As always I will be posting this much later, so it will no longer be Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week.
I got an email from Happity yesterday about their #shoutieselfie and I debated doing it, but yeah I felt too rubbish to. This post is somewhat negative but yesterdays would have been REALLY negative.
I sleep fairly well at night (though B had been awake for about an hour between 12.30 and 1.30), so I shouldn’t have needed that nap but apparently I did.
I’m aware of how negative and whiny it is all the time, and I feel awful about it. I know how lucky I am to have B and I do love her a lot, I am just feeling a bit stuck.
I feel like I don’t really need to talk about the really dark times that I sometimes have, and we do not need to see anymore photos of me crying.
It’s the circle of mental health.
Last night I went to bed earlier than normal. I probably fell asleep around 10.30pm and Tiago got up at 5.30ish, then B woke up at 6.20. Tiago had to go to work not long after, so I wasn’t in a great mood.
It just rains and rains. I took her to the swings briefly the other day and chatting to the Mum next to us she said we’d had all the weather today except for snow. I said it did hail the other day and two minutes later it was hailing…
The other week we were meeting up with a couple of Mums. This week we’ve just seen people in class, and it’s a new term at one of our classes next week and our friends are off to nursery so it’s time to make new friends. Great.
We’re very grateful to my Nan for letting us live with her, but it is hard at times, and like I’ve said that’s more to do with me. This morning I was just not in the mood to chat as it was pre-7am and if I was my Nan I would have still been asleep in bed. I’ve said before that I do not like sitting in front of the TV all day. I can not remember the last time that I sat in the living room after B has gone to bed – I just like to have some time to myself.
(14th June: I feel so awkward about saying all that, but it was how I felt. I’m just not a morning person at all – she says after getting up at 5.40 this morning. We look at moving out from time to time, but there isn’t much on the renting market nearby. At the moment the weather is good, so we go out more and we open the window in her room (see two hashtags below) and play in there.)
Again, as soon as the weather is better and places reopen we will be out more which will solve this ‘problem’.
It’s not the nicest place to sit in the day, though yesterday I did take her to her room early before a nap and just read books with her which was nice.
I had stopped bringing her in here to play as she just goes for all the cables and it stresses me out. I miss our big living/dining room in Liverpool where there would not have been many hazards for her.
My Mum got it for her and it’s a little big. I was trying to tidy up a bit downstairs and so brought it up here.
This made me feel better as I did not know what I would do for the shoot, so it felt good to get the shoot out of the way, pass some time with B and get some photos together.
I sang ‘Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall eating yellow bananas…’ a fair few times to cheer her up. She just wanted to smash my laptop as per usual; she took a few pictures of me accidentally.
I actually thought I looked alright in the denim jacket so maybe I will start wearing it.
Tiago is at work so he can pick us up afterwards. I don’t know why we haven’t gone home with my Mum before… I will have to get her to try to have a nap in her pushchair and I hope it doesn’t pour on us while I take her out for one.
(14th June: I couldn’t be bothered to pack up B’s stuff in the end, so we didn’t go.)
Great. Tiago was ill for about half a day.
Whine whine whine. It does hurt though.
Tell me about it.
Tiago told me to have a lie down. I did. I felt better. I made some mac and cheese for us all (B loves it), and then I felt knackered again and needed a lie down. Pre-baby I did used to get exhaustion at least once a year and I’d just spend a weekend in bed, but it’s difficult now.
She did not even think about it. She just got up and went until she ploughed into the cupboard.
She had just woken up from a nap, so her legs were probably not warmed up yet.
It was good that he did not have to venture anywhere for it – though in Liverpool we lived really close to the passport office.
Fingers crossed. He is hopefully finding out today how long he is allowed to go away for if the world doesn’t go back to full doomed mode.
I just wouldn’t realise I lucky I was…
This has all obviously done me some good as I feel less pissed off than when I wrote this 30+ minutes ago. But it has been a total postcode lottery and I am jealous that friends in other areas have had a lot more things to go to. Oh well, as we keep saying to ourselves ‘things can only get better’.
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