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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

I Am Worried That Someone Will Say I Am Holding Her Wrong (11th August 2020)

I did try to choose an image that I thought someone would have less complaints with, but then I asked Tiago which image out of three he preferred and he liked the same one.

I Am Worried That Someone Will Say I Am Holding Her Wrong (11th August 2020)
 
#IWasAwareThatIHadNotTakenAPictureInSomeDays
#ISeemToDoMoreShootsTowardsTheEndOfTheWeek
#ButIThinkIAmPutOffTakingPicturesWhilstITryToCatchUpWithPostingThemOnMyBlogWhichIsBad
#BWasAsleepInHerPushchairBassinetAndIKnewIHadToFeedHerSoon
#SoISetMyStudioStuffUpReadyAndTookAFewTestShotsWithoutHer
#IFeltComfortableUsingTheLightsAsIKnewSheWouldBeFacingMe
#IThoughtIWouldWriteTheHashtagsBeforeSheWokeUpButSheWokeUpSoonerThanIThought
#IDidTheShootAndThenIStartedToPutStuffAwayWhilstFeedingHer
#ThenShePutHerHandOnMyChestSoIPutEverythingBackAndDidSomeMorePhotos
#IAmWorriedThatSomeoneWillSayIAmHoldingHerWrong
#IWasSweatingTheWholeTimeAsItIsSoHotToday
#PlannedToGoOutForLunchWithBToACoffeeShop
#IEndedUpGoingTwoHoursLaterThanPlannedButItWasNice
#ASignSaidToWearMasksIfYouAreNotSittingDownButIWasTheOnlyPersonWearingAMaskAroundTheCounter
#ThisMorningWeWentToTheHospitalAsBHadToGetHerFeetLookedAt
#SheWasBornWithPositionalTalipesWhichIThinkIsMoreWidelyKnownAsClubfoot
#IHaveFinallyStoppedPronouncingTalipesLikeItIsPortuguese
#TalipesIsACommonProblemApparently
#BWokeMeUpAt5ThenWeBothWentBackToSleepAndMyAlarmDidNotGoOff
#IWokeUpAndWasStressedOutAndTurnedToTToTellHimToGetUpButHeWasInTheBathroom
#WeHadHalfAnHourToGetUpAndOut
#SomehowWeManagedItButWeWereStressedAsWeHadNeverBeenToThatHospitalBefore
#IEndedUpOnlyBeingACoupleOfMinutesLateAsInsteadOfAskingForDirectionsRightAwayITriedToFindTheDepartmentMyself
#TheLetterWasAddressedToBabyAllenWhichTiagoSaidWasRudeButThatWasWhatSheWasCalledWhenSheWasBornAsMySurnameIsAllenAndIGaveBirthToHer
#ISatDownForAMinuteAfterGivingHerFullNameAtReceptionThenWeGotCalledThrough
#WeGotThroughTheQuestionsQuickThenAWomanCheckedHerFeetAndWithinAFewMinutesWeWereDone
#SheThenSpentAgesJustTalkingToBBeforeWeWentToFindTiagoToGoHome
#ThingsAreDefinitelyGoingBetterWithBreastfeedingThoughYesterdayWeWentToDinnerAndBottleFedHer
#TheLastTwoMealsSheHadBeenAsleepTheWholeTimeWhereasThisTimeSheWasAwakeButItWasNiceToBuildOurConfidenceWithBeingOutWhilstSheIsAwake
#IJustFeltMoreRelaxedBottlefeedingAndWeCouldShareItButIDoWantToTryToBreastfeedMoreInPublic

#IWasAwareThatIHadNotTakenAPictureInSomeDays
#ISeemToDoMoreShootsTowardsTheEndOfTheWeek
#ButIThinkIAmPutOffTakingPicturesWhilstITryToCatchUpWithPostingThemOnMyBlogWhichIsBad

Sometimes ideas for shoots come and I take the photos straight away and sometimes I do something from a list of ideas.

Now I am catching up with doing a blog post about each photo/set of hashtags, so hopefully soon it’ll be less stressful.

#BWasAsleepInHerPushchairBassinetAndIKnewIHadToFeedHerSoon
#SoISetMyStudioStuffUpReadyAndTookAFewTestShotsWithoutHer

I love multi-tasking (feeding her and doing a shoot).

#IFeltComfortableUsingTheLightsAsIKnewSheWouldBeFacingMe

If I am doing a shoot and she is in the room, I usually just put her bouncer facing away from the light and behind it. She doesn’t seem too bothered by it.

#IThoughtIWouldWriteTheHashtagsBeforeSheWokeUpButSheWokeUpSoonerThanIThought
#IDidTheShootAndThenIStartedToPutStuffAwayWhilstFeedingHer
#ThenShePutHerHandOnMyChestSoIPutEverythingBackAndDidSomeMorePhotos

She had already been putting her hands on my chest I think, but I had not really noticed. It didn’t matter in the end as I chose this photo where she is touching her ear instead. She is becoming more aware of her hands everyday though and grasping things more. I like how her feet are in this photo – she tends to feed a lot with one foot on top of the other leg. Cute.

