Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Portrait Of A Mother Of A Ten Month Old (14th April 2021)

Portrait Of A Mother Of A Ten Month Old (14th April 2021)
 
#TheLastFewDaysHaveFeltLikeHowTheLast10MonthsShouldHaveBeen
#MeetingUpWithFriendsAndTheirKidsAndBumpingIntoABabyFriendInTheParkAndGoingToAClass
#SheGotMudOnHerSuitForTheFirstTimeInTheParkAsSheCrawledAboutWithABaby
#SheLikesToTryToEatEverythingAndIAmTryingToBeOkayWithLettingHerEatSomeDirt
#IHadToGetATwigOutOfHerMouthAndThenIThoughtSheWasTryingToEatAnotherOne
#HoweverItWasACigaretteButtWhichIsObviouslyNotGreat
#IMadeAJokeAboutItBeingTooEarlyForHerToStartAndThenICringed
#MySocialSkillsAreReallyTerribleButIAmNoLongerGoingToBeatMyselfUpForIt
#IfPeopleLikeMeThenTheyLikeMeAndIfTheyDoNotThenIAmNotGoingToDwellOnIt
#BJustLooksSoHappySeeingOtherBabiesAndYoungKidsThatIReallyHopeTheRulesDoNotGetStricterAgain
#IPutBInAnOutfitForHerClassInsteadOfHerUsualOnesies
#ItWasProbablyOnlyTheThirdTimeThatSheHasBeenInAnOutfit
#TAndIBothThoughtThatSheDidNotLookLikeOurBaby
#IPlannedToGetThereEarlyButOfCourseIEndedUpRunningUpAHillWithAPushchair
#BJustLovedLookingAroundAtEveryoneAndSmilingAtAllTheBabies
#OfCourseSheDidNotWantToStayOnTheMatAndIHadToKeepGrabbingHerBack
#TheLastTimeSheWasAtThatClassSheWasATotallyDifferentBaby
#IDoFeelLikeWeHaveMissedOutOnALotButIJustWantToMakeSureWeHaveAReallyGreatSummerNow
#AtTheEndSheWasWavingAtEveryoneWithBothHandsAndTheWholeClassWentAww
#IDidFeelProud
#ISatUsInTheShadeToGiveBHerMilkAndOfCourseTheSunWentAwayStraightAway
#ItWasTheFirstTimeIHadFedHerFormulaInThePark
#ItTookHerAWhileToFallAsleepInHerPushchairButSheEventuallyDid
#AfterMonthsOfHavingAQuiteStrictScheduleIAmTryingToBeChillAboutAdaptingAndBeingFlexible
#TheOtherDayIGaveHerSomeLunchInTheParkWhichWasTheFirstTimeIHadDoneThatToo
#IAmTryingToBePreparedForSpontaneousMomentsWhichSoundsWeird
#JustHavingSnacksWithUsAndAPicnicBlanketAndToysInCaseTheWeatherIsSurprisinglyGood
#ItFeltWeirdToPackABagForBYesterdayWithAnythingSheMightNeedLikeNappiesAndAChangeOfClothes
#WeHaveNotReallyBeenOutFarOrLongEnoughForItToBeNecessary
#SometimesICatchMyselfAlreadyDreadingNextWinterButFingersCrossedWeWillNotHaveToGoThroughAllThatAgain

#TheLastFewDaysHaveFeltLikeHowTheLast10MonthsShouldHaveBeen

I can not believe that she is 10 months old. I say this every month and I will probably never stop saying it.

#MeetingUpWithFriendsAndTheirKidsAndBumpingIntoABabyFriendInTheParkAndGoingToAClass

Normal things that people used to do on the regular!

#SheGotMudOnHerSuitForTheFirstTimeInTheParkAsSheCrawledAboutWithABaby

I did feel proud. It took her a while to get the hang of crawling in it and then she was off.

#SheLikesToTryToEatEverythingAndIAmTryingToBeOkayWithLettingHerEatSomeDirt

Especially with not really seeing anyone as she hasn’t been to exposed to as many bugs as babies usually are.

#IHadToGetATwigOutOfHerMouthAndThenIThoughtSheWasTryingToEatAnotherOne

At first I was just being a bit too casual about it, but then I thought I should get it out of her mouth. I thought she’d swallowed it but she’d done a good job of hiding it.

#HoweverItWasACigaretteButtWhichIsObviouslyNotGreat

She turned her head and wouldn’t let me get it out. Grim.

#IMadeAJokeAboutItBeingTooEarlyForHerToStartAndThenICringed

‘It’s too early for you to start. Well, I hope you never start.’ *cringe*

#MySocialSkillsAreReallyTerribleButIAmNoLongerGoingToBeatMyselfUpForIt

I just need to try to work on my social skills. Need to stop having verbal diarrhoea. Need to learn how to spell diarrhoea right enough that spellcheck even knows what word I’m looking for. Need to just listen to people.

#IfPeopleLikeMeThenTheyLikeMeAndIfTheyDoNotThenIAmNotGoingToDwellOnIt

Oh, I’ll probably keep dwelling on it but it’s a waste of my energy. So here’s to trying!

#BJustLooksSoHappySeeingOtherBabiesAndYoungKidsThatIReallyHopeTheRulesDoNotGetStricterAgain

I’m getting a bit emotional. It’s so lovely to see her smiling at people and babies, even if they do try to put their fingers up her nose (babies not adults). I’m glad she doesn’t seem nervous or scared around others at the playground or in classes, though she does play shy sometimes.

#IPutBInAnOutfitForHerClassInsteadOfHerUsualOnesies

Outfit as in separate top and bottoms.

#ItWasProbablyOnlyTheThirdTimeThatSheHasBeenInAnOutfit

I think once for a baby class where I actually managed to find time to change her beforehand, once for pictures for my Dad (both before Xmas) and this class.

#TAndIBothThoughtThatSheDidNotLookLikeOurBaby

Outfits are annoying. I love onesies – they make it so easy to change her nappy and apply cream. After Tiago had changed her for bed we were like ‘yes that’s our baby!’

#IPlannedToGetThereEarlyButOfCourseIEndedUpRunningUpAHillWithAPushchair

Kate Bush’s Running Up That Hill keeps coming to mind, though I don’t think the song is actually about being late for baby classes. The class is not long after B’s lunchtime so I need to be more on it next week!

#BJustLovedLookingAroundAtEveryoneAndSmilingAtAllTheBabies

All the heart emojis. I think she enjoyed seeing people more than doing the class, though it was probably the same for me too.

B was generally sat facing everyone but occasionally she’d look back at me and my masked face. I think as she is older she recognises me more in it now.

#OfCourseSheDidNotWantToStayOnTheMatAndIHadToKeepGrabbingHerBack

In non-Covid times it would not be such an issue. Le sigh. I was joking that she hadn’t been trained for classes. *cringe*

#TheLastTimeSheWasAtThatClassSheWasATotallyDifferentBaby

She really didn’t do much, though it feels like a lifetime ago.

#IDoFeelLikeWeHaveMissedOutOnALotButIJustWantToMakeSureWeHaveAReallyGreatSummerNow

Everyone has obviously missed out on so much. These months waiting for classes to resume have been hard, but our big countdown is finally over.

#AtTheEndSheWasWavingAtEveryoneWithBothHandsAndTheWholeClassWentAww

We were singing a goodbye song and she was double waving.

#IDidFeelProud

It was cute. Again I’m getting emotional. I was so worried about the class and though she kept squirming away it was good.

#ISatUsInTheShadeToGiveBHerMilkAndOfCourseTheSunWentAwayStraightAway

We sat in a really awkward place as only awkward spots tend to have shade.

#ItWasTheFirstTimeIHadFedHerFormulaInThePark

Milestone. I am looking forward to her no longer having it in a couple of months though as it’s one less thing to think about, though I guess it will need to be replaced with something else.

#ItTookHerAWhileToFallAsleepInHerPushchairButSheEventuallyDid

I made the mistake of doing a lap around the park, I should have just walked towards home where the paving slabs are more uneven as I think it helps send her to sleep. It was weird noticing the surface of the paths again as I haven’t thought about it for a while – I don’t remember the last time B had a nap in her pushchair, possibly it was after the same class last year!

#AfterMonthsOfHavingAQuiteStrictScheduleIAmTryingToBeChillAboutAdaptingAndBeingFlexible

I haven’t had much to break/get in the way of her routine, so it’s quite sad that I see it as a challenge.

#TheOtherDayIGaveHerSomeLunchInTheParkWhichWasTheFirstTimeIHadDoneThatToo

I didn’t know if we’d be out long enough, but we were. She didn’t sleep well that night so I worried maybe it was due to that, but she had good meals yesterday and she woke up a couple of times. I think it’s probably because she’s teething?

#IAmTryingToBePreparedForSpontaneousMomentsWhichSoundsWeird

Just being prepared for staying out later or the weather suddenly improving, things like that.

#JustHavingSnacksWithUsAndAPicnicBlanketAndToysInCaseTheWeatherIsSurprisinglyGood

Being prepared for anything the day might throw at us. Well, to an extent. We’re never that far from home so we don’t need too much. Maybe later in the summer we can really go wild!

#ItFeltWeirdToPackABagForBYesterdayWithAnythingSheMightNeedLikeNappiesAndAChangeOfClothes

So weird. I was wondering why my back was aching a bit yesterday and it probably was from running up a hill while pushing a pushchair and having a backpack on. Again, wild!

#WeHaveNotReallyBeenOutFarOrLongEnoughForItToBeNecessary

I am scared of longer and further journeys but we can do it – if things have good timings. We will adapt I’m sure.

#SometimesICatchMyselfAlreadyDreadingNextWinterButFingersCrossedWeWillNotHaveToGoThroughAllThatAgain

I need to enjoy Spring and Summer, and even Autumn can be nice, before I get worried about Winter again. Hopefully there will be playgroups and things. Maybe I’ll have a job where B can be in nursery a bit. We’ll have to see.


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Imitating B’s Feet When She Holds Onto Furniture (11th April 2021)

Imitating B’s Feet When She Holds Onto Furniture (11th April 2021)

#IHaveSaidBeforeThatBIsAlwaysOnTheGoAndBangsHerHeadALot
#WellNowItIsEvenMoreSoThatMaybeWeShouldGetHerAHelmet
#ItIsWeirdThatWhenSheFallsAndMakesABigBangSheSeemsToCryLessThanWhenItBarelyMakesASound
#SheSeemsAbleToReachHerArmsFurtherAcrossTablesAndThingsNow
#SheLikesToReachForMyNansPapersAndChewOnThemOrRipThemUp
#WeHadToMoveNansOrnamentsOffHerRevolvingBookcaseAsBWasJustConstantlyTryingToPullThingsOff
#WeHaveReplacedThemWithBsBooksSoNowSheGetsDistractedByThemInstead
#ItIsNiceToHaveALittleLibraryThereThoughIAmGettingBoredOfReadingHerFavouritesOnRepeat
#SinceMyLastEntryIFeltMoreOptimisticAndLikeIWasGoingToStopWhiningAndBeMoreProactive
#WhichWasGreatForADayAndThenIFeltSuperDownAgain
#IMadeAPostInALocalGroupLookingForPlaymatesForBAndAskingAboutClassesAndThings
#ThePandemicHasBeenToughForEveryoneInDifferentWays
#AndIThinkItHasBeenATotalPostcodeLotteryWithWhatHasBeenGoingOnInLocalAreas
#TheGlimpseOfGoodWeatherMadeMeFeelGreatAsSittingOutsideMadeSuchAChangeToOurDay
#SoTheBadWeatherMadeMeFeelLockedInsideAgain
#YesterdayWeWentForAWalkInTheRainAsIFeltLikeINeededToGetOut
#HopefullyThingsCanOnlyGetBetterFromHereWithMoreThingsReopeningAndBetterWeatherOnTheHorizon
#IAmSureThatIWillSoonBeWhiningAboutHowIFeelLikeIDoNotFitInInLocalGroups
#ButTheChangeOfSceneryAndBreakInOurRoutinesWillBeReallyGoodForUs
#OrMeAnywaysAsBDoesNotReallyCareButIThinkSheWillLikeToSeeMoreYoungPeople
#IHaveMadeAnEffortToTryOutNewParksThisWeek
#TheOtherDayBWasSmilingAtAYoungGirlSoThatWasNice
#IThinkBMightHaveSeenATrainForTheFirstTimeTooWhichIsWeird
#SheDidNotSeemThatBotheredByItButSheDoesTakeNoteOfBusesThatIPointOut
#BIsStillTeethingALot
#ItHurtsWhenSheWantsToTeethOnMyFingerAndBitesItWithHerTooth
#ItStillLooksLikeItNeedsToComeOutOfHerGumsMore
#WeStartedToUseANewMoisturiserOnBsSkinAndItDoesNotSeemToBeGettingAnyWorse
#IFeelLikeIAmDefinitelyNotBeingTheBestMotherForBThatICouldBe
#INeedToJustDoBetterAndKeepTryingToMoveInAPositiveDirectionAndDoWhatIsBestForHer

#IHaveSaidBeforeThatBIsAlwaysOnTheGoAndBangsHerHeadALot

I am pretty sure I have anyways.

#WellNowItIsEvenMoreSoThatMaybeWeShouldGetHerAHelmet

We won’t. We just need to be more vigilant, but it’s hard to be on top form all day…

#ItIsWeirdThatWhenSheFallsAndMakesABigBangSheSeemsToCryLessThanWhenItBarelyMakesASound

Not always the case, but it happens enough for us to comment on it (and for me to hashtag about it).

#SheSeemsAbleToReachHerArmsFurtherAcrossTablesAndThingsNow

Probably with the help of always standing on her tiptoes, but she seemed to be doing that before she really knew what she was doing.

#SheLikesToReachForMyNansPapersAndChewOnThemOrRipThemUp

My Nan doesn’t really take them off her, so I can’t really blame B too much.

She has an obsession with grabbing my Nan’s heater (when it’s not on – it’s not on if she’s in the room). I tell her not to do it all the time. The other day she was just laughing at me for saying no.

#WeHadToMoveNansOrnamentsOffHerRevolvingBookcaseAsBWasJustConstantlyTryingToPullThingsOff

I feel like everything in the living room is constantly being moved around to avoid B’s grasp. My Nan likes to rearrange everything, but then B likes to get hold of them so it’s a constant game. Baby chess?

#WeHaveReplacedThemWithBsBooksSoNowSheGetsDistractedByThemInstead

Well it is a bookcase so it makes sense. I was worried B would just pull herself up on it and pull them off, but that doesn’t seem to be the case… yet.

#ItIsNiceToHaveALittleLibraryThereThoughIAmGettingBoredOfReadingHerFavouritesOnRepeat

The House That Jack Built, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, some new book about dinosaurs that feels very nice to touch but the story isn’t great… Her bedtime books are Peppa Pig’s My Daddy and Goodnight You, Goodnight Me.

#SinceMyLastEntryIFeltMoreOptimisticAndLikeIWasGoingToStopWhiningAndBeMoreProactive #WhichWasGreatForADayAndThenIFeltSuperDownAgain

I had a day where I felt amazing, and then crashhh.

(I don’t write these things for pity. I know I am not the only person who feels like this, so I hope by talking about things it might help someone else. I still have a befriender who calls me about my mental health. I thought about quitting, but my reasons for wanting to quit were the reasons why I needed to stay – mainly feeling stressed out and like I didn’t have time for it.)

#IMadeAPostInALocalGroupLookingForPlaymatesForBAndAskingAboutClassesAndThings

The thought got in my head so I thought I better do it. I spent ages daydreaming about what I would write while B was awake, then when she went to sleep I thought ‘no I shouldn’t do it’. But because I had spent so much time thinking about it I thought I had better do it.

People sent good suggestions, and a few people got in touch about hanging out. We’ll see if it happens though. I realised that I know more people around here than I think I do, so I’ve reached out to people to see if they want to hang out soon. That’s a positive at least.

#ThePandemicHasBeenToughForEveryoneInDifferentWays

I whine, but I know things have been a lot worse for other people. It’s been hard for us all in different ways.

#AndIThinkItHasBeenATotalPostcodeLotteryWithWhatHasBeenGoingOnInLocalAreas

Still jealous that friends have been going to playgroups/support groups/outside groups in other areas. I really should just organise my own group…

(3rd May: I’ve been throwing this ‘postcode lottery’ phrase around a lot this week as in Liverpool the health visitor’s are starting to do 10 month checks on babies in person, whereas they will not be coming to us – the Birmingham health visitor that is – so I just have to fill in a questionnaire.)

#TheGlimpseOfGoodWeatherMadeMeFeelGreatAsSittingOutsideMadeSuchAChangeToOurDay

It felt so good to sit outside with B and some toys. A bit of sun, a bit of fun and less distractions.

#SoTheBadWeatherMadeMeFeelLockedInsideAgain

This morning it was snowing/raining and I thought we would have to cancel plans with friends. I felt bummed out. Luckily it’s now sunny so we can meet them, hurrah!

#YesterdayWeWentForAWalkInTheRainAsIFeltLikeINeededToGetOut

We kept waiting for the rain to stop, but it didn’t so I made us go out. We took an umbrella, but in the end we didn’t even use it as it was only drizzling.

