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Pregnancy Waiting II

Portrait Of A Mother Of An Eighteen Month Old (33 Weeks / 15th December 2021)

Self-portrait where I am kneeling on the bed. I am looking off to the left of the frame. I am dressed all in black and have my hands on my knees.
Portrait Of A Mother Of An Eighteen Month Old (33 Weeks / 15th December 2021)
 
#ICanNotBelieveThatBIsAYearAndAHalf
#ThoughInSomeWaysIFeelLikeSheIsOlderAndIAtTimesStillFindItOddThatIHaveAChild
#WellICouldSoonBeAMotherOfTwoAndMyNanPointsOutAtLeastOnceADayHowBigMyBumpIsGetting
#SometimesIWorryThatIAmATerribleMotherButThenTheNewsLatelyRemindsMeThatIReallyAmNot
#IHadToLeaveTheRoomWhenTheNewsWasOnEarlierTalkingAboutTheMurderOfASixteenMonthOldGirl
#IHadACryAndIWasTheSameWithTheNewsOfTheMurderOfASixYearOldBoy
#MakingBLaughIsTheBestFeelingInTheWorldAndHearingHerLaughIsTheBestSound
#SheLikesToHaveARunAroundBeforeBedtimeNowWithUsChasingHer
#AtThePlaygroundTodayWeWerePlayingPeekabooLotsAndSheLovedIt
#IHaveDiscoveredThatICanPutHerPushchairHandlebarsLowEnoughForHerToBeAbleToPushItNowThoughIDoHaveToSteerIt
#TodaySheStartedToStandUpOnTheStepOnTheBackOfHerPushchairAndLaterOnSatDownOnItFacingMeForTheFirstTime
#SheIsDefinitelyShowingOffHerPersonalityMoreWhichIsReallyCool
#ThoughSheDoesLikeToDropToHerKneesAndCryWhenTiagoGoesToLeaveARoom
#SheHasAlsoJustStartedToWalkIntoARoomWhereHeIsAndDropToHerKneesDramatically
#WhenHeGoesToPutHerDownSheWillOftenLiftHerLegsUpAndHoverAboveTheFloor
#SheLikesToSitInHisOfficeChairNowAndDrawOnHisNotepadWithHisPens
#IGotHerSomeColouringPencilsButSheDoesNotSeemToLikeThemSoIGotSomeWashableFeltTipsThatWeAreYetToTryOut
#IFinishedHerBabyBookAndAmDebatingJustBuyingTheSameOneForBabyXButMaybeDoingItADifferentWayThisTime
#IWouldFeelBadIfIDidNotDoSomethingAndAmWorryItMightNotBeAsGoodSoItWasProbablyBestToDoSomethingSimilar
#IFinallyTookBBackToTheSoftPlayPlaceThatWeWentToInMay
#WeMetUpWithAPregnantLadyAndHerDaughterWhoIMetOnAMumApp
#WeBookedInForTheFirstSessionOfTheDayAndItWasGreatAsItWasSoQuiet
#IFeltComfortableKnowingThatItWasProbablyTheCleanestItWouldBeAllDayToo
#EveryoneWasWearingMasksThisTimeApartFromOneGuyWhoMayHaveBeenExempt
#BKeptWantingToGoOnTheSlideSoIHadToGoOnItTooAndItWasGoodFun
#ItStillIsNotSomewhereThatIWouldWantToGoWithJustBThoughAsIThinkItIsQuiteBoringIfNoOneTalksToYou
#CovidCasesAreRisingAndIAmGettingABitWorriedNowAsIDoNotWantToBeCovidPositiveWhenTheBabyComes
#IDoKnowWhatBirthingProtocolIsForAPositivePersonButAlsoItWillComplicateChildcareIssuesWithB
#TiagoIsDueToGetHisBoosterThisWeekendWhichIsGoodAsHeHadHisSecondVaccineInAprilSoHisProtectionIsProbablyRunningLow
#MineIsBookedForNextWeekForWhenItWillHaveBeen3MonthsSinceMyLastDoseWhichIsGoodAsICanDefinitelyFeelThatMyLungCapacityIsReducedDueToABabySquashingAllMyOrgans

#ICanNotBelieveThatBIsAYearAndAHalf

Happy year and half B – though you’ll be a lot older by the time I post this.

#ThoughInSomeWaysIFeelLikeSheIsOlderAndIAtTimesStillFindItOddThatIHaveAChild

I’m terrible at aging young kids as I did not have much experience with them prior to having one, but at times she does seem older. Also, it feels like she’s been in my life for a lot longer than she has – I guess if you add on the 9ish months of pregnancy, then that would seem a bit more accurate.

I do still often look at her and think ‘whoa, I have a kid’.

