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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Failing To Imitate The Cute Thing That B Does With Her Mouth (6th September 2020)

Me with my lips in a funny shape, trying to imitate my daughter
Failing To Imitate The Cute Thing That B Does With Her Mouth (6th September 2020)
 
#IWasPlanningOnDoingThisShootTomorrow
#ButIWasGettingReadyForBedAndISuddenlyFeltAwake
#BIsAsleepOnTiagoSoIWasGoingToDoSomeStretchingButIDecidedToDoAShootInstead
#MaybeIWillTryToStretchABitAfter
#BDoesThisCuteThingWithHerMouthWhenSheCoos
#MyNanDescribesItAsPursingHerLips
#WhichIGuessItIsButICanNotSeemToImitateItWell
#ItEitherLooksLikeIAmTryingToBeSexyOrLikeIAmTryingToImitateAMonkey
#Awkward
#TodaySheWasDoingItWhilstLookingAtHerCalamariToy
#TMadeACuteVideoOfIt
#ThisWeekendBMetMySisterHerPartnerAndTheirSonForTheFirstTime
#AndItWasOurFirstTimeMeetingOurNephewSoThatWasNice
#IAmStillWorkingOnGettingBToHaveNapsEvery60To90MinutesDuringTheDay
#ItGoesFairlyWellUntilMidAfternoonAndThenOftenSheIsAwakeFor5Hours
#SoOurNewThingIsTakingHerOutForAWalkInHerPramIfWeStruggle
#ButOnceSheFallsAsleepIAmTooScaredToComeHomeTooEarlyInCaseSheWakesUpAsSoonAsIGetIn
#YesterdayIEndedUpGoingForAWalkAsItWasGettingDark
#ItWasFunnySeeingEveryoneOutInTheirFancyClothesReadyForANightOut
#AndIWasJustLookingAStatePushingAPushchairAbout
#ItReallyDoesNotSeemLikeThereIsAPandemicHalfTheTime
#IHaveBeenToACoupleOfShopsLately
#ToTheSupermarketAndToABakery
#PushingAPushchairAroundYouRealiseHowBadAccessIsAtSomePlaces
#OrHowFrustratingSomePathsAreToNavigate
#IDidNotGoIntoOneBakeryAsIDidNotThinkIWouldBeAbleToPushBsPushchairRoundTheOneWaySystemWithTheBarriers
#AtTheOneIWentIntoInTheEndIHadToTurnThePushchairOnItsSideABit
#INearlyDidNotBotherGoingInAsIDidNotWantToEmbarrassMyself
#AndThenOnTheWayOutTwoGuysMovedTheBarrierForUsABitToGetOutWithNoProblem
#PeopleInWheelchairsOrWithMobilityScootersMustGetSoAnnoyed

(I wrote this on 6th September.)

#IWasPlanningOnDoingThisShootTomorrow #ButIWasGettingReadyForBedAndISuddenlyFeltAwake #BIsAsleepOnTiagoSoIWasGoingToDoSomeStretchingButIDecidedToDoAShootInstead

This is often the case – me feeling really tired and hoping to go to bed soon. Usually though it’s more that B just takes ages to settle and I end up going to bed a lot later than planned.

I was going to work on my coding homework, but I already did some earlier and I’m still on schedule to complete it ahead of time – fingers crossed. I can plan to do a shoot tomorrow daytime, but knowing my luck B’s naps might be short and she might need me to rock her to sleep with my foot.

The other day she was in her bouncer and I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor, with one foot bouncing her bouncer.

#MaybeIWillTryToStretchABitAfter

Leaving this blank as I’m writing this straight after I’ve done the shoot and hashtags. Trying to give myself less work to do when I get round to publishing it…

(I did manage to stretch. Hurrah!)

#BDoesThisCuteThingWithHerMouthWhenSheCoos

I’ve talked about it before.

#MyNanDescribesItAsPursingHerLips

I feel like I haven’t heard that word used in that context for a very long time.

(I’ve since heard it a few times – funny how that happens.)

#WhichIGuessItIsButICanNotSeemToImitateItWell

Though after looking at the pictures maybe I am getting there, but I usually see her lying down on her back or at an angle so it looks different.

I think I need to show the pictures to Tiago and get him to advise me on how to do it. He should be watching the shoot and shouting directions next time.

(Though thinking about it – maybe it looks so different because I have teeth?)

#ItEitherLooksLikeIAmTryingToBeSexyOrLikeIAmTryingToImitateAMonkey #Awkward

B looks like she is doing neither (thank big G) when she does it.

#TodaySheWasDoingItWhilstLookingAtHerCalamariToy #TMadeACuteVideoOfIt

Adorable. I need to get so much storage just for all the phone pix and videos we make of her… She isn’t even 3 months old yet.

Like I said before it’s a shame that I’m not showing her face online as I just want to show the world how adorable she is. Instead everyone gets to see ugly pix of me trying to imitate her, and she looks more like Tiago!

#ThisWeekendBMetMySisterHerPartnerAndTheirSonForTheFirstTime #AndItWasOurFirstTimeMeetingOurNephewSoThatWasNice

It was really nice to see them. Our nephew is another lockdown baby.

#IAmStillWorkingOnGettingBToHaveNapsEvery60To90MinutesDuringTheDay #ItGoesFairlyWellUntilMidAfternoonAndThenOftenSheIsAwakeFor5Hours

It’s weird that the more they sleep in the day, the better they sleep at night. In the past I’ve been like ‘well at least if she doesn’t go to sleep well, she’ll sleep better during the night’. It was like that a little bit at times I think, but there have been a couple of bad nights lately and I don’t do well with bad nights. None of us do.

I don’t really know what her sleep cycles were like before to be honest. I can’t really remember. I just kind of let her sleep when she wanted to, but then she would get over tired. Once I figured out the pink eyebrows were a sign of needing to sleep, and then I read at her age she should be napping every 60-90 minutes that made me realise that things needed to change.

#SoOurNewThingIsTakingHerOutForAWalkInHerPramIfWeStruggle #ButOnceSheFallsAsleepIAmTooScaredToComeHomeTooEarlyInCaseSheWakesUpAsSoonAsIGetIn

At least it’s good exercise… It gets super cold in Liverpool in the winter though, so that will be interesting. When I got soaked whilst taking her out for a walk the other day B was all nice and snug and dry in her bassinet at least…

#YesterdayIEndedUpGoingForAWalkAsItWasGettingDark #ItWasFunnySeeingEveryoneOutInTheirFancyClothesReadyForANightOut #AndIWasJustLookingAStatePushingAPushchairAbout

I think a few people looked at me like I was a bit odd. Different lives. I was never really a going out kind of person, though perhaps I was more in London. I went to art openings more than anything else though in the evening. Who knows when I’ll be going to one of them again… (I’d take B with me, it’s more because of the pandemic.)

#ItReallyDoesNotSeemLikeThereIsAPandemicHalfTheTime

Tiago says he has noticed that the ‘electricity’ of the ‘old days’ is back on the streets a bit. It seemed really busy out and about that weekend, but then again we were out and about adding to the crowd…

(On the day of posting this a new lockdown has begun in Liverpool, so we’ll see how it feels now. I’m guessing it won’t change much, though I hope it does. We got told by email yesterday to wear masks when we go in and out of our building, for the first time.)

#IHaveBeenToACoupleOfShopsLately #ToTheSupermarketAndToABakery

Hopefully reading this in the future it will sound so boring, but it seems like newsworthy events at the moment because of how things are.

(I have been to a shop since, but I think I will stop it for now. It is too annoying to navigate places with the pushchair…)

#PushingAPushchairAroundYouRealiseHowBadAccessIsAtSomePlaces #OrHowFrustratingSomePathsAreToNavigate #IDidNotGoIntoOneBakeryAsIDidNotThinkIWouldBeAbleToPushBsPushchairRoundTheOneWaySystemWithTheBarriers #AtTheOneIWentIntoInTheEndIHadToTurnThePushchairOnItsSideABit #INearlyDidNotBotherGoingInAsIDidNotWantToEmbarrassMyself #AndThenOnTheWayOutTwoGuysMovedTheBarrierForUsABitToGetOutWithNoProblem #PeopleInWheelchairsOrWithMobilityScootersMustGetSoAnnoyed

I used to think about accessibility a bit before, but now I have a 4-wheeled thing to push around I definitely think about it a lot. I have to change the routes I walk now because of it. You realise how bumpy some surfaces are, steps that you never thought twice about before are a bit bothersome now, you notice how narrow paths are or how lopsided they are etc. You see places in an entirely new light…


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

I Went To The Supermarket For The First Time Since Before Lockdown And Got Soaked (2nd September 2020)

Warning: I think this post and pictures are a bit boring. Sorry!

