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Oh Me, Oh Mãe II

Portrait Of A Mother Of A Twenty One Month Old And A One Month Old (14th March 2022)

Self-portrait wearing a grey eye mask.
Portrait Of A Mother Of A Twenty One Month Old And A One Month Old (14th March 2022)
 
#LsNappingHasDefinitelyImprovedButNowIWorryThatSheSleepsTooMuch
#YesterdayItSeemedLikeAllSheDidWasSleepButSheStillSleptWellAtNightSoThatWasARelief
#IHaveReadThatYouShouldTryToAvoidNappyChangesInTheNightUnlessTheyReallyNeedThem
#ButOftenIChangeLEveryTimeSheWakesUpAfterSheHasFedJustToTryToGetHerToFeedMore
#IAmWorriedThatIWillGetMastitisAgainAsLastNightSheSleptFor5HoursThen4HoursThen2HoursWhenIWokeHerUp
#ObviouslySleepIsGoodButICanNotBeBotheredToGoAndExpressMilkSoIHaveBeenRiskingJustGoingBackToSleep
#IAmJustMakingSureThatITakeMyLecithinCapsulesWithEachMealAndHopefullyItCanBeAvoided
#UsuallyByMidMorningMyMilkHasPrettyMuchGoneWhichIsGood
#TheLastCoupleOfDaysWeHadBeenStartingOurDayJustBefore6ButThisMorningIWasSoTiredThatAtAroundFiveThirtyIPutHerDownAgainAndSheSleptUntilBefore8
#IFeelLikeIShouldBeGoingForWalksWithHerWhenBIsAtNurseryButIEitherNapOrDoABitOfWork
#IHadBeenRubbishAtGivingHerHerVitaminD3DropsWhichAllBreastfeedingBabiesAreSupposedToHave
#ThenIReadThatItHelpsProduceMelatoninWhichHelpsWithSleepSoNowIAmALotBetterAtMakingSureSheGetsHerFullDoseEachDay
#IFinallyPutUpTheBlackoutBlindsInOurRoomTooSoIThinkThatIsHelpingHerToFallAsleepAndStayAsleepBetter
#TheyCanBeEasilyTakenOnAndOffWhichMeansICanTakeThemOffWhenSheIsAwakeToTryToMakeHerFeedBetterDuringTheDayAndToGetMoreVitaminD
#ThisIsAllVeryBoringStuffThatIsVeryUnimportantConsideringTheDailyNewsButYouCouldSayThatAboutMyLastFewProjectsAnyways
#LastNightWeWentOutForDinnerWithBsFriendAndHerParents
#BAndHerFriendWereJustRunningAroundTheRestaurantButLuckilyWereQuiteContentEatingAPlateOfChipsWhenTheyArrivedThenTheyWereBackToRunningAround
#LWasVeryChillAndHadHerMostAwakePeriodOfTheDayAtTheRestaurant
#ItWasSoHotThatITookHerLegsOutOfHerSleepSuitAndSheFedQuiteABit
#EvenIfSheSleepsALotInTheDayIJustTryToMakeHerFeedAsMuchAsPossibleInTheDaySoThatSheWillHopefullySleepWellAtNight
#EveryoneAteQuiteFastButIWasSlowAsIWasFeedingL
#AtOnePointIPassedHerToTiagoButThenSheStartedToRootAroundForMoreFood
#ThenIRememberedThatICouldJustPutHerOnMyLapOnceSheHadFinishedEatingSoIGotToEatABitMoreThatWay
#ThereWasAGroupOfWomenCelebratingA30thBirthdayPartyWithTwoBigBalloonsWithAOneAndThree
#OneOfThemHadAToddlerWhoInteractedWithBAndHerFriendABitAndLaterOnTheyGaveBThe0BalloonSoSheHasBeenHavingFunWithThat
#ItFeltGoodToGetOutAndHaveABitOfANormalLifeAgainAndItDidFeelABitLikePreCovidTimesAsNoOneWasWearingAMaskWhichSeemedWeirdButAlright
#BsVerbalSkillsSeemToHaveDevelopedALotInTheLastWeekAndSheIsSayingALotMoreThingsSuddenly
#YesterdaySheWasScratchingOnHerTableWithAForkWhenTiagoWasNearbyAndWhenSheStoppedTiagoWouldStopWhichSheFoundHilarious
#SheKnowsWhenIAmAboutToPutLInHerBouncerAndWillGoAndSitInItFirstAndSheAlsoLikesToTakeLsMuslinClothsThatIUseWhenIAmFeedingOrBurpingL
#INeverReallyUsedThemWithBButLIsMoreSickThanBWasThoughStillNotMuchAndAlsoLIsSoNoisyInGeneralEvenInHerSleepThatTiagoIsOftenComplainingThatLWakesHimUpWithHerNoises
Image is the same as before except I am not wearing an eye mask. Part of my hair is up and the rest is down.
Portrait Of A Mother Of A Twenty One Month Old And A One Month Old (14th March 2022) II

(This was originally called Sleep Baby Sleep as I had not realised it was that time of the month already…)

Do you know how hard it is to take a self-portrait of yourself wearing an eye mask?

#LsNappingHasDefinitelyImprovedButNowIWorryThatSheSleepsTooMuch #YesterdayItSeemedLikeAllSheDidWasSleepButSheStillSleptWellAtNightSoThatWasARelief

I do worry if she sleeps all day that she won’t sleep at night, but she seems to. Before she was awake for over 2 hours at a time during the day and I thought that she was just very alert for her age, but now I realise that she was probably just getting overtired which is why she wouldn’t sleep too well.

#IHaveReadThatYouShouldTryToAvoidNappyChangesInTheNightUnlessTheyReallyNeedThem #ButOftenIChangeLEveryTimeSheWakesUpAfterSheHasFedJustToTryToGetHerToFeedMore

Sometimes when she sleeps for shorter periods at night it does seem to be because she has a messy nappy – which I wouldn’t have noticed unless I was changing her anyways.

#IAmWorriedThatIWillGetMastitisAgainAsLastNightSheSleptFor5HoursThen4HoursThen2HoursWhenIWokeHerUp #ObviouslySleepIsGoodButICanNotBeBotheredToGoAndExpressMilkSoIHaveBeenRiskingJustGoingBackToSleep

I guess I can not be too worried as otherwise I would go and express, but I was doing that last week and it was so tiring. Before it seemed like it would take me ages to fall back asleep so I did not mind so much, but now I can fall back to sleep pretty quickly.

#IAmJustMakingSureThatITakeMyLecithinCapsulesWithEachMealAndHopefullyItCanBeAvoided

It’s meant to stop you getting blocked ducts so we’ll see.

#UsuallyByMidMorningMyMilkHasPrettyMuchGoneWhichIsGood

She does seem to have a really good feed in the morning – well, I make sure of it.

#TheLastCoupleOfDaysWeHadBeenStartingOurDayJustBefore6ButThisMorningIWasSoTiredThatAtAroundFiveThirtyIPutHerDownAgainAndSheSleptUntilBefore8

I had turned off my 7am alarm and kept the 7.30am alarm. I got up then and put all the lights on and turned the sound machine off, but she slept. So I did a couple of things – took my iron, loaded the washing machine, hung out with B a bit, fixed the blinds – then woke her up.

#IFeelLikeIShouldBeGoingForWalksWithHerWhenBIsAtNurseryButIEitherNapOrDoABitOfWork

As in when her naps are, but she’s quite good at going to sleep from being put down awake in her cot. Especially if I put her down when she starts yawning – before I’d see her yawning but be like ‘I’ll just eat my breakfast and do a couple of things before putting her down’ and by then she’d be overtired I think.

#IHadBeenRubbishAtGivingHerHerVitaminD3DropsWhichAllBreastfeedingBabiesAreSupposedToHave #ThenIReadThatItHelpsProduceMelatoninWhichHelpsWithSleepSoNowIAmALotBetterAtMakingSureSheGetsHerFullDoseEachDay

I just read into it a bit and for adults they say it’s best to have it in the morning with a fatty breakfast. Luckily I had already given L her full dose during a big breastfeeding session, so I’ll try to do that in future.

#IFinallyPutUpTheBlackoutBlindsInOurRoomTooSoIThinkThatIsHelpingHerToFallAsleepAndStayAsleepBetter

It’s good for my napping too, though to be honest I wear my eye mask even at night now as it helps me a lot. I should have left hashtags for my eye mask as I did the shoot before the hashtags for once, but it is what it is. I have talked before about how I never used one until after B was born. It’s great.

#TheyCanBeEasilyTakenOnAndOffWhichMeansICanTakeThemOffWhenSheIsAwakeToTryToMakeHerFeedBetterDuringTheDayAndToGetMoreVitaminD

B’s are stuck to her window frame so they’ve been up for ages. These have suction cups, so they’re a bit of a faff but could be worse. You’re meant to help the baby distinguish between day and night, so making the room as bright as possible is good for saying ‘hello it’s daytime’. Obvious stuff I guess…

#ThisIsAllVeryBoringStuffThatIsVeryUnimportantConsideringTheDailyNewsButYouCouldSayThatAboutMyLastFewProjectsAnyways

I’ve stopped posting on Twitter as it feels so self-indulgent. Posting on Instagram is obviously self-indulgent too but I feel slightly less awkward about it. This whole project is quite self-indulgent, like my whole practice has been since day 1, which I will forever be awkward about but it’s what I do.

#LastNightWeWentOutForDinnerWithBsFriendAndHerParents #BAndHerFriendWereJustRunningAroundTheRestaurantButLuckilyWereQuiteContentEatingAPlateOfChipsWhenTheyArrivedThenTheyWereBackToRunningAround

We wouldn’t bother going out for dinner with the kids by ourselves these days as a takeaway/delivery is much less stressful. With other people it makes sense, though we were rarely all at the table together. We went out for Indian food and our initial plan had been to let B eat some of our food, but then we realised she probably wouldn’t like it so B and her friend split a kid’s meal (as they’re so massive) and I had their juice. It was Indian style fish and chips, but obviously the chips were just a massive winner.

