelaxedAboutThisPregnancy
#ThenFiveMinutesLaterWeLookedAtBOnHerMonitorAndTiagoThoughtSheWasNotBreathingButLuckilySheMovedJustBeforeTiagoWasAboutToGoIntoHerRoom
#TiagoFinallyGotRoundToMakingItSoThatBsDoorNoLongerSqueaks
#SoThatIsGoodWhenWeNeedToGoIntoHerRoomToCloseAWindowOrSomethingAsWeWereAlwaysWakingHerUpBefore
#ISaidInMyLastEntryThatIHadNotBeenSickInFiveDaysButThenThatNightIWasSick
#IWasThenNotSickForThreeDaysUntilThisMorningButEarlyMorningSickIsTheLeastHorribleKindUsually
#IAmStillHavingToStretchMyBackOutTwiceADayAndIGuessItWillOnlyGetWorseAsTimeGoesOn
#BHadHerLastBabySensoryClassAndIAmSadSheIsTooOldForItNowAsItHasBeenAHighlightOfOurWeekForMe
#IThinkSheEntertainsALotOfPeopleSoEveryoneClappedForHerWhichWasSweet
#AtTheEndOfTheClassSheApproachedTheTeachersDollAndWasQuiteIntriguedByIt
#ItGaveMeSomeInsightOfHowSheMightBeWithHerSiblingAndSheWasQuiteCuteWithItButIJustHopeSheDoesNotKeepPokingThemInTheEyes

(7th October: I’m not so sure on the title of the image now – I Had My First Scan, First Scan instead perhaps? But it obviously felt right at the time, so I’ll leave it.)

I keep meaning to keep to Instagram’s text limit, but I just seem to waffle on and on now.

#IImagineThePhotographThatIWillTakeWillReferenceAPictureFromMyWaitingProjectWhenIWasNineAndAHalfWeeks

This one:

Me holding a scan of B when I was 9 and a half weeks pregnant. T has his right hand on my left shoulder.
I Keep Looking At The Scan As I Can Not Believe It (9 and a half weeks)
 
#SoWeWentToTheHospital
#HadAnAppointmentButWaitedNearlyAnHour
#MaybeBecauseOtherPeopleNeededLookingAtMoreUrgently
#SomePeopleDidLookLikeTheyWereInALotOfPain
#IThoughtIShouldHaveAFullBladderIfTheyDidAScan
#SoIWasBurstingForTheToilet
#TheyFinallyCalledMeAndAskedIfINeededToGoToTheLoo
#SoThatWasDiscomfortForNoReasonAsItWasAnInternalExam
#ThePersonExaminingMeWasBeingTestedSoThereWere3PeopleInTheRoomPlusTiago
#TheyGaveMeASheetForDignityAndIApologisedForHavingHairyLegsThoughTheySaidNothingInReply
#TheySaidTheyWereTryingToGiveMeDignityButIAmUsedToHavingMoreInvasiveExaminationsThatInvolveSpeculumsSoIWasNotSureWhereTheSheetWasMeantToBe 
#TiagoSawTheToolTheyWereGoingToUseAndIWasLikeWelcomeToAWomansWorld
#ItWasNotThatBadJustABitColdAndTheWaitingRoomHadBeenSoHot
#BeforeLongTheyTurnedTheScreenAndShowedUsTheLittleHumanInsideOfMe
#SheSaidCanYouSeeTheFlickerThatIsTheHeartbeat
#AndIStartedToCryHappyTearsAsIWasRelievedAndItWasSoSurreal
#AndISaidItIsSoWeirdAsIThoughtPregnancyWasSomethingThatHappenedToOtherPeopleAndNotMeAndItIsSoWeirdSeeingThatLittleThingInsideOfMe
#SheLookedAroundThoroughly
#ItWasGoodThatSheHadSomeoneElseTalkingToHerAsIKnowThatTheyBothHadAGoodLookAndDidNotSeeAnyIssues
#TheTesterSaidIHadTheBestOvariesThatSheHadSeenTodayAndCalledThemBeautiful 
#SheGaveUsAPicture
#TheySaidThatIfItHappensAgainIShouldBookAnotherAppointment
#AsBleedingIsNotUncommonButItStillIsNotNormal
#IAmGladTheyWereEncouragingAsIWouldNotWantToBeSeenAsAnnoying
#IHaveBledALittleSinceButIGuessItIsBecauseTheyHadThatToolInsideMeForAtLeast10Minutes
#IThoughtIWas9WeeksTodayButTheySaidItIsMoreLike9DaysAnd4Or5Days
#IAmGuessingItWillChangeAgainButThatMeansIAmNearlyAQuarterOfTheWayThroughIfAllGoesWell
#TimeHasPassedQuickly
#IKeepLookingAtTheScanAsICanNotBelieveIt
#NanThinksItIsABoyAsSheSaysTheyCauseTroubleFromTheStart

(7th October: Notice how I even wore the same outfit, and Tiago wore the same shirt for his arm’s appearance. My hair is even a similar length, but I rarely wear it down anymore due to the large cyst on my head. Lovely. Plus if I wear it half up I don’t have to wash my hair so much. Win.

