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Pregnancy Waiting II

I Have Had My First Scan (13 Weeks / 28th July 2021)

I'm holding B in my arms while also holding a baby scan in my left hand. Tiago has his left hand on my shoulder.
I Have Had My First Scan (13 Weeks / 28th July 2021)
 
#IImagineThePhotographThatIWillTakeWillReferenceAPictureFromMyWaitingProjectWhenIWasNineAndAHalfWeeks
#IWantToGetBInvolvedInThePictureTooButTheImageIHaveInMyMindWillProbablyNotBeTheOneIEndUpGetting
#TheMidwifeRangTheDayBeforeTheScanAndSaidToWearAFaceMaskHaveAFullBladderForTiagoToBringHisFlowTestAndFiveQuidInCashForPhotos
#WellThereIsAFineLineBetweenHavingAFullBladderAndFeelingLikeYouAreGoingToPissYourself
#TheyWereRunningAboutThirtyMinutesLateSoISatInTheWaitingRoomStrugglingWhilePeopleCoughedAndSniffledAroundUs
#WithMyTwelveWeekAppointmentWithBIGotToldOffForNotHavingAFullEnoughBladderAndGotSentToDrinkMoreWater
#ThisTimeIKeptGettingSentToTheToiletToEmptyMyBladderABitMoreAsIHadWaitedSoLong
#ItWasWeirdToSeeTheBabyOnTheScreenAsIKnowIAmPregnantButIDoOftenForgetWhatItMeans
#SheSaidThatIAm13WeeksWhichIHadAssumedIWasThoughPartOfMeWasStillHopingIWas17Weeks
#IWasRelievedToSeeThatTheBabyWasWellThoughTheMidwifeWasStrugglingToGetAllTheMeasurementsSheNeeded
#IKeptGettingOffTheBedToDanceAroundOrStayedOnTheBedAndPushedMyHipsUpAndWiggled
#InTheEndSheSentUsToTheWaitingRoomWhileSheSawTheNextPatientToSeeIfTheBabyWouldBeInTheRightPositionAfterTheWait
#WeWereOutForNearlyTwoAndAHalfHoursInTheEndSoItWasGoodThatTiagoHadBroughtHisLaptop
#IWentInByMyselfForTheLastBitAndAfterMoreDancingSheGotTheNeckMeasurementThatSheWanted
#IThenNeededToBeWeighedAndHaveABloodTestSoThatWasMoreWaitingAroundButAtLeastThereWasGoodMusicPlayingAtThePlace
#TheyDidNotChargeUsForThePhotoInTheEndAsTheyHadNoEnvelopesAndTheyHadNotBeenChargingAgainUntilRecentlyAsPartnersHadNotBeenAllowedIn
#BeforeSheChoseTheImageForUsWeJokedThatItLookedLikeTheBabyWasSmokingACigarAndTheCloudOfSmokeIsVisibleInTheImage
#LuckilyMyMumWasWatchingBAsKidsAreNotAllowedToAppointments
#ItSoundsLikeMostOfMyAppointmentsAreHereThereAndEverywhereWhichIsABitFrustrating
#LastNightTiagoSaidHeIsFeelingMoreRelaxedAboutThisPregnancy
#ThenFiveMinutesLaterWeLookedAtBOnHerMonitorAndTiagoThoughtSheWasNotBreathingButLuckilySheMovedJustBeforeTiagoWasAboutToGoIntoHerRoom
#TiagoFinallyGotRoundToMakingItSoThatBsDoorNoLongerSqueaks
#SoThatIsGoodWhenWeNeedToGoIntoHerRoomToCloseAWindowOrSomethingAsWeWereAlwaysWakingHerUpBefore
#ISaidInMyLastEntryThatIHadNotBeenSickInFiveDaysButThenThatNightIWasSick
#IWasThenNotSickForThreeDaysUntilThisMorningButEarlyMorningSickIsTheLeastHorribleKindUsually
#IAmStillHavingToStretchMyBackOutTwiceADayAndIGuessItWillOnlyGetWorseAsTimeGoesOn
#BHadHerLastBabySensoryClassAndIAmSadSheIsTooOldForItNowAsItHasBeenAHighlightOfOurWeekForMe
#IThinkSheEntertainsALotOfPeopleSoEveryoneClappedForHerWhichWasSweet
#AtTheEndOfTheClassSheApproachedTheTeachersDollAndWasQuiteIntriguedByIt
#ItGaveMeSomeInsightOfHowSheMightBeWithHerSiblingAndSheWasQuiteCuteWithItButIJustHopeSheDoesNotKeepPokingThemInTheEyes