#HopefullyThingsCanOnlyGetBetterFromHereWithMoreThingsReopeningAndBetterWeatherOnTheHorizon

It has nearly been 4 months since we last went to a class in person. Typically with the walks that we don’t go on due to the timings not being great – one is moving to a better time for us later this month, so that should be good (if we can book a slot quick enough).

#IAmSureThatIWillSoonBeWhiningAboutHowIFeelLikeIDoNotFitInInLocalGroups

Watch this space.

#ButTheChangeOfSceneryAndBreakInOurRoutinesWillBeReallyGoodForUs

I think so. It will be good for B. Doing one of our classes on zoom has meant I have got to know one of the teachers fairly well (especially when B was the only person taking part the other week) and we might recognise some of the other Mums and babies.

#OrMeAnywaysAsBDoesNotReallyCareButIThinkSheWillLikeToSeeMoreYoungPeople

It will be good for her. It’s good for her to see that more people exist in the world. I just want to see her crawling round with other babies as she’s yet to do that!

#IHaveMadeAnEffortToTryOutNewParksThisWeek

Well, one we have been to before but the other one has been on our list for a while.

#TheOtherDayBWasSmilingAtAYoungGirlSoThatWasNice

I do not know how to interact with little kids. I’m not sure how she felt about B just staring at her.

#IThinkBMightHaveSeenATrainForTheFirstTimeTooWhichIsWeird

I do like seeing trains pass by (yeah weird I know), so we will be going by there again.

#SheDidNotSeemThatBotheredByItButSheDoesTakeNoteOfBusesThatIPointOut

I should have made a train noise perhaps. It may have gone by too fast for her to really register it.

#BIsStillTeethingALot

The neverending joy.

#ItHurtsWhenSheWantsToTeethOnMyFingerAndBitesItWithHerTooth

She finds it funny when I go ‘argh!’

#ItStillLooksLikeItNeedsToComeOutOfHerGumsMore

I think so? It looks like it should be bigger than how it is, but maybe it is how it should be? I don’t know.

#WeStartedToUseANewMoisturiserOnBsSkinAndItDoesNotSeemToBeGettingAnyWorse

It’s this one from Childs Farm. Someone on a local Mums whatsapp group mentioned it, so I thought we’d give it a go. We’re still using the Dermol 500 and Diprobase, and applying them regularly, but now I also put the moisturiser on her once or twice a day too. The fact that her skin doesn’t seem to be getting worse is good. I’d say her skin looks about 98% normal right now.

#IFeelLikeIAmDefinitelyNotBeingTheBestMotherForBThatICouldBe

I’m tired. I do not read to her as much as I should, I’ve given up with her YouTube baby classes, I probably do not talk to her as much as I should and the list goes on.

#INeedToJustDoBetterAndKeepTryingToMoveInAPositiveDirectionAndDoWhatIsBestForHer

I need to be better and do better for B. The other day I took her out twice even though the weather wasn’t good, so I might just take her out more. That’s why I want the better weather to come so we can just sit outside more, and maybe I can start giving her lunch in the park and we can just enjoy nature more.

We’ll see.


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

An Imitation Of Sorts Of How B Often Sits (4th April 2021)

Sat with one foot behind me and the other forward on a wall. You can not see my head.
An Imitation Of Sorts Of How B Often Sits (4th April 2021)
 
#BSitsALotWithOneFootInFrontOfHerAndOneBehind
#IGuessItIsGoodForBalanceAndMightJustBeHowSheEndsUpSittingRatherThanByChoiceAtTimes
#IHopeSheKeepsHerFlexibilityThoughIHaveNotSeenHerDoTheSplitsInAWhile
#TodayIsEasterSundayButWeDoNotReallyCelebrateIt
#IJustLikeTheFactThatTiagoHasAFourDayWeekend
#TheBiggestGossipAtTheMomentIsThatIQuitMyJobYesterday
#ItWasReallyStressingMeOutAndYesterdayPeopleWereSoRudeToMeThatIJustWentHome
#IReallyHateQuittingThingsButIWasJustStandingAroundCryingThenTryingToGetOverItAndCarryOnThenSomeoneElseWouldBeRude
#IWasTryingToAtLeastMakeItToTheEndOfMyShiftButIHadEnoughWhenIStartedToCryInFrontOfSomeone
#ItWasMentallyAndPhysicallyDrainingSoItDidNotSeemWorthPuttingUpWithForAFewMoreWeeksEspeciallyAsIKnowPeopleWillJustGetWorse
#ForMeMorningShiftsWereBetterWithMyMumLookingAfterBAndNotHavingWorkHangingOverMeAllDay
#ButIJustFeltLikeIWasBotheringPeopleAndWakingThemUp
#NowINeedToTryToFindOtherWorkWhichIsEasierSaidThanDone
#IForgotToMentionThatMyNanHadHerSecondJabAWeekOrSoAgoWhichIsGoodNews
#TheWeatherHasGivenUsAGlimpseOfWhatTheNextFourOrFiveMonthsCouldBeLike
#SittingOutsideInTheParkOrInTheGardenWhileBSamplesDifferentLeavesAndOutdoorCuisine
#TheOtherDayWhileWorkingIWalkedPastAGuyWhoJustSmelledOfSweatAndItWasWeirdlyNostalgic
#IRealisedThatIHadNotSmelledThatSmellInALongTime
#AndThenAnotherGuyWalkedByWhoJustStunkOfCologneAndIHadNotThatSmelledThatForALongTimeEither
#ItWasNiceToBeOutAndAboutMoreByMyselfFeelingLikeSomethingOtherThanAMother
#ThoughIThinkMyMotheringWasAlsoGoingDownHillDueToTheJobAndFeelingSoTiredAndStressed
#IFeelShatteredNowButIHopeItWillPassInACoupleOfDays
#ThenICanGetBackToTryingToBeTheMotherIWantToBe
#IHaveNotDoneAYoutubeBabyClassWithBInAWhileAndIHaveNotReadToHerMuchLately
#ThoughSheDoesRarelySitStillAndHerLegsAreGettingStrongerEachDay
#SheHasNotBeenSleepingSoWellLately
#SheWasUpAt6TodayAnd5ThirtyYesterdayThoughTiagoGotUpWithHerAndLetMeHaveMoreSleep
#IThinkSheIsTeethingALotAgainAndHerSkinHasGotABitWorse
#WeHaveSeenAFewMorePeopleLatelyThoughAndIAmLookingForwardToHangingOutWithOthersSoon
#IFeelLikeINeedAWeekOffButHopefullyThatFeelingWillPassSoonAsItIsNotPossibleAnyways 
 

#BSitsALotWithOneFootInFrontOfHerAndOneBehind

I have been trying to photograph her doing it, but I always seem too slow. I go to grab my phone and then she stops doing it to follow me.

#IGuessItIsGoodForBalanceAndMightJustBeHowSheEndsUpSittingRatherThanByChoiceAtTimes

I can’t ask her about it, but she doesn’t seem to mind sitting like it.

#IHopeSheKeepsHerFlexibilityThoughIHaveNotSeenHerDoTheSplitsInAWhile

I’d love for her to do gymnastics or something when she’s old enough. I’d have loved to do things like that when I was a kid – I won’t even attempt handstands anymore after too many falls on my face.

#TodayIsEasterSundayButWeDoNotReallyCelebrateIt

I keep forgetting about it to be honest. In past years I’ve just been annoyed that the supermarkets are open at different times.

#IJustLikeTheFactThatTiagoHasAFourDayWeekend

More family time/more time for me to sneak off and do a bit of my own stuff.

#TheBiggestGossipAtTheMomentIsThatIQuitMyJobYesterday

I feel mixed about it. Relieved but also like I’ve let my family down.

#ItWasReallyStressingMeOutAndYesterdayPeopleWereSoRudeToMeThatIJustWentHome

You might be able to work out what my job was – I’m not supposed to talk about it and I’m worried that someone at the company tracks this stuff.

#IReallyHateQuittingThingsButIWasJustStandingAroundCryingThenTryingToGetOverItAndCarryOnThenSomeoneElseWouldBeRude

You know when you’re trying hard not to cry that it makes it worse and then you just cry more? It’s worse when you’re half an hour walk from home so can’t just pop home, cry it out, then carry on.

I felt relieved to have a mask to hide behind, but it was still obvious from the sniffles and red eyes.

#IWasTryingToAtLeastMakeItToTheEndOfMyShiftButIHadEnoughWhenIStartedToCryInFrontOfSomeone

So embarrassing.

#ItWasMentallyAndPhysicallyDrainingSoItDidNotSeemWorthPuttingUpWithForAFewMoreWeeksEspeciallyAsIKnowPeopleWillJustGetWorse

I was nice and polite to people. I was bothering them as they had not done something that they needed to do. The nice people have done what they needed to now.

#ForMeMorningShiftsWereBetterWithMyMumLookingAfterBAndNotHavingWorkHangingOverMeAllDay

I have another job which is sometimes busy and sometimes not, but I leave that for the evenings. I did a couple of evenings with this job, but it was too stressful with getting dinner and B sorted. Plus I was knackered as it was a different kind of energy.

#ButIJustFeltLikeIWasBotheringPeopleAndWakingThemUp

I did not like knocking on people’s doors at 9am, but if they had done what they needed to then I would not need to be there.

#NowINeedToTryToFindOtherWorkWhichIsEasierSaidThanDone

I’ve been thinking about setting up a patreon for a while, but I feel weird/awkward about it. I might look into it again though. I need to get smart about making money from art, but my confidence is not great. I need to get over things though.

#IForgotToMentionThatMyNanHadHerSecondJabAWeekOrSoAgoWhichIsGoodNews

Hurrah.

#TheWeatherHasGivenUsAGlimpseOfWhatTheNextFourOrFiveMonthsCouldBeLike #SittingOutsideInTheParkOrInTheGardenWhileBSamplesDifferentLeavesAndOutdoorCuisine

The weather was hot, then it went cold but it has been warm enough to sit in the park on a picnic blanket the last couple of days in the afternoon – with coats on of course. B crawls off the mat and inspects everything, but I’m sure it’s good for her.

#TheOtherDayWhileWorkingIWalkedPastAGuyWhoJustSmelledOfSweatAndItWasWeirdlyNostalgic #IRealisedThatIHadNotSmelledThatSmellInALongTime

It was odd. In the past I would have been like ‘well that guy smelled of sweat, but so have most of the men I’ve walked past today’.

I only started to use deodorant again recently to be fair…

#AndThenAnotherGuyWalkedByWhoJustStunkOfCologneAndIHadNotThatSmelledThatForALongTimeEither

Blegh.

#ItWasNiceToBeOutAndAboutMoreByMyselfFeelingLikeSomethingOtherThanAMother

It was weird being out without B. I bumped into a lady who has a dog while out in my work garb and I said to her ‘you might not recognise me without a baby in tow’.

#ThoughIThinkMyMotheringWasAlsoGoingDownHillDueToTheJobAndFeelingSoTiredAndStressed

Trying to juggle everything has not been good. It would be fine if I had liked the job, but trying to balance it all for a job that made me miserable has been rubbish.

#IFeelShatteredNowButIHopeItWillPassInACoupleOfDays

I might try to have a lie down when I finish this before B wakes up.

#ThenICanGetBackToTryingToBeTheMotherIWantToBe

A mother who pays more attention to her child is a good start.

#IHaveNotDoneAYoutubeBabyClassWithBInAWhileAndIHaveNotReadToHerMuchLately #ThoughSheDoesRarelySitStillAndHerLegsAreGettingStrongerEachDay

The last time I did it B would not sit still. Our last online zoom baby class was just our teacher, B and me. B would not sit still for that either. It’s going to be interesting seeing how she reacts in a real life class.

#SheHasNotBeenSleepingSoWellLately

Le sigh.

#SheWasUpAt6TodayAnd5ThirtyYesterdayThoughTiagoGotUpWithHerAndLetMeHaveMoreSleep

We usually leave her until 6 before we get her out of her cot, but yesterday T just got up with her as none of us were sleeping.

#IThinkSheIsTeethingALotAgainAndHerSkinHasGotABitWorse

She woke up at 11 last night and wouldn’t settle. In the end we gave her some paracetamol as she wanted to chew on our fingers and she went back to sleep.

#WeHaveSeenAFewMorePeopleLatelyThoughAndIAmLookingForwardToHangingOutWithOthersSoon

My Uncles visited the other day which was a nice surprise.

#IFeelLikeINeedAWeekOffButHopefullyThatFeelingWillPassSoonAsItIsNotPossibleAnyways

I need to sort my life out. Time for a quick lie down first though.


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Leg Hair: Before And After (31st March 2021)

Leg Hair: Before And After (31st March 2021)
 
#WellYesterdayWasAReallyHotDayAndTodayIsAlrightButNextWeekItMaySnow
#WeManagedToSitOutsideABitYesterdayAndPreparedASortOfPlayAreaForB
#OfCourseSheWasStraightOffTheMatAndLookingAtAnyBitOfDirtSheCouldFind
#AndSheJustWantedToHoldOntoTheBenchAndStandUpALot
#SheSeemedToLikeTheChangeOfSceneryThoughAndSoHopefullyWeCanKeepImprovingItForHer
#ItWasABitStressfulFiguringWhatSheShouldWearAllDayAndSleepIn
#IWishSheCouldJustTellMeHowHotOrColdSheIsButOfCourseThatWouldBeTooEasy
#WeGotSomeBlackoutStuffForHerWindowsTooSoHopefullyItMayHelpWithHerNappingAndSleep
#IDidGetHerUpAt7ThisMorningWhichIsQuiteLateForHer
#SheDidWakeUpAt2AndThen5SomethingButSheWentBackOffToSleep
#IAmWorriedThatSheWasTooHotButIAmNotSure
#IThinkSheIsJustStillInPainWithTeethingAndSheDoesSeemToBeItchingHerSkinALot
#HerSkinIsLookingGoodThoughSoIAmNotSureIfItIsItchyOrIfSheIsDoingItOutOfHabit
#IGuessItIsItchySoIJustKeepApplyingCream
#IReadYesterdayThatNewRulesSayWeCanNotSingInBabyClasses
#ThisIsGoingToAffectBsMusicClassWhichIsAllAboutSingingSoIAmInterestedToSeeWhatWillHappen
#IMayHaveSaidThisBeforeButIThinkMySingingVoiceHasGotALotBetterSinceHavingB
#IAmStillATerribleSingerButIHaveDefinitelyImprovedABit
#ItProbablyHelpsNoLongerLivingInAFlatTooAndNotFeelingSoSelfConsciousAboutMakingNoise
#IAmLookingForwardToChangeAndBeingAbleToDoMoreThings
#ButIDoFeelABitAnxiousAndWorriedAboutBsRoutineAndChangingItToDoThings
#ThoughYesterdayIGotSoExcitedAboutTheSunThatIForgotToGiveHerMilkBeforeHerSecondNap
#AndIDidNotEvenRealiseFor3HoursSoIThinkWeWillBeFine
#ButYesTheWarmerWeatherMayBeJustHereBrieflyForNowButIDoNeedToSortOutMyLegs
#IActuallyCanNotRememberTheLastTimeIShavedThemButItHasBeenProbablyTooLong
#IAmAllForBodyHairButIDoPreferMyLegsHairless
#HoweverTheyHaveJustBeenHiddenAwayForMonthsUnderLeggingsSoIJustLetThemDoTheirThing
#IThoughtAboutDoingTwoShootsWithABeforeAndAfterButItSeemedToMakeSenseToShowThemInTheSamePhoto
#IJustNeedToFindTimeToShaveTheOtherLegNowAndIHopeTheNeighboursDidNotSeeWhenIWentToGetTheWheelieBin
#AreTwoHairyLegsMoreSociallyAcceptableOnAWomanThanOneShavedAndOneNot

#WellYesterdayWasAReallyHotDayAndTodayIsAlrightButNextWeekItMaySnow

I think it is due to snow anyways. The weather/news keep saying ‘next week it may snow but let’s not talk about it’.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so in the know about the weather/temperature though.

#WeManagedToSitOutsideABitYesterdayAndPreparedASortOfPlayAreaForB

The other day we quickly ordered something for her to crawl on. We’d thought about astroturf, but then a mat seemed to make more sense.

#OfCourseSheWasStraightOffTheMatAndLookingAtAnyBitOfDirtSheCouldFind

Leaf. Twig. Bug. I don’t know how some bug avoided getting squashed by B. She kept narrowly missing it as she crawled around.

#AndSheJustWantedToHoldOntoTheBenchAndStandUpALot

Of course. She holds onto everything – including the stool that I’m standing on in this photo. We put this by us in hope that she holds herself up on it instead of the TV stand or something else.

#SheSeemedToLikeTheChangeOfSceneryThoughAndSoHopefullyWeCanKeepImprovingItForHer

We all took turns at sweeping the floor. B finds it funny when I sweep for some reason?

#ItWasABitStressfulFiguringWhatSheShouldWearAllDayAndSleepIn

We don’t have many summer clothes for her – I ordered some the other night. Last night she slept in a sleepsuit without a vest, but the sleeping bag may have been too heavy. Her lighter ones are also yet to arrive.

The heaviest one just arrived. Typical. It also has the nicest design and she probably won’t use it that much – thought it might come in handy with the upcoming temperature drop.