My first scan with B was earlier as I’d had some bleeding and had to go to the hospital. Obviously everything was fine.)

#IWantToGetBInvolvedInThePictureTooButTheImageIHaveInMyMindWillProbablyNotBeTheOneIEndUpGetting

I haven’t asked Tiago if I can borrow his arm yet. It’ll be easier if he holds B while we do the shoot and then maybe she can hold onto me too, but we’ll see.

It might just end up being me by myself…

(7th October: If I remember correctly we all got a bit stressed out and so it made sense for me to just hold B. It makes sense as she is where I was holding the scan of her in the early photo.)

#TheMidwifeRangTheDayBeforeTheScanAndSaidToWearAFaceMaskHaveAFullBladderForTiagoToBringHisFlowTestAndFiveQuidInCashForPhotos

She said full mask, full bladder… at first. I was going to ask what a full mask was, but I just assumed it was a normal one. She later said she had meant a face mask.

#WellThereIsAFineLineBetweenHavingAFullBladderAndFeelingLikeYouAreGoingToPissYourself

It’s a good job I do my kegels every day.

#TheyWereRunningAboutThirtyMinutesLateSoISatInTheWaitingRoomStrugglingWhilePeopleCoughedAndSniffledAroundUs

I was not happy.

#WithMyTwelveWeekAppointmentWithBIGotToldOffForNotHavingAFullEnoughBladderAndGotSentToDrinkMoreWater

I still remember his annoyed face. I had not wanted to have a situation where I felt like I was going to piss myself, but obviously I was nowhere near that – plus the appointment was on time then.

#ThisTimeIKeptGettingSentToTheToiletToEmptyMyBladderABitMoreAsIHadWaitedSoLong

I don’t think I’ve really been to the toilet and partially emptied my bladder before. It was a bit difficult and didn’t feel very pleasant…

#ItWasWeirdToSeeTheBabyOnTheScreenAsIKnowIAmPregnantButIDoOftenForgetWhatItMeans

I kept looking at it and just thinking they were a tiny B. Well, they could end up looking very similar.

(7th October: Even yesterday I kept saying to Tiago how weird it is that we have a child, and another on the way.)

#SheSaidThatIAm13WeeksWhichIHadAssumedIWasThoughPartOfMeWasStillHopingIWas17Weeks

The idea of me being more pregnant had long gone from my mind, though I guess I was still clinging to the remote possibility of it. I just want time to go by, but as I’ve said before my hospital said there would not be a bed for me if I was more pregnant.

#IWasRelievedToSeeThatTheBabyWasWellThoughTheMidwifeWasStrugglingToGetAllTheMeasurementsSheNeeded

This happened with B a lot.

#IKeptGettingOffTheBedToDanceAroundOrStayedOnTheBedAndPushedMyHipsUpAndWiggled

I really did not want to have to come back for another scan next week.

#InTheEndSheSentUsToTheWaitingRoomWhileSheSawTheNextPatientToSeeIfTheBabyWouldBeInTheRightPositionAfterTheWait

I stood up for a bit and just swayed. Then I sat down.

#WeWereOutForNearlyTwoAndAHalfHoursInTheEndSoItWasGoodThatTiagoHadBroughtHisLaptop

I think they were having a lot of tech difficulties. Classic.

#IWentInByMyselfForTheLastBitAndAfterMoreDancingSheGotTheNeckMeasurementThatSheWanted

Hurrah. I was nervous, but she managed to get one and just wanted to double check it, and then she confirmed it with another one. She said the baby was quite chilled.

#IThenNeededToBeWeighedAndHaveABloodTestSoThatWasMoreWaitingAroundButAtLeastThereWasGoodMusicPlayingAtThePlace

I was getting bored. The staff were so lovely though so I was not annoyed at them, as these things happen. Just having a full bladder had been quite uncomfortable, so I just mentioned ‘hey you want us to have a full bladder but then you make us wait’. Also due to wearing masks you can’t sit in the waiting room and keep drinking. I was quite thirsty and hungry by the time we left, I was surprised they managed to get blood from me.

#TheyDidNotChargeUsForThePhotoInTheEndAsTheyHadNoEnvelopesAndTheyHadNotBeenChargingAgainUntilRecentlyAsPartnersHadNotBeenAllowedIn

That paid for some veggie samosas, and some grocery shopping on the way home. I went into a mini supermarket for the first time in ages.

#BeforeSheChoseTheImageForUsWeJokedThatItLookedLikeTheBabyWasSmokingACigarAndTheCloudOfSmokeIsVisibleInTheImage

We just try to have a laugh when we can. B sometimes puts big twigs in her mouth and I call her Winston Churchill. Yeah, we’re hilarious.

#LuckilyMyMumWasWatchingBAsKidsAreNotAllowedToAppointments

Luckily it was on a morning where she is free. Otherwise Tiago would have had to drop me off and watch B in the car… That would have been a nightmare.

#ItSoundsLikeMostOfMyAppointmentsAreHereThereAndEverywhereWhichIsABitFrustrating

‘Where do you want your 28 weeks appointment? This place that is far from you or this one?’ Those places also don’t have their clinics at convenient times. Great.

