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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Tiago’s Second Home Haircut (26th December 2020)

Tiago’s Second Home Haircut (26th December 2020)
 
#IAmWritingThisAt6ThirtyInTheMorningAsBHasAlreadyBeenUpForAboutAnHour
#SheHasBeenWakingUpACoupleOfTimesInTheNightButSleepingQuiteWellInGeneral
#SoLastNightWeStayedUpLateWatchingPearlHarbourWhichIHadRecordedACoupleOfWeeksAgo
#TheNightBeforeWeHadStayedUpNotAsLateWatchingADocumentaryAboutTheBeeGees
#IThinkTonightItWillBeAnEarlyNightForUsThoughWeWillProbablyNapWhenSheHasHerFirstNap
#TiagoHasFourDaysOffForXmasSoIHaveBeenHavingALittleMoreOfABreak
#IFeelGuiltyAboutItThough
#YesterdayIFeltLikeICouldHaveStayedInBedForAWeekAsISuddenlyFeltSoDown
#TheCodingCourseSeemsALotHarderAndIAmHavingALotLessFeelingSmartMoments
#YesIDidDoABitOfCodingAndGeneralWorkOnChristmasDay
#ItIsStillAboutAnotherWeekUntilMyPhoneCallAssessmentWithTheServiceThatMyHealthVisitorSuggested
#IAmFindingItHardToSeeSocialMediaPostsAboutPeopleAndTheirBabies
#IThinkItIsBecauseItAllLooksSoEasyForEveryoneElseThoughIKnowThatEveryoneOnlyUsuallyTriesToShowTheirBestSelvesOnSocialMedia
#AfterGoingToTheHairdressersIRealisedThatTheCystOnMyHeadIsQuiteVisibleNow
#WellItIsMoreTheBaldPatchThatSurroundsIt
#IHaveProbablyHadItForAtLeastAYearAndAHalfButItHasGotBiggerAsIMessWithItWhenIGetStressed
#AndPregnancyAndCovidAndThingsHaveBeenStressful
#IAmTalkingAboutItNowToShameMyselfIntoStopMessingWithItButIKnowThatIWillProbablyNot
#ICouldGetItRemovedButApparentlyTheyUsuallyGrowBack
#IJustSearchEnginedCystOnHeadAndIFeelABitBetterAboutItAllAsThereAreSomeHugeOnesOutThere
#AnywaysWeReallyNeedToMoveBOutOfTheBassinetOnHerCotAndIntoTheBottomBit
#ItIsRidiculousHowMuchSheHasGrownIn6Months
#IGuessWeAreStallingBecauseItWillBeALotMoreAnnoyingToGetHerOutOfItAndWeWillNotBeAbleToRockHerAsEasily
#YesterdayWeMadeHerSomeNiceMealsButSheDidNotSeemThatIntoThem
#WhichIsProbablyWhySheWokeUpSoEarlyTodayAsWhenSheEatsWellSheSeemsToSleepBetter
#IThinkIHaveFinallyGivenUpWithBreastfeedingNowAsSheHasHadAFewDaysOfNotWantingToBreastfeedSoIGaveUpAFewDaysAgo
#IThinkIFindItDifficultSeeingSoManyPostsAndReferencesAboutBreastfeedingAsIFeelABitGuiltyAboutItThoughItWasUltimatelyBsChoice
#ButAlsoIFeelBadThatThingsIHavePostedInThePastMightHaveMadeOthersFeelBadAboutThemselvesForWhateverReason
#TheShootWasMeantToBeAFamilyPortaitSessionButTiagoAskedMeToCutHisHairAgainSoIThoughtIShouldDocumentIt
#IThoughtIHadDoneABetterJobThanLastTimeButNowIAmNotSoSureAndIMightNeedToNeatenItUpMoreLater

#IAmWritingThisAt6ThirtyInTheMorningAsBHasAlreadyBeenUpForAboutAnHour

I can hear B giggling at T from here. I’m also listening to Sparrow Sleeps – which are lullaby versions of songs that I liked when I was a teen. I’ve been listening to Relient K, but now I see they have albums of Say Anything and Alkaline Trio… It’s quite nice to write to as I don’t get so distracted by the lyrics though I am kind of singing along anyways.

(I wrote this on 26th December and I’d already forgot about Sparrow Sleeps, so thanks to me for the reminder!)

#SheHasBeenWakingUpACoupleOfTimesInTheNightButSleepingQuiteWellInGeneral #SoLastNightWeStayedUpLateWatchingPearlHarbourWhichIHadRecordedACoupleOfWeeksAgo #TheNightBeforeWeHadStayedUpNotAsLateWatchingADocumentaryAboutTheBeeGees

We thought that we were cursing things by staying up late two nights ago, but as she slept fairly well we just ended up watching the whole of Pearl Harbour. I thought I would turn it off at 11pm, but there seemed like no point as we were so close to the end.

#IThinkTonightItWillBeAnEarlyNightForUsThoughWeWillProbablyNapWhenSheHasHerFirstNap

Well, Tiago says when I am finished that he will probably have a nap.

#TiagoHasFourDaysOffForXmasSoIHaveBeenHavingALittleMoreOfABreak #IFeelGuiltyAboutItThough

Tiago says I can’t win as I feel bad for wanting more time for myself, but when I do I feel guilty about it and don’t really enjoy it.

T fed B all her meals yesterday (though dinner didn’t go well so I gave it a go). I tried to just read my book (The Sanest Guy In The Room by Don Black), but I kept getting distracted by my Nan and life. I usually read e-books now, but this is a physical book that my Mum got me for my birthday.

#YesterdayIFeltLikeICouldHaveStayedInBedForAWeekAsISuddenlyFeltSoDown

Though the feeling passed a bit after 20ish minutes in bed, when I felt guilty for being there.

#TheCodingCourseSeemsALotHarderAndIAmHavingALotLessFeelingSmartMoments

It sucks feeling dumb, but I am halfway through it now so I just need to get on and finish it.

#YesIDidDoABitOfCodingAndGeneralWorkOnChristmasDay

To be fair I think I always do work a bit on Xmas, and now it makes more sense than ever as Tiago is off and I work when I have the chance.

A couple of photos from my Neblina series were taken on Xmas day.

#ItIsStillAboutAnotherWeekUntilMyPhoneCallAssessmentWithTheServiceThatMyHealthVisitorSuggested

I felt like I didn’t need to speak to them anymore, but my mood does go up and down a lot. I know they won’t be able to help with some things (they won’t be able to give me time off – though like I’ve said before I don’t want time away from B), but maybe it might help me to try to change myself for the better.

#IAmFindingItHardToSeeSocialMediaPostsAboutPeopleAndTheirBabies #IThinkItIsBecauseItAllLooksSoEasyForEveryoneElseThoughIKnowThatEveryoneOnlyUsuallyTriesToShowTheirBestSelvesOnSocialMedia

It’s so stupid that it gets to me. I know that most of social media is fake and most people don’t show their true feelings etc. I am happy for other people, but it says a lot more about me than it does about them.

#AfterGoingToTheHairdressersIRealisedThatTheCystOnMyHeadIsQuiteVisibleNow

Talking about my cyst is just making me think of RuPaul’s Drag Race…

#WellItIsMoreTheBaldPatchThatSurroundsIt #IHaveProbablyHadItForAtLeastAYearAndAHalfButItHasGotBiggerAsIMessWithItWhenIGetStressed #AndPregnancyAndCovidAndThingsHaveBeenStressful #IAmTalkingAboutItNowToShameMyselfIntoStopMessingWithItButIKnowThatIWillProbablyNot #ICouldGetItRemovedButApparentlyTheyUsuallyGrowBack

I’m also currently reading a book about periods (Period by Emma Barnett) and it says something about talking about them being quite off limits for a lot of people. Well, I’ve now talked about periods and cysts in my project so…

#IJustSearchEnginedCystOnHeadAndIFeelABitBetterAboutItAllAsThereAreSomeHugeOnesOutThere

Another fun thing about getting older.

#AnywaysWeReallyNeedToMoveBOutOfTheBassinetOnHerCotAndIntoTheBottomBit #ItIsRidiculousHowMuchSheHasGrownIn6Months #IGuessWeAreStallingBecauseItWillBeALotMoreAnnoyingToGetHerOutOfItAndWeWillNotBeAbleToRockHerAsEasily

It is unbelievable how much babies grow in the first six months though. I remember my friend sending us a 6 month onesie for B and thinking nah she is never going to be that big in 6 months time. Well, she is…

#YesterdayWeMadeHerSomeNiceMealsButSheDidNotSeemThatIntoThem

Carrot porridge (she eats that up every day, butternut squash with almond butter and cinnamon (she ate that all up the day before), and aubergine with red pepper and cous cous (she barely ate any).

#WhichIsProbablyWhySheWokeUpSoEarlyTodayAsWhenSheEatsWellSheSeemsToSleepBetter

We give her a lot of water with meals and between if she doesn’t have milk. We give her a milk feed in the morning and in the evening, but after her terrible dinner we gave her milk to make sure she had enough. I think she was just teething really badly and food was irritating her. Possibly?

#IThinkIHaveFinallyGivenUpWithBreastfeedingNowAsSheHasHadAFewDaysOfNotWantingToBreastfeedSoIGaveUpAFewDaysAgo #IThinkIFindItDifficultSeeingSoManyPostsAndReferencesAboutBreastfeedingAsIFeelABitGuiltyAboutItThoughItWasUltimatelyBsChoice

B didn’t want to anymore, so I shouldn’t feel bad about it though I feel like I might have jumped to formula a bit too quick before.. You never know. She wasn’t feeding well and we were moving, so it seemed like the best thing to do to make sure she was getting enough.

I feel like the whole breastfeeding journey has been very up and down. There are a lot of what ifs… but I do just need to let it go. Easier said than done.

#ButAlsoIFeelBadThatThingsIHavePostedInThePastMightHaveMadeOthersFeelBadAboutThemselvesForWhateverReason

And possible future posts. I need to talk about my need to gravitate to talk about negative things all the time; this is something I have felt about addressing for a while.

I guess I’ll save it for a future reflective post.

#TheShootWasMeantToBeAFamilyPortaitSessionButTiagoAskedMeToCutHisHairAgainSoIThoughtIShouldDocumentIt #IThoughtIHadDoneABetterJobThanLastTimeButNowIAmNotSoSureAndIMightNeedToNeatenItUpMoreLater

Well, I guess the next shoot can be a family portrait.

Tiago asked if I could cut his hair tonight, but my Mum was round so she looked after B while I did it. I did feel very nervous, but like last time I quickly got into it. It is quite therapeutic, but hopefully next time I’ll do a better job of it.

