Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Motherhood Is So Glamorous (10th September 2020)

Me with a bashed nose, chocolate oat milk moustache, and toast crumbs on my chest
Motherhood Is So Glamorous (10th September 2020)
 
#HereIsAPictureOfMeWithMyBashedNoseABitOfAChocolateOatMilkMoustacheAndToastedSandwichCrumbsOnMyChestAndBra
#OutOfShotIsBAsleepOnMeAndOverMyRightArm
#ThisWasThisAtAroundTenThirtyThisMorningAndItIsNearlyTwoNow
#IStillHaveNotShoweredAndIAmFindingCrumbsAllInMyBra
#IWasGoingToPutBDownForANapAfterSheHadFinishedEating
#ICanNotKeepBAwakeDuringFeeding
#IAmGoingToHaveToDoAllTheTipsLikeKeepPuttingHerDown
#IDoNotLikeThatALotOfTheBabySleepTerminologyIsTheSameAsSayingGoodbyeToAPet
#INormallyBlowRaspberriesWhichUsuallyStartlesHerAwakeTheFirstTimeThenHerResponsesGetWeakerUntilSheStopsRespondingToTheSound
#SoThisMorningSheFellAsleepOnMeAndIThoughtOkaySheCanJustNapOnMeThisTime
#AfterAWhileITextedTForHelpAndHeBroughtMeAToastedSandwichAndAGlassOfChocolateMilk
#ILikeToHaveMyChocolateMilkInbetweenBitesButTheGlassWouldHaveFallenOverOnTheBedSoIHadToDrinkItAllBeforeIStartedToEat
#IHadToEatItWithMyLeftHandAndItWasQuiteMessyHenceAllTheCrumbs
#IKnowItIsAHardLife
#IAlwaysGetAMoustacheWheneverIDrinkSomethingSoBWillProbablyNotMakeMuchMoreOfAMessThanMe
#IHaveACutOnMyNoseFromSmashingItRoundACornerOfTheBedroomWall
#ItHurtsABitButItCouldHaveBeenALotWorse
#WeTriedHerInASwaddleSleepingBagForTheFirstTimeYesterday
#ForHerFirstNapInItSheFellAsleepStraightAway
#LaterOnWePutHerToBedAndWeWentToBedAboutAnHourAfterwardsAndThenSheDidNotWakeUpForFiveHours
#ITriedToDoAllTheTipsToElongateHerSleepButSheWasNotHavingIt
#SometimesTheyWorkAndSometimesTheyDoNot
#WeDecidedToSkipHerDreamFeedAsWeWereGoingToBedAnyways
#TheNightBeforeWeDidThatButSheWokeUpWhenIWouldHaveUsuallyDoneTheDreamFeedAnyways
#GoingToBedNotLongAfterHerIsDefinitelyAGoodWayForMeToNotFeelSoCrankyInTheNightThough
#SheWouldNotGoBackToSleepForAnHourButIJustReadMyBookWhilstGentlyEncouragingHerHereAndThere
#ItIsABetterApproachForMeThanJustTryingToGoBackToSleepAsWhenItTakesHerAgesIGetAnnoyedIfIAmActivelyTryingToSleep
#SheStartedToFallAsleepDuringLunchTodaySoWePutHerInHerCot
#SheFellAsleepQuickAndThenWokeUpAbout20MinutesAgoButTJustTouchedHerChestAndSheWentBackToSleep
#SheIsApparentlyDueToHaveADevelopmentalLeapWhichMightExplainWhySheHasBeenABitDifferentLately

(I wrote this post on 10th September.)

#HereIsAPictureOfMeWithMyBashedNoseABitOfAChocolateOatMilkMoustacheAndToastedSandwichCrumbsOnMyChestAndBra #OutOfShotIsBAsleepOnMeAndOverMyRightArm #ThisWasThisAtAroundTenThirtyThisMorningAndItIsNearlyTwoNow #IStillHaveNotShoweredAndIAmFindingCrumbsAllInMyBra

I did not remove the crumbs until after she had woken up, and I could brush them onto the plate.

#IWasGoingToPutBDownForANapAfterSheHadFinishedEating #ICanNotKeepBAwakeDuringFeeding #IAmGoingToHaveToDoAllTheTipsLikeKeepPuttingHerDown

Every time I really try to keep her awake, but I think it just makes her tired. She does not do it so much when we bottle feed her, but that is usually once a day lately.

#IDoNotLikeThatALotOfTheBabySleepTerminologyIsTheSameAsSayingGoodbyeToAPet

I think about this a lot…

#INormallyBlowRaspberriesWhichUsuallyStartlesHerAwakeTheFirstTimeThenHerResponsesGetWeakerUntilSheStopsRespondingToTheSound

She looks really shocked the first time, then she gradually just doesn’t notice it anymore.

#SoThisMorningSheFellAsleepOnMeAndIThoughtOkaySheCanJustNapOnMeThisTime

We had an online class coming up, but I knew we could just do the recording if she missed it.

(We haven’t made it to a live class this term since the first one. I do just find it a bit awkward.)

#AfterAWhileITextedTForHelpAndHeBroughtMeAToastedSandwichAndAGlassOfChocolateMilk #ILikeToHaveMyChocolateMilkInbetweenBitesButTheGlassWouldHaveFallenOverOnTheBedSoIHadToDrinkItAllBeforeIStartedToEat #IHadToEatItWithMyLeftHandAndItWasQuiteMessyHenceAllTheCrumbs #IKnowItIsAHardLife

My hashtags are so boring most of the time. Thanks to Tiago for bringing me breakfast in bed though 🙂

(I wrote breakfast in bread on accident, whoops.)

#IAlwaysGetAMoustacheWheneverIDrinkSomethingSoBWillProbablyNotMakeMuchMoreOfAMessThanMe

I’m sat at the dining table writing this. Looking down I can see so many crumbs around my seat… We’ve started to use a fabric table cloth now so I am hoping this will help me make less mess, but it seems like there is more on the floor instead of the table now.

#IHaveACutOnMyNoseFromSmashingItRoundACornerOfTheBedroomWall #ItHurtsABitButItCouldHaveBeenALotWorse

See my last project post.

#WeTriedHerInASwaddleSleepingBagForTheFirstTimeYesterday #ForHerFirstNapInItSheFellAsleepStraightAway

We had thought about getting one before. Obviously it won’t work every time, but we were impressed. We had to comfort her first though as it must be a shock after being able to throw all your limbs around to suddenly be confined.

(29th: We’ve put her in her winter one now as it’s been so cold. She seems to like it. The other day I tried to just use it as a sleeping bag (with her arms out), but her hands got cold so we’re swaddling her again for now. I’m quite jealous – it looks very cosy!)

#LaterOnWePutHerToBedAndWeWentToBedAboutAnHourAfterwardsAndThenSheDidNotWakeUpForFiveHours

Two nights in a row!

#ITriedToDoAllTheTipsToElongateHerSleepButSheWasNotHavingIt #SometimesTheyWorkAndSometimesTheyDoNot

There are 6 steps and sometimes the third step works, but not last night.

#WeDecidedToSkipHerDreamFeedAsWeWereGoingToBedAnyways #TheNightBeforeWeDidThatButSheWokeUpWhenIWouldHaveUsuallyDoneTheDreamFeedAnyways #GoingToBedNotLongAfterHerIsDefinitelyAGoodWayForMeToNotFeelSoCrankyInTheNightThough

If she wakes up around the time we’d do a dream feed then it’s fine, but if not then that’s probably her longest period of sleep for the night so it’s better that I get some sleep too. Before I would stay up to do her dream feed, then she would not fall back to sleep for ages and I’d get so cranky as I hadn’t slept so it wasn’t good.

(29th: Tiago’s been doing her dream feed now with a bottle.)

#SheWouldNotGoBackToSleepForAnHourButIJustReadMyBookWhilstGentlyEncouragingHerHereAndThere #ItIsABetterApproachForMeThanJustTryingToGoBackToSleepAsWhenItTakesHerAgesIGetAnnoyedIfIAmActivelyTryingToSleep

I like to read at weird times of the night now. Though I wake up at 5/6 when she wants her next feed and I feel fine. Tiago usually looks after her once I’ve finished feeding, so I can get some more sleep but then I usually wake up feeling awful. I’m going to have to start getting up at 7am like a lot of the sleep schedules recommend. It won’t be so bad now if she is sleeping better.

(29th: At the moment I’m reading House of Glass by Hadley Freeman.)

#SheStartedToFallAsleepDuringLunchTodaySoWePutHerInHerCot

I wasn’t sure whether or not to put her to sleep before we started to eat. I was bouncing her in her bouncer and saw her eyes closing, so to bed she went.

#SheFellAsleepQuickAndThenWokeUpAbout20MinutesAgoButTJustTouchedHerChestAndSheWentBackToSleep

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, though I need to wake her up to feed her now. She’s been asleep for about 90 minutes.

#SheIsApparentlyDueToHaveADevelopmentalLeapWhichMightExplainWhySheHasBeenABitDifferentLately

It is either that or a sleep regression, or a bit of both. We both feel a bit more confident now about navigating them. We’ll see what I say in the next post…


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Categories
Pregnancy Waiting

Failed Blood Tests (7 and a half-ish weeks)

This is a post about the sixth image from my series Waiting For Things In A Time When You Rarely Wait For Things where I documented my pregnancy from October 2019 to June 2020.

I haven’t posted about this project since July. I was just having a morning stretch and thought I should post about it again – even if they’re just short posts. Before I was making my life difficult by digging through outtakes, so I’m just going to focus on the photo/s that I chose for each set of hashtags.