#LastNightTiagoSaidHeIsFeelingMoreRelaxedAboutThisPregnancy

Nice. I feel quite stressed – there’s a lot of pressure on the pregnant person I think. I just want it to go well.

#ThenFiveMinutesLaterWeLookedAtBOnHerMonitorAndTiagoThoughtSheWasNotBreathingButLuckilySheMovedJustBeforeTiagoWasAboutToGoIntoHerRoom

I wasn’t concerned but then I thought ‘well maybe something is wrong’. I kept talking into the monitor but she would not move, so Tiago was about to go and check on her.

#TiagoFinallyGotRoundToMakingItSoThatBsDoorNoLongerSqueaks

Her monitor had been facing the wall as she likes to play with it, so I had just gone in there to readjust it.

#SoThatIsGoodWhenWeNeedToGoIntoHerRoomToCloseAWindowOrSomethingAsWeWereAlwaysWakingHerUpBefore

I could not master opening her door without it squeaking. Tiago was quite good at it, but I’m glad he’s sorted it out.

#ISaidInMyLastEntryThatIHadNotBeenSickInFiveDaysButThenThatNightIWasSick

Typical.

#IWasThenNotSickForThreeDaysUntilThisMorningButEarlyMorningSickIsTheLeastHorribleKindUsually

Early mornings and brushing my teeth are the danger times. In the morning it’s usually just water so that’s fine.

#IAmStillHavingToStretchMyBackOutTwiceADayAndIGuessItWillOnlyGetWorseAsTimeGoesOn

Great.

#BHadHerLastBabySensoryClassAndIAmSadSheIsTooOldForItNowAsItHasBeenAHighlightOfOurWeekForMe

She was quite a lot older than the other kids though.

#IThinkSheEntertainsALotOfPeopleSoEveryoneClappedForHerWhichWasSweet

To be fair, they don’t usually say ‘is anyone graduating today?’ but the teachers like B, so maybe they wanted to draw attention to it? Who knows. She did the class in her usual fashion of stealing everyone’s stuff, crawling under the parachute and faffing about, and just going round seeing everyone.

#AtTheEndOfTheClassSheApproachedTheTeachersDollAndWasQuiteIntriguedByIt

She went right up to the teacher’s area which she hasn’t done before. Then she was looking at its hands and studying it.

#ItGaveMeSomeInsightOfHowSheMightBeWithHerSiblingAndSheWasQuiteCuteWithItButIJustHopeSheDoesNotKeepPokingThemInTheEyes

She does like to look at the other babies, but I guess as their parents are there she usually is a little shy. She saw the doll was unattended and went for it. It was one of those dolls where the eyes close when you lie it down, so she was intrigued by that I think. Bless her.

13 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait wrapped in a fleece blanket with a tissue to my nose. My hair is quite greasy.
Resting, Taking Vitamins, Staying Hydrated, Eating Fruit & Veg (13 Weeks)
 
#IHaveBeenIllFor5DaysNow
#IThinkItIsDueToTryingToDoTooMuch
#AndBeingAroundPeopleWhoWereIllLastWeek
#TiagoToldMeOffTheOtherDayForBeingAroundIllPeople
#IKnewIWasGoingToGetIllAtSomePoint
#IGetIllOnceInAWhile
#AndApparentlyWhenYouArePregnantYourImmuneSystemIsLower
#HeWasIllTheOtherWeekAndIDidNotGetIt
#ButItProbablyWeakenedMyDefences
#HeSaidHeFindsItFrustratingAsHeHasNoControlOverThePregnancy
#WhichIUnderstand
#ButIKnowIAmLuckyAsIDoNotHaveAFullTimeJob
#AndSomePeopleWorkFullTimeOnTheirFeetTheWholeTime
#SoIGetToRestMoreThanMost
#ItIsFrustratingForMeAsICanNotDoAsMuchAsIUsedTo
#OrMaybeThatIsBecauseIAmIllRightNow
#ThoughIFeltLikeIWasBeingMoreProductiveBefore
#AnywaysWeAreBothWorriedAboutHowMeBeingIllWillAffectTheBaby
#ButIfBadThingsHappenedWheneverAnyonePregnantHadAColdThenHumansWouldBeExtinctByNowSurely
#IAmDoingTheBestICanToGetBetter
#RestingTakingVitaminsStayingHydratedEatingFruitAndVegEtc
#IHaveAScanTomorrowSoThatIsComfortingForUsBothAnyways
#IAmABitNervous
#IHaveDaydreamsOfThemTurningAroundToSayItIsBadNews
#ButINeedToRelaxAndJustRestABitMore
#TheMostAnnoyingThingAboutBeingIllIsHavingBrokenSleepDuringTheNight
#ButIGuessThatIsGoodPracticeForHavingANewborn
#MyHairIsGreasyInThePictureAsIHadNotWashedItForAWeek
#IWashedItStraightAfterBecauseOfThisScanTomorrow
#GoingToBackupThisShootThenHaveALieDown

7th October (I usually write this section on the day I post, but I forget to mention that):

I was definitely more ill with B than I have been this pregnancy. I think all the extra handwashing has helped, plus probably not being in close proximity with so many people a lot of the time.