#IWishSheCouldJustTellMeHowHotOrColdSheIsButOfCourseThatWouldBeTooEasy

If she could tell me anything that would be great. Obviously I can tell some things from how she is, but yes being able to communicate ‘properly’ would be amazing.

#WeGotSomeBlackoutStuffForHerWindowsTooSoHopefullyItMayHelpWithHerNappingAndSleep

I’ve done an awful job of it as I did it by myself and I’m bad at cutting things down to size but it does the trick.

#IDidGetHerUpAt7ThisMorningWhichIsQuiteLateForHer

Well I got her up at 7.30 the other day, but the clocks had just changed so it was really 6.30.

#SheDidWakeUpAt2AndThen5SomethingButSheWentBackOffToSleep #IAmWorriedThatSheWasTooHotButIAmNotSure

I did open her door a bit at 2, and she did go back to sleep. She woke up at 5.45 I think, but I was making her wait until 6 but she went back off to sleep, and so did I.

Last night Tiago worked until after midnight and I stayed up until after 11 watching the Paloma Faith documentary.

I spend so much of the day ready to go to bed, and then the evening comes and I end up going to bed late.

#IThinkSheIsJustStillInPainWithTeethingAndSheDoesSeemToBeItchingHerSkinALot

The fun never ends.

#HerSkinIsLookingGoodThoughSoIAmNotSureIfItIsItchyOrIfSheIsDoingItOutOfHabit

I put ‘her skin is looking really good’ so I edited it as I know I am jinxing things. It was getting worse again but we switched to using her other cream more and that seems to have worked. Before the other one was working better. *Massive shrug emoji*

#IGuessItIsItchySoIJustKeepApplyingCream

Again, the fun never ends.

#IReadYesterdayThatNewRulesSayWeCanNotSingInBabyClasses

Great.

I do get why that might be the case, but ergh.

#ThisIsGoingToAffectBsMusicClassWhichIsAllAboutSingingSoIAmInterestedToSeeWhatWillHappen

We’ve been doing the classes on zoom 2 times a week (it was 5, then 3), and I know all the songs now!

#IMayHaveSaidThisBeforeButIThinkMySingingVoiceHasGotALotBetterSinceHavingB #IAmStillATerribleSingerButIHaveDefinitelyImprovedABit

We sing Jump by Van Halen too many times a day. I can hit the lower notes of that Sea Shanty song better too.

#ItProbablyHelpsNoLongerLivingInAFlatTooAndNotFeelingSoSelfConsciousAboutMakingNoise

I know a lot of people have to live in flats, but they’re terrible if the soundproofing is rubbish and you worry about making too much noise.

#IAmLookingForwardToChangeAndBeingAbleToDoMoreThings

Sitting in gardens. Baby classes. Hanging out with more people.

#ButIDoFeelABitAnxiousAndWorriedAboutBsRoutineAndChangingItToDoThings

I have been messing with her wake windows a bit and it seems alright.

#ThoughYesterdayIGotSoExcitedAboutTheSunThatIForgotToGiveHerMilkBeforeHerSecondNap

I did give her some water at least. I had been out to work and that always throws me off.

#AndIDidNotEvenRealiseFor3HoursSoIThinkWeWillBeFine

I did think that might be why she woke up a bit last night, but it could have been anything and everything really.

#ButYesTheWarmerWeatherMayBeJustHereBrieflyForNowButIDoNeedToSortOutMyLegs

I was planning to write about this earlier on, but got distracted by other things.

#IActuallyCanNotRememberTheLastTimeIShavedThemButItHasBeenProbablyTooLong

I think I have done them since moving to Birmingham, but I could be imagining it.

#IAmAllForBodyHairButIDoPreferMyLegsHairless

Bad feminist? I just like how they look without hair. I can’t remember the last time I got rid of all my armpit hair though. It’s just easier to hide…

#HoweverTheyHaveJustBeenHiddenAwayForMonthsUnderLeggingsSoIJustLetThemDoTheirThing

Grow my uglies, grow.

#IThoughtAboutDoingTwoShootsWithABeforeAndAfterButItSeemedToMakeSenseToShowThemInTheSamePhoto

It’s probably slightly more interesting to look at as one photo (?) and yeah too much effort for two shoots. I’m surprised I’ve managed to do a shoot, write hashtags, have a 30 minute phone call with my befriender, and (hopefully) finish this post before B wakes up from her nap/I wake her up in 6 minutes.

#IJustNeedToFindTimeToShaveTheOtherLegNowAndIHopeTheNeighboursDidNotSeeWhenIWentToGetTheWheelieBin

B might have to just sit and watch me do it when I get her up. Or maybe I can wake her up with the noise of it. I just did it with the electric shaver attachment of an epilator. I’m not looking forward to epilating again. I didn’t bother at all last summer, so yeah that’s some fun to look forward to when I can be bothered.

#AreTwoHairyLegsMoreSociallyAcceptableOnAWomanThanOneShavedAndOneNot

Answers on a postcard to Jockey Greys, Mars, 2100.

(Apparently people will be living on Mars by the end of the century. No thanks. Will B end up on Mars? Who knows.)


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Seventh Family Portrait (28th March 2021)

Tiago holding B, while I hug both of them. B's face is covered by her hand which has been edited onto her face and enlarged.
Seventh Family Portrait (28th March 2021)
 
#ItIsAShameThatWeHaveNotManagedToDoAFamilyPortraitEveryMonthSinceBWasBorn
#IGuessSevenOutOfTenIsNotBadConsideringIDidNotRealiseItWasGoingToBeARegularThing
#BIsTryingToStandUpAsMuchAsPossibleTheseDays
#SheUsesAStepladderTheSofaAllOfMyNansLittleTablesAndThingsLikeGlassShelvesWhichWeHadHiddenAwayWithCushions
#SheIsGettingStrongerEverydayButSheStillHasALotOfBumps
#TheDentistWentOkayTheOtherDayThoughIKeptApologisingForHowBadMyTeethAre
#SheSaidThatWeShouldLetBHavingAGoAtBrushingHerOwnTeethToo
#INearlyLaughedOutLoudAsWeAreFindingItDifficultEnough
#ButWeJustMakeTheSoundOfAnElectricToothbrushAndSheLetsUsBrushHerSoleToothAndHerGums
#MyBackToothIsPlayingUpAndWillProbablyNeedToBeRemovedAtSomePoint
#ItWasSoWeirdRemovingMyMaskWhileBeingSoCloseToStrangers
#IFeltAwkwardRemovingItAndSheSaidThatALotOfPeopleSayTheSame
#ThisMorningTheClocksChangedAndLuckilyForUsBWokeUpAtSevenThirtyWhichWasSixThirtyOldTime
#SheWokeUpAtSixThirtyYesterdayTooWhichIsBetterThanSixSoLetsSeeWhatTimeSheWakesUpNowWithTheTimeChange
#IKnowIShouldHaveGoneToBedEarlierLastNightButIKindOfResentedTheFactThatIShouldSoIDidNot
#MyNewJobIsSoTiring
#IHadANapAfterIGotInTodayWhenBHadHersAndIDidTheSameYesterday
#TheNapAlwaysEndsUpBeingAbout35MinutesAndIWakeUpFeelingSuperGroggy
#IRecentlyFoundTheEyeMaskThatIGotForMyJustInCaseHospitalBirthBag
#ItHasBeenGettingSomeUseAndItDefinitelyHelpsMeFallAsleepQuicker
#WeDidThisShootAfterWeAllWokeUpFromOurNap
#WeWouldHaveJustPhotographedUsInBedButIRealisedThatOurLastFamilyPortraitWasUsLyingInBed
#SoWeMovedBsCotAndDidTheShootInHerRoom
#AtOnePointSheActuallyTookASetOfPhotosAsSheWasMessingWithMyComputerAndPressedTheButtonToShootASet
#SheSpentTheShootTryingToStandUpThenBeingAnnoyedAtUsTryingToKeepHerInShotOrSheWasCrawlingAwayAndBashingMyLaptop
#ItIsNiceToBeOutOfTheHouseMoreButItIsWeird
#MyBodyIsDefinitelyNotUsedToAllTheWalkingButHopefullyItWillGetOverItSoon
#IAmEnjoyingIntroducingBToMoreMusicThoughSheDoesJustSeemToLoveJumpByVanHalen
#InTheLastWeekIHavePlayedLauraVeirsJulyFlameAlbumALotWhenFeedingHerAsItIsQuiteRelaxing
#ICanNotBelieveHowMuchSheChangesWeekToWeekAndHowMuchOfASmallHumanSheIs

#ItIsAShameThatWeHaveNotManagedToDoAFamilyPortraitEveryMonthSinceBWasBorn #IGuessSevenOutOfTenIsNotBadConsideringIDidNotRealiseItWasGoingToBeARegularThing

There are definitely themes within this project with the 3 big ones being the family portraits, ‘portrait of a mother of a … month old’ (which I also have not done every month) and imitating B.

#BIsTryingToStandUpAsMuchAsPossibleTheseDays #SheUsesAStepladderTheSofaAllOfMyNansLittleTablesAndThingsLikeGlassShelvesWhichWeHadHiddenAwayWithCushions

The stepladder that I sit on to feed her in her highchair, the sofa that my Nan sits on, the tables that house things like photo frames and vases, and the glass shelves under the TV which she pushes the cushion away from to do so. Fun times.

#SheIsGettingStrongerEverydayButSheStillHasALotOfBumps

I am trying to be chilled out about it, as you could bubble wrap her and she’d still hurt herself.

#TheDentistWentOkayTheOtherDayThoughIKeptApologisingForHowBadMyTeethAre

I just felt embarrassed. She’s like ‘do you eat a lot of sugar?’, but I said I’m paying for my teenage/early 20s sugar sins.

I was known in high school for my addiction to a certain sugary drink and I was sure one day I’d get a tattoo related to it. I’m glad to say that I have no tattoos. I had that certain drink while at a hospital for a pregnancy scan (when pregnant with B) and they wanted her to change positions. They told me to get a sugary drink and walk up and down the corridors. The drink tasted disgusting (probably due to less sugar) and she did not move.

#SheSaidThatWeShouldLetBHavingAGoAtBrushingHerOwnTeethToo #INearlyLaughedOutLoudAsWeAreFindingItDifficultEnough #ButWeJustMakeTheSoundOfAnElectricToothbrushAndSheLetsUsBrushHerSoleToothAndHerGums

I keep referring to her teeth, but she does just have the one for now. I am dreading future teeth arriving. I hope they just all turn up at once.

#MyBackToothIsPlayingUpAndWillProbablyNeedToBeRemovedAtSomePoint

Great. I’m not looking forward to that day.

#ItWasSoWeirdRemovingMyMaskWhileBeingSoCloseToStrangers

The dentist and her assistant.

#IFeltAwkwardRemovingItAndSheSaidThatALotOfPeopleSayTheSame

I just kept it on until she said to take it off as I just felt so weirded out by it.

#ThisMorningTheClocksChangedAndLuckilyForUsBWokeUpAtSevenThirtyWhichWasSixThirtyOldTime

I say luckily enough, but B has been waking up at 6 a lot for a long time.

#SheWokeUpAtSixThirtyYesterdayTooWhichIsBetterThanSixSoLetsSeeWhatTimeSheWakesUpNowWithTheTimeChange

I am guessing it could be 6 new time, which will be 5. I hope not… I hope all the standing up has tired her out.

#IKnowIShouldHaveGoneToBedEarlierLastNightButIKindOfResentedTheFactThatIShouldSoIDidNot

I think I should go to bed early tonight though!

#MyNewJobIsSoTiring

It is a different kind of tiring to mothering all day.

#IHadANapAfterIGotInTodayWhenBHadHersAndIDidTheSameYesterday

Family naps as T also had naps too. He’s not used to looking after B so much at weekends without me either.

We just had a chat and he said he used to feel recharged on Sunday nights for work and now he feels knackered. We’ll have to see how things go.

#TheNapAlwaysEndsUpBeingAbout35MinutesAndIWakeUpFeelingSuperGroggy

So we bring in B from her room and sit in bed until we wake up a bit.

#IRecentlyFoundTheEyeMaskThatIGotForMyJustInCaseHospitalBirthBag

The one that I used for 4 days and have on my head in this photo.

#ItHasBeenGettingSomeUseAndItDefinitelyHelpsMeFallAsleepQuicker

Hello instantly dark room.

#WeDidThisShootAfterWeAllWokeUpFromOurNap

We planned to do it before the nap, but time flew by and we weren’t in the mood.

#WeWouldHaveJustPhotographedUsInBedButIRealisedThatOurLastFamilyPortraitWasUsLyingInBed

Yeah, this one.

#SoWeMovedBsCotAndDidTheShootInHerRoom

My old ‘studio’ wall, which I also use for my dance videos.

#AtOnePointSheActuallyTookASetOfPhotosAsSheWasMessingWithMyComputerAndPressedTheButtonToShootASet

I ordered a new remote as my other one was going weird, but I’ve been using my laptop to just keep shooting frames and I like this method. It’s a lot easier with a wriggling baby…

#SheSpentTheShootTryingToStandUpThenBeingAnnoyedAtUsTryingToKeepHerInShotOrSheWasCrawlingAwayAndBashingMyLaptop

Classic. She does love smacking my laptop a bit too much.

(21st April: I think the final shot is a bit messy with the composition, but this was the reality of trying to do a shoot. I’m never sure what to use to cover B’s face, but I liked how her hand was so I instinctively copied and pasted it, then enlarged it to cover her features better. It fits well with something I like in photos – hands.)

#ItIsNiceToBeOutOfTheHouseMoreButItIsWeird

With my job. I really need to check the weather before I go out as it changes so fast. Today I just wore a coat the whole time as it was spitting constantly (the weather).

#MyBodyIsDefinitelyNotUsedToAllTheWalkingButHopefullyItWillGetOverItSoon

I’ve had my period this week, so hopefully I won’t be so tired next week.

#IAmEnjoyingIntroducingBToMoreMusicThoughSheDoesJustSeemToLoveJumpByVanHalen

She just looks up at our Alexa a lot.

(21st April: Weirdly as I got to this bit it came on. I need to find her more songs as we listen to it way too much.)

#InTheLastWeekIHavePlayedLauraVeirsJulyFlameAlbumALotWhenFeedingHerAsItIsQuiteRelaxing

We used to listen to Bryan Adams a lot, though I was playing The Knife while feeding her dinner today.

‘Heartbeats’ used to be my alarm for years. Tiago heard it and said ‘this used to be your alarm, I hate this song’. Whenever I hear it I do just think of my alarm.

#ICanNotBelieveHowMuchSheChangesWeekToWeekAndHowMuchOfASmallHumanSheIs

Well, these hashtags jumped around a lot at the end, but yes it is so weird. It almost feels like she has always crawled, but 9 months ago she could not even hold her head up by herself. Bizarre.


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Imitating B’s New Cheeky Grin, Though She Does Not Have A Mouth Full Of Bad Teeth (24th March 2021)

Me with a big grin, trying to imitate B.
Imitating B’s New Cheeky Grin, Though She Does Not Have A Mouth Full Of Bad Teeth (24th March 2021)
 
#TheOtherDayINoticedThatBHadANewCheekyGrin
#IMadeAVideoOfItAndShowedItToHerThenSheWasGrinningBackAtHerself
#ThinkingAboutItSheHasNotReallyDoneItSinceThenButSheDoesSeemToDoNewThingsAndForgetAboutThemForABit
#MyMumSaysSheIsImitatingMeWhenIDoItButIAmNotAwareOfMyselfDoingIt
#WeAreJustConstantlyOnBWatchNowAsSheSeemsToBumpHerHeadAMillionTimesADay
#LuckilyBabiesSeemQuiteResilientWhichIsGoodAsOtherwiseIDoNotThinkAnyoneWouldMakeItToAdulthood
#HerToothIsStillYetToBreakThroughAndSheLikesToWakeUpAtAround11pmInPain
#LastNightTAndIWereBothSoTiredThatWeHopedItWasJustARandomWakeUp
#OfCourseIWasJustStartingToDriftOffWhenSheWokeUp
#EventuallyTiagoWentAndGaveHerSomeTeethingGelWhichSeemedToWork
#IShouldHaveJustGotUpSoonerAndDoneItAndNowIFeelQuiteGuilty
#NowIAmActuallyLookingForwardToTheClocksChangingAsIHopeWeCanGetBBackToWakingUpAt7
#OftenWhenISeePicturesOfOtherPeopleBreastfeedingIFeelBadThatOurBreastfeedingJourneyEndedEarlierThanIPlanned
#ButBReallyDidNotWantToDoItSoItMadeSenseToStop
#WeCompletedOurCensusTheOtherDayAndItWasQuiteExcitingToPutBOnThere
#HopefullyIn100YearsTimeWeWillHaveRelativesWhoAreInterestedInUs
#AndTheyWillBeAbleToFindUsLivingWithNan
#IAmDefinitelyGladThatWeMoved
#IThinkIWouldBeStrugglingALotIfWeStillLivedInLiverpoolAsWeWouldNotHaveSoMuchSupport
#IWouldNotBeAbleToHaveTheJobThatIAmDoingAtTheMomentOrAtLeastNotBeAbleToDoItInTheSameWay
#ItHasBeenNiceToGoOutThoughMyLegsFeelABitLikeJellyAfterWalkingSoMuchYesterday
#ItIsGoodThatBIsUsedToMyMumAsSheDoesNotSeemToMindWhenIGoOut
#ItIsEarlyDaysSoThatMightChangeButSheIsQuiteHappyClingingToMyMumDuringABadTeethingMoment
#IHopeItDoesNotRainMuchOnFutureWorkDaysAsThatWillMakeItNotSoGreat
#IFeelPositiveWithGettingOutMoreThoughAndNextWeekWeShouldBeAbleToSitInOtherPeoplesGardens
#AndSoonBabyClassesWillReopenAgainWhichIAmGreatlyLookingForwardTo
#FriendsInDifferentAreasHaveAlreadyBeenGoingToGroupsAndHaveBeenAbleToHangOut
#IWantBToHaveSomeFriendsThatSheCanCrawlAroundWithAndDoThingsThatSheHasBeenMissingOutOn
#LuckilySheDoesNotKnowSheIsMissingOutButHopefullySheWillNotHaveToMissOutAgainThoughIAmNotThatOptimisticAboutItAll
#IAmGladIHaveTheDentistSoonAsOneOfMyTeethIsStartingToPlayUp

(18th April 2021: I debated changing the title today, but there needs to be some comment in it about B not having so many teeth, and my teeth are bad so I guess it’s accurate. I do feel a bit awkward about it, but I guess that’s why my solo show last year was called Always Awkward.