#LWasVeryChillAndHadHerMostAwakePeriodOfTheDayAtTheRestaurant #ItWasSoHotThatITookHerLegsOutOfHerSleepSuitAndSheFedQuiteABit

I was relieved as I was worried she was just going to be asleep the whole day. She was asleep for a little bit but then woke up once I tried to cool her down a bit – her being too warm just makes her sleep too.

#EvenIfSheSleepsALotInTheDayIJustTryToMakeHerFeedAsMuchAsPossibleInTheDaySoThatSheWillHopefullySleepWellAtNight

Babies know how many calories they need so if they get most of them in the day then they won’t need many at night – which is good, but obviously then ruins my plan of changing her nappy to get her to feed more. I’d rather she sleep more at night though – I just try to get her to feed a bit from each side to reduce the ‘lumpiness’.

#EveryoneAteQuiteFastButIWasSlowAsIWasFeedingL

At home I often eat fast when I have the chance. I was getting full quick from eating so slow.

#AtOnePointIPassedHerToTiagoButThenSheStartedToRootAroundForMoreFood #ThenIRememberedThatICouldJustPutHerOnMyLapOnceSheHadFinishedEatingSoIGotToEatABitMoreThatWay

Tiago said to be careful that I didn’t drop food on her, but I said ‘hey, I’ve done this before’ – remembering taking pictures of myself eating food over B’s head while she slept in her carrier as I was too worried to put her down as she didn’t sleep too well.

#ThereWasAGroupOfWomenCelebratingA30thBirthdayPartyWithTwoBigBalloonsWithAOneAndThree #OneOfThemHadAToddlerWhoInteractedWithBAndHerFriendABitAndLaterOnTheyGaveBThe0BalloonSoSheHasBeenHavingFunWithThat

They were annoying people dragging them round the restaurant. They’re good with kids there (we saw a lot of people with very small babies), but it’d be nice to find places that are even more kid friendly. I guess we’ll just have to have dinner at soft play. To be fair that’s not a bad idea really though the food isn’t super quality (not that I’ve tried it – I just assume that).

#ItFeltGoodToGetOutAndHaveABitOfANormalLifeAgainAndItDidFeelABitLikePreCovidTimesAsNoOneWasWearingAMaskWhichSeemedWeirdButAlright

Covid cases are going up again, which must be so frustrating for vulnerable people as less and less people are wearing masks. I had one in my pocket that I planned to wear if I went to the bathroom, but sitting at the table it didn’t seem necessary.

#BsVerbalSkillsSeemToHaveDevelopedALotInTheLastWeekAndSheIsSayingALotMoreThingsSuddenly

She says ‘baa’, ‘ball’, ‘book’, ‘duck’, and other things that sound like shoes (I thought she was saying juice), dog and things I’ve forgotten.

#YesterdaySheWasScratchingOnHerTableWithAForkWhenTiagoWasNearbyAndWhenSheStoppedTiagoWouldStopWhichSheFoundHilarious

We were surprised that she figured it out (that if she stopped Tiago stopped), but we are clueless really about what kids do at her age.

#SheKnowsWhenIAmAboutToPutLInHerBouncerAndWillGoAndSitInItFirstAndSheAlsoLikesToTakeLsMuslinClothsThatIUseWhenIAmFeedingOrBurpingL

I always say ‘okay, you have a go first then it’s L’s turn’ and she gets bored of it quite quick.

#INeverReallyUsedThemWithBButLIsMoreSickThanBWasThoughStillNotMuchAndAlsoLIsSoNoisyInGeneralEvenInHerSleepThatTiagoIsOftenComplainingThatLWakesHimUpWithHerNoises

She coughs, chokes and cries a lot in her sleep. When I’m feeding her she can be quite dramatic with the coughing and choking, but the other night she woke up, I went to feed her, she fell asleep before feeding, I put her down and she was acting like she was drowning in milk.

I think we’re doing quite well. Let’s hope it stays this way.


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe II

Imitating B With Grapes On Her Fingers (9th / 11th March 2022)

Grape halves have been pushed onto the fingers and thumb of my right hand. Some grape juice is dripping down my fingers and hand. The back of my hand is facing the camera.
Imitating B With Grapes On Her Fingers (9th / 11th March 2022)
 
#IHaveMentionedThisBeforeAndIAmSureISawBDoThisAMonthOrTwoAgo
#SheLikesToPushHerFingersIntoGrapeHalvesAndThenMoveThemToAndFromHerBowlAndTable
#IHaveNotDoneAnImitationPhotoInAWhileAsIWasTryingToRecordMyPregnancyWithLAsMuchAsPossible
#AndSinceSheHasBeenBornIHaveJustBeenDocumentingOtherThingsLikeMyDeflatingBumpAndBreastfeedingJourney
#AtTheWeekendWeWentToBristolToSeeLotsOfMyBAUniFriendsAndOldLondonFriends
#AFriendWasVisitingFromAbroadAndEveryoneAlwaysMakesTheEffortToSeeHim
#IWasNervousAboutTheJourneyAndStressedALotAboutWhereWeWouldAllSitInTheCar
#InTheEndLSatNextToTiagoAsIfSheCriedWeWouldNeedToStop
#WhereasIfBCriedICouldEntertainHerAndItWorkedOutQuiteWell
#WeWentAfterLunchSoThatBCouldSleepInTheCarButItTookHerHalfAnHourToFallAsleepSoSheOnlyHadAnHourNap
#LFellAsleepStraightAwayAndThereWasNoTrafficSoItWasQuiteAGoodTrip
#WeWalkedIntoTheRoomAndEveryTimeILookedFurtherISawSomeoneElseWhoIHadNotSeenInSoLongAndICriedWhichWasABitEmbarrassing
#WeHadOnlySeenThreeOfThePeopleThereInTheLastYearAndSomeIHadNotSeenForAtLeastFourYears
#ItWasLovelyToMeetACoupleOfOurFriendsKidsForTheFirstTimeAsBAndThreeOthersWereBornWithinAboutFiveMonths
#BWasShyAtFirstButThenSheWasHappyRunningAroundAndHadAGreatTime
#IWasNervousAboutPossiblyGettingCovidButWeDidTestsLastNightAndTheyWereNegative
#WeCameHomeAtBedtimeAndLTookHalfAnHourToFallAsleepWhereasBDidNotSleepUntilTheLastFiveMinutes
#BeforeWeLeftOurFriendSaidThatAllKidsFallAsleepInTheCarWhichObviouslyCursedUs
#LuckilyItWasNotTooBadThoughAndAsIWasSatNextToBIGotToEntertainHer
#IAmSoHappyWeWentAsItWasHowIThoughtThingsWouldHaveBeenDuringEarlyMotherhoodIfItWasNotForThePandemic
#HangingOutWithFriendsAndTheirKidsAndJustHavingAFunTime
#AsIAmNoLongerPregnantIWantToGetOutABitMoreNowAndLiveLife
#EarlierIWasThinkingAboutHowIfIHadNotBeenPregnantForMostOfLastYearThenIProbablyWouldHaveTakenBOutToALotMorePlaces
#IFeelLikeSheHasMissedOutOnStuffButSheIsNotReallyAwareAndAtLeastSheGotToGoToNurseryWhichIThinkSheReallyEnjoys
#ObviouslyWeNeedToBeCarefulStillBecauseWeLiveWithNanButNanGoesShoppingALotAndDoesNotSeemToBotheredAboutItAll
#LHasNotBeenSoGoodAtNappingLatelyOrIFindSheIsGoodAtNappingWhenBIsAtNurseryButNotWhenSheIsNot
#IThinkItIsBecauseIJustHopeThatLWillFallAsleepDownstairsButSheDoesNotUnlessWeHaveBeenOutForAWalk
#SoINeedToJustWatchTheTimeAndPutHerDownForANapAsSheIsQuiteGoodAtFallingAsleepByHerselfInTheCot
#SheHasSleptForSixHoursInTheNightACoupleOfTimesWhichIsGoodButThenIGetStressedAboutGettingHerToDrinkAllMyMilk
#ICanNotBeBotheredToExpressInTheMiddleOfTheNightButByMidMorningTheySeemQuiteEmptyAgainHurrah
Grape halves have been pushed onto the fingers and thumb of my right hand. My fingers and thumb are close together and it's a side view of my hand.
Imitating B With Grapes On Her Fingers (9th / 11th March 2022) II

#IHaveMentionedThisBeforeAndIAmSureISawBDoThisAMonthOrTwoAgo #SheLikesToPushHerFingersIntoGrapeHalvesAndThenMoveThemToAndFromHerBowlAndTable Yeah, I mentioned it in my last post. I’ve wanted to photograph it for a while but ….

#IHaveNotDoneAnImitationPhotoInAWhileAsIWasTryingToRecordMyPregnancyWithLAsMuchAsPossible

People keep asking me if we want another kid. No. I would definitely be spreading myself too thin, which isn’t fair on the kids. So I wanted to make sure I documented my pregnancy as well as possible. I probably should have been a bit more experimental with my approach at times, but oh well.

#AndSinceSheHasBeenBornIHaveJustBeenDocumentingOtherThingsLikeMyDeflatingBumpAndBreastfeedingJourney

All those important early weeks things.

#AtTheWeekendWeWentToBristolToSeeLotsOfMyBAUniFriendsAndOldLondonFriends #AFriendWasVisitingFromAbroadAndEveryoneAlwaysMakesTheEffortToSeeHim

He always sends a quite last minute message saying ‘I’ll be here on this date’ and everyone drops everything to go see him. I’d mentioned it to Tiago a week ago and he did not seem too keen and I was quite ill, but when I mentioned it again he seemed up for it and I felt better.

#IWasNervousAboutTheJourneyAndStressedALotAboutWhereWeWouldAllSitInTheCar #InTheEndLSatNextToTiagoAsIfSheCriedWeWouldNeedToStop #WhereasIfBCriedICouldEntertainHerAndItWorkedOutQuiteWell

Initially I was thinking that I should sit between them, but my Dad said if we got in an accident I’d get squashed. Then we thought B should go in the front, but she’d have to face forward and that seemed distracting for Tiago.

