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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Failing At Trying To Imitate B Rolling Over, But Having A Good Workout (9th January 2021)

Failing At Trying To Imitate B Rolling Over, But Having A Good Workout (9th January 2021)
 
#WellNanEndedUpGettingAVaccineTheDayAfterMyLastEntry
#SheGotACallInTheMorningAndSheWentToGetItACoupleOfHoursLater
#ThatIsAReliefAsBeforeTheLockdownSheWasGoingOutToShopsALotAsSheWasSoBored
#IWasWorriedThatIfSheCaughtCovidWeWouldGetBlamed
#MostOfOurBabyClassesHaveBeenPostponedThoughOneHasMovedOnline
#TheyHaveClassesEveryWeekDayAndWeCanGoToAsManyAsWeWant
#IThinkIWillTryToAttendOneEverydayAsThereIsNotMuchElseToDoAndBHadAReallyGoodNapAfterOneYesterday
#IDidNotLikeOnlineClassesMuchBeforeButIThinkNowThatBHasAnEstablishedRoutineItIsMuchBetter
#AlsoItMightBeABetterWayToGetToKnowSomeLocalMumsAsMaybeByTheTimeWeGoBackToRealLifeClassWeMightRecogniseMorePeople
#IKnowThatBIsDueToDropAnotherNapSoonButAtLeastThenSheShouldKeepASimilarRoutineUntilAround14Months
#BHasSuddenlyRememberedHowToRollOverAndJustDoesItAllTheTimeNow
#SomeFriendsWereTalkingAboutHowTheirBabiesAreRollingOverInTheirCotsAndSleepingOnTheirFronts
#ISaidThatBDidNotKnowHowToRollOverInHerCotButTheSameDaySheStartedToDoIt
#ThoughSheGenerallyScreamsAfterSheDoesItSoIHaveToPutHerBackOnHerBack
#ButThenSheKeepsDoingIt
#IAmLikeIfYouDoNotLikeItSoMuchThenWhyDoYouKeepDoingIt
#TheOtherNightSheDidNotGoToSleepInHerCotForAnHourAsSheKeptRollingOver
#IReadThatTheyJustWantToPracticeTheirNewSkillsSoYesterdayIMadeHerRollOverLots
#SheTookAboutHalfAnHourToSettleInsteadSoHopefullyTonightItWillBeQuicker
#ITryToPutHerDownOnTheLeftSideOfTheCotAsSheTendsToRollToHerLeft
#WeJustNeedToGetHerToLearnHowToRollBackNow
#IForgotToMentionThatBTriedFishForTheFirstTimeLastWeek
#SheSeemedToLikeItThoughIDoNotLikeHavingToFeedItToHer
#IUsuallyCheckTheTemperatureOfHerFoodALotAndIDoNotWantToCheckItIfThereIsFishInIt
#IAmStillWorryingAboutHerDietButYesterdayIWentToGiveHerAFoodPouchAndRealisedTheyAreFullOfTheSameThingsThatIAmGivingHerAnyways
#SoonSheWillBe7MonthsSoINeedToStartLookingAtDifferentRecipes
#MyNanKeepsSayingIShouldGiveBIceCreamSoIDoNotKnowWhyIWorrySoMuch
#AsFromWhatSheSaysItSeemsLikeBabiesInThePastWereJustGivenWhateverAndTurnedOutOkay
#SheAlsoSaidToPutAPillowInBsCotToStopHerTurningOver
#YouAreNotSupposedToPutAnythingInBabiesCotsBesidesBedSheetsUntilTheyAre12Months

#WellNanEndedUpGettingAVaccineTheDayAfterMyLastEntry #SheGotACallInTheMorningAndSheWentToGetItACoupleOfHoursLater

Hurrah. She also saw one of her sisters who must have been getting the second jab as she had got a phone call about the first only a couple of days after they became available.

#ThatIsAReliefAsBeforeTheLockdownSheWasGoingOutToShopsALotAsSheWasSoBored #IWasWorriedThatIfSheCaughtCovidWeWouldGetBlamed

You know the story – Nan gets Covid after her Granddaughter and her family move in and fingers get pointed. Obviously she can still get it, but hopefully if she does it will not be that bad. At this moment in time Tiago just goes out to the supermarket (though his car is broken at the moment).

#MostOfOurBabyClassesHaveBeenPostponedThoughOneHasMovedOnline #TheyHaveClassesEveryWeekDayAndWeCanGoToAsManyAsWeWant #IThinkIWillTryToAttendOneEverydayAsThereIsNotMuchElseToDoAndBHadAReallyGoodNapAfterOneYesterday

In the morning I have generally been doing old YouTube classes, so it’s nice to have some ‘fresh content’. Plus it’s a music class so that’s always fun.

#IDidNotLikeOnlineClassesMuchBeforeButIThinkNowThatBHasAnEstablishedRoutineItIsMuchBetter

In Liverpool when I was doing them I was just stressed as the timing of classes never seemed right and I guess B was younger so we would not often get through them.

#AlsoItMightBeABetterWayToGetToKnowSomeLocalMumsAsMaybeByTheTimeWeGoBackToRealLifeClassWeMightRecogniseMorePeople

They are supposed to be setting up WhatsApp groups for the class, though like I said in my previous post I am not great with them. The one we ‘went to’ yesterday was not our local class, but I guess I am more open-minded about the whole thing. In Liverpool it just seemed like I would never meet any of the women in real life – to be fair I only met a few and that was because I knew them from elsewhere.

#IKnowThatBIsDueToDropAnotherNapSoonButAtLeastThenSheShouldKeepASimilarRoutineUntilAround14Months

She is not ready to drop it yet, but I know that it can happen around 7 months.

#BHasSuddenlyRememberedHowToRollOverAndJustDoesItAllTheTimeNow

She has rolled over here and there occasionally, but now I put her down and the floor and she rolls pretty quickly.

#SomeFriendsWereTalkingAboutHowTheirBabiesAreRollingOverInTheirCotsAndSleepingOnTheirFronts #ISaidThatBDidNotKnowHowToRollOverInHerCotButTheSameDaySheStartedToDoIt

Of course.

#ThoughSheGenerallyScreamsAfterSheDoesItSoIHaveToPutHerBackOnHerBack #ButThenSheKeepsDoingIt #IAmLikeIfYouDoNotLikeItSoMuchThenWhyDoYouKeepDoingIt

Babies…

#TheOtherNightSheDidNotGoToSleepInHerCotForAnHourAsSheKeptRollingOver #IReadThatTheyJustWantToPracticeTheirNewSkillsSoYesterdayIMadeHerRollOverLots #SheTookAboutHalfAnHourToSettleInsteadSoHopefullyTonightItWillBeQuicker

Hoping for 15 minutes or less, but I am guessing it will be 2 hours now I’ve said that…

#ITryToPutHerDownOnTheLeftSideOfTheCotAsSheTendsToRollToHerLeft

I’m not sure if she has ever rolled to her right? I try to encourage her to do it, but she does not seem bothered.

#WeJustNeedToGetHerToLearnHowToRollBackNow

Roll to the right, and roll back. Let’s see.

#IForgotToMentionThatBTriedFishForTheFirstTimeLastWeek #SheSeemedToLikeItThoughIDoNotLikeHavingToFeedItToHer #IUsuallyCheckTheTemperatureOfHerFoodALotAndIDoNotWantToCheckItIfThereIsFishInIt

I did make Tiago feed it to her as I was a bit grossed out, though I did try again the next day. Sometimes I think it’d be easier if we all just ate the same thing, but I don’t think I can face the idea of eating fish yet.

#IAmStillWorryingAboutHerDietButYesterdayIWentToGiveHerAFoodPouchAndRealisedTheyAreFullOfTheSameThingsThatIAmGivingHerAnyways

She had been waking up a lot at night and I thought it was due to hunger, but the last couple of nights she has slept better. So maybe it was just due to the rolling and teething? Though this morning she woke up at 5am, and we were still trying to get her to go back to sleep at 5.30am so we decided to start the day. It’s nearly 7am, so hopefully she’ll have a nap soon and I’ll have one too.