I never like how hair looks when it’s just been cut, so maybe it will look better in a few days. I do need to work out there not being such an abrupt change in length in hair between sections though.


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Imitating B’s One Red Cheek (19th December 2020)

Me with one orange cheek, and holding a side ponytail.
Imitating B’s One Red Cheek (19th December 2020)
 
#BHasBeenTeethingSinceBeforeWeMoved
#SheStillDoesNotHaveAToothToShowForItAllButMaybeOneIsNearlyHere
#SheUsuallyHasTwoRedCheeksWhenItIsAtItsWorst
#ButTheOtherDaySheHadJustOneForTheFirstTime
#IUsuallyGiveHerSomeTeethingPowderDuringTheDay
#IWouldNotHaveThoughtItWouldWorkButAFriendRecommendedIt
#AndThenAtNightIfItSeemsBadIWillGiveHerParacetamol
#SheWokeUpALotLastNightSoIProbablyShouldHaveGivenHerSomeMore
#IWishSheCouldCommunicateAndLetUsKnowIfSheIsInALotOfPain
#IJustDoNotWantToGiveHerTooMuchParacetamolUnnecessarily
#MyPlanToGetUpAt7ishHasNotBeenGoingSoWellTheLastCoupleOfDays
#TypicallyWeAlwaysSeemToGetUpLateOnDaysWhereWeNeedToBeOutOfTheHouseInTheMorning
#YesterdayIReadAnArticleAboutMotherhoodAndArtistsAt2amAndCouldNotSleepAgainUntil5am
#MyBrainWouldNotStopThinkingAboutIt
#IFeelLikeIShouldNotBeMakingSoMuchWorkAboutMotherhood
#ButItIsAHugeNewPartOfMyLifeAndSoItSeemsLikeAnObviousThingToDo
#EspeciallyWhenMyWorkIsALotAboutProcessingMyThoughtsAndFeelingsMostOfTheTime
#IHaveBeenFeelingFineMentallyStill
#ThoughOnDaysWhereItRainsAllDayIDoFeelALittleStuckIndoors
#YesterdayWeManagedToWalkToAClassAndAvoidTheRainOnTheWayThere
#EveryoneHadTheirBabiesInChristmasOutfits
#IManagedToPutBInSomethingOtherThanAOnesieButSheLookedLikeSheWasDressedForEaster
#AtLeastIHadRedAndGreenSocksOnButTheyWereWatermelonRelated
#IAmNotTooFussedAboutChristmas
#BWillNotRealiseWhatIsGoingOn
#IHaveAlreadyGivenHerHerChristmasPresentAsIDidNotSeeThePointOfWaiting
#SheLikesTheMonkeyPuppetThatTheTeacherInYesterdaysClassUses
#WeWereWaitingForTiagoToPickUsUpAndIMentionedThatIWantedToGetBOne
#TheTeacherSellsThemSoIGotHerOneAndGaveItHerInTheCar
#OpeningAndClosingItsMouthIsAGoodHandStrengtheningWorkout

(I wrote this post on 19th December.

I used a sample of blusher that I got with some makeup I ordered on a post-birth high. The blusher was more orange than the red I expected it to be, and I haven’t really worn the other makeup that I bought.

You can also see a little scratch from B on my face.)

#BHasBeenTeethingSinceBeforeWeMoved

It seemed to get really bad around the day that Tiago was driving a van load of our stuff to Birmingham. Typical.

#SheStillDoesNotHaveAToothToShowForItAllButMaybeOneIsNearlyHere #SheUsuallyHasTwoRedCheeksWhenItIsAtItsWorst #ButTheOtherDaySheHadJustOneForTheFirstTime

I am thinking that because of the one red cheek that one is going to come through on that side first? Who knows.

#IUsuallyGiveHerSomeTeethingPowderDuringTheDay #IWouldNotHaveThoughtItWouldWorkButAFriendRecommendedIt

We use the Ashtons & Parsons ones (no, I’m not making money for the recommendation).

My Mum said she never used them as she thought they wouldn’t work, but she’s really impressed by them.

#AndThenAtNightIfItSeemsBadIWillGiveHerParacetamol #SheWokeUpALotLastNightSoIProbablyShouldHaveGivenHerSomeMore #IWishSheCouldCommunicateAndLetUsKnowIfSheIsInALotOfPain #IJustDoNotWantToGiveHerTooMuchParacetamolUnnecessarily

I really don’t like taking medications unless I feel quite bad. I shouldn’t make B suffer though. If she seems in pain I will give it to her. I think I got put off by my Mum saying that some people just give it to their kids to make them sleep through the night. Obviously I want B to sleep through the night, but I didn’t want to feel like I was just trying to drug her.

#MyPlanToGetUpAt7ishHasNotBeenGoingSoWellTheLastCoupleOfDays #TypicallyWeAlwaysSeemToGetUpLateOnDaysWhereWeNeedToBeOutOfTheHouseInTheMorning

It’s been months since I’ve set alarms and used the snooze button. Snooze is my best/worst friend again…

#YesterdayIReadAnArticleAboutMotherhoodAndArtistsAt2amAndCouldNotSleepAgainUntil5am #MyBrainWouldNotStopThinkingAboutIt

Do Female Artists Have to Choose Between Motherhood and a Career?‘ by Hettie Judah.

I’m currently writing an article about how my art practice has changed since having a baby and I just kept sending myself notes and thoughts.

#IFeelLikeIShouldNotBeMakingSoMuchWorkAboutMotherhood

I guess from what I’ve heard people do not take you seriously as an artist if you make a lot of work about motherhood. This also seems rubbish though as everyone is born in some way and so many people are mothers.

#ButItIsAHugeNewPartOfMyLifeAndSoItSeemsLikeAnObviousThingToDo #EspeciallyWhenMyWorkIsALotAboutProcessingMyThoughtsAndFeelingsMostOfTheTime

I like to think that my work is helpful for other people. I have had some Dads tell me how they’ve found this project and/or my pregnancy one useful.

It’s all a nice record for me too. I can’t believe how much B has grown and it’s been a blur. My pregnancy feels like a past life already, so it’s nice to be able to trigger memories and things through my work.

#IHaveBeenFeelingFineMentallyStill #ThoughOnDaysWhereItRainsAllDayIDoFeelALittleStuckIndoors

Oh winter. Though yesterday I did just brave a trip out in the afternoon to return something.

#YesterdayWeManagedToWalkToAClassAndAvoidTheRainOnTheWayThere

During the class it started to POUR.

#EveryoneHadTheirBabiesInChristmasOutfits #IManagedToPutBInSomethingOtherThanAOnesieButSheLookedLikeSheWasDressedForEaster #AtLeastIHadRedAndGreenSocksOnButTheyWereWatermelonRelated #IAmNotTooFussedAboutChristmas

Yeah, no Christmas clothes for B. Maybe when she’s older and likes Christmas but at the moment I’m really not bothered.

We need to sort out what we’re having for food and things, but I’m also not fussed. Think we’re just going to get lots of snack foods. We had some good cheese and pickle bites the other day.

#BWillNotRealiseWhatIsGoingOn

It looks like the Government is backtracking on people meeting up too. When they announced that we could I knew it was too early.

#IHaveAlreadyGivenHerHerChristmasPresentAsIDidNotSeeThePointOfWaiting #SheLikesTheMonkeyPuppetThatTheTeacherInYesterdaysClassUses #WeWereWaitingForTiagoToPickUsUpAndIMentionedThatIWantedToGetBOne #TheTeacherSellsThemSoIGotHerOneAndGaveItHerInTheCar

Hurrah. That was super easy. I had looked for one the other day, but didn’t like any. At the first class B was absolutely transfixed by it.

#OpeningAndClosingItsMouthIsAGoodHandStrengtheningWorkout

It is a lot of work. so I’ll have strong hands in no time. Maybe then I should go bouldering…

This post has been fuelled by Agnes Obel’s song Broken Sleep.

Me dancing to the song (made since I wrote this post).

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Portrait Of A Mother Of A 6 Month Old (16th December 2020)

Portrait Of A Mother Of A 6 Month Old (16th December 2020)
 
#IHaveBeenFeelingMuchBetterThisWeek
#IDecidedToStartMyFinalCodingCourseYesterday
#IHadBeenPuttingItOffButIHadPaidForItAlreadyAndIDoubtMuchWillHappenInTheNextMonth
#IAmStressedAboutDoingItButAtTheSameTimeIFeelReallyGoodWhenIGetThingsRight
#LastWeekIFeltTerribleAndIWouldJustFeedBInTheNightIfSheWokeUp
#ThenSheWouldUsuallySleepUntil8Or8Thirty
#ButThenIWouldFeelGuiltyForGettingUpSoLateAndSheWouldHaveToHaveShorterNapsInTheDayAndEndUpGoingToBedCloserTo8
#TheLast3MorningsWeHaveAimedToGetUpAround7
#ThoughYesterdaySheWasAwakeAt5ThirtyAndAt6IGaveUpAndFedHer
#ButIGotALotDoneDuringHerNaps
#WeWentToABabyClassAndSheFellAsleepOnTheWayBackSoWeEndedUpPuttingHerToBedAround6Thirty
#SheWokeUpAt9ishAndWeFedHerThen
#ButWhenSheWokeUpAt2ITriedForLongerToPutHerBackToSleepWithoutFeedingHerAsIKnewSheWasNotHungryAndWantedToSleep
#SheIsEatingALotOfFoodDuringTheDaySoSheShouldNotNeedFeedingSoMuchAtNight
#YesterdayIMadeButterbeanAndAvocadoForHer
#ButIPutTooMuchLemonInItAndItDidNotGoWell
#IShouldNotTryNewRecipesBeforeSheHasAClassAsIGotSuperStressedWorryingThatSheHadNotHadEnoughToEat
#AndWeEndedUpMakingItToClassJustOnTimeWhenIHadPlannedToBeALittleEarly
#MyMumHadBroughtSomeOutfitsRoundForHerAndIHadWantedToPutHerInOne
#NopeSheWoreAOnesieLikeSheHasDoneForHerWholeExistence
#IAmJustGoingToTryAddingSomeCarrotsToHerLeftoverFood
#IfSheDoesNotLikeItThenIWillJustHaveToEatIt
#IForgotToMentionInMyLastEntryThatThereIsAWaitingTimeOf3To6WeeksForTheServiceThatMyHealthVisitorToldMeToRing
#ItHappensALotWhereIFeelLikeINeedHelpForALongTime
#WhenIEventuallyAskForHelpThereIsAlwaysALongWaitingList
#ThenByTheTimeTheyGetRoundToGettingBackInTouchIFeelALotBetter
#IHaveAlwaysBeenVeryUpAndDownThough
#AndMyWorkPlaysABigPartInIt
#GettingUpEarlierAndGivingMyselfMoreOfAChanceToGetThingsDoneDefinitelyMakesMeFeelBetter
#ThoughThereWillBeDaysWhereIDoJustNeedToSleepThroughHerNapsAndThatIsFineToo

#IHaveBeenFeelingMuchBetterThisWeek

Last week I just felt awful (I’m writing this on 16th December). I just wanted to lie in bed at any opportunity, and I cried a lot.