#WellICouldSoonBeAMotherOfTwoAndMyNanPointsOutAtLeastOnceADayHowBigMyBumpIsGetting

It’s just weird. My Nan pointed out my bump today just after I’d had lunch, and then after dinner.

#SometimesIWorryThatIAmATerribleMotherButThenTheNewsLatelyRemindsMeThatIReallyAmNot

I feel bad when I am tired and just leave her to amuse herself for a bit, but it is good for her.

#IHadToLeaveTheRoomWhenTheNewsWasOnEarlierTalkingAboutTheMurderOfASixteenMonthOldGirl

I couldn’t see her face. She was only two months younger than B. I don’t get how people can be so cruel…

#IHadACryAndIWasTheSameWithTheNewsOfTheMurderOfASixYearOldBoy

I feel like I saw his lovely face every day, and it’s so heartbreaking. Especially as his family was fighting so much to protect him and look after him. I’d just turn the TV off, but my Nan is usually watching it.

These are just two cases of many.

It reminds me of a Sandra Bullock interview that I saw the other day, where she talks about how a lot of kids don’t have anyone to love them, and it’s so sad.

#MakingBLaughIsTheBestFeelingInTheWorldAndHearingHerLaughIsTheBestSound

I don’t get how people can enjoy making their kids cry or hurt them.

#SheLikesToHaveARunAroundBeforeBedtimeNowWithUsChasingHer

I’m usually tutting and saying ‘it’s bedtime soon, yeah’, but it’s also good for her to get all the energy out before going to bed. She suddenly seems to wake up.

#AtThePlaygroundTodayWeWerePlayingPeekabooLotsAndSheLovedIt

I was hiding behind various things, and she was hiding behind other things. Great fun.

#IHaveDiscoveredThatICanPutHerPushchairHandlebarsLowEnoughForHerToBeAbleToPushItNowThoughIDoHaveToSteerIt

This is a great discovery as she likes to be picked up to push the bar, but I have not been able to do it for a while as it is too difficult for me, and Tiago held her to do it for so long the other day that his back hurt.

#TodaySheStartedToStandUpOnTheStepOnTheBackOfHerPushchairAndLaterOnSatDownOnItFacingMeForTheFirstTime

Also great, as it keeps her happy, though it will be better when she is slightly taller as when she stands up the button that you push to move the handlebars up and down is at her eye height at the moment.

#SheIsDefinitelyShowingOffHerPersonalityMoreWhichIsReallyCool

She’s picked up another cold from nursery, but she still likes to have fun. I think she is also teething.

#ThoughSheDoesLikeToDropToHerKneesAndCryWhenTiagoGoesToLeaveARoom

I think he is nervous that he might have two kids that are a bit obsessed with him.

#SheHasAlsoJustStartedToWalkIntoARoomWhereHeIsAndDropToHerKneesDramatically

The first time she did it he thought she had fallen, but I saw her purposefully do it. He won’t pick her up until she stands up though which is good.

#WhenHeGoesToPutHerDownSheWillOftenLiftHerLegsUpAndHoverAboveTheFloor

This makes me laugh.

#SheLikesToSitInHisOfficeChairNowAndDrawOnHisNotepadWithHisPens

She can climb up on it by herself, which I am quite impressed by.

#IGotHerSomeColouringPencilsButSheDoesNotSeemToLikeThemSoIGotSomeWashableFeltTipsThatWeAreYetToTryOut

The pencils are a bit weak compared to T’s pen, but it’s not the safest option for her. The pens arrived today, so we’ll try them out soon.

#IFinishedHerBabyBookAndAmDebatingJustBuyingTheSameOneForBabyXButMaybeDoingItADifferentWayThisTime

We got an instax printer and printed phone pictures out, but I do not like how they look at all – and it was way more expensive than just getting them printed at the supermarket or via a printing site.

#IWouldFeelBadIfIDidNotDoSomethingAndAmWorryItMightNotBeAsGoodSoItWasProbablyBestToDoSomethingSimilar

Tiago just had a look through the whole book, and I feel good that I made the effort to do it now. It’s also weird seeing her so small. I need to start making a family album too.

#IFinallyTookBBackToTheSoftPlayPlaceThatWeWentToInMay

We’d only been to soft play once since then, and that was at a different place.

#WeMetUpWithAPregnantLadyAndHerDaughterWhoIMetOnAMumApp

We have met up with them once before, but it rained the whole time and it was too stressful trying to keep B entertained outside of a coffee shop.

#WeBookedInForTheFirstSessionOfTheDayAndItWasGreatAsItWasSoQuiet

Amazing. It is a better place to the other one that I took B too, but it feels more claustrophobic / less airy.

#IFeltComfortableKnowingThatItWasProbablyTheCleanestItWouldBeAllDayToo

As I imagine that they do a good clean once everyone leaves, and we saw them cleaning while we were there too.