(I wrote this blog post on the 2nd and I’m just looking at it before posting it on the 17th. I was just thinking about how boring this is…)

I Went To The Supermarket For The First Time Since Before Lockdown And Got Soaked (2nd September 2020)
 
#ItWasRainingABitEarlierButIThoughtItWasJustDrizzlingAfterAWhileSoIDecidedToGoForAWalk
#IHaveBeenTryingToGoForAWalkBeforeTFinishesWorkSoICanDoABitOfMyCourseInTheEvening
#AndTIsNotBotheredAboutNotGoingOut
#OneMinuteIAmTellingMyselfOffForSigningUpForToLearnCodingAsIFeelIHaveEnoughOnMyPlateButTheNextMinuteIAmLovingChallengingMyselfAndItFeelsGreatWhenIGetThingsRight
#JustBeforeILeftIDecidedIShouldGoToTheSupermarket
#IHadNotBeenInOneSinceBeforeLockdown
#SometimesIGetBoredAsMyWalksAreABitAimlessSoItWasNiceToHaveAMission
#ILeftHomeAndItWasRainingALittleBitButItWasNotTooBad
#IWasGoingToGoForAWalkFirstThenGoShoppingBeforeICameHome
#FiveMinutesLaterItWasPouringDownSoIJustHeadedForTheShop
#IHadToStopBeforeIGotThereToPutMyMaskOnAsThereWasNowhereToShelterByTheShopToDoIt
#LuckilyItWasQuietInsideBecauseOfTheRain
#IWasAnxiousAboutPushingBAroundAsTheAislesAreQuiteSmall
#ItWasWeirdSeeingThePricesOfThingsAndSeeingProductsThatIHaveNotSeenInMonths
#TiagoHasBeenDoingOurShoppingForSoLongNow
#IAwkwardlyTookACoupleOfPhotosOfMyselfInTheShopToMarkThisMomentousOccasion
#AMemberOfStaffWalkedByAsIWasDoingItSoITriedToNotLookAsWeirdAsIDid
#IPrettyMuchBlockedTheWholeSelfServiceSectionWithThePushchair
#AndITriedToScanAndPackAsQuickAsPossible
#MyShoppingBagsWereSoakingWet
#ItWasABitOfAStressfulExperience
#IWentOutsideAndNoticedBHadLostHerDummy
#IPulledOverToSomeShelterButICouldNotFindItAndMyArmWasSoWetThatIDidNotWantToDigAroundForIt
#ITriedToWalkFastAndACarSplashedMeButIWasSoSoakedThatItDidNotMakeADifference
#ItWasGoodToTestBsPushchairsWaterproofCoverToTheLimit
#IWouldHaveDoneAFullLengthPhotoOfHowSoakedIWasButItWasTooCold
#TheOnlyThingThatDidNotGetWetAtAllWereMyBreastPads
#LuckilyBKeptSleepingSoICouldHaveAHotShower
#TSawHowWetIWasAndSaidSomethingAboutHowNiceItMustFeelToFeelTheRainOnMeOrSomething
#ILikeWalkingInTheRainButThisWasTooMuchSoNextTimeIWillBeMoreCareful
I Went To The Supermarket For The First Time Since Before Lockdown And Got Soaked (2nd September 2020) II  
I Went To The Supermarket For The First Time Since Before Lockdown And Got Soaked (2nd September 2020) III  

#ItWasRainingABitEarlierButIThoughtItWasJustDrizzlingAfterAWhileSoIDecidedToGoForAWalk

I heard the rain hitting the window earlier on, but I wanted to go out for B to have her next nap as she sleeps better with movement. Her previous naps had been in the bouncer. I couldn’t hear the rain so I assumed it was just spitting.

#IHaveBeenTryingToGoForAWalkBeforeTFinishesWorkSoICanDoABitOfMyCourseInTheEvening #AndTIsNotBotheredAboutNotGoingOut #OneMinuteIAmTellingMyselfOffForSigningUpForToLearnCodingAsIFeelIHaveEnoughOnMyPlateButTheNextMinuteIAmLovingChallengingMyselfAndItFeelsGreatWhenIGetThingsRight

We did not go for a walk the whole bank holiday weekend. As Tiago isn’t at work it’s good to catch up with things, so though we plan to go out often it doesn’t happen. Generally we say for most of the day that we will go out, but then it gets too late. We need to not do that again…

#JustBeforeILeftIDecidedIShouldGoToTheSupermarket #IHadNotBeenInOneSinceBeforeLockdown #SometimesIGetBoredAsMyWalksAreABitAimlessSoItWasNiceToHaveAMission

“Mission”. We needed some things and I thought if T went out then it would take up some of the evening. I had been thinking about going to the supermarket for a while, so it seemed like a good time to do it.

#ILeftHomeAndItWasRainingALittleBitButItWasNotTooBad #IWasGoingToGoForAWalkFirstThenGoShoppingBeforeICameHome

It wasn’t raining enough to feel like ‘I should turn around and wait until later’. Though maybe it was a little and I was committed? Once you’ve got your baby ready and you’re out the house, it’s a big thing to be like nah… later.

#FiveMinutesLaterItWasPouringDownSoIJustHeadedForTheShop

I was looking forward to the walk, but yeah it got too much too fast. I keep an umbrella on the handlebars, but it was too windy for it and it’s a bit of a faff pushing it and holding an umbrella. I’m not that skilled yet!

#IHadToStopBeforeIGotThereToPutMyMaskOnAsThereWasNowhereToShelterByTheShopToDoIt

And waiting for T outside there before I’ve got annoyed at seeing people put a mask on in the doorway, so I was not going to be that person. Though inside some people weren’t wearing masks…

#LuckilyItWasQuietInsideBecauseOfTheRain

I guess they limit the number of customers now, but there was more staff than customers.

#IWasAnxiousAboutPushingBAroundAsTheAislesAreQuiteSmall

I kept trying to ‘park’ out of the way whilst I checked my shopping list and messaged Tiago to say how soaked I was. Occasionally an aisle was too narrow, so I’d have to leave B and quickly go grab something.

#ItWasWeirdSeeingThePricesOfThingsAndSeeingProductsThatIHaveNotSeenInMonths #TiagoHasBeenDoingOurShoppingForSoLongNow

I look at the receipts occasionally, but it was weird seeing them for myself. I had forgotten about so many brands and things. It was odd…

#IAwkwardlyTookACoupleOfPhotosOfMyselfInTheShopToMarkThisMomentousOccasion #AMemberOfStaffWalkedByAsIWasDoingItSoITriedToNotLookAsWeirdAsIDid

“Momentous occasion”. Of course I had to… A full length would have been cool, but I’m too awkward for these things.

#IPrettyMuchBlockedTheWholeSelfServiceSectionWithThePushchair #AndITriedToScanAndPackAsQuickAsPossible #MyShoppingBagsWereSoakingWet #ItWasABitOfAStressfulExperience

I was hoping to just go to a cashier as I thought it would be quicker, but they weren’t open. I guess it is safer to not go to them, but I have always found the self service machines stressful if you have more than a few items.

The rain worked in my favour with the shop, but not with feeling physically good.

(I haven’t been back since and I don’t really plan to unless she is in a carrier as it was so stressful. I went to some clothes shops yesterday to get her some vests and even some of the aisles of baby clothes are too narrow for a pushchair.)

#IWentOutsideAndNoticedBHadLostHerDummy #IPulledOverToSomeShelterButICouldNotFindItAndMyArmWasSoWetThatIDidNotWantToDigAroundForIt

She had woken up and I usually give it back to her to help her go back to sleep. I wasn’t going to open up her waterproof cover, but I thought I should try to in case she started to cry later on and I would not be able to stop anywhere else that was so dry. In the end it was fine though and she drifted back off to sleep. Win.