#IDecidedToStartMyFinalCodingCourseYesterday #IHadBeenPuttingItOffButIHadPaidForItAlreadyAndIDoubtMuchWillHappenInTheNextMonth #IAmStressedAboutDoingItButAtTheSameTimeIFeelReallyGoodWhenIGetThingsRight

I saw a friend who asked how it was all going. I had forgotten about it, so I thought about starting next week but I thought it was best just to sign up and get on with it while I felt in the mood to.

I found that I was just faffing a lot in the evenings once B had gone to bed.

#LastWeekIFeltTerribleAndIWouldJustFeedBInTheNightIfSheWokeUp

We used to make more of an effort to try to get her to go back to sleep. She does sleep through the night at times, so I knew she couldn’t be that hungry, but feeding her is a quick way to make her go back to sleep.

#ThenSheWouldUsuallySleepUntil8Or8Thirty

Especially if it was 5am. I’d just be rushing to feed her as I knew she would definitely sleep for a long time afterwards. I don’t mind starting our day at 6, but 5 is too early. If she wakes up pre-6 and is being quiet it’s fine, but if she is screaming then something needs to happen.

#ButThenIWouldFeelGuiltyForGettingUpSoLateAndSheWouldHaveToHaveShorterNapsInTheDayAndEndUpGoingToBedCloserTo8

So basically I wouldn’t get anything done, which would make me feel worse and make me want to lie in bed and cry more.

#TheLast3MorningsWeHaveAimedToGetUpAround7

I like to do some yoga/stretching in the morning. We were getting up late and then T would have to get ready to start work, whereas if we get up at 7 he can feed B while I stretch. Though the last 2 days I’ve had to feed her and make other time for my yoga as T didn’t sleep very well two nights ago and this morning he had to go out to work for once (instead of working at home).

#ThoughYesterdaySheWasAwakeAt5ThirtyAndAt6IGaveUpAndFedHer #ButIGotALotDoneDuringHerNaps

At 6am it seemed like ‘fair enough, let’s just start the day and then in 2 hours she will be having a nap again, so I know I can get things done’. I’m not looking forward to her dropping another nap. Apparently it should be done between 7 and 9 months. I’m hoping it goes towards the end of the 9 months, but we’ll just have to see how B is.

#WeWentToABabyClassAndSheFellAsleepOnTheWayBackSoWeEndedUpPuttingHerToBedAround6Thirty

I did get a bit stressed out that she was asleep for so long. It feels weird that she should have dinner around 4ish, but I managed to stretch it until 4.30pm and then extended her awake time to 6.30ish. Apologies if some of this stuff is super boring.

#SheWokeUpAt9ishAndWeFedHerThen

T was just about to get into bed when she woke up. We do usually do a dream feed around 9.30/10 anyways. Sometimes we think about dropping it, but I have read that some people suggest doing it until 1 years old. I know some babies don’t have it, but it seems to work (at times) for us.

#ButWhenSheWokeUpAt2ITriedForLongerToPutHerBackToSleepWithoutFeedingHerAsIKnewSheWasNotHungryAndWantedToSleep #SheIsEatingALotOfFoodDuringTheDaySoSheShouldNotNeedFeedingSoMuchAtNight

I am surprised by how much she eats at times.

Also, when trying to put her back to sleep I usually put my hand on her chest and if she turns her head to the side quite quickly I know she wants to sleep. She was also lifting her legs up and throwing them down quick, which is another sign that she wants to sleep. I was about to get her some milk, but I realised that she wasn’t really crying much, so I tried one more time to see if she would sleep. I rubbed her forehead a little bit and eventually she went off.

I just read my book (André Leon Talley’s The Chiffon Trenches) a little bit, as sometimes it is better just to read and observe rather than try to go back to sleep and get annoyed when she won’t settle.

#YesterdayIMadeButterbeanAndAvocadoForHer #ButIPutTooMuchLemonInItAndItDidNotGoWell

Whoops. I have seen plenty of videos of animals and babies trying lemon for the first time, and she had a very similar look.

#IShouldNotTryNewRecipesBeforeSheHasAClassAsIGotSuperStressedWorryingThatSheHadNotHadEnoughToEat

She had a few spoons, then I got a pouch of food out of the cupboard but by that point I think she was too traumatised and wouldn’t take anything off of the spoon. I gave her 4 oz of milk, which she drank most of, but I worried it would not be enough.

#AndWeEndedUpMakingItToClassJustOnTimeWhenIHadPlannedToBeALittleEarly

I had wanted to go 10 minutes early to try to talk to other people. I did end up talking to someone which was nice, but the next class isn’t for a few weeks now.

#MyMumHadBroughtSomeOutfitsRoundForHerAndIHadWantedToPutHerInOne

‘Make sure you take some pictures’.

#NopeSheWoreAOnesieLikeSheHasDoneForHerWholeExistence

Annoyingly there was a cute photo op set up too. I feel like I can’t be bothered to dress her in outfits unless we go to class though. When we go out for walks she is usually in her pram suit, so no one can see.

I’m sure soon I’ll get used to putting her in other clothes…

#IAmJustGoingToTryAddingSomeCarrotsToHerLeftoverFood #IfSheDoesNotLikeItThenIWillJustHaveToEatIt

I already have butterbean dip to eat as the recipe didn’t ask for the whole tin of beans.

I made this one, since I had all of the ingredients.

#IForgotToMentionInMyLastEntryThatThereIsAWaitingTimeOf3To6WeeksForTheServiceThatMyHealthVisitorToldMeToRing #ItHappensALotWhereIFeelLikeINeedHelpForALongTime #WhenIEventuallyAskForHelpThereIsAlwaysALongWaitingList #ThenByTheTimeTheyGetRoundToGettingBackInTouchIFeelALotBetter

This definitely happened while I was making my Neblina project. By the time they call though I might feel like I need some help again. I definitely have reoccurring issues that I need help working on.

My work is therapeutic, but it can only do so much.

#IHaveAlwaysBeenVeryUpAndDownThough #AndMyWorkPlaysABigPartInIt #GettingUpEarlierAndGivingMyselfMoreOfAChanceToGetThingsDoneDefinitelyMakesMeFeelBetter

It’s nice to start the day feeling like I don’t have all of my to-do list hanging over me. That means I can give B more of my attention (not a stressed out Mum thinking about the many things I want/need to do).

#ThoughThereWillBeDaysWhereIDoJustNeedToSleepThroughHerNapsAndThatIsFineToo

The good thing about her going to bed earlier too (I’m going to aim for a 7pm bedtime in future) is that I usually get stuff done earlier, which means I can go to sleep earlier. I do like to read for about 30 minutes or so before I go to bed, though last week I was reading for about an hour at night. It was good, but sometimes I did read too much which I shouldn’t do as you never know when B will wake up.


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Weaning Has Been Really Stressing Me Out (13th December 2020)

Me holding B (whose face is concealed by Photoshop manipulation) who is pulling my left cheek.
Weaning Has Been Really Stressing Me Out (13th December 2020)
 
#WellThisShootWasMeantToBeMoreAboutBsHairWhorlOnTheBackOfHerHead
#ButIRealisedPrettyQuicklyThatItWouldBeDifficult
#IWillTryAgainWhenSheGetsBetterAtSittingMoreIndependently
#IEnjoyedDoingAShootWithHerThoughAndIHaveSaidBeforeThatIWouldDoItMore
#IHaveBeenFeelingBetter
#IHadAFewNightsOfJustFeelingCrummyAndNotWantingToDoAnyWork
#IWasJustGettingIntoBedEarlyAndReadingMariaVonTrappsBiography
#IProbablyJustNeededToRestABitButNowIFeelALotBetter
#WeaningHasBeenReallyStressingMeOut
#IDidNotRealiseHowEasyIHadItWithBreastfeedingAndFormulaFeeding
#ButISeemToHaveSolvedThisProblemByThinkingAheadABitMoreMakingBiggerBatchesAndFreezingFood
#IAlsoWasGettingStressedOutByHavingToMakeFoodInTheMorningSoIJustUsedABabyPorridgePouchForACoupleOfDays
#YesterdayIMadeABatchOfCarrotPorridgeWithMyMum
#IMightJustStartMakingMoreAndEatItMyselfForBreakfastToo
#ItIsNiceSeeingMyMumMore
#SheTookUsToTheSupermarketAgainThisWeek
#ItShowsHowBoringMyLifeIsWhenITalkAboutGoingToTheSupermarketLikeItIsAHighlightOfMyWeek
#WellMaybeItWasAHighlight
#IBoughtSomeDifferentVegetablesForBToTry
#IAmStartingToGetIntoCookingABitMoreThoughAsIWantBToEatHealthyFood
#IDoNotReallyWantToGiveHerPouchesButTheyAreAGoodBackupToHaveForLazyDays
#BIsNowEating3FoodMealsADaySoThatIsALotOfFoodToSortOut
#IJustTriedToGetHerPouchesOfFoodThatWillBeMoreAnnoyingToDoAtHome
#WeWentToABabyClassThisWeek
#IFeelLikeIAmSoBadAtTalkingToPeopleInRealLife
#IThinkIJustSayReallyAnnoyingThingsAndIGetSoExcitedAboutTalkingToSomeoneThatIJustKeepTalking
#AndOftenIDoNotHaveTimeToAskAQuestionBackAsTheClassStartsOrSomething
#INeedToJustCalmDownAndTalkLessAboutMyself
#BGotGivenAPieceOfFoilInClassAndSheLovesItAsItIsSoNoisy
#IThinkForChristmasSheWillBeGettingACardboardBoxWithASpaceBlanketInIt

I wrote this on 13th December 2020.

#WellThisShootWasMeantToBeMoreAboutBsHairWhorlOnTheBackOfHerHead

I originally said B’s spiral of hair on the back of her head. I just search engined for the correct term and hair whorl came up, though I do know it as a crown. Hair whorl is different though…

(I experimented with different ways to cover her face and I liked this method the best.)

#ButIRealisedPrettyQuicklyThatItWouldBeDifficult #IWillTryAgainWhenSheGetsBetterAtSittingMoreIndependently

They do say don’t work with babies and animals…

It will be a lot easier to do when she can sit up by herself better. I can just take pictures of her without the faff of trying to hold her and take the picture at the same time.