(7th October: I’m not so sure on the title of the image now – I Had My First Scan, First Scan instead perhaps? But it obviously felt right at the time, so I’ll leave it.)

I keep meaning to keep to Instagram’s text limit, but I just seem to waffle on and on now.

#IImagineThePhotographThatIWillTakeWillReferenceAPictureFromMyWaitingProjectWhenIWasNineAndAHalfWeeks

This one:

Me holding a scan of B when I was 9 and a half weeks pregnant. T has his right hand on my left shoulder.
I Keep Looking At The Scan As I Can Not Believe It (9 and a half weeks)
 
#SoWeWentToTheHospital
#HadAnAppointmentButWaitedNearlyAnHour
#MaybeBecauseOtherPeopleNeededLookingAtMoreUrgently
#SomePeopleDidLookLikeTheyWereInALotOfPain
#IThoughtIShouldHaveAFullBladderIfTheyDidAScan
#SoIWasBurstingForTheToilet
#TheyFinallyCalledMeAndAskedIfINeededToGoToTheLoo
#SoThatWasDiscomfortForNoReasonAsItWasAnInternalExam
#ThePersonExaminingMeWasBeingTestedSoThereWere3PeopleInTheRoomPlusTiago
#TheyGaveMeASheetForDignityAndIApologisedForHavingHairyLegsThoughTheySaidNothingInReply
#TheySaidTheyWereTryingToGiveMeDignityButIAmUsedToHavingMoreInvasiveExaminationsThatInvolveSpeculumsSoIWasNotSureWhereTheSheetWasMeantToBe 
#TiagoSawTheToolTheyWereGoingToUseAndIWasLikeWelcomeToAWomansWorld
#ItWasNotThatBadJustABitColdAndTheWaitingRoomHadBeenSoHot
#BeforeLongTheyTurnedTheScreenAndShowedUsTheLittleHumanInsideOfMe
#SheSaidCanYouSeeTheFlickerThatIsTheHeartbeat
#AndIStartedToCryHappyTearsAsIWasRelievedAndItWasSoSurreal
#AndISaidItIsSoWeirdAsIThoughtPregnancyWasSomethingThatHappenedToOtherPeopleAndNotMeAndItIsSoWeirdSeeingThatLittleThingInsideOfMe
#SheLookedAroundThoroughly
#ItWasGoodThatSheHadSomeoneElseTalkingToHerAsIKnowThatTheyBothHadAGoodLookAndDidNotSeeAnyIssues
#TheTesterSaidIHadTheBestOvariesThatSheHadSeenTodayAndCalledThemBeautiful 
#SheGaveUsAPicture
#TheySaidThatIfItHappensAgainIShouldBookAnotherAppointment
#AsBleedingIsNotUncommonButItStillIsNotNormal
#IAmGladTheyWereEncouragingAsIWouldNotWantToBeSeenAsAnnoying
#IHaveBledALittleSinceButIGuessItIsBecauseTheyHadThatToolInsideMeForAtLeast10Minutes
#IThoughtIWas9WeeksTodayButTheySaidItIsMoreLike9DaysAnd4Or5Days
#IAmGuessingItWillChangeAgainButThatMeansIAmNearlyAQuarterOfTheWayThroughIfAllGoesWell
#TimeHasPassedQuickly
#IKeepLookingAtTheScanAsICanNotBelieveIt
#NanThinksItIsABoyAsSheSaysTheyCauseTroubleFromTheStart

(7th October: Notice how I even wore the same outfit, and Tiago wore the same shirt for his arm’s appearance. My hair is even a similar length, but I rarely wear it down anymore due to the large cyst on my head. Lovely. Plus if I wear it half up I don’t have to wash my hair so much. Win.