#ITriedToWalkFastAndACarSplashedMeButIWasSoSoakedThatItDidNotMakeADifference

I went to swear at them, but then I noticed how deep the puddle was and I hadn’t really felt it. The splash looked quite big though, so they could have driven slower but they probably saw how wet I was anyways.

I felt a bit self-conscious about soaked I was, but other pedestrians looked the same.

#ItWasGoodToTestBsPushchairsWaterproofCoverToTheLimit

It did let a bit of rain in, but it did pretty well. We usually towel dry it as it is quicker, but the basket was soaking wet.

#IWouldHaveDoneAFullLengthPhotoOfHowSoakedIWasButItWasTooCold #TheOnlyThingThatDidNotGetWetAtAllWereMyBreastPads #LuckilyBKeptSleepingSoICouldHaveAHotShower

I did not want to drip all over my stuff and I did not know how long I had before B would wake up. A shower took preference. I’m sat in my comfy clothes now and I’d love a nap, but I need to feed B.

#TSawHowWetIWasAndSaidSomethingAboutHowNiceItMustFeelToFeelTheRainOnMeOrSomething #ILikeWalkingInTheRainButThisWasTooMuchSoNextTimeIWillBeMoreCareful

He saw me in my comfy clothes and said I should get into bed, but I said no I have to write my hashtags and then I wrote this blog post…

(The next day I realised that the rain had also ruined my sunglasses. They used to be blue tinted, but whatever makes them blue had started to come away as I had left them soaking wet in the organiser of the pushchair. Great. I’m going to have to see if I can completely remove that layer so I can salvage them and just have black sunglasses. Exciting stuff!)


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

An Impression Of B Sucking Her Hands (31st August 2020)

Me doing an impression of B sucking her hand
An Impression Of B Sucking Her Hands (31st August 2020)
 
#IHadBeenMeaningToTakeAPictureOfThisForAFewDays
#BHasStartedToSuckHerHandsNow
#AndBecauseIDoNotWantHerFaceInThisProjectIThoughtIWouldPhotographMyselfDoingItInstead
#ItLooksABitLikeSheIsLickingAnIceCream
#IHopeItDoesNotLookTooDodgy
#WellIfItDoesThenThatIsYourDodgyMindNotMine
#ItWasOnMyShootListButIWasTryingToNotDoOneForACoupleOfDays
#IAmUpToDateWithMyBlogPostsInTermsOfHavingSomethingWrittenForEachOne
#ThenOnTheDayThatIPostIJustCheckOverThemAndAddInAnythingElse
#AndIStartedACodingCourseLastWeekSoIFeelLikeIHaveALotGoingOn
#SoItWasNiceToNotHaveToWriteAnyBlogPostsForACoupleOfDays
#ThenIHadAnImprintOfBsEarOnMyChest
#SoIWantedToPhotographThatWithMyQuoteProperKitUnquoteAsMostOfMyPicturesLatelyHaveBeenWithMyCrummyPhoneCamera
#ThoughIDidTryToTakeOneWithMyPhone
#AndAsEverythingWasSetUpAndBWasWithTiagoIThoughtIWouldTryOutThisIdea
#ItIsWhatItIs
#MeDoingAnImpressionOfBSuckingHerHand
#TiagoGotACoupleOfShelvingUnitsThatIHaveWantedSinceIStartedToNestAtTheBeginningOfLockdown
#SoHopefullyNowWeCanSoonHaveTheFlatMoreTidy
#ButThenTheNextThingWeNeedToWorryAboutIsBabyproofingEverything
#TheFunNeverEnds
#IFeelABitLonely
#IFeelLikeNonMumFriendsCanNotRelateToMeNowAndSomeAreKeepingTheirDistance
#AndThatIDoNotFitInWithNewMumFriendsAsIStartedToDoACourseAndTheyFeelLikeTheyDoNotHaveTimeToDoAnything
#INeedToBeProductiveAndRetainSomeOfMyOldIdentityAsOtherwiseItIsNotGoodForMyMentalHealth
#ILoveBToBitsAlreadyButSheCanNotProvideMeWithEverythingINeed
#AndTheGoodThingAboutMyProjectIsItIsToDoWithOurFamily
#ThoughWritingThingsLikeThisIsHardButIThinkSheWillUnderstandOneDay
#IAmStillWorkingOnABalanceButIGuessItIsAWorkInProgressFromWeekToWeek
#INeedToDoSomeStretchingBeforeSheWakesUpFromHerNapAsIHaveNotInAFewDaysAndIDoNotFeelThatGreatBecauseOfIt

(I wrote this blog post on the day I took the picture – any comments in brackets are comments from today.)

#IHadBeenMeaningToTakeAPictureOfThisForAFewDays
#BHasStartedToSuckHerHandsNow
#AndBecauseIDoNotWantHerFaceInThisProjectIThoughtIWouldPhotographMyselfDoingItInstead
#ItLooksABitLikeSheIsLickingAnIceCream
#IHopeItDoesNotLookTooDodgy
#WellIfItDoesThenThatIsYourDodgyMindNotMine

To be fair there were some dodgy looking pictures and I get enough weird messages as it is. In the end it was between this one and one that did look dodgy. I preferred this one, but I thought I’d ask T his opinion; I was happy when he also liked this one.

Maybe it looks more like I am just thinking. I do suck/bite my fingers when I am stressed (perhaps less now due to Covid now), so maybe it’s a similar thing. I think she is just discovering her body more though. I got reminded that she will be grabbing her feet and things soon, which will be funny!

#ItWasOnMyShootListButIWasTryingToNotDoOneForACoupleOfDays
#IAmUpToDateWithMyBlogPostsInTermsOfHavingSomethingWrittenForEachOne
#ThenOnTheDayThatIPostIJustCheckOverThemAndAddInAnythingElse

Though once I start writing blog posts I do get quite into them.

#AndIStartedACodingCourseLastWeekSoIFeelLikeIHaveALotGoingOn
#SoItWasNiceToNotHaveToWriteAnyBlogPostsForACoupleOfDays

Yeah it’s a bit much doing blog posts and classes in one night. Though I watched a few segments earlier and did the first task for my JavaScript week, and this is my second blog post but hopefully tomorrow night I can just focus on my course. Thanks to Tiago for being super supportive.

#ThenIHadAnImprintOfBsEarOnMyChest
#SoIWantedToPhotographThatWithMyQuoteProperKitUnquoteAsMostOfMyPicturesLatelyHaveBeenWithMyCrummyPhoneCamera
#ThoughIDidTryToTakeOneWithMyPhone
#AndAsEverythingWasSetUpAndBWasWithTiagoIThoughtIWouldTryOutThisIdea
#ItIsWhatItIs
#MeDoingAnImpressionOfBSuckingHerHand

I love how I don’t do a shoot for a few days and then I photograph two ideas. It’s how it goes. I’ve written the blog posts on the same day as the shoots, which at least is a good exercise in editing my shoots down quickly. It feels really good to be up to date with these things – until I make more work for myself.

#TiagoGotACoupleOfShelvingUnitsThatIHaveWantedSinceIStartedToNestAtTheBeginningOfLockdown
#SoHopefullyNowWeCanSoonHaveTheFlatMoreTidy

A certain furniture store was out of stock of certain things – like the cot we wanted – and then wasn’t delivering other things that we wanted. When they reopened we thought the queues would be too much, so we held off and tried to find them second hand. In the end we were too slow at getting them, so T finally braved it. He said there were still big queues and a lot of people going in together. I’d love to go round a shop, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to go as a family.

Anyways, we built them pretty fast and it’s nice to have my art books out finally after living in Liverpool for 20 months!

#ButThenTheNextThingWeNeedToWorryAboutIsBabyproofingEverything
#TheFunNeverEnds

Can she just exist within a playpen for the rest of her life?