#IEnjoyedDoingAShootWithHerThoughAndIHaveSaidBeforeThatIWouldDoItMore

It passed some of our playtime, we had some quality time together and I felt less stressed once I had done the shoot.

#IHaveBeenFeelingBetter #IHadAFewNightsOfJustFeelingCrummyAndNotWantingToDoAnyWork #IWasJustGettingIntoBedEarlyAndReadingMariaVonTrappsBiography #IProbablyJustNeededToRestABitButNowIFeelALotBetter

There is some language in the book that is a bit un-PC/non-PC, but it is interesting learning more about the true/extended story of the Sound of Music (we watched it two weeks ago).

#WeaningHasBeenReallyStressingMeOut #IDidNotRealiseHowEasyIHadItWithBreastfeedingAndFormulaFeeding #ButISeemToHaveSolvedThisProblemByThinkingAheadABitMoreMakingBiggerBatchesAndFreezingFood

Feeding suddenly went from not being that stressful to being super stressful. I still feel a little overwhelmed about it all (so many foods left for her to try/making sure she gets a balanced mix of things), but making more and freezing more is definitely a good idea.

#IAlsoWasGettingStressedOutByHavingToMakeFoodInTheMorningSoIJustUsedABabyPorridgePouchForACoupleOfDays #YesterdayIMadeABatchOfCarrotPorridgeWithMyMum #IMightJustStartMakingMoreAndEatItMyselfForBreakfastToo

It will be better when she starts just having a variation of our meals. I do need to sit down and meal plan and make sure we’re eating a good variety of foods throughout the week.

#ItIsNiceSeeingMyMumMore #SheTookUsToTheSupermarketAgainThisWeek #ItShowsHowBoringMyLifeIsWhenITalkAboutGoingToTheSupermarketLikeItIsAHighlightOfMyWeek #WellMaybeItWasAHighlight

The days are so long and I worry that B is not entertained enough, so it was nice to go to a supermarket and do something different. This time I carried her in a carrier, so she was more chilled.

#IBoughtSomeDifferentVegetablesForBToTry

I’m currently eating scrambled egg on toast with some asparagus on the side – B has some asparagus to try later.

#IAmStartingToGetIntoCookingABitMoreThoughAsIWantBToEatHealthyFood #IDoNotReallyWantToGiveHerPouchesButTheyAreAGoodBackupToHaveForLazyDays #BIsNowEating3FoodMealsADaySoThatIsALotOfFoodToSortOut #IJustTriedToGetHerPouchesOfFoodThatWillBeMoreAnnoyingToDoAtHome

There’s no point getting pouches of carrot, when it’s cheaper to buy a kilo of them and you just boil them…

Making food for B is a good way to use up random bits of veg too, and then putting other leftover veg in soups.

#WeWentToABabyClassThisWeek #IFeelLikeIAmSoBadAtTalkingToPeopleInRealLife #IThinkIJustSayReallyAnnoyingThingsAndIGetSoExcitedAboutTalkingToSomeoneThatIJustKeepTalking #AndOftenIDoNotHaveTimeToAskAQuestionBackAsTheClassStartsOrSomething #INeedToJustCalmDownAndTalkLessAboutMyself

I blame the pandemic, but maybe my ‘people skills’ have always been bad. Sometimes I just don’t know what to say, so I find it easier to talk about myself and hope that the person will jump in on something that relates to them. They probably just think that I’m trying to show off or that I am annoying though…

We’ve got one more class before Christmas. We’ve been to that group a couple of times, but annoyingly it’s the furthest away and so the people who go don’t live close to us.

It’s raining outside at the moment and the bad weather annoys me more than not having lots of people to meet and talk to during the day. The day I felt better coincided with a long walk to our class though in nicer weather. I can’t wait for winter to be over.

#BGotGivenAPieceOfFoilInClassAndSheLovesItAsItIsSoNoisy #IThinkForChristmasSheWillBeGettingACardboardBoxWithASpaceBlanketInIt

It’s funny seeing her next to all her toys and she’s the happiest playing with a bit of space blanket.


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I Need To Just Focus On What I Have And Make The Best Of Things (8th December 2020)

Me with my head down on a table.
I Need To Just Focus On What I Have And Make The Best Of Things (8th December 2020)
 
#WellYesterdayStartedFineAndNormal
#BWokeUpEarlyButItWasManageable
#TiagoFedHerWhileIStretchedThenWePlayed
#PutHerDownForANapAfterTwoHoursAndIThoughtIWouldSleepToo
#SheSleptForAbout30MinutesAndIJustWokeUpFeelingBroken
#IFedHerSomeCauliflowerForTheFirstTimeWhichDidNotGoThatWell
#AndThenICouldNotStopCrying
#IWentToBedToCallTheNumberThatTheHealthVisitorHadGivenMe
#TheCallWasSoFrustratingAsTheLineWasNotGreatAndWeHadToKeepCallingEachOtherBack
#EventuallyTheyHadAllTheInformationWhichIProbablyCouldHaveJustFilledOutOnline
#IAmWaitingToHearBackAboutAnInitialConsultation
#TiagoBookedTheMorningOffWorkWhichMadeMeFeelBad
#ITookPicturesOfMeCryingButIDoNoWantToSharePicturesLikeThatAnymore
#ItFeelsLikeTooMuchAndLikeIAmAttentionSeeking
#SharingThisFeelsLikeIAmTooButIDoHopeThatBySharingThingsThatItMightInspireSomeoneElseToAskForHelp
#IDoNotWantTimeAwayFromBButIJustWorryThatIAmNotGivingHerEnough
#WeWentToAClassYesterdayAndItIsGoodToPassSomeTime
#ButItAlsoFeelsLikeGoingToHighSchoolAllOverAgain
#MumsUsuallyAlreadyHaveTheirLittleGroupsAndIJustFeelAwkward
#ISpokeToSomeoneAndSheSaidHeIsReallyCuteAboutB
#IFeltAwkwardCorrectingHerAndIThinkSheThenFeltAwkwardThoughIReallyDoNotMind
#SheIsUsuallyDressedInBlueSoIKindOfExpectPeopleToAutomaticallyCallHerABoy
#IUsuallySayHowOldIsYourLittleOneOrSomethingLikeThatToAvoidPossibleAwkwardness
#IThinkIAmNotTalkingToBEnough
#AtAClassTheOtherWeekINoticedThatOtherPeopleWereTalkingALotMoreToTheirBabies
#IThinkIMadeAGoodStartOnItThisMorningButItIsHardToHaveALotOfEnergyAllDayLong
#IJustNeedToKeepGoingOutAndHopefullySoonPeopleWillStartToRecogniseUsAndChatMore
#IGuessInAnIdealWorldWeWouldHaveMorePeopleToHangOutWithDuringTheWeekToHelpTheDaysGoByInAMoreFunWay
#ItWillProbablyHappenButNowIsNotTheBestTimeOfTheYearAndALotOfTheClassesAreVeryStopStart
#INeedToJustFocusOnWhatIHaveAndMakeTheBestOfThings

I’ve wrote these hashtags out so many times in my bed in the last 24 hours, and I think they could have been a lot better. Oh well. I’m writing this on 8th December.

Suddenly felt the need to listen to Shiny Happy People by R.E.M.

The song is about something darker, which is what I thought when it came into my head.

Anyways…

#WellYesterdayStartedFineAndNormal #BWokeUpEarlyButItWasManageable #TiagoFedHerWhileIStretchedThenWePlayed #PutHerDownForANapAfterTwoHoursAndIThoughtIWouldSleepToo #SheSleptForAbout30MinutesAndIJustWokeUpFeelingBroken

I was really looking forward to sleeping, but it does seem like an overreaction.

#IFedHerSomeCauliflowerForTheFirstTimeWhichDidNotGoThatWell #AndThenICouldNotStopCrying #IWentToBedToCallTheNumberThatTheHealthVisitorHadGivenMe #TheCallWasSoFrustratingAsTheLineWasNotGreatAndWeHadToKeepCallingEachOtherBack #EventuallyTheyHadAllTheInformationWhichIProbablyCouldHaveJustFilledOutOnline #IAmWaitingToHearBackAboutAnInitialConsultation

I had been thinking about calling for a few days, but the line was always closed when I felt like I should call.

#TiagoBookedTheMorningOffWorkWhichMadeMeFeelBad

I just felt awful that he felt the need to do it. It made me feel like I was really failing.

(This is not a criticism of him, it’s just how I felt.)

#ITookPicturesOfMeCryingButIDoNoWantToSharePicturesLikeThatAnymore #ItFeelsLikeTooMuchAndLikeIAmAttentionSeeking #SharingThisFeelsLikeIAmTooButIDoHopeThatBySharingThingsThatItMightInspireSomeoneElseToAskForHelp

This project is supposed to honest. It’s awkward at times, but I know I’m not the only new-ish Mum who feels like this.

#IDoNotWantTimeAwayFromBButIJustWorryThatIAmNotGivingHerEnough

I keep saying that I’d love a week off, but I do not want that time away from her. I know I will not get a week off and it will not fix everything anyways. I’ve been mothering for nearly 6 months now; I knew it would be intense but living it is completely different.

#WeWentToAClassYesterdayAndItIsGoodToPassSomeTime #ButItAlsoFeelsLikeGoingToHighSchoolAllOverAgain #MumsUsuallyAlreadyHaveTheirLittleGroupsAndIJustFeelAwkward #ISpokeToSomeoneAndSheSaidHeIsReallyCuteAboutB #IFeltAwkwardCorrectingHerAndIThinkSheThenFeltAwkwardThoughIReallyDoNotMind #SheIsUsuallyDressedInBlueSoIKindOfExpectPeopleToAutomaticallyCallHerABoy #IUsuallySayHowOldIsYourLittleOneOrSomethingLikeThatToAvoidPossibleAwkwardness

Oh classes. I love to pass the time and know that B is getting a lot of stimulation. It has brought a whole new set of concerns though – especially yesterday when she was due to have a nap when the class started. She slept to and from class and I’ve just had to let go of things. It is good for me.

But yeah, just feeling like the awkward new kid is no fun.

#IThinkIAmNotTalkingToBEnough #AtAClassTheOtherWeekINoticedThatOtherPeopleWereTalkingALotMoreToTheirBabies

Sometimes it is negative to compare yourself to other Mums, but this was something that was a positive recognition – what can I be doing better at? Often I will just daydream when playing with B and go into myself a bit too much.

#IThinkIMadeAGoodStartOnItThisMorningButItIsHardToHaveALotOfEnergyAllDayLong

I watched these videos last night, which have inspired me.