#TheOtherDayINoticedThatBHadANewCheekyGrin

It made me cry a bit as I thought it was so sweet.

#IMadeAVideoOfItAndShowedItToHerThenSheWasGrinningBackAtHerself

Adorable.

#ThinkingAboutItSheHasNotReallyDoneItSinceThenButSheDoesSeemToDoNewThingsAndForgetAboutThemForABit

Yeah this happens a lot. I showed her the video again earlier, but she didn’t do it.

#MyMumSaysSheIsImitatingMeWhenIDoItButIAmNotAwareOfMyselfDoingIt

I guess it’s hard when you can’t see yourself all of the time – not that I’d want to anyways.

#WeAreJustConstantlyOnBWatchNowAsSheSeemsToBumpHerHeadAMillionTimesADay

She currently has two little red marks on her head at the moment. One is from her bumping her head on her box of eggs and the other one could be from a million other incidents.

#LuckilyBabiesSeemQuiteResilientWhichIsGoodAsOtherwiseIDoNotThinkAnyoneWouldMakeItToAdulthood

I probably should look at a baby first aid course. It has been on my list of things to do – I need to get on it.

#HerToothIsStillYetToBreakThroughAndSheLikesToWakeUpAtAround11pmInPain

🙁 I knew I was never going to look forward to the teething phase. Why can’t it just hurry up and appear. We still have lots of other teeth to deal with…

#LastNightTAndIWereBothSoTiredThatWeHopedItWasJustARandomWakeUp

‘She might just go back to sleep soon.’ She did settle for a bit, then as we were falling back to sleep she started again.

#OfCourseIWasJustStartingToDriftOffWhenSheWokeUp

T was already asleep. I need to start reading books again as otherwise my brain doesn’t switch off well…

#EventuallyTiagoWentAndGaveHerSomeTeethingGelWhichSeemedToWork

We hadn’t been using it much before, but it’s our new best friend.

#IShouldHaveJustGotUpSoonerAndDoneItAndNowIFeelQuiteGuilty

Bad parent. We live and learn…

#NowIAmActuallyLookingForwardToTheClocksChangingAsIHopeWeCanGetBBackToWakingUpAt7

Doubt it, but I hope so. Her naps still seem to be a bit here and there too.

#OftenWhenISeePicturesOfOtherPeopleBreastfeedingIFeelBadThatOurBreastfeedingJourneyEndedEarlierThanIPlanned

A random jump, but it’s on my notes to jog my memory about what I might want to talk about.

#ButBReallyDidNotWantToDoItSoItMadeSenseToStop

I probably upset people with my breastfeeding pictures, as they might not have been able to breastfeed or their journey ended earlier than they thought it might too.

I definitely think people should keep sharing their photos, but it just reminds me that I am sad about it all.

#WeCompletedOurCensusTheOtherDayAndItWasQuiteExcitingToPutBOnThere #HopefullyIn100YearsTimeWeWillHaveRelativesWhoAreInterestedInUs #AndTheyWillBeAbleToFindUsLivingWithNan

I do think about things like our family tree a bit. Will our line continue? Maybe, maybe not. Hopefully some distant relative will be interested in us though.

#IAmDefinitelyGladThatWeMoved

I do miss Liverpool but the winter would have been tough.

#IThinkIWouldBeStrugglingALotIfWeStillLivedInLiverpoolAsWeWouldNotHaveSoMuchSupport

Obviously there are people out there who have been through this pandemic with so little support. We would have just got on with it, but I think we would have probably ending up moving somewhere – even just the other side of Liverpool. We didn’t live near any parks, which was a big thing that I felt we were missing.

#IWouldNotBeAbleToHaveTheJobThatIAmDoingAtTheMomentOrAtLeastNotBeAbleToDoItInTheSameWay

At the moment I am spreading out my hours over multiple days so my Mum or Tiago can look after her. She would have either had to go to nursery which would have cancelled out what I was earning or Tiago would have had to look after her all weekend.

#ItHasBeenNiceToGoOutThoughMyLegsFeelABitLikeJellyAfterWalkingSoMuchYesterday

My shoulders are also a bit sore, so I have been trying to roll them out a lot.

#ItIsGoodThatBIsUsedToMyMumAsSheDoesNotSeemToMindWhenIGoOut #ItIsEarlyDaysSoThatMightChangeButSheIsQuiteHappyClingingToMyMumDuringABadTeethingMoment

If she was upset I’m sure she’d get over it soon but I’d feel guilty, though it’s good for us to let me go and do my own thing for a bit.

#IHopeItDoesNotRainMuchOnFutureWorkDaysAsThatWillMakeItNotSoGreat

It has just finished raining. I’m not supposed to talk about my job on social media, so this is why I am quite vague.

#IFeelPositiveWithGettingOutMoreThoughAndNextWeekWeShouldBeAbleToSitInOtherPeoplesGardens

I thought the 29th March was a Sunday, but nope it’s a Monday.

Will people probably be sat in gardens this weekend anyways? Probably.

#AndSoonBabyClassesWillReopenAgainWhichIAmGreatlyLookingForwardTo

Hurrah.

#FriendsInDifferentAreasHaveAlreadyBeenGoingToGroupsAndHaveBeenAbleToHangOut

A know one friend goes to an outdoors group and other friends go to a playgroup. I still don’t know when a playgroup will open near us. Am I jealous? Yes. Am I dealing with it? Yes. I have a big distraction with work now, and by the time I finish that job hopefully lots more things will be open.

#IWantBToHaveSomeFriendsThatSheCanCrawlAroundWithAndDoThingsThatSheHasBeenMissingOutOn

We’ve bumped into a Mum and her kids a couple of times this week, so it’s been nice for B to see a baby her own age.

#LuckilySheDoesNotKnowSheIsMissingOutButHopefullySheWillNotHaveToMissOutAgainThoughIAmNotThatOptimisticAboutItAll

It sounds like things are getting bad again. Hopefully we can be smarter as a country about things this time. The other day we realised that we might not be able to see Tiago’s family this summer. We don’t fancy throwing money down the drain as the logistics are complicated, so we’ll just have to wait and see.

#IAmGladIHaveTheDentistSoonAsOneOfMyTeethIsStartingToPlayUp

A random end, but yes this tooth is playing me up so I’m glad I can get it looked at soon.


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

Imitating B Inspecting Dirt On The Floor (21st March 2021)

Me low to the ground in a stripey dress touching a piece of dirt on the carpet.
Imitating B Inspecting Dirt On The Floor (21st March 2021)
 
#NothingGetsPastBTheseDays
#EspeciallyAnyBitOfDirtOnTheFloorThatSheIsQuickToPickUp
#SheIsSoFastAndWeBreatheASighOfReliefWhenSheSitsStillForAMinute
#ThisWeekHasBeenMyBusiestWeekSinceSheWasBornIThink
#AndOfCourseItCoincidedWithBsFirstToothStartingToCutThroughHerGums
#ItIsDay6AndIDoNotThinkItHasBrokenTheSurfaceYet
#AWomanAtTheParkSaidItCanTakeUpToAMonthForAToothToFullyAppear
#WeHaveStartedToBrushBsTeethOrRatherGumsToGetHerUsedToUsDoingIt
#HerToothpasteIsFor0To2YearOldsButItSaysTheyShouldSpitItOut
#BHasBeenLaughingAtMeShowingHerHowToSpitItOutButIDoNotThinkItMattersThatMuch
#HerNapsHaveGenerallyBeenALotShorterAndSheUsuallyWakesUpAt6amNow
#IHaveBeenWorkingUntil11ishQuiteALotButThenItTakesSoLongForMyBrainToSwitchOff
#WeManagedOneEpisodeOfAShowForDateNightLastNightThenWeWentToBedAt10
#IAmDreadingTheClocksChangingNextWeekendThoughIAmLookingForwardToLighterEvenings
#YesterdayIHadPortfolioReviewsAndWorkWorkToDoSoTiagoLookedAfterBForMostOfTheDay
#IWasReadingSomethingAboutTheSuccessOfAFemaleArtistAfterHavingKidsSeemsToCorrelateToHowSupportiveTheirPartnerIs
#IFeelLuckyThatTiagoIsSupportiveOfItAllAsOtherwiseItWouldBeHarderToGetThingsDone
#ForTheNextMonthOrSoIWillBeOutALotMoreWorkingWhichMeansLessTimeForMyOwnStuffSoWeWillSeeHowThatAllGoes
#AKidAtTheParkTheOtherDayCameOverAndStartedToPushBInTheSwing
#SheDidNotKnowWhatToMakeOfItAndIWasAlsoABitUnsureOfWhatToDo
#IDoNowKnowHowToTalkToKids
#TheOtherDayICriedAsIHadQuiteATenderMomentWithB
#SheWasInspectingMyFingersWithGreatCareAndWasLaughingAtMeRaisingMyEyebrowsUpAndDown
#SheAlsoHasANewCheekyGrinWhichIsSuperAdorable
#SheLikesToPlayWithTheBalloonsThatWeBlewUpForOneOfHerBabyClasses
#SheIsYetToUnderstandThatTheyCanPopAndIAmNotLookingForwardToTheDayThatTheyDo
#RecentlySheWasReallyDiggingHerFingersIntoItAndIHatedTheNoise
#IQuicklyPutMyHandsOverMyEarsAndSheAlsoFoundThatHilarious
#INeedToDoSomeResearchIntoWhatSoundsAllAnimalsMake
#ForExampleWhatSoundDoesAGiraffeMake

#NothingGetsPastBTheseDays

I feel like I have a completely different baby to a month ago.

#EspeciallyAnyBitOfDirtOnTheFloorThatSheIsQuickToPickUp

Though I do love when she goes for the tiny hole in the kitchen floor that she thinks is dirt, but obviously can’t pick up.

#SheIsSoFastAndWeBreatheASighOfReliefWhenSheSitsStillForAMinute

Tiago looked after her a lot yesterday and said that she never stops. I was like ‘welcome to my week’.

#ThisWeekHasBeenMyBusiestWeekSinceSheWasBornIThink

Still got plenty to do, but it’ll be fine.

#AndOfCourseItCoincidedWithBsFirstToothStartingToCutThroughHerGums #ItIsDay6AndIDoNotThinkItHasBrokenTheSurfaceYet

It felt so sharp the other day, but looking at it I do not think it has come through yet. It must be horrible. Bless B.

#AWomanAtTheParkSaidItCanTakeUpToAMonthForAToothToFullyAppear

Great.

#WeHaveStartedToBrushBsTeethOrRatherGumsToGetHerUsedToUsDoingIt

I wasn’t looking forward to it, but she does not seem to mind much.

#HerToothpasteIsFor0To2YearOldsButItSaysTheyShouldSpitItOut

Lol. Imagine trying to get a 4 month old to spit it out (B is 9 months and she does not get it yet).

#BHasBeenLaughingAtMeShowingHerHowToSpitItOutButIDoNotThinkItMattersThatMuch

She has seen us brush our teeth with an electric toothbrush so when we brush hers or I pretend to brush mine I make the sound of one. I think she finds me going ‘blergh’ more funny though. The other night she would not stop laughing.

#HerNapsHaveGenerallyBeenALotShorterAndSheUsuallyWakesUpAt6amNow

Yesterday Tiago was looking forward to her naps; she slept for half an hour both times. She has been sleeping okay through the night, though last night she did wake up at 11 briefly.

#IHaveBeenWorkingUntil11ishQuiteALotButThenItTakesSoLongForMyBrainToSwitchOff

I have been falling asleep after 12 most nights, except for last night when I actually was asleep when she woke up. Typical.

#WeManagedOneEpisodeOfAShowForDateNightLastNightThenWeWentToBedAt10

We’ve been watching Through Her Eyes. We watched 2 episodes last weekend, then hadn’t watched it again until last night. Tiago has given me the go ahead to watch it by myself though, as I think he is a little freaked out/can’t be bothered to watch it. I have started to watch a lot of TV on 1.5x while doing work…

#IAmDreadingTheClocksChangingNextWeekendThoughIAmLookingForwardToLighterEvenings

I get confused by it all every time though. Thinking about it the old 6am will be 7am, so the first night might not be great (hello super early bedtime) but it could be worse. We’ll see…

#YesterdayIHadPortfolioReviewsAndWorkWorkToDoSoTiagoLookedAfterBForMostOfTheDay

I hope more things stay online after the pandemic is over. It was so much more convenient to be at home with a digital portfolio. One reviewer said she wouldn’t have been able to go to the physical reviews as she has kids to look after.

They seemed to go well and were generally positive. It seems worth noting that I only had female reviewers.

#IWasReadingSomethingAboutTheSuccessOfAFemaleArtistAfterHavingKidsSeemsToCorrelateToHowSupportiveTheirPartnerIs

I guess it makes sense.

#IFeelLuckyThatTiagoIsSupportiveOfItAllAsOtherwiseItWouldBeHarderToGetThingsDone

It’s 9.15am and this morning he’s been looking after B so I could do dance videos, do a shoot and now my hashtags and blog. B is just going down for a nap, so I hope she sleeps well. I need to do some ‘work work’ after this, but I want to make sure that Tiago has some time for his own stuff today too.

I still feel guilty about T looking after her so much, but B doesn’t see him that much during the week so it’s nice for them to spend some quality time together.

#ForTheNextMonthOrSoIWillBeOutALotMoreWorkingWhichMeansLessTimeForMyOwnStuffSoWeWillSeeHowThatAllGoes

My Mum and Tiago will be looking after her while I’m doing it. I’m looking forward to getting out more, but I worry about fitting everything in. I know it’ll be fine though.

#AKidAtTheParkTheOtherDayCameOverAndStartedToPushBInTheSwing

We had been talking to some earlier about a car, which he said was a tractor.

#SheDidNotKnowWhatToMakeOfItAndIWasAlsoABitUnsureOfWhatToDo

He had a lot of spit on his hands and B had a runny nose – fun for Covid times.

#IDoNowKnowHowToTalkToKids

I guess as B gets older I’ll figure it out, and hopefully we’ll start to hang out with more kids soon.

#TheOtherDayICriedAsIHadQuiteATenderMomentWithB

I just had to check that that was the right term.

#SheWasInspectingMyFingersWithGreatCareAndWasLaughingAtMeRaisingMyEyebrowsUpAndDown

She was sat in her high chair and it was just really sweet. I love making her laugh.

#SheAlsoHasANewCheekyGrinWhichIsSuperAdorable

I should probably imitate it for a future shoot.

(15th April: It’s the next post.)

#SheLikesToPlayWithTheBalloonsThatWeBlewUpForOneOfHerBabyClasses

She also laughs when I throw one up and enthusiastically catch it. I have a lot of fun just kicking them about and playing volleyball with them.

#SheIsYetToUnderstandThatTheyCanPopAndIAmNotLookingForwardToTheDayThatTheyDo

I am worried that it might hurt her and she will get really freaked out.

#RecentlySheWasReallyDiggingHerFingersIntoItAndIHatedTheNoise

Ergh.

#IQuicklyPutMyHandsOverMyEarsAndSheAlsoFoundThatHilarious

I live to make her laugh. Once I learn how to talk to kids I might become a kid’s entertainer…

#INeedToDoSomeResearchIntoWhatSoundsAllAnimalsMake #ForExampleWhatSoundDoesAGiraffeMake

I end up singing that ‘What Does The Fox Say?‘ song from time to time as B has a fox toy and a few books that reference foxes. I just remember hearing them mate in London a lot and that wasn’t very nice…

People like to use animals for things that aren’t really known for their noises. If in doubt a lot of animals roar, and most birds tweet, but what does a moose say? A lot of them become Pokemon in my mind as in a toucan says tou-can, and a moose says moooose.


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Pregnancy

Looking Back On Being Pregnant During A Pandemic

I probably should have wrote this a bit closer to the one year anniversary of the UK’s first lockdown (23rd March), but I guess nearly 3 weeks after isn’t so bad.

I had planned for this blog post to reflect on pregnancy and early motherhood during a pandemic, but it took me long enough to just talk about my pregnancy so expect the motherhood bit at a later date.