So here we go…

Photo of my body. Arm has a plaster on it from a blood test
Failed Blood Tests (7 and a half-ish weeks)
 
#SoTheyTriedToTakeMyBloodAndFailed
#ProbablyBecauseItWas10amAndIHadNotEatenYet
#AsIHadBeenSickThatMorningAndItPutMeOff
#ItSeemsSoEarlyToBeTalkingAboutOptions
#WhereIWantToGiveBirthWhenItSeemsSoEarlyAndIDoNotKnowTheFullFacts
#TheMidwifeMentionedAHomeBirth
#ILikeTheIdeaOfItButImmediatelyIJustThoughtAboutTheNeighboursAndWhatTheyWouldThink
#LivingInAFlatWithNeighboursOnMostSidesAndUpAndDownDoesNotMakeItSoAppealing
#ButIDoNotHearMuchFromThem
#ApartFromOneNeighbourWhoCoughsLoudly
#AndOnceICouldHearOneVomitingThroughTheVents
#WhichIsWhatIWorriedThisMorningWhenIWasBeingSick
#TIsWorriedAboutTheRisksOfHomeBirth
#SoINeedToFindHimSomeInfo
#OtherPeopleHaveExpressedTheirDisapproval
#WhichUpsetsMe
#AsItIsSoEarlyAndItIsNotSetInStoneYet
#ButThatIsMyPersonalPreference
#AndIAmTheOneGivingBirth
#AndIWantToFeelAsRelaxedAndComfortableAsPossibleToDoTheJobThatPeopleHaveBeenDoingForThousandsOfYears
#AsICanNotBeBotheredWithBeingSuperStressedOut
#LikeISaidMyMainConcernIsTheNeighbours
#SoLetUsHopeForAShortLabourThatIsMidDayAndNotMidNight
#ButItMightNotHappen
#MaybeIWillGoToTheHospitalOrABirthingCentre
#ABirthingPoolIsAllIReallyWant
#AsIWillNotGetASummerHolidaySoICanPretendIAmInTheSeaWhichIsWhereIFeelMostAtPeace
#FingersCrossedThatAllGoesWellFromHere
#ItAllSeemsTooEarlyButTodayMadeThingsABitMoreReal
#IDoNotKnowHowIGotTheScratchOnMyBelly

So I took this photo in November when there wasn’t even a whiff of pandemic in the air (ooh so poetic).

I really do not know how I got that scratch; I’m guessing it was a rogue fingernail.

The photo is cropped and rotated – I don’t like having to crop my work for some reason, but too much boob felt unnecessary. I do like that the picture is a little abstract.

#SoTheyTriedToTakeMyBloodAndFailed
#ProbablyBecauseItWas10amAndIHadNotEatenYet #AsIHadBeenSickThatMorningAndItPutMeOff

Typically it was the first day that I had actually been sick. Later on I would realise that eating a little bit when I felt sick would make me feel better, but at this point I did not know that.

Afterwards before every blood test I would make sure that I drank plenty and ate something. Usually my appointments would be in the morning so I would have less time to eat, and I went off a lot of food so I’d at least try to eat something that I could tolerate (usually some light crisps – like the oven baked ones).

#ItSeemsSoEarlyToBeTalkingAboutOptions
#WhereIWantToGiveBirthWhenItSeemsSoEarlyAndIDoNotKnowTheFullFacts
#TheMidwifeMentionedAHomeBirth

Back then there were more options, but it did seem super early. I remember calling the hospital when I found out I was pregnant and they were like ‘so you’re having the baby here?’ I did not know what my options were; I hadn’t researched or talked to anyone about them yet.

I did read ‘Give Birth Like A Feminist’ by Milli Hill when we were trying to get pregnant, which is when home births first became an idea in my mind.

Then I was surprised at my first midwife appointment that when she asked where I wanted to give birth that she said ‘at home?’ first. She said she had never registered someone for a home birth before. I thought maybe I should think about it more as she straight away referred me to the home birth team, but she did say I could change my mind.

I really wanted one, but I was worried about the neighbours in case the birth was during the night…

#TIsWorriedAboutTheRisksOfHomeBirth
#SoINeedToFindHimSomeInfo

I told T and he wasn’t very enthusiastic about the idea. Back then he was very much ‘you go to hospital and you do what the doctors say as they know best’. Luckily, we did an online hypnobirthing course together and he completely changed his mindset.

Now if he finds out that anyone is pregnant he really recommends the course to them; he says it made him feel empowered (so imagine how it made me feel). There is so much that we never knew about pregnancy before doing the course and it just explained things in a way that made things less daunting. T always says that ‘knowledge is power’ and with the knowledge you know how to advocate for yourself.

In the end I never got a home birth, but the course definitely empowered me to say no to a c-section (if I had needed one then fair enough, but I didn’t) and to ask for a vaginal delivery. T wasn’t there during the discussions due to Covid, so I did not have anyone to back me up. Luckily it worked out in the end, though I didn’t get a home birth or water birth. It’s just really good to know your options and think about your preferences (though my birth plan never accounted for a breech baby – so if you’re reading this while pregnant please think about it and what you would want to do).

I also learned that staying calm will help labour continue (adrenaline stops surges), so I focused on doing the breathing techniques that I had learned on the course and danced to music and tried to relax as much as possible whilst waiting on the maternity ward. If I had got stressed out then I probably would have had to have a C-section as they put me on a countdown (at 9am they said if I wasn’t in established labour by 6pm then I would not be allowed to have a vaginal delivery). I do love a challenge…

#OtherPeopleHaveExpressedTheirDisapproval

Funnily enough with Covid and all, those who weren’t so keen on me having a home birth in the beginning actually saw it as a good idea in the end. It seemed less risky going somewhere where I could possibly get Covid and everything. However precautions were in place there (I had a lovely swab up the nose) and it was so odd but nice to be around a lot of strangers for the first time in months.

You can read my birth story here and about my hospital stay here.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

I Smacked My Nose Round The Corner Of A Wall (9th September 2020)

I Smacked My Nose Round The Corner Of A Wall (9th September 2020)
 
#ParentingIsDangerousOrAtLeastMyOwnStupidityIs
#BHasNotBeenSleepingWellForAWeekOrSo
#SheUsedToPutHerselfToSleepForSomeNaps
#AndNowSheJustCriesWhenIPutHerInHerCot
#SoYesterdayWeWatchedSomeVideosOnSleepTipsAndSheManagedToSleepFor5HoursForTheFirstTimeInAges
#SheDidWakeUpButSheManagedToGoBackToSleep
#ItWasSayingYouShouldTryToLetBabiesHaveANapInTheirCotAtLeastOnceADay
#SoThisMorningTiagoPutHerDownForANap
#SheWasTalkingToHerselfSoIWentInToCheckOnHerAfterAWhile
#ThenIWentToLeaveButSawAMilkBottleLidOnMyBedsideTableSoILeantAroundTheCornerToPickItUpAsIDidNotWantToBeInHerFieldOfVision
#ItHasBeenThereForAWeekButObviouslyTodayIHadToPickItUp
#ThenWhenIStoodBackUpAndWentToMoveAwayAtTheSameTimeISmackedMyNoseRoundTheWallCorner
#TiagoWasInTheNextRoomSoISaidDidYouHearThat
#ThenIJustKneltDownAndPutMyHeadOnTheFloorHalfLaughingHalfCrying
#TheNoiseWasSoLoud
#TiagoSaidHeThoughtItWasTheSoundOfASwitchAndThatHeThoughtIHadBeenElectrocutedALittleOrSomething
#IWasCryingInShockMoreThanAnythingButIWasWorriedThatIHadBrokenMyNoseAndIWasLaughingAtMyStupidity
#TiagoSmashedUpSomeIceAndPutItInATowelForMe
#ITookSomePicturesStraightAwayAsBWasStillTryingToSleepInHerCot
#AtSomePointIHadTheIceTowelTiedToMyHeadToTryToWriteTheseHashtags
#IShouldHaveJustLeftBTalkingToHerselfButAsIDisturbedHerSheStartedCryingSoNowSheIsInHerCarrierOnMe
#IThinkSheGotToThePointOfBeingOverTiredWhichMakesItHarderForHerToFallToSleep
#IAmStoodWithASmallTableOnTheTableJustBouncingHerUpAndDownMakingShushingSoundsSoICanTryToDoSomeWork
#IHaveALittleCutOnMyNoseAndBHasOneTooFromScratchingHerNoseTheOtherNight
#WeHadCutHerNailsButWeNeedToGetBetterAtFilingThem
#IThinkMyNoseWillContinueToLookWorseAndItIsStartingToHurtABitMore
#TheGoodThingIsWithThisEraOfTheFaceMasksIsThatICanJustPutOneOnWhenIGoForWalksAndNoOneWillSeeMyBigRedNose
#SomeOfThePicturesFromTheShootLookLikeIHaveJustFashionedABigFaceMaskForMyselfOrLikeItIsBreathingApparatus
#IMightStillGetSomeWeirdLooksAsSomePeopleDoNotLikeToWearThemButAtLeastPeopleUnderstandWhyOthersDoWearThem
#INeedToReadMoreAboutThe3To4MonthSleepRegressionAsIThinkWeHaveHitThatPoint

(I wrote this post on 9th September.)

#ParentingIsDangerousOrAtLeastMyOwnStupidityIs

Tiago blamed sleep deprivation, but it was just me not being careful.

#BHasNotBeenSleepingWellForAWeekOrSo #SheUsedToPutHerselfToSleepForSomeNaps #AndNowSheJustCriesWhenIPutHerInHerCot

There had been a few long nights…

We usually do a dream feed, but the night before she did not sleep for hours afterwards so we thought we would skip it. She woke up by herself at 10.30pm, but at least I had got some sleep so when she didn’t go back to sleep for over two hours I wasn’t losing it like the night before. I ended up feeding her and she fell asleep on me, then stayed asleep when I put her in her cot.

#SoYesterdayWeWatchedSomeVideosOnSleepTipsAndSheManagedToSleepFor5HoursForTheFirstTimeInAges #SheDidWakeUpButSheManagedToGoBackToSleep

Tiago said she woke up at 2am, but he just gentled rocked B’s chest and she went back to sleep. Apparently I woke up but I don’t remember it. They tend to wake up between sleep cycles, so the tips were about not rushing to feed them and trying other things first. They also said that no one really sleeps through the night, but we just learn how to go back to sleep.

Also, it still felt like I had only been asleep for 5 minutes.

#ItWasSayingYouShouldTryToLetBabiesHaveANapInTheirCotAtLeastOnceADay

It also said the first nap of the day is usually the easiest. I have found this to be true, which is why I try to do the first one in the cot and then take her for a walk in the afternoon.

