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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Portrait Of A Mother Of A 6 Month Old (16th December 2020)

Portrait Of A Mother Of A 6 Month Old (16th December 2020)
 
#IHaveBeenFeelingMuchBetterThisWeek
#IDecidedToStartMyFinalCodingCourseYesterday
#IHadBeenPuttingItOffButIHadPaidForItAlreadyAndIDoubtMuchWillHappenInTheNextMonth
#IAmStressedAboutDoingItButAtTheSameTimeIFeelReallyGoodWhenIGetThingsRight
#LastWeekIFeltTerribleAndIWouldJustFeedBInTheNightIfSheWokeUp
#ThenSheWouldUsuallySleepUntil8Or8Thirty
#ButThenIWouldFeelGuiltyForGettingUpSoLateAndSheWouldHaveToHaveShorterNapsInTheDayAndEndUpGoingToBedCloserTo8
#TheLast3MorningsWeHaveAimedToGetUpAround7
#ThoughYesterdaySheWasAwakeAt5ThirtyAndAt6IGaveUpAndFedHer
#ButIGotALotDoneDuringHerNaps
#WeWentToABabyClassAndSheFellAsleepOnTheWayBackSoWeEndedUpPuttingHerToBedAround6Thirty
#SheWokeUpAt9ishAndWeFedHerThen
#ButWhenSheWokeUpAt2ITriedForLongerToPutHerBackToSleepWithoutFeedingHerAsIKnewSheWasNotHungryAndWantedToSleep
#SheIsEatingALotOfFoodDuringTheDaySoSheShouldNotNeedFeedingSoMuchAtNight
#YesterdayIMadeButterbeanAndAvocadoForHer
#ButIPutTooMuchLemonInItAndItDidNotGoWell
#IShouldNotTryNewRecipesBeforeSheHasAClassAsIGotSuperStressedWorryingThatSheHadNotHadEnoughToEat
#AndWeEndedUpMakingItToClassJustOnTimeWhenIHadPlannedToBeALittleEarly
#MyMumHadBroughtSomeOutfitsRoundForHerAndIHadWantedToPutHerInOne
#NopeSheWoreAOnesieLikeSheHasDoneForHerWholeExistence
#IAmJustGoingToTryAddingSomeCarrotsToHerLeftoverFood
#IfSheDoesNotLikeItThenIWillJustHaveToEatIt
#IForgotToMentionInMyLastEntryThatThereIsAWaitingTimeOf3To6WeeksForTheServiceThatMyHealthVisitorToldMeToRing
#ItHappensALotWhereIFeelLikeINeedHelpForALongTime
#WhenIEventuallyAskForHelpThereIsAlwaysALongWaitingList
#ThenByTheTimeTheyGetRoundToGettingBackInTouchIFeelALotBetter
#IHaveAlwaysBeenVeryUpAndDownThough
#AndMyWorkPlaysABigPartInIt
#GettingUpEarlierAndGivingMyselfMoreOfAChanceToGetThingsDoneDefinitelyMakesMeFeelBetter
#ThoughThereWillBeDaysWhereIDoJustNeedToSleepThroughHerNapsAndThatIsFineToo

#IHaveBeenFeelingMuchBetterThisWeek

Last week I just felt awful (I’m writing this on 16th December). I just wanted to lie in bed at any opportunity, and I cried a lot.

#IDecidedToStartMyFinalCodingCourseYesterday #IHadBeenPuttingItOffButIHadPaidForItAlreadyAndIDoubtMuchWillHappenInTheNextMonth #IAmStressedAboutDoingItButAtTheSameTimeIFeelReallyGoodWhenIGetThingsRight

I saw a friend who asked how it was all going. I had forgotten about it, so I thought about starting next week but I thought it was best just to sign up and get on with it while I felt in the mood to.

I found that I was just faffing a lot in the evenings once B had gone to bed.

#LastWeekIFeltTerribleAndIWouldJustFeedBInTheNightIfSheWokeUp

We used to make more of an effort to try to get her to go back to sleep. She does sleep through the night at times, so I knew she couldn’t be that hungry, but feeding her is a quick way to make her go back to sleep.

#ThenSheWouldUsuallySleepUntil8Or8Thirty

Especially if it was 5am. I’d just be rushing to feed her as I knew she would definitely sleep for a long time afterwards. I don’t mind starting our day at 6, but 5 is too early. If she wakes up pre-6 and is being quiet it’s fine, but if she is screaming then something needs to happen.

#ButThenIWouldFeelGuiltyForGettingUpSoLateAndSheWouldHaveToHaveShorterNapsInTheDayAndEndUpGoingToBedCloserTo8

So basically I wouldn’t get anything done, which would make me feel worse and make me want to lie in bed and cry more.

#TheLast3MorningsWeHaveAimedToGetUpAround7

I like to do some yoga/stretching in the morning. We were getting up late and then T would have to get ready to start work, whereas if we get up at 7 he can feed B while I stretch. Though the last 2 days I’ve had to feed her and make other time for my yoga as T didn’t sleep very well two nights ago and this morning he had to go out to work for once (instead of working at home).