I’m a bit bored of sounding like a massive whiner, but this year has been tough and I know it’s been tough for everyone in different ways.

Going back to what feels like a lifetime ago – I found out I was pregnant in October 2019 and knew I wanted to document it since I’ve been making self-portraiture projects since 2010. Sometimes titles for projects take a long time to appear, but other times they are easy, and Waiting For Things In A Time When You Rarely Wait For Things arrived with little stress.

I thought it was smart and funny.

‘Well, it’s 2020 and you can order things via the little gadget in your hand and it will arrive the next morning. We can watch a whole series in one go and not have to spend a week wondering what will happen next (okay for some shows you do have to, but I didn’t have a TV so I wasn’t really watching programmes like that). And now I have to wait for 9ish months for this baby to appear.’

I thought that pregnancy was something that happened to other people and not me, so I was really intrigued to see my body changing and experience someone – who would look like me and my husband – growing inside me.

If I talked about the whole of my pregnancy then we would be here for a long time, so let’s skip to not long before the UK had it’s first lockdown.

Earlier in my project (Waiting For Things…) I remember referring to Covid and feeling awkward about it as I thought (like most people) that it would be something that would just pass. Now I wish I had mentioned it more, but I thought people would think I was paranoid. I remember when I first started to sanitise my hands in public that people would think that I was odd for doing it. I initially tried to do it as discreetly as possible.

Pregnancy In The Time Of Corona (25 weeks)
(March 2020)
 
#SoTheThreatOfCoronavirusIsMoreRealNow
#OfficialGuidanceSayItIsNotReallyAThreatToPregnantWomen
#ButIDoWorryThatIfIGetItThatThereMightBeSomeSideEffectsForTheBaby
#IAmAlsoPrettyCertainThatIfItContinuesTheWayItIsThenIWillProbablyGetIt
#IJustHopeICanDelayGettingItUntilIAmMorePregnant
#BecauseOfCoronaIHaveNoticedHowDisgustingPeopleAreInGeneral
#ISawAGuyBlowHisNoseIntoHisHandInTheSupermarketTheOtherDay
#AWomanCoughedInTheLiftYesterdayAndSheDidNotPutHerHandOverHerMouth
#AsSoonAsSheCoughedThePeopleAtTheFrontOfTheLiftLookedAroundNervously
#SoIThinkAfterTheVirusGoesIWillJustWashMyHandsMoreAndUseHandSanitiserMore
#IPushedTheButtonForTheLiftWithAKnuckleBecauseIThoughtIWasBeingSmart
#ButIPushedItIntoTheBrailleAndItStartedToBleed
#MyHandsAreSoDryFromAllTheWashingAndHandSanitising
#IFeelAwkwardUsingTheHandSanitiserInPublic
#TiagoShookSomeonesHandTheOtherDayAndIPassedHimTheHandSanitiser
#IHopeItDidNotOffendTheOtherPerson
#IfIWasNotPregnantThenIThinkIWouldBeMoreChilledOut
#AtLeastBecauseIAmPregnantWeHaveNotMadeAnyTravelPlans
#AndWeWentToTheTheatreLastWeek
#IDoNotHaveAnythingBookedInMyDiaryThatIMightHaveToCancel
#JustLocalArtEventsWhichAreAShameToMissButIDoNotWantToBeInRoomsFullOfPeople
#IWasSpeakingToSomeoneOnTheStairsInMyWorkBuildingYesterday
#AndTodayTheyWereOffAsTheyWereReallyIll
#WeWereStoodAtLeastAMetreApartAndSheWasSomeStepsLowerThanMe
#TypicallyWeWereStoodTalkingAboutCorona
#TheBumpContinuesToGrowThough
#IDownloadedThatAppToMarkWhenIFeelItMove
#AndTheOtherDayAfterTalkingAboutItItHadAQuietDayWhichFreakedMeOut
#ButIThinkItDependsWhatIAmDoing
#WhenIAmAtWorkINoticeItMoreAsIAmNotMovingAboutSoMuch

#OfficialGuidanceSayItIsNotReallyAThreatToPregnantWomen

And then 5 days later…

Pregnant People Are Now High Risk (25 and a half weeks)
(March 2020)
 
#ThingsChangeSoFastTheseDays
#IWasSayingToWorkThatIWasThinkingAboutWorkingFromHomeTheRestOfTheWeek
#BecauseOfCorona
#MyColleagueWasLikeYouAreGoingToComeBackArentYou
#ISaidYeah
#ThenByTheEndOfTheDayTheyAnnouncedNewMeasuresAndIWasLikeSeeYouWhenISeeYou
#ThenByTheTimeIGotHomeTheySaidThatPregnantPeopleWereHighRiskAndWouldHaveToSociallyDistance
#SoNowIDoNotKnowWhenIWillSeeThem
#IDidGoOutTodayThoughAsIHadErrandsToRun
#ITriedToKeepMyDistanceFromPeopleInTheQueues
#ButThenPeopleWouldBeRightNextToMe
#EvenThoughThereWasRoomToNotBe
#IHaveBeenLessAnxiousAboutTheBabyAsIAmMoreConcernedAboutMyNan
#YesterdaySheWasTellingMeToBeCareful
#AndIWasLikeNanYouAreHighRiskAndIAmNot
#ThenIGotHomeAndObviouslyItHadChanged
#ThoughIFeelLikePregnantPeopleAreNotHighRiskInOtherCountries
#IThinkBorisJustWantsToBeAtHomeWithHisPregnantFiancee
#IAmJustGoingToGoOnWalksFromNowOn
#AndLeaveTiagoToGoFoodShopping
#ThoughIMightJustStandOutsideOfTheShopAndWaitForHim
#IfTiagoGetsItIWillGetIt
#SomeoneMessagedTodayToLetThemKnowIfWeNeedStuffPickingUpIfWeBothHaveToSelfQuarantine
#ThatWarmedMyHeart
#InOtherNewsTheBabysKicksAreGettingStronger
#TiagoFinallyFeltOneTheOtherDay
#IAmBackToHavingMyOriginalMidwifeForNowAsHerOperationGotCancelled
#IHopeHerFamilyIsOkay
#SomeBabyClothesArrivedToday
#IThoughtThatTheyHadGotStuckInAnotherCountryOrCustomsSoThatWasARelief

(It’s weird seeing how short my hashtags used to be. I feel like sometimes I don’t know what to write about and before you know it I’ve reached the Instagram maximum of 30 hashtags and 2,200 characters.)

We had planned for a home birth, so my midwife appointments were all at our flat. I had the same midwife the whole time, but she was giving her father a kidney so was due to go on sick leave. However due to Covid the operation got cancelled so she never took her sick leave. I hope her family is okay.

I actually didn’t even reference going into the first lockdown in my project. My first post after lockdown just talks more excitedly about seeing the baby (B) moving for the first time.

As there wasn’t much to do though we got quite into going for walks. We lived in Liverpool city centre and originally we were walking along the riverfront which was really nice, but just a bit too busy for our liking. I was scared. I didn’t know how Covid might affect B (as an unborn baby) and I was anxious enough during my pregnancy before the pandemic.

I Want To Keep Being Able To Go For Walks (27 weeks)
(March 2020)
 
#IAmFeelingTired
#GladIDecidedYesterdayToTakePicturesOfMyselfOnTheSofaToday
#YesterdayIWasLyingOnThereWatchingMyBellyToSeeIfICouldSeeTheBabyMoving
#IHaveNotSeenTheBabyMoveAsMoveAsMuchAsTheFirstDayISawIt
#ITryToTakeABreakToSeeIfICanFeelAndSeeTheBabyMoving
#IThinkItIsMovingNow
#AndItWasDuringTheShootABit
#IDoNotThinkIWillReadBabyForumsForABit
#TheyStressedMeOutBefore
#ButNowWithCoronaTheyAreFullOfPeopleBeingMoreStressedOut
#StillTryingToGoOutForAWalkADay
#IMakeAnEffortToKeepAGoodDistanceBetweenMyselfAndOtherPeople
#TheOtherDayIWasOutsideOfASupermarket
#AWomanAndGuyCameAlong
#TheWomanWentInAndTheGuyStayedOutside
#ButHeStoodRightByTheDoor
#SoAnyoneGoingInAndOutHadToWalkLessThanAMetreAwayFromHim
#ThenYesterdayWeWereWalkingOnAVeryWidePathByTheKerb
#AGuyRanByPuffingAndPantingRightNextToUs
#IShouldHaveToldBothOfThemOff
#AndYesterdayISawTwoGuysCoughInTheStreetWithoutPuttingTheirHandsOverTheirMouths
#AndOneThenWalkedIntoTheSupermarketThatTiagoWasIn
#IWantToKeepBeingAbleToGoForWalks
#INeedTheExercise
#ButIfPeopleKeepNotKeepingTheirDistanceAndDoingDumbThingsThenIMightHaveToStop
#ThoughTheyAreTheOnesWhoShouldNotGoOut
#IFeelLikeMaybeWeWillNotGetIt
#ButMaybeIAmTryingToBeOptimistic
#ItSeemsMoreSeriousByTheDay
#IJustWantToKnowHowLongItWillGoOnForButItCouldBeALongTime

#IJustWantToKnowHowLongItWillGoOnForButItCouldBeALongTime

Lol. Did any of us think we would still be dealing with it now?

I felt like people weren’t taking instructions about social distancing seriously enough and I got stressed out. I would wait outside of the supermarket while Tiago went in, and get annoyed by people, especially as I realised how gross and unhygienic people were.

I Feel Like I Have Lost A Sense Of Urgency (27 weeks)
(March 2020)
 
#AnotherDayAtHome
#WellWeWentOutForAShortWalk
#YesterdayWeLeftOurWalkUntilTooLate
#WhenItWasStartingToGetDarkAndCold
#SoWeDidNotGoOut
#OriginallyWeWereHavingOurWalksAfterItGetsDark
#ButTheWeatherGotBetterSoWeWantedToEnjoyTheSunABit
#IHavePlentyOfThingsToKeepMeBusy
#ButIFeelLikeIHaveLostASenseOfUrgency
#LikeWhyRushAsIAmNotGoingAnywhereElse
#AFriendAskedUsIfWeWereOkayJustBeingAroundEachOtherAllDay
#YeahWeAreUsedToBeingHomeALot
#WeAreLuckyAsWeCanSitInDifferentRoomsWhilstWeAreWorkingIfWeWant
#ThoughThisWeekendWeHaveStuckToTheSameRoom
#IWasSupposedToStartPhotographingHimMoreAWhileAgo
#IDidForABitButIFeltBadBotheringHim
#HeWasOnThePhoneDoingTheWashingUpToday
#AndIWasHuggingHim
#AndIThoughtThatWouldMakeAnAlrightPicture
#SoLaterOnIAskedHimAndHeObviouslySaidYes
#ObviouslyAsInHeIsInThePicture
#AskedTiagoIfHeHadAnyCommentsAndHeSaid
#IFeelKindOfRelaxedToBeFair
#HopefulThatThingsWillGetBetterInAMonthOrTwo
#ISaidIThinkItMightTakeAWhileForThingsToGoBackToNormal
#ItMightBeAfterIGiveBirthAtThisPoint
#IThinkEvenWhenThisNonLockdownEndsIWillBeCautious
#AsItCouldQuiteEasilyComeBackAndStartAllOverAgain
#WhoKnows
#IThinkWeJustNeedToBeCareful

#AskedTiagoIfHeHadAnyCommentsAndHeSaid
#IFeelKindOfRelaxedToBeFair
#HopefulThatThingsWillGetBetterInAMonthOrTwo
#ISaidIThinkItMightTakeAWhileForThingsToGoBackToNormal
#ItMightBeAfterIGiveBirthAtThisPoint

We had been walking after dark to try to avoid the masses of people also taking walks, but soon we just started to walk in the opposite direction during daylight through the industrial area instead.

(I’m just posting pictures where the titles refer to things to do with the pandemic as there would be too many images to talk about otherwise. You can see the whole series on my Instagram.)

Tiago & His Holiday Beard (28 weeks)
(April 2020)
 
#TiagoOnlyUsuallyHasSomethingThatResemblesABeardWhenWeHaveBeenOnHoliday
#IGuessItShouldBeCalledHisLockdownBeard
#ButIAlwaysReferToHisFacialHairAsAHolidayBeard
#HeIsNotOnHolidayThoughAsHeIsWorkingFromHome
#ButStillHasVideoMeetingsToAttend
#HeJustCanNotBeBotheredToShave
#HeHasBeenInAFewPicturesInThisProject
#ButNotAsManyAsIFirstThought
#ThoughDueToLockdownItMightBeAGoodChanceToPhotographHimMore
#IThinkTryingToGetHashtagsOutOfHimLastTimeWasHardWork
#IKnewThisWeekendThatIWantedToPhotographHimThough
#WeWentOutForAWalkTodayAndThePlanWasToPhotographHimWhenWeGotHome
#IThoughtTheSofaWasASafeBetAsHeWouldBeRelaxed
#HeDidFallAsleepAtSomePoint
#HeSpentALotOfTimeTodayCookingAndTidying
#IWantedHimToHaveHisEyesClosed
#ButItDoesLookABitLikeHeIsDead
#TheWeekendsGoBySurprisinglyFast
#IAmWaitingForHimToGetOffAVideoCallWithHisParents
#AndThenIWillAskHimIfHeHasAnythingThatHeWantsToSayAboutImpendingFatherhood
#HeWasOnThePhoneForAboutAnHour
#HeSaysHeIsFeelingExcitedByIt
#ItIsBecomingMoreRealEveryDay
#HeSaysHeIsMainlyFocusedOnTheBabyAndNotThatStressedOutByCorona
#HeFeelsConnectedToTheBabyAlreadyEvenThoughHeDoesNotKnowThemYet
#FeelingThemKickIsNice
#HeLooksForwardToParentingAndGettingToKnowTheBaby
#AndTheChallengeOfIt
#HeSaysSeeingMyBumpInTheFleshIsStrangeYetNaturalAtTheSameTime

Tiago used to work from home a bit before Covid, but then he was always at home. Luckily we get along well (that’s always good if you’re married to someone) and it was nice to see him more. While I grew a baby he grew facial hair, which was weird as he only rocked a beard when we were on holiday.

He appeared in the project more than I had initially planned due to being around more.

Soon my midwife appointments would be changed from every 3 weeks to every 4 weeks. This didn’t really matter but I guess it meant we didn’t have as many as we should have. At one point my midwife sent someone else in case she wasn’t available when I gave birth, but otherwise she was the only person who I saw on a regular-ish basis during lockdown #1 besides Tiago.

It Is Odd That Quite Possibly None Of My Friends Or Family (Besides Tiago) Will See Me Heavily Pregnant In Real Life (29 weeks)
(April 2020)
 
#PeopleWarnedUsWhenWeWereTryingToGetPregnantThatWeWouldNeverBeAbleToLeaveTheHouseWhenWeWantedAgain
#IRememberShruggingAtTheTimeAndSayingItDidNotBotherMeMuch
#IHaveAlwaysLikedBookingTicketsForThingsMoreThanGoingToTheThings
#IBookTicketsAndIGetExcited
#ThenOnTheDayTheEventComesRoundIAmAlwaysFeelingTired
#IDoEnjoyEventsButIAmNotThatBothered
#NowIHaveBeenAtHomeFor3WeeksOtherThanGoingForWalks
#AndWhenRestrictionsFinallyLiftIWillNotBeRushingToGoOutForAnythingOtherThanWalks
#TheBabyMayHaveBeenBornAlreadyOrItMayHaveNot
#EitherWayIDoNotEnvisionGoingAnywhereWithTheBabyBesidesWalks
#ItIsOddThatQuitePossiblyNoneOfMyFriendsOrFamilyWillSeeMeHeavilyPregnantInRealLife
#EveryWeekIFeelLikeTheBabyIsGrowingALot
#IDidNotBotherBuyingAnyMoreMaternityClothesThanTheOnesIGotWhenIWas15Weeks
#WhichWereMainlyBrasADressAPairOfLeggingsAndACardigan
#NowIAmJustAtHomeSoIDefinitelyDoNotNeedToGetAnythingElse
#YesterdayISpentTheWholeDayLookingAtBabyStuff
#WeAreJustGoingToHaveToRiskItAndBuyStuffWithoutTrying
#IWouldRatherJustBuyEverythingSoonerRatherThanLaterSoWeDoNotHaveToWorry
#IAmThinkingThatThereIsNoPointBuyingABabyBassinetForThePushchairAsWeWillNotProbablyUseItMuch
#IWouldRatherJustCarryTheBabyInTheBeginning
#ParticularlyToAvoidAnyoneTryingToPeerIntoTheBassinetInsteadOfKeepingTheirDistance
#WeStillDoNotKnowIfItIsAGirlOrABoy
#IOftenForgetItHasAGenderWhichIsWeirdToSay
#IJustReferToThemAsTheBabyOrThem
#WhereasTiagoUsuallyStartsTalkingToTheBumpWithMyBabyBoy
#AndThenICoughInANonCovidWayAndHeSaysOrMyBabyGirl
#HeStillWantsToFindOutBeforeTheBirth
#IWantToWait
#IAmSupposedToBeHavingMoreScansButIHaveNotReceivedALetterRecently
#AndIDoNotFeelLikeChasingThemUpAsIWouldRatherAvoidGoingToTheHospitalIfICan

I was looking forward to my friends and family seeing me pregnant, I wanted to know what it was like to float in water while pregnant and … actually my wishlist wasn’t very long at all. I guess the main thing was to just really make the most of our time saying goodbye to our old lives of no responsibility, and hang out with our nearest and dearest.