#SoThisMorningTiagoPutHerDownForANap #SheWasTalkingToHerselfSoIWentInToCheckOnHerAfterAWhile

I put her dummy back in, but I should have just left it.

#ThenIWentToLeaveButSawAMilkBottleLidOnMyBedsideTableSoILeantAroundTheCornerToPickItUpAsIDidNotWantToBeInHerFieldOfVision #ItHasBeenThereForAWeekButObviouslyTodayIHadToPickItUp #ThenWhenIStoodBackUpStraightAndWentToMoveAwayAtTheSameTimeISmackedMyNoseRoundTheWallCorner

Genius.

#TiagoWasInTheNextRoomSoISaidDidYouHearThat #ThenIJustKneeltDownAndPutMyHeadOnTheFloorHalfLaughingHalfCrying #TheNoiseWasSoLoud #TiagoSaidHeThoughtItWasTheSoundOfASwitchAndThatHeThoughtIHadBeenElectrocutedALittleOrSomething #IWasCryingInShockMoreThanAnythingButIWasWorriedThatIHadBrokenMyNoseAndIWasLaughingAtMyStupidity

It was a proper smack. I could not believe that I did it…

#TiagoSmashedUpSomeIceAndPutItInATowelForMe

I never think about things like this, so it’s good that he did.

#ITookSomePicturesStraightAwayAsBWasStillTryingToSleepInHerCot

Of course I had to do a shoot. Without the towel my nose just looked a bit pink, but I might take more photos if it gets worse. I hope it doesn’t though…

(Note: It got worse, but I didn’t take a photograph of it – well it does feature in other photos I guess.)

#AtSomePointIHadTheIceTowelTiedToMyHeadToTryToWriteTheseHashtags

I had it tied with another towel, then I tried to use a headband. Tiago replaced the ice with a bag of beans but it was too awkward, so I got something that is meant to be put on your boobs for pain relief. It shapes to my nose a bit better, but I think the initial ice was the best thing.

#IShouldHaveJustLeftBTalkingToHerselfButAsIDisturbedHerSheStartedCryingSoNowSheIsInHerCarrierOnMe

The thing with babies is you never know how they will react, so it’s so easy afterwards to say ‘I should have done this’. Also Tiago looked after her whilst I had a bit more of a sleep, so I didn’t really know how long she had been trying to sleep for etc.

#IThinkSheGotToThePointOfBeingOverTiredWhichMakesItHarderForHerToFallToSleep

I try to follow some kind of schedule, but I need to read her cues more. For me the most obvious sign is still when her eyebrows go pink.

#IAmStoodWithASmallTableOnTheTableJustBouncingHerUpAndDownMakingShushingSoundsSoICanTryToDoSomeWork

My back is starting to hurt. Will have to try to put her down to sleep in the cot next time, otherwise I’ll take her out for a walk.

#IHaveALittleCutOnMyNoseAndBHasOneTooFromScratchingHerNoseTheOtherNight #WeHadCutHerNailsButWeNeedToGetBetterAtFilingThem

I usually cover over her hands with the built in mittens in her onesies, but as she sucks her hands more now I think it is good to leave them uncovered sometimes so she can self-soothe. However, her hands get quite cold and I think this is why she wakes up sometimes.

(Note: We now swaddle her during naps/sleep at home, so we don’t have this issue so much at the moment. When she starts to roll over in her cot then we won’t be able to swaddle her anymore though.)

The nail file is so awkward, I find it harder than the scissors.

#IThinkMyNoseWillContinueToLookWorseAndItIsStartingToHurtABitMore

I should probably keep the ice on it more, but it’s a bit annoying. Okay, okay, I’ll put it back on.

#TheGoodThingIsWithThisEraOfTheFaceMasksIsThatICanJustPutOneOnWhenIGoForWalksAndNoOneWillSeeMyBigRedNose #SomeOfThePicturesFromTheShootLookLikeIHaveJustFashionedABigFaceMaskForMyselfOrLikeItIsBreathingApparatus #IMightStillGetSomeWeirdLooksAsSomePeopleDoNotLikeToWearThemButAtLeastPeopleUnderstandWhyOthersDoWearThem

I wear masks in shops and inside places, but I don’t while walking – though I think this will change today. Shops don’t seem to tell people off for not wearing face masks. Some restaurants have all staff everyone wearing masks or visors, whilst others don’t have them on. It looks like the rules are changing again anyways.

(Note: Now we have local lockdown and we have to wear masks in communal spaces in the building we live in. A lot of people still don’t seem to, but I do.)

#INeedToReadMoreAboutThe3To4MonthSleepRegressionAsIThinkWeHaveHitThatPoint

The joys of parenthood. Everyday is a school day.


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Failing To Imitate The Cute Thing That B Does With Her Mouth (6th September 2020)

Me with my lips in a funny shape, trying to imitate my daughter
Failing To Imitate The Cute Thing That B Does With Her Mouth (6th September 2020)
 
#IWasPlanningOnDoingThisShootTomorrow
#ButIWasGettingReadyForBedAndISuddenlyFeltAwake
#BIsAsleepOnTiagoSoIWasGoingToDoSomeStretchingButIDecidedToDoAShootInstead
#MaybeIWillTryToStretchABitAfter
#BDoesThisCuteThingWithHerMouthWhenSheCoos
#MyNanDescribesItAsPursingHerLips
#WhichIGuessItIsButICanNotSeemToImitateItWell
#ItEitherLooksLikeIAmTryingToBeSexyOrLikeIAmTryingToImitateAMonkey
#Awkward
#TodaySheWasDoingItWhilstLookingAtHerCalamariToy
#TMadeACuteVideoOfIt
#ThisWeekendBMetMySisterHerPartnerAndTheirSonForTheFirstTime
#AndItWasOurFirstTimeMeetingOurNephewSoThatWasNice
#IAmStillWorkingOnGettingBToHaveNapsEvery60To90MinutesDuringTheDay
#ItGoesFairlyWellUntilMidAfternoonAndThenOftenSheIsAwakeFor5Hours
#SoOurNewThingIsTakingHerOutForAWalkInHerPramIfWeStruggle
#ButOnceSheFallsAsleepIAmTooScaredToComeHomeTooEarlyInCaseSheWakesUpAsSoonAsIGetIn
#YesterdayIEndedUpGoingForAWalkAsItWasGettingDark
#ItWasFunnySeeingEveryoneOutInTheirFancyClothesReadyForANightOut
#AndIWasJustLookingAStatePushingAPushchairAbout
#ItReallyDoesNotSeemLikeThereIsAPandemicHalfTheTime
#IHaveBeenToACoupleOfShopsLately
#ToTheSupermarketAndToABakery
#PushingAPushchairAroundYouRealiseHowBadAccessIsAtSomePlaces
#OrHowFrustratingSomePathsAreToNavigate
#IDidNotGoIntoOneBakeryAsIDidNotThinkIWouldBeAbleToPushBsPushchairRoundTheOneWaySystemWithTheBarriers
#AtTheOneIWentIntoInTheEndIHadToTurnThePushchairOnItsSideABit
#INearlyDidNotBotherGoingInAsIDidNotWantToEmbarrassMyself
#AndThenOnTheWayOutTwoGuysMovedTheBarrierForUsABitToGetOutWithNoProblem
#PeopleInWheelchairsOrWithMobilityScootersMustGetSoAnnoyed

(I wrote this on 6th September.)

#IWasPlanningOnDoingThisShootTomorrow #ButIWasGettingReadyForBedAndISuddenlyFeltAwake #BIsAsleepOnTiagoSoIWasGoingToDoSomeStretchingButIDecidedToDoAShootInstead

This is often the case – me feeling really tired and hoping to go to bed soon. Usually though it’s more that B just takes ages to settle and I end up going to bed a lot later than planned.

I was going to work on my coding homework, but I already did some earlier and I’m still on schedule to complete it ahead of time – fingers crossed. I can plan to do a shoot tomorrow daytime, but knowing my luck B’s naps might be short and she might need me to rock her to sleep with my foot.

The other day she was in her bouncer and I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor, with one foot bouncing her bouncer.

#MaybeIWillTryToStretchABitAfter

Leaving this blank as I’m writing this straight after I’ve done the shoot and hashtags. Trying to give myself less work to do when I get round to publishing it…

(I did manage to stretch. Hurrah!)

#BDoesThisCuteThingWithHerMouthWhenSheCoos

I’ve talked about it before.

#MyNanDescribesItAsPursingHerLips

I feel like I haven’t heard that word used in that context for a very long time.

(I’ve since heard it a few times – funny how that happens.)

#WhichIGuessItIsButICanNotSeemToImitateItWell

Though after looking at the pictures maybe I am getting there, but I usually see her lying down on her back or at an angle so it looks different.

I think I need to show the pictures to Tiago and get him to advise me on how to do it. He should be watching the shoot and shouting directions next time.

(Though thinking about it – maybe it looks so different because I have teeth?)

#ItEitherLooksLikeIAmTryingToBeSexyOrLikeIAmTryingToImitateAMonkey #Awkward

B looks like she is doing neither (thank big G) when she does it.

#TodaySheWasDoingItWhilstLookingAtHerCalamariToy #TMadeACuteVideoOfIt

Adorable. I need to get so much storage just for all the phone pix and videos we make of her… She isn’t even 3 months old yet.

Like I said before it’s a shame that I’m not showing her face online as I just want to show the world how adorable she is. Instead everyone gets to see ugly pix of me trying to imitate her, and she looks more like Tiago!

#ThisWeekendBMetMySisterHerPartnerAndTheirSonForTheFirstTime #AndItWasOurFirstTimeMeetingOurNephewSoThatWasNice

It was really nice to see them. Our nephew is another lockdown baby.

#IAmStillWorkingOnGettingBToHaveNapsEvery60To90MinutesDuringTheDay #ItGoesFairlyWellUntilMidAfternoonAndThenOftenSheIsAwakeFor5Hours

It’s weird that the more they sleep in the day, the better they sleep at night. In the past I’ve been like ‘well at least if she doesn’t go to sleep well, she’ll sleep better during the night’. It was like that a little bit at times I think, but there have been a couple of bad nights lately and I don’t do well with bad nights. None of us do.