#WeWentAfterLunchSoThatBCouldSleepInTheCarButItTookHerHalfAnHourToFallAsleepSoSheOnlyHadAnHourNap

She usually has 2 – 2 and a half hours.

#LFellAsleepStraightAwayAndThereWasNoTrafficSoItWasQuiteAGoodTrip

I made sure L was fed before we went.

#WeWalkedIntoTheRoomAndEveryTimeILookedFurtherISawSomeoneElseWhoIHadNotSeenInSoLongAndICriedWhichWasABitEmbarrassing

I’d be like ‘oh it’s …’ then look up and see someone else and say ‘oh it’s …’ and repeat until I cried…

#WeHadOnlySeenThreeOfThePeopleThereInTheLastYearAndSomeIHadNotSeenForAtLeastFourYears

We’d met up with a couple and their kid. We were supposed to see them again in September, but their kid was ill and we decided that we didn’t want to potentially catch it as I was pregnant etc.

#ItWasLovelyToMeetACoupleOfOurFriendsKidsForTheFirstTimeAsBAndThreeOthersWereBornWithinAboutFiveMonths

It was nice to be pregnant at the same time and share tips and things. B is the oldest of the four, but not by much.

#BWasShyAtFirstButThenSheWasHappyRunningAroundAndHadAGreatTime

It was so nice to see her in the company of friends.

#IWasNervousAboutPossiblyGettingCovidButWeDidTestsLastNightAndTheyWereNegative

I knew there was a possibility that we might catch it, but I really wanted to see people. I’ve been shut away for so long and I wanted B to meet people. There are still so many people that B hasn’t met. L got to meet a lot of people within her first month – it took me a while to fill in all the names of the ‘this month I met…’ section of her baby book.

#WeCameHomeAtBedtimeAndLTookHalfAnHourToFallAsleepWhereasBDidNotSleepUntilTheLastFiveMinutes

I really thought we’d have to stop for L. I think she was rooting around, but then she just went to sleep. Phew. I had fed her LOTS before we left.

#BeforeWeLeftOurFriendSaidThatAllKidsFallAsleepInTheCarWhichObviouslyCursedUs

Lol.

#LuckilyItWasNotTooBadThoughAndAsIWasSatNextToBIGotToEntertainHer

We were trying to discreetly eat snacks but B would just hear things rustling and put her hand out. I was trying to entertain her, but then giving her space to fall asleep but obviously it did not go well.

#IAmSoHappyWeWentAsItWasHowIThoughtThingsWouldHaveBeenDuringEarlyMotherhoodIfItWasNotForThePandemic #HangingOutWithFriendsAndTheirKidsAndJustHavingAFunTime

A friend pointed out that they’re only just getting to the age where they interact more, but I wanted to hang out with people and see people. I’ve met a lot of dog walkers around here, but not many people with kids.

#AsIAmNoLongerPregnantIWantToGetOutABitMoreNowAndLiveLife #EarlierIWasThinkingAboutHowIfIHadNotBeenPregnantForMostOfLastYearThenIProbablyWouldHaveTakenBOutToALotMorePlaces

One of those fun shower daydreams where I’m like ‘I could have taken B to the sea life centre and gone to the shops and blah blah blah’. To be fair with the money we spend on her nursery we could have been out doing cool activities but it felt like too much of a risk being pregnant, and I forget that I was not vaccinated for a lot of last year. Now I’m triple vaccinated I feel better about things, but I guess they are starting to wear off now.

#IFeelLikeSheHasMissedOutOnStuffButSheIsNotReallyAwareAndAtLeastSheGotToGoToNurseryWhichIThinkSheReallyEnjoys

Do I remember what I was getting up to when I was a year and a half? Nope.

#ObviouslyWeNeedToBeCarefulStillBecauseWeLiveWithNanButNanGoesShoppingALotAndDoesNotSeemToBotheredAboutItAll

She goes stir crazy when she’s in the house too much too. The weather is getting better now so at least she can go out into the garden more soon.

#LHasNotBeenSoGoodAtNappingLatelyOrIFindSheIsGoodAtNappingWhenBIsAtNurseryButNotWhenSheIsNot

It’s my fault basically.

#IThinkItIsBecauseIJustHopeThatLWillFallAsleepDownstairsButSheDoesNotUnlessWeHaveBeenOutForAWalk

When B is at nursery I’ll put L down in her cot. When B is home I feel bad running off to put L in her cot and it’s a faff if she cries and I have to go get her again etc, but I need to start doing it.

#SoINeedToJustWatchTheTimeAndPutHerDownForANapAsSheIsQuiteGoodAtFallingAsleepByHerselfInTheCot

I put her there just before writing this and she went off quite fast. If she’s like this now then hopefully sleep training will be alright. At this point B had a dummy and was a lot harder to put down for naps I think – but her wake windows were also a lot shorter. We bought dummies for L, just in case but once we changed her sleeping bag we realised we did not need them.

#SheHasSleptForSixHoursInTheNightACoupleOfTimesWhichIsGoodButThenIGetStressedAboutGettingHerToDrinkAllMyMilk

Probably not the best idea when I’ve had mastitis but I think the lecithin tablets I take now are good for helping to unclog ducts, and I’m tired. I need to sleep.

#ICanNotBeBotheredToExpressInTheMiddleOfTheNightButByMidMorningTheySeemQuiteEmptyAgainHurrah

Often I faff for ages trying to get L to drink more when she doesn’t want to, so last night I was putting her back down when she fell asleep while drinking and I fell asleep pretty quickly each time. She slept for four and a half hours (I’d tried to do a dream feed but it wasn’t successful), and then she slept for ~2 hours, ~1 hour and ~1 hour. I couldn’t really burp her though after her long feed so maybe that’s why she slept less, or because she didn’t drink as much as she normally would at the night feeds. Hmm.


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe II

Mastitis Is No Joke (5th / 7th March 2022)

Self-portrait where I have cabbage leaves in my bra, which are visible as I am wearing a breastfeeding dress and part of the dress is lifted up. My hair is covering my face and it is quite curly from having it up in a bun all the time and rarely washing it.
Mastitis Is No Joke (5th / 7th March 2022)
 
#ThisWeekHasBeenARoughWeekAndIFeelDumbComplainingWhenTheNewsIsSoAwfulAtTheMoment
#ISpendALotOfMyTimeWhileBreastfeedingJustDoomScrollingAndCryingAtVideosOfBabiesAndChildren
#MothersGivingBirthInBasementsAndBombSheltersWhileIHadAPleasantExperienceNotEvenAMonthAgoAndHaveBeenHavingMedicalTreatmentForBleedingAndBadBoobs
#IWokeUpAtTheStartOfTheWeekInTheEarlyHoursOfTheMorningWithOneBreastJustFeelingReallyHot
#IFeltAroundForALumpAndCouldNotFindOneButWasInstantlyWorriedItWasMastitis
#TheFluLikeSymptomsKickedInAndIHadMajorChillsAndCouldNotSleepWellAtAll
#TheBadSleepingWentOnForACoupleOfNightsAndIFoundARaisedAreaAtTheBottomOfMyRightBreast
#TakingIbruprofenMadeMyChillsGoToExtremeSweatsWhichWasGreatFun
#ICheckedTheNHSWebsiteAndItSaidToContactYourGPIfSymptomsDidNotGoAwayAfter24Hours
#SoICalledAndTheyGaveMeSomeAntibiotics
#LeadingUpToThatAndAfterThatIHaveJustBeenTryingEverythingFromEpsomSaltsToCabbageLeavesToExpressingToMassagesToLecithinToBathsAndShowersToWarmCompresses
#IDoNotFeelThatBadNowThoughIHaveBsColdAndASuperPhlegmyCoughAndILostMyVoiceACoupleOfDaysAgo
#SoBreastfeedingMightBeGoingBetterButWithBINeverGotMastitisWhichIsProbablyBecauseIMainlyPumpedSoMyBoobsWereAlwaysEmptied
#ITookLToHerFirstBabyClassWhichSheSleptThroughAndDuringTheSocialisingTimeIFeltSoAwkwardDueToMyWeirdVoiceThatIThoughtIShouldLeave
#OfCourseLWokeUpThenSoIChangedHerAndGotTalkingToAFewPeopleAndThenFedHer
#TheClassEndedThoughSoIEndedUpSittingAtTheBackOfTheNextClassFeedingHer
#InTheEndWeWereOutFor3HoursWhichWasABitMuchButItFeltGoodToGetOutOfTheHouseAndDoSomethingDifferentAndSeeSomePeople
#HopefullyIWillGetTalkingToMorePeopleEachWeekButLWasTheYoungestBabyByFarAsTheRestWereSittingUpAndMostWereCrawling
#WhenITookBToClassesIOnlyReallyTalkedToThoseWithKidsOfASimilarAgeSoIGetItIfNoOneWantsToTalkToMe
#IDidNotGetToTakeBToClassesThisEarlyOnAsThereWereNoneOnOrNoneNearUs
#LHasNotBeenSleepingGreatDuringTheDayButIThinkItIsBecauseOftenIShouldJustGoAndPutHerInHerCotButBecauseBIsAroundIJustTryToSeeIfSheWillFallAsleepDownstairs
#IAmDefinitelyMoreRelaxedAboutLHavingAScheduleThanIWasWithBButMyMumHasAlwaysSaidThatTheSecondKidJustSlotsIn
#IfBIsAwakeAnywaysThenThereDoesNotSeemMuchPointEnforcingAScheduleOnLUnlessIWantUsToGoOnAWalkButIKnowSheWillFallAsleepInTheCarrier
#IHaveBathedLByMyselfACoupleOfTimesWhichIsGoodAndProbablyAReliefForMyMum
#BMakesMeLaughSoMuchTheseDays
#SheSeemsToHaveANewHabitOfStoringFoodOrAtLeastJustPuttingCrustsSomewhereSoWeKeepFindingOldCrustsAround
#SheHasAThingAboutPushingHerFingersIntoGrapeHalvesWhichIShouldProbablyImitateAtSomePoint
#WhenLCriesSheGoesOverAndGetsAnnoyedWhichIHopeSheWillStopDoingSoon
#IThinkSheKnowsThatWhenLCriesSheGetsPickedUpSoSheWantsLToStopPerhaps
#BeforeBeingAMumIDidNotGetWhyPeopleDressedTheirKidsInMatchingOutfitsButLikeInOurFirstFamilyPortraitTheyHaveAFewMatchingOnesiesAndIGetItNowItIsCute

#ThisWeekHasBeenARoughWeekAndIFeelDumbComplainingWhenTheNewsIsSoAwfulAtTheMoment #ISpendALotOfMyTimeWhileBreastfeedingJustDoomScrollingAndCryingAtVideosOfBabiesAndChildren

It’s just awful. I felt I should have addressed it in my last post, but I didn’t feel able to yet. This isn’t really addressing it either but it is acknowledging it.