With this pregnancy I am working more freelance than I was with B, and am basically a stay at Mum who does some admin stuff and works on my photography/video projects. Looking after B is a full-time job though, but I am not on my feet all the time but I probably am more than when I was pregnant with B.

Reading those hashtags I had no idea that Covid was coming. I was worried about how being ill would affect womb B, but at this point I was waiting to get vaccinated and worrying about catching Covid. It’s weird reading the posts from this time as it was not long ago (I’m quite behind with posting but this was the end of July and it’s the start of October now), and seeing how stressed out I was.

I realised yesterday (and expressed to Tiago) that I often have really negative daydreams where something happens to baby X. I just need to try to relax more.


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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting II

Imitating B Putting Her Hand In A Glass Of Water (12 Weeks? / 25th July 2021)

Holding a glass of water in my left hand and pushing my right hand into it. The water is at the top of the glass.
Imitating B Putting Her Hand In A Glass Of Water (12 Weeks? / 25th July 2021)
 
#AsIHaveMentionedBeforeBLikesToDrinkFromMyGlassOfWaterAndThenDipsHerHandIn
#ItHasCooledDownABitWhichIAmQuiteRelievedAboutAsItMeansWeCanGoOutMore
#ThoughIGetStressedWhenWeDoAsPeopleCanNotKeepTheirDistance
#TheOtherDayIWentToSetUpAPicnicBlanketOnTheGrassAndAGroupOfTenPeopleDecidedToStartARaceOneMetreAwayFromUs
#ThenAGuyWalkedRightBehindUsWithHisDogWhenHeHad15MetresOfSpaceInFrontOfUsToWalk
#YesterdayWeWentToTakeBToTheSwingsButAsWeApproachedWeHeardAKidConstantlyCoughing
#WeWentToTheGatesThenDecidedWeShouldGoAndSitFarAwayOnTheGrassInstead
#WeAreSupposedToGoToABirthdayPartyTodayButWeDecidedItIsProbablyBestToMissIt
#MySocialCalendarIsSoEmptyAndSadThatItIsAShameToMissItButWeCanNotTrustAGardenFullOfMostlyStrangersToKeepUsSafe
#TypicallyAsOurHolidayToPortugalApproachesTheCasesOnTheIslandHaveAlsoGoneUp
#TheGossipIsSomeoneCameFromMainlandPortugalForA300PersonWeddingAndNowThereAreOver150CasesThere
#SoTheHolidayCouldPossiblyBeCancelledByPortugalGoingRedOrTheIslandLockingDown
#TheOtherDayIWentToMyParentsHouseWithBForAChangeOfScenery
#HerEnergyIsLimitlessAndIThinkItLeftAllOfUsFeelingVeryTiredApartFromB
#AdviceOnTheVaccineForPregnantPeopleSeemsToHaveChangedAndIsABitMoreConsistentNow
#IAmPlanningToGetMyVaccineThisWeekAfterIHaveMyFirstScan
#IDoNotWantToWaitAnymoreAsIAmFeelingSoAnxiousAndLockedAway
#IDoNotLikeTheTermPregnancyBrainAndIThinkItIsMoreDueToBeingTiredButIHaveDoneQuiteAFewDumbThingsThisWeek
#TheMostAnnoyingThingWasIOrderedSomeSecondHandBooksForBAndDecidedToCleanThem
#LuckilyIOnlyCleanedACoupleButTheSecondIsCompletelyRuinedAsAllThePagesAreStuckTogether
#IShouldHaveLetThemDryOrWipedThemDryBeforeDoingTheNextPages
#ItWasPartOfASetOfBooksButTheBookIsNotActuallySupposedToBeInTheSet
#MyBackAcheHasBeenWildEvenWithStretchingInTheMorningAndEvenings
#IGuessPregnancyPlusPickingUpAOneYearOldIsNotAGreatMix
#IAmTryingToLearnFromMyPregnancyWithBAndLyingDownViaMySideFirstWhenIGoToExerciseOnMyBack
#IHaveNotBeenSickInFiveDaysButIHaveComeCloseAFewTimes
#LastNightAfterBrushingMyTeethIWasSureItWasGoingToHappenAfterIGaggedButISatDownAndItPassed
#SomeJoyAtTheMomentIsThatTheOlympicsIsOnAndIAmEnjoyingWatchingIt
#IWasLookingForwardToWatchingItWithANewbornLastSummerButOhWell
#IDoNotThinkItShouldHaveGoneAheadButBIsUpSoEarlyAndTheTimeDifferenceIsGoodForWatching

#AsIHaveMentionedBeforeBLikesToDrinkFromMyGlassOfWaterAndThenDipsHerHandIn

Great.

#ItHasCooledDownABitWhichIAmQuiteRelievedAboutAsItMeansWeCanGoOutMore

It was too hot to go out before, though I’m used to taking her out before her first nap now so we still go out then if I feel up to it. She seems to have been sleeping through her first nap better since the temperature has dropped too.