I don’t really know what her sleep cycles were like before to be honest. I can’t really remember. I just kind of let her sleep when she wanted to, but then she would get over tired. Once I figured out the pink eyebrows were a sign of needing to sleep, and then I read at her age she should be napping every 60-90 minutes that made me realise that things needed to change.

#SoOurNewThingIsTakingHerOutForAWalkInHerPramIfWeStruggle #ButOnceSheFallsAsleepIAmTooScaredToComeHomeTooEarlyInCaseSheWakesUpAsSoonAsIGetIn

At least it’s good exercise… It gets super cold in Liverpool in the winter though, so that will be interesting. When I got soaked whilst taking her out for a walk the other day B was all nice and snug and dry in her bassinet at least…

#YesterdayIEndedUpGoingForAWalkAsItWasGettingDark #ItWasFunnySeeingEveryoneOutInTheirFancyClothesReadyForANightOut #AndIWasJustLookingAStatePushingAPushchairAbout

I think a few people looked at me like I was a bit odd. Different lives. I was never really a going out kind of person, though perhaps I was more in London. I went to art openings more than anything else though in the evening. Who knows when I’ll be going to one of them again… (I’d take B with me, it’s more because of the pandemic.)

#ItReallyDoesNotSeemLikeThereIsAPandemicHalfTheTime

Tiago says he has noticed that the ‘electricity’ of the ‘old days’ is back on the streets a bit. It seemed really busy out and about that weekend, but then again we were out and about adding to the crowd…

(On the day of posting this a new lockdown has begun in Liverpool, so we’ll see how it feels now. I’m guessing it won’t change much, though I hope it does. We got told by email yesterday to wear masks when we go in and out of our building, for the first time.)

#IHaveBeenToACoupleOfShopsLately #ToTheSupermarketAndToABakery

Hopefully reading this in the future it will sound so boring, but it seems like newsworthy events at the moment because of how things are.

(I have been to a shop since, but I think I will stop it for now. It is too annoying to navigate places with the pushchair…)

#PushingAPushchairAroundYouRealiseHowBadAccessIsAtSomePlaces #OrHowFrustratingSomePathsAreToNavigate #IDidNotGoIntoOneBakeryAsIDidNotThinkIWouldBeAbleToPushBsPushchairRoundTheOneWaySystemWithTheBarriers #AtTheOneIWentIntoInTheEndIHadToTurnThePushchairOnItsSideABit #INearlyDidNotBotherGoingInAsIDidNotWantToEmbarrassMyself #AndThenOnTheWayOutTwoGuysMovedTheBarrierForUsABitToGetOutWithNoProblem #PeopleInWheelchairsOrWithMobilityScootersMustGetSoAnnoyed

I used to think about accessibility a bit before, but now I have a 4-wheeled thing to push around I definitely think about it a lot. I have to change the routes I walk now because of it. You realise how bumpy some surfaces are, steps that you never thought twice about before are a bit bothersome now, you notice how narrow paths are or how lopsided they are etc. You see places in an entirely new light…


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

I Went To The Supermarket For The First Time Since Before Lockdown And Got Soaked (2nd September 2020)

Warning: I think this post and pictures are a bit boring. Sorry!

(I wrote this blog post on the 2nd and I’m just looking at it before posting it on the 17th. I was just thinking about how boring this is…)

I Went To The Supermarket For The First Time Since Before Lockdown And Got Soaked (2nd September 2020)
 
#ItWasRainingABitEarlierButIThoughtItWasJustDrizzlingAfterAWhileSoIDecidedToGoForAWalk
#IHaveBeenTryingToGoForAWalkBeforeTFinishesWorkSoICanDoABitOfMyCourseInTheEvening
#AndTIsNotBotheredAboutNotGoingOut
#OneMinuteIAmTellingMyselfOffForSigningUpForToLearnCodingAsIFeelIHaveEnoughOnMyPlateButTheNextMinuteIAmLovingChallengingMyselfAndItFeelsGreatWhenIGetThingsRight
#JustBeforeILeftIDecidedIShouldGoToTheSupermarket
#IHadNotBeenInOneSinceBeforeLockdown
#SometimesIGetBoredAsMyWalksAreABitAimlessSoItWasNiceToHaveAMission
#ILeftHomeAndItWasRainingALittleBitButItWasNotTooBad
#IWasGoingToGoForAWalkFirstThenGoShoppingBeforeICameHome
#FiveMinutesLaterItWasPouringDownSoIJustHeadedForTheShop
#IHadToStopBeforeIGotThereToPutMyMaskOnAsThereWasNowhereToShelterByTheShopToDoIt
#LuckilyItWasQuietInsideBecauseOfTheRain
#IWasAnxiousAboutPushingBAroundAsTheAislesAreQuiteSmall
#ItWasWeirdSeeingThePricesOfThingsAndSeeingProductsThatIHaveNotSeenInMonths
#TiagoHasBeenDoingOurShoppingForSoLongNow
#IAwkwardlyTookACoupleOfPhotosOfMyselfInTheShopToMarkThisMomentousOccasion
#AMemberOfStaffWalkedByAsIWasDoingItSoITriedToNotLookAsWeirdAsIDid
#IPrettyMuchBlockedTheWholeSelfServiceSectionWithThePushchair
#AndITriedToScanAndPackAsQuickAsPossible
#MyShoppingBagsWereSoakingWet
#ItWasABitOfAStressfulExperience
#IWentOutsideAndNoticedBHadLostHerDummy
#IPulledOverToSomeShelterButICouldNotFindItAndMyArmWasSoWetThatIDidNotWantToDigAroundForIt
#ITriedToWalkFastAndACarSplashedMeButIWasSoSoakedThatItDidNotMakeADifference
#ItWasGoodToTestBsPushchairsWaterproofCoverToTheLimit
#IWouldHaveDoneAFullLengthPhotoOfHowSoakedIWasButItWasTooCold
#TheOnlyThingThatDidNotGetWetAtAllWereMyBreastPads
#LuckilyBKeptSleepingSoICouldHaveAHotShower
#TSawHowWetIWasAndSaidSomethingAboutHowNiceItMustFeelToFeelTheRainOnMeOrSomething
#ILikeWalkingInTheRainButThisWasTooMuchSoNextTimeIWillBeMoreCareful
I Went To The Supermarket For The First Time Since Before Lockdown And Got Soaked (2nd September 2020) II  
I Went To The Supermarket For The First Time Since Before Lockdown And Got Soaked (2nd September 2020) III  

#ItWasRainingABitEarlierButIThoughtItWasJustDrizzlingAfterAWhileSoIDecidedToGoForAWalk

I heard the rain hitting the window earlier on, but I wanted to go out for B to have her next nap as she sleeps better with movement. Her previous naps had been in the bouncer. I couldn’t hear the rain so I assumed it was just spitting.

#IHaveBeenTryingToGoForAWalkBeforeTFinishesWorkSoICanDoABitOfMyCourseInTheEvening #AndTIsNotBotheredAboutNotGoingOut #OneMinuteIAmTellingMyselfOffForSigningUpForToLearnCodingAsIFeelIHaveEnoughOnMyPlateButTheNextMinuteIAmLovingChallengingMyselfAndItFeelsGreatWhenIGetThingsRight

We did not go for a walk the whole bank holiday weekend. As Tiago isn’t at work it’s good to catch up with things, so though we plan to go out often it doesn’t happen. Generally we say for most of the day that we will go out, but then it gets too late. We need to not do that again…

#JustBeforeILeftIDecidedIShouldGoToTheSupermarket #IHadNotBeenInOneSinceBeforeLockdown #SometimesIGetBoredAsMyWalksAreABitAimlessSoItWasNiceToHaveAMission

“Mission”. We needed some things and I thought if T went out then it would take up some of the evening. I had been thinking about going to the supermarket for a while, so it seemed like a good time to do it.

#ILeftHomeAndItWasRainingALittleBitButItWasNotTooBad #IWasGoingToGoForAWalkFirstThenGoShoppingBeforeICameHome

It wasn’t raining enough to feel like ‘I should turn around and wait until later’. Though maybe it was a little and I was committed? Once you’ve got your baby ready and you’re out the house, it’s a big thing to be like nah… later.

#FiveMinutesLaterItWasPouringDownSoIJustHeadedForTheShop

I was looking forward to the walk, but yeah it got too much too fast. I keep an umbrella on the handlebars, but it was too windy for it and it’s a bit of a faff pushing it and holding an umbrella. I’m not that skilled yet!

#IHadToStopBeforeIGotThereToPutMyMaskOnAsThereWasNowhereToShelterByTheShopToDoIt

And waiting for T outside there before I’ve got annoyed at seeing people put a mask on in the doorway, so I was not going to be that person. Though inside some people weren’t wearing masks…

#LuckilyItWasQuietInsideBecauseOfTheRain

I guess they limit the number of customers now, but there was more staff than customers.

#IWasAnxiousAboutPushingBAroundAsTheAislesAreQuiteSmall

I kept trying to ‘park’ out of the way whilst I checked my shopping list and messaged Tiago to say how soaked I was. Occasionally an aisle was too narrow, so I’d have to leave B and quickly go grab something.

#ItWasWeirdSeeingThePricesOfThingsAndSeeingProductsThatIHaveNotSeenInMonths #TiagoHasBeenDoingOurShoppingForSoLongNow

I look at the receipts occasionally, but it was weird seeing them for myself. I had forgotten about so many brands and things. It was odd…

#IAwkwardlyTookACoupleOfPhotosOfMyselfInTheShopToMarkThisMomentousOccasion #AMemberOfStaffWalkedByAsIWasDoingItSoITriedToNotLookAsWeirdAsIDid

“Momentous occasion”. Of course I had to… A full length would have been cool, but I’m too awkward for these things.

#IPrettyMuchBlockedTheWholeSelfServiceSectionWithThePushchair #AndITriedToScanAndPackAsQuickAsPossible #MyShoppingBagsWereSoakingWet #ItWasABitOfAStressfulExperience

I was hoping to just go to a cashier as I thought it would be quicker, but they weren’t open. I guess it is safer to not go to them, but I have always found the self service machines stressful if you have more than a few items.