My first scan with B was earlier as I’d had some bleeding and had to go to the hospital. Obviously everything was fine.)

#IWantToGetBInvolvedInThePictureTooButTheImageIHaveInMyMindWillProbablyNotBeTheOneIEndUpGetting

I haven’t asked Tiago if I can borrow his arm yet. It’ll be easier if he holds B while we do the shoot and then maybe she can hold onto me too, but we’ll see.

It might just end up being me by myself…

(7th October: If I remember correctly we all got a bit stressed out and so it made sense for me to just hold B. It makes sense as she is where I was holding the scan of her in the early photo.)

#TheMidwifeRangTheDayBeforeTheScanAndSaidToWearAFaceMaskHaveAFullBladderForTiagoToBringHisFlowTestAndFiveQuidInCashForPhotos

She said full mask, full bladder… at first. I was going to ask what a full mask was, but I just assumed it was a normal one. She later said she had meant a face mask.

#WellThereIsAFineLineBetweenHavingAFullBladderAndFeelingLikeYouAreGoingToPissYourself

It’s a good job I do my kegels every day.

#TheyWereRunningAboutThirtyMinutesLateSoISatInTheWaitingRoomStrugglingWhilePeopleCoughedAndSniffledAroundUs

I was not happy.

#WithMyTwelveWeekAppointmentWithBIGotToldOffForNotHavingAFullEnoughBladderAndGotSentToDrinkMoreWater

I still remember his annoyed face. I had not wanted to have a situation where I felt like I was going to piss myself, but obviously I was nowhere near that – plus the appointment was on time then.

#ThisTimeIKeptGettingSentToTheToiletToEmptyMyBladderABitMoreAsIHadWaitedSoLong

I don’t think I’ve really been to the toilet and partially emptied my bladder before. It was a bit difficult and didn’t feel very pleasant…

#ItWasWeirdToSeeTheBabyOnTheScreenAsIKnowIAmPregnantButIDoOftenForgetWhatItMeans

I kept looking at it and just thinking they were a tiny B. Well, they could end up looking very similar.

(7th October: Even yesterday I kept saying to Tiago how weird it is that we have a child, and another on the way.)

#SheSaidThatIAm13WeeksWhichIHadAssumedIWasThoughPartOfMeWasStillHopingIWas17Weeks

The idea of me being more pregnant had long gone from my mind, though I guess I was still clinging to the remote possibility of it. I just want time to go by, but as I’ve said before my hospital said there would not be a bed for me if I was more pregnant.

#IWasRelievedToSeeThatTheBabyWasWellThoughTheMidwifeWasStrugglingToGetAllTheMeasurementsSheNeeded

This happened with B a lot.

#IKeptGettingOffTheBedToDanceAroundOrStayedOnTheBedAndPushedMyHipsUpAndWiggled

I really did not want to have to come back for another scan next week.

#InTheEndSheSentUsToTheWaitingRoomWhileSheSawTheNextPatientToSeeIfTheBabyWouldBeInTheRightPositionAfterTheWait

I stood up for a bit and just swayed. Then I sat down.

#WeWereOutForNearlyTwoAndAHalfHoursInTheEndSoItWasGoodThatTiagoHadBroughtHisLaptop

I think they were having a lot of tech difficulties. Classic.