It’s funny how you can take such simple things for granted.

We (my husband Tiago and I) moved to Liverpool in late 2018 and we had a small group of friends there, but a lot of our friends lived elsewhere. We had both lived in London for a number of years (me for 8ish and Tiago for 10ish), and Tiago was born in Portugal. We still haven’t seen any of Tiago’s family since December 2019 when Tiago’s brother invited everyone (their parents and us) for Christmas, otherwise we wouldn’t have seen them for a much longer time.

#IAmSupposedToBeHavingMoreScansButIHaveNotReceivedALetterRecently
#AndIDoNotFeelLikeChasingThemUpAsIWouldRatherAvoidGoingToTheHospitalIfICan

We had had all our compulsory scans before the lockdown, but I was meant to have 3 additional scans due to my BMI (if it’s under 20 you need more scans and mine was 19.9). These got cancelled, which was fine as I didn’t think it was necessary and didn’t fancy going into the hospital for them. It also meant that Tiago never missed an appointment due to restrictions, which was lucky.

#IJustReferToThemAsTheBabyOrThem
#WhereasTiagoUsuallyStartsTalkingToTheBumpWithMyBabyBoy
#AndThenICoughInANonCovidWayAndHeSaysOrMyBabyGirl
#HeStillWantsToFindOutBeforeTheBirth

We had tried to find out at previous scans, but B would not ‘present’ and I was not so secretly glad that this was the case. Due to our other scans being cancelled we did not have an opportunity to find out, so we waited until I gave birth to see that B was a girl. (I thought she was a boy at first as I could only see the umbilical cord.)

#IHaveAlwaysLikedBookingTicketsForThingsMoreThanGoingToTheThings

I was thinking the other day that I really don’t miss a lot of things. Maybe that’s because I’ve had a baby and things are more difficult. ‘Would it be worth the hassle of getting someone to look after B to go to a music gig?’ Not really.

I do daydream about going out to a private view or something though, but Tiago wouldn’t be bothered about joining me so he could look after B.

Eating Almond Butter Is My Daily Highlight Right Now (29 and a half weeks)
(April 2020)
 
#TheLastCoupleOfWeeksIHaveNoticedThatIHaveHadAFewBadEvenings
#LastWeekIWasCrankyTwoNightsInARowAndLastNightIJustFeltDown
#IFeltDownInTheEveningProbablyACoupleOfWeeksAgo
#IWasCryingAndIDidNotReallyKnowWhy
#IJustFeltOverwhelmed
#IGuessINeverExpectedToBePregnantDuringAPandemic
#IFeelMoreTiredInTheAfternoonThanTheEvenings
#ButMaybeByTheEveningsIAmMoreMentallyTired
#AfterISleepIWakeUpFeelingFine
#IThinkTheMassageMakingMeSleepLaterWasJustACoincidence
#LastNightIWokeUpAt1amThen4amThen6am
#AtLeastNowIDoNotHaveToWorryAboutCommuting
#AndTheWakingUpInTheNightIsPreparationForWhatIsToCome
#IFeltDownLastNightAgainBecauseIThinkIWasOverwhelmed
#IWantToChatWithPeopleButIJustFindItKindOfExhausting
#SeeingMessagesToReplyToMakesMeFeelABitAnxious
#PeopleAskingMeWhenIAmDue
#IDoJustNotWantItToGetToTheTimeWhenIAmDueAndBeGettingLotsOfMessagesAskingMeForBabyNews
#IWillTellPeopleWhenIAmReady
#WhichCouldBeSoonAfterTheBirthOrItMightNot
#SoIfYouHaveAskedAndIHaveToldYouInAnObviousOrVagueWayPleaseDoNotBugMe
#IfYouHaveNotAskedThenPleaseDoNotAskMe
#MyHighlightOfTheDayAtTheMomentIsWhenIEatAnAppleAndABananaWithAlmondButter
#ThisHasBeenMyDailyHighlightForAtLeastAWeek
#IReadThatEatingNutsInYourFirstTrimesterIsReallyGoodForTheBaby
#ButICouldNotEatThemAsIHadAnAversionToThem
#HopefullyItWillHelpABitNowButMaybeIAmEatingTooMuchAndItHasTheOppositeEffect
#IAmJustEatingItBecauseILoveIt
#WeCouldNotGetBananasTheOtherDayButTiagoGotSomeToday
#IEnjoyThisTreatMoreThanOurWalksAsWeWalkTheSameRouteAllTheTimeAndPeopleStressMeOutAsTheyDoNotSeemToKnowWhat2MetresIss

#TheLastCoupleOfWeeksIHaveNoticedThatIHaveHadAFewBadEvenings
#LastWeekIWasCrankyTwoNightsInARowAndLastNightIJustFeltDown
#IFeltDownInTheEveningProbablyACoupleOfWeeksAgo
#IWasCryingAndIDidNotReallyKnowWhy
#IJustFeltOverwhelmed
#IGuessINeverExpectedToBePregnantDuringAPandemic

I really did not know what to expect when pregnant, but I knew it wasn’t this. My mental health has always been a bit over the place, and my art is therapeutic for me and the main way that I try to deal with things. I felt lucky to have something to count down to during this time and I was glad that I had already started a project to work on and vent into.

#MyHighlightOfTheDayAtTheMomentIsWhenIEatAnAppleAndABananaWithAlmondButter

Sad, but small things. My daily highlight at the moment is getting out for a walk, but I do now really like this dark chocolate sea salt almond butter – I was just eating their plain stuff before which is still really good. (Yes that’s a lot of money for nut butter, but a kilo does last a long time. Some people spend money on alcohol – I like to buy nut butter.)

Who Knows How Things Will Be By The Time I Give Birth (30 weeks)
 
#IKeepTellingMyselfThatIShouldRestMore
#ButIWokeUpTodayFeelingLikeIWantedToDoAShoot
#ThisWasNotTheIdeaIHadYesterdayThatIDidNotEndUpDoing
#IRealiseThatAFewOfTheLastPicturesAllHaveAHandOrHandsOnMyBump
#IWasLookingAtThePictureOfMeAndTiagoWhenIWas19WeeksPregnantAndYouCanBarelySeeMyBump
#SoIThoughtItWouldBeNiceToRedoItWithMyBumpMoreObvious
#WeKindOfLookLikeWeirdMannequins
#WeOrderedOurPushchairAndCotToday
#ItHasBeenStressingMeOutForACoupleOfWeeksDecidingOnWhichOnesToBuy
#SoWeJustTookThePlungeTodayAsWhatIsTheWorstThatCanHappen
#ItIsSoWeirdMakingWhatFeelsLikeBigPurchasesWithoutHavingSeenThemInRealLifeOrHavingTriedThemOutFirst
#ApparentlyIfTheBabyCameNowItWouldHaveAGoodChanceOfSurviving
#SoItMadeSenseToOrderThem
#JustNeedToBuySomeSmallerThingsNowLikeMattressProtectorsAndNappies
#IAmLookingForwardToHavingItAllSorted
#ItIsNiceThatTiagoIsInTheProjectABitMoreNow
#ItIsGoingToBeWeirdWhenWeAreNotAtHomeTogetherSoMuch
#IThinkOnceTheBabyIsBornHisWorkNoLongerConsidersMeToBeVulnerable
#SoHeWillNeedToLeaveTheHouseForWorkAgain
#ButSurelyANewbornIsVulnerable
#IDoNotKnow
#WhoKnowsHowThingsWillBeByTheTimeIGiveBirth
#ItFeelsWeirdBuyingAPushchairKnowingThatItWillProbablyBeUsedForJustMyUsualSimpleWalkForALongTime
#AndMaybeIWillPreferToJustHaveTheBabyInACarrierForAWhileToAvoidAwkwardPavementEncounters
#IGuessItIsGoodToCoverAllTheOptionsAsThePushchairWillBeUsedAtSomePoint
#IHadALieDownThisAfternoonAndIThinkTheBabyWasUsingMyBladderAsATrampoline
#IThoughtIWasGoingToWetMyself
#WentOutForOurUsualWalkEarlier
#AGuyStuckHisHeadOutOfTheWindowOfAVanThatDroveFromBehindUsAndLetOutABloodCurdlingScreamAndIJumped
#HeHadHisHeadOutOfTheWindowSoIHopedHeNoticedIWasPregnantAndThenFeltBadButIAmSureHeWasJustHappyThatHeHadShowedOffInFrontOfWhoeverWasDriving
 

#IThinkOnceTheBabyIsBornHisWorkNoLongerConsidersMeToBeVulnerable
#SoHeWillNeedToLeaveTheHouseForWorkAgain

Oh yeah, I had forgotten about him being at home more as I was considered to be vulnerable. This does really feel like a lifetime ago.

#AGuyStuckHisHeadOutOfTheWindowOfAVanThatDroveFromBehindUsAndLetOutABloodCurdlingScreamAndIJumped
#HeHadHisHeadOutOfTheWindowSoIHopedHeNoticedIWasPregnantAndThenFeltBadButIAmSureHeWasJustHappyThatHeHadShowedOffInFrontOfWhoeverWasDriving

I do remember this quite clearly though. Asshole. Can I say that on my blog? It’s my blog, so yeah.

Accepting That My Old Normal Is Gone Forever (32 and a half weeks)
(May 2020)
Accepting That My Old Normal Is Gone Forever (32 and a half weeks) II
(May 2020)
 
#MeAndTiagoWereTalkingTheOtherDayAboutWhenThingsReturnToQuoteNormalUnquote
#AndIRealisedThatMyOldNormalWillProbablyNeverExistAgain
#RealisticallyTheBabyWillBeBornUnderSomeKindOfLockdown
#SomeRestrictionsMayLiftButLifeWillNotBeTheSameForAWhile
#IHaveNoDesireToRushToBeInACrowdAgain
#ToSitInARestaurantOrGoToTheCinemaOrGoToAGig
#EvenTheIdeaOfGoingToAnExhibitionFeelsAwkward
#LuckilyInLiverpoolTheyDoNotHaveTheSameCrowdednessAsShowsInLondon
#IDefinitelyWillNotBeRushingToGoToLondon
#AndWithABabyTheIdeaOfTheseThingsMightHaveSeemedABitUneasyAnyways
#ButNowIWillNotHaveThePressureOrFeelingOfWellICouldDoThings
#IThinkIWillJustBeAtHomeAndGoingOnDailyWalksForAWhile
#YouNeverKnowICouldSlipBackIntoOldLifeQuiteEasily
#ButAgainWithABabyItWillNotBeLikeMyOldLife
#MyOldLifeIsForeverGone
#AndIAmNotSadAboutItAsIWantedThisBaby
#AndPeopleWouldSayToMeIfYouHaveABabyYouWillNotJustBeAbleToGoOutWhenYouWantAgain
#AndIShruggedAndSaidIWasNotThatBothered
#AndNowWithThePandemicICareLess
#IAmEnjoyingBeingAtHomeMore
#AndSeeingTiagoALotMore
#ItWillBeWeirdWhenHeFinallyStartsGoingBackOutToWorkAgain
#MyBackHurtsALittleFromThesePicturesNow
#IWasTryingToRecreateAnOuttakeFrom11WeeksAgo
#AndIAmABitBiggerNowSoItWasNotThatEasy
#PregnancyIsDefinitelyGettingMoreUncomfortableNow
#TheExerciseVideosIHaveBeenDoingForWeeksAreGettingABitMoreHarderToDoWithABiggerBump
#IWasSupposedToHaveAMidwifeAppointmentTodayButSomeoneWentIntoLabour
#SoIWillSeeHerInACoupleOfDaysTimeInsteadAndIAmInterestedToHearAboutMyPossibleBirthOptions
#TiagoSaysILookPaleAndABitLikeJesus 

I had imagined that at some point there would be some kind of big goodbye to not being a parent. I didn’t want a baby shower, so I was relieved that I would not get one, but yes I thought I would celebrate with friends and just experience doing things for the last time child-free while realising it was the last time. Bizarre.

In February 2020 I had gone to Norway for my first solo show at Vasli Souza in Oslo, and Tiago had joined for a few days. I had imagined that we would go on another small trip before B was born, but nope. Norway is expensive and I felt bad for spending money on things, but if we had known what was to come then maybe we would have just stayed longer and done more.

At this point we are not sure when we will risk going to see Tiago’s family (it’s two flights, and it was already a lot of faff before we had a baby and Covid to think about).

I Have Told Him Before That If He Wants To Touch The Bump Then He Has To Make Sure His Hands Are Warm (22 and a half weeks)
(February 2020)
 
#IKeepGettingAdsForPregnancyPhotoShoots
#SoIThoughtIBetterTakeMoreOfOurOwn
#IWantedTiagoToRestHisHeadOnTheBump
#ButHeThoughtISaidForHimToPutHisHandsOnIt
#AndTheyWereFREEZING
#IHaveToldHimBeforeThatIfHeWantsToTouchTheBumpThenHeHasToMakeSureHisHandsAreWarm
#ThereIsAnOuttakeOfHimLaughingBecauseISaidNotHisHandsButHisHead
#AnywaysTheBumpContinuesToGrow
#IAmAtThePointNowWhereFoodCrumbsGetStuckOnTheTopOfIt
#TryingToMonitorTheMovementsStillStressesMeOut
#WhenICanFeelItMoveIFeelRelaxed
#WhenICanNotIFeelStressed
#ThisMorningTiagoWentForAShowerAndCameBackToFindMeJustLyingInBedWatchingMyBump
#IAmTryingToFaffLessOnMyPhoneSoItItOneWayOfDoingItIGuess
#WhoNeedsTechnologyWhenYouHaveAnOldFashionedBump
#ThatIsMonitoredInAllTheNewTechnologyWays
#IWasReadingAboutBraxtonHicksTheOtherDay
#IHaveNeverHeardAboutItInAllOfMyLife
#BasicallyItIsWhenYourBodyPracticesContractions
#SoNowIAmLikeWasThatAHiccupFromTheBabyOrABraxtonHicksContraction
#ItIsAFunGame
#INeedToStartThinkingAboutLookingMoreIntoHypnobirthingAndStuffNow
#AsTimeIsFlyingBy
#AndAFriendSaidThatHerFriendGaveBirthAt30Weeks
#SoIFeelLikeINeedToGetMorePrepared
#INeedToStartThinkingMoreAboutPushchairsAndAllThatStuffToo
#ThereIsSoMuchToChooseFromWhichIsAnnoying
#WeAreGoingToABabyShowSoonWhichSoundsLikeMyIdeaOfHellButIAmHopingItWillBeUseful
#TwoPeopleInTheLastWeekHaveToldMeThatILookPale
#WhichHasConcernedMeButIThinkItIsJustBecauseTheWinterIsJustDraggingOnAndMyBodyHasYetToUtiliseItsTemporarySkillOfRetainingATanForLonger
The Bump & The Beard (33 weeks)
(May 2020)
 
#ItIsFunnyHowDifferentTiagoLooksToTheOriginalThatWeTookAt22AndAHalfWeeks
#IHaveNeverSeenHimWithThisMuchFacialHairBefore
#HeSaysHeHasNeverHadThisMuchFacialHairBefore
#HeMightGetRidOfItSoon
#ItIsFunnySeeingHowMuchBiggerMyBumpIsToo
#YesterdayWeWalkedADifferentWayAsOurWalksHaveBeenGettingShorter
#WalkingDownTheSameRoadAllTheTimeIsSoDemotivating
#WeWalkedInTheDirectionThatIsMorePopular
#TiagoIsTheOneWhoGoesOutAndDoesFoodShoppingSoHeIsUsedToBeingAroundAndSeeingMorePeople
#WhereasIHaveBecomeABitScaredOfPeople
#SoItWasGoodToSeeMorePeopleAndEnjoyALongerWalkAndChangeOfScenery
#SomePeopleStillWalkABitTooCloseForMyLiking
#ItIsQuiteObviousThatIAmPregnantNowIfYouAreWalkingTowardsMe
#MaybeTheyThinkThatBecauseIAmPregnantThatIAmNotLikelyToHaveCovidAndGiveItToThem
#ButIDoNotKnowIfTheyHaveItOrNotSoIWouldPreferIfTheyKeptTheirDistance
#ItIsWeirdImaginingAWorldPostAllOfThis
#MaybeItWillFeelEasyButIThinkRealisticallyIWillBeEmergingFromThisWithABaby
#AndSoTheOutsideWorldWillBeADifferentExperienceForMeAnyways
#ItIsGoingToBeOddNotHavingTiagoAroundAllTheTime
#IHaveBeenSpoiltAsHeHasBeenMaking99PercentOfTheMeals
#ITendToJustMakeCheeseAndPickleSandwiches
#ItWillBeWeirdHavingLunchByMyself
#WellIKeepThinkingAndSayingByMyselfButIWillHaveTheBabyAround
#IPictureMyselfWithTheBabyButItStillFeelsSoFarAway
#ThoughTimeIsMovingQuick
#INeedToStartPreparingMoreAgain
#IWasDoingWellAndThenTheNCTCourseKnackeredMeOut
#SoINeedToGetBackIntoReadingMoreThingsAndBuyingTheLastBitsAndBobs
#IAskedTiagoIfHeWantedToSayAnything
#HeJustSaidThatHeIsKeenToMeetTheBaby

The first photo was taken pre-lockdown #1, but it shows how things changed for both of us between February and May.