#SoonSheWillBe7MonthsSoINeedToStartLookingAtDifferentRecipes

I really like the recipes that are in Joe Wicks’s Wean In 15.

#MyNanKeepsSayingIShouldGiveBIceCreamSoIDoNotKnowWhyIWorrySoMuch #AsFromWhatSheSaysItSeemsLikeBabiesInThePastWereJustGivenWhateverAndTurnedOutOkay #SheAlsoSaidToPutAPillowInBsCotToStopHerTurningOver #YouAreNotSupposedToPutAnythingInBabiesCotsBesidesBedSheetsUntilTheyAre12Months

My Nan raised some of her siblings and two of her own kids, and the rules/guidelines have obviously changed a lot. Though some things I am not sure if she just says them for the sake of it.

When my older sister was born in 1986 people were advised to put their babies to sleep on their front, but by the time I was born in 1988 people were told that it was better for their babies to sleep on their backs.

Rules/guidelines changed, but so many people survived these things that are considered bad for babies now. I’m not saying I’m putting B to sleep on her front now (like I said she hates it), but I get so worried about B when she probably eats better than a lot of adults…

I’m keeping a mood diary now and I think it is helping me reflect on my emotions and feelings better. It’s early days though, so we’ll see. I think hormones play a big part in it all.


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

I Am Not A Morning Person (6th January 2020)

I Am Not A Morning Person (6th January 2020)
 
#IAmNotAMorningPersonAndMotherhoodIsTryingDesperatelyToTurnMeIntoOne
#BKeepsWakingUpALotAtNightAtTheMoment
#IThinkItIsBecauseOfTeethingButWeTryToSettleHerForAbout30MinutesBeforeWeResortToFeedingHer
#EveryMorningITellMyselfThatTonightIAmGoingToBedEarlier
#AndEveryNightIFindThatIAmReadingABookUntil11pmAndITellMyselfThatIAmGoingToRegretItInTheMorning
#YesterdayIGotACallFromThePostNatalSupportServiceThatMyHealthVisitorReferredMeTo
#MyHealthVisitorWasMeantToComeAndCheckOnMeTheOtherDayButSheCalledToSayThatAsWeHadBecomeTier4ItWasNotAGoodIdea
#IHadNotEvenHeardTheNewsYetThatWeWereTier4
#WellNowEnglandHasAnotherLockdownAgain
#IDoubtWeWillHaveABabyClassInPersonAnytimeSoonButIThinkItIsForTheBest
#HopefullyByTheTimeTheyReturnToNormalMyNanWillHaveHadAVaccine
#TheVirusHasGotABitCloseToHomeLatelySoIHopeSheDoesGetItSoon
#AnywaysTheCallYesterdayWasAnAssessmentToSeeIfTheyThoughtThatTheirServiceCouldHelpMe
#IHadToFillInAMoodQuestionnaireAndWeRanThroughMyAnswers
#ITalkedAboutFeelingGuiltyAndWorryingThatIWasNotGoodEnoughForB
#TheWomanSaidThatWhenWeGiveBirthToThePlacentaItCanBeLikeGivingBirthToABallOfGuilt
#SomePeopleMightDisagreeButThatHasStuckOutInMyMindFromTheCallAsItSeemsSomewhatTrueToMe
#SheSaidINeedToStopBeingSoHardOnMyselfAndToStopOverthinkingSoMuch
#SheSaidIShouldKeepAMoodDiaryAndAlsoTryToWriteDownTwoPositiveThingsADay
#IAlsoNeedToBreatheMoreAndTurnAwayNegativeThoughtsLikeUnwantedVisitorsToOurHouse
#SomeoneWillCallToCheckOnMeEveryTwoWeeksAndIAmNowAlsoPartOfAWhatsappGroup
#IAmInterestedToSeeHowTheGroupGoesAsIFeelAwkwardEnoughAfterOneToOneChats
#WithGroupsICanGetVeryEnthusiasticAndThenJustFeelRubbishAboutMyselfWhenPeopleDoNotRespondWell
#IHaveNeverPartOfSuchALargeGroupThoughSoIThinkIWillJustSitOnTheSidelinesForNow
#IObviouslyHaveALotOfSelfConfidenceAndSelfEsteemIssuesThatINeedToWorkOn
#EvenAfter10PlusYearsOfMakingTherapeuticSelfPortraitureWorkToDoWithItAll
#HavingASmallHumanHasJustPutANewLightOnALotOfThingsThatIWantToFixAboutMyself
#FromTheCallIFeelLikeIAmDoingALotOfThingsRightButIJustNeedToPracticeSomeMoreSelfCareAndSelfLove
#ISaidThatIWasGoingOutForTwoWalksADayButLastNightIRealisedThatWeAreNowUnderALockdownLikeTheFirstOne
#ThisMeansWeAreOnlyAllowedOneWalkADayButIAmSomewhatRelievedAsICanNotBeBotheredToGoOutForTwoWalksAtTheMoment

#IAmNotAMorningPersonAndMotherhoodIsTryingDesperatelyToTurnMeIntoOne

I have not done a shoot yet, but I imagine myself looking tired as hell.

(I don’t look too bad actually, but I had been up for a few hours…)

#BKeepsWakingUpALotAtNightAtTheMoment

We need to start the sleep training that we have been on about for ages.

#IThinkItIsBecauseOfTeethingButWeTryToSettleHerForAbout30MinutesBeforeWeResortToFeedingHer

It is really hard to know what to do – maybe she is just hungry? She is eating quite a bit at meals at the moment, but maybe it’s not enough?

(Spoiler for future blog posts: We finally started it – hello night 9 tonight – and it’s been great to sleep. B hasn’t had a night feed since we started. Why did we not do it before? I also do not mind the mornings so much if I have slept well. Hurrah!)

#EveryMorningITellMyselfThatTonightIAmGoingToBedEarlier #AndEveryNightIFindThatIAmReadingABookUntil11pmAndITellMyselfThatIAmGoingToRegretItInTheMorning

Though last night I did put my book down at 10.45pm. I started reading quite late as my brain could not relax.

I’m currently reading Bridget Jones’s Diary as I have never read it before, and it is an easy read.

#YesterdayIGotACallFromThePostNatalSupportServiceThatMyHealthVisitorReferredMeTo

I just remembered that someone is calling me soon again – at the time when B is due to wake up.

#MyHealthVisitorWasMeantToComeAndCheckOnMeTheOtherDayButSheCalledToSayThatAsWeHadBecomeTier4ItWasNotAGoodIdea #IHadNotEvenHeardTheNewsYetThatWeWereTier4

I was feeling good so I didn’t think that she needed to check on me anyways.

#WellNowEnglandHasAnotherLockdownAgain

Things change fast.

#IDoubtWeWillHaveABabyClassInPersonAnytimeSoonButIThinkItIsForTheBest

Though they are supposed to be allowed to happen as they are support groups, but a lot of the venues are waiting for more clarification.

#HopefullyByTheTimeTheyReturnToNormalMyNanWillHaveHadAVaccine #TheVirusHasGotABitCloseToHomeLatelySoIHopeSheDoesGetItSoon

I felt like Nan was going out too much before as she was so bored. Now she is a bit scared, which is sad but I am glad that she seems less keen to go out now – especially as she will hopefully have the vaccine soon.

#AnywaysTheCallYesterdayWasAnAssessmentToSeeIfTheyThoughtThatTheirServiceCouldHelpMe #IHadToFillInAMoodQuestionnaireAndWeRanThroughMyAnswers

I have lost count of how many of these questionnaires I have done over the years.

