I am so funny.
Hands under the arms. Great.
Sometimes I worry that she will just slip out of my hands.
Her chest seems a little worse in places. I am thinking it is heat rash as she does sleep on her tummy a lot. I’ve been experimenting with making her room cooler at bedtime this last week. It seems to have been going okay.
I usually do work/have me time when B is asleep and these zoom chats are always when B is napping. However I felt in the mood to talk to people
I am cringeing now. I thought they were ignoring me, but then I realised that I had muted my computer via the button on my keyboard. Later on I tried to talk but someone else also spoke at the same time, so I just let them carry on. Then I asked a question to one of the women, but at that moment she went on mute and it was just super awkward.
I was crying quite a lot. I think it was partly because of the call, but also just crying to get other things off of my chest.
I was still crying, so I had to blow my nose. Then she started to cry, which made me cry more as I felt terrible. I do not like crying in front of her. It was a bad day.
I think they’re more frequent occurrences than ‘once in a while’ to be fair.’
Reading that while feeling in a similar patch made me realise that it is more common. I had thought about quitting my fortnightly mental health call, but I think I need it for now.
I wrote about this a lot the other night in my diary.
I’m bored of sounding like such a negative whiney person. I think I write this at least once a month.
A big part of it is also feeling like I’m only as good as my last shoot and I haven’t liked my last couple of shoots. I hope today’s shoot goes better.
I’ve done 30 days of yoga a few times now and I still can not do chaturanga to upward facing dog without touching the floor between them. So with more pushups I hope to be able to achieve this (I can do it sometimes, but I want to be able to do it all the time).
#DoYouEverGetThatFeelingOfThereIsSoMuchThatYouWantToDoButYouDoNotKnowWhereToStartSoInsteadOfDoingSomethingYouDoNothing #IFeltABitLikeThatTheOtherDayAndISpentALotOfMyFreeTimeAtTheWeekendJustWatchingTaskmaster #IThinkIAmJustABitScaredOfFailureSlashWastingMyTimeSoIWouldRatherRelax
I was tired. I need to not be so hard on myself and let myself relax a bit. Previously I would have just jumped into doing something. Now I am trying to think about it more first before I do it, though I think I am at the point where I just need to try something.
It’s difficult not having a good space to work in, like when I was using what is now B’s room. Our bedroom is okay, but it’s not the most ideal. I miss a blank wall. I’m going to order a backdrop or paper or something.
We had planned to watch this last week, but instead we watched 3 episodes of tv.
Amy Poehler told a joke at the Golden Globes the other night that summed it up nicely: ‘Now, TV is the one that I watch five hours straight, but a movie is the one that I don’t turn on because it’s two hours. I don’t want to be in front of my TV for two hours, I want to be in front of the TV for one hour five times.’
So most couple’s normal nights? We don’t watch TV together in the evenings after B is asleep usually.
I rarely sit in the living room while B is asleep. I’m usually sat in our room. I’ve started 3 books lately, but I need to actually finish one.
Library e-books are a better way for me to read as I usually have 14 days to read them before it’s time to return it for someone else in the queue. If I own it then I do not do such a good job of finishing it.
A book that I am aiming to finish is The Five by Hallie Rubenhold.
Last night I should have just got into bed early and read it, but when I’m tired I procrastinate more than usual and I wasted a lot of time doing nothing.
Hi, it’s me Jocelyn the pandemic police lady again.
I am also a member of the not very exclusive ‘I’m fed up’ club.
I would feel guilty for openly flouting the rules and I also can not be carefree in the park anymore as I have a baby.
If you all want to get Covid then fine, but just let me leave the house for a baby class or playgroup. Pleaseeee.
She has been teasing us since before we moved to Birmingham and we have lived here for 4 months now.
Cheesy but true. I look at her many times during the day and think ‘whoa I grew this little human inside me’.
Maybe these hashtags should be swapped around? Oh well.
I do need to talk to her more. I think I spend a lot of the day in silence/watching more kids TV than she does. I just can not talk all day, especially when the person I am talking to can not really talk back. She has more talkative phases though and I just need to do that thing where you copy then say some words afterwards.
I need to get over things. I wanted a baby. I am so happy that we have B. We are lucky as we have my Nan, and we see my Mum a few times a week. It is just so tiring, but I do still want another one at some point. I’d rather just get on with things as there will never be a good time to have another child now.
(26th March: B throwing her arms up in the air after I picked her up seemed to be a 2 day phase. She hasn’t done it since then.)
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