#IJustNeedToKeepGoingOutAndHopefullySoonPeopleWillStartToRecogniseUsAndChatMore #IGuessInAnIdealWorldWeWouldHaveMorePeopleToHangOutWithDuringTheWeekToHelpTheDaysGoByInAMoreFunWay

I seem to be a bit obsessed with wanting to talk to people. I don’t know if I really even want to – it just seems like a way to pass time. I just want the best for B, and for her to get enough stimulation everyday and to be happy. I’m sure she’s fine and I need to stop worrying so much.

#ItWillProbablyHappenButNowIsNotTheBestTimeOfTheYearAndALotOfTheClassesAreVeryStopStart #INeedToJustFocusOnWhatIHaveAndMakeTheBestOfThings

It’s such a weird time. Mothering is the most intense thing I have ever done in my life. It’s good that we see my Mum and she looks after B for a bit while I cook and do whatever.

Weaning is stressing me out. It’s just full on. Before all we had to do was give her milk – now I’m having to meal prep more and things. Soon it will feel normal, but at the moment it just feels like a lot.

I don’t think this was a great post. I was just trying to write hashtags and this post while B was asleep. I need to think about the photos now. I think with pictures of me crying at least it’s an easy thing to do and share, but I want to try to do something more creative/me.

(23rd December:)Well, there’s a picture of me with my head on a table. I guess it sums up how I felt, but I did do others that were less dramatic. I couldn’t decide between a few, but Tiago said he liked this one best. Sometimes when T says a photo is his favourite it makes me realise that I don’t like the picture, but in this case I went with it.


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Imitating B Blowing Raspberries (4th December 2020)

Me imitating my daughter blowing raspberries
Imitating B Blowing Raspberries (4th December 2020)
 
#SoBHasFinallyDiscoveredHowToBlowRaspberries
#ILoveTryingToHaveAFairlySeriousPhoneConversationAndBIsJustDoingThem
#OrSheIsSupposedToBeGoingToSleepButSheJustWantsToPracticeHerNewSkill
#WeHaveAClassTodayWhichIAmQuiteExcitedButNervousAbout
#SinceTheLastShootIHaveAlsoBookedHerOntoAnotherCourseAndATrialClass
#IGotHerChangingBagOutToPrepareItAndTheNappiesInThereAreSize2
#SheIsNowIn4PlusThoughIRealisedYesterdayThatTheyAreWayToBigForHerNowThatWeKnowWhatSheWeighs
#IFeelBadThatWeAreYetToTryReusablesButThingsHaveBeenStressful
#NowThatTheSecondLockdownHasFinishedWeAreInTier3
#TypicallyLiverpoolIsNowTier2
#ButTheGoodNewsIsThatHouseholdsWithABabyUnder1AreAllowedToBubbleWithAnotherHouseholdRegardlessOfHowManyAdultsAreInThem
#YesterdayWeWereSupposedToMeetUpWithAMumAndBabyForAWalkButItRainedAllDay
#SoInsteadWeWentWithMyMumToTheSupermarket
#IHadNotBeenInABigSupermarketSinceAtLeastMarchAndItWasBsFirstTime
#SheSeemedABitOverwhelmedAtFirstAndMaybeTheTrolleyChairWasNotSuperComfortableSoMyMumHeldHerALot
#IFoundItABitStressfulSoIWasGladMyMumWasThere
#TiagoHasBeenDoingTheShoppingForSoLongThatIForgottenAboutHalfTheThingsThatExist
#ItWasAlsoWeirdSeeingThatThereAre20TypesOfOneProductToChooseFrom
#IAmStartingToGetIntoCookingABitMoreNow
#BSeemsToBeEnjoyingFoodAndIWantHerToHaveHealthyMeals
#SheReallyLikedSweetPotatoThoughIReadTodayThatItIsBestToLeaveThatUntilLaterAndStartWithLessSweetFoods
#Whoops
#IWasGoingToGiveHerAvocadoTodayButItWasNotAsRipeAsItFelt
#SoIAmGoingToTryCourgetteInstead
#TheOtherNightIDreamedThatWeWentToHerBabyClassAndThereWasABoxOfSnacksWithHerNameOnItOnATable
#SheWasNotReadyForThemYetSoIAteThemAll
#ButThenIWorriedThatTheyWereNotActuallyForHerAndIFeltReallyGuilty
#IHaveNotCalledThePostNatalSupportLineYet
#IFeelBetterDueToBookingHerInForMoreClassesAndTheSupportBubbleRulesChanging
#ThoughTypicallyTheClassesWillNotBeRunningForAFewWeeksOverXmasSoWeShallSeeHowItGoes

#SoBHasFinallyDiscoveredHowToBlowRaspberries #ILoveTryingToHaveAFairlySeriousPhoneConversationAndBIsJustDoingThem #OrSheIsSupposedToBeGoingToSleepButSheJustWantsToPracticeHerNewSkill

I’m writing this on 4th December. I haven’t done the shoot yet, but I imagine that it will involve me blowing raspberries. (Yes, it did.)

#WeHaveAClassTodayWhichIAmQuiteExcitedButNervousAbout #SinceTheLastShootIHaveAlsoBookedHerOntoAnotherCourseAndATrialClass

Typically I booked her onto the other course, then saw another class that I thought she (well probably me) would enjoy more. If they were spaced out a bit better then maybe it would be alright. There’s only one class of one we’re trialling before Xmas, so if it seems good and if I think I can endure two classes two days in a row then I’ll book on.

Playtimes are so long that I’m sure it’ll be good to have another class to go to. I just worry about the timings, especially as we’ve gone so long without having fixed times that we need to go out in our schedule.

#IGotHerChangingBagOutToPrepareItAndTheNappiesInThereAreSize2 #SheIsNowIn4PlusThoughIRealisedYesterdayThatTheyAreWayToBigForHerNowThatWeKnowWhatSheWeighs

Well, the fact that we have jumped so many sizes shows how much time has passed since we last needed to use the changing bag.

#IFeelBadThatWeAreYetToTryReusablesButThingsHaveBeenStressful

Every time I try to figure out which ones to get I just feel overwhelmed and since we decided to move I haven’t looked into it again. I will.

#NowThatTheSecondLockdownHasFinishedWeAreInTier3 #TypicallyLiverpoolIsNowTier2

Classic. We moved from one tier 3 place to another tier 3 place.

#ButTheGoodNewsIsThatHouseholdsWithABabyUnder1AreAllowedToBubbleWithAnotherHouseholdRegardlessOfHowManyAdultsAreInThem

Hurrah.

#YesterdayWeWereSupposedToMeetUpWithAMumAndBabyForAWalkButItRainedAllDay

I ‘met’ the Mum on that Peanut app, which is basically Tinder for Mums. I am yet to meet someone from it, but she seems nice.

#SoInsteadWeWentWithMyMumToTheSupermarket

She suggested the idea, as we can now see her. We had seen her a bit as she had been running errands for my Nan, but it’s now nice to be able to properly hang out (and go to the supermarket together).

#IHadNotBeenInABigSupermarketSinceAtLeastMarchAndItWasBsFirstTime

We also had not been in the car since we moved so that was funny. It was also B’s first time in my parents’ car seat (and in my Mum’s car?)

#SheSeemedABitOverwhelmedAtFirstAndMaybeTheTrolleyChairWasNotSuperComfortableSoMyMumHeldHerALot

I had forgotten to bring her carrier…

#IFoundItABitStressfulSoIWasGladMyMumWasThere

It was a bit overwhelming for me as well really.

#TiagoHasBeenDoingTheShoppingForSoLongThatIForgottenAboutHalfTheThingsThatExist #ItWasAlsoWeirdSeeingThatThereAre20TypesOfOneProductToChooseFrom

I think it was vegetable stock that I was surprised to see so many different brands/types of.

#IAmStartingToGetIntoCookingABitMoreNow #BSeemsToBeEnjoyingFoodAndIWantHerToHaveHealthyMeals #SheReallyLikedSweetPotatoThoughIReadTodayThatItIsBestToLeaveThatUntilLaterAndStartWithLessSweetFoods #Whoops

I think she will be having sweet potato more often. Tiago isn’t usually a fan of it, but I made baked sweet potatoes and he really liked them. I’m trying to give her lots of different vegetables now before repeating them though.

#IWasGoingToGiveHerAvocadoTodayButItWasNotAsRipeAsItFelt

It felt super squidgy, but nope… I had half of it on my breakfast sandwich (that sounds fancy), with the intention of giving her some of the remaining bit.

#SoIAmGoingToTryCourgetteInstead

It is cooked and waiting for B to wakeup.

#TheOtherNightIDreamedThatWeWentToHerBabyClassAndThereWasABoxOfSnacksWithHerNameOnItOnATable #SheWasNotReadyForThemYetSoIAteThemAll #ButThenIWorriedThatTheyWereNotActuallyForHerAndIFeltReallyGuilty

There was a note with them saying thanks for being a returning student. We had not been before though. I love awkward dreams…

(20th: Last night I had a dream that I was carrying around a cat that was high on cat nip?)

#IHaveNotCalledThePostNatalSupportLineYet

Thinking I’m a terrible parent reminded me of this.

#IFeelBetterDueToBookingHerInForMoreClassesAndTheSupportBubbleRulesChanging #ThoughTypicallyTheClassesWillNotBeRunningForAFewWeeksOverXmasSoWeShallSeeHowItGoes

The nervous energy about her class today is distracting me. I was a bit grumpy yesterday though. My period arrived a couple of days ago and I’m bored of it already. I miss my period free days…


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I Carried Her Coat Down The Stairs On My Head And Thought It Was Interesting Enough For A Photo (1st December 2020)

I Carried Her Coat Down The Stairs On My Head And Thought It Was Interesting Enough For A Photo (1st December 2020)
 
#IAmInSuchABadMoodThisMorning
#BSleptForAbout7HoursStraightLastNightButItIsNeverEnough
#IHaveBeenPreparingSomeButternutSquashForHerToday
#AndAttemptedToMakeAButternutSquashAndCarrotSoupForUs
#YesterdayTheHealthVisitorCameAndSheSaidBIsProgressingWell
#SheIsStayingWithinHerWeightPercentileWhichIsGood
#ISaidThatIAmStrugglingABitMentally
#InLiverpoolIToldMyGPWhoSaidToTellMyHealthVisitor
#HereInBirminghamTheHealthVisitorSaysIShouldTellMyGPAndGaveMeANumberForAPostNatalServiceToTry
#IFeltQuiteGoodYesterdaySoIThoughtIWouldCallThemWhenIFeltBad
#IMightGiveThemACallLater
#TheHealthVisitorIsComingAtTheEndOfThisMonthToCheckOnMeAgain
#SheKeptSayingThatIFeltLonelyButIDoNotReallyIJustWantMoreVariationInBsPlaytimes
#IHaveFinallyManagedToSignBUpForAClass
#ThereAreSomeClassesBeforeXmasAndThenThereIsABigGapThenAnotherFew
#IAmExcitedButAlsoVeryNervous
#OurScheduleIsVeryFocusedAroundHomeSoIFeelABitStressedAboutHavingToPlanAroundAClass
#ItWillBeGoodForUsThoughAndIHopeToFindOthersToGoTo
#IWasHopingThatTheHealthVisitorWouldGiveMeAListOfPlacesThatICouldGoTo
#TheChildrensCentreIsQuiteFarToWalkToButApparentlyTheyHaveOnlineClassesAtTheMoment
#IHaveNotHadToPackABagForBForAges
#AndIHaveNotFedHerInPublicForALongTime
#IGuessIShouldTakeABottleOfFormulaJustInCase
#TheOtherDayISaidSheHadNotBreastfedInAWhileAndThatIHadGivenUp
#IInspiredMyselfToTryAgain
#IDoNotThinkSheIsGettingMuchButSheIsGettingSomething
#IWasQuiteSurprisedThatMyMilkHadNotCompletelyDriedUp
#MyWorkshopWentWellThoughALotMorePeopleSignedUpThanAttended
#IWorkedHardOnItSoInTheEveningITreatedMyselfToABathWithSomeBathSaltsThatIBought5MonthsAgoButHadNotUsedYet
#ThereWasNotMuchHotWaterSoInTheEndIJustSoakedMyselfInAPrettyColdBath

(Well, the title says it all. Maybe I should have called it something more interesting, but it is what it is.)

