Day: 20 November 2020

I wrote this on 4th November and forgot what an overshare it might have been…

#WellMyPeriodHasFinallyRememberedHowToWorkProperlyWhichIsABitAnnoying #IWasHopingThatIWouldGetAwayWithItForABitLongerButAtLeastTheyDoNotSeemAsPainfulAsTheyUsedToBe

I am hoping it stays this way.

#PerhapsMyBodyKnowsThatIAmNotBreastfeedingSoMuch

It has coincided with the first week of more formula feeds, but it could be a coincidence?

#BIsHavingUpTo3FormulaFeedsADayNowAndTheRestOfTheTimeIBreastfeedHerOrGiveHerExpressedMilk

Apparently some women breastfeed and get their periods straight away?

My feeding schedule does vary a bit at the moment, but for example today so far it’s been breastfeed, formula, breastfeed, formula… and I am planning to try to breastfeed next, then a bottle of expressed milk for the dream feed.

#IAmWorriedThatMaybeIAmOverfeedingHerButBeforeIWasWorriedThatSheWasNotGettingEnough #SheIsRarelySickThoughSoMaybeSheIsHungrierTheseDays

With breastfeeding it is hard to know how much she is getting. With formula I know it is 210ml, then with feeding expressed milk it’s usually around 100ml.

#ThisImageIsAboutTheFactThatTheLastCoupleOfNightsIHaveHadToSqueezeThroughASqueakyBathroomDoorToGetToMyPads #IHaveToBeCarefulThatItDoesNotWakeBUpAsIEdgeItOpenLittleByLittle

The night my period arrived, T and B were already in bed so I was trying to rummage around to find them. The next day I realised they were in the bathroom, but when I needed a new one the bathroom door was closed.

It made me laugh trying to open it a little bit then trying to squeeze through and repeat. Last night I realised the door was closed again, so I had to do the same thing and noted the shoot idea down.

Writing this I realise that I need to make sure I move them out of the bathroom…

#LastNightSheSleptThroughTheNightForWhatFeltLikeTheFirstTimeInAges

Giving her formula so late in the day means that her nappy is always super heavy in the night. I end up changing it at 2am or whatever which upsets her and then I have to feed her.

#WeHadNotGivenHerParacetamolInAFewDaysButSheWasDribblingSoMuchYesterday #AndSheWasQuiteHappyToChompDownOnMyFingerForALongTime

It is so hard to know if she is in pain or not. I was cautious about giving her it as someone said that some parents just use it to make their kids drowsy, so I worry about using it for no reason. Pain might be why she hasn’t been sleeping through the night though…

#ThoughSheSleptIStillWokeUpQuiteRegularlyButLuckilyISeemAbleToGoBackToSleepPrettyQuick

It takes me so long to fall asleep at first as my brain is overthinking thing, but usually I do fall asleep quickly during the night.

#SheIsAsleepNowButIKeepThinkingThatICanHearHer #IThinkMyBrainSometimesImaginesBabyCries

I am writing this during her last nap of the day and I keep think I can hear her again. She went down too easily for this time of the day…

#ICalledTheDoctorsTheOtherDayAboutHerHoarseVoice #TheyCalledBackAtTheEndOfTheDayAndHeSaidJustToKeepMonitoringHerForAWeek

I feel like today she hasn’t made that much noise, but it does seem to be getting a little bit better.

#ISaidItIsDifficultToDoTheAppointmentOverThePhoneAsSheDoesNotMakeSoundsOnCue

He got a bit annoyed at me saying that it is hard over the phone. I said I understand why they’re on the phone… I still haven’t heard from the health visitor yet. It will be good when they finally visit, though I am nervous.

#IPreferThePhoneAppointmentsButSometimesInPersonSeemsBetter

It’d be nice for her just to be checked over and so that I know everything is okay.

I am nervous that I might get told off for whatever reason though.

#SheSeemsQuiteHappyThoughReallyConsideringThatSheIsUnderTheWeatherAndIsTeethingAndIsHavingADevelopmentalLeap

She’s a bit clingy and I have to rush to do things sometimes, but she does seem okay.

#TiagoTookTheDayOffWorkTodayToGoBackAndDoOneLastCleanOfOurFlatInLiverpool #LastTimeHeLeftHomeBefore8amAndGotBackAt10pmAndHeStillHadNotFinished

Bless him. I feel bad that I can’t help him. It’s 5pm now and he thinks he’ll be there until 7pm at least. He left at around 7am…

#IWillBeGladWhenTodayIsOverSoThatWeCanFocusOnUnpackingThisWeekend

I really just want to have some things put away and to sort through our stuff, and to have some space to make work.

#WithEnglandGoingIntoASecondLockdownTomorrowIAmGladWeMovedWhenWeDid

Maybe it will only be 4 weeks, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it is much longer.

#ThoughMovingIntoSomeoneElsesHomePresentsNewChallenges

I feel like perhaps this project won’t be as honest as it usually is. Well, it’ll still be honest but I feel unable to talk about some things as I don’t want to be seen as ungrateful.

It’s a difficult time for everyone right now in some way. For me I think I would feel a lot better if I could just have more conversations with people face to face and go to baby classes.

#INowKnowWithParentsThatItIsBestNotToGiveAdviceUnlessTheyAskForItAndIGuessTheSameAppliesForAllPeopleAndSubjects

Perhaps this a polite way of saying that I do not like being made to feel that I am a bad parent and that I do not know what is wrong with my child. It might not be their intention when they say things, but that is how it makes me feel.

#IThinkSoonIWillDropThisProjectDownToOneShootAWeekUnlessAnythingMajorHappens

The writing side of this takes up so much time. I could change it, but I feel like I am letting myself down in some way.

#OurDaysArePrettyMuchTheSame #IAmJustObsessivelyTryingToFollowAScheduleForHerAndWorkingIfICanWhenSheSleeps

I seem to have things to talk about, but I am sure some weeks nothing much will happen. Perhaps I just need to shorten my writing at times?

#ThoughDuringOneOfHerNapsITakeHerForAWalkWhichICurrentlyJustDaydreamThroughAsICanNotFindMyEarphonesToListenToThings

It is quite nice to actually not listen to anything and just let my brain be free for a bit. I don’t really do it enough.

Today I saw a few women with pushchairs/prams. I wanted to talk to them, but I didn’t want them to think I was weird.

#IWouldLikeToMakeSomeWorkWhereICanEscapeFromTheMonotomyOfOurLives

I don’t know when I can make a dance video again. Maybe next week? I just need to make space for it, or just totally change how I do them.

This project is too involved with scrutinising what I am doing and how things are. I need to have some art fun…

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