#EveryoneWasWearingMasksThisTimeApartFromOneGuyWhoMayHaveBeenExempt

Last time people slowly took their masks off, which annoyed me.

#BKeptWantingToGoOnTheSlideSoIHadToGoOnItTooAndItWasGoodFun

I wanted to send her on by herself, but I was worried that she would fall down weirdly. I would help her go down by herself, then follow her very slowly.

#ItStillIsNotSomewhereThatIWouldWantToGoWithJustBThoughAsIThinkItIsQuiteBoringIfNoOneTalksToYou

I need adult conversation. If it was a bit nearer and Covid wasn’t on the rise, then I guess I would be a bit more enthusiastic. By the time I had walked there and home again I was aching.

#CovidCasesAreRisingAndIAmGettingABitWorriedNowAsIDoNotWantToBeCovidPositiveWhenTheBabyComes

I’ve said this before, but yeah I am worried.

#IDoKnowWhatBirthingProtocolIsForAPositivePersonButAlsoItWillComplicateChildcareIssuesWithB

Tiago would probably have to stay home with B – this also goes for if my parents get Covid. I need to just relax though and try not to stress.

#TiagoIsDueToGetHisBoosterThisWeekendWhichIsGoodAsHeHadHisSecondVaccineInAprilSoHisProtectionIsProbablyRunningLow

I’ll feel better when he gets it. Luckily I ordered some flow tests last week, as there is a shortage. His is booked for Saturday evening, so he has Sunday to recover if need be.

#MineIsBookedForNextWeekForWhenItWillHaveBeen3MonthsSinceMyLastDoseWhichIsGoodAsICanDefinitelyFeelThatMyLungCapacityIsReducedDueToABabySquashingAllMyOrgans

I’m booked in at a medical centre, which is quite far from where we live but my Doctors messaged today to say they will be sending out booking info for there from tomorrow, so I might try to change it as it would be way more convenient to just be able to walk to my appointment. Everything does feel way more squished…

33 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait where I am hiding behind a piece of black fabric, but an arm, a leg and my bump are visible.
Things Seem A Bit More Real After My Midwife Appointment Today (33 weeks)
 
#WellTheBigNewsIsThatHomeBirthsHaveBeenUnsuspended
#ThoughMyMidwifeSaidThatThingsMightChangeAgain
#IDoNotKnowHowTheUKWillBeWhenIGiveBirth
#ButIFeelABitMoreRelaxedNow
#KnowingThatWeCanTakeOurTimeAndTiagoCanBeAroundTheWholeTime
#IfIHadToGiveBirthWithoutHimIAmSureICouldDoIt
#ButItIsMoreThatTheIsHeAllowedIsHeNotWhereIsHeThoughtsWillBeLessPresentIfIHaveAHomeBirth
#ObviouslyThereAreRisksAndIMightHaveToGoToHospitalAnywaysButIfWeCanStayInOurFlatThenItIsNice
#ThoughIStillWorryAboutWhatTheNeighboursWillThink
#ThingsFeelABitMoreRealNowAfterMyLatestAppointment
#WeHaveAListOfThingsThatWeNeedToGet
#AndSheTalkedALotAboutTheSnacksAndDrinksThatMightBeGoodToHelpMe
#IAmExcitedAboutSnacksThoughSheSaidThatAfterAWhileIWillNotWantToEat
#SheAskedMeIfIAmGoingToSetMyCameraUp
#IAmGladSheAskedAsIHopeToButIDoNotWantItToBeTooMuchOfADistraction
#ShameThereIsNotAnotherMeToDocumentIt
#IImagineThatIWillNotGetThePhotosIWantSoIDoNotWantToStressAboutIt
#MaybeINeedToTeachTiagoSomeSkillsButAtTheSameTimeIWantHimToJustBeWithMe
#ItIsFunnyAsTheMidwifeHasBeenTheOnlyPersonIHaveHadSuperCloseContactWithSinceLockdownBesidesTiago
#SheIsSendingSomeoneElseForMyNextAppointmentJustSoIHaveMetAnotherMidwifeAsSheMayNotBeAtTheBirth
#SheHadAGoodFeelOfTheBump
#ItIsCurrentlyHeadDownWithItsBackToMyBelly
#AgainSheSaidMyCoreIsStrong
#ButSheDidNotCommentOnMyMuscleSeparationSoItCanNotBeThatBad
#IGotUpEarlyToExerciseAndEatAndDrinkPlentyAndMyBloodCameOutFineForTheTest
#TiagoJustGotBackFromTheSupermarket
#ItIsABitSadHowMuchIMissGoingToBuyFood
#CravingsAreTotallyPointlessTheseDays
#IHaveFoundMyselfWastingAGoodHalfAnHourLookingAtFoodOnTakeawaySites
#IDoGetABitExcitedSeeingWhatTiagoPullsFromTheShoppingBagsThough
#TodayHeHadAReducedCheesecakeAndGotMeMyFavouriteChocolateOatMilk

Well, it’s good to know that at the same point of pregnancy things were a bit unclear. It was definitely more unclear then though – there were no vaccines.