#IAmInSuchABadMoodThisMorning

Though typically I feel better after venting about it in my hashtags.

(I’m writing this on 1st December 2020.)

#BSleptForAbout7HoursStraightLastNightButItIsNeverEnough

We gave her some paracetamol last night for the first time in a few nights and maybe that was why? Or it could be that she went to bed quite early, but had two more feeds before we went to bed? She always seems to be hungry…

#IHaveBeenPreparingSomeButternutSquashForHerToday

I try to prepare her food for the day during her first nap now.

#AndAttemptedToMakeAButternutSquashAndCarrotSoupForUs

This is my new thing now – preparing food for B and then trying to make a soup for us for lunch. I think I felt so crummy as I just wanted to get on and do my work, but I was sorting out food.

#YesterdayTheHealthVisitorCameAndSheSaidBIsProgressingWell #SheIsStayingWithinHerWeightPercentileWhichIsGood

Good news.

#ISaidThatIAmStrugglingABitMentally #InLiverpoolIToldMyGPWhoSaidToTellMyHealthVisitor #HereInBirminghamTheHealthVisitorSaysIShouldTellMyGPAndGaveMeANumberForAPostNatalServiceToTry #IFeltQuiteGoodYesterdaySoIThoughtIWouldCallThemWhenIFeltBad #IMightGiveThemACallLater

Obviously every place has their own way of doing things. I do tend to feel better at the start of the week and the health visitor coming made the day a bit more interesting. Though I did think that I had the wrong day as it was getting on and she had not arrived. B was due for a nap but I was trying to keep her up as I knew she would have to be weighed. In the end I put her to bed and called the number to check, and they said she was 30 minutes away.

#TheHealthVisitorIsComingAtTheEndOfThisMonthToCheckOnMeAgain

To see how I’m doing mentally.

#SheKeptSayingThatIFeltLonelyButIDoNotReallyIJustWantMoreVariationInBsPlaytimes

Back time, tummy time, books, toys etc. repeat x 10.

#IHaveFinallyManagedToSignBUpForAClass

Hurrah.

#ThereAreSomeClassesBeforeXmasAndThenThereIsABigGapThenAnotherFew

Classes are starting up again, but typically it’s nearly Christmas now so they generally close for that period.

#IAmExcitedButAlsoVeryNervous #OurScheduleIsVeryFocusedAroundHomeSoIFeelABitStressedAboutHavingToPlanAroundAClass #ItWillBeGoodForUsThoughAndIHopeToFindOthersToGoTo

B is 5 and a half months old. We’ve been to one class in person. This is why I get so rigid with her routine, but luckily I have been relaxing a bit about it lately.

I am hoping the class will tire her out more than just our usual playtimes so she will sleep well at night. I have been wondering if that is why sometimes she does not sleep very well – she has not been tired out enough.

#IWasHopingThatTheHealthVisitorWouldGiveMeAListOfPlacesThatICouldGoTo #TheChildrensCentreIsQuiteFarToWalkToButApparentlyTheyHaveOnlineClassesAtTheMoment

Typically in Liverpool we lived a lot closer to a children’s centre, but it was closed the whole time that we needed it.

#IHaveNotHadToPackABagForBForAges #AndIHaveNotFedHerInPublicForALongTime #IGuessIShouldTakeABottleOfFormulaJustInCase

I feel like I am already making a mental list of what I need to take. Changing bag, change of clothes, bibs, food.

It is a little walk, but hopefully we’ll walk there if the weather is nice and then T can pick us up afterwards.

#TheOtherDayISaidSheHadNotBreastfedInAWhileAndThatIHadGivenUp #IInspiredMyselfToTryAgain #IDoNotThinkSheIsGettingMuchButSheIsGettingSomething #IWasQuiteSurprisedThatMyMilkHadNotCompletelyDriedUp

This morning she fed a bit, but she still seemed hungry so I gave her some formula too. I am trying to feed her in the morning and evening to see if that helps my supply. I miss the convenience of breastfeeding, though our prep machine is super useful.

#MyWorkshopWentWellThoughALotMorePeopleSignedUpThanAttended

It was good to try it out with a very small, but enthusiastic group though. I am hoping that I will have more opportunities to do it again, but who knows.

#IWorkedHardOnItSoInTheEveningITreatedMyselfToABathWithSomeBathSaltsThatIBought5MonthsAgoButHadNotUsedYet #ThereWasNotMuchHotWaterSoInTheEndIJustSoakedMyselfInAPrettyColdBath

And I did not even notice the bath salts. Typical. Even though it was quite cold, it was nice to daydream though. I just felt like I had wasted a lot of water though…


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Imitating B By Putting Baby Rice On My Face (28th November 2020)

Self-portrait with baby rice around my mouth
Imitating B By Putting Baby Rice On My Face (28th November 2020)
 
#WellInMyLastDiaryEntryISaidWeWereGoingToStartWeaningBSoon
#InTheEndIGaveBSomeBabyRiceTheSameDay
#SheWasABitUnsureAtFirstButThenSheAteItAllUpSoIGaveHerAnotherMealOfItTheSameDay
#IMixedItWithHerUsualMilkThenGaveHerTheRestOfTheBottleAfter
#WeDidTwoDaysOfThatThenITriedGivingHerSomePotato
#SheChokedWhichPutMeOffSoSheHadSomeBabyRiceAtDinner
#YesterdayITriedAgainAndItWasABitMoreSuccessful
#IThinkTodayIWillTryCarrot
#ThisPictureIsImitatingTheMessThatBGetsHerselfInto
#WeGotAnElectricChopperWhichWillHopefullyBlendHerFoodBetterNowAndSpeedUpCookingOurMeals
#IHaveGivenUpWithBreastfeedingAsDidNotWantToForThreeDaysAndAfterThatIStoppedTrying
#IWasFeelingMorePositiveAboutThingsButIThinkByTheEndOfTheWeekIStartToFeelSoTired
#AndTwoNightsAgoBWasWakingUpConstantlySoYesterdayIWasStrugglingABit
#AlsoSomeoneHadMentionedThatWearingBabiesSoTheyFaceForwardIsNotGoodForThem
#SoIFeelABitTornAsIWasReallyEnjoyingDoingThat
#YesterdayICarriedHerFacingMeAndSheFellAsleepWithin5Minutes
#SoIEndedUpJustWearingHerForAnHourWhileSheHadANap
#TypicallySheSometimesDoesNotNapForVeryLongAndItWasNotEvenHerNaptime
#ITriedToTakeAPhotoInTheKitchenOfMeAwkwardlyEatingMyLunchButTheyWereSoOutOfFocusAsItWasJustOnMyPhone
#MyBackIsReallyHurtingMeThoughNowSoIMightJustAlternateThings
#ForTheNextCoupleOfDaysIWillJustTakeHerOutInHerPushchairAndHopefullyItWillBeJustAsMuchFun
#IHaveLikedTheInteractionsThatWeHaveHadWithPeopleLatelySoMaybeIJustNeedToBeBetterAtEyeContactWhenSheIsInThePushchair
#UsuallyIJustLookDownAtTheWheelsAndPretendToJustCheckThatWeAreNotGoingOnTheGrass
#ItDoesNotMatterIfItGetsDirtyReallyButItIsALotEasierToJustWalkAcrossTheGrassAwayFromPeopleWhenCarryingHer
#ThePushchairIsJustABitBigAndAnnoyingAtTimesSoIFeelMoreFreeWithTheCarrier
#SoIThinkIWillCarryHerFacingOutOccasionally
#SheSeemsToEnjoyItAndOurWalksAreGenerallyShorterNowAsITendToGoOutTwiceADayInstead
#BeforeWhenIWasPushingHerToSleepIWouldWalkSoFarWhichWouldTireMeOut
#NowIWantHerToEnjoyHerAwakeTimeAndIDoNotPushHerSoFar
#IHaveMyWorkshopTomorrowWhichIAmNervousAboutButIThinkItWillBeOkay

(I wrote this on 28th November.)

#WellInMyLastDiaryEntryISaidWeWereGoingToStartWeaningBSoon

Oh, I actually said ‘#IAlsoMightGiveHerSomeBabyRiceTodayButIFeelLikeISayThatEveryday’

#InTheEndIGaveBSomeBabyRiceTheSameDay

So I actually did do it. I was feeling stressed about it, but suddenly I felt like that day was the day.

#SheWasABitUnsureAtFirstButThenSheAteItAllUpSoIGaveHerAnotherMealOfItTheSameDay

I thought she was going to spit it out, but she was quite enthusiastic. I was surprised. I thought she would not eat any of it.

There was a lot of it on her face though – hence the photo.

#IMixedItWithHerUsualMilkThenGaveHerTheRestOfTheBottleAfter

I thought she would not drink all of her milk, but she did.

#WeDidTwoDaysOfThatThenITriedGivingHerSomePotato #SheChokedWhichPutMeOffSoSheHadSomeBabyRiceAtDinner

It was a bit scary, so we built up our confidence again with the baby rice.

#YesterdayITriedAgainAndItWasABitMoreSuccessful

She still did not seem too impressed though. The lumps were worrying me though I did mash it up a lot.

#IThinkTodayIWillTryCarrot

I am typing this now in the kitchen while I am boiling some carrot. B is having a nap. This seems like a good time to do some cooking. The other day when I was boiling the potatoes I was also making a meal for the day.