#ITalkedAboutFeelingGuiltyAndWorryingThatIWasNotGoodEnoughForB #TheWomanSaidThatWhenWeGiveBirthToThePlacentaItCanBeLikeGivingBirthToABallOfGuilt #SomePeopleMightDisagreeButThatHasStuckOutInMyMindFromTheCallAsItSeemsSomewhatTrueToMe

I definitely have a lot of guilt these days. Even this morning I felt bad as when I was with B my brain was just thinking in hashtags…

#SheSaidINeedToStopBeingSoHardOnMyselfAndToStopOverthinkingSoMuch

I am an overthinker for sure.

#SheSaidIShouldKeepAMoodDiaryAndAlsoTryToWriteDownTwoPositiveThingsADay #IAlsoNeedToBreatheMoreAndTurnAwayNegativeThoughtsLikeUnwantedVisitorsToOurHouse

I have been saying lately that I am so negative. I ran out of hashtags before I could name two positive things, but I know that we are lucky. Tiago still has a job, we are living in a nice, warm house and B does seem healthy.

#SomeoneWillCallToCheckOnMeEveryTwoWeeksAndIAmNowAlsoPartOfAWhatsappGroup #IAmInterestedToSeeHowTheGroupGoesAsIFeelAwkwardEnoughAfterOneToOneChats #WithGroupsICanGetVeryEnthusiasticAndThenJustFeelRubbishAboutMyselfWhenPeopleDoNotRespondWell #IHaveNeverPartOfSuchALargeGroupThoughSoIThinkIWillJustSitOnTheSidelinesForNow

I won’t be talking about the group much in future, except for probably saying how awkward I feel. No I won’t – I’ll be being positive!

It’s a confidential group so yeah what happens in the group stays in the group.

#IObviouslyHaveALotOfSelfConfidenceAndSelfEsteemIssuesThatINeedToWorkOn #EvenAfter10PlusYearsOfMakingTherapeuticSelfPortraitureWorkToDoWithItAll

I remember going to CBT while doing my Neblina project and the guy said I had low self-esteem. I felt like a fraud with all of my work that I do and I was quite annoyed about it. However, he was right and I still need to work on it a lot.

#HavingASmallHumanHasJustPutANewLightOnALotOfThingsThatIWantToFixAboutMyself

Happy Mum, happy baby.

#FromTheCallIFeelLikeIAmDoingALotOfThingsRightButIJustNeedToPracticeSomeMoreSelfCareAndSelfLove

What happened to the mother of the one month old doing face masks? I need to find her again.

I wish I could have bottled the hormones I had a week after B was born. I felt so high and confident – I could have taken on the world. I really miss that version of me. I feel like that was the real me deep down under the layers of stress, guilt and shame.

#ISaidThatIWasGoingOutForTwoWalksADayButLastNightIRealisedThatWeAreNowUnderALockdownLikeTheFirstOne #ThisMeansWeAreOnlyAllowedOneWalkADayButIAmSomewhatRelievedAsICanNotBeBotheredToGoOutForTwoWalksAtTheMoment

Luckily I didn’t break the law yesterday as I did not feel up to two walks.

Let’s see how long this goes on for… the lockdown that is.


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Fifth Family Portrait (2nd January 2021)

Fifth Family Portrait (2nd January 2021)
 
#HappyNewYear
#IFeelLikeEverythingIWasGoingToSayDoesNotMatterNowAsTiagosGrandmotherHasDied
#WeHaveNotSeenHerIn18MonthsAndSheNeverGotToMeetB
#HeSaysItIsAShameThatHeCanNotGoToTheFuneralBecauseOfTheVirus
#InPortugalTheFuneralsAreUsuallyTheNextDaySoHeSaysHeWillJustGoToTheCemeteryWhenWeFinallyManageToGetToTheIslandAgain
#WeFinallyAppliedForBsPassportTheOtherDay
#WeDidNotBotherRushingDueToCovidButHopefullySoonWeMightBeAbleToVisitTiagosFamily
#BIsJustSleepingOnTheFloorWithHerSnowsuitOpenAsSheFellAsleepOnAWalk
#InMyLastEntryISaidThatIWasFeelingReallyGood
#TheNextDayIJustFeltSuperTerrible
#WeAreNowPlanningToMoveOutAsWeThinkItWillBeBetterForAllOfUsToHaveOurOwnSpace
#EspeciallyAsWeThinkWeWillBeInBirminghamLongerThanWeInitiallyThoughtWeMight
#IKnowWeAreLuckyAndINeedToBeMoreGrateful
#SometimesItSeemsEasierToBeMoreNegativeAboutThings
#SocialMediaSeemsToExistForShowingOffThoughIFindItAwkward
#ThoughTheOtherDayIPostedMyTopNineToInstagramAndIRealiseThatItComesAcrossAsABitBraggy
#IFeelLikeIShouldHavePutAFootnoteAboutAllTheTimesIFeltRubbish
#ButThisProjectIsEnoughOfAWhinefest
#IAmGratefulToBeAMotherAndItIsGood
#ButSometimesIDoFeelOverwhelmedAndStressedByItAll
#WorryingAboutIfIAmGoodEnoughToRaiseASmallHumanToBeAGreatBigHuman
#StressingThatSheIsNotGettingEnoughToEat
#FrettingThatIAmGivingHerTooLittleOrTooMuchParacetamol
#ToBeFairIDoNotGiveItHerThatOftenSoItIsProbablyMoreTheTooLittleCategory
#IThinkInPersonBabyClassesAreSuspendedForNowUntilTheGovernmentReviewsThem
#IAmNotIntoOnlineBabyClassesAsSeeingAndTalkingToPeopleInRealLifeIsTheBestThingAboutThem
#ObviouslyItIsGoodToKnowThatBIsGettingSomeGoodPlaytimeThatWillHelpWithDevelopment
#IJustWantHerToTurnOutOkayAndWell
#IHopeThatSheBecomesMoreLikeTiagoThanMe
#ISpentABigChunkOfYesterdayAnnoyedThatIAmNoLongerAnEUCitizenThoughAtLeastTiagoAndBAre

#HappyNewYear

It’s been a weird one so far.

#IFeelLikeEverythingIWasGoingToSayDoesNotMatterNowAsTiagosGrandmotherHasDied #WeHaveNotSeenHerIn18MonthsAndSheNeverGotToMeetB #HeSaysItIsAShameThatHeCanNotGoToTheFuneralBecauseOfTheVirus #InPortugalTheFuneralsAreUsuallyTheNextDaySoHeSaysHeWillJustGoToTheCemeteryWhenWeFinallyManageToGetToTheIslandAgain

🙁

When his Grandfather died he got told on a Friday evening, and Saturday morning he had to get 3 flights (it’s usually 2) to make it the funeral on time. Luckily he just made it.

#WeFinallyAppliedForBsPassportTheOtherDay #WeDidNotBotherRushingDueToCovidButHopefullySoonWeMightBeAbleToVisitTiagosFamily

I knew we wouldn’t be going anywhere for a while so there didn’t seem any point in having lots of unused time on it, but we are hoping to be able to travel at somepoint this year.

#BIsJustSleepingOnTheFloorWithHerSnowsuitOpenAsSheFellAsleepOnAWalk

I was hoping to get home before she got too sleepy. Nope.

#InMyLastEntryISaidThatIWasFeelingReallyGood

I felt weirdly good.

#TheNextDayIJustFeltSuperTerrible

My period came, so I think it was related to that.

#WeAreNowPlanningToMoveOutAsWeThinkItWillBeBetterForAllOfUsToHaveOurOwnSpace #EspeciallyAsWeThinkWeWillBeInBirminghamLongerThanWeInitiallyThoughtWeMight

I feel excited about looking for somewhere; it’s a nice distraction as always. I’m hoping to finish my coding course tonight or tomorrow, so I’ll have more time to look at other things.

#IKnowWeAreLuckyAndINeedToBeMoreGrateful

We are really lucky. Especially during this pandemic, as we have yet to be really affected by it. Obviously things are not how we want them to be, but it is what it is.

#SometimesItSeemsEasierToBeMoreNegativeAboutThings

Is this a British thing? It’s probably more just a me thing.