#IWentInByMyselfForTheLastBitAndAfterMoreDancingSheGotTheNeckMeasurementThatSheWanted

Hurrah. I was nervous, but she managed to get one and just wanted to double check it, and then she confirmed it with another one. She said the baby was quite chilled.

#IThenNeededToBeWeighedAndHaveABloodTestSoThatWasMoreWaitingAroundButAtLeastThereWasGoodMusicPlayingAtThePlace

I was getting bored. The staff were so lovely though so I was not annoyed at them, as these things happen. Just having a full bladder had been quite uncomfortable, so I just mentioned ‘hey you want us to have a full bladder but then you make us wait’. Also due to wearing masks you can’t sit in the waiting room and keep drinking. I was quite thirsty and hungry by the time we left, I was surprised they managed to get blood from me.

#TheyDidNotChargeUsForThePhotoInTheEndAsTheyHadNoEnvelopesAndTheyHadNotBeenChargingAgainUntilRecentlyAsPartnersHadNotBeenAllowedIn

That paid for some veggie samosas, and some grocery shopping on the way home. I went into a mini supermarket for the first time in ages.

#BeforeSheChoseTheImageForUsWeJokedThatItLookedLikeTheBabyWasSmokingACigarAndTheCloudOfSmokeIsVisibleInTheImage

We just try to have a laugh when we can. B sometimes puts big twigs in her mouth and I call her Winston Churchill. Yeah, we’re hilarious.

#LuckilyMyMumWasWatchingBAsKidsAreNotAllowedToAppointments

Luckily it was on a morning where she is free. Otherwise Tiago would have had to drop me off and watch B in the car… That would have been a nightmare.

#ItSoundsLikeMostOfMyAppointmentsAreHereThereAndEverywhereWhichIsABitFrustrating

‘Where do you want your 28 weeks appointment? This place that is far from you or this one?’ Those places also don’t have their clinics at convenient times. Great.

#LastNightTiagoSaidHeIsFeelingMoreRelaxedAboutThisPregnancy

Nice. I feel quite stressed – there’s a lot of pressure on the pregnant person I think. I just want it to go well.

#ThenFiveMinutesLaterWeLookedAtBOnHerMonitorAndTiagoThoughtSheWasNotBreathingButLuckilySheMovedJustBeforeTiagoWasAboutToGoIntoHerRoom

I wasn’t concerned but then I thought ‘well maybe something is wrong’. I kept talking into the monitor but she would not move, so Tiago was about to go and check on her.

#TiagoFinallyGotRoundToMakingItSoThatBsDoorNoLongerSqueaks

Her monitor had been facing the wall as she likes to play with it, so I had just gone in there to readjust it.

#SoThatIsGoodWhenWeNeedToGoIntoHerRoomToCloseAWindowOrSomethingAsWeWereAlwaysWakingHerUpBefore

I could not master opening her door without it squeaking. Tiago was quite good at it, but I’m glad he’s sorted it out.

#ISaidInMyLastEntryThatIHadNotBeenSickInFiveDaysButThenThatNightIWasSick

Typical.

#IWasThenNotSickForThreeDaysUntilThisMorningButEarlyMorningSickIsTheLeastHorribleKindUsually

Early mornings and brushing my teeth are the danger times. In the morning it’s usually just water so that’s fine.

#IAmStillHavingToStretchMyBackOutTwiceADayAndIGuessItWillOnlyGetWorseAsTimeGoesOn

Great.

#BHadHerLastBabySensoryClassAndIAmSadSheIsTooOldForItNowAsItHasBeenAHighlightOfOurWeekForMe

She was quite a lot older than the other kids though.

#IThinkSheEntertainsALotOfPeopleSoEveryoneClappedForHerWhichWasSweet

To be fair, they don’t usually say ‘is anyone graduating today?’ but the teachers like B, so maybe they wanted to draw attention to it? Who knows. She did the class in her usual fashion of stealing everyone’s stuff, crawling under the parachute and faffing about, and just going round seeing everyone.