As I have said many times before, I ended up not having a home birth so most of this was irrelevant, and he was there for the birth once I was allowed into a delivery suite – however, he was not able to visit B and I for the 4 days that we were there. I do wonder how it will be this time.

‘#IAmExcitedAboutSnacksThoughSheSaidThatAfterAWhileIWillNotWantToEat’

We got way too many snacks, but they came in handy during my long stay in the hospital. I did struggle to eat my hospital lunch when I was in the early stage of labour…

‘#SheAskedMeIfIAmGoingToSetMyCameraUp’

There are no pictures of me giving birth, which I am sad about, so I would like it to be different this time, but I also do not want to get distracted/I feel a bit awkward about it as I (imagine I) will be in hospital. I need to start thinking about this.

‘#IHaveFoundMyselfWastingAGoodHalfAnHourLookingAtFoodOnTakeawaySites’

These were sad times. I used to do it a lot…

Self-portrait from my neck to just below my waist. I am wearing a bra and my bump is on display. T is next to my bump, with a beard. It is a remake of an image that I took at 22 and a half weeks - he didn't have a beard then.
The Bump & The Beard (33 weeks)
 
#ItIsFunnyHowDifferentTiagoLooksToTheOriginalThatWeTookAt22AndAHalfWeeks
#IHaveNeverSeenHimWithThisMuchFacialHairBefore
#HeSaysHeHasNeverHadThisMuchFacialHairBefore
#HeMightGetRidOfItSoon
#ItIsFunnySeeingHowMuchBiggerMyBumpIsToo
#YesterdayWeWalkedADifferentWayAsOurWalksHaveBeenGettingShorter
#WalkingDownTheSameRoadAllTheTimeIsSoDemotivating
#WeWalkedInTheDirectionThatIsMorePopular
#TiagoIsTheOneWhoGoesOutAndDoesFoodShoppingSoHeIsUsedToBeingAroundAndSeeingMorePeople
#WhereasIHaveBecomeABitScaredOfPeople
#SoItWasGoodToSeeMorePeopleAndEnjoyALongerWalkAndChangeOfScenery
#SomePeopleStillWalkABitTooCloseForMyLiking
#ItIsQuiteObviousThatIAmPregnantNowIfYouAreWalkingTowardsMe
#MaybeTheyThinkThatBecauseIAmPregnantThatIAmNotLikelyToHaveCovidAndGiveItToThem
#ButIDoNotKnowIfTheyHaveItOrNotSoIWouldPreferIfTheyKeptTheirDistance
#ItIsWeirdImaginingAWorldPostAllOfThis
#MaybeItWillFeelEasyButIThinkRealisticallyIWillBeEmergingFromThisWithABaby
#AndSoTheOutsideWorldWillBeADifferentExperienceForMeAnyways
#ItIsGoingToBeOddNotHavingTiagoAroundAllTheTime
#IHaveBeenSpoiltAsHeHasBeenMaking99PercentOfTheMeals
#ITendToJustMakeCheeseAndPickleSandwiches
#ItWillBeWeirdHavingLunchByMyself
#WellIKeepThinkingAndSayingByMyselfButIWillHaveTheBabyAround
#IPictureMyselfWithTheBabyButItStillFeelsSoFarAway
#ThoughTimeIsMovingQuick
#INeedToStartPreparingMoreAgain
#IWasDoingWellAndThenTheNCTCourseKnackeredMeOut
#SoINeedToGetBackIntoReadingMoreThingsAndBuyingTheLastBitsAndBobs
#IAskedTiagoIfHeWantedToSayAnything
#HeJustSaidThatHeIsKeenToMeetTheBaby

This is a remake of I Have Told Him Before That If He Wants To Touch The Bump Then He Has To Make Sure His Hands Are Warm (22 and a half weeks).

At some point after moving he decided to keep a beard, though he keeps it quite short and neat.

This time I do manage to do a good walk as I have the pushchair to push which definitely helps me move, but I do need to be careful as I get quite achy.

‘#MaybeItWillFeelEasyButIThinkRealisticallyIWillBeEmergingFromThisWithABaby’

It’s weird that I will be emerging from this with two kids – if we ever emerge.

‘#ItIsGoingToBeOddNotHavingTiagoAroundAllTheTime’

He’s still around 99% of the time, and now the Government have said to work from home if you can, so hopefully it stays like that for a while so he won’t be out (which he rarely is) when I go into labour.

I need to read my hypnobirthing book again.


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