#MothersGivingBirthInBasementsAndBombSheltersWhileIHadAPleasantExperienceNotEvenAMonthAgoAndHaveBeenHavingMedicalTreatmentForBleedingAndBadBoobs

Well, antibiotics but I’ve been able to speak to a Doctor or go to a hospital and be checked out etc.

#IWokeUpAtTheStartOfTheWeekInTheEarlyHoursOfTheMorningWithOneBreastJustFeelingReallyHot #IFeltAroundForALumpAndCouldNotFindOneButWasInstantlyWorriedItWasMastitis

I worried about this happening the whole time I was breastfeeding B and I had been worried. L doesn’t feed for long but she feeds efficiently. The day before this started she had only fed for an hour and a half the whole day, so I think I should have been trying to get her feed more. Fail.

#TheFluLikeSymptomsKickedInAndIHadMajorChillsAndCouldNotSleepWellAtAll #TheBadSleepingWentOnForACoupleOfNightsAndIFoundARaisedAreaAtTheBottomOfMyRightBreast

Me complaining about not sleeping in a nice bed in a safe house etc. Lol. Well, I’m just saying what happened and I was really struggling to sleep – my brain was just thinking of 5 letter words which was really pissing me off. Thanks Wordle and Quordle.

#TakingIbruprofenMadeMyChillsGoToExtremeSweatsWhichWasGreatFun

I kind of preferred having the chills. Just waking up covered in sweat is not nice.

#ICheckedTheNHSWebsiteAndItSaidToContactYourGPIfSymptomsDidNotGoAwayAfter24Hours #SoICalledAndTheyGaveMeSomeAntibiotics

At first I was not sure about whether to get them or not, but she said it is different antibiotics to the ones I was taking for the bleeding. Also I did not want things to get worse.

#LeadingUpToThatAndAfterThatIHaveJustBeenTryingEverythingFromEpsomSaltsToCabbageLeavesToExpressingToMassagesToLecithinToBathsAndShowersToWarmCompresses

I imagine this shoot will involve cabbage leaves in some capacity. I was telling a friend that having them in my bra makes me feel like an allotment version of The Little Mermaid.

#IDoNotFeelThatBadNowThoughIHaveBsColdAndASuperPhlegmyCoughAndILostMyVoiceACoupleOfDaysAgo

It’s a relief that my Mum comes round and B goes to nursery a few times a week as looking after two kids when you’re feeling as bad as I did at the start of the week is not fun.

Also luckily the weather was quite bad so I didn’t feel so bad for not getting us all out for walks.

#SoBreastfeedingMightBeGoingBetterButWithBINeverGotMastitisWhichIsProbablyBecauseIMainlyPumpedSoMyBoobsWereAlwaysEmptied

I mainly pumped and bottle fed B.

#ITookLToHerFirstBabyClassWhichSheSleptThroughAndDuringTheSocialisingTimeIFeltSoAwkwardDueToMyWeirdVoiceThatIThoughtIShouldLeave

I was sat on the sidelines and felt awkward calling over to people as I felt I sounded so weird.

#OfCourseLWokeUpThenSoIChangedHerAndGotTalkingToAFewPeopleAndThenFedHer

The teacher was super nice and came to look at L as I left her on our mat to wash my hands. She said there is a baby who is two weeks old starting next week (at a different session).

#TheClassEndedThoughSoIEndedUpSittingAtTheBackOfTheNextClassFeedingHer

It was a nice big room so it was not that weird.

#InTheEndWeWereOutFor3HoursWhichWasABitMuchButItFeltGoodToGetOutOfTheHouseAndDoSomethingDifferentAndSeeSomePeople

It felt a bit more like how classes should have been when B was little.

#HopefullyIWillGetTalkingToMorePeopleEachWeekButLWasTheYoungestBabyByFarAsTheRestWereSittingUpAndMostWereCrawling

It was cute seeing the other kids.

#WhenITookBToClassesIOnlyReallyTalkedToThoseWithKidsOfASimilarAgeSoIGetItIfNoOneWantsToTalkToMe

People were polite, but L isn’t much of a fun playdate for kids who are interacting with things.

#IDidNotGetToTakeBToClassesThisEarlyOnAsThereWereNoneOnOrNoneNearUs

B would have liked the class for sure, but yeah not so much at L’s age.

#LHasNotBeenSleepingGreatDuringTheDayButIThinkItIsBecauseOftenIShouldJustGoAndPutHerInHerCotButBecauseBIsAroundIJustTryToSeeIfSheWillFallAsleepDownstairs

In her bouncer or something. Sometimes she does, but lately she hasn’t. If we’ve been for a walk I’ll leave her in her bassinet and she sleeps quite well. Sometimes I get the bassinet out for her to sleep in.

#IAmDefinitelyMoreRelaxedAboutLHavingAScheduleThanIWasWithBButMyMumHasAlwaysSaidThatTheSecondKidJustSlotsIn

I do need to start trying to implement one though. Today we got up at 7 so that was good. It depends what time L has last woken up though. She had an hour of sleep between 2 and 8pm yesterday (B had 1 1/2 in comparison), so she slept for 6 hours. That probably isn’t good for my boob situation, but I needed the sleep too. I went to bed at 9ish and L slept on Tiago, then he moved her to her cot.

#IfBIsAwakeAnywaysThenThereDoesNotSeemMuchPointEnforcingAScheduleOnLUnlessIWantUsToGoOnAWalkButIKnowSheWillFallAsleepInTheCarrier

I try to be smart if I want us to get out of the house, or if B is going to have a nap and I want to nap too but sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

#IHaveBathedLByMyselfACoupleOfTimesWhichIsGoodAndProbablyAReliefForMyMum

I need to keep a record of when I bath her as I can not remember. We try to bath both of the kids twice a week, but once might be enough to be fair (with flannel washes every day).

#BMakesMeLaughSoMuchTheseDays

She has so much personality. We had a video call with a friend yesterday and she got to see what a ball of energy B is.

#SheSeemsToHaveANewHabitOfStoringFoodOrAtLeastJustPuttingCrustsSomewhereSoWeKeepFindingOldCrustsAround

She tried to eat one the other day and realised how gross it was.

#SheHasAThingAboutPushingHerFingersIntoGrapeHalvesWhichIShouldProbablyImitateAtSomePoint

A bit like Amelie and the raspberries on her fingers…

#WhenLCriesSheGoesOverAndGetsAnnoyedWhichIHopeSheWillStopDoingSoon

We can not really leave them in a room together – I mean while I quickly pop into the kitchen to get something.

#IThinkSheKnowsThatWhenLCriesSheGetsPickedUpSoSheWantsLToStopPerhaps

*Shrugs*

#BeforeBeingAMumIDidNotGetWhyPeopleDressedTheirKidsInMatchingOutfitsButLikeInOurFirstFamilyPortraitTheyHaveAFewMatchingOnesiesAndIGetItNowItIsCute

Super cute. I think in a couple of years they may be in the same size clothes though which ruins my plans of passing clothes down, but I guess L will have to wear B’s clothes for a bit anyways.


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe II

First Family Portrait As A Family Of Four (25th / 27th February 2022)

Family portrait where T is sat on the floor cradling L, I am kneeling on the floor with B on my lap. B is kissing L's head.
First Family Portrait As A Family Of Four (25th / 27th February 2022)
 
#IAmWritingThisOnThe25thWithTheHopeThatWeWillDoAFamilyPortraitOverTheWeekend
#ICanNotBelieveThatLIsTwoWeeksOldAlreadyThoughItAlsoSeemsLikeSheIsALotOlder
#SheIsSoAlertAndIDefinitelyFeelALotMoreRelaxedWithHerThanIWasWithBAtThisPoint
#ThoughIAmStillYetToBatheHerByMyselfAndSheHasALotOfMilkSpotsAndDrySkin
#IFeelBetterThoughAsBreastfeedingIsGoingSoWellAndSoIDoNotHaveToFaffSoMuchThisTime
#WeHadToTakeHerOutToAnAppointmentToGetWeighedAndSheHadOnlyPutOn20gSoWeHadToGoBackTwoDaysLater
#ThatTimeSheHadPutOn60gAndWasOverHerBirthWeightSoWeHaveBothBeenDischarged
#AtThisPointBabiesAreSoSmallThatTheWeightDifferenceMightBeLargelyDownToWhetherOrNotTheyHaveBeenToTheToiletRecentlyThoughIThink
#IWasWorriedThatMaybeMyMilkWasNotGoodEnoughAndWeWouldHaveToSupplementSoItWasARelief
#BreastfeedingLHasMadeMeRealiseHowMuchGuiltIHaveOverFeedingB
#IThinkAsIStruggledSoMuchInTheBeginningItJustMadeMeWantToPumpAndIAskedTiagoToFeedHerALot
#ThisMeantIWasQuiteDistantFromBAndWhenIDidTryIHatedHowSoreMyNipplesWere
#IJustReallyDidNotEnjoyMyBreastfeedingExperienceWithHerThoughIWasSadWhenItEndedEarlierThanIHopedItWould
#ThenIFeltLikeIWasRemindedAboutMyQuoteFailureUnquoteConstantlyOnSocialMedia
#OfCourseIKnowThatWritingLikeThisMightMakeOthersFeelBadAndEvenSayingThatBreastfeedingIsGoingBetterThisTimeMightBeHardForOthersToHear
#LHasPositionalTalipesSoIAmHavingToMassageTheInsidesOfHerFeet
#TheLastCoupleOfDaysIHaveManagedToTakeThemOutByMyselfWhichHasGreatlyImprovedMyMood
#WeBoughtAPushchairThatCouldExpandToHoldTwoKidsNotKnowingIfWeWouldHaveTwoKidsButObviouslyHopingSo
#ItIsABitOfATankToPushButBSeemsToLikeHerNewSeatAndIsOkayAtBeingPutInItRatherThanRunningAround
#TheMoreTiredIAmAndMoreStuckAtHomeIFeelTheMoreEmotionalIAmSoIAmTryingToHelpMyselfBeTheBestVersionOfMyself
#IHadAGoodCryWhenTiagoWentBackToWorkAndIWasTryingToFigureOutHowToLookAfterBothOfThemByMyselfAsNapTimeApproached
#IFeelLikeINeedToNotOverDoThingsThoughAsOtherwiseIGetQuiteAchyAndINeedToNotDoSomeHeavyLiftingForAWhile
#ThatIsHardAsBFeelsReallyHeavyToMeNowButINeedToLimitHowOftenIPickHerUp
#LuckilySheIsMoreOfADaddysGirlAndDoesNotMindMeHoldingLAllTheTime
#UnfortunatelyItIsToughForTiagoWhenHeWantsToHoldLForABitAsBThenWantsToBeHeldToo
#SheDoesSoonSeemToGetOverItButWeJustNeedToKeepAnEyeOnBothOfThem
#BIsInAThrowingStageStillAndThrewMyShoeAtLWhichIsNotGood
#ICanUnderstandThatSheMustBeGettingSoFrustratedAtNotBeingAbleToExpressHerselfProperly
#IAmGoingToSignLUpForAClassToGoToWhileBIsAtNurseryJustToGetOutOfTheHouse
#CovidRulesAreLessStrictOrPrettyMuchNonExistentButIStillFeelCautious