#IFeelABitLonely
#IFeelLikeNonMumFriendsCanNotRelateToMeNowAndSomeAreKeepingTheirDistance
#AndThatIDoNotFitInWithNewMumFriendsAsIStartedToDoACourseAndTheyFeelLikeTheyDoNotHaveTimeToDoAnything
#INeedToBeProductiveAndRetainSomeOfMyOldIdentityAsOtherwiseItIsNotGoodForMyMentalHealth

(I’ve been thinking about these few hashtags since I wrote them and I feel awkward about them, but it’s how I feel.)

It is just a bit weird. Some people stop talking to you once you get pregnant, some stop talking to you once you’ve had a kid, some people it just feels awkward to talk to etc.

I know that some people feel bad for not being productive; I don’t want them to feel that way. Some people say they aren’t productive, but I bet they are in different ways to me.

I would love to just be relaxing, but I’m not very good at it. I’m trying to be more relaxed during the day though when me and B hang out though. I’m also lucky that Tiago understands that I need some time to do my own thing.

I guess I’ve always felt like I’ve never really fitted in anywhere anyways. Well, I feel like I fit in with my new family of T and B and that’s really good. I can be myself with them – for now. Maybe B will find me embarrassing in a few years’ time, but we will just have to wait and see!

I’ve said since before B was born that I need to retain some of my past identity. When I say that I mean just being able to do my art stuff as it is important for my mental health. I am at my worst when I feel like I haven’t done anything as my work is very therapeutic for me.

(I’m currently feeling a little stressed as I’ve started the next phase of my coding course – my session today took me longer than I planned and I didn’t do my task well – and I haven’t done a shoot in 4/5 days. Hopefully I will take photos tomorrow.)

#ILoveBToBitsAlreadyButSheCanNotProvideMeWithEverythingINeed

I love when she smiles and she giggles in her sleep a bit now. I can’t wait for her to laugh at loud at me doing dumb things to make her do so 🙂

#AndTheGoodThingAboutMyProjectIsItIsToDoWithOurFamily

So I may annoy them, but at least I’m around. At some point I would like to do something that perhaps isn’t so diaristic, but that’s where we are for now.

#ThoughWritingThingsLikeThisIsHardButIThinkSheWillUnderstandOneDay

Well, she will one day know that I can not provide her with everything she needs because it is impossible.

It is also hard to write about feeling lonely at times. I think I feel this way because of the pandemic too though; things would be a bit different if we weren’t going through this. It is odd though as a lot of people act like it is not happening.

#IAmStillWorkingOnABalanceButIGuessItIsAWorkInProgressFromWeekToWeek

It is a bit more day to day at times, but I am learning and different days need different approaches.

#INeedToDoSomeStretchingBeforeSheWakesUpFromHerNapAsIHaveNotInAFewDaysAndIDoNotFeelThatGreatBecauseOfIt

I was bouncing her in her bouncer while she slept. I finished the hashtags and got up to do a YouTube video. T took over bouncing duties, but she noticed the difference and she woke up pretty quickly.

Luckily she was pretty chilled and allowed me to finish. I think I fed and changed her, then I did a baby yoga video with her. I need to start doing more baby classes with her as it is good quality time and I feel like she gets a lot out of them. We are starting a new course soon, so hopefully she will enjoy it more now that she is a bit older.

(We have since started a new course and we haven’t been able to get through a class in one go – the last one we did it took 3 separate sessions to complete.

I hope this blog post makes sense. When I wrote it I was probably tired and now checking it I am quite tired. I’ve started to go to bed at 9pm if I can, but it seems that I can never sleep enough.)


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Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

This Is Supposed To Be A Photo Of B’s Ear Imprint (31st August 2020)

Well I tried my best to get a good picture of it before it disappeared…

A bad photo of B's ear imprinted on my chest
This Is Supposed To Be A Photo Of B’s Ear Imprint (31st August 2020)
 
#BHadAMorningNapOnMe
#SheHadOneOnTiagoBeforeIWokeUpAndThenHePutHerBackInHerCot
#WhenSheCriedAndWokeMeUpIGotHerUpAndFedHerAndThenSheFellAsleepOnMeAndIWasTooTiredToGetUpSoILetHerSleep
#ICanNotGetUpInTheMorning
#WellIHaveToButIFeelTerribleForAWhile
#ButThenIGenerallyDoNotSleepAgainUntilNightTime
#WhileSheSleptOnMeIReadSomeOfMyLibraryBookThatIGenerallyOnlyReadDuringTheNight
#AsIFeelQuiteAwakeButThenWakeUpFeelingTerrible
#YouOnlyHave2WeeksToReadAnEbookAndTwoPeopleAreWaitingForItSoINeedToHurryUp
#OtherwiseIHaveToWaitForThemToBorrowItBeforeICanFinishIt
#TiagoBroughtMeBreakfastAndIAteWhatICouldOverHerHead
#WhenIMovedHerOffMeToEatTheMessierPartINoticedLinesOnMyStomachFromHerBabyGrowZip
#ButAlsoAStrangeMarkOnMyBoob
#LookingDownAtItIRealisedItWasAnImprintOfHerEar
#TJustCameIntoTheRoomKindOfHalfSkippingHalfLikeHeWasRidingAHorse
#HeSaidHeHadNeverMovedLikeItBeforeAndDidTheSameToExitTheRoom
#IThoughtIShouldMentionItAsItMadeMeLaugh
#AnywaysITriedToTakeAPictureOfTheEarImprint
#ButMyPhoneIsNotVeryGood
#AndALotWasOnShowIfIWantedToHaveItSoThatItWasInFocus
#SoIQuicklyPassedBToTiago
#AndSetUpMyPhotoStuffToSeeIfICouldTakeAnAlrightPhotoWithACloseupFilter
#GoodJobItIsABankHolidaySoHeWasAvailable
#IWasScramblingAsIKnewItWasAlreadyFading
#YouCanKindOfSeeItButIGuessItIsNotVeryObvious
#MyFriendBellaHasShownMePhotosOfHerSonsEarImprintedOnHerArmBefore
#ForSomeReasonIDidNotExpectToSeeMeWithOneSoSoon
#IAmSureItWillNotBeTheLastTimeEither
#MaybeNextTimeICanGetABetterPhoto
#ButItMightJustLookTheSame

Tiago says you can’t see s*** and that is quite accurate…

#BHadAMorningNapOnMe
#SheHadOneOnTiagoBeforeIWokeUpAndThenHePutHerBackInHerCot
#WhenSheCriedAndWokeMeUpIGotHerUpAndFedHerAndThenSheFellAsleepOnMeAndIWasTooTiredToGetUpSoILetHerSleep

So I should have either woken her up and fed her more, or woken her up and got her ready for the day. I did neither…

#ICanNotGetUpInTheMorning
#WellIHaveToButIFeelTerribleForAWhile
#ButThenIGenerallyDoNotSleepAgainUntilNightTime

I should really be napping more during the day when she naps, but that would be too smart.

To be fair most of her naps are on me, in the pushchair, in her carrier or in the bouncer whilst I am bouncing it so it’s not that easy…

(Since I wrote this she’s been taking more naps in her cot, but it’s a work in progress.)

#WhileSheSleptOnMeIReadSomeOfMyLibraryBookThatIGenerallyOnlyReadDuringTheNight
#AsIFeelQuiteAwakeButThenWakeUpFeelingTerrible
#YouOnlyHave2WeeksToReadAnEbookAndTwoPeopleAreWaitingForItSoINeedToHurryUp
#OtherwiseIHaveToWaitForThemToBorrowItBeforeICanFinishIt

I started to read when I only had 10 days left. I assumed I wouldn’t read it and would just return it like I do with a lot of books, but I’ve got quite into it. It’s called Diamonds at the Lost and Found by Sarah Aspinall. I love a good childhood memoir, but I was mainly drawn in by the cover on the library app. I tend not to read too much blurb as I like to be surprised.

(Well I finished it and now I’m reading Such A Fun Age by Kiley Reid.)

#TiagoBroughtMeBreakfastAndIAteWhatICouldOverHerHead

If you’re interested it was some olive tapenade on bread, some Sao Jorge cheese on bread and two eggs. I was worried the eggs would run over her head, so I asked him to put them on toast but the bread was small and I knew I would make a mess. Fun times.

#WhenIMovedHerOffMeToEatTheMessierPartINoticedLinesOnMyStomachFromHerBabyGrowZip

So yeah I had to move her off me and I felt bad. I also knew she would wake up as soon as I put her down.