#AtTheEndOfTheClassSheApproachedTheTeachersDollAndWasQuiteIntriguedByIt

She went right up to the teacher’s area which she hasn’t done before. Then she was looking at its hands and studying it.

#ItGaveMeSomeInsightOfHowSheMightBeWithHerSiblingAndSheWasQuiteCuteWithItButIJustHopeSheDoesNotKeepPokingThemInTheEyes

She does like to look at the other babies, but I guess as their parents are there she usually is a little shy. She saw the doll was unattended and went for it. It was one of those dolls where the eyes close when you lie it down, so she was intrigued by that I think. Bless her.

13 weeks pregnant with B comparison:

Self-portrait wrapped in a fleece blanket with a tissue to my nose. My hair is quite greasy.
Resting, Taking Vitamins, Staying Hydrated, Eating Fruit & Veg (13 Weeks)
 
#IHaveBeenIllFor5DaysNow
#IThinkItIsDueToTryingToDoTooMuch
#AndBeingAroundPeopleWhoWereIllLastWeek
#TiagoToldMeOffTheOtherDayForBeingAroundIllPeople
#IKnewIWasGoingToGetIllAtSomePoint
#IGetIllOnceInAWhile
#AndApparentlyWhenYouArePregnantYourImmuneSystemIsLower
#HeWasIllTheOtherWeekAndIDidNotGetIt
#ButItProbablyWeakenedMyDefences
#HeSaidHeFindsItFrustratingAsHeHasNoControlOverThePregnancy
#WhichIUnderstand
#ButIKnowIAmLuckyAsIDoNotHaveAFullTimeJob
#AndSomePeopleWorkFullTimeOnTheirFeetTheWholeTime
#SoIGetToRestMoreThanMost
#ItIsFrustratingForMeAsICanNotDoAsMuchAsIUsedTo
#OrMaybeThatIsBecauseIAmIllRightNow
#ThoughIFeltLikeIWasBeingMoreProductiveBefore
#AnywaysWeAreBothWorriedAboutHowMeBeingIllWillAffectTheBaby
#ButIfBadThingsHappenedWheneverAnyonePregnantHadAColdThenHumansWouldBeExtinctByNowSurely
#IAmDoingTheBestICanToGetBetter
#RestingTakingVitaminsStayingHydratedEatingFruitAndVegEtc
#IHaveAScanTomorrowSoThatIsComfortingForUsBothAnyways
#IAmABitNervous
#IHaveDaydreamsOfThemTurningAroundToSayItIsBadNews
#ButINeedToRelaxAndJustRestABitMore
#TheMostAnnoyingThingAboutBeingIllIsHavingBrokenSleepDuringTheNight
#ButIGuessThatIsGoodPracticeForHavingANewborn
#MyHairIsGreasyInThePictureAsIHadNotWashedItForAWeek
#IWashedItStraightAfterBecauseOfThisScanTomorrow
#GoingToBackupThisShootThenHaveALieDown

7th October (I usually write this section on the day I post, but I forget to mention that):

I was definitely more ill with B than I have been this pregnancy. I think all the extra handwashing has helped, plus probably not being in close proximity with so many people a lot of the time.

With this pregnancy I am working more freelance than I was with B, and am basically a stay at Mum who does some admin stuff and works on my photography/video projects. Looking after B is a full-time job though, but I am not on my feet all the time but I probably am more than when I was pregnant with B.

Reading those hashtags I had no idea that Covid was coming. I was worried about how being ill would affect womb B, but at this point I was waiting to get vaccinated and worrying about catching Covid. It’s weird reading the posts from this time as it was not long ago (I’m quite behind with posting but this was the end of July and it’s the start of October now), and seeing how stressed out I was.

I realised yesterday (and expressed to Tiago) that I often have really negative daydreams where something happens to baby X. I just need to try to relax more.


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