(Carrot seems more successful than potato.)

#ThisPictureIsImitatingTheMessThatBGetsHerselfInto

There are some of me with it coming out of my mouth. I don’t know which one I will choose yet. Sorry if it is a disgusting choice…

(13th December: Well, I went for a more ‘classic’ option.)

#WeGotAnElectricChopperWhichWillHopefullyBlendHerFoodBetterNowAndSpeedUpCookingOurMeals

I am going to puree some carrot, but also have some bigger slices for her to try in the baby led weaning style.

Being vegetarian I feel like most of cooking is just chopping veg, so hopefully it will be good.

#IHaveGivenUpWithBreastfeedingAsDidNotWantToForThreeDaysAndAfterThatIStoppedTrying

I am sad about it. Maybe it is not too late… Maybe I should try? They’ve just been out of action for at least 5 days now, so I feel like the time has passed. I have gone back to wearing non-maternity bras now, which feels a bit weird.

My Mum said I wouldn’t be breastfed after 4 months…

(After I finished this B woke up and I felt compelled to try breastfeeding her. Some milk did actually come out, and though I had to keep swapping B over from side to side I think she did get something. Afterwards I winded her and she burped quite loudly, but it could have been left over from earlier? I think I might try to see if I can get my production up.)

#IWasFeelingMorePositiveAboutThingsButIThinkByTheEndOfTheWeekIStartToFeelSoTired

By Friday I am just knackered.

#AndTwoNightsAgoBWasWakingUpConstantlySoYesterdayIWasStrugglingABit

It was a long night. Last night she slept better but typically my brain was so awake at 2am after she woke up that I did not sleep for at least an hour.

#AlsoSomeoneHadMentionedThatWearingBabiesSoTheyFaceForwardIsNotGoodForThem #SoIFeelABitTornAsIWasReallyEnjoyingDoingThat

I read an article about it, but it seemed to be about babies that are a lot younger. It said that it overstimulates them, but one of the reasons why I like her to face out is so that she can see everything, and for a change of scenery during playtimes.

#YesterdayICarriedHerFacingMeAndSheFellAsleepWithin5Minutes

I realised that we were going out half an hour from naptime, so I thought we’d be quick.

I kept trying to keep her awake, but she fell asleep after 5 minutes.

#SoIEndedUpJustWearingHerForAnHourWhileSheHadANap

I could not be bothered to keep walking around with her, so I just came home.

#TypicallySheSometimesDoesNotNapForVeryLongAndItWasNotEvenHerNaptime

I was hoping it would be a 30 minute nap at the most, but her previous one had only been 30 minutes.

#ITriedToTakeAPhotoInTheKitchenOfMeAwkwardlyEatingMyLunchButTheyWereSoOutOfFocusAsItWasJustOnMyPhone

I got Tiago to put some food in the pan for me to reheat so the noise wouldn’t wake her up. I just watched Taskmaster on my phone, while awkwardly navigating my food over her head.

#MyBackIsReallyHurtingMeThoughNowSoIMightJustAlternateThings

I stretch quite a lot, so I do wonder how people who don’t stretch cope.

#ForTheNextCoupleOfDaysIWillJustTakeHerOutInHerPushchairAndHopefullyItWillBeJustAsMuchFun

I need to get a rain cover for the carrier, so at least her pushchair has one. It is a wet day today.

#IHaveLikedTheInteractionsThatWeHaveHadWithPeopleLatelySoMaybeIJustNeedToBeBetterAtEyeContactWhenSheIsInThePushchair

I usually have the hood of her pushchair pulled over her, so I can’t really see her and she is usually asleep so of course people will not interact with her. I just need to talk to her more in the pushchair. It doesn’t face me, so hopefully she can just enjoy the world and I can stop more to talk to her and point things out.

#UsuallyIJustLookDownAtTheWheelsAndPretendToJustCheckThatWeAreNotGoingOnTheGrass

Well, I don’t know if I am pretending but it is a thing I do to avoid eye contact.

#ItDoesNotMatterIfItGetsDirtyReallyButItIsALotEasierToJustWalkAcrossTheGrassAwayFromPeopleWhenCarryingHer #ThePushchairIsJustABitBigAndAnnoyingAtTimesSoIFeelMoreFreeWithTheCarrier

It could be worse, but some paths are quite narrow so you have to move. Some people barely leave any space as they go past, whereas others will awkwardly leave what feels like a bit too much space.

#SoIThinkIWillCarryHerFacingOutOccasionally

I’ve spoke to other people about it and they don’t think there is an issue.

#SheSeemsToEnjoyItAndOurWalksAreGenerallyShorterNowAsITendToGoOutTwiceADayInstead #BeforeWhenIWasPushingHerToSleepIWouldWalkSoFarWhichWouldTireMeOut #NowIWantHerToEnjoyHerAwakeTimeAndIDoNotPushHerSoFar

The walks are a lot more pleasant now.

#IHaveMyWorkshopTomorrowWhichIAmNervousAboutButIThinkItWillBeOkay

Fingers crossed.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Imitating B Trying To Eat Her Toes (24th November 2020)

Imitating B Trying To Eat Her Toes (24th November 2020)
 
#ThisShootWasMeJustImitatingBWhenSheDoesTheHappyBabyYogaPoseAndWhenSheTriesToPutHerToesInHerMouth
#ICanSeeHowThePoseGotTheNameNow
#SheHasBeenDoingThisForAWhileButMyPlanOfCopyingHerHasBeenNeglectedForAWhile
#YesterdayITookHerOutForTwoWalksDuringHerAwakeTimes
#HerWakeWindowsAreUsuallyBetweenTwoAndTwoAndAHalfHoursNow
#ThatIsALongTimeToEntertainHer4TimesADay
#SoItMakesSenseToTakeHerOutDuringHerPlaytimesRatherThanNaptimes
#IPutHerForwardFacingInHerCarrierForTheFirstTime
#SheIsOldEnoughNowAndIFiguredItMightBeBetterForLettingHerSeeThings
#FirstITookHerOutInTheMorningAndALotOfPeopleSaidGoodMorningToUsWhichWasReallyNice
#SheJustSeemedToCheerSomePeopleUpAndWeStoppedToTalkToAYoungGirlAndHerFamilyWhoHadPointedAtHer
#IWalkedForABitTooLongAndBFellAsleep
#NextITookHerOutInTheAfternoonButWeDidNotMakeItSoFar
#ThereWereALotOfSchoolKidsAroundWhichFreaksMeOutALittleBitSoNextTimeWeNeedToBeEarlier
#IHadPutSomeLittleBootsOnHerFeet
#ButAfterGettingHomeTheSecondTimeICouldNotFindOneOfThem
#IWaitedForTiagoToFinishAWorkCallSoHeCouldWatchB
#ThenIRetracedOurStepsAndFoundItNotSoFarAwayOnAPath
#SoINeedToBeCarefulAboutTheAmountOfTimeAndKeepAnEyeOnHerBoots
#TheWeatherWasReallyNiceYesterdayButPuttingHerInTheCarrierMightNotBeAGreatPlanForEveryday
#SheHasBeenWakingUpALotAtNightLatelyWhichIsMakingTAndIABitGrumpy
#LastWeekSheWasStillBreastfeedingTwoOrThreeTimesADay
#ButNowSheReallyDoesNotWantToBreastfeedWhichIsABitOfAShame
#IThinkItProbablyHasALotToDoWithHerTeething
#ThoughSometimesIAmTryingToGetHerToLatchOnAndSheJustTipsHerHeadBackAndLooksLonginglyAtAnEmptyBottleThatIForgotToMove
#MyMumSaysThatSheWantedToBreastfeedMySistersAndIForLongerButWeStoppedBeingInterestedAround4Months
#TodayIMightJustTryFormulaFeedingHerForEveryFeedAndSeeIfThatHelpsWithHerSleep
#IAlsoMightGiveHerSomeBabyRiceTodayButIFeelLikeISayThatEveryday
#IAmCurrentlySpendingALotOfMyFreeTimePlanningForAHashtagWorkshop
#IAmNervousAboutItButIHopeThatItGoesWellAndThatPeopleEnjoyIt

(I wrote this on 24th November.)

#ThisShootWasMeJustImitatingBWhenSheDoesTheHappyBabyYogaPoseAndWhenSheTriesToPutHerToesInHerMouth

Classic B.

#ICanSeeHowThePoseGotTheNameNow

I could kind of see how it did before, but having a baby has made it very clear.

#SheHasBeenDoingThisForAWhileButMyPlanOfCopyingHerHasBeenNeglectedForAWhile

I have a list of shoot ideas, but actually this idea is not as old as I thought – I added it on 22nd October.

#YesterdayITookHerOutForTwoWalksDuringHerAwakeTimes #HerWakeWindowsAreUsuallyBetweenTwoAndTwoAndAHalfHoursNow #ThatIsALongTimeToEntertainHer4TimesADay #SoItMakesSenseToTakeHerOutDuringHerPlaytimesRatherThanNaptimes

Well, I know that during her awake times I am feeding her, changing her and other things, but still it leaves a lot of play time.

#IPutHerForwardFacingInHerCarrierForTheFirstTime

The day before Tiago had taken her out facing him.

#SheIsOldEnoughNowAndIFiguredItMightBeBetterForLettingHerSeeThings

Just another one of those things that seems scary to do, but once you do it it seems easy. I’ll just have to see if I can higher her up anymore.

#FirstITookHerOutInTheMorningAndALotOfPeopleSaidGoodMorningToUsWhichWasReallyNice

At one point I think I was having a competition with myself to see how many I could get to say good morning to me or back to me.

#SheJustSeemedToCheerSomePeopleUpAndWeStoppedToTalkToAYoungGirlAndHerFamilyWhoHadPointedAtHer

With her being on me it’s a lot easier to move out of the way of people too if paths are too narrow.

#IWalkedForABitTooLongAndBFellAsleep

So when I got home and wanted her to have a nap, she took longer to fall asleep than usual.

#NextITookHerOutInTheAfternoonButWeDidNotMakeItSoFar #ThereWereALotOfSchoolKidsAroundWhichFreaksMeOutALittleBitSoNextTimeWeNeedToBeEarlier

It just gets a bit busy when all the kids are walking home from school and they seem to hang around more than I thought they would. I think they all get let out at different times too so when one lot seems to clear, a new lot soon appears.

#IHadPutSomeLittleBootsOnHerFeet #ButAfterGettingHomeTheSecondTimeICouldNotFindOneOfThem

Classic me. I thought it must have just fallen off when I lifted her out of her carrier, but I couldn’t see it.

#IWaitedForTiagoToFinishAWorkCallSoHeCouldWatchB #ThenIRetracedOurStepsAndFoundItNotSoFarAwayOnAPath

I was so proud of myself for finding it. I was worried as I had walked across a big patch of grass, which would have made it easier to find, but it had probably dropped just before I went onto it.