#SocialMediaSeemsToExistForShowingOffThoughIFindItAwkward #ThoughTheOtherDayIPostedMyTopNineToInstagramAndIRealiseThatItComesAcrossAsABitBraggy

I talked about the main things that were shown (me being pregnant and having a solo show), then I just seemed to throw a few more things in.

2020 was a big change for me, but some good things did happen.

#IFeelLikeIShouldHavePutAFootnoteAboutAllTheTimesIFeltRubbish #ButThisProjectIsEnoughOfAWhinefest

I think people who know me know that I am honest about a lot of things.

#IAmGratefulToBeAMotherAndItIsGood #ButSometimesIDoFeelOverwhelmedAndStressedByItAll #WorryingAboutIfIAmGoodEnoughToRaiseASmallHumanToBeAGreatBigHuman #StressingThatSheIsNotGettingEnoughToEat #FrettingThatIAmGivingHerTooLittleOrTooMuchParacetamol #ToBeFairIDoNotGiveItHerThatOftenSoItIsProbablyMoreTheTooLittleCategory

Basically I’m winging it from day to day. She is growing and she does giggle sometimes, so I must be getting something right?

#IThinkInPersonBabyClassesAreSuspendedForNowUntilTheGovernmentReviewsThem #IAmNotIntoOnlineBabyClassesAsSeeingAndTalkingToPeopleInRealLifeIsTheBestThingAboutThem #ObviouslyItIsGoodToKnowThatBIsGettingSomeGoodPlaytimeThatWillHelpWithDevelopment

It is what it is – we’ll go to a real life class again when we can.

#IJustWantHerToTurnOutOkayAndWell #IHopeThatSheBecomesMoreLikeTiagoThanMe

I need to work on myself as much as I can. I have a call with a mental health service next week and they said they’ll see what ‘tools’ might help me the best.

#ISpentABigChunkOfYesterdayAnnoyedThatIAmNoLongerAnEUCitizenThoughAtLeastTiagoAndBAre

I’ll never get over Brexit.

I realised that I am the only member of Tiago’s family who isn’t an EU citizen now… Great.


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I Have Started To Balance Things On My Head For B’s Amusement (30th December 2020)

I Have Started To Balance Things On My Head For B’s Amusement (30th December 2020)
 
#ItIs9InTheMorningAndBIsHavingANap
#WeMadeAnEffortToStartTheDayAt7TodayThoughYesterdayItWasMoreLike5
#IFeelLikeBJustHadAReallyFunHourAndIWishICouldBeThatHighEnergyAllDayWithHer
#LotsOfSingingSongsAndLiftingHerIntoTheAirAndReadingBooksEtc
#TheOtherDayIHadARagingHeadacheAndStillManagedToPretendToBeAHorseWhileSingingTheWilliamTellOverture
#WeBounceHerUpAndDownWhileWeSingItButWeGetExtraGigglesIfOneOfUsIsAHorseToo
#IAlsoLoveHowILookForwardToHavingMeTimeButThenISpendSomeOfItLookingAtPicturesAndVideosOfHer
#SheHasBeenABitGrumpyTheLastFewDaysBecauseOfTeething
#WeWentToMyParentsHouseTheOtherDayForTheFirstTimeInMonths
#WeAreAllowedToBeInASupportBubbleWithThemAsBIsUnder1
#BWasCryingAsSheDidNotRecogniseMyDadAndWasEvenBeingFunnyWithMyMumEvenThoughSheSeesHerAFewTimesAWeek
#IHopeTheTeethingStopsForABitSoonAsIFeelBadForB
#INeedToStopMakingHerNewFoodAndUseWhatWeHaveInTheFreezer
#ISuddenlyRealisedYesterdayThatSoonSheWillBe7MonthsAndCanStartEatingOtherThings
#AndWeHaveAFreezerFullOfHomemadeBabyFoodAndNoSpareTubsForNewStuff
#IThinkIAmGivingHerTooMuchPorridgeInTheMorningAsSheDoesNotLikeToEatMuchForLunch
#ButSheGenerallyAlwaysEatsHerPorridgeSoIUsuallyMakeABatchWhichIsEnoughFor3Days
#YesterdayIMadeSomeCourgetteSpringOnionRiceWithCheese
#SheDidNotSeemImpressedByItButIEnjoyedEatingSome
#TodaySheMightEatItAllSoYouNeverKnowThoughIWillTryGivingItToHerForDinnerRatherThanLunch
#InOtherNewsIHaveCompletedMyKegelsApp
#WellItIsNotCompletedAsKegelsAreForLifeNotJustUntilYouReachTheHardestLevel
#TheyAreSoTimeConsumingNowAndIProbablyDoNotDoThemThatWellButIGuessSomeIsBetterThanNone
#INeedToGoOnATrampolineAndSeeHowEffectiveTheyReallyAre
#IAlsoNeedToStopTalkingSoMuchRubbishToPeople
#IJustGetVerbalDiarrhoeaAndAfterwardsICringeAtAllOfTheThingsThatIHaveSaid
#IHaveSaidItBeforeButIThinkThisPandemicHasImpactedMySocialSkills
#ObviouslyWorseThingsHaveHappenedToALotOfPeopleButItIsAWeirdSideEffect
#ThoughReallyIThinkMySocialSkillsHaveAlwaysBeenBadAndIAmJustMoreAwareOfThingsAtTheMoment
#ItHasSnowedTheLastCoupleOfDaysAndBSeemsALittleIntriguedByItButObviouslyICanNotFindOutWhatSheReallyThinksAboutItAll

(The photo is of me stacking B’s cups on my head – thanks to my sister for sending these! B was actually having a nap when I did this, so she wasn’t harmed by my failed attempts. She didn’t even wake up at the sound of them all falling! I usually put just one on my head to amuse her…)

This post is fuelled by Nights On Broadway by the Bee Gees. I’m writing this on 30th December 2020 – and I can not believe that this year is nearly over. Do I think 2021 will be much different? Hmm…

#ItIs9InTheMorningAndBIsHavingANap #WeMadeAnEffortToStartTheDayAt7TodayThoughYesterdayItWasMoreLike5

I need to wake her up in about 20 minutes, so I need to write quick.

#IFeelLikeBJustHadAReallyFunHourAndIWishICouldBeThatHighEnergyAllDayWithHer #LotsOfSingingSongsAndLiftingHerIntoTheAirAndReadingBooksEtc

In the morning I can not be bothered to leave our bedroom, so I usually get B’s milk (which I do have to leave the room for) and Tiago feeds her while I do yoga. Then he goes off to shower and start work, while I entertain B until naptime.

I think there are less distractions in our room (well there is no TV), so it’s generally better quality time. We didn’t have a TV in Liverpool and my Nan is usually watching it – I should really move B’s stuff away from the TV.

#TheOtherDayIHadARagingHeadacheAndStillManagedToPretendToBeAHorseWhileSingingTheWilliamTellOverture #WeBounceHerUpAndDownWhileWeSingItButWeGetExtraGigglesIfOneOfUsIsAHorseToo

I just randomly started to do it one day and she laughed. Anything that makes her laugh is a winner obviously. She was so grumpy from teething that I wanted to cheer her up, so I didn’t care that my head was pounding.

#IAlsoLoveHowILookForwardToHavingMeTimeButThenISpendSomeOfItLookingAtPicturesAndVideosOfHer

We made some videos the other day of B giggling from T just putting his finger in his mouth and then suddenly pointing the same finger (yeah, really non-exciting stuff but B loves it). I can hear Tiago watching them all the time…

#SheHasBeenABitGrumpyTheLastFewDaysBecauseOfTeething

🙁

#WeWentToMyParentsHouseTheOtherDayForTheFirstTimeInMonths #WeAreAllowedToBeInASupportBubbleWithThemAsBIsUnder1 #BWasCryingAsSheDidNotRecogniseMyDadAndWasEvenBeingFunnyWithMyMumEvenThoughSheSeesHerAFewTimesAWeek

My Mum usually comes to us as she does some chores for my Nan. I think B was just a bit weirded out by being in a new place and maybe she didn’t recognise my Mum in a different place? She’s seen my Dad once before since we moved, but that was at my Nan’s house (where we live) and so she was okay with it. Babies are weird…

#IHopeTheTeethingStopsForABitSoonAsIFeelBadForB

Things would be so much easier if she could communicate.