#ButAlsoAStrangeMarkOnMyBoob
#LookingDownAtItIRealisedItWasAnImprintOfHerEar

Please remember this bit.

#TJustCameIntoTheRoomKindOfHalfSkippingHalfLikeHeWasRidingAHorse
#HeSaidHeHadNeverMovedLikeItBeforeAndDidTheSameToExitTheRoom
#IThoughtIShouldMentionItAsItMadeMeLaugh

A bit of a random hashtag interlude but Tiago looked so happy and it made me laugh out loud so I had to include it.

Remember the hashtags before though…

#AnywaysITriedToTakeAPictureOfTheEarImprint
#ButMyPhoneIsNotVeryGood
#AndALotWasOnShowIfIWantedToHaveItSoThatItWasInFocus
#SoIQuicklyPassedBToTiago

A bad phone picture where it is more obvious. I think that is also a crumb from my breakfast further up the left hand side of the photo.

Yeah a bad picture like that, but it is more clear. The crumb does crack me up though – I probably should just have this as the final image really.

(I’ve seen taken a photo of myself where you can see a lot of crumbs on me.)

#AndSetUpMyPhotoStuffToSeeIfICouldTakeAnAlrightPhotoWithACloseupFilter
#GoodJobItIsABankHolidaySoHeWasAvailable
#IWasScramblingAsIKnewItWasAlreadyFading
#YouCanKindOfSeeItButIGuessItIsNotVeryObvious
#MyFriendBellaHasShownMePhotosOfHerSonsEarImprintedOnHerArmBefore
#ForSomeReasonIDidNotExpectToSeeMeWithOneSoSoon
#IAmSureItWillNotBeTheLastTimeEither
#MaybeNextTimeICanGetABetterPhoto
#ButItMightJustLookTheSame

And that’s the story of how I got a photo of my chest with nothing much to see. I should probably moisturise it in the not so distant future by the zoomed in looks of it!


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Answering The Door Looking A Mess (27th August 2020)

Answering The Door Looking A Mess (27th August 2020)
 
#IKnewSomePeopleWereCheckingAllTheFireDoorsInTheBuildingTodayButIDidNotKnowWhatTimeTheyWouldCheckOurDoor
#IDidThinkAboutPuttingADressOnButThoughtTheyWouldNotComeUntilALotLater
#IWasUpAndHadFedBAndChangedHerAndWashedHerWithAFlannel
#IHadMadeUpANewSongForHerAboutWhenIDancedInAMusicVideoWhilstIWas6MonthsPregnantWithHer
#HeyThereHeyThereMissBB
#SawYouOnTheTV
#InYourMummysBelly
#SheWasDancing
#ToASongCalledDanca
#NoEffectsOorEnhancer
#SheMovedJustLikeJelly
#ItIsFunMakingUpSongsForHerAndIHadSungItAbout20TimesAsSheSeemedToBeSingingAlong
#AndThenTheDoorWent
#IScrambledToFindMyUsualDressButICouldNot
#ThenIFranticallyTriedToGrabSomethingFromTheWardrobe
#IChuckedOnANursingDressThatIHaveNotWornYetButItWillBeGoodForTheAutumnWhenItIsLessHot
#GotToTheDoorAndRealisedHowShortItWasButJustOpenedTheDoor
#ThereWereAboutFourGuysThereNotStoodVeryFarApart
#IJustOpenedItAndBackedAwayBecauseOfSocialDistancingAndAll
#HeLookedALittleShockedAndSaidItWouldTakeAMinute
#IJustSaidOkayOkayAndRanBackToTheBedroomToScrambleToPutSomeLeggingsOn
#ByTheTimeIHadPutThemOnHeHadAlreadyFinishedAndJustShutTheDoor
#ILookedInTheMirrorAndRealisedHowMessyMyHairWas
#HeProbablyThoughtHeHadWokenMeUpOrSomething
#AndBWasBeingQuietSoHeWouldNotHaveKnownIHadABaby
#LolIDoNotReallyCare
#TheBigRevelationAroundHereIsThatIFoundOutViaAnInstagramStoryTheMeaningOfPinkEyebrows
#SometimesBsEyebrowsAreQuiteRedOrPinkAndIThoughtItWasASkinThing
#ButItTurnsOutThatItIsASignThatSheIsSleepySoIKnowThatItIsTimeForHerToTakeANapNow
#SometimesIAmLikeThereIsNoWaySheIsTiredButSheGoesToSleepPrettyFast

#IKnewSomePeopleWereCheckingAllTheFireDoorsInTheBuildingTodayButIDidNotKnowWhatTimeTheyWouldCheckOurDoor
#IDidThinkAboutPuttingADressOnButThoughtTheyWouldNotComeUntilALotLater

Yet another building with the same cladding as Grenfell Tower.

(If you’re not from the UK/don’t know about it, it is a tower block that caught fire in 2017 and sadly 72 people died.)

#IWasUpAndHadFedBAndChangedHerAndWashedHerWithAFlannel

Smashing it, I know.

#IHadMadeUpANewSongForHerAboutWhenIDancedInAMusicVideoWhilstIWas6MonthsPregnantWithHer

This one.

#HeyThereHeyThereMissBB
#SawYouOnTheTV
#InYourMummysBelly
#SheWasDancing
#ToASongCalledDanca
#NoEffectsOorEnhancer
#SheMovedJustLikeJelly

I love how I just randomly sing things that I like the sound of, and then manage to turn them into a little song. I am sure I’ve stole the tune from something. I will try to do a little Instagram video of it soon.

#ItIsFunMakingUpSongsForHerAndIHadSungItAbout20TimesAsSheSeemedToBeSingingAlong

I recorded a video of B singing along to it and sent it to Tiago. It also helps me remember the songs I make up. For some reason I kept forgetting the tune of this one.

#AndThenTheDoorWent

Of course.

#IScrambledToFindMyUsualDressButICouldNot

Obviously I found it later hanging on the bathroom door.

#ThenIFranticallyTriedToGrabSomethingFromTheWardrobe

Wasting so much time scanning to and fro looking for something quick to throw on.

#IChuckedOnANursingDressThatIHaveNotWornYetButItWillBeGoodForTheAutumnWhenItIsLessHot

It seemed like a wise choice.

#GotToTheDoorAndRealisedHowShortItWasButJustOpenedTheDoor

A few quick strong tugs on it before I went for the handle… I really didn’t think it was that short before.

#ThereWereAboutFourGuysThereNotStoodVeryFarApart

Hello social distancing…

#IJustOpenedItAndBackedAwayBecauseOfSocialDistancingAndAll

…Well, none from them and all from me.

#HeLookedALittleShockedAndSaidItWouldTakeAMinute

I did look a right state.

#IJustSaidOkayOkayAndRanBackToTheBedroomToScrambleToPutSomeLeggingsOn
#ByTheTimeIHadPutThemOnHeHadAlreadyFinishedAndJustShutTheDoor

Great! I was glad it was all done so soon, so that we could get on with our day. I hate that feeling of not knowing when someone will knock on the door…

#ILookedInTheMirrorAndRealisedHowMessyMyHairWas
#HeProbablyThoughtHeHadWokenMeUpOrSomething

Yep, I looked a state. I immediately headed back to B and took a picture of myself, so I could laugh at myself in this post.

(I think I have a bit of a bogey sticking out of my nose too – great!)

#AndBWasBeingQuietSoHeWouldNotHaveKnownIHadABaby

When I want her to cry she doesn’t…

#LolIDoNotReallyCare

Hence why I am showing it to the (potential) world. (Who really looks at my stuff?)

#TheBigRevelationAroundHereIsThatIFoundOutViaAnInstagramStoryTheMeaningOfPinkEyebrows
#SometimesBsEyebrowsAreQuiteRedOrPinkAndIThoughtItWasASkinThing
#ButItTurnsOutThatItIsASignThatSheIsSleepySoIKnowThatItIsTimeForHerToTakeANapNow
#SometimesIAmLikeThereIsNoWaySheIsTiredButSheGoesToSleepPrettyFast

Though now I know this it seems like always has pink eyebrows. She wakes up from a nap and has pink eyebrows.