#IAmWritingThisOnThe25thWithTheHopeThatWeWillDoAFamilyPortraitOverTheWeekend

I think it will be chaotic, but it will be nice to have a record of our early days together. (Well, we managed it a couple of days later. I was dreading it all day, but it actually went quite well. Phew!)

#ICanNotBelieveThatLIsTwoWeeksOldAlreadyThoughItAlsoSeemsLikeSheIsALotOlder

I went from feeling so unprepared to just getting on with it.

#SheIsSoAlertAndIDefinitelyFeelALotMoreRelaxedWithHerThanIWasWithBAtThisPoint

I guess I knew how to look after a newborn, but it does feel like a long time since B was so small (and she was smaller as she was 6 pounds 4 when born and L was 9 pounds 9).

#ThoughIAmStillYetToBatheHerByMyselfAndSheHasALotOfMilkSpotsAndDrySkin

At least her neck is stronger, but I do not enjoy the early days of cleaning and changing – she feels so fragile.

#IFeelBetterThoughAsBreastfeedingIsGoingSoWellAndSoIDoNotHaveToFaffSoMuchThisTime

I’ve pumped (well more massaged) a couple of times, though not in a week, but I hope I will not have to do much of it. I just get worried about getting mastitis, but now I know that if she does not have it all now she might have it at the next feed.

#WeHadToTakeHerOutToAnAppointmentToGetWeighedAndSheHadOnlyPutOn20gSoWeHadToGoBackTwoDaysLater

Getting a newborn ready for appointments is a stress. Luckily B had nursery during the appointments.

#ThatTimeSheHadPutOn60gAndWasOverHerBirthWeightSoWeHaveBothBeenDischarged

Hurrah.

#AtThisPointBabiesAreSoSmallThatTheWeightDifferenceMightBeLargelyDownToWhetherOrNotTheyHaveBeenToTheToiletRecentlyThoughIThink

The second time we were late as she was hungry and I thought it might make the difference between her being over or under. We arrived and they were running late anyways, so had to wait for a while. Tiago just waited in the car and worked both times.

#IWasWorriedThatMaybeMyMilkWasNotGoodEnoughAndWeWouldHaveToSupplementSoItWasARelief

I think she just burns it off quickly as she is so alert and often does not sleep for two hours.

#BreastfeedingLHasMadeMeRealiseHowMuchGuiltIHaveOverFeedingB #IThinkAsIStruggledSoMuchInTheBeginningItJustMadeMeWantToPumpAndIAskedTiagoToFeedHerALot #ThisMeantIWasQuiteDistantFromBAndWhenIDidTryIHatedHowSoreMyNipplesWere #IJustReallyDidNotEnjoyMyBreastfeedingExperienceWithHerThoughIWasSadWhenItEndedEarlierThanIHopedItWould

I think I purposely made myself distant from B as I felt so bad about breastfeeding. I was also not letting Tiago get the sleep he needed, so I think it is much better this time around.

#ThenIFeltLikeIWasRemindedAboutMyQuoteFailureUnquoteConstantlyOnSocialMedia

I follow a lot of mothering/parenting accounts and so I felt like I was just constantly reminded of what a rubbish job I was doing.

My nipples have been sore this time, but as I could not feed her with nipple shields I just had to persevere and it’s alright. I still need to correct her latch at times.

#OfCourseIKnowThatWritingLikeThisMightMakeOthersFeelBadAndEvenSayingThatBreastfeedingIsGoingBetterThisTimeMightBeHardForOthersToHear

This post isn’t to make others feel bad, I just want to say how I feel and how I felt.

#LHasPositionalTalipesSoIAmHavingToMassageTheInsidesOfHerFeet

B had some form of talipes – I just searched on my blog and she also had positional talipes, though I never got told to do the massage with her. B had to wear double nappies for a bit due to clicky hips.

#TheLastCoupleOfDaysIHaveManagedToTakeThemOutByMyselfWhichHasGreatlyImprovedMyMood

Feeling like I’m not just stuck in the house makes a big difference – and preparing to leave the house takes up a lot of time which helps to pass time.

#WeBoughtAPushchairThatCouldExpandToHoldTwoKidsNotKnowingIfWeWouldHaveTwoKidsButObviouslyHopingSo

So it’s worked out well.

#ItIsABitOfATankToPushButBSeemsToLikeHerNewSeatAndIsOkayAtBeingPutInItRatherThanRunningAround

Before I’d let her walk a bit or walk all the way to the playground. Maybe I will again at some point but for now it is better if she sits in her seat. This seat is better as she can not wriggle down and escape like she could in her old one – where she used to sit is now the bassinet with L.

#TheMoreTiredIAmAndMoreStuckAtHomeIFeelTheMoreEmotionalIAmSoIAmTryingToHelpMyselfBeTheBestVersionOfMyself

I think I will have a lie down after this if L isn’t awake by then.

#IHadAGoodCryWhenTiagoWentBackToWorkAndIWasTryingToFigureOutHowToLookAfterBothOfThemByMyselfAsNapTimeApproached

My Mum had gone home and I suddenly felt overwhelmed. I felt better after the nap. The next time I let B eat lunch in the living room instead and it was a lot more relaxed.

#IFeelLikeINeedToNotOverDoThingsThoughAsOtherwiseIGetQuiteAchyAndINeedToNotDoSomeHeavyLiftingForAWhile

My body went through a lot carrying and pushing out a 9 pounds 9 baby so I definitely need to be kinder to myself.

#ThatIsHardAsBFeelsReallyHeavyToMeNowButINeedToLimitHowOftenIPickHerUp

Yesterday I picked her up a lot and then made dinner (enchiladas that I slaved over for ages and were quite disappointing). I need to make quicker meals and sit down more…

#LuckilySheIsMoreOfADaddysGirlAndDoesNotMindMeHoldingLAllTheTime

Phew – must be hard for people whose oldest is the opposite.

#UnfortunatelyItIsToughForTiagoWhenHeWantsToHoldLForABitAsBThenWantsToBeHeldToo

🙁

#SheDoesSoonSeemToGetOverItButWeJustNeedToKeepAnEyeOnBothOfThem

After a walk I will leave L in her bassinet to finish her nap and it seems like a safe place to leave her while I try to make dinner.

#BIsInAThrowingStageStillAndThrewMyShoeAtLWhichIsNotGood

She brought my shoes to me (without me asking) before we went for a walk. I thought she might throw one so I took it off her, turned around to do up the baby carrier and turned back to see my other shoe bouncing and L started to cry…

#ICanUnderstandThatSheMustBeGettingSoFrustratedAtNotBeingAbleToExpressHerselfProperly

Terrible twos are coming. I don’t think she’s terrible and I think she’s a good kid, but yeah the frustrations of not being able to communicate as you would like must be hard.

#IAmGoingToSignLUpForAClassToGoToWhileBIsAtNurseryJustToGetOutOfTheHouse

At this point the class is definitely more for me than for her. I’m sure she won’t mind.

#CovidRulesAreLessStrictOrPrettyMuchNonExistentButIStillFeelCautious

Luckily the teacher of the class I want to do still seems to want to keep precautions in place. Phew.


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe II

I Smell Of Sour Milk (21st February 2022)

TW: Bleeding.