#IAmWorriedThatSomeoneWillSayIAmHoldingHerWrong

My working title for the image was just ‘breastfeeding’, but it was a bit boring. If I am stuck for a title I try to choose something from the hashtags and this one really applies. I was taking pictures carefree, but then I did think about how people would judge me for holding her.

Obviously there are the ways that you are shown things when your baby is first born, but then they grow and build strength, and your strength and confidence grows too so you adapt and change how you do things.

#IWasSweatingTheWholeTimeAsItIsSoHotToday

Fun fact: I seem to sweat a lot. No wonder I have a fungal armpit – you can read about this exciting story in my previous post.

#PlannedToGoOutForLunchWithBToACoffeeShop
#IEndedUpGoingTwoHoursLaterThanPlannedButItWasNice
#ASignSaidToWearMasksIfYouAreNotSittingDownButIWasTheOnlyPersonWearingAMaskAroundTheCounter

It was the first time I’ve gone somewhere alone with B besides a walk. There wasn’t much food left as it was so late and I planned to read a book, but I couldn’t really concentrate. Perhaps because I don’t feel that relaxed out and about anymore, but also I kept checking on her. I’ve been there again since and more people were wearing masks, but not everyone.

#ThisMorningWeWentToTheHospitalAsBHadToGetHerFeetLookedAt
#SheWasBornWithPositionalTalipesWhichIThinkIsMoreWidelyKnownAsClubfoot
#IHaveFinallyStoppedPronouncingTalipesLikeItIsPortuguese
#TalipesIsACommonProblemApparently

I thought we were going to have her hips looked at, but obviously not. That appointment was today, and it was fine. Tiago waited in the car for us as he wasn’t allowed in as well.

I actually kept calling it Tilapes in a Portuguese way…

#BWokeMeUpAt5ThenWeBothWentBackToSleepAndMyAlarmDidNotGoOff
#IWokeUpAndWasStressedOutAndTurnedToTToTellHimToGetUpButHeWasInTheBathroom
#WeHadHalfAnHourToGetUpAndOut

He thought I had an alarm set for much later than I did and so wasn’t concerned. Today the appointment was a little later and we got there a bit earlier.

#SomehowWeManagedItButWeWereStressedAsWeHadNeverBeenToThatHospitalBefore
#IEndedUpOnlyBeingACoupleOfMinutesLateAsInsteadOfAskingForDirectionsRightAwayITriedToFindTheDepartmentMyself

It was good practice for getting up and getting out ASAP. Typically we had never been there before and I think they could see the panic in my eyes, but just watched me. I thought it would be easy to figure out, but then I wasn’t sure who to ask as I was a bit flustered. I waited in a queue at information, but it was taking too long so I went and asked some other people.

I realised today that you usually sign in on a screen and it directs you to where you need to go, but they’ve stopped that due to Covid. I just asked someone as soon as I walked in, who was super helpful and said if I got lost to come back and she would walk me there.

#TheLetterWasAddressedToBabyAllenWhichTiagoSaidWasRudeButThatWasWhatSheWasCalledWhenSheWasBornAsMySurnameIsAllenAndIGaveBirthToHer

He thought they were being rude by not addressing B by her real surname. Her baby tags in hospital said ‘BABY ALLEN’.

They updated the system with her name, but today that kept referring to her as BABY ALLEN, so they had to update it again.

#ISatDownForAMinuteAfterGivingHerFullNameAtReceptionThenWeGotCalledThrough
#WeGotThroughTheQuestionsQuickThenAWomanCheckedHerFeetAndWithinAFewMinutesWeWereDone
#SheThenSpentAgesJustTalkingToBBeforeWeWentToFindTiagoToGoHome

I didn’t seem to mention that all was good and we never have to go back for it again. She was having fun talking to B and said she felt broody and said that her profession isn’t great for not feeling broody. I was keen to leave as Tiago was waiting in the car, but I felt bad breaking up their fun party.

#ThingsAreDefinitelyGoingBetterWithBreastfeedingThoughYesterdayWeWentToDinnerAndBottleFedHer
#TheLastTwoMealsSheHadBeenAsleepTheWholeTimeWhereasThisTimeSheWasAwakeButItWasNiceToBuildOurConfidenceWithBeingOutWhilstSheIsAwake
#IJustFeltMoreRelaxedBottlefeedingAndWeCouldShareItButIDoWantToTryToBreastfeedMoreInPublic

It’s just so much easier and relaxed bottle feeding her, though I have breastfed her twice in public since (yes, I do seem to mention this in most posts). Where we were sat was quite exposed in some ways and not in others. The service was super slow which was great as we had plenty of time to feed her, change her (Tiago did it as I was a bit worried about doing it) and get her ready to go back in the bassinet before we went home).

Today I breastfed her in the hospital and out at dinner, so I feel like I won’t be having to talk about breastfeeding in public much anymore. I just get on with it now, though it sometimes is a puzzle in how to be as discreet as possible. I have a breastfeeding scarf, but I haven’t used it yet as it seems like more of a faff and probably draws more attention to myself.

I feel like everyday we are getting more confident and I hope it continues to be this way.


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