#INeedToStopMakingHerNewFoodAndUseWhatWeHaveInTheFreezer #ISuddenlyRealisedYesterdayThatSoonSheWillBe7MonthsAndCanStartEatingOtherThings #AndWeHaveAFreezerFullOfHomemadeBabyFoodAndNoSpareTubsForNewStuff

We also have quite a few 4-6 months pouches. I guess I can just add other things to them if we don’t get through it all.

#IThinkIAmGivingHerTooMuchPorridgeInTheMorningAsSheDoesNotLikeToEatMuchForLunch #ButSheGenerallyAlwaysEatsHerPorridgeSoIUsuallyMakeABatchWhichIsEnoughFor3Days

I find it filling and I don’t know how she eats as much as she does. No wonder she doesn’t eat much lunch.

#YesterdayIMadeSomeCourgetteSpringOnionRiceWithCheese #SheDidNotSeemImpressedByItButIEnjoyedEatingSome

Soon we should start just giving her a bit of our dinners, but I worry that she might not get as much variety. I do really need to sit down and do a meal plan. At the moment we’ve been getting those recipe boxes a bit – they’re good, but sometimes it can feel quite overwhelming to finish everything.

#TodaySheMightEatItAllSoYouNeverKnowThoughIWillTryGivingItToHerForDinnerRatherThanLunch

There’s a butternut squash dish that I make for her. The first time she loved it, the second time she didn’t, and the third time she loved it. I also need to stop giving her new dishes when I am in a rush to go out – we were going out for a walk to meet a Mum and her baby.

#InOtherNewsIHaveCompletedMyKegelsApp

I did not even know it was possible.

#WellItIsNotCompletedAsKegelsAreForLifeNotJustUntilYouReachTheHardestLevel

Yes.

#TheyAreSoTimeConsumingNowAndIProbablyDoNotDoThemThatWellButIGuessSomeIsBetterThanNone #INeedToGoOnATrampolineAndSeeHowEffectiveTheyReallyAre

The app is really good – Kegel Exercises – with daily reminders and I feel guilty if I do not do them. I still remember a midwife on the ward telling us all to do them, otherwise we’ll regret it when we’re older.

#IAlsoNeedToStopTalkingSoMuchRubbishToPeople

And perhaps in these hashtags.

#IJustGetVerbalDiarrhoeaAndAfterwardsICringeAtAllOfTheThingsThatIHaveSaid

There are many conversations that I have had with people from baby classes which I wish I could start over.

#IHaveSaidItBeforeButIThinkThisPandemicHasImpactedMySocialSkills #ObviouslyWorseThingsHaveHappenedToALotOfPeopleButItIsAWeirdSideEffect

I just have flashbacks to things I have said and cringe, all the time.

#ThoughReallyIThinkMySocialSkillsHaveAlwaysBeenBadAndIAmJustMoreAwareOfThingsAtTheMoment

Yeah, my people skills have always been rubbish, but they seem to be getting worse.

I am also guilty of being quite hard on myself. Maybe people think the same about what they have said to me, but I rarely think ‘oh, why did they say that?’ or something along those lines.

#ItHasSnowedTheLastCoupleOfDaysAndBSeemsALittleIntriguedByItButObviouslyICanNotFindOutWhatSheReallyThinksAboutItAll

I have said it 100 times, but what is B thinking? I would love to know.

(Cue that Think About Things song by Daði Freyr.)


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Tiago’s Second Home Haircut (26th December 2020)

Tiago’s Second Home Haircut (26th December 2020)
 
#IAmWritingThisAt6ThirtyInTheMorningAsBHasAlreadyBeenUpForAboutAnHour
#SheHasBeenWakingUpACoupleOfTimesInTheNightButSleepingQuiteWellInGeneral
#SoLastNightWeStayedUpLateWatchingPearlHarbourWhichIHadRecordedACoupleOfWeeksAgo
#TheNightBeforeWeHadStayedUpNotAsLateWatchingADocumentaryAboutTheBeeGees
#IThinkTonightItWillBeAnEarlyNightForUsThoughWeWillProbablyNapWhenSheHasHerFirstNap
#TiagoHasFourDaysOffForXmasSoIHaveBeenHavingALittleMoreOfABreak
#IFeelGuiltyAboutItThough
#YesterdayIFeltLikeICouldHaveStayedInBedForAWeekAsISuddenlyFeltSoDown
#TheCodingCourseSeemsALotHarderAndIAmHavingALotLessFeelingSmartMoments
#YesIDidDoABitOfCodingAndGeneralWorkOnChristmasDay
#ItIsStillAboutAnotherWeekUntilMyPhoneCallAssessmentWithTheServiceThatMyHealthVisitorSuggested
#IAmFindingItHardToSeeSocialMediaPostsAboutPeopleAndTheirBabies
#IThinkItIsBecauseItAllLooksSoEasyForEveryoneElseThoughIKnowThatEveryoneOnlyUsuallyTriesToShowTheirBestSelvesOnSocialMedia
#AfterGoingToTheHairdressersIRealisedThatTheCystOnMyHeadIsQuiteVisibleNow
#WellItIsMoreTheBaldPatchThatSurroundsIt
#IHaveProbablyHadItForAtLeastAYearAndAHalfButItHasGotBiggerAsIMessWithItWhenIGetStressed
#AndPregnancyAndCovidAndThingsHaveBeenStressful
#IAmTalkingAboutItNowToShameMyselfIntoStopMessingWithItButIKnowThatIWillProbablyNot
#ICouldGetItRemovedButApparentlyTheyUsuallyGrowBack
#IJustSearchEnginedCystOnHeadAndIFeelABitBetterAboutItAllAsThereAreSomeHugeOnesOutThere
#AnywaysWeReallyNeedToMoveBOutOfTheBassinetOnHerCotAndIntoTheBottomBit
#ItIsRidiculousHowMuchSheHasGrownIn6Months
#IGuessWeAreStallingBecauseItWillBeALotMoreAnnoyingToGetHerOutOfItAndWeWillNotBeAbleToRockHerAsEasily
#YesterdayWeMadeHerSomeNiceMealsButSheDidNotSeemThatIntoThem
#WhichIsProbablyWhySheWokeUpSoEarlyTodayAsWhenSheEatsWellSheSeemsToSleepBetter
#IThinkIHaveFinallyGivenUpWithBreastfeedingNowAsSheHasHadAFewDaysOfNotWantingToBreastfeedSoIGaveUpAFewDaysAgo
#IThinkIFindItDifficultSeeingSoManyPostsAndReferencesAboutBreastfeedingAsIFeelABitGuiltyAboutItThoughItWasUltimatelyBsChoice
#ButAlsoIFeelBadThatThingsIHavePostedInThePastMightHaveMadeOthersFeelBadAboutThemselvesForWhateverReason
#TheShootWasMeantToBeAFamilyPortaitSessionButTiagoAskedMeToCutHisHairAgainSoIThoughtIShouldDocumentIt
#IThoughtIHadDoneABetterJobThanLastTimeButNowIAmNotSoSureAndIMightNeedToNeatenItUpMoreLater

#IAmWritingThisAt6ThirtyInTheMorningAsBHasAlreadyBeenUpForAboutAnHour

I can hear B giggling at T from here. I’m also listening to Sparrow Sleeps – which are lullaby versions of songs that I liked when I was a teen. I’ve been listening to Relient K, but now I see they have albums of Say Anything and Alkaline Trio… It’s quite nice to write to as I don’t get so distracted by the lyrics though I am kind of singing along anyways.