Self-portrait where I am standing up and breastfeeding L.
I Smell Of Sour Milk (21st February 2022)
 
#TheOtherNightWasVeryEventfulWithMeGoingToTriageDueToMyBleedingGettingHeavier
#IHadChecked111AndCalled999AgainButAClinicianSaidIWouldBeBetterOffCallingTheHospitalAsMidwivesWouldKnowMoreThanAParamedic
#EveryoneTreatedMeABitLikeAnIdiotForHavingCalled999ButIDidNotKnowThatIShouldCallTheHospitalForSuchThings
#WeGotBOutOfBedAndGotThereBeforeTenAndSheDidNotSleepUntilWeGotHomeAfterOneThirtyEvenThoughTiagoDroveAroundABit
#ItWasOurFirstFamilyTripOutInTheCarAndBWasQuiteExcited
#LCameInWithMeAsINeededToBreastfeedHerAndSheNappedOnMeAndOnTheChairs
#ISawAStudentMidwifeFairlyFastWhoDidMyObservationsAndThenIHadToWaitForAMidwife
#SheAskedSomeMoreQuestionsButSaidItWouldBeBetterForADoctorToSeeMeSoIWentBackToTheWaitingRoom
#TheWaitingRoomWasHotSoIDrankMyWaterFastAndINeededToGoToTheToiletButThereWasNowhereForMeToPutLInTheBathroom
#AtSomePointAMemberOfStaffSawIWasUncomfortableAndAskedIfIWantedAHotDrinkButISaidNoAndAskedHowMuchLongerWouldItBe
#SheCheckedAndSaidNotLongButItWasAnotherHourPlusAfterThat
#IWasCryingInTheWaitingRoomUnderMyMaskAsIWasGettingSoTiredAndWasStressedByTheWholeSituation
#EventuallyADoctorSawMeAndSaidEverythingWasFineButGaveMeSomeAntibiotics
#InTheMorningIPassedABigClotThatLookedABitLikePlacentaAndWasTheReasonIWentInInTheFirstPlace
#TheyHadSaidToBeConcernedIfAClotWasBiggerThanA50pPieceButTheyDidNotTakeMuchNoticeOfIt
#ItHasTakenUsAllAFewDaysToCatchUpOnOurSleepAfterThatEpisode
#IHaveBeenGoingToSleepAsSoonAsLIsSettledIfIFeelTiredEnoughOtherwiseIJustRestInBed
#MyEyeMaskIsSoUsefulNowNotJustForNapsButForNightTimeSleep
#LHasAColdAndIsVerySnottySoWeFinallyGotANasalAspiratorWhichIWishWeHadGotWhenBWasABaby
#TheWeatherIsSoTerribleAndIHaveFeltQuiteTrappedAtHomeWhichIsNotFun
#WithBIDidNotLeaveTheHouseForTwoWeeksButThisTimeIGotOutPrettyEarly
#ICanNotWalkForTooLongAsIAcheButItIsGoodToGetOut
#IFeelBadAsSinceLWasBornIHaveNotAlwaysBeenAtTheWindowToWaveBOffToNurseryOrWelcomeHerHome
#SheLooksOutForMeWhichMakesMeFeelWorseButWhatCanIDo
#TheRegistryOfficeCalledAsTheyOpenedNewSlotsForAppointmentsSoWeGotMovedForwardAMonthAndAHalf
#BreastfeedingIsDefinitelyGoingALotBetterThisTimeThoughWhenMyUnclesCameToVisitIRealisedISmelledOfSourMilk
#IWashMyClothesAndThenPutOnANewTopAndThenLeakOverItAgainPrettyQuickly
#IAmWorriedAboutHowThingsWillBeWhenTiagosPaternityEndsAndIWishHeHadMoreTimeButIWillJustHaveToGetOnWithIt
#IKnowIAmLuckyWithBGoingToNurseryAndMyMumVisitingSoItWillNotBeAnywhereNearAsBadAsItCouldBe
#INeedToWorkOnGettingOutOfTheHouseWithBAndLByMyselfForAWalkWhichIAmQuiteNervousAbout
#AHealthVisitorCameTheOtherDayAndLWasOnly50gOffHerBirthWeightThoughSheThenPissedAllOverTheScalesSoProbablyWasABitMoreOffIt

#TheOtherNightWasVeryEventfulWithMeGoingToTriageDueToMyBleedingGettingHeavier

It had died down quite a bit, so it was a shock to see it get heavy again.

#IHadChecked111AndCalled999AgainButAClinicianSaidIWouldBeBetterOffCallingTheHospitalAsMidwivesWouldKnowMoreThanAParamedic #EveryoneTreatedMeABitLikeAnIdiotForHavingCalled999ButIDidNotKnowThatIShouldCallTheHospitalForSuchThings

A midwife said that 111 will always say to call if bleeding, but they mean A LOT of blood.

#WeGotBOutOfBedAndGotThereBeforeTenAndSheDidNotSleepUntilWeGotHomeAfterOneThirtyEvenThoughTiagoDroveAroundABit

I really thought she’d sleep in the car. Lol.

#ItWasOurFirstFamilyTripOutInTheCarAndBWasQuiteExcited

Especially as she saw L next to her in her seat. She was probably disappointed to just see a hospital car park and a bit of the local area.

#LCameInWithMeAsINeededToBreastfeedHerAndSheNappedOnMeAndOnTheChairs

The lights were super bright and the radio was playing – I didn’t mind the radio, but the lights were a bit much, especially as we were often the only ones in the waiting room. I felt a bit awkward being the only one there with a baby.

#ISawAStudentMidwifeFairlyFastWhoDidMyObservationsAndThenIHadToWaitForAMidwife

Blood pressure, oxygen levels, all that fun.

#SheAskedSomeMoreQuestionsButSaidItWouldBeBetterForADoctorToSeeMeSoIWentBackToTheWaitingRoom

I thought ‘it won’t be long’.

#TheWaitingRoomWasHotSoIDrankMyWaterFastAndINeededToGoToTheToiletButThereWasNowhereForMeToPutLInTheBathroom

I thought about asking someone at reception to watch her, but I thought I’d be called in soon and I didn’t want to miss my name being called. Her car seat isn’t one of those that you take in and out of the car, so she was just in my arms a lot.

#AtSomePointAMemberOfStaffSawIWasUncomfortableAndAskedIfIWantedAHotDrinkButISaidNoAndAskedHowMuchLongerWouldItBe #SheCheckedAndSaidNotLongButItWasAnotherHourPlusAfterThat

Fun times. It was nice of her to check on us though. I know they’re all overworked and understaffed so I’m not blaming them. I probably was at the top of the list at times, but then people who had just been given birth were probably then given priority which is fair enough.

#IWasCryingInTheWaitingRoomUnderMyMaskAsIWasGettingSoTiredAndWasStressedByTheWholeSituation

I was about to crack and went to reception to ask how long it’d be, then just as I opened my mouth at the window they called my name. Typical.

#EventuallyADoctorSawMeAndSaidEverythingWasFineButGaveMeSomeAntibiotics

Love having a speculum examination with stitches. As soon as I got in the room I asked if they could hold L while I went to the toilet.

#InTheMorningIPassedABigClotThatLookedABitLikePlacentaAndWasTheReasonIWentInInTheFirstPlace

It seemed to be stuck and I showed Tiago and he was concerned too. After all that waiting I wish I had not even noticed it, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

#TheyHadSaidToBeConcernedIfAClotWasBiggerThanA50pPieceButTheyDidNotTakeMuchNoticeOfIt

This was bigger than a 50p piece. After I delivered the placenta the midwife had to use a hook to remove a bit of it that was stuck, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it was placenta – and I know how dangerous it can be to retain some which is another reason why I went to get checked out.

#ItHasTakenUsAllAFewDaysToCatchUpOnOurSleepAfterThatEpisode

I’m just tired all the time. I think breastfeeding is tiring too.

#IHaveBeenGoingToSleepAsSoonAsLIsSettledIfIFeelTiredEnoughOtherwiseIJustRestInBed

I’ve been watching all the Love Is Blind franchises and doing my Wordle and Quordles. Today I started to read The Beach.

#MyEyeMaskIsSoUsefulNowNotJustForNapsButForNightTimeSleep

I love my eye mask. I never used one prior to B being born. L seems to wake up if I turn our light out straight after putting her down, so I let it dim and turn off, so the eye mask is useful.

#LHasAColdAndIsVerySnottySoWeFinallyGotANasalAspiratorWhichIWishWeHadGotWhenBWasABaby

It’s a bit of a faff with L, but it works. It’s easier with B (I thought it’d be the other way around) and we have a laugh with it.

#TheWeatherIsSoTerribleAndIHaveFeltQuiteTrappedAtHomeWhichIsNotFun

Storm Eunice I despise thee. I think it’s Storm Franklin now…

#WithBIDidNotLeaveTheHouseForTwoWeeksButThisTimeIGotOutPrettyEarly

I needed to. I go stir crazy in this house.

#ICanNotWalkForTooLongAsIAcheButItIsGoodToGetOut

I don’t want to get crushed by a tree though. I’ll be happy when we can get L into a routine and I can get out for a walk after B wakes up from her nap.

#IFeelBadAsSinceLWasBornIHaveNotAlwaysBeenAtTheWindowToWaveBOffToNurseryOrWelcomeHerHome #SheLooksOutForMeWhichMakesMeFeelWorseButWhatCanIDo

Hopefully she understands. Often I’m napping or upstairs feeding L.

#TheRegistryOfficeCalledAsTheyOpenedNewSlotsForAppointmentsSoWeGotMovedForwardAMonthAndAHalf

Hurrah. We want to get L’s passport sorted out ASAP, so this is good news. Tiago will go by himself to register her though.

#BreastfeedingIsDefinitelyGoingALotBetterThisTimeThoughWhenMyUnclesCameToVisitIRealisedISmelledOfSourMilk

Lovely. Luckily I don’t get too close to them because of Covid, so I hopefully get away with it.

#IWashMyClothesAndThenPutOnANewTopAndThenLeakOverItAgainPrettyQuickly

I’ve started to put a muslin over L when I feed her, as changing her is a faff let alone having to do it more because I’ve leaked over her.

#IAmWorriedAboutHowThingsWillBeWhenTiagosPaternityEndsAndIWishHeHadMoreTimeButIWillJustHaveToGetOnWithIt

Two weeks isn’t enough.

#IKnowIAmLuckyWithBGoingToNurseryAndMyMumVisitingSoItWillNotBeAnywhereNearAsBadAsItCouldBe

Seriously I need to stop whining. I’ll cope.

#INeedToWorkOnGettingOutOfTheHouseWithBAndLByMyselfForAWalkWhichIAmQuiteNervousAbout

I need to set up the pushchair for both of them, but I’m happy just wearing L for now.

#AHealthVisitorCameTheOtherDayAndLWasOnly50gOffHerBirthWeightThoughSheThenPissedAllOverTheScalesSoProbablyWasABitMoreOffIt

Lol. I said I bet it’s not the first time and she said she’d lost count. She gave us a couple of books, which is nice as they did not do that in Liverpool.


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe II

The Story So Far (14th / 16th February 2022)

(Photos from 14th February – text from 16th February.