The rain worked in my favour with the shop, but not with feeling physically good.

(I haven’t been back since and I don’t really plan to unless she is in a carrier as it was so stressful. I went to some clothes shops yesterday to get her some vests and even some of the aisles of baby clothes are too narrow for a pushchair.)

#IWentOutsideAndNoticedBHadLostHerDummy #IPulledOverToSomeShelterButICouldNotFindItAndMyArmWasSoWetThatIDidNotWantToDigAroundForIt

She had woken up and I usually give it back to her to help her go back to sleep. I wasn’t going to open up her waterproof cover, but I thought I should try to in case she started to cry later on and I would not be able to stop anywhere else that was so dry. In the end it was fine though and she drifted back off to sleep. Win.

#ITriedToWalkFastAndACarSplashedMeButIWasSoSoakedThatItDidNotMakeADifference

I went to swear at them, but then I noticed how deep the puddle was and I hadn’t really felt it. The splash looked quite big though, so they could have driven slower but they probably saw how wet I was anyways.

I felt a bit self-conscious about soaked I was, but other pedestrians looked the same.

#ItWasGoodToTestBsPushchairsWaterproofCoverToTheLimit

It did let a bit of rain in, but it did pretty well. We usually towel dry it as it is quicker, but the basket was soaking wet.

#IWouldHaveDoneAFullLengthPhotoOfHowSoakedIWasButItWasTooCold #TheOnlyThingThatDidNotGetWetAtAllWereMyBreastPads #LuckilyBKeptSleepingSoICouldHaveAHotShower

I did not want to drip all over my stuff and I did not know how long I had before B would wake up. A shower took preference. I’m sat in my comfy clothes now and I’d love a nap, but I need to feed B.

#TSawHowWetIWasAndSaidSomethingAboutHowNiceItMustFeelToFeelTheRainOnMeOrSomething #ILikeWalkingInTheRainButThisWasTooMuchSoNextTimeIWillBeMoreCareful

He saw me in my comfy clothes and said I should get into bed, but I said no I have to write my hashtags and then I wrote this blog post…

(The next day I realised that the rain had also ruined my sunglasses. They used to be blue tinted, but whatever makes them blue had started to come away as I had left them soaking wet in the organiser of the pushchair. Great. I’m going to have to see if I can completely remove that layer so I can salvage them and just have black sunglasses. Exciting stuff!)


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

An Impression Of B Sucking Her Hands (31st August 2020)

Me doing an impression of B sucking her hand
An Impression Of B Sucking Her Hands (31st August 2020)
 
#IHadBeenMeaningToTakeAPictureOfThisForAFewDays
#BHasStartedToSuckHerHandsNow
#AndBecauseIDoNotWantHerFaceInThisProjectIThoughtIWouldPhotographMyselfDoingItInstead
#ItLooksABitLikeSheIsLickingAnIceCream
#IHopeItDoesNotLookTooDodgy
#WellIfItDoesThenThatIsYourDodgyMindNotMine
#ItWasOnMyShootListButIWasTryingToNotDoOneForACoupleOfDays
#IAmUpToDateWithMyBlogPostsInTermsOfHavingSomethingWrittenForEachOne
#ThenOnTheDayThatIPostIJustCheckOverThemAndAddInAnythingElse
#AndIStartedACodingCourseLastWeekSoIFeelLikeIHaveALotGoingOn
#SoItWasNiceToNotHaveToWriteAnyBlogPostsForACoupleOfDays
#ThenIHadAnImprintOfBsEarOnMyChest
#SoIWantedToPhotographThatWithMyQuoteProperKitUnquoteAsMostOfMyPicturesLatelyHaveBeenWithMyCrummyPhoneCamera
#ThoughIDidTryToTakeOneWithMyPhone
#AndAsEverythingWasSetUpAndBWasWithTiagoIThoughtIWouldTryOutThisIdea
#ItIsWhatItIs
#MeDoingAnImpressionOfBSuckingHerHand
#TiagoGotACoupleOfShelvingUnitsThatIHaveWantedSinceIStartedToNestAtTheBeginningOfLockdown
#SoHopefullyNowWeCanSoonHaveTheFlatMoreTidy
#ButThenTheNextThingWeNeedToWorryAboutIsBabyproofingEverything
#TheFunNeverEnds
#IFeelABitLonely
#IFeelLikeNonMumFriendsCanNotRelateToMeNowAndSomeAreKeepingTheirDistance
#AndThatIDoNotFitInWithNewMumFriendsAsIStartedToDoACourseAndTheyFeelLikeTheyDoNotHaveTimeToDoAnything
#INeedToBeProductiveAndRetainSomeOfMyOldIdentityAsOtherwiseItIsNotGoodForMyMentalHealth
#ILoveBToBitsAlreadyButSheCanNotProvideMeWithEverythingINeed
#AndTheGoodThingAboutMyProjectIsItIsToDoWithOurFamily
#ThoughWritingThingsLikeThisIsHardButIThinkSheWillUnderstandOneDay
#IAmStillWorkingOnABalanceButIGuessItIsAWorkInProgressFromWeekToWeek
#INeedToDoSomeStretchingBeforeSheWakesUpFromHerNapAsIHaveNotInAFewDaysAndIDoNotFeelThatGreatBecauseOfIt

(I wrote this blog post on the day I took the picture – any comments in brackets are comments from today.)

#IHadBeenMeaningToTakeAPictureOfThisForAFewDays
#BHasStartedToSuckHerHandsNow
#AndBecauseIDoNotWantHerFaceInThisProjectIThoughtIWouldPhotographMyselfDoingItInstead
#ItLooksABitLikeSheIsLickingAnIceCream
#IHopeItDoesNotLookTooDodgy
#WellIfItDoesThenThatIsYourDodgyMindNotMine

To be fair there were some dodgy looking pictures and I get enough weird messages as it is. In the end it was between this one and one that did look dodgy. I preferred this one, but I thought I’d ask T his opinion; I was happy when he also liked this one.

Maybe it looks more like I am just thinking. I do suck/bite my fingers when I am stressed (perhaps less now due to Covid now), so maybe it’s a similar thing. I think she is just discovering her body more though. I got reminded that she will be grabbing her feet and things soon, which will be funny!

#ItWasOnMyShootListButIWasTryingToNotDoOneForACoupleOfDays
#IAmUpToDateWithMyBlogPostsInTermsOfHavingSomethingWrittenForEachOne
#ThenOnTheDayThatIPostIJustCheckOverThemAndAddInAnythingElse

Though once I start writing blog posts I do get quite into them.

#AndIStartedACodingCourseLastWeekSoIFeelLikeIHaveALotGoingOn
#SoItWasNiceToNotHaveToWriteAnyBlogPostsForACoupleOfDays

Yeah it’s a bit much doing blog posts and classes in one night. Though I watched a few segments earlier and did the first task for my JavaScript week, and this is my second blog post but hopefully tomorrow night I can just focus on my course. Thanks to Tiago for being super supportive.

#ThenIHadAnImprintOfBsEarOnMyChest
#SoIWantedToPhotographThatWithMyQuoteProperKitUnquoteAsMostOfMyPicturesLatelyHaveBeenWithMyCrummyPhoneCamera
#ThoughIDidTryToTakeOneWithMyPhone
#AndAsEverythingWasSetUpAndBWasWithTiagoIThoughtIWouldTryOutThisIdea
#ItIsWhatItIs
#MeDoingAnImpressionOfBSuckingHerHand

I love how I don’t do a shoot for a few days and then I photograph two ideas. It’s how it goes. I’ve written the blog posts on the same day as the shoots, which at least is a good exercise in editing my shoots down quickly. It feels really good to be up to date with these things – until I make more work for myself.

#TiagoGotACoupleOfShelvingUnitsThatIHaveWantedSinceIStartedToNestAtTheBeginningOfLockdown
#SoHopefullyNowWeCanSoonHaveTheFlatMoreTidy

A certain furniture store was out of stock of certain things – like the cot we wanted – and then wasn’t delivering other things that we wanted. When they reopened we thought the queues would be too much, so we held off and tried to find them second hand. In the end we were too slow at getting them, so T finally braved it. He said there were still big queues and a lot of people going in together. I’d love to go round a shop, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to go as a family.

Anyways, we built them pretty fast and it’s nice to have my art books out finally after living in Liverpool for 20 months!

#ButThenTheNextThingWeNeedToWorryAboutIsBabyproofingEverything
#TheFunNeverEnds

Can she just exist within a playpen for the rest of her life?

#IFeelABitLonely
#IFeelLikeNonMumFriendsCanNotRelateToMeNowAndSomeAreKeepingTheirDistance
#AndThatIDoNotFitInWithNewMumFriendsAsIStartedToDoACourseAndTheyFeelLikeTheyDoNotHaveTimeToDoAnything
#INeedToBeProductiveAndRetainSomeOfMyOldIdentityAsOtherwiseItIsNotGoodForMyMentalHealth

(I’ve been thinking about these few hashtags since I wrote them and I feel awkward about them, but it’s how I feel.)

It is just a bit weird. Some people stop talking to you once you get pregnant, some stop talking to you once you’ve had a kid, some people it just feels awkward to talk to etc.

I know that some people feel bad for not being productive; I don’t want them to feel that way. Some people say they aren’t productive, but I bet they are in different ways to me.

I would love to just be relaxing, but I’m not very good at it. I’m trying to be more relaxed during the day though when me and B hang out though. I’m also lucky that Tiago understands that I need some time to do my own thing.

I guess I’ve always felt like I’ve never really fitted in anywhere anyways. Well, I feel like I fit in with my new family of T and B and that’s really good. I can be myself with them – for now. Maybe B will find me embarrassing in a few years’ time, but we will just have to wait and see!

I’ve said since before B was born that I need to retain some of my past identity. When I say that I mean just being able to do my art stuff as it is important for my mental health. I am at my worst when I feel like I haven’t done anything as my work is very therapeutic for me.