#ThoughIGetStressedWhenWeDoAsPeopleDoNotKeepTheirDistance

It doesn’t help that some tool said that it does not matter anymore. I’m also annoyed that I move out of the way for people on narrow paths (like walking on the grass) and people do not say thanks. I generally mutter ‘you’re welcome’ after they pass.

#TheOtherDayIWentToSetUpAPicnicBlanketOnTheGrassAndAGroupOfTenPeopleDecidedToStartARaceOneMetreAwayFromUs

We first had to navigate them on a super narrow bridge, but luckily they decided to move off it. Then they blocked the path, so I went on to the grass to set up the blanket. Then they decided to follow us and stand next to us, so I waited for them to move before putting it down. I’m getting a bit passive aggressive these days and just said to B fairly loudly as I was fuming ‘I know you would not think there was a pandemic’.

#ThenAGuyWalkedRightBehindUsWithHisDogWhenHeHad15MetresOfSpaceInFrontOfUsToWalk

B pointed at the dog and I said ‘Yes it’s a dog. Shame they can’t walk further away from us’. I don’t like being like this, but I’m just annoyed. Seeing people protesting their lack of freedom in Trafalgar Square, when to me it looks like they have so much freedom.

#YesterdayWeWentToTakeBToTheSwingsButAsWeApproachedWeHeardAKidConstantlyCoughing #WeWentToTheGatesThenDecidedWeShouldGoAndSitFarAwayOnTheGrassInstead

I think the Dad soon dragged his kid out, but we were put off. It might have been a non-Covid cough, but we didn’t fancy taking our chances. We do not do much and I do not fancy losing the walks we have.

#WeAreSupposedToGoToABirthdayPartyTodayButWeDecidedItIsProbablyBestToMissIt #MySocialCalendarIsSoEmptyAndSadThatItIsAShameToMissItButWeCanNotTrustAGardenFullOfMostlyStrangersToKeepUsSafe

We only know the parents and the kid, so they’ll be busy talking to everyone else and we do not know anyone else. I’d rather avoid just looking awkward and feeling stressed, but I had been looking forward to it for a month. Oh well.

#TypicallyAsOurHolidayToPortugalApproachesTheCasesOnTheIslandHaveAlsoGoneUp #TheGossipIsSomeoneCameFromMainlandPortugalForA300PersonWeddingAndNowThereAreOver150CasesThere

There were 70 the other day – supposedly from the wedding – and now it has spread a bit. Apparently it was the bride’s brother, so they greeted and then the bride went on to greet everyone else, but it could just be gossip. It sounds very plausible though.

#SoTheHolidayCouldPossiblyBeCancelledByPortugalGoingRedOrTheIslandLockingDown

The UK has more cases than most places, so it depends if we get banned by other countries. Tiago doesn’t think the island will lock down.

#TheOtherDayIWentToMyParentsHouseWithBForAChangeOfScenery #HerEnergyIsLimitlessAndIThinkItLeftAllOfUsFeelingVeryTiredApartFromB

It was hot so we didn’t last long outside. My Mum had suggested going for a picnic in the park, but I said it’s too hot for me and so we just went in the garden for five minutes.

#AdviceOnTheVaccineForPregnantPeopleSeemsToHaveChangedAndIsABitMoreConsistentNow

The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, and The Royal College of Midwives have updated their resources and FAQs.

I am yet to hear what my local midwives think, but I am guessing it will be in line with them. I watched an hour talk on Insta about vaccinating pregnant people and I’ve made my mind up. Thanks Pregnant Then Screwed and Viki Male.

#IAmPlanningToGetMyVaccineThisWeekAfterIHaveMyFirstScan

I’ll be 13 weeks, or maybe more depending on what they say at the scan.

#IDoNotWantToWaitAnymoreAsIAmFeelingSoAnxiousAndLockedAway

And it’d be good for there to be time for it to become more effective before we go away.

#IDoNotLikeTheTermPregnancyBrainAndIThinkItIsMoreDueToBeingTiredButIHaveDoneQuiteAFewDumbThingsThisWeek

I’ve been too busy reading The Volunteer than napping… So I’ve been tired and my mind often wanders.

#TheMostAnnoyingThingWasIOrderedSomeSecondHandBooksForBAndDecidedToCleanThem #LuckilyIOnlyCleanedACoupleButTheSecondIsCompletelyRuinedAsAllThePagesAreStuckTogether #IShouldHaveLetThemDryOrWipedThemDryBeforeDoingTheNextPages #ItWasPartOfASetOfBooksButTheBookIsNotActuallySupposedToBeInTheSet

Blah blah. Silly me. I also ordered two lots of the same set. Annoyingly a guy messaged to say ‘oh it is quite dirty, do you still want it?’ so I said no. Then I ordered another set. Then later on I was looking at my purchases and noticed I had already ordered it before. Oh well. Typically I won’t have doubles of the ones I messed up.

#MyBackAcheHasBeenWildEvenWithStretchingInTheMorningAndEvenings

Ergh.

#IGuessPregnancyPlusPickingUpAOneYearOldIsNotAGreatMix

I think the more you stretch, the more you notice it too when it comes back?