#ItIsWeirdImaginingAWorldPostAllOfThis
#MaybeItWillFeelEasyButIThinkRealisticallyIWillBeEmergingFromThisWithABaby
#AndSoTheOutsideWorldWillBeADifferentExperienceForMeAnyways

Oh, it’s been a ride. I definitely need to save it for another post as this is getting way too long.

The Baby Just Seems So Protected And Safe In My Belly (36 and a half weeks)
(June 2020)
 
#IStillHaveNotBeenSleepingGreat
#WeOrderedSomeNewPillowsWhichArrivedYesterday
#ThoughtWeMightAsWellWithNoPlansToGoAnywhereThisSummer
#AndApparentSleepDeprivationAroundTheCorner
#ThePillowDoesFeelGreatButItDoesNotFixMyProblemOfHavingToWakeUpToTurnOver
#NotSureIfTheLackOfSleepIsDownToMyBodyTryingToPrepareMeForFutureLackOfSleep
#ThoughTalkingToOtherPregnantWomenIAmNotTheOnlyOne
#OurFavouriteFalafelPlaceHasReopenedSoWeGotTakeawayForLunch
#ThatWillProbablyBeTheHighlightOfTheWeekSoItSeemedWorthMentioning
#OtherwiseIGuessWeAreJustApproachingTheWaitingGameNow
#ItIsBabysDueMonthThoughItCouldComeNextMonth
#ABabyFromTheNCTGroupIsDueTodayAndAnotherIsDueTomorrow
#TheyAreTheFirstOnesThatAreDue
#ItWillBeInterestingToSeeWhenAll8BabiesAreBorn
#EarlyOnDateOrLate
#IHopeMineComesAfterTheDueDate
#JustToGiveMeMoreTimeToGetMyHeadAroundItAllAndWindDownABitMore
#ParticularlyAsIStillHaveWorkOnUntilTheWeekBeforeMyDueDate
#ThoughIKnowBabyWillComeWhenBabyWantsTo
#IThinkWeAreReadyEnoughThough
#WatchingThisPostNatalCourseIsReallyUsefulAsIStillFeelLikeIHaveSoMuchLearn
#AndIKnowIWillKeepLearningEveryDayOnceTheBabyArrivesAnyways
#TheBabyJustSeemsSoProtectedAndSafeInMyBelly
#ICanFeelItHiccupping
#ItGetsEverythingItWantsOnTapRightNow
#TheWholeFourthTrimesterThingMakesSense
#TheBabyNotNeedingTotalQuietAndWantingToBeCloseEtc
#LikeIHaveSaid100TimesBeforeAtLeastThePandemicAllowsUsMoreTimeToNotRushBackToNormalLife
#ThoughOurNormalLifeTheseDaysIsJustBeingAtHomeForAtLeast23HoursADayReally
#IProbablyWillJustTakeTheBabyOutForWalksAroundLiverpoolInTheBeginning

And then as my due date got nearer I seemed to not worry so much about the world’s situation, as my main thoughts were about giving birth and becoming a mother. Covid was just something we learned to deal with. We went for our walks and Tiago did the food shopping. We both worked, and I spent my days off doing my own work.

(I now realise how much time I wasted and faffed. I wish I had been quicker and spent more time relaxing, but oh well.)

We figured we wouldn’t be going anywhere anytime soon, so we just tried to make our flat nicer as we planned to stay there for a while. (Spoiler alert: We moved to Birmingham at the end of October.)

#IHopeMineComesAfterTheDueDate

Just laughing at this as I really thought I’d be a 42 weeker giving birth at home, but B came before 38 weeks and there was no home birth.

Time Is Running Out (37 and a half weeks)
(June 2020)
 
#IWasDoingMyMorningExerciseWhenICaughtMyReflectionInTheKitchenSplashBackWall
#IThoughtItWouldBeNiceToDoAMoreSilhouettedPhotoOfMyselfAndBumpAgainstTheBlinds
#SoThatIsWhatIDidThisEvening
#YesterdayEveningWeWentForAWalk
#IDidNotHaveAnyPainsOrDiscomfortAndIFeltLikeICouldWalkFasterThanNormal
#IJustDidTheWashingUpNowAndIGotSomeExtremeCrampsInTheTopOfMyLeftLeg
#AndNowTheBabyHasHiccupsWhichAlwaysMakesMeFeelUncomfortable
#TheyDoNotHurtButIJustDoNotLikeTheFeelingOfThem
#EspeciallyAsTheBabyIsHeadDownSoItJustFeelsWeird
#ItWouldNotBeSoBadIfTheyWereAtTheTopOfTheBump
#AFewDaysAgoIDecidedThatIWouldLikeToTakeSomePicturesInTheStyleOfMyMáscaraProject
#IThoughtIHadTheMakeupHereButApparentlyIDoNot
#MyMumFoundMyBagOfItAsWeHaveStillHaveSomeStuffAtFamilyHousesAndPutItInThePostToday
#SoHopefullyIGetItInTheNextCoupleOfDays
#AsTimeIsRunningOut
#MyHospitalPantsTurnedUpToday
#TheySaidTheyHadBeenDeliveredYesterdaySoIWasABitConcernedAsTheyWereNotHere
#AtTimesIKindOfForgetAboutThePandemic
#AndThenIRememberWhatIsGoingOn
#ItIsAllABitWeird
#IFeelLikeWeHaveAdaptedWellButIKnowWeArePrivileged
#ALotOfPeopleSeemToBeGoingBackToNormal
#ButIAmScared
#MeAndTiagoHaveALittleBitOfACold
#ButTheWeatherKeepsChangingAndIWasIllQuiteALotAtTheStartOfThePregnancy
#IHaveNotReallyBeenIllAtAllSinceLockdown
#SoIThinkItIsJustUsFeelingALittleRundown
#LastNightISleptThroughUntil5AMWhichHasNotHappenedInALongTime
#MaybeDoingALotOfKegelsYesterdayHelped
#AsWellAsHavingAGoodStretchingSessionAndNotSleepingMuchTheNightBefore

This is the last photo that I took for the project while pregnant.

#AtTimesIKindOfForgetAboutThePandemic
#AndThenIRememberWhatIsGoingOn
#ItIsAllABitWeird

Our new normal just became staying at home with a daily walk. I felt lucky to still be working, and that Tiago was still working, and that we hadn’t really been affected too much by Covid. I was just really unsure of how giving birth would be, but I just kept practicing my breathing that I’d learned through hypnobirthing (it was super useful in the end).

We Ended Up Waiting For Something To Happen In A Time When Everyone Was Waiting For Something (0 weeks)
(June 2020)
 
#SoOurBabyArrivedTwoWeeksEarly
#MyWatersBrokeWhenIWasInBedAtOneThirtyInTheMorningAndAtFirstIThoughtIHadWetMyself
#WeWentToTheHospitalForMonitoring
#TurnedOutThatBabyWasBreech
#TheyWantedMeToHaveACSectionButISaidNoAsIDidNotFancyTheRecoveryTime
#TheyBasicallyPutMeOnAClockAndSaidIfIWasNotInEstablishedLabourBy6PMThenIWasHavingACSectionAndIThoughtChallengeeAccepted
#IKnewIfIGotStressedOutThenMySurgesWouldNotComeOrWouldBeStopped
#IDancedBehindMyCurtainInTheWardAndIBreathedThroughEachSurge
#AtSomePointIWasExaminedAndAllowedToGoToTheDeliverySuiteAndTiagoCouldComeInTheRoom
#TheyPutACannulaInMyHandAndPutTheDateAndTimeOnIt
#ExactlyTwoHoursLaterOurBabyWasBorn
#WeDidNotKnowIfItWasABoyOrAGirl
#TheyShowedMeAndAtFirstAllICouldSeeWasThePlacentaCordAndIThoughtItWasABoy
#ButItWasAGirlWhoIWillReferToAsB
#IHadUsedATensMachineForTheFirstHalfOfLabourAndByTheSecondHalfItJustAnnoyedMe
#AfterwardsIFeltHighFromHavingJustFocusedOnMyBreathing
#AFewPeopleHaveSaidToMeThatTheyDidNotKnowVaginalBreechDeliveryWasPossible
#AnywaysIThoughtIShouldConcludeThisProjectWithSomethingThatReferencesOurBabyB
#IPlannedToGetAPictureOfTheCordStumpAttachedToHer
#ButIJustDidNotGetRoundToItAndThenYesterdayMorningWeRealisedItHadGoneAndWereTryingToFindItInHerClothes
#IGuessItFallingOffSignifiesTheCompleteEndOfHerPhysicalAttachmentToMe
#IWasAboutToSayTheEndOfMyBodyFeedingHerBodyWithNutrients
#ButIAmBreastfeedingAndItDependsHowYouDefinePhysicalAttachment
#AnywaysIThoughtThisWasANiceWayToEndTheProjectAndSayThatSheIsHereWhilstNotShowingHer
#ObviouslyIWasAnxiousALotDuringThePregnancyButItWasTheCompleteUnknownForMe
#INeverWouldHaveThoughtThatIWouldBePregnantDuringAPandemicLetAloneThatOneWouldHappen
#NowSheHasBeenBornIHaveKindOfForgottenAboutItAndIAmTryingMyBestToSleepWhilstFeelingOnTopOfTheWorld
#InTheEndWeEndedUpWaitingForSomethingToHappenInATimeWhenEveryoneWasWaitingForSomethingToHappen
#WeAlsoWaitedForHerCordStumpToFallOffSoWeCouldBathHerSoIGuessThatIsAnotherReasonToEndItLikeThis
#HopeItDoesNotGrossYouOutTooMuch

Ooh I love a nod to a project title with the last image in a series.

The hashtags are a very quick account of what happened. You can read B’s birth story here and about our hospital stay here.

#INeverWouldHaveThoughtThatIWouldBePregnantDuringAPandemicLetAloneThatOneWouldHappen
#NowSheHasBeenBornIHaveKindOfForgottenAboutItAndIAmTryingMyBestToSleepWhilstFeelingOnTopOfTheWorld

I miss those early days of feeling high on life and feeling okay about everything. In the early days she could not do much and it was nice to just learn about parenting without the pressures of having to see people and feel judged. I’m glad that I did not know how long this would go on for though.

But overall with my pregnancy – Yes I wish I had seen more friends, yes I still haven’t seen most of those friends, but I do not really think I missed out that much. The main thing that upset me was being in hospital for 4 nights without Tiago being able to visit us. It was bizarre. I was in a parallel universe in a hospital (after not being in another building besides our flat for months), with a baby and without a husband (who I had not been away from for a night since February).

The big missing out for me though has been since B has been born and it has been super frustrating. Moving to Birmingham has meant that we’ve got to be closer to some of my family, but I just feel like we’ve been locked at home for months unable to do the things that people with babies are usually able to do. I’ve felt worse lately after some good weather – which meant some nice time sat outside and a change of scenery – soon went away, but hopefully with summer on its way and more things starting to reopen soon it can only get better. She’s still yet to meet a lot of people, we haven’t been to a baby class in real life since before Christmas (we have one this week, phew!) and I get super obsessed about her routine because I haven’t had much to mess it up for a long time.

I guess I should save this for the next post though, which I will try to do soon but this has taken me way longer than I expected.

One last note though: I’m really glad that I made this project as I remember being pregnant, but it doesn’t really feel like it happened to me and that I dreamed it or something? I find it weird looking at the photos that THAT happened to my body. It’s bizarre. I definitely never imagined that I’d be pregnant during a pandemic, but I was, and thanks to Tiago for helping me get through it.


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

First Trip On A Train In A Year (16th March 2021)

(11th April – Yeah the photo is boring, but it felt like a big moment.)

First Time On A Train In A Year (16th March 2021)

#TodayINeededToGoToBirminghamCityCentreToShowThatIAmActuallyWhoISayIAmForATemporaryJob
#IBelieveThatIHadNotBeenOnATrainSince16thMarch2020ButThatSeemsABitTooMuchOfACoincidenceToBeTrue
#IHadNotBeenToBirminghamNewStreetStationSinceJanuary2020AndIHadNotWalkedAroundBrumSinceSometimeIn2019
#IGotToMyLocalStationSuperEarlyAsIGuessIAmUsedToAimingToLeaveEarlierThanUsualWhenIActuallyNeedToBeSomewhereWithB
#HoweverTodayIWasByMyselfAndItWasOdd
#BWasNotInAGoodMoodBeforeILeftButLuckilySheKnowsMyMumWellSoWasHappyClingingToHer
#TheTicketMachineSeemedToBeOutOfOrderSoIHadToGoToTheTicketCounter
#WhenIWasAboutToPayHeOpenedUpHisHatchAndForSomeReasonIThoughtIHadToGiveHimMyCard
#HePointedToTheCardMachineWhichIHadAlreadyNoticedBeforeAndIFeltABitEmbarrassed
#ThePriceSeemedLowerThanIThoughtItWouldBeSoIMadeSureThatHeDidNotGiveMeAChildTicket
#ThinkingAboutItAfterwardsItDidSoundLikeTheRightPriceButIPaidTheSameInLiverpoolForOneStopAndAFewMinutesTrainRide
#ISatOnABenchAndWatchedAFastTrainGoPastWhichFreakedMeOutABit
#MyCarriageWasEmptyButIStillManagedToGetTerriblePhotosOfMyExperience
#ThisRemindsMeOfWhenITookPhotosOfMeInASupermarketAsIHadNotBeenInOneFor6Months
#WellWhenIGotOffTheTrainTodayIWentIntoASupermarketAndGotMyselfAMealDeal
#ThenISatInVictoriaSquareAndRememberedHowAwkwardItIsToEatInPublic
#SomeYoungWomenWereShoutingKillTheBillAndIAdmiredTheirEnergy
#IWasAlreadyFeelingTiredAsIStayedUpTooLateLastNightSkippingThroughAllTheEpisodesOfTheCelebrityCircle
#ThatFeelsDumbToSayAfterTalkingAboutPeopleProtestingButItIsTheTruth
#MyMeetingWentFineAndIHaveLotsOfStuffToGetOnWithNow
#IRanForAnEarlierTrainHomeAsICouldNotBeBotheredToSitOnThePlatformForAgesAndThereWasNowhereElseToGo
#ItFeltSoOddRunningThroughTheCityCentreAndTrainStation
#IThoughtIWouldGetToldOffOrSomethingThoughIDoNotKnowWhy
#IWoreAMaskForTheLongestAmountOfTimeTodaySinceTheFirstLockdownStartedWhichSeemsABitLate
#ISawLotsOfDucksOnTheWayHomeFromTheStationAndItMadeMeMissBAsUsuallyIPointThemOutToHer
#GotHomeAndMyMumAskedIfIHadRanHome
#MaybeILookedRedOrPerhapsIWasEarlierThanSheExpected
#SheSaidThatAtLunchBHadBeenTryingToChewToastButWasCryingOutAsSheTriedToDoSo
#LaterOnIFeltABitOfASharpToothStartingToStickOutOfHerBottomGum
#TodayIWasTheFurthestAwayThatIHaveEverBeenAwayFromHerAndThoughItWasNiceToBeByMyselfForABitIWouldHaveRatherBeenWithHer

Got to keep this short. Got to keep this brief. Too much stuff to do and I probably shouldn’t have prioritised this. Whoops.

#TodayINeededToGoToBirminghamCityCentreToShowThatIAmActuallyWhoISayIAmForATemporaryJob

Makes sense. I could be totally catfishing an employer…

#IBelieveThatIHadNotBeenOnATrainSince16thMarch2020ButThatSeemsABitTooMuchOfACoincidenceToBeTrue

It seems weird that it may have actually been an exact year. 16th March 2020 was a Monday and I’m pretty sure I was not feeling too great that day, so I said I’d next go into the office (where I did some part-time work) maybe a few days later but by the time I got home I found out that pregnant women were classed as high risk.

#IHadNotBeenToBirminghamNewStreetStationSinceJanuary2020AndIHadNotWalkedAroundBrumSinceSometimeIn2019

In January 2020 I just passed through to change trains to go to my Nan’s. Not sure when the last time I actually walked around Brum city was…

#IGotToMyLocalStationSuperEarlyAsIGuessIAmUsedToAimingToLeaveEarlierThanUsualWhenIActuallyNeedToBeSomewhereWithB

I’ve walked past it with B before on the way to baby classes in December. With B I’m usually a bit slower as I have to push her, and sometimes it is more of a leisurely pace.

#HoweverTodayIWasByMyselfAndItWasOdd

I’ve been looking forward to this trip for a while let’s face it, but it felt so odd to be by myself.

#BWasNotInAGoodMoodBeforeILeftButLuckilySheKnowsMyMumWellSoWasHappyClingingToHer

I thought she must be teething badly again. I felt bad leaving her, but I needed to go.

#TheTicketMachineSeemedToBeOutOfOrderSoIHadToGoToTheTicketCounter

I was working myself up to touch the darn machine and it was out of order. I used a lot of hand sanitiser today.