The images are new versions of these photos: I Have A Lot Of Respect For My Body And What It Did.)

25th May 2022: Again I feel awkward posting these images. The problem with posting so out of sync is I have a completely different relationship to the images by the time I post them…

#WeCouldHaveBeenDischargedFromTheHospitalOnTheSameDayAsLsBirthButIWantedToStayOneNightToMakeSureThatBreastfeedingWasGoingOkay

I originally got kept in hospital with B due to breastfeeding problems – and then she had jaundice.

#SheLatchedOnAnHourAfterBeingBornAndNoOneFromTheBreastfeedingTeamEvenCameToSeeUs

I was a bit annoyed that no one bothered, but to be honest I did not need their help.

#WithBIReallyStruggledWithBreastfeedingAndDuringOur4DayStayInHospitalItFeltLikeEveryoneHadSeenMyBoobsAndTriedToHelpUs

I did not ask anyone else for help after the midwife who was there for L’s birth helped me.

#IHadBeenDreadingBreastfeedingAgainSoItCameAsANiceSurpriseThatItWasSoMuchEasierThisTime

A couple of midwives did a home check and checked the latch and could hear L drinking quite noisily. I do not remember B drinking so loudly, but at this point with B I was expressing a lot.

#MyNipplesWereSoSoreAfterAFewDaysThatIWantedToUseNippleShieldsButICouldNotGetLToFeedWithThemWhichHasNowPaidOffAsMyNipplesHaveToughenedUpMore

It was so painful. I’ve been alternating between a couple of different creams – Lansinoh and Weleda Nipple balm (I never used the Weleda one with B).

#IWishIHadNotStayedANightInHospitalThoughAsIObviouslyDoNotDoWellInSuchPlaces

I was miserable. I did also want one night there to just adjust before going home to being a Mum of 2. At least Tiago got a good night of sleep.

#WeEndedUpStayingInTheDeliverySuiteFor8HoursAfterTheBirthAsTheyCouldNotMoveMeToAWardUntilMyCovidResultsCameIn

And the staff were so overworked. I think it was a combination of things.

#TheyDidTestsOnMeAndTiagoAt1InTheMorningAndBy10TheyStillDidNotHaveTheResultsSoTheyMadeMeDoARapidTestAndOnceThoseResultsCameInICouldBeMoved

The lab got the tests at 6.30 in the morning.

#TiagosResultsHadStillNotArrivedAndSoWeCouldEitherWaitOrICouldMoveAndHeCouldGoHome #SoWeSaidHeShouldGoHomeAndTakeOverLookingAfterBFromMyMum

I was a bit annoyed by the whole situation, but what else could we do.

#TypicallyLNeededToFeedAsWeWereAboutToMoveSoIFedHerWhileIGetWheeledThroughABusyWaitingRoom

I felt so awkward being wheeled past so many people. I just kept my head down and looked at L.

#OnTheWardIHadNoBedSoISatInMyCurtainedSpaceFeedingLAndEatingAVegetableCurry

I think another reason the breastfeeding team never came is because the staff were ‘so impressed’ (their words) that I was feeding the baby and feeding myself already. Fair enough. They closed the curtains and it wasn’t until the next day I noticed that it said to keep the curtains open unless you’re dressing or feeding, so this probably also didn’t help with making me feel so lonely.

#TheOther3WomenOnTheWardLeftNotLongAfterIArrivedAndTheirReplacementsHadTheirBirthPartnersWithThemUntil8InTheEveningSoISatAloneFor8HoursListeningToThemAllTalking #YesIDidGetUpset

Your birth partner was allowed to stay with you until the end of visiting hours, but if you had been there for a day already they were only allowed to visit for 4 hours. I was okay until I started to get really sleep deprived and then the crying started.

#LSleptWellInHerCotDuringTheDayButAtNightSheWouldNotSettle

She would sleep for 10 minutes, I’d feed her, she’d sleep for 10 minutes and repeat. No wonder my nipples were sore…

#IDidNotSleepInTheDeliverySuiteAsIFeltUnableToButIWasAlsoWaitingToBeMovedToTheWard

I thought we’d move then Tiago could hold the baby while I had a nap etc – things I missed out on with B.

#IHadToCallTheOverworkedMidwivesTwiceToTakeLFromMeForALittleBitSoICouldGetSomeSleep

I was starting to get hysterical. I called for help and they offered to take her. They had her for an hour and a half I think. Later I called again and they probably took her for half an hour – I woke up to her crying. As I was the only one without ward visitors I think I was also the most annoying one as no one else really buzzed for help.

#LuckilyIHadHadANapTheDayBeforeButAsLWasBornAt3InTheMorningIHadNotSleptSinceThen

Luckily I made myself nap as I kept saying maybe this is my last chance. With B my waters broke at 1am and I had about an hour or two of sleep. B was born in the afternoon though.

#LWasMoreThanHappyToSleepOnTheShouldersOfTheMidwivesWhileTheyWentAboutTheirWork

Phew.

#TiagoCameInAfterLunchToSeeUsAndToTakeUsHomeOnceWeGotDischarged

Hurrah. It was nice to see his face and feel less alone. I even started to chat to the other women. Their babies were all 5/6 pounds and I realised how big L was… (L was 9 pounds 9.)

#LCriedAllTheWayThroughHerExamAndIHadToHoldHerTheWholeTimeWhichTheMidwifeSaidWasAFirstForHer

She said she’d never had to examine a baby while they were in their Mum’s arms the whole time before. I find it hard to believe, but whatever.

#ThatNightSheWouldNotSleepInHerCotAgainAndTiagoHadToHaveHerOnHisChestSoThatICouldGetSomeSleep

When she slept she slept well though.

#MySisterRecommendedASleepingBagWhereTheyHaveTheirArmsUpRatherThanDown

With B she had sleeping bags where the arms can be in or out. I bought some 0-3 month ones for L and I couldn’t get her in them, so she was in B’s 3-9 month ones. She’d nap fine in them during the day, but at night – nope.

#AMumOnALocalWhatsappGroupWhoIHadNeverMetBeforeLentUsOneAndSheSleptSoWellOnceSheWasInIt

They are pricey, delivery was a few days and I doubted that it would make such a difference. Well, it made a huge difference.

#IAmDefinitelyRestingMoreThanIDidAfterHavingBAtThisPointButOnceTiagoIsBackAtWorkItWillBeABitDifferent

L is currently asleep, so I am going to try to nap once I finish this.

#IThinkThingsAreDefinitelyGoingBetterWithLThanTheyWereWithBAtThisPointButIDoGetVeryEmotionalWhenIDoNotSleep

Yesterday I did cry quite a bit. L had some long periods of being awake where I just felt like a milk machine and got upset. Tiago let her sleep on his chest in the end and I got some rest. Hurrah.

#TheOtherNightMyAfterPainsWereSoBadThatICheckedOn111AndItSaidWithAllMySymptomsIShouldCall999

I swear I never had afterpains with B. I had a couple of blood clots and my blood got heavier. I was crying with pain and it was awful. Labour wasn’t as bad as the pains…

#TheAmbulancesAreSoOverworkedThatAClinicianCalledInsteadWhichIWasHappyAboutAndByTheEndOfTheCallMyPainsHadStartedToSubsideButTheySaidToCallAMidwifeOrDoctorInTheMorning

I really did not want them to send an ambulance.

#AMidwifeCalledToBookAnAppointmentWithMeForNextWeekButCameOutToSeeUsAsSheWasConcernedButLuckilyAllIsFine

I had called my Doctors and they had arranged for someone to call me in the afternoon. Then the midwife called and could come to see me before the Doctors. It’s so much easier having someone come to the house.

#BIsTakingWellToBeingABigSisterThoughSheDoesNotKnowHerOwnStrengthWhenShePutsHerHeadToLsForAKissAndSheLikesToPointToLsNoseWhichIsFineButIHaveToSayCarefulALotWhenSheGoesToTouchLsEyes

I was worried about how it would be, but B seems to like having another little human around. When she points to L’s nose she says ‘no’ or something like that. The headbutting thing for a kiss is still funny. It’s very cute. I hope they get on well when they’re older.


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe II

Portrait Of A Mother Of A Twenty Month Old And A 0 Month Old (14th February 2022)

Hello, it’s me again. I’ve been having a little bit of a social media break. Originally I just intended to try to sort out and post my pregnancy Máscara photos, but I didn’t want to rush that. Then I just realised that I was spending too much time on social media and it wasn’t doing much for me, and then I just got too busy with working/stuff organising/mothering. L is already three months old and I’ve definitely not cracked how to be a good mother to two kids yet, and I’m not sure if I ever will, but every day I try to do things differently and hopefully better but geez I’m tired.

I’ve also felt awkward posting as in my ‘I’m-so-tired-and-why-won’t-my-kids-sleep-and-I-feel-bad-about-every-aspect-of-my-life’ phases I wonder why do I bother making work about myself and think I’m way too whiny for someone as privileged as I am. I have ideas for other work I’d like to make, but for now this seems like the easiest way to keep going. It’s a record for myself, but I also do hope that other people get something from it all. It’s not ground-breaking, award-winning stuff, but it’s my life.

I also feel awkward about this first photo, but it is a ‘I just had a baby and here’s what’s left of my bump’ image, which seems somewhat fitting after a project of tonnes of bump photos.

So anyways, here we go. Here’s the start of Oh Me, Oh Mãe II. Mãe is Portuguese for mother – my kids are half-Portuguese, and now I have two kids so it seemed like an obvious series title (my project of being a mother to one is called Oh Me, Oh Mãe.)

TW: Birth story. First degree tear.