#IAmTryingToLearnFromMyPregnancyWithBAndLyingDownViaMySideFirstWhenIGoToExerciseOnMyBack

Did I know about diastasis recti when I was pregnant with B? Nope. It will happen, but I want to avoid making it worse like I did with B.

#IHaveNotBeenSickInFiveDaysButIHaveComeCloseAFewTimes

Thanks to a sport drink it seems to keep away my sickness. I water it down a bit just so I do not get too addicted to the sugar/sweeteners.

#LastNightAfterBrushingMyTeethIWasSureItWasGoingToHappenAfterIGaggedButISatDownAndItPassed

I nearly gave into it, but I do not like the feeling – especially as my no sick day count goes up. Sitting down seems to help.

#SomeJoyAtTheMomentIsThatTheOlympicsIsOnAndIAmEnjoyingWatchingIt #IWasLookingForwardToWatchingItWithANewbornLastSummerButOhWell #IDoNotThinkItShouldHaveGoneAheadButBIsUpSoEarlyAndTheTimeDifferenceIsGoodForWatching

Yesterday I watched some swimming, archery, cycling and bits of team sports. It’s a bit different watching it with a child who runs around and does not stop, but it’s nice to have something interesting on in the background for once. We watched most of the opening ceremony and B was due to a nap when Portugal finally popped up. Their entrance was high energy and worth the wait, but then B went for a nap and I had a lie down. So many teams…

12 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Waist to head photo. I am wearing a grey jumper and have my left hand pulling on my right elbow, and my left hand tucking my hair behind my ear.
I Wore This Jumper As I Thought It Might Go Well With My Dark Eye Bags (12 weeks)

#MyFaceFeltDrySoIWentToCleanseItAndINoticedHowDarkMyEyeBagsWere
#MySisterAskedMeIfIHadWoreHerXmasPresentWhichWasAGreyJumperYetSoIThoughtItWouldGoWellWithMyEyeBags
#ButIThinkTheyLookedWorseWhenIWasInADarkRoom
#IWasPlanningOnHavingALieInThisMorningButTiagoLeftAndIRealisedThatHeHadNotSaidAnythingAboutPolitics
#SoIKnewItWasBadNewsAndThenIGotSuckedIntoSocialMediaAndTheNews
#IThinkMyBodyWentIntoShockAsIWasSick3HoursLaterThanUsual
#AndEvenThenItWasMeJustMakingSureBeforeIAteAnything
#LastNightWasTheOfficeXmasParty
#IWasExcitedAboutOrderingAnAlcoholFreeGinAndTonic
#ButThePlaceHadSoldOutSoTheySaidTheyWouldMakeMeAGinFreeMocktailInstead
#ADifferentGuyBroughtTheDrinksOutAndIFeltLikeHeJustShoutedAlcoholFreeVersion
#IGotAFewLooksButNoOneSeemedToCare
#ThoughSomeoneElseAskedIfIHadAnyKidsYetAsTheyHadNotSeenMeInAWhile
#IShouldHaveJustRolledMyEyesButInsteadIWasDumbAndSaidYouWish
#IThinkMyCheeksWentRedOnAFewOccasions
#DinnerWasSoFillingThatIThoughtIWouldBurst
#MyPocketsWereFullOfSnacksThatWereNotNeeded
#JustInCaseIFeltABitSick
#ThoughIDidHaveAFewMintsWhenIWasFeelingHungryAtTheBeginning
#IAmJustFeelingTiredAndICouldEasilyHaveANapNowButIHaveGotLotsOfStuffToDo
#FunTimes
#FeelingLikeIGotIgnoredForAPhotoJobAsISaidIWasPregnant
#IThoughtItWasSafeToSaySoAsTheBriefMentionedPregnancy
#MaybeTheyAreJustBusyButTheySaidTheyWouldCallMeTheOtherDayAndTheyDidNot
#ItMayHaveBeenForOtherReasons
#ButIWouldRatherPeopleJustTellMeThatTheyDoNotWantMeRatherThanGoSilent
#IDoNotGetManyOpportunitiesForThingsAndIWorryThatHavingAChildWillMakeThemEvenLessFrequent
#IDoNotUnderstandHowPeopleCanMakeALivingFromTheirWork
#WellIDoButIThinkIDoNotHaveTheRightPersonalityForIt
#MaybeHavingAKidWillMakeMeCareLessAndJustFightForMyselfMore 

It’s weird that I was 12 weeks pregnant at a completely different time of year last time. I haven’t had many opportunities to go out and order an alcohol free drink this time, but if I had it wouldn’t be much of a shock as I barely drank between having B and being pregnant. I’m such a lightweight and I feel like I’ve never had time for hangovers, let alone now.

I never heard back about that photography job. It’s just polite to say ‘sorry we’ve chosen other people’ or anything.

Things have been quite quiet on the photography front for me, besides making my work. Maybe it’s Covid, maybe it’s moving, maybe it’s having a kid and now being pregnant, maybe it’s just that there are so many photographers now, maybe it’s just a mix of many things and I can’t just expect opportunities to land on my lap.

My confidence has increased in some ways, but then not in others.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

It Has Been A Weird Couple Of Weeks (3rd February 2021)

Trigger warning: Miscarriage(?).

