I have not done a shoot yet, but I imagine myself looking tired as hell.
(I don’t look too bad actually, but I had been up for a few hours…)
We need to start the sleep training that we have been on about for ages.
It is really hard to know what to do – maybe she is just hungry? She is eating quite a bit at meals at the moment, but maybe it’s not enough?
(Spoiler for future blog posts: We finally started it – hello night 9 tonight – and it’s been great to sleep. B hasn’t had a night feed since we started. Why did we not do it before? I also do not mind the mornings so much if I have slept well. Hurrah!)
Though last night I did put my book down at 10.45pm. I started reading quite late as my brain could not relax.
I’m currently reading Bridget Jones’s Diary as I have never read it before, and it is an easy read.
I just remembered that someone is calling me soon again – at the time when B is due to wake up.
I was feeling good so I didn’t think that she needed to check on me anyways.
Things change fast.
Though they are supposed to be allowed to happen as they are support groups, but a lot of the venues are waiting for more clarification.
I felt like Nan was going out too much before as she was so bored. Now she is a bit scared, which is sad but I am glad that she seems less keen to go out now – especially as she will hopefully have the vaccine soon.
I have lost count of how many of these questionnaires I have done over the years.
#ITalkedAboutFeelingGuiltyAndWorryingThatIWasNotGoodEnoughForB #TheWomanSaidThatWhenWeGiveBirthToThePlacentaItCanBeLikeGivingBirthToABallOfGuilt #SomePeopleMightDisagreeButThatHasStuckOutInMyMindFromTheCallAsItSeemsSomewhatTrueToMe
I definitely have a lot of guilt these days. Even this morning I felt bad as when I was with B my brain was just thinking in hashtags…
I am an overthinker for sure.
I have been saying lately that I am so negative. I ran out of hashtags before I could name two positive things, but I know that we are lucky. Tiago still has a job, we are living in a nice, warm house and B does seem healthy.
#SomeoneWillCallToCheckOnMeEveryTwoWeeksAndIAmNowAlsoPartOfAWhatsappGroup #IAmInterestedToSeeHowTheGroupGoesAsIFeelAwkwardEnoughAfterOneToOneChats #WithGroupsICanGetVeryEnthusiasticAndThenJustFeelRubbishAboutMyselfWhenPeopleDoNotRespondWell #IHaveNeverPartOfSuchALargeGroupThoughSoIThinkIWillJustSitOnTheSidelinesForNow
I won’t be talking about the group much in future, except for probably saying how awkward I feel. No I won’t – I’ll be being positive!
It’s a confidential group so yeah what happens in the group stays in the group.
I remember going to CBT while doing my Neblina project and the guy said I had low self-esteem. I felt like a fraud with all of my work that I do and I was quite annoyed about it. However, he was right and I still need to work on it a lot.
Happy Mum, happy baby.
What happened to the mother of the one month old doing face masks? I need to find her again.
I wish I could have bottled the hormones I had a week after B was born. I felt so high and confident – I could have taken on the world. I really miss that version of me. I feel like that was the real me deep down under the layers of stress, guilt and shame.
Luckily I didn’t break the law yesterday as I did not feel up to two walks.
Let’s see how long this goes on for… the lockdown that is.
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