(I’m currently feeling a little stressed as I’ve started the next phase of my coding course – my session today took me longer than I planned and I didn’t do my task well – and I haven’t done a shoot in 4/5 days. Hopefully I will take photos tomorrow.)

#ILoveBToBitsAlreadyButSheCanNotProvideMeWithEverythingINeed

I love when she smiles and she giggles in her sleep a bit now. I can’t wait for her to laugh at loud at me doing dumb things to make her do so 🙂

#AndTheGoodThingAboutMyProjectIsItIsToDoWithOurFamily

So I may annoy them, but at least I’m around. At some point I would like to do something that perhaps isn’t so diaristic, but that’s where we are for now.

#ThoughWritingThingsLikeThisIsHardButIThinkSheWillUnderstandOneDay

Well, she will one day know that I can not provide her with everything she needs because it is impossible.

It is also hard to write about feeling lonely at times. I think I feel this way because of the pandemic too though; things would be a bit different if we weren’t going through this. It is odd though as a lot of people act like it is not happening.

#IAmStillWorkingOnABalanceButIGuessItIsAWorkInProgressFromWeekToWeek

It is a bit more day to day at times, but I am learning and different days need different approaches.

#INeedToDoSomeStretchingBeforeSheWakesUpFromHerNapAsIHaveNotInAFewDaysAndIDoNotFeelThatGreatBecauseOfIt

I was bouncing her in her bouncer while she slept. I finished the hashtags and got up to do a YouTube video. T took over bouncing duties, but she noticed the difference and she woke up pretty quickly.

Luckily she was pretty chilled and allowed me to finish. I think I fed and changed her, then I did a baby yoga video with her. I need to start doing more baby classes with her as it is good quality time and I feel like she gets a lot out of them. We are starting a new course soon, so hopefully she will enjoy it more now that she is a bit older.

(We have since started a new course and we haven’t been able to get through a class in one go – the last one we did it took 3 separate sessions to complete.

I hope this blog post makes sense. When I wrote it I was probably tired and now checking it I am quite tired. I’ve started to go to bed at 9pm if I can, but it seems that I can never sleep enough.)


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This Is Supposed To Be A Photo Of B’s Ear Imprint (31st August 2020)

Well I tried my best to get a good picture of it before it disappeared…

A bad photo of B's ear imprinted on my chest
This Is Supposed To Be A Photo Of B’s Ear Imprint (31st August 2020)
 
#BHadAMorningNapOnMe
#SheHadOneOnTiagoBeforeIWokeUpAndThenHePutHerBackInHerCot
#WhenSheCriedAndWokeMeUpIGotHerUpAndFedHerAndThenSheFellAsleepOnMeAndIWasTooTiredToGetUpSoILetHerSleep
#ICanNotGetUpInTheMorning
#WellIHaveToButIFeelTerribleForAWhile
#ButThenIGenerallyDoNotSleepAgainUntilNightTime
#WhileSheSleptOnMeIReadSomeOfMyLibraryBookThatIGenerallyOnlyReadDuringTheNight
#AsIFeelQuiteAwakeButThenWakeUpFeelingTerrible
#YouOnlyHave2WeeksToReadAnEbookAndTwoPeopleAreWaitingForItSoINeedToHurryUp
#OtherwiseIHaveToWaitForThemToBorrowItBeforeICanFinishIt
#TiagoBroughtMeBreakfastAndIAteWhatICouldOverHerHead
#WhenIMovedHerOffMeToEatTheMessierPartINoticedLinesOnMyStomachFromHerBabyGrowZip
#ButAlsoAStrangeMarkOnMyBoob
#LookingDownAtItIRealisedItWasAnImprintOfHerEar
#TJustCameIntoTheRoomKindOfHalfSkippingHalfLikeHeWasRidingAHorse
#HeSaidHeHadNeverMovedLikeItBeforeAndDidTheSameToExitTheRoom
#IThoughtIShouldMentionItAsItMadeMeLaugh
#AnywaysITriedToTakeAPictureOfTheEarImprint
#ButMyPhoneIsNotVeryGood
#AndALotWasOnShowIfIWantedToHaveItSoThatItWasInFocus
#SoIQuicklyPassedBToTiago
#AndSetUpMyPhotoStuffToSeeIfICouldTakeAnAlrightPhotoWithACloseupFilter
#GoodJobItIsABankHolidaySoHeWasAvailable
#IWasScramblingAsIKnewItWasAlreadyFading
#YouCanKindOfSeeItButIGuessItIsNotVeryObvious
#MyFriendBellaHasShownMePhotosOfHerSonsEarImprintedOnHerArmBefore
#ForSomeReasonIDidNotExpectToSeeMeWithOneSoSoon
#IAmSureItWillNotBeTheLastTimeEither
#MaybeNextTimeICanGetABetterPhoto
#ButItMightJustLookTheSame

Tiago says you can’t see s*** and that is quite accurate…

#BHadAMorningNapOnMe
#SheHadOneOnTiagoBeforeIWokeUpAndThenHePutHerBackInHerCot
#WhenSheCriedAndWokeMeUpIGotHerUpAndFedHerAndThenSheFellAsleepOnMeAndIWasTooTiredToGetUpSoILetHerSleep

So I should have either woken her up and fed her more, or woken her up and got her ready for the day. I did neither…

#ICanNotGetUpInTheMorning
#WellIHaveToButIFeelTerribleForAWhile
#ButThenIGenerallyDoNotSleepAgainUntilNightTime

I should really be napping more during the day when she naps, but that would be too smart.

To be fair most of her naps are on me, in the pushchair, in her carrier or in the bouncer whilst I am bouncing it so it’s not that easy…

(Since I wrote this she’s been taking more naps in her cot, but it’s a work in progress.)

#WhileSheSleptOnMeIReadSomeOfMyLibraryBookThatIGenerallyOnlyReadDuringTheNight
#AsIFeelQuiteAwakeButThenWakeUpFeelingTerrible
#YouOnlyHave2WeeksToReadAnEbookAndTwoPeopleAreWaitingForItSoINeedToHurryUp
#OtherwiseIHaveToWaitForThemToBorrowItBeforeICanFinishIt

I started to read when I only had 10 days left. I assumed I wouldn’t read it and would just return it like I do with a lot of books, but I’ve got quite into it. It’s called Diamonds at the Lost and Found by Sarah Aspinall. I love a good childhood memoir, but I was mainly drawn in by the cover on the library app. I tend not to read too much blurb as I like to be surprised.

(Well I finished it and now I’m reading Such A Fun Age by Kiley Reid.)

#TiagoBroughtMeBreakfastAndIAteWhatICouldOverHerHead

If you’re interested it was some olive tapenade on bread, some Sao Jorge cheese on bread and two eggs. I was worried the eggs would run over her head, so I asked him to put them on toast but the bread was small and I knew I would make a mess. Fun times.

#WhenIMovedHerOffMeToEatTheMessierPartINoticedLinesOnMyStomachFromHerBabyGrowZip

So yeah I had to move her off me and I felt bad. I also knew she would wake up as soon as I put her down.

#ButAlsoAStrangeMarkOnMyBoob
#LookingDownAtItIRealisedItWasAnImprintOfHerEar

Please remember this bit.

#TJustCameIntoTheRoomKindOfHalfSkippingHalfLikeHeWasRidingAHorse
#HeSaidHeHadNeverMovedLikeItBeforeAndDidTheSameToExitTheRoom
#IThoughtIShouldMentionItAsItMadeMeLaugh

A bit of a random hashtag interlude but Tiago looked so happy and it made me laugh out loud so I had to include it.

Remember the hashtags before though…

#AnywaysITriedToTakeAPictureOfTheEarImprint
#ButMyPhoneIsNotVeryGood
#AndALotWasOnShowIfIWantedToHaveItSoThatItWasInFocus
#SoIQuicklyPassedBToTiago

A bad phone picture where it is more obvious. I think that is also a crumb from my breakfast further up the left hand side of the photo.

Yeah a bad picture like that, but it is more clear. The crumb does crack me up though – I probably should just have this as the final image really.

(I’ve seen taken a photo of myself where you can see a lot of crumbs on me.)

#AndSetUpMyPhotoStuffToSeeIfICouldTakeAnAlrightPhotoWithACloseupFilter
#GoodJobItIsABankHolidaySoHeWasAvailable
#IWasScramblingAsIKnewItWasAlreadyFading
#YouCanKindOfSeeItButIGuessItIsNotVeryObvious
#MyFriendBellaHasShownMePhotosOfHerSonsEarImprintedOnHerArmBefore
#ForSomeReasonIDidNotExpectToSeeMeWithOneSoSoon
#IAmSureItWillNotBeTheLastTimeEither
#MaybeNextTimeICanGetABetterPhoto
#ButItMightJustLookTheSame

And that’s the story of how I got a photo of my chest with nothing much to see. I should probably moisturise it in the not so distant future by the zoomed in looks of it!