#WhenIWasAboutToPayHeOpenedUpHisHatchAndForSomeReasonIThoughtIHadToGiveHimMyCard #HePointedToTheCardMachineWhichIHadAlreadyNoticedBeforeAndIFeltABitEmbarrassed

Lol. Awkward. I was going to go say something, but I couldn’t be bothered.

#ThePriceSeemedLowerThanIThoughtItWouldBeSoIMadeSureThatHeDidNotGiveMeAChildTicket

So he thought I was more odd.

#ThinkingAboutItAfterwardsItDidSoundLikeTheRightPriceButIPaidTheSameInLiverpoolForOneStopAndAFewMinutesTrainRide

I rarely pay for anything face to face these days, and yeah I temporarily forgot how much a train ticket costs.

#ISatOnABenchAndWatchedAFastTrainGoPastWhichFreakedMeOutABit

It seemed so… fast.

#MyCarriageWasEmptyButIStillManagedToGetTerriblePhotosOfMyExperience

I even took along a tripod for my phone, but felt awkward with the CCTV camera at the end of the carriage.

#ThisRemindsMeOfWhenITookPhotosOfMeInASupermarketAsIHadNotBeenInOneFor6Months

Yeah those photos were fairly bad. This project has evolved a bit, but as I have been making work throughout the pandemic I thought I should still talk about some of this stuff.

#WellWhenIGotOffTheTrainTodayIWentIntoASupermarketAndGotMyselfAMealDeal

Yes, speaking of supermarkets. It is sad that I do miss them so much. Tiago usually does our food shopping and due to rules we don’t go with him.

I was thinking what food I could get, but I felt overwhelmed by choice. I regretted my veggie wrap decision, but I enjoyed prawn cocktail crisps.

(This is top quality boring stuff for sure.)

#ThenISatInVictoriaSquareAndRememberedHowAwkwardItIsToEatInPublic

I thought about a time when I spent ages choosing somewhere to eat a sandwich before an improv class when I lived in London. In the end I chose an area that seemed quite quiet, and as I went to take a big bite I looked up and saw a male photographer taking a photo of me.

It then reminded me of a time in France when a guy was trying to get a picture of me applying suncream, and he was so close up that it was probably a bust shot. I kept turning around whenever he picked his camera up and I said no. He was getting annoyed with me, but I said no. Then he walked off and tried to take a picture of me from further away. Some things I missed from my memories post.

(11th April: I’ve also been thinking lately about the horrible male orthodontist that I had when I was a teenager. He used to accuse me of not wearing my retainer and would tighten it SUPER tight. For the record I always wore the darn thing (especially as I did not want him to tighten it so much), and now I’m older I think that he might have just been abusing his position of power to cause unnecessary pain. Maybe he didn’t and my teeth were (and still are) genuinely rubbish, but I do wonder about it.)

#SomeYoungWomenWereShoutingKillTheBillAndIAdmiredTheirEnergy

It felt like an alternate universe of sorts for me.

#IWasAlreadyFeelingTiredAsIStayedUpTooLateLastNightSkippingThroughAllTheEpisodesOfTheCelebrityCircle

I didn’t realise they were only going to be online for another 14 hours, so I just had to skim through them for the good bits. The channel 4 app needs to have 1.5x button like Netflix.

#ThatFeelsDumbToSayAfterTalkingAboutPeopleProtestingButItIsTheTruth

I should have gone to bed earlier. I’m feeling it now.

#MyMeetingWentFineAndIHaveLotsOfStuffToGetOnWithNow

But I’m writing this and I’m not keeping it brief like I said.

#IRanForAnEarlierTrainHomeAsICouldNotBeBotheredToSitOnThePlatformForAgesAndThereWasNowhereElseToGo

I would have loved to go to a museum or gallery, but no they’re not open until mid-May?!

#ItFeltSoOddRunningThroughTheCityCentreAndTrainStation #IThoughtIWouldGetToldOffOrSomethingThoughIDoNotKnowWhy

I don’t know why it felt so wrong. I kept away from people. I guess I just felt weird running in a mask.

#IWoreAMaskForTheLongestAmountOfTimeTodaySinceTheFirstLockdownStartedWhichSeemsABitLate

I didn’t even bother taking it off after my meeting until I left my local station.

#ISawLotsOfDucksOnTheWayHomeFromTheStationAndItMadeMeMissBAsUsuallyIPointThemOutToHer

I took terrible photos of them instead and showed her them when I got home.

#GotHomeAndMyMumAskedIfIHadRanHome #MaybeILookedRedOrPerhapsIWasEarlierThanSheExpected

I was earlier than I had said. I walked fast from the station too.

#SheSaidThatAtLunchBHadBeenTryingToChewToastButWasCryingOutAsSheTriedToDoSo

🙁

#LaterOnIFeltABitOfASharpToothStartingToStickOutOfHerBottomGum

It really didn’t feel nice. Will we have a tooth tomorrow? Will B sleep well? I hope it’s a yes to both, though I’m not looking forward to brushing her tooth.

#TodayIWasTheFurthestAwayThatIHaveEverBeenAwayFromHerAndThoughItWasNiceToBeByMyselfForABitIWouldHaveRatherBeenWithHer

Cheesy but true. It just seemed so odd being away from her. I passed women with babies and it felt odd to smile at them without B.

Time to do some work…


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!

Categories
Oh Me, Oh Mãe

First Mother’s Day / Portrait Of A Mother Of A 9 Month Old (14th March 2021)

First Mother’s Day / Portrait Of A Mother Of A 9 Month Old (14th March 2021)
 
#TiagoGotHisFirstFathersDayWhenBWasOnlyAroundAWeekOld
#IHaveHadToWaitPatientlyFor9MonthsToGetMyFirstParentsDay
#TiagoGetsReallyStressedOutAboutWhatToDoForOccasionsButHeMadeANiceCardWithALotOfTextInsideThatHeSaidBToldHimToWrite
#HeWasOnAboutGettingMeRollerBladesButMaybeItIsNotTheBestTimeToStartBreakingSomeBones
#BsSkinLookedAlmostBackToNormalAndThenItStartedToGetBadAgain
#IThinkWeWillBeDealingWithItForAWhileButIGuessAtLeastWeKnowWhatWorksNow
#IHaveBeenFeelingALotBetterThisWeekThoughIAmNotReallySureWhy
#IThinkIHaveBeenSoBusyAndIKnowThingsAreChangingSoIAmFeelingMorePositive
#IWhineSoMuchInThisProjectWhichIsAwkwardButIDoLoveBeingAMother
#SeeingBGrowingAndChangingWeekToWeekIsSoRewarding
#ButNothingCanPrepareYouForThisMassiveLifeShift
#IAmFeelingMoreRelaxedWithBsMealTimesNowThatISetA30MinuteLimit
#IfSheIsHungryThenSheWillEatItSuperFast
#IfSheIsNotEatingThenAfter10MinutesIWillTrySomethingElseLikeMixingInHerDessertWhichIsUsuallyYoghurtAndFruit
#SheHasMilkBeforeHerSecondNapNowSoEvenIfSheDoesNotEatSheUsuallyDrinksWell
#TheOtherDayIStartedToSingThatTikTokSeaShantyToHerAndSheStartedToLaughSoThatWasTheSongOfTheDay
#IHadToLookUpTheLyricsAsIRealisedThatIHadBeenMakingThemUp
#MyClowningAndImprovTrainingIsDefinitelyComingInHandyForEntertainingB
#IDoLoveToMakeHerLaugh
#WhateverMakesHerLaughIJustKeepDoingItAndAmplifyingItUntilSheIsLaughedOut
#SheCanSuddenlyPlayWithToysThatSheCouldNotHoldBeforeAndIsInterestedInALotMoreThings
#SheHasStartedToOpenDrawersSoWeNeedToDoSomeMoreBabyProofing
#WeAreTryingToTeachHerToWaveWhichSheDoesSometimesButOtherTimesSheJustClaps
#IFeelLikeIShouldReallyBeLearningMoreAboutBabySignLanguageNow
#WhenWeDoOnlineBabyClassesIReallyLikeLearningTheSignsForSongs
#IAmAlsoFindingItEasierToTalkToHerNow
#IUsuallyJustKeepSayingCanYouSayThisOrThisAndSheDoesNotButSheWillOneDay
#OrIAmLikeLookAtThisToyCarrotItIsOrangeAndGreenAndItIsAVegetable
#TheMurderOfSarahEverardHasGotMeThinkingALotAboutAwkwardAndHorribleExperiencesInMyPast
#IHopeThatThingsWillBeDifferentForBAsSheGrowsUpButWeWillHaveToWaitAndSee

I was planning for this ‘entry’ to be Portrait Of A Mother Of A 9 Month Old, but then I realised Mother’s Day was coming up so I thought I would leave it until today. I haven’t done a shoot yet, but I fancy doing one with B so hopefully we’ll do one when she wakes up from her nap.

(6th April: Well I did the shoot and it involves one of my favourite themes of making myself not look very nice. I say that I’m not going to show B’s face, but this one shows her mouth and a bit of her nose. I was going to edit it, but it seemed a bit unnecessary.

I guess I do not want to show her whole face (well I posted a photo of B wearing her jaundice machine mask when I announced her birth anyways), and I particularly don’t want to show her eyes (which were covered in that photo). I feel like I should write more about this but I’m too tired. A topic for the future?)

#TiagoGotHisFirstFathersDayWhenBWasOnlyAroundAWeekOld

And here is the entry about that. Portugal has their Father’s Day on the 19th March every year, so that’s in 5 days time.

#IHaveHadToWaitPatientlyFor9MonthsToGetMyFirstParentsDay

It looks like Mother’s Day in Portugal is the first Sunday in May. Weird that Mother’s Day moves around but Father’s Day is the same date every year? I guess Portuguese Father’s Day might mean more to Tiago?

#TiagoGetsReallyStressedOutAboutWhatToDoForOccasionsButHeMadeANiceCardWithALotOfTextInsideThatHeSaidBToldHimToWrite

Bless him. He gets super stressed then keeps talking about it as the day approaches. It’s a commercial holiday that I am not really that bothered about, but I guess it just feels somewhat momentous as it is my first. I much prefer a hand-drawn card with a nice personal message to anything else, plus as it’s the weekend he has given me plenty of time to do my work which means more to me.

#HeWasOnAboutGettingMeRollerBladesButMaybeItIsNotTheBestTimeToStartBreakingSomeBones

When we lived in Liverpool people on skateboards and roller blades/skates would constantly go past us. I used to love roller blading – I remember going round my neighbour’s garage to Gina G a lot – and going to roller discos. I was never good on hills though. Just nice flat terrain for me please. I’d be too embarrassed to go out on them by myself…

#BsSkinLookedAlmostBackToNormalAndThenItStartedToGetBadAgain #IThinkWeWillBeDealingWithItForAWhileButIGuessAtLeastWeKnowWhatWorksNow

It’s a rollercoaster. Basically we can’t be lazy. We have some hydrocortisone cream that we apply twice a day when it’s bad, but her skin go to the point where we couldn’t even see where it needed to be applied. Now it is creeping back, so we need to keep an eye on it. We also use Dermol 500 which is super easy to apply and her skin seemed to get much better when we started to apply that every hour or two the other day. Then we have Zerobase which is a heavier ointment that we use before she goes to bed, and once or twice during the day.

(I hope this may be of use for someone, but I know different things work for different people. These are all things that B has been prescribed.)

#IHaveBeenFeelingALotBetterThisWeekThoughIAmNotReallySureWhy

I generally feel better at the weekend.

#IThinkIHaveBeenSoBusyAndIKnowThingsAreChangingSoIAmFeelingMorePositive

I have a temporary part time job coming up and I’m excited to get out of the house more. Yesterday we bumped into a woman and her baby who we met the other week, so I am hoping soon we will know more people.

#IWhineSoMuchInThisProjectWhichIsAwkwardButIDoLoveBeingAMother

I worry that B will see this work when she is older and think I hated raising her. I don’t.

#SeeingBGrowingAndChangingWeekToWeekIsSoRewarding

She changes so fast. I guess I did not really know how she would be at 9 months, but she seems to be doing more than I thought she would?

#ButNothingCanPrepareYouForThisMassiveLifeShift

I never really stayed in bed until late, but I definitely wasn’t waking up between 6 and 7 every day. You just get used to it and adjust your bedtime I guess, but that is the biggest shock I think really. We could let her lie in, but then she’ll probably go to bed later and I like having free time in the evening. Plus now she is often awake before 7 (when we’d like to get up) so that wouldn’t work.

#IAmFeelingMoreRelaxedWithBsMealTimesNowThatISetA30MinuteLimit

I thought I had mentioned this in previous hashtags, but maybe I didn’t? Well at meals now I give her 30 minutes to eat as otherwise we can sit there for an hour with me getting stressed.

#IfSheIsHungryThenSheWillEatItSuperFast

Breakfast is usually 15 minutes.

#IfSheIsNotEatingThenAfter10MinutesIWillTrySomethingElseLikeMixingInHerDessertWhichIsUsuallyYoghurtAndFruit

Yesterday she wasn’t eating dinner, but then I started to give her a bit of yoghurt with mango and she got eating so then I mixed it all together and she ate 90% of it. Great.

#SheHasMilkBeforeHerSecondNapNowSoEvenIfSheDoesNotEatSheUsuallyDrinksWell

Maybe I talked about this before, I’m not sure. Before she was just having milk when she woke up and before she went to bed, but on my sister’s suggestion we now give her milk then. It makes me feel not so stressed about her maybe not eating so much lunch.

#TheOtherDayIStartedToSingThatTikTokSeaShantyToHerAndSheStartedToLaughSoThatWasTheSongOfTheDay

This song. I’ve sung it so many times that I’m getting better at hitting a lower note at the end of the chorus. I’m not sure why she likes it, but she claps. I kept making videos of her doing stuff, then I’d start to sing it and she’d look at me.

#IHadToLookUpTheLyricsAsIRealisedThatIHadBeenMakingThemUp

Apparently it’s not about a weatherman, but a wellerman (which is the name of the song.)

#MyClowningAndImprovTrainingIsDefinitelyComingInHandyForEntertainingB

When we (Tiago and me, as B was not born yet) lived in London I used to do a lot of improv classes and courses, and I did a couple of clowning courses too. I started a stand-up comedy course but we moved to Liverpool before I finished it. It is something that I would like to revisit at some point.

#IDoLoveToMakeHerLaugh

I love to make anyone laugh, but the sound of babies laughing is one of the best in the world.

#WhateverMakesHerLaughIJustKeepDoingItAndAmplifyingItUntilSheIsLaughedOut

It’s great training. I’ve thought that maybe I should be a children’s entertainer? It seems less scary than making adults laugh.

#SheCanSuddenlyPlayWithToysThatSheCouldNotHoldBeforeAndIsInterestedInALotMoreThings

I love digging out a toy that she did not look at twice when she last saw it, but now she can really interact with it. I think I feel happier too as she can entertain herself a bit better now and is happy as long as you’re sat next to her. Tiago likes to lie on the floor while B crawls over him and chills next to him playing with her toys.

#SheHasStartedToOpenDrawersSoWeNeedToDoSomeMoreBabyProofing

Anything that she shouldn’t play with she obviously loves. My Nan has a trolley that looks a bit like a tea cart. She loves to stick her fingers in the wheels…

#WeAreTryingToTeachHerToWaveWhichSheDoesSometimesButOtherTimesSheJustClaps

She’s young. She’s got time. One moment she will really get it and switch between clapping and waving, and then she’ll just clap. The YouTube baby classes that we do talk about clapping more than they do waving, so it’s fair enough.

#IFeelLikeIShouldReallyBeLearningMoreAboutBabySignLanguageNow

I did look for a local class but one was too far away really and there was a waiting list, so I’ll just look for more online videos.

Here are a few.

#WhenWeDoOnlineBabyClassesIReallyLikeLearningTheSignsForSongs

I feel like I am learning something and using my brain, which feels quite nice. It’s a good memory test.

#IAmAlsoFindingItEasierToTalkToHerNow #IUsuallyJustKeepSayingCanYouSayThisOrThisAndSheDoesNotButSheWillOneDay #OrIAmLikeLookAtThisToyCarrotItIsOrangeAndGreenAndItIsAVegetable

I’ve said a lot in the past that I do not know what to say to B all day. I guess I have been overthinking it a lot. I can just keep it simple. ‘Say hi’ say hello etc.’ and then just talking about the colours of things and pointing things out to her etc.

#TheMurderOfSarahEverardHasGotMeThinkingALotAboutAwkwardAndHorribleExperiencesInMyPast

This feels quite randomly slot into the bottom. I originally wanted to say more about it, but yesterday I ended up writing a blog post about it all instead. I feel a bit awkward about it, but I ended up spending a lot of my free time in the morning on it so I thought I should share it.

#IHopeThatThingsWillBeDifferentForBAsSheGrowsUpButWeWillHaveToWaitAndSee

Fingers crossed. I want her to grow up feeling more confident than I ever did, and her to feel able to call out/tell someone/report when something is not right, or something bad has happened.


Thanks for reading! If you’re enjoying my blog (and/or the work I make) please consider supporting me by ‘buying me a coffee’ on Ko-fi – thanks!