I’m still working on seeing how she can take longer naps without being in a carrier, in the pushchair being pushed or asleep on T or I. She does occasionally nap for more than 20 minutes in her cot during the day, but it does seem rare. I will persevere…

(I wrote this on the day I took the picture I think. Napping and sleep has improved – stay tuned!)


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Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Hip Hip Hooray (25th August 2020)

Hip Hip Hooray (25th August 2020)
 
#WentToTheHospitalTodayForBToHaveHerHipsChecked
#SheHadToHaveAnUltrasound
#WeWereWaitingForAgesAndBWasGettingRestless
#IDidNotWantToFeedHerInCaseWeWereAboutToBeCalledInAndIWouldHaveToScrambleToGetReady
#IWasJustHoldingHerButICouldNotReallySeeHerWithMyMaskOn
#ButEventuallyIThoughtScrewItAsWeHadBeenWaitingFor30Minutes
#SoIFedHerButItWasHardToSeeWhatIWasDoingWithMyMaskOnAndSheKeptPullingItDown
#After5MinutesIThoughtTheyWouldCallUsThroughSoonAndItSeemedLikeSheHadDrankEnoughToTideHerOver
#SheCanDrinkALotIn5MinutesNow
#TheyCalledUsThroughAFewMinutesLaterAndSaidSorryforTheDelayAsTheyOnlyHadOneSonographerWorking
#SheWasMovingBetweenTwoRoomsWhileHerAssistantCleanedTheVacantOneToSpeedThingsUp
#SheSaidTheyUsuallyHaveAtLeastThreeWorking
#BWasSuperChillEvenWithTheUltrasoundGel
#TheSonographerSaidAllSeemedFineButWeGotSentToAnotherDepartment
#ADoctorThereConfirmedAllWasGood
#SheSaidTheyWouldUsuallyDoAnExamThereTooButBecauseOfCovidTheyAreNotAtTheMoment
#AndApparentlyAtTheStartOfLockdownYouWouldGoToTheSonographerAndGetSentHomeAfter
#ThenSomeoneWouldCallTheNextDay
#ButSheSaidItLeftParentsFeelingAnxiousWhichIsFairEnough
#IHaveNotBotheredStressingAboutItAsIThoughtWhatWasThePoint
#SheHasSeemedFineAndAll
#ButSittingWithHerForAnUltrasoundMadeItFeelMoreSerious
#SoIfIHadHadToWaitForADayItMightHaveBeenStressfulIfTheSonographerHadNotSaidHerHipsSeemFine
#ButAllIsGoodAndNowBOnlyHasToWearOneNappyAgain
#IStoleTheTitleFromATextMyDadSentWhenHeHeardTheGoodNews
#YesterdayWeWentToOurFirstRealLifeBabyClass
#ItWasSoNiceToTalkToAndSeeOtherMumsAndBabiesAndGetOutTheFlat
#ItWasWeirdRecognisingPeopleFromZoom
#BHadNotHadADirtyNappyForTwoDaysSoMyMumSaidToEatSomeLettuce
#IAmNotSureIfSheWentBeforeOrAfterIFedHerAfterEatingLettuceButSheHadADirtyNappyAnyways
 

That’s a bit of a blown out background to the left, but never mind. It’s the best I could do on my phone whilst wearing a mask, breastfeeding a baby in one arm and anxiously checking to see if B’s name was going to be called.

#WentToTheHospitalTodayForBToHaveHerHipsChecked

The appointment was a bit later this time, so we had plenty of time to get ready unlike last time.

#SheHadToHaveAnUltrasound

I was going to make some joke to the sonographer like ‘tell me she’s not pregnant’, but then I realised how messed up that sounded…

#WeWereWaitingForAgesAndBWasGettingRestless
#IDidNotWantToFeedHerInCaseWeWereAboutToBeCalledInAndIWouldHaveToScrambleToGetReady
#IWasJustHoldingHerButICouldNotReallySeeHerWithMyMaskOn

I fed her before we left, but she seemed restless like she might want a feed. I really don’t like the feeling of ‘I should probably feed her’ in public whilst not knowing how much time I have…

#ButEventuallyIThoughtScrewItAsWeHadBeenWaitingFor30Minutes
#SoIFedHerButItWasHardToSeeWhatIWasDoingWithMyMaskOnAndSheKeptPullingItDown
#After5MinutesIThoughtTheyWouldCallUsThroughSoonAndItSeemedLikeSheHadDrankEnoughToTideHerOver
#SheCanDrinkALotIn5MinutesNow

…And then you finally decide to feed and you could have just done it already and had lots of time. Yay breastfeeding. Yay parenthood. It’ll be less stressful when I can just give her a snack bar/anything and not have to worry about these situations.

#TheyCalledUsThroughAFewMinutesLaterAndSaidSorryforTheDelayAsTheyOnlyHadOneSonographerWorking
#SheWasMovingBetweenTwoRoomsWhileHerAssistantCleanedTheVacantOneToSpeedThingsUp
#SheSaidTheyUsuallyHaveAtLeastThreeWorking

After sitting down in the waiting area I reread the letter and it said to arrive 15 minutes early for any tests. We were at least 10 minutes early but I went to the department that the letter said first, before getting sent to the radiography department. Obviously by the time they called us our appointment time had long gone, but I knew it wasn’t entirely my fault now.

All the surfaces need to be wiped down because of Covid, so it was smart that they had two rooms set up. I felt bad for her though as it must have been quite intense. I was slow packing up after, but it gave her plenty of time to write her notes up so I felt less bad.

#BWasSuperChillEvenWithTheUltrasoundGel

Super chill. I just had to hold her on her side whilst she looked at one hip, and then do the same on the other side. Her nappy was around her feet and I was worried that she would poo on us. I’m sure it wouldn’t have been the first time it had happened in that room…

#TheSonographerSaidAllSeemedFineButWeGotSentToAnotherDepartment

She did pause a bit longer on the one that the doctor said was a bit clicky, so I was worried but she said they seemed fine.

#ADoctorThereConfirmedAllWasGood

She said she had a look whilst we were walking across and all looked good. I felt relieved. She explained more about it but I don’t really remember what she said and as only one parent was allowed in the hospital I can’t ask Tiago what she said either.

#SheSaidTheyWouldUsuallyDoAnExamThereTooButBecauseOfCovidTheyAreNotAtTheMoment
#AndApparentlyAtTheStartOfLockdownYouWouldGoToTheSonographerAndGetSentHomeAfter
#ThenSomeoneWouldCallTheNextDay
#ButSheSaidItLeftParentsFeelingAnxiousWhichIsFairEnough

Oh yeah, this is some of what she said. It’s so weird hearing how things used to be.

#IHaveNotBotheredStressingAboutItAsIThoughtWhatWasThePoint
#SheHasSeemedFineAndAll
#ButSittingWithHerForAnUltrasoundMadeItFeelMoreSerious
#SoIfIHadHadToWaitForADayItMightHaveBeenStressfulIfTheSonographerHadNotSaidHerHipsSeemFine

To be honest I didn’t really understand what the problem was and because she was so young I knew they would be able to fix it if they needed to. I got a bit nervous the night before, but nothing was noticeably wrong to me.

#ButAllIsGoodAndNowBOnlyHasToWearOneNappyAgain

It’s great being able to easily see if her nappy needs changing again, though the second one was a bit of a barrier that protected her clothes from getting dirty. Oh well.

(She had been having to wear two as the doctor said she had a clicky hip and it apparently helps. She also said that the hospital might tell us to do it. Maybe it helped or maybe it wasn’t necessary?)

#IStoleTheTitleFromATextMyDadSentWhenHeHeardTheGoodNews

Thanks Dad! I don’t think I would have thought of it. He did say hip hop hooray first though 🙂

#YesterdayWeWentToOurFirstRealLifeBabyClass
#ItWasSoNiceToTalkToAndSeeOtherMumsAndBabiesAndGetOutTheFlat
#ItWasWeirdRecognisingPeopleFromZoom

It was interesting to get a glimpse of what B’s early life would be like if there wasn’t Covid, though the class was outside…

I mentioned in my last post about getting a call from the children’s centre to see if we wanted to register for classes that they aren’t sure when they’ll be able to run yet.