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Answering The Door Looking A Mess (27th August 2020)

Answering The Door Looking A Mess (27th August 2020)
 
#IKnewSomePeopleWereCheckingAllTheFireDoorsInTheBuildingTodayButIDidNotKnowWhatTimeTheyWouldCheckOurDoor
#IDidThinkAboutPuttingADressOnButThoughtTheyWouldNotComeUntilALotLater
#IWasUpAndHadFedBAndChangedHerAndWashedHerWithAFlannel
#IHadMadeUpANewSongForHerAboutWhenIDancedInAMusicVideoWhilstIWas6MonthsPregnantWithHer
#HeyThereHeyThereMissBB
#SawYouOnTheTV
#InYourMummysBelly
#SheWasDancing
#ToASongCalledDanca
#NoEffectsOorEnhancer
#SheMovedJustLikeJelly
#ItIsFunMakingUpSongsForHerAndIHadSungItAbout20TimesAsSheSeemedToBeSingingAlong
#AndThenTheDoorWent
#IScrambledToFindMyUsualDressButICouldNot
#ThenIFranticallyTriedToGrabSomethingFromTheWardrobe
#IChuckedOnANursingDressThatIHaveNotWornYetButItWillBeGoodForTheAutumnWhenItIsLessHot
#GotToTheDoorAndRealisedHowShortItWasButJustOpenedTheDoor
#ThereWereAboutFourGuysThereNotStoodVeryFarApart
#IJustOpenedItAndBackedAwayBecauseOfSocialDistancingAndAll
#HeLookedALittleShockedAndSaidItWouldTakeAMinute
#IJustSaidOkayOkayAndRanBackToTheBedroomToScrambleToPutSomeLeggingsOn
#ByTheTimeIHadPutThemOnHeHadAlreadyFinishedAndJustShutTheDoor
#ILookedInTheMirrorAndRealisedHowMessyMyHairWas
#HeProbablyThoughtHeHadWokenMeUpOrSomething
#AndBWasBeingQuietSoHeWouldNotHaveKnownIHadABaby
#LolIDoNotReallyCare
#TheBigRevelationAroundHereIsThatIFoundOutViaAnInstagramStoryTheMeaningOfPinkEyebrows
#SometimesBsEyebrowsAreQuiteRedOrPinkAndIThoughtItWasASkinThing
#ButItTurnsOutThatItIsASignThatSheIsSleepySoIKnowThatItIsTimeForHerToTakeANapNow
#SometimesIAmLikeThereIsNoWaySheIsTiredButSheGoesToSleepPrettyFast

#IKnewSomePeopleWereCheckingAllTheFireDoorsInTheBuildingTodayButIDidNotKnowWhatTimeTheyWouldCheckOurDoor
#IDidThinkAboutPuttingADressOnButThoughtTheyWouldNotComeUntilALotLater

Yet another building with the same cladding as Grenfell Tower.

(If you’re not from the UK/don’t know about it, it is a tower block that caught fire in 2017 and sadly 72 people died.)

#IWasUpAndHadFedBAndChangedHerAndWashedHerWithAFlannel

Smashing it, I know.

#IHadMadeUpANewSongForHerAboutWhenIDancedInAMusicVideoWhilstIWas6MonthsPregnantWithHer

This one.

#HeyThereHeyThereMissBB
#SawYouOnTheTV
#InYourMummysBelly
#SheWasDancing
#ToASongCalledDanca
#NoEffectsOorEnhancer
#SheMovedJustLikeJelly

I love how I just randomly sing things that I like the sound of, and then manage to turn them into a little song. I am sure I’ve stole the tune from something. I will try to do a little Instagram video of it soon.

#ItIsFunMakingUpSongsForHerAndIHadSungItAbout20TimesAsSheSeemedToBeSingingAlong

I recorded a video of B singing along to it and sent it to Tiago. It also helps me remember the songs I make up. For some reason I kept forgetting the tune of this one.

#AndThenTheDoorWent

Of course.

#IScrambledToFindMyUsualDressButICouldNot

Obviously I found it later hanging on the bathroom door.

#ThenIFranticallyTriedToGrabSomethingFromTheWardrobe

Wasting so much time scanning to and fro looking for something quick to throw on.

#IChuckedOnANursingDressThatIHaveNotWornYetButItWillBeGoodForTheAutumnWhenItIsLessHot

It seemed like a wise choice.

#GotToTheDoorAndRealisedHowShortItWasButJustOpenedTheDoor

A few quick strong tugs on it before I went for the handle… I really didn’t think it was that short before.

#ThereWereAboutFourGuysThereNotStoodVeryFarApart

Hello social distancing…

#IJustOpenedItAndBackedAwayBecauseOfSocialDistancingAndAll

…Well, none from them and all from me.

#HeLookedALittleShockedAndSaidItWouldTakeAMinute

I did look a right state.

#IJustSaidOkayOkayAndRanBackToTheBedroomToScrambleToPutSomeLeggingsOn
#ByTheTimeIHadPutThemOnHeHadAlreadyFinishedAndJustShutTheDoor

Great! I was glad it was all done so soon, so that we could get on with our day. I hate that feeling of not knowing when someone will knock on the door…

#ILookedInTheMirrorAndRealisedHowMessyMyHairWas
#HeProbablyThoughtHeHadWokenMeUpOrSomething

Yep, I looked a state. I immediately headed back to B and took a picture of myself, so I could laugh at myself in this post.

(I think I have a bit of a bogey sticking out of my nose too – great!)

#AndBWasBeingQuietSoHeWouldNotHaveKnownIHadABaby

When I want her to cry she doesn’t…

#LolIDoNotReallyCare

Hence why I am showing it to the (potential) world. (Who really looks at my stuff?)

#TheBigRevelationAroundHereIsThatIFoundOutViaAnInstagramStoryTheMeaningOfPinkEyebrows
#SometimesBsEyebrowsAreQuiteRedOrPinkAndIThoughtItWasASkinThing
#ButItTurnsOutThatItIsASignThatSheIsSleepySoIKnowThatItIsTimeForHerToTakeANapNow
#SometimesIAmLikeThereIsNoWaySheIsTiredButSheGoesToSleepPrettyFast

Though now I know this it seems like always has pink eyebrows. She wakes up from a nap and has pink eyebrows.

I’m still working on seeing how she can take longer naps without being in a carrier, in the pushchair being pushed or asleep on T or I. She does occasionally nap for more than 20 minutes in her cot during the day, but it does seem rare. I will persevere…

(I wrote this on the day I took the picture I think. Napping and sleep has improved – stay tuned!)


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Hip Hip Hooray (25th August 2020)

Hip Hip Hooray (25th August 2020)
 
#WentToTheHospitalTodayForBToHaveHerHipsChecked
#SheHadToHaveAnUltrasound
#WeWereWaitingForAgesAndBWasGettingRestless
#IDidNotWantToFeedHerInCaseWeWereAboutToBeCalledInAndIWouldHaveToScrambleToGetReady
#IWasJustHoldingHerButICouldNotReallySeeHerWithMyMaskOn
#ButEventuallyIThoughtScrewItAsWeHadBeenWaitingFor30Minutes
#SoIFedHerButItWasHardToSeeWhatIWasDoingWithMyMaskOnAndSheKeptPullingItDown
#After5MinutesIThoughtTheyWouldCallUsThroughSoonAndItSeemedLikeSheHadDrankEnoughToTideHerOver
#SheCanDrinkALotIn5MinutesNow
#TheyCalledUsThroughAFewMinutesLaterAndSaidSorryforTheDelayAsTheyOnlyHadOneSonographerWorking
#SheWasMovingBetweenTwoRoomsWhileHerAssistantCleanedTheVacantOneToSpeedThingsUp
#SheSaidTheyUsuallyHaveAtLeastThreeWorking
#BWasSuperChillEvenWithTheUltrasoundGel
#TheSonographerSaidAllSeemedFineButWeGotSentToAnotherDepartment
#ADoctorThereConfirmedAllWasGood
#SheSaidTheyWouldUsuallyDoAnExamThereTooButBecauseOfCovidTheyAreNotAtTheMoment
#AndApparentlyAtTheStartOfLockdownYouWouldGoToTheSonographerAndGetSentHomeAfter
#ThenSomeoneWouldCallTheNextDay
#ButSheSaidItLeftParentsFeelingAnxiousWhichIsFairEnough
#IHaveNotBotheredStressingAboutItAsIThoughtWhatWasThePoint
#SheHasSeemedFineAndAll
#ButSittingWithHerForAnUltrasoundMadeItFeelMoreSerious
#SoIfIHadHadToWaitForADayItMightHaveBeenStressfulIfTheSonographerHadNotSaidHerHipsSeemFine
#ButAllIsGoodAndNowBOnlyHasToWearOneNappyAgain
#IStoleTheTitleFromATextMyDadSentWhenHeHeardTheGoodNews
#YesterdayWeWentToOurFirstRealLifeBabyClass
#ItWasSoNiceToTalkToAndSeeOtherMumsAndBabiesAndGetOutTheFlat
#ItWasWeirdRecognisingPeopleFromZoom
#BHadNotHadADirtyNappyForTwoDaysSoMyMumSaidToEatSomeLettuce
#IAmNotSureIfSheWentBeforeOrAfterIFedHerAfterEatingLettuceButSheHadADirtyNappyAnyways
 

That’s a bit of a blown out background to the left, but never mind. It’s the best I could do on my phone whilst wearing a mask, breastfeeding a baby in one arm and anxiously checking to see if B’s name was going to be called.

#WentToTheHospitalTodayForBToHaveHerHipsChecked

The appointment was a bit later this time, so we had plenty of time to get ready unlike last time.

#SheHadToHaveAnUltrasound

I was going to make some joke to the sonographer like ‘tell me she’s not pregnant’, but then I realised how messed up that sounded…

#WeWereWaitingForAgesAndBWasGettingRestless
#IDidNotWantToFeedHerInCaseWeWereAboutToBeCalledInAndIWouldHaveToScrambleToGetReady
#IWasJustHoldingHerButICouldNotReallySeeHerWithMyMaskOn

I fed her before we left, but she seemed restless like she might want a feed. I really don’t like the feeling of ‘I should probably feed her’ in public whilst not knowing how much time I have…

#ButEventuallyIThoughtScrewItAsWeHadBeenWaitingFor30Minutes
#SoIFedHerButItWasHardToSeeWhatIWasDoingWithMyMaskOnAndSheKeptPullingItDown
#After5MinutesIThoughtTheyWouldCallUsThroughSoonAndItSeemedLikeSheHadDrankEnoughToTideHerOver
#SheCanDrinkALotIn5MinutesNow

…And then you finally decide to feed and you could have just done it already and had lots of time. Yay breastfeeding. Yay parenthood. It’ll be less stressful when I can just give her a snack bar/anything and not have to worry about these situations.

#TheyCalledUsThroughAFewMinutesLaterAndSaidSorryforTheDelayAsTheyOnlyHadOneSonographerWorking
#SheWasMovingBetweenTwoRoomsWhileHerAssistantCleanedTheVacantOneToSpeedThingsUp
#SheSaidTheyUsuallyHaveAtLeastThreeWorking

After sitting down in the waiting area I reread the letter and it said to arrive 15 minutes early for any tests. We were at least 10 minutes early but I went to the department that the letter said first, before getting sent to the radiography department. Obviously by the time they called us our appointment time had long gone, but I knew it wasn’t entirely my fault now.