(I wrote this on 26th December and I’d already forgot about Sparrow Sleeps, so thanks to me for the reminder!)

#SheHasBeenWakingUpACoupleOfTimesInTheNightButSleepingQuiteWellInGeneral #SoLastNightWeStayedUpLateWatchingPearlHarbourWhichIHadRecordedACoupleOfWeeksAgo #TheNightBeforeWeHadStayedUpNotAsLateWatchingADocumentaryAboutTheBeeGees

We thought that we were cursing things by staying up late two nights ago, but as she slept fairly well we just ended up watching the whole of Pearl Harbour. I thought I would turn it off at 11pm, but there seemed like no point as we were so close to the end.

#IThinkTonightItWillBeAnEarlyNightForUsThoughWeWillProbablyNapWhenSheHasHerFirstNap

Well, Tiago says when I am finished that he will probably have a nap.

#TiagoHasFourDaysOffForXmasSoIHaveBeenHavingALittleMoreOfABreak #IFeelGuiltyAboutItThough

Tiago says I can’t win as I feel bad for wanting more time for myself, but when I do I feel guilty about it and don’t really enjoy it.

T fed B all her meals yesterday (though dinner didn’t go well so I gave it a go). I tried to just read my book (The Sanest Guy In The Room by Don Black), but I kept getting distracted by my Nan and life. I usually read e-books now, but this is a physical book that my Mum got me for my birthday.

#YesterdayIFeltLikeICouldHaveStayedInBedForAWeekAsISuddenlyFeltSoDown

Though the feeling passed a bit after 20ish minutes in bed, when I felt guilty for being there.

#TheCodingCourseSeemsALotHarderAndIAmHavingALotLessFeelingSmartMoments

It sucks feeling dumb, but I am halfway through it now so I just need to get on and finish it.

#YesIDidDoABitOfCodingAndGeneralWorkOnChristmasDay

To be fair I think I always do work a bit on Xmas, and now it makes more sense than ever as Tiago is off and I work when I have the chance.

A couple of photos from my Neblina series were taken on Xmas day.

#ItIsStillAboutAnotherWeekUntilMyPhoneCallAssessmentWithTheServiceThatMyHealthVisitorSuggested

I felt like I didn’t need to speak to them anymore, but my mood does go up and down a lot. I know they won’t be able to help with some things (they won’t be able to give me time off – though like I’ve said before I don’t want time away from B), but maybe it might help me to try to change myself for the better.

#IAmFindingItHardToSeeSocialMediaPostsAboutPeopleAndTheirBabies #IThinkItIsBecauseItAllLooksSoEasyForEveryoneElseThoughIKnowThatEveryoneOnlyUsuallyTriesToShowTheirBestSelvesOnSocialMedia

It’s so stupid that it gets to me. I know that most of social media is fake and most people don’t show their true feelings etc. I am happy for other people, but it says a lot more about me than it does about them.

#AfterGoingToTheHairdressersIRealisedThatTheCystOnMyHeadIsQuiteVisibleNow

Talking about my cyst is just making me think of RuPaul’s Drag Race…

#WellItIsMoreTheBaldPatchThatSurroundsIt #IHaveProbablyHadItForAtLeastAYearAndAHalfButItHasGotBiggerAsIMessWithItWhenIGetStressed #AndPregnancyAndCovidAndThingsHaveBeenStressful #IAmTalkingAboutItNowToShameMyselfIntoStopMessingWithItButIKnowThatIWillProbablyNot #ICouldGetItRemovedButApparentlyTheyUsuallyGrowBack

I’m also currently reading a book about periods (Period by Emma Barnett) and it says something about talking about them being quite off limits for a lot of people. Well, I’ve now talked about periods and cysts in my project so…

#IJustSearchEnginedCystOnHeadAndIFeelABitBetterAboutItAllAsThereAreSomeHugeOnesOutThere

Another fun thing about getting older.

#AnywaysWeReallyNeedToMoveBOutOfTheBassinetOnHerCotAndIntoTheBottomBit #ItIsRidiculousHowMuchSheHasGrownIn6Months #IGuessWeAreStallingBecauseItWillBeALotMoreAnnoyingToGetHerOutOfItAndWeWillNotBeAbleToRockHerAsEasily

It is unbelievable how much babies grow in the first six months though. I remember my friend sending us a 6 month onesie for B and thinking nah she is never going to be that big in 6 months time. Well, she is…

#YesterdayWeMadeHerSomeNiceMealsButSheDidNotSeemThatIntoThem

Carrot porridge (she eats that up every day, butternut squash with almond butter and cinnamon (she ate that all up the day before), and aubergine with red pepper and cous cous (she barely ate any).

#WhichIsProbablyWhySheWokeUpSoEarlyTodayAsWhenSheEatsWellSheSeemsToSleepBetter

We give her a lot of water with meals and between if she doesn’t have milk. We give her a milk feed in the morning and in the evening, but after her terrible dinner we gave her milk to make sure she had enough. I think she was just teething really badly and food was irritating her. Possibly?

#IThinkIHaveFinallyGivenUpWithBreastfeedingNowAsSheHasHadAFewDaysOfNotWantingToBreastfeedSoIGaveUpAFewDaysAgo #IThinkIFindItDifficultSeeingSoManyPostsAndReferencesAboutBreastfeedingAsIFeelABitGuiltyAboutItThoughItWasUltimatelyBsChoice

B didn’t want to anymore, so I shouldn’t feel bad about it though I feel like I might have jumped to formula a bit too quick before.. You never know. She wasn’t feeding well and we were moving, so it seemed like the best thing to do to make sure she was getting enough.

I feel like the whole breastfeeding journey has been very up and down. There are a lot of what ifs… but I do just need to let it go. Easier said than done.

#ButAlsoIFeelBadThatThingsIHavePostedInThePastMightHaveMadeOthersFeelBadAboutThemselvesForWhateverReason

And possible future posts. I need to talk about my need to gravitate to talk about negative things all the time; this is something I have felt about addressing for a while.

I guess I’ll save it for a future reflective post.

#TheShootWasMeantToBeAFamilyPortaitSessionButTiagoAskedMeToCutHisHairAgainSoIThoughtIShouldDocumentIt #IThoughtIHadDoneABetterJobThanLastTimeButNowIAmNotSoSureAndIMightNeedToNeatenItUpMoreLater

Well, I guess the next shoot can be a family portrait.

Tiago asked if I could cut his hair tonight, but my Mum was round so she looked after B while I did it. I did feel very nervous, but like last time I quickly got into it. It is quite therapeutic, but hopefully next time I’ll do a better job of it.

I never like how hair looks when it’s just been cut, so maybe it will look better in a few days. I do need to work out there not being such an abrupt change in length in hair between sections though.