B sat between my legs looking down at her hands
It Has Been A Weird Couple Of Weeks (3rd February 2021)
 
#ItHasBeenAWeirdCoupleOfWeeks
#IDidNotKnowIfIWouldTalkAboutItHereButIDecidedIShouldAsThisProjectIsTryingToBeAsHonestAsPossible
#BasicallyOverTwoWeeksAgoIWasWakingUpInTheMorningFeelingSick
#AfterThreeOrSoDaysOfItIDecidedToDoAPregnancyTestWhichWasPositive
#SoIStartedToMakeANewPregnancyProjectAndIThoughtIWasManagingMyMorningSicknessWell
#AfterAboutAWeekAndAHalfIWasGettingQuiteBadCrampsAndSomeBleeding
#SoICalledUpTheDoctorsAndTheyCalledMeInToExamineMyTummy
#AndTheyDid3PregnancyTestsWhichWereAllNegative
#ThingsGotABitWorseAndTheyMadeMeDoAPregnancyBloodTestWhichAlsoCameBackNegative
#ItWasAndIsABitOfAConfusingSituationAsWasIEverActuallyPregnantOrNotIsHardToSay
#ISpentSomeTimeThinkingIWasAndMadeWorkAboutItAndTheDoctorsVisitsAndWaitingForResultsEtc
#IAmNotSureIfIWillEverShowItOrShareItButItFeelsSomewhatImportantToSayThatItExists
#InMyLastEntryITalkedAboutNotBeingThatBotheredAboutMeetingPeople
#ThoughInTheLastWeekIHaveHad3DifferentPeopleTalkToMeAtThePlaygroundWhenBeforeNoOneReallySpokeToMe
#OneWomanAskedIfIWasPlanningOnHavingAnymoreKidsAndAtThatPointIDidNotKnowWhatWasHappeningToMyBodyAndJustSaidYeahIHopeSo
#SheSaidSheHadTwoKidsWithAnEightYearGapAndTheyHadGivenUpOnHavingAnotherOneWhenSheGotPregnantWithHerYoungest
#WeWouldLikeTwoKidsButIWouldNotLikeAn8YearGapButIGuessWeHaveToSeeWhatHappens
#ItAlsoFeelsAwkwardTalkingAboutThisAsBeingPregnantWithBIWorriedThatIWouldLoseOutOnOpportunitiesByBeingPregnant
#NowThatIAmSayingWeWouldLikeAnotherKidOutLoudItFeelsLikeAgainIMightBeDismissedSomewhatForIt
#WeStartedSleepTrainingBAsIDidNotWantToBePregnantAndBeingWokenUpAllNight
#LastNightWePutHerToBedAt7AndIHadToWakeHerUpAt7WhichIsVeryRare
#EvenThoughWeSleptWellICouldHaveSleptForAnother10Hours
#ButYeahIWouldLikeToMeetSomeLocalPeopleButIAmNoGoodInGroupConversationsOnZoom
#ThereIsALocalWalkNextWeekForParentsWhichIsNiceAsTheyHaveBeenCancelledForAWhile
#IWasAlsoTryingToProtectMyselfAsIThoughtIWasPregnantAndShouldStayAwayFromPeopleForABit
#IAmEnjoyingBsZoomClassesButSheJustSeemsToTryAndEatEverything
#WhenItsTimeForKitchenInstrumentsSheJustEatsTheSpatulaAndIfITakeThatAwaySheTriesToEatThePan
#LastNightWeWereLyingOnTheFloorAndIWasReadingHerBooksAndSheLookedOverAtMeInASuperCuteWay
#SoILeanedTowardsHerAndThenSheJustStartedToStickHerFingersInMyEyesAndUpMyNose
#SheDoesNotKnowWhatSheIsDoingSoIAmGoingToTakeThatAsASignOfHerAffection

#ItHasBeenAWeirdCoupleOfWeeks #IDidNotKnowIfIWouldTalkAboutItHereButIDecidedIShouldAsThisProjectIsTryingToBeAsHonestAsPossible

I spoke to a friend yesterday and she said in some ways it was important to talk about it.

#BasicallyOverTwoWeeksAgoIWasWakingUpInTheMorningFeelingSick #AfterThreeOrSoDaysOfItIDecidedToDoAPregnancyTestWhichWasPositive #SoIStartedToMakeANewPregnancyProjectAndIThoughtIWasManagingMyMorningSicknessWell

Drinking plenty and eating snacks. I was determined to not have a Puke Portraits II project.

#AfterAboutAWeekAndAHalfIWasGettingQuiteBadCrampsAndSomeBleeding #SoICalledUpTheDoctorsAndTheyCalledMeInToExamineMyTummy #AndTheyDid3PregnancyTestsWhichWereAllNegative #ThingsGotABitWorseAndTheyMadeMeDoAPregnancyBloodTestWhichAlsoCameBackNegative #ItWasAndIsABitOfAConfusingSituationAsWasIEverActuallyPregnantOrNotIsHardToSay

I thought I better put a trigger warning on the post. I did bleed, but was it a period or more than that? My period(?) was 4 days early, which rarely happens. I had had a period a month previously, but I did have a bit of one when I was pregnant with B. I was really heavy for 2 days and then it pretty much stopped which had made me suspicious.