#BHadNotHadADirtyNappyForTwoDaysSoMyMumSaidToEatSomeLettuce
#IAmNotSureIfSheWentBeforeOrAfterIFedHerAfterEatingLettuceButSheHadADirtyNappyAnyways

It might have just been a coincidence, but when she goes now I am really missing those double nappies!


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Hair Bird (22nd August 2020)

Hair on the side of the bath that looks a bit like a bird
Hair Bird (22nd August 2020)
 
#IUsedToTakePicturesOfMyFallenOutHairInTheShowerAllTheTime
#IJustCheckedAndTheFirstOneWasIn2017AndTheLastOneThatICanObviouslySeeWasEarly2019
#WhenIWasPregnantIDidNotReallyLoseAny
#IHadBeenToldThatWouldHappenButItStillSeemedOddWhenItTurnedOutToBeTrue
#IJustPutItOnTheWallOrSideOfTheBathLikeHere
#TodayISeemToHaveRandomlyMadeABird
#ThoughTiagoFirstSaidItLookedLikeAHorseWhenIShowedHim
#IDoNotWashMyHairMuchAnymore
#ICanNotRememberWhenILastDidBeforeTodayButItWasProbably10DaysAgoIsh
#IWasJustGoingToReTieMyHairAndIRealisedThatIHadSoManyKnotsUnderneath
#IHadALittleDreadlockForming
#IDoNotBrushMyHairMuchAsItMakesItGreasier
#AndIfITieMyHairUpThenItDoesNotMatterIfItIsBrushedOrNot
#TheseHashtagsAreSoBoring
#WeGaveBABathToday
#WeUsuallyDoTwiceAWeek
#AndWashHerDailyWithAFlannel
#WeFindItEasierIfOneOfUsGetsInTheBathWithHer
#EspeciallyIfTheTubIsQuiteDeep
#InTheEarlyDaysItWasTiagoWhoGotInAsHeFeltMoreConfident
#NowItIsUsuallyMe
#IfIAmLuckyIGetToStayInTheBathALittleLongerAfterwards
#ThoughMaybeIAmJustBathingInBabyPiss
#TheLastTwoTimesBeforeTodayTheBathGotCutShortDueToNumberTwos
#ButTodayAHadALittleBitOfTimeAndWashedMyHairOverTheBathAfterwards
#AsIWasGettingDressedTiagoCameInToSayBNeededFeeding
#BSeemsToLoveTheBath
#SheSitsInABathSupport
#SheIsStartingToKickHerLegsAndMovesTheSupportByPuttingHerFeetOnTheFloorAndPushing
#ICanNotWaitToGoSwimmingWithHerOneDay

#IUsedToTakePicturesOfMyFallenOutHairInTheShowerAllTheTime #IJustCheckedAndTheFirstOneWasIn2017AndTheLastOneThatICanObviouslySeeWasEarly2019

The project was called Hair Sculptures. It probably needs a better title to be honest, but the name follows on from Bathroom Sculptures which was hand tissues that had been dumped on surfaces in the Mayfair bathroom of a building where I worked.

I did think about putting those projects on my website at some point, but they are quite different to the rest of my work.

I’ve been listening to podcasts whilst pushing B on walks and I feel inspired to try other art forms again, but do I have the time? Not really.

#WhenIWasPregnantIDidNotReallyLoseAny #IHadBeenToldThatWouldHappenButItStillSeemedOddWhenItTurnedOutToBeTrue

I think my hairdresser told me this – that makes me sound fancier than I am. My hair was thick enough already, though I didn’t really notice much change in it whilst I was pregnant. I had it cut to shoulder length when I was about 18 weeks and it’s just been growing since.

#IJustPutItOnTheWallOrSideOfTheBathLikeHere #TodayISeemToHaveRandomlyMadeABird #ThoughTiagoFirstSaidItLookedLikeAHorseWhenIShowedHim

I think T didn’t believe that I randomly made an animal with my hair. Sadly I’m not that creative… Well I am but my execution of it would have been worse if I had tried to do it on purpose. Maybe no one else sees the bird, but it makes me happy. I like random creations.

#IDoNotWashMyHairMuchAnymore #ICanNotRememberWhenILastDidBeforeTodayButItWasProbably10DaysAgoIsh

I was trying to get away with not washing my hair much, but then lockdown really helped as no one really saw me – except T, and strangers on my daily walks.

#IWasJustGoingToReTieMyHairAndIRealisedThatIHadSoManyKnotsUnderneath #IHadALittleDreadlockForming #IDoNotBrushMyHairMuchAsItMakesItGreasier #AndIfITieMyHairUpThenItDoesNotMatterIfItIsBrushedOrNot

I love when I’ve had my hair tied up in a messy bun for a week and it has a massive wave through it when I take it down. It’s not enjoyed for long though as I’ve usually taken it down to wash it or to retie it.

#TheseHashtagsAreSoBoring

No one probably cares about half the stuff I say, but hopefully some of it will be interesting to me in the future.

#WeGaveBABathToday
#WeUsuallyDoTwiceAWeek
#AndWashHerDailyWithAFlannel

It’s so much easier now I’m more confident doing it.

#WeFindItEasierIfOneOfUsGetsInTheBathWithHer
#EspeciallyIfTheTubIsQuiteDeep
#InTheEarlyDaysItWasTiagoWhoGotInAsHeFeltMoreConfident
#NowItIsUsuallyMe
#IfIAmLuckyIGetToStayInTheBathALittleLongerAfterwards
#ThoughMaybeIAmJustBathingInBabyPiss
#TheLastTwoTimesBeforeTodayTheBathGotCutShortDueToNumberTwos

I bought some lavender bath salts to try to help me sleep in the early days. Then I realised I wasn’t supposed to have a bath yet because of my stitches and I haven’t got round to using them. I feel like I don’t have time for a relaxing bath at the moment, but hopefully I will soon!

#ButTodayAHadALittleBitOfTimeAndWashedMyHairOverTheBathAfterwards
#AsIWasGettingDressedTiagoCameInToSayBNeededFeeding

That’s the thing – I can’t be too relaxed in case B needs me, though we’ve gone back to doing a bottle feed in the evening. It seems like an easier way to give her her vitamin D, but she doesn’t seem to like drinking from a bottle anymore.

#BSeemsToLoveTheBath
#SheSitsInABathSupport #SheIsStartingToKickHerLegsAndMovesTheSupportByPuttingHerFeetOnTheFloorAndPushing

I think B has always liked the bath. The first or second time T tried to dunk her more in the bath after and she cried, but she’s quite content sat there. She is getting stronger. She pushes herself away on the mat where I flannel wash her in the mornings, but I’m like I can catch you!

#ICanNotWaitToGoSwimmingWithHerOneDay

This will be nice. I’ve looked at lessons, but they’re quite expensive and not that easy for me to get to so we’ll have to see. Usually we’d have been on holiday this summer to see T’s parents and gone swimming in the sea lots, though it was kind of off the table for me because I was pregnant. T was planning to go for a wedding, but that got postponed. His parents just sent us honey and our favourite cheese, so I’ll just have to close my eyes when I eat it and pretend we’re there…


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Crying Because She Smiled At Me (19th August 2020)

Me with a tear on my cheek in the bathroom because my daughter smiled at me
Crying Because She Smiled At Me (19th August 2020)
 