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Categories
Motherhood

First Haircut Since January (22nd December 2020)

First Haircut Since January (22nd December 2020)
 
#IHaveNotBeenToTheHairdressersSinceJanuary2020
#MyNanAndIHadAppointmentsTogetherForLastMonthButTheyWereCancelledDueToEnglandsSecondLockdown
#IWantToGetALotCutOffButNotTooMuchAsINeedToBeAbleToTieItUpOtherwiseBPullsOnIt
#ButSheAlsoGigglesALotFromMyHairSwishingAboutSoMaybeIWillJustGetWhatNeedsToBeCutOffRemoved
#IFeelABitAwkwardAboutGoingAsIHaveACystOnMyHeadThatIsALotBiggerSinceLastTimeIWent
#IThinkItFeelsBiggerThanItLooksAtLeast
#IWokeUpInTheNightThinkingBWasInDangerAndNearlySmackedTiagoAcrossTheFaceOnAccident
#ICanNotRememberWhatIThoughtHadHappenedButIWokeUpVerySuddenlyAndPanickedLookingForHer
#IAlsoTurnedHerNoiseMachineOffAtOneThinkingItWasTimeToGetUp
#TheOtherNightIDreamtThatHerLowerHalfWasHangingOverTheBedAndSheWasAboutToFallOffAndIWokeUpVeryFast
#ABigTopicAtHomeAtTheMomentIsIfBShouldBeRaisedVegetarianOrNot
#IDoNotThinkItIsReallyADiscussionThoughAsTheConsensusSeemsToBeThatBShouldBeAtLeastFedFishForNow
#ThisConversationHasComeUpAFewTimesInThePastButEveryTimeIJustGetAnnoyedByIt
#IWouldRatherSheAteItLessOftenButAteGoodQualityMeatOrFishWhereWeKnowTheAnimalHadAFairlyDecentLife
#IJustDoNotWantToFeedHerItAsIHaveBeenVeggieSinceIWas15
#IDoNotWantToTurnThisWholeEntryIntoAThingOnVegetarianism
#IKnowThatItIsAHeatedTopicForALotOfPeopleAndIDoNotWantToHaveDiscussionsWithAnyoneElseAboutIt
#IAmHavingFlashbacksToConversationsWithPeopleNowAskingWhyIAmVegetarianAndThenArguingWithMeAboutIt
#TheCodingCourseIAmDoingIsGoingOkayThoughItRequiresALotOfBrainPower
#IFeelABitLikeErghWhyAmIDoingThisButIAmNearlyAWeekAheadWithMyWorkAndThereAre4WeeksLeft
#AfterIFinishINeedToUtiliseMyEveningsWellAsIRealiseHowMuchTimeIDoHave
#INeedToStartStudyingPortugueseAgainReally
#IWatchKidsSongsInPortugueseWithBEspeciallyWhenIAmTryingToFileHerNails
#AndIFeelLikeIAmAtLeastLearningSomeNewWords
#ButIReallyNeedToWorkOnBeingAbleToHaveNormalConversationsWithPeopleAndNotJustBeAbleToSingAboutAnimals
#WellIGotMyHaircutAndItWasOddToLeaveTheHouseWithoutB
#ItWasNiceToCatchupWithMyHairdresserThoughAsIHaveBeenGoingToTheSamePlaceSinceIWasATeenager
#IJustToldHerToDoWhatSheWantedToMyHairWhichIsWhatIUsuallySay
#BKeptLookingAtMyHairWhenIGotHomeAndWhenIPutHerDownToSleepSheWasTryingToPlayWithIt
#MyHairHasNotLookedThisNeatAndTidyForALongTimeAndIGuessItWillBeAWhileUntilUntilItLooksLikeThisAgain

#IHaveNotBeenToTheHairdressersSinceJanuary2020

I thought I had better add 2020 to the end as I will probably be posting this in January 2021.

#MyNanAndIHadAppointmentsTogetherForLastMonthButTheyWereCancelledDueToEnglandsSecondLockdown

I wanted us to get appointments at the same time this time, but I had to take B to a baby class at the time they were able to fit us in, so Nan went two weeks ago.

#IWantToGetALotCutOffButNotTooMuchAsINeedToBeAbleToTieItUpOtherwiseBPullsOnIt #ButSheAlsoGigglesALotFromMyHairSwishingAboutSoMaybeIWillJustGetWhatNeedsToBeCutOffRemoved

I can see why a lot of Mums have short hair now.

#IFeelABitAwkwardAboutGoingAsIHaveACystOnMyHeadThatIsALotBiggerSinceLastTimeIWent #IThinkItFeelsBiggerThanItLooksAtLeast

Talking to other people I didn’t realise how common cysts on the head were, so she probably sees them all the time.

#IWokeUpInTheNightThinkingBWasInDangerAndNearlySmackedTiagoAcrossTheFaceOnAccident #ICanNotRememberWhatIThoughtHadHappenedButIWokeUpVerySuddenlyAndPanickedLookingForHer

I just sat up very quickly and didn’t realise that I had nearly hit him. He was awake and just said something like ‘hey, watch my face!’ I think maybe I thought she was going to drink some very hot milk? I don’t know.

#IAlsoTurnedHerNoiseMachineOffAtOneThinkingItWasTimeToGetUp

I think I turned it off while I was half asleep, then I looked at the time, said ‘oops’ and turned it back on. I think I disturbed B a bit as I soon had to soothe her a bit, but she went back to sleep.

#TheOtherNightIDreamtThatHerLowerHalfWasHangingOverTheBedAndSheWasAboutToFallOffAndIWokeUpVeryFast

Maybe my dream was also to do with her falling last night? I wake up so fast – it’s more efficient than an alarm clock.

#ABigTopicAtHomeAtTheMomentIsIfBShouldBeRaisedVegetarianOrNot #IDoNotThinkItIsReallyADiscussionThoughAsTheConsensusSeemsToBeThatBShouldBeAtLeastFedFishForNow #ThisConversationHasComeUpAFewTimesInThePastButEveryTimeIJustGetAnnoyedByIt #IWouldRatherSheAteItLessOftenButAteGoodQualityMeatOrFishWhereWeKnowTheAnimalHadAFairlyDecentLife #IJustDoNotWantToFeedHerItAsIHaveBeenVeggieSinceIWas15 #IDoNotWantToTurnThisWholeEntryIntoAThingOnVegetarianism #IKnowThatItIsAHeatedTopicForALotOfPeopleAndIDoNotWantToHaveDiscussionsWithAnyoneElseAboutIt

I feel like I should mention it, but at the same time I do not want to hear anyone else’s opinion on it. B will be eating fish some point soon. I’m quite torn about it, but hey ho.

#IAmHavingFlashbacksToConversationsWithPeopleNowAskingWhyIAmVegetarianAndThenArguingWithMeAboutIt

Roll my eyes.

#TheCodingCourseIAmDoingIsGoingOkayThoughItRequiresALotOfBrainPower #IFeelABitLikeErghWhyAmIDoingThisButIAmNearlyAWeekAheadWithMyWorkAndThereAre4WeeksLeft

When things finally make sense I feel good, but when you’ve had a full on day and you know that at around 8pm you need to do your homework it’s not always the best feeling. I’m lucky to be able to do it though and it is interesting, and it makes sense to do it now while things are fairly quiet.

#AfterIFinishINeedToUtiliseMyEveningsWellAsIRealiseHowMuchTimeIDoHave

I said this last time, but I guess I did need some kind of break after moving and everything. I’d like to try doing some other art forms for fun.

#INeedToStartStudyingPortugueseAgainReally #IWatchKidsSongsInPortugueseWithBEspeciallyWhenIAmTryingToFileHerNails #AndIFeelLikeIAmAtLeastLearningSomeNewWords #ButIReallyNeedToWorkOnBeingAbleToHaveNormalConversationsWithPeopleAndNotJustBeAbleToSingAboutAnimals

Portuguese should be my priority though. I used to do half an hour everyday and it was good – it wouldn’t even take up my whole evening. I need to start doing my books again. I stopped before as when pregnancy pains got a bit too much I used my Portuguese time for more stretching videos.

#WellIGotMyHaircutAndItWasOddToLeaveTheHouseWithoutB #ItWasNiceToCatchupWithMyHairdresserThoughAsIHaveBeenGoingToTheSamePlaceSinceIWasATeenager

She was a little disappointed that I didn’t bring B, but it would have been difficult. She settled for seeing a few videos instead.

#IJustToldHerToDoWhatSheWantedToMyHairWhichIsWhatIUsuallySay

She didn’t even bother asking how I wanted it styled at the end as she knows I just tell her to do whatever. I think she likes that I am an easy client.

#BKeptLookingAtMyHairWhenIGotHomeAndWhenIPutHerDownToSleepSheWasTryingToPlayWithIt

I was surprised that she recognised me in a mask when I was going out. She is used to seeing me with my hair up, so she must have found it all a bit odd.