#ThoughYesterdaySheWasAwakeAt5ThirtyAndAt6IGaveUpAndFedHer #ButIGotALotDoneDuringHerNaps

At 6am it seemed like ‘fair enough, let’s just start the day and then in 2 hours she will be having a nap again, so I know I can get things done’. I’m not looking forward to her dropping another nap. Apparently it should be done between 7 and 9 months. I’m hoping it goes towards the end of the 9 months, but we’ll just have to see how B is.

#WeWentToABabyClassAndSheFellAsleepOnTheWayBackSoWeEndedUpPuttingHerToBedAround6Thirty

I did get a bit stressed out that she was asleep for so long. It feels weird that she should have dinner around 4ish, but I managed to stretch it until 4.30pm and then extended her awake time to 6.30ish. Apologies if some of this stuff is super boring.

#SheWokeUpAt9ishAndWeFedHerThen

T was just about to get into bed when she woke up. We do usually do a dream feed around 9.30/10 anyways. Sometimes we think about dropping it, but I have read that some people suggest doing it until 1 years old. I know some babies don’t have it, but it seems to work (at times) for us.

#ButWhenSheWokeUpAt2ITriedForLongerToPutHerBackToSleepWithoutFeedingHerAsIKnewSheWasNotHungryAndWantedToSleep #SheIsEatingALotOfFoodDuringTheDaySoSheShouldNotNeedFeedingSoMuchAtNight

I am surprised by how much she eats at times.

Also, when trying to put her back to sleep I usually put my hand on her chest and if she turns her head to the side quite quickly I know she wants to sleep. She was also lifting her legs up and throwing them down quick, which is another sign that she wants to sleep. I was about to get her some milk, but I realised that she wasn’t really crying much, so I tried one more time to see if she would sleep. I rubbed her forehead a little bit and eventually she went off.

I just read my book (André Leon Talley’s The Chiffon Trenches) a little bit, as sometimes it is better just to read and observe rather than try to go back to sleep and get annoyed when she won’t settle.

#YesterdayIMadeButterbeanAndAvocadoForHer #ButIPutTooMuchLemonInItAndItDidNotGoWell

Whoops. I have seen plenty of videos of animals and babies trying lemon for the first time, and she had a very similar look.

#IShouldNotTryNewRecipesBeforeSheHasAClassAsIGotSuperStressedWorryingThatSheHadNotHadEnoughToEat

She had a few spoons, then I got a pouch of food out of the cupboard but by that point I think she was too traumatised and wouldn’t take anything off of the spoon. I gave her 4 oz of milk, which she drank most of, but I worried it would not be enough.

#AndWeEndedUpMakingItToClassJustOnTimeWhenIHadPlannedToBeALittleEarly

I had wanted to go 10 minutes early to try to talk to other people. I did end up talking to someone which was nice, but the next class isn’t for a few weeks now.

#MyMumHadBroughtSomeOutfitsRoundForHerAndIHadWantedToPutHerInOne

‘Make sure you take some pictures’.

#NopeSheWoreAOnesieLikeSheHasDoneForHerWholeExistence

Annoyingly there was a cute photo op set up too. I feel like I can’t be bothered to dress her in outfits unless we go to class though. When we go out for walks she is usually in her pram suit, so no one can see.

I’m sure soon I’ll get used to putting her in other clothes…

#IAmJustGoingToTryAddingSomeCarrotsToHerLeftoverFood #IfSheDoesNotLikeItThenIWillJustHaveToEatIt

I already have butterbean dip to eat as the recipe didn’t ask for the whole tin of beans.

I made this one, since I had all of the ingredients.

#IForgotToMentionInMyLastEntryThatThereIsAWaitingTimeOf3To6WeeksForTheServiceThatMyHealthVisitorToldMeToRing #ItHappensALotWhereIFeelLikeINeedHelpForALongTime #WhenIEventuallyAskForHelpThereIsAlwaysALongWaitingList #ThenByTheTimeTheyGetRoundToGettingBackInTouchIFeelALotBetter

This definitely happened while I was making my Neblina project. By the time they call though I might feel like I need some help again. I definitely have reoccurring issues that I need help working on.

My work is therapeutic, but it can only do so much.

#IHaveAlwaysBeenVeryUpAndDownThough #AndMyWorkPlaysABigPartInIt #GettingUpEarlierAndGivingMyselfMoreOfAChanceToGetThingsDoneDefinitelyMakesMeFeelBetter

It’s nice to start the day feeling like I don’t have all of my to-do list hanging over me. That means I can give B more of my attention (not a stressed out Mum thinking about the many things I want/need to do).

#ThoughThereWillBeDaysWhereIDoJustNeedToSleepThroughHerNapsAndThatIsFineToo

The good thing about her going to bed earlier too (I’m going to aim for a 7pm bedtime in future) is that I usually get stuff done earlier, which means I can go to sleep earlier. I do like to read for about 30 minutes or so before I go to bed, though last week I was reading for about an hour at night. It was good, but sometimes I did read too much which I shouldn’t do as you never know when B will wake up.


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