#IUsedToCryBecauseSheDidNotSmile
#NowICryBecauseSheDoesSmile
#IHaveCriedThreeTimesBetweenHerFirstSmilingAtMeThisMorningAndMeOpeningThisDocumentToWriteTheseHashtags
#ObviouslyTearsOfJoy
#WeAreAllSatOnTheBedAndBIsAtMySide
#IKeepLookingDownAtHerAndTryingToMakeHerSmile
#MyNewFavouriteThingsIsJustSayingAEIOUAtHerAndOnUIPutMyFingerOnHerNose
#IReadThatBabiesLikeToLookAtYourMouth
#MyFavouriteSoundOfHersIsWhenSheCoos
#AndTheShapeThatHerMouthMovesIntoToMakeItIsSoCute
#IAlsoJustOpenMyMouthWideAndMakeAShortLaughingSoundWhichSheSeemsToLike
#SheLikesToGrabOnToThingsNow
#WeHaveALotOfMuslinsAndWeUseOneWithHerCarseatAndTheOtherDaySheWasHoldingItAllTheWayToTheCar
#AndSheIsFallingAsleepNowWithOneInHerHand
#MaybeItIsTimeToGiveHerTheComfortBlanketWeHaveForHer
#SheJustWokeUpAndMadeALittleSoundSoILookedOverAtHerAndMadeMyMouthBigAndSheSmiled
#IFeelLikeWhenSheIsInASmileyMoodICanSayAnythingAndSheWillSmile
#IMostlyCallHerAPoopMachineAndSayPoopInAHighPitchedWay
#SheAlsoPutsHerHandOnMyChestMoreWhenIFeedHer
#AllMyRecentPhonePhotosHaveJustBeenWhenIAmFeedingHerAndWhereShePutsHerHands
#IThinkYesterdayWasTheFirstTimeThatIDidNotHandExpressOrPump
#IFedHerOnAParkBenchYesterdayWhenWeMetNCTFriends
#AndTheDayBeforeIBreastfedHerAtATableOutsideOfARestaurant
#IReadAboutAnActivityToDoPaintingWithHer
#YouPutAPieceOfPaperWithBigDollopsOfPaintOnItInsideASeeThroughPlasticWalletAndTapeItToTheFloor
#ThenDragHerHandsAcrossItOrSeeIfSheInteractsWithItDuringTummyTime
#PerhapsSheIsTooYoungButWeMightTryItToday
#YesterdayIDidDanceVideosWithoutBAndAsMuchAsILoveHavingHerWithMeWhenIDoThemIThinkIDanceBetterAlone
#WhenSheIsOnMeMyMovementsAreLimitedAndIDoTheSameMobesButWithoutHerItIsMoreOfAWorkout
#SheJustWokeHerselfUpByCryingInHerSleepAndNowIAmCryingBecauseHerFrownBrokeMyHeart
 

It’s not the world’s best picture, but I only took a few. One was blah, one showed me licking the tear with my tongue (possibly interesting but odd) or this one which actually shows the tear but is a bit blurry. I guess the blurriness shows my hurried state these days – taking a few quick pictures in the bathroom then running back to my baby.

#IUsedToCryBecauseSheDidNotSmile
#NowICryBecauseSheDoesSmile
#IHaveCriedThreeTimesBetweenHerFirstSmilingAtMeThisMorningAndMeOpeningThisDocumentToWriteTheseHashtags
#ObviouslyTearsOfJoy

It’s such an amazing feeling to see her smiling at me; I’m getting emotional just writing this.

I wrote a post about my image/hashtags called My Baby Is A Brick Wall (14th July 2020), which talks about that I think I’ll find motherhood easier/better when B smiles and it is definitely true. Before it was hard when she didn’t show me any positive emotion, but obviously now that she does it makes me cry too – though in a good way.

Today B had some more injections and the person administering them (I never know the job titles of medical professionals) said it’s a shame that she never gets any babies smiling at her now because she has to wear a mask. I don’t think B just gets confused when I wear one, but it is true that she smiles less as me smiling at her usually triggers her to smile.

#WeAreAllSatOnTheBedAndBIsAtMySide
#IKeepLookingDownAtHerAndTryingToMakeHerSmile
#MyNewFavouriteThingsIsJustSayingAEIOUAtHerAndOnUIPutMyFingerOnHerNose
#IReadThatBabiesLikeToLookAtYourMouth

I have a hand movement for each vowel now. I’ll have to make a video of it and put it on my Instagram at some point, but without B as I don’t show her face. (Maybe I’ll get T to pretend to be B.)

I read that they like Old Macdonald Had A Farm, because of the vowel bit in the song. I sing it to her quite a bit, but also just say vowels at her… He has a lot of cows, because moo is a good mouth shape for her to copy. He also has a few cats and then whatever other animals I can think of.

#MyFavouriteSoundOfHersIsWhenSheCoos
#AndTheShapeThatHerMouthMovesIntoToMakeItIsSoCute

IT IS SO ADORABLE. I’m kind of annoyed at myself for choosing not to show her face as I just want to show the world how cute she is (and strong, and intelligent and smart etc.), but I also know that I should protect her privacy a bit.

(I feel like me saying I should protect her privacy makes me sound like I think I’m some ‘big shot’ or something. I don’t…)

#IAlsoJustOpenMyMouthWideAndMakeAShortLaughingSoundWhichSheSeemsToLike

It’s funny how quickly these things become a thing of the past. I don’t do this anymore… It’s a good job I record the songs that I make up for her as I often record them and then don’t sing them anymore.

#SheLikesToGrabOnToThingsNow
#WeHaveALotOfMuslinsAndWeUseOneWithHerCarseatAndTheOtherDaySheWasHoldingItAllTheWayToTheCar
#AndSheIsFallingAsleepNowWithOneInHerHand
#MaybeItIsTimeToGiveHerTheComfortBlanketWeHaveForHer

It’s nice to see her strength and awareness developing. I still need to get the comforter out of her toy bag for her…

#SheJustWokeUpAndMadeALittleSoundSoILookedOverAtHerAndMadeMyMouthBigAndSheSmiled
#IFeelLikeWhenSheIsInASmileyMoodICanSayAnythingAndSheWillSmile
#IMostlyCallHerAPoopMachineAndSayPoopInAHighPitchedWay

I also haven’t called her a poop machine much since I wrote the hashtags…

#SheAlsoPutsHerHandOnMyChestMoreWhenIFeedHer
#AllMyRecentPhonePhotosHaveJustBeenWhenIAmFeedingHerAndWhereShePutsHerHands

I’ve also started to take less pictures of feeding her, because of how her hands are. The other day she was putting her hands down my top whilst I fed her? She doesn’t know what she is doing, but it is funny.

#IThinkYesterdayWasTheFirstTimeThatIDidNotHandExpressOrPump

There were a couple of days where I didn’t, but I’m trying to do it once a day now. Mainly because it’s easier to give her her vitamin D in a bottle of milk, but also because I hope it helps keep my milk production up.

I realise that since I stopped pumping so much, when I do I don’t produce so much but I guess it’s more of a supply and demand now, whereas before I was probably over-producing.

(I’m trying to pump once a day now. Yesterday it took me a while to get 60ml from one boob and then I spilled 40ml of it over the bed – great.)

#IFedHerOnAParkBenchYesterdayWhenWeMetNCTFriends
#AndTheDayBeforeIBreastfedHerAtATableOutsideOfARestaurant

I talked about this already in a previous post or five.

#IReadAboutAnActivityToDoPaintingWithHer
#YouPutAPieceOfPaperWithBigDollopsOfPaintOnItInsideASeeThroughPlasticWalletAndTapeItToTheFloor
#ThenDragHerHandsAcrossItOrSeeIfSheInteractsWithItDuringTummyTime
#PerhapsSheIsTooYoungButWeMightTryItToday

Well I ended up doing a week or so later. I used too much paint and she really wasn’t in the mood for tummy time – which is unusual for her. Or perhaps she wasn’t in the mood for me to drag her hands, make her walk on it or sit on it…

B's first painting
I probably should have taken a picture of it now that it’s dry and not in the bag.

#YesterdayIDidDanceVideosWithoutBAndAsMuchAsILoveHavingHerWithMeWhenIDoThemIThinkIDanceBetterAlone
#WhenSheIsOnMeMyMovementsAreLimitedAndIDoTheSameMobesButWithoutHerItIsMoreOfAWorkout

I still want to dance with her occasionally, but it’s nice to have a bit of a workout.

One of the videos:

I broke a button off my dress (right video) and I’ve just realised how I shouldn’t dance in it until it is fixed. Maybe this is why I get annoying comments from men…


#SheJustWokeHerselfUpByCryingInHerSleepAndNowIAmCryingBecauseHerFrownBrokeMyHeart

She seems to be waking herself up my crying in her sleep a bit more lately. I think she does has bad dreams. It’s kind of cute when she does it, but I feel bad as I can’t stop her having bad dreams. I said it in my last post, but what do babies dream about?


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