The blood test was just to see if I was still pregnant or not, but they will never be able to tell me if I was pregnant or not.

(Before I did the home pregnancy test I was also needing to go to the toilet more and I had even thought to myself ‘I’m doing kegels everyday, why do I suddenly need to wee more?’)

#ISpentSomeTimeThinkingIWasAndMadeWorkAboutItAndTheDoctorsVisitsAndWaitingForResultsEtc

I started to mentally prepare myself for being pregnant again. I was super anxious about something bad happening. I have a phone call every 2 weeks about my mental health and my anxiety was through the roof.

I really thought I was wasting their time by calling about cramps and slight bleeding, but I was just crying my eyes out that day in worry.

Thanks to the NHS for their help. I read an article the other day about maternity staff feeling overwhelmed – when I called the hospital to book my first appointment the woman on the phone said her and her colleagues were really at the end of their tethers that day.

#IAmNotSureIfIWillEverShowItOrShareItButItFeelsSomewhatImportantToSayThatItExists

I spent time writing hashtags and blog posts, not being sure if I’ll ever share them but it was really therapeutic for me.

#InMyLastEntryITalkedAboutNotBeingThatBotheredAboutMeetingPeople #ThoughInTheLastWeekIHaveHad3DifferentPeopleTalkToMeAtThePlaygroundWhenBeforeNoOneReallySpokeToMe

I am just so bad at conversations now. A Dad was talking to me the other day and I realised that I had not really spoken more than a few words to a random man in a long time.

#OneWomanAskedIfIWasPlanningOnHavingAnymoreKidsAndAtThatPointIDidNotKnowWhatWasHappeningToMyBodyAndJustSaidYeahIHopeSo #SheSaidSheHadTwoKidsWithAnEightYearGapAndTheyHadGivenUpOnHavingAnotherOneWhenSheGotPregnantWithHerYoungest

It must have been such a ride for her.

#WeWouldLikeTwoKidsButIWouldNotLikeAn8YearGapButIGuessWeHaveToSeeWhatHappens

An 8 year gap would mean me having a kid at 40ish and I do not see that happening.

#ItAlsoFeelsAwkwardTalkingAboutThisAsBeingPregnantWithBIWorriedThatIWouldLoseOutOnOpportunitiesByBeingPregnant #NowThatIAmSayingWeWouldLikeAnotherKidOutLoudItFeelsLikeAgainIMightBeDismissedSomewhatForIt

I am saying I want a kid and if I was pregnant now it would be great. However our bodies don’t just do what we want them to and I do not know when it will happen, so reach out to me with any opportunities you have. I kept making dance videos until the day before I gave birth last time. I’m fine…

#WeStartedSleepTrainingBAsIDidNotWantToBePregnantAndBeingWokenUpAllNight #LastNightWePutHerToBedAt7AndIHadToWakeHerUpAt7WhichIsVeryRare #EvenThoughWeSleptWellICouldHaveSleptForAnother10Hours

The night before she had woken up a few times and I was relieved to see that it was midnight and not 6am as I wanted more sleep.

This morning I woke up and saw it was 6.30am and she was not awake yet.

The more sleep you get the more sleep you want. I’ve been going to bed early – I think I did around 10.30pm last night, but I need to aim more for 10.

Usually B wakes up around 4.30ish, but we don’t get her out of her cot until 6. She may just have been tired from all the zoom calls and trying to crawl yesterday.

#ButYeahIWouldLikeToMeetSomeLocalPeopleButIAmNoGoodInGroupConversationsOnZoom

Unless they are good friends of mine, but even then I feel awkward and think I say too much rubbish.

#ThereIsALocalWalkNextWeekForParentsWhichIsNiceAsTheyHaveBeenCancelledForAWhile

B is always asleep during the zoom calls so I never join them. Arranged walks are nice as I guess we get paired off and then can just chat about life.

#IWasAlsoTryingToProtectMyselfAsIThoughtIWasPregnantAndShouldStayAwayFromPeopleForABit

I was happy though, but yeah I thought it was for the best that I could not mix closely with other people. Nan and Tiago both have had their vaccines so in some way I’m the most vulnerable now, as babies do not really get/react badly to Covid (I think?).

#IAmEnjoyingBsZoomClassesButSheJustSeemsToTryAndEatEverything #WhenItsTimeForKitchenInstrumentsSheJustEatsTheSpatulaAndIfITakeThatAwaySheTriesToEatThePan

She just eats EVERYTHING. It’s cute, but funny. I feel like our screen on zoom is B just hitting me in the head on accident and/or eating everything I give to her or am holding.

#LastNightWeWereLyingOnTheFloorAndIWasReadingHerBooksAndSheLookedOverAtMeInASuperCuteWay #SoILeanedTowardsHerAndThenSheJustStartedToStickHerFingersInMyEyesAndUpMyNose #SheDoesNotKnowWhatSheIsDoingSoIAmGoingToTakeThatAsASignOfHerAffection

I thought we were having a really sweet moment. It was cute. But also a bit painful…


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