#SoINeedToBeCarefulAboutTheAmountOfTimeAndKeepAnEyeOnHerBoots

Shorter walks. Check boots. Got it.

#TheWeatherWasReallyNiceYesterdayButPuttingHerInTheCarrierMightNotBeAGreatPlanForEveryday

I need to get a rain cover for it…

#SheHasBeenWakingUpALotAtNightLatelyWhichIsMakingTAndIABitGrumpy

When she woke up for the last time at 6.30am it felt like it was 3am and I was like erghhhh.

#LastWeekSheWasStillBreastfeedingTwoOrThreeTimesADay

Great.

#ButNowSheReallyDoesNotWantToBreastfeedWhichIsABitOfAShame

I am a bit saddened by it.

#IThinkItProbablyHasALotToDoWithHerTeething

Yeah, it can’t be too comfortable at the moment. She has been teething for about a month, which doesn’t help.

#ThoughSometimesIAmTryingToGetHerToLatchOnAndSheJustTipsHerHeadBackAndLooksLonginglyAtAnEmptyBottleThatIForgotToMove

It’s probably nicer to teethe on.

#MyMumSaysThatSheWantedToBreastfeedMySistersAndIForLongerButWeStoppedBeingInterestedAround4Months

Maybe she’s more like me than she looks… (She looks more like Tiago.)

#TodayIMightJustTryFormulaFeedingHerForEveryFeedAndSeeIfThatHelpsWithHerSleep #IAlsoMightGiveHerSomeBabyRiceTodayButIFeelLikeISayThatEveryday

Between writing the hashtags and writing this blog post I did give her some. It went well. If I remember I’ll probably talk about it in my next blog post.

#IAmCurrentlySpendingALotOfMyFreeTimePlanningForAHashtagWorkshop #IAmNervousAboutItButIHopeThatItGoesWellAndThatPeopleEnjoyIt

Luckily I did a university lecture last week, so I am feeling a little less awkward about it. I really hope that people enjoy it.

I was going to post a link to the workshop, but by the time I post this it will have already happened. Wishing myself luck from the past and future…


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Fourth Family Portrait (21st November 2020)

Family portrait - Tiago and B sat on an exercise ball with me holding onto both of them. B's face is covered by a pasted section of her feet.
Fourth Family Portrait (21st November 2020)
 
#HurrahWeFinallyManagedToDoAnotherFamilyPortraitShoot
#ThisPhotoCouldHaveBeenTakenInLiverpoolAsItIsJustUsAgainstAPlainWall
#TiagoInstinctivelySatWithBOnTheExerciseBallSoIThoughtIWouldJustInsertMyselfIntoThePicture
#IFoundTheBallWhileUnpackingAndThoughtIWouldInflateIt
#IPumpedItUpInTheHallwayThoughAndItWasTooBigToGetThroughTheDoorway
#SoIHadToLetSomeAirOutAndAmYetToFullyInflateItAgain
#BHasQuiteEasilyTransitionedTo3NapsADayInsteadOf4ThisWeek
#ThoughSheIsNotSleepingThroughTheNightAtTheMoment
#WhichMayBeDueToTheTransitionOrTeethingOrFeedingOrAnythingAndEverythingIGuess
#YesterdayIThoughtThatBWasImitatingGivingMeAKissOnTheCheek
#ButIThinkSheWasActuallyJustTryingToTeethOnMe
#WeHaveSomeBabyRiceToGiveHerWhichIPlannedToStartHerWithThisWeekend
#TiagoWasWatchingATVShowAboutKidsAndFussyEatingTheOtherDay
#WeWantHerToHavePositiveExperiencesAroundFoodSoIThinkWeWillStartWeaningWhenWeAreLessStressed
#MovingIntoSomeoneElsesHouseHasBeenABitOfAShock
#BWantedToDrinkFromMyWaterBottleTheOtherDaySoSheHasACupWithWaterInItNow
#IThinkSheWasHopingThatItWouldBeFullOfMilkThoughSoSheSeemsDisappointed
#WithBHavingOneLessNapADayMyTimeForMyselfHasBeenReduced
#IShouldStartTakingHerForWalksDuringHerAwakeTimeAndJustTalkToHerAboutWhatWeSeeOutside
#ThenICanUseHerNapTimesToDoChoresAndABitOfWork
#ItSeemsToRainDuringMostOfHerWalksAtTheMomentButIStillGoOutAnyways
#TheOtherDayIReallyNeededANapButISpentBsNapTimeLookingForPlayAndStayGroups
#TheyAllSeemToBeClosedUntilNextYear
#BOnlyHadAShortNapSoIFeltMoreTiredAndABitDeflated
#IDoFeelABitMorePositiveInSomeWaysThough
#IJustNeedToGetBackToDoingToDoListsAndTryToPlanMyDaysBetter
#MySpaceToWorkInIsNotPerfectAsTheCeilingIsNotThatHighAndItSlopesInPlaces
#ButItWillDoAndIJustNeedToMoveThingsAroundMore
#HopefullyIWillSeeACoupleOfFriendsIndividuallyForWalksThisWeek
#AndIAmYetToMakeDanceVideosHereSoHopefullyIWillTomorrow

Hello, it’s 21st November. I’m going to quickly try to write this blog post while T and B are having a nap…

#HurrahWeFinallyManagedToDoAnotherFamilyPortraitShoot

I did plan to do it last weekend, but it never happened.

I got a bit stressed today thinking it would not happen again, but we did it, and Tiago said it was nice to just take pictures and not think about much else.

#ThisPhotoCouldHaveBeenTakenInLiverpoolAsItIsJustUsAgainstAPlainWall

Classic.

(Though in Liverpool often the pictures were quite blue due to the UV covering we had on the windows – now they seem quite red.)

#TiagoInstinctivelySatWithBOnTheExerciseBallSoIThoughtIWouldJustInsertMyselfIntoThePicture

They were lying on the bed originally, but the light was fading so I thought we should stand against the wall in my ‘studio’. This seemed nicer though.

#IFoundTheBallWhileUnpackingAndThoughtIWouldInflateIt #IPumpedItUpInTheHallwayThoughAndItWasTooBigToGetThroughTheDoorway #SoIHadToLetSomeAirOutAndAmYetToFullyInflateItAgain

An exciting story.

#BHasQuiteEasilyTransitionedTo3NapsADayInsteadOf4ThisWeek

Well her naps have been all over the place. The app I use to keep track of things thinks she is still on 5 naps a day, but I was confused the other day as I do not remember dropping it to 4. I guess it just happened though when I moved her to the 1 hour 30, 1.45 x 2, 2 x 2 (wake window) schedule.

Now it is more 2 hours, then 3 x 2.5ish.

#ThoughSheIsNotSleepingThroughTheNightAtTheMoment #WhichMayBeDueToTheTransitionOrTeethingOrFeedingOrAnythingAndEverythingIGuess

It’s hard to tell why…

#YesterdayIThoughtThatBWasImitatingGivingMeAKissOnTheCheek

I say imitating as she was not actually giving me a kiss – more just putting her face against mine with her mouth open.

#ButIThinkSheWasActuallyJustTryingToTeethOnMe

Lovely.

#WeHaveSomeBabyRiceToGiveHerWhichIPlannedToStartHerWithThisWeekend #TiagoWasWatchingATVShowAboutKidsAndFussyEatingTheOtherDay #WeWantHerToHavePositiveExperiencesAroundFoodSoIThinkWeWillStartWeaningWhenWeAreLessStressed

I said we were going to start at 6 months, but I think it would not hurt to try a bit earlier. However, I think we need to be completely relaxed when we do otherwise I think it will not be such a great experience for B. Perhaps next weekend?

#MovingIntoSomeoneElsesHouseHasBeenABitOfAShock

I feel like I should not talk about certain things, so I’ll leave it at that.

(4th December – Things are fine now.)

#BWantedToDrinkFromMyWaterBottleTheOtherDaySoSheHasACupWithWaterInItNow

I usually drink from a water bottle instead of a glass as I get worried that it will get knocked over, so B was trying to grab it with her mouth wide open. I went to give her some, but I thought that maybe it wasn’t that safe. So now she has a sippy cup.

#IThinkSheWasHopingThatItWouldBeFullOfMilkThoughSoSheSeemsDisappointed

I think she is actually just teething on it more than anything else.

#WithBHavingOneLessNapADayMyTimeForMyselfHasBeenReduced #IShouldStartTakingHerForWalksDuringHerAwakeTimeAndJustTalkToHerAboutWhatWeSeeOutside

I imagine us sitting on a bench with her staring up at the trees. Maybe then some people might talk to us? I sound desperate to talk to people… My sister is sending her a pram suit, so once we get that then maybe I can try her on the local swings too.

#ThenICanUseHerNapTimesToDoChoresAndABitOfWork

Fingers crossed.

#ItSeemsToRainDuringMostOfHerWalksAtTheMomentButIStillGoOutAnyways

I guess now isn’t the time to be sitting on benches and discovering playgrounds, but we can try. There are always some nicer days…

#TheOtherDayIReallyNeededANapButISpentBsNapTimeLookingForPlayAndStayGroups

I just lay in bed intending to have a nap, but felt like I needed to find a group. At the moment I like the idea of classes or a group, but I like the idea of going somewhere and just talking and chilling a bit.

#TheyAllSeemToBeClosedUntilNextYear

Great.

#BOnlyHadAShortNapSoIFeltMoreTiredAndABitDeflated

I was hoping she would sleep for an hour, but she had half an hour.

#IDoFeelABitMorePositiveInSomeWaysThough

I think I just realise how lucky we are, so I shouldn’t be so darn negative all the time. It’s boring to whine so much.

#IJustNeedToGetBackToDoingToDoListsAndTryToPlanMyDaysBetter

I used to write to do lists, but I haven’t lately. Now that I have a desk to work at and I’ve found a notepad and pen I guess it is easier to start again.

#MySpaceToWorkInIsNotPerfectAsTheCeilingIsNotThatHighAndItSlopesInPlaces #ButItWillDoAndIJustNeedToMoveThingsAroundMore

It is more than I thought I would have really, so that is good. My one concern about moving was where would I make work.

#HopefullyIWillSeeACoupleOfFriendsIndividuallyForWalksThisWeek

That would be nice. I’ve only seen family since moving, which is lovely of course, but it’ll be great to see other people too.

#AndIAmYetToMakeDanceVideosHereSoHopefullyIWillTomorrow

Fingers crossed. Hopefully I will be inserting a video below of new ones…

(4th December – I’ve managed to make 5 videos over 2 sessions so far. That’s better than nothing!

Here’s one…

)


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