Self-portrait. My arms are raised over my head and I am holding onto my elbows. My top has been lifted up over my head and I am showing what is left of my baby bump.
Portrait Of A Mother Of A Twenty Month Old And A 0 Month Old (14th February 2022)

  #ICanNotBelieveThatIAmAMotherOfTwoAndItIsWeirdHearingPeopleReferToUsAsAFamilyOfFourNow #OnTheEveningIWentIntoLabourISuddenlyFeltUnwellAroundSevenAndTiagoHadToPutBToBed #IWentThroughMyBedtimeRoutineOfStretchingAndPerinealMassageAndPlannedToGetIntoBedAsSoonAsPossible #AroundEightIThoughtIMightBeHavingContractionsButWasNotReallySure #AtEightThirtyITextedMyMumToSayThatMaybeIWasHavingContractionsButMaybeNot #IStartedToMonitorThemWithAnAppAtNineThirtyButWasStillInDenial #ISuddenlyFeltHungryAndAtTenIWasSatOnTheSofaEatingSamosasThroughThem #WithBIWasUnableToEatInEarlyLabourSoIThoughtIWasJustUnwellOrSomething #AtTenThirtyMyMaybeTheyAreMaybeTheyAreNotContractionsWereSixMinutesApartSoICalledMyMum #SheSaidItSoundedLikeThingsWereHappeningSoSheWouldComeOverToWatchBWhichMadeMeFeelABitMoreRelaxed #SheArrivedAtAroundElevenAndNotLongAfterIWasBleedingABit #MyContractionsWereCloserTogetherAndOnTheNHSWebsiteAndItSaidToCallTriageIfYouAreBleeding #SoICalledAndTheySaidToComeInAndWeGotThereBeforeMidnight #WeWereTheOnlyOnesThereAndAfterAWhileWeGotCalledIntoARoom #ItWasNiceToHaveTiagoWithMeAsAtThisPointWithBTiagoHadToWaitInTheCarParkDueToItBeingTheFirstLockdown #SheWasNotConcernedAboutTheBloodSoIFeltBadForWastingTheirTime #MyContractionsHadSlowedDownWhichIThoughtWouldHappenDueToTheChangeOfEnvironment #SheHookedMeUpToAMachineAndToldMeToPressAButtonWheneverIFeltTheBabyMoveButICouldNotReallyFeelHer #SheSaidSheWouldComeBackAndExamineMeInABitWhichGaveMeTimeToRelaxAndMyContractionsBecameMoreRegularAgain #ByTheTimeSheExaminedMeIWasFourCentimetresDilatedAndSheGaveMeASweepAndIThinkMovedTheCervixABitMoreForwardOrSomething #AroundOneWeWentToADeliverySuiteAndItWasANiceBigRoom #INoticedThatThereWasADoorWithASignSayingBirthPoolAndAskedIfItWasPossibleToUseIt #ItWasSharedBetweenTwoRoomsButTheWomanNextDoorHadFinishedUsingItSoItJustNeededToBeCleaned #TheMidwifeWasReallyNiceAndIKeptThinkingThatOtherPeopleWouldTurnUpToBeThereBut

(B’s birth story is here – Turn Baby Turn.)

#ICanNotBelieveThatIAmAMotherOfTwoAndItIsWeirdHearingPeopleReferToUsAsAFamilyOfFourNow

I guess I still find it weird that B is my daughter and she is 20 months old. It’s a lot to comprehend that I grew two small humans inside of me.

#OnTheEveningIWentIntoLabourISuddenlyFeltUnwellAroundSevenAndTiagoHadToPutBToBed

We take it in turns to put B to bed (well we did – now Tiago puts B to bed, and I put L to bed). I just felt unable to do it.

#IWentThroughMyBedtimeRoutineOfStretchingAndPerinealMassageAndPlannedToGetIntoBedAsSoonAsPossible

I was going to skip it all, but suddenly felt a little better and able to do it. My evening stretches involved me sitting on the floor, so I just did that while watching TV.

#AroundEightIThoughtIMightBeHavingContractionsButWasNotReallySure

I felt like I’d been in slow labour for a long time – a week or so. I thought I might have overeaten and was just being off because of that.

#AtEightThirtyITextedMyMumToSayThatMaybeIWasHavingContractionsButMaybeNot

I’d messaged her before saying things were happening, but they weren’t so felt a bit awkward about it. She was going to come and watch B though when things finally happened, so I thought I should pre-warn her – especially as it was night time.

#IStartedToMonitorThemWithAnAppAtNineThirtyButWasStillInDenial

I was like I don’t think they’re contractions, but let’s record them just in case.

#ISuddenlyFeltHungryAndAtTenIWasSatOnTheSofaEatingSamosasThroughThem

I had one, then really fancied another one so I ate two. They were my main pregnancy craving in the last month or so of my pregnancy.

#WithBIWasUnableToEatInEarlyLabourSoIThoughtIWasJustUnwellOrSomething

Too much info but if I ate I just needed the loo – this wasn’t the case this time.

#AtTenThirtyMyMaybeTheyAreMaybeTheyAreNotContractionsWereSixMinutesApartSoICalledMyMum #SheSaidItSoundedLikeThingsWereHappeningSoSheWouldComeOverToWatchBWhichMadeMeFeelABitMoreRelaxed

She asked how far apart they were and with 6 minutes she thought she needed to come over. I was worried I’d have to go to hospital in the middle of the night, so was glad she was coming over now as I could relax and concentrate on my breathing more.

#SheArrivedAtAroundElevenAndNotLongAfterIWasBleedingABit

I hadn’t had any signs of my mucus plug or a bloody show until this point, so I knew things were definitely happening now.

#MyContractionsWereCloserTogetherAndOnTheNHSWebsiteAndItSaidToCallTriageIfYouAreBleeding

I think I’d just been looking up signs of early labour (still a bit in denial) and saw a bold section at the top about calling triage. I’d seen a lot of photos of blood and mucus plugs on a Mum app I’m on and everyone else’s had looked quite watered down. My blood was intense red.

#SoICalledAndTheySaidToComeInAndWeGotThereBeforeMidnight

I took my hospital bags and hoped that things were fine, but that I’d be able to stay at the hospital – and not risk giving birth in the car or something.

#WeWereTheOnlyOnesThereAndAfterAWhileWeGotCalledIntoARoom

I’d walked past triage before and seen so many people there, but that was in the middle of the day.

#ItWasNiceToHaveTiagoWithMeAsAtThisPointWithBTiagoHadToWaitInTheCarParkDueToItBeingTheFirstLockdown

We weren’t sure what the rules were, so were a bit surprised that he was let in.

#SheWasNotConcernedAboutTheBloodSoIFeltBadForWastingTheirTime

I felt a bit stupid to be honest and thought we’d be sent home.

#MyContractionsHadSlowedDownWhichIThoughtWouldHappenDueToTheChangeOfEnvironment

With B I was at the hospital for my entire early labour, so it allowed me to ‘get in the zone’.

#SheHookedMeUpToAMachineAndToldMeToPressAButtonWheneverIFeltTheBabyMoveButICouldNotReallyFeelHer

I could just feel contractions…

#SheSaidSheWouldComeBackAndExamineMeInABitWhichGaveMeTimeToRelaxAndMyContractionsBecameMoreRegularAgain

Hurrah. I did my hypnobirthing breathing throughout the contractions and I think I was playing my birthing playlist by this point.

#ByTheTimeSheExaminedMeIWasFourCentimetresDilatedAndSheGaveMeASweepAndIThinkMovedTheCervixABitMoreForwardOrSomething

At this point I wouldn’t have said no to a sweep, but I was a bit annoyed that she didn’t mention it until she was actually doing it.

#AroundOneWeWentToADeliverySuiteAndItWasANiceBigRoom

It seemed bigger than the one I had in Liverpool, but maybe not. Not that it matters. We were just shocked by how nice it was. There were fairy lights in the ceiling above the bed which was a nice touch.

#INoticedThatThereWasADoorWithASignSayingBirthPoolAndAskedIfItWasPossibleToUseIt #ItWasSharedBetweenTwoRoomsButTheWomanNextDoorHadFinishedUsingItSoItJustNeededToBeCleaned

She asked about my birthing plan. I’d got Tiago to read it, but he was out getting my other bag so I had to try to remember. I mainly just mentioned delayed cord clamping and skin to skin.

She offered me gas and air, but I said no. I didn’t even use my TENS machine this time, as you can’t use it in water so there didn’t seem much point in using it by the time Tiago got it sorted.

#TheMidwifeWasReallyNiceAndIKeptThinkingThatOtherPeopleWouldTurnUpToBeThereButItWasJustHer

There were a lot of people at B’s birth, so it was nice that it was just Tiago, me and her.

#AtTwoIWasAllowedInThePoolAndJustGotIntoADeepSquatPositionAndRestedMyHeadOnTheSideOfThePoolThroughContractions

My playlist was playing in the background. The room was darkish. It was nice.

#BeforeLongIKnewIHadEnteredTheDownPhaseOfLabourButReallyFeltLikeINeededTheLoo #IManagedToWaddleThereAndInstantlyKnewItWasAMistakeAndWasWorriedIWouldGiveBirthOnTheToiletButLuckilyIWaddledBackAndBabyLWasBornJustBeforeThree

I was surprised she let me go to the toilet, as at B’s birth they made me just sit on the bed over a kind of potty thing. The midwife was impressed that I managed to waddle to and from the toilet with the baby just about to come out.

The annoying thing about the pool was having to stand up every 15 minutes to have baby’s heartrate checked.

#SheWasNinePoundsNineWhichWasATotalShockAndSheHadALotOfDarkHairWhichWasASurpriseAsBHadNotVeryMuchLightHair

The midwife would check on how far away the baby was from birth with a torch and mirror. At one point she said ‘wow the baby has a lot of hair’ and we looked at the mirror. I put my hand down and could feel her hair blowing in the water.

#IHadAFirstDegreeTearThatNeededSomeStitchesAndTheyWouldHaveLetMeComeHomeTheSameDayButIWantedToStayANightToMakeSureThatBreastfeedingWasGoingOkay

They said I had a first degree tear. I asked if that was the worst kind – ‘no the best kind’. I had a graze too, but that didn’t need stitches.

#SheWantedToBeFedQuiteSoonAfterBirthAndSheManagedToLatchOnFairlyEasilyWhichDidNotHappenAtAllForALongTimeWithBSoWeWentHomeTheNextDay

I wish I’d just come home the same day really, but more of that next time…

Welcome to the world L!

She was born to either Caribbean Queen by Billy Ocean or Margaret In Captivity by The Decemberists. I don’t remember CQ playing, so I’m thinking it was that one.


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