All the surfaces need to be wiped down because of Covid, so it was smart that they had two rooms set up. I felt bad for her though as it must have been quite intense. I was slow packing up after, but it gave her plenty of time to write her notes up so I felt less bad.

#BWasSuperChillEvenWithTheUltrasoundGel

Super chill. I just had to hold her on her side whilst she looked at one hip, and then do the same on the other side. Her nappy was around her feet and I was worried that she would poo on us. I’m sure it wouldn’t have been the first time it had happened in that room…

#TheSonographerSaidAllSeemedFineButWeGotSentToAnotherDepartment

She did pause a bit longer on the one that the doctor said was a bit clicky, so I was worried but she said they seemed fine.

#ADoctorThereConfirmedAllWasGood

She said she had a look whilst we were walking across and all looked good. I felt relieved. She explained more about it but I don’t really remember what she said and as only one parent was allowed in the hospital I can’t ask Tiago what she said either.

#SheSaidTheyWouldUsuallyDoAnExamThereTooButBecauseOfCovidTheyAreNotAtTheMoment
#AndApparentlyAtTheStartOfLockdownYouWouldGoToTheSonographerAndGetSentHomeAfter
#ThenSomeoneWouldCallTheNextDay
#ButSheSaidItLeftParentsFeelingAnxiousWhichIsFairEnough

Oh yeah, this is some of what she said. It’s so weird hearing how things used to be.

#IHaveNotBotheredStressingAboutItAsIThoughtWhatWasThePoint
#SheHasSeemedFineAndAll
#ButSittingWithHerForAnUltrasoundMadeItFeelMoreSerious
#SoIfIHadHadToWaitForADayItMightHaveBeenStressfulIfTheSonographerHadNotSaidHerHipsSeemFine

To be honest I didn’t really understand what the problem was and because she was so young I knew they would be able to fix it if they needed to. I got a bit nervous the night before, but nothing was noticeably wrong to me.

#ButAllIsGoodAndNowBOnlyHasToWearOneNappyAgain

It’s great being able to easily see if her nappy needs changing again, though the second one was a bit of a barrier that protected her clothes from getting dirty. Oh well.

(She had been having to wear two as the doctor said she had a clicky hip and it apparently helps. She also said that the hospital might tell us to do it. Maybe it helped or maybe it wasn’t necessary?)

#IStoleTheTitleFromATextMyDadSentWhenHeHeardTheGoodNews

Thanks Dad! I don’t think I would have thought of it. He did say hip hop hooray first though 🙂

#YesterdayWeWentToOurFirstRealLifeBabyClass
#ItWasSoNiceToTalkToAndSeeOtherMumsAndBabiesAndGetOutTheFlat
#ItWasWeirdRecognisingPeopleFromZoom

It was interesting to get a glimpse of what B’s early life would be like if there wasn’t Covid, though the class was outside…

I mentioned in my last post about getting a call from the children’s centre to see if we wanted to register for classes that they aren’t sure when they’ll be able to run yet.

#BHadNotHadADirtyNappyForTwoDaysSoMyMumSaidToEatSomeLettuce
#IAmNotSureIfSheWentBeforeOrAfterIFedHerAfterEatingLettuceButSheHadADirtyNappyAnyways

It might have just been a coincidence, but when she goes now I am really missing those double nappies!


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Hair Bird (22nd August 2020)

Hair on the side of the bath that looks a bit like a bird
Hair Bird (22nd August 2020)
 
#IUsedToTakePicturesOfMyFallenOutHairInTheShowerAllTheTime
#IJustCheckedAndTheFirstOneWasIn2017AndTheLastOneThatICanObviouslySeeWasEarly2019
#WhenIWasPregnantIDidNotReallyLoseAny
#IHadBeenToldThatWouldHappenButItStillSeemedOddWhenItTurnedOutToBeTrue
#IJustPutItOnTheWallOrSideOfTheBathLikeHere
#TodayISeemToHaveRandomlyMadeABird
#ThoughTiagoFirstSaidItLookedLikeAHorseWhenIShowedHim
#IDoNotWashMyHairMuchAnymore
#ICanNotRememberWhenILastDidBeforeTodayButItWasProbably10DaysAgoIsh
#IWasJustGoingToReTieMyHairAndIRealisedThatIHadSoManyKnotsUnderneath
#IHadALittleDreadlockForming
#IDoNotBrushMyHairMuchAsItMakesItGreasier
#AndIfITieMyHairUpThenItDoesNotMatterIfItIsBrushedOrNot
#TheseHashtagsAreSoBoring
#WeGaveBABathToday
#WeUsuallyDoTwiceAWeek
#AndWashHerDailyWithAFlannel
#WeFindItEasierIfOneOfUsGetsInTheBathWithHer
#EspeciallyIfTheTubIsQuiteDeep
#InTheEarlyDaysItWasTiagoWhoGotInAsHeFeltMoreConfident
#NowItIsUsuallyMe
#IfIAmLuckyIGetToStayInTheBathALittleLongerAfterwards
#ThoughMaybeIAmJustBathingInBabyPiss
#TheLastTwoTimesBeforeTodayTheBathGotCutShortDueToNumberTwos
#ButTodayAHadALittleBitOfTimeAndWashedMyHairOverTheBathAfterwards
#AsIWasGettingDressedTiagoCameInToSayBNeededFeeding
#BSeemsToLoveTheBath
#SheSitsInABathSupport
#SheIsStartingToKickHerLegsAndMovesTheSupportByPuttingHerFeetOnTheFloorAndPushing
#ICanNotWaitToGoSwimmingWithHerOneDay

#IUsedToTakePicturesOfMyFallenOutHairInTheShowerAllTheTime #IJustCheckedAndTheFirstOneWasIn2017AndTheLastOneThatICanObviouslySeeWasEarly2019

The project was called Hair Sculptures. It probably needs a better title to be honest, but the name follows on from Bathroom Sculptures which was hand tissues that had been dumped on surfaces in the Mayfair bathroom of a building where I worked.

I did think about putting those projects on my website at some point, but they are quite different to the rest of my work.

I’ve been listening to podcasts whilst pushing B on walks and I feel inspired to try other art forms again, but do I have the time? Not really.

#WhenIWasPregnantIDidNotReallyLoseAny #IHadBeenToldThatWouldHappenButItStillSeemedOddWhenItTurnedOutToBeTrue

I think my hairdresser told me this – that makes me sound fancier than I am. My hair was thick enough already, though I didn’t really notice much change in it whilst I was pregnant. I had it cut to shoulder length when I was about 18 weeks and it’s just been growing since.

#IJustPutItOnTheWallOrSideOfTheBathLikeHere #TodayISeemToHaveRandomlyMadeABird #ThoughTiagoFirstSaidItLookedLikeAHorseWhenIShowedHim

I think T didn’t believe that I randomly made an animal with my hair. Sadly I’m not that creative… Well I am but my execution of it would have been worse if I had tried to do it on purpose. Maybe no one else sees the bird, but it makes me happy. I like random creations.

#IDoNotWashMyHairMuchAnymore #ICanNotRememberWhenILastDidBeforeTodayButItWasProbably10DaysAgoIsh

I was trying to get away with not washing my hair much, but then lockdown really helped as no one really saw me – except T, and strangers on my daily walks.

#IWasJustGoingToReTieMyHairAndIRealisedThatIHadSoManyKnotsUnderneath #IHadALittleDreadlockForming #IDoNotBrushMyHairMuchAsItMakesItGreasier #AndIfITieMyHairUpThenItDoesNotMatterIfItIsBrushedOrNot

I love when I’ve had my hair tied up in a messy bun for a week and it has a massive wave through it when I take it down. It’s not enjoyed for long though as I’ve usually taken it down to wash it or to retie it.

#TheseHashtagsAreSoBoring

No one probably cares about half the stuff I say, but hopefully some of it will be interesting to me in the future.

#WeGaveBABathToday
#WeUsuallyDoTwiceAWeek
#AndWashHerDailyWithAFlannel

It’s so much easier now I’m more confident doing it.

#WeFindItEasierIfOneOfUsGetsInTheBathWithHer
#EspeciallyIfTheTubIsQuiteDeep
#InTheEarlyDaysItWasTiagoWhoGotInAsHeFeltMoreConfident
#NowItIsUsuallyMe
#IfIAmLuckyIGetToStayInTheBathALittleLongerAfterwards
#ThoughMaybeIAmJustBathingInBabyPiss
#TheLastTwoTimesBeforeTodayTheBathGotCutShortDueToNumberTwos

I bought some lavender bath salts to try to help me sleep in the early days. Then I realised I wasn’t supposed to have a bath yet because of my stitches and I haven’t got round to using them. I feel like I don’t have time for a relaxing bath at the moment, but hopefully I will soon!

#ButTodayAHadALittleBitOfTimeAndWashedMyHairOverTheBathAfterwards
#AsIWasGettingDressedTiagoCameInToSayBNeededFeeding

That’s the thing – I can’t be too relaxed in case B needs me, though we’ve gone back to doing a bottle feed in the evening. It seems like an easier way to give her her vitamin D, but she doesn’t seem to like drinking from a bottle anymore.

#BSeemsToLoveTheBath
#SheSitsInABathSupport #SheIsStartingToKickHerLegsAndMovesTheSupportByPuttingHerFeetOnTheFloorAndPushing

I think B has always liked the bath. The first or second time T tried to dunk her more in the bath after and she cried, but she’s quite content sat there. She is getting stronger. She pushes herself away on the mat where I flannel wash her in the mornings, but I’m like I can catch you!

#ICanNotWaitToGoSwimmingWithHerOneDay

This will be nice. I’ve looked at lessons, but they’re quite expensive and not that easy for me to get to so we’ll have to see. Usually we’d have been on holiday this summer to see T’s parents and gone swimming in the sea lots, though it was kind of off the table for me because I was pregnant. T was planning to go for a wedding, but that got postponed. His parents just sent us honey and our favourite cheese, so I’ll just have to close my eyes when I eat it and pretend we’re there…


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