#MyHairHasNotLookedThisNeatAndTidyForALongTimeAndIGuessItWillBeAWhileUntilUntilItLooksLikeThisAgain

I feel like I shouldn’t put it up today, but I’m sure B will start pulling on it later and I will need to.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Imitating B’s One Red Cheek (19th December 2020)

Me with one orange cheek, and holding a side ponytail.
Imitating B’s One Red Cheek (19th December 2020)
 
#BHasBeenTeethingSinceBeforeWeMoved
#SheStillDoesNotHaveAToothToShowForItAllButMaybeOneIsNearlyHere
#SheUsuallyHasTwoRedCheeksWhenItIsAtItsWorst
#ButTheOtherDaySheHadJustOneForTheFirstTime
#IUsuallyGiveHerSomeTeethingPowderDuringTheDay
#IWouldNotHaveThoughtItWouldWorkButAFriendRecommendedIt
#AndThenAtNightIfItSeemsBadIWillGiveHerParacetamol
#SheWokeUpALotLastNightSoIProbablyShouldHaveGivenHerSomeMore
#IWishSheCouldCommunicateAndLetUsKnowIfSheIsInALotOfPain
#IJustDoNotWantToGiveHerTooMuchParacetamolUnnecessarily
#MyPlanToGetUpAt7ishHasNotBeenGoingSoWellTheLastCoupleOfDays
#TypicallyWeAlwaysSeemToGetUpLateOnDaysWhereWeNeedToBeOutOfTheHouseInTheMorning
#YesterdayIReadAnArticleAboutMotherhoodAndArtistsAt2amAndCouldNotSleepAgainUntil5am
#MyBrainWouldNotStopThinkingAboutIt
#IFeelLikeIShouldNotBeMakingSoMuchWorkAboutMotherhood
#ButItIsAHugeNewPartOfMyLifeAndSoItSeemsLikeAnObviousThingToDo
#EspeciallyWhenMyWorkIsALotAboutProcessingMyThoughtsAndFeelingsMostOfTheTime
#IHaveBeenFeelingFineMentallyStill
#ThoughOnDaysWhereItRainsAllDayIDoFeelALittleStuckIndoors
#YesterdayWeManagedToWalkToAClassAndAvoidTheRainOnTheWayThere
#EveryoneHadTheirBabiesInChristmasOutfits
#IManagedToPutBInSomethingOtherThanAOnesieButSheLookedLikeSheWasDressedForEaster
#AtLeastIHadRedAndGreenSocksOnButTheyWereWatermelonRelated
#IAmNotTooFussedAboutChristmas
#BWillNotRealiseWhatIsGoingOn
#IHaveAlreadyGivenHerHerChristmasPresentAsIDidNotSeeThePointOfWaiting
#SheLikesTheMonkeyPuppetThatTheTeacherInYesterdaysClassUses
#WeWereWaitingForTiagoToPickUsUpAndIMentionedThatIWantedToGetBOne
#TheTeacherSellsThemSoIGotHerOneAndGaveItHerInTheCar
#OpeningAndClosingItsMouthIsAGoodHandStrengtheningWorkout

(I wrote this post on 19th December.

I used a sample of blusher that I got with some makeup I ordered on a post-birth high. The blusher was more orange than the red I expected it to be, and I haven’t really worn the other makeup that I bought.

You can also see a little scratch from B on my face.)

#BHasBeenTeethingSinceBeforeWeMoved

It seemed to get really bad around the day that Tiago was driving a van load of our stuff to Birmingham. Typical.

#SheStillDoesNotHaveAToothToShowForItAllButMaybeOneIsNearlyHere #SheUsuallyHasTwoRedCheeksWhenItIsAtItsWorst #ButTheOtherDaySheHadJustOneForTheFirstTime

I am thinking that because of the one red cheek that one is going to come through on that side first? Who knows.

#IUsuallyGiveHerSomeTeethingPowderDuringTheDay #IWouldNotHaveThoughtItWouldWorkButAFriendRecommendedIt

We use the Ashtons & Parsons ones (no, I’m not making money for the recommendation).

My Mum said she never used them as she thought they wouldn’t work, but she’s really impressed by them.

#AndThenAtNightIfItSeemsBadIWillGiveHerParacetamol #SheWokeUpALotLastNightSoIProbablyShouldHaveGivenHerSomeMore #IWishSheCouldCommunicateAndLetUsKnowIfSheIsInALotOfPain #IJustDoNotWantToGiveHerTooMuchParacetamolUnnecessarily

I really don’t like taking medications unless I feel quite bad. I shouldn’t make B suffer though. If she seems in pain I will give it to her. I think I got put off by my Mum saying that some people just give it to their kids to make them sleep through the night. Obviously I want B to sleep through the night, but I didn’t want to feel like I was just trying to drug her.

#MyPlanToGetUpAt7ishHasNotBeenGoingSoWellTheLastCoupleOfDays #TypicallyWeAlwaysSeemToGetUpLateOnDaysWhereWeNeedToBeOutOfTheHouseInTheMorning

It’s been months since I’ve set alarms and used the snooze button. Snooze is my best/worst friend again…

#YesterdayIReadAnArticleAboutMotherhoodAndArtistsAt2amAndCouldNotSleepAgainUntil5am #MyBrainWouldNotStopThinkingAboutIt

Do Female Artists Have to Choose Between Motherhood and a Career?‘ by Hettie Judah.

I’m currently writing an article about how my art practice has changed since having a baby and I just kept sending myself notes and thoughts.

#IFeelLikeIShouldNotBeMakingSoMuchWorkAboutMotherhood

I guess from what I’ve heard people do not take you seriously as an artist if you make a lot of work about motherhood. This also seems rubbish though as everyone is born in some way and so many people are mothers.

#ButItIsAHugeNewPartOfMyLifeAndSoItSeemsLikeAnObviousThingToDo #EspeciallyWhenMyWorkIsALotAboutProcessingMyThoughtsAndFeelingsMostOfTheTime

I like to think that my work is helpful for other people. I have had some Dads tell me how they’ve found this project and/or my pregnancy one useful.

It’s all a nice record for me too. I can’t believe how much B has grown and it’s been a blur. My pregnancy feels like a past life already, so it’s nice to be able to trigger memories and things through my work.

#IHaveBeenFeelingFineMentallyStill #ThoughOnDaysWhereItRainsAllDayIDoFeelALittleStuckIndoors

Oh winter. Though yesterday I did just brave a trip out in the afternoon to return something.

#YesterdayWeManagedToWalkToAClassAndAvoidTheRainOnTheWayThere

During the class it started to POUR.

#EveryoneHadTheirBabiesInChristmasOutfits #IManagedToPutBInSomethingOtherThanAOnesieButSheLookedLikeSheWasDressedForEaster #AtLeastIHadRedAndGreenSocksOnButTheyWereWatermelonRelated #IAmNotTooFussedAboutChristmas

Yeah, no Christmas clothes for B. Maybe when she’s older and likes Christmas but at the moment I’m really not bothered.

We need to sort out what we’re having for food and things, but I’m also not fussed. Think we’re just going to get lots of snack foods. We had some good cheese and pickle bites the other day.

#BWillNotRealiseWhatIsGoingOn

It looks like the Government is backtracking on people meeting up too. When they announced that we could I knew it was too early.

#IHaveAlreadyGivenHerHerChristmasPresentAsIDidNotSeeThePointOfWaiting #SheLikesTheMonkeyPuppetThatTheTeacherInYesterdaysClassUses #WeWereWaitingForTiagoToPickUsUpAndIMentionedThatIWantedToGetBOne #TheTeacherSellsThemSoIGotHerOneAndGaveItHerInTheCar

Hurrah. That was super easy. I had looked for one the other day, but didn’t like any. At the first class B was absolutely transfixed by it.

#OpeningAndClosingItsMouthIsAGoodHandStrengtheningWorkout

It is a lot of work. so I’ll have strong hands in no time. Maybe then I should go bouldering…

This post has been fuelled by Agnes Obel’s song Broken Sleep.

Me dancing to the song (made since I wrote this post).

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